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Monday, June 25, 2007 10:24 AM CDT Hello Everyone,
Two weeks post surgery today and I know it is time for an update. I apologize for not updating since we have been home from the hospital, but I have just been buzzing around here taking care of my little girl. I know she must cringe when I call her “my little girl” but she will always hold that title in my heart. These past two weeks with us basically “housebound” have give us precious time to cuddle up and share girl talk. How I wish the circumstances of her being forced to spend so much “mommy time” were different, yet, I do love this precious time together. We have learned when life causes you to slow down, just make the best of it and find joy in the little things.
Ashley is doing okay. She is still struggling with quite a bit of nerve pain in her leg and foot. She describes it as feeling like she is being electrocuted just in the leg. It comes quickly and unexpectedly and then it is over. This happens over and over during the day but seems to be much worse at night. It breaks my heart to see her hurting and not be able to help her. She is taking medication to help with this, but it doesn’t completely eliminate the pain. Her surgeon told her that he knew it was difficult, but that it was a good sign, because it suggests that the nerves are “waking up”. We were told that this could be an issue for at least six weeks or more. We have an appointment with the “pain team” at the hospital on Wednesday, so hopefully we can adjust her meds again to help with this problem.
The other concern/prayer need that we have is regarding Ashley’s foot. She still does not have complete feeling in part of her foot and cannot wiggle her toes yet. She only has feeling in three of her toes. We are trying to stay positive and focused on the fact that it takes time for all of the nerves to wake up and that it has only been two weeks post surgery. The surgeon told us that all of the nerves and tissues were traumatized with the surgery and that we are just in a “wait and see” mode as to what function she will recover. We know that it just takes time to heal. “Patience is a virtue” is something that it often repeated over and over in our home, but we are still working on that principle….smile. We are really being “tested” with this right now. Please pray with us regarding this issue. It is so frustrating and heartbreaking for her to try and wiggle her toes and not be able to. She just gets so scared and starts worrying about being able to walk again as before. I have to tell you that several times a day she will ask me to rub her foot just so she can see if the feeling is coming back. When she doesn’t feel me touch her on certain areas, the tears just flow. I keep reminding her that God’s timing isn’t ours, and he knows what she has need of, even before we ask. Yet, we keep asking….so please pray with us concerning this important need.
Another prayer need is for a blister that formed on Ashley’s heel. The surgery nurse told us that this was most likely caused during the surgery (by the way they have to position her leg) but it is impeding the doctors from casting her. They want to put a full leg cast on her left leg. However, with the blister and the lack of feeling on part of her foot, they can’t proceed with the cast. If this blister were to become infected while in the cast, then we would have a whole new set of problems. So…the plan right now is to meet with the surgeon again this Wednesday and see how the blister looks. Hopefully, it will be healed enough to go ahead and cast her. The cast will be a full leg cast that will keep her leg completely straight while the new prosthesis and bone begin grafting together and allow her to heal. She currently is in a long black brace that has metal sides that keeps her leg “locked straight”. Ashley really wants this cast because it is almost impossible for her to sleep comfortably because she has to sleep on her back and this is not how she typically sleeps. Add the nerve pain, and it just makes for some restless nights. So…please pray for the blister to heal, the feeling in her foot and for rest.
Due to Ashley’s brace, the crutches, the nerve pain…etc…we decided that she needed to stay downstairs and sleep with me. She told me yesterday that Saturday night was difficult for her. She kept waking up hurting, but I looked like I was sleeping so peaceful she didn’t want to wake me up to get her pain meds….oh….it cut right to my heart. How could she possibly worry about interrupting my sleep, when she couldn’t sleep at all? So after much reassurance that a mother always WANTS to help her child, hopefully she will wake me the next time. She has discoverd that her cell phone is a great way to summons help during the day if I don't come running quick enough. It cracks me up for the house phone to ring and find that it is Ashley calling from the bedroom on her cell...smile. What did kids do before cell phones? Floyd has been such a trooper about being booted out of our room. He is sleeping in Ashley’s room, pretty in pink. Maybe it will bring out his “softer side”….ha ha. That is a joke, if anyone knows Floyd; he truly has a heart bigger than Texas, especially when it comes to his little girl.
Okay, I can tell that I am starting to ramble so I will give you a quick rundown…
Ashley will go back to St. Jude on Wednesday to meet with the surgeon and hopefully get her cast on. She will have to wear the cast for six weeks. She has to do certain physical therapy exercises everyday to keep her ankle from getting to tight and we are practicing walking around the house, with crutches, right now. We will have a better game plan regarding therapy after Wednesday, hopefully. Ashley will have to learn how to walk on her own, all over again….keep this in your prayers. We are praying for complete restoration, nothing lacking….a beautiful runway walk is what she desires…smile.
Before I sign off, I know my patient will be waking soon…I just want to say a huge thank you for the love and kindness that has been expressed to our family. Again, my neighbors have just blown us away with their expressions of love and concern. I know in my heart that God placed us right in this neighborhood with these precious families for this season in our lives. Oh, how you constantly amaze us with your acts of kindness. Thank you to so many of you who visited us in the hospital...I know we weren't at our best, but you loved on us anyway...smile. We so appreciate the many cards, flowers, gifts, visits, phone calls, and other expressions of love that have flooded our home. We just cherish each and every one of you! Once again, we just see God’s blessings all around us, especially in our friendships. Thank you for being His hands extended and for demonstrating His love to our family.
Well, I do need to run. I will try my best to do a “short” update Wednesday evening after we return from St. Jude. Thanks for your prayers and if you don’t mind, would you sign Ashley’s guestbook. She really doesn’t have much she can do right now other than watch TV and check the computer. I know a “note” would brighten her day.
Hugs and thanks for “Believing with Us”.
Donna
p.s. Oh, my house phone just rang...guess who...my patient is calling...smile.
Friday, June 8, 2007 11:52 AM CDT Update: FRIDAY, JUNE 15TH 11:30 PM
WE ARE HOME!!!!! Just a quick note to let you know that we got our "walking papers" around 9:30 pm tonight and we are now at home. Ashley told the surgeon this afternoon that she was ready to go home and the next thing I know they are pulling IV's, ordering pain meds, writing disharge papers and we are packing our wagon. YEA HOO & PRAISE THE LORD!!!! I didn't even have to try and impress him with my caregiver skills...ha ha. Just a sweet smile and a crocodile tear did the trick from Ashley. Works like a charm, everytime (at least for her..ha ha). It brings to mind the scripture "Ask and you shall receive." Well I would love to share more and have plenty on my heart, but we are absolutely exhausted, so I am going to call it a night. I will update again soon and fill you in the details and the plan going forward. Just know that we love and appreciate you all! God cares so much about our hearts desires. Isn't life good!
DG
Update: Friday, June 15, 1:10 pm
Well four days post surgery and Ashley is progressing well. The nausea has subsided and the epideral is out. They just stopped giving her IV pain medication and we are going to try taking it NPO (by mouth, sorry you pick up your hospital jargon again real quick...smile). These are all necessary steps in getting her closer to going home. The focus is now on pain management with pills and getting her to eat (and keep it with her...ugh) and on helping me move her comfortably and without me inducing anymore pain that she is already in. That is the tough part. I literally have to help her move her left leg (the surgery leg) everytime she wants it moved. Just the slightest "wrong move" and evferyone on the hall knows about it...oh me. Don't ever take for granted just being able to get to the bathroom. That simple trip takes a half hour for us to orchestrate with the IV poles, crutches, full brace on leg, etc... I am not complaining though, because at least we are taking steps...slowly but surely.
Ashley had her physical therapy session this morning. She was able to walk around the nurses station and more than doubled her steps from yesterday. She is walking with crutches and someone hanging on to her. It truly is like watching your child take their very first steps again, except you are just so much more frightened that they will fall. I know that if she were to start to fall, I would make a quick dive to catch her or at least cushion her...oh wouldn't that be a sight. It breaks my heart to see the crocodile tears as she just tries to walk. However, this time around we knew what to expect and we are determined to help her move through this phase as easily and as quickly as possible. If I hadn't seen first hand the recovery that she made from her first surgery then I would be a basket case right now. Yet, I know that the walking will come and this too...shall pass. I have to tell you though that one of the doctors on the "pain team" saw her trying to walk and saw the tears and he stopped me right in the hall and we had a "consult". He then immediately began adding another pain med to help Ashley. Talk about being moved with compassion, He certainly was. I love the fact that things can be taken care of in a matter of minutes and that "business" can be conducted in the hallways here. Within minutes of being back in the room, Ashley was given more meds and is now resting comfortably.
The game plan as I know right this minute is to keep some food down and take her off IV fluids, administer pain meds orally and take the drain out of her leg (you really don't want more info regarding this...trust me).
The surgeon will be in sometime today to pull this and take her bandage off and access his handiwork and rebandage her. This is the time that I want to take a "peek" but know better not too...we will see how brave I am at the moment...ha ha. Hopefully after his visit, we will know when we possibly maybe able to be discharged. Needless to say, we are ready for a full night's sleep or at least an uninterrupted nap without beepers and machines going off. So...pray that a discharge slip is in our near future. I am crossing my fingers for this weekend, maybe even tomorrow. I am going to really play up my nursing abilities and hopefully they will throw us out of here...smile. Truthfully, they are taking wonderful care of Ashley but there is truly no place like home!
Well, I need to run...I am being summonneds and someone needs their leg repositioned. Please pray for ease of pain, no nausea and for patience and grace for both of us as we "work through" being nurse and patient,,,,smile.
Thank you for your prayers and your friendship,
I will try to keep the updates coming as time allows.
Donna
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UPDATE: THURSDAY, JUNE 14, 11:30 AM
Ashley is having still having some difficulty with nausea but they are still working on the meds. Physical Therapy had her take about 20 steps yesterday and although it was difficult, she did it!!! Please pray for the nausea and for control of pain. They have pulled her epideral out and now trying to manage pain through her IV'S. Physical Therapy is on the way up to help her move from the chair back to the bed and then possibly stand for a few minutes. One step at a time, one day at a time, that is where we are at right now. Thanks for the notes on the guestbook and for your prayers. God is so good...and Ashley is such a trooper!!! I will update again when I have a few minutes. Sorry to be so short, but Ashley hates for me to leave the room. Keep the prayers going and just know we love you guys!
DG
QUICK UPDATE: TUESDAY, JUNE 12 7:58AM
SURGERY WENT FINE!!!! Ashley had a little trouble with nausea during the night but her pain level has been manageable. She is doing well considering that she has had a major surgery. I am sorry to make this quick but she doesn't want me to leave her side and I forgot my laptop...oh me. I am in the St. Jude library and just wanted to let everyone know that she went through surgery with flying colors and is doing well. THANK YOU FOR YOUR PRAYERS SO MUCH...GOD IS SO GOOD!!!! I will update again as soon as possible.
Donna
“Bring The Rain”
If you are like me, I can’t wait for the rain to fall. We have been busy digging in the flower beds and creating new ones. I am spending an insane amount of time watering each and everyday. How wonderful it would be to get a down pouring of rain so that the flowers could grow beautifully and I could rest. Isn’t that symbolic of our lives though. We go about our everyday business, working and toiling in the soil of our homes and children and planting in “good soil” and then sometimes the “rain comes”, sometimes even a “flood”. That is what our cancer journey feels like at times. We were just going about our lives in full swing, enjoying the sunshine and the flood gate opened and the rain began to pour. Yet, if we have learned anything, it is that during those times of “rain and storms” we grow. We find a “safe haven” from the storm and we dig our roots even deeper in the one that shelters us from high winds and life’s storms that could so easily knock any of us down. Have you ever noticed though that after a storm passes by, everything looks so much more beautiful, more settled? We honestly feel that way too. Life is so much more beautiful now to our family. The storm helped us gain perspective on what is truly important in this life and even more so, eternity. I do know that you can’t have a rainbow, without the flood. We are experiencing a rainbow at this season of our lives.
That brings me to Ashley….As of May 18, 2007, Ashley is officially five years out from the day of diagnosis!!!! What does that mean? Well, her oncologist has told us that SHE IS OFFICIALLY CONSIDERED CURED FROM CANCER!!!!! CAN ANYONE SHOUT HALLELUIAH????? I have to tell you that even though we fully believed that Ashley would be beat her cancer from day one, to hear the doctor tell you that SHE IS CURED………Well there are no words to describe how you feel; thankful, blessed, humbled, broken, excited, relieved, grateful, well again, I guess the best word is thankful!
It just absolutely feels like a load of bricks taken off your shoulder. Again, we prayed, we believed, we walked in the faith that we had for each moment, and then when the prayer or PRAYERS ARE ANSWERED, it just feels so unbelievably thankful. The verse comes to mind “I will live and not die and proclaim the works of the Lord” (Psalms 118:17). Ashley is living out this verse. Which brings me back to “Bring The Rain”. Ashley actually wrote the update that follows. She brought it downstairs last night and asked if she could read it to us and if it sounded okay. After listening to her words, Floyd and I just looked at each other and smiled, just so thankful for this little girl and for her heart and love for the Lord. I pray that it ministers to you, as it did to us. You will understand why we say “bring the rain” after reading it..
