History

Friday, June 4, 2010 9:02 PM CDT

We have just finished another year of school, and it ended very well. My students did so well this year. I even had some visitors from the county curriculum and instructional services division. They commended me on how knowledgeable my students were about their topics. It was nice to have that reaffirmation of what I am doing right.

I am leaving next Wednesday to go visit my friend Emily in Texas. I haven't seen her since September, and I really miss having her around. Then I am going to visit my family in Illinois on June 14th. I am excited to go home and visit and spend time with my friends and family, especially my niece and nephew!

Patrick and I are still working on having a baby. At this point, we are looking into options to do in-vitro with pre-implantation genetic testing. Mostly we are trying to look into cost and financing, but it is looking like more of a possibility in the near future. Pray for September! That is a really hard month for us, so it would be nice for something good to happen then.

I am going to spend some time this summer working on my book. Even if I never finish it, it has been great therapy for me.

GO HUG YOUR KIDS!
Love,
Carrie

Saturday, January 30, 2010 10:51 AM CST

Happy Birthday to Connie (Patrick's Mom) tomorrow! You are doing awesome, and we love you!

I know it has been a long time since we updated, but we have been busy and haven't had tons on which to update everyone. Patrick and I have been working with some people in Virgina as part of a research study to have a healthy baby, but we have not gotten pregnant yet. Of course we will give all the details when it finally works. At this time, just keep praying that God blesses us with a healthy baby through this process.

Patrick and I are now both working at my school. He is a technology assistant, and he really enjoys it. He started working there in late September. I am currently teaching world literature through our Project Based Learning program, and I also have a speech class. I am loving it. I have some amazing kids this semester. My Project Based Learning (PBL) kids just finished their first project on Friday, and they were so awesome. My principal and all the administrators came to watch my student presentations, and the students sure made me look good, even though they did all the hard work. I am so proud of them! It is such a blessing that I work in a job where I can see such growth in my students and know that I had a small hand in them reaching their potential. It is so rewarding.

Over the past few months, as we have been trying to have another child and the holidays have passed, I have really missed ^^Jordan^^. However, it has helped to inspire me to do more writing. It is great therapy for me. I am beginning to seriously look into ways to self-publish or try to get my book published, so anyone who has information on how to do it (or any connections: hint, hint) let me know. Seriously, I'm not sure about the best way to approach the entire process, so I'm willing to hear some advice. My email is linked on this page, so drop me a line and let me know. I actually plan on getting some writing done this weekend since we are snowed in for at least a few days. We got a few inches of snow yesterday evening and into the early morning, and then around 5:00 this morning it began to sleet. I'm just thankful that we still have power. There are certainly worse things than being snowed in with someone you love.

Well, I am going to go watch a movie with my hubby and my doggies. I wish you all a happy Valentine's Day.
Go hug your kids!
Love,
Carrie

Saturday, September 26, 2009 12:26 AM CDT

Five years ago you left us dear
and so today I shed a tear
I love you so and miss you much
so hard without you here to touch
Days go by and life continues on
but not the same since you've been gone
So I whisper your name and say a prayer
Imagine running my fingers through your red hair
"God please keep our angel Jordan safe
May he rest in your loving embrace"

It is so hard to believe that it has been five years. Sometimes it seems like just yesterday. Today is one of those days. I wrote this poem this morning and thought I would share it with all of you. I'm happy to have my Mom and Dad and cousin Jeremy, his wife Lacy, and their baby Dalton here with us today. Holding Dalton has been such a comfort for me today. He is a doll, but it makes me miss my sweet boy so much. Thank you to Ann Haywood Baxter for your thoughtful call yesterday. It means so much to us. It is awesome to know that Jordan had such an impact on people's lives that they still (five years later) remember him and honor his life.

We love and miss you baby boy! I know you are watching over us today.

Go hug your kids!
Love,
Carrie

Sunday, August 16, 2009 2:21 PM CDT

Wow, so many things have happened since my last update.

Patrick's Mom had her first round of chemo. last week, and it went very well. In three weeks she will have her second round and then she will do two additional rounds for a total of four. When that is done, she will have total brain irradiation to prevent her from relapsing in her brain. The doctors believe that with the chemo and radiation she has a better than 50 percent chance to never relapse anywhere ever. The doctor's exact words were that she is in the best possible scenario with this type of cancer. We will take it. Please continue to pray for her comfort and strength as she undergoes treatment.

Patrick and I are doing well. We have been in contact with a fertility clinic in Virginia and have been accepted into a research study. The study does microsorting (sperm sorting) in order to avoid genetic diseases. There are no guarantees, but this may give me and Patrick a chance to have a healthy baby. I don't want to say much more than that at this time becaues it is a complicated process and may not work. It will cost us a little bit of money, but it won't be anywhere near the cost of invitro, unless we have to try multiple times. I will update everyone as we actually start the process. We are in the very beginning stages, so keep praying that Patrick and I are able to have the money to participate in the study and have successful results the first time.

In the mean time, I have started another school year, and things are going well. I am still writing my book and am actually looking into self-publishing. I still have several chapters to write, but I certainly have a good start on the story.

I will update more as we know more, but please just continue to pray for us and Connie.
Go hug your kids!
Love,
Carrie

Thursday, July 9, 2009 8:20 AM CDT

After a rather long stay in the hospital, Connie is now home. She had some complications with her chest tube, which extended her hospital stay. Despite the little set back, she is home and doing well. Her next doctor's appointment is on July 16th. The doctors have told Connie that she will have to have chemotherapy because the tumor that they removed was 5 centimeters. I guess the cut off for whether or not they do chemo. is 5CMs. She is right on the border, so the doctors want to do the chemo. as a precautionary treatment. Hopefully she will only have to do low levels of chemo. and will have little side effects. We will know more after her apointment next week. For now, she is enjoying time at home. In fact, Patrick and I will be heading down to the beach this afternoon to spend some time with her and Mike. I am looking forward to my last little bit of vacation before I go back to school. I will update again when we know more about Connie.

Patrick and I are also looking into a research study in order to have a healthy baby as well. I will let you know when we know more.

Go hug your kids!
Love,
Carrie

Monday, June 15, 2009 4:38 PM CDT

I just wanted to give everyone a quick update. Patrick's Mom, Connie, did great during her surgery today. It took about four hours, but she was wonderful. The doctors were able to take the entire mass and lower lobe and all the lymph nodes in the area. The preliminary results show no signs of cancer in the lymph nodes. The doctors say that this is a good sign that the cancer has likely not spread. The doctor said that the cancer does appear to be a small-cell cancer under the microscope, but that he is surprised because it is not acting like small-cell. He couldn't determine with certainty today if it was indeed small cell. We will have to wait for the pathology report. Right now Connie is resting in her own hospital room. She was pretty uncomfortable when she came out of surgery, but the doctors were trying to get her pain under control. Patrick and I just came home for a few minutes to let the dogs out, and then we will go back up to see her for a little while. Please continue to keep Connie in your thoughts and prayers. She will be in the hospital for about 3 days and then will have 3-4 weeks of recovery before she is back to her old self again.

Go Hug your Kids!
Love,
Carrie

Wednesday, June 10, 2009 2:25 PM CDT

Well, Connie is going to have surgery on June 15th (Monday). The doctors thought that she originally had small-cell carcinoma, but now they think it is not acting as a typical small-cell cancer, which is actually a good thing! Because it is isolated (they think) to her right lower lung, she will have surgery to remove the right, lower lobe of her lung as long as it has not spread anywhere else. If it has spread, they might have to do chemo. as well. It really depends what they find when they do the surgery on Monday. I will let everyone know more when we know more. Until then, we ask that everyone keep the prayers coming for Connie. Pray that her cancer is isolated and that the surgery can cure her!

Patrick and I are also looking into a clinical trial that might allow us to have a healthy child for a lot less money than the invitro. We don't know much about it yet, so I don't want to get anyone's hopes up. We are just checking into some things. We should know something by the end of next week, and then I will give everyone details. Just pray that we are able to have a healthy child.

I will update when I have more information!
Go hug your kids!
Love,
Carrie

Sunday, May 10, 2009 8:02 PM CDT

Happy Mother's Day!

I wish I had a bunch of great news to tell all of you, but I have mostly bad news lately.

On Tuesday of last week May 5th five students from my high school were involved in a very bad car accident during lunch. One of my students, Kevin Jones, was pronounced dead on the scene. His good friend, who is also my current student walked away with minor bumps and bruises but an overwhelming sense of guilt and loss. The other three students, two of whom I helped with graduation project, were badly injured. The driver has a fractured hip and jaw, but he is in good condition. One boy is on life support and has a fractured back. He was breathing on his own last I heard, but they had him on some serious drugs so they were keeping him on life support. The other student had minor injuries and is also doing well. Ironically, our school nurse was the car that was hit head-on by the boys. She has some minor injuries, but she is doing well. Needless to say, it has been a very sad week at Southeast. These students are getting ready to graduate on May 28th, and Kevin and 3 other boys involved (including the one on life support) are seniors. I went to the funeral on Saturday, and it was heart breaking. The family decided to bury Kevin in his cap and gown. Graduation will be a very bittersweet ceremony this year. Please keep these boys, our nurse, and their families in your thoughts and prayers.

As if this was not enough, Connie, Patrick's Mom, recieved some bad news this week as well. She was just diagnosed with small-cell lung cancer. At this point, the doctors believe it is isolated to her right, lower lung. If so, the prognosis is fairly good. If not, the prognosis is not so good. She will have additional testing on Tuesday of this week, and we will get the results and prognosis on Thursday. Please keep Connie in your prayers as well. We pray that the cancer is isolated. It was caught by accident, so we are hoping that it is very early!

Lastly, my best friend Emily moved to Texas on Friday. She, her daughter Regan, and I had a standing Friday night date. We would go eat cheap mexican food and then go to her house and watch movies. I am really going to miss her; I already do! This was a difficult decision for her to make, but she really needed to do it. Please pray for her and her daughter to have an easy transition to a new place.

Sorry for all the bad news, but when it rains, it pours around here. I will end with a bit of good news. My Dad continues to get stronger every day and is making awesome progress! Praise God!

