How to Ask for Help Without Asking for Help
Asking for help can feel like being between a rock and a hard place, unsure what to decide. You don’t want to go through your caregiving journey alone, but you also feel unable to reach out for support.
Maybe you’ve been holding everything together, pouring all your energy into supporting someone you love through a difficult time. Perhaps you’re exhausted from the physical work that family caregiving can require. Maybe you are overwhelmed from the endless logistics to coordinate.
You might feel like you need an extra set of hands—or even just a kind word—but the thought of reaching out feels overwhelming.
It’s okay to feel this way. Asking for support can be scary, even when it’s needed. This is true whether you’re navigating a loved one’s health journey, processing grief, or just managing the day-to-day of caregiving. It’s normal to wrestle with these feelings or to try to do it all yourself.
But you’re not alone, and you can learn how to ask for help without asking for help. Together, we’ll explore practical ways to navigate your feelings and discuss tips to get the support you need.
First, figure out why it feels difficult to ask for help.
You’re not imagining it; asking for help is genuinely challenging. There are a lot of reasons for this, and it’s worth taking a moment to reflect on what’s holding you back. Understanding the "why" behind your hesitation can help you move forward with clarity and confidence.
Sometimes, asking for help feels like defeat. Maybe you worry that needing support makes you appear weak. Other times, it’s a fear of how others might respond. What if they say no?
Or worse, what if they say yes, but seem annoyed or reluctant? It’s also common to feel like asking for help burdens others, and nobody wants to feel like they’re imposing.
It’s important to know that it is not weak nor defeatist to need help. Everyone does. Nonetheless, those fears are real, and it’s important to understand them. Here are some reasons you might find it hard to ask for help:
Not knowing who to ask: It’s hard to know who would be willing or available to help.
Not knowing how to ask: You might struggle to find the right words or approach.
Feeling afraid of their reply: The fear of rejection or a negative reaction can stop you in your tracks.
Not wanting to seem like a burden: You don’t want to inconvenience others or add to their responsibilities.
Feeling ashamed: Asking for help can make you feel exposed or vulnerable.
These feelings are normal, but they don’t have to stop you from getting the support you need.
Know that everyone needs support, including you.
If you take only one thing away from this article, let it be this: Needing help is not a failure. Everyone needs support at some point, even those who seem to have it all together. You are no exception.
Think of it this way: When you support someone else, does it make you think less of them? Likely not. Instead, it often feels good to help and to show up for someone you care about.
It’s likely that your loved ones want to be there for you. Letting them support you isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s an opportunity to strengthen your relationship.
Think about what type of support you need.
Support comes in all shapes and sizes. Sometimes, you need practical help, like running errands or preparing meals. Other times, it’s emotional support, like someone to listen, validate your feelings, or simply sit with you.
Take a moment to think about what would help you most. Is there a specific task that feels overwhelming? Do you need someone to talk to? Knowing what you need makes it easier to communicate your needs to others.
Then, the next time someone says, “Let me know if there’s anything I can do,” you could ask them to pick up groceries. Or you could say, “Can we talk for a bit? I’ve been feeling overwhelmed.”
Identify people who are in (or could join) your support system.
Your support system doesn’t have to be huge. Even one or two reliable people can make a difference. Think about the people in your life who care about you—friends, family, coworkers, neighbors—and consider who might be willing to help.
Sometimes, it helps to look beyond the obvious choices. Maybe a coworker has offered to help in the past, or a neighbor has asked how you’re doing. These small gestures can indicate a willingness to lend a hand. Don’t be afraid to reach out and include them in your circle.
Think of ways to open up about what you’re going through.
Opening up can be hard, but it’s often the first step toward receiving support. You don’t have to share every detail, but even a single comment can help others understand what you’re facing.
Start small. You might say, “It’s been a tough week,” or “I’m feeling a little overwhelmed right now.” These simple statements can pave the way for deeper conversations. And if words feel too hard, you could write a note or text instead. The goal is to let people know what’s going on so they can respond with care.
Make the conversation as serious or as casual as you’re comfortable with.
Learning how to ask for help without asking for help doesn’t always need to be heavy or serious. Sometimes, keeping things casual can make it easier for both you and the person you’re asking. For example, you might say, “Hey, could you help me with something when you have time?” Or, “I could use a hand with this if you’re free.”
If it’s a more serious matter, it’s okay to be upfront about that, too. You could say, “Everything we’re going through has been weighing on me. Can I vent?” Tailor the tone to what feels natural for you and the situation.
Use tools that make it easier to request support.
Technology can take some of the pressure off asking for help. Platforms like ours, CaringBridge, make it simple to share updates and request support. Instead of having to ask individuals one by one, you can request help with specific needs, like meals or transportation, to everyone at once.
For example, you might write: “We’re having a hard time keeping up with meals this week. If anyone can help with dinner on Wednesday, it would mean so much.” You could also ask someone to make a meal train or meal list so people don’t duplicate efforts.
Suggesting ideas to a group allows people to offer help on their own terms. This can make them more comfortable, too.
Try these conversation starters, if any of them work for you.
Sometimes, the hardest part is figuring out what to say. Here are a few ideas for starting the conversation, whether it’s in person, over the phone, or online:
Verbal starters:
“I’ve been feeling overwhelmed lately and could really use some support. Are you open to helping with [specific task]?”
“I wanted to share something I’ve been going through. Could we talk?”
Written prompts, such as for a CaringBridge post, text, or social media post:
“Hi everyone, I wanted to share an update. Things have been tough lately, and we could use some extra support with [specific need].”
“If anyone has time to help with [task], it would make a big difference. Thank you so much.”
Choose the phrasing that feels most comfortable for you, or adapt these to fit your style.
Know that it is strong to ask for help.
There’s a lot of strength in vulnerability. Asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s an act of courage. It shows that you’re prioritizing not just the needs of others but also your own well-being. That’s something to be proud of.
Think of it as a way of taking care of yourself so you can keep showing up for the people you care about. You can’t pour from an empty cup; seeking support is one way to refill it.
Seek professional support, if feasible for you.
If you feel like you need more specialized help than your personal support system can offer, professional help might be an option. Therapy or counseling can provide a safe space to process emotions and develop coping strategies. Many therapists offer telehealth sessions, making it easier to fit into your schedule.
If time or finances are a barrier, consider community resources or support groups. Hospitals and nonprofits often have free or low-cost programs designed for caregivers and those navigating similar challenges.
Tip: To find a professional who fits with your needs (like insurance coverage, telehealth availability, etc.), consider browsing online tools like Psychology Today or the APA Psychologist Locator.
What advice would you share?
Learning how to ask for help without asking for help can feel like a huge hurdle, but it’s one worth overcoming. By reflecting on what’s holding you back, you can find the support you deserve. Remember, you don’t have to do this alone.
If you’ve been through this journey before, what advice would you share with someone struggling to ask for help? Your story could make a difference. Share your tips, experiences, or words of encouragement in the comments below. Let’s create a community where nobody feels like they have to carry their burdens alone.