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Wednesday, May 9, 2012 9:59 AM CDT

Thursday, February 23, 2012 9:09 PM CST

Well, here we are five years to the day that Rebecca graduated from high school...and from this life. In fact, five years ago, at this time of night, Jeff, Vinson and I were reeling with the knowledge that Rebecca had died. We were waiting on the Hospice Nurse to arrive and guide us through all of the steps that have to be taken when someone dies. It all seems such a blur still...my brother and sister-in-law were there and served as guardians or keepers of the gate, allowing the three of us to be with Rebecca and each other, insulated for a short while from the outside world. Our pastor was on his way and dear friends and elders from church, Charlie and Sally, showed up in response to our pastor's call for ministry. The Hospice Nurse arrived. She had never met us as we had just signed on with Hospice that Wednesday and she was scheduled for her initial visit the next week. Yet, there could not have been a more compassionate, caring person sent into our lives than that lady.

We were surrounded by so much love and cared for so well. God is truly in our lives, directing and orchestrating our lives so that, if we let Him, everything will be taken care of. I doubt we could have done anything else that night but let Him...

I remember that Herbie, Rebecca's puppy, crawled up on the bed with her and stayed next to her until Jeff caried her out of the room. I remember slumping down on the floor, leaning against the closet door, sobbing; selfishly wishing I could bring her back even though it would be back to such pain and illness. I remember discussing with Vinson and Jeff what Rebecca would want to wear to go home to be with her Savior and her Father in heaven. What else could we choose but her dance clothes, because she wanted more than anything else to dance for Him.

Today, I called in "heartsick" and stayed home with Jeff and Herbie. We went to Bojangles for breakfast and had a sausage biscuit and tea with Rebecca. Then we went to watch the wrecking company work on taking down the bridge at Falls Dam. That's something she would have enjoyed doing. We took Herbie with us and after lunch went out to her niche and visited with her there. I know she's not there, but somehow, sometimes, there's a feeling of closeness there. Jeff left from there and went to the RBC Center to help with the St Baldrick's event sponsored by the Hurricane's, while Herbie and I came back and did laundry. I went to tap dance tonight - for Rebecca. Talked with Vinson who had had a pretty rough day herself.

You know, grief is such a private thing...each of us deals with our loss in such different ways and our grief is compounded by the fact that we cannot do anything to ease each other's pain. I grieve for my loss, but I grieve as much for the fact that my daughter is hurting and I cannot make it better and my husband is hurting and all I can do is hold him and love him. He feels the same way. My consolation is that my heavenly Father has His arms wrapped around each of us and is loving us and filling us with His peace. The pain of losing Rebecca will never go away and no matter what anyone tells you, it never gets easier, it just gets different. There will always be a tremendous void in our lives and we will always, Jeff and I, be saying, "Rebecca would be doing this now..." and Vinson will always be saying, "If Rebecca were here, she would help me with this project..." or "She would have a great idea about..." "She would be playing the piano and making me sing." When Vinson has children, she will be thinking, "Rebecca should be here to help me through this!"..."My children need their aunt..."

Our "Rebecca days" still occur, sometimes not for months and then sometimes just days apart. No one thing brings them on - just memories of a special young lady. Sometimes, my heart hurts so badly that I feel as if it is being wrung out. But always, there is the knowledge that we are loved and prayed for.

I guess the thing we need to remember is that we will be able to be with Rebecca eventually. Too long, for us, here on earth, but from all I can figure, just a short while for Rebecca in heaven before we can see her again.

The greatest blessing of all this is knowing that Rebecca is now in perfect health and is dancing and singing for her Lord, Jesus Christ, worshiping Him and adoring Him in the way she loved. Could there be anything better for her?

Wednesday, December 28, 2011 9:50 PM CST

Merry Christmas, all! We hope that your Christmas has been joyful, peaceful, full of love and hope, and all that you wished it would be. Most of all, we hope and pray that you are filled with the awe and wonder in the gift our Father in heaven gave us at Christmas...His Son, His ONLY Son, our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. What a blessing to the whole world, even those unwilling to recognize Him as the Alpha and the Omega.

Our Christmas this year was spent at home, with my mother, Vinson and her husband Matt who were able to be with us for 5 days. What a wonderful gift they gave us - time and memories. They stayed with my mother in her apartment and just by that opportunity gave Mother so much joy by having two of her grandchildren with her for several days. We had Christmas breakfast and presents at Mother's then came home to rest and prepare for Christmas Dinner. So much fun and fellowship.

Then, today, my brother, his wife, and children came for the day and we had MORE Christmas! Once again, time and memories.

And always, in our hearts there is a pang of sorrow, a void...missing that presence that makes the family complete. We know that Rebecca celebrated Christmas with all the saints in heaven, but can I tell you that we would all have rather had her here with us? That's pretty selfish on my part, I know, to want to take her away from the presence of God and His Son, but I think we're all entitled to selfishness with regard to those we love.

I pray for you peace and joy and the blessings of God to be with you in the coming year.

Love to you all,
Emmaline

Monday, October 3, 2011 4:15 PM CDT

I have to apologize to you for not checking in with you. Quite frankly, for me, this has been one of the more difficult times for me. You feel as if you've made great strides coping with the pain and the grief and the overwhelming sense of loss and suddenly, out of the blue, WHAM! it's all back in your face, the hole is just as big, if not bigger, and even more ragged and raw than you remember. The sense of loss and longing overwhelms and everything you see or do seems to make it worse.I spend days missing Rebecca and because she's not in Raleigh, missing Vinson.

On a happier note, we're doing well. The school year is progressing nicesly. Vinson is enjoying her work, and even more, enjoying her marriage. Matthew is a wonderful, blessed addition to our family. He has accepted us as we are, in all our weirdness! We spent a delightful week-end with them and Matthew's parents and sister, at an impromptu family reunion in DC. So much fun and such a special time.

Jeff is training for the next phase of his Hike for Hope to raise funds for Leukemia-Lymphoma Society, St Baldrick's and Make-A-Wish. Hope you'll consider supporting his efforts as he journeys through the Appalachian Trail. I've posted the link to his website on this page so you can see what he's been up to.

He was gone for 2 months last Spring and boy, did Herbie and I miss him!! He lost 25 pounds and sure did have some clothes that I wanted to throw away when he got home...whew! they stunk! We're learning to manage the blog, so we're updating with comments about places he hiked and sites he saw. Be patient with us as we work to communicate with you about his hike.

My mom has graduated from Assisted Living to Independent Living...she likes to do things in reverse!! She's doing so well and we're really enjoying seeing her do so well and be so happy.

I plan to continue updating more frequently than I have. I appreciate your understanding and covet your prayers.

Blessings to all,
Emmalin

Wednesday, February 23, 2011 7:15 PM CST

Mom here...

It's that day, four years later. I've spent today thinking about Rebecca and her last day with us. When I woke up this morning, I thought about Shea and Maggie coming over to help her get her make-up and hair done for graduation, laughing and giggling with her, teasing her about life in general. What a gift they gave her and us in treating her "normally" in a very special way. What special friends she had and still has. They are such blessings in our lives. Whenever they're in town, they check in. Shea and Zack both spent time in DC working and visited frequently with Vinson and Matthew. There is a connection there that, thankfully, remains strong. It feels so good to have it and know that we are still considered part of their lives even though Rebecca is not present here.

I thought about helping her get dressed for graduation. She told her daddy, “I HAVE to do this, Daddy.” She felt compelled to be at school for her graduation and not have it at the house. I think she needed to be with ALL her classmates when she graduated, not with just a few… (although I have a sneaking suspicion that had the venue changed we would still have had a backyard full of capped and gowned Seniors!!) She wore a lovely white dress that she had worn for Baccalaureate the year before…nothing else we found fit her - not that it did either. She looked so beautiful, but so tired.

I thought about carrying her out to the car with Dr. Muff and Rebecca looking at me and saying, “I’m so tired of this.” I told her, “I know you are, baby. I know you are.”

I remembered meeting Mr. Mack at the side entrance for him to take her to the line-up while I parked the car and all the Seniors crowding around, so very excited for their classmate to be able to graduate.

I remembered Zack bringing her a beautiful corsage of white roses and daisies…Ben and Shannon greeting us in the auditorium…the choir…the dancers…the graduation. What special memories we have of that day.

I remember Mr. Corey coming down to tell me that Rebecca needed me as the class was getting ready to recess…she told Mr. Mack as they rolled off the stage, “I want to go home…now.” So, we went home and we visited with Ben and Shannon who had come all the way from Minnesota to see his sister graduate. We shared time with family and friends and Vinson and Rebecca shared that very special relationship that I’ve never seen between any other two sisters. What a special gift God gave them in their relationship.

I remember Rebecca telling me that she wanted to go to bed and Vinson going in to talk to her and help her get comfortable. I had said prayers with her and settled her down for the night and her special time with her sister.

I remember Vinson calling her daddy and me to come...

I remember calling to Rebecca, hoping against hope (selfishly) that she would answer me, but knowing that she was finally at peace and whole again. She was home...

I remember Herbie getting on the bed next to Rebecca and lying next to her until we took him down...

I remember sitting on the floor with my back against the closet door, holding Herbie and sobbing...

I remember sobbing in my brother’s arms as Jeff took her out of the house...

I remember so much pain and sorrow…

I remember so much joy and love…

I went to school today not knowing whether I would be able to stay the whole day. Managed it, but it was not easy. So many people still remembering and letting me know how special Rebecca was to them. As Mrs. Zullig commented, the fact that people remember without me saying anything about her is a testimony to the life that Rebecca lived and the impact she had and still has on people.

My friends and co-workers were so kind today, giving many hugs and loves, cards and lovely flowers. There is a special young lady at school, named Rachel, who has adopted me since Rebecca died. From the time she was in second grade, she has remembered me at random times as well as special times, telling her mother that I needed some of the flowers from her yard or bringing me a card, sending me Val-O-Grams at school - so many thoughtful gestures. She has been such a sweet blessing and, once again, remembered me today with beautiful roses and iris. I have been truly blessed today and every day.

Jeff and Vinson and I have each dealt with our grief today. I will share Jeff’s thoughts with you later and I hope that Vinson will add something at some point. We each deal with it differently and because it is different for each of us, it is very lonely. This is the one instance where the one person you should be able to lean on (Jeff for me and me for Jeff both of us for Vinson) is not always strong enough to be leaned on. That “for better or for worse” is pretty tough to honor some days. I am truly grateful that Jeff and I have been able to weather this storm of pain to the degree that we have and can only attribute it to God’s grace and steadfast love. He has wrapped His arms around us and held us tightly together in spite of ourselves. Praise God and thank You!

And oh, the sorrow and guilt of not being able to help your remaining child deal with her grief and pain! Thank God for sending Matthew to her. What a blessing he is to us and our family.

Vinson and Matt are coming tomorrow and we’ll spend the rest of the week and week-end together. We haven’t seen them since Christmas, so it will be wonderful to have this time with them before Jeff leaves for his hike.

I’ll probably be posting more often as Jeff is going to be gone for an extended length of time as he begins his Hike for Hope, through-hiking the first third (721 miles) of the Appalachian Trail to raise money for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society, St. Baldrick’s Foundation and the Make-A-Wish Foundation of Eastern NC. More on that later.

Thank you all the love and prayers with which you surround us. You have provided such support and encouragement…a true source of strength for us.

I know that Rebecca is happy and whole and would never WANT to come back here…but oh, how I wish she would…

Emmaline

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 10, 2010 1:08 PM CDT

This is Mom. Vinson's writing is so eloquent and expresses so much what I feel that I can't bring myself to delete it by writing a new entry just yet, so I'm just adding to it. Hope that's okay and that you even see my entry...doesn't matter, really, this is truly a place for V and me to journal...if you choose to read it, so much the better...

We're getting ready for Christmas, just like all of you, and it truly is a joyous time for all four of us and we look forward to gathering as a family once again. (Went to V's for Thanksgiving and had a delicious Thanksgiving Dinner with Matt and her. What a great cook she is turning out to be!!)

As Vinson said, there is no one event that brings Rebecca to mind now, just periods of emptiness and sadness followed by remembering the happy times. I almost wish there were events that triggered these feelings, because they come at some of the oddest times and it takes a minute to figure out what's going on.

At Christmas time I remember going with the girls to pick out a tree and especially remember the Christmas that we went to the tree lot owned by one of Rebecca's classmates dad...the guys that were working there that night were classmates of hers and they took her wheelchair away from us and proceeded to take her on a tour of all the trees they had picked out for her to consider...we didn't have enough rooms in the house for all of them!! And then, the last Christmas caroling with the NRCA Ensemble - Becca on her scooter, Santa hat pom-pom flying in the wind as she raced to catch up with the group...such a sweet, funny memory!! Becca singing at the Christmas concert, "In the Bleak MidWinter," that clear, pure voice...and singing her last time at the Christmas Eve Service at church, "All Is Well." Perhaps...no, I know, it was her message to all of us that, as she had reiterated time and time again, "God is in control. It will be okay."

Well, God IS in control and it WILL be okay...someday. Meanwhile, Jeff and I rejoice with Vinson in our memories of Rebecca and the special times shared and rejoice, again with Vinson AND Matt, in the memories we're creating.

A special holiday blessing for you all...

Emmaline

Friday, September 17, 2010 7:25 PM CDT

Greetings to those of you who still check on us. It's hard to tell if anyone really remembers anymore because the guestbook has been rather sparse over the last couple years. But then, this page was for Rebecca to feel supported and everyone did such a great job of that for a long time. I guess we just continue to update because it was such a habit for a long time. So maybe this has become more like a personal journal now, for me and Mom; that would be ok.

Anyway, events converged over the last two weeks that really reminded me of my sister. Nothing momentous happened during her life during this time frame--that's usually the trigger for remembering her and needing to journal about it.

Rather, the things that sparked this entry have more to do with those of us who were around her while she was sick. So let me explain:

First of all, and most importantly, I found out on Tuesday that one of her closest friends, Jenny, recently was diagnosed with Hodgkins Lymphoma. This sweet college Senior, who sat for hours with my sister, through chemo and morphine and nausea and everything else; this kind girl who planned a surprise sweet 16 beach bash for my beach-loving sister; this physically active and healthy young woman will now be spending her final year of college undergoing 12 rounds of chemotherapy. Please keep her in your thoughts, or your prayers, or both. She will need them, just as Rebecca did.

This time of year in 2003, the first fall and winter of Rebecca's illness, I was studying abroad in London. I had laid the groundwork before her diagnosis, and she wouldn't hear of me canceling. So I went abroad, bought all the boys choir cd's I could from every cathedral I visited (she loved choral music) and actually ended up over the weight limit for my checked luggage to bring all the teddy bear souvenirs back from all the places I visited. Fuzzy black hat castle guard teddy bear from Windsor Castle... Bagpipe playing teddy bear from Scotland... Paddington bear from Paddington Station (of course)... I guess I went a little overboard. But I also got the fancy program from every musical or play I saw, so I could show her and tell her all about them.

Which brings me to 2010. Matt and I went to London with his mother, Libby, to visit his sister, Sarah, who's taking her master's degree at the London School of Economics this school year. It was a wonderful week's vacation, and we did so many fun things. I didn't get the fancy programs for the two musicals we saw, and I didn't buy a single teddy bear. But I did think about my sister, a lot, and about how fun it would have been for her to have come to visit me when I was studying, as Matt and I were doing for Sarah. I guess the grief has expanded beyond losing her in death, to include opportunities lost due to the illness. I think she would have loved London.

Anyway, I finally saw Wicked while in London this time. I was sitting in the theatre next to Libby, my mother-in-law, thoroughly enjoying the show. Then the second act came and I realized that I had subconsciously blocked myself from seeing this show for the last 3 years. Because the cast launched into a beautiful song that Rebecca's close girlfriends chose as a sort of "motto" to help them finish out their Senior year after Rebecca died. The song, "For Good" had me crying in the darkened theatre.

I remembered the sadness and the sickness and the pain of watching her suffer. That changed me. I remembered the opportunities lost, the shared experiences we never had while she was still alive and the memories we'll never be able to create. That changed me, too, and the nature of my marriage, and probably how I will look at my children when I have them.

But I remembered the joy. The laughter and fun in the midst of pain and sadness. The silly names and Bojangles biscuits. That changed me too. It taught me that a single candle of hope can press against the darkness almost indefinitely. And that as long as it flickers, the darkness, the pain, the sadness can't win.

I needed that reminder, and I got it when they began singing this song. So here are the lyrics, because Rebecca would have given them to you:

I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you:

Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good

It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend:

Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a skybird
In a distant wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you:

I have been changed for good.

Thank you for reading, if there's anyone out there. And if there's not, that's ok. I know lots of us have been changed for the better by Rebecca. And she would have wanted our lives to be full and moving forward. Please keep her friend, Jenny, in your thoughts and prayers as her life moves forward on a new challenging path.

This is big sis, signing off.

Saturday, May 8, 2010 10:17 PM CDT

Well, here we are. It's Rebecca's 21st birthday today. Jeff and I have been blessed to have Vinson and Matthew home with us since yesterday to spend time with us remembering - laughing, crying, loving - her.

I played hookey from school yesterday and Jeff, Vinson and I took Matthew over to UNC Children's Hospital to give him a tour of the new Pediatric Hematology/Oncology Clinic. Each time I go I can't help but compare it to the old clinic. This new clinic is huge and has everything we ever talked about needing at the old one...more room, for one thing! Wow! The waiting room is bigger than the entire old clinic! And there are places to go and talk with the doctors without having to stand in the hallway (or a closet)to do it. What a blessing it is for all the children, doctors, nurses and staff to have this wonderful new facility. Rebecca was so very excited that it was going to be built. I know she is pleased with the way it has turned out and with the care and services that can be provided to her friends - old and new.

We saw Dr. Julie and Cindy and neither have changed a bit...how comforting that is.

Jeff and I were privileged to attend NRCA's Squire Awards last night and to have a part in presenting the Rebecca Josey Simpson Squire Award to a very deserving young man. There were two areas of NRCA that Rebecca was truly passionate about - the Choir/Ensemble and the Drama Departments. Those two departments gave her reason to get out of bed every morning and do the things she did to get to school. She wanted so badly to be a part of those programs and to be as normal as possible in doing so.

Today, on her 21st birthday (thank you Ben and Shannon for the birthday thoughts and wishes), the four of us spent the day together. We went to "buy Memmie Pop a Mother's Day gift," but ended up picking up my Mother's Day gift...gorgeous flowers and a sweet planter for my desk. Then we went to Andy's Pizza (best in Raleigh) for our usual meal that became a tradition when the girls were still in school here. Dropped by to visit Memmie Pop and then came home to get ready for the POPS! Concert at NRCA...Rebecca's and Vinson's very favorite concert of the year. So many beautiful highs tonight...and so many special memories of POPS! past. As has been the case all along, there were God things throughout the day and especially tonight. I doubt that anybody, including Ms. Baldwin, was aware that today was Rebecca's 21st birthday; yet, two beautiful songs were part of the program that have special meaning for the three of us and I doubt that I will ever hear them performed as well as I did tonight.

On a lighter note...Vinson is feeling her age!!! Tonight, one of the seniors sang "Think of Me" from Phantom of the Opera...truly an exquisite performance...the age feeling thing is that the senior singing tonight played the role of Greta, the youngest Von Trapp, in Sound of Music 10 years ago when Vinson performed the role of the Baroness. Rebecca braided Greta's hair every performance. Even this connection between the three of them is another God thing today.

There are days when I believe that I have made tremendous strides in dealing with my grief...the memories are bright and happy and my heart is full of more joy than ever. Then there are days that creep up on me where my heart is so heavy and the void is so huge, I cannot imagine it will ever feel joy again. Fortunately, the joy days are beginning to outnumber the void days. I miss her so...and regret for Vinson that she doesn't have her little sister here to coach through her Senior year of college and to share the joy of her marriage and new life with Matthew. That's part of a big sister's privilege and responsibility...it hurts my heart so.

I watched friends come back together tonight and wished so for Rebecca to be a part of the laughter and fun of the reunion. It was truly a joy to see her classmates there and see how much more beautiful and handsome they have grown through their college experiences. Just yesterday they were excited about graduating from high school but scared witless about going off to college. Now, they're looking at two more semesters and they're out, ready to face the world and take it on!

Each day I think of both my girls and how much I love them and what a blessing they have been in my life. I cannot imagine not having them. So, even with the pain of loss and emptiness, I still have the blessing of being Mother to two beautiful young ladies...I just have to wait a little longer to see one of them again.

Thank you, Father, for Your comfort and peace...

Emmaline

Tuesday, February 23, 2010 6:55 PM CST

Hi all. This is Big Sis.

It's been three years since Rebecca died, and I told Mom I would take care of updating the journal today. First,
we want to thank all of you for your thoughts, prayers, and continued support. Even after three years we still need you, if only to be reminded that Rebecca touched many more lives than just ours. So thank you for loving her, and for loving us.

And now I want to talk about chocolate chip cookies. I know, it's a little random, but I promise I'll come to a point.

So, what makes chocolate chip cookies so special? A little butter, some sugar and eggs, semisweet morsels and after some endless dough scooping you've got possibly one of the most beloved desserts of all time. Despite their simplicity I don't know of a single person who would turn one down. Why is that? People have better willpower when it comes to everything else, but they'll blow their dinner or diet or blood sugar for a chocolate chip cookie. I've given this question a lot of thought over the last three years.

My mom used to make us chocolate chip cookies, of course, but I have to be honest and say the best chocolate cookies I ever had were the ones Rebecca sent in my care packages while I was in college. Perfectly crisp edges, tender middles, and chips in all the right places. She tried to time them for midterms and finals and they helped me pull many all-nighters, but she also had a knack for just knowing when I was having a bad week.

After she died I realized that if I wanted chocolate chip cookies I would have to make them. This was a rude awakening on top of losing my kid sister and best friend. It was so frustrating, too, because no matter how many batches I made I couldn't get the cookies quite right. As an acknowledged perfectionist it drove me crazy!

I ultimately realized that they would never be "perfect Rebecca cookies" because every batch had a special ingredient - her love for me and the joy she took in sending me a special treat. So after three years I've stopped trying (we had stubbornness in common!) and instead just make a batch and enjoy "spending the time" mentally with my sister. My cookies might not be as good, but baking has become a way to create a tangible reminder of her love for me.

I made a batch of cookies last night, to ensure I would have that chance to connect with her before the grief set in today, and I have to say they taste a little more special than the other batches I've made. Perhaps a little part of Rebecca lives on in me, ready to provide the perfect cookie when life starts to unravel or the sadness is too much to bear on my own. That realization is pretty comforting.

This is Big Sis, signing off.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010 4:46 PM CST

Just want you to know that we will post a little later, so please check back in.

Thursday, December 10, 2009 3:28 PM CST

Hello all, this is Big Sis. It's been a while since I updated rather than Mom; I think she's mentioned how hard it is sometimes to think of what we want to share, or even what we can share.

So often the grief seems like a solitary endeavor, something to get through while burdening as few people as possible. Or something so private the very thought of sharing it with even one more person brings a feeling of terrifying vulnerability. It's very odd, this grieving process.

But it is, really, a process. After the initial shock, the time where I just couldn't get through a minute, much less a day, without thinking of what Rebecca may have said or done, when I thought I couldn't be more confused or lost, it changed. There are high points, where the rest of life takes over my day or week or month and I forget to remember that a part of me is missing. My job, housekeeping, the demands of my energetic lab and always starving husband ("can we have biscuits again?"), all keep my attention in the present.

But then the grief hits me again at the most unexpected moment. I'm listening to my iPod with the songs shuffling, and suddenly it's the Beautiful Day montage from the UNC Children's Promise Radiothon. There's Rebecca's voice, "I have...Acute Myelogenous Leukemia," and I realize I've forgotten how her voice sounded. Then I remember the years of fighting, the sickness and medicine, the periods of wellness, her ever-present faith that she would be better one day, and my ever-present hope that she was right. And inevitably I flash back to 9 pm on Friday 23 February 2007 when everything fell apart.

This process happens - has happened - with less frequency as time has passed, and the time it takes me to recover has decreased also. But the intensity of the hurt, the sharpness of the grief is the same every time.

That's all pretty depressing, except for two things:

1. I don't ever want to forget my sister, and I don't ever want to forget how much a part of me she is. The now-infrequent trips to that night are worth it to me, because despite the pain I also get to remember that I was able to be there (thank you C.G.) for one last special moment with my best friend.

2. Only the painful, surprising flashback memories have become infrequent. The moments where I feel Rebecca with me, sharing my happiness or joy, or adding her shimmer to a special moment, have become more frequent. In fact, I look forward to "big life moments" now, rather than dreading them, because I can feel her there. Without the contrast of the painful memories, I wouldn't be able to appreciate the shimmering, joyful moments of sensing her presence.

For instance, my wedding week. I looked forward to marrying Matt, but I also dreaded the festivities on another level. Would I end up dwelling on the fact that my wedding party was missing the person I had always counted on being with me that day? I wondered throughout the week whether I would simply cry the whole way down the aisle. As it turns out, I shouldn't have worried, because she was there the whole time.

Rebecca helped me fix my cousin Jennifer's hair - she always had a talent for that. And Rebecca nudged me to ask Matt's cousin Emma to fix my makeup - Rebecca would have done it had she been there, but Emma turned out to be very skilled with the face gloop, and she looked like she wanted to be a part of things. Rebecca was there when my mom's cousin Ann checked the dress, which she had altered beautifully, one last time, and Rebecca shimmered in the mirror as I stood still for Mom to afix the veil and haircomb. Rebecca was there to make Dad and me laugh instead of cry at the back of the church, and Rebecca was there to help my maid of honor, Matt's sister Sarah, hold up my ridiculously heavy bouquet for the duration of the ceremony. I didn't have to worry about missing my best friend because she was with me the whole day, sometimes just a giggle or voice in the back of my head, sometimes a shimmer in the corner of my eye. I knew I wasn't alone.

Something similar happened at Thanksgiving this year, when we had Matt's parents, Mom, Dad, and my Uncle Mike up for the holiday. If you know me, you know that I easily stress myself out over big events for which I feel entirely responsible. But I enjoyed every moment of the preparations and, despite a couple of frustrated "is the turkey thigh seriously still not cooked through??!!!!" moments the day was a blast. I remembered the decorations we made as kids when Mom would host Thanksgiving, the horrible Pilgrim-Indian plays we would make everyone watch after the meal, the inside jokes we had about different guests. I hadn't thought of those memories in years, but this year they all came back in a flood, and I just chuckled to myself. She was there again, to destress me just as she would have done when she was alive.

Yes, the grief is a process. A personal one that is sometimes difficult to share, but also a triumphant one in many ways. There are still bad days mixed in with the good, but I've realized my sister, my best friend, the better half of our dynamic duo, never really left. That makes all the difference.

This is Big Sis, signing off.

Sunday, September 20, 2009 2:26 PM CDT

Well, here we are! I'll not apologize for taking so long to update...we've contemplated shutting down the site, but still feel a need to be connected and to have a place to share. The sadness has not loosed its grip on the three of us, but our ability to manage our grief is better. That may be one of the reasons why we are reluctant to close the site down. First of all, it feels like a connection to Rebecca and secondly, we stll find ourselves needing the comforts and reassurance from our friends.

Vinson is thriving in her new married life! She and Matthew have a darling home in Falls Church, VA and are tackling making it their own. Jeff and I are so excited for her and pleased that she has found such a special young man. We've visited now twice and have enjoyed our time with them. We're going up in October to "work" in the backyard redoing the patio and working on the deck and flower beds...Matthew and Jeff have some really good ideas about what to do to maximize use and make it pretty. I look forward to seeing what becomes of it.

Jeff and I have been to the mountains for a week at Lake Lure...what a gorgeous place! Our dear friends, Paul and Lisa, invited us to go with them and share their timeshare. We had a great time doing whatever we wanted to do, with no schedule whatsoever. That's the way a vacation needs to be!!

We are so excited to tell you about the new Cancer Center at UNC Hospitals. They moved over from various locations in August and the Grand Opening/Dedication of the center was last week, Sept 15th. Jeff was able to go and observe the festivities. He had been over earlier in the month and gotten a tour of the Children's Clinic while he was there. This wonderful facility houses all of the different cancer programs as I understand it and the Children's Clinic has, as Jeff describes it, "a very, very, very large suite." While he was there, he was able to tour the clinic and see all the new things available. The best part, he says, is it enhances the staff's ability and desire to care for the patients and their families. They already have a reputation for phenomenal care...this just makes it easier to make it even better. The waiting room is open and friendly instead of being a hallway or a postage stamp size room. This has been accomplished in several ways including a separate TV area, an interactive hologram (which the kids and adults seemed to enjoy!), the examining rooms are open and comfortable instead of feeling like closets and Dr. Gold has chosen a neat selection of animal pictures for each room. A donor has made it possible to have cheerful ceiling tiles in the examining rooms similar to those on 5C in the Children's Hospital rooms. There are individual TV's in the rooms for patients who require long clinic visits so the children can watch DVD's. There are so many subtle, yet powerful, additions too numerous to mention. Two more that need to be mentioned are the soft drink dispensing machine in the snack room available to patients and their families, and one thing I noticed that hasn't changed - the smiles, friendliness and devotion of the staff. That did not change.

We make frequent visits to the clinic to drop in and say, "Hi!" One of Rebecca's favorite nurses, Stephanie, is pregnant with twin girls, so we try to check in and check out the "bump!" When we go, we try to take band-aids for the kids since they have to have so many for blood sticks. We try to get lots of different, fun band-aids so they'll have choices! My girls always thought the band-aid was part of making a boo-boo better!! So, we get Tattoo band-aids, and comic book character band-aids...whatever we find when we are at the grocery and when we have a stock pile, we take them over...it's our excuse to go back. If you run across some fun band-aids at a good price and want to get them for the kids at the clinic, I'll be glad to take them over. Just drop them by the house or school.

We still struggle daily with our grief. Some days are easier than others. They tell us this is normal. We went last Wednesday to New York City with the Senior Class at NRCA. Dr. Sherrill invited us to go as chaperones and we had a wonderful time, but it was also a sad time for both of us as NYC was one of Rebecca's favorite places. Everything we did brought back memories of our trips there with her. Her Make-A-Wish trip at Christmas and then her own Senior Class trip in 2006. We went to Phantom and we both cried as we remembered her joy at being there and experiencing the beauty of the music - her favorite. We also took in a NY Yankees ballgame in their new stadium and two days later a NY Mets game in their new stadium. What fun we had and what poignant memories.

I still miss her...we all do. We each cope with our grief and missing in different ways. The key is that we are coping and beginning to move forward. Vinson is probably moving forward the best and I'm so glad. She has a new adventure ahead of her and I'm pretty sure that Rebecca is right there with her watching her and enjoying with her all the excitement of her journey.

She's with us too, letting us know occasionally that she's okay and healthy and whole.

God is good.

Blessing to you all. I will be back in touch.
Emmaline

Monday, June 15, 2009 9:03 PM CDT

Hello, all. It's been a whirlwind month since Vinson's wedding and I'm just now getting to the point that I can update. Before I do, I need to let you know that pictures of Vinson's and Matthew's wedding are posted at http://threeoaksphotography.com; Weddings and Events, Weddings, Emmaline and Matt Eble. This should bring you directly to their wedding photos. They are awesome and beautiful and bring back many wonderful memories and emotions. The week-end was absolutely wonderful with time spent just Jeff, Vinson and me and Jeff, Vinson, Matt and me and all in between. Ben, Shannon, Isaiah, Josanne and Rebecca all came to be with us and to help celebrate this wonderful time. Josanne was a beautiful flowergirl and Isaiah and Rebecca were delightfully charming and entertaining. (I have to tell you that I am amazed at Ben and Shannon. They handle three children so well and are a great team! Shannon even had the family color coordinated for the entire weekend...can I tel you how disgusting that is to a mother of only 2 girls who NEVER had everyone coordinated?!!??) Shannon's mother, Ethel (or Nana as the case may be) came down to help out and we had a wonderful time continuing to develop that friendship as well. Vinson, Shannon, Josanne and I went to get pedicures and manicures...it tickled, didn't it Josanne?...and were totally pampered Friday afternoon. Owen, Rebecca's pastor was also there and completed the family picture. We had great family time Friday night with Matthew's family and then the rehearsal Saturday morning followed by a bridal luncheon at a really neat little restaurant on the waterfront on Isle of Palms...awesome food and we had a great time with the bride, bridesmaids, Grands and Moms and best friend Sarah Poulton from Hollins. It was much fun and great food! Spent the rest of the day resting in anticipation for a culinary delight at the rehearsal dinner. Dinner was ALL of Matthew's favorite foods - shrimp & grits, fried chicken, key lime pie and more...oh, my tummy was full!! (Besides the primary intent of the week-end - the wedding - our secondary goal was to fill Ben up with shrimp and barbecue! I think we succeeded because he had shrimp Thursday night, Friday night and Saturday night, and barbecue for lunch Friday, again on Saturday and at the wedding reception!) In addition, he experienced key lime pie at least twice that I know of! If he didn't gain a few pounds, it wasn't for lack of our trying!!

The wedding was simply beautiful and Vinson glowed and Matthew doted! Both pastors gave them beautiful words of wisdom and encouragement. My cousins hosted the reception for Vinson and Matthew at Kitty's (cousin) and Madison's (her husband) home on the water in Mt Pleasant. Everything about the reception was focused on family and traditions and we served foods that have been part of our family history. My cousin Calvin designed small cards for each traditional food served - Grandmother's rolls, Aunt Emmie's (my mother) cheesestraws, cookies - Aunt Ann's tea cakes, Kitty's lemon bars, etc. When we planned this wedding with Matthew and Vinson and they talked about what they wanted, Libby, Kitty and I all three said, "This sounds like you're wanting a family reunion with a wedding thrown in!" and their response was, "Exactly." Vinson wanted, more than anything, that this gathering be about family and the joy, love and sharing of family. We've not had a gathering that celebrated in such a way in quite a while and she wanted her wedding to be a lot of family fun. I think the best compliment she could have paid her daddy and me and all my cousins was when she told me that Jeff and I had given her exactly the wedding and reception that she had dreamed of. Enough said.

Enjoy the pictures and bask in the love that shines through. We are.

Thanks for your prayers as we've prepared for and experienced this wedding. It was a very emotional time for Jeff and me and Rebecca was sorely missed, yet I know that she was there with Vinson the entire way.

Much love to you all. Thanks for your prayers and for checking in.

Emmaline

Monday, May 8, 2009 6:45 AM CDT

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, REBECCA! WE LOVE YOU.

Monday, May 4, 2009 8:55 AM CDT

Good morning!! It's been a wild and wacky 2 and a half months since I last updated. During that time Jeff has hiked over 250 miles in NC, Virginia and Minnesota to raise money for the Leukemia-Lymphoma Society (over $7,000) and more importantly, to honor and remember the children we know who are fighting leukemia or have succumbed to its ravages. Obviously, he was walking to honor and remember Rebecca, but he was also remembering Folden and Sherilyn and honoring Gabe who is still in remission and living each day with joy and anticipation. (You can check on him through his web page. His CB link is at the bottom of this page.) He came back April 21st much slimmer (I'm envious!!) and rather scraggly, but with a new light in his eyes and a new focus and direction. Praise God from whom all blessings flow. He said there were many conversations along the way with God, with Rebecca, and with God and Rebecca together. Might have been interesting to be a fly on the backpack during some of those conversations!!

Since February I've been alone in the house with no one to be responsible to (except the dogs) for the first time in 30 years! What an adjustment that was for me. I wish I could say I had been productive and painted the house or washed the windows or something industrious, but I wasn't. That time was spent introspectively and prayerfully. I came out of this effort of Jeff's with a better understanding of where I am spiritually and emotionally and a new focus myself. I have made my own physical journey as well. When Jeff hiked the Outer Banks and Bald Head Island, he and I were invited by friends who have a home there to stay with them that week-end. They were so gracious - they hosted a drop-in for us on Sunday afternoon so that Jeff could share his journey with the folks who saw him hiking the island. Then, when he left for the Appalachian Trail hike, I went with him to Buchanan, Virginia to transport him and his equipment. A special friend of our family offered us lodging in their guesthouse and then transported Jeff to the beginning of his hike just south of Buchanan. As Jeff traversed his trails, I spent a lot of time praying for his safety and wellbeing - both physically and spiritually. He contacted me several times along the way...there are such good people in this world who are willing to lend a helping hand or a phone as the case may be - so many times, so many God things. I was able to go to Virginia to meet him and take him from Pearisburg to Damascus so that he could continue his planned trek on schedule. We stayed at a delightful bed and breakfast in Damascus - The Montgomery Homestead - and were able to worship together Sunday morning before he began the last leg of his AT journey. One of the unique things about Damascus is that the AT goes right through downtown Damascus(about 6 blocks long), so I can truthfully say that I hiked part of the AT with him - I walked through downtown Damascus with him. After my strenuous hike through Damascus (!!), I took Jeff to the beginning of the last leg of his journey and headed home. (Can I tell you that my journey home by car was probably just as challenging to me as Jeff's hike on the AT - the road from Shady Glen to Mountain City, TN is one curvy road and the side of the mountain goes down a LONG way!!) He was able to cover enough miles daily that he came home Good Friday and was with us for Easter when Vinson and Matthew came down for her wedding portrait and to go to Easter Service with us. What a blessed time we had. (God bless Bruce Mack who was eager to pick Jeff up in Banner Elk and bring him home!!)

The last part of Jeff's journey is Friday, May 8, Rebecca's birthday. He's going to walk Millbrook Exchange Park where he first realized that all was not well with Rebecca - they had been playing basketball together and she just had no energy - couldn't even walk to the car without stopping for breath. That will mark the end of Jeff's journey and the beginning of a new journey for us. Please pray for us as we continue to learn to live a life as a family of four minus one plus one (Matthew).

Plans for the wedding are coming together nicely...only 13 days! Whatever I've missed I've missed. It won't be the end of the world. We leave the 14th to go down and do all the last minute things. I'm looking forward to time with Vinson and Jeff as well as all the family.

in the middle of all of this as if nothing else is going on - the hike, the wedding, life in general - Herbie (Becca's little dog) decided to run off with his big brother Tal - they stayed gone about 30 minutes - and while gone, evidently ate some rat poisoning or an animal that had ingested rat poisoning. These last 2 weeks have been crazy with worry about a very sick little dog. Because we didn't know he had ingested poison, the veterinarian becan treating for a cold which, instead of getting better, got worse and worse. He ended up anemic, with no clotting factor in his blood, a mass of blood in his chest cavity, and barely able to breathe. He was a very sick puppy who ended up at the Veterinary Specialty Hospital in Cary for 48 hours. We brought him home on Saturday and he has continued to improve daily so that now he is meeting us at the door, barking at all the noises he hears (and some he doesn't), and just generally being Herbie. I'm not sure how I would have handled losing Herbie right now. So, once again, God is good.

I'll update again sooner than this update has been. Know that I count all of you as my special friends and encouragers. (There is a wonderful book titled BALCONY PEOPLE that talks about the importance of balcony people in our lives. The folks in the balcony at an event are there to encourage and uplift. We need to endeavor to be balcony people - you have become my balcony people!) I fully believe that there is no possible way that we could have survived these last 6 years without the prayer, love, support and encouragement of all of you - those we know and those we will never meet. God bless you all.

Emmaline

Monday, February 23, 2009 12:00 AM CST

Well, here we are two years to the day...it still hurts. Jeff still gets that empty look in his eyes, I still feel that empty hole that is Rebecca's place in my heart and Vinson still gets that Rebecca chest. It doesn't go away. And quite frankly, we probably don't want it to go away because as Vinson once told me about Granddaddy, "If the pain goes away, then the memories might too." Well, I know that the memories won't go away were the pain to go away, but the pain and the void are a connection to her that opens up those memories and brings them to mind. It's rather convoluted and someone said it so much better. Vinson's mother-in-law to be, Libby, sent her a quote from a funeral service she had been to that totally nailed it; however, I don't have it here on my laptop to share with you...another time.

I've wanted to share with you Vinson's thoughts back 2 years ago. She opened her heart here and I didn't leave it up on the site very long before I updated. I feel that I may have cheated some of you from her words of love and thoughts about Rebecca, so I'm reposting:

Monday, April 23, 2007 2:16 PM CDT

Hi y'all. This is Big Sis again... It may be long again, but no sermonette this time...

Two months ago today Rebecca died. I was there, in the room, holding her hand and calling her name. I stayed with her until they removed her body. I watched them put her ashes in a little niche above my granddaddy. And I gave the family's remarks at her memorial service. I know she's gone. It was forever ago, and it was yesterday. But I know she's gone.

And yet, I pick up the phone to dial her cell phone number. She was so excited to get her own cell phone. Not that she was ever anywhere without one or both of my parents. But having a cell phone was such a normal teenaged thing. She was just so thrilled. So I start to speed dial her number and then I realize that no one will answer, because she's not there. And yet I can't bring myself to remove her from my speed dial. Maybe, just maybe, one day she'll answer. But she's gone.

My best friend, the one person I told all of my "big news" to, isn't here to hear me anymore. I had a huge first in my life this week (personal, so you're not getting any details!) and I wanted to tell her. I wanted to tell her so badly. I could barely keep it inside, but I had to tell her first. I called home, just waiting for her to answer the phone. And then my mom answered and I remembered: Rebecca's not here anymore. She can't jump up and down with me over this news, she can't make a characteristically sarcastic but loving remark, she can't glance at me out of the corner of her eye with that "aren't we the greatest secret keepers ever" smirk when I go home for POPs in May. Because she's gone.

How do I "do" the rest of life as Big Sis without a little sister? There's no quiet voice calling me Intha (started 4 years ago when she felt so bad with her first round of chemo) as we whisper secrets at 1:00 am. There's no one to do our special good-night ritual with. There's no one left who knows our inside jokes, who completely understands why I burst randomly into giggles and who then joins with gales of laughter moments later. There's no one left to protect, to confide in, to teach, to listen to, to guide, to be proud of, to pick on, to share big moments with. How do I remember what she would have said or done when the next "first" comes up in my life? How can I step off the cliffs of the big moments in life without her here to step off with me?

I know she's gone. It's just that I was so used to her being here that sometimes it's like she still should be a phone call away. And sometimes it's as if her dying and everything after it has been a very realistic play. Like the Beth-dying scene in Little Women. Agonizing to watch, but the actress gets up and walks off the stage in the end, to be seen again at the curtain call, very much alive. Maybe it is sort of like a horribly real play, now that I think about it. She's just waiting backstage to come out for the curtain call. Then I'll get to hold her hand again, and say her name, and maybe she'll give me one of those secret sister smirks. It just seems like the remaining scenes are stretching out too long, and that they are too crucial for her not to have a starring role. And in a real play, I would get to see her during scene changes.

This is Big Sis, signing off...

Quite frankly, she summed it all up two years ago and nothing much has changed. We still look for Becca and listen for her voice...it's just a long time between scene changes and curtain calls.

Emmaline

PS: On a much happier ,more positive note: everything is going very well toward the big day in May. Vinson is coming home this week-end for her final dress fitting. I've made her veil...hope she likes it and she and Matthew are going to order their rings. I've found my dress and am now agonizing with Libby about finding hers. It's out there, I know, and she'll find it when the time is right. Church is taken care of, flowers ordered, cake decided on, tuxes selected, bridesmaids gowns delivered, photographer on board, reception under control thanks to my cousins, rehearsal dinner plans underway, bridal luncheon planned, invitations addressed (except for a few addresses I don't have), hotel rooms reserved...is there anything else? I'm sure there is and it will pop up when necessary.

Went to DC early February to spend a week-end with V. Had a wonderful time shopping for going away outfit and considering possibilities for bridesmaids gifts...still don't know about that. It was great to be with her.

Jeff has his plans for his hike well under control. He has been on 2 shakedown hikes and plans one more before he leaves for the Outer Banks in March. Please pray for him on this tremendous undertaking...pray for his success physically, but even more pray for his spiritual and emotional healing as he undertakes this tribute to Rebecca and to those others who have impacted us along the way. You can read about his hike and his goals on his website that I've noted below.

I cannot begin to tell you what it means to have the love, support and encouragement of so many. Your prayers and loving thoughts and words of encouragement have done much to lift our hearts so many times. Thank you so much for caring.

Love,
Emmaline

Friday, January 9, 2009

Had hand surgery...carpal tunnel...will update when two-handed again!!...Christmas was wonderful and poignantly sweet...E

Tuesday, December 9, 2008 9:42 PM CST

Hello, everyone! I'm finally updating...been avoiding it because I'm so very jumbled up inside. There is much joy in our lives and still much sadness. The sadness is, as always, the emptiness felt when someone who has been an integral part of your life and family is no longer there. The joy is that of seeing your beautiful daughter so happy, finding her way in the life she has planned for herself and worked so hard to achieve and so very much in love and joyfully planning her special day just the way she wants it. There is the joy in sharing Thanksgiving with Jeff and my mother who we thought couldn't possibly be with us this Thanksgiving and, miracle of miracles, she is still here alive and kickin'. Her doctors are thrilled with her and all take credit for her wonderful recovery and all refuse to change anything that she's doing. We believe a lot has to do with living where she can be interactive with others and also receive the attention she needs care wise. What a blessing when my sister-in-law found this assisted living facility!

We're well into the throes of wedding plans. V has really gotten us all very organized and on task. There is very little left to do...cake needs to be finalized, invitations need to be ordered, florist needs to be finalized and dress and veil need to be finished. I have a wonderful cousin who is a whiz at anything regarding sewing and she has taken over the alterations of my dress for V so I know that it will be done properly and on time! We're going to make the veil in January and should have everything all together by February. The wedding is going to be held at Sullivan's Island, SC in Sunrise Presbyterian Church there. It is a beautiful little church and will really suit V and Matthew. She has registered at all the places she thinks she needs - Williams-Sonoma, Target, JC Penny and will register a few things at Belk's. I'm so proud of how she has pulled all of this together so well and with very little angst.

Thanksgiving was a very quiet time for Jeff and me. V wasn't sure she could get the Friday off, so she and Matthew had Thanksgiving Dinner in Arlington and Jeff and I had Mother over for dinner here. We then went to Asheville, NC to attend a friend's farewell concert (David LaMotte) as he is retiring from tour to go to graduate school and enjoy his new son. What a delightful concert and what special memories came back! V and Rebecca really loved David's music and grew up with him as his music matured. As I sat and listened to him sing some of his earlier songs, I had wonderful, happy memories popping in my head of the girls sitting at his feet, captivated by his music, dancing joyfully to his songs, singing along with him...they were beautiful, happy memories...what a blessing to have that time and those memories.

Jeff and I have become quite the travelers...

We came home from Asheville, worked the week and then left Friday afternoon late to drive to Colonial Williamsburg to spend the week-end there with our friends, Paul and Lisa, touring CW and enjoying the Grand Illuminations on Sunday evening (along with about 30K other people!!). It was so much fun and a wonderful serendipity came of it...was talking with V on Friday afternoon, telling her what we were doing and spur of the moment said, "Why don't you come down and stay with us?" Matt was working on a paper and Anna was studying for a class she is taking for her work, so V was really at loose ends. She said, "Maybe..." Well, about 8:30 I get a call, "I'm leaving now..." Jeff and I were so thrilled that she met us and spent time with the 4 of us there. We had a delightful time eating, touring, eating, walking, eating, shopping...did I mention eating?...Anyway, we were thrilled to be with V and to have the time with our friends in one of our favorite places.

This week-end, we're staying home...V and Matthew are coming down Friday night for V to have a fitting Saturday a.m., go to the jeweler, go see Theatre in the Park's Christmas Carol and then to NRCA's Choir Christmas Concert. It's going to be a full week-end, but we're once again, so looking forward to them being here.

School is out for Christmas a week from Friday and Matthew and V are once again coming on the 22nd for us to do some wedding stuff and then the four of us will leave on the 23rd to go to Mt Pleasant, SC to spend Christmas with Matthew's family. They have graciously invited us to be a part of their Christmas this year. We're really looking forward to spending time with them and growing to know them better.

So, we've got a lot of happy stuff happening!

Jeff is in the middle of planning and preparing for his Hike for Hope (see link below) which will begin March 11, 2009. He's going to be hiking 250 miles in honor of Rebecca and all the children we met through her journey and all of the children we don't know who are fighting for their lives. He is working hard to raise $20,000 dollars for the Leukemia-Lymphoma Society to aid their research efforts to find a cure. This hike, though, is more than just a hike to raise money. I think it has become something that Jeff has been able to focus on to bring direction and purpose to his life and, perhaps, to seek some closure - as much as is possible in a situation like this. I'm so proud of him for pursuing his goals so diligently. Everything is coming together and we have begun to see donations on the website and to receive some in the mail. God is good.

I struggle daily with missing Rebecca...she was there in my day everyday...sometimes, I look up and expect her to scoot through my office door with some new plan for what she is going to do after school with Maggie or Jennie or Shea...I miss having her call me and her daddy to tell us about what's going on at Meredith, how her classes are going, what exams are coming up, which ones she's worried about...basically, I miss everything that should have been going on and isn't.

I pray daily that I will not put Vinson in the position of having to try to be everything she is PLUS everything Rebecca was to us...she is one person, Vinson, not Vinson/Rebecca. I don't want her to think that she isn't enough. She is such a bright light in my life and she is totally enough. I worry about her thinking we don't see her as herself...I think people still ask her how we're doing and tend to forget that she has suffered just as horrific a loss as we have...I don't want her to be strong for us and be there for us...that shouldn't be her job...have I leaned on her too much? Have I made her feel as if I need her to be more...she was cheated of so much of her life in those 4 years Rebecca was sick...can I ever make up to her the time that we lost as Mother and daughter? Can Jeff and she ever make up their lost time as Father and Daughter?

Christmas is coming...it will be our second one without Rebecca. Vinson is feeling the loss of her stairstep buddy, we're feeling the loss of seeing our two angels laughing and giggling and loving. This will be a Christmas of new beginnings, new memories, new relationships, a time for Vinson, Jeff and me to become Vinson, Matthew, Jeff and me and I can't help but think...no, I know that Rebecca is watching it all and saying, "Yes!!"

Blessings to you all and Merry Christmas
Emmaline

Sunday, September 28, 2008 7:19 PM CDT

Hello, all. As you can imagine, a lot has been going on since my last update. We're in the throes of wedding plans...guest lists, dresses, flowers, cakes, invitations. You name, it; we've talked about it! V is coming home in 2 weeks to do the bridesmaid dress thing and further alterations on her dress. She's planning to wear my dress which my grandmother made for my mother 60 years ago. It's been worn by four brides so far. V will make the fifth and all the marriages have "taken!" So, she'll be in good company!! The wedding is planned for May 17, 2009 and will be held at Sunrise Presbyterian Church on Sullivan's Island, SC outside of Charleston. It's a beautiful setting and will be a wonderful start of happy times and happy memories for V and Matthew. She deserves it.

V, Jeff and I struggle each time we are together and talking about this wedding with the fact that Rebecca isn't here to be a part of everything and to be there with V on her day. But, we do know that she is with us in spirit and that she's up there in heaven talking with Granddaddy about everything that's going on down here and what she thinks we ought to be doing!! (I told V the week-end she got engaged that if Rebecca had been here, the wedding would have been totally planned before she and Matthew left to go back to DC!!)

I wanted to share with you part of a devotion I ran across several months ago. It reminded me of Rebecca and many of the children we encountered on her journey. It's from the Proverbs 31 Daily Devotion from several months ago. (I'm sorry, I don't remember who wrote the devotion.)

“Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.”

Matthew 10:30 (NIV)

Devotion:

Have you ever been around a person who displays real Jesus joy? This person is hard to miss. A person with real Jesus joy has a peace in the midst of turbulent storms, hope in seemingly hopeless situations, and can smile through tears of personal trials. This person can be overwhelmingly intimidating or incredibly inspiring to be around. One thing is for sure, this person has discovered the secret. The secret to real Jesus joy is tucked in the heart of today's key verse. The secret to real joy is losing your life for the sake of Christ.

Rebecca, and so many other children that we knew, had that Jesus joy. They found that peace and joy that comes from a source totally outside of themselves and the hospital. They looked to the doctors and nurses for help, but Someone else - I choose to believe that it's Jesus - was their source of peace and comfort. What a joy to see and experience their Jesus joy. Rebecca knew, beyond any doubt, that Jesus was with her and would be her strength and comfort. She wasn't perfect. She was a normal teenager with all that goes with being a teenager on top of being terminally ill. She did however, have a sweetness of spirit and a joy and conviction that radiated from her. There is no other way to describe how she dealt with her day to day struggles than to say she had given her life to Him and trusted Him to take care of her.

Thanks for checking in and for reading my ramblings. We're okay...one day at a time with many days that grief overwhelms and the hole in my heart seems bigger than ever.

Love to you all,
Emmaline

PS: Please pray for Folden's mom, Lori, and her family as she deals with her diagnosis and treatment of breast cancer. She is a phenomenal woman...strong and faithful.

e

Tuesday, August 12, 2008 8:42 PM CDT

!!!!NEWS FLASH!!!!

Jeffrey and I are pleased and excited to announce the engagement of our daughter, Emmaline Vinson Simpson, to Mr. Matthew Eble, of Arlington, VA. The wedding is planned for May 2009. We'll keep you posted!!

J&E


Thursday, Jul 24, 2008 10:29 AM CDT


Good morning! Well, as you can see from this date and the date of my earlier entry, I misspoke when I said I would update later this week...it's later all right, 6 weeks later! I wanted to share a devotion with you that I had received and will still do so, but can't today because I don't have it here at home.

I've been on vacation for 2 weeks returned to work for a week and now have been on vacation for this week and will be off next week. Will return to school August 4 to begin the next school year...WOW!

This has been a sweet time since I updated last...I had the privilege of spending a week-end with all of my female first cousins and cousins-in-law. The week-end was ostensibly for all of us to learn how to quilt...had an awesome instructor, Priscilla Hare, from SC who gave us beginning quilting lessons...but truly it was a time that all of us came together for the first time in I don't remember when to be family again. We've done the Christmas thing and the wedding thing and all that where everyone is there, but never just us girls. It was such a blessed time of reconnecting and sharing and loving.

I've spent time with my mom going through things at her house, deciding what to keep and what was unnecessary. It was a painful time in many ways...so many memories, but such a blessing to have that time with Mother. The house is now empty of personal effects and on the market...know anyone who wants a house inside the beltline??

My cousin's daughter participated in a craft show in Reston, VA 2 weeks ago and her dad and Jeff and I flew up to join her and my cousin and to "drop in" on Vinson and Matt and Anna for the week-end. Since it was Jim's private plane, we took Herbie with and surprised them. What a hoot to see Herbie and Tal together! We enjoyed our time with V and miss her terribly. She is doing very well in Arlington - gainfully employed (Yay!!) and managing her life very well.

We ran over to the clinic at UNC to check in with everyone and take some band-aids. The children do love the cartoon tattoo band-aids...seems that Hannah Montana and one other (I can't remember which) are the two in most demand. We are constantly looking at Wal-mart and other stores at the Nexcare band-aids for their tattoo bandaids and when we get several boxes, we have an excuse to drive over. The Children's Cancer Center is out of the ground with windows and exterior covering on it and they are projecting occupancy September '09. It's a beautiful building. The sad part is that it will be so fully used as soon as it's occupied.

Jeff and I have been to the beach and taken long walks sharing and crying. We struggle daily with our grief and the emptiness that never ends. We're working hard to move through our journey as together as we can, accepting that we each move at a different pace and in a different way. This grief journey is the most difficult journey I have ever taken...no loss - my father, my aunt, my uncles, my father-in-law, my mother-in-law - comes close to this. Only losing Vinson or Jeff could equal or surpass it.

Jeff is gone this week on the Appalachia Service Project with our youth from Wake Forest Presbyterian Church - 29 teens and 11 adults. He called the other afternoon and said that he and the youth minister had been "Mom and Dad" to the staff kids (college students who are without their parents for 10 weeks) the night before. I believe he treated them all to ice cream and Janet provided Oreos and Chips Ahoy...every teenager's dreams!! I think it's been a good experience for him. He is continuing to prepare for his hike for the Leukemian Lymphoma Society - "Hike for Hope." I'm trying to find out myself how to get information from them online about donating to his effort...Jeff can't tell me how since he's such an afficionado of computers and online sites!!!:-) (See below) He's beginning the process of seeking sponsors of his hike as well as supporters who will donate to LLS. He has set a goal of $20,000. The hike will begin March 11, 2009 which is the date of Rebecca's diagnosis and will end on or around her birthday May 8, 2009. It will cover the Outer Banks of NC, the mountains of VA and NC and the trails of the Northern Shore of Minnesota and finally Chapel Hill and Raleigh. The hike is over 200 miles and is in honor of Rebecca and those children like her who are fighting for their lives. LLS is a wonderful organization that is vigorously researching for cures for blood cancers. They are a tremendous asset to those people whose lives are impacted by blood cancers.

Our granddaughter, Rebecca Mae, was baptised last Sunday and they sent some of the most precious pictures of her and Isaiah and Josanne. As soon as I can figure out how to do it, I'll put the pics on the photo album! They even had turtles present with Rebecca.

Well, I'm signing off but I'd like to share a prayer with you that my cousin shared with me. It was used at a funeral service for her friend's mother:

"Here and now, dear friends, we are God's children. What we shall be is not yet revealed; but we know this, that we can trust God with our today and with our tomorrows, with all the certainties in our lives and with all the questions as well. God shares our greatest joys and feels our deepest sorrows. Those who have this faith live with courage and strength."

Amen,
Emmaline

Monday, June 2, 2008 10:10 PM CDT

Really quick...check out the new photos in the photo gallery...you'll get some of the first pics of our new granddaughter and our grandson, Isaiah, and our granddaughter, Josanne. We have beautiful grandchildren!!

I'll update later this week...I've had something really strong on my heart I'd like to share with you.

Emmaline
Monday, May 5, 2008 2:00 PM CDT

NEWS FLASH!!

A reason to rejoice!

A quick update here to let you know that Jeff, Vinson and I are the proud "somethings" of a new baby girl!

REBECCA MAE TEMPEL
Weight: 8 lb 2 oz
Length: 19 1/2 inches

What a special privilege and honor that Ben and Shannon chose to name their new little one after our Rebecca. The blessings of that relationship continue.

Please hold them in your prayers as they bring our (their) new little one home to a loving brother and sister and grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. She is part of a very special family.

Emmaline

Wednesday, April 23, 2008 8:14 PM CDT

Hello! I've just been sitting here thinking about what I would like to write on this journal. Today, I was talking with a dear friend and wondering why God had to take Rebecca home so soon. He gave her to us to raise for Him, to teach her to love Him and His Son. It seems reasonable to think that He could have left her with us a bit longer!! I miss her so very much and can't always find a way through all the pain. The oddest things bring tears to my eyes...we were hanging pictures the other day and the framed copy of Rebecca's music from choir, the Lutkin Benediction - The Lord Bless You and Keep You - had me sobbing...a piece of music, I tell you! Go figure. Then, we hung her turtle puzzle back up in her bathroom and there I went again. I seem to keep what Vinson calls a "Rebecca chest." It's tight and heavy...it hurts.

NRCA performed Beauty and the Beast these past 2 week-ends. Jeff, Vinson and I went and took my mother and cousins to the last performance. It was awesome and I was so very proud of all the performers. They were inspired to say the least. It was a bittersweet time for Jeff and me as we couldn't help but wish that Rebecca could be there. She would have been so proud (and ticked that Green chose Beast for the year AFTER her class graduated!!). A dear lady, a mom at school, stopped and told me that a special young lady had pulled back the clouds of heaven and was watching that night...I think she was right. What was really cool was that Zack Cox, who played Lumiere, was Kurt in the school's first musical production, The Sound of Music, in which Vinson played the Baroness. She was sooooo proud of Zack and couldn't wait to find him and tell him so! He remembered her and they spent a few minutes catching up.

The choir's POPS concert is May 3 at 7:00 p.m. I would encourage anyone to attend. It's always a great musical experience and a lot of fun. Tickets are usually $5 and can be purchased ahead of time or at the door. POPS was always Vinson's and Rebecca's favorite concert.

There's a verse in Nehemiah 8 "...Do not grieve. The joy of the Lord is your strength." (vs.10) I do find strength in Him and many days my only joy is my joy in Him. Thank Him, that I can find that joy.

Sorry to be so choppy...you got my thoughts as they came to me.

Jeff and I are going to the beach this week-end...a gift from a friend of their house for the week-end. What serendipities the Lord sends our way! Who knew when I met her that these many years later, she would be ministering to me through her beach home, providing respite for hurting hearts. What a blessing she is to me.

Blessings to you all

Emmaline
Nehemiah 8:10

Sunday, March 23, 2008 8:34 PM CDT

It's Easter! He is risen! He is risen indeed! Our Lord is victorious over death! Praise His Holy Name.

This has been a most poignant Easter for me. Once again, I participated in our church's Good Friday service, and once again, felt the anguish and pain of His sacrifice. This morning, Jeff and I worshiped, rejoicing in His resurrection, His victory over death and His promise to us of life with Him if we ask Him into our hearts and turn our lives over to Him. It seems so very significant to me that today, the 23rd, the one year and one month anniversary of Rebecca's resurrection to Heaven, is the celebration of our Lord Jesus Christ's resurrection.

My dad's next younger brother, Francis, died Friday (Good Friday) and as I visited with my aunt today, I couldn't help but think about him being in heaven with my daddy and Uncle Luke and Rebecca. Now Daddy, Uncle Luke and Uncle Francis would, as usual, be arguing about something they really all three agree on but just have to argue about and Rebecca is either right there with them arguing too or is rolling her eyes, saying, "Granddaddy!!" How awesome is it that she is there with all those I love celebrating with all of Heaven Christ's victory over death?

I miss her terribly, probably more this year than this time last year as I was so numb last year. I'm cheating somewhat and going back 2 years to what Rebecca wrote that Easter. I'd like to share it with you. Her faith was so strong and true and her words, so simple but so profound. Thank you for letting me share and for letting me ramble so.