Go Hug Your Kids!
Love,
Carrie

Friday, March 6, 2009 10:41 PM CST

Is anyone else ready for warm weather? We just had our third snow day on Monday. I thought I lived in North Carolina? Apparently someone forgot to send Mother Nature the memo that it is supposed to be warm this time of year in North Carolina. It is really funny to me though: what consits of a snow day here. When there is a threat of snow or freezing rain, we are out of school. In Illinois, they would tell us to suck it up and get to school. Although I loved sleeping in on those days, I am not happy that my Spring break will not begin until Thursday of next week now.
At any rate, I will be heading to Illinois to see Mom and Dad on Thursday morning. I am looking forward to a little break from school and to see how my Dad is doing with his therapy. My Mom has been bragging that he is walking around the house without using any cane or walker and is getting stronger every day. I can't wait to see for myself. I am always so amazed at not only his physical strength but his determination and spiritual strength as well. He is truly an inspiration.

School is going well. I am enjoying my seniors this semester. They are a quite lively bunch (to put it mildly), but, of course, I love them. I always love the so-called "bad children." I'll take the kids that no one else wants because I enjoy the challenge, and, more than that, I love the reward of getting these kids to enjoy learning. I got a great reward today:
I have a really low-ability class this semester, and one of my students (among many) has really struggled with passing his research paper. He is taking senior English for the third time, and he is really trying to graduate. I smiled as I handed him his grad project paper, and I said, "Chris, I am going to make you a happy man today. All your hard work has paid off." He said, "did I pass?" I just shook my head yes, smiled and gave him the paper. He was grinning from ear to ear. He said, "You really just made me so happy!" I said, "Chris, I really am proud of you, and you did the work, not me" He then said, "Mrs. Horton, Why aren't other teachers like you?" I said, "What do you mean?" He said, "You really do care about us, like if we graduate or not. You can just tell. Most other teachers just don't like us or kids period." I had to fight back tears as I said, "You know that I love you guys, even if you drive me crazy. I do want you all to graduate, and you will." He just smiled.
Days like today make teaching so worthwhile. To see the look on that child's face when he passed a high school reasearch paper was amazing. A feat that has always come so easily to me, was such a huge acomplishment for him and all it took was a little one-on-one encouragement. What a great job I have that I am able to have moments like these: simply amazing!

Yes, I'm still working on the book, not as much as I would like, but I haven't given up on the idea yet. Some day I will send it to a publishing company and I'll be a rich woman. Until then, it will continue to be my therapy.

GO HUG YOUR KIDS!
Love,
Carrie

Sunday, January 4, 2009 9:07 AM CST

I hope everyone had happy holidays! We are still trying to recover. We had a very nice time with Patrick's family at our house for Christmas. We enjoyed everyone's company, but it was really hard to really get into the Christmas mood because I was sick the entire time. In fact, I'm still sick.
Two days after we got out of school, I got a head cold and bladder infection (all at the same time)! The doctor gave me a decongestant for the cold and antibiotic for the bladder infection. I started feeling a little better on Christmas day, but as soon as I started feeling a little better, the cold went to my chest. I have been hacking and coughing for over a week. My doctor put me on a different antibiotic and steroids for five days. Again, I thought I was feeling a little better on New Years Eve, but then New Year's Day I started feeling worse again. Finally, yesterday I realized that I had been taking only half of the amount of antibiotic that I was supposed to be taking. DUH! No wonder I am not getting any better. Luckily I had only been taking the wrong amount for three days. I started taking the correct amount yesterday, and I am feeling a little better today. Here's to hoping I feel much better by tomorrow, since that is when I return to school.
At least I have been off work and able to get some much needed rest, but it is just not very fun to be sick during my entire vacation. Patrick was also sick for about three or four days, but he is feeling fine now. I guess he is too stubborn to let it keep him down for long.
I am looking forward to starting a new semester of school. The first few days of a new semester are always busy, but I love getting to know a new set of kids. I am going to have an ICR class this semester, which I have never had before. Basically it is a class which has several kids who have learning disabilities and need modifications to assignments. Due to the large number of students with special needs in the class, I will have a full-time special education teacher in the classroom with me every day. She is there to help me meet the accommodations of all of my students. It is going to be a new challenge for me, but it is one to which I am looking forward. It is still a senior English class, and it is the only class I will teach this semester, with the new testing coordinator position. I really feel as if I am making some steps in the right direction for my career. Taking on the positions as graduation project coordinator and testing coordinator are giving me excellent experience and beefing up my resume for when I become an administrator. Part of me doesn't want to ever leave the classroom because I love my kids so much, but part of me really wants to help make some positive changes to the school system. Unfortunately I can't make those changes while I am still in the classroom. For now, I am content to have the best of both worlds. I am teaching and am able to have some larger responsibility by doing the other jobs. I also have the opportunity to help write some curriculum this semester for a graduation project course. This will give me a little extra money and allow me to help other teachers teach this awesome project. It seems that things are looking up in 2009.
Hopefully, as I say every year, we will be able to save some money and start seriously thinking about a baby. I know that God is putting everything into place for us to be able to make this dream a reality. I have been praying for this for four years now; however, I know that things don't happen in my time. Things happen in God's time. I know that he has it all planned out. When he is ready, I will be blessed with parenthood again. Until then, I am doing everything I can to try and be financially ready for it (if that is even possible). I am even finding some time to work on my book every once in a while. No, I haven't given up on that idea yet. It will happen. I just have to devote some time to getting all these thoughts from my head and heart to paper, but it is coming along. Take Care and go hug your kids!
Love,
Carrie

Saturday, December 13, 2008 1:21 PM CST

Updates are few and far between lately, but I am just soooo busy with the new position at school. At the end of October I was offered a position as my school's testing coordinator. For those of you who are from Illinois or pretty much most states that don't have a million state, standardized tests for students, North Carolina has state mandated tests that all high school students must pass in order to graduate. These tests are given all throughout the year, but twice a year (at the end of each semester) the major tests called End Of Course (EOCs)are done. This is the major part of my job. I have to organize testing for every student enrolled in one of these courses for the entire school. Let's just say that it is an organizational nightmare. There are all these legal procedures and rules that have to be followed and maintained during the testing, and it takes a lot of time to get it all together. I have been at school until 9 or 10 every night this week, but I am getting it all together. Friday was our first actual day of testing. For the most part it went smoothly, and I got many compliments. However, it was really stressful. I am hoping that next week goes smoothly as well.

In addition to the new job, Patrick and I have had to deal with our dog Baxter being sick. He has a really bad ear infection which is requiring him to be on three antibiotics, steroids, ear wash, and ear drops. He has two bacteria infections and a fungal infection. The vet said that it probably started as a result of his allergies. Then he scratched his ears and they became infected. We are hoping that the antibotics and steriods help him to feel better soon. We were freaked out by the whole thing because he just woke up one day with a huge, swollen ear. The poor baby. Anyway, he is being spoiled and loving it.

I wanted everyone to know that my Dad is doing great! He had a bone scan and bone marrow aspiration, and everything is completely normal. The transplant has worked! He doesn't have to go back to see his doctor for three months. His nuerologist is even lowering his siezure medication because his brain scan is completely within normal ranges now. This is all just so amazing to me. The only effects that he has from the massive stroke are weakness and tingling in his left arm and leg. He is getting stronger every day and improving with his mobility. He is even able to stay at home by himself again, while my Mom has returned to work. This is really going to help them financially. Although it won't be the same as when both of them were working, it will help to relieve some of the financial stress.

Patrick and I are not going to Illinois for Christmas this year. We are going to have Christmas with his family, at our house this year, so we have actually decorated. This has been a big deal for me because we haven't decorated since the year before Jordan passed away. It was hard pulling out all the ornaments and decorations because it brought back many memories about decorating with Jordan. However, I was able to look back on that time with fond memories instead of only pain. Everyone who knows Patrick knows that he is not much of a "holiday" person, but he even got into the holiday spirit and put up lights on the front of the house. It was even his idea, so I was very excited about it. This is the first year, since we lost Jordan, that I am actually in the holiday mood. Even though the holidays are hard without him, I am looking forward to it. The past few years have been so difficult: Jordan was sick and passed away: then Grandma was sick and passed away; then Dad was very sick, and we thought we were going to lose him. Now, Dad is doing well, and we have much to be thankful for. I am going to enjoy this holiday season and make the best of the time I will be able to spend with Patrick and his family. I will miss my family, but I know that I will see them during my next break from school.

I wish you all the best during this holiday season. May you all spend quality time with those that you love and realize how important that time with loved ones is. My wish is for happy and healthy holidays to you all. Merry Christmas to all!

GO HUG YOUR KIDS!
Love,
Carrie

Tuesday, October 28, 2008 6:08 PM CDT

Tomorrow we will be celebrating Jordan's sixth birthday. It's so hard to believe that we would have a six year old. I miss my little boy. I wish that he were here celebrating with his friends from school and his family, but instead he is celebrating in heaven with his transplant angel friends, who went before him and since, and his holy family. It just doesn't seem fair that they get to celebrate with him, and we are left here to mourn. Tomorrow will be hard, but at 3:33PM I will say a prayer to thank God for letting me have the privilige of being a mommy to a true angel.

I love you Jordan. Happy 6th Birthday Angel!

I just wanted to let you all know that my father is back home in Decatur, IL. He is doing well and getting stronger every day. Thank you for all the continued prayers and support.

Go hug your kids!
Love,
Carrie

Sunday, September 28, 2008 7:44 PM CDT

We've made it through another anniversary. It is hard to believe that it has been four years since I held my sweet boy in my arms. Sometimes it seems like yesterday; the memories are so vivid. Other times it is hard to remember the sounds and smells, and I curse time for removing the memories. It's funny how memories work. Sometimes the slightest sound or smell can transport me to the moment he was born or the first time he rolled over. Other times I have to try like hell to remember the sound of his laugh or him saying "all-done" after reading Where the Wild Things Are. The one thing that never fades, and I am thankful for it, is the love I feel for him. He was the purest, strongest love I have ever known, and that will never die. Although that same thing makes it all the more difficult to live without him here on earth. ***Happy angel anniversary Baby Jordan; Mommy and Daddy miss you so much!***
Although it was a difficult day, Patrick and I tried to make the best of it. Friday was the last day of school before we tracked out for two weeks, so I really couldn't take the day off. But, as soon as I got home, Patrick and I spent the rest of the day together, watching movies and just talking. It was nice to spend time, just the two of us.
We've been doing a great deal of talking about the future. I have the opportunity to take on another additional position at school. I'm not sure if I want to take on an additional duty. However, this one may have the potential for a pay increase. I would still be able to be in the classroom one period a day, so I wouldn't completely give up the classroom, but I would have more free time at night. Doing this would prevent me from doing my National Boards this year; however, I found out that the state won't pay for that until next year anyway. Maybe this is God's answer to my wish for another child. Patrick and I have been discussing the posibility of me getting my Master's degree and becoming an administrator, but I'm just not sure where my heart is leading me at this moment. I do know that I have many opportunities in this school that I would not have somewhere else. I thank God that I am appreciated and looked to as a leader in this school. I truly feel that I have the opportunity to make a difference in kids' lives, and that makes me love what I do. Anyway, I will let you know what I decide about the new position.