However first, please let me ask once again for your prayers as we approach surgery this upcoming Monday (June 11th). After much prayer and consultation with Ashley’s surgeons the decision has been made to replace her prosthesis. We were told when Ashley's growth plates closed on her legs that we would need to redo this prosthesis and replace it with something a little more stable. They have had several children who have Ashley's prosthesis who have broken theirs just doing routing things. Fortunately, Ashley hasn't had any major problems with hers. However, they told us if it were to break, that there would be a minimum of a two month recovery period after the surgery. If this happened in the school year, she would be out of school for two months. They told us that it was up to us if we wanted to wait and see if she could get another year out of it, but even so, they would definitely replace it by next summer. They told us that it is really painful for the kids if it breaks on it's own and that then there is no discussion about when to have the surgery, that it has to be done right away. We didn't want to take that chance and Ashley told us that she wanted to do it sooner than later. She also said that she didn't want to wait until next summer (if it were to hold out that long) because she would be going in to her junior year and driving (oh me) and that next summer will be busy with college tours..etc. SO.....with all that said and after much counsel with the surgeons, we are going ahead with the surgery. Please pray that the surgery will go smooth and that she will not lose, but hopefully gain even more function than she has now. That is my biggest concern. She is walking so well right now and they told us that some who have had this "revision" don't miss a beat, but some have had trouble getting all of their function back. That is the hard part for me. I just don't want to see her take two steps backwards with this surgery. However, we really have no choice, the surgery has to be done, whether now or later. So...please pray for peace and for her total function to not only be maintained, but even better. That truly is my prayer.
With the upcoming surgery, we have just been busy trying to pack in as much fun as we can this week. We were told to expect a four to seven day hospital stay depending on how the surgery goes and her pain tolerance. Hopefully she will be home sometime Friday or Saturday. She will then be going back and forth to St. Jude for physical therapy for the remainder of the summer. If all goes well (and I am believing that it will) she should be able to start back to school without crutches!!! . Ashley actually was on the phone with one of her former floor nurses at the hospital a week or so ago and was requesting all of her old nurses again while she is inpatient this time....ha ha...I told her that if it worked out, that would be wonderful, but she better just plan on breaking in some new ones...smile. It cracked me up because I know these nurses will do whatever it takes to make her happy. They are all just so awesome. As much as I hate her having to have this surgery, we feel like we will be with family at St. Jude. I know that they will take good care of her as always.
SO...if God brings us to mind this Monday, please pray for Ashley and for a smooth surgery, ease of pain and a good recovery. Once again, we know that God has already gone before us, so “Let us rejoice in hope, persevere in tribulation and devote ourselves in prayer” (Romans 12:12). Also, as we have said time and time again, this journey is not about us, so please pray that God would direct our paths this week and order our footsteps so that we will be His servant and His hands extended to those who need hope. There are so many families at St. Jude in the midst of a storm who desperately need our prayers and encouragement.
Hugs and just know we cherish your friendship and your prayers. Oh yeah, would you mind signing in on Ashley’s page next week. She really misses getting some messages from time to time. I know she would really appreciate it and we love hearing from you.
Donna
p.s. I am so sorry to be so lengthy with my update. I know I waited way to long to update. Thanks for the nudge Dronda and Kay, especially for just checking in on us.
Now here is the real update:
My Song
As I was listening to the radio the other day, I found a song that was trully "my song". The song described everything that I was feeling and everything I have been through. The song is called "Bring the Rain" by Mercy Me. One part of the lyrics that really stood out to me was: "I can count a million times, people asking me how I can praise you with all that I've gone through. The question just amazes me that circumstances could possibly change who I forever am in You". Those words are so true. No matter what I go through or what pain or suffering comes my way, I will never change how I feel about God. He is my everything, my Rock. He has been so good to me my whole life, even through the circumstances I have gone through He has NEVER left my side and I know He never will. He has brought good even from the pain my family has gone through. He trully is a GOOD God. The next part of the song that hit me hard was the chorus. It goes: "Bring me joy, bring me peace. Bring me the chance to be free. Bring me anything that brings you glory. And I know there will be days when this life brings me pain but if thats what it takes to praise you. Jesus bring the rain". Those words apply greatly to me. I have learned over the past few years that the hard times in my life are here to bring God glory. I am here today because I am an example of Gods great and mighty power. He is using my cancer for his glory and I am happy that my life is being used by God. God gets the total glory and praise from my healing, because He was the one he allowed me to be here today. God is a great and wonderful God and I don't know what everyone who is reading this is going through, but I am here to tell you to give God the glory for everything in your life. Let God take control and you will be just fine. He is all powerful. He will take care of His children, because He loves us more than we could ever imagine. So my prayer to God is that He would use my life to glorify Him, because he deserves the praise and glory not me. I am only God's servant doing His amazing work. So remember God is always there and He deserves more praise than we give Him.
Praise Him through the hard times,
Ashley Garrett
Friday, January 19, 2007 HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO OUR PRECIOUS ASHLEY!!!! WE CELEBRATE ANOTHER BIRTHDAY.....WOW, HOW AWESOME IS OUR LORD! Have you ever just woke up on your child's birthday and just felt such a heart of thanksgiving just to have that precious child??? I have to tell you that everyday is a blessing, but with each passing year, I am more and more aware of just what a gift from the Lord are children really are. So...without getting too emotional or way too mushy...smile...Happy Birthday Sweetheart...You make our hearts smile and we love you around the world and back again....
Well, I was planning on doing an update for this site and Ashley actually took it upon herself to take care of it. I will have to tell you that I cried when I read it for the first time. It just made me so overwhelming proud of her. Just the fact that she loves the Lord so much and is not ashamed to tell anyone. So...I think that I will just let this be her birthday update. Never let it be said that the young can't teach us the greatest lessons in life. A day doesn't go by that I don't learn from my children and that I don't stop and thank our Heavenly Father for these precious gifts. Ashley...we celebrate you today and God's goodness...Happy Day and many more!!!!
Mom
Now here is Ashley's update that just blew me away...You rock Ashley (I told you I have learned so much from my kids...smile).
________________________________________
Hello everyone,
As I approach my 15 birthday, I have been thinking a lot about my life and everything that my family and I have been through over the past five years. So I just wanted to share with you what is on my heart. So many people ask the question everyday, “Why me, why does bad things have to happen to me?” When I was sick four years ago, I found myself asking God that question frequently. I could not understand why I had to get sick and why it was me suffering and going through pain. Since then, I have realized that even though I might not be able to comprehend why it was me, that the reason was because it was a part of God’s awesome plan for my life.
Jeremiah 29:11 says,
“For I know the plans that I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a future and a hope.”
Any time I am in need, I cling to that verse, because it gives me hope and faith that everything will be ok no matter what circumstance I am going through. It’s just like my favorite saying, “Don’t worry about tomorrow, because God is already there.” I know in my heart that God’s plan for my life is way better than what I could have planned even though it might not seem like that at times. One thing I do know for sure is that I want God to use me to further His kingdom and make an impact on my generation. I choose to live my life to the fullest in God’s plan. God did not allow me to go through cancer for no reason. There is a great plan behind it even though it may not be visible right now. So for everyone who is reading this, God has a perfect plan for your life. Even though you might not understand it at the time of difficulty, there is a reason for everything. So have faith and put your trust in God! He’s there to catch you when you fall, so let him.
In Christ,
Ashley
Wednesday, November 22, 2006 6:16 PM CST Hi everyone!
I hope everyone has a Happy Thanksgiving and gets to sit back and relax. I am very excited to be off of school and get some time away from homework. Since I have been out of school I have been thinking about everything I have to be thankful for and how much God has trully blessed me . One thing I am thankful for is my life. I know that without God I wouldn't be here today to enjoy everything in life. Another thing I am thankful for is my family. I have the best family in the whole world. My family is always there for me no matter what is going on. Another thing I am thankful for is cheer. Last Friday night when I got home from my first high school basketball game I realized that my being able to cheer was an answer to many prayers and tears. Friday meant so much to me, because I was able to do something that I trully love. Another thing that I am thankful for is my leg. It has given me my life back and has helped me to do whatever I want to do. If you had told me four years ago that I would be thankful for my prosthesis I probably would of thought you were crazy, but I am truly thankful for my prosthesis. The next thing I am thankful for is my friends. I have trully amazing friends that have helped me with so many things. Anyway, all I wanted to say was I am thankful for so many things and I am very happy for everything that I have. I hope during your Thanksgiving festivities you will stop and think about all the things your thankful for. I hope everyone has a Happy Thanksgiving!
Psalm 100:4- "Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name."
Love in Christ,
Ashley Garrett
Wednesday, October 18, 2006 7:19 PM CDT How cool is this; one minute your left leg is one centimeter shorter than your right leg and in less than five minutes, both legs are the exact same length and surgery isn't even required!!!! Well folks, that is exactly what Ashley experienced today. Her "lengthening" went absolutely fine, without a hitch, as a true southern would say. We arrived at St. Jude around 2:30 and saw her orthopedic surgeon. They put her to sleep at 3:05 and by 3:15 she was being wheeled to recovery with both legs the exact same length. I just think that this whole process is amazing. We walk into recovery a few minutes after 4:00 and she is eating crackers and drinking sprite and trying to bend her leg. You go girl!!!!
I have to tell you that I got so tickeled at her on the way to St. Jude. She knew that she was going to be put to sleep for this procedure and therefore could not eat for eight hours prior. Well, for her to have to miss lunch and watch her friends eat lunch at school was one tough order to follow. With that being the case, all we heard on the way to St. Jude was what she wanted for dinner and of course, it just had to be Mexican! She even took a piece of paper and wrote down what she wanted in case she was too out of it (from the anesthesia) to order for herself. We just laughed because we knew that no matter what kinda of pain she would be in, she would still insist on her mexican meal. It reminded us of all those trips home from the hospital after being inpatient for a week of chemo and not being able to hold anything down for days at a time and the first thing she would do once discharged was begin to beg us to make a run through Taco Bell. Of course we obliged, relunctantly albeit (remember she hadn't eaten for days and could barely handle sprite...smile). So who were we to deny this precious one her heart's desire. So right after we put her in a wheelchair and got her in the car, we headed to Grandma's house to pick her up (another special request from Ashley)and Tyler and went to On The Border. Now mind you that Ashley isn't really up to par yet and can't really put much weight on her leg and her dad and brother practically carried her in, but she did get her mexican fix.
We just got home and Floyd helped get her to her room. I don't care if she is almost 15, she still thinks her dad can carry her around like she is two (and like he is in his 30's...ha ha). She is trying to relax and catch up on some missed school work today. Can I just say again, God is so good and so faithful. You know for this to have gone so smoothly and for her not to be screaming in pain, is such a God thing. It wasn't quite this easy last time for her, so I am just so thankful. She isn't complaining at all. She is just laying in bed and trying to rest. She told us her leg feels really sore and really tight. Well, they did just technically and literally "stretch it out an entire centimeter with a heated mechanisim". The thought of it makes my leg feel tight...smile.
I just wanted to sign on and let you know that so far...so good! Thank you for your prayers, emails, guestbook entries, and phone calls. We just are so blessed to have such great friends and prayer warriors walking this journey with us. Please say a prayer for Ashley to have a good night sleep and that the pain and soreness will go away quickly and for ease in walking tomorrow. We just are so thankful for such a good day, a blessed day!
Thanks again for checking on us and especially for your friendship and prayers. I have to run and play nurse for awhile (she will probably really milk this for a few days...smile). I am just so thankful for this wonderful little patient and the joy she continues to bring. Isn't God good!
Hugs and much love,
Donna
Wednesday, October 10, 2006 2ND UPDATE: Floyd just got off the phone with the hospital and there has been no change in Ashley's kidney function since our last checkup. We were told to take this as good news that the levels had not gotten worse and appears to be stable. The doctor also told us that every patient that has had this particular chemo experiences a change on their labs and Ashley is fine, nothing to worry about.
They were pleased that her levels had not changed. Hey, we will take that as an answer to prayer. DO YOU HEAR ME SHOUTING HALLELUIAH....YOU DID IT AGAIN GOD!!!! So, thanks for your faithful prayers. I will update again next week after Ashley's lengthening procedure. Momma will sleep good tonight....smile.
UPDATE: ASHLEY'S SCANS WERE CLEAR!!!!! BEAUTIFUL LUNGS, PERFECTLY CLEAR, NO SIGN OF CANCER ANYWHERE!!!!! PRAISE GOD FOR THE MIRACLE THAT CONTINUES TO UNFOLD!!!!
We haven't heard back from the kidney test, so we are anxious to get those results. All of the other labs were good and for that we are so thankful. We just feel so blessed. We now will sit back and enjoy another six months without scans...yea hoo....it just feels so good to know that all is well, mind, body and soul!!! Please keep Ashley in your prayers next Wednesday as she goes in for her lengthening. We really do appreciate your prayers and your friendship. Isn't God awesome!!!!
Donna
Monday, October 9, 2006 2:59 PM CDT
"Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name; you are Mine! When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they will not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched, nor will the flame burn you. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.."
