|
||||||||||||
Click here to go back to the main page.
Click here to view older journal entries.
Tuesday, May 16, 2017 9:41 PM CDT
Hi Everyone,
Well I don't have access to my document template that allowed me to play around with fonts and colors but that doesn't matter. Gabrielle has been gone 15 years now and when I allow myself to focus on her short life and her pain, I am still overwhelmed.
One mystery, that I have to accept, is that while the Bible can tell an adult why they suffer trials there is nothing in Bible that speaks to a toddler about why they must suffer. Someone told me that God was always with Gabbie and I do believe that. Yet I have memories of her suffering eyes, her solemn demeanor, and even a few moments here and there of an expression of terror. A mystery...because He was there by her side.
But faith remains and has been strengthened through trials. Just the other day I told a friend that the act of still believing and seeking God means faith truly is a gift from God. See, God has been rather silent with me for a long, long time and many new trial have come and gone or are very much present. I never, ever knew one could be considered "healthy" and yet be so plagued by "syndromes" that cause torment.
But Gabbie was only two and she kept going and I am a grown adult who can read and absorb God's word so I must keep going. A child shall lead us!
Gabbie, you are forever missed. But we will see you again by the grace of God and the gift of eternal life from Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior.
Family Update -- Aubrey is graduating from Washburn High School and it has been a very wild four years. She will figure our her future but that is still taking shape. Noah is graduating from his class of 9 from Our Lady of Peace and will be entering a freshman class of 400+ at Washburn. God please let that go well. Noah is still playing baseball, a sport that used to bore me to tears but now challenges me as I am still learning all the nuanced rules. (Now why was that player not called out??) John is still doing construction work and still a wonderful husband. I am still working at Thomson Reuters and somehow push through the bad days (the syndromes) but am thankful for great colleagues and a job.
But I am mostly grateful to God, faith, family, friends, my Evangelical church, and all the support through the years.
God bless!
Wednesday, November 16, 2016 6:18 PM CST
SHE DEPARTED FROM US 5,298 DAYS AGO; OUR LIVES TODAY
We miss you, Gabbie, especially your mama and daddy. It’s been such a very long time. To this day I occasionally still express to God my feelings of sadness (and more) and wonder why you had to be taken.
We know the Father and the Son were separated when Jesus died on the cross. We know that no one can even begin to comprehend how Jesus felt when His Father looked the other way. The price He paid for us can never be over-stated.
But I am human and the separation from Gabbie has lasted for over a decade. Yes, God is good and I would never even want Gabbie to have to leave her heavenly home. But for now my wait is very long, even knowing that when viewed through the lens of eternity it is hardly even a speck of time. It’s still a very long wait.
And it feels as if I am looking the other way.
Thanks for visiting and God bless!
Monday, May 16, 2016 12:23 AM CDT
SHE DEPARTED FROM US 5,114 DAYS AGO; OUR LIVES TODAY
Fourteen years later and yet she still visits me in my dreams. Just last night she was there but as usual she was faceless and we exchanged no words. She is always silent.
Aubrey is a junior at Washburn and I cannot believe how fast the time flies. She is working her first job at an ice-cream shop (Grand Ole Creamery) where a number of her friends work so I think she is having fun while finally earning some money. The girls get great tips and a bonus is the free ice-cream she gets to bring home. No driving yet….we have rules and expectations that have yet to be met.
Noah is finishing up 7th grade at Our Lady of Peace and has just started spring baseball. He had his first game on Saturday and I sat there in a turtle-neck, two sweatshirts, a windbreaker, blanket, and winter gloves. I cannot stand it when Minnesota does that to us in May but since it’s typical I should accept it.
John and I are doing fine. I still struggle with intermittent but severe tinnitus. I am fortunate that the colleagues near me tolerate the sounds, usually crickets and other swamp creatures, which I play from YouTube for noise distraction.
There are new pictures of everyone on the photo page. Life feels like we are getting so far away from Gabbie. Thanks for visiting and God bless!
Monday, May 18, 2015 3:17 PM CDT
SHE DEPARTED FROM US 4,749 DAYS AGO; OUR LIVES TODAY
It was a Tuesday and we had been given our marching orders, we were to leave the hospital because there was nothing else that could be done for Gabrielle. That night both John and I slept in Gabbie’s room at the hospital. Sometime before settling down I was sitting on the bed with Gabbie and she suddenly reached out and hugged me and said, “I love you.” That was my last “I love you” hug and Gabbie closed her eyes three days later. Until Heaven…until Jesus comes….until eternity.
Life keeps us very, very busy but never so busy to not remember who we are missing.
Aubrey is wrapping up her sophomore year at Minneapolis Washburn. We had another fun season of club volleyball but not sure whether Aubrey plans to continue on in that sport. She has provided us with lots of teen-aged girl drama that maybe, maybe, someday I will laugh at, but it’s not funny now.
Noah is finishing sixth grade at Our Lady of Peace and is busy playing baseball. He is almost too empathetic and has taken on stress by watching my stress from severe tinnitus.
John and I are still happily married—I am very blessed.
God bless anyone who comes here!
In His Arms,
The Paquettes: John, Monica, Aubrey, Saint Gabrielle, and Noah
Monday, November 17, 2014 4:42 PM CST
SHE DEPARTED FROM US 4,567 DAYS AGO; OUR LIVES TODAY
Today Gabrielle would be 15 years old. Such a long, long, long time ago that we were able to give her a hug, see her solemn eyes, hear her soft toddler’s voice. Because our roads are already icy and slippery I allowed myself only a few tears while driving to work today. Just after crossing the Minnesota River I looked up through the windshield to take in the view of the sun peeking out through clouds and at the same time saw a winged creature in flight. I allowed myself to believe it was an Eagle and that would not be an impossible belief in that location. On Eagles wings we carry on.
Noah and I just watched “Heaven is for Real” the other night. The boy who supposedly visited Heaven hugged a girl who he claims was the sister who died before she was born. So that prompted a discussion about how old Gabbie will be when we see her in Heaven and I told Noah we just don’t know. But she could be the same age as when she died and perhaps Heaven will always have children of all ages. It is a great earthly sacrifice on the part of those of us who have buried a child but in eternity a great joy.
AUBREY’S UPDATES
Aubrey is a sophomore at Minneapolis Washburn and she still loves her social life there. A bit of a struggle with school work but we will keep pressing on. She played another season of volleyball for Washburn and this winter she will be playing for a club team based in Saint Paul. (A club that is half the cost of last year’s club--yea!!) Even though she is now 16 years old she is not driving and has accepted our rule that she needs to be more responsible before we even think of paying for driving lessons. So not sure when that terror will begin.
John and I feel like we are bumbling and stumbling parents during these wild high school years but I suppose some day we will look back and laugh…maybe. We most definitely pray for guidance from above.
NOAH’S UPDATES
Noah is in 6th grade and still attends Our Lady of Peace. It’s a good school but his class size is so small that now there are few, if any, sports opportunities. Thankfully the Minneapolis Parks system has lots of sports for kids so he will be playing basketball for a park that is only two blocks from our house. I am happy because it means we can walk him to and from practice rather than having to get in a car and drive somewhere. I do know, however, I will hear complaints about why we are not driving those two blocks when it’s really cold.
FAMILY UPDATES
This past summer we drove to Hilton Head, SC for our family vacation and warmed up. After a long and bitter winter with hardly any summer I am glad we chose somewhere really warm.
John and I are still thankfully employed. No one ever knows, however, how long their job will be safe and for years I have worried about my job. But then I came up with “Plan B.” It doesn’t matter what Plan B is, what matters is that I no longer worry as much. I just worry a little. It is that time of year and my company has recently had some lay-offs and this time I know some of the people laid off. It’s hard to watch.
Last June I developed a sudden onset of severe tinnitus. It has thrown my life into chaos and there is no cure. But I keep praying every day and can only hope that someday the tinnitus will become manageable as it does for most people. I know God has a plan and uses all our trials for good but sometimes the waiting can be very hard.
OUR THANKS
It’s all about Jesus. Jesus died for you and me, our families, and children like Gabbie. Thank you, Jesus, for dying for our sins so that we may have eternal life.
In His Arms,
The Paquettes: John, Monica, Aubrey, Saint Gabrielle, and Noah
Friday, May 16, 2014 5:26 PM CDT
All I can say is that we miss our Gabrielle. When I see the eyes of suffering children I am staring at Gabbie solemn face. When a pediatric cancer ad comes on the television I remember cancer and more cancer in a two year old's body.
All I can is that even so the Lord is Good. Soon, I know for sure, Gabbie will have her promised resurrection. Come quickly, Lord Jesus!
********
We are doing fine but Aubrey's freshman year at Washburn has been a wild ride. I'm not even going to share details but will say that not even 30 minutes ago I was out apologizing to neighbors for something done by Washburn "friends." Aubrey likes Washburn…it's the parents having the heart attacks.
Noah is starting another baseball season, we barely caught our breath from volleyball ending and up we go again. I accidentally volunteered John to help coach so I told him I would not do any nagging about house projects until baseball is done.
We both are still employed. So very grateful!
Blessings to everyone!
Gabbie's family
Sunday, November 17, 2013 5:52 PM CST
Gabrielle would have been 14 years old today--a thought that seems so foreign that it is cannot be real or true. We never truly recover. About six weeks ago I was driving to work when I saw through my tears flashing lights behind me. By the time the officer approached my window my face was streaming with tears. He asked me if I had seen the red light that I drove through and I just shrugged. I really don't remember. But he let me go probably because he could tell my tears were real, I was polite, and have a clean record. I never told him I had been preoccupied with thoughts of my departed child or that I am not the only grieving parent who finds driving in a car alone provokes intense memories and intense grief.
Aubrey and Noah are now 15 and 10 years old which only provides more shock and sadness. The light-speed aging of children is even more shocking for those of us who have buried a child as Gabbie is always two years old, never growing older.
Aubrey is at Mpls Washburn and she is extremely happy to be there and we could not have asked for a smoother transition. She played volleyball on Washburn's freshman team and we have just signed up for another round of club volleyball....practices are two nights a week from 8:30 to 10. Hmmm, I usually like to have my pajamas on by then but will have to adjust.
Noah is still at OLP and is in 5th grade. The other day I took a vacation day because Noah did not have school. For fun, and to harass Aubrey, we walked up to Washburn to catch her leaving school. Now I know public schools can be rough but the entire time Noah and I walked around the campus we were surrounded by the "F" word. While I know that is life in the inner-city it's still sad and it actually somewhat frightened Noah.
I finally caved in and let Noah cut off all his hair. I was surprised--I love it! Changed his look so much that a staff member at OLP was upset that the school had not told her about the new student.
So life goes on and we are busy as ever, my constant, constant whine! Gabbie is forever missed but I know she is with Jesus. He paid for her and she lives....forever and ever with the Lord! The Maker, Creator, Father, Almighty One reigns and I sleep at night knowing Gabbie is safe. But my heart aches.
Thanks for visiting!
Monica, John, Aubrey, and Noah
Thursday, May 16, 2013 5:39 PM CDT
BEEN A WHILE
It’s been a long time since I’ve updated. Life just keeps us beyond busy. Aubrey and Noah are growing up so fast and I just want to be a stay-at-home mom. And I mean literally, a stay-at-home mom. I’m a home-body forced to be on-the-go always on someone else’s schedule.
SHE DEPARTED FROM US 4,017 DAYS AGO; OUR LIVES TODAY
She was in my dreams the night before Mother’s Day. I think of her every day even though she is further and further from my grasp. A few weeks ago a stranger reached out via an e-mail as he was touched by the memorial I had placed in the Star Tribune in….2006. It really is nice to know these things and reminds me that her short life had, and still has, so much meaning.
AUBREY’S and NOAH’s UPDATES
Aubrey is almost done with grade school. She is set to go to Minneapolis Washburn next year for high school. Initially she was not happy about going to Washburn since most of her OLP friends are going to Catholic high schools. But we simply don’t have the money so here we come, public school. John is anxious about the change and Washburn has had turmoil this year but most of the Washburn parents we know are satisfied. Thanks to social media Aubrey already knows “tons” of kids going there.
Noah is wrapping up fourth grade and there will be no changes for him next year concerning school.
Last Friday Noah, Aubrey, and I ran in The Rave Run held at ValleyFair. It was a night-time run that did not start until 9:00 in the evening and all runners had various forms of glow-sticks on their persons. 10,000 participants! But with that crowd parking was a stressful nightmare as I ended up parking illegally and since I’m paranoid about participating in anything illegal I feared my car would get towed even though thousands of others also parked illegally. In the end we all had a great time but because Aubrey ran with ear buds, Noah complained that she only gets “activated” by her electronics.
THE FAITH OF OTHERS
On Mother’s Day the homily we heard began with a reference to an eighteen year-old from Minnesota who is dying from cancer and who wrote a song entitled, “Clouds.” He has become an Internet sensation and his name is Zach Sobiech. Look him up on YouTube and listen to his song, Clouds. Strangely, it’s upbeat and sad at the same time.
A NOTE ON GRIEF
Eleven years later and I can only say that I am not stronger. I think only God knows just how much her death has cost me and it has cost me dearly.
OUR THANKS
But even in the grief, I thank our faithful God for all the blessings he has given us. John and I have a good life with Aubrey and Noah and we have so much to be thankful for. God is good!
In His Arms,
The Paquettes: John, Monica, Aubrey, Saint Gabrielle, and Noah
Wednesday, November 7, 2012 6:11 PM CST
NOVEMBER 17, 2012....REMEMBERING
I honestly don't think they celebrate birthdays in Heaven because Heaven is too glorious for such an earthly celebration. But I could be wrong.
Either way, we yet remain here on Earth and remember Gabrielle who would be 13 years old. As my knowing friend pointed out, some children are simply too pure for this world.
Always, always, missing you, Gabrielle. On most days your momma can hold the anguish at bay but still it often overflows at and is as it was on the day you died.
In His Arms,
The Paquettes: John, Monica, Aubrey, Saint Gabrielle, and Noah
Tuesday, September 11, 2012 11:06 PM CDT
BACK in SCHOOL
Sigh, we are back in school. All good things come to an end, including sunny hot summers and school-free days.
Our family vacation took us to Big Sky, Montana this year. Very beautiful but the area was somewhat scorched—kind of like Minnesota! The air, normally dry already, was very smoky due to fires further west. We went into Yellowstone three times and on the third day the smoke was so thick I thought for sure that Yellowstone was on fire and we would be turned away at the entrance. Yellowstone seemed unchanged from my childhood memories and the trails and boardwalks are sometimes only a few steps away from geothermal pits (boiling hot water or mud). The park has had very tragic deaths there due to people falling into the boiling waters. I told Aubrey and Noah a few of the stories so that they would behave when we were on the boardwalks.
AUBREY’S UPDATES
Aubrey is now in eighth grade and in her last year at Our Lady of Peace. She is still a chatty, chatty girl and while some teenage angst causes grief and raised voices in our home, I am so thankful she is not sullen and withdrawn. I say better to have some arguments here and there rather than withdrawn silence.
NOAH'S UPDATES
Noah is now in fourth grade and is sometimes chattier than Aubrey. We have signed him up for "cross country" at OLP. When I heard they were offering it even for fourth graders I perked up from my back-to-school slump. I am barely running these days, the monthly mileage is laughable, so having Noah start running is exciting for me. It's very low key of course but he will even have a few meets.
REMEMBERING SEPTEMBER 11
I remember on September 11 when I was feeding Aubrey and Gabbie in their high-chairs and John called and told me to turn on the T.V. Our world was forever changed. Later that day and in the few weeks that followed I wondered if that's why I had felt something dark but undefined pressing on me. There is an unseen spiritual world all around us and while we cannot see it we can probably at times feel it. I wasn't depressed but just wary.
Only a few short weeks later the doctor said, "She as a tumor." Our world was changed even more and forever in this life. While I don't believe in anything psychic, I then wondered if the dark press was Gabbie's cancer.
One event attacked our country, quickly, and another attacked our daughter, slowly but surely. We never forget these things.
OUR THANKS
Thanks for stopping by. Hope your summers went well and that God's blessings of autumn are colorful and warm!
In His Arms,
The Paquette's: Monica, John, Aubrey, Saint Gabrielle, and Noah
Monday, July 30, 2012 8:37 AM CDT
HERALDERS Of DOOM HAVE ARRIVED EVEN EARLIER
I remember the date, July 31, when the night crickets arrived last year because it was so sudden. I don't know when they arrived this summer but we've been serenaded at night for weeks now. I've heard this summer's heat across the United States is responsible for an increase in insects so maybe the crickets didn't really come earlier but that there are more of them so I noticed them sooner. Regardless, the crickets are announcing summer's twilight, which always depresses me.
We are having a hot and great but busy summer. While not everyone celebrates the heat I do! Noah goes to the summer recreation program and we have had to pick him up early a few times on high heat index days because the building does not have A/C. Aubrey complains constantly about our house being too hot but we save the A/C for only the hottest of days or nights.
This has been a perfect summer for biking, something I never tire of doing. Minneapolis, even in this heat, is very, very lush and the bike trails are stunningly beautiful.
AUBREY’S UPDATES
Seems like I hardly ever see her. She and Noah went up to Alexandria with my sister for a lake-week earlier this month and as usual, they had a great time.
A certain "gentleman" seems to be attracted to Aubrey. We are a little unnerved but believe she is safe. He is my age or older so it's very inappropriate and is something to keep our eyes on. I've had my talks with Aubrey about the appropriateness or inappropriateness of certain clothing but her teen-age ears tune me out. I magically make some short shorts disappear when folding laundry but then new and different short shorts magically arrive in her possession. She does not shop so they must be toss-offs from her friends.
These times are so fast. I remember once when Aubrey was about six and folding laundry I came across under-clothing that was size 2T. Now she is 13 and I occasionally come across clothing that is size "8" or even "6."
NOAH'S UPDATES
Noah is having a great summer and we are giving him a few more freedoms, just a little. He doesn't complain about the heat as much as Aubrey but the heat has been so excessive that he is not allowed any dairy. High heat and dairy products in Noah's stomach do not mix. He will get up in the morning and read the weather forecast and know whether he is allowed milk or other dairy (he loves to drink milk). He mentioned his dairy restrictions to the summer recreation staff one hot day but they probably thought he was telling high tales and told him it was OK to have a milk-shake. We received the call to come pick him up a few hours later after he lost the milk-shake.
So last winter he would look out the window and beg for snow and this summer he is waiting and waiting for cooler weather so he can drink his milk!
DON’T' HAVE A GREEN THUMB, WELL, I HAVE JUST THE PLANT FOR YOU!!
Every summer our yard languishes while our neighbors' yards are in full-bloom. We gave up years ago on the backyard due to all the shade and wood-chipped most of it. The front gets a little dappled sunlight but I am just not a gardener. Last year I fell in love with one of my neighbors large back-yard plants and when she told me it tolerated shade very well I thought I would give it a try. It's a banana tree plant. So we took our old and ugly, rusty green wrought iron furniture set and spray-painted it violet and set the banana tree plant on one of the pieces and in a contrasting colored planter. The plant is absolutely thriving and is probably over five feet tall. Many people have commented positively on the overall look. Maybe the shock of seeing our drab front yard suddenly host a large and tropical-looking plant prompts them to comment.
Easy.
A NOTE ON GRIEF
Missing Gabrielle, always. We know life is unfair but this is beyond unfair.
OUR THANKS
Thanking God for his promises that get us through everything.
In His Arms,
The Paquette's: Monica, John, Aubrey, Saint Gabrielle, and Noah
Wednesday, June 6, 2012 8:23 AM CDT
ANOTHER SCHOOL YEAR, VANISHED in the PRESS of TIME and MONEY
These years are going faster and faster and it's because we are far too busy. Resent is a strong word but I do resent all the expectations placed on parents, especially in homes where both parents work full-time. The time demands are endless, on top of more and more money demands. I know from reading the Bible that Jesus was never, ever idle or lazy. But I also know that Jesus did not run about breathlessly from one event to another. Sometimes when I am going somewhere with Aubrey and/or Noah I catch myself walking very fast and having to turn around and wait for them to catch up. We always have to hurry and hurry some more. Noah once complained that I literally pushed him as I had my hand planted firmly on his back trying to speed him up. So yes, I guess I pushed him.
I'm a mom on the verge of shutting down the outside world because I don’t believe in this speed or busyness. I am away from my home and family for 50 plus hours a week but apparently that is not enough.
This year I'm also employing a new way to give to charities and that is absolutely no commitments are done via the telephone. Of course this explanation is lost in translation to the aggressive paid fundraisers as they press on…."Can we count on getting $600 from you?" John and I absolutely believe in personal-giving but the press from charities is beyond excessive. Some of them are great charities but our money is limited.
So as we head into another summer, my favorite time of year, I am taking steps to slow down.
AUBREY’S UPDATES
She flew to Washington, D.C. on Sunday. I held it together pretty well at the gate but did get a little teary-eyed. Delta boarded the youth leadership kids first and when Aubrey saw two older and very handsome boys join their group she quickly pulled her braid out so that her hair was loose. I told her multiple times that she is not attending a fashion show event but not sure that was ever clear with her. They have a very busy agenda and she has already seen the White House and toured Harpers Ferry.
NOAH'S UPDATES
Noah is excited about summer and baseball and continues to press us for entertainment all day. All day.
A NOTE ON GRIEF
Ten years is a very long time to be separated from a child. It should never be this way.
A REVERENT SUMMER?
It's too early to tell but so far it appears we might have a very hot summer. We've already had several 90 degree days and are supposed to have mid-90s this coming Saturday and Sunday. I can only hope.
OUR THANKS
Thanks for visiting and thanks to all who remembered us on the 10th anniversary.
In His Arms,
The Paquette's: Monica, John, Aubrey, Saint Gabrielle, and Noah
Wednesday, May 16, 2012 9:34 PM CDT
WE KNOW YOU ARE WITH JESUS…BUT STILL
Dear Gabrielle,
We know you are with Jesus and you would not want to come back to this ever-darkening world. But still, no parent wants this cross of painful separation.
We know God's plans for you and for us truly go beyond our wildest dreams. But still, for now we only see this world and the unfinished works.
We know God will use every drop of your innocent suffering for good. But still, we wonder why you, a mere child, had to suffer so much more than most.
We know our lives here without you are barely even a drop of time in eternity. But still, you have been gone forever.
We know God carries us during our most difficult tribulations. But still, we carried you when you were weak and yet your suffering was not eased.
We hope you know we love you so very much.
OUR THANKS
Thank you for visiting on Gabrielle's death anniversary. Ten years ago I held her as she took her very last breath in this life, the tiniest of sighs. I then passed her limp and breathless body to her Daddy for him to hold one last time.
We thank God for all that He has given us and He has indeed heaped blessing after blessing on our family. So many blessings….but still, Gabrielle is gone.
In His Arms,
The Paquette's: Monica, John, Aubrey, Saint Gabrielle, and Noah
Monday, April 30, 2012 8:00 PM CDT
WHO IS WATCHING the KIDS?
We had spring break a few weeks ago and I was more than relieved when it was finally over. Because Aubrey is now old enough to babysit we let her watch Noah for this break. While nothing horrible happened things were a little wild because all the neighborhood kids were on break. I did stay home one day to monitor the situation but the very next day when I went back to work Aubrey called me at one point to tell me that rocks were being thrown at our house. Our neighborhood is very socio-economically diverse and there are kids who roam the neighborhood without any parental supervision. It’s scary.
AUBREY’S UPDATES
Volleyball is finally over and the season wrapped up with a weekend tournament in Rochester, MN. The girls begged the coach for at least one overnight tournament, which is how we ended up in Rochester.
We are slowly getting ready for Aubrey’s trip to the youth leadership conference in D.C. as she leaves two days after the last day of school. As if the tuition wasn’t enough, the program has very restrictive what-to-wear rules and I will have to buy Aubrey all new clothes for that week. We got an e-mail last week informing us that she will have to wear a white-collared shirt and khaki pants on the plane. What??
Aubrey was caught messing around with her eyebrows again. The first time she had one of them plucked way too far from the center while this time both brows were plucked to an overly thin line. I had one of her cousins, who lost almost all her eyebrows supposedly to over-plucking, lecture her on the possibility the eyebrows won’t grow back. Aubrey must think I don’t pay attention…but I do!
NOAH’S UPDATES
Noah will soon be starting his first ever season of baseball. We went with mechanical pitch since he has never played before. Noah was dragged to most of Aubrey’s volleyball tournaments so we are looking forward to it being his turn. Aubrey has been informed that she will be required to attend some of Noah’s games since he spent so much time at her volleyball games.
And now I’m just sharing so I have this written down somewhere for memories. Noah is at that age where he is half-fascinated, half-horrified to see John and I kiss each other. So every Sunday at church Noah gets right between us during the sign-of-peace when John and I do a quick kiss and he loudly announces, “You may kiss the bride!!”
A NOTE ON GRIEF
Sometimes I find myself in the midst of parents discussing their past nightmares but where their child is now healthy and fine. And I say nothing of my deeper nightmare that stayed and will be with me until eternity.
I miss you, Gabbie. They have no idea….
OUR THANKS
Thanks for visiting. Thanking God for His Salvation…only through Jesus!
In His Arms,
The Paquettes: John, Monica, Aubrey, Saint Gabrielle, and Noah
Tuesday, March 13, 2012 6:54 PM CDT
WINTER FORGOT MINNESOTA
Winter remains brown and we have lately had some very unseasonably warm weather. It's confusing to my senses because normally I'm still wearing winter clothes even the first week in April. We have been sleeping with windows open which is even stranger yet. We made it to an outdoor ice-rink one day this winter and did not go sliding one single time.
AUBREY’S UPDATES
Aubrey's club volley-ball has kept us (newbies) very busy. Some tournaments are longer than a work day and that's after a five-day work week. But it's been fun—especially the tournaments at the volley-ball warehouse. The warehouse has eight courts with games going on all eight courts all day and into the evenings. For our sanity John and I have been splitting tournaments with one going for the first half and the other for the last half.
With the exception of art class, Aubrey had all As last quarter and was nominated to go to the junior leadership conference in Washington, D.C. this summer. It's very costly but would be a great experience so we are going to try to make it happen.