I know many of you want to know what is going on with my Dad. He is doing really well. He is getting around with his walker, and he will even walk short distances with no help at all. He is trying to stay as strong as possible for when he goes into the hospital for transplant. I just got to Illinois yesterday afternoon, and I am staying with Mom and Dad over my entire Fall break. Dad will be going into the hospital on Wednesday for transplant. He will have six days of chemo. He will rest on the 7th day, and then he will have his transplant on October 8th. I ask that you all keep him in your prayers as he goes through this entire process. He is going into the transplant with a great attitude and such a strong spirit, but I know how quickly the hospital and being sick can suck that attitude from a person. Unfortunately I have to leave on the 9th, but at least I will be here during the bad chemo. and his actual transplant. Please pray that he stays strong and that this transplant is successful!

I know that some people still want to help Mom and Dad out, so I am including the list that I did last time. I have added a few other more specific items that would be helpful to them as well, based on where they are staying. Thank you again for all your love and support. I will update more as Dad's journey continues. Go hug your kids!

Love,
Carrie

Wish List for Mom & Dad:
-Prayers
-Restaurant gift cards (Applebees & Subway are close to the hospital)
-phone gift cards
-grocery gift cards
-visa gift cards
-liquid body wash
-Liquid laundry detergent (free from dyes and perfumes -- no Tide)
Please don't send plants or flowers because Dad can't be around them during his chemo and recovery.
Please send any items or cards to Mom & Dad's address in St. Louis:
Dale & Sheila Yeske
5016 Fyler Ave
St. Louis, MO 63139

Sunday, August 17, 2008 8:02 AM CDT

Hello everyone. My Dad is doing very well, and I want to thank everyone for all the continued prayers and well-wishes. He is getting stronger everyday, and he is responding well to the radiation and chemo therapy. He went down to St. Louis on Friday to have a consultation with Dr. Vij. (his transplant doctor). We got surprising news.

Dr. Vij. does not like the chemo. that Dad is currently taking. The CHOP chemo can cause stem cell damage. This could prevent him from having enough stem cells left over for the transplant if he continues to get all six rounds of chemo. Dr. Vij. would like for him to get a different kind of chemo., which he would have to be in-patient to receive. This chemo. is given over three days and would be given along with the growth factor to help produce a higher amount of stem cells. This would allow them to go ahead and harvest the stem cells in the next few weeks. They are able to do this because the cancer is not in his bone marrow.

What all of this means is that instead of getting four more rounds of the CHOP chemo. over the next three to four months, Dad will go down to St. Louis within the next two weeks, have three days of in-patient chemo., wait a few days, harvest the stem cells, do all the preliminary testing, and then do Dad's transplant at the end of September or the beginning of October.

I know that my parents thought they would have a little more time to prepare to get everything arranged, but Dr. Vij. really thinks that this is the best chance for Dad to make a full recovery with the least amount of risk. If he continues with the current treatment, he may not have enough stem cells to do the transplant with his own cells, and that would force the doctors to find a donor. This would put my father at a much larger risk. With the autologous transplant, there is normally only a one percent risk. Since my Dad has had a stroke, it puts his risk up to about ten percent, but those are still pretty good odds.

Dr. Vij. was very impressed with how much stronger Dad is now than when he saw him at the beginning of the year. He was also impressed with Dad's head CT scan. He said that there were only a few small spots in his brain that indicated any sign of a stroke. He said it was fairly normal. We found that news remarkable. Since Dad hasn't had any seizures since January, and the CT looked so good, Mom is going to talk to the neurologist about taking him off or at least tapering the anti-seizure medication. Sometimes the anti-seizure medication can mess with a person's balance, so we are hoping that he can get off this medication soon. This may help him become even more steady on his feet. Plus, he will have one less medication to take.

We don't know exact dates for everything yet because the insurance company has to approve everything and then get it all set up. Once I know the details, I will update again, and I know that Mom does frequent updates on Dad's website. I ask that you all keep my Dad and Mom in your prayers. Please pray that everything goes well with transplant, and that they are able to survive financially.

If anyone wants to help out, I am including a list of some things that would be helpful during their stay in St. Louis. I know that these types of things were very helpful when we had Jordan, and I know that Mom and Dad would be extremely grateful for any gift they receive, no matter how small.

- Prayers and support
- Gas gift cards
- grocery gift cards
- restuarant gift cards
- pre-paid phone cards
- visa gift cards
- cash (for parking, laundry, and hotel)

Mom and Dad's address is 2249 Kenwood Court, Decatur, IL 62526.

Thank you so much for your support. This is going to be a difficult journey for my family, but I know that we can get through this with the support of all of you.

I will keep everyone updated as I get the information. Go hug your kids!

Love,
Carrie

Friday, July 11, 2008 8:19 AM CDT

I was hoping I wouldn't have to make this kind of a journal entry ever again, but nonetheless, it is here. My father's cancer has returned. None of us wanted to hear those words, but we all had a sort of "feeling."

Dad has been in a great deal of pain for several weeks with a blood clot. It got so bad on Monday, that he went for a CT scan to see if there was anything else going on. When I heard that, I knew. Our worries were confirmed late Wednesday night.

The cancer is in his abdomen, where it was before. We are hoping that the doctors caught it early enough that they can put him into remission again. Once he is in remission, he will have to have a bone marrow transplant. His cancer is some nasty stuff and extremely agressive. He was in remission for barely five months.

We don't know when they will start the chemo., but I know that we don't want the doctors to wait. Since I will be starting school on the 21st, I am going to go visit next week. I will be there Monday through Saturday. Hopefully I will know quite a bit more after the doctors complete some preliminary testing. I will let everyone know as we get information. You can also check up on my Dad through his caringbridge website. The link is at the bottom of this page.

Please keep my Dad in your prayers. Pray that he has the strength to go through another round of treatment, and pray for the emotional strength for the rest of us as we support him through this journey, which is going to be a long and winding road.

Thank you for your continued love and support. I will update with more news as we get it.
Love,
Carrie

Wednesday, June 18, 2008 1:53 PM CDT

Although I have not written in quite a while, there isn't tons to tell you about. Patrick and I are both doing well. We are keeping very busy. I finished the school year the first week in June; however, I will continue working through the end of June. I visited my parents for about four days at the beginning of June, and it was so good to see my Dad getting around so well. He is walking in the house without assistance. He is still not extremely steady on his feet, so he doesn't try to walk to far. I was just amazed at his strength and progress just since I saw him in March. He is doing so much more than I thought he would be doing. Way to go DAD! Keep up the good work.

When I returned from Illinois, my friend Liz and I started working on some curriculum items for next school year. We have some great ideas for teaching the graduation project, and we have to get them implemented before students return in mid-July. Needless to say, we have spent several days of our summer break working on this. It will be worth it when our load during the school year is (hopefully) lighter.

This week I have been completing mentor training. This will allow me to mentor a beginning teacher through the trials and successes of the first few years of teaching. The wonderful thing is that I can now get paid for it. The training finished up today, but I still don't get a break yet. Tomorrow, Liz and I are getting together to work on final touches for a presentation that we are doing for the Department of Public Instuction on Friday. Then on Sunday I leave for a week-long trip to Michigan for Project-based learning training. I wish I could explain this to you all, but truthfully I don't really have a clear understanding of it myself. This is something that our school is implementing next year as part of a new grant. I'm sure I will have a clear understanding of the entire idea by the time I return at the end of June.

When I return from Michigan, I hope to take a few days to go to the beach over 4th of July and enjoy the sun and ocean. Then it is back to school on the 17th. Although I have a packed summer, I am trying to relax and read some for fun too.

My mother and father keep warning me to slow down, but that just wouldn't be the Yeske or Horton way. We don't do anything small!

In addition to all of this, I plan to do my National Boards this school year. For those of you who don't know what that is, it is a year-long program where a teacher records, observes, and reflects on his/her teaching methods, planning, and practices. A teacher has to complete a series of written assignments in a portfolio and submit it for approval. Then the teachers have to take a content-based test on how they assess student work. When all of those things are completed and passed, a teacher earns a National Board Certification. This certifies a teacher to teach in any state. It costs about $2500 to complete, but if a teacher has taught in North Carolina for three years, the state pays for it. In Wake County, this also means a huge raise! The teacher gets the raise (like thirteen percent) at the end of the certification process, and gets retro pay from the date the certification process started. In other words, I would get a lump-sum check for what my salary would have been had I started the school year with the certification. Then the raise stands. It is a pretty sweet deal. My goal is to put the lump-sum check toward the price of in-vitro. The raise would then allow us to take out a loan for the remainder of the price. At least that is our plan. I know what happens to the best-laid plans, but I am optimistic that this is a logical and obtainable goal that I am setting for myself.

I will let you know how all this works out. Until then, go hug your kids.

Love,
Carrie

Friday, April 25, 2008 8:57 AM CDT

I want to wish Sheridan a Happy Belated Birthday from April 20th! I will call you on Sunday during your big bash!

I haven't written lately because there is not tons to update everyone on. Patrick and I are all moved in at the new house back in Raleigh. We are very happy to be back, and I am really enjoying being back at Southeast. We helped Patrick's parents move in to our house at the beach a few weekends ago, and it was hard. They had all of Jordan's stuff stored for us at their other house. They brought it all to the beach house. It just brought back so many memories, both good and bad. I had a million emotions rushing back to me. There was a part of me that was angry that someone else was in posession of all his things. There was a part of me that wanted to selfishly take it all away and never let anyone else see it again. There was a part of me that wanted to get rid of all of it so that I never had to see it again and remember the heartache. I was partially angry at myself that I had forgotten about many things that he had. It brought back my biggest fear . . . forgetting him. My biggest fear in life is that I will forget things about Jordan. The sad thing is that I have forgotten things. That is probably why seeing those things hurt so much. When I saw or just heard about some of the items in the boxes, his high chair, crib, walker, car, all of those things triggered a memory. I was upset that until that moment I had forgotten. Every time I realize that I have forgotten something about him, I get angry or upset. I feel so cheated and there is nothing I can do to take that away.