Isaiah 43:1-3
Hello Friends,
Life is so precious and each day is so full of grace. A reflective thought as I think on the last few years and consider our day tomorrow. It is that time again when Ashley has to go back for a check up. I can't believe that six months has already gone by and we have to go back tomorrow. Yet, that is a good thing. Just the fact that we are having checkups and not treatment and that she is still with us. As I have wept over the loss of so many of our St. Jude friends just within the last two months, I am so aware that things could be so different for us. I will tell you that everytime I hear of another St. Jude warrior losing their earthly battle, my heart breaks into. I have so many questions as to why some do not gain an earthly healing and then why my daughter has been spared. Okay, many of you are probably reading this and thinking that I shouldn't go there. Yet, how do you not? I truly believe that all of our days are numbered and ordered of the Lord and that His timing surpasses everything else. Yet, it doesn't ease the pain of watching so many parents bury their children. You just ache so much for them and it just causes you to realize that if not for the grace of God, it could be me. I guess that is why I decided to sign on today and just ask you to remember us tomorrow in prayer. I am not worried or fearful and I do believe with all my heart that God has already gone before us and that all will be well. Yet, when I think that cancer just took the life of four of our St. Jude friends within the last few weeks, the reality of what this is all about just hits you in the face. They will be looking for cancer cells tomorrow. That really stinks when you think of why we have to go back. I know that the further out of treatment that you get without a relapse the better, but hey, they still won't say that she is cured until she is at the five year mark. We are going for our 3 year 6 month check tomorrow. I don't really want to waste a day waiting on the five year mark. There is too much life to be lived TODAY. Yet, boy when that day does come, we are going to celebrate...smile.
So, just keep us in your prayers tomorrow that all of her labs, scans, x-rays, etc. will be clear and that we will have positive reports. I will ask that you pray specifically for clear scans and for her kidney function to be normal. The last few checkups they have felt the need to monitor her kidneys more closely. One of the chemos that Ashely received is known for it's harsh effect on the kidneys. Ashley's particular level by no means has been anything to get overly concerned with, just a little off, but the doctors want to keep a close watch on her labs. I would just love to hear that her kidney function is as perfect as anyone who hasn't received chemo, just like all of her other labs. I believe in praying specifics and this is just something that I haven't really shared alot about, but would ask that you pray with us. It is so minor in the scheme of things. You have to remember that chemotherapy is like posion. It literally kills off the good and bad cells in your body, it reaps havoc on your systems. It is truly a miracle that Ashley hasn't had one major side effect from her chemo. It is truly like God just directed that chemo exactly where it needed to go and no where else. There is a scripture that I prayed over her as she would receive her chemo treatments, it is found in Luke 10:19
"Behold, I have given you authority to tread upon serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy, and nothing shall injure you."
You may say that I am taking this scripture out of reference. I truly don't know. I do know that this verse was laid upon my heart and that I did pray it with faith, and to this day, she has not had any late term effects from the chemo. Praise God!!!!! God has been so faithful and so good to us.
We were scheduled to have a lengthening done on her leg on Wednesday. However, the hospital just called this morning and Ashley's favorite surgeon will be out of town and we were given the option of rescheduling. Knowing that Ashley has a real comfort level with Dr. Neel, we decided to wait and have the lengthening moved back until Wednesday, Oct. 18th. We learned a long time ago that it is important for Ashley to have some say in her treatment too since so much of it is out of her control. She just has this special connection with Dr. Neel and for that reason, we are going to wait. They will be putting her to sleep and placing a metal coil around her left leg (the one with the prosthesis) and expanding her leg one centimeter. This will get her left leg to the same length as her right leg. I know that I have explained this procedure before, yet it still amazes me that they can do this without an invasive surgery. This will be the first time that she has been lengthened since her fall back in August, so please pray that all of the "hardware" in her leg is intact and that this procedure will go smoothly and for a quick recovery and no problems with being put to sleep. Again, this is my little girl (even if she is 14) and I can't help but wish that all of this wasn't necessary. So please pray for us tomorrow and again on the 18th. Oh yeah, side note; I was told yesterday that Ashley has been on the Discovery Science Channel on a program called "Beyond Tomorrow" where they actually discuss and show part of this procedure. For those who have kept up with us for awhile, you will remember that an Australian Film Crew spent a day with us back last year and interviewed Ashley and watched this procedure. I didn't realize that this was being shown in the US also. So...if you happen to catch it, you will understand this process a little better. I am trying to get my hands on a copy of this tape for Ashley also. I haven't even seen it. So, if you see me on it, just remember that the camera automatically adds 10 pounds....smile.
On a more serious note, I have a prayer request for a dear friend who is also having surgery tomorrow. His name is Jimmy Aaron and he and his wife have been dear friends of our family for many years. I like to think of Jimmy as my honorary father, me being the one that feels honored. He hired me as his secretary right out of high school at Fred's Inc, previously known as Baddours. He was so gracious to me and allowed me to work my schedule so that I could obtain my college degree. He has been one of the greatest mentors that I have ever had. His wife, has become one of my dearest friends and she has held my hand all through our journey with Ashley and her diagnosis. I can't even remember a week going by when Ashley was in treatment that I wouldn't go to the mailbox and find a card or "a happy" (as Marilyn likes to call them) from this family. Just true blue friends. Well, Jimmy is going to be having surgery tomorrow to help with sleep apena. This is a major surgery and will require extensive recovery and care. Please pray for this family and for the surgery to go well and for a easy recovery. Pray for strength for Marilyn and for the entire Aaron family as they nurse Jimmy back to health. Also pray for Marilyn. She is facing back surgery in the near future as well. They also have a grandaughter, Natalie, that will be having surgery in November for a heart concern. This is a heavy load on this family. Please ask God to heal and mend and restore them all to full health and most importantly for His peace to be very real to them.
In my last update, I mentioned a friend who was going for testing for ALS. The report came back that she does not have ALS but does have some type of motor neuron disease. She still desperately needs our prayers. Please pray for Debbie Smith and for her husband and four girls. Just lift her up as you go about your day and ask God to touch her body and restore her health.
As I sign off, don't forget the families of our little angel warriors as they try to start over with their children now in Heaven. Pray for precious memories to feel the spaces of heartache and for peace that passes understanding. I will be thinking of them as I walk the halls of St. Jude tomorrow. Please Pray.
Well, I need to sign off. I just wanted to know that we are covered in prayer tomorrow and next week. I hope all is well with each of you and that you all know how very special and precious you are to our family. If you don't mind, drop us a note in the guestbook. It really means alot when we hear from you. Most importantly, just whisper or shout if you prefer ...smile...a prayer for yet another testimony to come.
Love to All,
Donna
p.s. I promise to get some new pictures on real soon. Our computer crashed and I lost a lot of our photo programs. I will work on this soon.
Friday, October 6, 2006 Update:
Another St. Jude warrior has won his battle. Precious little Jake Owen is now completely healed and in the presence of our Lord. Oh how I wish and I prayed that he would have received his earthly healing. Yet, this I know, God knows our hearts and feels our sorrow and hears our prayers for this family. So, please pray and lift this family up today and in the days to come. Sweet Rayborn Family, we believed too.
www.caringbridge.org/la/jakeowen
Friday, September 22, 2006
Words sometimes come so easily and other times I struggle to share my heart. I am so full because
God has been so gracious to our family, yet my heart at times can't comprehend why for so many the battle is raging. My heart and prayers right now are with several families. It has been a difficult couple of weeks for our extended St. Jude family. We have sat back and wept as prayers for earthly healings were not met. Two children in the same week, both of whom we walked the halls of St. Jude with, now walking on golden streets. How I rejoice that the cancer is gone for these kids, but oh how I weep for those parents left behind. One father of yet another St. Jude child who lost his battle with cancer described living without his son similar to the feeling you get when you've been separated from your child in a busy, crowded place and you can't find them and panic sets in. However, he said, it is much worse because you realize that they aren't lost but forever gone. I wept uncontrollably when I read this. It gave me a mere glimpse of how difficult it must be to deal with this incredible grief. Oh, it just cuts to the core of my soul that so many of my St. Jude friends are dealing with the same feelings and the loss of their children. I know that this isn't my typical upbeat update, but you know sometimes you just have to tell it like it is. How else do I communicate the urgency I feel in my heart to ask others to join with me and pray for those hurting and for those precious kids that are really fighting for their lives at this very moment.
I have so many wonderful things that Ashley is currently involved in right now that I would love to share. I still haven't shared about our New York trip. These things will have to wait. It just can't be about "us" right now. Truly, I just signed on because I just need to share a few prayer needs.
Please remember the families of Christal and Spencer who just earned their angel wings. I remember when Spencer was about two years old. He would sit up on the counter top and flirt with the nurses. He wore this big brim hat that made him look like a "little man". His daddy was always with him and I can see him carrying him around all through that hospital in his arms. I can only imagine how his arms must ache for him now.
Christal, she was the "bomb-diggity-bomb" (a phrase picked up from her mom Chris. Christal was a girly girl. She loved sparkes, glitter and jewelry and makeup. A real princess and glitzy girl. She also had this incredible way of just cracking people up with her quick witted personality. If I have ever seen anyone rise above their difficulties, it was Christal. Her mom is just incredible too. Chris was all about making every single moment special for Christal, nothing too big or too outrageous...just lived to make her little girl happy. I can't begin to tell you the lessons that I have learned over the last few years watching Chris and Christal walk this journey. Please offer up prayers for this family. They are so strong, but you know that this is too big of a burden for anyone to bear alone. Christal has an amazing website that will tell you her entire story. You will be blessed and challenged when you read this site. Please let them know that you are praying for them. Her website is www.christalinfo.com
These are the two families that just lost their children within the last two weeks. Unfortunately, I just heard about another 10 year old little boy named Ben. I never met Ben or his family, but I do know that he was an only child and that they desperately need our prayers. The wonderful thing about the body of Christ is that we don't have to know each other personally but we can carry each other's burdens just the same and we can lift each other up in prayer. So please pray for Ben's family.
Also, remember Trish and Barney, Angel Emma Grace's parents. Emma Grace celebrated her 6th birthday in Heaven this week. She is having the best party ever, but let's not forget her family that would give anything to have her here with them. Emma Grace was my special little friend and boy do I miss her. I can only imagine how much her mommy and daddy and brother miss her. Remember the Hamptons please. Leave them an encouraging word at www.caringbridge.org/ar/emmagrace
Next request, please remember to pray for little Jake. I have mentioned him on this site several times. He literally is fighting for his life right this very moment. He is in ICU at St. Jude and is fighting with all of his might. I just am at a loss of words. I just know what it feels like to not even feel like you can breathe because you are so fearful watching your child fighting this horrible disease. These doctors are desperately looking for a cure and for answers for today for Jake, it calls us to urgently pray and believe for this child and a miracle. Please pray. If you don't mind, drop this family a note. I promise an uplifting word even from a stranger is a true gift. Jake's website is www2.caringbridge.org/la/jakeowen
Last but not least, I want to ask prayer for a friend who is going for very important test next week to determine if she has ALS. Her name is Debbie and she is the mother of one of Ashley's good friends at school. She has a husband, an elderly mom that lives with her and four daughters. The doctors are trying to give her a definite diagnosis and our prayer is that it is not ALS but something that can be treated and/or cured. Nothing is too difficult for the Lord. I truly believe that with all my heart and soul. Debbie is close to my age and she is a wonderful Christian lady. Just so sweet and so gracious. Again, I am having a hard time understanding why so many wonderful Christian people suffer so much. God has a plan and a purpose in All things. I have finally come to terms with the fact that it is okay to "not understand" but I still must "trust". So, please pray for Debbie this next week as she travels to Texas to meet with specialist. Pray for wisdom for the doctors and answers from Heaven.
I know that I have laid alot on you. You see, I sometimes feel like so many don't really "get it", that these are just patients and they are sick. There is no real connection to the fact that they are someone's son or daughter or just how serious this diagnosis truly is. I don't say that to be mean or to offend anyone. I hope you all know me better than that. Please know I have been guilty of not absorbing the urgency to pray at times like I should. Now, when I hear about a child with cancer or any horrible disease, my heart just seems to break. These are kids, there are brothers and sisters and grandparents, families that are trying to just make in through another day. Their entire life is totally turned upside down and spinning out of control at times. Please pray as if it were your child, your grandchild, your friend. I know the majority of you reading this page do "get it". You were the ones praying us through each and every day, every scan, every surgery, every transfusion...the list goes on. You were and continue to be our armour bearers. How eternally grateful I am for your prayers and encouragement. Your prayers are still needed and coveted. I do want to say that I believe prayer changes things. I believe in miracles. Everytime I see my daughter walk into the room, I am reminded that miracles exist. Sometimes the only thing, the best thing that we can share is prayers. So thank you for allowing me to share my heart and my friends with you. Thank you for being armour bearers for so many you don't even know.
God bless and Keep you all,
Donna
p.s. I will update again soon...this was just my heart today. Hugs to all.
Oh Yes, there is one thing that ALL OF US CAN DO....PLEASE GO EAT AT YOUR LOCAL CHILIS THIS MONDAY, SEPT. 25. All proceeds will be going to St. Jude Children's Research Hospital, Our Hospital! Please help us, every dollar gets us that much closer to a cure. Please eat, eat, eat! I will be there.
Wednesday, August 23, 2006 1:27 PM CDT Hello Friends,
Well, where do I start? How about, we threw those stinky crutches back in the attic!!!! Praise God...just one more testimony for the record. I am just overwhelmed at how God just continually takes care of our every need. There is no doubt in my mind that God touched Ashley's leg. Just two weeks ago today she fell and could not even stand on it, much less walk and today, she is at school without her crutches and walking on her own.