Much love to you all. Your prayers and encouragement are so appreciated and strongly felt.

SATURDAY, MARCH 26, 2005 11:05 PM CST

"Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand." (Isaiah 41:10)

"I, the Lord, have called You in righteousness, And will hold Your hand; I will keep You and give You as a covenant to the people, As a light to the Gentiles, To open blind eyes, To bring out prisoners from the prison, Those who sit in darkness from the prison house..." (Isaiah 42: 6-7)

"I will bring the blind by a way they did not know; I will lead them in paths they have not known. I will make darkness light before them, and crooked places straight. These things I will do for them, and not forsake them." (Isaiah 42: 16)

"But now, thus says the Lord, who created you, O Jacob, And He who formed you, O Israel: I have called YOU by your name; You are Mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, Nor shall the flame scorch you. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior...Since you were precious in My sight, You have been honored, and I have loved you; Therefore I will give men for you, and people for your life. Fear not, for I am with you." (Isaiah 43:1-5a)

"And now the Lord says, Who formed Me from the womb to be His Servant, To bring Jacob back to Him, So that Israel is gathered to Him (For I shall be glorious in the eyes of the Lord, And My God shall be My strength), Indeed He says, 'It is too small a thing that You should be My Servant to raise up the tribes of Jacob, And to restore the preserved ones of Israel, I will also give You as a light to the Gentiles, That You should be My salvation to the ends of the earth. (Isaiah 49:5-6)

"But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; The chastisement for our peace was upon Him, and BY HIS STRIPES WE ARE HEALED." (Isaiah 53:5)

So many verses...all within about 10 chapters of each other, each prophesying in some form or another the death and resurrection of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, that gave us victory over sin, disease, sickness, and death. How amazing is that? WOW...just for us. And, the cool part is, if it were just me...only me...He promised me that He would do it all anyway...just one- He would leave all the rest to go after the one that wandered away. And I know I've done that more times than anyone can count...but you know what? He doesn't remember those times because He took care of them over 2000 years ago, and they are gone...and with them went all the consequences- all my pain, sickness, DISEASES, death. When He said, "It is finished," He meant, "It is finished." "...By His stripes we ARE healed." Praise God!

There isn't really much else to say, so I'm gonna go. This will be my first Easter spent at home in 2 years. Last year we were in Roanoke with Vinson, and the year before I was in the hospital and honestly don't remember anything as I was way high on drugs! So I'm excited to be home. I hope you all have a wonderful time with your families doing what you do on Easter with them and celebrating the victory we have through Christ's death and resurrection. Never forget...

Love><>Me

P>S> Allow me to leave you with this lovely line from a song...It's from the "Believe" from "The Polar Express" (sung by Josh Groban), but I think it's kinda like God saying it to me and you...
"You have everything you need...If you just believe." And I wonder how much more it could apply if we change it to "I've given you evertything you need...If you just believe in Me." I don't know...maybe it's just me...

Tuesday, March 11, 2008 10:12 PM CDT

Mom here...it's been exactly five years to the day that Rebecca was diagnosed with AML and right now, at this time, Jeff and I were trying to get the three of us settled into the hospital room (5C05 - next to the Princess Suite), struggling to be matter of fact about everything and to keep it all "together." I think we were abject failures at that, but we liked to think we were doing okay. Who could ever have foreseen the twists and turns in the journey we were embarking on? There would be days of tears and anger (Mom and Dad, not Rebecca), days of laughter and philosophical "coping," days of tears of joy, days of tears of pain, anxiety, fear for her life, long, vigilant nights watching over our baby girl talking to God, asking Him to let us have her here; He had plenty of wonderful saints with Him already (I so relate to that beautiful song, "Streets of Heaven," that WQDR used for Rebecca's montage at the Children's Promise Radiothon), praying her through many crises; learning to look at the doctor's face and in her/his eyes for the truth, not necessarily what was being said...days, weeks, months, years of faith, trust, hope, love, joy...and sorrowful acceptance of a life (lives) changed irrevocably. Once you hear a diagnosis like AML, nothing is ever the same. I would never have wished for Rebecca to have to live the life she led these last five years, but I cannot help but be proud of that life she led. She told me, many, many times, "God is in control, Mom. It will be okay." And He was and is and it was and is. I do know that Rebecca prayed for the spiritual health of her class that year and that she asked God, if it was His will, to use her in whatever way He would to effect change in that class's spiritual life. Not unbiased, I know, but I do believe that she was a mighty tool in His hands. Her classmates never cease to amaze me in their spiritual maturity and love for each other.

I subscribe to devotions from the Purpose Driven Life and just recently received a devotion based on John 9:1-3, about the blind man that Jesus healed using His saliva and mud. The disciples asked "Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?" Jesus answered, "Neither this man nor his parents sinned, but this happened that the work of God might be displayed in his life." (NIV)

Jeff and I did wonder, as did Vinson, if we did something so bad that God was punishing us through Rebecca's illness. Our heads knew that it was not so, but our hearts couldn't quite wrap around it. Jesus tells us that it is not so. God takes the work of Satan - illness, death, destruction - and uses it to display His work in our lives. Jesus also told the disciples that we must continue to do God's work, as long as it is day, that Night is coming when no one can work. Rebecca, that night five years ago, prayed that God would heal her, but more importantly, that He would use her to glorify Him in everything that she said and did. I believe He used her mightily.

The pain is still excruciating. I still look for her around the corner at school, expecting to hear the whine of her scooter at maximum velocity! I walk into her room expecting Shea to be curled up on the bed with her and Maggie to be doing something with Rebecca's hair and make-up, the three of them talking a mile a minute. The void is still there...Jeff, Vinson and I don't expect it to ever be filled - she was too much a part of our lives for that gap to be filled. However, I do believe that God used her mightily to display His work. To Him be the glory.

Thank you for your prayers and support. There is not a day that goes by that we don't feel your prayers and know that you all are loving us and caring about us.

Blessings,
Emmaline
1 Cor 15:55-57

Saturday, February 23, 2008 11:11 AM CST

Hello, this is Dad, Vinson & Mom. It's that day and none of us, as you could tell from Vinson's earlier posting, can believe that it really happened. Everything about that day, and this last year, seems to be a dream. We should be able to walk into her room at home and see her, or call her on her phone :-) at Meredith and talk to her about mid-terms and almost being a college sophomore. So, when we head toward her room - and find it empty - or pick up the phone to speed dial her - and realize there's no one at the other end, then reality is there staring us in the face bringing wrenching pain to our chests. Vinson calls it a "Rebecca chest." We hurt, yet we also rejoice that Becca is no longer in such excruciating pain and is totally healed - dancing and singing with Granddaddy. "They" tell us that "it" won't always hurt this much. "They're" the experts, but what do they know??

For me, mom, this entire year has been a year of firsts - first day without her, first day back at school without her, first Easter, first birthday, first..... This month has been a month of "lasts" - last birthday party she attended, last clinic visit, last time she was at school... Quite frankly, I would tell you it all sucks! However, I do rest in the knowledge and comfort of my Father's arms. Peace will come.

Dad here...this moment a year ago changed my life forever. Among other things, I found it challenging to live with only two-thirds of my heart intact. I have reflected on those last few hours and moments more times than I can count and along with all of the other "life's lessons," I have also come to one other conclusion: the night Rebecca died, Emmaline, Vinson, and I were doing what we had covenanted with Rebecca to do and that is to believe with her in her Lazarus miracle. Some people might even suggest that it didn't occur. I think differently. Since March 11, 2003, and even up until today - literally - there have been so many miracles that have been such a part of this journey. Miracles that include the nurses that cared for her, doctors that treated her, friends that supported and encouraged her, both friends and strangers who loved and supported our family in so many unselfish ways...even the generosity of a total stranger in another state who, with his family, added years to Rebecca's, and her family's, life. These many miracles and more don't even begin to touch the ones that begin with the very fact that in spite of my many transgressions, the Lord poured so much grace into my life and over my transgressions that He gave me such a wonderful wife and two extraordinary daughters. It's this daddy's answer to prayer that Vinson and Rebecca were so close and that Vinson was able to be with Rebecca in her last moments. In my wildest dreams, I could never have planned any of this. God still performs miracles, maybe not the ones we want or even expect, but He's very good and generous with the ones we need. My prayer is that my eyes and ears will be opened even more as I go on so that I can see and hear the ones in store for me and my family (and you) and that my hands, feet, and heart will be willing to follow Him and give Him the glory and honor.

Rebecca's not home - not at Cathedral Bell, but she is Home. She can be reached with your thoughts, concerns, joys, and miscellaneous conversation on knee-mail. All the messages are forwarded to her.

Daddy misses you. Love, Daddy

This is Vinson now. I'm not going to add much, since I let it all hang out last month. But we thought that y'all might like to read Rebecca's last message to us. We've posted her college application essay below, and if you have a few moments we hope you'll take the time to read it. The essence of who Rebecca was and what she believed is evident in this last major "sermon." Maybe this is why she ended up touching so many people's lives.

**********

Imagine something for me? Today is the next to last day of your life, and you know it. Two days from now you will no longer be in your earthly body. What do you want to do? Where do you want to go? What are your goals and dreams for the next two days? What is your ambition?

Sometimes ambitions make up so much of whom a person is that they are actually labeled as ambitious. But we all have our own individual ambitions. Ambition – our goals and the drive to reach those goals – inspires the majority of the population for their whole lives. There are those with ambitions of success and glory, of achievements and discoveries, or money, power, and fame. There are those who would wish only to be smart or funny or kind. My only ambition is to live.

Those who know me know that I have leukemia. I was diagnosed almost four years ago on March 11, 2003. About nine months after diagnosis, I received a bone marrow transplant. Ever since then, really ever since the diagnosis, my life has consisted primarily of doctors, tests, appointments, more doctors, and more tests. Please do not misunderstand me; it is all worth it to be alive and have a future; but, tell me honestly, if it were you, would you want to spend the majority of high school in hospitals? Having leukemia during high school meant no football or basketball games; it has meant missed holidays with some spent in a hospital, few parties, and little time with friends outside of the confines of medical restrictions. But I have managed.

Needless to say, having leukemia has changed my life. Now, leukemia threatens not only my life, but my future as well, limiting my possibilities for colleges, majors, and careers. Things most people would consider normal to do, or to have, or to be, have been taken away from me. Opportunities I once dreamed of or even just considered are gone. I once thought of serving my country in some way – now, the armed forces could never take me. I once dreamed of having a family – now, my chances of having children are greatly reduced. As a young child, I even thought of being a fire fighter, a crime fighter, or astronaut – really just juvenile fantasies – but would it not have been nice to at least have the option? Now, these opportunities are gone, but in their place is a stronger ambition – my one ambition to live.

You might be thinking, “You are living.” Do you mean, “I am standing; I am breathing; I have a heartbeat?” Yes, but what do you mean by truly living? Living is about dreaming and chasing the dreams you have dreamed; looking for more yet being content with God’s blessings. Living is about singing and dancing and making music no matter if it is raining outside or if the sun is shining brilliantly. As Henry David Thoreau said, “…I wished to live deliberately to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived.” I do not wish to reach the end of my life and upon reflection realize that I never really lived.

Living, you see, is not about breathing, standing, or even having a heartbeat. Living is about learning from life, about seeking and finding, about influencing others and letting them teach you. It is about listening for and finding the music in things even when it is so soft no one else can hear it. I most definitely have dreams, several actually! And I could sit here and prattle on to you about my dreams of going to Broadway, being a star, of traveling, and of helping children with my large foster home; but for me, at the heart of my dreams lies my one ambition: to live, to live life to the fullest, to have a life saturated with hopes and dreams, overflowing with joy, whether I’m healthy and laughing or sick and dying.

As a Senior, people ask me what I want to study in college, what I want to do when I finish. Every application to college that I have filled out asks for my interests and what subjects I might major in. I understand the logic behind the questions, but for me the answers to all of those questions are part of a bigger question: am I living? Doing the things I want to do with my life is part of living, and I intend to do that with every fiber of my being, even if I cannot tell you when you ask me on any given day exactly what I want to major in or what kind of job I want to have.

Our life’s ambitions do not have to be grand or glorious. We do not even have to be specific about what we want – not yet at least. We simply have to live deliberately and see where living takes us. I, for one, have no desire to reach the end of my life – no matter when that may be – look back and realize that all I had been doing during my entire lifetime was merely existing. I want to live life to its fullest, never forgetting my ambition to have a life that means something and is not just about survival but about discovering myself and learning more about the wonderful and marvelous machinations of life. What about you? What is your ambition?

Tuesday, January 29, 2008 10:12 PM CST

This is big sis. I know we're a bit past the "monthly update" mark, but speaking for myself, it's hard to figure out what to say each month. I mean, this is Rebecca's update page, created to keep you all up to date on how she is doing with the Leukemia thing. So now that she's not here, updates on her status are a bit hard to come up with. It may be different for Mom and Dad; I wouldn't presume to speak for them. If there's one thing we've all learned over the last 11 months it's that everyone's grief is different.

Anyway, that brings me to the reason I'm writing despite the lack of a Rebecca to talk about. We have just under one month until the one year anniversary of her death, and it struck me that really it was yesterday. These past months didn't exist. I mean, they did, but they didn't. I finished my degree and can't tell you what I was supposed to have learned those last two semesters. It all happened, but not really. You know what I mean?

Kind of like her funeral. Five days exactly after the day she died. I have all my notes from planning it and I have the final draft of my remarks. They're saved on my hard-drive, in my "Button" file, subfolder "RJS Memorial Service". (So I'm a little neurotic - we already knew that.) There were family and friends, and several hundred people I swear I've never met before. And I can't remember a moment of it. Not a single song or scripture or word from Owen's sermon and the remarks given by the other speakers. Not a single face in the congregation or a single hand I shook at the reception. Nothing. It happened, but it didn't really.

I have a dvd of the service sitting in the living room right next to Pride and Prejudice (the six hour version with Colin Firth, not the travesty with Kiera Knightly), but I can't watch it. I know it's very nice. Kyle Niehoff is an amazing producer, and Dad (who's watched it) says the finished product is beautiful. But in all these months without being able to remember anything from the service at all, I haven't been able to pop the disc into the player and select "play" from the menu. It exists, but not really.

On another level, though, I guess I already know that it all is real. On that other level, every day since that Friday stands out in one aspect: the lack of Rebecca. No matter how much of a blur everything else has been, her absence has been distinct every moment of the last 340 days. There's a sense of being affronted that the blur just moved on after being stripped of her. How could it? How could the rest of everything except this other level of me just keep going as if there wasn't a gigantic void where she used to be? What's the incentive to even acknowledge this other level, this "real"ness? There is none, really.

No reason for it all to be real. None whatsoever. Except for those moments lost in the blur when suddenly I think I need to tell her something. Those moments when I reach for my cell phone and punch her speed dial number just to hear her voice and pretend that she'll see the missed call and ring back to get the news. Those moments, when I embrace the blur to such an extent that nothing is real, or ever was. In those moments, that other level, the reality level where her absence is glaring, is a rescue. The pain when I realize that I didn't remember the sound of her voice correctly until hearing her voice mail recording, the grief when I can no longer pretend that this time she'll be at the house on Cathedral Bell when I get there.

At those moments, that other level reminds me that at some point I'll have to move beyond the night she died, which I remember in stark clarity. I'll have to accept the reality that there are 11 months (thus far) that were not really a blur. A funeral that actually took place according to every detail of her instructions and my planning. Two semesters of very relevant material that I did in fact learn. Maybe all of it will be real next month. Or the month after, on March 23, the day before my birthday. Or in six months or another year. To be honest, I kind of hope that the other level will be held at bay by the blur for a while yet. Maybe by the time it breaks through, I'll have figured out how to get through the next 60 years without my best friend. Maybe I will, but probably not really...

Wednesday, December 26, 2007 1:21 PM CST

Hi all,

It's big sis here today. Mom mentioned what she wanted on the page this month, and since I'm the first one to sit at a computer in a few days, I'm just gonna take care of it for her. The Christmas of her bone marrow transplant, Rebecca wrote the following entry. It so touched my mom that she thought we should share it with y'all again. Rebecca just had a way with words, you know, and boy could she preach! Anyway, she wrote this on December 23, 2003, about 6 days after her transplant. Enjoy...

*****

So I was reading this book by Max Lucado called "One Incredible Moment," and I think that the preface is just the greatest...you may not, but I think that it is amazing, and I've decided to share it with you...so ENJOY!

"There is one word that describes the night He came- ordinary.

The sky was ordinary. An occasional gust stirred the leaves and chilled the air. The stars were diamonds sparkling on black velvet. Fleets of clouds floated in from of the moon.

It was a beautiful night- a night worth peeking out your bedroom window to admire- but not really and unusual one. No reason to expect a surprise. Nothing to keep a person awake. An ordinary night with an ordinary sky.

The sheep were ordinary. Some fat. Some scrawny. Some with barrel bellies. Some with twig legs. Common animals. No fleece made of gold. No history makers. No blue-ribbon winners. They were simply sheep- lumpy, sleeping silhouettes on a hillside.

And the shepherds. Peasants they were. Probably wearing all the clothes they owned. Smelling like sheep and looking just as woolly. They were conscientious, willing to spend the night with their flocks. But you won't find their staffs in a museum nor their writings in a library. No one asked their opinion on social justice or the application of the Torah. They were nameless and simple.

An ordinary night with ordinary sheep and ordinary shepherds. And were it not for a God who loves to hook and 'extra' on the front of the ordinary, the night would have gone unnoticed. The sheep would have been forgotten, and the shepherds would have slept the night away.

But God dances amidst the common. And that night He did a waltz.

The black sky exploded with brightness. Trees that had been shadows jumped into clarity. Sheep that had been silent became a chorus of curiosity. One minute the shepherd was dead asleep, the next he was rubbing his eyes and staring into the face of and alien.

The night was ordinary no more." -Max Lucado

OK, so it's kind of long, but it's worth the read. I mean, how many times do we find our selves thinking that the first Christmas was full of glory, and everyone knew, and, even though He was born in a stable, a star was overhead, and, what more could you ask for to get EVERYONE'S attention??? I don't know about y'all, but I often find myself thinking that, and then I catch myself and I realize...Jesus's birth was not glorious or known by everyone. Everyone else was sleeping tight and not letting the bed-bugs bite in their nice comfy (or what was comfy then...) beds. They had NO idea. And that's what is so amazing about Christ's story. He was COMPLETELY human...when babies are born, it's a miracle, but it happens ALL the time- literally. So, Christ's birth- to most people- was just another birth...in fact they probably didn't care. All they were worried about was finding a place to sleep and getting that stupid census over with.

I guess my whole point is that God does amazing things...even when we don't expect it...On an "ordinary night" the MESSIAH was born. And the great part about this Christmas, is that WE KNOW. Christmas is never ordinary to Christians BECAUSE we know. So, think about all those people who don't know because we haven't told them...And pray for them. This Christmas, do me an awesome favor...pray for the people who don't know that amazement on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, and tell them about why we get amazed...OK?

*****

We hope you all had a Merry Christmas, and that you're looking forward to a Happy New Year. This is big sis, signing off...

Tuesday, December 4, 2007 10:34 PM CST

I've not updated until tonight because...no reason, except that it hurts so much to write about Rebecca right now. I've been reading things she wrote and ran across an essay she wrote for English her Sophomore year. If you'll bear with me, I'd like to share that essay with you. When you read it, you will understand Rebecca.

My Walk With God…Past, Present, and Future

“Then the word of the Lord came to me, saying: ‘Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you; Before you were born, I sanctified you; I ordained you a prophet to the nations.’ Then said I: ‘Ah, Lord God! Behold, I cannot speak, for I am a youth.’ But the Lord said to me: ‘Do not say, “I am a youth,” For you shall go to all to whom I send you, and whatever I command you, you shall speak. Do not be afraid of their faces, for I am with you to deliver you,’ says the Lord. Then the Lord put forth His hand and touched my mouth, and the Lord said to me: ‘Behold, I have put My words in your mouth. See, I have this day set you over the nations and over the kingdoms, to root out and to pull down, To destroy and to throw down, to build and to plant.’” -Jeremiah 1:4-10.

My life is not perfect. It never has been, and it never will be. I sin, and I mess up. Because of my sin, I have trouble walking with God. I struggle, and I fight to do things on my own. I know in my heart of hearts that I cannot do it alone, yet I try my hardest, not wanting to admit that I just cannot in any possible way or form be my own person and do my own thing while still doing it right.

When I was diagnosed with cancer, I had a wake up call. I knew that there was no way that, on my own strength and determination, I could get through the treatment and survive. It is impossible, and the doctors will tell you that the statistics were not good. No one believed me when I said that I was fine. When I said I was not angry or upset, everyone doubted me- like I do not know my own heart. “You’re in denial.” “You have to feel something.” Sure, I felt something. I was upset at the devil; I was upset with the world for being full of sin and disease; but life is not about being upset or mad or frustrated. Life is about pressing through the hard times and growing in your faith through those times, all the while rejoicing and giving thanks for the good things that you do have. Giving up is not an option- at least not for me.

Two years ago, on March eleventh, I was given a huge sucker punch in the stomach, so to speak. I cried and I was disappointed in the fact that life was never going to be the same. My God and my faith, however, carried me through. I came to a hard valley in my life, but He picked me up and carried me in His loving arms when I could walk no longer. I quickly came to realize that there was more to this than meets the eye. Raised in a Christian home, surrounded by high moral standards and expectations, I do not have an amazing conversion experience. I remember asking Christ to be Lord of my life at a young age, but until about four years ago, it was just second nature. I can see now, looking back, that God was preparing me for this time in my life. Slowly, I began to realize that I needed Him more than I knew, and when I was diagnosed, I knew that He and He alone would pull me through.

I will not deny that the question, “Why?” passed through my head a few times, but then I realized that it does not matter why. There is sin, disease, and, yes, heaven forbid, death, in this world, and I happen to be one of the people affected by the disease part of that. It becomes part of your life, and I learned to deal with it. One night, while sitting in my hospital room with beeping machines and the lights turned low, I turned to this verse in Jeremiah. “What do I say, Father, when people ask me about this? I am so unsure and I do not always know what to say even though, in my heart, I know how it feels.” My child, I will speak for you. Do not be afraid because I will deliver you. I will give you words, and I will set you over nations and kingdoms to ‘root out and to pull down, to destroy and to throw down, to build and to plant.’ I will use you, and you will be great because you are mine.

“And Mary said, ‘My soul magnifies the Lord, and my spirit has rejoiced in God my Savior. For He has regarded the lowly state of His maidservant; For behold, henceforth all generations will call me blessed. For He who is mighty has done great things for me, and holy is His name. And His mercy is on those who fear Him from generation to generation. He has shown strength with His arm; He has scattered the proud in the imagination of their hearts. He has put down the mighty from their thrones, and exalted the lowly. He has filled the hungry with good things, and the rich He has sent away empty. He has helped His servant Israel, in remembrance of His mercy, As He spoke to our fathers, to Abraham and to his seed forever.’” –Luke 1:46-55

I am a child of God. Nothing- not sin, disease, death, even Satan himself, can take that from me. As His child, I am forever blessed in mind, soul, heart, and body. Forever, I am promised in His Word, that, when I glorify His name alone, I will be blessed, and all generations will know. My Father has given me His blessing, His love, His power alone, and it matters not what man or devil does to me- to my heart, to my body, to my soul.

I am His, and, “A thousand may fall at my side, and ten thousand at my right hand; but it shall not come near me…because I have made the Lord, who is my refuge, even the Most High, my dwelling place, No evil shall befall me, nor shall any plague come near my dwelling; for He shall give His angels charge over me, to keep me in all my ways. In their hands, they shall bear me up, Lest I dash my foot against a stone…Because I have set my love upon Him, therefore He will deliver me; He will set me on high, because I have known His name. I will call upon Him, and He will answer me; He will be with me in trouble; He will deliver me and honor me. With long life, He will satisfy me, and show me His salvation.” (Psalm 91:7-16; paraphrase.)

Thank you for letting me share my baby with you - I miss her sorely.

Emmaline

Tuesday, October 23, 2007 1:58 PM CDT

Another month has gone by and the pain of missing Rebecca is still as excruciating as ever...I started crying today because Vinson and I were talking about Herbie missing Rebecca. Now that he's with Vinson, there is no familiar connection to Rebecca for him and he is crying and whining...a lot. If it's like that for a little dog...

We went out to the Showcase Home on Saturday to help with the folks who were picking up the silent auction items they won. It looks like the silent auction that went on during the entire Parade of Homes raised $40,000 and the Live Auction, Silent Auction and Gala raised $40,000 , not to mention whatever is donated with the sale of the home. We are so pleased for the Leukemia Lymphoma Society. They work extremely hard and devotedly to help bring awareness of the blood diseases we fight and to raise money to assist patients as well as promote research. I know that we benefited mightily from their assistance.

I told you that Vinson spoke for us at the gala telling the guests about Rebecca. I found her notes for that talk and thought I would share them with you:

"Rebecca would be so excited to be here right now! She loved parties and people, talking and laughing and she definitely loved eating! She would have deeply appreciated the privilege of being chosen as this year's honoree, and she would have been ecstatic over the house, the purple room and the turtle pond area. But more importantly, she would have been thrilled to see all of you here, dressed up and prepared to donate to a cause she held dear to her heart. And if she were here now, she would say that despite her honoree status, this really isn't remotely about her. It's about these diseases and finding a cure for them so that in the future, kids like her don't have to grow up too fast or die too young. It's about, one day, not having to have this event, and eventually putting this Society out of business. In the end, it's all about hope. That's what she would have said if she could have been here. Because despite the constant pain and disappointment, the tears and sorrow, hope is what she inspired in the lives of the people she encountered. And she would have been so excited to share this evening of hope with you all."

That's my Vinson who sees the big picture so well and understood her sister even more. Can you imagine two parents being more blessed than we to have received such special gifts from God?

Interestingly enough, the designer who did the purple room told us Saturday that she rarely uses purple in a room and that she had decided to use the purple on the walls even before she knew it wsa Rebecca's favorite color.

The other item of interest I need to share with you is that Jeff and I went to visit Ben and Shannon in Minnesota on October 12th! (For those of you new to this website, Ben is Rebecca's bone marrow donor.) I wanted so badly to tell you about it right before we were leaving, but it was a surprise for him and I was afraid he'd read the update before we got there!! Shannon told him they were coming to pick up her aunt and uncle from the airport (at 11:00 p.m.). I'm sure he was thinking, "Why do I have to go to the airport with you to pick up YOUR aunt and uncle?" but he was really sweet and rode with her to the airport and came in to get auntie! He said, he was walking in and looking at me and thinking, "Boy, she sure looks like Emmaline...what are Jeff and Emmaline doing here?!!" We surprised him really well! All the credit goes to Jeff and Shannon who are rather devious when it comes to surprises!!! We spent the night at Shannon's parents house and after a truly delightful brunch, left to go to the North Shore which is north of Duluth. We had a condo right on Lake Superior with access to all kinds of hiking trails to beautiful falls and lighthouses and panoramic views of that gorgeous, huge lake. It was actually very serene on Saturday (much to Ben's disappointment) but it quickly picked up steam Sunday and Monday and the waves were rolling and crashing in! We had a very special time together remembering and sharing and crying...they let us talk about Rebecca to our heart's content and shared things they had experienced and felt from their end. This disease is horrid, but there were and are blessings along the way. Ben and Shannon and their family are one of those HUGE blessings! (We also knew but couldn't say anything until now...Shannon is pregnant with their third child and he/she is due May 11, 2008! Rebecca's birthday is May 8, so we will have a new blessing to focus on around that time.) We flew back on Monday after quite an adventure in both airport terminals...our flight out to Milwaukee was delayed 1-1/2 hours so that we would probably miss our connection to RDU, so they sent us over to Northwest at Lindburgh Terminal which is 2 train rides away from Humphrey Terminal! We were so lost! A lady took pity on us and said, "Follow me!" Then, as if that wasn't enough adventure, we were given the privilege of undergoing a more extensive security search! What should have been a 30-minute process took forever! But, we finally arrived home, feeling very blessed and renewed by our time with the Tempel's.

From another point, I need to ask your continued prayers for Sherilyn Adams and her family. Sherilyn is fighting valiantly in her battle with AML, but she is really ready to go home. Please pray for her comfort and peace and her homegoing. Even more, remember her mother and father and brother and sisters during this time. Your prayers are unbelievably strengthening...I could always tell when extra prayers were going up...God's hug got tighter!!

God bless! Thank you for sharing this time with us.

Emmaline

Wednesday, October 10, 2007 6:51 PM CDT

Here we are...sitting at the computer trying to think about what to write, how to express what we're feeling, thinking, praying. Journaling is a great way for all of that and I'm thankful that you're willing to read and hear my ramblings!! I've spent an awful lot of time recently missing Rebecca and missing Vinson...this empty nest mess is for the birds!! I'm thinking about putting out a call for anyone who might be interested in starting an "Empty Nester's Club!!" I'm sure there are a lot of folks feeling that emptiness right now!

I have to encourage you, if you have the opportunity, to go out to Hidden Lake in Youngsville and view the Leukemia Lymphoma Society's Showcase Home. Rebecca, as you know, is the honoree for that home and it is absolutely beautiful!! We were so humbled by the effort given to that home by the Design Team...everywhere you look, it's perfect. The entire home truly honors Rebecca. There is a purple room that is a teen-age girl's dream room and in many of the rooms, if you look closely, there can be found a turtle or two! Rex Bost, the Builder, and others of the Design Team, honored our wishes that something be done in the landscape that reflected Rebecca...they built a turtle pond below the pool deck that is stunning. There is a bench there with the words, "Because we knew her, we have been changed for good" and cut into a stone is a turtle and the verse James 1:12, that verse Rebecca liked to sneak into some of her journal entries!! "Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him." Or, as The Message puts it, "Anyone who meets a testing challenge head-on and manages to stick it out is mighty fortunate. For such persons loyally in love with God, the reward is life and more life." Rebecca was "loyally in love with God" and wouldn't you know it, she has received her reward!!

We went to the gala opening of the home (it won the Estate Award on the Parade of Homes!) and had a wonderful time. Everyone was all dressed in their finery and we wandered all over the house. The Angus Barn catered the affair and everything was scrumptious! As we listened to the builder and the design team talk about the house and the inspiration they received from Rebecca, we were once again overwhelmed and humbled by the gift God gave us when He sent Rebecca to us. That He would put such a special young lady in our lives to raise and nurture and teach His ways...We were able to share a little bit about Rebecca and how much she would have loved that home and Vinson, as always, spoke eloquently about Rebecca and who she was and what she was. For once, in a crowd of over 500 people, there was not a sound to be heard but Vinson talking about her sister...how awesome that God gave us the first gift of Vinson. She wows me repeatedly with her strength of will and her total dedication to her sister. There was not a day that she didn't think about what she needed to accomplish so she could be available to Rebecca if Rebecca needed her. There were many times she dropped everything and came home to Rebecca...can you imagine taking your syllabi and scheduling your entire semester so that all of your work was finished before the week-end in case you needed to go home? That's what Vinson did for 4 and a half years. The sacrifices she has made...

When we arrived at the gala, there were programs for the live auction. Inside was a short bio of Rebecca and threaded through the program with silver cord was a silver turtle charm for everyone to have as a keepsake of the evening.

(Needless to say, we were all spiffied up and looked "Mahvelous!")

This entry really rambled...sorry. Thanks for putting up with me and my words. I thank God for you and your prayers and support of me and my family. Please don't stop!

E

PS: Please lift up my friend Sherilyn Adams and her mom, Laura, as well as the rest of the family. Sherilyn also has AML and is really fighting to beat infection and pain. She is a valiant young lady and needs your prayers of comfort and healing.

Thanks.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007 1:24 PM CDT

Good afternoon! Mom here, checking in with you to let you know how things are going here. Saturday was Jeff's and my 28th wedding anniversary. We spent the day being together...it was awesome. Jeff and I passed the day Sunday doing odd jobs around the house sprucing it up for sale. We spread pinestraw and watered the plants indoors and generally managed to maintain while we were there...until we went into Becca's room to pack her turtles. Even now, my throat closes up and my eyes fill up with tears. Something about those turtles...each one of them reminded me of her. There were some funny ones, some beautiful ones, some damaged ones, some happy ones...and each one brought back a memory of some sort, whether it was a memory of the person who gave it to her or where she or I bought it or just comments made about her turtles. The more I consider Becca and turtles (She has loved them since she was six years old - probably earlier, but it's the first I knew it. She bought her first turtle in Disney Village at Disney World - a little blown glass turtle. And, being Rebecca, spent a LOT of time choosing just the right one! I can see her right now standing in front of that display trying to decide what color!!) the more I realize just how much like them she was...she was persistent and intent on her goals and nothing caused her to veer from her path toward her goal; which meant, she was also hardheaded and stubborn! God gave her that personality to stand her in good stead for the fight she had with leukemia. Hers was a valiant spirit.

I know that we are not the only ones who grieve for a lost child, although it seems as if we are, and that was brought home to me just recently. My mother has given to Make-A-Wish over these last 5 years and one of their fundraisers is greeting cards. She received a packet of cards from them recently. I found it when I was sorting through her basket and trying to organize it (:o/) and in that packet was a card with a little pink tutued ballerina dancing for her stuffed animals lined along the wall (Rebecca again!!). With that card was a poem entitled "Zoe's Poem," written by her Aunt Bobbi. I'd like to share it with you because it epitomizes Becca and every other child who fights this battle with terminal illness:

Zoe’s Poem

A pretty ballerina
on tiny dancing toes.
A child too young and innocent
to have faced so many woes.

But all the while she smiles,
her nature melts your heart.
Clearly her strength and courage
have set her far apart.
(from the ordinary, the everyday)

She possesses so much wisdom
she’s wise beyond her years.
She never gives up, she keeps on fighting,
through the pain and through the tears.

She’s an artist and performer,
her horizons broad and wide.
She’s a star and she’s a hero,
the Lord has been her guide.

She gives her love unconditionally,
and by many she is loved.
She has angles living here on earth
and those who watch from above.

God sent this special child to us
to teach us many things.
To be caring, loving, and giving,
and be angelwithout wings.

-Aunt Bobbi

That is every child you'll encounter on those nasty children's hospital floors. God gives them special spirits to persevere through everything they endure and live their lives with joy and enthusiasm. Quite frankly, for most of their time on the floors, the children are happy and playful, laughing and teasing, truly enjoying their life...they don't wallow in sorrow and self-pity (well, maybe sometimes they do, particularly the teens!!), they just choose to live life to the fullest with a child's simple faith. The people struggling on those floors more often than not are the moms and dads who don't know how to fix it and can only turn their child over to God for Him to take care of...that's a really difficult thing to do. Pray for the children, yes; but more importantly, pray for their parents and caregivers that they will let go and let God take care of them, guide them, and wrap His awesome arms around and under them.

A quick update: Vinson called last Sunday to say she had a rash that was spreading and she felt horrible. After a trip to the Student Health Service, the ER and admission to Georgetown University Hospital, it was determined that she had shingles! The nerve endings affected were those in her left arm and left leg, causing severe weakness in those areas. So, after two nights in the hospital (they must buy their beds, recliners, and fold-out beds from the same supplier as UNC!!) we were able to take her back to her apartment and get her settled. She is improving daily and her doctor noted a marked improvement in her left arm and hand and some improvement in her leg. It will take time, but she's going to be okay.

You may or may not know that Rebecca is this year's honoree for the Leukemia-Lymphoma Society's Showcase Home. It is in Hidden Lake, in Youngsville and will be on the Parade of Homes Tour for Wake County. The builder is Rex Bost and the team of designers working on the house is awesome! They've built a Tuscan villa, using beams from Tuscany that they purchased when the design team was in Tuscany studying characteristics of the buildings. The house is absolutely gorgeous. They're hosting a gala event at the home this week-end with a black-tie affair and silent auction. Jeff, Vinson, Matthew and I are going and are so pleased to represent Rebecca there. She was so excited about being the honoree this year. I hope her story inspires folks to give regularly to LLS.

I've rambled. I'm sorry. Thanks for listening and for caring.

Much love,
Emmaline

Thursday, August 23, 2007 9:40 PM CDT

Six months ago, tonight, at this very moment, Jeff, Vinson and I were struggling to accept what was happening...we were still begging Rebecca to answer us, to come back - even though we knew she would be coming back to extreme pain and sickness. We just weren't ready to let her go...but she got a glimpse of heaven and Granddaddy and Jesus and said, "No way!"

So, here we are, six months later, still struggling to accept what has happened and to live through each day - some days hopeless and others hope filled and faith filled with the promises that Jesus made us...that we would see Him and all the saints who have gone before us...Rebecca, most especially. There are days when I wonder if Rebecca will be remembered by her classmates twenty years from now...even five years from now. I know she will be, but I also know the memories may not be as sharp and vivid as they are now, although, with Rebecca it's hard not to have vivid memories!!

Jeff here:
I'm sure that Rebecca had a lot of conversations with God. Those prayers that were prayed and hopes that were lifted up, although not clear that they would be answered when she wanted them to be, nevertheless were sources of strength and comfort for her. I, too, have had a lot of those same type conversations and prayers and hopes lifted to God. Gradually, and with Rebecca's steadfast trust in God and His love and power, I too am finding some strength and comfort. I miss her very, very much. What I have come to realize, at least for now, and decided to do is to separate my spiritual confidence in her resurrected life with Jesus and my feelings as a daddy. I've also (after some prompting by Rebecca's memory and one of those conversations with God) begun to separate the crippling depression that has overcome me from the sadness of my loss. Sadness is a normal response, one that I feel deeply and one that will never go away...I don't apologize for that. But the depression is evil, is from Satan, and he has used it to steal my joy, affect my responsibilities to my family, and dishonor the memory of Rebecca and her trust in God and His promises. I've decided to walk a different road in my mourning of Rebecca and to travel that path with one hand in Rebecca's hand and the other in God's. I'm sure the path will not be without challenges, but at least I'll have help steadying me along the way. Like Rebecca's journey, the victory is at the other end. And like Rebecca, what I become along the way and who I touch will hopefully be my testimony as I honor her, her memory and our Lord.

Emmaline again:

This entire week has been up and down for me. School has started and I'm not seeing any of those beloved, familiar faces that were part of Becca's life...then, HELLO!, in walks Shannon with flowers because she and Grace were thinking of me and wanted to let me know...what a blessing God sent me today! (Made me weep!!) I've had phone calls and e-mails and sweet hugs. Thank you!

I want to end this journal with something that was given to me Tuesday. Coach Wright, who was Rebecca's Senior Bible teacher, came into my office and said, "I want to give you something. I found it in my folder." He handed me Rebecca's handwritten testimony, dated August 27, 2006. It was all I could do not to sob. Just seeing it brought back so many memories and so much love and pain! But, he told me that it made him realize that Rebecca was not gone from our lives...that she "is" and is still touching people.

God blessed me this week by giving me a personal message from Rebecca. I'd like to share it with you:

Testimony, August 27, 2006 (make up): "Most people can easily recall the date, time, place and/or circumstances of their salvation. As for me, I cannot. I have been raised in a steady Christian home with wonderful parents who took (take) me to church and taught me about God and His love. That is not to say that I never officially accepted His salvation - I did. I jut do not remember exactly when.

When I reached seventh grade, God truly began to mold me into the woman He wants me to be. It was a tough year, but I know now He was preparing me for the next year, when I became seriously ill. God's love carried me through tough times with people and relationships and taught me to depend solely on Him. Then, in eighth grade, I was diagnosed with a form of leukemia rather rare for my age, AML.

For almost four years, I have been dealing with treatments and side effects of the disease itself and the treatments. I used to dance and swim and be able to walk 10 feet without becoming short of breath, but no more. Now, each step I take is a labor, but each step reminds me of my victory in Christ - the victory He achieved over Satan, sin, and death with every heavy, painful step to the cross. He knows my pain - He's been through it and more and came through it victorious, just as, with His help, I will as well."

Then she listed her 3 goals for the year:

1. Build a stronger relationship with God.
2. Grow in my faith and independence.
3. FINISH!

And her 5 goals for her life:

1. Found my home for kids with needs.
2. Be successful in all that I do.
3. Dance and sing for the rest of my life.
4. Meet someone new at least every week, if not every day.
5. Learn something new about life, faith and God everyday.

Thank you for letting Jeff and me share our thoughts, our pain, our joy, our awe at the miracles God provides us in our children...our lives with you through this journal. I hope, sometime soon, that Vinson will update also.

God bless,
Emmaline

Psalm 27:14 "Wait on the lord; Be of good courage, And He shall strengthen your heart; Wait, I say, on the Lord!"

Monday, July 30, 2007 8:33 AM CDT

Please pray for church friends of ours - Rob and Ruth Patterson and their family. Rob is preparing for surgery to remove a tumor from his brain. As I understand it, the first procedure is Tuesday with actual surgery on Wednesday. Speaking from experience, it's awfully scary facing the unknown - pray for their comfort and strength and God's constant presence with them. I know he'll do great. We are promised His healing power.

Tuesday, July 24, 2007 2:35 PM CDT

Mom here - I always hate to update after Vinson because she writes so beautifully and touches so many hearts with her words...I hate to take them off the page! We went to the beach this past week-end, courtesy of the Guptons and their friends, to hook up with V while she was down there for a wedding her friend was in. We had breakfast with V and her friend - he's nice. I liked him. (Jeff did too, although he won't freely admit it!) I miss V so much, especially now. I want to be able to wrap my arms around her when she's hurting and I can't...D.C. seems so far away at times. She's really doing well, working hard and preparing for the next semester - her last (hard to believe, isn't it). We're so very proud of the exceptional yound lady she has become. She is struggling, as are we, with her grief - trying to understand, working through the pain and being the questioner she is, asking questions. I think she and God have some heavy duty discussions right now!! Please continue to pray for her.

...It's been 5 months and one day and still we look up expecting to see Rebecca sitting on the sofa with that quirky little smile and the twinkle in her eye that says, "I know something you don't know!" I think I hear her calling at night...most of all, I hear her saying, "I love you, Mommy!" There are truly no words to tell you just how much we miss Rebecca, how our hearts are heavy with grief, how we ache with the pain of knowing she's no longer physically part of our lives. Some days I think there's absolutely no way I can possibly get through one more day...I don't want to get out of bed and at the end of the day I don't want to go to bed.

They say that journaling is an excellent means of handling grief. I've avoided it because it hurts so badly. But avoiding doesn't make anything any better – it just puts it off for another time. So, I've decided to make the effort to journal more frequently. Maybe in doing so I can begin to gain some peace and perspective.

This day has been pretty introspective for me. I've often wondered why God chose Jeff and me to be the parents of such a special young lady. When I think of how she embraced life so fully and joyfully and loved so well and easily, I am awed. People, her friends and family especially, were what she was all about. Where did that depth of love come from? How did she love so well and so wisely? How did she cope with her struggles so graciously and with such dignity? I can count two times in the four years Rebecca was ill that she specifically said, "I'm tired of this." Those two times were in the last weeks of her life - one on the she died. I don't mean to paint a picture of a goody two-shoes who never complained and was never angry or upset. To the contrary, she had her ups and downs and her hurts and her anger; but they weren’t about her illness and the struggles she had. Her ups and downs, hurts and anger were about the usual teen-ager things – growing up, school and parent stuff. (I WILL say that she and Dr. Gilman had a few "differences of opinion" about steroids and GVH treatment and she would fuss at Dr. Julie but even then it wasn't anger about having leukemia.) How did she do it? How did she reach so deep to find acceptance and even joy during her physical struggle? She would tell me, and I would concur, that she found her comfort and her peace through her Savior, Jesus Christ, just as He promised. She found comfort and strength in the Psalms...my only regret is that I didn't read them more to her than I did. We tried to make it a part of every night's preparing for bed - some nights were more successful than others...I wish that I could say that most nights we were successful in our goal.

As I write this and question, I look back on Owen’s message at Becca’s Witness to the Resurrection Service and realize that he had the answers, from Rebecca, to all my questions. If you remember, he caled Rebecca on the phone and said, “Rebecca I need your help. I can’t do this by myself. We’re going to have to preach this one together. You give me some words and I’ll give you a voice.” And in her sweet, soft voice she said, “I can help you.” First she said, “Always rejoice in the Lord, no matter what.” From the mouth of a child who had suffered under leukemia for almost four full years, the first word is rejoice. What a victory! Second, “Always have faith in Him no matter what.” And third “Never give up on the dream that God has given you, no matter what. Just because it’s over here, doesn’t mean it’s over there.”

So there you have the source of her strength and peace – her joy in her Lord and her faith and powerful, personal relationship with God through His Son, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit that Jesus sent to her to be with her always and to comfort her. The power of her dream that God gave her yielded her strength to keep going, “no matter what.” She told me often, “God didn’t give me this big a dream just to take it away from me…I have to keep fighting.” So, she fought and persevered.

I don’t ever mean for you to think that Rebecca was perfect – she wasn’t. I do believe that she mirrored Jesus to us – I do want you to know and believe that the Holy Spirit radiated from her. Even to the last, her face shone with His spirit.

I’ve rambled – sorry, but that’s what journals are for. There is one more update on the status of her health: – she’s fully healed and restored and is even now dancing with Jesus, and singing with her granddaddy and the angels.

Thank you, Father.

I love you...thank you for your continued prayers and encouragement. Remember our Rebecca...

Emmaline
“Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.”
- James 1:12

Saturday, June 23, 2007 1:48 PM CDT

Hello all. It's Big Sis again this month. Mom and Dad may update later, but they're not quite ready.

I was sitting outside in the sunshine today, thinking about how Rebecca loved to turn her face up to the sun and soak it in, even though she really wasn't supposed to because of her meds. So I closed my eyes and soaked up the sun and pretended like she was sitting next to me doing the same thing. And I wished deep inside that when I opened my eyes I could turn my head and see her grinning at me with the joy of getting away with sitting in the sun.
While I was soaking in the sun for my sister, I was listening to my iTunes playlist of music that reminds me of her. Music that we sang together in the car, that she sang at school, that the choir sang at her service. Music that expresses how I feel about her, that says the things that I can't seem to put into words.
I thought I would share this one with you all. Because you see, I didn't see her when I opened my eyes. She's not here. But I could feel her as I sat there. I could feel her in me, taking joy in the sun shining on my face. A breath away's not far...

To Where You Are
~Josh Groban

Who can say for certain
Maybe you're still here
I feel you all around me
Your memory, so clear.
Deep in the stillness
I can hear you speak.
You're still an inspiration,
Can it be...

That you are mine
Forever love,
And you are watching over me
From up above?

Fly me up to where you are,
Beyond the distant stars.
I wish upon tonight
To see you smile,
If only for a while
To know you're there.
A breath away's not far
To where you are.

Are you gently sleeping
Here inside my dream?
And isn't faith believing
All power can't be seen?
As my heart holds you
Just one beat away,
I cherish all you gave me,
Everyday.

Cause you are mine
Forever love,
Watching me
From up above.
And I believe
That angels breathe,
And that love will live on
And never leave.

Fly me up to where you are
Beyond the distant star.
I wish upon tonight
To see you smile,
If only for a while
To know you're there.
A breath away's not far
To where you are.

I know you're there.
A breath away's not far
To where you are.


This is Big Sis, signing off.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007 10:07 AM CDT

Hello all,

Big Sis here again. I spoke briefly with Mom this morning and she mentioned that I could update, though I’m not sure if that was permission or a request disguised as such. Either way, I’m updating and I hope y’all will bear with me. I’m not thinking too cogently today. I have no idea how long it will be…

Three months ago today at this very moment (10:02 AM) I was landing at RDU Airport. When I landed I had so much to tell Rebecca, I could barely wait to get home to her. Secrets to share, boys to giggle over, plans to cement. I also knew that the doctors really weren’t expecting her to survive the weekend because she hadn’t received any blood products, so I had other things to tell her as well: How much I loved her, how much a part of me she was and always would be, how much of an impact she had made on my life, how proud I was of her, how she was my hero. So much to say, and a weekend to say it.

I got home and she was still sleeping and she asked if we could talk later that weekend, then her friends came to get her ready for graduation, so I didn’t have a chance to tell her on Friday morning. I got to watch her graduate in a beautiful ceremony, be honored by her friends and teachers, receive award after award to recognize her accomplishments. And when she came home she immediately asked to go back to bed, where she slept all afternoon and evening.

The only conversation I had with her was at about 2:00 when she suddenly articulated her idea that the ceremony was a fake, as were her awards. It took Daddy and me 15 minutes to convince her that she had really graduated and that those were her awards. The school had told us, and so we could promise her, that no one else would be Salutatorian, no one else would receive the choir and English medals. They were hers. She had earned them. But still, no chance to tell her everything in my heart that afternoon either.

By the time 8:30 came around I had pretty much accepted that between the hubbub of friends and family combined with Rebecca’s sheer exhaustion, there would be no opportunity to tell her everything on Friday. I was ok with that, since I knew I would be able to tell her on Saturday, maybe while we snuggled with Herbie and Tal in her room.

She called for one of us around 8:40, and since I was home I went to her. It’s the habit we had all fallen into over 4 years, me giving Mom and Dad a break whenever I was home, plus it gave us sister time. She was in what seemed to me to be a morphine state – moving back and forth from place to place in her mind, from graduation to New York City to the beach. I tended to her and listened to her travels. And then, because I was tired of friends and family and small talk and wanted some alone time with her, I sat down beside her bed and held her hand and watched her breathe. In and out, with a slow, painful, regular effort.

And so I was watching when she stopped breathing at 9:00. I couldn’t believe it. I called for her, I watched her chest for any sign that she would start breathing again. I stayed with her for three hours until the cremation society people came to collect her body. I held her hand, so unbelievably cold, and watched her face and curled up next to her and waited for her to start breathing again. We were supposed to have Saturday. I hadn’t been able to tell her all those things I needed to say so badly.

I remember the awful hopelessness, the terrible feeling of being lost and alone in a room suddenly full of people, the crushing pain in my chest that was my heart breaking. I remember someone reminding me to breathe, because apparently I wasn’t. And as I sit here, typing this, I realize that I still have to be reminded to breathe, almost daily. There’s still this crushing pain in my chest, a feeling that a piece of me is missing and will be forever in much the same way that she was missing half her left lung. A sense of aloneness no matter how many people are around me, a knowledge that I am lost. And an awareness that I never had my chance to tell her all that she meant to me.

Do me a favor today, please. Stop whatever you’re doing. Find the person who means the most to you, whether you have to call or text or email or drive to them. And, please, tell them how important they are to you and why. Leave nothing out. Be explicit and honest. And tomorrow, find a way to tell them again.

This is Big Sis, signing off.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007 12:19 AM CDT

Well, here we are a week and a day after Rebecca's 18th birthday and almost 3 months since she died...it doesn't feel like it's been that long and then again it feels as if it's been forever since Becca was here with us. I wake every day feeling as if my life is just like it's supposed to be...for about 2 seconds. Then it hits me, daily, that everything is not as usual. Rebecca is in heaven with her Abba and Jesus and her Comforter. She is totally restored in every way and is rejoicing in her presence there. We, on the other hand are still looking for her here on earth around every corner, in every room. I walk into a room and feel as if she's just left a minute ago. I listen for her every night, expecting her call for help or just to tell me something she remembered or thought of. I sit here at my desk working and look up expecting her to pull open the door and scoot in on her bright blue scooter to have lunch with me or just check in for different books and a hug...and none of those things happen. My angel is not here with us brightening our lives with her outspokenness, her happy, mischievous smile, her joy in Herbie and Tal, her joy in life, her love for her sister and friends.

May has been (and I knew it would be) a very difficult month. First of all, the POPS concert was Saturday the 5th. That concert is one that all of the choir, students, and families look forward to because it's such a lot of fun for everyone. In addition, they spotlight the Seniors who perform a solo of their choosing. Then they sing their Senior Song and their benediction for their last concert. It's a fun, sad, tearful event anyway and Rebecca's absence made it even more poignant. I knew ahead of time that the seniors had asked to change the Senior Song from "Come In From the Rain" to that beautiful song they sang for her service, "Homeward Bound." Just because I knew about it didn't make it less difficult to hear. It was so beautiful! Then, they played the song Rebecca was going to sing, "A Soft Good-Bye" from the Celtic Women CD, and showed a BUNCH of pictures of Becca from long ago 'til right before she died. Oh, My Gosh!! I didn't have enough tissues!! As if that weren't enough, the choir had found Rebecca's copy of "The Lord Bless You and Keep You" (their benediction) and had it matted and framed and all the choir members signed it and presented it to us that night. The last song the choir sang was a powerful arrangement of "It Is Well With My Soul" which was Rebecca's message from day 1 of her illness. That was Saturday.

On Sunday, we moved my mother to an assisted living residence. Tough move, but she's handling it well.

Tuesday was Rebecca's birthday...it was excruciatingly painful...a very difficult day. We went to breakfast and then to UNC Peds Hem/Onc clinic to take them her "purse" money. On our way home, we stopped to purchase a birthday card for Rebecca. We took the card to her niche at the memorial garden and spent some time with her there. You know, she's not there...she's truly in our hearts and we carry her with us everyday, but being there perhaps gave us something tangible to focus on that day.

Then there was Friday, the 12th...Drama Department's "Squire Awards" awarding the best actors, male and female, for the year and recognizing all the other talents that make a theater department great. As you may or may not know, the school renamed the theater's highest award, the Squire Award, to be the Rebecca Josey Simpson Squire Award. It's given to the person whose peers vote as the one who most exemplifies theater at NRCA. We were asked to present it...needless to say, I boo-hooed over everyone. I looked out at those dear faces and thought about how much Rebecca loved each and every one of them and how proud she must be of them and their performances in Millie and Little Women. I tried to tell them that, but I know I missed it. The award went to Becca's bestest friend, Shea. And as we said that night, Rebecca was in heaven pumping her fist and screaming joyfully, "Yes!" Becca's phrase was "No matter what!" and I'll say that Shea had that same focus about the theater. Jeff and I are so proud of Shea.

On top of it all, there was Mother's Day. Can I tell you, it was tough? Vinson wasn't here because she had been home the week-end before for POPS and pre-birthday time (flowers to the memorial garden), so I didn't have her here. She and Rebecca sent me gorgeous yellow Gerbera daisies, one of my favorites (made me cry as soon as I saw them and the card). Jeff gave me precious cards and a special gift: He gave me 2 bars of the soap Rebecca used so I could have her smell around me a little bit longer. Oh, how I miss nuzzling her neck and smelling her special scent that was just Rebecca! I spent some time with my mother on Sunday afternoon, so there was some comfort there.

Next up is Senior Awards Chapel tomorrow and then Baccalaureate on Sunday. We have a break for 2 weeks and then it's Graduation. I believe that once May is over, we'll have reached a major milestone in our grieving. As difficult as it all is, we wouldn't change anything about it because Rebecca wouldn't have had it any other way. We've had an opportunity to have some closure with many different aspects of Rebecca's life. That has been important to us.

So many things to face, so much pain to experience, so much joy in knowing that she is with our heavenly Father and totally healed - dancing and running, singing praises to Him, worshiping God with all the saints. The peace is there - many times difficult to find - but it is there.

Thanks for letting me ramble on. Thank you for your continued love, support, encouragement, and most of all, prayers. They are felt. Please continue to pray for the children at UNC Children's Hospital, particularly on 5C, and at Duke Children's Hospital. Pray for their comfort and peace - a cessation of fear of what is to come, knowing that our Father is in control. Pray for their doctors that they use their knowledge and skills to their utmost to make things better for the children, to bring relief from pain and sickness, to strive for better and better treatments and cures.

I pray God's blessings on you,
Emmaline

Tuesday, May 8, 2007 9:37 PM CDT

Dad's going to try to do the update today...

Rebecca's 18th birthday. No party here. No cake. No ice cream. No presents!

Her purse is as she left it on February 23rd. Her wallet still has the typical teenager "stuff" in it...neatly organized cards, id and driver's license. It still has a few dollars in it. A little make-up is to be seen rolling in the bottom. And other stuff...

And 3 envelopes. One with her tithe she was going to take to church on the 25th. Another with some cash from her checking account so she would be prepared to "hang out" with some of her friends if they called Saturday or Sunday. The last one was an envelope with $36.00 that was the last of her gift to be given to the Gravely Clinic at UNC Children's Hospital. She raised the money from the sale of her pocketbooks.

Emmaline and I decided on February 26th and 27th (I think), when we were clinging to anything that still smelled like her or had her personality that we would deliver it on her 18th birthday. The other two envelopes are still there with everything else as we found it.

The third envelope, the one with the $36 for the Peds Hem/Onc Clinic was taken to the clinic today - on her 18th birthday - becuase it was comforting to us to do and I think also because it was what Rebecca probably would have wanted us to do. Oh sure, she would have been excited about her 18th birthday - she was going to share her birthday party with Tiffany Dysart and would have loved all that that would have entailed. But it was like her to give a gift to the clinic - and the kids there - who consider one more day a birthday. Emmaline and I were blessed to share it on her behalf. Dr. Julie said it was very timely as they were out of money to buy snacks and food for the clinic. Thank you, Rebecca!

We took a birthday card to her niche at the memorial park. Daddy sang "Happy Birthday" to her and Emmaline and I cried and hugged each other a lot. I was reminded of how blessed I am to be married to Emmaline and have Vinson and Rebecca as my daughters.

We could not have made it through the day without the comfort and grace of God. He provided that in Donna Corey and a gift of a turtle planter (concrete and VERY heavy) with flowers!; several gifts and cards from Wanda Martin that were from one mother to another; a beautiful (Purple blooms, of course!) plant from Ben and Shannon Tempel; a thoughtful and comforting gift to Emmaline from Vinson and "special delivery" by Jenny and Shea of a generous (as in LARGE!) and sincere card - signed by all the seniors at NRCA, flowers from them and a gift so we can go out to dinner. To say nothing of all the prayers and thoughts offered on our behalf. It could not have been a better day unless Rebecca were here. I miss her. Some would say that trading your 18th birthday - ANY birthday - for an eternal birthday with Jesus is a good deal. (And I believe that, but I still can't help wishing she were here to celebrate with us.) Maybe this is why everyday that we have here with our loved ones is our "birthday" of sorts and the gift from God that every day truly is.

Be sure and tell the people that you love and care about that you love and care about them!

This is Dad, saying "Good night."

Friday, April 27, 2007 12:38 AM CDT

Hi! Mom here. I've been a chicken recently, asking Vinson to update the last two times. I just wasn't ready to write...don't know if I am even now, but I'm going to give it a go.

Before I start my journal entry, I want to let you know that one of Becca's friends here at school and her mom have designed a t-shirt to honor Becca. They are selling for $10 and are white with a bright green turtle, similar to the one on this Caring Bridge site. The proceeds from this sale will be sent to the UNC Pediatric Hematology/Oncology Trust Fund. If you want a t-shirt, let me know via e-mail (simpson@nrcaknights.com or the one below) and I will forward your information to them. I think they had a hundred printed. I know I've sold about 25, so I don't know how many are left, but I know they will be glad to arrange to get the t-shirt to you. If you're by the school and want to get a t-shirt, you can come by and see me. If I don't have one for you, I can get it.

Now, that said, I guess I need to start writing...(I'll warn you, it's long!)

You know, to state the obvious, parenting is not an easy job! Looking back on parenting Vinson and Rebecca, I would say the easy part of the job was disciplining, teaching, nurturing...the hard part is feeling helpless when your child is hurting, whether it's physical or emotional. Jeff and I both struggled with our frustration with Becca's disease, that we couldn't "fix" it like mommies and daddies do...that we couldn't kiss it and make it better (love makes a lot of things better, doesn't it?) We struggled with the pain and sorrow of watching Rebecca die a little bit more each day and not being able to stop it and, even worse, not being able to ease her pain. Watching her struggle to breathe, to move, to converse, to live...no one, especially a parent, likes to feel so helpless, and there was nothing we could do except "be there" for her. How do you "be there?" I can only hope that Jeff and I were able to show Rebecca how much she was loved and treasured. Now we struggle with the helplessness of watching Vinson's pain as she learns how to be Vinson without "Button's" physical presence. I read her last update and wept...my precious child should not have to face such sorrow and pain at her age! I know that God didn't promise us easy or fair, but it is so hard to watch her suffer so and not say, "It's not fair, God! Why does it have to be this way?" (I say it anyway!!) I want to be able to ease that pain for her and make it better. Yet, I read with love and pride how eloquently she shared her feelings of loss and sorrow and what a beautiful relationship she and her "Baby Sis" had. That she could share such personal feelings in such a beautiful way was awesome.

We had a week and one day with Rebecca after Dr. Julie told us they couldn't do any more for her. That day, Julie talked to Rebecca alone and her only concern was for her daddy, Vinson and me. She wasn't afraid of dying; she was afraid that we wouldn't take care of ourselves after she went home. When all that was straightened out - when we had promised her we would take care - get help when we needed it, she looked at Julie and told her, "I'm not afraid to die. It'll be okay." Even so, she never gave up. She did let go and let God take care of everything...