Aubrey has an eagle-eye for any purchases I make to the point that I feel guilty for spending money on anything. I recently purchased a Pilates Power Gym because between constant running injuries, a full-time sit-down job, aging that refuses to stop, and time for only one or two trips to the YMCA a week, I need help, lots of help! Aubrey saw the e-mail confirming my purchase and the price and commented on it. Fortunately I was able to point right back that her volley-ball was a lot more.
(By the way, I've only had the pilates gym for a week but am very happy with it. It's fairly compact and very well constructed and offers a variety of work-outs. Great strength training. In fact I'm heading out shortly for a mile run on our balmy March evening and then some training on the home gym!)
NOAH'S UPDATES
Noah turned nine yesterday! Happy Birthday Noah, we love you!!!
Noah also had great grades last quarter and even his marks on behavior shot up as high as possible.
A NOTE ON GRIEF
We all love and appreciate our surviving children as much as the departed children. But each single child is 100% of our happiness and love and so grief remains solid and forever.
OUR THANKS
Thanking God for His salvation. In today's changing and depressing world it's reassuring to know that He holds believers fast and sure and no matter what the future brings, eternity with Him cannot be lost.
In His Arms,
The Paquette's: Monica, John, Aubrey, Saint Gabrielle, and Noah
Friday, January 13, 2012 4:34 PM CST
BROWN
It's brown, our winter is brown. And a shiny new toboggan from Santa sits dejected in our garage. I'm over 50 now and do recall a few snowless winters here and there but this one is by far the most depressing. What makes it so harsh is that while it's very cold now, many of the ice-rinks are not operational because until recently the temps were running above average. I already have a love/hate relationship with Minnesota and if I have to live here and endure long winters it should at least be snowy.
We did have a beautiful snowfall on New Year's Eve. Auntie Sarah joined us for dinner and then we all went for a night-time walk in a very heavy snowfall with possibly some of the fattest snowflakes we've ever seen.
Noah is very sad about the lack of snow but thankfully we are on his second session of indoor floor hockey via the YMCA. He just told me today that he keeps asking God for snow.
AUBREY’S UPDATES
Aubrey is busy being a busy teen-ager. After a good season of grade-school volleyball with OLP we decided to let her join club volleyball for the winter. It should give her a lot more experience as the OLP season is only seven weeks. Initially I never really wanted to do this because it's a lot of driving but one of her friends also signed up and we are doing some ride-sharing. I'm a home-body so I tend to resist driving around here and there as much as I can but as my kids get older I seem to be dragged out of the house a lot.
Aubrey finally has her braces on after what seemed like endless pre-brace preparation appointments. I always cringe when we go in for appointments because I don't think Aubrey follows all the instructions (she hardly ever wore her headgear) but the orthodontist always praises her for how much her teeth seem to be behaving. So maybe we are just lucky and her teeth will move easily.
NOAH'S UPDATES
It's time for him to be in sports to channel his energy. My lung capacity can keep up with him but my creaky knees cannot. Last night I played at least 30 minutes of floor hockey with Noah on my knees, thanks to John buying him an indoor hockey set where the sticks are only about 14 to 16 inches long. What a bad idea.
Noah had his first "lie" about not feeling well and getting out of school. One morning he faked a stomach ache (he had just had a stomach virus and I knew he was faking this time) and I made him go even though he was doubling over and pretend crying. But his antics were so bad in the car that John brought him home. Ok, but he is to stay in bed all day. So I checked on Noah before leaving for work (John stayed home as he was still sick himself) and he told me he had "good news" and that the cause of his stomach-ache was due to tight underwear and he now had a better pair on. Well, at least my instincts were right.
A NOTE ON GRIEF
Even if you are not from Minnesota you have probably heard of the very tragic story regarding Jack Jablonski, the now paralyzed high school hockey player. I listened to one of the doctor interviews and the doctor mentioned that the Jablonski family will need lots of help as the months to come will be difficult.
Months? The difficulties surrounding life's deepest tragedies are all too often compacted into months by the unknowing. But some of the harshest tears of grief are not in the months after but in the years and years after.
OUR THANKS
Thanking God for His endless mercies and His undeserved kindness.
Remembering someone I only met only once or twice, may he rest in peace.
In His Arms,
The Paquette's: Monica, John, Aubrey, Saint Gabrielle, and Noah
Wednesday, November 16, 2011 4:24 PM CST
FOOTPRINTS against the TIDE
The powerful and relentless tides of our present world say we should leave no footprints behind. Some have even said that no family should ever have more than one child because each child represents a footprint. Well, Gabrielle left many footprints and we are forever thankful for those footprints.
Solemn footprints
So very often I hear or read of praise for those who are fun or laugh often while rarely seeing praise for solemnity. But there are so many worthy souls who have gone before us who lived solemn lives full of hard work and sorrow. America would not have become such a great country were it not for the solemn pilgrims of long ago.
Like your ancestors, Gabbie, you wore a veil of solemnity and sorrow with much grace even in the ever-pressing tide of fun and happiness. Your solemn footprints stand in stark contrast to almost all and everything around us.
Silent footprints
Through-out all your cancer treatments you rarely cried. Sometimes, yes, you certainly cried and even protested. But against the tide of the loud world you mostly suffered in complete silence and simply watched the rest of us with your sad eyes. Your silent footprints have forever changed our world.
Gentle footprints
Everything that came from you was deliberate, slow, and gentle. Your little hands would reach for and hold objects as if they were precious but breakable. How utterly heartbreaking it was for us to watch your gentle soul endure the ravages of a viciously cruel and violent cancer that took your life. But against the tide of that viciousness your gentleness reigned. It is the gentle footprints that remain forever stamped in our hearts.
Tiny footprints following Jesus
Jesus our Savior has left more footprints in our world than all others combined. Many of his footprints are also solemn, silent, and gentle even while ever so powerful against the tide. And trailing behind the footprints of the one who came to save the world are the tiny but indelible and faithful footprints of our daughter, against the tide.
Solemn birthday, Gabrielle! The footprints you impressed upon our hearts and souls are cherished beyond words.
OUR THANKS
Thanks for remembering…for even remembering those who have gone before us is against the tide of moving on.
In His Arms,
The Paquettes: John, Monica, Aubrey, Saint Gabrielle, and Noah
Monday, October 24, 2011 8:08 PM CDT
IT’S OFFICIAL…WE HAVE A TEENAGER!
The weekend before last we celebrated Aubrey’s 13th birthday! It’s so hard for me to believe that time has gone this fast and so sad to see our children grow-up so quickly. Children truly are unique individuals. Aubrey resembles me…in very few ways.
I was painfully shy but she is a popular social butterfly who seems to be able to have footing in different groups of kids from OLP.
I was probably the most plainly dressed grade-school girl while she is a knowledgeable fashionista. Not sure I always like that!
I was utterly lacking in sports development while she has become a determined volleyball player. When she and her classmates started volleyball in fourth-grade, it was a miracle if the ball rallied once over the net and, to be honest, the games were not that exciting. Now the games are fast-paced with long rallies, spikes, and sometimes awesome serves that I cannot believe come from grade-school girls.
I was somewhat neat and orderly while she is a never-ending tornado of sloppiness. I definitely do not like that!
I read and read and read while she claims to dislike reading. That difference actually concerns me but hopefully it will not be permanent.
But I am me and she is Aubrey and we are so very blessed to have her in our lives!!
Birthday fun tip! For the last five years or so, I have been preparing a simple birthday “menu” that lists out options for the drinks, appetizers, main entrée, sides, and desserts. The birthday child then circles their selected items. I always know what the kids want so include those items in the options but then list at least two other items in each category. This year I showed the menu to Noah before Aubrey and he panicked a bit because one of the main entrée options was “Home-Made Pizza by Noah”. But Aubrey does not like pizza so he was safe! This year’s menu for Aubrey included varied versions of “peas” in all the categories—just my fun way of mocking those little green balls that I so detest.
The birthday menu is just something special to add to your child’s birthday and at no extra cost. Try it, really, your child will like it.
SHE DEPARTED FROM US 3,447 DAYS AGO; OUR LIVES TODAY
And time marches on but I am forever impacted by her absence. Last Friday after I picked up Noah from school we went home and I started to bake cookies. In the middle of baking I recalled the current story of the little toddler girl in China who was run over by two vehicles in a crowded market and where numerous passers-by walked right by her fallen and seriously injured body. Someone finally attended to her and she was hospitalized. She died on Friday and I cried as I finished the cookies.
If Gabbie had not died I’m sure these stories would still impact me deeply. But after begging and pleading with God for months to save Gabbie only to have her die, I am sure that now the stories of children thrown away touch me even more.
How on earth does anyone throw away the life of a child? My only solace is knowing that Jesus loves these children more than we will ever know in this life.
OUR THANKS
Thanks for visiting…I know I hardly ever update but time slips away faster and faster.
In His Arms,
The Paquettes: John, Monica, Aubrey, Saint Gabrielle, and Noah
Friday, September 2, 2011 4:15 PM CDT
A SUMMER’S FADE
Aubrey and Noah will start school the day after Labor Day and summer has once again faded away. I did get one last great day for biking as yesterday was in the mid-90s.
SHE DEPARTED FROM US 3,395 DAYS AGO; OUR LIVES TODAY
We just got back from a mostly relaxing vacation in Asheville, North Carolina. We did a lot of hiking, which means we also listened to a lot of grumbling from Aubrey and Noah. On one hike, Noah insisted he was being attacked by biting bugs every step of the way while the rest of us were left alone. I took pictures of him on several of the hikes where he was way behind on the trails as he would deliberately drop back from us and carry on and on about how grueling the hiking was.
We left North Carolina the same day the hurricane hit but because we were in the western part of the state, our drive home was not impacted in any way.
As with all our trips that head east and south, Asheville was beautiful and the climate very enviable and I wonder why I live in a place with such long winters. But Minneapolis has really spoiled me when it comes to walking, biking, and running. The parts of Asheville we saw did not have any sidewalks and even though they had “share the road with a biker” signs, there was barely enough room on the roads for cars let alone bikes.
So I guess for now I will take our long and harsh winters and dreary wind-whipped springs and enjoy the opportunity to just open our front door and head out for a bike ride (seasonal of course) or jog or walk. After Minneapolis stole Portland’s number one biking city title, we were then later listed somewhere in the top 10 most walkable cities in the United States.
AUBREY’S UPDATES
She is very ready for 7th grade! This summer she started babysitting for pay so even we now have some flexibility and can have her watch Noah. Of course they fight while we are gone but they don’t seem to have the intense or physical fights that other siblings have. Guess I would call it never-ending nuisance nit-picking!
NOAH’S UPDATES
It will be interesting to see how he transitions back to OLP but I believe that all of his classmates will remember him.
THE POW
I normally don’t make book recommendations even though I’m always reading a book. However, before we left for vacation one of John’s brothers offered me his latest read and I accepted. Initially I hesitated as it was non-fiction and about a WWII POW. But then my brother-in-law mentioned that before the war the POW was an up-an-coming runner. Runner…well that piqued my interest enough!
This book, Unbroken, and authored by Laura Hillenbrand who also wrote Seabiscuit: An American Legend, has forever set the bar for all future books I will read. Louis Zamperini was almost set to be the first runner to break four minutes for the mile but then along came World War II. Zamperini became a bombardier in the US Army Air Forces and eventually was involved in a plane crash in the Pacific Ocean. His survival on a small raft in the Pacific is beyond belief but it is his resilience to being broken after capture by the Japanese that is most astonishing. Some of the details regarding treatment of the POWs are appalling as humans can sometimes be cruel or sadistic in ways that defy understanding. A tough, sobering read but I’ve never read a better book.
I will only add that Zamperini survived and is still living today and that at one point after the war, while wallowing in the hell that only war veterans know, he met our Savior, Jesus Christ, thanks to Billy Graham!
A NOTE ON GRIEF
Always deeply missing my solemn child who continues to fade further and further away. A soldier for Jesus in her own special way.
OUR THANKS
Thanks for stopping by!
In His Arms,
The Paquettes: John, Monica, Aubrey, Saint Gabrielle, and Noah
Friday, August 12, 2011 7:04 PM CDT
SCHOOL MOVES…AGAIN
We are making another school move. Saint Helena’s is a really great school and Noah had a good year but we are moving him back to Our Lady of Peace. The logistics of two drop-offs, two pick-ups, two school schedules, and two churches was simply too much. We told Noah last night and he is very happy.
SUMMER SLIPPING AWAY
The 2011 royal messengers of doom arrived right on schedule. I was getting ready for bed on the evening of July 31st and heard the crickets for the first time this summer. I really cannot complain as all of July was a biker’s paradise and I probably put in more biking miles in the last five weeks than I ever thought possible. But the heat and humidity left us early this week and I suspect, sadly, that summer as I define it has already ended.
AUBREY’S UPDATES
Three more weeks of summer but Aubrey is very excited, as usual, for the upcoming school year. Tradition is that John takes the kids on the annual chase for school supplies and Aubrey made it clear this year that I was NOT welcome. Probably because I am the parent much more likely to whine, “Don’t we already have some of these, do we really need to buy new ones?”
But I am welcomed back into the fold when they come back home as I am required to sit and admire every single item purchased as they are pulled out of the shopping bags.
Aubrey and her neighbor friend, with the help of other neighbor kids, had a very successful “Wentworth Street Café,” and they raised $100 for a local food shelf. (We have very kind and generous neighbors who help us hit that $100.) Aubrey and her neighbor friend were then recognized with “good neighbor” awards that were given out during our annual National Night Out block party.
NOAH’S UPDATES
Our dentist wants the orthodontist who is treating Aubrey to take a look at Noah. Wow, we can barely afford Aubrey’s braces so I hope this doesn’t mean he will need braces NOW. Guess his teeth are packed in very tight and the dentist told me that Noah’s teeth are bigger than mine and he still has a child’s size face.
A NOTE ON GRIEF
I had a strange but special phone call this week. It started out as a solicitation—something about debit cards, I think. But when the caller, a man named Isaac, mentioned the name of a company I founded solely for the purpose of funneling gifts to Children’s Hospital in Gabbie’s memory, I told him that it really wasn’t a business and it was simply a way for me to give gifts in her memory without indicating directly that the gifts are in memory of a departed child. Hospitals generally won’t tell recipients that gifts are in memory of a departed child and I can understand that.
I ended up getting a little weepy and Isaac was actually quite kind and then mentioned that Gabbie was safe with Jesus. I was shocked—this is Minnesota and phone solicitors here would be fired on the spot for making such a religious statement. But I was also very grateful and thanked him and then we talked a bit more and said our good-byes. A few minutes later Isaac called back and we had an even longer conversation about faith and Gabbie. I eventually found out he is a marine and a runner, which only made the call more interesting since I have nothing but respect for those in the service. He was calling from Texas, which partly explains the openness of his faith.
My faith and belief are unchanged but I’ve been drifting a little bit lately and this was a great reminder from God to focus on Him. I will never meet Isaac in this life and yet our two short phone conversations, in the end, are important details worked out by an ever-loving God.
OUR THANKS
Thank you for stopping by! Thanking all those who serve our country…our family notices.
In His Arms,
The Paquettes: John, Monica, Aubrey, Saint Gabrielle, and Noah
Monday, July 18, 2011 7:19 PM CDT
SUMMER is BACK on my APPROVAL LIST
June was almost a complete waste where “summer” is concerned but summer has behaved herself in July. It’s been so hot and humid that even I pushed to get our central air fixed. This week the park and recreation program that Aubrey and Noah attend is requiring some early pick-up times because their AC is broken and we are facing very high heat indexes.
So even though the mildest of household tasks leads to massive sweating, no complaints from me! I try to spend as much time outside as possible and have to drag myself into the house if the AC is on. As soon as the heat indexes go down, off goes the AC!
We (well, John has) have started to repaint the outside of the house and garage. John offered to paint small samples on the house before we made our decision but I waved it off and felt confident the paint chip “view” was enough. First he painted the garage trim and all was well. Then I saw some of the main color on the garage siding and was not happy—it was not even close to what I imagined. I insisted it was not the paint chip color but then we got out the paint chip and it is the same color. The color has actually grown on me and I am looking foward to the completion. But if your DH ever offers to paint samples on a wall, take up the offer!!
Part of me is a little sad as our house was a very unique mauve that I’ve rarely, if ever, seen on other homes. But it was time for something new.
AUBREY’S and NOAH’S UPDATES
Aubrey and Noah just got back from a week up in Alexandria. Sounds like controlled chaos to me but they had a very good time. Aubrey and her friend across the street are gearing up for their “4th Annual Wentworth Street Café” and all proceeds go to charity. They put a lot of work into it but guess who does the baking?
A NOTE ON GRIEF
A fourth-grader from Noah’s school (Saint Helena) has just died from cancer. All around us innocent children depart to be with the Lord while the wicked continue to prosper in this life.
We always remark how unfair life is, especially when children die. But I was thinking the other day of Gabbie’s solemn soul and how maybe it would have been beyond unfair if her soul had to stay in this world for much longer.
The souls of some of these children are maybe crying to leave even though we as parents cannot bear to be separated. They are placed here shortly for a reason but meant, always, to be home with Jesus.
OUR THANKS
Thank you for visiting. Hope you are staying cool but enjoying the heat while it’s here!
In His Arms,
The Paquettes: John, Monica, Aubrey, Saint Gabrielle, and Noah
Friday, June 17, 2011 8:54 PM CDT
ANOTHER IRREVERENT SUMMER
I'm facing a doom and gloom summer again as cool and rainy weather makes her self content to settle in Minnesota. Today is actually warm and humid, a brief respite from the doom and gloom. Honestly, why do I live here if I am such a heat fanatic?
I did, however, treat the kids to our first ever Valleyfair outing and on that day it reached 103 degrees! Valleyfair is the Minnesota version of Six Flags. Valleyfair is outrageously priced but I was able to get tickets at a 25% discount from Thomson Reuters. Aubrey and Noah both finished school well before the Minneapolis and metro public schools so thought I would brave Valleyfair with hopes of smaller crowds. And smaller crowds did indeed rule the day—we went on ride after ride after ride with hardly any waits. We were there almost all day and towards the end we were a bit woozy and crabby from the 103 degree heat.
We came home to a house with an internal temperature of 93 degrees as the AC is broken. The house briefly went up to 94 degrees but by bedtime it was a cool 90 and with fans we all slept great. Sigh, and then the cool rains came.
We are driving to Asheville, North Carolina for our vacation this year and I hope God has blessed NC with a more reverent summer.
AUBREY’S and NOAH'S UPDATES
Aubrey has turned into a fashionista and I already know I'm not in style, especially where my non-conforming eyebrows are concerned. One morning before work I looked at her face and just about fell out of the chair laughing. She had over-plucked her eyebrows and one eyebrow was half-gone and was only over half of her eye. She denied over and over doing anything until I found a picture to prove she once had normal eyebrows.
NOAH'S UPDATES
Noah is sporting his shortest hair cut ever. Saint Helena's hinted that it was too long for his First Communion back in May so I finally caved. It actually took two haircut attempts as the first was well-intentioned but turned out to look like a thick bob that really belonged on the other gender. I think the days of Noah being mistaken for a girl are now forever gone.
A NOTE ON GRIEF
On Memorial Day in our paper I read a stranger's tribute to a departed soldier. The writer only knew the soldier from the yearly memorial that began when the writer was a boy. The writer acknowledged that the soldier's family's grief must be undiminished…even as decades passed.
A stranger understands another stranger's grief and for that I smile.
OUR THANKS
Thanks for visiting and hope your summer days are pleasant and warm.
Thanking God for His gift of eternal life through His Son. We all need a savior and his name is Jesus.
In His Arms,
The Paquette's: Monica, John, Aubrey, Saint Gabrielle, and Noah
Friday, May 27, 2011 12:06 AM CDT
THE INVASIONS of "LIFE GOES ON"
Life goes on as we get further and further from the days Gabrielle was in our lives.
INVASION of OTHER DEATHS
Harmon Killebrew breathed his last on Gabrielle's death anniversary. I know that not only was he one of the greatest baseball players but also a great man.
INVASION of SOCIAL MEDIA
Without our permission and actually against our rules, we just discovered that Aubrey set up a Facebook page with the help of one of friends. Some think we are overreacting to this but it was only about a month or so a go that two eighth graders from a small Minnesota town took their lives. Allegedly Facebook played a role in the suicides.
INVASION of PESTS
Last Friday we got the call from OLP that Aubrey had lice. Several of her classmates had it and it was extensive in grades one to three.
While I worked very hard on Friday doing laundry, vacuuming furniture, and combing, combing, combing Aubrey’s hair, I can say we are now lice pros and it was nowhere near as devastating as the first time. It's all about combing the lice/nits out and NOT putting pesticides in your child’s hair. And you don’t have to wash everything, you can bag up blankets and the like for 48 hours and the lice are history.
INVASION of STORMS and THUGS
Here in south Minneapolis we were spared but a swath of north Minneapolis was not so lucky and many homes were destroyed by last Sunday's tornado. We feel very sorry for those impacted by the tornado, especially since north Minneapolis already struggles with poverty and typical inner-city strife.
There is another really sad aspect to this tornado. Looting in Minneapolis began shortly after the tornado ended. Looting? No need for that as everyone was offered food and shelter and there have been so many willing to help that agencies have had to turn away volunteers.
Never mind the thugs of entitlement mentality, true and even life-sacrificing heroes are starting to come out of this tragedy. The two men who died during the tornado or in its aftermath were helping others the very moment their lives ended.
INVASION of SUMMER
Trick headline! Summer is nowhere near and we have been having cool and rainy days.
INVASION of SILENT STILLNESS
Life goes on but my daughter's body continues to lie still and silent in the dust of the earth.
OUR THANKS
I am thankful for a message left by a friend on Gabrielle's anniversary reminding me that each day I am one step closer to the heavenly reunion.
Remembering with thankfulness all the soldiers who have given their lives for America.
In His Arms,
The Paquette's: Monica, John, Aubrey, Saint Gabrielle, and Noah
Monday, May 16, 2011 8:41 PM CDT
A QUESTION from NOAH and REMEMBERING GABBIE
In my last update I mentioned Connor VanKuiken, the fourth grader from OLP who died after fighting a sudden infection. We all went to the funeral, including Noah. We talked a lot about Connor before and after the funeral and Noah was clearly doing a lot of thinking about the death of children.
So one morning around this time and while driving him to school, Noah asked me, “What were the saddest words Gabbie said to you?” I instantly knew my answer as it forever lives in me but the answer actually does not involve spoken words.
I told Noah about the dreary day I was pushing a solemn and quiet Gabrielle in her stroller on the eighth floor shortly after she was recovering from major surgery. We had promised her, over and over, that the doctors would get rid of her cancer during the surgery. She asked me, “Cancer gone”? I truthfully told her that some cancer remained. Not one word. Just silent large tear drops cascading down her soft cheeks.
It is probably my most heartbreaking memory of Gabbie yet at the same time it paints an eternal picture of the great measure of her soul. Her unspoken humble and sorrowful submission to the wrath of neuroblastoma is a child’s shadow of the sorrow and humble submission of Jesus in the garden of Gethsemane. She was so humble in all her ways.
I believe that it takes great strength to face such trials with uncomplaining and quiet submission. We always think of great warriors as those who are loud and physically strong…but truly the strongest are those who humbly submit to suffering as Jesus did. So while I can see or touch my daughter no longer I can at least know that even in her young and innocent years she is among the greatest of warriors for Jesus!
A NOTE ON GRIEF
I remember once I was several yards in front of her and I turned to look at her and she smiled and started to run towards me. But no sooner had she started and the smile immediately faded and she quickly stopped in her tracks. I have no doubt it was the pain from the large tumor yet undetected.
But Jesus has ultimately won and there shall be a day when I run with Gabrielle in Heaven. We will run and run and not grow weary and if we stumble, it will only be because we are laughing too much as we run faster and faster and faster.
OUR THANKS
Thanking God for the grace and goodness so lovingly bestowed upon Gabrielle.
In His Arms,
The Paquettes: John, Monica, Aubrey, Saint Gabrielle, and Noah
Tuesday, April 5, 2011 8:30 PM CDT
IN MEMORY of a BOY I WISH I HAD KNOWN
I think I saw him here and there at Our Lady of Peace or at Pearl Park in the winter. But I never really knew him until following the CaringBridge site set up for him last week. What a wonderful and incredible boy, departed far too early due to a quick and sudden illness.
A fourth grader from Our Lady of Peace, Connor VanKuiken, passed away a couple of days ago. In his short time on this earth he touched many, many lives. They say sometimes the young departed soul has touched far more than those who are here for decades and decades. It's very true, and Connor is one of them.
CaringBridge: visit/connorvankuiken
A NOTE ON GRIEF
When I was growing up children did not die. Now I seem almost fully immersed in the death of children. Several weeks ago I attended the memorial for a beautiful sweet baby boy named Max. Max was diagnosed at six weeks with neuroblastoma and fought a good battle but he also departed this life and the world is a lesser place.
The righteous are taken all around us…does anyone notice?
OUR THANKS
Thanking the God who provides the only Hope!
In His Arms,
The Paquette's: Monica, John, Aubrey, Saint Gabrielle, and Noah
Wednesday, March 23, 2011 9:19 AM CDT
WINTER LOVES US MINNESOTANS
It's March 23rd and I am sitting here in our computer room next to a window gracing me with a view of our front street, which is now all white. It has been snowing most of the night and showing no signs of stopping yet. Fortunately I don't have to race off to work as Aubrey and Noah are on spring break and I am waiting for a "nanny" to come over. (One of our perks at Thomson Reuters is a great nanny service.) I have to say this quietly but to be honest, I was sad to see winter end several weeks ago so don't mind its brief return today.
SHE LEFT US 3,232 DAYS AGO; OUR LIVES TODAY
Back in February Aubrey and I drove down to LaCrosse, Wisconsin for our annual mother-daughter outing. We drove down to Rochester and then headed east on I-90. I've never been on I-90 and even remarked to Aubrey how odd it was that we were practically alone on the interstate. Little did I know that would haunt us on our drive back to Minneapolis. On our way back we ended up in the middle of the February snowstorm and driving on I-90 was a nightmare. Two hours and only 37 miles from LaCrosse I had to give up and we spent a night in Winona. The scary part was that I-90 was deserted and it was a complete white-out…and I don't have a cell-phone. Misery loves company and I wanted to see other travelers on that road!