She came home last Friday and told me that enough was enough and that the crutches had to go. I told her that she would do what the doctor ordered and that was that. Well, have I ever mentioned on this site that she has a little stubborn streak in her? Where in the world does she get that from....smile? Okay, she was made from the same mold as me so I truly understood her determination (isn't that a nice way of putting it..:). SO.....I allowed her to "try" and walk without the crutches while at home. She was taking baby steps, but still walking on her own. The rest of the story....she hasn't picked the crutches back up and day by day, her walking is improving. Ever so often she will complain about a small amount of pain in her knee, but not enough to keep her down. In our own medical evaluation (don't you know that every St. Jude parent has an honorary medical degree....smile), we believe that the soreness in the knee is just from the lack of use, and that the tightness will work itself out with time. I did do the "smart thing" and called the hospital and asked their opinion. They agreed that we could cancel our appointment today and just let her "fly" as long as we promised to call if her condition changed. No worry there, I have earned my "over protective parent" status honorably....smile.
So....there is the testimony for the record. God hears our cries for our children and he just keeps reminding me to turn her over to Him. He cares and he has already paid the price for every need that we have. I just want to thank you all for your prayers, emails and just words of encouragement. We truly are so blessed to have such wonderful friends through these pages. Please continue to pray for Ashley's walking to get better and for the slight pain that she is experiencing from time to time to go away. Again, she is 100 percent better than she was two weeks ago. I know that it is a direct result of prayer.
While you are praying for her, please remember a couple of St. Jude Friends who urgently need our prayers.
1. Christal - She is one of the spunkiest, sweetest little girls you could ever meet. She has been fighting cancer for years on end and according to the doctors the best decision is to just allow her to go home and have some quality time with her family; there is nothing left that they can do. Can you even begin to imagine what that news would feel like if it were your child? What would you do? What could you do? My heart breaks for this precious family. When I think about Christal, I can't help but smile. She just has this personality that is larger than life. Her mom is just incredible too. Sign on to their site and you will see firsthand what I am talking about. Leave her a note of encouragement and most importantly, pray. God is a God of impossible situations....Pray His will and His love to be very real to this family.
www.christalinfo.com
2. Jake Owen - I have mentioned this precious little boy on this site before and asked you to pray. His battle with cancer continues and it seems like such an uphill fight. He too desperately needs our prayers. The last scans showed more tumor growth, devastating news for this family and all of us who care so much about this precious little boy. However, we know that God is bigger than the battle and the fight belongs to Him. So, please pray and sign in on their site. Again, you will be blown away with this family's faith and courage in the midst of the unimaginable.
Just let them know that "you believe" (sign on and you will see what I mean).
www2.caringbridge.org/la/jakeowen
3. Brent Nason - I have never met this little boy personally but he is part of our St. Jude Family. You have to understand that there is this unique bond that St. Jude patients share. You automatically become like family. This little boy needs our prayers as they are exploring new options for treatment. I want to tell you that you will be the one that is blessed when you read his website. There is so much faith flowing through the written words on his site. I am encouraged in my walk with the Lord every time I sign on to this site. Please pray for guidance and wisdom for the doctors and the parents. Pray for peace for the parents as this is a heavy burden to bare. Again, this is someone's son..pray as if it were yours. His site is www.caringbridge3/ms/brentnason
4. Please remember my sister this Friday. It is the 3rd anniversary of Patterson's death. Time does heal, thanks to God's amazing grace, but there are days that are harder than others. You can't help but think about the "what if's" especially as this anniversary approaches. Pray that Cindy will just have a great day and that all of our hearts will be filled with thankfulness for just the time we did have with our precious Patterson. I am so thankful though that our family knows firsthand the amazing peace that we can have in knowing that we will see Patterson again one day.
Also, just remember to pray for all the children still in the fight. Unfortuantely, there are so many families who have been thrown in this raging war. You can not begin to imagine how quickly their world was turned upside down with just one word...cancer. How I pray that this will be the generation, the decade, that we find a cure for every child.
Pray for those precious families who had to release their children to Heaven, the angels who have gone before us. Remember Stanton, Emma Grace, Ali, Ben Bowen, Zoie, Hannah, Jay, the list goes on and on, of the children that lost their earthly fight. These are only a few that we knew of while Ashley was in treatment. How I pray that a day doesn't go by that we don't lift these families up. They are the ones that are left with holes in their hearts and empty places in their homes. Yet, these kids are the true heroes. They paved the way for more research, they opened doors for every child that finds themselves in the halls of a cancer ward. Yet, it is those left behind that need our prayers. Pray for glimpses of Heaven and special memories and peace that does surpass understanding. Pray for good days and restful hearts. Let us never forget these angels that touched our hearts in unexplainable ways and taught us to cherish our own children so much.
Precious children....Precious families...Please Pray.
Okay, I just went through several emotions in just a matter of minutes. I just can't always put into words what I truly feel. That is why I so often say "I hope you understand my heart". Just know that I am so thankful
for each of you and that you are so
very precious to our family in so many ways. I hope each of you have a wonderful day and see God's hands in even the smallest blessings. What a Mighty God we serve.
Donna
Oh my goodness, I completely forgot to mention our New York Trip. This will have to wait. It was definitely a trip that was ordained by God. I will have to fill you in on the details in the next update. Just let me say that it was incredible and I know in my heart that it wasn't about "Ashley" but about her getting to meet another little cancer patient. My...God does order our footsteps. I promise to update soon and fill you in. Until then....Have a Good One!
Saturday, August 5, 2006 11:32 AM CDT UPDATE MONDAY, AUGUST 7, 2006 5:25 PM
"Well, nothing appears to be broken or loose..."
This was the beginning of our meeting today with Ashley's orthopedic surgeon at St. Jude. Yes, you heard right, we got to see the surgeon today instead of Wednesday. I truly recogonize this as the first answered prayer. When I called to question why x-rays were not on her schedule for Wednesday and expressed concern regarding her still not being able to walk, the surgery nurse asked if I wanted to come on in. She told me that Ashley's surgeon would be there for meetings and she would ask him to see Ashley. So, within just a couple of hours we were off to the hospital and had x-rays and a one on one with the surgeon. My St. Jude mom's will understand what a blessing that this was to be able to orchestrate all of this within hours. I see it as an answer to prayer.
Okay, the rest of the story:
The surgeon does not see anything on the x-rays that would indicate that the prosthesis is broken, however, he is concerned that she is complaining of a "squishing sensation in the ankle" when she tries to take a step. He said you typically can see a break on the x-rays but he has had patients describe a similar sensation in the knee (that Ashley feels in her ankle) and their prosthesis was broken. He said that he has had instances where there has been a break in the "locking mechanisims" and the prosthesis would actual lenghten itself....ugh. Can you imagine how painful this would be? Remember Ashley has to be put to sleep in the hospital to have her leg lengthened. Can you imagine if this started happening on its own? Okay, "think on things that are lovely, pure..." you get my drift. Smile.
So...the only real way to tell what is going on is to keep Ashley off of her prosthesis and repeat x-rays and scan-a-grams in a couple of weeks. A scan-a-gram will tell us the length of her leg and the prosthesis and therefore would tell us if the prosthesis is lenghtening itself (that is a very unscientific explanation, but hopefully helpful). If indeed her leg "grows" in a couple of weeks or she still can't walk without pain, then we will know that we have a problem with the prosthesis (go figure...smile - I really am not being sarcastic, just keeping my spirits up - smile).
So...the instructions are:
Keep weight off of her leg and walk with crutches for at least 2 weeks and repeat x-rays and scan-agram. "Patience is a virtue, Patience is a virtue" I keep repeating this as it appears that we have no other choice but to "wait and see" what happens.
So the good news is...No obvious problem with the prosthesis and the bad news is...."not every break is obvious". Oh me....Oh my....I believe that we are in the faith zone and that her leg is healing itself day by day and that two weeks from now we will be throwing these crutches back into the attic for a long time. I am going to just be thankful that I walked out of the hospital with these instructions and not a schedule for surgery.
We do know that another surgery is inevitable as these prosthesis do wear out, but we are praying that it will be on our schedule and not dictated by a problem. So...inspite of not having all the answers, we are seeing answers to prayer. It doesn't have to work out the way we think, for it to work out...make sense.
Side note regarding New York: The trip is still on. Her orthopedic doctor gave his okay to go but it would have to be on crutches. Well, do you think that is going to stop Ashley??? Wright Medical is being so gracious and was really understanding about this unfortunate event. We joked that we would just plop her in a chair and hide the crutches and let her do her press thing if it came down to it. So, it looks like we will be off to New York afterall. Again, God answering the desires of Ashley's heart.
I didn't mean to be so lengthy but I couldn't wait to share what I believe is good news for today.
"Therefore, do not be anxious for tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own".
Matthew 6:34
So that is today's news and for tomorrow we would just ask that you
continue to pray for the complete healing of Ashley's leg, no pain and for ease of walking.
Jesus was a carpenter afterall, don't you think he could mend this prosthesis on his own???? What a neat thought.
Thanks so much for your continued prayers (especially for patience and no pain), the encouraging words on the guestbook and the precious emails. I love and appreciate you all. I will update as all of these little miracles unfold. This I know....God already has this worked out for Ashley's good and His Glory.
Donna
Saturday, Aug. 5, 2006:
"Therefore, strenghten the hands that are weak and the knees that are feeble and make straight paths for your feet, so that the limb which is lame may not be put out of joint, but rather be healed."
Hebrews 12:12
An appropriate verse for today. I am praying that word for word.
Hello Friends,
Well, I wish I could say that I am signing on to give you just another entertaining episode of "Life in the Garrett Household" but I am really signing on to once again ask for the prayer warriors to come out in full force. This is not serious in the scheme of things but still, I just want this situation covered in prayer.
To quickly sum up our need: Ashley accidentally fell on her prosthesis this past Wednesday. We were at the school helping out with the Football Camp. We were in the cafeteria and she must of hit a slick spot on the floor and just hit the floor pretty good. Okay, for any of us this would be painful, but considering she has a metal rod in her leg, it is extremely painful. She immediately started crying and her dad had to pick her up and carry her to the car. She has not been able to put any real weight on her left leg (the one with the prosthesis in it) since this happened. For the first 24 hours or so, we thought that maybe she had just hyper-extended her leg and/or just maybe pulled a muscle somewhere in her leg. However, hope is fading that this may be the case as we are now a few days out and she is still in quite a bit of pain when she tries to walk.
We did take her for x-rays at Campbell's clinic on Thursday, but her orthopedic surgeons are out of town. There are only three surgeons in Memphis who are experts on her prosthesis and unfortantely they are out of town. You have to remember that Ashley is the 25th person in the United States to receive this type of prosthesis, so you can't just walk into any hospital or orthopedics office and expect answers. It is such a specialized prosthesis and we will just have to wait until they get back to St. Jude to find out what is really going on with her leg.
We did talk to St. Jude Hospital and she is scheduled to see them on Wednesday. Her x-rays were sent to one of her doctors and they did not see anything broken on the prosthesis but we were told that something could be "loose". They will not be able to make a full assessment until they see her on Wednesday and take additional x-rays. We are getting all of this information second hand and haven't been able to actually talk with her doctors. We were told to put her back on crutches and keep her from putting weight on her leg in the event that the prosthesis is actually damaged. I absolutely hated pulling those crutches back out of the attic. It just stirred up so many emotions. Okay, I know that we are dealing with a "hurt leg" and not "cancer" PRAISE GOD, but it just brought back so many difficult memories. Those memories are still so painful and actually scare me more now than when we were in the actual "fight for your life mode". Okay, you can see I am degressing, so I better stop while I am ahead...smile.
Now, here is where our patience and faith have to kick in. I can't sit here and write time and time again about God's faithfulness if I don't actually believe in it. Trust me, I do. He has continued to carry Ashley and covered her with his mercy and grace. I know that he will continue to do the same. I am just asking for prayer that when we do finally get to see the doctor, that her pain will be gone and that she will be able to put weight on her leg and walk again, WITHOUT SURGERY!!!! Just the thought of another surgery right now scares me to death, not to mention the timing of it. She is scheduled to go back to school in one week and also has another "unbelievable opportunity" to go to New York a week from Tuesday, to do what of all things.....open the Nasdaq Stock Exchange....and do press opportunities for Wright Medical...to talk about OF ALL THINGS, her prosthesis. Oh, do you see the irony of this all???? She would not necessarily be the best poster child for Wright Medical's prosthesis on crutches or in a wheelchair...smile (got to laugh to keep from crying).
So, with all that said, please pray for God's touch on our little girl and for the timing and events to all work out. It truly is out of our hands, once again, and into His. I wouldn't want it any other way. Also, please pray for Ashley's spirits. She is such a trooper, but as you can only imagine, she is really excited about her upcoming opportunites and starting high school. Her emotions are on edge as she really wants to go to New York, start her freshman year out without a hitch, cheerleading, etc. Surgery would change all that. So....please pray for God's hand and his touch once again on our little girl. She is still our miracle in progress....just another testimony to come.
Love and Hugs to all,
Donna
p.s. Would you be so kind to leave Ashley a note of encouragement on her guestbook. She really is having a down day today and I know that it would lift her spirits.