Since then, I have been even more upset about not having another child. I am so angry at the unfairness of having to do something unnatural in order to have a healthy child. So many people take for granted their health and ability to have a child. I see several teenage girls who are pregnant walking down the hallways everyday at school. I wonder if these girls have a clue as to the responsibilities and blessings a child could bring them. The truth is . . . most of them don't and never will. Many of them will see the child as a burden, an obstacle. Oh, some of them will mature and turn out to be great parents, but the reality is, most won't. That is so frustrating to me. It is just not fair. I know that "the world is not fair." That does not mean that I have to like it. I have ranted long enough. I just had a really tough week and needed to let it out. With Mother's Day coming soon, I'm just having a rough time.

I do have many things to be thankful for though. My father is doing really well. He is walking short distances without any assistance! He is going up and down stairs at the house, and he is using that left arm and hand. He is now having some slight issues with tingling and numbness in his right hand, but this is probably a side effect from the treatment. He is seeing the neurologist today. Hopefully she will be able to give him some relief.

GO HUG YOUR KIDS!
Love,
Carrie

Wednesday, March 19, 2008 11:16 AM CDT

I just wanted to quickly update and let everyone know that I had a great time in Illinois. We saw the bone marrow doctors on Monday. The doctors believe that Dad is too weak (from the stroke) at this point to do the transplant. They want to let him gain some more strength and mobility before they do the transplant. The good news is that if he does decide to do the transplant in a few months, the risk to Dad is very minimal. They would be doing a transplant with his own stem cells, so he would not have a risk of GVHD, like Jordan did. It makes his procedure have a 1 percent risk as opposed to 30-40 percent risk with the type of transplant that Jordan had. My Mom will update my Dad's website with more details. We are now praying that his insurance company will continue to pay for his physical therapy so that he will be strong enough for the treatment. Thank you for all the continued prayers and support.

Love,
Carrie

UPDATE FROM MARCH 11, 2008:
I HAVE GREAT NEWS! MY DAD IS CANCER FREE! The pet scan and bone marrow aspirations are both clear, so he is officially in remission! PRAISE GOD!

I am leaving tomorrow morning to go see Mom and Dad in Illinois. I am really looking forward to spending some quality time with them. Cherie also will be home, so all of us girls will be able to see each other. We are going to celebrate Dad's health and Mom and Dad's 36th anniversary on March 18th!

On March 17th, we are all going to travel to St. Louis to consult with Bone Marrow doctors at Barnes Hospital. Although my father is in remission right now, this form of cancer is extremely agressive and has a very high relapse rate. It is not "if" Dad will relapse, but more "when" he will relapse. Therefore, we will be speaking to the bone marrow doctors about the best option for him, especially since he has complications from the stroke. Our biggest fear is the risk involved in the actual bone marrow transplant, not to mention the cost. However, if we choose to take our chances with relapse, will Dad survive going through six months of intense chemo. therapy again?
Please pray that God guides our decisions to do what is best for the quality of life for Dad.

I am still loving my job at Southeast. We are on Spring break for three weeks. I am spending the first week with Mom & Dad, the second week packing boxes, and the third week moving back to Raleigh. We have not sold our house yet, but Patrick's Mom & Dad are going to rent it from us for a little while. They love it down at the beach, and we are thankful that they are willing to help us out once again. Please pray that we are able to sell this house quickly so that Patrick and I can start saving some money to have a baby!

Well, I will update again when I return from Illinois and have a better idea of Dad's course of treatment. Until then, pray for us and the difficult decisions that are to come.

GO HUG YOUR KIDS!
Love,
Carrie

Wednesday, March 19, 2008 11:16 AM CDT

Tuesday, March 11, 2008 3:08 PM CDT

I HAVE GREAT NEWS! MY DAD IS CANCER FREE! The pet scan and bone marrow aspirations are both clear, so he is officially in remission! PRAISE GOD!

I am leaving tomorrow morning to go see Mom and Dad in Illinois. I am really looking forward to spending some quality time with them. Cherie also will be home, so all of us girls will be able to see each other. We are going to celebrate Dad's health and Mom and Dad's 36th anniversary on March 18th!

On March 17th, we are all going to travel to St. Louis to consult with Bone Marrow doctors at Barnes Hospital. Although my father is in remission right now, this form of cancer is extremely agressive and has a very high relapse rate. It is not "if" Dad will relapse, but more "when" he will relapse. Therefore, we will be speaking to the bone marrow doctors about the best option for him, especially since he has complications from the stroke. Our biggest fear is the risk involved in the actual bone marrow transplant, not to mention the cost. However, if we choose to take our chances with relapse, will Dad survive going through six months of intense chemo. therapy again?
Please pray that God guides our decisions to do what is best for the quality of life for Dad.

I am still loving my job at Southeast. We are on Spring break for three weeks. I am spending the first week with Mom & Dad, the second week packing boxes, and the third week moving back to Raleigh. We have not sold our house yet, but Patrick's Mom & Dad are going to rent it from us for a little while. They love it down at the beach, and we are thankful that they are willing to help us out once again. Please pray that we are able to sell this house quickly so that Patrick and I can start saving some money to have a baby!

Well, I will update again when I return from Illinois and have a better idea of Dad's course of treatment. Until then, pray for us and the difficult decisions that are to come.

GO HUG YOUR KIDS!
Love,
Carrie

Monday, February 18, 2008 2:26 PM CST

I just wanted to take a few minutes to do an update. Many people have been asking us about the tip, but I am sad to say that the tip did not work out. We are still no closer to having a healthy baby than the last time I updated, but it's ok, really!

I was flipping through the channels the other day, and Joel Osteen was on the tv. I don't normally watch his show, but something about it caught my attention. He was telling a story about this couple who really wanted a nice house, but they couldn't afford it. They had some financial difficulties and some bad luck. (souding familiar . . .) Anyway, the couple prayed and prayed that God help them be able to get a good home for themselves and their family, but nothing happened. The couple then decided to start saving a small amount of money each month and figured it would take them seven years to save enough money for a down payment on the house they really wanted, in the neighborhood they really wanted. They still continued praying. After a year or so, they were walking through their "future neighborhood" and met the builder for that neighborhood. He asked them what they wanted in a house, and they shared their story with him. The builder asked them how much money they had saved, and the couple told him they had saved a few thousand dollars. The builder then told them that he would finance the rest personally because he really wanted them to be able to live in his neighborhood. Joel Osteen used this story to show how it is not just enough to pray that God give us what we want. That's not how it works. We have to be willing to work for it. When the couple prayed and made the effort to make it happen, God put them in the right place at the right time so that they could have what they were working for.

This story just really spoke to me. I started asking myself what we (Patrick and I) had done to make the dream of another child a reality for us. The answer is: not much! I have petitioned the insurance company; I have looked into other options, but I haven't disciplined myself to save money to pay for the in-vitro on our own. DUH! I just wanted a baby so badly, that I was focused on the end result, and not how I could actually make it happen. So, as soon as we get all moved back to Raleigh, Patrick and I have decided to make a concentrated effort to pay off some bills, curb our spending, and put some money into savings. This way in a year or two we can have a baby of our own, and we can pay for it ourselves. Although I would love for it to happen faster than that, faster isn't necessarily God's plan. I know that may sound odd, but I just felt like that show was meant for me to see. It made me really think and try to prioritize. I just hope that we can be disciplined enough to make it happen, now that we are aware of what we need to do. I just thought you all would appreciate a bit of inspiration.

I just want to say one other thing before I go. I ask that you all continue to pray for my Mom and Dad. Dad has a high fever that is not going away. This has all of us a little nervous because that is how his cancer started. He is getting a full-body pet scan today and a bone marrow aspiration tomorrow. Please pray that the cancer is gone and that this is just a touch of illness that everyone else has right now. My Mom is very stressed from everything that my Dad has gone through. It is beginning to affect her health as well. Please pray for her health and well-being as well as my father's.

Thank you all for your continued love and support. Go hug your kids!
Love,
Carrie

Sunday, February 3, 2008 10:49 AM CST

This is going to be a quick update because I am so busy. I am LOVING my new job at Southeast. I felt like a celebrity walking through those halls again. Many students and teachers were coming up to me giving hugs and telling me how happy they are to have me back. It is so nice to feel appreciated!

My Dad is doing well. He is still having a few small seizures when his counts drop, but hopefully he will have his last round of chemo. next week (if his counts are up), and then he will be done with that nasty stuff. He is also going to see a transplant doctor at Barnes in March. His doctor wants him to be evaluated for a bone marrow transplant. We were originally told that this wasn't an option, after his stroke, but now they are saying it is a possibility.

We have Baxter, our new dog, home and he and Piper love each other. We are enjoying having this addition to our family.

Patrick and I have some things in the works and are trying to sell the house. We may have gotten a useful tip about a baby . . . we don't want to say anything until we get more information, but please pray that this is our chance at having a healthy baby!

I will update you all when we know more.

Love,
Carrie

Saturday, January 5, 2008 11:38 AM CST

UPDATE ****Dad's full-body scan showed NO CANCER! PRAISE GOD! He will still do his last two treatments of chemo., just to be safe, but there is no cancer at this time!****

I know that you are all shocked that I am updating twice within a month, but it is happening. There's lots going on here, so I thought I would give you all a little update.

Patrick is going to pick up the new dog (Baxter) in a week or two. He is doing great with the heartworm treatment and the vet seems to think he will make a full recovery. Thank you to Kris, Patrick's sister for taking such good care of him and giving this dog a chance at a long, happy life.

I have a new job! I didn't want to say too much before it was official, but it is official. My last day at West Brunswick will be January 18th! I prayed and prayed to get out of this school and back to Raleigh. God answered my prayers. I will be returning to Southeast in a pretty great position. I will be working with very small classes of 9th grade students, who are struggling with skills for the End of Course state test. I will be helping them develop those EOC skills to help improve test scores. It is an intervention position and will be a half-day classroom position. The other half of my day will be co-graduation project coordinator with Liz Kaulfuss. She is amazing, and I am so excited about the opportunity to partner with her. She is also my department chair at Southeast. She and I will be going into classrooms of Junior and Senior teachers and helping them work with students on elements of the graduation project paper, presentation, and product. It is a really great opportunity for me to be in a leadership position. It doesn't hurt that it is a pay raise to go back to Wake County. I am really looking forward to this change!