LaCrosse is almost a quaint town but Aubrey and I were shocked to see the downtown littered and piled with cigarette butts. As a non-smoker I am actually not opposed to smoking but do detest cigarette butts as litter. If one had a weak stomach, one would have lost their last meal. Come on, Wisconsin, clean that up! I've since heard it's the "college" kids doing the littering.
AUBREY’S UPDATES
Every one told me my children would grow-up fast but no one warned me about pre-teen girls in particular. The other day I reminded myself that Aubrey was not a ninth or tenth grader but a sixth grader. One would never know. We caved in and let her buy, with her own money, an iPod. There are rules and we are actually even going to draw up a "contract," with signatories required, on how it is to be used. She already had it taken away for a weekend due to an infraction. I have looked at that technical contraption but have no idea how it works.
At least she still LOVES school. She competed in a spelling bee several weeks ago and also competed on a team for the Minnesota's Math Masters competition.
NOAH'S UPDATES
Noah turned 8!! We had a special birthday dinner with Aunt Sarah as the guest. Noah, thankfully, seems to be a typical 8-year old. Noah did a lot of skating this winter, which I was happy to see. Last year he wouldn't put on skates because he was so wobbly. But he took off this year and I was, at times, even jealous of his ability to whiz around on the ice-rink.
A NOTE ON GRIEF
We've all heard the saying that we love our kids more and more every day. So does that mean that if you lose a two-year old your grief is less? No. The buried child is also loved more and more every day just as the living children are loved.
No wonder such grief never ends.
OUR THANKS
Thanks for visiting! Maybe next time I write the snow will be but a memory and trees will be blooming.
Thanking God for his never-ending mercies.
In His Arms,
The Paquette's: Monica, John, Aubrey, Saint Gabrielle, and Noah
Monday, December 27, 2010 5:20 PM CST
OUR STRANGE NORMAL WINTER
It’s only December and we have had much wintry weather. We’ve had an ice-storm, a snow-storm and more snow, and frigid temperatures. Our ice-storm was back in November and was the worst in 30 years. Normally I would stay home in such conditions but it came hours earlier than they predicted and I found myself white-knuckled and driving on the ice-rinks (freeways). It’s a very strange sensation when you repeatedly lose complete control of your car even while crawling at 5 miles per hour. Fortunately I had a friend with me who was very supportive of my ice-driving skills during our long and slow ride home.
The snow storm dumped 17 inches on Minneapolis, which is nothing compared to the snow storms they are getting out East. So still not the big one I am waiting for but it did shut down the roads enough that Aubrey and Noah missed two days of school. Shutting down schools in Minneapolis for two days in a row due to snow is very, very rare, especially since the actual storm was on a Saturday.
But thanks to all the snow it’s been a very beautiful winter. Some of my dusk or after-dusk runs or walks have been beyond description, just like the old days. Climbing over snow banks at intersections brings back many childhood memories!
SHE DEPARTED FROM US 3,146 DAYS AGO; OUR LIVES TODAY
I still struggle to get through Christmas without Gabrielle as every year tensions build and pressures mount. But at least I know that centuries and centuries ago…a child was born onto us.
AUBREY’S UPDATES
Our twelve-year old is growing up faster and faster and along with that speed come a few bumps in the road. But we are blessed that Aubrey still adores school and she and a few of her classmates were chosen to be on a Math Masters team that will compete in Saint Paul next spring. Because so many girls lose interest in math prior to high school, we are pushing this as much as we can.
NOAH’S UPDATES
On Christmas Eve morning Noah wrote a short note to Santa telling him that he (Noah) had been bad this year and did not deserve any gifts. I think Noah was testing us and/or looking for confirmation that Santa was still going to visit, which Santa did.
I do have a story to share about Noah. He, more than Aubrey, has funny interpretations of expressions we take for granted. Several weeks back we received a one-page flyer from a local car dealership that included a picture of a vehicle with three circle scratch offs along with a fake but realistic car key to do the scratching. So Noah scratched off the three circles and excitedly jumped up and down saying, “we won, we won.” I pointed at the car on the brochure and told him that unfortunately it was all “just a gimmick.” His reply was, “No it is not a “gimmick,” it’s an Escalade!!”
A NOTE ON GRIEF
I’ve been talking to someone who has been going through some very tough times. We have noticed that many people happily point out that we are allegedly stronger after our trials.
Truthfully, no one wants to be stronger at the expense of their child’s life or their marriage.
OUR THANKS
Thank you for visiting and wishing everyone a very blessed 2011. Thanking God for His faithfulness no matter how badly we stumble.
In His Arms,
The Paquettes: John, Monica, Aubrey, Saint Gabrielle, and Noah
Tuesday, November 16, 2010 5:26 PM CST
A SADDER SHADE of SORROW and A BIRTHDAY
One of the songs of my youth is Procul Harum’s “A Whiter Shade of Pale.” I never understood the meaning of the lyrics but found the instrumentals beautiful, haunting and very mournful. Months after Gabbie’s death I was Christmas shopping when an instrumental-only version of the song came on as shopper background music. “A whiter shade of pale” immediately reminded me of Gabbie because her life was also beautiful yet haunting. In the last photos taken prior to diagnosis, Aubrey and Gabbie are side by side, and Gabbie is truly “a whiter shade of pale.” She was very sick. Every time I hear that haunting melody her mournful eyes are before me.
Gabrielle would now be eleven years old. My faith has not transformed the tragedy of her suffering and death into a beautiful rose garden, but that I am still standing is surely God’s faithful promise.
She fought the good fight with solemnity and a soft sorrow. The sadness that lived in her did not die upon her death but instead crept into my mother’s heart and soul and will forever live on in me until eternity when sorrow is no more.
I miss Gabrielle so very much, my “whiter shade of pale.” And because of her, I am forever a sadder shade of sorrow.
OUR THANKS
We are so thankful for Noah and Aubrey. Noah was the “star of the week” in his class at Saint Helena’s this week. When filling out the “star of the week” questionnaire, he insisted, without one word from us, on claiming four siblings. He never met Gabrielle or the miscarried babies but at least he remembers them.
It’s been a very harsh and long road but, thankfully, God is always there.
As always, thank you so much for visiting.
In His Arms,
The Paquettes: John, Monica, Aubrey, Saint Gabrielle, and Noah
Wednesday, October 20, 2010 9:37 PM CDT
THE INVASION
We got the call I've always dreaded since Aubrey and Noah have started school. "Noah has lice." Watching your child suffer and die from cancer is a million times worse but fighting a lice invasion is exhausting and emotionally draining. Noah missed three days of school and those were split over a weekend. Aubrey missed one and a half days of school. John and I both missed work and I am almost out of sick time for the year. The first treatment didn't work so we called the pediatrician and ordered a prescription treatment ($$$$$). Fortunately our vacuum, hot water heater, washer, and dryer held up but John did do about nine loads at a Laundromat just to speed things up.
Every time we found even one live louse, we started all over by stripping the beds and vacuuming over and over. It financially hurt us and strained every one emotionally. I even yelled at Aubrey that school was absolutely not important (she was crying about missing a day) and that getting rid of the lice came before school. Both kids are now back at school but I’m not sure that the lice are done at Noah's school.
I have many tips to share, as we've learned a LOT about lice. But I think the most helpful tip if your home is invaded by lice is to give everyone, even unaffected family members, a very small pillow. Regular pillows take up too much washer space and take forever to dry. Small pillows can then be thrown in the washer daily or at least tumble in the dryer as lice do not like heat. We even limited Aubrey to a few blankets at night as she usually has a pile of 20 odd blankets and after the second round of her washing her bedding rules were put in place!
AUBREY’S UPDATES
Aubrey is twelve!! We had to cancel having her neighbor friend sleep-over due to the lice but her friend did join us for a celebratory birthday dinner. We will have the birthday sleep-over when lice are but a distant memory.
Truthfully, however, I will always vividly recall this lice incident.
Aubrey was crying when I came home from work today and was upset with her school photos. I looked at the photos and was somewhat surprised as normally I don't care for the school photos either. But I think these are the best ones yet! So we told Aubrey she can do the retakes but only if she pays for them as we are keeping the original. Just goes to show how far apart parents and children can be on opinions.
NOAH'S UPDATES
Bugs nesting in his hair seem to be par for the course for a second-grade boy.
OTHER UPDATES
John and I just had our 16th wedding anniversary earlier this month. No time to actually celebrate or anything but I am very grateful for my 16 years of marriage. John is a very patient and very helpful husband. Lately we have seen a number of marriages end or marriages that are hurting and we now realize that divorce truly can happen to any marriage. Of course we have our own moments but we get through them by the grace of God.
A NOTE ON GRIEF
It only takes a few seconds of thinking of her to bring tears to my eyes. It is such a deep, deep, persistent famine.
OUR THANKS
Thank you for visiting! May God's promises give you hope in this ever changing world.
In His Arms,
The Paquette's: Monica, John, Aubrey, Saint Gabrielle, and Noah
Tuesday, September 14, 2010 5:28 PM CDT
BACK in SCHOOL!!
Aubrey and Noah are back in school, which to my dismay means John and I are back in school too. I guess it’s somewhat of a good thing that schools expect so much parental involvement but as another parent once told me, “I already went to school.” John doesn’t mind at all but I get a little frustrated with all the time pressures.
Noah is in second grade at Saint Helena’s and Aubrey is in sixth grade at Our Lady of Peace. We have worked out a system that is working so far but most of the work falls on John. I drop off Noah every morning and John drops off Aubrey every morning. John then does pick up for both of them Monday through Thursday while I am going to do a little flex time and pick up both of them on Fridays right after school. On the other days, Noah goes to after-care while Aubrey is going home with a classmate who lives only a block from OLP. We are so BLESSED to have such a great family help us out in this way.
SUMMER’S END
The last week in August we did drive down to Orange Beach, Alabama. We had a great vacation but it was sad to see the businesses hurting from the oil spill. We did see a few tar balls and some staining on the sand. The water, however, looked great but you could definitely smell the oil. It was hot and humid for our first four days but then turned cool and rainy and we had to drive straight north all the way to Minnesota to get in the 90s again!
We almost didn’t go because two days before leaving John hurt his back really bad. But we were able to get him into a specialist and John was given pills for the trip to take the edge off the pain. He has since had an MRI and it’s a condition (disc) that he has had before and he has now been treated.
A NOTE ON GRIEF
Grief and love are practically the same but for grief’s overwhelming sorrow. If it’s not a crime to love our living children for all of our earthly days I guess I’m not sure why there is judgment for grieving our departed children for all of our earthly days.
Grieving or loving…why judge?
OUR THANKS
Thank you for visiting!
Thanking God for His bountiful and merciful blessings in our lives.
In His Arms,
The Paquettes: John, Monica, Aubrey, Saint Gabrielle, and Noah
Friday, July 30, 2010 4:15 PM CDT
THE ART of COMPROMISE
Logistically we are going to have a very busy 2010-11 school year. We finally made our school choice and the tension leading up to the decision was creating quite the strain on our marriage. Both John and I fully agree that Our Lady of Peace is far too costly but we are not as equally committed to OLP. I loved my school years from elementary through college graduation but what I enjoyed was the school atmosphere far more than an actual attachment to a particular school. John, on the other hand, in his school days created a strong attachment to a particular grade school and has also done the same with OLP.
Aubrey also absolutely loves OLP and was increasingly giving me the evil eye (she knew we were going to make a decision) so she is staying and Noah is transferring to Saint Helena’s. Aubrey will have a patchwork of after school care with other families while Noah will be able to attend Saint Helena’s after-school care, which is VERY reasonably priced. OLP does not even offer after school care for grades 6-8, which really leaves working families like ours out in the cold.
So now we will be splitting our time and financial resources between two churches (every other Sunday) and two schools for three years. Unless of course something happens and Aubrey does understand she could yet still transfer.
The joke’s on me, of course. I’m a Calvinist and I once read a Catholic blog that stated it is the Calvinist that is most hostile to Catholicism because the Calvinist knows all too well the differences between the two faiths. True and false. I do know the differences between our faiths and they can be stark but I am not hostile to Catholicism.
Now I will be attending not one, but two, Catholic churches.
SUMMER’S UPDATE
I noticed the arrival of the heralders of doom last week one night when I came home late from the YMCA. The crickets are now serenading us at night so I know summer’s twilight is here. It has truly been an incredible summer, mostly warm, sometimes hot, and even humid.
AUBREY’S UPDATES
Aubrey competed in her first triathlon, benefitting Miracles of Mitch, which supports pediatric cancer families. The race didn’t start until 11:00 a.m. and it was a very hot and humid day (not complaining) but Aubrey and her friends did not seem too fazed by the heat. They swam 100 yards, biked three miles around Lake Nokomis, and ran half a mile.
They finished strong and happy!
NOAH’S UPDATES
Never knew we could have such a naughty child but we do. We love him anyway. He had a great time in Alexandria with family and I don’t think he missed us for a moment.
Noah seems to be taking his coming school transfer in good spirits. It helps that one of his OLP buddies is also transferring to Saint Helena.
PRAYERS FOR…
The families and businesses affected by the oil spill.
A NOTE ON GRIEF
She is frequenting my dreams but I never seem to see her face. I guess the dreams mirror my earthly fate as her mother.
OUR THANKS
Thanking God for leading us to a compromise on the school situation. And thanking God, truly, for my not having to suffer a summer as wretched as last year’s.
Enjoy summer’s soft and beautiful twilight!
In His Arms,
The Paquettes: John, Monica, Aubrey, Saint Gabrielle, and Noah
Tuesday, July 13, 2010 5:15 PM CDT
A NOT SO IRREVERENT SUMMER
Last summer was so horribly cool, dry, and windy I felt depressed most of the summer. I can easily handle our dark and cold winters but only when we roast in the summer! We have been blessed, outside of two ugly weeks in June, with a much better summer this year. The air conditioners (not in our home) all around in our green, progressive, worship-the-earth-above-all, neighborhood have been humming almost every day. They have no idea what they are missing with the chirping birds and constant summer breezes.
We find ourselves in another year where we will be able to eke out a family vacation. Each year I keep thinking, because of the economy, that we are taking our last summer vacation. Some people think we are crazy but this summer’s destination is right in the oil spill (Orange Beach, AL). We actually picked our spot prior to the spill but made our reservations after the spill. We decided that we wanted to support that region with our vacation dollars and Aubrey and Noah will also see history in the making, however sad. No matter the beach conditions, Aubrey and Noah won’t be too upset as there are some nice pools where we are staying. I am hoping, however, for at least one dip in the ocean. We will see, the situation changes daily.
No decision on whether we are changing schools but we will probably decide very shortly.
AUBREY’S and NOAH’S UPDATES
John and I are in the midst of a strange week as this year both Aubrey and Noah went up to the lake in Alexandria. One of my brothers offered to bring Noah this year and we did warn him that Noah can be more than a handful but my brother persisted. I think the thought was that Noah would be so busy with activities at the lake that his behavior wouldn’t be too bad. Aubrey calls us every night and so far…all is well.
I certainly miss them and even worry about them. The day they drove up with my brother we watched the weather channel plop them right down in the middle of multiple tornado warnings but they were fine. We are supposed to get even more very severe weather tomorrow so a bit of worry for me is on the way.
But what a great week to catch up on things and take some time to exercise and read!
PRAYERS FOR…
All those who have lost a loved one and who are misunderstood by the outside world.
A NOTE ON GRIEF
What would it be like for me to hug a ten-year old Gabrielle today? I will never know in this life so I wonder and I grieve.
OUR THANKS
Thanks for visiting! Hope wherever you are your summer is truly summer.
Thanking God for His endless Mercies that we simply do not deserve.
In His Arms,
The Paquettes: John, Monica, Aubrey, Saint Gabrielle, and Noah
Saturday, June 19, 2010 12:53 AM CDT
ANOTHER GOOD-BYE…TOO EARLY
A few days ago my brother-in-law died. He, Tom Denzer, was married to John's sister, Michelle. He was also the father of Gabbie's godmother, Elizabeth.
I did not know Tom very well as he was very quiet and shy, or so it seemed to me. But I do know that in all our conversations, he was always polite and truly sincere. Sincerity is treasured character trait and even if you don't always know someone really well, you can usually sense whether or not they are sincere.
I hope Michelle doesn't mind my sharing this but I do have a memory of Tom that I will never forget. It isn't something I witnessed but rather something Michelle shared with me and that has impacted me. When Gabrielle was sick in the hospital, Michelle and her kids came often and would sometimes spend hours visiting with us. Tom was not there. However, I found out that it was too hard for him to visit us but he would sometimes go with them and he would sit and sit in the parking deck while they were visiting with us. I cannot think of a place more boring (parking deck) to sit and wait. That he couldn't come into the hospital doesn't bother me but that he came with his family anyway will always be remembered.
Tom loved classic cars. While I don't get into cars, I know that for those who do, all you have to do is look at the picture of the car below and you know Tom also.
OUR THANKS
Thank you for visiting and please pray for our family.
In His Arms,
The Paquette's: Monica, John, Aubrey, Saint Gabrielle, and Noah
Monday, June 14, 2010 3:21 PM CDT
SCHOOL IS OUT!!!
Aubrey and Noah have been out of school for over a week and today they started the Summer Rec program at a local park. They were a bit nervous and clingy when we first got to the park but when Aubrey spied one of the staff members that she really likes, she immediately ran to him. I actually tease her about having a crush on him.
Last week we used a nanny for three days and also tested out leaving Aubrey and Noah home alone on two days. On the days they were alone I called them every hour to make sure all was well. The nanny service is inexpensive and is a much appreciated benefit sponsored by Thomson Reuters. We didn’t want to use it for all five days, however, as we are limited to a certain number of hours per year and we will have additional need for care later in the year.
Minneapolis (surprise!!) has been rainy and cool lately. We went to watch one of Aubrey’s classmates play softball on Saturday and I heard another parent remark, “Welcome to March.” We almost turned on our heat Saturday but restrained ourselves. We were in a drought but have now just about erased the rain deficit so it can stop raining and return, hopefully, to normal temps.
REMEMBERING
June 12 was the first anniversary of Grandma Paquette’s passing. We remember a wonderful mother and a great mother-in-law and wish that she was still with us here.
A NOTE ON GRIEF
If there must be trouble let it be in my day, that my child may have peace. (Thomas Paine)
The wise person will understand that while we certainly miss our children and are pained in their absence our greatest suffering is truly that we watched them suffer. We are grateful to know they are in Heaven with the Father now. But for a time…they were not in Heaven but in torment on earth. That is what makes me cry, remembrances of such an innocent child suffering the beast of cancer.
Take my life, give me cancer and troubles, but please, God, don’t take her life or give her such troubles.
See, the suffering is not about us, it’s about them.
OUR THANKS
Thank you for visiting Gabbie’s site! We hope you are having a great start to your summer.
In His Arms,
The Paquettes: John, Monica, Aubrey, Saint Gabrielle, and Noah
Sunday, May 16, 2010 7:42 PM CDT
AIBILEEN'S GRIEF
"That was the day my whole world went black. Air look black, sun look black. I laid up in bed and stared at the black walls a my house. Minny came ever day to make sure I was still breathing, feed me food to keep me living. Took three months fore I even look out the window, see if the world still there. I was surprise to see the world didn't stop just cause my boy did.
Five months after the funeral, I lifted myself up out a bed. I put on my white uniform and put my little gold cross back around my neck and I went to wait on Miss Leefolt cause she just have had her baby girl. But it weren't too long before I seen something in me had changed. A bitter seed was planted inside me. And I just didn't feel so accepting anymore."
The above excerpt is from The Help, by Kathryn Stockett. It's a book of ever increasing popularity and concerns the treatment of black domestic help (maids) in Jackson, Mississippi in the early 1960's.
A neighbor gave me this book and my heart stopped when I read the description of Aibileen's grief. We are different in some ways but alike in others but it is certainly true that the world goes black. The world is also eerily oppressive and relentlessly presses on us in the cruelest of ways.
Eight years ago Gabrielle took her last breath in my arms. Eight years later and she is missed more than ever. Outside of God's love and salvation, children are the greatest blessings bestowed upon us. And so of course, when they depart much too early, their absence from our lives here is the greatest cross to bear.
I miss you, Gabbie. Sometimes I still cannot believe that I will never see you again in this life and the weight of that longing is crushing.
OUR THANKS
Thanks to all those who remember Gabrielle and who have accepted, without judgment, our long grief journey that will remain until God brings us home. Thank you to my special friend, Yolanda.
Thank you, Good Lord, for helping us with our crosses. Thank you for assuring us that Gabrielle's soul is safe and joyful in your presence.
Since I don't update as much I will note now that John had his tests this week and everything looks fine. A big relief as we were getting very worried because he has been sick since January. But also frustrating because we don't know what is bothering him. Noah is sick with fevers again so John and I will be splitting our work days on Monday. Sigh, on my last update Noah was sick! Aubrey "shadowed" at Saint Helena's and while she does not want to transfer she did not object too much to her day at Saint Helena's. A very nice girl, who happens to be the daughter of one of my co-workers was her friend for the day so that helped a lot. No decision yet has been made. It's very, very hard.
In His Arms,
The Paquette's: Monica, John, Aubrey, Saint Gabrielle, and Noah
Wednesday, April 21, 2010 9:56 AM CDT
SHE LEFT OUR LIVES 2,896 DAY AGO….OUR LIVES TODAY
Sorry for the very long time in updates. I am home this morning from work as Noah started running a fever yesterday so a good time to update.
We have been very busy but we were also without a connection to the Internet for about three weeks. I will spare you most of the details of our sob story with AT&T (our former ISP), only to say that they had a very ill-planned migration for their DSL users that involved multiple and long on-hold sessions and with at least 15 transfers to another useless number. The final on-hold session lasted 3 hours and 13 minutes, which was for the sole purpose of ending our account with them. You will note below that we now have a new e-mail address, which is basically the same but with earthlink.net as opposed to AT&T.
Aubrey and Noah have had lots and lots of time playing outside with the neighbor kids as our above average temperatures in March have been sustained in April. Even the late-blooming trees are about ready to pop into full bloom.
John has not been feeling well since January. He has been to the doctor several times and has had blood work and an ECHO but the doctors do not know what is wrong. He is getting some further "scoping" in May. We have no idea what is plaguing him.
We are facing a school dilemma next year. During Catholic Schools week I discovered that Our Lady of Peace is the probably the most expensive Catholic grade school in Minneapolis. Tuition has gone up while our family income has gone down yet we absolutely would not qualify for aid. I then discovered another Catholic school (Saint Helena) that is significantly less expensive then OLP and so we have toured that school. We were both very impressed and it is the same distance from our house and has better school hours. Even their Extended Day program is significantly less than OLP's. The problem is that both John and Aubrey are very, very embedded into OLP. But my concern isn't that we cannot pay OLP tuition but rather that it is a huge drain on what we do have and while my job will probably survive the recession, the field I am in (legal publishing) could crash in two to four years. So OLP has become a very risky financial gamble and I am not a gambler when it comes to finances.
We need a new roof…Aubrey will likely need braces…we will very likely at some point have to have our Ash tree taken down due to the ash borer that has infiltrated Minnesota…we both drive cars 11 years and older…our house is at that age where we need to start replacing things…Obamacare will eventually cost our family a lot in some shape or form. So we might have to say good-bye to OLP.
AUBREY’S UPDATES
Growing up ever so much and loving school. I now worry a little more about her when she is playing outside with the neighbor girl as we are only about two miles from a recent brazen, but failed, abduction attempt. The girl was Aubrey's age. We want our kids to feel free when playing outside but unfortunately we have to share these stories with them and caution them over and over.
NOAH'S UPDATES
Home sick but full of energy. I worry about Noah and the young boys in our neighborhood too.
A NOTE ON GRIEF
I was reading a Web site a few weeks ago that was detailing someone's painful problems and trials. But then there was a confession that the difficult trials simply did not compare to the death of a child.
The famine persists.
A WARNING
This has nothing to do with our family and may seem odd to be posted on a CB site. But lately I have been following the saga of recent JD graduates (lawyers) and the lack of jobs. If you know someone who is considering law school, please urge them to fully research their decision. Personally, I would discourage anyone from considering law school. The legal profession has forever changed and there are very, very few jobs and most law school students graduate with $150K to $200K in debt. And currently, with little exception, such debt cannot be discharged in bankruptcy.
The fact that there are no law jobs will not change when the recession ends. Yet the law schools continue to draw in students and new law schools even continue to pop up. The schools know the students are their cash cows and so they manipulate post-law school statistics on employment.
The same can be said for other educational institutions but this problem seems to be particularly bad in law schools. Just keep cranking out JDs even though the market cannot sustain them.
Word has it from the experts, however, that the law school bubble is about to burst. I will certainly feel sorry for the students but not the greedy law schools.
OUR THANKS
Thank you for continuing to visit! We hope you are enjoying these sunny spring days.
In His Arms,
The Paquette's: Monica, John, Aubrey, Saint Gabrielle, and Noah
Friday, March 12, 2010 9:35 AM CST
HAPPY BIRTHDAY NOAH!!!
The weather here has been very strange lately. You should know by now that many Minnesotans are obsessed with weather and we talk about it all the time. The week-end after the ice-rinks shut down I took the kids sliding and apparently, unless we get a major snowstorm, it was also the last sledding activity of the season. We still have snow on the ground but it is a sloppy mess as it has been very warm and foggy. As much as I love the heat of summer, when such actually happens in Minnesota, I was not ready for winter to end. I actually like the snow and now we will be stuck in that in-between time where winter activities are done but where summer activities are still far away.
The Minnesota of my youth is hiding somewhere and I hope this game ends soon.
AUBREY’S UPDATES
Aubrey is growing up so fast it's starting to depress me. She does still love school and earned straight A's last quarter. It amazes me how cheerful she is when she is the first to wake up in the morning for the school day. Chatter, chatter, and more chatter, and at 90 miles per hour.