Also, I can't sign off without saying, that I know in the scheme of things this is such a minor bump in the road. However, when it is your child and you have watched them endure so much, you just want smooth sailing. So I hope you all understand my heart. We truly are so blessed and so thankful just to have her and know inspite of everything, we are blessed beyond measure. God is good and He is faithful, all the time.
Monday, July 24, 2006 5:43 PM CDT Hello Friends,
I know that it has been awhile since an update so I decided to get myself in gear and let you all know what has been going on in the Garrett household. Let me apologize for the long delay. We have been experiencing computer problems....so settle in for a lengthy chat...smile.
First, let me tell you what “gently” prompted me to type this update. I received a gift the other day that truly touched my heart. Not the kind that you unwrap with anticipation or of any monetary value for that matter, but the kind of gift that causes you to stop and wonder about “angels” here on earth. A gentle reminder of God’s goodness and how his spirit works among and in His people. This gift came in the form of an email. An email from a complete stranger. Someone who wrote to say that they hadn’t seen any updates and had been checking in Ashley through her webpage over a long period of time. She had never signed the guestbook to my knowledge, but she had read that Ashley had appointmens in June and just was curious to know the outcome. Well, through her email, I learned that she was part of a “Cancer Prayer Support Team” at Platte Woods United Methodist Church in Kansas City, MO. They have been praying for Ashley over the years and just wanted to check in on her. Wow, this just blew me away. I know that so many people have prayed for our family over the past few years, but I guess it just really “hit me” when I got this email, that God has an army of believers praying us “through” this journey. I was just overwhelmed with such a sense of gratitude for the complete strangers that joined this battle with us, many that we will never ever know about. So, if I haven’t said it enough, please know that every prayer sent to Heaven on behalf of my little girl, have all been heard by our Heavenly Father and I know without a shadow of doubt that those “prayers prayed in agreement with other believers” are the reason that she is alive today. I just think it is so incredible how God can lay a burden for my child on a group of prayer warriors in another state and three years later, they are still praying for her. I told “Thelma”, the dear lady who sent me the original email, that I was sure that she was praying many days, when I couldn’t. Days when the burden just seemed to heavy to bear. There was a prayer group up in Missouri, helping to walk us through our valley. So, to Platte Woods United Methodist Prayer Group and to ALL of you out there who have prayed and continue to pray for our Ashley, thank you so much for the gift of your prayers and for just being our brothers and sisters in Christ.
In my last update, I mentioned that Ashley had to go back in for some additional visits in June. These were ordered by her Orthopedic Surgeon. As you can see, “surgery” is part of the root of “surgeon” and this is what got me up in arms. Okay, to make more sense;
So, with that prelude, let me just save time and copy a portion of what I emailed Thelma, so you will all know what the appointment in June was about and the results.
“The appointment in June was to look at Ashley's foot. After her limb sparing surgery the nerves in her left foot were damaged and she lost a lot of function in the movement or her foot. This causes her to limp and puts pressure on the inside of her foot. My prayer all along has been for God not to only heal her of cancer, but to totally restore her leg and her foot. I am still believing that. In her checkup prior to June, her surgeon was concerned
about the way she was walking, turning in on the inside of her foot, similar to the way some elderly people do when they lose some of their arch support. Well, he wanted her to see ANOTHER specialist and even mentioned that another surgery might be needed. WELL, Ashley is so ready to move on with her life and just decided that surgery wasn't an option right now because she had too much to do and we were just going to ask God to work this out too. Okay, I know that God is able and yet I also believe that he gives our doctors wisdom to help us when he chooses. So, we just prayed for a positive meeting and for God to give us a peace about whether surgery was necessary or not and for wisdom for the specialist. So...yet another answered prayer....when we met with the surgeon, he took one look at the xrays and said, I don't think we are even close to needing a surgery, lets just do some special exercises and watch her over time. Well, Praise God.... He is so concerned about the smallest details.
Also, I was concerned about Ashley walking with her shoulders forward (her posture). I was convinced that she was walking this way due to the prosthesis in her leg and also happened to read on one of her reports that the xray tech was concerned about "mild scoliosis (sp?). Well, being the over protective mom that I am, I wanted that checked out to. So this special meeting in June was also to check this out. Again, "THE SPECIALIST" told me that she does not have scoliosis and that the shrugging of her shoulders when she walked was her compensating for balance that she needed and for me not to worry. Again, just God calming a mother's fears. Do not get me wrong, Ashley walks beautifully to me, but I just wanted to be proactive and do whatever we can to help her if something needed to be done.”
So, that covers the “medical” part of Ashley’s summer. Thank goodness that this was only a very small part of our summer activities. It has been such a wonderful summer thus far. I have to admit that I am dreading the start of school in just a few weeks. It has just been so wonderful to just have time to kick back and relax. We have been so busy, but busy doing the things that we as a family enjoy so much, going to the lake, sleeping in, playing in the pool, making milkshake runs at all hours of the night…..you get my drift. It truly has been a lazy but relaxing summer.
Floyd gets the prize for making this an extra special summer. We celebrated our 20th Wedding Anniversary and he surprised me with a trip to San Francisco. I still can’t believe that he kept this trip a secret and planned it all out (with the help of a wonderful friend and travel agent) without my input. Most of you know that I am the planner in the family and Floyd is the spontaneous one…smile. Well, he really pulled this one off and it was so romantic and so wonderful just getting away on our own little vacation. We went to Pebble Beach and Napa Valley and Sonoma Valley. I absolutely loved the little shops and quaint little outside bistros. Everytime I turned around there were special little suprises. Floyd got major points in the love bank…..(that is an inside joke for our Sunday School Class…smile). I love my kids dearly, but let it be said, that the best gift any of us can give our children is two parents that really love each other. So, with that said, I had to pull my little Ashley’s arms away from my neck at the airport and remind myself that I was doing this for her too….smile. She really doesn’t like for us to go away without her, even though she has no problem leaving us at home…..go figure….smile. Tyler on the other hand, was already scheming about what he was going to do with “grandma in charge” as he hugged us tight and said so long….ever so enthusiastically. Oh well, we had a grand time and really needed the time away, just the two of us. Twenty years, oh it seems like yesterday and then sometimes like forever….we have certainly experienced life’s greatest joys and sorrows together. The Lord knows that I am not the easiest person to live with, I have my issues, but Floyd truly has mellowed me out quite a bit over the years… I am just so blessed to have such a wonderful husband and father for my children. Happy Anniversary Honey…here’s looking at another twenty!
Okay, I hope you don’t mind me bragging about my husband’s sweet surprise, but I do give him a lot of grief on these pages and I thought some of you might take me too serious when I joke about him. He truly is a wonderful husband and my dearest friend. So there ….the real story.
Well we had our little vacation and the kids are ready for theirs. We are heading out for a few days at the beach, for them of course…smile. We have to have our annual beach fix. The kids are excited because the whole clan is going, my parents and brother and sister and neice. It gets a little crazy with the whole clan, but I wouldn’t trade these memories for anything. I am sure that I will have some crazy event to report once I get home, but hey, that is what keeps life interesting uh?
Well, I need to run. I just want to leave you with a little thought. I hope all of you just take the time to enjoy your kids, your spouse, your friends. I know that when Ashley was diagnosed with cancer, our lives and our priorities changed drastically. All of a sudden, the stuff, the chores, the worries that I thought I had, didn’t hold so much weight. All I wanted was time….time to love, to enjoy and to just have my family together. So….take the time to play and to love. Life is truly so short for all of us. How thankful that I am to just have a second chance to try to live life to the fullest and enjoy my kids and my family. What a gift we truly have in each other.
Okay….I am getting way to deep….but I really am so thankful for just another lazy summer with my family. So….go and enjoy.
In His Love….
Donna
p.s. Thanks for checking in on us and for the guestbook entries. You all are just the greatest gifts to our family. We appreciate every single one of you, God’s special gifts to our lives.
side note: New pictures are on their way as soon as I get my other hard drive back from the shop...the joy of computers.
Tuesday, June 6, 2006 9:41 AM CDT Hello Friends:
Do you think it may be time for an update???? There are still some of you still checking in on us, so I thought I would step up to the plate and let you know what has been going on in the Garrett Household.
First things first though, there are a couple of prayer needs that I want to share. Other’s needs are so much more important than my rambling about our day-to-day activities, so let’s get these covered under prayer first.
1. Little Jake Owen a fellow St. Jude patient, still needs our prayers. Please cover this child head to toe in prayer. This is such a precious family and you really need to stop by their website. You will be the one to walk away with your faith built. Yet, do encourage them by leaving a guest book entry. You just can’t imagine how much a kind word from a complete stranger can minister to you. His site is www.caringbridge.org/la/jakeowen
2. Remember to pray for the Hampton Family. Today marks the one-year anniversary of Emma Grace’s entrance to Heaven. I can only imagine the emotions that this family is feeling. Let’s wrap our arms around these parents and brother who so desperately miss their little Emma Grace. Her site is www.caringbridge.org/ar/emmagrace
Okay, you know it is so hard to write about how great life is going for us right now when you know that others are fighting such tough battles. Plus the fact that I have to remember that you don’t really want every little detail of the Garrett household…smile. Yet, I do want to share over and over about God’s faithfulness in our lives. Hopefully someone reading this site will be encouraged. Maybe they are facing a difficult situation that seems insurmountable and will gain hope. If just one person gives their life to the Lord or walks away with a renewed sense of just how wonderful He is, then this site has served its purpose.
So…when I write about Ashley and her whirlwind of activities…. Just know that I am really recording a miracle in progress. To borrow a phrase…. She has come along way baby!!!
Quick (maybe) recap about my little freshman. Yep, you heard right, Ashley is an upcoming FRESHMAN. PRAISE GOD!!!!! While all the other moms were wiping tears at the 8th grade graduation, I was whooping it up because she was AT her 8th grade graduation. Please allow me to brag a minute. I have to tell you that I am so proud of her. Not only has she finished “middle school”, she completed her year with honors and she was taking honor classes. I don’t know where she got all of her intelligence from but we will take it. After all, who is going to help take care of me one day….smile?
So, guess what another miracle……she made VARSITY CHEERLEADER for the upcoming school year. She will be cheering for the Basketball Squad and for those of you who know Ashley personally, this is her thing!!!! She wasn’t able to tryout for Football, because you have to be able to do back handsprings and her metal prosthesis pretty well ruled that out, but you know, she will be the best little basketball cheerleader ever!!!! She is just thrilled and gets so excited when it is time to go to practice. It just does my heart so good to see her just loving the things so many take for granted. We had many tearful conversations about her not getting her hopes up about cheering in high school. I had to keep telling her that cheering in high school is so much more competitive than middle school and also remind her that she does have real limitations with her prosthesis. That is such a hard conversation to have with a 14 year old that would give anything to be able to do everything that other girls her age can do. Yet, you know, God is teaching us to find the good in everything and every situation. I have talked so many times on this site about CHOOSING to focus on the positive and believing God for the miraculous. I know that He isn’t finished with Ashley yet. She will continue to thrive and go from strength to strength. So, making the cheer squad was just another answer to prayer. I guess God was teaching me once again that I can be "realistic" but He does "above and beyond" what we think. Don’t tell me that God is not interested in the details of our lives. He is truly giving Ashley the desires of her heart.
Well, with that said, I loaded Ashley up on a chartered bus this morning at 6:00 am to head to the University of Alabama for a week of cheer camp. She was so excited and I know that this is going to be such a special week for her. You just learn to be so thankful for the abilities and opportunities that God gives you. So, keep her in your prayers for a safe and wonderful week for her and the rest of the girls. I will be heading down on Thursday to spend the night and watch the competitions on Friday. I will be the one with the camera embarrassing her as much as I can just to make sure that I capture the spirit of the moment. What are moms for if not to embarrass their teenage daughters???? Smile.
Tyler hasn’t slowed down this summer yet. Since school let out we haven’t been able to sleep in one day yet. He has been in basketball camps for the last two weeks and he is playing competitive baseball and he starts football conditioning tonight. Okay, some of you are probably thinking, “overload” but he absolutely loves his sports. This is definitely “his thing”. Ashley is my scholar, Tyler is my athlete. Isn’t it wonderful how God just makes each one of our kids unique? I just love being a “sports mom”. I just have to learn to quit yelling “go baby go”. Again, it is just a hard transition being the mom of teenagers. They are still both my babies…smile.
Speaking of activities, Tyler and Floyd fished in the St. Jude Bass Tournament over the Memorial Day Weekend. I am sorry to say that they didn’t win it, mainly because they didn’t catch ANY fish….Sorry Honey…. But boy did they look cute in their matching fishing shirts and shorts….smile. Yet, they had a wonderful time and it was certainly for a worthy cause. We had some close friends who so generously loaned us their camper so we could camp over the course of the weekend. Mind you this tournament was held in Sardis and the local hotels are not exactly resorts….smile. Floyd and I used to “tent camp” all the time pre kids, but Ashley wanted no part of that. While Floyd and Tyler were on the boat during the tournament, that left Ashley and I to explore the beach. It didn’t quite suit her though. She was quick to point out that the sand wasn’t the same color as Florida and she was not stepping foot in the brownish color water, even though she had been jumping off the boat in the same water the day before on the other side of the dam…go figure??? I remember camping with my parents being just as much fun as staying in a fancy resort. Ashley definitely is a five star resort girl….smile. Tyler on the other hand, LOVED every minute of camping. He is going to be my outdoorsman for sure. Again, different personalities both unique and special in their own way. It was a wonderful weekend and the highlight for me, was just seeing all that money raised for our wonderful hospital. So, if you are a fisherman, check this tournament out. There were approximately 350 boats and it was a lot of fun and bottom line….it is for the kids at St. Jude.
