Woman with cancer lies in bed and stares out window

How to Support Someone Going Through Chemo

When someone you care about begins chemotherapy, it’s natural to want to help. But where do you start? You may feel a strong desire to support them, but figuring out exactly how to do that can be overwhelming.

Each person's experience with cancer is unique. Finding the right ways to offer comfort and assistance requires sensitivity and understanding.

Your support can make a significant difference, whether you offer practical help, provide emotional comfort, or simply stay present. Let’s explore how to support someone going through chemo. We’ll offer ideas and advice to help you show your love and care in meaningful ways.

Emotions your loved one may be experiencing

The journey through cancer and chemotherapy is different for everyone, and so are the emotions that come with it. Your loved one may be feeling a mixture of fear, anxiety, hope, frustration, and sadness.

Some days might be filled with hope and positivity, while others might feel overwhelming and dark. These emotions are often intertwined, and it’s not uncommon for someone to feel both hopeful and fearful at the same time. Sometimes, it may change by the minute.

It is important to understand that there is no “right” way for your loved one to feel. They might express anger or frustration one moment and gratitude the next. This rollercoaster of emotions is a natural response to their situation.

How you can help them navigate these feelings

As someone who cares, your role is to simply acknowledge and validate these feelings, even when they seem contradictory. Your support is invaluable. Offering a listening ear or being a comforting presence can make a big difference. You don’t need to have all the answers or say the perfect thing – just being there is enough.

Practical support ideas

These are the most tangible ways to help someone. Chemo treatment can be exhausting, both physically and emotionally. This makes everyday tasks like cooking, cleaning, and caring for kids and pets feel overwhelming. By offering practical help, you can lighten their load and allow them to focus on their own health and well-being.

Practical support means taking care of the little things that might be difficult for your loved one to manage. This also can help your loved one’s spouse or immediate family, who may be overwhelmed with taking on the tasks that your loved one had been doing.

Here are some practical support ideas you might consider offering:

Deliver meals that they can (and want to) eat
Run errands for them
Drive them to doctor’s appointments
Walk their dog
Mow their lawn
Take out their garbage
Pick their kids up from school
Offer to pick up and do their laundry
Help them pay for a cleaning service
Buy them food/grocery delivery gift cards
Offer to pay for streaming services while they’re in chemo

When offering help, it’s often best to be specific. Instead of asking, “Is there anything I can do for you?” try saying something like, “I’m going to the grocery store this afternoon. Please send me a list of items I can grab for you.” This approach makes it easier for them to accept help without the burden of figuring out what they need or how to ask for it.

Starting a CaringBridge can also be a valuable tool for coordinating your support efforts. This online health platform allows you to organize tasks and communicate with fellow supporters, ensuring your loved one receives consistent help.

Tip: There are plenty of organizations that provide practical support for people who have been diagnosed with cancer. For example, Cleaning for a Reason provides free home cleaning for patients with cancer.

Emotional & comforting support ideas

While practical support is crucial, support that provides emotional comfort is just as important. Cancer and chemo can be incredibly isolating experiences, and knowing that people care and are thinking of them can provide relief and calm.

Emotional support can take many forms. Providing emotional support means being present, whether physically or virtually. It’s about offering a shoulder to lean on, a listening ear, a word of encouragement, or a hand to hold.

Here are some emotional comfort support ideas you might consider:

Be there to talk or listen when they need it
Offer to visit them when it is convenient and welcomed
Send them a sweet note or a text to let them know you’re thinking of them
Send them a chemo care package
Give them the space to pretend that things are normal, if they would like that
Use humor when appropriate – follow their lead on this idea

Just like with practical support, being specific in your offers of emotional support can be helpful. For example, you might say, “I’m free this Saturday afternoon if you’d like to chat or watch a movie together.” This kind of offer is clear and actionable, making it easier for your loved one to accept.

And while CaringBridge can be used for practical support, it can also be useful in coordinating emotional support. It allows you to share updates, send messages of encouragement, and organize visits or virtual hangouts.

Things to keep in mind as you support someone going through chemo

Supporting someone through chemo is a journey in itself. While your intentions are always to help, it’s important to remain mindful of your loved one’s needs and circumstances. What helps one day could be too overwhelming the next. Ideally, your support will reflect the needs being expressed by your loved one.

Each person’s chemo journey is different.

No two people experience chemo in the same way. Side effects, emotional responses, and coping mechanisms can vary widely. Some days, your loved one might feel okay, while others might be incredibly challenging.

The best way to navigate this is by staying attuned to their cues and being willing to adapt. If they express a need for space, respect that. If they ask for more help on particularly rough days, be ready to step in. Your ability to listen and respond to their changing needs is a key part of being a supportive friend or family member.

Keep the support going after the initial wave.

When someone is first diagnosed with cancer, there is often an outpouring of support from friends and family. However, that support may dwindle as time goes on, leaving the person feeling more isolated.

Continuing to offer help – even months into their treatment – shows that you’re committed to being there for the long haul. Simple gestures like regular check-ins or sending thoughtful messages can make a significant difference as they continue their journey.

Uphold any promises or offers you make.

If you offer to help in a specific way, it’s important to follow through. Of course, life can get busy, just remember that your loved one is likely relying largely on their support system. Broken promises or forgotten offers can unintentionally add to their feelings of isolation.

Being reliable and consistent in your support helps build trust and reassures your loved one that they can count on you. If something comes up and you can’t fulfill a promise, communicate openly and try to find another way to help.

Your loved one may not know exactly what they want or need.

Your loved one may not always know how to articulate their needs or may feel uncomfortable asking for help. This is where proactive support can make a big difference. Instead of waiting for them to ask, offer specific ways you can help or simply take the initiative to do something kind.

They might be dealing with feelings of guilt or worry about being a burden. Reassure them that you are there because you care and you genuinely want to help.

Coordinate support so that they don’t have to.

One of the most helpful things you can do is to coordinate support efforts among family and friends. This can prevent your loved one from feeling overwhelmed by multiple offers of help or having to manage who does what.

Using tools like CaringBridge or simply organizing a group chat can help streamline communication and ensure that all aspects of support are covered. This way, your loved one can focus on their treatment and recovery without the added stress of managing their support network.

Avoid asking them how to help or offering nonspecific support.

While well-intentioned, asking someone, “How can I help?” can add to their stress. It’s difficult to think of specific needs when you’re already overwhelmed. Additionally, your loved one may feel guilty for asking. Instead, offer concrete suggestions or simply take action on something you know would be helpful.

For example, instead of saying, “Let me know if you need anything,” you might say, “I’m dropping off dinner on Thursday. Would you prefer lasagna or soup?” This approach is much easier for your loved one to respond to and ensures that your help is both timely and appropriate.

How would you recommend that someone support a loved one going through chemo?

Supporting a loved one through chemo is an ongoing process that requires empathy, patience, and understanding. By offering practical and emotional support and being mindful of their unique journey, you can make a meaningful difference in their life during this challenging time.

Do you have any additional tips for how to support someone going through chemo? Do you have experiences to share? We’d love to hear your stories and suggestions in the comments below.