NOAH'S UPDATES
Noah turns seven today! We have a busy weekend with a wedding and a reception so we are actually celebrating his birthday next weekend. We did let him open his gift this morning, however. He has been bugging me relentlessly about where his gift was hidden so I had my laughs when I told him it had been somewhere in his bedroom the entire time.
A NOTE ON GRIEF
A few weeks ago I watched The Boy in Striped Pajamas. It was a hard movie to watch on the plot alone but even more so when the young Jewish boy in the prisoner camp reminded me of Gabbie. With his shaved head, round face and large eyes, and silent suffering, the movie then became for me a movie of slow torture involving children.
I know and trust that God has something very special planned for children who never get to be children in this life.
OUR THANKS
Thank you for visiting. Thanking God for all His blessings.
In His Arms,
The Paquette's: Monica, John, Aubrey, Saint Gabrielle, and Noah
Monday, February 15, 2010 9:58 AM CST
THAT TIME of YEAR
Yesterday I took Noah and his friend Leo, from across the street, to a local ice rink for skating and boot hockey. I skated and the boys played pick-up hockey with some other boys that just happened to all be from Our Lady of Peace. It was absolutely beautiful—the ice was smooth and perfect and it was snowing heavily.
One of Noah's girl classmates was also there and for a while she followed me around the ice-rink chattering away while expertly maneuvering on her hockey skates. She mentioned that Noah claims four of his brothers and sisters have died. Hopefully Noah is not deliberately lying but he is only off by one. I explained to Noah's classmate that, yes, Noah lost a sister and two siblings to miscarriage. I couldn't mention Gabbie by name, however, as Noah's classmate is named the same.
Today most of the city park ice-rinks shut down even though we are headed into a stretch of perfect ice-rink weather. The too-early closings are budget related, I believe, so one can still skate but without the convenience of a warming house. The early closings are depressing because winter is not even half-over.
We've had extreme and bitter cold snaps but also very unwelcome thaws. The U.S. Pond Hockey Tournament was held here in Minneapolis at Lake Nokomis several weeks ago and the actual championship games had to be postponed by a week because of rain. It rained and rained and rained. When the tournament resumed under winter-like conditions a week later I brought Noah to watch and he found a hockey puck and a $20 bill within a span of ten seconds. Jackpot! If you like hockey action, the pond hockey tournament allows very close viewing as you can stand only inches from the boards.
John and I were watching the news a while ago and there was a short quip about how a polar plunge (a quick jump into a lake) in Maine was canceled because it was too cold at 23 degrees above zero. A polar dip here in Minnesota went on as planned and it was a balmy 11 degrees…below zero. Only in Minnesota.
AUBREY’S and NOAH'S UPDATES
I have today off so Aubrey, Noah, and I are going to bring some gifts to Minneapolis Children's. The rest of the day is an open slate, something I treasure in today's hectic world.
A NOTE ON GRIEF and SUFFERING
In one of the immediate years after Gabbie's death there was a Christian-sponsored billboard in our neighborhood that stated, "Pain, but not suffering." The persistent pressure for Christians to deny that we suffer under God's watch is very devastating. Losing a child is suffering beyond suffering and to diminish it to something that is only painful outright denies the deep love we have for our children.
The existence of suffering is not an insult to God. Jesus, himself, suffered and we are told that we should not be surprised that we too will suffer trials here in this life. Missing a child forever in this life is suffering and a huge cross to carry. But with God we walk in the suffering and carry the cross and we hopefully wait for the day when the suffering will end.
I miss her so very, very much.
OUR THANKS
Thank you for visiting! We thank God for helping us live our lives in the deep absence of Gabbie.
In His Arms,
The Paquette's: Monica, John, Aubrey, Saint Gabrielle, and Noah
Saturday, January 23, 2010 11:43 AM CST
SHE DEPARTED FROM OUR LIVES 2,809 DAYS AGO; OUR LIVES TODAY
I see it's been awhile since I have updated Gabbie's site. I hope everyone had a safe Christmas and that gainful employment exists in your household. John is going to have his hours and/or pay cut but I have to say that is not surprising given the construction business. We are going to try to reduce the number of days that Aubrey and Noah use Extended Day at OLP. Extended Day costs are almost as much as tuition.
I gained weight over the fall and over Christmas so I was looking for something to add to my regular exercise routine. I'm really not into the yoga scene, especially the meditation aspect, but I do know that the physical aspect of yoga is good for running and with yet another running injury I was willing to give it a try. I went to a Bikram Yoga studio where for 90 minutes you are walked through numerous poses and in a room heated to 105 degrees. It was quite the experience and not sure I've ever done anything so intense with the exception of running marathons. I would only recommend trying this if you don't object to heat—if you don't like heat or extreme sweating you would hate the entire experience. I have never breathed such a sigh of relief at the end of a workout!
Tonight we are all going to a Minnesota Wild game. I cringed when ordering the tickets as it's too costly for a family of four but we will do it once. Too bad it has to be so high priced because hockey games at Xcel Energy are exciting and family friendly.
AUBREY’S UPDATES
Aubrey is becoming very observant these days. A few weeks ago when I was getting ready for work she commented on my attire and said, "I thought you always wore loose skirts." At least she didn't come right out and tell me I'm gaining weight!
NOAH'S UPDATES
Noah is still frequently mistaken for a girl. We were sledding recently and I heard several references to "that girl," or "her," when it was Noah. I finally mentioned that Noah was a boy and a teenager looked at Noah and insisted that, no, Noah was a girl. The teenager's father pointed to me and said, "She's the mother, she knows."
But was what really tops almost all of these is an incident where Noah and Aubrey walked with me to pick up my car at the shop. We first walked out into our alley and a neighbor across the alley who knows us greeted us with, "Hello girls!" So then we went on our way and Aubrey, Noah, and I discussed whether or not he would be called a girl at the auto shop by the mechanics. Noah insisted not as he had just been there with John. So we get to the shop to pick up my car and I ended up in a casual conversation with the mechanics about Our Lady of Peace. Then one of the mechanics waves toward Aubrey and Noah and says, "Yes, John mentioned that your girls both go to Our Lady of Peace."
Oh, poor Noah.
A NOTE ON GRIEF
I knew it would happen. The pictures from Haiti are heartbreaking enough but yesterday I saw a picture of a little girl who reminded me of Gabbie. I wasn't sad for Gabbie, however, but sad for a little Haitian girl whose eyes spoke of the same sufferings of Gabbie.
I do have a question for God. Adults can at least understand or rationalize suffering from a biblical perspective. We can read and apply to our lives the Scripture verses that tell us to rejoice in our suffering. We can pray that God give us peace and understanding in the midst of chaotic suffering.
But, God, what about the children? I don't see a blessing of peace and understanding in their eyes but instead deep suffering and fear and sadness. I cannot understand this suffering and will never understand it in this life. I only know that eternity will end the tears.
OUR THANKS
Thank you for visiting. We hope 2010 brings many blessings to your and your families.
In His Arms,
The Paquette's: Monica, John, Aubrey, Saint Gabrielle, and Noah
Wednesday, December 23, 2009 8:39 PM CST
WISHING EVERYONE A PEACEFUL and HOLY CHRISTMAS!!!
In His Arms,
The Paquette's: Monica, John, Aubrey, Saint Gabrielle, and Noah
Sunday, December 6, 2009 1:53 PM CST
NATURE FURIES….CHILDREN PLAY
When we were on our trip to Tennessee back in August, Minneapolis made national news due to a tornado that ripped through south Minneapolis only blocks from where we live. I forgot about the tornado until driving back to work the first day after vacation. At Portland Avenue I looked north before turning and was shocked at the devastation to roofs and trees. So many beautiful trees with only stumps left to view. A few days later I took Aubrey and Noah and their neighbor friends to see nature's fury. I've posted some of the pictures here. (But removed before updating again--they take up too much space.)
AUBREY’S UPDATES
We had school conferences a few weeks ago and Aubrey continues to be a very dedicated student. Aubrey is now present during the entire conference and I so wish I had a camera to capture her shyness when presenting her work to John and me. Stay serious about school, Aubrey.
NOAH'S UPDATES
Noah is doing well also. We are so very grateful that he actually likes school and learning.
A NOTE ON GRIEF
Nature's fury doesn't even begin to hold a candle to grief's fury. It's not something many grieving parents mention but the death of child is also very destructive physically. I would never complain because I'm in pretty good health but Gabbie's death has taken it's toll physically in ways that cannot be described.
Grief furies until eternity.
OUR THANKS
Thanks to all who remembered us and Gabrielle on her birthday.
We are thankful for our employment. Thomson Reuters had lay-offs this week.
In His Arms,
The Paquette's: Monica, John, Aubrey, Saint Gabrielle, and Noah
Monday, November 16, 2009 4:43 PM CST
From BEGINNING to END, So QUIET and SOLEMN
Dear Gabrielle,
Within days of discovering that I was pregnant with you I started spotting and so the trips to the doctor began as I was considered “high risk.” In the first visit I learned that your twin had already departed but there was his or her sac, right next to yours. In the next visit I learned that your sac was greatly misshapen and hope for your survival was very dim. During the third visit, your heartbeat was seen! And there was your departed twin, right next to you.
At the twenty-week ultrasound, the technician pronounced that everything was alright but also that you had absorbed your twin’s sac. When we left, your Daddy made a comment to me, “See, everything will be alright.” But strangely, I did not have the same feeling.
On a November night in 1999, a sharp and nausea-inducing pain started. After hours and hours of waiting on the OB/GNY floor at the hospital an ultrasound was finally done. And then everything moved very quickly to bring you into this life via emergency c-section.
I was only allowed to see you briefly as you were whisked away by ambulance to a NICU in another hospital. You were a very healthy size for your 34 weeks but your lungs were not working.
I was finally able to visit you in the NICU and you and the other babies were as silent as death. I could only hear the soft padding of the nurses walking here and there and the quiet beeping of machines keeping your lives. I came every day and sat by your machine.
You were finally transferred back to a regular baby nursery and I came every day and sat by you for hours on end. You never made a sound. When it was time for you to come home the doctor firmly instructed me that you must not get RSV.
When we brought you home it didn’t seem right. Every night I willed myself to wake up every three hours or so because you never cried to be fed. I remember wondering if I would wake up only to find you departed. You were too quiet and your eyes spoke vaguely of a suffering I could not comprehend.
Soon we found ourselves at the pediatrician’s office and I was told there was grave concern for you. You had RSV. I drove you to Childrens Hospital and while driving I listened to you struggle, struggle to breathe. Would you make it?
Once in the ER they had me leave the room as they put in an IV in your head as it would be too hard for me to watch. I left and when I came back I almost gasped when I saw the marks on your head. I should have stayed. Your little face was so solemn. Clearly, I saw your suffering.
After a while, we brought you home again. You were still very silent and you seemed sad. Something was wrong, you never cried. When I would bathe you or feed you in the bouncy on the table, you would focus on my eyes but your stare was so silent. You were suffering, now we know.
Finally then you seemed to turn a corner and things were alright even though you remained mostly solemn for this world.
But life can be beyond cruel as you became very sick and we learned you had cancer. Your suffering greatly increased. I’m so very, very sorry Gabbie. You had a difficult and painful life and I am proud of the way you carried your heavy cross.
I have a few memories here and there of your smiles and laughter and your brother and sister help me to smile and laugh here in this life (we are so blessed!). But it is your solemn, silent eyes that are forever burned into my memory and that bring me to my own solemn tears, some silent and some not.
You came into this life, you suffered, you died, and you were buried. I am waiting for the Resurrection that is yet to come. I have been waiting a very long time.
Solemn Birthday, Gabbie. Solemn Birthday, twin of Gabrielle, we love you, too.
Love forever,
Your grieving Mommy and family.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009 9:19 AM CDT
SHE DEPARTED FROM US 2,721 SAYS AGO; OUR LIVES TODAY
We have had a very unwelcome guest these past few days, H1N1. Poor Noah came down with a fever last Friday night and here it is Wednesday and John and I are still splitting our work days. We don't really know, of course, if it's H1N1 but both Aubrey and Noah already had their regular seasonal flu shot and it is certainly not a regular cold. What is surprising so far is that no one else seems to have caught it and we even let down our guard on Sunday because Noah seemed better only to relapse. But even if we make it past Noah's contagious stage, John, Aubrey, and I are still sitting ducks, aren't we! Winter is not even here yet.
AUBREY’S UPDATES
Aubrey's ITP does not make her a "compromised" patient if she should get H1N1 but if she does get it I doubt she would be as easy to care for as Noah has been. It would make her a compromised patient in other situations, however.
NOAH'S UPDATES
With the exception of his energy bursts, Noah is a very easy patient as he does not whine at all, even when racked with endless coughing.
A NOTE ON GRIEF and REMEMBERING THE JULIAS
A while back the Star Tribune had an article concerning a mother charged in the death of her fifteen-month old daughter, Julia. A day or so later, a letter to the editor was quick to point out that we should not "condemn" Julia's mother. Apparently Julia's mother was very sleep-deprived….as are most parents. The letter writer mentioned that sleep deprivation is a form of torture. Yes, it is. I remember my severe and relentless insomnia during Gabbie's pregnancy, while I was working full time and caring for an infant, Aubrey.
I certainly feel for any person who is sleep-deprived, including Julia's mother. But if you read the circumstances about Julia's death, it would be very hard to reconcile a not-guilty verdict.
Beyond this, however, I was saddened because while Julia's mother instantly had a defender I didn't see a defender for Julia. Is wanting justice for the most innocent victims in this world really the same as condemnation? Is all justice supposed to wait until the end of time when God will right all wrongs? Don’t the hymns we sing at church speak of mercy and love and kindness but also implore us to seek justice?
When I read the stories where unspeakable and violent actions are committed against little children such as Julia or Somer from Florida, I don't condemn the offender. But I grieve and do hope for justice, even in this life.
Remember Julia.
Missing Gabrielle so very much.
OUR THANKS
Thank you for visiting. We hope your families are staying healthy!
“And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. For whom He foreknew, He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brethren. Moreover whom He predestined, these He also called; whom He called, these He also justified and whom He justified, these He also glorified.” Romans 8:28-30
In His Arms,
The Paquette's: Monica, John, Aubrey, Saint Gabrielle, and Noah
Friday, October 9, 2009 4:52 PM CDT
SOMETIMES, BEDTIME CAN WAIT
Thanks to Aubrey and Noah, even I have regained a small interest in our Minnesota sports teams. And these last few days have been an unbelievable whirlwind for Minnesota fans so we broke our own rules and have allowed Aubrey and Noah to stay up later than usual on school nights. Vikings, Twins, and the Wild, we’ve watched them all and let bedtime creep a little later than usual. One was an opener, one was an AL Central win, and one was the most watched ever cable show in history (Vikings against the Packers.)
And if that wasn’t enough for Minnesota, last Sunday we had the annual running of the Twin Cities Marathon. As usual, we dragged Aubrey and Noah to the 25-mile mark so we could cheer the runners on with chants of “only one more mile,” or “looking good,” even if they looked scarily close to keeling over. It felt strange to sit and eat donuts on the sideline while front runners with 3 percent or less body fat whizzed by.
We also had to squeeze in OLP’s fall festival on the same week-end and run a family mile in conjunction with the marathon so I think our kids have been thoroughly stimulated.
AUBREY’S UPDATES
As we were watching the Twins win the AL Central, 12 long innings worth, Aubrey lectured me on how interactive I was with the television so I explained to her that most people react vocally or otherwise when watching sports. Then at school the next day a classmate of Aubrey’s relayed how her father yelled so loud during the Twin’s game that a neighbor inquired as to whether all was OK at their house. See, Aubrey! By comparison to most, I’m a very mild-mannered fan.
NOAH’S UPDATES
They learn so fast.
There was a silent auction this year at OLP’s fall festival. Aubrey was not familiar with the bidding process and on the second day I noticed she had bid on an item and that she had bypassed the nice low starting bid of $5 and simply entered $25. I explained to the volunteer in charge that Aubrey did not know what she was doing and she readily agreed we could change it back but I only went back to $15 as the money supports OLP anyway.
Then about 15 minutes later I see Noah slowly and painstakingly writing his name and outbidding Aubrey for $16. An hour later, Aubrey outbid Noah for $17. No one else bid on the basket so we won it with our own children outbidding each other!
PRAYERS FOR…
A very special Chemo Angel who lost someone close to her.
OUR THANKS
Thanks so much for stopping by. Jesus reigns forever and ever!
In His Arms,
The Paquettes: John, Monica, Aubrey, Saint Gabrielle, and Noah
Tuesday, September 15, 2009 9:18 AM CDT
A BEAUTIFUL TWILIGHT
Aubrey and Noah are back in school so I am wondering where summer went. Actually, OLP started before Labor Day, which we were not too happy about. But summer's twilight here in Minnesota, after a horribly cloudy and cool summer, has been unbelievably gorgeous. We've had sunny, warm, and slightly humid days in the last few weeks.
We closed off summer by going to Minnesota's great get-together, the State Fair, with Auntie Sarah I used to say that we would never waste money in Midway (the rides), but since it's once a year I've thrown that out the window. We rode the Ferris wheel at night and lo and behold there was a stunning view of a huge harvest moon hanging low in the dusky dark sky and gracing Midway's noisy and bright life. I took some pictures and am really hoping they turned out.
AUBREY’S UPDATES
Aubrey is happy to be back in school and is going to play volleyball again this year. The first day of practice revealed that her counts are low and she does have some bad bruising on her legs. But we have really settled into acceptance of her ITP and it seems to just be an occasional nagging nuisance.
NOAH'S UPDATES
Noah is also happy to be back in school and so for a boy, I couldn't ask for more. He is going through that boy phase where he asks question after question after question. Some, I cannot answer because I have no memory of my classes in physics.
A NOTE ON GRIEF
The beautiful harvest moon, as I sadly knew it would, soon disappeared. Just like Gabrielle.
OUR THANKS
Thank you for visiting. May autumn's splendor remind you of God's glory!!
In His Arms,
The Paquette's: Monica, John, Aubrey, Saint Gabrielle, and Noah
Friday, August 28, 2009 8:04 PM CDT
AND THEY PRAISE HIM FREELY!
We just got back a few days ago from our trip to Tennessee and it was a wonderful family vacation even with the long drive. While near to Sevierville, Pigeon Forge, and Gatlinburg, which are tourist traps (Aubrey and Noah thought the tourist trappings were very cool), we stayed in a quiet and secluded resort. Our cabin was on a very high peak in the resort and on the clear days we could see the outlines of the Smoky Mountains. It was unbelievably hilly. I brought my running shoes but never once ran because the hills were so steep. But every morning I took short walks on the hilly resort roads huffing and puffing and actually having to stop for breaks. I used muscles I never even knew existed!
We went into the Smokies several times for short hikes—three miles tops because Noah and Aubrey don’t appreciate breathtaking views while exercising. They also don’t have my fear of heights. On one hike we saw several signs that warned of prior deaths from falls off the trail. This particular trail was about four feet wide, so not overly narrow. However, as we got higher and higher the trail dropped off steeply on one side and it wouldn’t take much to plunge to one’s death. John and I stopped to take pictures once and when I looked ahead there were Aubrey and Noah physically nit-picking at each other, almost wrestling, and only a few steps away from death. I was very relieved when we finished that hike.
We also lucked out on the weather, once again. While it was not very hot and sunny, as I was hoping, the rain was usually at night or just here and there for short thunderstorms.
Taking vacations in the south is interesting because individuals and businesses freely acknowledge and praise God in very visible ways. In Minnesota, that is absolutely not done. With the exception of churches and a few pro-life or God-acknowledging billboards here and there, one never sees any references to God in this part of the nation. How strange this is because His beautiful creation surrounds us by day and night!
It was hard to leave Tennessee but we came home with many good memories.
AUBREY’S UPDATES
Aubrey continues to grow up, which makes me very sad. She is exceptionally excited for school and that is a good thing. We are also taking her to the doctor, again. Aubrey gets very frequent stomach aches, which personally I think are stress-related (and lack of fiber).
Aubrey has a very, very low threshold for pain. One day on our Tennessee trip she took her earrings out and gave them to me and I asked her why she didn’t want them in her ears. She replied, “Earrings hurt me.” It was like a revelation. John gets very worried whenever Aubrey says something hurts, her throat, her tummy, her leg, and on and on and on. But as I stared at the earrings in my hand I realized that Aubrey, for some reason, is on very high alert for any physical sensation that seems out of the norm.
A neighbor has suggested she could be grieving, even though she hardly knew Gabbie. Could be that or could be a vague distant memory that children can get sick and die.
NOAH’S UPDATES
Noah, Noah, Noah, keeping us on our toes. We had an “incident” with Noah immediately after we arrived at our destination in Tennessee. Somehow Noah got his seatbelt in a tangled mess and we needed assistance from the resort management to get him out. Noah started to panic and the more he struggled the tighter the seatbelt became. We ended up stripping off some of his clothes and after much sweat and tears he was freed. (Sounds innocent enough but the seatbelt was very tight across his abdomen and was a little scary.)
I thought with his latest haircut that he was now obviously a boy. But as we were driving through Illinois on the way back from Tennessee, I gave Noah a dollar to pay at the toll booth. An elderly gentleman collected the money from Noah and said, “Thank you, Sweetie!” And then the gentleman joked, “I like girls with lots of money!” We all snickered as we drove away…well, all of us except for Noah. His indignation was faked, however, and I think he was secretly laughing too.
PRAYERS FOR…
Another special person in our lives.
A NOTE ON GRIEF
However enjoyable our vacation was I reached a point every day where I cried inside knowing a third child should have been with us.
I miss you, Gabbie, and the deep, deep ache never goes away.
OUR THANKS
Thank you for stopping by. Hope you are all doing well. We thank the Good Lord for our wonderful and safe summer vacation!
In His Arms,
The Paquettes: John, Monica, Aubrey, Saint Gabrielle, and Noah
Tuesday, August 11, 2009 8:47 PM CDT
SUMMER'S COMING CLOSE
The close of summer is too close. All summers fly by but it seems our summer barely showed its face and that it's almost over is too much. But we are having some hot weather this week and humidity is also on the way!
The crickets are now out when I go to bed, which is such a bittersweet serenade. Why they only come out close to the end of summer, I do not know.
Last Saturday morning was the last of my 5Ks for the summer and Aubrey ran with me. It was a very low key run around Lake Harriet, which means it was also very convenient. We ran Aubrey's pace and she shaved more than four minutes off her time from the race she ran in June. Only a few months ago I was of the belief I would never run 5Ks again so to complete four of them this summer is almost hard for me to grasp. (Will I wake up soon?)
NOAH'S UPDATES
Noah has had a toothless grin for quite some time, or so it seems. It was well over a month ago when we were all eating breakfast and Noah started jumping up and down screaming. "I lost a tooth, I lost a tooth!!" So we placed the tooth in a cup and we all got settled down to finish breakfast. Then Noah starts screaming again. "I lost another tooth, I lost another tooth!" Wow, I would say that never happened before but Aubrey also once lost two teeth in a span of minutes.
It's almost a little creepy.
A NOTE ON GRIEF
I've noticed that when someone dies many well-wishers say that in time the griever will cherish the memories of the fun times and the laughter. Fun people, in fact, are highly praised, in life and in memory. Gabrielle was a very solemn child and memories of fun and laughter are simply far and few between.
Solemn children are loved just as much as fun children. And solemn grief should be as acceptable as joyous grief.
OUR THANKS
Thank you for visiting! Thanking God for his blessed mercies, which begin anew each day. He is Lord of Lords, King of Kings, and God of Gods!!
In His Arms,
The Paquette's: Monica, John, Aubrey, Saint Gabrielle, and Noah
Saturday, August 1, 2009 10:05 AM CDT
SHE DEPARTED FROM US 2,633 DAYS AGO; OUR LIVES TODAY
We have had a few nice days here and there but for the most part the meteorologists were correct back in early June when they predicted this would be the "summer that wasn't."
After jogging the 5K with Aubrey back in June, I decided to motivate myself by entering more races. So I signed up for three more 5Ks, two by myself and one with Aubrey. Here comes Murphy's Law! Three days after mailing in my checks I was walking in our house and suddenly felt a very unwelcome stab of pain in a foot. No surprise since I've battled one injury after another for the last three years. But after much icing and a short layoff I started running again and ran the Torchlight 5K, a night time race on the Aquatennial's parade route.
Sad how much life can change. I used to run races left and right and never had a single nervous moment but there I was chewing my nails with a sick feeling in my stomach while waiting for the start. Thankfully I had heard while getting my number that there were 5,000 runners so I knew I could blend in somewhere in the back of the pack. I actually did OK and had a great time. One down, two more to go!
AUBREY’S and NOAH's UPDATES
They've commented here and there on our cool weather but for the most part they are spared the depression I feel because, of course, kids don't really notice these things. So Aubrey and Noah are having a very good summer.
A NOTE ON GRIEF and the LIFE GOES ON BADGE
A couple of weeks ago the Star Tribune had a story about parents who lost a daughter in a car accident. The car accident was due to driver negligence (their daughter was a passenger) and in their daughter's memory the parents have started a foundation to promote awareness about careless driving. At the end of the article, the mother commented that people have hurtfully told her life goes on and that she must move on. The mother has moved on—she has started a foundation for good purposes in her daughter's memory!
But why do so many bystanders proudly and loudly wear the "Life Goes On" badge? Like all badges, the "Life Goes On" badge must be earned. Only someone who has buried a child and sees the sun rise the next day truly knows what it means for life to go on.
Of course life goes on. We are painfully and acutely aware of that reality every single day.
OUR THANKS
Thank you for visiting! Hope you are enjoying our very brief summer.
Our family thanks the Good Lord for all His wonderful mercies and blessings!
In His Arms,
The Paquette's: Monica, John, Aubrey, Saint Gabrielle, and Noah
Friday, July 17, 2009 10:38 PM CDT
THE IRREVERENT SUMMER
I went to work today wrapped up in a thick wool sweater. It has been insanely hideous here in Minnesota. The cool, windy, cloudy days are bad enough but on top of that we are not getting rain so our watering bills are high.