Speaking of St. Jude, Ashley is scheduled to go back on the 14th of this month for a few x-rays of her prosthesis and foot and to meet with two different orthopedic doctors. I really don’t want to go into detail, this is nothing major in the scheme of things, but would ask that you just pray for a positive meeting and good reports. Again, there is nothing to be concerned about. You know her entire left leg was reworked, the tibia taken out and a metal rod put in. There are going to be issues that have to be looked at and we are just being proactive and making sure that she gets the best care possible. Again, God already knows the details and He is working them out for her good and His Glory. I just love her being covered in prayer every time we walk into that hospital. Prayer changes things!!!
Well, I have rambled way too much. I just wanted to let you know that life is good and that we are well. I don’t know how to thank each of you enough for just taking the time to check in on us and for those guest book entries. I would really love for everyone to sign in. Just say hi. Ashley loves to see that someone new has signed the book. You are such great supporters and prayer warriors. Just know that we cherish each of you. Most importantly, just remember that God is good and that His mercies are new every morning.
In His Love,
Donna
Tuesday, May 23, 2006 9:54 AM CDT "IT'S NOT ABOUT ME."
Rick Warren, The Purpose Driven Life.
If I got anything out of this wonderful book it is the truth that life is not about me. That truth has clearly been brought to mind this morning. This whole cancer journey has never been about me or my family, but about the power and Glory of the Lord, even in the darkest moments.
I am signing on to request prayer for a very special little St. Jude child who urgently needs our prayers and whose family needs our encouragement. His name is Jake. His battle with cancer has been horrific and his family needs us to stand in the gap with prayer. Would you please lift him up today? Would you please visit his website and encourage them today? I know what it feels like to beg God for a miracle. I understand how an unlifting word from even a complete stranger can lift a heavy heart. I thank God for every prayer warrior who has ever signed on to this site and for each and every guestbook entry that I continue to read. You will never know this side of Heaven the difference that it has made in our lives. The difference of life and death, the power of your words and prayers. Please share this gift with this family today.
www.caringbridge.org/la/jakeowen
Just know how much I cherish each of you and your continued support through our journey. Yet today, it is not about me or Ashley, but a little boy named Jake.
"Bear one another's burdens, and thus fulfill the law of Christ."
Galatians 6:2
Donna
Tuesday, April 11, 2006 8:33 AM CDT ****UPDATE, WEDNESDAY, APRIL 12, 2006
Quick and to the point:
IT'S OFFICIAL - THREE YEARS OUT OF TREATMENT AND NO SIGN OF CANCER ANYWHERE!!!!!
Another check-up behind us and all is well. We are just so thankful and feel so blessed. Ashley's lung scans were perfectly clear and her hearing test and EKG and Echocardiogram came back perfectly normal. No effects of chemo seen on either test. Praise God for keeping our precious Ashley in the palm of His hands.
Our next visit will be in June when we will be scheduled for an orthopaedic visit to "fine tune" a few issues regarding Ashley's prosthesis.
The added bonus with three years of clean scans is that Ashley will not have to go back for another "cancer" check for six months. It just feels so good to have some time between check ups and just let her move on with her life.
I just wanted to share our good news with you before I laid my head down. I sure will sleep sweet tonight...smile.
Thank you so much for your prayers. We truly felt God's peace all around us today. What a Mighty, Faithful God we serve.
Donna
P.S. It sure was great to see all of our wonderful nurses, doctors and friends today. We love you all and just appreciate all that you have done for our daughter.
Good Morning Friends:
"His loving concern never fails. His great love is new every morning. Lord, how faithful you are!"
Lamentations 3:22-23
What a beautiful morning and life is good! Just an ordinary day with kids in school, errands to run and a long list of chores and afternoon schedules of sports to keep up with, but what a wonderful day it is. Okay, I guess you can tell already that I am having one of my "revelation moments" of how truly blessed we are.
Tomorrow is "Scan Day" and I am truly trying not to let myself get ahead of today. I do have faith that God has already gone before us, but I have to be honest and tell you that it just isn't easy going back for check-ups. Please, especially my dear St. Jude friends that would trade places with us in an instant; don't think that I am complaining. I am SO THANKFUL that we are going to St. Jude tomorrow for a check-up and not for chemo or treatment, it just HITS me when we approach these check-ups, that the doctors are "looking" for cancer cells. It is just tough to deal with at times. Okay, I sound like I have total done a back flip after preaching about having faith through any difficulty that you are faced with. Trust me, my faith is not wavering...God has this already worked out. He has aleady prepared Ashley's path. No doubt, He is in control and working ALL THINGS FOR HER GOOD. I am just being mom and I just love her so much and want to protect her from all harm. Emotions just seem to run wild when you let your thoughts get ahead of you. I guess it has been drilled into our heads that just because you are out of treatment, the battle isn't over. First, you are told that the first year is critical, no cancer cells. Then you are told to make it to the two year mark...is a positive step, but stay guarded. The five year mark is the day that everyone seems to celebrate. I didn't realize that Ashley too was thinking about the celebrated 5 year mark until I read her last journal entry. It just broke my heart that she too has that in the back of her mind.
So what do you do when you are at the "3 year mark"? Are we supposed to feel like we are in limbo? Celebrate or hold our breath? Whoa....I bet you are all thinking that I have actually lost it, uh? No, I am just typing out my personal therapy...smile.
I AM CHOOSING TO CELEBRATE TODAY, THE DAY THAT GOD HAS SO GRACIOUSLY GIVEN TO US. I can't get ahead of today and according to the Word, I shouldn't anyway. I don't want to miss out on what God has for me or my family this very day. I would rather testify of how he has faithfully carried our family through treatment and over the past three years. When I think of what he has brought us through and continues to do in Ashley's life, how can I waste a moment worrying over tomorrow? I truly "GET IT", GOD IS IN CONTROL, not me.
Floyd was teaching our Sunday School class this past Sunday and got off track (go figure...smile) and started talking about how we are supposed to hold every thought captive..and how we should guard our mind and what we allow into it. He didn't realize that He was pouring into my heart. Well, that is what I have been doing all week. I have been just thanking the Lord for his hand upon Ashley and for his continued comfort as we approach her scans tomorrow. God is not finished with His work in her life and I believe with all my heart that tomorrow will be just another testimony of his healing grace and covering over her life and body.
So....sorry if that was a little heavy, but I think it helps you to know that we still need and cherish your prayers. So I thought I would list tomorrow's schedule so you would know what they are checking and what to specifically pray for:
9:30-9:45 - Lab work (blood & urine testing)
10:00-11:15 - Echo of the Heart and EKG
11:30-12:00 - Audiology Evaluation - Hearing Test
12:00-12:15 - X-rays of Prosthesis
12:15-12:30 - X-rays of chest (most important test of day)
1:15 until complete - Meeting with Orthopaedic Doctor and after that a meeting with her Oncologist to go over all results.
Oh yeah, I will be the one pacing back in forth in the hall, praying and walking and Floyd will be the one chit chatting and visiting with all the doctors and nurses..smile.
Did I mention that while I am at home worrying about all this, he is out fishing???? He did invite me to go, but that isn't my type of stress relief...smile.
The morning labs, echos, ekg and hearing test are to check to see if there has been any after effects of the chemo that Ashley had. Each of the chemos she had carry possible late term effects.
The xray of the prosthesis is to make sure that all of the "hardware" is in place and make sure everything is functioning like it should.
They do an x-ray of her chest because Osteosarcoma is known to spread to the lungs. This is to make sure that there are no cancerous legions.
Okay, that is what we will be doing tomorrow. So, I guess you can see why I am excited about just doing "chores" today...smile.
I tell you all that so you will know what to pray for but more than that, so you will continue to rejoice with us as we see God do the miracleous in Ashley's body. I firmly believe he has planted our feet on solid ground and that we will share yet another day of miracles after all of the testing.
So, thank you in advance for your continued prayers and for just letting me vent and hanging in here with us. We so cherish each and every note left on the guestbook and your friendship.
May you also rest in the Hope that we have in Him,
Donna
Thursday, March 16, 2006 9:07 PM CST Hey everyone,
I hope everyone is doing great. My life is going very well. School is great. I was just accepted into the National Junior Honor Society, which is extremely special to me. The work at school is hard, but it's getting better as the school year is coming to the end. I am so excited; I will be in high school next year. Yea!! I am looking forward to it. I have cheer tryouts next month for cheer next year. I also have my three year check up that week. It is really hard to believe that I will be three years out from the end of chemo on April 8. I am so excited. I am getting closer and closer to the five year mark. My family is great too. Tyler has started yet another sports season. Its baseball time. My mom and dad are great to. Well I hope you have a wonderful day!!
Love,
Ashley
p.S.- please sign my guest book!
Thursday, January 19, 2006 This will be short and very sweet.....there are balloons to fill, presents to wrap and hugs to give out....
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU OUR PRECIOUS ASHLEY!!!!
It is official....we survived the first year of this "teenage" stuff. Smile. Ashley turns 14 years old today. Where do the years go? It is strange how somedays it seems like time is moving so swiftly and then you can look back and be frozen in time. So many memories, good and bad so freshly imprinted on our hearts. It seems like only yesterday Ashley was battleing cancer and fighting for a chance to celebrate another birthday. Then I realize she was ten when she was diagnosed with cancer and look at her now, fourteen years old and living life to the fullest. How can we not call this a "Happy Day"?
How blessed we are for this day with our sweet Ashley and for each day that we have with our kids. I will never take a birthday for granted. Cancer has a funny way of really changing the way you look at life. So..today and everyday....we celebrate....Ashley's life and God's goodness!
I just wanted to share the news of her birthday with you so you can be reminded of God's goodness and His faithfulness. Each of you who have prayed so diligently with our family for Ashley's continued good health, can see the fruit of your prayers and God's amazing grace manifested in Ashley's life. Thank you for your prayers....we truly celebrate life today.
Happy Day!
Donna
"For this child I prayed, and the Lord has given me my petition which I asked of Him. So I have also dedicated him to the Lord; as long as he lives he is dedicated to the Lord."
I Samuel 1:27-28
Wednesday, January 4, 2006 1:56 PM CST
Happy New Year……
Okay, I realize that it is already four days into the new year and I am just now wishing you a happy 2006 but the sentiment is just the same. I also have no good excuse for not updating since Thanksgiving, but just didn’t have words to truly express all that I was feeling. So hear goes……
First and foremost: I received what I would label as the best Christmas Present ever. That is outside of the gift of Jesus and his gift of eternal life for me and for all of us who believe in Him. The “earthly” gift that I am referring to is another round of clear scans for Ashley. Yeah Hoo and again Praise be unto our Heavenly Father whose love is never ending and whose mercies truly are new every morning. Yes, we had another set of scans, lab work, etc the week before Christmas and all was well. I have to tell you that even though it does get a tiny bit easier going back in for scans, there is still a great deal of heartache in walking back into that hospital for such. Love the people, love the nurses and doctors and patient families, but just hate the reason we are there. I just couldn’t really get into the swing of things for Christmas until this was behind us. I purposely had Ashley’s scans scheduled for the week of Christmas break so that we wouldn’t interrupt her school schedule, but I made sure that I had everything scheduled before Christmas. Okay, I am still working on my “faith issues” too. I know personally that God is so much bigger than ANYTHING we face, but I am only human too and the reality of having to spend part of your child’s holiday getting chest x-rays to make sure there is no cancer cells really plays at a mother’s (and dad’s) heart and emotions.
So…..when everything came back once again, clear and well…..the holiday truly began for us. I truly was not prepared for the holidays up to this point. Mind you, Ashley’s scans were December 20th & 21st, so I had to really get a jump on things. Hopefully, you are all forgiving me right now for the lack of Christmas Cards and annual photo…..it just didn’t happen this year, so just know that NO ONE got one….like you were all worried about that….smile. Thank goodness for a husband who LOVES to shop. He had already taken care of the good majority of the kid’s Christmas shopping. The only down side is that he just doesn’t know when to stop…but oh well, that’s Floyd for you. We truly had a wonderful and blessed Christmas, but more than that, WE HAVE HAD A WONDERFUL AND BLESSED YEAR!
I do know that everyday is a gift. You could take away all the gifts, parties, holiday food (yes, I would give that up too…smile) and I would tell you that we feel so unbelievably blessed and content and so very thankful just to still have our Ashley with us. How I wish that could be the same for so many of our friends who had to go through the holidays without their precious children. I have sat at this computer for days, trying to find the words to express all the emotions and thoughts that have crowded my mind over the past few months. At times, I so wanted to sit down and just share so many things that Ashley and Tyler have been doing and just “happy thoughts” but something inside just ached for those who couldn’t do the same. I guess I have just kinda “closed down” for awhile. So many children we know celebrated Christmas in Heaven for the first time. Oh and what a celebration I am sure it was. Yet, my heart and thoughts go out to their parents and siblings who had to fight just to make it through the holidays and through each day. My prayers are truly with each of these families, May God in his compassionate love heal and restore their broken hearts and may this year bring Peace not just on earth as we so casually say without any real thought, but may He bring real peace to these families who face a new year without their child, their brother, their sister. Let us not forget to remember to pray for those who will really struggle to have a “Happy New Year”.