Patrick and I are going to be putting our house on the market next week. This is the hard part of the change! We both love our house, but we both want to move back to our friends and jobs in Raleigh. Until the house is sold, Patrick will stay here and continue his position in Myrtle Beach. That means that we will live apart from each other for a short time, hopefully short. He will stay here, and I will stay with Robert and Emily, or Catherine and Billy during the week, in Raleigh. I will come home on weekends, but I know that it will be hard being away from Patrick. We have done this before though, so we will get through it.

Patrick has spoken with Mike, his boss, and he has been so understanding and willing to work with us. He knows that I am really unhappy living here. He understands that the best thing for Patrick and me is being back in Raleigh. He is willing to bring Patrick back to the Raleigh office, once he gets someone trained and ready to replace him in Myrtle Beach. We are fortunate that Patrick has such an understanding man as a boss. It seems that things are working out.

We are trying to decide if we are going to get a cheap apartment or buy a much less-expensive house in the Raleigh area and try to save money while investing the payments into equity. It really depends on what happens with us selling our house here. The market is very soft, which will make it difficult to sell our house and break even, much less make a profit.

There is just so much to think about, but we are looking forward to moving toward our ultimate goal, which is to starting our family again. We are hoping that by moving back to Raleigh, where it is cheaper to live, we will be able to save some money. In another year, we will have my car paid off and hopefully be rid of most debts. This will allow us to take out a loan for whatever we haven't saved for the in-vitro. We are praying that by the summer of 2009, we should be ready and able to do the in-vitro despite the insurance company being against us!

God is providing for us. He is leading us in the right direction, we just have to listen to his guidance and follow.

There are just a few more things to let you know about. My Dad had his full-body scan yesterday. We are praying that the results will show no cancer in his body. Hopefully we will get those results on Monday. I will let you all know when we get them. He will start his 5th round of chemo on Monday as well. He only has 2 rounds left, and he is ready to be done. I ask that you continue to keep him in your thoughts and prayers as he continues with his treatment and recovery from his stroke.

Lastly, I ask that you all keep the family of Tom Graham in your thoughts and prayers. His pancreatic cancer has rapidly progressed, and the doctors have sent him home on hospice care to be with his family. This news has been devestating for him and his family. I know that they are in need of prayers to get them through this very difficult time.

Go hug your family, especially your kids!
Love,
Carrie

Thursday, December 27, 2007 2:15 PM CST

Merry Christmas to everyone. I hope you all had a very happy holiday with family and friends. We all went down to Angie & Luke's house (my older sister) on Christmas Eve. There was a nice party; we opened gifts, ate awesome steak, and enjoyed each other's company. My father talked non-stop and loved seeing everyone. Although, he paid for it on Christmas Day. He overdid it and had muscle spasms the next day. He rested all day on Wednesday, and he is feeling much better today. He even wrote down some thoughts that he wanted me to add to his website. Make sure you visit and let him know you were there. Patrick was able to come with me to visit my family, and we had a good time. He had to go back home on Christmas Day, but I am able to stay here until Friday afternoon. Mom and Dad are doing well, and I have enjoyed spending time with them. My Dad is still very weak from this last round of chemo., but I am amazed by him moving his left arm some and walking with a cane and a little assistance. He has progressed so much and will continue to progress over the next several months. We have many blessings to count this holiday season.

Patrick and I are getting a new addition to our home at the end of January. His name is Baxter, and he is a bull-mastiff. It's not exactly the addition I want (I was hoping for a little baby), but I couldn't turn him down. On Sunday, Patrick went to see his sister at work. He fell in love with this dog. His sister then told him that the dog was 10 years old and had heartworms. Since they thought he was so old (at the end of his life span), they were going to have to put him to sleep instead of treat him because he would likely not survive the treatment. Patrick couldn't bare the thought of this cute, friendly, energetic, and loveable animal being put to sleep. Patrick begged her to get a second opinion. She agreed to take him to Dr. Baker. Dr. Baker told her that, other than the heartworms, the dog was perfectly healthy and was only about 4 years old. Because of this new knowledge, they have decided to treat the dog for the heartworms, and if all goes well, Patrick and I will take him into our home after his treatment. Here is a picture of him.

Also, I have one other thing to add. Ellen & Brian Bowman are in need of your prayers! Their son, Andrew, is having very large seizures, during which he stops breathing. It is pretty scary, and this could be a large sign of progression of his sanfillippo syndrome. I ask that you keep the Bowmans in your prayers.

I updated Dad's website today, and added some photos of our old softball team (the Comets)! You should go check it out. I also updated the photos in our album.

Love,
Carrie

Tuesday, December 4, 2007 8:55 PM CST

I'm sorry I haven't written in a while. Things have been really busy around here. I saw a movie this weekend called "August Rush." It was really good, but for some reason it made me miss Jordan so much. The movie was about music and a little boy that was just full of life. He let the music lead him to his parents. I just cried throughout the entire movie, and after I really missed having Jordan. I guess many things have been doing that to me lately. I have been really emotional lately. It may be because of this time of year, my Dad, or a combination of these things. At any rate, i've used a ton of klenex.

Speaking of . . . My Dad is doing much better. He is walking short distances with assistance, and he is starting to grip using his left hand. He is getting there slowly but surely. He also had his third round of chemo last week. He did get nausea from this, but he seems to be doing better now.

I turned 30 a few weeks ago, and that was a tough one. I don't think it would have been so bad had I been in Raleigh, but here it just seemed worse. I think the thing that bothers me most is that I turned 30 and don't have another child. I really wanted to have another child or at least be on the way to having another one by now. There is just a panicked voice inside of me saying, "YOU NEED TO HAVE A BABY NOW, OR IT WILL BE TOO LATE." Too bad my checkbook doesn't agree with that voice. Since the cost of living is so high here and we have traveled back and forth to see Dad when he was sick, we don't have anything in savings anymore. The baby fund is currently zero. I know we will get there someday, but sometimes it seems so far away. That's why turning 30 sucked. I'm ok now, but that week was hard to face. It was also hard being away from my good friends in Raleigh.

Although I love my house here, it just doesn't feel like home in this town. I loved it this summer when we were only minutes from the beach, but I think it was more like being on vacation. Now I'm ready to go home (to Raleigh). I really miss all my friends there, and I really miss Southeast. I am not happy at the new school. The biggest frustration is the lack of resources for teachers. I also feel that this school has a style of doing things that doesn't really fit with my style of teaching. My philosophy of education and the school's philosophy are not the same. This makes it difficult to do my job. Everyone knows that I love to teach. It is a huge part of my life, sometimes the only thing that makes me get out of bed, but right now it is not very much fun. The actual teaching isn't so bad, but being in that school is very difficult for me. I've been trying to keep an open mind, but it is very difficult to do, when I am so unhappy. Patrick and I have discussed the possibility of moving back to Raleigh, but we haven't made any decisions yet. We will let you know when a decision is made.

Please pray that God will lead us to the correct place. My friends Chris and Karen Kuntzman are having a rough time right now too. Karen's dad has been battling pancreatic cancer, and he is having some complications. Please keep their family in your prayers. Tom and Mary Linda Graham(Karen's parents) are so sweet. They don't deserve to have to go through all this! Also continue praying for my father. It is working! For those of you who have not visited his page yet, it is www.caringbridge.org/visit/daleyeske. He would love to hear from you.

Go Hug your Kids & the rest of your family. Say an extra prayer of thanks for them tonight!
Love,
Carrie

Monday, October 29, 2007 9:23 AM CDT

Happy 5th Birthday baby boy!

It is so hard for me to believe that Jordan would be five years old today. He would be starting school and making so many friends. It breaks my heart that he will never have the chance to experience so many things. Then again, he will never know that not all people are good. Despite all his struggles, he never met anyone that didn't love him. He never met anyone who made fun of him. He only knew love and kindness from others. That is a blessing.

I put this story on my Dad's website, but I wanted to put it here as well because it is comforting me on Jordan's birthday. I had on a necklace with Jordan's picture on it. Dad reached for it and said, "That's my buddy, Jordan." I said, "yes, that's baby Jordan." He said, "He is with Jesus." I said, "yes, he's with Jesus." Dad said, "I saw him. He is sitting right next to Jesus. He is sitting at his feet playing with toys. He is playing with balloons. He is just batting at them." As a tear slipped down my face I said, "Really, you saw him." Dad said, "He is happy. He is completely healthy. He's playing with the balloons." I just said, "Thanks Daddy." I wiped away the tears and smiled. "That makes me feel good, knowing he is with Jesus." He told me and Mom that Jesus wrapped his arms around Jordan just like he did him. Dad said that Jesus told him he would be completely healed. He later told Mom the same story and told her that Jordan was with his transplant buddies. I hope this gives comfort to everyone who has lost a child, especially my friends from Duke. I also hope it makes everyone praise God for his blessings.

We are all going out to get balloons today and will go to Jordan's grave to release them. I will try to take some pictures so that I can post them on here.

Take a moment today and thank God for your healthy, happy children. When you get frustrated with them, take a deep breath and remind yourself that they are only children and are finding their way. Love them unconditionally. Tell them that they mean the world to you. Remember that not all people are lucky enough to be blessed with healthy children. Don't take it for granted. If you don't have healthy children, thank God for the time you have with them. Treasure every moment, every smile, every laugh, every tear. They are all precious moments.

Go Hug your kids!
Love,
Carrie

Happy birthday baby. Mommy and Daddy miss you so very much. Thank you for sending that message to us through papa Dale. I know you are watching over him. We are going to send you some more balloons today so that you can bat and play with them too. Maybe I can find an Elmo one for you. We love and miss you so much and can't wait until the day we can hold you in our arms again.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007 6:25 PM CDT

URGENT PRAYER REQUEST!

I need all of you to pray for my father. Not just the simple prayer in passing, we need the down-on-your-knees prayers!

Dad is in the ICU at Decatur Memorial Hospital. We had some very fearful moments today. Dad went in for his port surgery, so they wouldn't have to keep sticking him for IVs. He was under twighlight sedation, and his oxygen saturations kept dropping and then bottomed out. The doctors had to intubate him and put him on a ventelator. The doctors rushed him to MRI and found a blood clot in his brain. He had no feeling on the entire left side of his body. Since he was already in surgery, they were able to remove the clot in his brain and give him TPA to thin his blood.