I think I have something similar to SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) but instead of craving sunlight I crave warm and humid weather. I was born and raised here so it makes sense that after living six years in Atlanta I would eventually feel the pull back here. I love snowy winters—but we don't have those anymore either. So while I might have Minnesota running through my veins, from a climate perspective I belong in the Deep South.
John talks about moving somewhere warmer once Noah graduates from high school and I will hold him to that.
Georgia, Tennessee, and the Carolinas are calling….
AUBREY’S UPDATES
Aubrey just got back tonight from a week up at the lake in Alexandria. She had a great time but the weather was, can you guess, cold and windy.
NOAH'S UPDATES
Usually I take a day off for a Noah and mommy day when Aubrey was at the lake but every day when I looked at the weather I balked at taking a vacation day just to go huddle somewhere in a sweatshirt. So I promised Noah he can pick a day on a later date.
OUR THANKS
Thank you for stopping by—sorry for all my dismal weather reporting! We are supposed to have some sun, 70's and maybe even 80 this week-end. Wow, a two-day break.
I know in Heaven the climate will be splendid and warm and I thank the Good LORD in advance and with much anticipation.
In His Arms,
The Paquette's: Monica, John, Aubrey, Saint Gabrielle, and Noah
Monday, June 29, 2009 8:13 PM CDT
SUMMER CRUISING
Summer is going by way too fast but it always does for me. I'm becoming less and less tolerant of Minnesota because our summers just are not the same. And believe me, it's not global warming—try Minnesota cooling. Actually, last week was hot and even in the 90s but that week has been bracketed by cooler than normal weather.
John's niece was married this past weekend and it was an outdoor wedding on a day that I believe reached 90 or close to it. Somehow by sitting real still I managed not to work up a huge sweat but when we got up to go inside for the reception we noticed others were not so lucky!
Congratulations to Jestine and Matt!!
AUBREY’S and NOAH'S UPDATES
This summer Aubrey is in the Minneapolis park program she was in last year and because Noah is old enough he also goes. They both like it very much and it's close to our home so a good deal for us all.
On Father's Day Sunday I entered Aubrey and Noah in a 5K race around Lake Nokomis that was sponsored by the Minnesota Vikings. They initially whined quite a bit because I got us there a little late and we had to race about 4 blocks to get our race packets and then another 4 blocks to the actual start line. Once we started running, Noah asked for a walking break after about half a block of running. I said "No, not yet." Then John surprised us at the 1-mile mark and he walked/jogged with Noah while Aubrey and I ran the rest of the race.
Yes, Aubrey ran the entire 5K and finished just under 37 minutes!! That means that was my time also and a far cry from my running days but given my arthritic knees I was happy too. We didn't see Noah's time and we didn't have his chip (it was chip-timed race) in the right place so his time wasn't recorded but he came in about only 3-4 minutes after Aubrey.
Aubrey and Noah have a "running chart" and they get a check mark every time they jog around the block with me and for every five checks they will get a dollar. We are also going to do a few more fun runs this summer.
A NOTE ON GRIEF
Death and saying good-night forever in this life truly are so very hard. Surely God does not set before us a harder test of faith.
But we walk by faith and not by sight.
OUR THANKS
Thank you for stopping by. We thank all those who left condolences or prayed for us regarding the death of John's mother.
In His Arms,
The Paquette's: Monica, John, Aubrey, Saint Gabrielle, and Noah
Friday, June 12, 2009 9:32 AM CDT
IN LOVING MEMORY…
My mother-in-law, Adeline Paquette, closed her eyes very early this morning. A person could not be blessed with a more wonderful mother-in-law. When I first met Adeline, I was nervous because John had told me he once considered becoming a priest. I knew that most Catholic mothers would be extremely proud to have a son join the priesthood so what would she think when she met me? But from the very first day I met her and until the last time I visited with her, last Sunday, she was nothing but very kind to me.
Adeline gave birth to nine children and eight are still living. Her last and ninth child was a stillborn little girl named Paula. I have seen the picture of Paula in her little casket and the resemblance to Gabrielle, in my opinion, is striking. So Adeline and I shared something that most people will never experience or even remotely understand.
Adeline was many things that I wish I could be. In the 16 years I have known her she rarely, if ever, criticized or passed judgment on others but she still held close her morals and values. I heard many stories of the Paquette camping trips, including children sprayed by a skunk, even though Adeline did not like camping. If I ever go camping with John and Aubrey and Noah you will know they found some wild horses to drag me along with them. She awoke early most mornings to pray to the Merciful Father. I hope some day too I can do that rather than waiting until evening.
Adeline was always cheerful. To be honest she had some struggles in her dying days, weeks, and months but even on those days she would find some cheer.
Adeline called me by my name but like no one else. Most people pronounce Monica with a short "I" sound and the first syllable pronounced. Adeline called me Mo-NEE-ca. I should have a called her A-DEE-line.
She will be greatly, greatly missed. Most of all by her children but also very much by all of us so blessed to have her in our lives.
~Grandma with Aubrey and Noah; Grandma with Aubrey and Gabrielle~
OUR THANKS
Thank you for stopping by. Please pray for the Paquette family.
In His Arms,
The Paquette's: Monica, John, Aubrey, Saint Gabrielle, and Noah
Sunday, May 24, 2009 9:45 PM CDT
THEIR HONORABLE COURAGE
There is nothing more honorable then giving up one's own desires to completely follow the LORD. Of course most of us struggle to come even close to giving up everything even though we believe. But there is also much honor in the sacrifice and courage of the American soldiers who have and do fight for our freedom and liberty. And so our family salutes with much gratitude all past and present American soldiers.
We also salute the pediatric cancer soldiers for their bravery and courage.
May God bless America.
In His Arms,
The Paquette's: Monica, John, Aubrey, Saint Gabrielle, and Noah
Friday, May 15, 2009 3:35 PM CDT
THE FORGOTTEN SISTER on the SEVENTH DEATH ANNIVERSARY
To all whom read this, I am absolutely not blaming anyone or anything, but death itself, for what is shared below. It is simply another truth of what it is like on the journey known as the death of a child.
The CaringBridge guest book for Aubrey’s classmate, Sophi, see previous journal entry, has been confiscated by children, mainly Sophi’s classmates and her other friends. Several days a week Aubrey asks for permission to sign on to the Internet so she can leave a message for Sophi. While I trust Aubrey, the other day I decided to read her guest book entries to make sure they were appropriate. (Rather after the fact, yes, but I did not expect to find anything inappropriate.)
In one entry I read of Aubrey’s praise for Sophi’s courage and how she is the most uncomplaining person Aubrey has ever known. From what I know of Sophi she most certainly is very brave and uncomplaining. But at that moment my heart cried. Gabrielle also bravely faced her painful battle with mostly silent tears and nary a complaint. Gabrielle suffered, really, most of her life because in hindsight we know Neuroblastoma had been ravaging her insides for quite some time before diagnosis. She came into this world and immediately needed tubes and needle pokes and left this world with tubes and a pool of blood in her crib upon her death.
Cancer and Satan intensely spewed their hatred upon innocent Gabrielle but, like Jesus, Gabrielle humbly endured her cross and bleeding with an almost pure soul (for only Jesus has the completely unblemished soul) until the end when the Good Lord called her home.
Gabrielle, the extremely courageous and humble sister, has been forgotten.
Gabrielle, the beloved daughter, is painfully and deeply mourned and will never be forgotten.
OUR THANKS
Thank you for visiting and for remembering Gabrielle. We thank you so very, very much.
We thank the Heavenly Father for blessing us so richly with Aubrey and Noah, children who fill our home to overflowing with love and laughter and tears. We thank the Heavenly Father for the Hope we have that Gabrielle and our two miscarried babies are now enjoying the gift of eternal life and which gift is free to all whom place their trust wholly in Jesus Christ alone, our Redeemer and Savior.
In His Arms,
The Paquettes: John, Monica, Aubrey, Saint Gabrielle, and Noah
Friday, May 8, 2009 3:08 PM CDT
COMPASSION and THE POOR AMONGST US
Thought I would share a quote that is so very relevant to today’s times. The Bible certainly welcomes personal charity and admonishes us to take care of the poor. But nowhere are we told that this should be done by the government forcefully taking personal earnings from those who work to give it to others. Forced compassion really isn’t compassion at all.
"You cannot legislate the poor into freedom by legislating the wealthy out of freedom. What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving. The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else. When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work because the other half is going to take care of them, and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work because somebody else is going to get what they work for, that my dear friend, is about the end of any nation. You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it." (The late Dr. Adrian Rogers, 1931 to 2005)
SHE DEPARTED FROM US 2,548 DAYS AGO; OUR LIVES TODAY
I visited a date calculating Web site and discovered I was a bit off on our days without Gabrielle (I ended up subtracting about 12 days). Not that it makes the time we’ve been without her seem any shorter or any easier.
Gosh, one day we are whining about the vestiges of winter and then the very next day we wake up and the trees are in bloom and the sun is shining bright. We’ve even had some days where jackets are not necessary and our bikes are all ready for the season.
We are both still very blessed to have our jobs and so far Thomson Reuters is truly weathering this storm. We even have made our vacation plans for this summer and if all goes well we will be visiting the Smoky Mountains. Yea….somewhere very warm and humid! The last two vacations were wonderful but I had to wear sweatshirts almost every day so they didn’t seem like “summer” vacations.
AUBREY’S UPDATES
One of Aubrey’s fourth-grade classmates has leukemia. If you can, please visit Sophi Lackens and offer her and her family prayers and support!
*~* Site for Sophi *~*
NOAH’S UPDATES
He can now ride a bike! We (Aubrey, Noah, and I) have even already made some trips around Lake Harriet. It is five miles from our house and back and around the entire lake and Noah, so far, has only needed a few reminders to stay to the right. The bike path is one-way but is shared with roller-bladers and other bikers of all speeds so it can be a bit nerve-wracking watching your child wobble into the left side of the path.
And Noah, stay to the right in life too!
NEW LIFE
Welcome baby Kinsey Grace!! Kinsey is the daughter and first child of one of John’s nephews.
PRAYERS FOR…
Please keep praying for Grandma Paquette.
A NOTE ON GRIEF and the CANCER POEM
Perhaps the most widely circulated poem on CaringBridge sites is the “What Cancer Cannot Do” poem.
As we approach Gabrielle’s seventh death anniversary, I have much sadness about what cancer did do. Cancer ravaged Gabrielle before our very eyes and hurt her very much. Cancer robbed John and me of ever hugging, holding, or seeing Gabrielle for the rest of our lives. Cancer stole Aubrey’s and Noah’s sister. Cancer took childhood away from Gabrielle.
Cancer killed Gabrielle and put her in a grave. No poem should ever try to cover up the harsh reality of the death of a child.
OUR THANKS
Thank you for stopping by! Happy Mother’s Day to all mothers, but even more so to those who have said good-night much too early to a beloved child.
Thanking God for conquering in eternal life the death cancer caused in this life. It is truly because of Jesus’ work on the cross that our family holds on to the hope of eternal life!
In His Arms,
The Paquettes: John, Monica, Aubrey, Saint Gabrielle, and Noah
Tuesday, April 14, 2009 9:23 PM CDT
GETTING LAZY
Now not only are my updates further and further apart but I missed journaling a very Holy event. So I truly hope everyone had a blessed Easter. If not for the Risen Savior our hope would indeed be in vain!
I won't bore anyone with the details and travails of Minnesota weather but to say it was nasty and now thankfully the really cold days are behind us. While I didn't know it at the time I picked it up, my latest fiction read takes place right here in Minneapolis. In the book, the characters are highly critical of our fine state because of the weather. One character complains about 30 below temps in March and the frozen wasteland and then another complains about the oppressive mugginess of summer (of course we haven't had a muggy summer for a few years now). At least the characters have the sense to commend our autumn beauty.
Instead of being worried about our weather, there should be more concern about Minneapolis' anti-Americanism gone wild. I predicted it but was still disappointed to see an editorial in our paper today complaining about the US Navy snipers taking good aim at the terrorist pirates. Minneapolis tends to frown upon America's heroic deeds.
AUBREY’S UPDATES
We are happy and relieved that Aubrey has finally shown a sustained interest in reading. We usually had to demand or beg her to read but now she is hooked on Nancy Drew. Whew! It's a cliché but reading truly is one of the best ways for kids to learn.
NOAH'S UPDATES
Noah is finally learning how to ride a bike without training wheels. While on one hand he is a true boy (I brace myself when I pick him up at extended day because he shows his joy at seeing me by charging at me with great speed and almost knocking me over), he is nothing like the daredevil boys in the neighborhood. He has shown very little interest in riding a bike even though the other boys removed training wheels years ago.
PRAYERS
Please keep praying for John's mother and the family.
I have another anonymous request where I cannot share details but please pray for a family we know whose young daughter was diagnosed with cancer.
OUR THANKS
Thanking God for His blessed Son, Jesus. The cross, which is foolishness to those who don't believe, is the saving act of love for those of us who do believe!
Thank you for visiting.
In His Arms,
The Paquette's: Monica, John, Aubrey, Saint Gabrielle, and Noah
Wednesday, March 25, 2009 6:14 PM CDT
SHE DEPARTED FROM US 2,517 DAYS; OUR LIVES TODAY
This is probably the longest I have gone without an update. We are just too busy or maybe I should just admit I don’t go on the computer at home that often. We are now in our typical back and forth weather (spring wants in but winter wants to stay). We have had some incredibly soft and warm days, at least by Minnesota standards, so say around 50 degrees. Now it’s cold again and we even had snow today. At least we don’t have to contend with the flooding faced by those living in the Red River Valley.
AUBREY’S UPDATES
Aubrey is growing up too fast so I am savoring some of the “young girl” things she does such as clomping around the house in my shoes and clothes or setting up school in our basement. If she doesn’t have friends over she uses a menagerie of stuffed animals and dolls as her students, and she keeps them in line with strict rules. She would make a great teacher!
NOAH’S UPDATES
I might now be considered the overreacting mother at OLP. Since the beginning of school Noah reports to me almost daily how so-and-so punched him in the face, kicked him, or shoved him. So-and-so usually being one of two certain boys. I would listen but dismissed his reports as normal boy play. But last week one night he even still had a lasting mark on his face and this has happened before so I expressed my concern.
I’m not worried that Noah will be physically harmed as he is too much of a spitfire to let anyone beat him up. We have been told so far that he does not do the same to others and I would like it to stay that way. But everyone knows children are easily influenced by peers. I’m still not sure if I overreacted or not but it’s getting a little old.
PRAYERS FOR…
A few months back I started requesting prayers for a very special person in our lives. That special person is my mother-in-law, who has a terminal illness. This has been exceptionally hard on all the Paquettes as John’s mother is truly an incredible mother, mother-in-law, grandmother, and she has been a blessing to everyone in her life.
Please pray for all of us, especially John’s mother.
A NOTE ON GRIEF
I’m still painfully missing her as much as ever.
OUR THANKS
Thank you for visiting! Thanking God for all his blessings for our family.
In His Arms,
The Paquettes: John, Monica, Aubrey, Saint Gabrielle, and Noah
Sunday, March 1, 2009 9:37 AM CST
BEAUTY on the ICE
I have spent about 42 of my 49 years of life here in Minnesota but have rarely if ever set foot on a frozen lake. But we had Presidents' Day off so in the early evening before dinner I took Aubrey and Noah to Lake of the Isles for lake skating. Lake of the Isles, surrounded by majestic homes, winds its way here and there and so has the look and feel of being in bays or channel and our skating time was graced by the presence of an accordion player.
The park board assembles a temporary but very large and nice warming house and the skating area is also very large and includes a hockey rink complete with boards and goals. Skating was a little bit eerie at first because the ice is very dark and you can peer down and see the layers of ice with nature's designs swirled and frozen in the ice. I've mentioned that visitors to the Twin Cities must bike the Grand Rounds or the Chain of Lakes and now I have to add that winter visitors should have skating on Lake of the Isles on the itinerary.
I've had another move at work after being reshuffled to another team (same department). I'm thanking the Good Lord every day that I still have my job.
AUBREY’S UPDATES
She had a great time at the Wild game, even though the Wild lost after having a 3-0 lead early in the game. If Noah and Aubrey are in bed before the end of a Wild game they still come running and crashing out into the living room if they hear anything even remotely resembling a goal.
NOAH'S UPDATES
Noah had another haircut yesterday that I truly like. Every time we have requested layers he ends up with a bob style and so he is subsequently mistaken for a girl. This time, they actually layered it and he cannot possibly be mistaken for a girl. We shall see.
OUR THANKS
Thank you for visiting! Thanking God for all His blessings and mercies.
In His Arms,
The Paquette's: Monica, John, Aubrey, Saint Gabrielle, and Noah
Friday, February 13, 2009 10:45 PM CST
GONE….FINISHED…THE END
No, no, not the world. But I was driving home from the YMCA late one night this week (I sneak out one week-night shortly before bed-time for Aubrey and Noah) and as I was approaching Kenny Park in south Minneapolis I looked through the tall pine trees and gazed upon what almost looked like a lake. A lake with the reflection of the moon shining in the rippling waves of water. But Kenny Park doesn’t have a lake. What I saw was the early demise of one of the city's ice-rinks. All the park ice-rinks are gone. All those bitterly cold days ended abruptly this past Monday and we had a heat wave that melted almost everything. A few lakes might have some skating until President's Day because lake ice remains for quite some time. Of course now it's below freezing again but the rinks cannot be resurrected.
It seems we hardly skated as there were so many days where temperatures were well below zero. Rinks are open to 20 below but if you have children it's too much of risk as skin exposure is dangerous. And sliding? I think we've gone only once or twice. I can only hope we get more snow because of course winter is not done.
AUBREY’S UPDATES
Shhh….Aubrey is getting a very big surprise tomorrow. For Valentine's Day John and I were going to go to a Minnesota Wild game. But because Aubrey has become a complete hockey fanatic, I am giving up my ticket. I hope some white lies are OK because we've had to tell Aubrey and Noah who is babysitting them even though there is no babysitter!
NOAH'S UPDATES
I think Noah will be jealous when he learns of Aubrey's surprise but I will do something special with him. And siblings need to learn that fair does not always mean equal.
A NOTE ON GRIEF
I have been having my dreams of Gabrielle again. The surroundings differ but the main plot is always the same. In my dream I'm amazed she is still living and insist that we must bring her to the doctor so he can see if she is truly in remission. But then this nagging remembrance of a funeral begins to seep into my dream and the harsh reality of her absence is real all over again.
And the famine deepens.
OUR THANKS
Thank you for stopping by! We hope and pray everyone is doing well.
Through feast or famine, the LORD is good and His promises certain.
In His Arms,
The Paquette's: Monica, John, Aubrey, Saint Gabrielle, and Noah
Saturday, January 31, 2009 10:26 AM CST
A GHOSTLY WORLD
A little while ago, Richard John Neuhaus died. I will just say that he was a religious man (a great champion of the unborn) very well known in many circles. I was reading a tribute to Neuhaus in John's Weekly Standard and the writer's comment on grief hit home and says it all.
"Only a month ago—it was only a month ago that he was still whole, still sharp, still himself. Novels and movies always seem to get it wrong. Grief doesn't conjure up ghosts. Grief renders the world itself ghostly. The absent thing alone is real, and in comparison, all present things are pale, gray, and indistinct: a vague background to the sharp-edged portrait of what is gone."
A ghostly world indeed.
OUR UPDATES
We survived the bitter cold spell, warmed up again, and now are just coming out of another cold, but milder, week. I ran on our coldest night of the year, just to get out of the house because I had sick duty. (During the really cold week, the stomach flu was flying through Our Lady of Peace and everyone here got it except for me.) We needed milk so I stopped at a convenience store near the end of my run. When I went to pay for the milk, the cashier became alarmed and asked if I was going was going to make it home! He could only see my icy eyes and frosty scarf so he must have assumed that I had walked a long way to get the milk. I laughed and explained I had been running and only had four blocks left to go. But, really, how nice of him to care.
Otherwise, we have been making it to an outdoor ice-rink a couple of times a week. Some people here in Minnesota despise winter but if you find at least one thing to do outside then winter is not quite so dreary. If anything, the worst part of cold winters is dealing with cars.
AUBREY’S UPDATES
I did take Aubrey for her consultation on her ITP. We didn't really learn anything new but the doctor brought up a few things we hadn't thought of, such as preparing her body in advance if she ever needs surgery.
NOAH'S UPDATES
It's probably time to cut Noah's hair again as the girl references have been on the upswing. I have never been bothered by this but for one time. Around Christmas time at church on Sunday morning, a mother in front of us turned around and, referring to Noah, said, "Could you please have her stop kicking the kneeler." I asked Noah to stop kicking the kneeler but then told the mother that Noah was a he and she apologized. But what was strange is that her husband frequently wears his hair in a pony-tail and two of her sons have hair longer than Noah's hair!
PRAYERS FOR….
A special person in our lives.
A friend's sister who recently found out she has breast cancer. She has a husband and three young children. If I get permission from them I will soon post a link to her CB site.
OUR THANKS
We are blessed to still have our jobs. When I pick up Aubrey and Noah at Extended Day, Aubrey usually asks me if I still have my job. Yes, for today. And we are blessed to know that even if we lose our jobs, God is still in control and all will be well some day.
His eye is on the sparrow.
In His Arms,
The Paquette's: Monica, John, Aubrey, Saint Gabrielle, and Noah
Wednesday, January 21, 2009 10:50 PM CST
The Starfish Story
One day a man was walking along the beach when he noticed a boy picking something up and gently throwing it into the ocean.
Approaching the boy, he asked, "What are you doing?" The boy replied, "Throwing a starfish back into the ocean. The surf is up and tide is going out. If I don't throw them back, they'll die."
"Son," the man said, "don't you realize there are miles and miles of beach and hundreds of starfish? You won't make a difference!"
After listening politely, the boy bent down, picked up another starfish, and threw it back into the surf. Then smiling at the man, he said, "I made a difference for that one." (Original story by Loren Eisley)
In all the hubris and noise of this week's inauguration for a very pro-infanticide president, it seems the starfish have been forgotten. The starfish are the unborn children and this week (the 22nd) is the 36th anniversary of Roe v. Wade.
With every breath we take, we heartily endorse the unalienable right to life and it is a right meant for all.
Remembering Gabrielle and all other children cut from this life far too soon.
In His Arms,
The Paquette's: Monica, John, Aubrey, Saint Gabrielle, and Noah
Friday, January 9, 2009 5:09 PM CST
SHE DEPARTED FROM US 2,442 DAYS AGO; OUR LIVES TODAY
Happy New Year!!
I hope people understand, but I am glad to have another Christmas behind us. Aubrey and Noah had a great Christmas but it was stressful for John and me. Someone very important to us is not in good health and of course, as always, Gabrielle was deeply missed. Life can be very hard. But the LORD is good!
I was able to take some time off during New Year’s week and do some fun things with Aubrey and Noah. The week before Christmas I received an early present when during a team meeting at work I learned that the day after Christmas was a “holiday” for Thomson. Not sure how I missed that but then I’m the one who mistakenly returned a week early from maternity leave with Noah. (After an hour the first day I went back home and enjoyed one more week!)
Skating season is here again. Unfortunately we’ve had so many bitterly cold days we’ve only been to a local rink three times thus far. Next week is shaping up to bring even more bitterly cold weather. No global warming here, not one bit. A little bit of bitter cold is fine but it gets old pretty fast.
This cold weather is good for one thing—staying home and baking!! For some reason I have really developed an interest in baking (or experimenting) over the last year or so. I just wish John and Aubrey and Noah wouldn’t look as if evil has descended upon our home when I mention the inclusion of oatmeal in our baked goods. They will thank me some day when they realize I care about their health!
PRAYERS FOR…
A special person.
OUR THANKS
Thanks for visiting! Hope God blesses your families very much in the new year.
In His Arms,
The Paquettes: John, Monica, Aubrey, Saint Gabrielle, and Noah
Sunday, December 21, 2008 8:02 PM CST
HOW BOYS LEARN ABOUT WINTER
One night this week when I arrived home from work, Aubrey said Noah had some news and that it wasn't good. I asked Noah if he had been reprimanded for bad behavior at school but, no, he had not. I asked him a few other things but I wasn't even close. John kept telling me it was something every boy does. What, what? Finally Noah came up to me and showed me his tongue.
Noah had put his tongue on a metal pole outside on the playground and it was below freezing. Sure enough, he tore off skin. I can hardly stand the thought of skin coming off a tongue!! But now he knows.
AUBREY’S UPDATES
I finally cut Aubrey's hair for Locks of Love (you have to mail it in but I guess there are some places that will cut the donor's hair and take care of getting it to Locks of Love). You place the donor's hair in a pony tail and cut above the pony tail. Easy, right? We knew in advance that I was going to bring Aubrey somewhere after I cut the pony off just to even up the cut. So off we went to Great Clips and as Aubrey was climbing into the chair the hair stylist asked me if Aubrey had an angular bob. Guess I missed my calling—who knew without any training I could cut an angular bob and in two minutes?
Tonight Aubrey is at her annual Christmas sleep-over with a cousin at Auntie Sarah's house. My sister Sarah is one of those people who needs her regular sleep but during the day she has endless energy for her nieces and nephews!
OUR UPDATES
Minnesota has been very, very cold. Today when we got up it was 13 below with 26 below wind chill. I took advantage of today being a Sunday and went for a jog at dusk. It's my favorite time to run, especially on a cold winter day. If you dress appropriately it really is not that bad and dusk in the winter time can be exceptionally beautiful.
While the cold may be beautiful we also have homeless people on the streets on our cold Minnesota nights. This life will never be fair. I always hope Noah and Aubrey know how "easy" we have it, at least where physical comforts are concerned.
MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL!!
Praying and hoping for all of you to have a safe and a very merry Christmas. Praying the birth of baby Jesus, our Messiah and Savior, bring you comfort and joy in our changing world.
To all my friends who have said "good-night" too early to a beloved child, just remember that their joy is unceasing and overflowing. We may ache so much to see them and hold them but we know they are surrounded by the glory of God. They are home.
Gabrielle, you are deeply loved and forever missed.
