How to Support a Friend with Cancer Long-Distance
Watching a friend cope with a cancer diagnosis is difficult, and being far away can make you feel helpless. You want to do anything you can to support your loved one, but it’s not always clear how to help when you can’t be there in person. Fortunately, your thoughtfulness and willingness are already a meaningful step in the right direction.
This article will explore how to support a friend with cancer long-distance. Whether you’re sending a care package, coordinating with local helpers, or simply offering a listening ear, you can make a positive impact. This is true no matter how many miles are between you.
1. Send practical gift cards, like food delivery services or gas stations
One of the easiest ways to help from afar is by sending gift cards that meet immediate needs. Cancer treatment often disrupts daily routines, leaving little time or energy for errands or meal prep. Here are some gift cards that can be particularly helpful:
Grocery store gift cards: These can help your friend stock up on the essentials without worrying about the cost. You could also opt for a grocery store delivery gift card too, so they can have the items delivered to their house. InstaCart would be a great example.
Food delivery service gift cards: Provide ready-made meals at their convenience. They may have already received meals from friends and family who live near them; this is a way to offer the same sentiment. Plus, this lets them choose familiar foods from restaurants they love at a time that’s convenient. An example could be DoorDash or Uber Eats.
Gas station gift cards: These can be a lifesaver for people making frequent trips to appointments. They come in extra handy if the treatment center is far from home. Make sure to find a gift card to a gas station that is available in their region.
Gift cards often come in digital format too, so you can send it to their email address instead of mailing a physical card.
These thoughtful gestures not only ease financial strain but also give your friend one less thing to think about during a stressful time. It’s a simple way to say, “I want to help in a way that works for you.”
2. Arrange hands-on support with their neighbors and nearby friends or family
It can be a challenge to know how to support a friend with cancer long-distance. You might not be able to mow their lawn, bring groceries, or babysit their kids, but someone in their local community can. By coordinating their nearby friends, family, or neighbors, you can help create hands-on support that makes a tangible difference.
Platforms like CaringBridge are excellent tools for coordinating help. CaringBridge can help you schedule Meal Trains, arrange rides to appointments, or find someone to walk their dog. Plus, CaringBridge partners with organizations like Instacart so that you can provide comprehensive long-distance caregiving, from practical help to emotional support.
Taking the initiative to activate their local network relieves your friend from the stress of asking for help themselves. It also ensures they’re supported in ways that meet their daily needs. Your effort in coordinating this can make them feel deeply cared for.
3. Help them coordinate support by setting up resources
Managing support can be overwhelming for someone dealing with cancer. They’re juggling medical appointments and dealing with treatment side effects. You can step in by setting up tools like a GoFundMe page to help cover medical expenses. A shared calendar on CaringBridge can help organize meals, rides, and other assistance.
These resources simplify communication and allow your friend’s network to efficiently rally around them. A GoFundMe page not only eases financial burdens but also gives others a meaningful way to contribute. Similarly, hosting a CaringBridge can streamline the process of arranging daily help, ensuring that your friend has what they need without having to ask. For example, you can link GoFundMe to your CaringBridge, making it seamless to get help.
4. If they’re open to it, set up a regular phone call to show them that you care
A regular phone call can become a comforting routine for someone navigating the challenges of cancer. Consistent check-ins allow your friend to share their thoughts, vent about their day, or enjoy a casual conversation that takes their mind off treatment.
It’s important to let them set the tone. They may want to talk about their health or something completely unrelated. Sometimes a short, lighthearted call can brighten their day and remind them they’re not alone in their journey.
If they’re open to it, you could choose a specific evening each week to catch up, giving them something to look forward to. No matter how brief, these moments of connection can make a significant difference.
5. Send messages to let them know that you’re thinking of them
Sending a simple message can be a powerful way to remind your friend they’re in your thoughts. A quick text like, “Thinking of you today; sending lots of love” can bring some comfort and connection.
These messages don’t need to be long or elaborate; what matters is showing you care. Sharing something uplifting, like a funny video, a heartwarming story, or a memory you cherish together, can add a spark of positivity to their day.
If they don’t respond right away, or at all, don’t take it personally. They’re busy with appointments and may not feel well. Knowing that someone thought of them can be enough to make them feel supported and less isolated.
6. Give them a safe space to vent
Cancer can bring a whirlwind of emotions like fear, frustration, sadness, and anger. Offering your friend a judgment-free space to express those feelings can be a meaningful way to support them. Let them know you’re there to listen, whether they want to talk about their treatment, their worries, or things unrelated to cancer.
Saying something like, “I’m here for you if you ever need to talk or vent about anything,” can help them feel comfortable opening up. Be patient and let them guide the conversation, listening without offering unsolicited advice or trying to fix things.
Validate their emotions by saying something like, “That sounds so hard; I’m so sorry you’re going through this.” You have a chance to provide a sense of connection during a time when they may feel overwhelmed.
7. Send a thoughtful care package
If you’re trying to figure out how to support a friend with cancer long-distance, care packages are a tangible way to show love from afar. Include items that provide comfort or distraction, like cozy socks, herbal teas, a good book, or a puzzle. You can also add practical items, such as lip balm, lotion for dry skin, or ginger candy for nausea.
For example, if your friend loves reading, a new novel and a handwritten note can bring a sense of connection and warmth. Tailor the care package to their interests and needs to show how much thought you’ve put into supporting them.
8. Help them get their mind off of their diagnosis, if appropriate
While it’s important to acknowledge what your friend is going through, sometimes a break from focusing on cancer can be a welcome relief. Sharing distractions, like a funny meme, an inspiring movie suggestion, or a playlist of feel-good songs, can help brighten their day.
Consider doing an activity together virtually, like watching a favorite show and chatting about it afterward. Sending them a joke or reminding them of a silly memory you share can give them a moment to smile.
These small efforts can take their mind off the emotional weight of their diagnosis and remind them that they aren’t defined by their illness. Let them set the tone to ensure the distraction feels supportive rather than dismissive.
9. Learn more about cancer diagnoses and what your loved one may be experiencing
Educating yourself about what your friend is going through can help you empathize and provide better support. Understanding the side effects of treatment or the emotional toll of a diagnosis can make your gestures more thoughtful and intentional.
For example, let’s say you learn that chemotherapy can cause extreme fatigue. You might prioritize sending gift cards for meal delivery or arranging rides to appointments. This knowledge can help you offer meaningful and specific help.
10. Avoid saying generic offers like “reach out if you need anything” or “how can I help?”
It can be difficult to find things to say to someone with cancer. Unfortunately, well-meaning offers like “Let me know if you need anything” can put the burden on your friend. It leaves them trying to figure out how you can help, and then having to make the effort to ask for it. Instead, offer something specific and actionable.
For example, say, “I’d love to send you dinner this week; what night works best?” or “Can I organize a ride for your next appointment?” These types of offers remove the guesswork and make it easier for your friend to accept help.
It also shows that you’ve thought through how to be genuinely supportive, which can mean a lot. Offering concrete ways to help communicate care and thoughtfulness.
What advice would you share?
Figuring out how to support a friend with cancer long-distance can feel challenging. Just remember that small, thoughtful actions can make a big difference. From sending a care package to coordinating local help, there are countless ways to show you care.
Have you supported someone with cancer from a distance? Share your tips and experiences in the comments below. Your ideas could inspire others to make a meaningful impact in their loved ones’ lives.