After several fearful hours in recovery, he has regained some feeling in his left side, and he is off the vent. The doctors are keeping him in ICU overnight for observations. They also confirmed that he had a small right ponds stroke. We are hopeful that he can make a really good recovery, but the doctors don't know how much permanent damage he has suffered. We will just have to wait and see. This seems to be the theme of my life.

I flew home on Sunday evening, and returned to school today, but I am flying back to Illinios tomorrow and will be taking FMLA leave until we are a little more sure of how my father is responding to treatment.

I have started a caringbridge site for my dad. The address is www.caringbridge.org/visit/daleyeske

I or Angie will try to update it as often as possible. Also, people are asking what they can do to help. Above all else, we need prayers. If we need anything else, I will be sure to ask.

Love,
Carrie

Wednesday, October 17, 2007 9:18 AM CDT

I just wanted to give everyone a quick update on my dad. It has been a rough couple days. We are battling a really tough fight. Dad has stage 3 unspecified, peripheral t-cell lymphoma. This is a non-hodgkins lymphoma, and it is extremly aggressive. Luckily, the cancer is not in his bone marrow, but it is affecting his liver. We thought that this was going to prevent him from starting chemo., but after further review of his case, and considering the rapid progression of the cancer, the doctors decided to start the chemo last night. His liver enzymes and bilirubin are way up. The doctors are racing against the clock to knock down the cancer in his liver before the cancer puts him into complete liver failure.

We need lots of prayers. Please pray that Dad's liver enzymes and bilirubin go back to normal so that he can get all the necessary treatments. Also, he spiked a fever of 103 today, so please pray that he does not have a secondary infection.

Although we have gotten bad news, and the road is going to be really long, Dad keeps saying, "It's no hill for a stepper!" This was a Frank Glavish saying. Everytime something got rough, Grandpa would say, "Well, it's no hill for a stepper!" We are going to take that advice, put one foot in front of the other, and keep stepping. Continue to pray, and we will update as soon as we know more.

Love,
Carrie

Friday, October 12, 2007 3:32 AM CDT

My father needs your prayers!

My Dad is my hero. He is superman. He can fix anything, build anything, do anything . . . Growing up, I always thought of my father as invincible. He never cried; he would work right through pain. He would be sick, yet he would go to work to provide for his family. My Dad has always been a laborer. When he was laidoff or his union went on strike, he did whatever he could to provide for his family. When he couldn't work, he would take care of us girls. I have some very fond childhood memories of him taking care of us. Even when he wasn't working, it seemed nothing could stop him. He was always determined, and never let anything get him down. At least we, as kids, never knew. I've never stopped believing that my Dad could do anything. I realize that view is unrealistic, but I never stopped believing. Despite that belief, I've realized that even heroes are not completely invincible . . . My hero has fallen; superman's found his kryptonite. That is not to say that he can't get back up, but he needs help and prayers.

My father has been diagnosed with Lymphoma. We do not know which kind yet. We will have many more answers tomorrow, after getting some important test results. I will tell the shortened version of the story below, but I want everyone to stop what you are doing and say a prayer for the complete healing of my father. It will be a long road, no matter the results of the tests. He needs prayers. Prayers for the doctors to have knowledge of how to treat this disease, and prayers that he doesn't suffer. My mother, a pillar of strength, needs prayers too. She has been with my father since they were teenagers, and they are still in love. This, in itself, is a triumph over the odds. She is worried about him and scared of losing him. We all are.

This is the shortened version of what we know so far: My father has had a rash for over a year. He has seen many doctors and specialists for this. The diagnosis was psoriasis. Then, several months ago, Dad had elevated prostate levels. The doctors biopsied his prostate, and it came back normal. A few months ago, his levels were much higher, which resulted in another biopsy. That too was negative. The doctors said it was enlarged prostate due to age. Despite all that, he has felt pretty good, a little tired, but pretty good. Last week Dad started running a high fever (101-103) and was hurting in his groin area. He thought he was coming down with the flu, and thought the pain was from a pulled muscle or hernia from moving some boxes and equipment at work. He felt so lousy, that he was out of work for a few days. This is not normal! My dad works through illness all the time. He just doesn't stop. My Mom knew something was wrong, and his pain was getting worse.

He finally went to the doctor, and after a CT scan of the area, the doctors noticed swollen and inflamed lymph nodes in that area trailing up into his abdomen. The doctors scheduled a biopsy for last Friday. Dad called me on his way home from the surgery to tell me what was happening. He didn't want to worry me before that. He sounded pretty good, but he told me that they had removed 2 golf-ball sized lymph nodes and were sending them for testing. On Monday, he woke up short of breath. My mom took him to the emergency room at DMH in Decatur. After 10 hours of waiting in the ER (a whole other story), he was admitted for a Pulmonary Embolism (blood clot in the lung). On Wednesday, the preliminary results of the biopsy came back confiming that he has lymphoma, but we still aren't sure which kind. We are praying that it is Hodgkins lymphoma because that is the most treatable and actually has a high cure rate. However, the oncologist said that, if it is Hodgkins, this is not a typical case (whatever that means).

I flew home today. Angie and the kids are going to be here tomorrow, and Cherie will be here on Sunday or Monday. My father is surrounded by his loving family.

We are hoping to have more answers later this afternoon or over the weekend. I will try to update when I have more information to share. Until then, I ask that people put him on their prayer chains at church and pray individually. I want to storm the gates of heaven with our prayers. Pray for the knowledge of the doctors, my father's complete healing, and strength for our family to deal with whatever God has placed upon us. I will update when I know more.

Love,
Carrie

Thursday, September 27, 2007 9:56 PM CDT

Well, yesterday came and went, and the world didn't stop for our grief. Three years . . . some days it seems so long ago, yet the pain still feels so new.
Since no one here really knows about Jordan, Patrick and I decided to take the day off work and spend it with each other. We spent the morning talking, being lazy, and sipping coffee. Then we decided to take the dog to the beach. She loves the water. Her splashing around in the surf really brightened our spirits. Patrick and I laughed at her chasing the waves and swimming. It really did help bring joy to such a sad day.
We received many phone calls from close friends and family, and that really means quite a lot to us. Also, thank you to everyone who left a message in the guestbook to let us know you were thinking of us.
As far as living here goes, I'm still not quite sure how I feel. I love the amount of time Patrick and I are spending together. Since we know very few other people, we spend much time at home hanging out and talking. We have had some great conversations. It has allowed us to discuss some things that we haven't talked about in a long time. We have had plenty of conversations about the future, our hopes, dreams, fears, and desires. We have really talked and listened to each other, probably more than we ever have in our marriage. We have realized how sad it is that most people don't do this. I think it has made both of us really appreciate how lucky we are to have each other. It has been kind of great.
At the same time, I feel as if I have only one friend here, Patrick. This is really hard for me. I am reaching out more to get to know other teachers in my school. I am trying to maintain a positive attitude and open mind, but it remains a difficult task. There is a huge part of me that wants to run straight back to Raleigh and my old job at Southeast. Don't get me wrong; I really like this school. I have a wonderfully supportive administration. However, there are many teachers who are extremely negative and hard to be around. I try to keep to myself during the school day or just talk to the positive people. I just want to tell these people that there are so many things that could be much worse. It just seems that many people I work with have no idea of what the world is like beyond Shallotte, NC. I'm not trying to say these people have an easy life; I'm not trying to belittle their problems. I'm just saying that their perspective is much different than mine. I also feel as if I have used the negative experiences in my life to challenge myself to be stronger and try harder. I don't use it as an excuse to be pissed off at the world. I wake up every morning and am so sad that I don't have my son, but I also thank God that I have a house, food, and the most amazing husband that a woman could want. I do love my students (most of them anyway). I have a few that I have some problems with, and the parents don't seem to be too concerned, which is sad. You know that these are the kids that really touch me. I try even harder for those students. I hope that I can touch their lives in a positive way and give them confidence to pursue and achieve their dreams.
Well, I still need to finish some things for school, so I will go for now. I will keep you all updated on how things are going. I just find it very difficult to get here and update when there is so little to write about. Until I write again, go hug your kids.
Love,
Carrie

Jordan, Mommy and Daddy miss you so much. Thank you for visiting me in my dreams and showing me how happy you were, laughing and healed. Mommy needed that so much. Please continue to watch over and guide us. You can also send a little brother or sister our way anytime you're ready. We love and miss you so much baby!

Wednesday, August 29, 2007 11:49 AM CDT

Happy Belated Birthday to my Mom on August 18th, and my father-in-law on August 28th!

It has been quite a month. Much has changed around here. Patrick and I are having a difficult time adjusting to life in Calabash. We love our house, our neighborhood, our neighbors, being this close to the beach, but it is just not the same as Raleigh.

We are both having trouble finding people with whom we can connect. I started my work days for school last Monday, and called Patrick, crying, in the middle of the day. I was feeling pretty overwhelmed being in a new school, not knowing anyone, and having NO ONE help answer my questions. Everyone was so busy doing his/her own thing, that no one bothered to see if I needed anything. I called Catherine and Liz and told them I wanted to go back to Southeast. They let me vent for a while, and I felt better. Tuesday and the rest of last week went much better as I started learning people's names and seeking out people to help me get aquainted to the building and school system.

I have only met one person, so far, that I feel a connection with. Her name is Beverly Clayton. She is an amazing woman who moved here from Durham, NC after she lost her husband last year. We met at orientation, and we just started talking. She is my mother's age, but she has been a God send here. She is the only person who knows about Jordan, and she knows very little. I just don't feel comfortable sharing this part of my life with the people here. I know that is hard to believe because I have spilled my life story onto the pages of this journal for everyone to read, but most of you have been here since the beginning. Simply put, I miss my friends in Raleigh.

I started my first day of school on Monday, and I went home and cried. I just didn't have the desire to be here. That is really hard for me. I've always loved to teach. I know I struggled my first semester at Southeast, but I thought that was because I missed Jordan so badly. Those kids were so needy, and I wasn't sure if I was ready to give that much of myself yet. I finally realized that I was, and everything worked out well.

Now I find myself feeling that same anxiety and confusion about whether or not I really want to teach in this school. Don't get me wrong: I want to teach. I just don't know if I want to teach here. Today's classes have gone much better, but I really dislike the schedule here. I'm sure I will get accustomed to it, but I just don't like the change.