And boy, did He! There were so many "God things" that week...Vinson came home that week-end (my cousin's wonderful husband dropped everything and flew up to get her! I didn't even have to explain. All I said was, "Jim, can you get Vinson and bring her home?" He didn't hesitate! She was home 8 hours later.) They spent lots of special time together - she was even angry that Vinson had come home unscheduled because of her! Dr. Sherrill contacted us about the school graduating her in a special ceremony. You have no idea what a relief it was to her to be allowed an early commencement - her face just lit up..."You mean, I don't have to go to school if I don't feel like it? I don't have to make up all my work?" But then, in true Rebecca fashion, she said, "They think I'm dyin', don't they?!" She was feisty, feisty!! Renee and Donna came in almost every day to take charge of my household so I could be with Rebecca...and so I could have someone to turn to for comfort. They organized everything! Sally had the food under control and it was soooooo good! Friends from school dropped in to visit - not just Rebecca but Jeff, Vinson and me, too. It made my heart feel good to look into her room and see Shea and Maggie there talking to her...Shea had crawled up on the bed with her just to be closer. The gift they gave Rebecca was to treat her like they always did. Their time together wasn't a sad time, it was a time full of laughter and joy. What a blessing! Jeff and I spent every night in the room with Rebecca. We wanted to be close and to be sure we could hear her if she called. Tal and Herbie spent a couple of nights in there too! Ben and Shannon surprised us with a quick trip to attend the graduation ceremony and to spend time with Rebecca afterwards...I think she knew it was time to go home. Ordinarily, Becca stayed on the couch until it was time to go to bed. That afternoon, she asked to go to bed almost immediately after we got home and she stayed there. Vinson did a lot of the checking on her and helping her. It's what she did on the week-ends she was home - that was their time together. So, she was with Rebecca when Rebecca died. It was very peaceful and, looking back, sweet. She just took a breath and turned her head toward Vinson. We kept calling her trying to bring her back, but we knew she was with Jesus and didn't want to come back. It's just that we didn't want her to go!! The hospice nurse came to help us with all the arrangements that are necessary. I have never felt so much compassion and love from someone I was meeting for the first time! She handled every aspect of taking care of Rebecca with love and dignity. She allowed Vinson and me to dress Rebecca in her beloved dance clothes and then very unobtrusively went about taking care of everything. My brother and sister-in-law were there, too. They had stayed to visit after comencement and were still there when she died. They fielded phone calls and visitors and just wrapped us in love. They, along with our pastor and the hospice nurse, were there when Jeff carried her out to the stretcher to place her in the van. We were wrapped in love!

So many God things! And they continue!! He is so awesome! I am constantly reminded of Isaiah 41:10, "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." His presence is constant and his love is steadfast. His promise is life everlasting with Him, through His Son, Jesus Christ. I hold to that promise.

I have more to share, but I've rambled much too long today. I'll check in with you later. Thanks for indulging me.

Monday, April 23, 2007 2:16 PM CDT

Hi y'all. This is Big Sis again... It may be long again, but no sermonette this time...

Two months ago today Rebecca died. I was there, in the room, holding her hand and calling her name. I stayed with her until they removed her body. I watched them put her ashes in a little niche above my granddaddy. And I gave the family's remarks at her memorial service. I know she's gone. It was forever ago, and it was yesterday. But I know she's gone.

And yet, I pick up the phone to dial her cell phone number. She was so excited to get her own cell phone. Not that she was ever anywhere without one or both of my parents. But having a cell phone was such a normal teenaged thing. She was just so thrilled. So I start to speed dial her number and then I realize that no one will answer, because she's not there. And yet I can't bring myself to remove her from my speed dial. Maybe, just maybe, one day she'll answer. But she's gone.

My best friend, the one person I told all of my "big news" to, isn't here to hear me anymore. I had a huge first in my life this week (personal, so you're not getting any details!) and I wanted to tell her. I wanted to tell her so badly. I could barely keep it inside, but I had to tell her first. I called home, just waiting for her to answer the phone. And then my mom answered and I remembered: Rebecca's not here anymore. She can't jump up and down with me over this news, she can't make a characteristically sarcastic but loving remark, she can't glance at me out of the corner of her eye with that "aren't we the greatest secret keepers ever" smirk when I go home for POPs in May. Because she's gone.

How do I "do" the rest of life as Big Sis without a little sister? There's no quiet voice calling me Intha (started 4 years ago when she felt so bad with her first round of chemo) as we whisper secrets at 1:00 am. There's no one to do our special good-night ritual with. There's no one left who knows our inside jokes, who completely understands why I burst randomly into giggles and who then joins with gales of laughter moments later. There's no one left to protect, to confide in, to teach, to listen to, to guide, to be proud of, to pick on, to share big moments with. How do I remember what she would have said or done when the next "first" comes up in my life? How can I step off the cliffs of the big moments in life without her here to step off with me?

I know she's gone. It's just that I was so used to her being here that sometimes it's like she still should be a phone call away. And sometimes it's as if her dying and everything after it has been a very realistic play. Like the Beth-dying scene in Little Women. Agonizing to watch, but the actress gets up and walks off the stage in the end, to be seen again at the curtain call, very much alive. Maybe it is sort of like a horribly real play, now that I think about it. She's just waiting backstage to come out for the curtain call. Then I'll get to hold her hand again, and say her name, and maybe she'll give me one of those secret sister smirks. It just seems like the remaining scenes are stretching out too long, and that they are too crucial for her not to have a starring role. And in a real play, I would get to see her during scene changes.

This is Big Sis, signing off...

Friday, April 6, 2007 10:00 PM CDT

Hi y’all. This is Big Sis updating for Mom and Dad. We know it's been a while since the last entry, and we apologize, but I have to admit that sitting down to update is very difficult, and it’s my turn. I could put it off further by going to watch Pirates of the Caribbean with Mom and Dad (and to be honest, Rebecca would probably completely approve, considering her longtime infatuation with Johnny Depp and Orlando Bloom!). But it's Easter, and I'm sure she would have something to say if she were still here. So I'm not going to try to be Rebecca, because she had a very special way with words, but I hope you'll bear with me as I step up to her "internet pulpit" for a while. I have something on my heart that I need to share with you (warning: it’s a long one…).

It's Good Friday today, and I've been thinking a lot about these four days - Maundy Thursday, Good Friday, Saturday and then Easter Sunday - and the emotions that Christ's disciples must have felt as events progressed. As a disclaimer, let me start out by saying that I'm not trying to equate Rebecca with Christ, though she tried every day to live her life in His image. But I think there are some parallels…

At our house, we've had a Maundy Thursday feeling for a few years. You know what I mean. That day and night (and morning) where the disciples must have watched Christ be arrested, dragged from court to court, terrified that He wouldn't be able to stop events and hoping against hope that He would prove His Lordship in time to save His own life. They had watched Him teach and heal others for three years, and they had to be just waiting for the moment when He would glorify Himself and show the Romans and Pharisees who was the true King of the Jews. Mom and Dad and I watched Rebecca struggle endlessly with the horrible disease that slowly took her body closer and closer to death, and yet we held onto the hope that she would be among that small percentage that actually survived the disease. For close to four years, we lived a Maundy Thursday, and on Friday February 23, 2007, just like the disciples so many centuries ago, we were thrust unwillingly into Good Friday.

Can you imagine how the disciples felt on that awful day? All that hope, and all that nagging terror that their hopes would be dashed; those emotions building and building as Christ was tortured and finally crucified. And they watched their leader, the man they had believed in for so long, die an agonizing and painful death. He did not show them the miracle they so desperately wanted. The disciples were so dejected and terrified for their lives that they hid themselves away, mourning the loss of their friend and teacher. And mourning the loss of their hope. Fortunately for us, Rebecca’s death was not agonizing, and I don’t believe it was any more painful for her than daily life had been. But, for myself, holding her as she died, I watched that last kernel of my hope die with her. And I’ll admit, I’ve pulled into myself more than usual.

The disciples and I missed the whole point, though. The miracle that they hoped to see – that of Christ saving Himself and kicking some Roman patootie – was not the miracle that God had planned. They had boxed themselves (and God) into their idea of what was best. They wanted their miracle now, and they wanted it delivered, so they were only prepared to have their hopes dashed. They had to wait. They had to be patient. And they were not prepared when their miracle finally arrived. When the women walked into that upper room where they all were huddled, the other disciples were not ready to believe that He was risen. They had become so absorbed in their realized fears and dashed hopes and isolated mourning that they had forgotten that Christ had never behaved in predictable ways to begin with. The disciples had even seen Him raise Lazarus from the dead, and they still didn’t believe the women. The majority of the disciples didn’t really understand their Easter miracle until Christ appeared to them at least a day or so later (I’m a bit fuzzy on the details of time and how long it takes to run back and forth between Emaus and Jerusalem in Luke 24:13-43, so don’t take my word for it). I know that Rebecca is with Christ, in my head. But the mourning in my heart is probably going to take some time to allow me to appreciate her Easter miracle.

To close a long sermonette, I think we forget sometimes on Easter that even after Jesus appeared to the disciples and they finally believed, they were still afraid and saddened that He was not with them. Those Maundy Thursday and Good Friday feelings didn’t just disappear. And we also forget that He left them with something to do. So I have resolved to myself that it’s okay for me to be sad after losing Rebecca. But I also think that I need to remember the work that she would want me to do, and that is to live my life as a reflection of Christ’s miracle. Salvation. And Hope. And, eventually, Peace...No matter what.

He Is Risen. Luke 24:5-6. This is Big Sis, signing off.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007 1:14 PM CDT

I'm not too sure where to start...It's been a month this Friday and Jeff and I still look for Rebecca; I still think, "I need to get Becca's meds together...it's time for her shower...need to change her dressing..." There's a void that you've read about in other journals and heard other parents' talk about...the dogs still go to her room and look for her, sniffing around a little bit and looking confused. They are needing extra hugs and rubs and scratches. We are needing what we cannot physically have and that is Rebecca's smile, her voice, her hugs; instead, Abba, her heavenly Father, and granddaddy are getting them...which is not such a bad thing for Becca!!! Jeff and I are torn between joy, knowing that Rebecca has no more pain and her body is no longer so twisted and frail, that she is dancing and singing; and sorrow, knowing that we have to wait for a while for our next hug and smile.

Jeff and I were able to get away to the beach together for the week-end before we stepped back into our work worlds. It was a blessed time for both of us, a time for laughing and sobbing, talking and meditating, a time for comforting each other and finding our way to each other as a couple again. I was talking with Vinson and listening as she said it so poignantly..."You and Daddy are learning to be two again and I'm having to learn to be one again. We both know that I don't do one very well!" And while, as Jeff said, "We are learning to be three," she has a point in that for 17 years she was one of two sisters, now her sister cannot be with her physically and she's learning to cope with that. Once again, the pain as a parent of not being able to fix something that is hurting your child...

I guess the beauty of all of it is that Becca will always be a part of the tapestry of our lives as our memories are stirred by the little things and the big things and we feel her presence and influence...then we're four again and not two and one...how confusing can I get?

I don't believe I've expressed to everyone how overwhelmed we have been by all the responses to us and our needs...It's definitely a "God thing" to quote Sally Pinon...everytime we have a need whether physical or emotional, someone, somehow, knows and steps in and is there for us. God is sovereign and He does keep us in His care.

Looking back to the day of Rebecca's service, my one regret is that I could not see and speak to every one who attended. We were awed by everyone's desire to be there...thank you for being there, for being willing to stand when there were no seats available, for showing your love for Rebecca. I think Becca did a great job directing everyone! Her desire was that everything be centered around joy, faith, hope, the power of God and victory in Jesus Christ...I believe that the service reflected those things. I hope you feel the same.

This week (all 3 days of it) back at work has been difficult for both Jeff and me. Vinson dealt with being back in her routine last week and I understand better now when she said she was having trouble focusing and "getting started" on work she needed to do. We all three have been wrapped in love and support from all who surround us at work and home and school (for Vinson). Thank you.

Thank you to those of you who have sent donations to UNC Pediatric Hematology/Oncology Trust Fund and to the Make-A-Wish Foundation. I'm not sure how much Make-A-Wish has received, but I received a call from a jubilantly, appreciative Dr. Julie who said they had received tons of donations and at that time (last week) donation totals were in excess of $3,000! Rebecca would be (and is, I'm sure) so pleased that folks are being so supportive of programs that do such good things with the money given. She was passionate about UNC Children's Hospital and particularly about the Pediatric Hematology/Oncology Department...she wouldn't have been with us the four years we had her after diagnosis without them.

This has been long...I'm sorry, but much has been on my heart. Another time, I'll talk with you about our last week with Becca and how she lifted us up and encouraged us.

Thank you for your love, your support, your encouragement, and most of all, your prayers.

Emmaline
Isaiah 41:10

Sunday, March 11, 2007 2:31 PM CDT

Good afternoon! This is Emmaline here. Just checking in to let you know we're doing okay...everyday is a step toward getting our lives back on track. As I'm sure you can imagine, there are no words to express our sorrow and anguish, the sense of loneliness and loss...the need to touch and the pain at not being able to. Vinson has been awesome...she has stood by Jeff and me as we've done those things we don't want to. We've sorted Becca's clothes searching for those that still smell like her. I feel as if that is one step forward; however, we've not taken any more steps...the stuffed animals and books and turtles are still there and will stay until...

Vinson and I, through the gracious generosity of our friends, took two nights and "escaped" to the beach. We only spent about 15 minutes on the beach itself, sitting in chairs, bundled against the wind and the cold. But the waves were soothing, as was the empty horizon... You know that metaphor about a ship passing out of our sight on the horizon and coming into someone else's sight on another horizon...

Thank you for checking in on us, and especially for your thoughts and prayers as we learn to adjust to Rebecca's disappearing over the horizon.

God bless you,
Emmaline

Thursday, March 1, 2007 12:07 AM CST

Hello all,

This is Big Sis, writing for Mom and Dad. On behalf of the entire family, thank you for your thoughts and prayers over the last four years, and especially over the last week. To those of you who were able to attend the service yesterday, thank you for taking time out of the middle of your week to come and remember our girl. We tried to speak with everyone, but if we missed you, please know that we truly appreciated your being there.

We are overwhelmed by the love and care we have received, and there are no words to express our gratitude.

This is Big Sis, signing off...

Saturday, February 24, 2007 3:34 PM CST

A service for Rebecca will be held at Westminster Presbyterian Church, 301 East Whitaker Mill Road, Raleigh, on Wednesday, February 28th at 2 p.m. A reception will follow at Wake Forest Presbyterian Church, 12605 Capital Blvd., Wake Forest.

At this time all scheduled meals have been put on hold and the family asks that you refrain from bringing things by the house. They have been overwhelmed with your acts of kindness, but are unable to handle additional food at this time. They thank you very much for allowing them this day of privacy and welcome your prayers and visits as they prepare for the service on Wednesday.

Please continue to check this webpage for updates. We promise to let you know of any details in regard to the service or ways that you may help the Simpsons. If you have questions, at any time, please contact Renee Patton, 522-7764 or Sally Pinon, 261-0712. Meals will be provided again for the Simpson's and we will update with that information later.

In lieu of flowers, Rebecca requested that donations be made to the
Division of Pediatric Hematology/Oncology Trust Fund, Attn: Dr. Julie
Blatt, Gravely 3314, Campus Box 7220, UNC School of Medicine, Chapel Hill, NC 27599-7220 or the Make-A-Wish Foundation.


Again, thank you for your continued prayers for Emmaline, Jeff and Vinson.

Renee and Sally

Saturday, February 24, 2007 3:34 PM CST

A service for Rebecca will be held at Westminster Presbyterian Church, 301 East Whitaker Mill Road, Raleigh, on Wednesday, February 28th at 2 p.m. A reception will follow at Wake Forest Presbyterian Church, 12605 Capital Blvd., Wake Forest.

At this time all scheduled meals have been put on hold and the family asks that you refrain from bringing things by the house. They have been overwhelmed with your acts of kindness, but are unable to handle additional food at this time. They thank you very much for allowing them this day of privacy and welcome your prayers and visits as they prepare for the service on Wednesday.

Please continue to check this webpage for updates. We promise to let you know of any details in regard to the service or ways that you may help the Simpsons. If you have questions, at any time, please contact Renee Patton, 522-7764 or Sally Pinon, 261-0712. Meals will be provided again for the Simpson's and we will update with that information later.

In lieu of flowers, Rebecca requested that donations be made to the
Division of Pediatric Hematology/Oncology Trust Fund, Attn: Dr. Julie
Blatt, Gravely 3314, Campus Box 7220, UNC School of Medicine, Chapel Hill, NC 27599-7220 or the Make-A-Wish Foundation.


Again, thank you for your continued prayers for Emmaline, Jeff and Vinson.

Renee and Sally

Friday, February 23, 2007 9:10 PM CST

This is Renee, updating for Emmaline. This evening after a day of joyful celebration centered around her High School graduation, Rebecca, our precious Rebecca has gone to be with the Lord and she can now rejoice in His presence. Her family has asked that friends not call or visit on Saturday so they can spend time together. They will update soon with details of the service in celebration of the time we had with Rebecca. They are so thankful for all of your prayers and all that you have done for them. Please continue to pray for them, you have been an incredible blessing!

On this 23rd day of February, her graduation day and the day she went to be wtih the Lord, we can remember the 23rd Psalm.

The Lord is my shepherd;
I shall not want.
He makes me to lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside the still waters.
He restores my soul;
He leads me in the paths of righteousness
For His name's sake.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil;
For You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
You anoint my head with oil;
My cup runs over.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
All the days of my life;
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord
Forever.

Thursday, February 22, 2007 2.22 PM CST

Just a really quick info update...there's no real news regarding Rebecca's health; however, we have a praise...Dr. Sherrill, the Superintendent at NRCA, has determined that Rebecca has enough credits to graduate, so Rebecca is graduating tomorrow at 1:15 p.m. at NRCA!! What a praise for her!! The entire high school will be present and the entire senior class will be in cap and gown and march in with Rebecca. She's very excited about being able to do this. We, Jeff Vinson and I, are very humbled by this showing of love and respect for Rebecca.

God bless you all,
Emmaline


Saturday, February 17, 2007 8:33 AM CST

Hello all. This is Mom and Big Sis. Rebecca's not strong enough to type and we know you are wondering what's going on.

We went to clinic Thursday to get blood and received some bad news. Rebecca has gone downhill faster than the doctors expected, and they believe from the signs and symptoms that her death is imminent. They cannot give any specific timeframe, other than that we should count the time in days and weeks rather than in months. We are still reeling from learning two weeks ago that the leukemia has taken over 80f her bone marrow, and is likely rapidly increasing to 100We are numb...

Rebecca is believing for her Lazarus miracle, and we are still standing with her for that. However, we know that a Lazarus miracle can happen in one of two ways - she can be restored to health in her earthly body, or she can be resurrected to life in her heavenly body.

Sally Pinon and Renee Patton have stepped in and organized Mom. Please contact one of them if you have an interest in helping in any way.
Pinon: (h) 801-6100 Patton: (h) 327-6505

We are at home and Rebecca is able to receive visitors. There are no restrictions except your illness, if you have one. Please call before you come by. 919-570-8644

One final request from us: Rebecca says that she cannot go unless she makes an impact for God. We believe that she already has, in a huge way, through the lives of the people she's touched in her illness, and we want her to come to realize that. If any of you have a story, long or short, funny or sad, about Rebecca that you wouldn't mind sharing, would you please take a few moments and type it into the guestbook or email it to Vinson at evs083@yahoo.com. Thank you...

Emmaline and Vinson

Wednesday, February 14, 2007 1:24 PM CST

> I've waited a few days to update you all on Rebecca so that I could try to gain some perspective on everything. I don't think perspective is available to me right now, so I won't put off updating you anymore!
>
> As you know Rebecca has been very ill. She was in the hospital the last week of January with a virus and has been at home recovering since then. Her fever, continues to be low grade. It will break periodically and then return. She is receiving morphine through a small pump to help her with the chronic pain she experiences in her hips and shoulders. She's working on getting her strength back to get back to school as soon as she can. She keeps thinking it'll be "tomorrow," but when tomorrow comes she doesn't have the energy to get up and go. Quite frankly, with the way things are at school - children going home sick right and left - I'm not encouraging her to try to go back. Her teachers are awesome and are willing to come to the house and work with her to catch her up. I see no need for Rebecca to expose herself to all the junk going around school right now.
>
> In the course of her hospital stay, Rebecca had a bone marrow aspiration to check to see where things are. The bone marrow aspiration came back showing that 80% of the cells in her bone marrow were blasts (leukemia cells). Obviously, this is not a good situation for Rebecca and the doctors are not willing to submit her to any more chemical concoctions - they do not think that the results would justify the rigors of the treatment, especially considering how frail she is. For now, she is on an oral chemotherapy to hopefully keep a lid on things. She meets with the docs again tomorrow.
>
> Jeff and I felt that we needed to give Rebecca permission to let go, if that is where she is. In the course of our conversation with her, she let us know that much as she loves us, she's not fighting like she is just for us! She has a big dream and is not ready to give in. Her first words were, "I'm just not ready!" Her next statement was, "I fully intend to graduate from high school!" So, we are standing behind her in her fight, believing with her for her miracle. I would ask your support and prayers for Rebecca in the same vein.
>
> I cannot begin to tell you what a source of strength your prayers, love, support, and encouragement have been to me and to us, as a family. We have been showered with love, support, food, money, encouragement...He truly knows our needs and supplies them!!

Love,
Emmaline

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10

Wednesday, January 31, 2007 9:46 PM CST

Hi! Mom, here. Rebecca is on the phone!

She had a great week last week...seemed to feel good and had a good bit of energy...went to Greensboro Friday and Saturday to participate in the All-State Chorus program there. She was in the SSA All-State Chorus. They worked all day Friday and Friday night, then all day Saturday until their concert at 3:00 p.m. What an awesome afternoon of music...those teenagers took two days - 20 hours - and made the most beautiful music! I was so blessed to be able to be there with Rebecca.

Got back Saturday night to go straight to school to help with the Talent Show there that the Ensemble sponsored as a fundraiser for their Carnegie Hall trip...it was a great success and the foundation was laid for future, bigger, better shows. They grossed about $2000 at the door and concessions, so not too bad for a first time event. We're working hard to raise the money for these children to pay their way to NY...please pray for our success.

Rebecca slept all Sunday until around 1:30 in the afternoon when she woke and went to the bathroom and began complaining of a severe pain in her abdomen...long story short, we spent Sunday afternoon monitoring her vomiting and diarrhea and all of Sunday evening at UNC Children's Emergency Department checking this mess out. They decided to admit her Sunday night and she's been here ever since. The one consolation is that we have the "Princess Suite " (5C04) - a corner room with a view and a big bed for Mom and Dad!! The initial treatment for Rebecca was morphine for the pain and Zofran for the nausea. Her temperature went up a little Sunday night so they started an antibiotic. Temp spiked on Monday and Tuesday going as high as 102.6. She's had x-rays - chest and abdomen, and abdominal ultrasounds to make sure there was no obstruction or fluid in her lungs. All things considered, the docs think she has all the earmarks of a nasty virus - the flu test was negative, but that doesn't mean she doesn't have a virus, just not the flu. She has been fever free most of today, but is still fighting the nausea and some diarrhea and feels "poopy." We'll be here at least through tomorrow - I'll keep you posted.

This afternoon Rebecca had her bone marrow aspiration and did it the old fashioned way - no sleepy clinic, just xylocaine, adovan (sedative), and morphine. She was awesome!! She was also drunk as a skunk...ask Abbie and Maggie! They came to visit...Results should be available some time tomorrow.

Becca has had a few visitors this week - as I said, Abbie and Maggie and then Brian Kohout and Dr. Sherrill from the school and Zack Freeman came by on his way to a New Life worship time on campus...it was great to see him and hear how things are going for him...I really appreciate everyone taking the time from their lives to come over here to visit with Becca.

Please continue to pray for Rebecca - for her pain, for her stomach issues, her headaches, her energy...all your prayers are felt and lift us up daily...thank you.

We rejoice with the Pinons on finally getting Gabe home after his bout with chicken pox...nothing worse than an active boy cooped up in one room for a week with nobody to play with!!!

Thank you for your love and support.

Emmaline

"The Lord is good - a stronghold in the day of trouble and He knows those who trust in him." Nahum 1:7

Tuesday, January 23, 2007 7:13 PM CST

Hi y'all! Once again, I am sorry for not updating. Y'all will just have to be patient with me and take me as I am!

Really, though, not much has happened. I went last Thursday (in the snow!!!) to clinic, and they took an x-ray of my chest and abdomen and did an ultrasound of my tummy to check all that out (it's been a while since they made sure everything was OK). We sent blood on Monday, and my counts are still low. I have to go in on Thursday for blood and then I think I have a bone marrow aspirate next Tuesday.

Mom and I leave for All State Choir on Thursday afternoon at 4:30. We'll spend the night Thursday, practice pretty much all day Friday, spend another night, practice all morning Saturday, and have a concert at like 3:00. Then I come home to help with the ensemble fundraiser Talent Show. It'll be fun, but most likely exhausting. Please pray for me!!

Not much else is going on. The play is going well, and I'm having fun. If you want tickets to the play, let me know. I also have tickets for either one of the talent shows on Saturday ($5 a piece).

Thank you all for reading and checking up on me. Most especially, thank you for praying for me. I so appreciate it. You are all so great...

I've got to go, I didn't have a lot of homework today so I'd like to take advantage of it and rest! Thanks again...Blessings
Love><>Me

Tuesday, January 16, 2007 9:47 AM CST

Mom here. Rebecca doesn't feel as if anything important has happened to warrant updating and/or she runs out of time and energy to update, so I thought I'd throw my two cents in!!

Hope this finds you all well and rested from the week-end. Rebecca had a great week-end and rejoiced in having Monday for a holiday...one more day to rest. Last week was a real bear. As you may recall, she had chemotherapy on Tuesday, the 2nd, and a Donor Leukocyte Infusion on Wednesday, the 3rd, then started back to school on Thursday, the 4th. Thank goodness for short weeks!! Then last week came along...it's been a long time since I've seen Rebecca so sick from meds. The chemo kicked in big time and she dealt with nausea, exhaustion, pain and headaches the entire week - with due cause come to find out. The chemotherapy caused her counts to tank and she ended up with 12,000 platelets (received a platelet transfusion on Thursday) 800 white blood cells and 0 neutrophyls...she's neutropenic. Fortunately, due to the 2 units of blood she received prior to the DLI, she was okay on the hemoglobin side - 10.7, but as you can imagine, she felt horrible. The good news about this is that the chemotherapy is doing its job and dropping the counts. Dr. Andy's hope and intent is that with the lowered counts, the DLI will have a better chance to get to work quickly. We'll keep you posted.

The week-end was good...she was able to sleep in on Saturday and she took me, courtesy of Vinson and Alyssa, to the Carolina Ballet's performance of Monet's Impressions. It was soooo beautiful and we both really enjoyed the time. Sunday was an especially good day for her and we spent time together as a family - lunch after church, walking the dogs, just hanging out. The walk was so much fun. Rebecca used her wheelchair as a walker and walked about two blocks on her own. Then we pushed her, she held Herbie's lead and I held Tal's. Tal and I led the pack, Herbie pulled Rebecca along (cause he has to go where Tal goes) and Jeff provided most of the power behind the wheelchair since Herbie only looks like he's pulling her along!! It was so funny to see him pulling on his leash trying to keep up with Tal - it did look like he was pulling Rebecca in her chair - the video would have made to America's Funniest if we'd had a camera. What a hoot! Monday was a day full of rest for Becca. She slept in again and spent most of the day working on essays and other homework.

Today has not started out as well. I know that a good portion of the challenges she has with fatigue here at school are due to her having to get up as early as she does to be here at 7:00 for Ensemble or because I have to be at work. The longer she can sleep in, the better her day seems to be. We got to school and she faded on me...it was like seeing a wave of fatigue wash over her. So she spent her first two classes in the health room. We'll see what the rest of the day brings.

Vinson has started her second semester of graduate school at Georgetown and, unless she's telling a BIG white lie, she really loves it. I know she loves Georgetown and DC. I think we've lost her to DC for the next few years!! Her first semester was exemplary and we couldn't be prouder of her. Quite frankly, Jeff and I are as proud, if not prouder, of the decisions she has made and actions she has taken over the last few months than of her scholastic performance.

Both of our girls awe me. They have such strength of purpose, courage, and love for their Lord. I'm so thankful for them and for the beautiful, spirit-filled young women they have become. God did good with them, I think!!

Enough of the bragging parent! We take Rebecca back to clinic Thursday for Dr. Andy to see her and see what's going on with her blood. No real news to report right now. Thank you for checking in on Rebecca and the rest of us.

We love you,
Emmaline

"I do not fear for God is with me; I am not dismayed for He is my God. He will strengthen me and help me; He will uphold me with His righteous right hand." - Isaiah 41:10 (my paraphrase)

Thursday, January 4, 2007 7:51 PM CST

This is mom, typing for Rebecca! She updated last night, but it didn't save...go figure!

Sorry to be so long updating...everytime I sat down to update, I fell asleep! I pretty much slept all Christmas break.

Went to clinic Tuesday and Wednesday. I received a dose of chemo on Tuesday and then two units of blood and my donor's leukocytes on Wednesday. Dr. Andy hopes the leukocytes will fight the leukemia cells and help put me into remission.

Back to school today...my Senior year, final semester. I didn't feel very good...it was tiring. Sure am glad tomorrow is Friday...

Christmas was good...we took warm clothing to the homeless on Christmas Eve, had dinner with my family and then went to the 9:00 service. I sang with the choir and mom played her flute for the service. It was really beautiful. After seeing the homeless folks, it helped me remember and appreciate the Gift I received so long ago. It also helped me appreciate the gifts I receive today - like life, faith, those kind of things.

Hope your New Year is blessed and happy.

Love,
Me ><>
Isaiah 40

Tuesday, December 5, 2006 5:47 PM CST

Hey y'all. How's everything. I'm so sorry it's been so long. Not much has happened. The IL 2 hasn't really done anything. The blasts aren't worse, but they're not any better. So we're trying something else...don't know exactly what yet, but something! I have to go in on Thursday for blood, and I'll let you know if something comes up.

Enough medicine talk...It's CHRISTMAS TIME!!! And I've been thinking about traditions. How many do y'all have? I know my family decorates a tree, puts lights in the windows, hangs an advent calendar, and puts up our Nativity. We go out on Christmas Eve to give warm things to the homeless people downtown. But what do they all mean? When we put those lights on the tree and the lights in the window, are we remembering that the Light of the World has come and lives today in our hearts? When we go through the advent calendar, are we counting down to Jesus' birthday like we count down to our own? When we put up the Nativity, are we thinking about the way Mary and Joseph felt? When we give things to the homeless, are we just doing it because we've done it every year or because we really want to? When we open those gifts under the tree are we thinking about the One True Gift or just about what we hope is inside?

I've been thinking about these things, and I realized that I'm not sure...I guess I never really thought about it, I just went through the motions. Maybe this year, I'll be able to do more than just go through the motions. And maybe this year, no matter what I get in the gift category or what happens, I'll have the best Christmas ever, celebrating the day when the Creator of the Universe humbled Himself to a baby in a manger, the day when my Savior came to Earth to grow up to give His life for me...
Think about it...

Merry Christmas...
Love><>Me

Sunday, November 19, 2006 8:28 PM CST

Hey everyone. I'm so sorry that you haven't heard from me in a while, but Mom's good at updating and I'm sure that you enjoyed reading her writing too!

WOW...what a crazy few weeks it's been. Little Women, as Mom said, went well, and except for a little breathing scare during dress rehearsal, all ran smoothly. We had oxygen for me during the shows just in case and I only needed it after the first like 4 scenes when I had to stand up and walk like a mad woman (for me). I had so much fun and I am so grateful that I got to be a part of the March family! I hope everyone who saw it enjoyed it.

On Monday, I started Interleuken II again. They saw that it was doing something good with my counts and so they're going to keep doing it until they get even better results. I might have to have another DLI to keep that going, and they will probably give me another few doses of IL-II before it's all done with. I finished that on Friday afternoon, but this past week was kinda rough. First off, I was tired from the play. Secondly, the IL-II kinda makes you feel like you've got the flu so all week I felt crummy. Then on Thursday, I went to the hospital for the radiothon (more on that in a minute), so I was super tired on Friday. I slept in and made it to school for a Math test. After that, I didn't feel well at all, so I came home and slept some more. The doctors are pretty pleased. No complaints on their part- just telling me to keep eating and gaining weight. My counts looked good. On Thursday, I also had some blood drawn and the took some pee (ok...sorry...awkward, I know) to test for a kidney infection(my side and back had been hurting, but they're OK now). The counts looked fine, I guess (they didn't really say) and we haven't heard about the kidney tests. I have to draw blood off my line tomorrow and Dad will take it to Rex.

So...the Radiothon. BIG SUCCESS. Thanks to all of you who listenend and called in. We made over $631,000 dollars. That's almost twice what we made last year and we beat our goal of $475,000. It was pretty fun getting to see all my radio friends and meet some new ones and also meet the country artists who came to give short concerts. I didn't get to speak on the radio as much because of some "miscommunications" (on the hospital's part...not mine...don't get me started!). But that's OK...we raised the money; I just wish I could have helped more since I might not be able to do as much next year (being at college,etc...).

Dad and I are on our own for a few days. Mom went up to visit Vinson on Saturday and won't be back until Tuesday. Then it'll be me, mom, dad, and grandma (and the puppies) for Thanksgiving. I love Thanksgiving...good food and a great reason for a holiday- being thankful for all that we have. Remember though, that we should always be thankful. "And in everything, give thanks..." We should be thankful not only 1 out of 365 days a year but 365 out of 365 days a year. We have so much to be thankful for...not only life, possessions, freedoms, family, but also salvation, faith, and the love of a Father who sent His Son to save us. I think that Thanksgiving gets passed over a lot these days, what with all of the stores putting out Christmas decorations right after Halloween (sometimes before). But Thanksgiving is important too. I think it kinda prepares us for Christmas...makes the way ready for Jesus's Birth...kinda like John the Baptist. It deserves it's own day...and year...so lets give it what it deserves! Be thankful and joyful in everything!!

Blessings and Love...
Love><>Me

Wednesday, November 15, 2006 9:46 AM CST

Good morning! This is mom today. I realized if we waited for Rebecca to update, we'd be waiting a while...she has not stopped since the last update (which I also typed)!

Went Monday for 2 units of blood and another round of Interleuken-II to be hung. She's on a portable pump at home for 96 hours receiving the IL-II. The blood has helped her look better...maybe when she recovers from last week-end, she'll also feel more energetic. Counts were not any different than they have been...still waiting.

Last week-end and the entire week before (which is why no updates) was dedicated to the NRCA's production of Little Women. Needless to say, Rebecca was in it up to her eyeballs. There were 4 productions beginning Thursday and she played Meg on Friday night and Saturday night. We were so very proud of her...first and foremost for her persistence and commitment to the role and the play, but WOW! she was awesome! Everything went well...she had a lot of help from the stage crew girls getting her costume changes done and I was backstage on Friday and Vinson went back on Saturday to help her with oxygen and costume change at the most difficult point for her in the play...she came through with flying colors!! Both our girls love theater and have really enjoyed being a part of the productions here at NRCA (Vinson was the Baroness in Sound of Music her senior year). Next up is Thoroughly Modern Millie...Rebecca is in the chorus and serving as Mr. Green's assistant. She'll be a big help behind the scenes, I believe.

Tomorrow is the Children's Promise Radiothon sponsored by Curtis Media Group and the UNC Hospitals. Rebecca is really looking forward to being there and talking with all the radio folks that she's gotten to know and love these last 3 years. She'll be there all day (except for a small time to meet with Dr. Gilman to check counts and how the IL-II is going). She looks at this as an opportunity to give back to the hospital and staff for all the wonderful care they've given and continue to give her. Pray for a successful radiothon with lots of money raised!!

We're looking forward to the Thanksgiving holiday next week. I'm leaving Saturday morning to go visit Vinson in DC until Tuesday, then I'll be back to have turkey with Mother, Jeff and Rebecca. Vinson and I are going to explore DC a little bit and see what we can find!!

Rebecca has requested that we get our Christmas tree early (waaaaaaaaaay early to me!), so we'll be scoping out the trees next week looking for one that will fit in our house.

I know that Rebecca would ask that you pray for all the children at UNC Children's and at Duke Children's hospitals. They're in the best possible places to get the best care and treatment, but it's still hard on them and their families...the pain, anxiety, uncertainty, fear - all can be and are overwhelming...your prayers help ease the heart and soul and are felt.

Please pray, also, for Abbey, Rebecca's friend here at school. Her blood pressure and heart rate had been really stable with the medications. They recently adjusted her meds and now she is having some challenges with all that again. She is a special young lady and shows the same grit and determination that Rebecca has...she is well grounded in the Lord, that's why.

Please pray for Rebecca to have relief from the severe headaches she is experiencing. We had hoped that the 2 units of blood she received would help, but so far, she still has them..."the size of Mt Everest" at times!! We also ask you to pray that the treatment she is receiving will work.

Daily, I am awed by Rebecca and her attitude, her strength and perseverence. All of this comes from her total reliance and dependence on our Lord. When you're around her you can tell that she is fully relying on Him and she trusts in His will for her life. She teaches us daily, as you can imagine.

A dear friend of mine here at school, a parent, gave me a scripture card a while back that I have taped on my monitor. It has been a constant source of strength and support for me: "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 4:10

I'll leave you with that and my love. Thanks for your prayers, love, encouragement, and support.

Emmaline

Monday, October 30, 2006 6:00 PM CST

This is mom. The only way I could get Rebecca to update, was to type it as she dictates, so here goes!!

Hi, guys!! Sorry it's been so long. A lot has happened and I haven't had a chance to update. A couple of weeks ago, I had to have a semi-emergency surgery because I was having severe abdominal pain and had to fix the situation. I won't go into details, but everything's okay now. After that, I had the Interleuken II infusion over 4 days. Toward the end of that procedure I developed a really high fever which made me feel really bad and had me at clinic until 6:00 p.m. (At least I didn't have to go to the ER and stay there forever!!) They gave me the choice of staying overnight or coming home...I chose home - I sleep better there!! It's taken me a long time to get my energy back from all of that and I'm still not 100%. My counts are pretty stable - not great, but not awful, either.

Little Women is going well - we practice every afternoon after school; have lots of school work. My former associate pastor, Owen, came for a whirlwind visit on his vacation this last week-end. It was really good to see him.

Some of you may keep up with Lindy (Gupton - see link below). She is a neuroblastoma survivor and her parents are very active in raising awareness and money for research. They are hosting an oyster roast this week-end, so my mom and dad and I are going to go to that. Mr. Gupton makes really great jambalaya - can't wait.

Please pray for energy and God's hand to move in my life and my health.

Love ><>
Me

Sunday, October 8, 2006 6:38 PM CDT

Hi everyone. I'm so sorry it's been so long. I've been crazy busy. I can't remember exactly what I wrote last, so if it's a repeat, I'm sorry.

New York City was awesome. I had a fun time with my class, and I loved the plays. I think I would have had more fun if I could have walked, but other than that it was a blast.

Last weekend, Mom, Grandma, and I went to see the Lion King down at Memorial Auditorium. It was amazing. The costumes and sets were phenomenal, and the music was beautiful. Then PowderPuff was Saturday night. SENIORS won!! It was most definately not rigged...let me tell you. But the guys (the senior football players coached us) put me in near the end, and I got to "run" a touch down on my scooter. 45 yards...they told me (I'm sure just to humor me) that I won the game!! lol. It was fun though.

This weekend was choir retreat. I just got home, in fact. It was a lot of fun and a good time of learning and fellowship. I really got to know a lot of new people, and with it being my Senior year, it was really special. (We cried...)

I don't know if I mentioned this last update, but I got a puppy. His name is Herbie. He's a Yorkshire Terrier Mix (We think Dachsund because his ears are abnormally long for a yorkie). He's a cutie. Tal is being a good big brother and teaching him lots of new things.

That's about all that's new with me. My counts are pretty stable. I've still got the blasts, but they're not any more than before, and the other counts are good. We're just sitting tight to give the DLI some time to work...a few more weeks. I'll try to keep you posted.

Thanks for all of your prayers...please keep praying for my stamina and for the upcoming Little Women production (If anyone wants tickets, let me know). I can't really think of anything else to say, but thanks for everything...
Blessings and love...
Love><>Me
Psalm 103

Thursday, September 21, 2006 10:14 AM CDT

Hello everyone! How is everything? I'm doing fine. This week has been a little rough. I started out with a runny nose and drainage due to allergies (the changing seasons, yadayadayada), but by Monday night, I had a horrible headache, I was coughing, my nose was stuffy, and I had a fever. I went to bed early, and my Mom called Stephanie at clinic on Tuesday morning to tell her I had a fever. They decided to have me come in on Tuesday afternoon for a dose of antibiotics. Just to be safe. My fever had gone down, but the didn't want to risk it. Wednesday, I stayed home again because I still had a low-grade fever and was very sleep with a cough and headache and runny nose still! By the end of the day, I felt marginally better, but this morning I woke up and my head is still hurting and I am still coughing, which makes my head hurt worse, and I still have a runny nose. Since the Seniors leave for New York City tomorrow (EARLY), Daddy wanted me to stay home and rest again so that I will be up for the trip. I think most of my work is caught up, so that's pretty good, and I hate going to school with a headache, so I said whatever you say, dad.

Yep, we leave tomorrow. I'm so excited. I really am. New York is such a great place (despite the people and the disturbing and ungodly lack of sweet tea), and I hope to have so much fun hanging out with my friends and my Dad. Dad is going even though it's his and Mom's anniversary tomorrow. I feel kinda bad...I wish they both could go, but Mom has to work. Maybe I'll bring her something special back...

Oh, guess what!!! I got a puppy, finally!!! Daddy adopted him for me this past Saturday. He is a Yorkshire-Terrier Mix named Herbie. He is so tiny, and he will only get to be about 10 lbs. MAX. He's so cute and cuddly, he loves to lay on my lap. He's a puppy though, and he's got the puppy energy, so it's funny to watch him and Tal, the "old man", play around the house and outside too. Tal seems to like him alright, but he's still getting used to him. Herbie is doing well with his crate training and OK with his house training, but we've got a little work to do on the house part! I'll try to get pictures, but I don't know if they'll work!! I have to get help for that... :)

I've got to go. Daddy wants me to rest, and I've been on the computer for a while, but I'll talk to you all later. Thank you so much for your continued prayers. By the way, my friend Meghan (Jo from Little Women) is back at school. They told her it was pneumonia and she had a spinal tap to try to figure out what was wrong with her head (she was having migraines). Thank you for praying for her, she says she feels much better now. Y'all are some amazing prayer warriors...I know that much. Don't stop!

I was reading for Bible in my Celebration of Disciplines book about the Discipline of Prayer. He pointed out that the apostles and disciples of the Bible didn't pray "wimpy, pathetic, 'if-it-be-Thy-will' prayers." They prayed EXPECTING a change because they were so in tune with the Holy Spirit that they knew what He wanted and that was for the people to be well. They often just said, "stand" or "walk" or "see" or "hear", and that was it. They prayed, expecting that what they were doing WOULD (not COULD) make a difference because they had the power of the Holy Spirit. And here's the thing, guys: SO DO WE!!! We can pray like that. We can pray for others and expect change everytime we pray because Jesus sent the Holy Spirit to us, too, the moment we accepted Him as our Savior. So, next time you pray, pray expecting something to change...

Just a little thought for the day! Have a great weekend! NEW YORK CITY, HERE I COME!!!

Love><>Me

Wednesday, September 13, 2006 4:20 PM CDT

Hey guys. How's everything? I'm sorry it's been so long. Not much to update on. I went to have the DLI on Thursday, and the counts were about the same, a little lower actually, but the same amount of blasts. So they did the DLI anyway, and that went smoothly. (It tasted like pickles in the back of my throat...wierd) I came home and went to on with everything.

On Friday, I went to Meredith College for an open house. It was really fun. I really liked Meredith, and I'm considering it seriously. THey were very nice and willing to help me with my "disability" issues and they have programs for people who have to miss a lot of classes, etc. It just seems like it would be a good fit. I'm still praying about it though, and I'm applying at other schools and will go visit them as well.

We took blood to Rex on Monday, and my counts came back pretty good. They were surprised...my platelets and Hemoglobin were up and so was my ANC and White count. I go in on Monday for an actual check up, so I'll know more then.

This week is Spiritual Emphasis Week at school. Clayton King came to speak to us, and he did really well. 3 people in high school accepted Christ. It was good for me to hear his messages...he had a lot of good points, and I really enjoyed listening to him speak.

I've got to go do some reading for school, but I'll try to update later. Thank you for all of your prayers...please continue. I really appreciate them. Please pray for Gabe, he broke his arm yesterday. And my friend, Meghan, in the play with me (she plays "Jo") is sick and they aren't sure what is wrong with her so wisdom for the doctors and divine healing is on the order!! Thank you so much...I'll talk to you later...Blessings...

Love><>Me

Tuesday, September 5, 2006 5:51 PM CDT

Hi everyone. I am sooo sorry that it's been so long. I kept on saying, I'll wiat until I have something to write about (i.e. my next appointment roles around), but then there still wouldn't be anything to talk about. My last round of myelotarg seems to have done it's job, and with few side effects. Praise the Lord!!! An answer to prayer... I go in on Thursday to get PFTs, check my counts again, and if all it well, receive some of that DLI that will kick the leukemia's rear with some Graft vs. Leukemia (and NO Graft vs. Host!). Your prayers have been answered so far...please don't stop now. Keep on praying, please, for success with the DLI and little GVH but lots of GVL!

I've been getting a lot of college things together. Last Wednesday night, Daddy and I went to a informational meeting for Vanderbilt over at Cary Academy (talk about your campuses...I'd be afraid to walk anywhere...). This Friday, Mom and I are going to Meredith's open house. I've got some other schools I'm applying to, but none have done an open house or anything yet except for Elon last semester. That was an informational meeting, and I went to that. English is all about the college essays right now, so that's been really helpful...

School's pretty crazy. I think I'm getting into the swing of things though. My teachers are pretty understanding about everything so that's nice, and I stay pretty caught up with everything. Speaking of school, I've got to go do some studying for a AP European History test. That should be fun! The play is going well...come and see it if you want (November 9-11)...it should be awesome. Plus, I'm in it, so it couldn't be better!! lol! jk.

I'm still working on that puppy that most of you know I want...maybe your prayers could help on that one too!!! lol! Mostly though, I'm just asking the Lord for strength and stamina to get through the days! And He's delivering.

New York City with the Senior class is coming up. Daddy will be going with me. It's Mom and Dad's anniversary that weekend, but Mom can't go on the trip and the school wants Dad to be with me in case something happens, so they will be apart. But maybe I can do something special for them to make it up to them... Pray for me though, please, as I go the NYC...I love it there and I want to have tons and tons of fun with my friends.

I've got to go study for that test, but I will try to update soon...hopefully after I hear something about Thursday. Have a blessed and marvelous day!

Love><>Me

P>S> Thought for the day/week: When you do your devotions today or tomorrow or whenever, think about Who wrote the Word you are reading and why. Who is He speaking to and what is He trying to tell you? The Word is God's Love Letter to us- to you. Don't take that for granted... ><>

Thursday, August 24, 2006 1:21 PM CDT

Good afternoon, everyone! This is mom, here, checking in with you to let you know what's going on today. As you know, Rebecca was scheduled for chemo on Tuesday, the 22nd. There was no bed available that day, so we waited to hear when we could go for the chemo. We waited until yesterday afternoon when we received a call that her bed would be available after 2:00 p.m.; then Cammie, nurse practitioner, called to say that bed had been given to an emergency admission, but a bed would be available after 6:00 p.m. when a child was being discharged. We, wisely, waited until 8:00 p.m. to head over to Admissions. Got there, checked Rebecca in, and found that the room, which had been empty since 6:30 p.m., was still not ready (although it had been marked "clean STAT"). So, we waited in the lobby of 5C until about 11:30 p.m. to get Rebecca into her room. Jeff spent last night with her since he has to go to Wilmington Friday and I will spend tonight with her, if she stays.

Dr. Gold said if she feels good this afternoon, she can go home; however, since her neutrophyls are way low (0.2), if she spikes a fever she'll have to go back to the hospital via the ER and there may or may not be a bed for her. Given that she spiked a fever after her last myelotarg treatment, Jeff and I are inclined to have her stay at UNC tonight. There's not much worse than waiting for hours on end in ER for a bed to come available...been there, done that.

Becca started school Monday...stayed the entire day. She stayed home Tuesday, expecting to be admitted then. Tried to go Wednesday, but threw up on the way and had to go home to change clothes...she was so exhausted, she chose to stay home instead of trying again. Seems like what would take the old Rebecca a night to recover from now takes two or three days. She has such strength of will and tenacity, that I tend to forget that she needs longer recovery times. Then, I get upset and frustrated for her...I really have learned to let God handle it, but sometimes, I also tend to forget to do that and try to handle it all myself...what a mistake!! When we let Him take care of everything for us, it all goes much smoother than when we try to handle everything. Imagine!!

All of this to say that we are all doing well and Rebecca is being her usual faithful, tenacious, persistent, strong-willed, powerful self...is it any wonder that we can do no less than she and stand with her on God's promises?

Thanks for caring; thanks for praying; thanks for encouraging,

Emmaline

PS: Jeff and I took Vinson to D.C. to get her moved into her apartment at Georgetown...what a precious place she has found...3 blocks to school and 3 blocks to work (a little further to the grocery and pharmacy, but she'll manage I'm sure). She's so excited, as are we for her, but I sure do miss her and I'm not sure I'm really ready to be a mother to a 22 year old who is stepping out into the next phase of her life and leaving mom and dad behind...when you've been an integral part of your children's lives for so long, it's like something has been cut out of your life suddenly. We're so proud of her...

Nothing like puffed up parents, huh?

God bless,
E

Wednesday, August 16, 2006 9:55 AM CDT

Hello everyone! This update came much sooner than the other one (I think.)!!! How's everyone doing? I'm doing OK. I went in for blood work and to get examined on Monday. She said I look good, and my counts were OK except for my white count and neutrophils- both low...I'm neutropenic. It turns out, the myelotarg didn't quite get everything, though. It was a small dose, so they weren't sure if it would. They're going to give me another dose next Tuesday (They're letting me go to the first day of school.), and I have to be admitted for the day. That way if something goes wrong, like a fever or something else, I'll already be in a bed and not waiting forever for one in the ER. I should be out by Wednesday, and if not Thursday, unless something goes terribly wrong. Please pray that everything goes smoothly.

We got to visit some friends at their extremely nice beach house at Holden Beach this past week (They had a small elevator and a mini-movie theatre!). We went down on Thursday and came back Saturday. It was lovely. It wasn't too hot, and they have access the the waterway, where they have a boat and wave runners. I couldn't ride the wave runners (oh, how I wanted to...), but I rode on the boat. It was so much fun. Other than that, Dad played golf with his friend on Friday while Mom, Vinson, and I hung out around the house (Vinson rode the wave runners as well...)with the rest of the family. We had a lot of fun being with friends and relaxing.

I've got to go- time to eat. I'll talk to you all soon, and thank you for your prayers...they are working.

Love><>Me

Tuesday, August 8, 2006 5:42 PM CDT

Hey everybody! I'm sorry it's been so long. We went to the mountains for a family vacation. It was a lot of fun. We took Tal, went to the spa, got massages, Vinson and Daddy went horseback riding, and we basically just hung out and relaxed. It was nice. Anyway, that's where I've been...

Yesterday (monday) I went to the doctor. I got my dose of myelotarg. It was some heavy duty stuff. I did OK until about 2:00. Then my stomache started cramping and I was miserable. They gave me some pain meds and an antibiotic, and I was OK. But when I got home I spiked a fever. I didn't have to go back because I had already gotten the antibiotic and my counts were good. I stayed home from work today to recover and slept in for a while, and Vinson's friend, Alyssa, was here for the day. We watched a movie and here I am updating after dinner. That's about all that's going on. I'll probably get the DLI in a couple of weeks, and I might have to have another dose of the myelotarg...we're just waiting and seeing.

School starts soon, and with that lots of work and getting ready for college applications. Please pray for me that I'll have enough energy to get it all done. I'm excited, but I know that I will need extra energy. Also, complete healing is still on the order! I keep thanking God for it and He keeps giving it...

I've got to go, but I will try to update soon. Thanks for everything...
Love><>Me

Friday, July 21, 2006 12:37 AM CDT

Hello! It's me. I'm sorry, yet again, to have been so long in updating. I wanted to wait until I knew more about my situation before I started posting it for everyone to see. We've hit another little road block. It seems as if the marker that has been on my chromosome since the beginning (except for when I was in remission) is back. This means another relapse. I don't know if I was ever officially in remission this time, but regardless, they consider this a relapse. So far, my counts are good, and we've made plans to do a DLI. There's some left in the big freezer at UNC with my name on it from my first DLI a couple of years ago. I'll be receiving a dose of a chemotherapy called Myelotarg (sp?) to target the Myelogenous Leukemia (get it? :) ) Then, they'll give me about a tenth of the dose of the remaining DLI in the hopes of causing Graft vs. Leukemia but not so much Graft vs. Host. I'll be honest and tell you that they told me there is a chance it will work but it's a small one. I'm not worried...I've got Something (Someone) they don't.

We're having a little issue with the insurance company approving the expense. They won't pay for a transplant at UNC (LONG STORY) as of right now, and they're not being very responsive to the doctor's request for approval for the DLI. You're prayers would be greatly appreciated there.

I'm starting to drink this juice (completely natural) called Goji Juice (it's from a berry grown in the Himalayas). It's pretty good, but it's very strong!! I'm drinking it to hopefully boost my energy levels, help with side effects of the chemo and other drugs, and keep me as healthy as possible while I go through these next phases. It's even been shown to reverse advanced stages of cancer in patients before. I'm drinking it mainly for the energy it gives me and because it boosts my appetite!

I'm working a few days a week at a hair salon in Wake Forest (it's in the Factory). It's a lot of fun. I answer phones, take messages, check people out, book appointments. And the owner is really nice and very understanding about my situation and doctor's appointments and everything. It's nice...

That's about all I know to talk about right now. Not much is happening, but I've gotten to go to the pool a couple of times this week. It was a lot of fun even though all I do is sit on the steps. But I try to do some small excercises while I'm sitting there to help keep my legs from getting any weaker. Anyway, that's what's happening. Again, I'm sorry for not updating for so long...I know y'all check a lot to see what you can pray for and I appreciate it more than you will ever know. Please pray for me to have strength and energy, and, please, I need you to stand with me in receiving a completely normal, healthy bone marrow free of markers or blasts or anything bad. My God performs miracles, no matter how small the percentages...

Thanks guys...I love you...
Love><>Me

P>S> I was reading in Psalms the other night when I was feeling a little down and then guilty about that. It goes from a song of praise to a plea for help to a cry of disappointment in a God it seems had forsaken. I realized, not for the first time (but it really hit me this time), it's OK to be upset or disappointed...as long as the faith is still there and the song of praise comes after the sadness...David was a man after God's own heart and even he felt forsaken and left alone, but then he remembered that God has the victory in every fight, including this one.

Wednesday, July 5, 2006 5:54 PM CDT

Hello everyone. I'm so sorry it's been so long. As you've read, I was in the hospital for a few days, and then when I got home, I couldn't get online through my computer. Mom and Vinson went to the beach for the weekend, so I couldn't get on V's computer either, and upstairs just doesn't do it for me. Anyway, excuses, I know, but that's why I haven't been able to update. Vinson's kept you pretty well informed though. Except for, I don't know about all that stuff she said that Dr. Blatt said. I don't remember!

When I came home from UNC, I was tired, but I've been getting my energy back, and I haven't had a fever since. Daddy and I spent the weekend together, and Maggie and I went to a movie (The Lake House- so good...) on Saturday night. It was a hassle for Maggie, I know, but we had fun and got to talk some and hang out over ice cream afterward. Daddy and I went to church on Sunday (the first time for me in a while) and then we went to see the adoptable puppies at PetsMart here in Wake Forest...they were SOOOO ADORABLE!!! For July 4, the family went up to the YMCA pool to hang out for a couple of hours. We alternated sitting in the shade of the totally fun (so I hear) slide and sitting on the steps next to the slide in the water while Mom, Dad, and Vinson brought out their inner kid and slid down the slide SEVERAL times. We had a blast, but I was worn out by the end of the day! It was fun to spend time with Vinson especially because she's been working lately and just got Monday and the 4th off. We had fun though...

Anyway, I've got to go get hooked up to my TPN (nutrients, vitamins, fats...to beef me up hopefully) and start getting ready for bed. I've got a bone marrow aspirate tomorrow early in the morning, so I've got to be rested! Thank you so much for your messages and prayers...I love reading them, and I know that your prayers are working. This marrow's gonna be clean- I just know it!!
More as soon as I know and can update!!

Love><>Me

Thursday, June 29, 2006 9:10 am EST

Big Sis, yet again. I've left the last two journal entries below in case you haven't had a chance to read up on all that's going on. But we just wanted to let you know that Becca was discharged on Wednesday since she had been fever free for 48 hours and they can't really do anything else to help her at the hospital. She's HOME!!!
Big Sis, signing off.

*BACKGROUND INFO*
Wednesday June 28, 2006
This is Big Sis again. I didn't want to delete yesterday's journal entry, because this information pertains to it.
1. Chest X-Ray: Dr. Blatt thinks there is something on the x-ray (bad), so she has ordered an MRI and CT Scan to get a better picture.
2. There are blasts in Becca's peripheral blood. The first time around, this meant she had relapsed or that the chemo hadn't had any effect. This time around, the doctors think it may be her counts coming back instead. So they're running a genetic test to see what exactly is going on in those cells.
3. Good news and bad news on the fever: It's not a bacterial infection, because the cultures aren't growing anything (good). Dr. Blatt says the only other things that can cause that high of a fever are fungus or leukemia (bad).
That's all the new info for now... We'll keep you posted as we find out more...

Tuesday, June 27, 2006
Hi y'all. This is Big Sis with a quick update.
Becca was admitted to the hospital on Saturday with a 103.6 degree fever. Saturday and Sunday were rough, but she had a slightly better day on Monday since her fever came down to 101.9 degrees. As usual, it's taking some time to figure out what's the matter, so until a test comes back conclusive the doctors are basically just pumping her full of antibiotics. She had a whole-blood transfusion Sunday night to help boost her counts and give her a little more energy. She also had a chest x-ray on Sunday. No word on that yet.

I just have to say that she amazes me. She insisted on attending Company auditions at her dance studio on Friday, and she actually tried to do some ballet. Considering that she spends most of the day on the couch or in bed, uses a wheelchair to get around, and has to use a cane to walk even short distances, watching her do barre work was a huge moment for me. Of course, she was disappointed that she couldn't dance like she used to, or even like the other girls. But then again, none of the other girls are waiting on having their hips replaced.

Anyway, there's really not much more to tell. If you do want to visit, please call first to make sure she's awake and feeling up to it. And if she's not ready for a visit right then, try again a bit later. She really appreciates your messages, calls and visits, and most especially your prayers and support.

Tuesday, June 20, 2006 2:59 PM CDT

Hey guys! How's everyone's summer? Well, mine's been ok, if not somewhat boring. I don't really have a lot to do. I have a little bit of Spanish left to finish, but other than that really nothing but reading and watching tv...and you can only do so much of either of those things at one time. I'm ready to go out and do stuff or see people (most days!!). Anyway, enough of my babbling...

I went back to the doctor today, for a second round of platelets. I t was a pretty uneventful visit, except for I lost a couple more pounds. I really am eating, but I have gotten sick a few times (like throw up...), and I can't really taste anything. Plus, what I do eat comes back up most of the time...go figure. But I'm trying!

I have a bone marrow apiration and spinal tap scheduled for 2 weeks (July 6), and depending on those results, I'm probably going to have a hip replaced before I have my marrow "boost". I don't know much more than that, except that we hope to have the hip done in July so they can give me the "boost" by late August, early September. **We just have to pray for continued remission and strengthening of muscles and for everything to fall into place as it needs to with no gliches so that I can get back to school, ensemble, dance, and Little Women in the fall!!!

Thanks for checking in, and when I know more, someone, if not I, will update. Thanks for your prayers. God is always working miracles...

Love><>Me

Sunday, June 11, 2006 7:54 PM CDT

Hello all. I'm home. I was supposed to come home on Thursday night or Friday, but I got a fever on Thursday night. It didn't break until Friday evening, so I didn't come home until Saturday afternoon. But I made it home. My counts are good, and the doctors seemed to be OK with me being here in Raleigh.
Mom and Dad went to the beach for the weekend, so Vinson brought me home, and we had a fun time together. Grandma bought us Chinese and ate with us, then after she went home, we had girl time. We slept in (I wasn't up for church, and Vinson had to stay here with me) and watched a movie. Then Mom and Dad came home, and we've just hung out (I took a nap outside!!!).

There's not much else to say...I'm really tired, but otherwise I feel fine. I'm glad for it to be summer, and I've finished all of my work except for Spanish. Pray for me that I will feel up to doing it soon so that I can finish!!! Thanks...

I've got to go, I'm getting sleepy... Thank you so much for everything- especially your prayers. I love y'all...

Love><>Me

Tuesday, June 6, 2006 7:17 PM CDT

Hey guys. How's everything? Nothing much here to report...I just got finished eating some yummy watermelon and cantelope. Mmmmm... Tomorrow, I have to go to the doctor at ten o'clock and will be admitted (as far as we know) for either an anti-fungal medicine or chemo to keep me in remission. I'm hoping to make a quick recovery from this round, especially since I don't have that cough anymore...

I got to march as a Marshall in graduation yesterday, and I had so much fun! I saw Abbey Freeman, and she looks gorgeous and awesome...an awesome answer to prayer! Then Caitlin and Mr. Mack joined our family for a VERY late dinner at Steak and Shake! It was yummy!

This past weekend, I went down to Oak Island with my Mom and Maggie and Vinson. We had a lot of fun just relaxing and enjoying the view (and eating!).

Summer's gonna be interesting, but I'm looking forward to it...then SENIOR YEAR!!! Woo-hoo! I'm gonna finish up Spanish work, and then I'm finished so I can start my reading for AP English next year...

That's about all I know to say right now. I won't be able to update for a few days, but Mom or Vinson might. I'll try to keep people updated...

Thanks for your prayers...they have made the biggest difference!! Love y'all...

Love><>Me
Psalm 18

Sunday, May 28, 2006 9:09 PM CDT

Good evening! Mom here...Rebecca has been working all week-end trying to catch up on her schoolwork before the school year ends...she's doing a great job; much better than I would do in the same situation.

As you know, Becca had a bone marrow aspirate on Tuesday, May 16...Dr. Julie was very pleased with the initial information on the marrow and very encouraged with how Rebecca was looking...still concerned about the chest and wanting a chest CT, but we passed on that one (one hour plus wait). Got a call later in the week that the marrow showed 2% blasts (<5% is considered a remission marrow) and she was very pleased. Encouraged us to go and take Rebecca with us to Vinson's graduation.

