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Finding Joy Amidst the Suffering

High school sweethearts Tricia and Brian always knew they wanted a big family. After marrying, they welcomed four boys and one girl, each of them a blessing their parents prayed to receive. When they found out they were pregnant with their fifth child, they were overjoyed to add one more to their big, happy household.

“I’m grateful I didn’t know what was coming,” Tricia said. “If I knew everything that was going to happen, it would have seemed very overwhelming.”

It’s one thing to feel overwhelmed with parenting five young children. However, there’s a different level of overwhelm that comes when one of those children has medical complexities. At their 20-week ultrasound, the Borg family discovered they would be the latter— if they were lucky.

With the complications the baby had, along with the fact that Tricia ended up in labor at 22 weeks, their doctors prepared them for the worst. As Tricia lay in her hospital bed, she was told to make end of life plans for the baby.

“That was one of the hardest parts for me,” Tricia recalled. Not only was Tricia preparing to bury her unborn child, she also couldn’t be with her other four children. “All of a sudden, I couldn’t be at home. I couldn’t tuck my kids into bed at night.”

Thankfully, Tricia’s labor stopped. She remained on bed rest for the duration of her pregnancy.

And then, miraculously, baby Michael made his entrance into the world.

“I was so grateful my kids were able to come the day he was born,” Tricia said. “It was mostly because everybody thought he wasn’t going to make it. So, they came to meet him and to say goodbye.”

It would be the first and last time the kids were allowed in the hospital, due to the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic. But thankfully, it wasn’t the last time the kids would see their baby brother. Though faced with more challenges than anyone deserves, it appeared as though Michael was born to defy the odds.

Throughout his four years of life, Tricia estimates that Michael has collectively spent a year or more in the hospital. He was in-patient for his first eight months of life, a time that Tricia remembers as emotionally, mentally, and physically overwhelming.

“I felt like I couldn’t catch my breath. Every day was something different. The drive to and from the hospital was where I could get all my emotions out. Take a deep breath and try to be as present as possible.”

The one thing they knew for certain was that baby Michael would need a kidney transplant—but he needed to be stable enough for the surgery. Finally, at three years old, he was ready. And his dad was a perfect match.

Now Tricia not only had everyone asking for updates about Michael, but also about his dad Brian. Tricia needed help telling both their stories, and she turned to CaringBridge.

“Quite honestly, I was hesitant to start a CaringBridge at first,” Tricia said.

Then, she started following the CaringBridge pages of other families. Not only was she able to stay updated on their situations, she also knew what kind of help they needed—whether it was prayer support or something more functional like meal or transportation assistance.

“It’s humbling to share your story. It can be really vulnerable. But something I’ve learned through Michael and sharing his story is that everybody has a story to tell and it’s worth sharing.”

As Michael and dad Brian prepared for the kidney transplant, Tricia started sharing their story. She found that not only was it helpful for her to process, it also took the burden off their inner circle. “CaringBridge has lessened the burden for my family and close friends who were helping notify everyone else on our behalf,” Tricia said.

Transplant day arrived, and Tricia found herself needing to update everyone on both her son and her husband. “There were people at his work that I would never know how to get a hold of, friends and family around the country that really wanted to know how he was,” Tricia said. She pointed them all to CaringBridge.

Brian’s surgery was relatively straightforward and seamless. Now the family waited to see how Michael would respond to the transplant.

Within a couple of days, Tricia remembers seeing a fog lift within Michael. “He was just more engaged. I could tell he understood more. It was just a whole different level of energy.”

It’s an energy that Michael has continued to exude, several months into his recovery. To the delight of all those who love him, he is growing, interacting, and learning to do things his siblings do.

“He was on the scooter with my daughter the other day, and he kind of tumbled off,” Tricia said. “It was really low to the ground, and he skinned his knee. I was crying tears of joy, because a skinned knee is a very normal thing for a little boy to come in with— it’s a huge blessing that he can do more things that other kids get to do.”

Next up for Michael is swimming for the first time, enjoying the neighborhood playground that was just adapted to be handicap accessible, scooting around with his siblings, and continuing to defy the odds.

“They said we’d never hear his voice, and now he’s saying words, babbling. They said he’d never walk, and now he’s taking his first steps. He’s been able to prove them wrong,” Tricia said.

Tricia continues to share Michael’s story on CaringBridge.

“It’s been beautiful. I am really grateful, because I can tell the story how I want it told. It was accurate. And it was important for me to keep that message of hope. I think about the people we’ve met, how they shared on CaringBridge, and how it inspired me. Maybe I can do that to somebody else. It’s the power of community. When we started a CaringBridge, people from so many countries reached out— it just shows us how connected we can be and what a gift that is.”

The gift of community, functional support, connection with loved ones— and the biggest gift of all. Michael. The big family Tricia and Brian always longed for has come to fruition. And it’s something they’ll never take for granted, even though it doesn’t quite look the way they thought it would. Tricia has come to appreciate the challenges they’ve been given, and the grace they have to get through them.

“There can be joy in the suffering. Even though we have challenges, Michael is still joyful. Our family is still joyful, regardless of the circumstances. We’re not always happy, but we can still find that joy, even when it’s challenging.”