How to Help Someone With a Terminal Illness

Watching someone you care about process a terminal illness can feel helpless. Terminal illnesses are incurable, and yet each journey is unique. Some individuals pass away soon after being diagnosed, and others live through their health journey for many  years. 

For the person living with it, this diagnosis brings a whirlwind of emotions, decisions, and challenges. It’s natural to feel unsure about how to help, especially when you want to provide support without overstepping. 

You may be unsure of how to support them. Maybe you’ve wondered if you’re saying the right things or have struggled to figure out when and how to step in. These feelings are normal, and they reflect your thoughtfulness.

If you’re wondering how to help someone with a terminal illness, this guide will provide compassionate and practical advice. 

1. Learn more about terminal illnesses and what your loved one may be experiencing

Each terminal illness is different, and so is each person’s experience. No two people will feel or react the same way. Their experience might not fit any mold, and their needs and emotions may evolve over time.

A diagnosis like stage 4 cancer, ALS, or advanced organ failure comes with physical and emotional challenges. The specific impact varies from person to person. Some may experience intense pain or fatigue, while others might face cognitive or emotional hurdles. Understanding their challenges and their particular illness can help you provide the right support. 

Here are some challenges your loved one may be experiencing:

Navigating a new to-do list

A terminal diagnosis often comes with a daunting set of practical responsibilities. End-of-life care, financial planning, organizing services, and sharing the diagnosis with others can be overwhelming. These tasks may feel urgent and unrelenting, leaving your loved one physically and emotionally drained.

Processing the diagnosis and the emotions that come with it

Hearing that their illness is terminal can trigger a mix of emotions: grief, anger, fear, acceptance, or even relief. These feelings can come and go in waves or exist simultaneously. Understanding that all emotions are valid and that there’s no “right way” to process the news can help you meet the moment with empathy.

Managing their loved ones’ reactions to the news

Sharing their diagnosis often means navigating others’ emotions, too. Your loved one might face anticipatory grief from family members, well-meaning but overwhelming questions, or withdrawal from people struggling to cope. 

This emotional labor can take a toll. It's important to be mindful of the burden they may carry in supporting others while managing their own feelings.

Constantly adjusting to a “new normal”

Life with a terminal illness can change quickly. A good day can shift to a challenging one in just hours, making it hard to predict what’s next or to follow through on plans. A wave of nausea or exhaustion can come out of nowhere. Flexibility and patience are key as they navigate these constant changes.

2. Explore ways to provide hands-on support to someone with a terminal illness

Practical support can make a difference for someone navigating the daily challenges of an illness. Often, they may be juggling medical appointments, managing treatments, and dealing with fatigue or pain. 

By stepping in to handle everyday tasks that might feel overwhelming, you can ease their load. This can give them more time and space to focus on their well-being.

Offer to help around the house.

Suggest taking on household tasks like cleaning, cooking, sorting mail, or doing laundry. This help can be a relief for someone who may not have the energy or time to manage these routines. 

Offering to deep-clean the kitchen or prepare several meals can give them one less thing to worry about. It can also reduce the physical work they need to do.

Run errands for your loved one.

For someone going through a terminal illness, even small errands can feel like too much. This is especially true when medical appointments or treatments take priority. 

Offer to pick up groceries, fill prescriptions, or grab items they need from the store. A simple act, like delivering their favorite coffee or snacks, can brighten their day.

Provide transportation support.

Trips to medical appointments, treatments, or social outings can be exhausting to manage. If they aren’t feeling well, traveling can be even more difficult. Additionally, their caregivers may need a break. Offering to drive them or arranging transportation can reduce stress and ensure they get where they need to go.

Aid in childcare or pet care.

If your loved one has kids or pets, helping with their care can be invaluable. Offer to babysit, help with school drop-offs, or take their dog for a walk. Knowing their loved ones are being cared for can bring them peace of mind and provide stability to their family. 

Send practical gift cards, like grocery stores or streaming services.

Gift cards can provide comfort and ease financial strain. These thoughtful gestures allow them to use the support when they need it most. Paying for something like a meal delivery service saves them time and energy while also saving their money.

Use online resources to mobilize and coordinate their support system.

Tools like shared spreadsheets can help coordinate efforts among friends and family. Setting up a schedule for meals, visits, or chores ensures that your loved one gets consistent support. It also saves them from feeling overwhelmed by offers to help.

For a single point of organization, start a CaringBridge for them. This lets you post updates while also coordinating instrumental support like meals, transportation, and financial assistance. More friends and acquaintances who don’t know how to help may feel comfortable getting involved if they see a fundraiser or a meal coordination signup on CaringBridge. 

3. Explore ways to provide emotional support and comforting words

Emotional support is about being present and helping your loved one feel seen, heard, and valued. While practical help addresses their physical needs, emotional support nurtures their mental and spiritual well-being. 

It’s not about having all the right answers or knowing the perfect thing to say. It’s about showing up authentically and letting them know they’re not alone in their journey. Even small gestures, like a heartfelt note or a kind text, can remind them that they’re loved and cared for.

Be there to talk, ask (appropriate) questions, and listen.

Sometimes, all someone needs is a listening ear. Let them share their thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment. If they’re open to it, ask gentle questions that show you’re interested in their experience. Listening deeply is one of the most valuable ways to show you care.

Match their tone and mood – avoid being overly positive or negative if they don’t want that.

Take cues from their energy and emotions. If they’re reflective, offer a quiet, supportive presence. If they’re upbeat, share a laugh or a lighthearted story. Remember, too, that their preference may change even within a single visit. Forcing positivity or dwelling on negativity can invalidate their feelings, so pay attention to their responses.

Offer a sense of normalcy, when appropriate.

Talking about hobbies, shared memories, or everyday subjects—even gossip—can provide a welcome break from the focus on illness. Sharing a funny movie, discussing their favorite book, or reminiscing about happy times can remind them of the person they are beyond their diagnosis.

Talk to them even if it seems like they cannot physically hear you anymore.

For someone in the later stages of their illness, your voice and presence can still bring comfort. Sharing kind words, stories, or just sitting quietly beside them can be meaningful, even if they don’t or can’t respond.

Be there for them on an ongoing basis.

Consistency matters. Checking in regularly, whether through visits, phone calls, or messages, lets your loved one know you’re thinking of them. It also ensures that they don’t feel forgotten as time goes on. Many people receive a wave of support right after the diagnosis, but they will need it beyond that.

4. Avoid saying “reach out if you need anything” or “how can I help?”

While well-intended, phrases like these can put the burden on your loved one to figure out what they need. Instead, offer specific, actionable support. 

For example, say, “I’d love to bring dinner over this week; does Tuesday work for you?” or “I am going to the grocery store this weekend. Please send me a list of items I can grab for you.” That allows them to say yes or no rather than having to come up with a task for you. They can accept your help without added stress.

5. Take care of yourself, too

Supporting someone with a terminal illness can be emotionally and physically draining. It’s essential to care for yourself, too. This might mean taking breaks, talking to a therapist, or leaning on your own support network. You want to be there for your loved one, but you can’t do that well unless you are cared for, too.

What advice would you share?

Supporting someone with a terminal illness can feel overwhelming. If you have stories or advice on how to help someone with a terminal illness, share them in the comments. We can learn from and support one another in this challenging journey.