Vinson's roommate, Alyssa, flew in Saturday to surprise Rebecca and go on up to Hollins with Vinson a few days prior to graduation. Becca was so surprised...she had no clue Alyssa was coming...it's so much fun to surprise the girls like that!!

On Friday, we made the trip to Hollins with relative ease and attended Vinson's Phi Beta Kappa induction and Baccalaureate Service Saturday. Becca and Grandma went back to the motel and rested while V, her Dad & I went to the President's home for a reception. Sunday, commencement began at 10:00 a.m. on the Front Quadrangle. The weather was exquisite and the campus was meticulously prepared for the girls' special day. We were so proud to see Vinson walk in with all her classmates in their caps and gowns. In addition to receiving her diploma, summa cum laude (proud mom here!!), Vinson was awarded the award for scholarship, leadership and character as voted on by her classmates. Wow!! Needless to say, Jeff and I are very proud parents! The week-end was bittersweet for Jeff and me. Just 4 very short years ago, we were watching her graduate from High School and preparing to take her to college. Now, here she is graduating and preparing to go to graduate school at Georgetown University!! When did we grow older?

Now, we're all back home; Vinson is taking a well-deserved break prior to beginning work June 5. We went to clinic last Thursday expecting to be admitted for more chemo. Saw Dr. Julie...she is ecstatic about how well Rebecca is looking and doing. Her counts look great; the cough is much less frequent and severe than it was. They took a CT scan of her chest and some things did show up which they will want to look at further, but she is certainly not suffering from the coughing like she was. Dr. Julie was so pleased with Rebecca that she told us we could go home and come back June 7 to begin chemo...what a reprieve!! That means Becca can look forward to attending NRCA's graduation exercises and serve as a Junior Marshal for that event. That's been a goal of hers for this entire year. God is so good about answering even the smallest of prayers!! It also means I have about 10 days to get some weight back on Becca before she starts losing it again. Pray for us that Rebecca will eat well and gain some weight before the 7th.

I cannot tell you how much it means to all of us to have your love, prayers and support throughout this entire time. The miracles that have occurred have been a direct result of the huge prayer covering that is over Rebecca. God answers prayer...she's solid proof of that. Please don't stop praying. Becca has her good days and bad days but we relish those good days and see them more and more frequently. God is good.

Thanks for letting me ramble on...so much has been on my heart as I watch one child prepare to face her future as an adult and watch the other prepare for her senior year in high school. I thank God that He has had his hands on our girls throughout their lives and most especially these last four years. He is awesome.

God bless each of you,
Emmaline

Tuesday, May 16, 2006 7:36 PM CDT

Hey guys! How's it goin? I went to the doctor today. Everything went well and smoothly after we got there. It was hectic getting there, though, because we had to stop for gas and we were running late anyway so we were about 45 minutes late to our appointment and walked in right when the anesthesia people were packing up. Dr. Blatt goes, "she's here" and they started unpacking and I went straight in. I woke up pretty fast and we proceeded to wait for about 3 hours for a possible CT scan. We went and got some food and went back to wait in the clinic. Well, I never got my CT scan...after three hours, they called and said they MIGHT be able to see me in one hour. Mom and I were like, ummm...we're just going to go home. Dr. Blatt said that was cool.

My bone marrow looked great, and my counts are going up. There are a few cells that are baby (blasts), but they don't look bad, and they're probably just part of the recovery marrow. I won't have chemo this week so that I can go to Vinson's graduation, and next week (Thursday) I'll go in for a check up, CT scan, and probably an admission for a few days. I'm really excited about V's graduation. I'm so proud of her, and plus, I got some new clothes with my birthday money to wear this weekend...I can't wait.

Most of you probably know, but Mom is going to be at home this summer, thanks to the school's generosity. Contrary to what some people may have said/heard, I am not dying...nor do I intend to. Mom is just home so that she can help out with me so Daddy can have a little extra time for work and we can be a family.

I've got to go- it's close to my bedtime, but I will try to update again soon. Thanks so much for everything...it all means so much.

Please keep praying for the kids at the hospital and all of those situations! I'll talk to you later...

Love><>Me
Psalm 18

Saturday, May 13, 2006 11:45 AM CDT

Hi everyone! How's it goin? Everything's OK here. I am sorry that I did not update on Wednesday after my appointment, but I had "Little Women" auditions as soon as I got back to Raleigh, and after a long day at the hospital, I was pooped!
The blood tests looked good, though. ANC was 4.0, White count was normal, platelets were on there way up, but hemoglobin was a little low (7.4 instead of 12.0) so they gave me a unit of blood. I felt much better and had a little more energy and color for my audition at school. I had a chest x-ray to see if anything had changed since the last one (we're still trying to clear up my cough), but if there were any changes they were minimal. Dr. Blatt increased my Albuterol treatment, and that's helped a lot. It's a little looser and I haven't coughed as much. I have a bone marrow thingy on Tuesday (they need two to declare a remission) and a CT scan as well. I'm not sure exactly what's after that, but we're going to Vinson's graduation next weekend up in Virginia so hopefully not a lot. I'm excited to be going up there.

Thank you all so much for the happy birthday wishes I received via email, cards, phone calls, visits, etc. I had a wonderful birthday. Nothing really special happened, but I got to spend the day with my parents doing what I haven't done in a while- shopping! We got some things for V's graduation and for the summer. I had fun.

I don't have the pictures from Jr/Sr yet...I have to load them onto my computer...but I will...I promise! I will try to put one that I have from someone else on there if it'll work...you can check and see!

Anyway, I have to go now. I woke up early today after a long day yesterday at career day and then a late night at the Squire awards last night. Both were fun, but I'm kinda tired.

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend and that you follow God's calling and desire what He desires for you. That's something He's been teaching me...His desires for me are so much more amazing than anything I could ever imagine- they are perfect. Also, sometimes it's OK to just do nothing but stand in awe. "Be still and know that I am God." (I'm bad...I don't know the exact reference! I'm sorry!)

Blessings and Love...
Love><>Me

P>S> I was cast in the role of Meg in NRCA's fall production of "Little Women." I am so excited!!!! Senior year... :)

Wednesday, May 3, 2006 7:34 PM CDT

Hi guys. Sorry it's been a while. I didn't really have anything to update until today. Yesterday, I went to the clinic for a bone marrow thingy, a spinal tap, labs, and a check up. The bone marrow and spinal tap were supposed to be done in the OR, but the schedule got messed up so they did me on a light sedation in the clinic. It worked out fine. My head, back, and hip hurt from the sticks, but that'll all be OK. Not sure about the final results, but it looked pretty clear. We'll do another in a couple of weeks and go from there. No idea about treatment.

My blood labs came back good. My ANC is 1.9 and everything else was looking good accept for the hemoglobin which was low, so I got some blood too. I feel much better today than I did the other day and yesterday.

I went to JR/SR on Friday night with Zack (pictures to come...) and besides being EXTREMELY tired and overwhelmed, I had a lot of fun. It was awkward seeing everyone and having them all swarm in on me in my wheelchair. It was nice to see them, but they all wanted hugs and pictures, and I was so overwhelmed and starting to feel chlostrophobic... :) Vinson came down to help out this weekend, but she went back on Sunday. She won't be back for a couple of weeks because she has to get ready for exams and then graduation (YAY...I'm so proud of her!)

Well, I don't really have much else to say.
I read the messages in the guestbook, and they are all so nice. Thank you so much for your support and especially your prayers. They're working.

I love you all...
Love><>Me
Psalm 18

P>S>Thanks to my aunt, uncle, great-uncle and aunt, and cousin for the Ipod. I'm loving it, and it means so much to me...Thank you!

Thursday, April 20, 2006 8:48 PM CDT

Well,I'm finally updating! It's been a long eleven days since I checked in to the hospital. I've had fever pretty much every day, so they haven't wanted me to go home...maybe Monday. They stopped my chemo early because of the fever, but my counts still bottomed out...no blasts in my blood (pretty much no blood at all!), but we won't know for a couple of weeks about remission...after they do a bone marrow aspirate. I've gotten four units of blood and two units of platelets, so I'm not feelin' too poopy. Had some friends come by last week; my aunt and uncle and cousins came to visit on Easter; and more friends have come this week. I really appreciate those who have taken time from their Easter break to come visit me...I know it's a long way and very inconvenient!!

Please remember to pray for my Aunt Ann. She's being challenged with memory situations. Also, pray for my family, especially my mom and her two cousins who are like sisters to her...my aunt and uncle are like second mom and dad to her. Please continue praying for Abbey and all my friends at UNC and Duke.

Love,
><>me

Saturday, April 15, 2006 10:07 PM CDT

So... Big Sis updating today. I tried once before, got it all typed out, and the page expired. I hate technology... :)

Rebecca is still having a rough time of it, but since her fever broke yesterday it's been a little easier. Now she's dealing mostly with nausea and redmans (a red, hot, itchy, full-body rash) in reaction to her antibiotics. They've had to pre- and post-medicate her because of this, which has made her loopy. The docs decided late this afternoon that the antibiotic wasn't worth all the side effects, so they've cancelled it. We'll see if her nausea gets better, and if the fever stays gone.

She's still coughing constantly, but something they are giving her has helped loosen whatever's in her lungs, so the coughing is easier and more profitable. She had a chest xray this morning - no info yet on what it showed, but we'll keep you posted, as always.

The docs stopped her chemo on Thursday, hoping to save some of her immune system so she could be as strong as possible to fight off whatever's in her lungs. Unfortunately, we found out today that her counts have bottomed out anyway. She's neutropaenic, which means no immune system - great for killing leukemia cells, but not so great for killing off infections... As a side note, please no flowers or fresh fruits or plants or anything nature-like.

Please pray for Rebecca's spiritual strength and perseverance in this time of physical weakness. Your prayers make all the difference...

Blessings to you this Easter, in the name of our RISEN Savior, Jesus Christ.
This is Big Sis, signing off...

Friday, April 14, 2006 9:22 PM CDT

Hello everyone! Mom here with an update. Rebecca is still struggling with the fevers. They're not as high as they were, but she is still having them. She had several bouts of nausea today and is having a reaction to vancomycin...red man's syndrome-she turns red and itchy. Treating it with benedryl which makes her very sleepy. Because of the fevers and cough that Rebecca has, the doctors have stopped the chemotherapy until they can get a handle on them. They don't want her counts to drop any lower than they already have, so she can fight whatever is causing the fever and cough. Several chest CT scans have been done as well as x-rays. We'll keep you posted on what's happening with all of this. She did receive some blood this morning as her hemoglobin was less than 7.

Jeff and I went to the Good Friday service at our church this evening...what a powerful message of love and sacrifice we received! Our Savior gave everything for us to be able to live in Him...that's the first message of this special time of the year...the next message is the message of the empty tomb...Sunday's a-comin'

Blessings to you all at this Eastertide. Thank you for your prayers and your love.

"I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." ~Galatians 2:20

Wednesday, April 12, 2006 10:08 AM CDT

Good morning! Mom here...Rebecca had a tough day yesterday recovering from the surgery to place her central line and receiving two different doses of chemotherapy. She was feeling pretty miserable yesterday morning, but around about lunch time (12:30 or so) she began to feel better! Imagine that!! Thanks to all of you who participated in the prayer vigil during lunch yesterday at NRCA. Your prayers were definitely felt by us and we know that He heard them all and answered them. It is especially comforting to Rebecca and Jeff, Vinson and me to know that you are holding her, and us, in your prayers.

Chemo began at 11:00 and ended at 4:00 p.m. (there was a 3-hour gap between the first dose and second dose). The nausea didn't start until about 9:00 p.m. and she only (!!) had 2 bouts of that. They're also treating for migraine, and the medication for that can also cause nausea, so they pre-medicate with anti-nausea drugs which make her loopy and sleepy and can cause slower, shallower breathing...which ended up causing a lower oxygen saturation level than the nurses and docs were happy about, so they put her on 1/2 liter of oxygen and took a chest x-ray (which was clear). That was at 2:00 a.m. At 4:00 a.m., she spiked a 103 F fever and they drew the usual blood cultures and gave the usual broad spectrum antibiotic and have scheduled a chest CT scan for today to make sure the lungs are not involved. They're also running a flu test just to rule everything out...(We've discovered that many times oncology medicine involves a lot of "ruling out"!) Talked with Jeff just a few minutes ago and her temp was down to 102 F and she still doesn't "feel well."

Becca has 4 more days of chemotherapy...the plans are to send her home on Saturday. I'm sure the Blattster has told us what's next after that, but I honestly can't remember!! So, I'll let you know when I know. Meanwhile, keep those prayers going...they work.

I am constantly in awe of my children! They face every day with grace and courage and a faith that keeps me going. Rebecca has the hardest job fighting this battle, because she has the physical as well as emotional challenges to handle, but I think Vinson has the rawest end of the deal from the family side of things. She can't be here daily like her Daddy and I are and she has to depend on our updates to bring her some peace of mind and comfort...sometimes those updates aren't too peaceful and comforting, but she still stands strong and lifts her sister up. God gave Jeff and me two beautiful young ladies who glorify Him in all that they say and do...even in illness.

Thanks for listening and thanks for caring. We're hanging on and believing and receiving Rebecca's healing.

God bless,
Emmaline

"For I know the plans that I have for you declares the Lord,...plans to give you hope and a future." Jer 29:11

"I am of God and have overcome him (Satan). For greater is He that is in me than he that is in the world." 1 John 4:4

Monday, April 10, 2006 9:04 AM CDT

**Hi y'all! This is Big Sis... Hopefully, Rebecca will be able to update soon, but it's me again for now.
The catheter procedure went well, and they were able to get the bone marrow and spinal fluid samples on the first sticks. Last night and this morning were a little rough because of how the doctors had to move her around under anesthesia. She started chemotherapy today and is feeling a little puny, but generally is doing better. Thanks to those of you who have left messages in the guestbook, who have stopped by to visit, and/or who have sent gifts. Your thoughtfulness and prayers are much appreciated.
This is Big Sis, signing off...**

Hi guys. This will be a short update because UNC just called and said they could take me earlier for my surgery (it was originally scheduled for 2:00!) and I have to leave to try to get there between 11:00 and 11:30.

I was reading the guestbook, and I wanted to thank you so much for your encouragement and messages of promised prayer.

Not much is going on. The play finished up on Saturday night. We definately ended with a bang. Praise the LORD for our success and for the lives touched with our message of the joy of the Lord.

I won't be able to update for a few days because of being at the hospital, but Mom might. Thank you so much for everything y'all have done to help us out...the food has been awesome!! We appreciate it so much.

I've got to go get ready to leave. Thanks so much... Loves and hugs...

Love><>Me

P>S> If you want to, go to www.caringbridge.org/nc/shannon There is a link near the middle of the page to connect to a pet adoption sight. There are three puppies (past the cat section) on there named Albus, Harry, and Colin. Shannon (the girl) fostered them and not they are up for adoption! They are so cute. I clicked on the link just to see what they looked like, and I fell in love at first sight!!! lol! So cute... :)

Monday, April 3, 2006 6:05 PM CDT

Hi guys. I'm sorry it's been so long. We got some not so good news, and we were trying to get everything together. The Docs found leukemia cells in my blood last week, and have officially diagnosed a relapse. I'll have to go in on Monday, the 10 to get a line placed again, and after that I'll start chemo and get back into remission. After remission is achieved (and it will be achieved cause I won't settle for less!), we'll get ready for a transplant again. It'll be less intense and I'll be able to be at home more, possible in school too.

I'm not so excited- actually kinda disappointed, but I know that it'll all be oK. They told me I could do nothing, and I said no- I won't just roll over and give up. I've got something most people don't see- I've got God and His angels backing me!! God has given them charge over me, and they won't let me fall...

The play is going well, but we finish up this weekend. It's AWESOME guys, so if you haven't gotten your tickets yet, try! We have some left for Thursday but very few for the other nights. Anyway, I have to get ahead on some History so that I can rest and go to bed soon, but I'll talk to you y'all later. Have a wonderful day!!

Love><>Me

P>S>I saw Abbey Freeman on Saturday night. She's doing better, but she still needs you prayers. Keep 'em comin'!

Tuesday, March 21, 2006 2:46 PM CST

Good afternoon! Mom here with a quick update...Rejoice!! Rebecca is scheduled for her left hip joint replacement surgery on April 19th!! She is very anxious to have it done, expecting pain from the surgery but anticipating relief from the constant pain in her joint. If you ask her, she would tell you that she wanted to do it 6 months ago but the docs wouldn't even consider it! As Vinson told you earlier, she will have a bone marrow aspiration and lumbar puncture during that surgery rather than have to undergo two anesthesias. She goes to clinic next Monday for her regular check-up. We hope she will have a further reduction in meds then.

Rebecca has been plagued with neuropathy in her legs and somewhat in her hands as well as severe headaches that come and go. She will see Dr. Weig, a pediatric neurologist, on April 11 (the same day she goes for her pre-surgery check). Pray that he will be able to determine the cause of all of this and help her overcome these symptoms. Dr. Blatt feels that the neuropathy in her legs and hands is probably due from the Cellcept that she takes for GVH, but is puzzled by the headaches...MRI's show clear sinuses, so there is no infection there.

Please continue to hold Rebecca in your prayers as well as Gabe and Abbey (Becca's friend from school) and all of the children at UNC and Duke. There is great comfort for the children and their families in your prayers.

My thanks to all of you for your constant prayers, support and encouragement...

In Him,
Emmaline

Wednesday, March 15, 2006 10:37 PM CST

Hello all, Big Sis reporting again.

This will be a quick update, because there really is not much to report. Dr. Blatt decided to take the bone marrow and spinal fluid while Rebecca is in her hip replacement surgery in a few weeks, so that procedure did NOT occur on Tuesday as scheduled. They're trying to avoid using anesthesia more often than absolutely necessary. So Rebecca just had a simple check up - blood tests are fine, she lost half of a pound, and is otherwise "lookin' good kid."

That's all I know for now. If I find out anything else, I will let you all know. Until then, please continue praying for Rebecca and the other children at UNC and Duke. Thank you for checking in.

This is Big Sis, signing off...

Tuesday, March 7, 2006 8:17 AM CST

Hey y'all. Big Sis again, with the post-doctor update.

Rebecca had an appointment yesterday with the osteopathic surgeon, Dr. Olcott. He is hoping to schedule her for the first hip replacement (the left hip, for those of you who are terribly curious) sometime in mid-April. He seems to be working closely with Dr. Blatt on the anesthesiology concerns that she had, and when Dr. Blatt's happy, everyone's happy. She also had PFTs yesterday, which were fine.

Our Grandma Hazel drove up to Raleigh yesterday - she lives in Shallotte NC - with a surprise for Rebecca. Grandma Hazel bought her an electric scooter! Those of you at school will probably see its debut today; we know that this will make getting around much easier for her. For those of you who don't see Rebecca on a regular basis, I'll give the details: It's blue, somewhere between UNC and Duke - you know Daddy's thrilled! It has a turtle on it, of course, and it's collapsible and easy for Mom and Dad to transport. Rebecca's named it "Pony Express" since she can't have her Mustang right now, and as she said, "Hey, it's a convertible!"

She has a bone marrow aspirate (thingy) and a spinal tap next Tuesday, just so you have a heads up. Please continue praying for all the kids at UNC and Duke. All of them really appreciate your prayers and kind messages in their guest books. Without knowing, you can help (and have helped) the toughest days seem a little brighter.

This is Big Sis, signing off...

Monday, February 27, 2006 5:35 PM CST

Hi y'all, Big Sis reporting...

Rebecca had a clinic appointment on Friday - the usual evaluation and blood work. Dr. Blatt said her usual "you're lookin' good, kid." But as Rebecca said on Friday, "I might look good, but I feel lousy." We know that the pain in her joints won't ease until she has her hips replaced, but the docs are trying to figure out what's going on with her headaches so they can ease that pain.

Which leads me to the "Here's what's coming up" section: bone marrow aspirate, spinal tap, appointment with a neurologist to investigate the headaches, surgical consult for a double hip replacement, and gadzoodles of tests in preparation for the surgery.

Rebecca received a special new cane from one of her teacher's children, and I think that it's much easier to use (and much prettier!) than her original cane. Being in the new house, with everything on one floor, has really helped Rebecca improve her ability to be independent at home, although she still relies heavily on Mom and Dad to help her do some things. She is also spending more time in her wheelchair, especially at school.

Please pray for the stuff on the "here's what's coming up" list, and continue to pray for the other children at UNC and Duke. Thank you to those of you who have left messages in the guestbook - Rebecca really enjoys reading your notes, no matter how brief.

Until next time, this is Big Sis, signing off...
Isaiah 40:30-31

Monday, February 20, 2006 2:21 PM CST

Hey y'all. Big Sis again with a quick update to let you know that Rebecca's feeling better (the last I heard). She actually was up to leaving the house over the weekend, which was a huge improvement over last week. I don't know much of anything else, other than a bone marrow aspirate and spinal tap are in her near future. I'll keep updating as I find out more.

Until then, thank you for your prayers - they really made a difference! Continue, please, to pray for Rebecca and the other kids at UNC and Duke. They depend on you as much as they rely on the doctors...

This is Big Sis, signing off. Have a blessed week.

Wednesday, February 15, 2006 9:51 AM CST

Hey y'all, Big Sis here again. Unfortunately, Rebecca's still not up to updating for you, but I'll keep trying my best.

Rebecca spent Valentine's Day in the emergency room, which was definitely a downer. She woke up feeling pretty miserable with cold-like symptoms and a low-grade fever, but tried to go to school anyway. However, by 11:00 am Mom decided that Button should see a doctor at the Hill just in case. The doctors took some samples to run tests on and sent her on home with the understanding that Mom and Dad would keep a close eye on her (looking for fevers or vomiting, etc). Mom says that she knew Button was feeling pretty awful when she didn't make her usual protest at having to stay home.

They finally left the Hill around 2:30ish and went home. Rebecca took a morphine tablet to help with the pain and then went to bed. However, early that evening she spiked a fever of 101.4 (or so) and vomited, so Mom and Dad took her back to the ER in Chapel Hill, where the doctors ordered tests and scans "stat." So far, they have ruled out pneumonia, the flu, and RSV, all of which have been very dangerous for Rebecca in the past. Although Doctor Gillman is a little concerned about GVH (when isn't he?), they think that this is another one of those viruses that has to run its course, and they did NOT admit Rebecca to the hospital.

Rebecca and the rest of the family would greatly appreciate your prayers that her lungs will remain healthy as she fights off this virus, and that the fever will be the first thing to go, since it exacerbates the pain in her joints. Also, please pray for all of the other children at UNC and Duke, that during this time where illness is making the rounds, they will be protected from contracting anything.

I've just realized that this update is pretty lengthy, and I apologize. Thank you for taking the time to read it anyway.

This is Big Sis, signing off.

Thursday, February 9, 2006 5:45 PM CST

**Quick update, as promised, on the MRI. As of right now, the doctors have not called my parents with MRI results, which in the universal language of doctors means that it came back clear. Also, the orthopaedist confirmed the initial treatment recommendation, so Mom, Dad and Button are figuring out how to move forward from here to fix her bones. Thanks for all your continued prayers and support! Happy Valentine's Day. ~Big Sis 2/14/06**

Hey y'all. Big Sis again. Basically, Rebecca's not really up to updating right now. Hopefully, she'll be back with you soon. Until then, I guess you're stuck with me - my sympathies :)

So, medically speaking...
Button went to the doctor today for her weekly checkup. Doctor Gillman (or Blatt - I wasn't actually there) ordered an MRI of her head in the hopes that it will turn up the cause of her headaches. No results yet, but we'll keep you posted. Also, they're trying to find the right balance for her meds, increasing some and decreasing others... My baby sister, the walking Chemistry experiment! Finally, she will be visiting a private orthopaedist on Friday for a second opinion on her joints; he'll either confirm the original recommended treatment or suggest an alternative treatment, and then we can get started on fixing her bones.

Special request...
I know that Rebecca rarely asks you to pray for specific things for her, but I, being the Big Sis, have no qualms. Please pray that the doctors will strike the right medicine balance so that her body will behave normally, that her other organs (ie. lungs) will remain healthy, and that God will touch her joints and help soothe her pain. As always, please continue to pray for all of the other children and families at UNC and Duke - for Gabe, Lindy, Meredith, Shannon, Micah, Maci, Kaitlyn, and all of the others whose names I do not know. Thank you for your faithful prayers and encouragement.

This is Big Sis, signing off. ~Isaiah 12:2~

Saturday, February 4, 2006 9:37 AM CST

Greetings from Big Sis. Hopefully, Rebecca will update soon, but until then, here's the latest from the doctors.

Button visited the doctors yesterday since she hasn't been feeling very well in the last week. The doctors believe that her headaches and vomiting are due to the rapid decrease in her steroids last week, so they put her back on a low dose of Hydrocortizone to stabilize her system and will gradually wean her off over the next month or so.

She is also finishing her Phentanol pain patch today and will not be applying another. The patch was supposed to relieve her pain during the day, but it wasn't having any effect on her pain and was making her dizzy, disoriented, and otherwise pretty yucky feeling. Needless to say, after the month long test run, it's "adios" pain patch!

I guess it's the big sister in me who wants you to know that she appreciates your messages in the guestbook, and that she always mentions knowing that she is being prayed for. Please continue praying for all the children at UNC and Duke. Your prayers have more of an impact than you may ever imagine.

This is Big Sis, signing off...

"He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength." Isaiah 40: 29
"And the prayer of faith shall save the sick, and the Lord shall raise him up..." James 5:15

Sunday, January 29, 2006 12:01 AM CST

Hey everyone...I know, it's been a while! I'm sorry, again...
I went to the orthapaedist again (the shoulder specialist). He said that my shoulder is in stage 3 and there is nothing that he can do except for a partial replacement (they smooth the collapsed bone and place a metal plate over it to make it smooth and round again). But he recommends getting my hips done (so does Dr. Olcott..the hip and knee specialist) first and getting physical therapy to increase range of motion and strenght in my shoulder before surgery because it will be easier and more successful if we do that. We're going to start the physical therapy, but we're not sure if we're goingto let him do the shoulder surgery. We're really not sure of anything with regard to the surgeries yet. We might be going to a doctor at Duke to see what he says (Dr. Olcott recommended him because he can do this one proceedure that the docs at UNC aren't doing yet). Anyway...that's the deal with the joints.

Meanwhile, Dr. Blatt and Cammie got an earful on Friday. We were a bit frustrated with the shoulder doctor and we're frustrated with the fact that all of this is happening as a result of the steroids, but I'm still on them. Anyway, long story short, Dr. Blatt lowered my hydrocortizone to 5 mgs a day for 4 days and then stop it. I'm really excited! Praise God!

That's about it...Thank you so much for continuing to pray for me. Please keep it up- I'm going to need it with school and choir/piano/solo competitions and the play coming up! And please keep praying for my friend Abby. She got into the Mayo clinic and I think she's going this coming week for tests. She really needs your prayers and encouragement! Thank you so much...

I've got to go eat lunch and do homework (and hopefully take a nap!), but I'll do my best to update again once I know more...
Have a blessed and marvelous day/week!

Love><>Me

Sunday, January 15, 2006 9:21 PM CST

HEy everyone...I am so sorry that I have not updated, but hopefully you read Mom's update. I copied and pasted part of her update because I didn't feel like typing it all out...so here it is:

Met with Dr. Gilman on Monday...they are still very pleased with Becca's status regarding leukemia and graft vs. host...she is still in remission and they are working to lower her meds more. That's good news. Becca and Jeff then went to the Ambulatory Care Clinis to see Dr. Olcott, the orthopaedist who specializes in avascular necrosis. The good news from him is that the AVN in her knees and shoulder is at Stage 1 and should be very responsive to treatment. The not so good news is that her hip joints are at Stage 4...collapsed. This certainly explains why she moves like an old lady...the pain is a severe arthritic type pain. The treatment for AVN is surgical and the knees and shoulder should respond very well. Dr. Olcott is confident that he can restore those joints significantly. The hip joints have about a 50hance of responding to the surgery. He would only consider joint replacement as a last resort. So, as we see it, Becca is facing several surgeries down the road as well as rehab. Nothing will be done about the joints until she is off steroids completely, since they are the cause of the AVN in the first place and would simply undermine any surgical treatment. Dr. Olcott's specialty is in hips and knees and he is referring Becca to another orthopaedist interested in AVN whose specialty is shoulders...go figure!

So that's the case with my bones and such...as Mom says that I said, it does stink (suck), but I'll get through it. Pretty much everything that I've wanted to do is shot as we see it now. No Broadway, no dancing outside of DDC, no pro-basketball (ok, so that never would have happened!)...but it's OK...you know why? Because maybe what I had planned for me isn't the best thing. I know that what God has planned for me is what will come out of all of this, and those things He has planned for me are so much better than anything I could have planned for myself. I've just got to deal with my disappointments...but suprisingly, it's been OK. I'm accepting it, and I'm not upset or angry...just ready to start dealing with the surgeries and everything. You know me...I don't like to wait for anything!!

So, not much else is going on...that I can think of at least. I'll work on updating more often. Please forgive me...I really appreciate all of your prayers and encouragement. Please pray for my friend, Abby Freeman who has some challenges with her heart and blood pressure and some other unknown issues. She is trying to get into the Mayo Clinic in Rochester to get tested and see a doctor who specializes in her issues. Please pray for her...

Thanks again for everything...Have a wonderful day!

Love><>Me

Thursday, January 12, 2006 9:38 AM CST

Good morning! This is mom writing today...Rebecca has been swamped with schoolwork this last week and has truly not had time to update. I should have sooner...my bad :( She wanted to wait until last check-up on Monday to update so she would have some news to report.

Our week after Christmas and through New Year's was difficult. Rebecca did not leave the house, even to go to church, until the Tuesday after New Year's. Her pain levels were pretty high and she did not have the energy to go out - came downstairs everyday and stayed on the couch. Vinson and I would go and make a "loop" around town to get our errands done, but we all pretty much spent the week resting and renewing. Jeff was able to spend a lot of time with his girls that week as most of his clients were on holiday and unavailable...what a blessing for him to be with the girls.

Becca has been taking morphine at night since Thanksgiving to help her manage her joint pain better. Since the morphine tablet knocks her loopy, she has not taken any during the day because she wants to be able to function. Dr. Blatt (Dr. Julie), concerned about the drain on her energy, stamina and health, suggested that we try a phentynal (sp?) patch. We did and found that the entire patch was too much for her, but utilizing only 1/2 - 3/4 of the patch seems to help her with pain during the day. I have noticed that she moves more easily when she is on the patch, so it is working; however, I think it's all relative...

Met with Dr. Gilman on Monday...they are still very pleased with Becca's status regarding leukemia and graft vs. host...she is still in remission and they are working to lower her meds more. That's good news. Becca and Jeff then went to the Ambulatory Care Clinis to see Dr. Olcott, the orthopaedist who specializes in avascular necrosis. The good news from him is that the AVN in her knees and shoulder is at Stage 1 and should be very responsive to treatment. The not so good news is that her hip joints are at Stage 4...collapsed. This certainly explains why she moves like an old lady...the pain is a severe arthritic type pain. The treatment for AVN is surgical and the knees and shoulder should respond very well. Dr. Olcott is confident that he can restore those joints significantly. The hip joints have about a 50hance of responding to the surgery. He would only consider joint replacement as a last resort. So, as we see it, Becca is facing several surgeries down the road as well as rehab. Nothing will be done about the joints until she is off steroids completely, since they are the cause of the AVN in the first place and would simply undermine any surgical treatment. Dr. Olcott's specialty is in hips and knees and he is referring Becca to another orthopaedist interested in AVN whose specialty is shoulders...go figure!

Becca is handling this news very well...she said, when asked, "It sucks...but I'll handle it just like I've handled everything else...with God's help." Jeff and I are still reeling from the reality of her joint situation...trying to figure out how to make the house work for Rebecca so that she only has to come down the stairs and go up them once a day, trying to cope with the knowledge that we can't be Mommy and Daddy and "fix it," trusting our heavenly Father to put His arms around our family and send His peace, comfort and strength. Vinson, as always, has been a pillar of strength for her daddy and me and is her sister's best friend and listening post. That is not to say there are no sibling spats and frustrations, but she is still there, loving and nurturing Becca in the way only a sister can. She is aggravated by that helpless feeling for not being able to do anything for Becca either.

All of this to say that Rebecca's AML, the life-threatening disease, is in remission and to quote Dr. Julie, "The kid looks great!" We just have a "minor" setback to deal with! We rejoice that Becca is here...she is full-time in school, using a wheelchair - which her friends are so kind to help navigate - to go to the more distant areas of the school. She uses a cane now to help her balance and relieve some of the stress on her hips. Her academic work is stellar and she is enjoying choir and piano.

We thank you for your continued interest, support, encouragement, love and most especially, prayers. You have no idea how much you all mean to us and how knowing that you are praying for Rebecca and her family lifts us up. God bless you.

Love to you all,
Emmaline

Sunday, December 25, 2005 8:47 PM CST

Merry Christmas, everyone. I hope everyone has had a wonderful day celebrating Jesus' birthday. I have. I just wanted to do a quick Christmas message... I've got this neat accapella (sp?) Christmas CD of the group Glad. They're AMAZING, and two of the songs really hit me every time I hear them. They make me think...

The first one is called "One Quiet Moment". It talks about Mary and Joseph deciding to accept the part they have to play in God's plan. Talking about how Joseph almost left Mary and then decided not to...accepted the part of a father to a Son that was not and never would be truly his. Mary- a teenage girl- now a mother- the mother of God. How both accepted the part of loving and raising the Son of God on earth and then having to watch Him deal with human challenges and then eventually dying. The last verse is, "In one quiet moment, they could suddenly hear, thousands of angels, singing so clear, "Glory to God, His Salvation is here." In this one quiet moment..." I guess, the thing that hit me, is what if Mary and Joseph had said no? What if Mary had said, "yeah right, God. I'm not carrying any child of anyone accept Joseph and that's after we're married."? And what is Joseph had said, "yeah right, God. I can't do this. I want my own kids...and a wife who's pure and whole..."?
But they didn't, did they....they said yes. They made the choice to accept the part they had in God's plan. Wow...I know that Jesus, the Christ Child and Messiah, has already come to earth, died, and risen again. I know that there is no other Mary or Joseph. But can you imagine how much God can do with me and you in the world if we'll just say yes and accept the part we have in his plan?

The second song is about how no one knew about Christ's birth when it first happened. Everyone went on with their lives and it was just another baby born. But heaven...heaven knew. Heaven knew that This Baby was special- He was "God come down to man". And Mary and Joseph- they knew that He "was the Word of God to man". They knew that one day He would die to save those who would kill Him. But...here's the part...
"The sadness would be broken as the Song of Life arose, and the First Born of Creation would ascend and take His throne. He had left it to redeem us, but before his life (on earth) began, He knew He'd come back, not as a baby, but as the Lord of every man. Hear the angels, as they're singing, on the morning of His birth. But how much greater will their song be when He comes again to rule the earth?"

2 of my favorite songs this year...and every year. Don't forget to accept your part in God's plan. He doesn't NEED you, but He wants to use you and love you unconditionally. And one day, the angels will sing a song that no man, not even the shepherds, has heard, because He has won the victory, and He is on His throne...

Merry Christmas!!

Love><>Me

Thursday, December 22, 2005 12:07 AM CST

Hi everyone! I just got back from the doctor so it's time for a little update. Everything's great. I got my Zometa (the bone medicine)and saw Dr. Blatt. I was supposed to see the Bone doctor for my AVN, but we rescheduled it for the next time I'll be in Chapel Hill- the 9th I think. Anyways, that's pretty much all that happened today.

So, it's the 22 of December- only 3 days left until Christmas. We took the toys over to the hospital today. Thanks to all of you who brought some. It means so much. Anyways, back to the fact that Christmas is only 3 days away. I want to wish you all a very Merry Christmas and encourage you to remember the Reason we celebrate the day. Please do not forget, because when you remember Him, your attitude and disposition are better (at least mine is). Christmas is a time of giving- not receiving. That's what people say, isn't it? Even those who don't profess to be Christians? Well, shouldn't we as Christians, understand that even more? Shouldn't we understand that the basis of that giving is from the Gift we recieved from our Father? And shouldn't people see that on our faces? In our actions? In our lives?

I'm sorry...I get to thinking about things and start preaching to myself... I need to remember these things too!

Anyways...Have a Merry Christmas... Blessings to you and your family!

Love><>Me

Thursday, December 15, 2005 11:05 AM CST

Hello all...and how are y'all doing? I'm fine...a bit tired because Tuesday night, I went to see A Christmas Carol downtown and then on Wednesday night, I drove up to Roanoke, VA to see the Moscow Ballet with my sister and Alyssa on Thursday night. They gave me tickets for Christmas, and I am so excited! But it's been a long past few nights!!

I have not been to clinic recently...I don't have to go back until Thursday of next week. But I thought I'd update because I've been studying for my chemistry exam and just wanted to take a break.

I've also been having some thoughts. You know, I said I went to see A Christmas Carol the other night...and a line in the musical kinda stuck with me... Tiny Tim tells Bob Crachit that he's glad that he's the one who's crippled so that people will see him and be glad and thankful for what they have on Christmas. How many times do we complain about what's wrong in our lives and how we wish we could fix it or that it wasn't there? At the radiothon, the people at 96 ROCK asked me if I ever think, "Why me?" I told them sure I do. But then my next thought is immediately..."Why not me?" and then it's, "I'm glad it is me." I'm not trying to toot my own horn, so to speak, but I am glad that it's me who's been seemingly cursed, but TRULY blessed through all of this. I've told you all about the awesome things I've been able to do through this, and I am so blessed. And I am glad that it's been me, not only because I've been so blessed, but because I've been able to bless other people too...and I've been able to use it for things- like helping at the Radiothon, the Red Cross, and things like that...and I've been able to be an encouragement to people.

I don't think I'm saying it the way I want to, but my point is...guys it's Christmas, and we've all got problems. But it's up to you whether you ask, "Why me?" and think, "I hate this..." or some similar thought or you ask, "Why me?" and think, "Why not?", see your blessings, and then go out and bless someone with it!

Merry Christmas guys...I'll try to update soon...hopefully I'll get to it tomorrow or Saturday... (2 years!!!) Have a good day...

Love><>Me

Tuesday, December 6, 2005 5:52 PM CST

Hi guys. How's it goin? Not much here. I went to UNC yesterday. Everything went well. It was actually, suprisingly a quick visit this time. They took my blood almost immediately and saw me right after that. Everything looks good, and they lowered the hydrocortizone to 15 mgs a day (5 3 times a day). I don't have to go back for 2 weeks so that's good. I'll try to update before then though!!! lol!

So, it's Christmas time again. Only 19 days until the Big One. The first half of the school year is winding down, and exams are coming up. People are getting stressed (including myself!) trying to finish up and get everything done. But I was thinking...it's all so superficial (is that he right word?)...It's almost as if we forget about the most important things...like the fact that Someone loves us and the fact that we live because He lives...you know, little things like that. :) Please don't forget...those things are the things that matter, and the rest, God will handle. I need to be reminded of that very often, and I was today...so I thought I'd share.

I've got to go review for a test! But I'm not stressing on this one...lol! I'll talk to you all later. Merry Christmas...

Love><>Me

P>S>Please pray for my friend, Abby Freeman. She's having some challenges with her blood pressure and is homebound for the next few weeks. She needs your prayer and encouragement!!!
P>P>S>Don't forget about the toy drive! I'm collecting and taking them over there on the 19th of December...
P>P>P>S>11 days until T-Day #2

Thursday, December 1, 2005 8:07 PM CST

Hi everyone! Happy December!! I am so sorry that I have been so lax (lacks?) on updating. After coming home from the hospital, the doctor's were working on getting my pain meds right as well as trying to get my sinusitus cleared up and keep it out of my lungs. I went from one pain med to another, trying to keep the pain under control but not wanting to be conked out all of the time. One of them made me light headed (more than usual) and even made me sick once. So they switched me to MS contin (a slow release form of morphine) which did fine, especially at night, but I'm supposed to take it during the day as well. That didn't work so well- I was OUT!!! So now we've backed off of that to just at night, and it's good until the end of the day and then I just hurt!!!
And while this medicine adjusting was going on, the doctors heard a slight wheezing in my lungs (nothing to worry about- just kept an eye on it) and decided to give me a Nebulizer treatment to help it out and maybe clear it up. Turns out, I had a reaction (not un-normal at all!) to the treatment, and felt like I had pneumonia all over again- within about 30 minutes of having the treatment. It was scary... So I had a dose of morphine for that while I was a the hospital clinic and consequently was worth about nothing for the rest of the day. And a few days before that, I had a reaction to the IVIG treatment and had to have 3 mgs of morphine- need I say more??
All of this to say, I'm sorry that I haven't updated, but I've been kinda out of it until about Thanksgiving day and then I wanted to spend time with my family and concentrate on eating and getting some work done that I had to put off while I was doped up! Then we went back to school, and I've been playing catch up all week.

That's about what's been going on. The radiothon went EXTREMELY well. 463,718 dollars by 11:30 pm and they hadn't stopped taking calls yet nor had they included the auction items! Thank you so much to everyone who pledged!! It means so much. Our next project is the Toy drive...new toys for the kids for Christmas- games, books, stuffed animals, craft kits, CDs for teens or kids, movies...you name it...anything!!! I remember getting presents on transplant on Christmas eve...it made it really special because Mom and Dad and Vinson couldn't be there early on Christmas morning...but I still got to open some presents! And it made Christmas even more special becasue I know what they represent...THE Gift.

Anyway...Help out if you can, please. If you want to bring them by school, please do- I'll be collecting them and taking them over from now until Christmas...which is only 3 and a half weeks away!!! And spread the word to your church and neighbors...

School gets out 2 weeks from today...I'm ready, but hope that I can get everything done that I have to get done!! I'm almost caught up with everything, but it just seems like so much! Please pray for me to have the energy to finish and finish fast and well!!! Tomorrow, we start a HUGE 3-day diagramming test in AP English...I'm not stressed about it, but a little apprehensive- it's Mr. Walker... lol!!

It's time for bed now...the MS Contin is starting to kick in...I'll try to update more often, and since it's getting closer to Christmas, I'm gonna pull out my books...This is my favorite time of year...

I love you all and thank you for your thoughts and prayers while I was sick...I'm feeling your prayers and feeling much better- have even gained about 6 pounds...I'm working on more and need your help through prayer so please keep 'em coming!!! Thank you...

Love><>Me

P>S> Countdown to T-day (2 years): 16

Monday, November 14, 2005 8:03 PM CST

Hello everyone. How is everything? I don't know where to start here...I guess the beginning is as good a place as any! I'm sorry that it's been so long, but as many of you know, I've been in the hospital for a few days. I was not feeling well at all on Tuesday (like, I could barely keep my head up, and I just felt awful.), and Mom decided to call Dr. Blatt, and my team of people who see me every week (let's see...there's Cammie, Dr. Gilman, Dr. Blatt, the Nurse Practitioner in Training (sorry, I forgot her name...), the new Fellow...) decided that I should come in- OK, It was mainly Dr. Blatt, Dr. Gilman, and Cammie. But the point is, I was brought in and admitted on Tuesday afternoon for tests and rest. On Wednesday, they woke me up at the UNGODLY hour of 6:00 in the morning (after giving me half a tablet of Oxicodone and a benedryl the size of my thumb nail...) to have an ultrasound of my stomach and liver and all that as well as an MRI of my head. Then, after sitting in my room for about 45 minutes, they returned to take me to get an upper GI thing taken (they give you this stuff called Barium...yes the element (I know all about it!!)...and take these X-ray videos as it travels through your upper intestines...it's not very good stuff either...). Anyway, that's only supposed to take about 2 hours...uh-uh...not with me. I sat down in Radiology by myself for about 5 hours going back an forth between the X-ray table and the wheelchair (or stretcher) that transportation provided for me. Then I returned to my room and finished the rest of the day on contact procautions because that last time I was in the hospital (2 years ago...) I had a positive VRE in my stools and it never came back negative...go figure. they took a sample (yummy) on Wednesday morning, but it didn't come back as negative until Friday about 2 hours before I left. So then on Thursday, I had a Spinal tap just to check for infections in my spinal fluid and something else. Anyway, all this to tell me that nothing is wrong with any of the stuff they tested, but that the biopsy showed a MILD GVHD in my stomache and that they are upping my Hydrocortizone but taking me completely off the Prendesone and such things as that- no need to get into any more particulars. I came home on Friday afternoon with strict instructions about eating fatty foods and maintaining a 2000 calorie-a-day diet with no school this week in order to gain weight and rest up. 2000 calories is harder to reach than I thought...it's hard to keep track and make sure that I get that much...but I'm trying!!! :) I gained 4 pounds over the weekend- yAy!!

So, enough about the medical jargon. I'm over it. The radiothon is on Thursday, and I'm so excited. I'm a bit upset with QDR though...they put a somebody else on my song, "Skin" for a montage (sp?)...I'm miffed! Just kidding. It's my favorite song though (the one about the teenage girl getting leukemia...gee...hmmm...), and they had said something about maybe putting me to it, but I guess not! It's all good. Please listen the NC Children's Promise Radiothon on Thursday, November 17. It'll be on any Curtis Media station (94.7 QDR, 96 Rock, 680 PTF, Star 102.9...) and on TV...Time Warner Cable's Channel 14. You might even see me and daddy on TV...and I know if you listen, you'll probably hear on of us!!! We're really excited and hope to raise a lot of money for the hospital. Please listen and give your support, and if you can, your donations will be appreciated... :)

I've got to go to bed now...I'm tired, and I've got some school work to catch up on tomorrow. I'll talk to you all later.

Have a wonderful and marvelous day. God bless.

Love><>Me

P>S> Congratulations to the Cast of "One" at NRCA. I saw part of it (up until the end of "Daddy's Song") in chapel on Monday before I had to go to the doctor. It was wonderful, and you touched my heart. I cried...I know you touched others as well. Thank you for blessing me...
P>P>S> Vinson's coming home either Thursday night or Friday! Please pray for her safe travel. I can't wait til she gets here! Hopefully we'll get to do some sister stuff... and definately eat!! :)

Sunday, November 6, 2005 2:10 PM CST

Hi guys. How's it goin? It's fine here. I went to clinic on Thursday and of course, I had lost more weight and of course they were upset with me. I told them it wasn't my fault but they were upset. So they scheduled an Endoscopy (Scope) of my stomache for Friday. So that's what I did on Friday- spent all day at the hospital having a tube stuck down my throat just so that they could tell me it looks good and that they can't see any GVHD, infections, or ulcers. I coulda told them that... my throat was sore for two days and now I have a lovely cough and runny nose (like I always get after one of these types of things...surgery or invasive procedures). But they took a biopsy of my stomache just to make sure there is no GVHD. Otherwise, they have no idea what's going on. Hopefully it's something about my stomache being too small.

Anyways, I've got to go back on Thursday for another appointment. Who knows what they'll say. There's been talk of admitting me just to get it all straightened out. But they're having a time sorting out what they want to do!!! I kinda feel like a pawn in a chess game- I've got Dr. Gilman, Cammie, and Dr. Blatt all discussing what to do about me... :)

So that's about it. Today, Ensemble sang at Grace Community Church, and surprisingly, I had a voice and sang too! We did really well and had a lot of fun. It was truly a blessing to sing for the service.

Well, I've got to go now and finish my element project so maybe I can take a nap...I'll talk to you later. Please don't stop praying for all of the patients. Also, the radoiothon is coming up so pray for that to be successful, please. Oh yeah, and we're trying to get together toys again this year for the toy drive at UNC so if you want to help out, let me know. The Pinons are doing it too...We both remember being the hospital for Christmas...

Anyways...I'll talk to y'all later. Have a wonderful, Marvelous day!!

Love><>Me

Saturday, October 29, 2005 10:17 AM CDT

hi everyone! I am SOOOOO SOOOOO sorry that it's been so long...I don't mean to...I just lose track of time! My doctor's appointment was last Thursday. Not really much to tell...I lost 4 more pounds...(gee I wonder why...when I spend about 3 out of 7 days throwing up at least once), and Dr. Gilman is concerned (Again, I wonder why...). He didn't want to lower my Big P because it's supposed to help nausea and vomiting...whatever...I'm only on 2mgs so it's not a big deal. I'm just ready to be off the other medicines, and I can't do that until I get totally off the Big P. PFTs were good...some were even better so that's going fine.

I don't really have much to say except for what's gone on these past few weeks...pretty much nothing as far as I can remember. I haven't been able to do much because I've been sick...Dance is sporatic because of being sick, but I go when I can. The first quarter at school is finished...which means by now (2 weeks into the second quarter) we're almost halfway through the year. Thanksgiving break is in 3 weeks and then Christmas is 3 weekends later (only 2 weeks, I think). Ensemble is so much fun...I love it. And we're learning Christmas music for the concert on Dec. 10 and for caroling at Saks Fifth Avenue and Tryon Palace...I love Christmas, and this just makes it better. We sing at Grace Community Church next Sunday at the 11:00 service...I'm excited about that too...

So, basically, nothing much has happened recently, but some pretty cool stuff is coming up. I'll try to update more regularly. I love you all...thank you for staying updated with me and for caring about me. It means so much! I feel your prayers and thoughts...Thanks...

Love><>Me

P>S>Please check out the Me Fine website and see if you can do anything to help!!!

Wednesday, October 12, 2005 3:47 PM CDT

Hey guys...this probably will not be a long note because I'm at school getting ready to go to Powder Puff Practice at 5...and it's 4:45...I'm so excited about Powder Puff!! I can't play, but I'll be there to yell at everyone about what to do (in a nice way!)! It'll be so much fun!

Not much to report, except for that bone marrow came back as less than 5% mine...the rest is donor, and the only reason they say "less than 5%" is because they have a margin of error of 5%...so it's not significant, even if some of it is mine...
Everything else looks good for now...I go back next week for a checkup...I think it will be Thursday, but I'm not sure...I'll let you know!

Pray for me please...I'm getting tired. We had choir retreat this past weekend, and it was a long weekend. And when I have long days or weekends, I don't necessarily feel it on those days...it usually kicks in a few days later. So I'm feeling those effects! Please pray that I will be able to get through the week, and that I will have strength!

If you have not already read it, please read Mrs. Lori Lee's (Folden) site...she has some things that the Foundation needs help with...it would be great if we could help with what we can...Thanks...

I've got to go...I'll talk to you later...have a WONDERFUL day!!!

Love><>Me

Wednesday, October 5, 2005 7:20 PM CDT

hello everyone! How's it going? Nothing much is happening here...I went to the doctor on Tuesday for my bone marrow thingy. No results on that yet, but I'm sure it will be fine. I'll let you know as soon as I know something. Anyway...Mom and Dad both went with me, and we went to Cracker Barrel to eat afterwards around 11:00. Bye the time we got back to Raleigh, the school day was almost over, so i didn't go back. Plus, I didn't feel very much like walking around the halls...if you know what I mean...So I came home and took a nap for about 4 hours! It took that long for the sleepy-medicines to wear off. The only problem was, I didn't get to sleep until late last night! Oh well...

Today, at school I had to say a speech about the Constitution...I really do not like giving speeches (well, I don't mind, if I have the speech in front of me, but this one was by memory...). It's not the same as playing a song from memory!! But I did OK, and because I was the only one in my class to do the speech, I move on to the next round in the contest...I'm not so excited about that...for reasons stated above...but it's ok, I guess.

Vinson is coming home in about 30 minutes! Tal's excited...OK, not really (except for he just barked so she might have just pulled in...)...he's kinda just lying there on his rug...but now he's all excited so I think she's home!

I guess that's about it for now...there's really not much happening accept for school, school, and more school. Homecoming is this week- I guess that's something happening...choir is singing the National Anthem beforehand...Powder Puff is next Saturday, and I get to watch (i wish I could play, but I can't...)...I gotta go, Vinson's home...

Talk to you later...Thanks for everything!
Love><>Me

Sunday, October 2, 2005 12:24 AM CDT

hi everyone! I am sorry that I have not updated in a while. I've been a bit busy with school, and then I didn't feel very well for a few days. That was this past Tuesday and Wednesday. The doctors are still trying to adjust my medicines...meanwhile, I have to deal with the side effects...like being sick, having the shakes, and being extremely tired. But I'm getting there...

I have an appointment on Tuesday for a bone marrow thingy, and I'll update again as soon as I find out the results from that...I'm sure it'll be good...

On Friday night, I went to the LLS Gala at Wakefield. The Pinons were the host family, and Gabe looked so cute in his tux. We got to get all dressed up, and it was really cool. The house was GORGEOUS! A few of the families, including mine and the Pinons, joked that we could all chip in and buy the house together, split it up evenly, and never see each other EVER. There were 6 bedrooms, 7 or 8 bathrooms, a spa, a basket ball court in the attic, and 3 washing machine rooms. It was amazing. I think it was worth like 4 million dollars! Anyway, we had a lot of fun...

Nothing much has happened, but I would like to ask you to pray for the Me Fine Foundation...that God would continue to bless their efforts to help families in the area. And please pray for me...like I said before, I'm tired a lot, and they're trying to get my medicine fixed...hopefully soon I'll be able to get off of some of it...

I've got to go work on homework, but I'll talk to y'all later! Have a good day, week, whatever!
Love><>Me

Sunday, September 18, 2005 2:38 PM CDT

Hey guys! How's it goin? It's great here...I went to the doctor all day on Thursday. Everything went smoothly...PFTs were good, so they lowered my Big P. I had an EKG and an ECG, and they looked fine. I found out what was wrong with my shoulder...I've got AVN (The same thing I have in my hips and knees). Yippee...lol!

Last night, I went to the Rascal Flatts concert with some friends, and we had a great time! They sang my song, "Skin", and we all stood together and hugged each other...it was sweet...awww...anyway...It was a great concert, and I had a lot of fun. I got to see everyone from QDR, and that was fun. (A heads-up on the radiothon...it's November 17. Make sure you tune in on 94.7, 96Rock, 680 WPTF, and all the other Curtis Media Stations! It's gonna be great!)

Nothing much is really going on...my class is going rafting Friday and Saturday, and that should be fun, even if I can't really do anything but sit in the middle of the raft!! I'll try to update later, but I have to go now...homework and stuff with Mom...

Thanks for your prayers and thoughts...as always, they mean a lot to all of us. I'll talk to you all later...love you!

Love><>Me

Sunday, September 11, 2005 5:24 PM CDT

Hi guys. Sorry it's been so long! I would have updated last week, but I had a lot to study for! It was crazy...I'll try to do better though. Everything is OK right now. I've got an all day appointment on Thursday to get my bone medicing as well as an EKG and and ECG (both for my heart). Nothing to worry about, they just want to check up on how it's doing with all the medicine and after the transplant (almost 2 years!)...And Mom is going to ask if they will do an MRI of my shoulder. It's gotten worse. I've been to the chiropractor, and when he adjusted it, it felt better for a little while, but then it would start to hurt again. I can't lift it barely, and I want to find out what's wrong. Anyway...that's about it medically.

So this is September 11. Wow...3 years. It doesn't seem that long, and yet at the same time, it feels like forever. So much has happened. People I know have been hurt, gotten sick, and even died, and other tragedies have struck the world since 9/11. It's hard to live on this earth...I've come to realize that (if I didn't already know it before), and it isn't always fun. But the thing is, God never promised it would be easy...He just promised that He would be there to help us with the hard and the easy. And let me tell you from experience, no matter what hard times there are, no matter what mountains you have to clime, when you reach the top, when you finally get through it, He's there to give you your reward- to pull you into His arms once again, just like He did on the journey, to heal your wounds as He's always done, to comfort you when the "adrenaline" wears off. And He promises that we will get through it because we are more than conquerors through Christ. And that's enough for me.

Please continue to pray for Gabe, Lindy, Meredith, and all of the other kids and their families. As I've said so many times before, it works...it brings comfort and healing to us...Thank you.

Also, please pray for the people down south who have been affectted by the hurricane. The choir at NRCA is collecting new/gently used stuffed animals to send down to the children down there. If you are interested in sending some, I need to have them by Tuesday evening because we have to have them in by Wednesday. If you know where my house is, you can drop them off in the garage, and if not, you can bring them by the school. Even if you can't give a stuffed animal, please keep praying for them.

Thank you for all that you do! I love you all...

Love><>Me

P>S>Check out the new pictures!

Monday, August 29, 2005 8:47 PM CDT

Hey guys...quick update because it's late and I've got school tomorrow...I've been commanded by my sister to update my page...so here it is!

Minnesota was awesome! It's different there...very flat, full of corn and soy beans, and of course, no sweet tea. The Amish tour that we went on was so cool...I'm amazed that people can live like they do...with only the simple things in life. It kinda makes me stop and think. The Mall of America is AMAZING...it's HUMUNGO- so big that we only got to like 5 stores in 4 hours...well, one was the Rainforest Cafe, but it was crazy. The roller coasters (there are 2) are not loopy or anything, but they're pretty good...and it's just cool to be inside a mall while your on it. Daddy and I rode both. The "theme park" in the middle of the mall is called "Camp Snoopy". Well, you know me, I love Peanuts, and I had to take TONS of pictures of all the Snoopy/Peanuts parafinalia (sp?). And there's a Snoopy Store...dedicated to JUST Peanuts and Snoopy. So cool...

Meeting Ben and Shannon's family was really nice. They were all very welcoming and fun. We had a lot of fun just hanging out with them, and the weather was wonderful. The only bad part about the flight was, as Mom told you, Daddy wasn't sheduled to fly with me on Friday...well, we got that all worked out, but then, in St. Louis, our flight got cancelled 30 minutes before it was supposed to take off due to bad weather (rain...whatever)so we had to reschedule our flight and it got all confusing, and then when we got to Minnesota around 4:30 in the afternoon, my luggage was not there with us...Daddy had his, but I didn't have mine. So we tried to get it back that night, and it still wasn't there...I didn't get it until about 8:00 on Saturday night. Let me tell you, it was interesting...Overall, though, the trip was wonderful, and I loved seeing Ben and Shannon and their family...it was kinda like meeting my second family for the first time...that sounds kinda wierd, but...

The doctor today was good. I'm having a bit of shoulder pain, so they wanted to take an XRay of that, but it looks ok...probably just a pulled muscle from all the books and such. My counts are good, and my PFTs were stable. So they lowered my prednisone to 4 mgs a day instead of 5! YIPEE! It's about time! So, everything's going good in that department.

I've got to go to bed now...I will talk to you all later...and I'll try to put pictures from Minnesota up soon...Have a blessed day!

Love><>Me

Friday, August 26, 2005 6:09 AM CDT

Hi! Mom here. Just a quick update to let you know that I dropped Rebecca and Jeff off at the airport this morning [5:00 :}!!] to go to Minnesota to meet Ben's family. They were sooooooo wired!! Got to RDU and they found Rebecca's info in the computer immediately, but wouldn't you know it, Jeff's wasn't to be found!! I had to leave at 5:15 not knowing whether Jeff would be on the plane or not! At 6:10, he called to say that it had all gotten straightened out and they would be on their way soon. We ask your prayers for our families this week-end as they meet again. It's a special time of sharing because, as we found out in May, it's not just Ben and Rebecca that were impacted by his generous gift...every member of the family has some story to tell about how they were affected by Rebecca's illness and Ben's gift of life. I'll tell you as her mom, it's hard to be around Ben and not weep for joy and gratitude for his precious gift. He is a very special man and will always be a part of our hearts and, I hope, our lives.

Rebecca left here with gifts from NC representing every area of the state! She had a great time looking for just the right gift...she is definitely the shopper in the family!

As to her school week: physically, it has been tough for her. A school day is a long day for her and our campus is rather large. She traverses the length of the school 6 times within 3 hours first thing in the morning. Fortunately, the remainder of her classes are just a few steps apart. Socially, things are goood. Healthwise, the docs are pleased with her overall condition. Dr. Julie says, "Lookin' good!" Hip and knee joints are still very painful, but we're expecting them to improve as the prednisone levels continue to decrease.

She will be dancing at her studio again this year, working to build her stamina and skill. We started a training schedule at the Y yesterday, with the goal of strength, stamina and increased pulmonary efficiency. Please pray that in these areas of physical effort, Rebecca will be able to work toward her goals and see them accomplished.

Jeff and Rebecca are due in at 1:00 a.m. Monday (guess who gets to pick them up?)! She has PFT's and clinic visits on Monday, so we should get some good info from the docs then. Until then, thank you so very much for your continued prayers, loving support and encouragement. They have made this journey bearable.

Emmaline

Sunday, August 21, 2005 7:27 PM CDT

Hi everyone!!! It's been an OK week. I'm sorry that I didn't update on Friday, but we had orientation at school, and then we went to the "Y"...by the time I got home, I was bushed!

The endocrine appointment went pretty well...they took some blood just to do some extra tests, but since they had taken some a few weeks before, they already knew I was messed up, so he went ahead and prescribed me some hormone replacement stuff. Yippee...one more pill to take for the rest of my life...but i'm not complaining...

I weigh about 111 lbs. now, but I don't think I've lost any more weight since Friday, so hopefully Dr. Gilman will be happy...I've been eating a lot so...

School starts tomorrow...I'm a bit nervous. I haven't been there, obviously, in like 6 months almost, so I'm kinda not sure how it will go and all that will happen...
Then after school, I've got dance company auditions from 4:30 to 6:30...that should be interesting...
Then on Friday Daddy and I fly to Minnesota to spend time with Ben and Shannon and their family...I'm so excited! I'll take lots of pictures, and hopefully put some on here...

I gotta go, because I'm already tired, and I have school tomorrow so I need to get ready for bed...I'll talk to you later...God Bless!

