I can’t believe I haven’t updated this in so long. Life has been a bit of a whirlwind since the anniversary. Thanks again to all of you for sending so much love and kindness to me as the anniversary approached. I’m very lucky to have such caring and wonderful people in my life. The anniversary went well. By the afternoon I was pretty agitated and just wanted the whole thing to be over. It was kind of weird for there to be so much attention and stuff. To me it just felt like any other day that I think about the bridge. I didn’t feel any more powerful emotions that day than any other. It was just different to be surrounded by other people who haven’t thought about it everyday for the past year. I think, in many ways, it was more for them than us (well at least me). I had the opportunity to meet a few more survivors and family members at the private event. I even met the first responder who sweat on me as he was hauling me off the bridge. He apologized again and I assured him that I had not been holding a grudge about it for the past year. I’d take sweat over being on a collapsed bridge any day of the week! Yesterday was the end of my second week at my new job. I have to say it seems like the perfect job for me right now. I get to have contact with the kids, but it’s not like at Karibu House where I never get a break. If I’m having a bad day I can take it easy on myself and won’t have to try so hard to “fake it”. I feel like I’m in a position to have a positive effect on the lives of the kids in the program and am really looking forward to all the possibilities. My physical problems have come back to the front burner a little bit since starting the new job. My back is definitely playing a role in what I can and can’t do. I feel like there will be a lot of anger about that as the weeks go on. I went to an event to pack backpacks for the kids and just doing that caused pain and stiffness. It’s frustrating to have to limit myself in ways I never would have had to before. Now that I’m working it’s even more apparent to me that I have limitations. When I was home, I would get sore from time to time but I had the opportunity to lie down or rest whenever I needed to. Since laying down isn’t really an option at work, it’s more important for me than ever to pay attention to my body and not push myself. I’m an expert in pushing myself to do more than I should, so I really need to make sure that all of the “self-care” skills I learned during my 6 months of unemployment don’t go flying out the window. It’s such a beautiful day. I really want to go for a bike ride and enjoy the crisp air. I definitely had enough of the humidity the past couple weeks! Tomorrow is going to be a busy day with a family event and the Buddy Guy concert at the State Fair in the evening. I’m hoping we’ll get a bucket of Sweet Martha’s Cookies before we leave… J
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