Well, I know that was pretty heavy, but you should know by now, I don’t hide what is in my heart. I sat down many a day to update and instead just felt led to pray for families who weren’t facing scans during holidays, for those who would trade places with us in a heartbeat. If I have learned anything in this “cancer journey”, it is the realization that there are a lot of people facing incredible difficulties that we know nothing about. Many we would know nothing about, because so many people hide their hurts behind their smiles. May God allow us to just learn to love, unconditionally; you never know what battle someone is fighting that very day.
Okay….I will change gears here and chat about the day to day stuff for a moment.
Ashley and Tyler just completed their first semester at Briarcrest and they are loving this school. The transition from CDS where they had attended since pre kindergarten has been so smooth. I know that God orders our footsteps and this has been confirmed over and over again in our lives. Tyler had a terrific football season and has the making of a real NFL great if I say so myself. Floyd was given the opportunity to help coach and I think He had an even better season. I see so much of Floyd in Tyler; he is just like his dad, especially in his passion for football. Tuesday nights became Football night for the Garrett’s as Tyler would play in the first game and then Ashley cheered for the 8th grade team. She wears her BCS cheerleading uniform proudly!!!! She LOVES being a cheerleader and I just LOVED watching her. Of course, I just beam as I sit and reflect on what the Lord has done in her life. How good God has been to our family. He is restoring Ashley’s life a hundred fold by giving her such joy in the simplest things.
We are now into Basketball and once again, Tyler is playing and Ashley is cheering. We have a grueling schedule, with few evenings free, but I am not complaining. It is truly a joy just to be able to have to take my kids around the world and back again each day…..it is all in how we look at things. Just thankful to be a mom and have these precious gifts.
Well school is back in session and I am just now clearing my house of the Christmas decorations. Remember I was late in getting them up, so who cares if I am behind in getting them down…smile. The house is quiet, but peaceful, Peaceful, not just because Tyler is not sliding down the banister or Ashley is not belting away with her music, but for another reason. Peace that can only come from our Heavenly Father. My prayer is that 2006 brings each of you much love and happiness and especially friendship. How thankful I am for each of you who so sweetly and caringly still check in on us. May God’s peace fill your heart and home. WE ARE ALL SO BLESSED.
Happy New Year,
Donna
p.s. I will TRY to update a little more regular. If you don’t mind, would you please be so kind just to sign the guest book so we know you dropped by. It really means a lot to us. Thanks again for just being our friends.
Next St. Jude schedule = April 2006, more to follow later.
Monday, November 21, 2005 8:39 PM CST Hello everyone,
I hope everyone is doing fine. Sorry about not updating in a while. It has been crazy. Oh, by the way this is Ashley. I promise this won't be a real long update like my moms. LOL. So much has happend since the last update. I have just finished cheering for football and I am about to start basketball cheer. I also started a new school this year and love it. Everyone is awsome. I love all my teachers and I have great friends. Anyway, I thought since Thanksgiving was two days away I would say what I am thankful for. I am thankful for my family, they have helped me through alot. i am also thankful for my friends. They have always been there for me. I am extremelt thankful for God who gave me my health back. I am also thankful for everyone at St.Jude who helped me get my life back. That is what I am thankful for. I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving.
Also I want to say congratulations to one of my favorite nurses at St.Jude Shannon on her recent wedding.
Happy Thanksgiving,
Ashley
P.S.- New pictures are coming soon.
Thursday, August 25, 2005 8:13 PM CDT SPECIAL REQUEST.....
We need you to eat out!!!! Monday night, September 26th Chilis Restaurants are donating the entire night's profits to St. Jude Children's Research Hospital. Please consider having lunch or dinner at Chilis on this day and support this wonderful hospital. I cannot tell you how much this hospital has done for our family, especially Ashley. I can't imagine her being treated anywhere else. This hospital is truly saving lives everyday. Please go and support this hospital and the kids at St. Jude. So take the day off and make the difference in a childs life and that of their family. There are urgent needs everyday at this hospital and this is one way we can all help. Thanks for caring!!! See you at Chili's!!!!
SHORT BUT REALLY SWEET………
CLEAR SCANS….ALL IS WELL….PRAISE BE UNTO THE LORD WHO DAILY BEARS OUR BURDENS!!!!!
This has been an exhausting week thus far, emotionally and physically. We just had a tough start to our week. We had to say goodbye to our family pet, Buddy Pancakes, our sweet (but hyper) golden retriever. This was unexpected and it has truly broken our hearts. We noticed him limping on Friday and called the vet. They told us to bring him in on Monday. Floyd already suspected what the vet would confirm but it didn’t make it any easier. He died Tuesday afternoon and we will miss him so much. Floyd loved this dog so much as well as the kids and if you have ever lost a pet, you’ll understand how difficult this is. Then you top it off with having to have your child scanned for possible cancer cells on the same day….makes it for a pretty lousy start to the week. We have had many in depth conversations with the kids on death and dying and the fact that this earth is not our home. Ashley has leaned on this truth early in her life after losing so many of her St. Jude buddies these past few years. The kids just felt that God could of healed their dog, and they just have a hard time understanding. The sad thing is that Buddy was only 5 years old, so this is tough and they really didn‘t get to say goodbye. I just wish my kids (and Floyd) didn’t have to hurt so much. They are just so sad. Floyd was so determined that I was going to fall in love with this dog. I have always hated dog hair and the way he would dig up my hydrangeas. I did fall in love with buddy and now I just wish I had been a little looser on the rules and just let my kids enjoy him more. How I wish there was a little dog hair by my kitchen door now….why do we learn the hard way?
Oh well, help keep things in perspective here. Oh yeah, I do believe that dogs will be in Heaven, just not allowed inside our mansions unless they are fully groomed and not shedding….which they won’t in HeavenJ. At least our precious nephew Patterson was there to welcome him.
On to the really important news>>>>>>>>>
Okay, after an exhausting past couple of days, the verdict is in…..all continues to be well with Ashley. Clear scans and good lab reports!!!! What else could I possibly ask for???? God is so faithful and so very good. I just continue to be amazed at how I can just see his hands all over this entire journey, orchestrating and directing our footsteps. Wow….if I could only express how blessed we truly feel.
Well, Ashley had her chest x-ray and lab work done on Tuesday and then we waited for our doctor’s visit to go over the results. When I say, “waited”, I mean WAITED, AND WAITED, for the results. We were really starting to get a little anxious because it did seem to take FOREVER for them to call us back. Then to make anxious parents squirm just a little more, the nurse practioner, who was just filling in for our doctor who was on the inpatient floor, starts off with “well Ashley how have you been feeling? Any new bumps, aches, pains that you need to tell us about?” Okay, I am about to go into convulsions, stop with the assessment and tell me about the scans!!!! Our doctor knows that the best way to handle us is to walk into the room and start the conversation with “EVERYTHING LOOKS FINE” then go into all the assessment stuff. Okay, every St. Jude mom will share a hearty amen!!!!
When I finally got enough nerve up to ask about the scans, she did say she hadn’t had a chance to look but would be right back and let me know…ugh….hurry please…I never have like too much suspense. Well everything was okay and the x-rays were beautiful, so it was worth the wait to hear the good news. So, God is still teaching me patience and was probably just giving me a little pop quiz. Again, good news - a good day!!!
Yesterday we went back to the hospital for our visit with Ashley’s orthopedic oncologist and she was scheduled for a “lengthening” of her left leg (the one with the prosthesis inside). The only problem with this is that it was scheduled for 1:30 and she couldn’t eat after midnight. Well, Ashley is my big breakfast eater and like her mother, she doesn’t do so well when she misses a meal…smile. So with no breakfast or lunch (for either of us) we headed down to the hospital. My mom made the trek with us this time because Floyd’s schedule was just too full to have to try and move all of his patients around and besides we are old pros at this now, being our second time around…smile. Well what made this trip interesting was the fact that a TV crew from Australia was scheduled to follow us around the hospital for our visits and to film and interview with us and the actual procedure of lengthening Ashley’s leg. Ashley LOVED this, being the actress that she is….ha. She did an awesome job on her interview and everything was flowing wonderfully….until…the lengthening. She goes in for this procedure and of course, as part of her plea bargain must be put to sleep. The deal she has made with her orthopedic surgeon is that he can lengthen her leg however he wants as long as she doesn’t feel a thing. It is not medically required that she be put to sleep, but for everybody’s sanity around her….probably the best method…the deal has been formed and now understood by all involved…oh the things that these wonderful doctors and nurses do for our kids!!!! Well, not only was she to be put to sleep, she tells them that only one nurse in the entire hospital would be allowed to “stick” her to start the IV. Of course, that nurse was somewhere else in the hospital and busy at the moment. So I watch these doctors sit back and wait for Ashley’s personal nurse to come and stick her so they can proceed with their necessary business. I told them “just stick her, she’ll get over it” being the caring sensitive mom that I am…smile. Yet, they really do cater to these kids and told me that we would wait, she was the princess. Isn’t that amazing????
Yet, I did remind them that I THE PARENT HAVE TO TAKE THIS PRINCESS HOME TO LIVE WITH, so “NO” really is okay from time to time. Seriously though, I am so appreciative of how these doctors just make every effort possible to make the treatment as comfortable and as non-frightening as possible. Hats off to all our wonderful St. Jude Docs and nurses, you are truly the BEST!!!!! Oh yeah, Ashley had instructions for the film crew also; “you can film my lengthening, but you better not film my face while I am asleep!” She didn’t want to be seen with some stupid look on her face while under anesthesia. It made sense to me, so I gave the instructions and they so graciously obliged. I guess that is why all movie stars have agents, to handle this kind of stuff. I guess that is my job from here on out…smile.
Okay, then mom and I are asked to leave the room as them prepare to put her to sleep, so after one more kiss we move to the hallway right outside the door. There are probably about 4 doctors, 4 nurses, a camera crew and a couple more people that I am not sure who they were, in the room with Ashley (but the mom is not allowed….go figure???) and x-ray lights go on outside the room which tells me the procedure has started (they do this procedure with an x-ray machine so they can actually watch the leg growing while they are doing this and also to make sure nothing is breaking in the process, I guess?). Then all of a sudden, one of the interview people with the Australian Film Crew comes crashing out the door and falls on the floor and very faint looking. Nurses follow and they are all hovering over her and asking if she is okay. I look at one of them and say “HELLO!!!!!...WHAT ABOUT THE GIRL ON THE TABLE??????? This cracks our nurse up and she assures me that Ashley is doing fine, but obviously this procedure was a little too much for the film crewmember. Which brings me the answer as to why I am not allowed into the room. Anyway, Ashley did get her leg lengthened exactly one centimeter and now both legs are exactly the same length! ISN’T THAT AWESOME THAT WE HAVE THIS TECHNOLOGY???? It truly is kind of mind boggling that they can do this without cutting her leg open. Again, Praise God just for the wisdom of Man that He grants!!!!
All teasing aside about the almost faint film crew situation, this crew was amazing. They work for an equivalent of our “Discovery Channel” in Australia and were at St. Jude learning about this particular procedure and that is why we were involved. They interviewed Ashley’s orthopedic surgeons as well so I know they got the real information they needed from them, but Ashley truly brought a “human face” with this marvelous medical invention. The crew was so great to work with and incredible sensitive to Ashley’s needs. Thanks guys for doing what you are doing by getting the word out there to Australia and other countries and maybe in doing so will save another child’s leg or arm. You see, this is such new technology that many hospitals are unaware or not trained in this “limb sparing technology”. So that is why they were shooting this footage and why we agreed to it. In many places they are still amputating or doing multiple, multiple surgeries as a child grows when faced with a tumor on a limb. This piece was filmed for a “medical news story” and hopefully even one child will benefit. Again, God orders our footsteps and He has a plan in all of this. Isn’t that awesome!!!
Well, I could write so much more. I actually just got home from a luncheon that I was invited to from “The Ladies of St. Jude”, a group of gracious women who volunteer their time and talents to support the efforts of St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital. I have been praying that God would lead me to do what He would have me to do outside of my household routine. Sure I love being involved with Ashley and Tyler’s activities and just being a homemaker, yet, for some time now I have really felt like I needed to find my niche and give back to this hospital even just a small portion of what they have blessed me and my family with. Then just a few weeks ago in the mail I received an invitation to join these ladies for a luncheon for potential new members. You join by invitation only and must be sponsored by a current active member. I knew that this was an answer to prayer. Just a couple of months ago at the St. Jude Dream Home Giveaway, I met this beautiful woman whose late husband had worked as one of the first oncologist at St. Jude back in the 1960’s. She obviously has dedicated her entire life to this hospital, through her husband’s service and now her work volunteering in this organization. We talked about how special this hospital truly is and what a blessing it has been to our family. I shared how I wanted to do whatever I could to support this hospital, or even just be available for a family following in our footsteps. Well, she wanted my address and that was about that. Then I get this invitation in the mail. I am so excited about getting more involved and working along side these wonderful women and doing whatever small part I can to help this hospital and its’ patients. What sealed the deal for me was when one of the Vice Presidents in the hospital got up to speak and opened up with the famous line from the Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren, “It’s not about Me”….. I felt a tug at my heart. No it is not about me, but about bringing Glory to the Lord in all that we do. For me, I feel like a big part of that has to do with working hard for these precious kids, kids like Ashley and all of her friends, those in remission, those still fighting, those who have gone before us to Heaven’s gates who have all paved the way for a brighter hope for those after them. I just know that this opportunity is God’s way of reminding me that it truly isn’t about me, and hopefully I will have many opportunities to share and testify of God’s goodness and grace. What a Mighty God we Serve!!!