Love><>me

Monday, August 15, 2005 8:41 PM CDT

Hi everyone! It's me...well, duh...i guess you knew that- who else would it be except for Mom or Vinson? Anyway...I went to the doctor today. Everything looks good, including my blood, skin, liver, kidney...all of it! The only thing they're concerned about is that I'm not very hungry. I eat, it's just that I get full really fast so I don't eat a lot. And Dr. Gilman (I think the man thinks EVERYTHING is Graft vs. Host Disease!) thinks that it might possibly be GVHD in my stomache... I can't just be not hungry because my prednesone is coming down. Oh, and by the way...he didn't lower it this week- again. I've lost about 4 pounds in 2 weeks, so it's really starting to come off like it did the last time...IT'S ABOUT TIME!!! lol! Other than that, I haven't got any news to share...

School starts back on Monday, and then on Friday I get to go to Minnesota...I'm really excited! I can't wait to meet Ben and Shannon's family...and we're flying- I love to fly...

So, I was thinking...you know that verse at the top of the page? It kinda has to do with what I was talking about last time I updated. About how, even though it's been tough, I've been blessed, and people will always see me as blessed no matter what, because God makes the best out of any situation to bring Him glory and to give me the desires of my heart. And He has...definately. And I believe He will continue to do so because that's what He promised me. I think Mary had it right when she said, "Surely, from now on all generations will call me blessed; for the Mighty One has done great things for Me, and HOLY is His name."

Love><>Me

Wednesday, August 10, 2005 5:32 PM CDT

Hi everyone...Sorry I didn't update last Thursday. I was supposed to go to the doctor tomorrow, but I'm paging at the House of Representatives this week, and Dr. Gilman said I didn't have to come in until Monday. So that's cool! I'm having a good time downtown this week, but it's hard work. It involves a lot of walking and standing so by the end of the day I am worn out, and my legs are hurting a bit... but it's alright- I like doing it...it's kind of interesting to hear them debate during session...when they actually get to debate while we're there. Sometimes they don't start session until after we've left so we don't get to stay or hear what they say. Anyway...

So, after this weekend, we just have one week until school starts. I'm kind of excited about the first day and the prospect of actually finishing a year IN school, but I know that by the end of the first week, I'll be ready to be home! That's how it always is. Then on the weekend of August 26, I'm going to Minnesota to see Ben and Shannon and their family. I'm REALLY excited about that!

This is kind of random, but... sometimes I wonder, what would my life be like if I hadn't gotten leukemia? It's not that I'm angry or upset over it...far from it. I look back on these past 3 years (almost) and wonder...would I have met so-and-so? Would I have gotten to see such-and-such? What about New York? That would never have happened to the extent that it did without Make-A-Wish. I'm not saying that having cancer and the treatment and all that junk that goes with it is something I would choose. Again...far from it. But, my point is, my life is totally so much better than it could be. My faith is firm, my beliefs solid; I've gotten to do so many awesome things and meet so many amazing people, famous and not famous; and I've gotten to share my faith and beliefs with so many of those people... It really amazes me. And thinking about it just reminds me...God promised me. He promised me that everything would be OK...that it would all work out for His glory. And in the process, I've been blessed, not only by material things, but my heart as well... I wouldn't wish any of this on anyone, and if I could have had all of the benefits without the costs, I would have. But I think that I wouldn't change one thing that's happened these past few years...now I have a story to share...I have things to tell and people to encourage because I can- because I've been there. I hope that doesn't sound to odd. I don't think I'm explaining it very well, but oh well...I tried! Just don't forget God's promises. It may seem like they will never be fulfilled, but they will- I know because His to me were and are being fulfilled still!


Well, I have to go now...dinners almost ready! I hope to talk to/see y'all soon... Have a blessed and marvelous day!

><>Me

Tuesday, August 2, 2005 3:47 PM CDT

Hey everybody...I hope everyone is doing well...everything here is good so far. I went to clinic yesterday. My PFTs were great, and so were my counts...except for my liver counts. They are elevated ("really wacky" as Cammie said), so I have to go back in on Thursday to have more blood drawn. The liver counts being elevated kinda makes me feel puny and tired, but I'm hanging in there. The good news is, I lost 2 pounds...

This morning Daddy and I went to the Red Cross Center to talk to the donation team about giving blood, and how important their calling people and running the drives and such is. I love it there... Then we went to the Curtis Media station, and we saw a couple of our friends there. Heads up...the radiothon is on Thursday, November 17...get prepared! They're going to have some TV coverage as well...I can't wait! I love doing stuff like the radiothon, and the people at Curtis Media...they're really nice...

Well, I gotta go...I'm tired! I'll talk to you later, and I hope that you have a great week! I'll try to update on Thursday if I can...

Blessings...

Love><>Me

Thursday, July 21, 2005 9:44 PM CDT

Hey everybody! I have good news. Today's clinic was great. PFTs were stable so the Big P's been lowered to 5 mgs a day now...so I only have to take it in the morning. (now I'm down to 11 pills at night instead of 12)Everything looks good. I even lost 2 pounds! YEA...finally...

I am a bit tired...this week, I haven't been sleeping very well...that's probably why. I'm going to the beach for a few days. The Guptons (Lindy...a family from UNC) have a house on Oak Island that they are letting us use for the week. Mom and I will go down Friday afternoon, Vinson and Dad will come down on Saturday night, and we'll all come back on Wednesday morning. I'm excited...we're taking Tal! He's excited too! I keep asking him, "Do you wanna go to the beach?" and he gets all excited and starts wagging his tail in circles like y'all know he does (if you've met him!)

Anyway...I want to be rested for the trip so I'm gonna go. Please keep praying for all of the kids...we really appreciate it. I thank God all of the time for the support I've had through y'all and your prayers...Thanks again...

Love><>Me

Monday, July 11, 2005 10:45 PM CDT

Well, hello everyone! I'm sorry that it's been a while, but in all fairness, I did warn you it probably would be! I went to the Hill today. Everything is good. My PFTs are stable, and I'm "looking good, kid!" Dr. Blatt saw me with Cammie today because Dr. Gilman was out of town. I don't know how they're going to work out who sees me when and how often...Dr. Blatt wants me back, she says, but Dr. Gilman wants to keep me because it's his "area of expertise" and he wants to study me...gee...I feel so loved! :) But the good thing is, Dr. Blatt lowered the big P by half a milligram...already! I love that woman...she's crazy! So, my hormone levels are all screwed up from the chemo and then all the meds...it's been lovely...I get hot flashes...no mood swings, thank the Lord (really...thank Him!), but the hot flashes get quite annoying- I'm just starting to get comfortable, and all of a sudden, my face is bright red and my skin is hot...really- lots of fun...NOT.

So anyway, that's about all I have to report this week. I don't have to go back until next Thursday- who I will see remains a mystery! Please keep praying for all of the kids at UNC and Duke and around the world who are dealing with akll kinds of illnesses- not just physical, but also those that eat away at your heart...anger, bitterness, rejection,...you catch my drift. Pretty much everyone has a "disease" of some sort, but the cool thing is...God promised to heal us of all our diseases- the physical and the emotional. And I have faith that He keeps His promises...so please pray for them. Thanks! Have a wonderful day...Talk to you soon.

Love><>Me

Thursday, June 30, 2005 11:04 PM CDT

Hi everyone...sorry it's been so long since my last update. I didn't have clinic until today so there wasn't much to tell. But I do have good news. my PFTs were stable (some were better and some were the same...but none were worse) so that's great. The prednisone drops to 6 mgs next week when Cammie calls to see how I'm doing...you see, I don't have to go back for 2 weeks this time! YAY! Anyway...and I can have strawberries (washed really well) and grapes now! So exciting...I still have to be careful in crowded places with the mask and everything, but still...

We got a membership at the YMCA, and we've gone the past 2 nights...I've been doing some swimming- or at least a sorry attempt at it...kicking with the kick board and such. It really helps my joints, and it's pretty fun.

My sister and I (and her roomate, Alyssa, from college) are petsitting/housesitting for my cousin's dog while he and his wife go out of town. I'm so excited...

Not much else is going on...if something comes up, I'll update again, and I'll definately update before the next doctor's appointment, but I gotta go to bed now...I'm tired! I'll talk to you later...thanks for your prayers...

Love><>Me

Monday, June 20, 2005 10:37 PM CDT

Hi everyone! So today I went to the doctor...everything went smoothly except for that I had to wait forever to see Dr. Gilman because Cammie was sick and he had to see his patients in-house and at the clinic...at least that's what he said! Anyway, everything's great! My bone marrow looks wonderful (as we all knew it would!)- 100% Ben (give or take the "error margin" of 5%...), and my blood, as a result, looks great...no signs of cancer or GVH (there are certain cells they look for, and I haven't got any of them!). My PFTs were not much better this week from last, but my pulse-ox was 100%, and they had not dropped anymore from last week, so he lowered the big P to 7.5 mgs a day (my base amount...the amount my body should be making on its own). This means, I should start dropping a little bit of the weight I gained...I didn't gain much, but I do have a lot of fluid build up, and that should start to come off too. Mom, Dad, Vinson, and Grandma are saying that my face is looking smaller, but I'm not sure if that's just to make me fell better or what!!! :) But I'm starting to feel better (mood wise and just overall in my body) minus the hip/knee/leg pain from the AVN, and that's a good sign!

Next week I go in on Thursday for PFTs again, a bone density test (to get a base line so they can see if the new medicine is working...), and a regular clinic visit (if you can ever call them regular!). I'll try to update before then, but not much is going on so I don't know how much I'll be able to write about!

Well, that's about it for me...not many people have updated recently- they're all probably pretty busy with their summers! So I can't tell you much, but keep checking in on them! And please pray for the 2 (3?) kids receiving transplants at UNC right now...I don't know any of them personally, but I do know that they're struggling...if not medically, at least emotionally. I've been there, and I know that I did...it gets kinda lonely up there on the 5th floor of Anderson. So please pray that, even if they aren't Christians, they will know that they are not alone- never have been and never will be- because they are loved and watched by the One who promised never to leave or turn away from us! (how cool is that? after everything I've done and know that I will do...)

I've got to go to bed now...busy day tomorrow...I plan to sew up some purses, clean my room, do some office work, and look online for tickets to Minnesota (to visit Ben and his wife, Shannon and little Isaiah and Josie)...hopefully I can get it all done before six because I'm going to a movie with my sister and her roomate and maybe some other people...CRAZY! I'll talk to you all soon, and I'm going to try to put some pictures from the beach in the photo album...so check that out!

Love><>Me

Tuesday, June 14, 2005 9:02 PM CDT

Hi guys...this will most likely be a short update because it's been a long day, and I'm tired! Today was sleep clinic, and it was time to wake up at the ungodly hour of 5:45 to leave at the little less ungodly hour of 6:15 to get there at a little bit less ungodly-than-that hour of 7:15. (Did that make sense at all?) Anyway, I had PFTs about 8:00, but before that I had to check into clinic and get on the list for the bone marrow thingies and then get my IV started...by the time that was done, it was time for PFTs. Then I went back to clinic to have my weekly checkup and wait for my turn to be put to sleep with the happy juice! PFTs were OK...a little low this week so they kept me on the dose I was on...10mgs a day. I have them again next Monday so hopefully...PRAY! I lost a pound...this is a good thing...and my blood looks good...just waiting on the bone marrow results, but since my blood looks good, we're not expecting anything out of the ordinary!

Not much else to report...please keep praying for Lindy, Gabe, Meredith, the Lees, the Ashworths, and all of the other kids at UNC and Duke. I don't much mind if you don't pray for me, but please keep them all (and their families) close to you hearts and in your thoughts and prayers...

Thanks so much for everything...I thank God for you all everytime I think of you, and I will continue to do so whenever I think about these past few years...you all mean so much to me. You've all been so great and continue to do so much for me and my family- even through simple prayers...you will never know...so thank you!

Sorry, had to get a little sentimental there...but I'm gonna go now...I'm exhausted! I had that bone medicine today...it went fine, but it kinda drained me having all those tests done and then having an infusion...Talk to you all later! Have a great week!

Love><>Me

Sunday, June 12, 2005 9:03 PM CDT

Hello everyone...I'm sorry that I did not update on Thursday...or Friday...or Saturday! I've been busy. Thursday was a short clinic day, and everything was good. I could have sworn that he said that he would lower my dose to 7.5 a day on Thursday, but did he? Of course not...I was a bit miffed! Other than that though, everything was ok. On Friday I had ensemble rehearsal, and GUESS WHAT! I got my liscense!!!!! I was so excited! Then on Saturday, I was at the RBC center all day long for ensemble to sing at this education ball thingy...it was a lot of fun!

So that's what's up with me...not much, I'm afraid! I pretty much don't have a life...but it's ok! It's better than something bad happening...

Tomorrow, I'm going to hang out...just chill! Then on Tuesday, I've got a ginormous clinic visit...PFTs first thing, then a bone marrow aspirate, then this new drug for my bones...It will be a long day...HELP!

Please pray for Gabe as he has just finished a round of steroids...and for Lindy, Meredith, the Lees, the Helms...everyone...no one's updated so I don't know how everyone is, but I do know how much your prayers mean...

I'll talk to you all later...I'm sleepy...Have a wonderful day!

Love><>Me

Friday, June 3, 2005 6:28 PM CDT

Hello all...I'm sorry that it's been a while. There wasn't much to report until today when I went to the clinic. Everything is good with my blood and all the rest of me. PFTs were stable today...and they lowered my prednesone (the big P) to 10 mgs a day...that's 5 mgs in the morning and 5 at night. YEA!!!

The big news is...you know that small family get together we were going to have at the beach with just a couple of my friends and my family? Well, it turned out to be a huge surprise party for...guess who...me! It was crazy amazing! 12 of my friends all came down and surprised me...we stayed in an amazing house and hung out on the beach and at the pool and ate lots of good food...I think I gained like 3 pounds...hopefully it'll start to come off with the weaning...! Anyway...my sister and her roomate (whose like my other sister...) planned a few games for us...a sandcastle building contest, a scavenger hunt, and a relay in the pool. My team won the relay, and GET THIS! I actually did OK...well, I kinda had a panic attack about half way through the wet t-shirt relay, but that was cause I got water up my nose and couldn't breath...but I almost made it! And I won the floating contest...yea baby!

The best part though, even though it was great to have my friends and family together to celebrate...was that Ben, my bone marrow donor, and his wife, Shannon, and their little baby Josanne (Josie- how ironic...) flew into Raleigh on Friday night and drove down to the beach on Saturday to surprise me! They stayed until Tuesday morning, but then they had to go back. It was a little wierd...at dinner on Sunday night when we went to the restaurant we ordered the same thing...and we weren't at the same table! And his favorite candy is Starbursts (the pink kind)...that's my favorite too! And my hair, when it's dry, is almost the same color as his...crazy! Anyway...they're really great, and I was sorry to see them leave. But we had a fun time, and I think we're planning on going to visit them sometime this summer...I thank God all the time for both Ben and Shannon and their generosity...

Well, not much else to report...I'm bored at home doing nothing once again! But it's better than school work or being stuck at the hospital... :) If you wanna do something, though, call me...I'm probably free! Have a wonderful weekend...do me a favor? Spend it praising God with everything that you do and not taking any of the things in life for granted...Thanks!

Love><>Me

Friday, May 27, 2005 6:46 AM CDT

Hi everybody! Quick update because I'm at school before awards ceremony. But I wanted to let you all know what's going on with me and how clinic went yesterday before I head off to the beach!

Well, the MRI came back as showing I have this thing called avascular nerchosis (sp?) (It's "necrosis" - Mom)...we'll just call it AVN for the sake of time! It's where the bone is dead because the blood supply has been cut off...this is all a result of the big P. Anyway...so I had to go see Orthopedics early yesterday morning, and I got old fashioned X Rays done to get a different view. They showed the same thing, but for some reason...it looked worse on the MRI than it did on the X Rays. So, Dr. Gilman wants to get me off the steroids as fast as he possible can without hurting my lungs!!!! He doesn't want to make my hips and knees worse because if they get any worse, I could end up not being able to do anything and possible having to have hip replacement surgery...not cool. So I also had PFTs yesterday just to make sure it was OK to go down on the big P. They were great so I'm down to 15 mgs a day now. And next week I'll have PFTs again and go down 5 more if they're stable or better...which they will be! Blood is good, and everything else is fine...that's about it for the clinic visit...

Please pray for my friend, Abby. She's been having some serious heart and blood pressure issues, and hasn't been able to be as active as she used to be (she's really athletic...). She passes out sometimes and gets headaches and nauseous sometimes...It's just no fun, and I understand how she feels...

Please don't ever take for granted everything...every step...every breath that you take. Remember that there are people out there who can't do the things you do or even the things they want to do. Some, it's because they can't see or can't hear...others it's because they can't walk...some have money issues...some have health issues. It doesn't matter why...the point is...God is good, and He's given us so much. But "to whom much is given, much is required." So please...don't forget...we are blessed by a Father who loves us unconditionally and for eternity. Don't take anything He gives you for granted...especially Life.

Thanks so much for praying for me and my friends...I've got to go now, but I'll talk to you all later...hopefully when I get back from the beach! have a great Memorial Day weekend, and enjoy spending time outside or wherever with your family!

Love><>Me
Nahum 1:7

Sunday, May 22, 2005 9:06 PM CDT

Hi everybody! Sorry it's been so long...I didn't get a chance Thursday night, Friday, or Saturday to update, obviously...I had to work on Thursday afternoon a little bit, and my doctor's appointment was on Friday anyway...so...you wouldn't have gotten much from Thursday! Anyway...about my doctor's appointment on Friday. Well, I was scheduled for PFTs at 9:30, and I was gonna go to school with Ms. Faith before that around 8:30 then head to PFTs and then to see Dr. G. and then Dad and I were going to go to lunch and hang out in Chapel Hill all day until 5:00 rolled around for my MRI of my knees and hips. Well, we had it all worked out...then our plans got changed! There was an accident on 40 or 540 or something...MAJOR TRAFFIC...so we didn't get to school in time...we actually didn't get to Chapel Hill until about 9:15 so we went straight to PFTs. They turned out GREAT...my residual volumn (what's left after I blow out all I can possible blow out) was much better...it's one of those ones they want to be lower...it went from 153 to 93 or something like that! That's good. So then, we've lowered the big P to 20mgs a day...he said that in 4 weeks I should be down to 10 and then we have to go slow or something like that...pray though that there might be a way to get down to ten a little faster...like in 2 weeks or something. Blood's good, but we haven't heard about the MRI which, suprisingly, we were able to have moved up to around 12:30, which meant Daddy and I could go to lunch right after and then come home!

Vinson came home for the summer on Thursday, so it's been good to have her here. The Relay for Life last Friday went great! I walked 2 laps without getting short of breath, and on Saturday, the recital was so much fun! I think I did OK...but the best part was that I was dancing and I didn't get too short of breath! Now, if we could just get Dr. G. to go a little faster on the weaning process and then maybe my legs would feel a little better. (We haven't heard anything about the MRI, so I still can't tell you what it is...)

This weekend, my family and a few friends are going to the beach to celebrate my birthday! I'm so excited. I can't go under the water (in the ocean) or be in the sun, but I can wade, and there's a pool where we're staying. I love going down there...there's this really neat store in Calabash...just a few miles down the road...it's huge, and it's got all kinds of neat beach stuff and just junk really. But the best part is, there's a whole wing of JUST Christmas decorations! It's so much fun...like Christmas all year round- they even play Christmas music. I have to be really careful in the sun...like 65-70 sunblock, a hat, umbrella...so my sister gave me a pretty cool straw hat for my birthday and a really cute cover up with a CUTE bag to keep the sunblock and all of my stuff in! It's perfect...I love bags... Anyway...I'm excited!

Well, life's OK today...I am still sick of my legs hurting and of looking like a chipmunk/the Pillsbury doughboy, but today, I'm in a good mood so I guess that's a good thing! I've only got to take one exam...AP Biology...but I have an A for the semester so I'm not so worried about bringing my semester grade up with the exam...not as much pressure, though I'm still going to study really hard! I've already started...that exam is on Wednesday, and then I'll be done!

OH YEA...I forgot to add that I made Honors Ensemble at school! I'm really excited about next year...it should be fun!

I'm gonna go to bed now, because I've got to go to Chapel Hill for school pretty early tomorrow so I can be back to Raleigh by 10:45 or 11:00 for ensemble practice. I'll talk to you later...please keep praying for good days and NO side effects...and keep praying for the Lees, Ashworths, Lindy, Gabe, and the Helms...and everyone else. I know I say it all the time...but you don't know how much your prayers truly have an affect on our lives...well, goodnight and God bless!

Love><>Me

Thursday, May 12, 2005 9:16 PM CDT

Hey guys...quick update because it's late, and I've got ensemble auditions tomorrow morning! Today was a long day at clinic...unexpectedly. Dr. Gilman decided that he wanted to have my chest and sinuses CT scanned. Needless to say, I was not very happy with him. Neither of my parents could be there today so it was me and my grandma. I love my grandma, but today, I wanted my parents...especially because I forgot my squeezie for when I get an IV (Tal...a stuffed dog! I'm 16...i know...I should be over this...). And I didn't have dad to hold my hand...I was upset because throughout this whole thing, I've had Tal and/or Daddy every time they've stuck me...and they decided not to lower the big P this week because they didn't do PFTs. And I had to do the step test while my legs were hurting (up on a step stool and back down for 2 minutes with a pulse-ox running...). It all just piled up and I wanted to go home and PLUS the big P makes me so crazy sometimes...so I was VERY upset with him...I think I may have scared him a little- he left very shortly after the step test...Then I had to wait like 2 and a half hours for CT people to call me down (by now it's like 2:00) and I hadn't eaten since like 8:00 this morning! I just was not a happy person, and you all know how I can get...poor Grandma!!

Anywayz...the step test, my pulse-ox before the step test, during, and after it, my blood, and I believe the CT scan (haven't heard yet) were all fine. I'm just tired and ready to be done with all of this...ANYTIME he wants to lower the big P a little faster would be GREAT with me! I hope it doesn't sound too much like I'm complaining...I guess I am, but I do know that I have so much to be thankful for. Like the fact that this is his specialty, and he had practically just gotten to UNC about 4 months before this whole lung thing started, and the fact that I'm going down faster than most people, and the fact that nothing big has happened since then. I'm just SO TIRED of being sick and not being able to do things! But I can do more than a lot of kids, and I've been given 2 second chances at 2 kinds of life...life in the physical sense and life eternal. What more could I ask for? Pray for me that I will remember that when the big P (and Satan) starts to make me doubt and makes me grumpy and moody...I need that!

No one has updated their pages recently so I don't know much about what's going on with my friends from UNC and Duke, but I will ask that you pray for me and the other people walking in the Relay for Life tomorrow night and Saturday at Wakefield High School...I'll need your prayers as I walk the Survivor's Lap and then my parents are walking at Midnight (for all the times we were awake at midnight). Come on out and watch if you want to...it'll be great!
Also, my dance recital at Dance Dynamics is on Saturday night...pray for my legs and my stamina and my memory that they will be STELLAR and that I'll do my best to honor God in every step I take on the stage!

WOW...i feel like I'm asking you to pray for me a whole bunch...don't forget about the other kids at UNC and Duke...they need your prayers too! Like I said, I don't know specific needs, but general prayers and thoughts are always welcome, I know! God knows what they need...

OK, I'm going to bed now...I love you all and thank my Father for you everyday! Have a WONDERFUL and BLESSED day...

Love><>Me
"Rejoice in the Lord, always, and again, I say Rejoice."
Philippians 4:4

**OMGosh! Next week is the last week of school...in just one week, I'll be a JUNIOR...upper classman...WOW...how time flies...I don't feel like I'm supposed to be a Junior...and this year went by so fast! Great, now I have to start looking at colleges more seriously...HELP!**

Saturday, May 7, 2005 11:07 PM CDT

WOW...what a week!!! I'm sorry that I didn't update on Thursday after my cinic visit, but I had the dance recital all evening, and then Friday, I had POPS rehearsal, and then tonight, I had POPS!!! They were all so much fun. The dance recital was amazing...a wonderful time of worshipping our wonderful Father through dance, and POPS went great...I know we were all stressing that it wouldn't come together, but Abba took care of us, and He brought it through so we could praise Him with our voices.

So, clinic...well, PFTs were stable again this week so, they lowered the big P to 12.5 mgs twice a day...that's 25 mgs total a day. He said that we'd do PFTs again in 2 weeks and see about lowering it more, but you know me...I'll be "negotiating" (as Dr. Blatt would say) that issue this week! (PRAY!) Blood counts are fine, and my weight is the same as it's been for about a month- so I'm not gaining pounds...I just look like it in my face! The RSV is gone, and, while I'm still coughing, and I don't have much of a voice as a result, it's going away, and I'm getting better.

My next thing that I have to do that's kinda big is Monday...I've got to take the AP Biology exam...I'm not stressing. I want to do well, but, considering I haven't been there for half a year, and have pretty much had to teach myself from the book, I'm not going to worry about passing or not passing. I just want to do my best, so if you could pray for wisdom and understanding and a good memory on Monday for me that would be wonderful...

Next weekend (Friday night through Saturday) is the Relay for Life at Wakefield. My church has a team, and I'm walking in the Survivor's Lap...then my parents are walking at midnight...we're gonna try to see if we can also walk at 3:00 because that's the time I had my transplant. If you want to come out and watch, the whole thing starts at 7:00 on Friday night. Then Saturday night, at Wakefield again, I have my Dance Dynamics dance recital...I'm excited about that. Please pray that my legs will hold up and that my lungs will function normally (they're a lot better than they were, but they're still not a hundred percent!) and all of that.

Lindy, Gabe, Meredith, Mrs. Pam, and the others all sound like they're doing well. Please continue to pray for them and their continued health. They're always appreciated...

OH MY GOSH...it's 12:20 AM on May 8, 2005...HAPPY MOMMY'S DAY!!!! I'm so glad that God gave me such a wonderful mommy. She takes such good care of me, and loves me even when I'm a brat! What would we do without our moms? I love you mommy...

I've got to go to bed...I'm about to fall asleep. I'll talk to you all later. Have a wonderful week, and don't forget to hug your mommy and tell her you love her...God Bless...

Love><>ME
happy birthday to me...Thank you, Abba, for another year to live in Your amazing love...

"My present condition is NOT and will NEVER be an indication of my future or my future condition."
"Yet in all these things, we are MORE than conquerors through Him who loved us." Romans 8:37

Friday, April 29, 2005 4:22 PM CDT

Hey everyone...so yesterday I went to clinic...time for an update. PFTs were up from last week, but not good enough to lower the big P. So I'm still at 15 twice a day. They also did a nasal drip thing (tube up the nose...squirt of salt water...pull it back out...not fun) because of this cough and runny nose I have. Turns out, I've got a virus called RSV. It's an upper respiratory infection, but it could move to a lower respiratory thing and affect my bronchiols...which are already irritated from the GVHD. So they called and were like, "start this medicine NOW, and come in tomorrow (friday) for another IV medicine." So that's what I've done today...went in for another medicine. Everything is good otherwise...just frustrating...everything seems to start getting better, and then I've got another setback. I'm so tired of being sick...But I know I'm not the worst case, and I've got so much to be thankful for. And I'm thankful...just frustrated...

So, next Thursday is the dance recital at school, and then POPS on Saturday...I'm excited about POPS. It's my favorite time of year. But I've been busy with rehearsals and studying and doctors. And the work never ends...they just keep sending stuff and more stuff and more stuff. As soon as I finish one thing, they send a bazillion other things. AAAHHH...

Nothing much else is going on...Please keep praying for my lungs and PFTs...and for all the other kids at UNC and Duke. They mean so much...your prayers and the kids affected by them. Thanks again...

Love><>Me

Sunday, April 24, 2005 0:49 AM CDT

Hi guys...well, it's really late, and I've got early church tomorrow (fewer people!) so this won't be long. I'm sorry that I didn't update on Thursday night or Friday, but I had West Side, and I was exhausted by the time I got home. Medically, all is well. My blood is great, and the doctors are pleased. But my PFTs were a not any better this week (they even said that they were a little lower) so no lowering come Monday...I will, however, have PFTs again on Thursday rather than the week after to see if there's a difference. It was really wierd because I thought they were better this week...like, while I was doing them, they were easier...maybe it's just cause I was tired from the play and all the stuff I've been doing! Oh well...at least they didn't boost me back up to a higher dose...And Dr. Gilman has me scheduled for an MRI and x-rays of my knees and hips to see what if anything can be done to help them...like if it's only temporary and what exactly, if it's not that avascular nercosis (SP?) thingy, it is. That won't be until May 10 though...Other than that, all is well.

I've been doing lots of things these past few weeks, and next week is packed too...POPS and the dance recital are both coming up in 2 weeks so I'll be preparing for that. Please pray for my hips, knees, and stamina to hold up. Dance is fun, and it even helps the pain a little, but it can be hard to keep up. I love praising God through dance, and this whole recital is a worship service...it's gonna be so cool...anyway, I want to be as involved as I can. I'm already cut from a few dances because, physically I can't do them, and also I wasn't there to learn them so I got behind. But the one's I'm in, I want to do well, so please pray for that in earnest faith!!! And POPS! WOW...(anyone want tickets?? They're five dollars...call me!) that's gonna be so much fun! I LOVE DOING POPS! The rehearsals get crazy and stressful, but it is so worth it in the end...we get to let loose and just sing our hearts out...even if the song's not "Sacred," we get to have fun with our Father and that's what serving Him is supposed to be- fun and fulfilling, right?? Well, that's how I see it...and I can't wait...but it will be exhausting, I know so I'll be asking again for your faithful prayers in that matter as well!!! Thank you so much...

No one has updated recently, so I'm not sure how everyone's doing since last week. I guess no news is good news...at least in these situations! Next week, I have to give an AP Biology presentation. The docs said I could go in just for that. And I've got to work on my research paper...AAAAHHHH!!! Any ideas for a good novel (200-300 pages)? And Algebra 2! Circles, parabolas, ellipses, hyperboles...I thought I was done with Geometry...lol! I'm rambling, so I'll go...I'll talk to you later! Thanks so much for everything, and have a great day.

Love><>Me

"Praise God from whom ALL blessings flow. Praise Him all creatures, here below. Praise Him above, ye heavenly hosts. Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost. Amen."

Sunday, April 17, 2005 1:01 PM CDT

Hi everybody...I'm sorry that it's been so long. I've been busy this week. Last weekend at the car wash, my feet got burnt and my left one swelled up to like three times its size so I had to go in on Monday to have them check it out. They gave me this cream, and within a day the swelling was down. It's much better now, but it looks kinda funny and the nerve endings are somewhat fried! I just have to be really careful in the sun...And then all week, I've had West Side Story stuff (make up crew...) so that's been crazy. Thursday, I had to go in for my normal appointment, and I also had to have an IVIG boost. No big deal...it just took a while and made me really tired. So this is like the first chance I've had to update.

Everything is great, count wise and weight wise. I've got PFTs on Thursday, and Dr. Blatt is kinda scheming with me to "negotiate" with Dr. Gilman with the "big P." My legs hurt so bad today...this morning, I was crying. I've been doing a lot this past week, and standing a lot, but still...I hate it. I can barely walk on my own, they hurt so bad today. Other than that, I feel great. It's just so frustrating...

Let's see...what else? Not much. These next few weeks are going to be crazy with West Side Story wrapping up and then dance recital and POPS 2 weeks later. MY WORD!!!

Tal's going crazy downstairs, and I have to go take him potty so I'm gonna go. Sorry I've not got much news. Please pray for the ME FINE foundation...they're helping a lot of families and need our support. Lindy's scans came back clean so praise Jesus for that!!! And Gabe's counts are good so that's another praise. Please keep praying for my mood...I get so frustrated- mostly with myself- sometimes, and I can't stand my chipmunk cheeks...lol! soon...

I love you all...have a great day!

Love><>me

Friday, April 8, 2005 9:14 AM CDT

Hello everyone...It's Friday...the day after clinic, so you get an update!!! Everything went fine at clinic yesterday. My counts are great, I look great (besides my face looking like a chipmunk...), my PFTs were BETTER!!!! yep, that's right...they got better this week! :) Nothing's changed with regards to the medicine...I'll keep weaning 5 mgs of the Big P a week...slowly but surely. So that's 35 next week...let's see...I don't think there's any other medical stuff...just that my knees and my hips hurt REALLY BAD, but there's not much they can do for it...what else is new? lol

This week's weather has been wonderful...I've been able to go outside with Tal for about 30 minutes every day to have him run around in the backyard. I throw his ball for him and he goes and gets it...then I have to coax him into giving it back to me...and sometimes I try to chase him, but it doesn't really work because I'm not very fast on account of my knees and hips...lol. But he's crazy...and the trees and birds are so pretty. I saw a bluebird this morning...it was gorgeous.

I'm on makeup crew for West Side Story at school so I had rehearsal on Wednesday and we have a dress rehearsal today! AHHH!!! Then next week is opening night! (Monday and Tuesday are a dress rehearsal and a charity event, respectively). WOW! These next 2 weeks are gonna be packed...Then tomorrow I've got a car wash for my senior trip fund raiser at school (if it doesn't rain!), and Sunday I'm just hanging out with friends. All this is being done while Grandma is staying with me because Mom and Dad are out of town for the weekend. CRAZINESS!!!

Not much else to report, I don't think, but if I think of something, I'll add on!! Please keep praying for that situation...it's gotten much better already, but it still needs prayer!! Thank you so much...and congratulations to Meredith and Gabe who got to go back to school this week! I'm so excited for them!!! Pray for their immune systems that they will supernaturally be protected from all illnesses and complications so that they can stay in school!! And please pray for Lindy as she is having some routine tests done next week, but they are nonetheless draining...Thanks again...You never know how much you mean to me and how much your prayers and thoughts mean too!

Love><>Me

Saturday, April 2, 2005 9:47 PM CST

Hey guys!!! I'm sorry that I didn't update on Thursday after clinic, but it was a kind of tiring day...let me tell you! We got there about 10:00 which was good, and you know, they did they're little examination thingy, but then someone (don't ask me why or how this can happen!) "mistook" a coloring book and crayons for popcorn and put them in the microwave to pop! Well, they did more than pop...they caught on fire- like a big fire! So the clinic filled up with smoke, and they were all in a hurry to put it out and get me away from the smoke, and it was crazy! And I still hadn't gotten my blood drawn so we couldn't just leave...Anyway...I was tired when I came home, and really didn't do much of anything...

BUT! there is good news...The weaning of the "Big P" continues...my lung functions were stable last week, and my O2 stats were 100his week (despite the smoke!). I have PFTs on Thursday next week, and if they continue to be stable or better, the weaning goes on! Praise Jesus!!!! All the other meds are the same, and I've noticed that I get waves of energy and pain and tiredness...like in the morning, I'm pretty OK- ready to go and not in much pain, then in the afternoon, around lunch, I'm fading, but then I eat and it's a little better...then I get a big wave of energy where I have to do SOMETHING productive like clean or sew or do homework or go somewhere and I can't stop...then about 6:30 or 7:00 it's like HELLO WALL! I'm so tired, and the pain starts up. It's kinda wierd and frustrating at the same time...oh well!

So I went to Hollins (Vinson's university). It was pretty cool. I went last Spring break too, but I liked this one better because the classes were more interesting to me. I think that I will like college...I like the way the classes are run and how it all kinda flows...And we had fun. We got lots of food because I could only eat waffles at the cafeteria (buffet...) for breakfast, and on Tuesday we ordered a pizza in...I even got to go swimming in the pool! SWIMMING! Well, I didn't swim laps or anything except for 2 on my back with a floaty thingy just using my legs and a little bit of push from my arms, but it was still swimming...I haven't been swimming in forever! It's great therapy...I can do dance moves in the water, and it still works the muscles but without as much stress on my joints...It was grand!

What else to tell...not much really...we've just been chilling the rest of this spring break. I hope everyone's had a restful time doing whatever you've been doing. OH YEA! Mom and I went to lunch with Erika and Mrs. Helms today...that was a lot of fun. She looks great, and she ate a lot, Erika said, compared to usual...I've missed out on seeing them, but it has been hard with both of us being so tied up with doctors and all this mess...boy, you guys...you will never know the awesome power your prayers and our God have on people's lives. I don't know where I would be without it. Just today, I got another email from my donor, and he was telling me about how on December 16, when he went in to give, it snowed a foot that morning. He said people were praying all over for him and for me, and he almost went off the road a few times, but he got there safely, and so did my bone marrow...how amazing is that...because I know all of you were praying too. People who probably don't even know each other praying for one thing in totally separate parts of the country (and world b/c there were people in Europe too), praying to one God in one voice for one cause...I'm amazed. Never forget the power your words and prayers have...The Word is filled with examples...James 5:15

I'll leave you now...sorry if I rambled; I'm trying to wait for the meds to kick in so I can go to sleep...I think it's about time so I'll talk to you all later...

Love><>Me

P>S> Hope Totes has a bunch of bright spring-colored purses made up if anyone's interested...I've got to get the ribbons for them, but if anyone asks, I've got some blue, orange, a green or 2...and maybe some pinks and yellows. Or you can pick one yourself or I can go get a plaid or stripe or something. Just let me know if you want one...20f my profit goes straight to the UNC Peds. Hem/Onc. Clinic...I just gave them $100 dollars on Thursday!!

P>P>S> I miss you guys...

Saturday, March 26, 2005 11:05 PM CST

"Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand." (Isaiah 41:10)

"I, the Lord, have called You in righteousness, And will hold Your hand; I will keep You and give You as a covenant to the people, As a light to the Gentiles, To open blind eyes, To bring out prisoners from the prison, Those who sit in darkness from the prison house..." (Isaiah 42: 6-7)

"I will bring the blind by a way they did not know; I will lead them in paths they have not known. I will make darkness light before them, and crooked places straight. These things I will do for them, and not forsake them." (Isaiah 42: 16)

"But now, thus says the Lord, who created you, O Jacob, And He who formed you, O Israel: I have called YOU by your name; You are Mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, Nor shall the flame scorch you. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior...Since you were precious in My sight, You have been honored, and I have loved you; Therefore I will give men for you, and people for your life. Fear not, for I am with you." (Isaiah 43:1-5a)

"And now the Lord says, Who formed Me from the womb to be His Servant, To bring Jacob back to Him, So that Israel is gathered to Him (For I shall be glorious in the eyes of the Lord, And My God shall be My strength), Indeed He says, 'It is too small a thing that You should be My Servant to raise up the tribes of Jacob, And to restore the preserved ones of Israel, I will also give You as a light to the Gentiles, That You should be My salvation to the ends of the earth. (Isaiah 49:5-6)

"But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; The chastisement for our peace was upon Him, and BY HIS STRIPES WE ARE HEALED." (Isaiah 53:5)

So many verses...all within about 10 chapters of each other, each prophesying in some form or another the death and resurrection of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, that gave us victory over sin, disease, sickness, and death. How amazing is that? WOW...just for us. And, the cool part is, if it were just me...only me...He promised me that He would do it all anyway...just one- He would leave all the rest to go after the one that wandered away. And I know I've done that more times than anyone can count...but you know what? He doesn't remember those times because He took care of them over 2000 years ago, and they are gone...and with them went all the consequences- all my pain, sickness, DISEASES, death. When He said, "It is finished," He meant, "It is finished." "...By His stripes we ARE healed." Praise God!

So...I'm sorry that it's been a few days...Thursday was busy with it being Vinson's birthday so I didn't get a chance to update, but Dr. Gilman and Cammie gave me good news. I'm weaning the big "P" faster now...down 5 mg every week now instead of every 2 weeks. So starting Monday, I've only got to take 45 a day instead of 50! My lung function tests were the same as last time so that means that they've got it under control, and as long as they continue to be good, I'll keep weaning! I'm glad, of course, because, while I haven't gained but like a pound or so, my face is starting to look like a chipmunk's again and I don't have an upturned smile...it's just kinda straight!...and my knees are swelling a lot, and my hips and all that. Not that I'm complaining...at least I can breathe, I'm just ready to feel normal and look normal again. Also...the mood swings! My poor family...it's quite frustrating. Everything with the bone marrow is great...all my donor still so that's grand. Victory over Satan is so sweet...

Please pray for me in a situation I'm in. I can't go into detail, but it's gotten rather serious, and I'm a little worried. It's not medical or anything...it's actually social, I guess, but it definately needs prayer, and we all know the power of prayer...at least I hope you do!

There isn't really much else to say, so I'm gonna go. This will be my first Easter spent at home in 2 years. Last year we were in Roanoke with Vinson, and the year before I was in the hospital and honestly don't remember anything as I was way high on drugs! So I'm excited to be home. I hope you all have a wonderful time with your families doing what you do on Easter with them and celebrating the victory we have through Christ's death and resurrection. Never forget...

Love><>Me

P>S> Allow me to leave you with this lovely line from a song...It's from the "Believe" from "The Polar Express" (sung by Josh Groban), but I think it's kinda like God saying it to me and you...
"You have everything you need...If you just believe." And I wonder how much more it could apply if we change it to "I've given you evertything you need...If you just believe in Me." I don't know...maybe it's just me...

Tuesday, March 22, 2005 12:51 AM CST

Hey guys...sorry it's been so long, but not much is going on these days. I've got a doctor's appointment on Thursday so hopefully I'll be able to tell you more about the results from the bone marrow other than that everything looks good so far...they still haven't gotten the cytogenetics back yet, but everything looks A-OK!

Last Tuesday was OK...for some reason, I didn't stop bleeding so, unbeknownst (sp?) to me, I was "leaking" all over my pants and shirt. So when I got up from the chair, my back was covered in blood so that was an interesting ride home...There's something up with my veins...like, my IV place from last week is still bruised badly and the veins above it look kinda funny...like maybe one of my meds affects them or something...I dunno. I'm gonna ask on Thursday.

Not much else to report...I'm bored and frustrated because I'm trying to get work done, but sometimes I don't understand...like, the answers right there and I can almost make the connection, but something's in my way. It's really frustrating, and I'm so tired of being confused and left behind.

Can I say something honestly without y'all getting upset with me? I hope so because I'm going to...If so many people miss me at school and stuff, why don't they call or email me or something? I go to visit and they're all like, "oh my gosh...It's so good to see you...We've missed you." And I'm like, "I'm not in Siberia...I can be contacted..." I just don't understand. It's not like I expect people to miss me, but if you don't really care if I'm there or not, just don't say anything. Because if you say something, but don't do anything about it, it kinda makes it worse. You don't have to call or email or see if I wanna do something, but please don't act all happy and stuff to see me when you do. Just say hi or don't say anything at all. *Please note that the "you" is not meant for everyone...maybe it should say "they."* I'm sorry to be so blunt, but it just bothers me...I know that it's hard to find time to do things, especially with school and the play and sports, but people are online all the time and I know people go places on the weekends and get together at each others houses so it's not like no one has any time...OK, I'll stop ranting now and move on...sorry about that!

As I said, not much medically to report, but I'll try to update again Thursday...or Friday...not sure which one.

Please know that I love you all, and every night, I thank God for all you have done for me...prayers, calls, emails...I am so grateful. I know I just spent a huge paragraph venting, but I know that people are praying, and I know that those prayers are working. God is so good to me, and I need to be a lot more understanding...I'm sorry for that.

"The Lord is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble; and He knows those who trust in Him." Nahum 1:7

Love><>Me

Sunday, March 13, 2005 1:08 PM CST

HELLO EVERYBODY!! I am soooo sorry that I didn't update on the anniversary day (March 11). The ACSI fine arts festival was at NRCA on Friday, and I was stuck there all day, praise the Lord, and NOT at REX or Chapel Hill! I was singing and having fun, and it was great! But, buy the time I got home, I was exhausted and ready for bed. Then Saturday was our family day...we just hung around being lazy and of course watched State play Duke...we won't really talk about that except to say that State played an OK game there til the end, and they just couldn't pull it off...that's ok...Go GT (they're playing as we speak, but we're not watching!)!! Then we ran some errands...got some shoes kinda to celebrate the 2 year anniversary.

Actually, speaking of those shoes...they're the most comfortable things I've ever put on my foot. There those Sperry Boat shoes, but they're kinda like Keds...and I ordered the brown leather ones too. My knees have started to swell and hurt a little bit, but these shoes seem to make them feel better...we think they've got just the right support in them, and it's a lot easier to walk and move about in them...I LOVE THEM!

Medically...well, I went to the doctor on Thursday, and had the blood drawn. Dr. Gilman and Cammie were both gone so I saw the OTHER new transplant doctor. She has a Czechoslovakian last name so I won't even attempt to spell it...I just call her Dr. Jennifer. She was pretty cool and understanding. I was miffed about a realization with the big "P", but she explained very well to me everything...I'm still not happy that I've got to take it, but one more week and I'm down to 50 a day instead of 55! WOOHOO! Just a fair warning...my moods are starting to go crazy so if you're on the receiving end of a temper burst or a snap, I apologize in advance. One minute I'm so happy and the next I want to rip someone's hair out...kinda like the Hulk. Please, pray for that...I hate myself when I get like this...Oh yea, and she told me I could take more than a 1/4 pill of oxycodone if I need it- especially at night when the pain gets bad and it's hard to sleep. I'm still holding around 50.5 kg...that's about 111 pounds. PRAISE JESUS...my face is a little rounder, but it's not so bad yet. And we're still standing that God will keep the side effects to little or none at all...which He has. There's not much more to say except for that the other night, Mom and I tried to break one of the OC pills, and it was so hard that when it finally broke, it broke into like 6 pieces and they all bounced all over the room...it was quite funny!

Vinson is coming home on FRIDAY!! I am so excited. She was supposed to come home a few weekends ago, but she got sick and couldn't. Then it's her birthday the Thursday before Easter...21- she is so old! just kidding- it is kinda wierd though! I'm so glad she's coming home for a week...I've missed her.

I didn't tell you how the choirs did...well, we all got superiors...Women's, Concert, Men's, Honor's Ensemble...I ended up singing my solo with the women's concert with 2 other girls which was great because we were in the gym and there were no mikes so you wouldn't have been able to hear just me by myself, and I didn't get so nervous!!!! Oh yea, and I got an excellent on my solo- and 11 which is one point away from an excellent. Mainly because of my breathing and all of that that stems from nerves and being scared and such...I'm working on it! And it was my first time so I'm ok with it! Anyway... That's all about that.

I know that it's been at the top of the page for the past year and a half, but I feel as if sometimes people just skip over the top, so please let me draw your attention to this verse:
46And Mary said: “My soul glorifies the Lord
47and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior, 48for he has been mindful
of the humble state of his servant. From now on all generations will call me blessed,
49for the Mighty One has done great things for me–
holy is his name. 50His mercy extends to those who fear him,
from generation to generation. 51He has performed mighty deeds with his arm;
he has scattered those who are proud in their inmost thoughts. 52He has brought down rulers from their thrones
but has lifted up the humble. 53He has filled the hungry with good things
but has sent the rich away empty. 54He has helped his servant Israel,
remembering to be merciful 55to Abraham and his descendants forever,
even as he said to our fathers.” -Luke 1:46-55

This verse means so much to me because, even though I am surely not the mother of Christ, I feel so blessed by my Father and I know that throughout all of this He has done such great things for me. He has remembered ME...His servant, and I am continuously amazed. Also:
Psalm 91
1 He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. [a]
2 I will say [b] of the LORD , "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust."
3 Surely he will save you from the fowler's snare
and from the deadly pestilence.
4 He will cover you with his feathers,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
5 You will not fear the terror of night,
nor the arrow that flies by day,
6 nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,
nor the plague that destroys at midday.
7 A thousand may fall at your side,
ten thousand at your right hand,
but it will not come near you.
8 You will only observe with your eyes
and see the punishment of the wicked.
9 If you make the Most High your dwelling-
even the LORD , who is my refuge-
10 then no harm will befall you,
no disaster will come near your tent.
11 For he will command his angels concerning you
to guard you in all your ways;
12 they will lift you up in their hands,
so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.
13 You will tread upon the lion and the cobra;
you will trample the great lion and the serpent.
14 "Because he loves me," says the LORD , "I will rescue him;
I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.
15 He will call upon me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble,
I will deliver him and honor him.
16 With long life will I satisfy him
and show him my salvation."
Do me a favor...take both of these passages...think about them, and put your name or "me" or "you" in the appropriate places...it's cool how it applies to my life...and it will apply to yours...that's how the WORD works...Then, just "Be still, and know that He is God."

Please keep praying for everyone...everyone, I believe, is doing well...a result, I'm sure of the prayers lifted by all of you...Thanks so much...Have a great day...Loves...

Love><>Me
Nahum 1:7

Thursday, March 3, 2005 7:31 PM CST

Hey everybody...not a lot to say again this week except for that the ski trip was so much fun. Daddy and I had fun together, and it was good to spend time with him. I wish Mom could have gone, but it worked out for her to get a lot of things done around the house. Vinson's been sick and because of that, feeling a little (a lot) down and homesick. She had a few doses of prednisone and it's kinda funny to here her talk about her joints aching. I feel bad for her though...she's had to miss a lot of classes, and she's kinda stressed about that. But we told her not to worry about it, that her professors understand, and that she just needed to get better so she can come home for spring break and her birthday (21!) and have a good time with us.

I'm tired from the ski trip, but medically, I'm doing fine. The meds are making me feel funny sometimes and tired all of a sudden (like ENERGY HIGH and then ENERGY LOW!). And, for some reason, I'm not really hungry. I eat meals and everything, but I'm usually not really in the mood for a snack unless its something good...like right now, I really want a Little Debbie's Nutty Butty Bar. SO WIERD. Oh well...I lost a little bit more weight. That's good though...I'm back to my normal, and hopefully, as we've prayed for, I will stay that way! My blood was good today, but my liver counts are a little high so they took me off the VFend immediately, and I have to get blood drawn on Monday again just to make sure everything's ok...I get to start "weaning" the big "P" on Monday...VERY SLOWLY...like down to 25 mgs twice a day for 2 weeks instead of 30 then 20mgs twice a day for 2 weeks...AAAHHHH!!! I don't know if I can stand it! lol! But praise the Lord, I'm coming off of it! They changed my inhaler so now hopefully I won't shake...Let's see, what else? I can't really think of anything medically.

Please pray for me as I am singing a solo in a competition on Saturday at Wakefield High School...I'm getting a little bit nervous. I want to bless the judges and have God sing through the words and me, so I would appreciate it very much if you'd pray for courage for me! Next week is the anniversary...March 11. More on that later...I'm tired! As far as I know, everyone at clinic is doing well...Gabe's got some blood in his urine so prayer for that being taken care of for good would be greatly appreciated. I know that you have all been praying for me and the others...and again, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Please, pray for the Me-Fine Foundation. They are doing so much to help families, and any assistance, whether it be with money, volunteering, or prayers, is always needed and appreciated. Lindy's got some tests coming up in about a month, and I know that it will be hard to wait that long, but please pray for good results.

I am about out of things to say. I'm sorry that I'm not feeling very insightful tonight...I'm so tired! But, as I always say, I am truly awed and amazed by the love my God has shown me. I know that I talk a lot, but when I think of Him and His amazing power and love, I am speechless. The Word says, "Be still, and know that I am God." Sometimes, I feel as though that is all that I have the capacity to do- Just sit there on my knees with my mouth hanging ungracefully open in awe and speechlessness at His amazing power. And I think that I should do it more often. Just sit and be in awe of an amazing Father who loves me- ME! Wow...

I love you all and hope that I haven't babbled too much! Have a wonderful day and week.

Love><>Me

Monday, February 21, 2005 9:23 PM CST

Hi everybody...Again, it's late and not much is going on here so this'll probably be short! I went to clinic today...GREAT NEWS! I walked all the way from the car in the parking deck to the lobby of the Children's hospital with minimal shortness of breath...and, get this...I was carrying my bookbag WITH my AP BIO and my Algebra II books in it!!!!!! I am SOOOOOO HAPPY! I got a little short of breath, but is was nothing compared to carrying nothing whatsoever and still getting out of breath even before I got to the end of the ramp! And Dr. Gilman said that my lungs sound much better with no wheezing at all. He's still convinced that it's GVHD, though. I've got PFTs and an EKG thing on Thursday, and he wants to see the PFTs. If they're better, he says that he will start me weaning of the big "P" on Monday! It's great!

Vinson swam at her college's championship this weekend...ODACs. She did AWESOME! We went up on Saturday to see her just for the day, but her foot slipped on the block and she was disqualified even though another girl did the same thing and she wasn't...don't EVEN get me started on THAT! So we decided to stay over at Radford (the host university) to see her swim the free style on Sunday! She did awesome, cutting 4 seconds off her time and winning the heat! I'm so proud!!!! :)

Not much else is happening...my legs are hurting pretty badly so dance was a little interesting! I did a little bit, but jumping is starting to hurt so I just marked that part. I'm going on the ski trip with the school even though I'll have to ride up separately with my dad. I'm not sure how the skiing thing will work, but I think that doing things hurts less than doing nothing so hopefully. And if not, I'll just get to be there in the atmosphere...I'm so excited!

Choir has a competition next weekend (March 5)...well, actually, it's soloists and duets and stuff...I've got a solo I'm singing so please pray for that...for my lungs and my health and everything. Then on March 8, the choirs are all singing at Meredith in a competition, and then on March 11 (2 years to the day of diagnosis), it's the big ACSI competition at NRCA. The 10 is our spring concert so that should be interesting...lol!

I've got to go to bed...I'm sorry I don't have much of anything insightful to say today. Just that our God is awesome and I think of you, pray for you, and thank Him for you all day long!! Thank you for your continued agreement with me and my family that I will have little or NO side effects from the big "P"...I've not gained any weight so that's great! Praise GOD for this...and please continue to pray for Mrs. Helms as she recovers from her surgery, the Pinons, the Lees, the Ashworths, the Guptons, and all of the other families...Dad and I are going over to help at UNC on Saturday for the dance marathon from like 4-6 so please pray for that as well!!

Love you all...
Love><>Me

P>S> My purse company, Hope Totes, is starting its new "spring line". If anyone's interested, I've got several made up or I can make them on request...so call me! 20oes to the UNCH Peds Hematology and Oncology Clinic...I've also got D-ring belts...and I'm working on getting cards made. Love...Me

**Sorry it's taken so long, but I finally got some pictures of us all from New York City on here...check them out!!!

Thursday, February 17, 2005 9:41 PM CST

Hey guys...it's late, so this will be kind of short! Not much going on over here. I'm at home and going to school only for choir 2-3 times a week (with a mask) or dance like 2 times a week. I'm pretty well caught up with my work so far...the teachers and the school have been great. I've got lots of time to just rest and not be tired. I miss seeing the people, but I'm glad that I can just sit down sometimes and do nothing for a few minutes without having to go, go, go...and worry about being late to class AGAIN because the elevator was stuck or slow or I just couldn't walk fast enough!

I went to school at UNC today, and stopped over at clinic to sell some chocolate (by the way, I've still got a lot...call me if you want some!), and I left a message for the nurse practitioner, Cammie...One of the medicines I'm taking makes me shake a lot, and it's exhausting me! And my legs hurt...So I had to ask her about that and what medicine I can take to make it stop...Such things as that. She hasn't called back yet, but hopefully we'll hear from her tomorrow. The upside to all of this is that I walked all the way from the parking garage to the 7th floor of UNCCH (school) and got minimally short of breath. And I was carrying a box of chocolate (BIG!) and a few books and my purse. I'm so proud of myself! :) lol. Daddy carried my bookbag though because it had those MASSIVE books in it...Anyway, I did it, and that means that the lungs are getting better and less time on the big "P". ;) I'm still pushing for next week to start the weaning process...I have a little work to do, but I think with a little persuasion...we'll see!

Dr. Blatt is going to New Zealand...LOTR country!!! BEAUTIFUL...and she said she didn't want to go. I told her I'd go if she wanted me to...I guess she really did want to go because, clearly, I'm still here in the States! haha!

PRAISE GOD!!! Mrs. Helms's cancer is gone. The path. reports came back, and it's all clean!!! Please pray for Mrs. Roach and Hannah and their family; Mrs. Roach's mother passed away early this week. Thanks for all the prayers you continue to send heavenward for all of us...I've got to go...the Benedryl is kicking in...Nighty-nite!

Love><>Me
Jeremiah 1:4-9***

***Check it out...***

Sunday, February 13, 2005 9:21 PM CST

hey guys...it's been a few weeks, I know, and I'm sorry. But there's been so much happening over at UNC that I just haven't had any time to update. So here it is: the situation; the low-down; the 4-1-1!

The doctors over at UNC think that all my challenges with breathing and such have been a result of Chronic Graft vs. Host. (My bone-marrow is "attacking" my body because, for some reason, it sees it as a foreign substance (gee, i wonder why?)) Anyway, they think that it might be in my lungs. They aren't sure...it all could just be a virus that did some damage or something like that, but my pulmonary functions are even lower than they were in December (THEY WERE LOW!) and this marker thing in my blood that shows GVHD is there so...they're treating it aggressively with A LOT of medicine...prednisone is one of them, but the new transplant doctor over there (Dr. Gilman) is running a study thing that I can't officially be part of, but he's still trying. It's where they give you a lower dose of prednisone, but like 4 other medicines to fight the GVHD. That way, I'm on the big "P" for a shorter time and they can wean me off of it faster. This little marker thing in my blood, like a week ago Friday, was 1.6 and it had dropped by Monday to .1. So, hopefully I won't be on the big "P" for much longer.

We have already prayed against any of the harmful side-effects (like weight gain and avascular nercosis (?) and joint swelling...) of the prednisone. The other medicines just make my stomache hurt if I don't take a Zantac. Please, stand in agreement with us as we thank God for this and as we believe in His power to do so. He is an awesome God. It's really interesting actually...I prayed for this when I found out I had to take it again, and I've lost like 4 pounds in the past week! (I needed to lose that 4 pounds...don't worry! It was all water and stuff from before) And I haven't been nearly as hungry or craving stuff...God is so awesome.

I'm taking like 24 pills twice a day, so please pray for that as I have to remember to take them all! Mrs. Helms's surgery went well, and so far, it looks as if the cancer is gone. Gabe is home from the hospital with no fevers. The ME-FINE FOUNDATION is going well, but it still needs your help and prayers. Lindy's doing great too. We serve an Awesome and loving God who takes care of us and listens to us and loves us unconditionally. Never forget that! And keep all of us and the other kids at UNC and Duke in your prayers...They make a difference!!! I love you all...ttyl!

Love><>Me
Nahum 1:7

Wednesday, January 26, 2005 5:06 PM CST

hey everybody...all is well here. I've got a cold right now and don't feel too well. But it's ok, according to Dr. Blatt, unless a fever develops, but my temp.'s been low (like 95.2 or something like that). They said that unless it goes way up or WAY down, not to worry, though, so i'm not, and I'll keep being thankful that I'm not in the hospital.

I lost another pound, and I don't have to go back until March 8 (for a bone marrow thingy!) so I'll try to update between now and then, but it prbly won't be very interesting... The bone marrow was clean, though, with great results so praise God for that!!!!

I am so amazed at how wonderful God is. Think about how much our Father and Creator must love us to create us each as individuals and to love us sins, imperfections, and everything else that stinks in our lives. And to think that for ME He has a special and marvelous plan that I cannot even imagine...it's the same for everyone! I am speechless!

Please continue to pray for the Lees, the Asheworths, Gabe, Lindy, Terry (www.caringbridge.org/nc/terry), Mrs. Helms, and everyone else at UNC and Duke! You will never know the full impact your prayers lifted to our Father's ears have on our lives! Thanks...

Have a good week...loves...

Love><>Me

Monday, January 17, 2005 10:47 AM CST

Hi everyone...here I am on Martin Luther King Day...not in Chapel Hill and not in the hospital or at clinic. He continues to amaze me with His eternal love and blessings.
I'm sorry that I haven't updated in a while...there wasn't much about medical stuff because now I'm only going every other week, and I figured no one would really care to hear about how much I hate high school just like every normal teenager...

Anyways...Guys, I lost 5 pounds!!!!! This is great, as I was starting to look like the Goodyear Blimp until a couple of weeks ago...I'm just ready for it to all go away. And I pray for anyone else who has to be on that medicine the call prednesone (however you spell it...). It is the medicine from you-know-where!!! But I've had worse, and I'm thankful that it did its job and now I don't need it anymore, and hopefully won't ever need it again. It's amazing to me how much doctors know. God has truly gifted some people to do His work, whether they know it or not!

The bone marrow results, as far as I know, have not come back to us yet, but I'm sure that they'll continue to be marvelous. I'm still having trouble with my breathing when I have to go up stairs. For some reason, it's not like that when I dance. Maybe it's because I'm on level ground, but I think it's because I love it so much and I have a peace in my heart when I do it...it's like that with singing too. Those 2 things are ways I can praise God, and I love them.

OH MY WORD...my weather thing says that it's 29 degrees outside!!! SO COLD! But not as cold as New York City was...12 degrees with a 10 degree wind chill. That is a great city...I really want to go back...maybe as a Broadway star...lol!! Hey, it could happen!...

Please continue to pray for Mrs. Helms...she is doing better, I know, as a result of your prayers. Continue to pray for Lindy, Gabe, and Meredith. Also, the Lees and the Ashworth family need your prayers...I cannot emphasize enough how important prayer is...

Love><>me

"I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End," says the Lord, "Who is and Who was and Who is to come, the Almighty." Revelation 1:8

Thursday, January 13, 2005 1:10 PM CST

Hi everyone. It's big sis again. I'm going to make Rebecca update soon...She just figures that no one really wants to hear about the ins and outs of her days...but I thought I would give a brief update on her bone marrow aspirate (thingy) from Tuesday.

Her check up looked good - side effects of the prednisone are finally dissipating, her preliminary blood scans are what they expected, and Dr. Blatt is pleased with her counts. All that's left now is waiting for the in-depth tests from the aspirate to come back (the genetic test and the actual "count" where they look at every blood cell in a specific sample of marrow). Nothing definite as of yet, but I figured that since we'd asked for prayers we should at least give a quick update. Thank you for your support!

Please continue to remember the Lee, Ashworth, and Smedley families along with the children and families receiving or recovering from treatment at 5200 and 5C.

This is Big Sis, signing off...