I keep trying to have an open mind and a positive attitude, something I preach to my students all the time. I guess it is much harder to follow that myself.

On a lighter note, our air conditioner blew up the other day (despite it being a 2005), so that was fun to deal with. I know it doesn't sound funny, but that is just our luck, and it is kind of funny. Thank God the part was under warranty, and we only have to pay for the labor. It still isn't fun shelling out the money. I made a comment to Patrick about it being crappy timing, but he reminded me that it was actually good timing. He said, "when, in the last five years, have we had the money to pay for something like this?" I said, "good point." I guess I have to be thankful for the little things. Thanks for the reminder Patrick.

Go Hug Your Kids!
Love,
Carrie

Tuesday, August 7, 2007 11:19 AM CDT

It is a month today that I have lived in the new house, and I am loving it. I am getting bored here though because I haven't really met anyone yet. I know that I will meet some people when I go back to work, and then I will have plenty to do. Patrick has noticed my boredom, and he sent me to Raleigh this weekend to visit my friends. It was much needed! I went and stayed with my friend Catherine on Saturday night, and she, Quincey, and I went and played pool at Play to Win. We had fun cutting up and trying to play pool. Catherine is the only one with any real talent in that area. I also stayed with Catherine last night. She, Quincey, and I had a girls night in. We went walking, then went back to Catherine's house to cook dinner and share some wine. It was very fun. We just talked and ate and enjoyed the girl time. I stayed with Emily and Robert on Sunday, and I was happy because I got my baby fix. I have been driving Patrick crazy with wanting a baby.

Speaking of . . . By changing my job, my insurance has changed slightly. This gives me the opportunity to petition the insurance all over again for the IVF. This time I am prepared though. I have a legal argument to stand on. I did some research and found out that 12 states now require insurance companies to pay for IVF or infertility based on the people with disabilities act. It is unlawful to discriminate against a person with a disability (genetic flaw) and deny me coverage. This time I am sending the letter directly to the medical director from the beginning. Also, If it gets that far, I will be prepared to get a lawyer to have an administrative hearing this time and know my legal argument. This should give us a much better chance at getting the insurance to cover the procedure. It's certainly worth a try. I am going to send the first letter as soon as I get my insurance information. I have orientation tomorrow, and I should get some information about coverage then.

I can only pray that we will be able to make this happen. I am still looking into starting the non-profit, but it is a lot of work. I have written a mission statement, and I am starting on the by-laws. We will see how long this endeavor takes. I will keep you all updated. Until next time, hug your kids!
Love,
Carrie

Sunday, July 15, 2007 12:10 AM CDT

Phew! What a week.

We finally have everything unpacked and put away. We even did some painting yesterday. It is really starting to feel like home. It is amazing how being in a house can make me feel so domestic. I have gotten up every morning and made the bed (yes Mom, really!). Then I put in a load of laundry and hang it on the clothesline, and I have been cooking and cleaning every day. Patrick is shocked. He keeps asking me if this is temporary or if he can get used to it. I just say, "as long as I'm not working, it will continue. Once school starts, I'm not promising anything." Hopefully I will be in enough of a routine by then, that it will continue, and Patrick will have the domestic goddess that he has always wanted! :)

Since we have everything done, we are ready for visitors. Liz Kaulfuss was down last week with her family for vacation, and it was so nice to meet up with her and let her see the new house. She wanted everyone to know that she was the first official visitor. I didn't burst her bubble and tell her that Mike and Connie (Patrick's parents) were really the first visitors. They helped us move everything, and we are so grateful that they were here. They left on Wednesday, and we miss them already. Hopefully we will be having more visitors soon. Robert and Emily are hopefully going to visit at the end of the month, and my parents are trying to make plans to visit at the beginning of August. I know Robin Boger and her family will also be vacationing here in August, so we are looking forward to seeing so many familiar faces.

We are really enjoying the new house and spending much time on the screened porch, drinking coffee in the morning and reading. The dog loves having a large yard in which to run, and we have already met several of our neighbors. Everyone is so nice here. They wanted to welcome us to the neighborhood and brought baked goods; we were even invited to join one of the neighbors for church next Sunday. The best part is that I think Patrick really wants to go. It would be nice to find a church family here. We know we made the right decision by coming here. We just hope this is only the beginning of good things to come.

We have updated the address and phone number at the bottom of the page, so please stay in touch. Leave a message in the guestbook and let us know you were here.

Love,
Carrie & Patrick

Wednesday, July 4, 2007 9:07 PM CDT

HAPPY 4th of JULY!

I hope everyone is having a safe and happy holiday. I spent the day packing and cleaning. I know, not glamorous, but that's what I did.

Patrick and I are really excited to move into the new house tomorrow. We close at 2PM, despite some last minute scares. I'll give you the shortened version. Basically, my loan officer called me at 12:30 on Monday and said that our payments were going to be $250.00 more than what he had originally quoted us because our interest rate went up and so did our mortgage insurance. I flipped out, especially since we had locked in a 1 percent lower interest rate a month ago. To make a long story short: the requirements changed as of July 1st and our lender waited until the last minute to send our loan to the underwriters.
Patrick and I were devestated. We couldn't possibly make that payment without struggling. We were furious that we were hearing this two days before the closing. All of this was supposedly due to our credit scores, despite the fact that he had them since the beginning of May. We were frustrated and scared that we had no options and would be stuck with a much higher house payment. I suggested that our loan officer pull another credit report, which was better. PROBLEM SOLVED! Thank GOD! With a higher credit score, he was able to make the loan work with the locked in interest rate, lower PMI, and original payment that was promised. We only panicked for 24 hours.
(SIGH!)
We never do anything the easy way do we? I guess that's why we appreciate what we have: we always have to work so hard to get it.

Through the course of packing up everything, I came across many of Jordan's things and pictures. I had some laughs and many tears. I really miss my baby. I know Jordan has had a hand in guiding us to this place in our lives, but I would rather have him in my arms. I was with some friends the other day, and one of the guys was saying how he just melts when his new daughter looks at him and smiles. He started talking about how great it was to come home from a hard day and be in a bad mood, but the moment he sees that baby it erases everything, and he is in a good mood again. I just started crying and had to walk away. Although I was happy that he has that joy, and he appreciates his daughter, it was too hard for me to hear it. I was so jealous! I want to be able to say those things. I felt that way once, and it sucks that it is gone. The past few weeks of packing, being by myself, I have had lots of time to think. Usually being busy helps, but packing boxes and cleaning isn't enough to keep my mind from wondering and my heart from longing. Every picture, stuffed animal, doctor bill, lab report, Duke binder, everything that I sorted through reminded me of him. With every reminder came happiness and then a great sadness that I haven't allowed myself to wallow in for a long time. With so much to do, and nothing outside of these walls, I wallowed a little, and sometimes a lot. I cried, packed, sorted, cried some more, and then packed some more. When I would get really upset, I would clean something. It was theraputic, and whoever moves into this apartment will really appreciate it because it will be spotless.

I don't even know if Patrick knows it, but his phone calls and encouragement have meant so much to me the last few weeks. He is so excited to see me on the weekends and just says something extra special when I really need it. I don't know what I would do without him. There is a song by Gretchen Wilson called, "Holding You." It really says everything that Patrick is to me. I put it at the end.

Now that all the packing is done, I am looking forward to moving into the new house. I really think this move is what Patrick and I really need to start moving on. I feel like I did when we bought our first house in Illinois. We got married, bought a house, and then had Jordan. I am hoping that this is the start of things heading in the right direction. I am looking forward to starting my new job in August, possibly doing my national board certification for teaching this year, and hopefully within the next year having a new baby.

We hope you all continue to ride with us on this journey and pray for us as we do you. Please go give your kids an extra hug and kiss. Hold them tight and appreciate them, even when they are difficult. We love you all and will update with more once we are settled into the new house. I have added a picture of the new house in the photo album, so check it out. Here is that Gretchen Wilson Song:
I dont need whiskey to drown out the pain Or some old umbrella to hold off the rain
Dont have to cross over a river of tears
All that i need is right here
Holding you holds me together
When holding on gets just a little to hard
When this tight rope i travel
Begins to unravel and i feel like
Im falling apart
Holding you holds me together
You know life's a freight liner on
A runaway track
But i'll take the ride knowing
That you'll bring me back
No fate's too uncertain no distance to far
As long as you're here in my arms
Holding you holds me together
When holding on gets just a little to hard
When this tight rope i travel
Begins to unravel and i feel like
I'm falling apart
Holding you holds me together
Whener i hold you tight
This crazy world of mine falls right in place
Whatever the trouble is
You find a way to give back what it takes
When this tight rope i travel
Begins to unravel and i feel like
Im falling apart
Holding you holds me together
Holding you holds me together
When holding on gets just a little to hard
When this tight rope i travel
Begins to unravel and i feel like
Im falling apart
Holding you holds me together

Love,
Carrie

Wednesday, June 13, 2007 11:15 AM CDT

I just wanted to give everyone a quick update. Patrick and I have decided on a house in Calabash, NC. We are about 10 minutes from the ocean, and we close on July 5th. We have tons to do before we actually move, but we are excited about it.

I have spent the last few days babysitting for Robert & Emily's new baby, Regan. She is pretty well-behaved, and I am enjoying being around a baby again.

I was also able to meet up with some wonderful friends. We met up with Pat & Isaiah and Marcella & Sean yesterday at the cheesecake factory. Marcella was trying to teach me about wine, but I think she gave up when I told her I liked sweet wine. She says I have to visit them in Italy so she can teach me at their vineyard. I look forward to the experience. It was a very nice night, so we walked around Southpoint after dinner and shared stories. I had a great time and was very happy to spend time with old friends again.

Well, we are still working on the in-vitro, but I think our best bet is going to be the non-profit organization. Once we get moved, I plan on doing lots of research and leg-work to get the organization up and running. I can't wait to have a baby of our own and begin helping others in our situation. Wish us luck. I will be employing everyone's expertise throughout the process, so be expecting requests soon.

Go hug your kids!
Love,
Carrie

Monday, May 21, 2007 4:02 PM CDT

Wow, lots has happened since the last journal. We got the paperwork for our hearing, and of course it is a nightmare of paperwork, which I don't understand. I will have to talk to a lawyer to figure out what to do. I know they are just trying to make it impossible for us, but what a pain in the rump! I am going to e-mail Dr. K. and see if she has any witty advice.

