Closer to you then ever before.
Today I look at your pictures, I remember holding you so tight. Your so soft, warm and sweet. You melted into my arms. Your smile could change the world. Your voice so angelic and sweet. You whispered "Mommy.... I Need you" even when you were fast asleep. I have went thru many emotions over the past few months Alexis. I feel sadness, anger and sorrow. But Today I realized something. I have something No one could beg for, no one can borrow. I have my very own angel in the sky waiting for me. When I have a bad day I have a clean fresh gust of wind to lift me back upon my feet. When I look at all these mommies some who get it and some who just don't. I remember How lucky I am to be your mommy. And how Nothing can change that , No honey Cancer wont! Alexis your so beautiful. I am so blessed. It seem's so strange for me to feel this way when mostly I feel so very depressed. My human soul seeks for you, your body, your smell your touch, But I have the very very best of you with me every single min of every single day, It's the bond WE created ever lasting . Baby girl That's never going to go away.
Some people feel sorry for me, and frankly I wish they didn't, Because Alexis I have something they do not, I have your memory , your friendship, your love , Your heart I have it my way. If I could have chosen for life to be different, If I would have had control, Believe me things would have never been this way but since they are Im glad our friendship was made of solid rock ... perhaps even Gold.
People always try to make me fell better saying she's always with you she is deep inside your heart. Truth is they do not even know the half of it, Because death had never parted us you were my angel from the very start. So on Aug 26, 2008 Im going to celebrate it just the same. A candle lit birthday cake, Some gifts and you in my heart for this cancer can not change.
Happy Birthday to you, Happy birthday to you, happy birthday My sweet Baby angel Alexis Nicole.. Happy 4th birthday to you! May God blow balloons bigger then the clouds , May you run so freely your little legs carry you higher then the starts. May Your mothers love lift your heart and hold you tight, Wrap your body warm. Know that Your mommies baby Alexis. And I miss you so very much, But Your not that far. Your right here in my eyes, As i Look into your pictures, I see mine, Your hands were Just the same as mine, I remember the way your ear lobes felt as i would rub them as you laid on my shoulder and fall fast asleep we were pressed heart to heart. No different today honey I feel you aginst my skin, The Magical thing about heaven is , You close your eyes and We can be together again.
God love you and keep you safe and loved. I hope you come to your birthday party I will have for you, for it will be in my heart!
Love Always,
Mommy