Friday, January 7, 2005 8:45 AM CST

Hi everyone! This is big sis...
I apologize that it's been so long since an update. Becca didn't have to go to the doctor this week, so there really was nothing to update with.

So far, she's perfectly normal (or as normal as she can be...I can say that - I'm the big sister!)...Dancing, singing, playing the piano, running around outside with the dog, playing with different hairstyles...I mean, she's been doing that stuff for a little less than a year, but everytime I see her do any of them it's like watching another miracle...Sorry to get sappy...

In her last message, she told you to check out Jeremiah 1:4-10 and 29:11...I've typed them out down below, so enjoy...Maybe she'll say something about them next time...

"Then the word of the LORD came unto me, saying, before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee, and I ordained thee a prophet unto the nations. Then said I, Ah, Lord GOD! behold, I cannot speak: for I am a child. But the LORD said unto me, Say not, I am a child: for thou shalt go to all that I shall send thee, and whatsoever I command thee thou shalt speak. Be not afraid of their faces: for I am with thee to deliver thee, saith the LORD. Then the LORD put forth his hand, and touched my mouth. And the LORD said unto me, Behold, I have put my words in thy mouth. See, I have this day set thee over the nations and over the kingdoms, to root out, and to pull down, and to destroy, and to throw down, to build, and to plant." (Jeremiah 1:4-10)
"For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end." (Jeremiah 29:11)

Please pray for Becca, as she goes in for another bone marrow aspirate (thingy) on Tuesday morning; for the Lee, Ashworth, and now Smedley families (Ryan Smedley, with Folden at Duke, passed away on New Years Day); for Lindy, Gabe, and the rest of the patients and families on UNC5C and Duke5200. Your thoughts, prayers, and messages are appreciated.

This is big sis, signing off...

Thursday, December 30, 2004 10:03 AM CST

wow, guys! I am so very very very sorry for not updating in so long. Vinson is yelling at me as I do this because it's been so long. I am so sorry!

So, where to start...oh yeah! NEW YORK! It was AMAZING! I'll admit (don't laugh)that Friday night I was so tired that at first I was terrified of the buildings. Nobody knows this, but I'm kind of scared of heights a little bit...at least when it comes to buildings. And I've never been in shoulder-to-shoulder people in Raleigh. Raleigh is like a po-dunk town compared to New York City. But it was great. We saw "The Phantom of the Opera" (which was my favorite show before I even saw it!), then we saw "Beauty and the Beast" (Belle's my dream character to play on Broadway!), and we got to see the NEW YORK CITY BALLET COMPANY (the top ballet company in the US, and one of the top in the world! like next to the Russian Ballet!) do the "Nutcracker"! It was amazing. And I got to meet a student at the School of American Ballet which feeds into NYCB!!! She was so nice! Oh, and the last day we were there we saw...let me tell you...it was awesome...we saw the Radio City Rockette's Christmas Spectacular!!! It was so cool. Some of those girls are like in their 40's (that's old for a dancer...), and there was a live nativity, and they incorporated the real Christmas story...WOW! And all of our seats were eye level, Orchestra. Those shows were spread out (in order) over Saturday, Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday...In the mornings we went (Sunday) to the Statue of Liberty...and (Monday- 12 degrees!!!) to the Empire State Building...and our hotel was like 2 blocks from Rockefeller Center on Times Square...right on Broadway...so we walked pretty much everywhere except for the subway we took to the Statue of Liberty Ferry and the taxi's we took on Monday everywhere because it was so cold. And I saw THE JULLIARD SCHOOL!! Like THE school for fine arts....OMG!!! It was so cool, but it looked kinda small! Anyways... Make A Wish was awesome...If you've ever put money in their jars...THANK YOU! You'll never know how much a child (or teenager) appreciates all that through you guys, Make A Wish can do!!! Thank you! Pictures to come later...

Christmas with my family was awesome. It wasn't big or extravagant, but it was awesome and special because I was home! If you knew me last year, I was at the hospital for a transplant that was successful. Minor challenges are nothing compared to that, and I am so thankful to my Father that I am healthy and able to praise Him...I've got so much I want to do as a result of this disease...and I believe it's all from Him. Guys, listen to the Holy Spirit when He whispers in your ear the plans He has for you...listen, because they are better than anything you will ever plan for yourself, no matter what you have to go through for those plans to come true!! And allow yourself to dream...dreams become reality when you put your faith in the Lord!

I don't have much else to say...and breakfast has been ready for like 10 minutes...so I'm gonna go, and I'll try to update more often...again, I'm sorry! Have a great New Years...enjoy spending it with your family!!!

Love><>Me
Jeremiah 1:4-10, 29:11...please read it...I'll try to put it on next time, but I might forget so read it!!!

This is mom with a medical update. All of Becca's scans and tests are clear, counts are good, the foot is feeling better, NO MORE PREDNISONE, the docs are VERY pleased. Thanks for your continued prayer support and messages. Remember Lindy and Gabe as well as the Lee and Ashworth families. Happy New Year!

Monday, December 13, 2004 6:26 AM CST

This is Mom, again! Wanted to give you an update on the bone scan and MRI from Friday. The bone scan showed what appears to be an "osteoid osteoma" (boy do we get to learn some medical speak!!). This, according to the resident fellow, is a "spot on the bone" which is easily treated with aspirin. I need to look it up on the internet and get some info, but the docs do not seem too concerned. They are doing a CT scan Tuesday when Becca goes for her blood work to confirm the diagnosis.

We had a particularly special week-end...instead of heading over to Chapel Hill every morning as we did this time last year, we were able to attend Rebecca's Christmas Choral Concert at school. Wow! What a beautiful experience it was, not only to hear that glorious music, but to see our daughter singing with the choir for the Christmas program. This time last year not only was Rebecca preparing for transplant, but we were heading to DC to pick up Vinson who had been in England for the semester. This year we're preparing to be together in New York City for 4 days prior to Christmas and then we're going to be AT HOME for our Christmas, NOT in UNC Hospital! God is so good! He is faithful and answers prayers. I cannot begin to imagine this journey without Him beside us, holding us up when the path was rocky and we were weak. Praise God, from whom ALL blessings flow!

God bless all. Thanks for allowing me to be sappy on you!

Emmaline

Thursday, December 9, 2004 7:13 AM CST

This is Mom checking in. No news to relay, just rejoicing with everyone in the joy of this special season! Every year at this time I am overwhelmed with the gift our heavenly Father gave us in His son, Jesus Christ! Can you imagine loving someone so much that you would give your own child to them to give them salvation? It is truly beyond my comprehension...there are days I want to grab hold of my girls and NEVER let them go...yet God put Jesus on earth to take every sin from us...He allowed the people to kill His Son so that we could choose eternal life. How awesome is that? Kind of makes our gift giving seem insignificant, doesn't it?

Speaking of gifts, as you know Rebecca has been talking about the lack of funds for the toy drive at Children's Hospital. This toy drive is a true blessing to the children who are forced to be away from home on Christmas. I'll never forget Rebecca's face when she saw all the gifts left at her door! It made her stay so much more bearable to be remembered on Christmas morning. If you've been reading Gabe's and Folden's pages, you know that they as well as we are offering to collect and deliver toys to the hospital. If you'd like to donate something, please let us know. We're going Friday and Tuesday and will be delighted to take your gifts to the hospital. You can reach us at 841-6686 or 573-7923. Let us help you help the children at UNC Children's Hospital. If you need suggestions, give me a call...I have a list!!

Please pray for all the children at UNC and Duke. This is a very difficult time of year to have to be there. Rebecca is having a bone scan on her foot and arm tomorrow - there is pain that won't go away, so we've "got to check it out." We know that it's nothing that hasn't already been healed by the Greatest Physician.

8 days and counting to the New York trip!!

Love to you all, Emmaline

Saturday, December 4, 2004 8:34 PM CST

hey guys!! I am sooooooooo sorry that I haven't updated in so long. I was sooo busy getting finished with my projects before Thanksgiving, and then I was helping Mom and Dad around the house and then we had family over and it was just so hectic. This is the first chance I've had to write!!

So, Vinson told you I had a bone marrow thingy. Everything looks good and I get to go off another one of my medicines (voriconisole) at the end of next week. So, maybe soon, I'll get to eat whatever I want wherever I want!

My purse business is going well. So far I've been able to give about $70 dollars to the clinic, and I'm getting ready to give some more. I know it's not much, but it'll help them buy snacks and maybe some toys for the prize box. Little things that make the biggest difference.

UNC hospitals does a toy drive every Christmas. This year, they are having trouble doing it, and I am letting you know so that maybe you can donate some toys (they have to be new) to the Children's Hospital. They give them out on Christmas Eve to kids who have to spend Christmas at the hospital. When I was there, I woke up on Christmas morning with a chair full of neat things for Christmas from "Santa". Please help make a child or teenager's Christmas a little bit better. It's not all about presents, I know. But maybe, when they get these small gifts, they will want to know more about the Greatest Gift of All. So, if you can, please donate. I will be getting a list within the next few days, and I'll let you know if you don't have any ideas...but just the basic Christmas list is all it is! You can take them yourself and give them to the Rec. Therapy Dept. on the 7th floor of the Children's Hospital, or you can give them to me and I'll take them over! Thanks!

Please continue to pray for Mrs. Helms. She is doing all right considering, and the doctor's said that she is doing pretty well. She has 2 more treatments, and then she has to have surgery again. Pray for God's ultimate healing.
Lindy and Gabe seem to be doing well, but continued prayers for them are always appreciated. The "Me Fine" Folden Lee IV Foundation is doing some amazing things for families who are going through tough times with childhood cancer, so pray for their continued success and your support is always welcome (bracelets are only $2!) Thanks so much, and have a great day!

Love><>Me

P>S>Hopefully soon, I'll have some good Christmas devotions to share!!! I can't wait...
P>P>S>Just a warning...between Dec. 17-21 I will not be available to update (so no one get upset!) because I'm going to New York City for my Make a Wish...more on that later...I have to go to bed...I'm tired! Bye...

Tuesday, November 30, 2004 5:52 PM CST

Hey everyone...This is Big Sis again...Hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving...My deepest apologies for not being Rebecca; hopefully she'll update soon...

Today she went back to clinic for her regular bloodwork, and the results from were in last week's bone marrow aspirate (thingy). As we already knew (having been guaranteed by the Greatest Physician), everything's great. Her liver counts are a little high, so we have to keep a look out for any grapht vs. host stuff. And she has to be careful around chicken pox, the flu, mono, etc. as always. Otherwise, she's normal (or as normal as Rebecca gets!).

Thank you all for your prayers and thoughts. It's amazing to think that people who have never met and who come from completely different backgrounds can pull together for kids like Rebecca (check out Ephesians 2:19 for why that happens!). It definitely works, so please continue to pray for Lindy, Gabe, Meredith, the Lee family, Mrs. Helms, and all of the children and families at UNC and Duke. Your messages in the guestbooks are very much appreciated, as they remind us of the spiritual support and encouragement we have from all of you.

This is Big Sis, signing off...

"In whom also we have obtained an interitance, being predestinated according to the purpose of him who worketh all things after the counsel of his own will: That we should be to the praise of his glory, who first trusted in Christ." ~Ephesians 1: 11-12

Sunday, November 14, 2004 12:20 AM CST

This is big sis in Roanoke...If you're like me, you've been checking pretty regularly (or not!!), waiting for her to update from November 4...She's been really busy lately with the Fall play at school and homework and tests and such, so I thought I'd drop a line...

Becca's doing great. This weekend, she danced with the Honors Dance Ensemble in NRCA's production of "The Journey of a Dreamer". Mom, Dad and I were able to see her on different evenings, and we, of course, thought she did marvelously. The entire production was phenominal, amazing lights and sound, great sets, imaginative interpretation of the script, and inspired acting and dancing. Congrats to the entire cast and crew on a job well done.

Anyway, my parents and I were talking about our impressions of the play, and we kept circling back to the idea that, even when confronted with wilderness and giants, God's big dream in us is capable of overcoming all of those barriers to success. Dreams are amazing things. They allow young girls like Rebecca to come back from transplant and dance in spite of swollen joints, they allow little boys like Folden to make huge impacts on others despite his physical absence from our lives, they allow families like those at UNC and Duke to reach through their own pain and strengthen others...Yes, big dreams can conquer the unconquerable when God is involved. Our dreams are gifts from Him, and He works in us to accomplish them for His glory. "For it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure...I can do all things through Christ who strengtheneth me." ~Philippians 2:13, 4:13

I've rambled long enough. Please continue to pray for the children and families at UNC and Duke. Your prayers make a difference, because they provide the spiritual support that is needed to accomplish those big dreams.

This is Big Sis, signing off...

Thursday, November 4, 2004 7:56 PM CST

Hi everybody! What's happenin? Nothin much here...I went to clinic yesterday, and I got IVIG so I was there all day. Nothing to worry about...just a protocol thing. My counts are good, and my prednisone has been dropped to .5 only once a day now! I'm really tired though...I haven't been able to get to sleep when I need to recently because of homework and taking care of Mom (she had bunion surgery a couple of weeks ago) and doing laundry and all of that...just busy stuff- a normal life, but I'm still not quite used to it... :)

ANYWAYZ...I'm kinda tired and I gotta go study for a History test, so I'm gonna go. Pray for the Folden Lee IV Foundation...it's going great...just pray for the continuation of that greatness. Also, pray for Gabe's counts...they're on the rise- pray for that to continue and for him to not get any more fevers. Pray for Lindy's scans next week...that she'll have good veins for her IV and that she'll be OK with not eating and stuff. Pray, please, for my friend Erika's mom...she started her chemo yesterday, and she is doing pretty OK, considering- feeling well and such, just tired! So please pray for them! Thank you so much! I cannot emphasize enough to you all how much prayer can change lives- including mine- so thank you! Have a wonderful day!

Love><>Me
Hebrews 4:12

Monday, October 25, 2004 2:33 PM CDT

Hey everybody! I really do keep trying to update, but our internet is broken right now. I'm at school on the computer in the library so this will probably be short!

I went to clinic today. Everything is great! My prednizone is down to 5mg's twice a day so that's good. My counts are good too! Dr. Blatt says I look good and that I'll start losing the fluid pretty soon. Everything's good!

This weekend I got to stay with my friend, Jenny, because my parents went up to Roanoke to see Vinson. (She won her exhibition race in the swim meet! YEA VINSON!!) Anywayz...but we had fun...went to homecoming (WE WON!) and then to IHOP til like 1:00 in the morning. Then on Saturday, we were at school all day sewing costumes for the play (GET TICKETS IF YOU HAVEN'T!). Sunday, we went to church and then did homework and hung out. So that was my weekend!

Please pray that I will continue to be protected from illnesses...it's flu season and Dr. Blatt's worried that I might get it even though I've had the shot, and if people at school start getting it, I might have to stay at home and not go to school. Also, a kid in third grade has the chicken pox, and that's not cool. Chicken pox can be deadly for an immune suppressed person so just pray that it doesn't spread to the high school and that I'm protected from it and the flu and everything else that might be roaming around out there! Thanks so much!

Please pray also for my friends, Gabe and Lindy. Also for my friend, Erika's, mom (www.caringbridge.org/nc/pamhelms). She just got diagnosed with a type of cancer in her neck on Oct. 8. And continue to pray for the Lee's and for Folden's foundation!!! Thank you all so much for your love and support! I love you!

Love><>Me

Saturday, October 16, 2004 3:20 PM CDT

Hey guys...sorry again that it's been a while! This week's been crazy too, and I've been trying to catch up on sleep so I'd be ready for the PSAT's...not sure if that worked or not, but I tried! So...here's my week report...

Monday, we (Honor's Dance) danced in Middle and High School Chapel. We didn't do so well in High School (at least we didn't think so), but we did great in Middle. Tuesday, I didn't really do anything out of the ordinary...just school and homework and went to bed early. PSAT's were on Wednesday...I think I did OK, but I skipped 5 in the math section... :) so I'm not sure.

Then Wednesday afternoon, I went to the doctor. All is well with that. My platelets are back up to normal, and all of my counts are good. I'm down to 10 mg twice a day of prednezone, and hopefully on Monday I'll go down to 5 twice a day! Then maybe I'll stop looking like a chipmunk and start fitting into my clothes comfortably! I saw Lindy and Mrs. Gupton at clinic...she looks wonderful! But she couldn't get her test done because they couldn't get the IV in... :(

Thursday was crazy because I went to school, then got a haircut at 5:00, then we stopped at Kinko's for daddy, then we ate dinner, then Mom and I went searching for placemats for the purses and totes that I've got orders for...
Then on Friday, my AP Biology class got to go to Meredith to do a case study on a new drug that is being developed to treat Cystic Fibrosis. (It was so much fun, and it was cool to see how CF actually works and what causes it, and how it can be treated and stuff. I've got friends with CF, and it's also cool to know that in the next 5-10 years, there could be an even better treatment!) We also went to the Fair on Friday night. Vinson came home so we could go as a family, and we did all of our family traditions and stuffed our faces with all of the good fair food...yummy! I won the family sticker contest (I got 17 stickers!), but- get this!- the Bush/Cheney booth was OUT OF STICKERS by the time we got there! How cool is that? And there was a LINE at that booth, and then when we got down to the Kerry/Edwards (BOOOOO) booth and there were like 2 people there! It was GREAT!!! lol!

So that was my week...now I'm just chilling...supposed to be making a study sheet for my history test on Tuesday, but haven't gotten there yet! I guess I should go do that...

Please keep praying for the Lee's and praising God for the progress being made with the foundation. Also, pray for Lindy and Gabe and all the other kids. Oh, and my friend Erika's mom was just diagnosed with a cancer in her neck. It isn't in her throat or trachea, so that's a praise, but there is some question as to where the origin is. They think it might be her tonsils. She's got to have treatment and everything so pray for her and the family! Thanks! (her caring bridge site is www.caringbridge.org/nc/pamhelms)

Have a grand weekend...and have fun at the Fair, if you go!

Love><>Me
Hebrews 12:4

Friday, October 8, 2004 9:34 PM CDT

I am sooooo sorry guys! I have been meaning to update and I just haven't gotten to it. I've been studying (end of the quarter...they pile it on!) and getting ready for choir retreat and all of that so it's been crazy! I went to the doctor on Tuesday for my bone marrow thingy, and I waited ALL day to get put to sleep. Doctor Blatt saw me when I first got there so that was good. She reduced my prednezone to 15mg's twice a day so hopefully I'll start looking and feeling more like myself (thanks for all your prayers on that, by the way! They'r helping so please keep on praying...) Anywayz, then I waited for 4 hours in a chair (not very comfortable by the way...) for them to take me back to be put to sleep (well, it's not really "back"- more like "across"!) so I missed all day of school by the time it was all over. I was a little upset about that because I needed to be in school on that day, but I couldn't be and I understood so I got on OK.

So, then on Wednesday, Vinson came home for her Fall Break, and all is well there. She's going to choir retreat with me! I'm so excited!

So Dr. Blatt called today, and all is grande with my bone marrow so far. They haven't gotten all the tough tests back, but the preliminaries (I guess you could call them that) are good- still 100% boy!!!

Anywayz...I gotta go because I'm about ready to fall asleep- literally. Please pray for daddy as he's coming back to Raleigh from Milwaulki. And please pray for a safe, fun, unifying, and result-producing choir retreat!!! And continue to pray for Gabe, Lindy, and all of the other kids...I'll talk to you all later...loves!

Love><>Me
Hebrews 4:12

Wednesday, September 29, 2004 7:36 PM CDT

Hey guys...what's happenin? Sorry again for being so long in updating...I've got so much stuff to study for it's not even funny! But it's all good. So, the trip to Virginia Beach with school was good. We had lots of fun even though a lot of people got sick on the boat. We saw dolphins- a few different pods. It was cool. Then on Saturday, we went to the museum to do this scavenger hunt for a test grade. It was OK, but I felt kinda rushed when I was doing it so I don't know how well I did. But there were otters there and sea turtles. I got to see sea turtles. I have a few pictures, but I didn't have a lot of time so I didn't get as many as I would have liked.

On Monday I went to the doctor. All is well still. My platelets went from 134 to 127 in the past week, but they're not really concerned- just keeping an eye out. They lowered my prednezone to 25 mg twice a day instead of 30 and then on Friday, if I still feel ok, I'm supposed to go down to 20 twice a day! Hopefully, I'll be off this junk soon so I can get back to a normal size and feeling! They also reduced one of my antibiotics (I think because of the platelets, but I'm not sure). They reduced my Dapsone dosage to 50mg every day for 5 days a week instead of 7 days a week. So that's cool too. All of my other blood counts look great, and on Tuesday I go in for a bone marrow "thingy." It's protocol...they just have to make sure everything's still good with the GVH stuff.

Please pray for me. My mood has been a bit affected by the steroids, and I'm kinda down. It's not anything that anyone's done or that can really be talked about because there really is no reason...I feel kinda stupid saying that, but it's the truth. I'm just down. So pray that God would continue to give me His joy...I'm also kinda uncomfortable in school right now because of my puffiness. My clothes don't really fit right, and I feel very tight and as a result a bit self-conscious. I don't want to be vain or anything, but I also kinda feel a bit like a chipmunk! I know it will go away very soon, but I have to be patient so that's something else you can pray for me- patience. I really appreciate it. It means a lot to me.

Please pray for Lindy as she will be having some tests done in the near future. For Gabe as well- he's got this small cough, but other than that I believe he is doing well. Also, pray for the Lee's (Especially Mrs. Lori) that they will continue to have the strength of God that is promised in His Word.

One more thing- don't ever take for granted the small things. We've been talking in school about things that have reminded me of that continuously, and I am amazed at how many people just walk right past the smallest things and don't notice or don't care. If there is one thing that I've learned this past year and a half, it's that God gives us the little things and the big, but sometimes the littlest thing is the most important! OK...there was my random insightfulness for the night!

I'm tired, and I'm gonna go play with Tal right now before I go to bed, but I'll talk to you all later ok? Have a wonderful day, night, week, weekend- whatever! OH- and don't forget- it's almost October and the leaves are changing! I LOVE IT! Fall is here...now we just need the temperature to drop!!!!

Love><>Me

"The Word of God is living and powerful and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart." Hebrews 4:12
**Think about it!**

Tuesday, September 21, 2004 4:35 PM CDT

Hey guys! Sorry it's been a while...this past weekend was packed! But I went to clinic on Monday, and all is well. My counts are GREAT! She lowered my dosage of prednizone to 30 twice a day so that's progress...hopefully I'll start feeling better soon. On Saturday night, me and mom ended up staying awake for about 4 and a half hours trying to get my legs to stop hurting. The adovan wasn't working, and finally I took another dose or .25mgs and put some ice on them- that was around 5:00 in the morning...so Mom and I didn't go to church on Sunday- we were exhausted...but then I went to the blood drive at church (I volunteered...) so that was good. Then Sunday night, we all relaxed. Mom and Dad started this new diet thingy on Monday that has a two day cleanse...they can only have these smoothie things or a protein bar...so I'm the only one really eating in my house right now- It's GRAND! Anywayz...I've got to go back to the doctor on Monday again...and sometime in the next couple weeks another bone marrow aspirate (just a checkup- don't worry) is in the works...probably the week after next. Oh, and because the adovan wasn't helping my legs, Dr. Blatt gave me a prescription for codeine. I just take half a dose like an hour before bed, and I do OK. And if I need it during the day then I take half a dose. So it doesn't knock me out or anything.

That's about all I have to say...OH YEAH- I'm finally going to a dance studio here in Raleigh. It's called Dance Dynamics. I'm in the Advanced Ballet class, and I love it and my teacher. Oh, and pictures (fall, honor's dance, and choir) are on Thursday. I HATE pictures...especially right now because I look like a chipmunk when I smile...supposedly it's cute, but I don't think so...I'm gonna look so wierd in the pictures for yearbook this year! lol!

The Dolphin Watching Trip is this weekend...I'm excited- I like dolphins, and it's great to be able to travel with my friends. Daddy's going too so that'll be cool! We'll have lots of fun. More on that later...

Please continue to pray for the Lees, the Pinons, the Guptons...everyone at UNC and Duke. I'm a testimony that it works. Sorry, I don't have much insightful to say today...I'm kinda tired, and I've gotta go write an English essay about Christmas. I'll talk to you all later!

Love><>Me
Nah. 1:7

Monday, September 13, 2004 6:33 PM CDT

Hey guys...it's me this time!!! yea- I finally had some time to update...and I had a doctor's appointment today so I've got lots of information. Today, I had to go in all day for the IVIG thingy- it's like a medicine to boost this pretty important part of my immune system that was a little low. They want me to stay on top of it so they just gave me a dose. I don't know if I'll have to have to have it again or not- it kinda depends! But this is the first time I've had to have it since before we left Chapel Hill so that's good. All of my counts are good (including my liver) so she lowered my Prednezone dosage- hopefully I'll be off that totally soon. I'm starting to feel like a chipmunk. I know it's not really noticeable to most people, but I can tell that my face is getting swollen and my ankles and knees are also. And sometimes I feel like my knees are going to collapse from under me, but I'm doing my best. Excercise (but not too much)...and I've got these braces that help support them. So it's all going ok! That's all the news I've got from Dr. Blatt for now, but we did have a good day.

I REALLY want to go shopping. I don't know why, but I just have this "craving" to go shopping- shoes, shirts, skirts, pants...lol. I know that was totally random, but oh well!

I've got to go...dinner's ready, and I'm hungry (as always) so I'm gonna go. Thanks again for all of your prayers and thoughts for me and my friends (including the Lee's). Keep praying for all of them. I love you all very much.

Love><>Me

"...It seems the hardest part is waiting on You,
When what I really want is just to see Your hand move...
I want a peace beyond my understanding.
I want to feel it fall like rain
in the middle of my hurting.
I want to feel Your arms as they surround me,
and let me know that it's ok to be here in this place,
Resting in the peace that only comes in the waiting."
-"In the Waiting" by Vicki Yohe-

Wednesday, September 8, 2004 7:40 PM CDT

OK OK OK! I'm sorry! It's not my fault that I've got 2 tests, a couple of quizzes, and a lab report due this week! I've been studying! And I'm sorry that I slacked off on my updating...Really...I am! Please forgive me!

OH MY GOODNESS! If anyone should care to know...my new favorite clothing store is Old Navy! They just opened one here in Raleigh, and I haven't been to one in forever. They've changed a lot, and I LLLOOOVVVEEE it! I went crazy when I went to spend some quality time with my Grandma and Mom shopping. Well, we weren't really shopping because we weren't planning on buying anything, and as a matter of fact we only bought 2 things- Grandma bought me a shirt (medium- NOT SMALL!!!) and I'm paying her back gradually for a pair of corduroys (SP?) that I absolutely loved. Anywayz...the point is...we just went to look and try on and have fun! And I had one of those HUGE bags full of clothes- there must have been like 25 items in it! lol. I'm so going back...I just don't have a lot of money right now, and I've gotta save for a bit before I can spend a lot! (you know...dance materials, dance class, extra expenses...) But I still love Old Navy!!!

So, the news is good with everything. My prednezone (sp?) is making my knees swell up and sometimes my legs hurt, but since Dr. Blatt is lowering my dosage gradually, hopefully, I'll be off in a couple of weeks and everything will get back to normal a couple of weeks after that. It's also kinda making me hungry- ok not just kinda- REALLY hungry, and I'm eating a lot. My face is a little puffy too, but not too bad. And she said that will go back to normal a couple of weeks after I'm totally off the steroid. Oh, and then I was having trouble sleeping (another side effect) so she prescribed .25 milligrams of adovan (a relaxant...) and BOY does it work! I don't need to take anymore than that! And that's all I have to say...lol! My liver counts are still a little high (i think), but they're going back down. I've still got to go in 2 times a week so that's a hassle...trying to not miss certain classes twice in a week...but I think we're getting everything worked out and it'll all be OK. My teachers understand, and- Hey!- I've missed months at a time and done ok so i'm not worried!

Needless to say...life is crazy...it's the fifth week of school (already halfway through first quarter) and it doesn't feel like it. Maybe it's because I'm so busy. Every weekend so far has had something going on during it! WOW! But it's ok- I think that I need to stay busy or I'll go crazy!

I did go to Folden's funeral on Friday. It was very moving, and it broke my heart to watch the family and so many others say goodbye to him, but I know that it's only temporary. Half of me says "NO! I don't want him to be gone." the other half says "it's OK...it's not for long." But I know he's happier than he's ever been. Right now, I'm just praying for the Lees. They need support. They know that he's happy, but they had to say goodbye to someone very special to them, and I know firsthand that that is tough. So pray for their comfort. Jesus promised the disciples that He would send a comforter to them after He was gone. Pray for that same Comforter for He is the only one Who can give them what they need. Thank you so much for your continued prayers for me and for all of my friends.

I'm getting tired now and I've still got to eat a snack for my medicine so I'll go now. I'll talk to you all later...hopefully soon, but if not, again, I'm sorry!!

I love you all...Blessings...

Love><>Me

P>S>Check out the new pictures...sorry they're so big, but what can you do??? (make sure you scroll across so you can see the whole thing!)

Wednesday, September 1, 2004 10:21 PM CDT

This is mom tonight. Rebecca tends to get so involved in her day to day stuff that she doesn't update as often as she should, so I'm doing it tonight. We're rejoicing greatly today...the DNA testing of Becca's last marrow showed that she is 100oy (donor) in her marrow. In her words, "I'm a real boy now!" The GVH appears to be doing its thing...there are no blasts in her blood or marrow and no markers at the chromosomal level. God does answer prayer and we praise Him for His mighty power and love. She does have to continue with the twice weekly blood tests for a while - her liver levels are elevated and they have to monitor all of that closely. But we can do that trip twice a week anytime!!

You know, God always answers prayer...it's not always the answer we want, but He does answer it. He answered our prayer for our special friend Folden, IV to receive His perfect healing. Fortunately for FIV and unfortunately for all of us, God chose to manifest His healing powers on FIV in Heaven instead of here on earth. Folden went home to be with God and play in heaven this morning. Pleae pray for his family's comfort and peace and for Jesus to make His presence felt in their hearts and in their lives as they deal daily with the absence of their precious baby Folden.

I was blessed to spend some time with Lori and Folden III last week...their's is a powerful witness to God's love manifested through friends and family and community. Lori and FIII have blessed me throughout their journey with FIV as I've watched them get knocked down time after time and get up and say, "As long as there's hope, a chance, we'll do it for Folden IV." I've been blessed with conversations with both of them about knowing that whatever happens, FIV is going to be okay, because he's God's baby and He will take care of him in heaven. I've listened to them talk about hating the situation they were in, questioning why, hearts breaking, asking God to take this from them, but still leaning on Him throughout, growing stronger and stronger in their faith as Folden grew weaker and weaker. I talked wtih them about that most difficult decision they made when they decided FIV had had enough and they weren't going to do anything else if it couldn't guarantee his healing...I think that's every parent's nightmare to not be able to fix it and make it better for their child. They had a sense of serenity about them that eased my pain about FIV...they were ministering to me as much, if not more, than I was to them.

In a lighter moment I told Lori, "You know, God doesn't give us any more than we can handle." (It was a rather sarcastic comment from me!) and Lori replied, "Yes, He does!" and that's when we both got serious and said, almost together, but when He does that, He's there with His Son and His Holy Spirit to be our Strength and our Comfort. How awesome is our God!

So, while my heart is heavy and our entire family mourns with the Lee family, I am rejoicing that Folden IV is home with his Big Daddy in heaven running and jumping and laughing gleefully, in total, perfect health and he's looking down on his precious family smiling and sending waves of love down to them. Praise God!

Thanks for letting me ramble. My love to you all and my prayers for God's continued blessings on you.

Emmaline

Psalm 31:7 "I will be glad and rejoice in your love, for you saw my affliction and knew the anguish of my soul."

IT IS WELL WITH MY SOUL
by: Horatio Gates Spafford

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say,
"It is well, it is well with my soul."
It is well with my soul
It is well, it is well with my soul.

Thou Satan should buffet, tho' trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.
It is well with my soul
It is well, it is well with my soul.

My sin... O, the bliss of this glorious thought,
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!
It is well with my soul
It is well, it is well with my soul.

And Lord, haste the day when the faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll,
The trump shall resound and the Lord shall descend,
"Even so" - it is well with my soul.
It is well with my soul
It is well, it is well with my soul.

Thursday, August 26, 2004 9:22 PM CDT

Hey guys...there's not much to say right now...plus I'm tired and getting ready to go to bed. But those 2-3 cells that they found with the marker on them are gone! Turns out that the GVH finally did happen and it's working. I don't know very many details, but I've got to go back tomorrow for blood work (b/c of the GVH) so I'll ask some questions and let you know or have mom do it!

Sorry I've been so busy...I hopefully will get better. I've been trying to avoid the computer because of this lab report and making charts for it (I stink at that!) and also because we have to do a lot of studying for APBio online. Which is cool, but by the time I'm finished, I'm ready to be finished!!! lol. It kinda hurts my eyes/head to stare at a computer screen for so long. So that's my excuse along with all the homework I've got. I'm really having to study Algebra 2 right now because it's new stuff and I didn't really get it, but now I am....so I should be getting better.

Please keep praying for Folden! I know that the doctors have said that they can do nothing more for him, and I'm not saying that I know God's will or anything, but I do know that GOD is the great Physician- not someone who went to college to learn how to heal. God uses doctors, yes, and I think it's wonderful, but sometimes we have to let God do it all. Don't give up on the miracle- either way- whatever happens- Folden's life is a miracle. I know that at 2 years old, he has affected me in so many ways. And being with his father and mother on earth or being with his Father in heaven would be a miracle. The miracle, you see, is that this is not the end. Death is not the end because it's been taken care of. It is gone- we have eternal life if we just believe! How amazing is that? "I AM" has looked down on us and given us life. The One who created life- who was here before the first life ever began- He loves ME and you!! I just am so in awe of how amazing God is. We were talking in Bible today about the attributes of God...I realized that if I could sum it up into just a few words...what God is...I'd say God is "I AM". Because that's just it...He is...He was, is, and forever will be...He didn't say "I WAS" to Moses or "I AM FOR NOW"- NO...He said "I AM that I AM!"...and in that I can have hope and so can you.

I'm sorry about my preaching...I just get so excited...and yet, for all my preaching- ultimately I'm speechless. Plus, part of me is telling myself this as I write it because I forget too sometimes!

So, don't forget that there is not an end for those who believe and accept. And that in itself is a miracle- don't give up- please! I love you all! Have a super-cali-fragilistic-expialidotious (did I spell that right?) day!!!

Love><>Me

IT IS WELL WITH MY SOUL
by: Horatio Gates Spafford

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say,
"It is well, it is well with my soul."
It is well with my soul
It is well, it is well with my soul.

Thou Satan should buffet, tho' trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.
It is well with my soul
It is well, it is well with my soul.

My sin... O, the bliss of this glorious thought,
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!
It is well with my soul
It is well, it is well with my soul.

And Lord, haste the day when the faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll,
The trump shall resound and the Lord shall descend,
"Even so" - it is well with my soul.
It is well with my soul
It is well, it is well with my soul.

Wednesday, August 18, 2004 8:55 PM CDT

Hey guys...sorry it's been a while. APBio, Honors Algebra, Honors English...you get the gist!!! LOTS OF HOMEWORK! Plus, I've been kinda tired because my "clock" is getting back onto its school routine...EARLY! 7:00 in the morning is early...

So today, I went to get blood taken and all was well, except for there was a question about something so they called and asked me to come back around 3:00...So I missed Algebra...I hope I can catch up easily! Next week, I have a bone marrow biopsy so I'll miss a lot of school...There's not much else to tell...so...

OMGosh...I almost forgot! "West Side Story" and "The Dream Giver" tryouts are this week...Thursday is chorus/dance, and Friday is mains! Pray for me...that I'll not get too nervous and that I'll do my best...not that I'll get a part...just that I'll do my best and glorify God in the process. Thanks!!!

Please pray for Folden...He's not feeling very well these days...I'm not sure about Lindy or Gabe or Meredith because I haven't checked they're pages yet...but pray for them too!!! I love you all so much!!!! Have a great day!

Love><>Me
James 1:12

Monday, August 9, 2004 4:08 PM CDT

Hey guys! Life is good here at the Simpson household. We all had fun at the beach, and I stayed out of the sun. Dr. Blatt called on Wednesday right before we left to say that she wanted us to hold off until the next bone marrow for the DLI thingy so that's good. I think it had something to do with the results the adult oncology patients who have had it done were getting. Something like that! The point is, I don't have to do it! I am so excited. I just have to go in tomorrow for blood...

I finally finished A Tale of Two Cities. It was pretty good, but it was also sad. I wrote my paper today so everything is ready for school- but I have to get pictures together for my notebooks! That will be fun!

While we were at the beach, I bought a turtle windchime, a turtle "treasure" box, and we saw the coolest turtle mirror. We're going to try to copy it and put it in my room. It was like $178 so we decided we wouldn't buy it!

Anywayz...life is good here. Please continue to pray for Folden, Gabe, Lindy, Meredith, and their families! We all appreciate your thoughts and prayers!

Love><>Me

Wednesday, August 4, 2004 7:56 AM CDT

Hey guys! I am soooo sorry that I haven't been able to get on and update. I have been so busy. On Friday, we were moving some of Vinson's furniture out and family came over to eat, and then I went to a friend's house. Then on Saturday, I didn't get home until 1:30ish and I was tired too so I didn't really think about getting on. And on Sunday, I had church and our weekly Bojangle's stop for breakfast, then we did some family stuff, and Monday, I made some purses for me and my sister and cleaned my room. Then yesterday, I went to the doctor! And during all this I also read A Tale of Two Cities!

I know, I shouldn't give excuses because there are none, but the truth is, it was much easier to update in the hospital when I had nothing to do!!! So anyway...after this you probably won't hear much from me in the way of updating for about 5-6 days because I'm leaving for the beach today. My sister, her roomie (and best friend) Alyssa, me, one of my friends, my grandma, and later my mom are all going down to Ocean Isle to have a huge girl's vacation.

Yesterday, I went to see Dr. Blatt. (I think I'm going to write a poem or a book about her one day...) She said that the 2 cells out of how ever many they count are still there in my bone marrow. No more though, and no blasts to speak of. However, I have to have another DLI (donor lymphocyte (or maybe leukocyte) infusion) to try to have GVH again. No biggie to that...I just have to go in sometime on Monday and stay a little bit longer than I did last time I did (b/c of the stuff they freeze it in- I could have a reaction or something), and if I do get GVH, I have to stay out of school for a little bit depending on how serious it is. I'm kinda upset about that part...I thought- WOW a FULL year at school with hardly any interuptions as far as we can see, but I guess like a week, is better than a month or longer!!! So, that's the case. Oh, and I have to be really careful about the sun when I'm at the beach. But that's about it.

Please continue to pray for Folden and the Lee's. Don't forget about them. And pray for Lindy, Gabe, and Meredith. Check out their caring bridge pages! I love you all so much! Don't forget that someone loves you even if it is a 15 year old girl!

Love><>Me
Nahum 1:7

Thursday, July 29, 2004 10:24 AM CDT

Hi everybody. The other day, I read Folden's page. Mom and I just sat down and cried because it's so hard to see people go through that. I know that Folden is promised so much including "a hope and a future" (Jer. 29:11), but it was still so hard to see that. But I am so glad that they aren't giving up. Like Mrs. Lori said, none of us have blinders on- we know what the situation is. We aren't in denial. But in the midst of the trials and tribulations we have hope. We have hope because we have a Father who loves us and promised us a long life. We have hope because we have faith. They kinda go together. Without faith you cannot have hope, and when you know that you can have hope by having faith you kinda are inspired to want/have faith. I don't know what I would do without faith OR hope. This whole battle would have been so depressing if I had listened to those people who told me that I should be angry, sad, upset, or have negative feelings. But the thing is...I don't have to listen to those people and I don't have to listen to the doctors if they were to tell me that I would die tomorrow (don't worry- they haven't!) and neither does Folden, Gabe, Lindy, or anyone else because we all can have hope if we just have faith in a Father who promised to love us and give us everything we ever wanted if we ask it in His name. Sorry...I didn't mean to preach...I just thought I should express my feelings and thoughts.

I have to go read A Tale Of Two Cities now, but I promise I'll talk to you all later. Please continue to pray for Folden*, Gabe (no fevers), Lindy (clean scans), Meredith (donor cells to grow), and everyone else at Duke and UNC. I love you all!!!

Love><>Me

Sunday, July 25, 2004 2:11 PM CDT

Hey guys! Sorry it's been a while. I've had jazz camp this week, as Vinson said, and it was great, but I've been catching up on my energy!!!

I'm trying to update my pics, but I can't get them to work so I have to get some help.

I've got a bone marrow on Tuesday so pray for that, please. I know it will be great because I feel great, and I know God's taking care of me. Pray for Folden and his family. I'm not sure what's going on, but pray in assurance for it all to be ok because God promised us all that no weapon formed against us would prosper, and I cling to that promise. I am God's child, and, like any Father, He's going to protect me no matter what. And that goes for little Folden and all of us. Pray for Gabe's counts that they'll recover quickly. Thank God that Lindy's gotten her line out, and that she is doing well. Pray that Meredith's counts will continue to be on the rise. And please thank God for all of His blessings. No matter how many things Satan throws at us in the spiritual battle, we are blessed because God loves us, and God is in charge and He has soooo much more power than Satan because the creation is never as magnificant as the Creator.

I've got to go. I love you all so much. Have a wonderful day.

Love><>Me
"He himself bore our sins in his body on a tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed." 1 Peter 2:24

Wednesday, July 21, 2004 1:03 PM CDT

Hey everyone, this is big sis today...Rebecca's doing great, but has been busy these last several days, so I'll update really quickly...

She had a blast at the Michael W. Smith/Mercy Me and Kenny Chesney/Rascal Flatts concerts, and I'm sure that she'll fill you in on that when she updates. She has another dance camp this week - Jazz this time - which keeps her dancing non-stop for six hours a day. That itself is a miracle to me; she was doing her "combinations" for me last night and it struck me that last summer at this time she was preparing for a transplant, only to find out that she had to have another lung surgery...a lung surgery that left her missing half a lung...And now she's dancing like it's the most natural, easy thing in the world. God truly is the master of "impossibilities"!

She went to see the Blattster on Tuesday morning, just for her weekly physical. Of course, as we all know, everything looks fine. To put it in the Blattster's words she's "lookin' good kid...lookin' good!"

I feel some "preaching" coming on, so please bear with me...
Our pastor preached about joy this past Sunday, referring to Phillipians 4:4-13. I don't have a Bible handy to type it out, but it's amazing...The point that Pastor John made that really hit me is that when Paul wrote those words on joy, he was in prison; prisons back then didn't have weight rooms and cable tv. Nope, they were nasty and cruel, torturous and dark. And still Paul had joy. The joy that he had in Christ was enough to obliterate his physical circumstances, and there was enough of that joy for him to share it with the church in Philippi...Talk about "exceeding abundance"!
Again, sorry for preaching, but that sermon has been on my mind and heart since Sunday...

Rebecca should be updating soon, so then you won't have to read me! Please continue to pray for Folden, Lindy, Gabe, Meredith, and the other children at UNC and Duke. Your prayers are important, not only because they demonstrate your support for the patients and their families but also because "the effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much" (James 5). Have a joyful day!!

This is big sis, signing off...

Thursday, July 15, 2004 8:29 PM CDT

OH MY GOSH! I am going to see Mercy Me and Michael W. Smith (guest appearance by the David Crowder Band...) on Friday night AND I'm going to see Kenny Chesney and Rascall Flatts (guest appearance bye UncleCracker) on Saturday (thanks Dr. Blatt!)! I AM SO EXCITED!!!!

Anyways...Wednesday's appointment went well, and everything's good! God is sooooo good.

Please pray for Folden and especially his parents that they will have patience to get through the next set of days until they can take Folden to the apartment (or house...I'm not sure which one they're going to). Pray for Gabe, that he'll deal ok with the chemo. Pray for Lindy to continue to have clear scans. Pray for all of them in thanksgiving. Thank you so much.

I had dance this afternoon, and I didn't sleep well last night because my thyroid medicine has my temperature all messed up and I couldn't get comfy! So I'm gonna go to bed. I love you all!

Love><>Me
Luke 1:46-53

^ It's the verse at the top of the page...check it out. It's amazing!

Monday, July 12, 2004 11:24 AM CDT

Hey guys!!!! Sorry it's been a while!!! On Thursday, I was sick- throwing up (but only twice in the morning and no more afterwards), and Dr. Blatt wanted to see me to see how I was doing and give me some fluids. Then on Friday, I had a colonoscopy to see if it was GVH that was causing all of this, and then we left for Greenville, SC to go to a function. So I just got back late last night. But we don't know anything about the colonoscopy yet, and they're not worried. If it's GVH- that's cool, and if not, that's cool too. We should find out soon.

The 2nd bone marrow tests came back, and it's like 2% me instead of 3% me this time so that's GREAT! We knew that that's how it would be, and we are so thankful!

Keep praying for Folden, Gabe, Lindy, and Meredith. I haven't mentioned Michael in a while, but I found out recently that he was in the hospital for treatment a few weeks ago. My heart reaches out to him- and not in a "liking" kind of way- if that's what you were thinking. I feel so privileged when I look at his life and see how much mine is blessed, and I long to see his blessed. I haven't talked to him in a while, and I hope to soon because I feel the burden on my heart to tell him more about why I'm so sure of my health and stability. I know firsthand, that it is hard to have that in a hospital surrounded by kids with very challenging diseases, even if you already have faith. I just want to share that with him, and until I do, in some ways, my heart will be heavy.

In the meantime- it's mostly light! But it's dreading the coming months of school! Only 4 weeks and a couple of days! AAAHHH!!! And then I'm one year closer to graduating! That's ok, I guess, but then I'll have to get a job!

I've got to go!!! I love y'all soooo much, and i appreciate all that you've done for me- whether it be praying or giving or listening! It all means so much! I'll talk to y'all later! Loves...

Love><>Me
Nahum 1:7

Tuesday, July 6, 2004 9:22 PM CDT

GOOD NEWS!!! All is well with the initial look at the bone marrow!!! I am soooo glad! But they had to stick me 3 times other than the bone marrow because they had to get blood, and my veings were not cooperating very well!!! So my had is sore because my IV was in it and then they had to stick me again in the same hand (different spot though) to get the blood. OH WELL! More on the bone marrow as soon as we find out!!

BUT...I did get my hair cut though- and highlighted! I love it...I kinda felt like PINK at first, but then I was like- NOPE! Pink hasn't had all this and I'm certainly nothing like her- even if my hair is spiked!!! (well, not really spiked, but it is kinda funky!) lol! I'll try to get a picture, but I don't know how to put them on here so I'll have to get some help!

I didn't get to go to the General Assembly today with Vinson b/c it was a slow day and she got off early, but I am going tomorrow for as long as I want to stay!

I've got to go because I'm always tired the night of bone marrow thingies! But I love you all. Don't forget to check out Folden, Lindy, Gabe, and my new friend Meredith (www.caringbridge.org/nc/meredith)'s page!!! Thanks for the prayers, and also don't forget to check out Psalm 91- It's awesome!

Love><>Me
Nahum 1:7

Monday, July 5, 2004 10:28 PM CDT

hey guys!!! GUESS WHAT!!! I'm getting a hair cut tomorrow!!! I am beyond excited!

But after that, I have to go get stuck for a surprise bone marrow thingy because some blood test result on Thursday showed some blasts, but Doctor Blatt doesn't thing it's bad or anything- possibly an infection that they don't know about, but she wants to be sure...you know how doctors are!!!

But then the day gets better- I get to go to the General Assemble where my sis is interning and see her office and visit her work until she gets off! I can't wait- I think it sounds cool! I get to dress all business-y and look all nice and stuff so I'm excited!

I love you all soooo much! Folden is doing well- check out his sight! Lindy's bone marrow tests were CLEAR!!! check hers out too!! Gabe- I'm not sure about him...they haven't updated in a while, but keep checking out his sight too! And keep praying. Pray that we all can deal with the tests after tests after tests and that they all go well- pray in thanksgiving for these things (Ask and you shall RECEIVE- it's a promise...).

You guys have to read Psalm 91!!! Study it and see how, in just a few verses, we are promised protection from all the evil in this world and all that results from it, and wonder how many more promises regarding that and more there must be in the WORD of God. It's truly amazing, and it's one of my favorite passages!!!!

Love><>Me
Nahum 1:7

Friday, July 2, 2004 5:39 PM CDT

Hello all...sorry I didn't update yestereday...I was tired from benedryl and had a bad head ache (from benedryl and being tired...) by the time I got around to computer time! But everything went well. I have to go in on Tuesday around 11:00 b/c they want to do a bone marrow cause my blood results had some blasts, but she said that it's nothing to worry about, they just want to make sure...

I HAVE FINISHED DANCE CAMP! It was so much fun...I want to go back and do it again! lol.

I just HAVE to say something...so many people have told me that I have an "amazing faith", and I just want to clarify...what I have is a simple faith- like child's faith, but I'm not perfect...I don't always have enough energy/time to read my Bible at the end of the day even though I try, I make mistakes just like everyone. I don't mean to imply that you all think like that, but sometimes when people tell me that my faith is "amazing" i feel like that. And I also wanted to tell y'all that your faith is strong or I wouldn't be doing as well as I am...It's because of y'all's prayers and faith in those prayers that I'm healthy. (you know, God says, "ASK and you shall receive"...implying you have to ask!) I guess what I'm trying to say is don't sell yourselves short- even if you don't feel like you have a strong faith, you CAN have one, and part of it is asking God to help you with it. I have to do that so many times a day, I can't count!

I love you all and thank you for the prayers for myself and my friends!!! Loves and hugs,

Love><>Me
James 1:12

Wednesday, June 30, 2004 5:04 PM CDT

Hi everyone...it's me. You know, so much of the things that happen in life are because of God. For instance, today at the end of dance camp we got to do and improv worship dance. I was left in awe. Just listening to the words of the music and translating those words to movements and expressions of my body- God gives us amazing minds and bodies, and it's so cool that He gives us everything in abundance. Like, people with only one lung or missing half of a lung (like me!) can still survive, and people can give blood and bone marrow and still have plenty to have for themselves- some people can give more than average, and we only use (I think) about 10% of our brain so we've got the rest of our brain as back up!!! WOW! It's just so cool. I mean, sure, sometimes our bodies need a little help with pain or such things, but that's not because God didn't give us those things- it's because we give it away to Satan every time we sin...it's just a result of sin- disease, sickness, death... And I don't know about you guys, but I absolutely refuse to give anymore to Satan by doubting or putting God in a box or treating others badly...you catch my drift. It's impossible for us not to sin, get sick, and even die, but with God, all things are possible. Anywayz...I'll stop preaching!

I've got to go (feed Tal)!!! I love you all and appreciate the prayers for myself and my friends!!! Thank you so much!!

Love><>Me

Monday, June 28, 2004 8:36 PM CDT

Hello all...GUESS WHAT!!! I went to dance camp today, and it was SOOOO much fun. I'm sooo sore though, but it's worth it to be able to dance again.

We've had a change in plans this week...my injection thingy will be on Thursday instead of Wednesday (which is fine), and I don't have to go in on Tuesday either which is wonderful because I will be able to dance all week except Thursday. They have decided that they want me to stay at the clinic for most of the day on Thursday so that they can observe me...oh well, i'll just take a bunch of books!!!!

I've got to go, but praise the Lord for Folden's eating and growth of a few cells and how well he's doing. Pray for Lindy's bone marrow thingy tomorrow. I haven't heard about Gabe, but last update was good!!! I've really gotta go because I'm tired, but I'll talk to you all later...How awesome our God is!!!

Love><>Me
Nahum 1:7

Sunday, June 27, 2004 10:38 PM CDT

Hey everyone...so, I was thinking today (UH-OH...watch out...that has a 99% chance of being dangerous)...in case you all didn't know, I'm a romantic FREAK! And I love to read...especially the insp. romance novels- it's just so cool to read (even fiction) about how God brings his children together in Him...ANYWAYZ...so much of our society is focused on "going out" with someone or being "with" someone...we want to have that support...that comfort zone that comes with a person you can always trust to be there. I'm not saying that that's wrong because I do it all to often, and God meant for man and woman to support each other and love each other- HELLO! why else would he have created man? OOPS! I mean woman!), but He also meant for us to be able to use Him as a support system, Someone to trust, Someone to love, and Someone to love us. I just thought it was neat that God gives us earthly companions, but at the same time we have to learn to be totally dependent on Him. Maybe it's just me, but I've come to see that at the times when I totally depend on Him instead of people, I am so awesomely rewarded that it blows my mind. I'm rewarded with strong friendships and good and fun times with those friends and my family...all because I depended totally on God. I'm also rewarded with peace of mind because I know that He cannot fail and neither can His love, patience, understanding, mercy, and steadfastness.

I've gotta go now, but that's just a thought for you to ponder. (that's what you usually do with thoughts...ponder them...) I love you all, and don't forget to pray for Folden, Lindy, Gabe, Alyssa (my sis's best friend)'s grandpa. Positive thoughts and prayers in thanksgiving!

Love><>me
Nahum 1:7

Friday, June 25, 2004 9:12 AM CDT

Hi everyone! Sorry it's been a while. I've been at the beach with my family. We had lots of fun at Bald Head Island staying in a friend's graciously "loned" house with Tal. He absolutely LOVED the beach. And despite how bad he is in cars, he did really well on the trip down and back. We had a great time!

Haven't heard anything from the Blattster...but my injection thing is probably going to be on Wednesday, the 30th, and I might (it's still up in the air) have to have a bone marrow aspirate (thingy) on Tuesday, but we're not sure. Please pray that I'll be able to deal with the symptoms of GVH! I'm not scared, but I know what they are, and they're not too comfy!! Chances are, I'll be tired a lot, but that's OK...I can read, do puzzles, and SLEEP! Call me if you wanna do something...I'm stuck here at home all day (although it's a wonderful place to be), and it's nice to get out every once in a while. You know me...GO! GO! GO!

I gotta go!...I'll talk to you later!
Don't forget to pray for Folden, Gabe, and Lindy. Also, please lift up my sister's roommate, Alyssa. Her grandfather was recently diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and is dealing with some infections while at the same time trying to prepare for chemo. Please pray for his health and strength, as well as for Alyssa's strength as she helps her grandmother.

Love><>Me
Nahum 1:7
"...Don't get sad and cry...never give up...it will work."><>Eddie Pinon

Thursday, June 17, 2004 7:29 PM CDT

Hey everyone...The Blattster called today, and my bone marrow was the same as last time so they're gonnna take my donor's marrow (he's going to give again) and spin off the leukocytes and freeze the marrow, then infuse the leukocytes into me (it only takes 5 minutes through IV). The intent is to create GVH (Graft Vs. Host) to fight the bad cell(s) that is (are) showing up in my marrow...even though we don't think it's a bad cell...they're just doing their job. (She said that when you have 97% donor marrow and 3% you they want to have the 3% be clear and they're supposedly not clear so this is what they do.) Then they monitor and control the GVH when it comes. The whole idea is to kill the bad cell and not have to do another bone marrow transplant. Please pray for my comfort as I have to deal with the symptoms of GVH...if you read Folden or Lindy's site, you'll know that it's not very comfortable even in the smallest stages. I know it will be ok because we're all praying and believing for it. It's just another bump in the road, and frankly, I'm just a bit upset at Satan right now. And I believe I have that right!!! But I know God's in control and He's already defeated this and Satan. So...

Anywayz...Please pray for Lindy...no new news on her...but still pray...Folden- he's not too comfortable, but he's doing well...Gabe- he's at UNC recovering counts from chemo...my friend Alyssa's (V's roomie at college) Grandfather- he's got cancer in his lymph nodes and when he recovers from his initial challenge they will start chemo and radiation...pray for a quick and strong recovery so that he can handle the chemo and radiation without any challenges. I appreciate all of your continued prayers for me and my friends- Thank you.

Love><>Me
Nahum 1:7

Tuesday, June 15, 2004 1:37 PM CDT

Hey everyone! I'm just sittin here after my doctor's appointment. It went well. The CT scan was clean, and so was the blood work. We won't know much about the bone marrow until next week sometime. But the first test looked good...the same as last time so it's all good. And my checkup went fine too. I drove home so that was a little scary at first because I had to drive on 40, 540, and 70. OH MY GOSH! Talk about hectic! But I did OK.

I don't have much more to say, but that prayer is an amazing thing, and I hope that everyone realizes that. All we have to do is ask and believe because God promised us in His Word that when we ask it shall be given. Continue to pray for Folden (he's dealing with side effects of radiation), Lindy (not much new on her...she's still doing great!), Gabe (He's still doing chemo as far as I know), and all the other kids at UNC or Duke...Thanks!

Love><>Me
Nahum 1:7

P>S>If you didn't read my dad's entry check it out on the past journal entries!

Sunday, June 13, 2004 10:07 AM CDT

Hello all! What's up? Nuthin here...just sittin here after church thinking and being bored (as usual!). And the thinking part probably is dangerous, but oh well! I hope everyone has had a good weekend and a good summer break so far (if you're on summer break). I have. So, I go in for tests on Tuesday. I've got a bone marrow aspirate (thingy) and a CT scan of my chest and head (cause of this cold and cough I've had...just a precaution!) so I probably will be gone most of Tuesday. But I know it will all be OK. The results will be amazing!

So, I was thinking, as I said, and a thought came to my head. (DUH!) Where would any of us be without the Father that loves us so much? I mean, if you think about it, because people aren't perfect (well, at least I know I'm not! lol), they will always fail...at something...no matter what. But God NEVER fails us. We can't always depend on people...even if they are our friends...because we make mistakes and so do they, but we CAN depend on God because He is perfect and He has a perfect love for us that never fails (1 Cor. 13). "Love never fails..." Dont' forget that.

Pray for Folden as he's having radiation and such things, and for Lindy...she's doing well, but we still need to thank God for her continued healing, and Gabe is on his chemo, and I believe he is doing well also so thank the Lord for his health as well. Thank you all for praying for my friends. Love to all!!!

Love><>Me

My dad wrote this in the guest book meaning to put it in the journal...here you go...it's really good!

well here goes...many of you may have wondered why dad hasn't left messages. let's see...never learned how to type...computers/tech stuff are speed bumps on the road of my life...and putting my heart on "paper" for all of you wonderful ministers to read...it all has been over whelming. first,my heart is full of thankgiving for the blessing that you are in my life and especially the lives of my family. the hope,faith,and prayers of agreement, continue to be sources of great strength; and as God would have it, always at the most appropriate times. secondly,giving is easier for me (usually) than receiving (i'm trying, john and owen)and i've been a little intimidated by the Spirit-filled and God inspired entries that you've sent. (translate- i didn't want to try to type and cry at the same time-too late now).

mostly,though,i've been selfish. strong,faith-filled,macho i can do any thing,don't cry cause it's a sign of not being faith-filled(satan causes confusion)jeff, was afraid of not having anything to give; my heart needed your words and lifting-up. my friend owen lifted me up.he said my tears were not a lack of faith;they are the tears of a father. a father who loves his daughter(s)and wife and wishes it was him with aml. how many times have i watched my family asleep,playing the piano, singing, hug tal during private moments,even disagree with each other over insignificant issues...and more...and longed to make all the hurt and pain go away ...more times than i can count.

i prayed for God today. really. i prayed to the father in Him that as He watches His family sleep,play the piano,sing,hug...disagree...all the stuff we put on Him...that we -HIS family- lean on Him, give it all to Him.the family of God,You. yes,You. have and continue to be the hugs, shoulders to cry on,words of faith,and more, so much more. He will never leave us,you,me or forsake us,you, me(trans.js). in HIM, we are all family. through Christ. all the glory and honor to Him. for you.

i bet if i let Him, He can type,do computer/tech stuff(smooth speed bumps in my life),even find some heart for my "paper". what a Father.

Nahum 1:7

Wednesday, June 9, 2004 9:24 PM CDT

"And the Lord, he it is that doth go before thee; he will be with thee, he will not fail thee, neither forsake thee: fear not, neither be dismayed." ~ Deuteronomy 31:8 ~
"I sought the Lord, and he heard me, and delivered me from all my fears. The angel of the Lord encampeth round about them that fear him, and delivereth them. O taste and see that the Lord is good: blessed is the man that trusteth in him." ~ Psalm 34: 4, 7-8 ~
"He shall call upon me, and I will answer him: I will be with him in trouble; I will deliver him, and honour him. With long life will I satisfy him, and shew him my salvation." ~ Psalm 91:15-16 ~

Hi everyone. This is big sis. Rebecca will be going to the Hill on Tuesday for several tests, including another bone marrow aspirate (thingy). Dr. Blatt has spotted a little red flag, and wants to double check her findings. We would like to ask for your prayer cover, beginning now, even as you read the rest of this.

Please thank God for her complete healing; for the 100ale bone marrow and periphery blood (blood that's circulating); for an absence of the "signal" genetic mutation; and for a normal blast level. Also, please thank God that her donor is healthy wherever he may be; that he is protected wherever he goes; and that he knows what a blessing he has been no matter what he does.

Like I said before, we would appreciate the prayers of thanksgiving beginning now and continuing strongly as they did throughout her bone marrow transplant. More to come next week.

This is big sis, signing off...

"But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering...And the prayer of faith shall save the sick, and the Lord shall raise him up;...The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much." ~ James 1:6, 5:15&16 ~
"The Lord is good, a strong hold in the day of trouble; and he knoweth them that trust in him." ~ Nahum 1:7 ~

Hey y'all...it's me! Not a long message tonight 'cause I'm tired from my first ballet class of the summer! (YEA!) Thanks for the continued prayers. I know that everything will be all right because God hears our prayers- prayers of pleading and prayers of thanksgiving for the answering of the pleading! (did that make sense??) ANYWAYZ...Thanks! I'll talk to you all soon! Call me if you wanna do something...I'm just sittin around the house all day except for on Thursday nights! Love you all and hope to hear from you and/or see you soon! Don't forget to pray in thanksgiving for Folden, Lindy (her really important scan came back clean and free of any bad stuff!!), and for Gabe.