In His Arms,
The Paquette's: Monica, John, Aubrey, Saint Gabrielle, and Noah
Monday, December 8, 2008 9:27 PM CST
DOMESTICATING JESUS
"Friendship, the stewardship of creation, and the love of others are all praised in Scripture; however, reducing the purpose and teaching of our Lord to any of these things ends up domesticating Him. A domesticated Jesus embraces the culture's values without challenging them; He is a "safe" Jesus who is no threat to the established way of doing things.
Yet Christ did not come into the world to be "nice" or "safe," and the Jesus we find in the Gospels cannot be domesticated. He brings a salvation that turns our values upside-down."
(From Tabletalk, December 2008, Ligonier Ministries)
The times we live in are changing so very fast. It is so very, very important to make sure we are looking onto the Jesus of Scripture for our salvation!!
SHE LEFT US 2,410 DAYS AGO; OUR LIVES TODAY
I feel like Halloween was just last weekend but here we are in December. Slowly getting ready for Christmas but trying to really cut back even though we both still have our jobs…at the present moment.
While I've always lectured Aubrey on how we don't need to buy, buy, buy, I lecture even more now and I'm sure John and kids also find me to be quite the nag about not wasting food. But the kids are getting a few Christmas presents, mostly games we can all play. So an order came today and the company used a rather large box and Aubrey saw it. She questioned John on it and he told her I had ordered clothes for myself from Lands End. Now I have to explain why I would by buying that many clothes in spite of all my lectures!
AUBREY’S UPDATES
I have scheduled an appointment for Aubrey to be seen by a hematologist. She is fine but when she was diagnosed with ITP we were told that by far most kids outgrow their ITP. Because we now know she will have it for life I called the Hem/Onc clinic at Childrens and they recommended we consult with a doctor just so we know how to deal with future issues that could come up.
Speaking of Aubrey, I think John and I need to go back to school. I have to confess that we have sometimes been puzzled over Aubrey's homework. What?? Actually, OLP has great teachers but I'm not that fond of some of the workbooks they follow because some of the assignments are confusing. Or, as I said, we need to go back to school.
NOAH'S UPDATES
Same old Noah, pushing our buttons to the limit.
PRAYERS FOR…
A special person in our lives.
OUR THANKS
Thank you for stopping by. Praying for peace for all of your families during this Advent season!!
In His Arms,
The Paquette's: Monica, John, Aubrey, Saint Gabrielle, and Noah
Sunday, November 23, 2008 2:11 PM CST
SHE LEFT US 2,395 DAYS AGO; OUR LIVES TODAY
Hope everyone is doing OK, especially with so many unknowns facing us. Thomson Reuters will be going through major changes in 2009 and beyond. I still have my job but I told John we need to make preparations as that could easily change in the future as jobs here in Eagan will be shipped to India and the Philippines.
It's been very cold here already but only a smattering of snow is on the ground. I went for an early walk this morning before church and while at Lake Harriet I was treated to the sound of the waves crashing against ice along the shore which was like the sound of tinkling glass. Unlike almost everyone else who cannot stand the gray days of November, I actually love brisk walks in the cold gray air. From now and until we have warm spring days, I prefer the clouds to the sun because I associate cloudless days with bitterly cold winter days. For some of us, clouds are actually cozy.
AUBREY’S and NOAH's UPDATES
School is going well for both of them and we had good school conferences. We braced ourselves for Noah's conference but his teacher had nothing but good things to say. At first I thought she was simply avoiding negative comments but we pressed for information and, to our great amazement, found Noah is actually nice and well-behaved.
Sometimes I have to record things my children say so I can remember them later. Several weeks ago and after dinner, John started to do the dishes. John helps me out a LOT around the house and I am very grateful. But Noah was watching John and then asked, "How come Dad does all the work?" Of course John got a laugh out of that one. I tell you, it's not true, it's not true!!
PRAYERS FOR…
Someone special.
A NOTE ON GRIEF
As I often have in the last two or three years, I did sail through Gabrielle's birthday anniversary. But it's a forced making it through and as always, it eventually catches up with me at some point in the days or weeks following. That day was today, at church. We were singing a hymn by a local composer, David Haas, "You Are Mine." Singing the song I thought of Gabrielle and began to weep and could not stop. Noah wondered why his mama was crying and gave me a big hug.
I can almost hear Jesus calling out to Gabrielle on her last day with words so very close to those in "You Are Mine."
Do not be afraid Gabrielle, I am with you.
I have called you by your name.
Come and follow me
I will bring you home;
I love you, Gabrielle, and you are mine.
I truly don't weep because she belongs to Him but for her to be home means we must live without her.
OUR THANKS
Thank you for visiting!
In His Arms,
The Paquette's: Monica, John, Aubrey, Saint Gabrielle, and Noah
Sunday, November 16, 2008 10:23 PM CST
REMEMBERING GABRIELLE on HER NINTH BIRTHDAY…WITH CONFLICTED EMOTIONS
There have been some serious events in our lives since my last update that won't be mentioned here but that have left me with conflicted emotions on this anniversary.
As always, and of course, we miss her deeply and if I scratch the surface of the memories of her solemn eyes even the slightest, I am saddened beyond words. But some of these recent events have made me wonder if, truly, Gabrielle was the one who was spared. She certainly suffered and she suffered with grace and composure but her suffering is finished.
And now I worry about Aubrey and Noah. The competition for the souls of the young in America is becoming fiercer and fiercer and while I have to trust God I worry because by nature I am a worrier. That is why I am conflicted and even wonder if an even greater suffering as a mother is yet to visit me.
But even so, I will always grieve for Gabrielle. She was and is our daughter but also so much more. Gabrielle, and really all the cancer children, lived very hard lives. They never complained and they asked for so little. Gabrielle and these children, to me, represent what our nation used to be and what our nation was founded upon. Our nation was founded upon the reality that life is very, very hard but that regardless one works hard and thanks the Good Lord anyway. I'm a careful observer and I know what is going on around us and to the entitlement culture I sometimes I want to say, "You are not suffering. If you really want to see suffering, and courage in suffering, go visit a pediatric cancer ward."
As I watch our nation be ravaged by a falling away from true faith, I am reminded even more of the pain of watching quiet Gabrielle be ravaged by cancer.
If the cries and prayers for America from the believers are not answered in the way we hope, may God please bless us all with the grace He seems to endlessly bestow upon Gabrielle and her brothers and sisters, the pediatric cancer children who depart from us much, much too soon.
PRAYERS FOR…
Please say prayers for a special person in our lives.
OUR THANKS
Thank you for remembering Gabrielle on her ninth birthday! We are especially thankful, too, for all the other pediatric cancer families who have graced our grief journey.
In His Arms,
The Paquette's: Monica, John, Aubrey, Saint Gabrielle, and Noah
Tuesday, November 4, 2008 7:34 PM CST
THE LIVES of my CHILDREN and the UNBORN CHILDREN
In memory of Gabrielle and the two children I lost to miscarriage and in honor of Aubrey and Noah, I share the beginnings of all children, including the unborn.
Immediately upon fertilization, cellular development begins. Before implantation in the mother's uterus, the sex of the new life can be determined.
At implantation (5-9 days), the new life is composed of hundreds of cells and has developed a protective hormone to prevent the mother's body from rejecting it as foreign tissue.
At 17 days, the new human life has developed its own blood cells; the placenta is part of the new life and not of the mother.
At 18 days, occasional pulsations of a specific muscle occur—this will become the baby's heart.
At 20 days, the foundation of the entire nervous system has been laid.
By 24 days, the heart has regular beats or pulsations.
At 28 days, 40 pairs of muscles are developed along the trunk of the new life; arms and legs are forming.
At 30 days, regular blood flow exists within the vascular system; the ears and nasal development have begun.
At 40 days, the heart energy output is reported to be almost 20 percent of that of an adult.
At 42 days, the skeleton is complete and reflexes are present.
At 43 days, electrical brain wave patterns can be recorded. This is considered ample evidence that "thinking" is taking place in the brain. The new life may be thought of as a thinking person.
At 49 days (seven weeks), the baby has the appearance of a small infant with complete fingers, toes and ears.
At 56 days (eight weeks), the unborn baby's name changes from embryo to fetus. All organs are functioning—stomach, liver, kidney, brain—and all systems are intact. Lines appear in the palms!!! All future development is simply that of refinement and increase in size until maturity at approximately 23 years.
In weeks 9 and 10, the baby squints, swallows and retracts his or her tongue.
In weeks 10 and 11, the arms and legs move, the baby sucks his or her thumb, and nails appear.
At 16 weeks (four months), genital organs are clearly differentiated; the baby grasps with hands, swims, kick and turns somersaults.
At 18 weeks, the vocal cords are working—the baby can cry.
At 20 weeks, hair appears on the head. The baby weighs one pound and measures 12 inches.
The unborn baby of eight weeks is not essentially different from one of 18 weeks or 28 weeks. From conception on, the embryo and the fetus are undeniably human life. (Thanks to Minnesota Citizens Concerned for Life for their exceptional timeline on the unborn.)
WEEPING for LIFE but HOPING
We are deeply saddened for our nation as all protections for the unborn are likely to go by the wayside. But we can never give up hope: we can continue to financially support pro-life organizations and continue to press heaven with our prayers.
We are thankful to know that God is always in control. Thank you for stopping by.
In His Arms,
The Paquette's: Monica, John, Aubrey, Saint Gabrielle, and Noah
Thursday, October 30, 2008 9:36 AM CDT
SHE LEFT US 2,361 DAYS AGO; OUR LIVES TODAY
I will be updating Gabbie's site less often but want to thank all the readers over these last seven years for following Gabrielle's cancer journey and then our grief journey. I do not miss her any less nor has the grief lessened. I simply do not have the time that I used to have. But I will update when I can.
I miscalculated my remaining vacation days for the year so with an extra day I took today off. Of course I have an endless list of things to accomplish but it is still a day off. I did not pick the best of days, however.
Yesterday after a morning meeting I returned to my cell cubicle and there was an ominous stack of moving boxes. I knew a move was coming but had not been given any notice as to where or when and after inquiring I found out I would be moving the next day (today). While Thomson facilities handle most of the logistics of the move, we are still responsible for packing up and for cleaning our new area if we are actually so picky as to desire a clean work area. It was a frantic rush but I made it and even in time to still pick up Aubrey and Noah.
While the cube I am moving to was messy, there was a strange gift that caught my eye right away. A very voluminous book in perfect condition -- "The Trial of Jesus." Most people don't think of legal analysis behind the crucifixion of Jesus but law school students (which I am not and never was) learn right away that the earliest trials took place during the time of Moses. I am not sure why the book was there but it is mine for now.
When I return to work tomorrow I will know if Facilities decoded all my "place this here" messages properly. If you don't know what corporate life is like, read Dilbert and you will gain a pretty accurate picture! Sometimes I feel like I'm just a pawn in someone else's chess game. But even so, certainly grateful for my job.
AUBREY’S UPDATES
Volleyball season has ended and there were very few mishaps. The tournaments were last weekend and while OLP lost both games Aubrey made serves five times in a row for five points. And I was the mama who thought she would never get one serve over the net the entire season!
PRAYERS FOR…
I know two families who experienced the death of a child on Halloween. Please keep the Buckentines (Zachary) in your prayers. The other family needs to be nameless but if you pray for them God will know who they are.
A NOTE ON GRIEF
I think I know why some people are uncomfortable with those who grieve beyond a year. There is an expectation that if you are a Christian, God would not allow pain to last forever in this life. But we have to remember that life can allow horrible and even unspeakable tragedy and that not all is resolved in this life. Children who die of starvation die horribly slow and painful deaths. It's true. And yet God is there.
It is America that expects quick fixes and not God that promises quick fixes. God does promise that for those who believe, this pain today shall be wiped away forever in Heaven and that is the hope I cling to.
OUR THANKS and PRAYERS
Thank you so much for visiting. Praying for God's peace on election day and for God's strength as Christians face changes to America that take us further and further from a biblical worldview. Praying that someday America remembers that long ago she once realized the unborn should indeed be protected and loved.
Remember them, they are our children, too.
In His Arms,
The Paquette's: Monica, John, Aubrey, Saint Gabrielle, and Noah
Friday, October 17, 2008 9:41 AM CDT
HAPPY BIRTHDAY AUBREY!!!
Our little cart-wheeling girl is ten years old today!! I'm taking the day off because there is no school and we will just be hanging out and making a birthday cake.
We love you, Aubrey, and we will love you to the moon and back and forever.
SHE LEFT US 2,348 DAYS AGO; OUR LIVES TODAY
Sorry for the delay in updating but life just gets more and more hectic. A couple of week-ends ago we dragged the kids to watch the Twin Cities Marathon in the rain. We cheered from the 16-mile and 25-mile marks in the rain and then due to much whining from Aubrey and Noah we were going to go home when suddenly the rain stopped. So after much whining from John and me, Aubrey and Noah grudgingly let us stay and cheer on the soggy runners. We get so motivated from watching the runners that I even start planning early morning runs. But soon that "planning" just becomes dreaming.
What a heated election this has been. Last night a volunteer from the Republican party called and asked if they could put a McCain and Palin sign in our yard. We are indeed conservative and supporting McCain but I hesitated on the sign. We are an island in this part of Minneapolis and, sadly, conservative values are becoming almost despised. To be honest, I trust our immediate liberal and far-left liberal neighbors but am not so trusting beyond our block.
Here is my one, short political plug: If you are undecided, please research Obama and the Born Alive Infants Act. His unwillingness to protect and defend the most defenseless and vulnerable says much about his character. He is as pro-abortion as one can be.
Minneapolis is a city with peace signs all over her yards. I am no historian but history will prove me correct that as long as the savage slaughter against the unborn continues, there will be no world peace. You cannot hold a peace sign in one hand while condoning the bloody war of abortion in the other hand.
Life begins at conception as God taught us when Elizabeth saluted and acknowledged baby Jesus when the Virgin Mary was only about three days pregnant.
First things first.
A NOTE ON GRIEF
John doesn't normally comment on these things but sometimes he surprises me. We were watching the news on the story about the settlement concerning Red Lake High School massacre. One of the reporters mentioned "closure." John immediately protested that you cannot have closure on these things.
I miss you, Gabrielle. Closure waits until eternity.
OUR THANKS
Thank you for visiting!! May God's peace be with us all during this election campaign.
In His Arms,
The Paquette's: Monica, John, Aubrey, Saint Gabrielle, and Noah
Saturday, September 27, 2008 9:25 AM CDT
ONE of THE MYSTERIES
Last night while driving home after picking up Aubrey and Noah from extended day we were listening to KTIS, one of our Christian radio stations. They were discussing the question as to how there can be joy in heaven while other souls are in hell. This is a question I have never heard addressed during Sunday sermons. While I am paraphrasing, Lucado said in heaven we will see the fairness of hell because we will realize some simply did not want Jesus as their Lord and King. God never forces anyone to accept Jesus as their Savior.
Still, this is one of the mysteries to me and perhaps the saddest of them all.
SHE DEPARTED FROM US 2,328 DAYS AGO; OUR LIVES TODAY
As expected, the OLP fall festival consumed all of our time last weekend. We had absolutely beautiful and warm weather. I even snuck in two bike rides around the chain of lakes. If you are not from Minneapolis and ever get a chance to visit you must bike the chain of lakes. While there are a couple of hills, it's a very easy ride and the incredible scenery is unforgettable. I don’t even bike the entire chain of lakes, but rather stick to Lakes Harriet, Calhoun, and Isles. Each lake provides glimpses of the Minneapolis downtown skyline and each lake has its own atmosphere.
While we are enjoying what is a nice fall so far, we are somewhat alarmed at the increase in crime in our neighborhood. We have had a rash of street robberies at gunpoint at hours that are not even that late and at least one right on our block. I usually try one weekly night run but have become a bit wary. Of course joggers generally don't have money on them but who is to say that wouldn't stop the gunman or gunmen.
We can only hope and pray for our neighborhood to remain safe.
AUBREY'S UPDATES
She is bruising again but so far none of them appear to be volleyball bruises. I've watched her team practice a few times and, well, lets just say her team gets very few balls even make it over the net. But she seems to be having fun and one day while driving home I told her I would help her practice her serves. I happened to look in the rearview mirror and I saw a huge smile on her face.
It is priceless that a simple offer can be rewarded with such a smile of joy.
NOAH'S UPDATES
He is testing us to our limits but then that is not news.
ORDINARY MOMENTS turned EXTRAORDINARY
Last Sunday evening I let Aubrey and Noah play outside past dark with some neighbor kids even though it was a school night. It was so warm that even though the sun had set there was no need for sweatshirts. I was outside also, watching them, and had no
desire to go inside. But reluctantly I finally called to them as they were several houses down and Noah needed a bath.
They both ran towards me down the sidewalk. Noah had a glowstick band around his neck and had his arms outstretched and was yelling, "Mommeeeee!" Aubrey was behind Noah and she was breaking up her run with nearly perfect cartwheels.
While it was dark I could see them almost perfectly, running and doing cartwheels in pure joy.
An ordinary moment with extraordinary memories.
OUR THANKS
Thank you for visiting Gabbie's site. Praying God is keeping you safe in our troubled world.
In His Arms,
The Paquettes: John, Monica, Aubrey,
Saint Gabrielle, and Noah
Sunday, September 14, 2008 5:36 PM CDT
SHE LEFT US 2,315 DAYS AGO; OUR LIVES TODAY
Amazing, we now have two weeks of school under our belt and it hasn't been all that bad. My schedule has completely changed because now I am picking up the kids at the end of the day. So I arrive at work much earlier than I used to and also rush out the door at the end of the day. There was one incident where pouring rain during rush hour caused a horrible crash and traffic back-up and I did not get to the school until 30 minutes after Extended Day ends. Thankfully two of the high school girls working there said they had to stay at the school for other reasons anyway. I still don’t have a cell phone but while sitting helplessly in traffic knowing Extended Day had closed made me think about it. But that's as far as that went—I do not want a cellphone and will hold out until the need is truly there.
Summer is over but we did have a great "last" week-end of summer over Labor Day (it was very warm, almost hot). Auntie Sarah joined us and we all went to the State Fair. It was Noah's first year and he was a bit overwhelmed—the day we went the attendance was over 209,000. If you are not from Minnesota then perhaps you don’t know that we have one of the largest fairs in the nation. By daily attendance, we actually have the largest. Texas' state fair runs longer than ours and their overall attendance is larger.
It's been very cool since Labor Day but sunny and warm days are predicted for this week. We hope it lasts through next week-end, which is Our Lady of Peace's One Large Party. I have Noah and Aubrey both signed up to run a 5K that is part of the festivities. I'm pretty sure they can make that distance…maybe it will be me that barely makes it!!
New pictures in the photo page!
AUBREY’S UPDATES
We finally let Aubrey choose an after school activity and she chose volleyball. Practices will all be at OLP and during Extended Day hours so that part is easy. Games will be only once a week on Saturday mornings. We discussed the ITP situation and the coach stated that if Aubrey bruises a lot we might have to come up with something different.
I balked at this at first, mainly because I despised volleyball and was horrible at it and feared it would be the same for Aubrey. But she is not me and maybe it will go well.
NOAH'S UPDATES
He seems to be doing OK in school but in typical boy fashion shares very little with us!
OUR THANKS
Thank you for visiting Gabbie's site! Praying for God's blessings for all who visit!
In His Arms,
The Paquette's: Monica, John, Aubrey, Saint Gabrielle, and Noah
Friday, August 29, 2008 4:28 PM CDT
WAIT
Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD. (Psalms 27:14)
SHE DEPARTED FROM US 2,299 DAYS AGO; OUR LIVES TODAY
It’s been quite a week and we are now $10,000 richer! Just kidding, of course. When we got back from our vacation, neighbors expressed concern about our oak trees. Someone even mentioned “Oak Wilt,” which I then researched on the Internet. For the most part, Oak Wilt cannot be cured and the tree dies. Because of their location in our yard and the massive size of the trees, it would cost at least $10,000 to remove them. I was so upset and every time I looked at one of the trees the discolored and disappearing bark literally jumped out at me. I don’t know what was harder for me, thinking about the $10,000 or thinking about the loss of such majestic trees.
But I called a tree specialist company and they came out this week and to our great, great relief our trees are simply stressed, probably because our part of Minnesota is parched. So, that is why I claim we are $10,000 richer. While we will be plunking down a considerable amount to have them pruned this fall, it will be cheap in comparison to $10,000.
But I feel like I failed the Christian test of waiting and trusting God. I was so crabby and short-tempered with the kids while thinking about the overwhelming financial hit and pondering an ugly barren back-yard.
And the week before there was an incident on one of my days off with Aubrey and Noah. We were getting ready to meet another mother and her children at a playground. Right as we were leaving, Aubrey told me she couldn’t find Sesame, our cat. I shook her treat jar, which she always responds to, but no Sesame came running. I did a quick search in the house and then assumed that while Noah was going in and out of the front door, as usual, that Sesame slipped outside. I walked around outside and called and called her to no avail. Noah and Aubrey were crying and I was close to tears also as Sesame would not survive outside. Aubrey tearfully called John and he graciously came home from work because we had to leave, regardless. It was a depressing car ride to Saint Paul. But later on I called John and Sesame was home. She had been simply hiding under a bed.
Again, I failed the Christian test of waiting and trusting, knowing that we must trust no matter the outcome.
Hmmm, maybe I’m just a bit stressed and need to take a breather and simply wait for God.
AUBREY’S UPDATES
School starts—fourth grade!! She is growing up too fast.
NOAH’S UPDATES
School starts—kindergarten!! He is growing up too fast.
PRAYERS FOR…
I don’t have the site but please pray for another Neuroblastoma family. Their son’s name is Douglas.
A NOTE ON GRIEF
I have special friend, she lost a daughter too. She was told her grief should not be.
If my friend was injured and lost her eyesight she would be blinded.
If my friend was struck by disease and lost the use of her legs she would be crippled.
If my friend lost her hearing she would be deaf.
If my friend was financially drained she would be poor and hungry.
If my friend were any of these things she would not be criticized for being blinded, crippled, deaf, or poor and hungry.
But my friend is none of these things as she lost her daughter and she is grieved.
So I ask, what is wrong with my friend being grieved? Tell me, what is wrong with being grieved?
If you haven’t guessed by now, I truly do not like to see any of my grieving friends criticized. It is wrong to think we should not grieve but part of me has decided that the heavy cross we bear includes a severe misunderstanding of the nature of our trial by some others. Losing a child is the heaviest cross God ordains for a parent yet so many minimize and minimize that cross and believe it should even disappear.
Of course His grace is sufficient! But as a blinded person cannot yet see, we yet grieve.
OUR THANKS
Thank you for visiting Gabbie’s site and thank you for years of support and understanding. I am forever grateful.
Have a safe and wonderful Labor Day Weekend.
In His Arms,
The Paquettes: John, Monica, Aubrey, Saint Gabrielle, and Noah
Wednesday, August 20, 2008 9:51 AM CDT
SHE LEFT US 2,290 DAYS AGO; OUR LIVES TODAY
Hope you are all doing fine! I cannot believe we are now at the end of August with school almost upon us. I am close to depressed but this happens to me every summer.
We have been so very busy. We just got back on Sunday night from our annual summer vacation. We drove to Harbor Springs, Michigan this year, a small town on Lake Michigan just south of the U.P. It was on the cool side but very beautiful—somewhat like northern Minnesota near Lake Superior with the exception that Lake Michigan is softer with sand dunes while Lake Superior has a rocky and rough shoreline.
The highlights of the trip for Noah and Aubrey were the indoor swimming pool and our rented condo. I had to remind John several times that children simply don't appreciate beautiful lake views or nature hikes.
I was not very prepared for our trip because the weekend before we left I became very ill and John and I even sat and argued about whether I should go to ER. I don't like to go to the doctor unless I am almost dying! John became even more irritated when I asked him to Google my symptoms. I finally agreed to go to the hospital and I am sure the ER doctor was very puzzled when I calmly accepted her news with a smile that my gallbladder had to be removed. I was so relieved that I did not go to the hospital only to be told I had a bad case of a stomach virus! I would have cried if that had been the case. Surgery was the next day and I went home that night also and recovered very quickly.
AUBREY and NOAH UPDATES
She is so very excited for school! We started chipping away at the long list of necessary school supplies but we are not done yet. I am a traditionalist in some respects and sadly long for the easy school days when all that was needed were some notebooks, pens, and pencils.
Noah seems a little excited for school and does not seem to be anxious so hopefully it will go well.
A NOTE ON GRIEF
I missed her every day on our vacation and even cried on some days. One night while we were watching the Olympics the camera focused on the solemn young face of a Chinese girl about to begin her program. I saw sadness in this girl's eyes that reminded me so much of Gabrielle.
She is happy now and thankfully I know she is with Jesus. But my memories of Gabrielle are memories of sufferings and sadness as her life was filled with harsh trials.
OUR THANKS
Thank you for visiting even now, six years later.
In His Arms,
The Paquette's: Monica, John, Aubrey, Saint Gabrielle, and Noah
Friday, August 1, 2008 5:04 PM CDT
SHE DEPARTED FROM US 2,271 DAYS AGO; OUR LIVES TODAY
It is that time of year when I get depressed because I see the twilight of summer. We have finally had some weather that can actually be called hot, however. So while all the “green” people around me have their air conditioners running full blast I am simply enjoying the great outdoors and open windows blowing breezy humid air into our home.
Last Sunday Auntie Sarah took both Aubrey and Noah on a one-night camp out. How very nice of her! In the freedom of that afternoon my ever responsible husband did the grocery shopping while the free spirit, me, went for a long bike ride around Lakes Harriet and Calhoun. After dinner John and I took a leisurely walk around Lake Harriet and then enjoyed a quiet evening.
AUBREY’S UPDATES
I am so glad I found the summer park program for Aubrey. I take most of my days off in the summer and several times she has asked me if I would be offended if she didn’t spend the day with me. I don’t mind so most of my days off this summer have been just Noah and I and we will usually just go hang out at a pool for a while and then pick up Aubrey early.
NOAH’S UPDATES
He is a little camper now that he had a “tent” night with Grandpa and a real camp out with Auntie Sarah. He still keeps John and me on our toes with his strong willed temper but occasionally he is well-behaved.