Ok . . . on to the big news. Patrick is getting a huge promotion at work! We are so very excited for him. Along with this promotion, he gets a large pay increase. The only drawback, if you can even call it that, is that we will have to move. The new job will be in the Myrtle Beach, SC office, but they want him available for the entire territory from Willmington, NC (along the NC coast) down to Myrtle Beach. Talk about a sweet deal: We have to live at the beach (oh darn!). We are looking for a house in Brunswick County. We are talking to a realtor and the person who helps with financing. It looks like we are going to be able to afford a decent house in that area. We are excited to be buying a house again.

Therefore, I will be leaving Southeast. I wish I could say that I am sad about it, but I really am not. I will miss some of the people I work with, but most of them are going to different schools next year anyway. I already interviewed at a school in Brunswick County. I loved the principal there, and he basically offered me the job during the interview. He has made a recommendation for hire to the school board, and I am waiting for the "official" phone call so that I can "officially" resign from my position at Southeast. This school is literally 5 minutes from the beach. Lunch on the beach . . . how awesome is that? Maybe I will get a tan after all.

Patrick and I are really excited about the move. We will miss our friends here in Raleigh, but we will only be about 2 1/2 hours from here. We will still be able to visit, or better yet have them visit us.

We pray that this is a good move for us and that it is only the beginning of positive news. I will take a small pay-cut by going, but his raise certainly makes up for that, the cost of living increase, and then some. This school is not year round, so I will be able to work in the summer. Hopefully I will be able to save some money so that we can have a baby! That would be a dream come true.

We are not sure when we are actually moving yet, probably the end of June. We are trying to work out all the details. We will let you know when we know something definite. Meanwhile, I am preparing for the last few days of school. Tomorrow and Wednesday are our last days of classes, and then we have finals on Thursday, Friday, then next week Tuesday, and Wednesday. I still have some work days so that I can clean out my room too. I look forward to starting this next chapter on our journey. Speaking of chapters, I have about 5 chapters written for my memoir. It is slow going, but I am getting there. Maybe living at the beach will inspire me to write!

Go hug your kids!
Love,
Carrie

Wednesday, April 25, 2007 3:02 PM CDT

I know everyone is anxiously waiting to hear what the insurance company said. I appologize to have kept you in suspense. The last few weeks have been very hectic. I am trying to recover from Pnuemonia & Bronchitis, and return to school from break, and help kids who failed graduation project on Monday. Needless to say, I have been busy. That's not a bad thing thought becuase is has kept my mind off the insurance company.

Speaking of the insurance company, they once again denied our claim. I was disappointed to say the least. Although I knew it was a very real possibility, there was a part of me that hoped the insurance company would agree to cover the procedure. Apparently, this is the last level of appeal within the insurance company. We now have to go to an Administrative Hearing. This is basically like mediation, during which a third (neutral) party listens to both sides of the story and makes a decision. Of course Dr. K. says that it is easier once it gets out of the original company, but I have to say I am tired. No wonder they keep saying, "No." They know the process will exhaust us and hope we will give up. I've been tired before, but those who know me know that I will NEVER give up. No matter how many obstacles they put in my way, Patrick and I will have another "healthy" child.

Speaking of Patrick. He is not only the love of my life, but he is an extremely intelligent man. When I called him (crying hysterically) to tell him about the rejection letter, he first told me to calm down and reassured me that this was not going to stop us. Then, he decided that we are going to start a non-profit organization. We are going to raise awareness and funds for people in our situation. Why should anyone who is in a similar situation be denied the chance to have a healthy child? The answer is simple: They shouldn't.

This organization will not only help us to raise money to do the procedure, but also raise funds to help others. What better way to honor Jordan than to help others. Not only do we want to raise funds, but we want to raise awareness about this injustice within the insurance companies. We want to gain members and lobby congress to pass a bill to approve in-vitro fertilization in cases of medical necessity. We know that there are places (England I think) that cover in-vitro in the case of medical necessity. Of course this will take tons of work and planning, but we will do it.

This is where you come in. We need to start a non-profit organization. Any information that people can give us on how to start the organization would be helpful. We have already started researching our options and know that we really need a quality lawyer who will work for free (because he/she feels pationately about this)to help us get started. We also need to know of any grants or funds that help with the money to start this organization. We are going to start doing the research, but we want to do this as soon as possible, so the more help we have, the faster we can make it work.

Once we get this organization running, we plan to solicit every means of the media possible. I am going to compose a letter and packet which will include all the denial and appeal letters/information. This packet will be sent to every local radio station, news station, television stations, Oprah, Dr. Phil, anyone who will read and listen to us. We will do this. We will have another healthy child, and we will make it possible for others to do the same.

Please support us in this endeavor. E-mail me at the address at the bottom of this page if you have any helpful information. Put "non-profit help" in the subject line so that I don't accidentally erase the message. Any information that anyone can provide will be helpful. We thank you in advance for supporting us and helping us as we embark on yet another journey.

GO HUG YOUR KIDS!

Love,
Carrie

Saturday, March 31, 2007 3:58 PM CDT

I have good news . . . Robert and Emily Ray had a baby girl, Regan Elizabeth, yesterday morning. Of course she went on her due date, and I am at Mom & Dad's house in Illinois and can't see her until Monday. That's ok though, I'm just glad that Mom, Dad, and Baby are doing great. Emily & Robert sent me pictures, and she is beautiful! I am so happy for them. CONGRATULATIONS!

I also wanted to let you all know that I sent a letter to the insurance company on the 19th of March, and I got a letter back from them on the 22nd saying that they are reviewing our claim and will give us an answer within 30 days. Everyone pray that we get the answer that we have been waiting over a year to hear -- the procedure is covered. If we get what we want, we will probably be going through the whole process in late August or early September! It is all so exciting, but I'm trying not to get my hopes up too much. I know that the insurance company can still say no. We just pray that they say yes. I should hear something by April 19th, so I will write again then! PRAY FOR GOOD NEWS!

Go hug your kids!
Love,
Carrie

Sunday, March 4, 2007 5:28 PM CST

We are still working on the insurance company. I had a moment of enlightenment this weekend about what to say in the letter to the insurance company. I sent it to Dr. K., and she gave me some suggestions on what else to put in the letter. I don't think any reasonable person could turn me down, but I've been wrong before. I am waiting to get a summary of Jordan's medical expenses to include with the letter, and then I will send it to the insurance company. It should take around three months before we get a response, but we will pray that the response is positive.

We are finishing up our 3rd nine weeks at school, and I am looking forward to a break. We have had some pretty interesting things happening around that school. We've had an assistant principle resign over some serious allegations, and I had a student threaten me and receive a ten day suspension. Sometimes it seems like this school is falling apart, and I want to be part of the solution. We have had so many strikes against us, but I think this school is worth fighting for. These kids are important, and this school is important. We need more strong teachers and administrators to step up and be a part of the solution.

Ok, I'm getting off the soap box. We go on Spring break on March 27th. I will be heading to Illinois to visit Mom & Dad on the 28th. They will be in their new house in Decatur by then. The house they are renting (that they were supposed to buy) is not working out like it was supposed to, so they decided to buy something else. I look forward to seeing the new place during my visit.

The past few weeks, I have really been missing Jordan. On Friday we had a "Read Across America" day, in honor of Dr. Seuss's birthday. My students went to the media center with several other classes, and we all read some of our favorite stories. One of the teachers read Where the Wild Things Are. Instantly, memories of Jordan flooded my mind. I remembered lying in the hospital bed, next to Jordan, reading that book over and over. I would do all the special effects, like the "Roar" and funny little voices. Jordan would just giggle and sign "More." These memories quickly overtook me, and before I even realized it, tears were streaming down my face. I was sitting with a room full of kids, and here I am blubbering like an idiot. I just brushed the tears from my cheek, said a small prayer thanking God for the remider of my son, and tried to compose myself as much as possible. Some of my students probably thought I was crazy (most of them don't know about Jordan). It is funny how so many little things can remind me of my precious angel. Those daily reminders are a blessing, although they still cause some pain.

Before I go, I just wanted to remind everyone that the Rainbow of Heroes Walk is coming up the first week in May. I know many of our friends will be visiting. I can't wait. Also, I am (with the help of some students) putting together a Jog for Jordan for later this year (September or October). If anyone is interested in volunteering to help with the Jog, let me know by e-mailing. It is quite a large undertaking, but I hope it will be successful. I will be giving you more information as the time gets closer.
Go Hug your kids!
Love,
Carrie

Wednesday, February 7, 2007 5:37 PM CST

Finally, some hope!!!!!

Last Friday, I met with Dr. Couchman. She is the fertility doctor that Dr. Kurtzberg recommended we see. She is wonderful. She reminds me so much of Dr. K. It really was quite remarkable how similar they are.

Dr. Couchman gave us some great news about our chances of conceiving with in-vitro. She also informed us that we would have a 50/50 chance of having twins. She also gave us some helpful information about trying to get the procedure covered by our insurance company.

With that information, we have decided to be proactive in getting what we want. I have contacted Wake County's director of medical benefits to sit down with him and discuss my medical coverage. This meeting will be on Tuesday. During this meeting, I will convince him to help me expediate our request with the insurance company. My plan is to prove to the insurance company that in-vitro would be much cheaper for them than me having another child with Hunter's. I will make it perfectly clear that we will be having another child, one way or another, and that we are completely against abortion. It would be much better for them if I have a healthy child, and in-vitro is the most effective way to have a healthy child. I don't know how any rational person can deny this request.

We are praying that all of this works out and we can get approval from the insurance company by June or July. If this happens, we will start the in-vitro process in August or September of this year. Patrick and I are really looking forward to having a healthy child of our own. We know this will happen for us, but we pray that the insurance company allows us to do this sooner, rather than later.

We will keep you updated. Go hug your kids!

Love,
Carrie

Sunday, January 14, 2007 11:22 AM CST

This has been a very busy week. We started school, and I love my classes. I have some really great kids with some very bold personalities. This is actually a good thing because I have two creative writing classes. These bold personalities will help them with their writing tasks.

Patrick and I still haven't heard anything from the insurance company yet, but we have decided to go ahead and make an appointment for the initial consultation with the fertility doctors. I am going to call Dr. K. tomorrow to get everything set up. Hopefully we will hear from the insurance company soon and then we will know how much money we have to come up with.

We will let you know as soon as we hear something.

Love,
Carrie

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