Love><>Me

P>S>I got my permit on Tuesday!!!! I hate the picture but at least I can drive now!!!!! :)

Wednesday, June 2, 2004 9:02 AM CDT

Hi everyone. This is big sis again. I promise that one day, Rebecca will write, but she has exams this week so she's ridiculously busy.

Anyway, she had another bone marrow aspiration (aka bone marrow thingy) yesterday (Tuesday) morning. They were able to get the marrow on the first "stick", but could not get any spinal fluid after two other "sticks". Needless to say, she's a little sore. She missed her morning exams, too, so she has to make those up today, along with taking the two others that were originally scheduled for today. She's just a bit stressed, but is looking forward to finishing her freshman year.

Other than that, nothing much is going on. The results from the aspiration should be in by next week, so more will come here when we know more from the Hill...

Your prayers are still very much needed, not only for Rebecca but also for her friends at Duke and UNC. Folden is at Duke again, getting ready for his second BMT, so please put in some extra prayers for him. There is really such a dynamic spirit of hope in that family, and your prayers support it...James 5:15 "And the prayer of faith shall save the sick, and the Lord shall raise him up..." Also,please remember Lindy and Gabe, and Rebecca's friend Michael.

Have a wonderful day everyone! This is big sis, signing off.

Friday, May 21, 2004 8:07 AM CDT

Hi everyone...This is big sis...

Rebecca's doing great. Clinic yesterday went extremely well. I don't think we're mad with the Blattster anymore...She took Becca off the Megace (which means she isn't hungry every 10 minutes anymore!)!!!!! AND...dun-dun-dun-dun...drum roll please...
Becca can eat fruits and veggies!!!!!!!!
(but only certain types, and they still have to be washed really well). That's all that I know about clinic, probably because that's all she would talk about.

Not only did the visit to the Hill have a great outcome, Becca did something last night that she has been striving for through this entire trial...

Her goal for the BMT was to be "free" (enough) to participate in the WIZ...She achieved that goal (and wore the coolest hat in the show, too)...But a bigger goal has been to dance with the Honors Dance Company at NRCA. You see, she auditioned last fall and made it, only to relapse and not be able to dance at all for a few months...Last night, Becca was in the NRCA dance recital with all of the other dance students. Not only was the whole thing a time of worship and praise for the entire audience, I think that, for my parents and I, it was sort of that tiny miracle that made the bigger miracle of her healing seem all the more awesome. We were calculating, and a year ago last night Rebecca was recovering from chemo, pneumonia, and lung surgery. But looking at her last night as she ripped through the hip hop number, and literally danced in circles around the audience in the liturgical processional, you never would believe that she had been so sick. It was truly amazing to watch her dance before the Lord in such an awesome way. She attained her goal last night, through the miraculous workings of God...
I think that's something to dance about, don't you?

Sorry to be so long winded...Please keep in your prayers Folden Lee IV, Lindy Gupton, Gabe Pinon and all of the other children at Duke and UNC; also, please remember the Ashworth family as they rejoice in Amber's resurrection to life through death yet mourn their loss at her passing. Thank you for your faithful, prayerful support of all of us through this last year...your prayers make a difference and are still needed!

This is big sis, signing off!

Monday, May 17, 2004 11:08 AM CDT

Hello all! It's Becca today. I'm in computer and we're having a study hall, but I don't feel like doing anything (although I probably should be doing my Geometry...but we don't have to say anything about that!). So, I'm sorry that I haven't been able to update lately...I've been trying to catch up with Geometry and such so that I can finish before summer's over.

There's not much to say...I've got an appointment on Thursday, but my next bone marrow thingy isn't until June so I'll know more then. Thursday night is the dance recital at school, and I am soooo excited. And we've only got like 8 days left for school, and I can do stuff this summer! I am so excited...

...But I'm also kind of sad because I know kids who can't. I'm happy because I'm blessed, but I'm sad because I know where they've been and how it is. Please pray for Gabe, Folden (he's got some platelet and fever challenges), Lindy (she's doing great, but still pray), and pray for Amber's family as she passed away last week. Especially pray for these (and all the others not named) kids' families...parents, grandparents, siblings, and extended family. They have it rough too. Pray can do so much, and if you ever have a doubt, you can look in the Word where God's people humbles themselves and prayed and great things occured. And you can look at my life...there were a lot of times when the only thing that pulled me through (and my family) was prayer. So don't knock it til you try it!

I've got to go b/c it's almost time for lunch! I'll try to update, but I'm not sure how much time I'll have until the end of the year. Loves and hugs!!!

Love><>Me

Friday, May 7, 2004 6:17 AM CDT

Here we are! It's Friday and Rebecca will be 15 tomorrow! What a difference a year makes...a year ago Rebecca was in the hospital sleeping while Maggie and Jenny decorated her room to surprise her on her birthday. They got there at 7:00 or 8:00 that morning! You should have seen them freeze everytime Rebecca stirred...they would duck into the bathroom and hide if they thought she was going to wake up...they even taped the latch down so the door would open and shut quietly!! Wouldn't even let the nurses in because they didn't want to wake her before they were finished. What fun and what a testimony to friendship. Now, she can celebrate her day at home and with friends. God is sooooo good.

Clinic went well yesterday...3-1/2 more pounds!! Megace dosage is reduced, as well as the tachrolimus (anti-rejection/immunosuppresant) AND we don't have to go back for two weeks!!! Bone marrow biopsy is tentatively scheduled for June 8. We'll keep you posted. Still no fresh fruits and veggies.

I was asking Rebecca what to write scripturally and she said to talk about the eagles...Isaiah 40:31..."But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. They shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint." She said to talk about how when an eagle senses a storm coming, he flies higher so that the storm coming in will actually push him up above the storm and he is flying in safe winds. How mighty is our God that He lifts us up above the storm and rain...if we let Him. I pray for each of you God's everlasting love and support; that He will lift you up above the storm clouds of your life and show you His faithfulness as He has shown us. God IS good. His mercy endures forever.

Love to you all. Happy Mother's Day moms.

Emmaline

Thursday, April 29, 2004 11:40 AM CDT

Hallelujah! Becca is back from clinic and now weighs a hefty 98+ pounds! That Megace sure does created an appetite! She's eating well and telling me, "I'm starving!" which is music to our ears as you can imagine. The Blattster is very pleased with everything. They're checking thyroid levels and other things to make sure everything is balanced and will be letting us know about her counts. We're looking at a bone marrow biopsy in June with the possibility of reducing meds depending on those results. Works for me!!

I love the Book of Psalms! What comfort and peace it brings. Right now, I have to quote this particular verse:
Psalm 117:2
For great is his love toward us, and the faithfulness of the LORD endures forever. Praise the LORD . [ 117:2 Hebrew [ Hallelu Yah ] ]
You ought to do a search on "his love endures!" There are oodles of verses in the Bible that all say, almost verbatim, "His love endures forever." Think God is trying to tell us something? I've gotten the message. He is awesome!!

God's blessings on you all.

Emmaline

Friday, April 23, 2004 7:05 AM CDT

Good morning! Rebecca had her clinic visit yesterday. Dr. Blatt is very pleased with all of her counts. She had lost half a pound, so Rebecca is now taking Megase to stimulate her appetite. They're running liver tests on the blood they took this week to make sure everything is like it's supposed to be. We'll hear more about that next Thursday probably. The only other concern that Dr. Blatt expressed yesterday is the same one that every doctor who sees Rebecca has: CHICKENPOX. We are to notify the doctors if there is even a hint of the possibility of exposure to the disease. If they know ahead of time, they can give her immune system a boost. If they don't know and she contracts the disease, it could be fatal. Startling, isn't it - what we think of as a "simple" childhood disease being so deadly? Of course other infectious diseases are also on the list, but the major concern expressed is chickenpox. So let us know if you know of an outbreak, please.

By the way, the water dripped on the stone long enough - Rebecca finally convinced Dr. Blatt to let her have lettuce! (only, however, at home since it has to be washed with soap and water really, really, really well) Becca was beaming when she told me that. Of course, she pushed the envelope a little further - "How about grapes?" (Rebecca) "NO!" (Dr. Blatt)!!!!:)

You know, I was reading in Psalms (awesome book - every emotion is expressed there and great comfort comes to me there), specifically in Psalm 37, yesterday, and found verses 3-6:

3 Trust in the LORD and do good;
dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.
4 Delight yourself in the LORD
and he will give you the desires of your heart.

5 Commit your way to the LORD ;
trust in him and he will do this:
6 He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn,
the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.

Of course, the whole psalm is about God honoring the righteous over the wicked, but those verses really hit me regarding this last year with Rebecca and Jeff's mom, specifically trusting in the Lord and delighting in Him - we have lived and enjoyed safe pasture and He has given us the desires of our hearts: Frances is celebrating life with Him and is in perfect health and Rebecca is renewing her health and strength and growing well in Him! How blessed we are!:) He promises that He will take care of us. I've pretty much made Proverbs 3:5-6 my life verse. It reminds me that I'm not in control:

5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
6 in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight.

He's pretty good at letting me know who's in control. It's such a relief and release when you let Him in to take control and direct your life.

Enough sermonizing. My God is an awesome God and I praise His name daily for all His blessings! Selah.

Love to you all, Emmaline

Tuesday, April 20, 2004 6:21 AM CDT

Hi! Sorry that no one has been able to update this last week. Rebecca is doing great! She had a blast at Hollins with Vinson. I know it did her good to get away from hovering Mom and Dad and Grandma! We're back at school now. Rebecca spent her first full day at school on Monday and she was here until 9:00 pm! Long day, but what a joy to see her there. She told us last night that she is just slightly behind in her school work instead of being months behind. We have to give Ms. Faith (Hospital School Teacher) ALL the credit for Rebecca's progress with school work. She was sooooo faithful in meeting with Rebecca and helping her. The only challenge Rebecca has right now is her weight. Fortunately, it's the lack of weight, not the overabundance of weight (like I have)! Dr. Blatt has been VERY firm about the need for Rebecca to show steady weight gain. Becca has been eating everything in site!! She goes back to clinic Thursday morning. We'll give you an update after we hear from the Blattster.

Things were kind of crazy around our household last week as Jeff's mother was taken to the emergency room on Good Friday with very low oxygen levels in her blood. The doctors were able to get those levels up over the week-end, but told Jeff and his brothers that they wanted to refer Frances to Hospice. The prognosis for her was poor - a few hours to a couple of weeks was the time frame they gave us. She was moved to the Hospice Wing of the hospital on Tuesday morning and died that aftenoon at 4:30. While there is certainly pain on our part for the emptiness we feel that she's not here, her dying was a blessed relief for Frances. She had no desire to live the kind of life she had - struggling to breathe, struggling to live. I'm relieved for her, but I do miss her so! Please pray for comfort and strength for Jeff and his brothers, Pat and Mike, as they work through their grief. Our joy is in knowing that Frances is with her Father in heaven and perfectly healed. She's up there dancing and talking and laughing. I look forward to seeing her in her perfect health.

We have been so very blessed by our heavenly Father. He has never strayed from us. His faithfulness DOES endure for all generations. Thanks be to God!

Sorry this was so long. We love you and are so grateful for your steadfast encouragement and support.

Emmaline

Sunday, April 11, 2004 5:26 PM CDT

Hello all! This is Becca for once! I'm at Hollins...my sis's college. I'm having bunches of fun! And I'll be back to Raleigh on Tuesday evening (hopefully before 8:00 so I can see Gilmore Girls!)
I don't have much to say about the doctor...if you wanna know about the details check the previous journal entries. But all I can say is that I'm about to KILL Dr. Blatt. (not literally, of course) but I'm really aggravated because I want salad and apples and grapes and strawberries and fruit salad and all of that, and she won't let me so i'm about to kill her!!!!! But that's ok...I wonder...if she had to go for 4 1/2 months without her coffee...where would that leave her??? (the answer to that is...in the hospital!) I'm gonna ask her that...
Please odn't forget about Folden, Lindy, Gabe, Amber, and all the other kids...I know they really appreciate your prayers. I've gotta go! Ttyl!

love><>Me

Thursday, April 8, 2004 11:45 AM CDT

This is mom updating. Rebecca is doing wonderfully. According to Dr. Blatt, "You look good, kid!" Everything is progressing as it should. Her counts are way good, even her hemoglobin is higher than most transplant patients at this stage of the game. Rebecca IS in remission and has been for some time. Her marrow is totally that of the donor and her blood is now O- instead of A+ - she is 100% boy in her blood characteristics. All chromosomal work-ups look great and there are NO markers to cause any concern with the doctors. We're still going to clinic once a week and still on anti-rejection meds, but there is no longer a catheter to aggravate and Rebecca is full of energy. We're working on the weight thing and being very careful about being around a lot of people - mask always.

Rebecca has been back at school this week for half-days and has been settling in to classes pretty well. We'll be on Spring Break next week and then back at school on the 19th and transition into full days that week. She is sooooo excited to be back at school with her friends and to be a part of things again. The Wiz was great and she was able to be in all 7 performances - praise God.

Things around our house are settling in to a more normal pattern. We rejoice in every bit of normalcy. Please remember Gabe, Folden, Lindy and Amber in your prayers as well as the other children on 5C at UNCCH and on 5200 at Duke.

God is awesome. As we have progressed through this Holy Week, I've been struck anew at the great love He has for us that He would give us His Son, Jesus Christ, to take the punishment and give His life for us that we might live eternally in heaven with Him. Thank you Father for your great Gift!

God bless you all. -E

Thursday, April 1, 2004 10:16 PM CST

Hello all! It's Rebecca. Sorry again about not updating much, but I've still got WIZ! things going on and I'm trying to get a lot of my school work done when I've got a spare moment!
Clinic on Wednesday was good...my neuts, wbc's, platelets, and hematocrit are AWESOME! But my hemoglobin (for some STRANGE reason!) is a little low, although I'm not feeling any side effects from that one so that's a major praise. This WIZ makes me tired, but it's a good tired, and I'm happy to be doing it. It's not like one of those tireds like "OH MY GOSH! I just can't do anything at all!" it's a "If I can sleep I'll be great tomorrow!" and that's a good tired! I've got a lot of energy, but sometimes I don't want to go to places because it's REALLY annoying having to put the mask on and take it off...on and off..on and off...but mostly on! We're still not sure about school...I'll probably start doing halfdays, but I'm not sure.
I've got to go take my shower and it's late...11:28! I love you all and miss seeing those of you who I haven't seen! Don't forget to pray for Folden, Lindy, and Gabe...And Amber (for her pain and restlestness). Thank you so much!

Love><>Me

P>S>Yes, Lizzy, I'm getting your emails! And my mom gave me the shirt!!! I love you gurl!

Tuesday, March 30, 2004 8:36 AM CST

Rejoice! The catheter is out! Everything went beautifully and Rebecca was home by lunch time. She made it to "Wiz" rehearsal and ate a great dinner last night. (We were celebrating Jeff's birthday.) This is such a milestone for us. It's been a focus of Rebecca's for months - day 100, then the catheter comes out. I think it makes her feel as if this is one more step toward normal - no extra holes in her body. We see the Blattster tomorrow for her weekly assessment and should have a better feel for her return to a more normal social life - school, etc. The results from the aspirate are not back - we should hear from them by the end of the week, first of next week. None of the doctors seem to be concerned about what they'll find. Biggest concerns are that Rebecca drink LOTS of fluids to keep her kidney's healthy and that she regain the weight she lost when she was ill with her throat and liver (4.5 lbs).

Praise the Lord for His wonderful love and care of all our friends from 5C - Gabe is doing well as are Folden and Lindy. Folden is in his countdown phase (Day -3) of chemotherapy prior to his transplant on Friday or Saturday and is really handling things well. Lindy has finished her radiation treatments and is doing great. Our friend Amber is praising the Lord mightily and glorifying His name above all others.

Exodus 15:2
The LORD is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation. He is my God, and I will praise him, my father's God, and I will exalt him.

Deuteronomy 32:3
I will proclaim the name of the LORD . Oh, praise the greatness of our God!

2 Samuel 22:47
The LORD lives! Praise be to my Rock! Exalted be God, the Rock, my Savior!

2 Samuel 22:50
Therefore I will praise you, O LORD , among the nations; I will sing praises to your name.

We are so blessed to call you friends. Thank you for all your prayers.
Emmaline

Sunday, March 28, 2004 9:02 PM CST

Good evening! This is mom with a quick update. Everything has gone superbly this week. Rebecca has performed in every performance of The Wiz and rejoiced in being able to be there and a part of school life again. It's been an especially good week because Big Sis' has been in town for her Spring Break. (We all watched her drive away, Tal included, and we all whimpered inside - Tal whined and cried out loud!) Can't wait to see her again soon.

Tomorrow is the day for her catheter removal. Surgery is scheduled for 9:30 a.m. Your continued prayers for a successful surgery and good reports are appreciated. She is doing awesome, as usual. We should be receiving the chromosomal reports on the bone marrow aspirate from last week. We expect nothing but good news and will let you know what the docs say when they tell us.

Meanwhile, Rejoice in the Lord always. "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; He will never leave you or forsake you." Deuteronmy 31:6

Love to you all, Emmaline

Thursday, March 25, 2004 10:45 AM CST

DAY 100!!!!!!!! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah...Hallelujah...Hall-ee-lu-jah! (can you tell I'm singing?!)

Hey Everyone!!! Sorry it's been so long since I actually updated, but after i got home, I was crazy busy with clinic stuff and the WIZ and then I got that crazy bug, and now I'm crazy busy again!!! But it's all good.

I went to clinic today, and I have been told (I already knew though!) that my bone marrow is perfectly normal (if anything about me can be called "normal"...) and my blood counts and liver counts are good...close to normal. The only thing that I'm struggling with is my weight. It's really frustrating because, the way I see it, if they'd just let me eat the things that I want to eat (like lettuce and grapes...etc) then I could eat cheeseburgers with lettuce (that's the only way I like it), and I could have cole-slaw and celery and peanut butter and carrots and cucumbers in ranch dressing. Which remindss me...last night at the WIZ dinner the only things they had to eat besides the lasagna and casserole wee fresh fruits and veggies with dip...I was like, "does no one love me??" lol

But I'm doing ok...please pray for josh's (from Duke) family as they celebrate his life (I think it's this week sometiime). And pray for Folden, Lindy, Gabe, and Amber. I love you all, and I'll try to update more often! Loves and hugs.

Love><>ME

Thursday, March 25, 2004 8:48 AM CST

Good morning; it's Mom today! Just talked with Jeff as he and Rebecca were returning from clinic. Everything is looking really good. The liver counts are stable again, so Rebecca is feeling better. Preliminary reports on the aspirate and lumbar puncture are good - the blasts that are present in the marrow are normal in appearance and in numbers; spinal fluid looks good. In-depth reports should be back by the time Rebecca goes back to clinic next Monday or Tuesday. We are in the process of scheduling line removal - waiting for the surgeons to call. Dr. Blatt's gut feeling is that the throat and liver situation were related - now that liver counts are within normal range her throat, while still ugly looking, is not giving her any pain and appears to be healing well. Her lymph glands are much less swollen and she is acting much more like herself.

We had a celebration at home last night - Vinson turned 20 yesterday. Rebecca has been working for the last month to arrange a surprise birthday party for her. It was so neat to have them come in from Wiz rehearsal and see Vinson's face. She was so surprised! It's hard to believe that my oldest baby is 20 - she was just 2 yesterday! What a special young lady she is - full of grace and beauty.

God has been and is so good. He has remained steadfast and faithful to us throughout all of this, just as He promised. His goodness abounds in our lives. What a privilege it is to give ALL the glory and honor to our Lord. We glorify His name in everything that we say and do and give thanks for His mighty work in our lives. What an opportunity He has provided us to witness to His goodness and might - for the rest of our lives. Thank you, Father. Thank you, Jesus.

Blessings to you all.

Emmaline

Monday, March 22, 2004 10:08 PM CST

Hello, it's big sis again...Sorry for the delay in update.

Rebecca had a clinic visit this morning just to check out her throat and do some preliminary blood work. Her throat looks about the same, but she's talking better and the Blattster isn't too terribly concerned. She actually gave permission for Rebecca to return to WIZ rehearsals...So that's where she's been all night. We have one very tired but very excited teenaged girl in our house tonight!!

Tomorrow morning she will return to clinic, this time for a bone marrow aspirate (thingy!). This is the big one that's going to tell the doctors how much of her blood is the same as our good friend the donor's. Of course, we know what the results will show. Our God is amazing and mighty and healing, and we have faith that tomorrow we will see a physical manifestation of the healing we already know has occurred in Rebecca's body.

I have been thinking, and while my sermons are not anywhere near as good as Rebecca's, please bear with me while I step up to my internet pulpit...
I've really begun to realize through all of this that prayer is not only a chance to willingly involve the Lord in our lives, but is even more so an extension and demonstration of our faith. I mean, I tend not to talk to things I don't believe exist...maybe it's just me...But anyway, Hebrews 11:6 tells us that without faith it is impossible to please God. More and more through the past year, I've been substituting the word "prayer" for the word "faith". Because faith involves believing in the unseen...and praying to something you cannot see, believing He will answer and that He really does care what happens, is a huge step of faith. HUGE! So I wanted to thank you for taking such huge steps on behalf of Rebecca and our family. Your prayers have an impact, one that cannot be measured. James 5:15 says that the prayer of faith shall save the sick...I wonder how different our journey through this Grand Canyon of valleys would have been without the prayer support of so many people. May God bless you and your families as you have blessed ours.

This is big sis, signing off (thanks for listening to me preach!)

Saturday, March 20, 2004 2:15 PM CST

Today, to change things up, big sis is reporting.

Rebecca is back home as of 1pm this afternoon...I am so excited!!!! Obviously, since she's home, the doctors have ruled out hepatitis, herpes, graft vs. host, and just about everything other liver-affecting disease on the planet. They're still not quite certain what's up, but God knows exactly what's going on, and we have prayed for and accepted and are believing that He has healed her completely...including her tonsils and throat.

Although we are believing that these minor challenges have been overcome by the Great Physician, she still has a very sore throat. So we ask that you not call her, even though she's at home. It's difficult and painful for her to talk, and we're trying to minimize how much she has to do so.

Thank you so much for your prayers and for believing with us that God has already healed her throat and liver. Keep praying for Folden, Lindy, Josh, Gabe, and all the other children at UNC and Duke - your prayers have such an impact!

"It is better to trust in the Lord than to put confidence in man." ~Psalm 118:8

Have a wonderful weekend and enjoy the first of spring...This is big sis, signing off...

ps.-Rebecca would want me to say "GO WOLFPACK!!!"

Friday, March 19, 2004 6:52 AM CST

Good morning! Rebecca is at UNC Children's Hospital on the 7th floor. We are not posting her phone number as she cannot talk because of the pain in her throat. We want her to rest, so NO CALLS today, please. She spiked a fever yesterday afternoon - 100.8, and Dr. Julie asked us to bring her in, so we loaded up the car, remembering to throw Rebecca in the back seat, and headed down the highway. Got her in to ER very quickly, the doctors (3 no less) examined her, started antibiotics, drew blood (MORE?) and sent her up to 7C05. (She is in the same room, two floors above, that she was in when she first went to UNC a year ago - how ironic.) She settled in nicely and is resting comfortably - they can give her morphine for the pain, I couldn't. She did spike a fever of 101+ last night, but it subsided on its own. As her nurse, Paul, said, "She's tough." But she's tough because she has a mighty God healing her. Praise Him.

They are running boatloads of tests - GVH (Graft Vs Host), Mono, Herpes Simplex, Hepatitis - to name a few. It's also possible that all the Tylenol she took for the pain in her glands and throat could cause the elevated liver levels that they are concerned with. I receive that one!!

While we don't like having Rebecca in the hospital (it's much nicer to have her at home), we know that she is much more comfortable there. We look on this as a minor inconvenience in the big scheme of things. She doesn't feel well, there are some challenges, but there are a lot more things that could be going on that aren't, thank God. So, we lift His name on high and sing His praises. She is healed.

Thank you for your love and support.

Emmaline

Thursday, March 18, 2004 1:18 PM CST

Hi! This is Mom, again. Becca has loved being home this week. Tal came home on Tuesday and they have had the best time being together. (He's a little uncertain about everything. Poor thing, he's been in three homes in three months - and he misses his new friends Jezebel from January and Toby from February until now.) It's been wonderful to see Becca and Tal together.

Rebecca is still uncomfortable with her throat and lymph glands, but there's not a lot of concern about that. Today, at clinic, they found that her liver levels were much too high and are running tests now to determine what may be causing the challenge. It's possible that it could be graft vs. host disease which they manage with anti-rejection meds, it could be herpes simplex, it could be hepatitis, it could be caused by the Tylenol that Rebecca has been taking to make her neck glands feel better. We are claiming and believing that it's nothing more than too much Tylenol. Anyway, we are now at home with STRICT instructions to "stay at home, don't go ANYwhere and if her temperature gets to 100.5, call and head to Chapel Hill!" (Do not pass Go; do not collect $200!) Needless to say, we're pretty ticked off at Satan and have bound him and sent him back where he belongs. Now, we just have to get Rebecca back to feeling better. Her platelet and hemoglobin counts are also low, which makes her feel tired very quickly. So, rest is the order of the day. We'll keep you posted.

Thank you for your prayers.

"The Lord is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble; and He knoweth tham that trust in Him." Nahum 1:7

"Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. And the prayer of faith shall save the sick, and the Lord shall raise him up" ~James 4:7; 5:15

Sunday, March 14, 2004 7:53 PM CST

Praise the Lord, for He is good. His steadfast love endures forever!!

Praise the Lord - we are AT HOME in RALEIGH!! This is mom reporting for a change. We put one exhausted, but happy, little girl to bed early tonight. She still has clinic once a week, but she gets to be in her own bed from now on. I cannot begin to tell you how wonderful it is to be at home, under our own roof, as one big happy family waiting for Big Sis to get home this Friday for her Spring Break. It's been a long time coming, but we're here.

Wish you could have seen us yesterday. We were packing everything into the cars up until about 9:00 pm! The advantage to being so close was that we could get anything we needed from home and have it in Chapel Hill - that was the disadavantage, also - everything we took over to the Chapel Hill house had to come home. When we left this morning we must have looked like The Grapes of Wrath!! (We even got Tim in the car. He's in the garage right now until we figure out where to put him.)

Anyways, we got up early to go to early service at church - Becca's first time back and then we went to Bojangle's for breakfast - a family tradition that Becca has not participated in for over 90 days and then we came home to unpack...we are still unpacking; however, we are VERY joyful in approaching this task.

The very best part of the day for Becca was going to Maggie's house to prepare for a surprise birthday party - "Operation Teddy Bear" which she and Renee (Maggie's mom) have been planning for over a month. It was so wonderful to see her with her friends, being a NORMAL teenager. God is so good.

Clinic is tomorrow - just the usual, nothing that should take too long. Then she gets to spend some time with her Daddy and he'll bring her to school for The Wiz practice Monday afternoon. She is SO excited about being a part of the production.

As Becca would ask you, please remember all of her friends on 5C and special prayers for Lindy who has begun her radiation treatments and for Folden who is preparing for his transplant and for Gabe who is doing so well with his treatment and taking his meds so well.. They're all three doing great and are awesome little people and strong fighters. Special prayers also for Josh (at Duke BMT Center) and Amber from 5C.

We'll keep you posted. Much love to all of you from the four of us.

Thursday, March 11, 2004 1:33 PM CST

Happy Anniversary to me! Happy Anniversary to me!!! Happy Annniversary to Meeeeeee! Happy Anniversary to me! (can u tell i'm singing???) My goodness, what a year can do! It does not seem like it's been a year since I was diagnosed and admitted because I don't remember much, yet the days that I do remember went by so slowly, it's kinda hard to grasp!

Today, I went to clinic, and everything was great!!!! I asked a bunch of questions about when this and when that. I can go back to school with a mask after day 100 (only 2 and a half weeks, it think, til then...), I can paint my nails (you have NO idea!), I can go to the mall if it's not crowded with a mask...I'm so excited. My catheter and bone marrow thingy and spinal tap (without the chemo injection) will be on Monday, the 22nd of March so I'll be plenty well by the time Wednesday roles around, and I plan to be at rehearsal on Monday also, seeing as how my surgery appointment is 2nd on the list, and I have to be there at 7:30 in the morning. I'm so excited to be getting this thing out of me...it's really a hassel...let me tell ya!

So...There's really not much else to say, but if I think of something, I'll put it on here later! See you all soon! I love you all and can't wait to see you! Have a blessed end of the week and weekend! See you Monday! Loves and hugs!

Love><>Me

Tuesday, March 9, 2004 12:27 AM CST

Hey everyone! Sorry i didn't update yesterday...I was packing!!!! lol! Clinic was great, and my eyes are great, but I didn't get to meet with the surgeons because we had to rush to the eye place. But Dr. Blatt emailed them and told them 2 potential dates for the line removal/bone marrow thingy...March 22 or 23. I wanted to make it that monday or tuesday because I don't want to be sore during Wiz practice on Wednesday!! We're gonna do pre-op stuff on Thursday (like weight and height and forms and junk) while I'm getting IVIG. So I'll let you know the official date then.

I don't have much else to tell...other than it feels like this week is going sooooo slow! I can't wait to see everyone on Monday! OH! Make sure you send any mail to my home in Raleigh...the address is at the bottom of the page ok? Because in case it takes a while to get here, we're not coming back so I want to make sure that I get whatever is sent...not that you have to send anything, but if you do. I've got to go eat, but I'll talk to you later!!!! Miss you and can't wait to see you! Don't forget about Folden, Lindy, and Gabe...oh and Folden and Lindy's friend from Duke...Josh (he's got a caring bridge site too...just put josh instead of rebecca, lindy, folden, or gabe!). Loves and Hugs!

Love><>Me

Saturday, March 6, 2004 5:32 PM CST

Hey everybody...It's been a great week, hasn't it? I know it was long to a lot of people, including me (i think next week will be too!), but it was beautiful and nice outside. I just love this kind of weather...no coats...just jeans and a T-shirt...and maybe a jacket! It's wonderful.

I cannot wait to be home...I've got to start packing soon, and make sure that I'm caught up with all of the things I've been told to be caught up with school, but I can't wait. I can't wait to play my piano...I hope that I remember how! And the WIZ...ooo...I've heard so much about it, I can't wait to see it for myself and at least be a small part of it all. It's so amazing how God can pull it all together when none of us think that it'll be any good...but that's the truth...It wouldn't be half of what it will be without God's hand. That's how everything is in life.

Please continue to pray for Folden, as he had some complications with his catheter-installation-surgery. He was in the PICU at Duke, but I'm not sure if he's in another room yet. His transplant has been pushed back again, but they're doing another option to the treatment so I'm believing that that's God's way of saying, "Not yet." or maybe "Not at all"..."I know more than those doctors do..."lol. We all know that's true...for more info on Folden, please go to his website- it's linked at the bottom of the page. As far as I know, Gabe's doing well with his chemo so that's a definate praise! His website is linked too. Lindy's getting ready for radiation, but she's doing great. It's all part of her treatment. Please pray and believe that she won't have any pain, and that's she'll do great with the sedation and everything.

Since I didn't have a clinic visit Friday, I don't know anything...But on Monday, I'll do my best to update. I've got to go eat dinner...Loves and hugs! Thanks for all the messages in my guestbook I've gotten. I really enjoy reading them. Bye!

Love><>Me

Thursday, March 4, 2004 10:09 PM CST

Hey everyone...this will not be a long update because it's late and I still have to take a shower!!! Today at clinic, everything was great...I even gained 2 pounds!!! Yay!!!My counts were good, except for a slight drop in my platelets (Dr. Blatt discontinued a med. that could be causing that until she sees me on Monday). I went to the opthamology lab to check on something with my eyes, and it turns out that my eyes have lost some of their astigmatism. That's pretty cool, huh? Our God is so Awesome. They couldn't find anything wrong that would be associated with my symptoms so I have to go back on Monday after blood draws to get a few more tests done. On Monday, also, we'll be talking to the surgeons (I'll tell you, Abby, when I find out on Monday!!!) about my line removal (and Dr. Blatt wants to do my bone marrow thingy at the same time...). Lots of stuff is happening Monday! From today...it's only 10 days! I'm so excited...I'll get to play my piano, play with my precious puppy, and go to Wiz rehearsals. And, if I'm allowed, I'll try to come visit school during the day one day...I'm not sure how that will work, but I'll be home, and I'm fine with that for now!!!

I was reading in my Bible earlier today, and I found this really neat verse...it's Psalm 91:14-16. I don't have time to write it on here, but you should really look it up...I've decided that it's my life verse. I absolutely love it!

I've got to go! I love you all and I'll see you soon! Loves and hugs...Have a great weekend!

Love><>Me

Sunday, February 29, 2004 10:02 PM CST

Hey everyone! I'm sorry that I didn't finish the update on Thursday...Vinson and I were having bunches of fun! So...you all know how clinic went, hopefully...but the fruit is only thick peeled things that have already been peeled by someone else...just to clear that up!

So, I'm kinda depressed because everyone left for the ski trip today, and I was supposed to go, but obviously, I couldn't. But I was really looking forward to it before my transplant...oh well...there's always next year. ANYWAYZ...today went to Mapleview Dairy Farms (the ice cream place), and then I got to go see my VERY distant cousin do a sound check (before everyone got there) for his concert. Yesterday, mom, Vinson, and I went on a wild goose chase trying to find a Walmart or Target that was accecible (sp?) within the allowed distance. It was great fun, but we didn't do anything but fight over where to eat!!! lol! On Friday, we went to see The Passion of the Christ. It was the most amazing movie that I've ever seen. I only got teary once...when Jesus falls carrying His cross and Mary runs to His side...such a depiction of a mother's love and the Father's love. If you haven't seen it, make sure you do. It was worth the mask-wearing just to see it and grasp the concept of how much Christ gave up. My favorite part was when, after Christ dies, you see Satan down in hell yelling in pain because Christ has defeated sin, and therefore, defeated everything with it- disease, sickness, death. How cool is that?? My new favorite person in Hollywood is Mel Gibson, and the guy who played Jesus did such a good job, you would have thought He was Jesus...I guess that's what actors are supposed to do, but still. And he had the most beautiful eyes (there were a lot of face shots... :)! I just can't say enough about The Passion...you've GOT to see it!

Please continue to pray for Folden (his transplant is coming up) and his family, Lindy (she's getting ready to start radiation, and she's doing great!), and for Gabe (he's getting another round of chemo at home so counts and fevers are a very important thing to pray against). Thank you so much for your continued prayers for me and my friends! They mean so much to me, and I know that they appreciate it also!

I've got to go, but I'll talk to you all later, if you'll speak to me...through phone, email, whatever...I'll talk to you later! I love you all and miss you! Loves and hugs to everyone!

Love><>Me

Thursday, February 26, 2004 2:42 PM CST

Hey everybody! Sorry that I haven't updated lately. I just thought that it might be kind of boring to hear about nothing!! lol. Anywayz...Clinic was good today...I didn't sleep at all, and I feel great! My counts are good, my weight's good (although, without my shoes, I'm down .6 kg's!), everything's good! And...guess what!...I CAN HAVE FRUIT!!! Well, thick skinned fruit, like oranges and bananas, cantelope, watermelon (if you can find it!), etc! I'm so excited though!

I've got to go tho...My sister just got home and I want to go say hi to her, but I'll update more later! I love you all and miss you!

Love><>Me

Monday, February 23, 2004 8:31 PM CST

Well...today was a great day in the BMTClinic at UNCHospitals...at least for Rebecca Simpson! The kidney junk went great, and besides the usual headache from this medicine, I'm feeling great! My counts are good...climbing as we speak to a normal level (they were like one point lower than normal)...and my weight is stable. I can't say much else except for that Dr. Blatt won't let me come home any earlier.

So life is just peachy...nothing's happening...which would pretty much describe what is happening to peaches right about now...they're not even showing!!! lol...ok that probably didn't make sense. ANYWAYZ...Vinson's coming home this weekend for a short stay, and I can't wait for Passion to come out and to go see it! It looks sooooo awesome! ooooo...I can't wait!

So, nothing's goin on, as usual. So talk to me people. "The Doctor is In." (Lucy- Charlie Brown) I'm listening (or reading)! Love and hugs to all! I miss you!

Love><>Me

Saturday, February 21, 2004 3:14 PM CST

Hey everyone...it's another gorgeous day, and the rain missed us! Yesterday was a good day, but I didn't really do anything. I just had school, and next week is a long clinic week...same days...just longer! I've got kidney and ivig for like the next to last times!!! I'm so excited. Only 3 weeks til I can come home (well, 3 weeks and a day). I hope it goes fast.

But between now and then, I've got lots of work to do! I've got to be ready for the Wiz...whatever I'm going to be doing. I've got to be ready and fit and all of that! And I've got to be ready for choir so I've got to keep working on my breath control and staying on pitch. OH SO MUCH!! But it's something to do, so you can bet I'll be doing it.

Daddy went to see Tal today. He took him on a walk and says that he's doing well. I guess I'll get more details later. He had to go because my Grandmother fell and broke her hip and her arm today and she's at REX so he had to go check up on her. Please pray for her.

I still need to check on Folden and Lindy and Gabe, but as far as I know, they're doing fine. But pray for Folden's tests this week, and for Gabe's counts to rise, and for Lindy as she's at home. You can check out their pages through the link at the bottom.

I've got to go now because I've got to work for the WIZ and choir and dance class! I'll talk to you all later! Loves and hugs! Miss you!

Love><>Me

Thursday, February 19, 2004 3:59 PM CST

Hello everyone...today is a beautiful day, and I've enjoyed it. I think it served to boost my spirits just a little! After clinic today (more later), Daddy and I met Grandma at Nantucket Grill just in time for a late breakfast...my omlet was so good. And I got to try this new flavor of Snapple Tea called "Kiwi Teawi". And get this!- since Kiwi's are originally from Australia the lable said "The flavor discovered Down Under" and the "SNAPPLE" part of the lable was upside down. It was so cool. OK...it's pretty sad when the highlight of my day is the snapple lable being upside down! But then we came home and I read until Ms. Faith got here and after school, I went on a short walk- a very short walk. But it was a walk, and I didn't have to wear my big coat that makes me feel like a marshmellow because it poofs out. So that was cool with me.

At clinic today, my counts were GREAT; I gained a pound (that's good for me!); the pulmonary functions were a little lower than last time, but they're not worried- supposedly that's not unusual after transplant. But I'm still upset over one thing...(hehe)There's a girl who comes to clinic who's around my age, and she had her transplant like 2 weeks b4 me. Well, she's had to come back twice for fevers (*I haven't, thanks to y'all's prayers*), she lives in Garner (15 minutes FARTHER away from the hospital than Raleigh), she has the same Kidney thing I do, and she got to go home last Thursday...her day 78. She has Dr. Gold for a doctor, and among the doctors there, he and Dr. Blatt are like the strictest ones. I was like, "OMG! I can't believe it." So, on Monday when I go back, I've got a bone to pick with the Blattster! But the nurses loved the monkey bread. I was very proud of myself!

Well...Tal is up to trouble again. He hopped in the tub while Mrs. Waters was washing her hair over the side, and he just stood there looking at her and wagging his tail. Now, how come he won't just voluntarily get in the tub when we want to give him a bath (in the winter)??? I ask you, what are they doing to my dog?? lol! I'm just kidding!

Well, as promised...here's the verse that Vinson sent me. Isn't it so amazing? "May you grasp how wide and long and high and deep My love for you is; a love that surpasses knowledge...you cannot ask or imagine the things I am planning for you." Ephesians 3:18-20
(It might be a paraphrase...I need to look it up, but haven't yet!)

3 weeks and 4 days...I can't wait! I hope you all have a great weekend...I know I will just sitting over here alone with my parents. WOOHOO! :) Loves and hugs!

Love><>Me

P>S>Vinson, since you haven't signed the guestbook yet today, I don't think you saw my previous journal entry to you...I'm fine! I'll email you later! I love you! Tell Alyssa (oh and that MAP person again- what was his real name?) I said hi!

Wednesday, February 18, 2004 7:51 PM CST

hey everyone. It's me...obviously. Today I did nothing...absolutely nothing. Oh, except for an hour of school which included a Geometry test (which i passed with a 96). And let me tell you...that was the most interesting part of the day- literally. That's pretty sad when you think about it.

I understand that there is a Passions concert at school tonight. How come no one mentioned it?? I really would have liked to know about it. I wish I could have gone, but hopefully they will come again soon so I can go. From what I've heard from previous times they've come to this area, it's an awesome praise and worship time.

So...life is monotonous (and therefore, boring)yesterday, today, and most likely tomorrow so there's really not much to tell you. I watch TV or read all day...I'm a boring person...I don't necessarily want to go back to school, but I need to. If I don't, I'll go mad...I'm already halfway there. But, OH WELL!!! What can you do? I just can't wait to get back to MY bed, and MY house, and MY room, and MY TV, and MY dog. Only 3 weeks and 5 days. But it seems like forever even though I know from experience it'll go by pretty fast.

Vinson gave me this really cool verse, but it's on my guestbook so i'll have to write it down and put it on here tomorrow.

So, Tal's happy at the Waters...I got an update on him, and he's doin well with their dogs. I just hope he won't forget me... I miss him so so much. Everytime I see a dog...in a magazine, on TV...I want to cry. POOEY on Dr. Blatt. Every adult patient has the option of going home to their pets, but not me. (at least that's what the packet thingy said...)

ANYWAYZ...enough about me...I still want to hear from you guys...please email me so that I at least have the option of emailing u back. I'm sorry if I don'temail you back immediately, but I'm working on it. I love my guestbook...I love to read it...but I can't reply to any of it unless it's on here...and it's hard to remember all of the entries and all.

Prayer Requests for friends:
Gabe's at home (his counts are a little low...esp. his ANC). Folden's goin in on March 1 (lots of tests to be done beforehand). Lindy's at home!!! (safety...)Still haven't heard about Michael or Amber, but keep praying!!!

But, I gotta go now...I forgot to say that me and mom are making monkey bread to take to the nurses at clinic. At least I did something today. But it only took like 15 minutes out of 24 hours. But, I still have to go!! I love you all and miss you sooooo much. I look foward to hearing from you! I can't wait! Loves and hugs!

Love><>Me

P>S> Vinson, I'm fine!!! I'll email you back soon...

Monday, February 16, 2004 9:10 PM CST

Hey everyone...I hope you all had a good President's Day. I got to go to a movie today after clinic with my cancer buddy, Stephanie (no, she didn't ever have cancer...it's a program through UNC- I know...UNC...but she's really nice and sweet, and she's from Raleigh...). We had fun, and I got to go see her serority (sp?) house. Other than clinic (update to come), that's all I did today. Oh, and the snow was pretty, but I'm glad we didn't get a lot.

At clinic today (it was an hour late in opening), I found out that "You look great, kid." (The Blattster). My counts are good, and I've been bumped down to only 2 times a week (Monday and Thursday or Tuesday and Friday...depending on the week and the treatment things going on...). Other than being BORED OUT OF MY MIND I'm "great". No wonder I never have anything to talk about to anyone...not on my journal, not on the phone, and not in person...I must be so boring...I do nothing all day. It's a real thrilling life, let me tell ya!

But enough of my complaining...it's not getting me anywhere. God calls me to more...to not neccessarily happiness but His joy above everything and through everything. I'm not perfect, but I'm trying to be joyful no matter what- He doesn't expect me to be happy...just joyful in Him.

I'm tired, and I have to get ready for bed. I hope everyone had a good day...I'll try to update tomorrow (but it probably won't be much because I'm- guess what I'm doing!- NOTHING!). I can't promise nething, but I'll try. Have a great day...Loves and hugs!

Love><>Me

Sunday, February 15, 2004 3:50 PM CST

Happy Day-after-Valentine's-Day Day!!! Valentine's Day for me was good...I hope that everyone had a good day also. Lindy's counts are rising so that's good, and they'll get to go home Monday or Tuesday. There's still no word on Gabe or Folden except for that they are both at home. Continued prayers are much wanted because they have worked so far.

Nothing has really happened this weekend...it's been REALLY uneventful. But I guess that's a good thing in my world. Since we expect snow (i think) I'm not sure about clinic on Monday, but I'm sure we'll be there no matter what. I wouldn't mind a little bit of snow, but a lot would be kinda iffy.

I have a specific to pray for this time. I have a very important unspoken and would appreciate your prayers as to that situation. I know it will all be worked out. I just hope that it will be quick and peaceful, I guess you could say. (don't worry...it's not a health thing or anything medical.) Thank you so much for your prayers. I love you all and miss you. Have a great President's Day everyone!

Love><>Me

Friday, February 13, 2004 7:45 PM CST

Well folks...Valentine's Day- that day of pink and red and white (it's a really clashy day!) with roses and chocolate and greeting cards...- it's almost here. Only 3 hours and 8 minutes til midnight, and it'll be here. WOOHOO- I can hardly wait. Can't you hear the suspense in my typing??? It's just so exciting.

Well, I guess if you think about it, it is kinda exciting- ok, it's exciting. To me, it's a celebration of God's love towards us, and I just can't get over all that He's done and is still doing for me and everyone else in the world. People say life is a precious gift, but I think that the most precious gift of all is the gift that gave us life...Love...think about it.

I had the IVIG today...it all went well, and I took a long nap. My counts are up today so that's a good thing, and I continue to be a boy...AKA: Andy. Not much else is going on...as I've said before...I lead a pretty boring life! But I have to go now because tonights an early night and I have to take a long hot bath to relax me. Sounds good, doesn't it??? I miss y'all and love you. Have a Happy Valentine's Day, all of you!! (Especially all you single ppl like me out there!) Loves, hugs, and kisses to all...

Love><>Me

Wednesday, February 11, 2004 8:44 PM CST

Well, folks...today...3 days before the dreaded Valentine's Day event will take place was a good day in the life of Rebecca Simpson. Other than feeling tired and having a slight headache from that tiredness (is that a word?) (but no fever), the kidney medicine went great. She will have to have 2 more treatments over the next 4 weeks of this medicine, and she is very happy about that. She gained a grand total of 2.2 pounds and now weighs (from her previous 98.25 pounds) a total of 100.5 pounds. The doctors are very glad to see that. The white count is up a bit, but for some unknown reason the platelets and Hemoglobin and Hematocrit are lower today. The doctors and nurses have no worries...they do not know what to make of it, however. Everything is good. "Houston, we do not have any problems."

How'd you like my "announcement"? I did a pretty good job, right? Well, My baby is doing great! (Thanks to the Waters for attending to "his needs"!!! It's greatly appreciated...tell him I love him, please...) I miss him, and according to Dad, he misses me too. Soon, though, we will be reunited. I can't wait!!! March 15, and I'm home with my puppy dog.

How about that UNC/Georgia Tech game, huh? Well, it's just too bad! And what about that Wolfpack??? (GO PACK!!!) Can't wait til Sunday's game against Duke...I'm not going to say either way who will win because it could be either way- they're both good teams, but it's State's home...you never know. I just can't get over that UNC game...it's just soooooo upsetting and sad. (Can you hear it?? It's the smallest violin in the world playing a sad tune just for you Heel fans... ;)

Well, I have to go to bed because I'm really tired...it's almost 10 and I was up at 7:15 after a late night last night so I'll bid you goodbye. Have a great day. Thank you for the prayers for my friends, Lindy and Folden and Gabe...I'm not sure how Amber and Michael are, but I know that Lindy, Folden, and Gabe are doing well- thanks to your prayers and our Wonderful, Loving God. (I just can't get over how much and how often He shows His love for us...I'm beginning to think that Valentine's Day should be His holiday along with the others...that's, what? 4 holidays out of the total??? I can't remember...) I'll talk to you all later. Love and kisses to all...

Love><>Me

Tuesday, February 10, 2004 9:46 PM CST

Hello everyone!! Sorry it's been a while...my internet keeps kicking me off so hopefully I'll get this done. That is also the reason that I haven't emailed a lot of people back...and I haven't been able to be on a lot in the past week either...my email is working so don't think that I'm not getting your emails...I am, and I'm not trying to ignore you. It just may take some time. (dial up...)

As Mom has said...I'm doing great. I feel great and my counts are great. I am 100% boy (blood wise...)! I think we're going to throw a party from the way everyone over here is talking...If you ask me, I'm just as happy being a girl (although I would change a few things if I could...). Mom has decided my new nickname is Andy (If I was a boy when I was born I was supposed to be Andrew...)- it's kinda feminine...kinda not. The Blattster says I'm a "miracle" (to quote...she's a jew, I think...maybe I'm finally getting to her.)...I just need to gain weight. I know it...so you don't have to remind me. lol! I had a big breakfast today, and a big lunch (complete with a big dessert...), and 2 sandwiches for dinner...WHOLE sandwiches. So don't bug me...I'm working on it. If you ask me, I think the scale's off a little. I ate ALL weekend long, and I didn't do anything but sit around the house- I don't think I lost 3.5 pounds just doing that, but what do I know about my own body- ya know??? Doctors think they know everything, but they never stop to consider that there's a reason it's called "PRACTICING medicine."

Anywayz...thanks for responding to my plea and PLEASE don't stop. I really enjoy hearing about everyone's days even if I don't email you back. Have great days and great weeks and great Valentine's Days...ALL OF YOU (even you single people out there...like me!). I'll talk to you all later. Love to everyone.

Love><>Me

Monday, February 9, 2004 1:36 PM CST

Hi! Mom here. Rebecca tried to update last night but kept getting bumped off, so she gave up until tonight. I just thought I'd throw in a little information from my end!

The doctors continue to be thrilled with Rebecca. How can they not be? She has had no fevers, infections, rashes or anything else that might be associated with problems related to the transplant. Their only repeatedly voiced concern is the need for her to gain weight - she is now to eat small meals all day long since she lost 3-1/4 pounds over the week-end (and she didn't starve herself then, I might add!) I guess we'll have to have all those wonderful foods in the house that will help her gain weight but are the absolute worst things to have around Jeff and me - chocolate chip cookies, milkshakes, ice cream, yellow cake with chocolate icing...AARGH!! HELP! Pray for our willpower as we prepare foods that will help her gain weight!

Rebecca looks wonderful. A little fuzz is beginning to appear on her head and it is very blonde. She is doing some stretching exercises to keep herself limber so she can return to dance as soon as Dr. Julie will let her.

The most recent info from the docs is that we'll get to go home around Day 90 instead of 100 which makes it March 16. She will have a bone marrow "thing" around then to determine how much marrow is hers and how much is the donor's - we expect it to be totally engrafted with the donor's marrow. Chromosomal studies of Rebecca's blood taken around Day 30 show that her blood is that of the donor's - male, O-. They could not find ANY of her old blood. Praise God from whom ALL blessings flow. This is an indication of successful engrafting of the transplant. It's what we're looking for.

Wednesday and Friday at Clinic this week are the long days of treatment. Pray for Rebecca to receive her meds well without any nausea or other discomfort. She is going prepared with her Zofran already taken and food already eaten. That seems to help.

Thank you so much for your prayers and love and encouragement. We have never felt alone in this marathon. Please do remember Gabe as he waits for his counts to come back up and for Lindy as she waits for her transplant to completely engraft and for Folden as he awaits the call to come for his transplant. May each of these special people have complication free, successful treatment. We know that our Lord is with them, holding them in His strong arms.

Much love to you all. Thank you.

Emmaline

Wednesday, February 4, 2004 8:00 PM CST

OK guys...first of all, I'm not to happy about the response I've had to my "email me or call me" petition. I HAVEN'T HEARD FROM ANYONE! (OK, like 2 people, but I know more people read my page than that.) I really am bored, and I really don't like just talking about myself, but since I don't know about anyone else- BECAUSE YOU WON'T CALL ME OR EMAIL ME!- that's all I can talk about- EVER. OK, now I'm calm and cool. You know, you'd think that a person who's recovering (no matter how good she's doing) from a bone marrow transplant would actually get someone to answer her plea's for a little conversation- whether it be on the phone or on the computer. ANYWAYZ...

So, today at clinic was great. In and out- like in 45 minutes. Counts are great, school's great, everythings great. Enough about me- as you know (hopefully by now) I want to hear about YOU! I won't post it online, I just want to know. I really am bored- PLEASE HELP ME!!! I miss you all...I love you all...I want to know about you all...You get the picture- so talk to me people..."the Dr. is in" as Lucy says...talk to you all later.

Love><>me

Monday, February 2, 2004 6:33 PM CST

Well, it's a very solemn and sad Rebecca that writes this journal tonight. After that game and those Dirty Patriots and HORRID Refs, who wouldn't be? But My Boys played good. Those Patriots had to work for everything they got. But I guess today (DAY 48!!!!!!!) went well. The following is a complete run-thru of my day: (that sounds so formal)

7:25: I get up (very sleepy, I might ad- after the game...)
7:40: Dad and I leave for the clinic and arrive at 8:00 on the dot
8:00-9:10: Blood is drawn and I take a nap after talking to the doctor...GOOD NEWS UPDATE: I can now go outside without a mask, go to the movies (if it's not crowded), and I will be allowed back at NRCA as of the end of March/beginning of April...YAAAAY!
9:45: Dad and I arrive at home (we stopped for breakfast and groceries), and I take a nap after watching the end of MR. ED and then Bewitched on TVLAND
12:00: I wake up and prepare to go to my first movie in 3-4 months (Vinson and I saw Cheaper By the Dozen- GREAT MOVIE- I highly recommend it!)
1:00: We arrive at the movie theatre for our 1:30 showing, and there are only 3 people in the theatre (all sitting far far away) so I get to take off my mask to eat my popcorn (MOVIE POPCORN!!!) and drink my coke. We had a great time!
3:30: We come home and watch Finding Nemo. And watch a little TV after I work on some homework. And here I am...7:33- updating my page.

There's my day. I am so bored...that's why i went into so much detail. I'm sick of talking about myself. I want to know about everyone else so PLEASE call me or email me!! It's not that hard. I just feel so self-centered, and I'm interested in everyone else so pass the word...I WANT TO TALK TO YOU!!!!!! I love you all and miss you. Gabe, Folden, and Lindy are all doing fine as far as I know...but I haven't read their pages yet- I'm doing that next. So if something's wrong with any of them, don't hold it against me! Check it out for yourselves!!!! and don't forget to keep in touch!

Love><>Me

Saturday, January 31, 2004 3:21 PM CST

Hey y'all. This is my second time trying to update- my internet keeps kicking me off for some reason. I'm sorry for having not updated recently. I had the kidney stuff and IVIG, and other than being tired, I did fine. I had a magnesium booster, but Doctor Julie says I'm doing great.

I was listening to Celine Dion- Greatest Hits- the song "Because you loved me". I was thinking that if you changed the words to present tense, it would be perfect to sing to God. You may think it's cheesy or cliche, but that's your opinion. To me, I think it's perfect for that purpose, and every time I hear it I'll be singing it to God in my heart. If you know the words, think about it. And all the times God has done those things for us just because He loves us. I don't know about you, but my world is better because He loves me. I don't know what I'd do if He didn't love me and if He wasn't in my life. Think about it!!

I miss you all and love you! Email me or call me- my email and phone number are at the bottom of the page! Have a great weekend. Vinson's here, so I know that I will!

Love><>Me

Tuesday, January 27, 2004 9:06 PM CST

Hello all! Snow and ice, snow and ice, that's all I see. Everywhere I look, that's all I see. But it is beautiful- another one of God's great creation and miracles. We went for a small drive to the stores up the street, and looked at some of the houses. And then when we got home, we took a short walk to the end of the street again. It was fun.

Tonight, I was reading the devotional that we are reading for school- the Purpose-Driven Life. It was pretty cool. I realized, not for the first time, that this whole thing is a test. And God wants me to pass with satisfactory "grades". So He won't let Satan do anything to me that He knows I can't handle. It's really humbling, but kind of makes me feel good that He trusts me to be a good example or whatever. But the thing is, He trusts me because He loves me. That's the bottom line. It all comes down to love- an amazing and powerful-beyond-my-imagination- love. NEVER forget that. There is always someone who loves you...no matter what!

I have to go now, but I'll talk to y'all later! Thanx for your prayers! Miss you and love you all...

Love><>Me

Monday, January 26, 2004 10:17 PM CST

Hello fellow Snow-bunnies...it has been another boring day. We got up at THE CRACK OF DAWN, and we went to clinic...but, get this...IT WAS CLOSED! So, we got up for absolutely no reason and risked our necks (well, not really...it was pretty safe) for nothing. But they drew my labs anyway (there was one nurse there in case someone needed anything), and all is well. I have the kidney stuff on Wednesday again...unless they close the clinic again...PLEASE!!! and then on Friday I've got IVIG, but next week is just normal. It's crazy...really.

After we got home, I ate breakfast (I don't eat until I get back around 10 because I don't know what they'll have to give me, and I'd rather not get sick...and plus, I have to eat anyway when I take my meds at 10.), and watched a little TV, and then I took a LONG nap- til like 4:00...I was totally amazed. But it was OK...I'm still tired now, and I think I'll sleep alright despite my little close-of-the-peepers!

I was thinking about Tal and how much fun he's probably having in the snow and ice. Last time it iced, we threw sticks for him, and he would run and try to stop, but he would slide right past the stick...sometimes even down the small hill in our backyard! It was so funny and cute, and we'd have to help him back up the "hill"! He's my precious...

Please don't forget to pray for Folden, Lindy, Amber, and Michael. You can check out Folden's and Lindy's page...they're linked at the bottom of the page...for more info. I haven't heard about Amber or Micheal...I'm not really allowed to ask anyone at the hospital because of Hippa...But don't forget them. I, probably more than anyone else, know the power of prayer. It can heal, it can help, and it can amaze people...even doctors (and, yes, surgeons...). The prayers of His people touch God's heart, and He loves us. I believe that all that God wants to do is bless us because He loves us, but we never ask. It's OK to ask for His blessings to flow down upon you and others. Just, don't forget where those blessings come from. Thanks so much for your prayers for me and my friends. I miss you all and love you!

Have a great "break"!

Love><>Me

Sunday, January 25, 2004 10:24 PM CST

Snow-Snow-Snow-Snow...It won't be long before we'll all be there with SNOW...Sorry about that little piece from White Christmas. It just reminded me of today. It was so pretty coming down, and I even got to go out with a mask and REALLY bundled up for like 10 minutes. It was after it stopped though so it was all sleeting and stuff- UGH! I love snow, but I don't much care for ice...unless I can go sledding, and I can't so I don't like it right now!

Anywayz...so, today and yesterday were pretty boring except for Ms. L and Becca O. came to see me on Saturday, and then the snow today. But it's been relaxing. Still, I'm tired...I have to go to clinic tomorrow, and I need to take a shower tonight so this won't be very long...

I miss Tal...he'll be going to stay with the Waters (from school) in February and March til I come home. I can't wait to see him. I have to go now, but I'll talk to you all later. I love you all and appreciate your prayers.

Love><>Me
James 1:12

Friday, January 23, 2004 9:58 PM CST

Well, guys, another long and boring day has once again passed! But thank goodness it's Friday...I wouldn't be able to stand the thought of another clinic visit this week...that would totally stink. Today we were there for a longer time than usual because we had to wait for my labs to come back, and- get this!- the computers were down...of all the places for computers to be down...how dumb is that?? I guess it's just because of the SORRY way Carolina lost their 24 point lead and lost to the Seminoles...sorry guys! Or maybe it's just Chapel Hill...maybe it's both- yep- that's it...it's both! hehe!

I did lots of school work today, and I'm doing pretty good on catch-up. My goal is to be TOTALLY caught up and maybe a little ahead by the time I leave here. And I know I can do it! Anywayz...tonight I got to see the DVD of A Night to Remember...it was so good, and it brought back lots of good memories! I loved it. Green did a good job writing and putting it together...

I have a BIG favor to ask...you know those stories I asked for? Well, I need them by Valentine's Day...that's, like, 3 weeks away. I need to sart putting everything together because it's kind of important that kids or families who would read it get it...however they get it. It's just important...so I'm setting a deadline...Valentine's Day- February 14, 2004. DON'T FORGET, especially if you wanted to give one or more to me! Thanx again y'all!

I'm tired now, so I gotta go to bed...I love you all, and appreciate the prayers I know are lifted up for me and my friends! Miss you...

Love><>Me

P>S> Happy Birthday, Chad and Grace!!!!!!

Thursday, January 22, 2004 10:50 PM CST

Long time, no talk, y'all!! LITERALLY! I am so sorry that I haven't been able to update...but, as Mom said, everything's great. My kidney meds. and my IVIG stuff is now on every other week! YAAAY! So, I didn't have to have that junk this week- next week... Anywayz, Dr. Julie and Dr. Gold are both VERY happy and astounded, but I'm not! I knew this was how it would go...sure there were doubts, but deep down I had a confidence that couldn't be shaken. But that's what's so cool about our God- He doesn't expect us to be perfect because He knows that we're not, but He still loves us. He may not expect us to be perfect, but He does expect us to do our best, and He helps us with that. How cool is that???

Today (Thursday), Daddy and I went to this really cool ice cream place (it was really good)- it's out in the country and it's all made from milk and cream straight from the cows because it's on a dairy farm- and I LOVED it...I would love to live in a place like that. With the rolling hills, the blue sky, the horses, the cows (maybe with only 1 cow for me...), and the greenness (is that a word? did I spell it right?), it was absolutely gorgeous, and I just couldn't help but feeling like I wanted to live there...

But on our way back to the house, we were talking...actually listening to a song on the WOW '99 green CD- "You are the Devil and the Devil is Bad"- I don't know if you've heard it. Anywayz...there's a part talking about where Satan tempted Jesus with the Kingdoms of the World if He would worship him, and Jesus says no. I got to thinking about that...Satan offered THE SON OF GOD the kingdoms of the world, right? Well, if you think about it...Jesus already has those and more. I mentioned this to daddy, and he brought up the point that maybe there's a lesson in that...Satan offers us things in return for sin that he does not have in his power to give...like love and happiness and health and the "kingdoms of the world". That's his deception...we don't often realize that when he says he'll give us one thing, he really can't do it. He just can't. And you know the cool thing(s)? He knows it, and he tries to anyway...how pathetic! And the other cool thing...God can. He says so in His Word...and I know I've posted it before, but...
"If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, ask for whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. My Father is glorified by this, that you bear much fruit and become my disciples, As the Father has loved me, so I have loved you; ABIDE IN MY LOVE." ~John 15:7-9
And He gives us these things because He can, and He loves us. We all know that Satan is in the world, and controls most of it...but how cool is it to know that he CAN'T control all of it?? And that our God can?