PRAYERS FOR…
Pray for Saint Lukie’s family as July was a month of two anniversaries. Go read Lukie’s mother’s comment on Lukie’s last sunset. Sunsets are beautiful but they signal departure and sometimes that departure is way too soon.
*~* Site for Saint Lukie *~*
Please pray for little Shelbi’s family as yet another sunset has come too early.
visit/littleshelbi
A NOTE ON GRIEF
During most of Gabbie’s cancer battle I truly believed God was going to give her an earthly healing. It is good I did not know she was going to die because I would have been helpless to enjoy our remaining time. I know we live in a world that praises those who “live for the moment,” but I am not like that. Gabbie’s remaining time would have been one gorgeous sunset but her sinking life and too-soon departure would have drowned me in melancholy.
OUR THANKS
Thank you for visiting. Hope the twilight of your summer is beautiful even if like me you find it to be another departure too soon. I know we have one month to go…but that is simply not enough.
In His Arms,
The Paquettes: John, Monica, Aubrey, Saint Gabrielle, and Noah
Friday, July 18, 2008 9:27 AM CDT
WITH MUCH HOPE YET MUCH SADNESS
…I will go to him, but he will not return to me." (2 Samuel 12:23)
King David's lament for the child that died contains suggest much hope (he will go to the child someday) and yet much sadness (the child will never return to him). I can tell you that I grieve with hope as I know Gabrielle is now full of joy but that the absence of her return weighs ever heavy.
Even if I could I would never bring her back to this place as that would be horribly cruel. But I want her back in ways that words can never describe.
I wish I could tell you that it gets easier but it only changes, it does not really get easier.
We are wired to need food and without it we die; we are wired by God to need our children and without them….well, you don't want to know this horrible famine. I am utterly famished.
What does she look like?
How old will she be when I finally see her?
When, when will I finally be reunited with her?
As time goes on I miss her more and more yet bury the longing deeper and deeper.
Obviously there had to be an ultimate cross humans would bear but did it have to be the death of a child?
When we grieve so deeply for our child is it really because we are selfish or is it truly because we loved another so wholly and deeply?
I miss you, Gabrielle. My heart weeps daily.
SHE LEFT US 2,257 DAYS AGO; OUR LIVES TODAY
We are doing OK. Obviously I am struggling with the relentlessness of Gabbie's absence.
AUBREY’S UPDATES
Aubrey had a great time up at the cabin in Alexandria with Auntie Sarah and other relatives. Thank you, Sarah!!
I had Aubrey and Noah to the pediatrician this week to get caught up on shots and check ups. We were all in the same room and Noah was driving Aubrey crazy, as usual. Once when the doctor was explaining to Aubrey how he was going to check her, she was standing there listening to him and looking at him but with a horrible frown—her eyebrows were literally arched into a pointed peak. Finally I felt sorry for the doctor and explained that it was not him but that Aubrey's patience with Noah had vanished.
NOAH’S UPDATES
Noah had a tent-sleepover with Grandpa and a cousin a couple of nights ago. It was the same day we had the visit to the doctor which may have explained his hyper-active behavior at the doctor's office. Noah had to get three shots and he kept telling the doctor that he wanted his shots. When the doctor was getting ready to leave, Noah asked, "Aren't you forgetting something?" I explained to Noah that the doctor doesn't usually give the shots.
The shots did eventually come and even the technician was surprised at how well Noah did. So maybe getting your kids worked up and excited before appointments is a good thing!
PRAYERS FOR…
Theresa Rose's family as they mark another anniversary of her departure for eternal life with Jesus.
OUR THANKS
Thank you for visiting! If you are grieving as we are always remember that we can grieve with hope if we have faith in Jesus Christ, the one and only Saviour.
In His Arms,
The Paquette's: Monica, John, Aubrey, Saint Gabrielle, and Noah
Thursday, July 3, 2008 5:02 PM CDT
GOD BLESS AMERICA!
We hope you all have a safe Fourth of July holiday!!
SHE DEPARTED FROM US 2,242 DAYS AGO; OUR LIVES TODAY
We are blessed but can’t quite seem to escape the normal tensions of life. I came home from work yesterday and the first thing I saw was Noah and a neighbor boy in another neighbor’s yard that is supposed to be off-limits. Then a neighbor girl comes up to me and laughingly asks me if I had a son by a certain name. I looked at Aubrey and was not too happy because I had once shared with her that I had named the baby I lost before I had her. While normally I am not at all a private person, I was upset because for some reason I have kept my naming of that baby semi-private. Very, very unlike me and I cannot explain it. It was no one’s fault but I was coming off of a bad day at work. And then I go into the house and find out that our family agreement that there would be no fireworks that night was no longer an agreement. We were saving them for the actual holiday and had already used some the prior night but Aubrey and Noah had apparently pestered John almost to death so we shot off more fireworks. All legal, of course, by Minnesota law so nothing that shoots into the air.
But truly, these are normal family tensions and we remain very blessed in many ways and Jesus is our LORD and Savior!!
AUBREY’S UPDATES
Aubrey is going up to Alexandria with Auntie Sarah to the resort where some of my mom’s relatives congregate every year. It is very cool today but is supposed to warm up soon. She is so excited but has greedily commented that she is worried about all the extra attention Noah will get while she is gone. Honestly, the worries she comes up with!
NOAH’S UPDATES
Noah is just his normal summer self and is roughed up by lots of vicious mosquito bites.
PRAYERS FOR…
Pray for America. We are drifting from our Christian heritage and will soon be a “universalist” nation.
OUR THANKS
Thank you for visiting, I know the updates are a little sparse.
In His Arms,
The Paquettes: John, Monica, Aubrey, Saint Gabrielle, and Noah
Friday, June 20, 2008 6:07 PM CDT
IS HE SAFE?
When the Pevensie children of Narnia first learn of Aslan, the Lion, from the Beavers, Lucy remarks, “Then he isn’t safe?” And Mr. Beaver replies, “Safe? Don’t you hear what Mrs. Beaver tells you? Who said anything about safe? Course he isn’t safe. But he’s good. He’s the King, I tell you.” C.S. Lewis, Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe.
Today’s liberal theology has become so casual about God that God is no longer feared. We are all going to heaven, so they say and think, so why should we fear God?
Friendship with the LORD is reserved for those who fear him. With them he shares the secret of his covenant. (Psalm 25:14)
SHE DEPARTED FROM US 2,229 DAYS AGO; OUR LIVES TODAY
We are finally getting a little taste of summer weather. This is the first week where I did not have to bring a coat and umbrella to work with me. It’s still not as warm as I would like but after all the cool rainy days I am happy to have sunny days in the high 70s.
AUBREY’S UPDATES
One of John’s nightmare’s regarding Aubrey has become true. With some exceptions, John much prefers given formal names over nicknames.
John has remarked often that he does not want Aubrey to be called “Bree.” But at Aubrey’s first week at Recreation Plus, that is exactly what the other girls have called her. One morning when I dropped her off the kids were all outside and as soon as Aubrey opened the car door I could hear a chorus of “Bree, Bree!”
But she had a great first week, regardless. The forgetful mama that I can be, she is very, very tan and a smidgen red as I failed to send sunscreen with her. Actually, I don’t get that worked up about sunscreen for Aubrey and Noah unless they are spending a lot of time near water.
Last night Aubrey had one of her much loved sleep-overs with Auntie Sarah and her cousin Elli. And next week is VBS at Our Lady of Peace so Miss Aubrey is busy!
NOAH’S UPDATES
I do enjoy how children can sometimes have a funny but limited understanding of a word. Noah was outside and when a neighbor lady walked by Noah asked her where she was going. She is a great fan of gardening and she replied to Noah that she was going to the nursery. Soon Noah was yelling in the house to John that our neighbor was injured. John asked what was going on and Noah stated, “She’s injured, she’s going to the nursery, she’s injured.”
PRAYERS FOR…
I weep for yet another suffering child. Please pray for Shelbi and her family.
visit/little shelbi
A NOTE ON GRIEF
A father from Australia was canoeing with his two twin nine-year old children, a son and a daughter. The canoe capsized and he had to….choose which one to save. Like so many of us, he has been told that it gets better with time, which we learn is not true.
"It is such a tragedy and people say that tragedy gets better with time. But it doesn't. The pain is still the same today, two years and two months after." ~ A grieving father.
OUR THANKS
Thank you for visiting Gabbie’s site. It amazes me how many people still visit!! Hope you are having a nice summer.
In His Arms,
The Paquettes: John, Monica, Aubrey, Saint Gabrielle, and Noah
Friday, June 6, 2008 5:37 PM CDT
RUNNING IN HEAVEN
If one could run without getting tired, I don’t think one would often want to do anything else. C.S. Lewis, The Last Battle. (Book Seven in The Chronicles of Narnia series)
My best runs have always been in the evening as usually I reach a point where it feels as if I am running without any effort at all.
I recently finished reading the Chronicles of Narnia series and took notice of the theme of running in the very last chapter from the very last book. Another excerpt is below and begins with the joy of a unicorn realizing he is finally home.
”I have come home at last! This is my real country! I belong here. This is the land I have been looking for all my life, though I never knew it till now. The reason why we loved the old Narnia is that it sometimes looked a little like this. Bree-hee-hee! Come further up, come further in!” He shook his mane and sprang forward into a great gallop, which in our world would have carried him out of sight in just a few moments. But now a most strange thing happened. Everyone else began to run, and they found, to their astonishment, that they could keep up with him: not only the dogs and the humans but even fat little Puzzle and short-legged Poggin the Dwarf. The air flew in their faces as if they were driving fast in a car without a windscreen. The country flew past as if they were seeing it from the windows of an express train. Faster and faster they raced, but no one got hot or tired or out of breath.
SHE DEPARTED FROM US 2,215 DAYS AGO; OUR LIVES TODAY
Life seems so hectic these days I could almost cry as I cannot keep up. Our house, at least to me, is in a shambles and needs some serious cleaning and some serious reorganization. I used to think other parents exaggerated the messiness of their children’s rooms but now I know it is indeed a reality. It’s amazing none of us have twisted an ankle trying to navigate Aubrey and Noah’s bedroom. Sadly, Aubrey is a true pack-rat, especially with her school papers and workbooks.
Hopefully we will have some nice weather this weekend. We are in a holding pattern with stormy weather but at least the temps are finally starting to climb. And while the cloudy days are gloomy in some respects all the rain has made Minneapolis very green and quite lush!
AUBREY’S UPDATES
When I dropped Aubrey off this week for her first summer day of day care with Noah my heart sank as I realized it was just not fair to have her be in a room with pre-K children. So I did some scrambling and for many weeks this summer she will be in a Minneapolis park program called Recreation Plus.
When I showed her the schedule for the Recreation Plus program, there are numerous field trips, she was so VERY excited. She could hardly keep still and was dancing all around the house. So all the effort and the extra and unplanned expenses will be worth it to know she is happy. And next year Noah will be old enough to participate in the same program.
It is going to be a ka-ching, ka-ching summer but we are very happy for Aubrey.
A NOTE ON GRIEF
She never ran in this life. But she will run in Heaven someday and sometimes I shall run with her. Faster and faster we will run and we will never weary.
OUR THANKS
Thank you for visiting Gabrielle’s site.
Thanking God for all His promises that we can cling to during the stormy days of life.
In His Arms,
The Paquettes: John, Monica, Aubrey, Saint Gabrielle, and Noah
Friday, May 30, 2008 5:06 PM CDT
THANK YOU FOR REMEMBERING!
Thank you to so many for remembering Gabrielle on her sixth anniversary of departing from our lives. While I am always glad for the anniversary day to pass, I do not really breathe a sigh of relief because the hard reality of her absence remains the same.
The only reason I don’t cry more often is because I simply do not go there. But like any grieved parent, I only have to start imagining her sitting on my lap or contemplating her suffering or remembering her silent tears for a few seconds and the deep grief is upon me.
SHE DEPARTED FROM US 2,208 DAYS AGO; OUR LIVES TODAY
Memorial Day weekend was a mix of very summer-like weather but also a return to the dreary cooler-than-normal weather. The weekend tornadoes barely missed our area but others in the Twin Cities were not so fortunate.
A few nights ago when I went to bed I was thinking of how, now that our windows are open, we will hear lots of Minneapolis’ summer wildlife—of the human and animal variety. I was just getting sleepy when a spray of nine to ten bullets jolted me from bed. It sounded very, very, very close. Five minutes later numerous squad cars descended on our street and in front of our house. It turns out a new rental resident on our street had a party and he and one of his guests fired the shots.
It also turns out that the shooters were off-duty police-men and they are now on administrative leave. The police are being diligent in the investigation and we even had a visit from Internal Affairs.
Bad boys aside, we remain grateful for Minneapolis’ finest!
AUBREY’S UPDATES
As of today, school is out and summer is upon us!! Aubrey will once again be going to Noah’s daycare for the summer but we are attempting to minimize the number of days she will be there as much as possible.
NOAH’S UPDATES
Our little man Noah did finally get a boyish haircut! But when a Star Tribune reporter came by to question John on the shootings, she asked him, “Did you feel you needed to protect your girls?”
Poor pretty-boy Noah, hopefully this will end someday. He certainly is all boy in all other aspects.
A NOTE ON GRIEF
Remembering an old friend, Reta, and her infectious laughter and perfect grasshopper pie!
Remembering Anna, another faithful friend of Jesus.
OUR THANKS
Thanks again for remembering Gabrielle and visiting our site.
Please remember, no one can go home to the Father but through Jesus Christ, the one and only Saviour! God left us a wonderful reminder of that when the day before her departure Gabrielle exclaimed, “Jesus, Jesus, Jesus.”
In His Arms,
The Paquettes: John, Monica, Aubrey, Saint Gabrielle, and Noah
Friday, May 16, 2008 4:21 PM CDT
Dear Aubrey and Noah,
I want you to know we love you so very much and we truly are so blessed that the good Lord chose us to be your mama and daddy.
I want you to know that if either of you departed this life too early that our hearts would be crushed and our arms would ache to hold you again. Our lives would never ever be the same and a gaping hole would remain.
I want you to know that if you only listen to one thing we tell you, please may it be that you need Jesus Christ as your Saviour and Redeemer. Please, please do not believe the lie that there is no hell. It makes me weep to know that the most wicked lie of all lies will be pressed and pressed and pressed upon you and so I pray for your souls every night. God is Holy, Holy, Holy and only the perfect holiness of Jesus Christ can save you!
I want you to know, Aubrey, that we love your mostly cheery disposition and your love for life and for people. I want you to know, Noah, that we love your headstrong ways (hope you have a child with the same ways!) and your never-ending requests that we play games with you.
I want you both to know we love you so much and our hearts would be utterly shattered and broken if you departed too early.
How do I know how broken our hearts would be? I know because of your sister, Gabrielle.
Love,
Mama and Daddy
~In loving memory of Gabrielle Anna Paquette~
~Into our arms November 17, 1999 and departed from our arms May 17, 2002~
~Rejoicing always for where she is; yet mourning always for where she is absent~
Friday, May 9, 2008 5:52 PM CDT
TRUSTING
Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him: but I will maintain mine own ways before him. (Job 13:15)
SHE DEPARTED FROM US 2,187 DAYS AGO; OUR LIVES TODAY
Our weather is a little better but still not that great. It is supposed to be cold and rainy this weekend, as if we haven’t had enough of that.
Last Friday evening, after putting Aubrey and Noah to bed, I was relaxing on the couch watching yet another depressing documentary, Dark Days, from Netflix. Dark Days documented the stories of some homeless people living underground in New York’s train tunnels. And then I listened to the howling wind and watched the cold rain pelt the doors from our kitchen onto the back deck. I thought for sure our plans for the race the next morning would be canceled (not the race itself but I doubt Noah and Aubrey would appreciate standing around in cold rain) but we were given a respite with a sunny but cool morning.
As Gabbie’s death anniversary approaches once again, I feel as if I am standing in a cold and endless rain.
AUBREY’S UPDATES
We had a little scare with Miss Aubrey last week. Over the weekend she repeatedly told us her leg hurt, but then she would laugh. By Sunday evening she was beginning to limp and by Monday the limp was very pronounced. So off we went to the doctor to find out that she probably pulled a muscle. She was given strict instructions to not run or do acrobats for two weeks. That advice held for a while but because her leg was better within days she is pretty much doing what she wants. But I did refrain from having her run in a race last week-end.
NOAH’S UPDATES
Noah completed his second race!! Yea, Noah. I ran with Noah and Aubrey’s friend and her friend’s mother in the 1-mile Melpomene race for kids last Saturday. It was a blustery morning but not bad for running. At one point Noah complained that his legs hurt but I told him he was fine and five seconds later his leg pain must have disappeared...or they really never hurt in the first place. Noah seems to have trouble sorting truth from lies.
I think his time was 11:27. Not bad, as I once recall reading that the average high-schooler (average must exclude atheletes) runs the mile in 11 minutes.
A NOTE ON GRIEF
A recent private prayer-time turned into a crying session as I remembered her quite voice asking me, “Cancer gone?” And after responding negatively I watched the slow and uncomplaining tears run down her face. Even with my Christian faith, I cannot describe the agony that wells up within me when I remember how she suffered.
Yet though He slay her before our eyes, we still go on trusting.
OUR THANKS
Thank you for visiting Gabbie’s site.
To all the mothers who buried a child, if this Mother’s Day is cruel to you, then I hope that God’s mercy at least sustains you.
In His Arms,
The Paquette's: John, Monica, Aubrey, Saint Gabrielle, and Noah
Sunday, April 27, 2008 10:13 PM CDT
SHE LEFT US 2,175 DAYS AGO; OUR LIVES TODAY
It's cold again. Not like the many bitter cold snaps we had this winter but we woke up on Saturday morning to snow on the ground. Places north of us were actually buried in deep snow. This afternoon we all walked to see the construction work going on at 35W where the 46th Street bridge used to be and we walked in snow flurries. But never mind the annoying cold, the 35W construction is even more annoying. 46th is the fourth bridge to come down due to the 35W/Crosstown construction. Traffic will now be pushed to 42nd Street, which happens to run along the end of our block. John has already told Aubrey and Noah that when they are playing on our block their boundary is now several houses closer in because we expect traffic to be not very well-behaved on 42nd.
Aside from road construction boxing us in (another major road by us, Lyndale, will be soon closed for a year), we had a good but hectic weekend. Starry, Starry Night, OLP's school fundraiser, was Saturday and as usual John and I really enjoyed it but were out too late. John also helped set-up on Friday night, worked Saturday morning at his construction job, worked at Starry, Starry Night, and then finally worked again on Sunday morning with the clean-up. John is exhausted, I just now told him that the 10:00 news has started and he is out and sound asleep in the chair. It's rare for him to miss the news.
And what did I do? Well, I had Aubrey and Noah, of course and that can be a good deal of work. But well worth it and they are loved so much!!!
One day last week while driving Noah to daycare I stopped because I saw a hen on the loose on the sidewalk near a busy road. Hens do not normally walk around our city streets so I could not resist and had to do something. I had Noah watch the hen, which hen seemed happy to see us, while I knocked on doors hoping to find an owner. No one answered their doors so Noah helped me corral the hen into a fenced yard as there was nothing else we could do. Noah was very proud of his job! I will miss my alone time with him next year as he will be going to OLP and I assume John will do the drop-off while I will have the pick-up.
PRAYERS FOR…
Please pray for Lily Leyden's family. This is so hard…how many more children?
visit/lilyleyden
Please pray for our friends, the Nielsen family, as today marked six years since they last had Steve with them. Steve was a drummer and I will always remember once dimly hearing the drums being played on the 8th floor at Minneapolis Children's.
OUR THANKS
Thank you for visiting! Please pray for the other families. Pray for the strength that can only come from God the Father.
In His Arms,
The Paquette's: Monica, John, Aubrey, Saint Gabrielle, and Noah
Friday, April 18, 2008 5:46 PM CDT
SO MUCH WAS NOT WRITTEN
We know the Bible holds so much about Jesus but there is also so much that was never recorded. From the end of John: And there are also many other things that Jesus did., which if they were written one by one, I suppose that even the world itself could not contain the books that would be written. Amen. (John 21:25)
It makes one wonder, what are all those other innumerable things he did?
SHE DEPARTED FROM US 2,166 DAYS AGO; OUR LIVES TODAY
I no longer work for Thomson West and now work for Thomson Reuters. This was a very big merger (Thomson acquired Reuters) and I have read via business news on the Web that lay-offs are down the road. So far, the specific Thomson business I work in, legal, has little or no overlap with Reuters. John has absolutely no idea what I do and when I try to explain it to him he is only confused further. I saw a business article this week with the following comment on Thomson:
“Instead, Thomson has focused on building vast databases of material that is dull to most people but of great value to professionals, and the company charges them accordingly. More recently, that data has been integrated into systems that sift through it, organize it and, in some cases, make suggestions to users about actions to take. A litigation lawyer researching a case involving asbestosis through the company’s Westlaw service, for example, will be presented with information from Thomson Scientific about the disease along with legal decisions related to it. Thomson has also invested in artificial intelligence companies to develop software that can take data and news and make trading decisions faster than humans.”
I should have my construction-worker husband read this and then he will no longer have any questions about what I do, right?!
Otherwise, we are all doing fine.
AUBREY’S UPDATES
This week Aubrey bumped her rib-cage coming down from the top bunk and started crying. Of course, Aubrey and Noah claim injuries so frequently that I just rubbed the area without looking at it. But then a few minutes later she lifted her pajamas and she had quite a doozy of an owie! That ITP does not let up. Wish I was better at initially discerning true injuries from all the not-so-true claims to injury.
NOAH’S UPDATES
As soon as we have time he will be getting a professional haircut. Last week-end I finished a short jog on our side of the street and then noticed a little girl waving to me from across the street. I waved even though I had no idea who it was. Then I noticed this little child had on a superman t-shirt given to some birthday party attendees for a neighbor child. And I knew that only boys had the superman t-shirts. It was Noah!!
It’s time and I think I am ready. But it will not be a buzz job and it will still have some length.
PRAYERS FOR…
Please pray for Lily Leyden. How many more children, God?
Visit/lilyleyden
A NOTE ON GRIEF
I’m not that big on poetry but this poem is making the rounds on CaringBridge and thought I would share it here.
"I am wearing a pair of shoes. They are ugly shoes. Uncomfortable shoes. I hate my shoes. Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair. Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step. Yet, I continue to wear them.
"I get funny looks wearing these shoes. I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs. They never talk about my shoes.
"To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable. To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them. But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.
"I now realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes. There are many pairs in this world. Some women ache daily as they try and walk in them. Some have learned how to walk in them so they don't hurt quite as much. Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by before they think about how much they hurt.
"No woman deserves to wear these shoes. Yet, because of these shoes I am a stronger woman. These shoes have given me the strength to face anything. They have made me who I am.
"I am a woman who has lost a child to cancer. I will forever walk in these shoes."
- Author unknown
I changed the last stanza from “has a child with cancer” to “has lost a child to cancer”. If Gabrielle had survived I would certainly never forget the journey and would always worry, but I would, at some point, have taken off the ugly shoes.
OUR THANKS
Thank you for visiting! We appreciate your remembering Gabrielle.
In His Arms,
The Paquette's: John, Monica, Aubrey, Saint Gabrielle, and Noah
Friday, April 11, 2008 6:21 PM CDT
MINNESOTA’S STRONGMAN
A few weeks ago I was telling Aubrey and Noah that spring, summer, and fall usually fade gently into summer, fall, and winter, respectively. Not so with winter. I told them that winter is Minnesota’s strongman and winter usually has trouble relinquishing any hold on our fine state to spring. And so that leaves us with winter and spring fighting it out and presenting us with horrible weather.
If you are not from Minnesota and watch national news, you might think that here in Minneapolis we are buried under a blizzard. But as usual the snow missed us (those north of us are indeed buried in snow) and we have been stuck with strong winds and cold pouring rains. Most people around me, based on their comments, have just about had it.
I don’t really mind as I wrote off the month of April in Minnesota decades ago. It’s a dreary cold month and because that is what I expect I seem oblivious to what has everyone else up in arms. Snow, wind, rain…doesn’t matter, that’s April in Minnesota.
SHE DEPARTED FROM US 2,159 DAYS AGO; OUR LIVES TODAY
It was a bit stressful this week in our house but we cannot complain. You see, I follow world news and know we have it pretty good. But gone are the years where we got a nice tax refund, which always funded our annual vacation. I asked the accounting firm what happened and she told me we made more. Why, yes, we make a little bit more every year but that little bit pales in comparison to the huge drop in our federal refund and the huge increase in what we owe the lovely high-taxing State of Minnesota.
There is also an issue with our trees, including one or both of the majestic oaks in our backyard and a front-yard tree. While we’ve only been asked to have some of the branches cut-off we are concerned that the intended tree-trimmer is not licensed or insured. If you saw our oak trees you would understand our concern for wanting only a licensed tree-trimming operation to touch our trees.
I guess I can tolerate Minnesota’s weather as long as I have my trees!
OUR THANKS
Thank you for visiting Gabrielle’s site. Look at the trees and know they are not some outcome of chance but rather created to grace this temporary home with signs of the Creator. We hope God blesses you this week.
In His Arms,
The Paquette's: John, Monica, Aubrey, Saint Gabrielle, and Noah
Sunday, April 6, 2008 8:40 PM CDT
SHE DEPARTED FROM US 2,154 DAYS AGO; OUR LIVES TODAY
I think John and I are both in shock that we are in April. I'm not sure what is making our lives busier but we are busy (probably Aubrey's homework). Last weekend we all went to watch the Minnesota State Boys HS Basketball championship. With parking and even just a little food it's very, very expensive but it is a great family event. When we were walking from the parking deck to the stadium we let Aubrey and Noah run ahead of us in the long indoor walkways. At one point, some teenaged-girl spied them and yelled, "Where are the parents?!!" We quickly claimed them and when we caught up with them the teenager told us she just wanted to make sure that when the "two little girls" ran by that they had someone watching them. I pulled Noah's hat off and said, "This one is actually a boy." The teenager did a double-take and I'm not sure she believed me.