I love you all, and thank you for your continued prayers for my friends, Michael, Folden, Amber, and Lindy...

Love><>Me

"Jesus answered him, 'It is written, "One does not live by bread alone, but on the Word of God."'" ~Luke 4:4~

Wednesday, January 21, 2004 8:44 AM CST

Hi, this is mom reporting. Rebecca is doing great, just hasn't gotten to the computer to update her web page yet. Hopefully, she'll do it tonight or tomorrow.

Great news! She did not have to have the bone marrow "thingy" yesterday! Information from the testing they did on Friday was evidently sufficient to preclude having to have the aspirate this week. At this point, there are none scheduled until Day 91, March 16, when they'll look to see how much marrow is the donor's and how much is hers. Wow, it boggles the mind to think what God has allowed science and medicine to do through His gifts, doesn't it?

Dr. Julie (Blatt) is thrilled with Becca's progress. In her words, she's "blown away" by how well Becca is doing! ALL of her counts are hovering around the normal mark - ANC's are at 115,000; hemoglobin is 11.3; hematocrit is 31.8; White Blood Count is 2400 - all just where the doctors like to see it - going up! Becca is at Day 36 and has not had to have any blood or platelet transfusions. In addition, there have been NO fevers! This is a most unusual situation with a bone marrow transplant and they (the doctors) are simply astounded and joyful. There are patients at clinic who are at Day 75 and are still receiving 1 to 2 units of blood every week, not to mention having to receive platelets. (We all know where it's coming from. God is the Greatest Physician and can do more than any other physician here on earth.) Dr. Stuart (Gold) is dancing a jig (as my grandmother would say) and I've not heard from Monahan, Weston, Alan, Reynolds, etc. From all accounts, Becca is the best MUD (matched unrelated donor) transplant they have ever had or heard of. Thank you, God!

Romans 8:28, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him who have been called according to his purpose." Who would have imagined the bountiful blessings we have experienced in this year following such a devastating diagnosis and treatment procedure. Each day, even those which were seemingly overwhelmed by pain and illness, has brought us blessings innumerable, a strengthening of our faith in and love for our Lord, and yielded untold hope and support for those whose lives Becca has touched. She is truly a gift from
God.

God bless you all.

We love you.

Emmaline

Monday, January 19, 2004 10:22 PM CST

Well, it's been a while, y'all...sorry about that! I don't have much to say tonight, but the weekend was good, and I enjoyed my day off from the clinic and from school! I'm sure everyone else did too- the school part, I mean...

Vinson is going back to Washington D.C. tomorrow, and I'm sad that I don't get to go with everyone to the train station...and that she has to go. I have to have a bone marrow thingy tomorrow (Technically it's called an aspirate, but I've been told that I need to speak English...so it's a thingy.), and I wish that she could be here to wait on me...well, I also wish she would just stay. You know, she keeps on complaining about "being out of the loop", but if she'd just stay in one spot- more specifically, the COUNTRY, or even state- she wouldn't be so much out of the loop...hehe.

Vinson and Daddy went to see Tal today, and i missed out because my crazy doctor, Dr. Blatt, said that I couldn't. PSHAW! Anywayz...I missed out, and I got to hear all about their lovely time with my dog when I asked at dinner. But I still miss him, and I'm quite upset with Dr. Blatt...I've got quite a few bones to pick with her tomorrow when I see her at clinic. But that's another story...

Until tomorrow, have a GREAT and blessed day! I love you all, and miss you! Don't forget to pray for Folden, Amber, Michael, and their families. Thanx a bunch!

Love><>Me
Psalm 19

Friday, January 16, 2004 11:48 PM CST

I would personally like to thank all of the people (to list: Laura, Justin, Zack, Jenny, Mere, Jess, France, Stan, Dockie, Maggie, Katherine, Andrew (MV), Tiffany, and Alissa...) who came to my "surprise party"! I truly had no idea what was going on...my sister was spazing about getting me out of the house (we went to Blockbuster...), and I was like, CHILL! I can't even go inside! But it was all for a greater reason, and I had bunches of fun...Helium is a fun thing when you do crazy things with it...ehem...EVERYONE! We had lots of fun, and I'm glad I got to see at least some of the important people in my life!

Today's clinic visit was fine...LONG, but fine. We didn't get home until like 3:00...it was terribly boring! But I didn't get sick- just tired from the Benedryl pre-med. Other than the total boredom and the sleepiness it was a good day. And the party made it 10 times better! I miss everyone so much, but I know that the next 2 months will fly by fast. I just can't wait til I can get home to see Tal and be somewhat normal again! (I'll never be NORMAL-normal...but I can at least be SOMEWHAT normal!!!! :D)

I'm sorry I don't have very many things to say...but I'm tired and I'm going to go to bed now since it's 12:59 am! Good morning everyone!!! lol! I love you all, and thanx again for everything!

Love><>Me

Thursday, January 15, 2004 6:12 PM CST

hello...

Today, I had a fun day...I got to sleep in (YES!), and Mrs. Blinson (I mean, "Holly") came to spend the day with me. We had lots of fun, and watched good old TLC ("Life Unscripted"!) and then we watched Pirates of the Caribbean (she had never seen it! Can you believe that?). We had bunches of fun!

ANYWAYZ...nothin else happened...I'm gonna go get corn from the grocery store with my mom (But not go in...) to eat with dinner. When I do my Bible study tonight, maybe I'll get back on and add some more...But until then, I'll talk to you all later! Call me or Email me...

Love><>Me

Wednesday, January 14, 2004 8:59 PM CST

Well, (it seems that I always start the same way...) today was good. The kidney medicine went off without a hitch, and I am feeling fine, although I am really tired. I've discovered I can't take naps during the day, even if I'm tired, because I won't sleep well at night...I guess it's just a perk of being me! But I didn't get nauti(e?)ous even once. Thank you to all of you that prayed for that. I hope that you will pray for me also on Friday when I go for my IVIG (don't ask...). It can also make me a little nauti(e?)ous!!! But I know that with all your prayers, it won't this time!

So, I was just reading my Bible...once again, God led me to a verse. I may have already put it on here before, but I don't think so. I had it highlighted from a previous reading, but it spoke to me once again. "The Lord, your God, is in your midst, a warrior who gives victory; He will rejoice over you with gladness, He will renew you in His love; He will exult over you with loud singing..." ~Zephaniah (WHAT A NAME!!!) 3:17-18~

Not much else is happening, but I will say that if I never have to pee again in my life, I will be a VERY happy and content person! (2 liters of fluids is a lot of fluids...) I love you all...thanx for the prayers for my friends!

Love><>Me

P>S> In regards to the stories...they can be from any time during my treatment...from the beginning to the transplant to now...Thanx again!

Tuesday, January 13, 2004 9:57 PM CST

Well, today was, once again, another uneventful day. (Was that repetative?) I sat around the house, and did pretty much nothing...but I did get my excercise...having to go upstairs like 15 times a day is fun, and it gives me excercise! (NOT- well, as to the fun part...) But, my dad's assistant for work came to stay with me for the morning because my dad had a doctor's appointment so that was a little change- not a bad one. It was actually pretty fun. We talked about our favorite TV shows (I've decided that Alias is one of my new favorites...), and we watched some TLC for a little while. Other than that, it was pretty boring.

OMGoodness- I saw this episode of Full House on ABCFamily...it was the one where they get Comet as a puppy, and it was so cute because there were like 7 puppies, and they were all so precious. I love puppies- I miss my baby! He's trying out a temporary home today, tonight, and tomorrow (just til the end of January), but I'm kind of scared he'll be homesick. You guys have no idea- when he stayed with me at my grandma's for 2 nights he whined the whole time, but he's my precious (yes I said, "My PRECIOUS..."), and, if you've seen him, he's a cutie, and I love him. I can't wait til I get to see him. But pray that he'll be comfortable in his temp. home and in the one for February through March.

Speaking of prayer...Folden goes in soon- DON'T FORGET! and another little girl, a 1 year old with neuroblastoma, is having a transplant too. Also, don't forget about Amber- she was in a lot of pain when she left the hospital, but at least she got to go home...And, I haven't mentioned Michael in a long time, but please pray for him also...his family and spiritual life...along with his CF.

Tomorrow I get my kidney stuff, so if I don't update, I'm sorry, but I hope you understand...I'll try, and I hope that I do better with it this time- I'm taking Zophran before I take the other stuff...so, hopefully, along with your prayers, I'll do just fine!

It was mentioned to me that I might want to write down all that's gone on in this whole thing to help other kids with similar challenges, and I would like to do that. However, I have a small challenge of my own...I don't remember some of it. So, I was wondering if I could ask favors of all of you who have been to see me or seen me at school...would you mind terribly sending me stories of those times? They don't have to be funny- in fact they can be sad, happy, angry, funny, serious...whatever! And they don't have to be long. I just need memory joggers, and I also thought that I could put them in the book with my comments on what I remember...or don't remember! This was suggested to me by Mrs. Patton (THANK YOU! you're a life saver!), but if you guys don't want to, that's alright! If you do, though, please send them to my email address- it's posted below...

Thank you so much, I have to go to bed now because I have to get up early! I miss you all, and love you very much! Have great days!!!

Love><>Me

Monday, January 12, 2004 9:32 PM CST

Hello all...

Not much went on today...just a clinic visit to get labs drawn (THEY WERE GREAT! I can brush my teeth with a toothbrush now...platelets were 96!), a quick unsuccessful stop at Hardee's (They got the order wrong! I was very mad...well, I was also tired...), a 2 hour nap, Geometry for an hour and 15 minutes, a Biology test, and then a ride around Meadowmont in the car (The houses here are REALLY nice! I mean, there's one that has it's own gate, and there's a couple that just seem to go on forever!) So that was the extent of my day...I think that it's so interesting, they should make it into a reality show! Not that all of America and the world would want to see me at certain times in all of this (ehem...morphine, adovan,...need I say more?), but I think it would be really interesting- you know all of those reality shows have all this drama going on in them- mine would just be a change of pace...hehe!

Well, I've got another quote of the day to think about..."In a myriad of miraculous ways, God shapes our lives and changes our days." (That is from my little rip-off-the-page-calendar-thingy!) Think about it...I'm still doing just that!

By the way...today is the 12-I've been asking that constantly today, and it's right there in front of me, so now I know...today is the 12th!!! And it's day #27, if I'm not mistaken...almost a month! And not an infection or fever in sight! 2 more months, and I'll be free from this crazy place called Chapel Hill!!!

"I am the true vine, and my Father is the vinegrower. He removes every branch in me that bears no fruit. Every branch that bears fruit He prunes to make it bear more fruit. You have already been cleansed by the Word that I have spoken to you. Abide in Me as I abide in you. Just as the branch cannot bear fruit by itself unless it abides in the vine, neither can you unless you abide in Me. I am the vine, you are the branches. Those who abide in Me and I in them bear much fruit, because apart from Me you can do nothing. Whoever does not abide in Me is thrown away like a branch and withers; such branches are gathered thrown into the fire, and burned. If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, ask for whatever you wish, and it will be done for you." ~John 15:1-7

I love you all...thank you for your continues prayers for my friends!!! I appreciate it, and I know that they do too!

Love><>Me

Sunday, January 11, 2004 2:36 PM CST

Well, I don't have many insightful things to say, but I do know that today is a great day, and MY God is a great God!!! Nothing's really going on today...just chillin with my mom! Did you guys know that Sunday TV STINKS? And, without TV there's not much to do accept read. Yes, I said read! It really is fun. I mean, maybe it's just me, but I can get so caught up in a story that I am totally out of it in the present world...I'm taken to that place in the story on that page, and I imagine the people and what they look like. I think that's so cool how a good writer can make you see those things and hear their voices and all of that! But you know what's even cooler...God gave us a whole 66 books to read about Him, and let me tell you, He's a pretty good writer. I mean, 66 books! That has to be a record! :D How cool is that? He loves us SOOOO much and wanted us to know Him and understand Him so He not only gave us 66 books, but He gives us the Holy Spirit too! I just think that's so cool. The only question is, how often do I take the time to get lost in Him like I do in my books?

Well, I'm feelin good today, so this is a short update! I guess that's a good thing! Please continue to pray for my friend Folden- he goes to Duke in about a week. And also, I have a friend on 5C who was first diagnosed with bone cancer, but they found it in her lungs recently, and there is nothing they can do. BUT, we know that God is the Great Physician, and, even if the doctors can't do anything, that doesn't mean He can't. Please pray for her comfort and for her family also. You all have been faithful in prayer for me, and I know that you will be faithful in prayer for my friends! Thank you so much!

I love you all!

Love><>Me

Saturday, January 10, 2004 2:41 PM CST

Hello all! Mom made it sound so terrible...oh wait- it was kinda bad, but I'm feeling much better now! I've had 2 terrific days...one while watching the snow fall gracefully to the ground. It kinda reminded me of dancers and how indivually, they are beautiful, but together, they're absolutely gorgeous too! God really blessed me with that sight yesterday!

Sorry that I haven't updated in a while- I've been kinda tired and somewhat occupied with the clinic and whatnot! There's not much to tell, but I had the pleasure of having school with Ms. Faith on Friday at 2:00- when the rest of you school people were getting out! And now I've got lots to do this weekend! But not too much to stop visitors...Anywayz...I have to go now because Mom and I are going to attempt to take a walk and see how that goes! More on that later!

I love you all very much! Quote of the day is..."Although it sometimes seems to us our prayers have not been heard, God always knows our every need without a single word." Get what you will from it, but I have just one question...How amazing is that fact??? Have a wonderful day!

Love><>Me

Thursday, January 8, 2004 9:26 PM CST

Hi, this is Mom tonight. Today was a particularly difficult day for Rebecca. All day at clinic receiving lots of fluids and an extremely strong antibiotic (Cyclovir) to work on that virus in her kidneys. Side effects of the Cyclovir include nausea and vomiting and Rebecca has been "blessed" with those side effects all afternoon and night. She will be going back to clinic tomorrow morning for them to check on her and to make sure she is hydrated, since she has had so much nausea. All in all, Rebecca's spirits are great, as usual. She certainly doesn't like throwing up and feeling nauseated all the time and can definitely think of other places she'd rather be than at the hospital clinic, but that's the way it was today. Pray for her comfort and ease tonight so that she may rest and recover. "The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer; my God, my strength in whom I will trust; my buckler and the horn of my salvation and my high tower. I will call upon the Lord, who is worthy to be praised: so shall I be saved from mine enemies." Psalm 18:2-3

Wednesday, January 7, 2004 10:30 PM CST

Well, y'all, today has been pretty much uneventful!! That's a good thing in my world...
I went to clinic today from 9-2:30ish- needless to say, I took a nap because I had not met my "required sleep time". (Set by myself of course!) But re-runs of the Cosby Show and Full House are still interesting...Bill Cosby cracks me up!! Anywayz...the only thing bad that happened was that they inda ran the medicine too fast at first, and I had a little episode of nauseousness...that passed after I threw up! I know that you didn't really need to know that, but you want to know what's going on or you wouldn't be reading this so...here it is!! I go to clinic tomorrow also for the kidney stuff (it really is a mild virus...a lot of normal/healthy people have it and don't know it...i just have to have this med with lots of fluids so it's ok...), and I'll be gone for a while- probably til about 3 or 4 in the afternoon. But feel free to call (or visit!) any time after 5 just to be safe!

So, I was reading my little "calendar" thingy- you know the ones that you rip the day off after your done? Well, there was this pretty good quote from this past Saturday/Sunday that I hadn't ripped off yet... It says, "What does it matter if man reaches his goal and gains the whole world, if he loses his soul??" I thought that was so cool! I mean, how many times a day or week or whatever time word you want to use do as humans think, "I would do anything to get that." And how many times do we ignore that "little Voice" in our minds that is saying "I (God) can give it to you. And you don't have to do much." or "Don't be envious or jealous- you have other things that I (God) gave you that they don't have." We, by nature, are selfish and envious- we want everything for ourselves. But God gives different people gifts. We can't all be the "eyes" or the "heart" or the "feet" or the "hands" of the Body. So, be happy with who you are and what God has given you. It's a lesson I've had to learn the hard way, and I'm still learning it. I'm obviously not perfect, but God loves me anyway (as previously discussed on this page- see other journal entries!), and He loves you, despite your imperfections, and because of your gifts! How amazing is that??

In the words of Steven C. Chapman in one of his songs..."God is God, and I am not. I can only see a part of the picture He's painting. Oh, God is God, and I am not." there's something else there on the end, but it has suddenly left my brain- that happens to me a lot! The point is...as I've already said...God knows what He's doing, and we don't always know the whole situation. So, let Him do what He's going to do anyways- whether you are happy about it or not. He's going to do it, so why not be joyful about it??

I love you all, and I really don't mean to preach (I never mean to preach...). I just can't help but share what I've learned about my Father. Have a wonderful day!!!

Love><>Me

Tuesday, January 6, 2004 11:04 PM CST

Hello world from 1212 Pinehurst Dr., Chapel Hill, North Carolina!!! I am so glad that I could type that instead of the infamous "UNC Hospitals..."!! I never ever want to go back, and, I know that with your prayers covering me everywhere I go, I won't!!! Thank you so much for your continues support and prayers...they mean so much to me and all of my family.

I can't really type much because it's 12:09 and I have to get up kinda early tomorrow for clinic. Please pray for GREAT counts and continuation of no fevers, yadayadayada...and also please pray for my kidneys...the doctors say that they have some sort of mild virus, but they don't want it to escalate so I have to go back to clinic on Thursday for a big chunk of the day for something to take care of that. More on that tomorrow after clinic and after we find out more!!! (You must know how it is by now..."This is this and that is that, but we'll tell you more tomorrow!!" hehe!!

I'm loving the independence of more than one room...it's really great, and, yes, true to abby's sayings...it's really big and really nice!! The only thing I wish I had with me was my baby, Tal. I miss him so much that I want to cry, especially when I watch Animal Planet or see any dogs- like on ABC Family episodes of Full House...you all know how it is with pets...they're like a part of the family. (And, although Vinson is a part of the family, we have learned to live without her- JUST KIDDING INTHA!!! I miss you too, and can't wait for you to be able to come down for a little tiny stay!! and Lyssa too! Come home soon- both of you!)

So, I said I would be getting off, about two paragraphes ago- but that's me, you know!! I love to talk! I miss you all and love you too! Have a great day and rest of the week! (school...it's Wednesday...only 2 more days left...don't give up!!!)

Love><>Me
Psalm 19

PS from Mom: Please add Folden Lee IV to your prayer list. He's Rebecca's buddy from 5C who was also diagnosed with AML a short while after Rebecca. He also has relapsed and requires a bone marrow transplant - you may have seen him on the news or in the newspaper asking for people to consider being marrow donors. Folden, because he is 2 years old will have his transplant at Duke, since UNC Hospital does not have its pediatric bone marrow tranplant unit up and running yet. Folden's mom and dad, Lori and Folden III, have been such an encouragement to Jeff and me as we have gone through this year with Rebecca. God is SO awesome - He puts people angels in your path everyday, exactly when you need them. Lori and Folden III have been two of those people angels. Please pray for them and for Folden IV.

Monday, January 5, 2004 5:40 PM CST

Hey,

Rebecca is doing awsome today. This afternoon she got to leave UNC hospital. She was happy to be able to walk outside today. Right now she is getting settled into her "home" in UNC which she will be staying at for the next few months.
Her address is
1212 Pinehurst Dr.
Chapel Hill, NC 27514
To get her house you take highway 54 like you are going to the hospital then at the 5th traffic light at west barbee chapel rd. take a right then turn left at Old Barn Ln. Then take the next left at Gurnsey Trail when you reach a dead end take a left and she is on Pinehurst Dr. The house has a two car garage and has three entry doors.
Thank you all for your prayers. God bless.

1Corinthians 13:4-8a
4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8Love never fails.

In Christ,
Abby <3

Sunday, January 4, 2004 7:15 PM CST

Well, guys...today, they decided to take my double luman catheter out. Mom and Dad couldn't be here because they were getting the house ready, so it was a little bit scary, but I got through it. It actually didn't feel bad. It felt kinda wierd...I mean, they're pulling a tube out of you...it was kinda cool, but I won't want to go through it again.

So, home is a short ways away...if not tomorrow afternoon, then Tuesday morning. So, the next few days will be full of packing...But that's all good with me. So, guys, I'M GOING HOME!! (well, not home home but close enough and out of this place!!) Thanks for all your prayers...I know that they have really helped. Our God is and Awesome God, and He sure knows how to take care of His kids.

I don't know about y'all, but I certainly don't object to having a Father Who cares about me ALL the time. And a real bonus...HIS love never runs out. With us humans, it seems like we can only love certain people or something. Well, He loves EVERYONE...even the mean people who bully everyone else in the world or the people who choose not to follow Him or the people who no one can stand because they're just so "UGH!"...EVERYONE, and He never stops. How many times can I remember that I've probably broken His heart with sins, and I didn't give it a second thought?? And He still has His arms open wide, and He's still waiting just saying, "I'm here. I'll always be here. I'm never going to leave. And you can lean on me. You can cry on my shoulder, and I'll take care of you, and I'll never EVER turn away from you...no matter how many times you turn away from me." That is so amazing to me, and it just blows my mind.

I'm gonna go now...I'll talk to y'all later. NRCA people, have a great week back at school!!! Love you all...

Love><>Me

Saturday, January 3, 2004 1:02 PM CST

Hey everyone!!! Last night, I was reading before bed, and I was reading that book by Max Lucado...you know the one with Christmas things in it. Well, this one isn't quite about Christmas, but that's OK because it touched my heart and made me think...again, I will try not to preach, but just share my thoughts...I mean, that's what my "journal" is for. So here it is..."Love's Remarkable Plan"

Seated at the great desk, the Author opens the large book. It has no words. It has no words because no words exist. No words exist because no words are needed. There are no ears to hear them, no eyes to read them. The Author is alone.

And so He takes the great pen and begins to write. Like an artist gathers his colors and a woodcarver his tools, the Author assembles His words.

There are three. Three single words. Out of these three will pour a million thoughts. But on these three words, the story will suspend.

He takes His quill and spells the first. T-I-M-E.
Time did not exist until He wrote it. He, Himself, is timeless, but His story would be encased in time. The story would have a first rising of the sun, a first shifting of the sand. A beginning...and an end. A final chapter. He knows it before He writes it.

TIME. A footspan on eternity's trail.

Slowly, tenderly, the Author writes the second word. A name. A-D-A-M. As He writes, He sees him, the first Adam. Then He sees all of the others. In a thousand eras in a thousand lands, the Author sees them. Each Adam. Each child. Instantly loved. Permanently loved. To each He assigns a time. To each He appoints a place. Noaccidents. No coincidences. Just design.

The Author makes a promise to these unborn: IN MY IMAGE, I WILL MAKE YOU. YOU WILL BE LIKE ME. YOU WILL LAUGH. YOU WILL CREATE. YOU WILL NEVER DIE. AND YOU WILL WRITE.

They must. For each life is a book, not to be read, but rather a story to be written. The Author starts each life story, but each life will write his or her own ending.

What a dangerous liberty. How much safer it would have been to finish the story for each Adam. To script every option. It would have been simpler. It would have been safer. But it would not have been love. *Love is only love if chosen.*

So the Author decides to give each child a pen. 'Write carefully,' He whispers.

Lovingly, deliberately, He writes a third word, already feeling the pain. E-M-M-A-N-U-E-L.

The greatest mind in the universe imagined time. The truest judge granted Adam a choice. But it was love that gave Emmanuel, God with us.

The Author would enter His own story.

The Word became flesh. He, too, would be born. He, too, would be human. He, too, would have feet and hands. He, too, would have tears and trials.

And most importantly, He, too, would have a choice. Emmanuel would stand at the crossroads of life and death and make a choice.

The Author knows well the weight of that decision. He pauses as He writes the page of His own pain. He could stop. Even the Author has a choice. But how can a Creator not create? How can a Writer not write? **And how can Love not love?** So He chooses life, though it means death, with hope that His children will do the same.

And so the Author of Life completes the story. He drives the spike in the flesh and rolls the stone over the grave. Knowing the choice He will make, knowing the choice all Adams will make, He pens, 'The End,' then closes the book and proclaims the beginning.

'Let there be light!'"

~by Max Lucado (A Gentle Thunder)

*Remember that it is your choice to love God or not to. If God had made us love Him it wouldn't have really been love, because we wouldn't know better. So, I'm kinda thinkin...God has feelings too (duh). And every time we turn away or venture off "the path" we break that loving heart that gave us a choice, and made His own choice to give us life through death.

**People sometimes ask "well, why would God do that for me?" God is love...everything mentioned in 1 Cor. 13, God is. And as you have just read, "How can Love not love?" He did it for us because He is love and because He loves us.

So, it's long...I'm sorry. But I HAD to share it with you. I hope you got as much out of it as I did. I love you all!!! Love><>Me

Friday, January 2, 2004 2:17 PM CST

What a day, what a day...and it's only 3:20!!! My counts are great today again (a little bit up from yesterday's 6.6 and 5.9), but I can't remember what they are right now, and they're not written on my board. So, I'm sorry, but we know that they are coming up and that that is an answer to prayer. This morning, I got my last G-shot, so I am excited about that...YOU HAVE NO IDEA!!! The doctors are telling me that I will get to go home on Monday or Tuesday- most likely Monday because that is the day that they plan to pull out my double luman...I don't know if I spelled that right, but that's OK...it really doesn't matter!!!! lol!

At this very moment, my dear friends Margaret Patton and Katherine Booth (Maggie hates it when I call her Margaret, but it's kind of a joke between us...hehehe) are visiting me while munching on potato chips and drinking drinks- both acquired at the Hospital Cafe. They brought me magazines and such girl things that don't matter to most people so that I can be occupied in the next few days.

But, because they are here, I have to go now, but I will try to get back and update you some more...But for now, Have a great day!!!

Love><>Me

Alright...maybe I should start updating at night...but that's just no fun...you all know you like reading more of what happened in my day. Well, the Green family (excluding Mr. Green and Brandon) came to see me, and then the Oglesby's showed up (well, Mrs. Renee and Mr. Levi). It was like a big party in room 5713. We had fun. And Maggie's dad brought me, maggie, and katherine Bojangle's! It was so good.

Right now I'm watching Pirates of the Caribbean (and I'm not falling asleep...)- everyone's favorite movie! Hey- has anyone besides me noticed that whenever they fight with the swords, it's always to the beat of the music?? I think that's funny...cool, but funny. Anywayz...this morning I forgot to add that Dad and I were reading the Bible (we like to do that sometimes...something about our faith or God or something like that!!! JUST KIDDING!) and he came upon 1 Corinthians 2:1-5:

"When I came to you, brothers and sisters, I did not come proclaiming the mystery of God to you in lofty words or wisdom. For I decided to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ, and Him crucified. And I came to you in weakness and in fear and in much trembling. My speech and my proclamation were not with plausible words of wisdom, but with a demonstration of the Spirit and of power, so that your faith might rest not on human wisdom but on the power of God."

We (my parents and I) have come to the conclusion that this verse is my verse. It describes my whole experience here in the hospital...not preaching (usually!!! :D) to people, but showing them by my faith and all my friends' and family's faith the power of God. Think about it...people lie right? Even non-believers know that- it's just a fact of life. So if someone knows someone could be lying to them when they share the Way, what reason would they have to believe them?? James said that "faith without works is dead" (at least I think it was James- sorry if it wasn't!). Well, if we tell people about our faith, 1)they have every reason to not believe us because for all they know, we are liars, and 2)We can talk the talk and not walk the walk at the same time. So don't be a "talker" be a "walker", and then when someone sees your walk, they will want what you have, and then you can talk!!

I just thought that was neat...I'll talk to you all later. ><>Me

Thursday, January 1, 2004 12:55 AM CST

So, I've been saying it for a couple days now, but now I can officially say it- HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! I hope everyone's night went well. Mine did

Today, my WBC is 6.6 and my neutrophils are 5.9! How God gives us things in abundance is so amazing. He is truly an awesome God.

So, imagine that I have a glass of sprite or something in my hand...Here's to new beginnings and the wonderful changes they bring. 2004 will be amazing...filled with blessings and friendships and strengthening in relationships and closeness to our Father. Happy New Year, everyone.

Love><>Me

Well, I am back...and, if you look in the photo album, I look terrible. I hate pictures of myself...especially when I'm in the hospital- ya know- you get dark circles under your eyes and you get all pale and stuff...I just hate it. But that's ok. Y'all have been asking for pictures so here they are. (And Jenny and Theresa look great in our "pink picture") I'm sorry that there's not much to tell you, but that's ok.

"If you want to make God laugh, all you have to do is tell Him your plans." (Clay sings that in one of his songs...I think it's great.)

So much love...
Forever><>Me

Wednesday, December 31, 2003 2:57 PM CST

Hello everyone...I hope that it is a beautiful and wonderful day for New Year's Eve, and I'll just go ahead and wish you all a Happy New Year.

It has been a good day for me so far...my WBC is 3.5 and my Neutrophils are 3.1. The Doctors say that I am doing well, and most of my meds are pills instead of IV. I'm just working on the TPN getting taken away...so I'm supposed to eat normally, but that it's kinda hard to do here (because the food stinks...). So, pray that I'll eat, I guess. Thanx so much...we all know why I am doing so well...it's because of your prayers, and I am so grateful to you all.

I have to go now...I'm sorry this is so short, but I'm kinda tired so I'm gonna rest. Have fun at all the New Year parties, and eat all the food that you can. And remember that this New Year is kind of like a new beginning. "The old is gone, the new is come..." So make a fresh start...Happy New Year.

Love><>Me

Tuesday, December 30, 2003 7:32 AM CST

Big sis again because she's still sleeping, but the news is just too awesome to wait for her to wake up and tell you...

White count = 1.5
Absolute neutrophil count = 1.2

At least I think so...the tenths of a point might be off. I mean, the doctor walked in at a quarter past the beginning of time (also known as somewhere around 5 or 6 am), at which point I was still sound asleep. Until they woke me up. Needless to say, my numerical data might leave much accuracy to be desired. But you get the drift...

Isn't God amazing??!!!!! Things hoped for have become substance, and there is evidence of things we couldn't see...our faith has become reality...He is awesome.

"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." Hebrews 11:1

"But I trusted in your steadfast love; my heart shall rejoice in Your salvation. I will sing to the Lord, because he has dealt bountifully with me." Psalm 13:5-6

Please continue to pray for her to eat and drink a lot, so she can leave the hospital for the Chapel Hill house. And thank God with us for His expertise in hematology! Finally, please ask the Lord to shower blessings on the man who owns the house, for a seven fold return of the blessing he is to us. He is allowing us to use his brand new home without restrictions. What a special man God has created. Thanks again for all of your prayers and support!

Big sis, signing off...Hopefully she'll delete this soon and write her own!!!!! Hers are always much better :)

Well, I'm awake now, and it's 9:40pm in this place called UNC Chapel Hill Hospital. The counts are accurate...Vinson is always right!!! lol! I am EXTREMELY excited. The doctors are saying that this is the fastest they have ever seen counts come back up...and we all know the Reason for that. I feel great, although I am about to be bored out of my mind. I still have not gained permission to leave the room, for some reason, but as soon as I do, I will be out and gallavanting (sp?) around the ward. I CAN'T WAIT!!! The doctors also say that if nothing happens (which it won't) then I can expect to go home by Monday!!!! (well, the Chapel Hill House)...PARTY AT MY HOUSE!!! lol!

So, I was thinking and listening to Klove on my computer (it's so cool that I can listen on my computer to the radio...). And, u know Shane and Shane (BECCA O....I still think that Becca2 would be a HUGE hit!!!), right?? Well, their single is "Be Near", and a section of words in the chorus goes "Be near, O God. Be near, O God, as Your nearness is to us, Our good..." And it made me think...if God wasn't close to us and taking care of us all the time, our lives would be really bad. I mean, they're bad enough already, what with sin and its results, but imagine what our lives would be like without Him. With no One to talk to, or to go to if we have a problem, or to hold us when we need to cry; Not having Anyone to take care of us even when we don't know that we need it; And not having Someone with Their arms always open wide to receive us...I just couldn't stand it!!! I mean, God's like the ultimate "venting buddy" (hehe...shannon!), and He's not like everyone else...He just listens...and if you ask for help He's there. I don't know about y'all, but that's a pretty big deal to me.

Well, life's great over here...hope it's the same there!!! I love you all, and I hope you have a Happy New Year...

Love><>Me
"I am your strength and your song." ~Isaiah 12:2~

Monday, December 29, 2003 9:24 AM CST

ALLELUIA!!!!!!!! Praise God from whom all blessings flow

Emergency Update: Rebecca's white blood cell count is up to .7 from .5 overnight. Her absolute neutrophil count (ANC) is ...drumroll please... 0.6, also overnight!!!!!!!! This means she has the basis of an immune system and can leave the room to sit in the unit. If she eats and drinks more, they can discharge her to the Chapel Hill house.

Our God is an Awesome God!
He reigns from heaven above!!

"O Come! Let us sing unto the LORD: let us make a joyful noise to the rock of our salvation. Let us come before his presence with thanksgiving, and make a joyful noise unto him with psalms. For the LORD is a great God, and a great King above all gods. In his hand are the deep places of the earth: the strength of the hills is his also. The sea is his, and he made it: and his hands formed the dry land. O come let us worship and bow down: let us kneel before the LORD our maker. For he is our God; and we are the people of his pasture, and the sheep of his hand."
Psalm 95:1-7

OK...so Vinson was excited. I am excited too!!! The Doctor says I could go home by next week...although he says "at the earliest". But that doesn't matter...my God will not be put in a box...I mean, look at what He's done already...so, I will be going home soon. Because I'm promised that. So, praise God from Whom all blessings flow.

I love you all, and I'm sorry this isn't longer, but I'll try to update more tomorrow. Have a Happy New Year.

Love><>Me

Sunday, December 28, 2003 5:05 PM CST

hello world...well, actually, just hello!!!! I just like saying hello world- like everyone in the whole world knows who I am. Kinda like the president. Anywayz...RANDOM!!! The point is...HELLO!!!! :)

Right now, I am listening to Clay!!! He is so amazing. And his CD is really good. So, just think...you are listening to Clay's amazing voice vicariously through me!!! hehe. I am in a great mood...crazy hyper actually! That is partly because my WBC is at .4 today...once it reaches .5, they start checking the neutrophil count, and when THAT reaches .5 we start talking about going home...well, at least to the house in Chapel Hill!! So, needless to say, I am in a good mood!!! (It's kinda funny...this morning, my mom woke me up before she left to tell me my counts, but before she told me, I had this feeling that my counts wouldn't just be .3- that they would be .4...and they were!! Cool-huh?)

So, the Doctors say I'm doing REALLY good- and we all know why, don't we??? Well, I don't know about you, but I know why I'm doing so well. It's kind of amazing to think about the fact that I've got A LOT of people praying for me. I never thought that this many people would know who I am or even care. But, once again, God does the unexpected...and His response to prayer is just as He promised..."Ask, and it will be given you; search, and you will find; knock, and the door will be opened for you. For everyone who asks receives, and everyone who searches finds, and for everyone who knocks, the door will be opened." ~Luke 11:9-10

WOW...I was just reading my Bible, and I opened right up to this verse..."I, the Lord, am its keeper; every moment I water it. I guard it night and day so that no one can harm it..." (Isaiah 27:3) How amazing it is that our God is with us ALL the time, and He protects us so that NOTHING can harm us.

My old psycologist (the hospital automatically assigns one, and I asked for a new one...) used to always say "You are supposed to be scared or angry or upset or sad..." He even went as far to say "You're wierd because you don't have any of these feelings." Now, if you know me (especially on drugs!!!), you know that there is a line that you don't cross. Well, to me, he crossed that line...He insulted me, and, in turn, insulted my beliefs and my faith. I didn't talk to him the rest of the "session." I sat there in bed and wouldn't even look at him (I was on MAJOR drugs...or I wouldn't have been so rude...). But I've always wanted to tell him WHY I wasn't scared or angry or upset or sad...It's because I have a promise. My Father promised me that He would take care of me, and there is no reason to be scared, angry, upset, or sad. God's got me in a very special place- a place I am always content to be- He's got me in His hands and in His heart...and there's no place I'd rather be.

Happy New Year (a little early)!!!
Love><>
Me

Saturday, December 27, 2003 7:27 PM CST

HELLO everyone...hasn't it been a great day??!! It has for me...my WBC is .2, and the nurses say that I am grafting!!! As it continues to go up, my other cells (Hct. was up today too) will continue to do so also. And that includes my neutrophils...and when they reach a certain point, I get to leave!!!!!! That should occur with in 1-3 weeks (hopefully in only one!!). So, God does answer prayers and He does heal. And a bonus is that I don't feel stinky or anything...I feel great- other than being bored!!!

That's about it medically, and mentally and spiritually (or in Johnny Depp as Jack Sparrow's words..."spiritually, ecumenically, grammatically...") I am great. Just really bored. TV really does stink...and I guess I'm too lazy to get up and put a DVD in. AWWW...there's a puppy on a commercial, and he looks exactly like Tal when he was a puppy. I love puppies. Re-Run, from Charlie Brown says that "happiness is a warm, snuggly puppy" and I heartily agree. That has got to be my favorite quote in the world! OK, so I'm wierd. But that's OK!!! (Wierd is cool, right, Jenny??) well, I'm gonna go now because my eyes are hurting a bit from staring at this screen!!! Email me, ok??

In His Omniscient Hands><>
Rebecca

Friday, December 26, 2003 4:56 PM CST

Hi everyone. I apologize for the lack of updates in the last couple of days. Rebecca is doing ok, so don't worry. She's just been very busy (doing who knows what...) and has forgotten to keep you informed.
Medically speaking, nothing has changed since the last time. She has a white blood cell count of .1, which is good because that count preceeds an absolute neutrophil count (and when she has a good one of those, she gets to leave the hospital). She is still receiving a shot daily to encourage the growth of white blood cells. Her usual anti-rejection medication is still being administered as scheduled, and she received platelets on Christmas day. The only lemon in the mix is that she is reacting to the chemotherapy that they administered 2 weeks ago in preparation for the transplant (gatro-intestinal sores and hair loss...difficult and painful, but nothing drastic...for her). But God is her 'primary physician' and is healing the gastro-intestinal sores and the weakness. And she is no longer nauseous. An outward physical manifestation of an inward healing that we know has already occured...
Mentally and spiritually, she is great. As usual, you can't even tell that she's sick. No complaints, only joy. She raked in the presents on Christmas. Not only did the family bring the usual, but the nurses also collected presents and left them in her room while she slept on Christmas Eve. Her attending doctor (Dr. Stuart Gold) also brought her a small cache of gifts, including a black lab puppy stuffed animal, which he insisted she name Stuart, of course!! So she's doing great, charming all of her nurses and doctors. Thank you, by the way, to the friends who came to visit her on Christmas day. You brightened her day, especially since we couldn't be with her for some of it.
Please continue to pray for the new bone marrow to graft with no side effects. Also, continue to thank God for the donor, doctors, and nurses He is using to manifest this healing. On a sadder note, please remember the family of the little girl (named Joy) for whom Rebecca has been requesting your prayers. She passed away on Christmas Day after slipping into a coma. She was praying for Rebecca just before she became unconscious. Her family needs our prayers as they deal with their loss of this special child. Thank you all for your continued prayer support. We feel God's presence in your prayers.
This is big sister, signing off...
"Thou shalt not be afraid for the teror by night; nor for the arrow that flieth by day; nor for the pestilence that walketh in darkness; nor for the destruction that wasteth at noonday. A thousand shall fall at thy side, and ten thousand at thy right hand; but it shall not come nigh thee." Psalm 91 (imagine...God keeps us in the eye of the storm...no matter where it goes...its violence, destruction, and death will not be allowed near us)

OK...so it's me...Rebecca. Sorry I haven't been updating...Christmas was busy...especially because I had to have benedryl at like, 12:00, (during Pirates of the Caribbean)and slept a lot (I still can't believe I fell asleep during Pirates...sorry shannon!), but then I watched it again with Mom so it was all good. Then I watched it with Dad tonight so, needless to say, I have seen Orlando to my heart's content...although I could stand to see him again!!! lol! So, Vinson pretty much summed it up with the medical stuff. But along with Joy's family, please pray for Folden, a little boy from 5C, who just relapsed and is looking for a bone marrow donor. He's having chemo right now, but he needs a transplant. So pray for him!!! I know you will pray for Joy's family and for Folden and his family!! I really appreciate it...
Happy New Year...

Love><>Me
Nahum 1:7

Wednesday, December 24, 2003 8:47 PM CST

Merry Christmas Eve!!!! I hope that everyone's day has been great. Just chillin' before all the excitement takes place.

This morning I slep later than usual because they gave me benedryl as a pre-med for a immune-booster-medicine. I didn't have a reaction, so that's a good thing. The nurses say that I should start grafting within the next few days (still believing for Christmas!!), and that I might have a fever or aching or something like that...BUT I don't believe I will. So, please continue to pray for my grafting that it would graft without side effects.

Also, the little girl with the brain tumor who has been praying for me, went into a coma today, so pray for her COMPLETE healing, please, and pray that her parents will have peace and patience that only comes from Christ.

My day has been fun, and I really appreciate all the visits...Heather came, and Jenny and Amanda came 2. Also, Mr. Pinon stopped by with Brian...Gabe has to spend Christmas here also, but hopefully will get to go home soon. (pray for patience for both of us...).

I've got to go now, but don't forget that all the presents that we receive are nothing but symbols of the ultimate Gift. All we have to do is accept it.

I love you all very much! Missing you...God Bless

Love><>Me

Tuesday, December 23, 2003 6:52 PM CST

Well, it's only 2 days until Christmas...I am so psyched!!! I love Christmas...it's my favorite holiday. I just think it's amazing that a God who had EVERYTHING gave it all up to become poor. WOW...

So I was reading this book by Max Lucado called "One Incredible Moment" (THANX JESS!), and I think that the preface is just the greatest...you may not, but I think that it is amazing, and I've decided to share it with you...so ENJOY!

"There is one word that describes the night He came- ordinary.

The sky was ordinary. An occasional gust stirred the leaves and chilled the air. The stars were diamonds sparkling on black velvet. Fleets of clouds floated in from of the moon.

It was a beautiful night- a night worth peeking out your bedroom window to admire- but not really and unusual one. No reason to expect a surprise. Nothing to keep a person awake. An ordinary night with an ordinary sky.

The sheep were ordiary. Some fat. Some scrawny. Some with barrel bellies. Some with tig legs. Commmon animals. No fleece made of gold. No history makers. No blue-ribbon winners. They were simply sheep- lumpy, sleeping silhouettes on a hillside.

And the shepherds. Peasants they were. Probably wearing all the clothes they owned. Smelling like sheep and looking just as woolly. They were conscientious, willing to spend the night with their flocks. But you won't find their staffs in a museum nor their writings in a library. No one asked their opinion on social justice or the applicatioin of the Torah. They were nameless and siimple.

An ordinary night with ordinary sheep and ordinary shepherds. And were it not for a God who loves to hook and 'extra' on the front of the ordinary, the night would have gone unnoticed. The sheep would have been forgotten, and the shepherds would have slept the night away.

But God dances amidst the common. And that night He did a waltz.

The black sky exploded with brightness. Trees that had been shadows jumped into clarity. Sheep that had been silent became a chorus of curiosity. One inute the shepherd was dead asleep, the next he was rubbing his eyes and staring into the face of and alien.

The night was ordinary no more." -Max Lucado

OK, so it's kind of long, but it's worth the read. I mean, how many times do we find our selves thinking that the first Christmas was full of glory, and everyone knew, and, even though He was born in a stable, a star was overhead, and, what more could you ask for to get EVERYONE'S attention??? I don't know about y'all, but I often find myself thinking that, and then I catch myself and I realize...Jesus's birth was not glorious or known by everyone. Everyone else was sleeping tight and not letting the bed-bugs bite in their nice comfy (or what was comfy then...) beds. They had NO idea. And that's what is so amazing about Christ's story. He was COMPLETELY human...when babies are born, it's a miracle, but it happens ALL the time- literally. So, Christ's birth- to most people- was just another birth...in fact they probably didn't care. All they were worried about was finding a place to sleep and getting that stupid census over with.

I guess my whole point is that God does amazing things...even when we don't expect it...On an "ordinary night" the MESSIAH was born. And the great part about this Christmas, is that WE KNOW. Christmas is never ordinary to Christians BECAUSE we know. So, think about all those people who don't know because we haven't told them...And pray for them. This Christmas, do me an awesome favor...pray for the people who don't know that amazement on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, and tell them about why we get amazed...OK?

Sorry, I don't mean to preach, but God really laid this on my heart, and who am I to refuse what God says to do?? Have a VERY Merry Christmas with your families, friends, and most importantly, faith. God Bless...

Love><>Me

P>S> By the way, I'm feeling great and the docs say I look great and that medically speaking I'm doint great...So I'm all around great! HAHA! Thanx again for all the thoughts and prayers...<><

Monday, December 22, 2003 8:02 PM CST

Hi everyone...

Well, today has been a good day...I got blood (I vant to suck your blood...!) and platelets. So, now I'm really energized. I have to get a shot now every day called a GCF. (It makes my white cells come in sooner and faster...it's a good thing!) It only hurts if they push it in fast so they usually do it really slow. So, medically speaking, that's about it.

Vinson is over here...we're having girls' night so we'll be awake for a while...more on that and how it goes tomorrow... :D

So, as of right now, we're watching an old episode of Everwood (Vinson hasn't seen it) so I am extremely bored. But I'm gonna go...I want to know all about the rest of the world...so email me!

Please pray for my friend with the brain tumor, for Gabe, and also please pray that I will graft (grow new white cells) VERY soon...It is technically possible (but not "probable" according to the docs.) that I could graft by Christmas (that would be a VERY good present), and be out within about 2 weeks...I would like to ask you all to stand with me and my family in agreement and receiving of this from God. I know that it's possible because our God is amazing, and I will not limit Him...So please, pray for these people and for my graft.

I do have to go now...really. Have a very Merry Christmas, and don't forget about the Reason for the season...God Bless!

Love><>Me

Sunday, December 21, 2003 2:36 PM CST

Hey everyone! Thanks for all the guestbook signings...I really like to read them. And, of course, thanks for the prayers.

I am constantly reminded of how many people are thinking about me and praying for me, and it is truly amazing. THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH.

Anywayz...this has been a good day. I woke up around 10, and kinda "lounged". Then I took a shower and rode my bike. And Abby called, and so did Mrs. Renee. But now I'm kinda feeling lazy because my shower took up a lot of energy, and so did the bike. So, here I am watching a makeover show on A&E and, of course, updating my journal.

Not much has gone on today, obviously, so I'm sorry about the boring journal. My parents finally brought my books so I've also been reading at night before I go to sleep.

Please don't forget to pray for my friend with the brain tumor, and don't forget about Gabe. Hopefully, he'll get to go home soon, so pray for that too! I have to go now, but I will try to talk to you all later.

Merry Christmas! (4 days!!!!)

Love><>Me

Saturday, December 20, 2003 2:12 PM CST

HELLO out there...

I hope that y'all's weekend has been amazing so far. I mean, I know it's only Saturday (as my sister has just informed me of- whatever will I do with her?), but I can still hope that you are all having a good day and break so far. Are you shopping or decorating or doing the things that so often we associate with Christmas??? Well, I am doing some of that.

Mom and Vinson are over here...Vinson's critiquing me (very nicely, I might add), and Mommy is doing her usual...READING (and we all want to know where I get it from... :D). We are listening to Christmas music...well, actually the CD just finished....Oh, NOW Vinson is complaining about my messy room...Just kidding...she's just looking at the screen of my computer with a blank look on her face...but what else is new???

No, seriously, I love my sister (no matter how blank she is...haha...by the way, if you know her, you know that she's anything BUT blank), and I am glad that she is home...even though she finds it neccessary to shake my bed at odd times. OH WELL...I guess it's just a small price to pay.

So, what's going on with me? hmmmmm....well, I can honestly say that I have not done anything. I just flipped channels this morning (by the way, Saturday morning TV isn't what it used to be- I mean, there's no more Looney Tunes, or Tom and Jerry, or Sylvester and Tweety, or Superman, or ANYTHING), and then Mom and Vinson came...and here I am trying to think of something interesting to say, but as of the moment, my life holds a small amount of interest...and most of that interest is you guys...so email me or call me, and if Mom says I need to write more I will, but otherwise, I'll talk to you later...

OH YEA...I would appreciate it if you would pray for a girl I haven't even met, but who prayed for me everyday. Well, she was just diagnosed with a brain tumor (abby...especially...u know how it is...), and the doctors don't give her much time to live. But doctors don't determine how long we live...Our God does. So please pray that He will not only keep her comfortable, but that she will experience the complete healing that we all know can happen.

Love><>Me

"But I trusted in Your steadfast love; my heart shall rejoice in Your salvation. I will sing to the Lord, because He has dealt bountifully with me."
~Psalm 13:5-6

Friday, December 19, 2003 8:19 AM CST

"Praise the Lord. Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his love endures forever. Who can proclaim the mighty acts of the Lord or fully declare his praise?" Psalm 106:1-2

Good morning! This is mom updating; hopefully, Rebecca will feel up to updating this page later today. We just wanted to let you know that Days +1 and +2, while hard on Rebecca with nausea and discomfot, are over. Day +3 has dawned quite differently. Rebecca is feeling much, much better. She does have some discomfort in her tummy which may be due to mucusitis caused by the chemotherapy. There is NO fever! Praise God. He is ever faithful. The doctors and nurses are MOST pleased. Dr. Weston, who hung the marrow Wednesday morning, commented that it was one of the best Day +3 marrow transplants he had seen! Should we be surprised? No, we just rejoice in the Lord's goodness and mercy.

"I will sing of the mercies of the Lord for ever; with my mouth will I make known thy faithfulness to all generations." Psalm 89:1

Love to all of you. Thank you for keeping us in your prayers.

Emmaline

OK, Mom and everyone...i'm updating...I hope that you're all happy. But there's really not much else to say...I mean, my fever's down, i'm perky and up out of bed a lot...

OH YEAH...I had some special visitors today...Ms. North Carolina, Dana Reason, came to see me (I've known her since around July...), but that wasn't the best part...I know- how can you top that? But, my old (oops...I mean "former" b/c Owen's not old) associate pastor (who left us for tenessee) came back to town for a few days and I got to see him (oh, by the way, Owen, if you're reading this...green is SOOO your color...and I'll work on Ms. NC for you...hehe). So, anywayz...and Nancy-France, Heather, Laura, Zack, and Justin (poor Justin didn't get to ride his bike...;D) Smith came...I enjoyed seeing you all!!!!

So, because school is out (YEA!), I am expecting you all to be very bored...and I am not going anywhere! (hint...hint...) No, y'all....I'm just kidding...don't come unless you really want to!!! OH, and don't come if you're sick...PLEASE...NO ONE wants to be here any longer than they have to. (wouldn't you agree?)

So, all in all, the day has been just marvelous...I hope your's have been good. I'm going to go now, because my friends that you might know, Mr.& Mrs. Zullig, are here to visit, and I am being extremely rude. I will talk to you later...Call me or email me!

Love><>Me
2 Chron. 16:9

Wednesday, December 17, 2003 9:41 PM CST

I don't feel like writing this journal right now cause I'm sleepy. So I will write more later..."Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen" Hebrews 11:1
That was Rebecca...This is Vinson...aka big sis. In association with Daddy and Mommy.
This morning was a bit rough, with a tummy problem. The doctors and nurses say that it was a normal reaction to the transplant, but normal or not, it wasn't much fun. Fortunately, this reaction seems to have diminished. She took a nap this afternoon to recoup sleep lost in the excitement of her "new creation", and then had some visitors to make her smile. Thanks Abby and Mrs. Parsons...You brought sunshine with you, along with a very nice fiberoptic Christmas tree!
We've been checking the journal guestbook all day, and want to thank you all for your prayers and encouragement. I, as a college student, understand the lack of sleep that characterizes high school life, and really want to say a HUGE THANKS to those of you who were up with us at 3 am, praying for her new bone marrow and the donor. The entire process went smoothly and on schedule, showing the power of your prayers. You are all very special people, and are not only making a difference in our lives, but in each others' lives as well. God has truly blessed us with a unique and loving network of friends and family.
As far as continued prayer support, we would like to ask you to remember Gabe and the Pinon family as he battles a little virus. Also, please continue praying for Rebecca's new marrow, that it will move in soon and make itself at home, with no disruption to the rest of her system. In the thanks department, she is gaining control over her tummy, and she is fever free and alert (for the most part). And, as always, thanks and blessings for the donor, wherever he is. Have a wonderful day and God bless you.

"But I trusted in Your steadfast love; my heart shall rejoice in Your salvation. I will sing to the Lord, because He has dealt bountifully with me." Psalm 13:5-6

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways my ways, says the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return there until they have watered the earth, making it bring forth and sprout, giving seed to the sower and bread to the eater, so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth; it shall not return to me empty, but it shall accomplish that which I purpose and succeed in the thing for which I sent it" Isaiah 55:8-11

Tuesday, December 16, 2003 10:03 PM CST

As Mom and Dad walked into the hospital this evening, Rebecca's transplant coordinator was beside them, carrying the transplant. How cool is that? As of now, everything is on schedule, and we are 4 hours and counting to Rebecca's "new creation".
Today has been a resting day as far as medication goes. No chemo or auto-immune suppresants. Just the usual benadryl, steroids, and anti-nausea meds. So Rebecca has had a day of much needed respite, and has taken the opportunity to sleep without interuption for most of the time (leaving big sis to make the journal entry!)
However, she did take the time to read the guest book, and appreciates all of the prayers and verses that you have left for her. On behalf of the rest of the family, I want to thank you as well. We feel the cushion of prayer as you lift us before God, and it makes all the difference.
Please continue to pray for her new bone marrow cells, that they will accomplish the tasks for which God created them. Also, that Rebecca will have a speedy and complete graft. Today especially, include a prayer of thanks and blessings for the special person who is her donor.
More to come after Rebecca receives her transplant! God bless you and keep you...
"What does it matter? Just this, that Christ is proclaimed in every way, whether out of false motves or true; and in that I rejoice. Yes, I will continue to rejoice, for I know that through your prayers and the help of the Spirit of Jesus Christ this will turn out for my deliverance." Philippians 1:18-19
***JUST TO REMIND YOU, REBECCA HAS NO IMMUNE SYSTEM (YET!!!) SO WE ARE BEING VERY CAREFUL ABOUT ALLOWING PEOPLE TO VISIT. IF YOU HAVE BEEN AROUND ANYONE WHO HAS BEEN SICK OR HAS SYMPTOMS OF BEING SICK (WITH ANYTHING AT ALL) PLEASE CALL AND CHECK WITH ONE OF THE NURSES BEFORE YOU COME OVER. ALSO, AS AN EXTRA PRECAUTION, ALL VISITORS WILL BE ASKED TO WEAR A MASK. THANKS SO MUCH FOR MAKING SURE THAT REBECCA IS NOT THREATENED DURING THIS TIME OF WEAK IMMUNITY...***

Monday, December 15, 2003 2:48 PM CST

"Be careful for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God which passeth all understanding shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." Phillipians 4:6-7
Rebecca had a pretty rough week-end (as evidenced by the fact that she didn't update her journal and left it for me to do). She received her first dose of ATG (an immune suppresant drug) which, when combined with all the benedryl and other medicines needed to prevent severe side effects, caused her to have nausea and vomiting whenever she got up to use the bathroom. The doctors solved that with a motion sickness patch behind her ear. She spiked a fever early this morning which is also associated with the ATG, but that is now under control and she seems to have had a good day from all reports.

She had a surprise visit this morning from her friends at Curtis Media Group whom she met during the radiothon for the UNC Children's Hospital. From what I could hear over the telephone, they were having a grand time; which means she was feeling much better. The doctors say that the second dose of ATG will not be as hard on her.

One more day - Tuesday. The donated bone marrow will arrive at RDU around 10:30 pm and be brought to UNC Hospital for testing and "manipulation." They will wash the blood to rid it of any impurities that they can and compress the volume prior to infusing it around 3:00 a.m. Wednesday. Now what all that meant, other than arriving and infusing, I couldn't tell you. They just have to prepare the marrow for transplant before they can infuse it.

Your faithful and fervent prayers are so very much appreciated and felt. There is no way to explain to you the feeling that we have of being surrounded by God's love and strength. Thank you for helping keep that love and strength around us with your prayers.

For the next 4-6 weeks, Rebecca will be waiting for the new bone marrow to engraft and begin to produce good blood cells and good blood counts. Your specific prayers for healthy bone marrow to result from this process and an easy recovery for Rebecca would be most appreciated.

We'll keep in touch with you often. Thank you for all your prayers, love and support.

"Is any sick among you? Let him call for the elders of the church and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer of faith shall save the sick and the Lord shall raise him up...the effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much." James 5:14,15a&16b

Friday, December 12, 2003 2:31 PM CST

Hello...

"You who live in the shelter of the Most High, who abide in the shadow of the Almighty, will say to the Lord, 'My refuge and my fortress; my God, in whom I trust' For He will deliver you from the snare of the fowler and from the deadly pestilence;...A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you. You will only look with your eyes and see the punishment of the wicked. Because you have made the Lord your refuge, the Most High your dwelling place, no evil shall befall you, no scourge come near your tent. For He will command His angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways. On their hands they will bear you up, so that you will not dash your foot against a stone...**Those who love Me, I will deliver; I will protect those who know My name. When they call to Me, I will answer them; I will be with them in trouble, I will resue them and honor them. With long life I will satisfy them, and show them my salvation.**"
~Psalm 91:1-3, 7-12, & **14-16**

ok...so that may be random, but not for me. I was reading my Bible this morning, and this really popped out at me...so think about it...

ANYWAYZ...so, dad was here this morning/afternoon. We played cards, and he has informed me that he now hates almost all card games. (He's just being a poor sport!!) Mom spent the night, and we watched CSI at 9:00...that show is cool but wierd...my parents (who have been to las vegas, where it's based) said that those murders are not made up...at least from what they've seen.

So, when dad came, he brought Christmas decorations (well, Mom brought a tiny fake tree last night- we set it up ourselves...don't worry abby...), and I now have "snow flakes" on my outside window, "garland" on my door window, a "Merry Christmas" thingy above my bed, and also last night, Mom brought 2 Christmas magnets for my Refridgerator (I still can't decide how to spell that!). Also, the nurses have put big paper snow flakes on my door window, and a snow man made of cotton...They're not the same as the real thing, but they'll do...in fact, I rather enjoy them.

So,school is almost out, but I know people are getting sick. I want you to all get better...being sick is absolutely no fun at all.

Oh My Goodness...I've discovered that I am no longer able to taste much. And, most of what I can taste, doesn't taste too good...So if, for some strange reason, you want to bring me food (unless you have already talked to me...)please call or ask my mom...I would really appreciate that. Thank you so much...

Well, I have to go now...think about the verse, and have a Merry Christmas.

Love><>
Me
Luke 1:46b-49

Thursday, December 11, 2003 11:39 AM CST

HEY Y'all...I hope all is well with everyone. I miss everyone at school (notice that I did NOT say that I miss SCHOOL ;D) and church (i miss church...lol)! I hope that your pre-holidays have been fun and joyful because of the reason-for-the-season. Mine have been! Thank you so much for all the phone calls that I've gotten. I enjoy getting them...make sure that you get the UPDATED phone number posted further down the page...the nurses asked that we give it out....lol!!!
As of right now...exactly 12:44 pm...I am having a flush on my iv right after chemo. I love the nurses here although they seem quite determined to pump me full of fluids and make me a fish tank...lol! Anywayz...So, I have a refrigerator & a white bored. I'm trying to get my verse posters up, but dad says he wants to wait for Vinson to get home (which occurs this Saturday, but she won't be HERE until Sunday afternoon...)
I really want to go see Gabe Pinon, but I am not allowed (sp?) of my room so that really stinks. But, keep him in your prayers y'all...ok?
Hospital food still stinks...it hasn't changes much over the past 2 months...oh well...that's what wendy's is for and BOJANGLE'S!!!!! hehe
Well, I have to go now...gotta take a shower and get my bed changed!!! I love you all so very much...you have no idea! Call me...k?
Love><> Me
James 1:12


2nd for the day...

Ok...so my mom says I'm supposed to say what's going on with me...like medically speaking. So here goes:

I'm getting lots of chemo (actually 1 type 4x a day for 4 days, and then another for 2 days afterwards and then an immune-suppressant) and then on the 16th is "T-Day". The bone marrow fluid is hung like a blood transfusion, and then I just wait for my counts to come back up!! Actually, as of right now I am waiting for them to fall! That sounds kinda funny- why would I want for my counts to fall- but actually that is what they want to happen so I can get my new bone marrow. It's kinda cool...it's kinda like having a 2nd birthday!!!! Meanwhile, I am bored out of my mind because my parents keep forgetting to bring me my books (but I love them newayz...), there is absolutely nothing on TV (unless you care to watch TRASH), and geometry and school isn't what I would exactly call interesting (would you?)...so here I am...awaiting my new bone marrow!!! haha!

But enough about me...I wanna know about the world outside of room 5713 of UNC Main Hospital...email me or call me ok? Have a Merry Christmas, and don't forget to pray for Gabe and his family...I love you all!

Love (for the 2nd time today)><>
Me
Psalm 108:1-5

Wednesday, December 10, 2003 12:25 AM CST

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