Maybe if people witnessed Noah's constant loud burps he would not be mistaken for a girl. I give him credit for following up his burps with "Scuse me."
A NOTE ON GRIEF
Please pray for another Minnesota family now suffering deep loss due to neuroblastoma.
Visit/annameg
MOVIE PALACE REVIEWS: Magnificent Creatures
and Children in the Red-Light Districts
I think both Aubrey and Noah would give a thumbs-up to "Black Beauty". It was filmed in 1994 and an incredible job was done with the horses. All of God's creation is magnificent but in the Animal Kingdom I find horses to be pretty close to the top.
I watched a documentary, Born into Brothels, on children who live in Calcutta's red-light district. A photographer was there to photograph the lives of the women working in the brothels but she also developed a relationship with the children. The saddest reality about this documentary isn't the lives the children lead, although that reality is tragic, but that God and Jesus are never mentioned as a hope. Getting an education was the only hope portrayed by the documentary. Sadly, even though many of the children were finally accepted at boarding schools, most of them left school to return to life in the brothel.
A NOTE ON GRIEF
Another CB mother whose child was near death remarked how hard it is to hear, "How are you doing?" While I cannot speak for all grieving parents, I was never really bothered by that question. But it bothered me considerably when I sensed I had to say we were fine. When our child is dying, we are not fine and we are not OK. We are in unspeakable agony.
You can help parents on this journey very much if you let them know they can be honest concerning their feelings and that they do not have to assure you that they are OK. Strangely, when our child dies we are immediately tasked with making sure we do not discomfort others with our true feelings.
We are expected to lie.
OUR THANKS
Thank you for visiting Gabbie's site! Thank you for letting me share thoughts on grief almost six years later.
Thank you, God, for the blessed hope of eternal life.
In His Arms,
The Paquette's: John, Monica, Aubrey,
Saint Gabrielle, and Noah
Friday, March 28, 2008 6:21 PM CDT
EMPTY…FOR US
The tomb was empty! The tomb was empty!
And if Christ had not been raised, then your faith is useless, and you are still under condemnation for your sins. (1 Corinthians 15:17)
SHE DEPARTED FROM US 2,145 DAYS AGO; OUR LIVES TODAY
We had a nice Easter weekend and we hope you did too!
Aubrey and Noah are simply keeping us so very busy. About six weeks ago, when I knew Noah really needed a haircut, I just took the matter into my own hands and cut his hair myself and it took less than two minutes. I asked John if he liked it and he said, “It’s layered.” (Read: uneven.) And now for months I’ve been saying that I needed a trim but when was I going to find time to have it done? Well, if I can cut Noah’s hair maybe I can cut my own. Some women would have fainted if they saw what I did but like Noah’s hair it took me less than two minutes!! And because I have uncontrollable puffy hair, whether or not my cut was even is of no concern. I like saving time and money very much!
AUBREY’S UPDATES
We just had conferences last night and we are very satisfied with her progress.
NOAH’S UPDATES
Noah came with me to Aubrey’s class one morning this week to make cards for an upcoming OLP fund-raising event. The older kids always seem to like Noah but that’s probably because he can be such a goof off. He had them fooled that he wasn’t blinking and one of the students came up to me and said, “Mrs. Paquette, Noah hasn’t blinked for five minutes.”
I think Noah is more than ready for Kindergarten and he seems to be excited about school.
PAQUETTE MOVIE PALACE
About a year ago Friday evenings slowly evolved into “movie night.” John’s not much of a movie fan but Aubrey, Noah and I do not mind as it has become our routine and sometimes John goes out with the guys on Friday evenings. We just joined Netflix because in the end it will be cheaper or about the same but with many more movies to choose from and even I get my own movie. The big bonus will be the absence of huge late fees for late returns (we are not lazy…we just forget sometimes!)
Aubrey and Noah go all out and set-up our living room, which is then designated as the Movie Palace. It involves about 20 blankets, numerous pillows, and a menagerie of dolls and stuffed animals. And sometimes Aubrey decorates a lamp for even more ambience. I will post pictures of the Movie Palace soon.
The biggest drawback is that Aubrey and Noah are messy with the popcorn, which is then trailed all over the house via the blankets used to create the Movie Palace. But I love the way Aubrey and Noah look forward to our weekly Movie Palace night and it is well worth finding popcorn in the most unlikely of places.
I’ll review some of our movies in case you are also looking for good movies. I will need Kleenex for the “child” movie tonight because I will be reunited with one of my all-time favorite childhood books, Black Beauty! (Sad animal stories are hard for me—I had to literally leave the Movie Palace during some scenes in the movie Flipper.)
PRAYERS FOR…
I’ve asked for prayers for Kimberly Fayette in the past. Please now pray for her family.
Visit/kimberlyfayette
OUR THANKS
Thanks so much for stopping by! Thanks for caring for so many of these children and their families.
In His Arms,
The Paquette's: John, Monica, Aubrey, Saint Gabrielle, and Noah
Saturday, March 22, 2008 10:32 AM CDT
BECAUSE and FOR
Because of us he was born unto the Virgin Mary. Because of us he was falsely accused. Because of us he was beaten beyond human recognition. Because of us he was scorned and ridiculed. Because of us he was crucified and died.
Three days later he rose from the dead.
Because of God's love, Jesus did this FOR us.
SHE LEFT US 2,139 DAYS AGO; OUR LIVES TODAY
I went to First Free's Good Friday service last night and as usual it was incredibly touching. I don't mean in a sentimental way so much as making the reality of Jesus' sacrifice so plain to see. When I left it was dark and First Free had strings of lights on the bushes and because of the snow we had all day I felt as if I was walking out onto a Christmas night rather than Easter!
I think I've heard that it will be close to 100 years before Easter is this early in the year. Seems very strange to me and as if we just celebrated Christmas.
A NOTE ON GRIEF
Her resurrection is yet to come.
OUR THANKS
Thank you for visiting Gabrielle's site! We hope you have a very blessed Easter. His Resurrection gives us hope beyond hope. Without that hope our lives would be meaningless.
Thank you, God, for the best gift of all.
In His Arms,
The Paquette's: Monica, John, Aubrey, Saint Gabrielle, and Noah
Saturday, March 15, 2008 11:03 AM CDT
BLESSED IS HE THAT COMETH IN THE NAME OF THE LORD
And a very great multitude spread their garments in the way; others cut down branches from the trees, and strawed them in the way.
And the multitudes that went before, and that followed, cried, saying, Hosanna to the son of David: Blessed is he that cometh in the name of the Lord; Hosanna in the highest.
And when he was come into Jerusalem, all the city was moved, saying, Who is this?
And the multitude said, This is Jesus the prophet of Nazareth of Galilee. (Matthew 21:8-11)
SHE LEFT US 2,132 DAYS AGO; OUR LIVES TODAY
We are all much better with the exception of hacking coughs. From what I have heard, this flu is going around like wildfire. We were fortunate that Noah never became sick. In all of this I also finally had a chance to visit our local Social Security Administration and I am now reconnected to my SS number!! Just think, for almost 14 years I did not exist in the files of the SSA.
NOAH’S UPDATES
HAPPY BIRTHDAY NOAH!!!! Noah turned five on Wednesday. Because we were still recovering we kept it simple and walked to a restaurant that is only 3 blocks from our house.
PRAYERS FOR…
Pray for my friends, Yolanda and George (link at bottom of page), as they recently had another birthday anniversary without Anna. Pray also for Steven Nielsen's family as they also had another birthday anniversary.
Steve's Site
A NOTE ON GRIEF
The study notes in my Bible, at the end of Deuteronomy when Moses dies, make mention that the Bible sets neither a minimum nor maximum time for grieving.
I know some who have never lost a child understand this: our grief in this life for the child we love so much never ends. I also know that some who have never lost a child will never, ever understand this.
OUR THANKS
Thank you for visiting Gabrielle's site. We wish you a very blessed Holy Week. The sufferings of Jesus during this time were for us because of God's love for us.
In His Arms,
The Paquette's: Monica, John, Aubrey, Saint Gabrielle, and Noah
Saturday, March 8, 2008 7:53 PM CST
SHE LEFT US 2,125 DAYS AGO; OUR LIVES TODAY
We have certainly had better weeks. A week ago Monday someone smashed the windows of the work van in front of our house, in broad daylight, while John was at a funeral. They must have been scared off because they only took one inexpensive tool. Then last Sunday morning before going to church we discover a smashed window in John's car (I always park my car in the garage for that very reason). John did not have anything of value in the car but they took the garage door opener. So we had to get a new garage door opener because the transmission on the old one would not reprogram.
On Tuesday I was hit with the flu and have now chewed through half of my six annual sick days and it's only March. John and Aubrey woke up with the flu this morning. Noah is still holding out and I hope it stays that way although his energy level is exhausting. I'm much better but not up to Noah speed yet.
AUBREY’S UPDATES
She is sick but not complaining as much as she usually does. I assured her that while she might be achy, she won't have severe pain and she will mostly be wiped out.
NOAH'S UPDATES
He is bursting with energy and wearing me out.
A NOTE ON GRIEF
Rest in peace, Windchill. I know there are animals in heaven…I just hope they're the same ones who suffered here.
OUR THANKS
Thanks for stopping by Gabrielle's site. Please, please pray for Zachary, Lily, and Anna Margo.
In His Arms,
The Paquette's: Monica, John, Aubrey, Saint Gabrielle, and Noah
Friday, February 29, 2008 5:11 PM CST
SHE LEFT US 2,117 DAYS AGO; OUR LIVES TODAY
Did everyone see the eclipse last week? It was absolutely gorgeous but I could not really see it until it was a full eclipse due to halo effects (result of Lasik surgery). The eclipse happened on a bitterly cold and clear winter night and as the moon shines brightest in the cold the halo effect is more pronounced. But once I could see it I was in awe of God’s incredible creation!
I learned a scary lesson this week that you can pass along to any women you know who are soon to be married. When they take their husband’s name, they should notify the Social Security Administration of the change within the first year. When I took John’s name in 1994 I never made the name change with the SSA. But it caught up with me recently via the SSA contacting my employer. While a plan was finally worked out, I was initially informed that I was permanently stuck—meaning my SSN would never be valid. In the end, it is my college transcripts that may be the key to my redemption with the SSA.
Thankfully, and most importantly, our redemption before God comes from and through Jesus Christ. Please let Him be your Saviour!
AUBREY & NOAH UPDATES
While I would designate Gabrielle as our shyest child, by far, Aubrey and Noah can surprise us with extreme moments of shyness or blushing self-awareness. When Our Lady of Peace has the children gather up front and march off to Sunday school, Aubrey will adamantly refuse and her face will blush deeply and her physical movements betray an extreme discomfort. And I know nothing bad has happened—she would do the same whenever the children would sing at First Free. Aubrey inherited blushing from me and I will never forget how it tormented me, endlessly, in high school.
When I drop Noah off at daycare, the first thing he does after I take his hat off is pat his hair with worry, asking me if his hair is “flat.” Or sometimes if I forget to bring his book or toy on “book day” or “show-and-tell” day, he gets clingy and will almost cry. It’s as if he is embarrassed that he does not have a book or show-and-tell. (And I feel guilty for not remembering….again.)
PRAYERS FOR…
Lily Leyden is not doing well. Please pray for her and her family.
visit/lilyleyden
A NOTE ON GRIEF
Her quiet and uncomplaining submission to the ravages of Neuroblastoma haunt me, but it also comforts me because I know she picked up her cross and followed her teacher and her Saviour.
Whoever does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. (Matthew 10:38)
OUR THANKS
Thank you for visiting Gabrielle’s site! While the suffering of these innocent children will always be so hard to comprehend, let their willingness to pick up their heavy crosses inspire us to do the same.
In His Arms,
The Paquette's: John, Monica, Aubrey, Saint Gabrielle, and Noah
Saturday, February 16, 2008 9:55 AM CST
ON EAGLE'S WINGS
Minneapolis went all of January without a murder. We recently had our first murder of the year. A little four year old boy, Demond, was beaten to death by a relative. A little four year old boy was beaten to death while other young children were asked to hold down him down.
There are so many wrongs that God has to make right some day. But while the injustices continue in this life Demond's soul has already been raised by Jesus.
And He will raise you up on eagle's wings,
Bear you on the breath of dawn,
Make you to shine like the sun,
And hold you in the palm of His hand.
SHE LEFT US 2,103 DAYS AGO; OUR LIVES TODAY
We are out of another cold snap and we might see 30 degrees today. One of John's friends is having a boot-hockey party tonight (perfect weather!) so while John is playing hockey I will be skating with Aubrey and Noah will probably watch the guys or just play on the ice.
AUBREY’S UPDATES
This winter's cold snaps have been hard on my Raynaud's (below), mostly when I am driving home from work. And this week Aubrey was describing some pain she had in one of her fingers and how it had turned white and then red. So Aubrey also probably has Raynaud's and it is no surprise then that she still has ITP as both can be auto-immune related. I can just hope her Raynaud's doesn't become severe. (For some of us it's simply a nuisance that we deal with here and there in the winter.)
Raynaud's is a "disease that causes an interruption of blood flow to the fingers, toes, nose, and/or ears when a spasm occurs in the blood vessels of these areas. Spasms are caused by exposure to cold or emotional stress. Typically, the affected area turns white, then blue, then bright red over the course of the attack. There may be associated tingling, swelling, or painful throbbing. The attacks may last from minutes to hours. In severe cases, the area may develop ulcerations and infections, which can lead to gangrene."
A NOTE ON GRIEF
Dear Gabrielle, I was looking intently at one of your pictures this week and the grief was simply unbearable.
OUR THANKS
Thank you for visiting Gabrielle's site! We thank God for meeting so many wonderful people on this journey. We thank God for Aubrey and Noah!!
In His Arms,
The Paquette's: Monica, John, Aubrey, Saint Gabrielle, and Noah
Sunday, February 10, 2008 2:10 PM CST
EVEN the CRUMBS
While this is not my number one favorite Bible verse, it is probably in my top ten.
Yes, Lord, she said, but even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from their masters' table. (Matthew 15:27)
"She confessed what Christ laid at her door, but she stayed closely by Him, and drew arguments even out of His hard words; she believed great things of Him, and she thus overcame Him. SHE WON THE VICTORY BY BELIEVING IN HIM." ~ Charles H. Spurgeon, Morning and Evening
Even the crumbs are rich beyond our imaginations.
SHE LEFT US 2,097 DAYS AGO; OUR LIVES TODAY
Well, it warmed up for a while but we have been slapped with yet another cold snap. I went for a jog/walk this morning before church and was only three steps out the door before the cold air was blowing right through my running shoes. Our high today is supposed to be a balmy five degrees below zero. But this is Minnesota and bitter cold is part of our landscape.
I took Noah to an outdoor ice-rink yesterday before the cold settled in and we had most of the rink to ourselves. Noah doesn't skate yet, he just likes to run around on the ice. But I actually enjoy skating very much and skating season is almost over (hard to believe—but the ice-rinks melt well before spring actually happens).
We are planning on going to Minneapolis Children's this afternoon to drop off some fleece blankets and maybe visit the 8th floor. Wow, it only took me about 8 months to get organized enough to make two little fleece blankets. But now I will have a system and hopefully it won't take as long to make future blankets.
AUBREY’S UPDATES
School is going well for Miss Aubrey although homework still has us on edge at times.
PRAYERS FOR…
Another Minnesota family who said good-night to a little boy after he bravely battled neuroblastoma. Please pray for the Lieser family.
visit/isaaclieser
(The above is not a link, but it is the last part of the CB address for Isaac's site—the newer CB sites have different linking capabilities.)
A NOTE ON GRIEF
We miss you, Gabrielle. Every, every single day, forever until we come home, too.
OUR THANKS
Thank you, for visiting! Please keep praying for all these families.
In His Arms,
The Paquette's: Monica, John, Aubrey, Saint Gabrielle, and Noah
Friday, February 1, 2008 6:27 PM CST
THE CHILDREN AND WAITING
Let the children come to me, do not stop them, because the kingdom of Heaven belongs to such as these. (Matthew 19:14)
He loves them so very, very much. But how much longer will He allow them to suffer so?
SHE LEFT US 2,089 DAYS AGO; OUR LIVES TODAY
It warmed up for four days last week and then we were hit with another cold snap. How cold was it? I would say in my almost 15 years of working at West my most painful walk/jog out to my car occurred this past Tuesday night. The wind was vicious and pain occurred within seconds for any exposed skin. Tuesday night after we put Aubrey and Noah to bed, Noah asked me to please “turn on the furnace.” Obviously our furnace was on but the house was chilly.
NOAH’S UPDATES
Noah was indeed better last Friday and even Saturday. But his virus was tricky and fired up again on Sunday. Noah had been outside playing for only about 15 minutes after we got home from church. When we went in for lunch, he stopped on the outside front landing and threw up all over. While we still attribute the throwing up to his gag reflexes, that evening after dinner he was burning up and John and I split our work days on Monday to stay home with him.
Sunday evening before I went to bed I checked on him and made sure his blankets were snug. He was also grinding his teeth at that time. For some reason, Noah grinds his teeth in his sleep when he has colds. I’m told he will outgrow the grinding. But as I watched his little sweaty face with his jaws grinding away, I was overcome with sadness for him because he looked too vulnerable. I placed my hands on his jaws and held them there firmly but gently until he stopped the grinding.
PRAYERS FOR…
A father who made a terribly selfish and tragic mistake. Two little toddler girls, Santa and Cadence, were found frozen to death in Saskatchewan. Their drunk father took them outside around midnight with nothing but diapers and light tops on. The father later appeared at a neighbor’s house unable to speak due to frostbite. Hours later, he asked about his daughters. They were found frozen in a snowbank.
Children are precious gifts from God and at times it is unbelievable how such precious gifts can be wasted.
A NOTE ON GRIEF
Yes, it was very cold this week. But when I heard about those two little girls all I could do was think about the extreme agony they must have suffered and how, once again, life seems to be most unfair to the most innocent.
OUR THANKS
Thank you for visiting Gabrielle’s site. Stay warm this weekend and pray for those who are not sheltered from the cold.
To my friend Rebekah—thank you for pointing me to that article regarding 35 years of Roe v. Wade.
In His Arms,
The Paquette's: John, Monica, Aubrey, Saint Gabrielle, and Noah
Friday, January 25, 2008 6:30 PM CST
IMPOSSIBLE TO UNDERSTAND
Oh, what a wonderful God we have! How great are his riches and wisdom and knowledge! How impossible it is for us to understand his decisions and his methods! (Romans 11:33)
SHE LEFT US 2,082 DAYS AGO; OUR LIVES TODAY
This was a pretty short work-week for me as West gave us MLK as a holiday and I stayed home with a sick Noah on Thursday. He just has the regular cold with fever but I took him to the pediatrician due to his gagging. Whenever Noah gets a cold his cough is relentless and causes him to gag. Even our daycare will comment on his gagging. The gagging was so bad Wednesday night that when we put him to bed I silently told myself that he was going to gag to the point of throwing up. Sure enough, my prediction came true and 45 minutes later John and I were cleaning up a huge mess as all his dinner came up.
But all is well from a health standpoint and Noah, as I assumed, is an unlucky child with very sensitive gag triggers. To this day, he still even gags on food occasionally while Aubrey and Gabbie never gagged on their food.
Our extremely cold weather (finally gone today) does not help Noah because our house is very dry. I touch items very carefully because the shock factor is very high and can actually hurt! So we bought a room-size vaporizer and Noah had a very good night of sleep last night.
How cold was it? When I left work last Friday night and walked the few blocks to my car on West’s windy expansive parking lots, my eyelashes were frozen and starting to stick within less than five minutes.
AUBREY’S UPDATES
Aubrey is growing her hair long in an attempt to eventually donate to Locks of Love (hair is donated to make wigs for cancer patients). Not sure we will make it as my children seem to be stuck with snarly hair and attempts to get rid of snarls sometimes escalate to epic battle scenes. It would be great if we could make it about another 3 inches as she has LOTS of hair to donate.
NOAH’S UPDATES
He is much better today.
PRAYERS FOR…
A family here in Minnesota has been in the news regarding a little girl, Ava, receiving a liver transplant. There were no family members who qualified as matches but a college student hearing of Ava’s plight found out she was a perfect match and volunteered to be a donor. The transplant seemed to be going OK but sadly little Ava had a massive stroke and recently died. She is smiling in most of her pictures and once again a knife has torn through my heart.
Please pray for Ava’s mother and brother and if you can, visit their CB Website, address below.
Visit/avacowell
A NOTE ON GRIEF
These children are literally breaking my heart…how impossible it is to understand.
OUR THANKS
Thank you for visiting Gabrielle’s site. In all this suffering that surrounds us we have to remember we cannot understand His decisions or methods. We cannot understand…but we can trust that He is doing what is right and all will be well….some day!
In His Arms,
The Paquette's: John, Monica, Aubrey, Saint Gabrielle, and Noah
Friday, January 18, 2008 5:47 PM CST
THE MOST SOLEMN ANNIVERSARY
January 22nd marks the most tragic anniversary date ever to visit our nation. Roe v. Wade and Doe v, Bolton are the most outrageous decisions ever decided by the United States Supreme Court.
John was out with Aubrey and Noah last weekend in Saint Paul, scouting out commercial stoves for Our Lady of Peace. They happened to drive by an abortion clinic where protestors were silently marching. Aubrey later told me they had red tape over their mouths and she didn’t understand why.
It’s the silent scream, Aubrey. The silent scream heard not here but certainly heard in Heaven by God and the angels and all the saints.
Please pray and continue to pray that some day these decisions are rightfully overturned.
A NOTE ON GRIEF
When I think of you, Gabrielle, and how I would have given ANYTHING, my own life, to save your life…I don’t understand how others can throw such precious life away. Have you met them? Do they know that some of us would only have loved them? Please tell them, Gabrielle, that some in America are deeply grieved.
OUR THANKS
Thank you for visiting Gabrielle’s site.
In His Arms,
The Paquette's: John, Monica, Aubrey, Saint Gabrielle, and Noah
Sunday, January 13, 2008 9:56 PM CST
SHE LEFT US 2,070 DAYS AGO; OUR LIVES TODAY
After an e-mail prompt I received from Chemo Angel Sheryl, we all went to Saint Cloud today to attend Minnesota's Tree of Hope ceremony that honors children who have survived cancer, children fighting cancer, or children who died from cancer. It was a very touching ceremony and it was great to meet up with Angel Sheryl again. She touches so many lives and you rarely hear me use clichés, but Angel Sheryl truly has a heart of gold.
The first speaker at the ceremony was a mother who lost a child to cancer….20 years ago. So, you see, we never get over it.
We also had a chance to meet baby McKenna Buckentine at the ceremony and then went for a short visit to the Buckentine household before heading back to the city. McKenna is very, very cute, of course!
A LITTLE BOY LOOKED UP…AND SAW HIS REDEMPTION DRAW NEAR
The first speaker at the Tree of Hope Ceremony lost her very young son, Erik, to ALL about 20 years ago. Erik was only four years old when diagnosed but in the story shared he had the soul of an old saint. His faith carried him through all the ups and downs of his illness. Below is an excerpt from an article written by Erik's mother, Terri Zielke-Hansen, and that was published in the The Lutheran Witness
"His respirations noticeably worsened on the night of December 11th, 1989. He was alert but very restless….At 6:00 a.m., Erik looked at Mark [his father] and said, 'Pick me up in your arms, Dad. Carry me into the living room.' …We both knew our son was dying. The pain in our hearts at that moment was overwhelming. With all the love he felt for his son showing in his face, Mark lifted Erik into his arms and, as a family we walked into the living room. Again we told him howmuch we loved him. 'Ditto,' he said. All of a sudden, Erik almost shouted, 'Lift me highter! I want to look up!' Mark held him aloft, and Erik kept saying, 'Look up! Look up!' Then Erik drew a deep breath, and with a look of perfect contentment, I know I shall never forget it, peered down into the faces of his family. Then he closed his eyes forever…."
And when these things begin to come to pass, then look up, and lift up your heads; for your redemption draweth nigh. (Luke 21:28)
PRAYERS FOR…
Please pray for a very special little girl named Anna…battling neuroblastoma.
Site for Anna
A NOTE ON GRIEF
This Christmas I saw a CaringBridge mother criticized because her family was going to skip some of the more secular trappings of Christmas, their first Christmas without one of their children. The guestbook signer pointed out that the lives of surviving siblings should go on as normally as possible.
But then what is the death of a child? A child's death changes everything and surviving siblings are greatly impacted. It is not wrong, or even right, it is simply reality.
OUR THANKS
Thank you for visiting! Thank you to Chemo Angel Sheryl and all the Chemo Angels who have impacted so many lives.
In His Arms,
The Paquette's: Monica, John, Aubrey, Saint Gabrielle, and Noah
Saturday, January 5, 2008 12:01 AM CST
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
We survived another Christmas without Gabrielle but we also celebrated the wonderful gift that came from God due to His deep love for us. Those here in Minnesota would probably agree that Christmas this year was very pretty because we had lots of snow and Christmas day was filled with soft, large snowflakes lazily falling most of the day.
I took three days off and between the vacation days and holidays I had a very nice long break. Of course, that makes it that much harder to back.
John and I even went to a Minnesota Wild game against the Edmonton Oilers. It went to sudden death … Minnesota Wild!!!
AUBREY’S UPDATES
Aubrey and I had our annual bus-ride trip to downtown Minneapolis. We ride a bus route (Nicollet) that while I feel is safe, it is very sensory by way of sights, sounds, and smells. Ahem, the rougher side of Minneapolis.
NOAH’S UPDATES
Noah is Noah. I think his naughtiness even shocked one of his grandma's but we are trying to work on his manners. Very loving one minute and then very, well, you cannot imagine, the next minute.
OUR THANKS
Thank you for visiting Gabrielle's site. We hope you receive many blessings from the Father above in 2008.
In His Arms,
The Paquette's: Monica, John, Aubrey, Saint Gabrielle, and Noah
Click here to go back to the main page.
Click here to view older journal entries.
----End of History----
| Donate | How To Help | Partnerships | Contact Us | Help | Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | |
|
Copyright © 1997 - 2004 CaringBridge, a nonprofit organization, All rights reserved. |