Well, this wasn’t short (hopefully sweet) but I felt so full, just wanted to share my heart and our lives for the past few days. Thank you from the depth of my heart for your continued prayers. Praying, with faith…..I see God’s hand all around us, thank you for faithfully praying with us for Ashley and all of our St. Jude Family. I am still thinking of things that I would like to share, but need to close.
Personal request……if you don’t mind will you please just sign the guest book if you check in on Ashley, you don’t even have to write a note, just leave your name. Ashley gets so excited to see a new note.
Also, keep my sister and Patrick in your prayers today, this just happens to be the two year anniversary of their son, Patterson's entrance to Heaven. How we still wish He could have been left for us to love and to care for, but we are fully aware that God knows best. We just miss him so!
Most of all, just know we appreciate you so much and I hope you sense that God is truly in control.
In His Love,
Donna
Oh yeah, personal side note to Kay Hailey….THANK YOU for caring so much and asking for a new update….you asked for and boy did you get it...smile. I so appreciate you caring enough to nudge me to update. You are the best!
Side Note: Someone just told me that pictures and an interview taken from Wright Medical (the manufacturer of her prosthesis) was on their website now. I have listed the link below. These pics were taken in our home last January and we had forgotten all about it until someone called and said they saw Ashley on Wright Medical's sight. Check it out if you like.
Tuesday, July 12, 2005 11:06 PM CDT Hello everyone,
Well I know that I have let way too much time lapse since my last update. Honestly, the last update was such a difficult one for me to type, much less come to grips with, that I just didn’t feel comfortable just sharing chit-chat stuff when so many I care about are hurting so deeply. We all just get into this everyday routine when life is just happening, just living life, taking care of the kids, doing the necessary things just to keep a household running smoothly and then, bang…someone you loved, a family you care so much about, has to say goodbye to their child. How do you recover from that? It has knocked me off my feet; I can only imagine what Barney and Trish are feeling. Not only the Hamptons, but also a day doesn’t go by that I don’t think about the Haynes family and Stanton who gained his angel wings this past February. These are only two families that I have had the honor and priviledge of crossing paths with at St. Jude who are grieving for their children. There are many more, too many. It is so hard when I can name more children who have gone toHeaven in the last year than adults. Okay, I realize that this is not my usual upbeat journal entry. Yet, I think it is so important that I don’t patty cake around my true emotions. I just want to be real. I have thought long and hard about Emma Grace’s passing. To be honest, I just don’t understand. This precious child beat cancer but lost her battle due to other complications from pneumonia. She was a jewel in the crown of St. Jude. Everyone loved her and her family. I know that the wonderful, and I must stress that they are truly wonderful, doctors and nurses fought just as hard as she did for her life. There is no doubt that this was God’s plan and He knew she had fulfilled her mission here on earth and He determined that it was time for her ultimate victory over her battle here on earth. It is not for us to understand, yet we are only human and it still hurts so much.
So, day after day, I would sit down and try to update but seemed to have nothing of importance to share. Yes, life is grand for us right now but how do I write about how good we are doing when others we care so much about have just buried their daughter???? I know that Trish and Barney love us and are so happy that our Ashley is doing so well, but this “survivor guilt” that you hear about is a real thing. I hate saying that because I have always believed that God sees us all as survivors, even those who win their healing in Heaven. Yet, you know what I mean. You pray and pray for your child’s health and you rejoice when you see God granting your hearts desire, yet when you see another prayer not answered in the way WE WOULD WANT, for another family, it breaks your heart and you begin to feel guilty for all your blessings. Okay, I know I am rambling and not making much sense but any mother out there with a child in remission from cancer, especially those from St. Jude who have held the hands of those who have lost their children will truly understand. May I never forget how blessed we truly are. On the craziest days when my kids are fighting (yes, sweet Ashley can tie one on with her brother from time to time), when kids are running across my newly mopped floor, when piles of laundry, much of which was only worn for only an hour or so, pile up on the floor, etc. May I never forget how blessed I am. If not but for the grace of God, where would we be this very moment?
God truly has been so good to us. Such UNDESERVING mercy and grace has been poured over our family and especially our Ashley. I don’t know why she is doing so well when so many others have lost their battle or still fighting. Yet, I do know that God is in control and that He has a purpose and a plan for each child, each family, each one of us and every single breath is a gift. “Don’t waste your tears.” That is what I keep telling myself. I have cried more tears than imaginable over the past few years, yet I have also laughed with such abandonment over things that other would think were so silly, just because of what we have been through. You learn quickly that life is a gift, everyday is precious, every moment is to be treasured and God is good, all the time.
Okay, I guess you all have a little better understanding where my head and heart has been and why I haven’t updated until now. With all that said, life has been good at the Garrett Household, albeit, a little crazy…yet no complaints. We have been remodeling our kitchen for the past two months. We completely gutted it and have redone everything from the ceiling to the lighting, to the cabinets, appliances, etc. , a complete overhaul. Needless to say we have had WAY TOO MUCH FAST FOOD and meals out. I am really missing my own cooking…smile. We have been without a kitchen for two months now and have been limited to what we could cook out of a microwave or on the grill. For the most part, we are just eating out. I know that the result will be well worth the inconvenience, but I truly love to cook and I am so tired of eating out. Floyd is assuming the role of the contractor and has also done a lot of the electrical and lighting work with the help of a close friend who is a master electrician. Thank God, for placing just the right people in our path, those who know what they are doing, so I can sleep at night. Smile…you know, Floyd just had to have this gas stove so that involved running new gas lines etc…sometimes you just don’t want your husband doing the work. Even though he faithfully reads his “Handyman” magazine, he still reminds me of “Tim the Tool Man”…smile. Truthfully, he has done an amazing job and has worked tirelessly to give me a beautiful new kitchen. I am one lucky girl.
Since the kitchen demolition has consumed our time and energy, we decided to take a break and head to Disney world. What were we thinking???? Disney on July 4th, with the rest of the world, with temps in the upper 90’s and a hurricane on the way…. Oh well, we still managed to have a wonderful time. We hadn’t been to Disney for several years, probably five or six and the kids have graduated to “real roller coasters” since their last visit. Floyd loves roller coasters as much as any kid so He was in line before the kids at most rides…smile. We were able to spend a full week in Orlando and managed to fit in all the parks plus two water parks (my personal Heaven on earth) and still find a little, and I stress a little, time to sleep. We did have to cut our trip back one day due to the threat of torrential rain from Hurricane Dennis. No complaints though, we had a wonderful time just being together. However, there truly is no place like home and we are glad to be back to our home and our “normal routine.” I love what Trish always says “what is normal…it is only the setting on a dryer.” True wisdom shared from my dear St. Jude friend.
The part of the trip that blessed Floyd and me more than anything else concerns Ashley. She was able to get through all the parks, dinner shows, water slides, the list goes on because each day was jammed packed with activities, without complaining about her leg hurting or becoming overly tired. We are still very sensitive to this issue. I can still so vividly recall just two years ago how difficult it was for Ashley just to go to the mall. She would get so tired from walking that we would have to sit down and rest every few stores. So for her now to be able to go to Disney world and keep the pace and not need to rest, WOW…WHAT A BLESSING AND ANSWER TO PRAYER. I cannot tell you how many times I would just watch her skip up ahead of me and I would silently whisper a “thank you Lord, for your mercy and grace and your healing touch”. What a miracle. What pure joy this brings. We offered to get her a wheelchair (at her physical therapist suggestion) knowing that this trek would be harder for her than most, but she kept telling us “no, I am normal just like everyone else and I don’t need a wheelchair”. Praise God, I don’t doubt that she is normal, but part of that was a little stubbornness too….smile. Anyway, she did great and we are so proud of her determination not to let her limitations defeat her.
I can’t leave Tyler out of this update. Talk about an extra dose of energy! Have you met my Tyler? He didn’t slow down from the moment he got up till he went to bed. I wish I had a fraction of his energy. He also loves to talk…gets that from his daddy for sure!!! Ashley and I would get tickled, as he has never met a stranger. We stayed at one of the Disney properties so therefore we took their transportation everywhere we went. Tyler would hop on the bus or boat and he would sit down next to someone and just start talking. Isn’t it so neat how God gives our children their very own special personality? Ashley would just look at me and say, “There he goes again, talking to a complete stranger.” I think of the verse that talks about “entertaining angels unaware”, well I am not sure how many angels were on our excursions, but Tyler certainly did a lot of entertaining.
Well, I could share so much more…life is full and we are so thankful. Yet, we still need your prayers, especially for our friends the Hamptons and the Haynes and so many others that are missing their angels right now. Also, please remember the ones still fighting…fighting just for a chance to live…Again, we are so humbled and so thankful. God has been so good to us. Thank you so much for your continued prayers and for your constant friendship…there are days that are still hard. Once you begin this battle, your life is never the same. You are affected by so much and your heart is forever softened but changed for the better. We cherish your friendship and your prayers.
In His Love and His hands,
Donna
p.s. I will try to update again beforehand, but just in case time slips by too quickly…remember Ashley in your prayers August 23 & 24th. This will be her next set of scans and they will be lengthening her left leg again. God has already gone before us…this we know.
I will try to add some new vacation pics real soon. It is way past my bedtime...check back later...smile.
Tuesday, June 7, 2005 1:21 PM CDT Hello Dear Friends,
I am so very saddened to share with you that our dear St. Jude Buddy, Emma Grace passed away yesterday around 4:00 pm. I cannot tell you how difficult it is to share this news with you. Our hearts are broken and we are feeling such an extreme sense of sorrow and also joy that she is now finally in the presence of the Lord and she is at rest. I know that it is so selfish to have wanted her to stay here with us, yet we all loved her so much. She fought so very hard and I know her body was so tired. I cannot even put into words what we are all, especially her St. Jude family, are feeling right now. Our heart literally aches for Barney and Trish, her parents and her precious brother Eli. We just loved Emma Grace so much. These children fighting for their lives at St. Jude just become part of you once your paths cross. I never knew that our hearts would become so intertwined with these families as they have. We are so blessed to call the Hamptons our friends and because of that friendship and the special bond we have, we feel like a part of us is now missing. Oh, I know that Emma Grace is dancing her famous tator-dig dance and singing and kissing on Stanton and Zoie and sitting in Ali's lap right now. Ashley said it best last night when she said, "I just don't understand why God is taking all of these children home." We don't understand but we still have to trust that He is in control. That doesn't mean that our hearts don't feel ripped apart and that He doesn't feel our pain. I have to believe that in His grace, He knew when they endured all they could and chose instead to heal them in a moment and He is holding them tightly right now. My prayer is that He holds their parents just as tight right now...and that we all pray for the peace and grace for each day ahead.
It is just so devasting to stop and think about not seeing Emma Grace again here on this earth. Yet, we will see her again. I have such fond memories of Emma Grace. I will never forget the day she came to play with me while her parents had to go to a doctor's appointment. I asked her what she wanted to eat for breakfast and she told me "an egg and some coffee". I laughed, thinking does this four year old really drink coffee? I fixed it for her though (we all bend the rules when a child has cancer) and she sat there with her legs crossed and sipped every last drop as we just chatted away. She had a special way about her, wiser and much older in spirit than a four year old. I guess a child living in a world of cancer has to grow up fast. Yet, she was so innocent and so very sweet...and just trusted that God was in control. She learned that from her mom and dad whose faith and grace in this battle has been so incredible. We are all better for the witness of this family and just for having the awesome priviledge of knowing and loving Emma Grace. Princess Emma Grace...you will be forever in our hearts and we will miss you so. We will see you again...as Barney has always reminded me...In God's timing and in His way.
I am so sorry for just updating now. My server was out yesterday. I guess God knew that after talking to Trish and Barney that I wouldn't be able to write this note last night. This hurts so much...please pray for Trish and Barney and for Emma Grace's 13 year old brother Eli. I know that their faith will carry them just as it has these past few years and especially these last few months. Yet, this is their little girl and it won't be easy. Barney told me last night.."God didn't promise us a perfect life, just His perfect Love." We are resting in that love now and thankful for the sheer joy that Emma Grace's life brought to all of us.
If you would like to know about arrangements or if you would PLEASE leave them a note of encouragement, you can log on to her site at:
www.caringbridge.org/ar/emmagrace
In His Love,
Donna
Tuesday, May 31,2005 Hello Friends,
“And I will bring the blind by a way that they knew not; I will lead them in paths that they have not known. I will make darkness light before them, and crooked things straight. These things will I do unto them, and not forsake them.” Isaiah 42:16
Well I know that it has been awhile since our last update and I felt compelled to sit down and share a bit of my heart with you.
Today is the anniversary of a day that I will never forget. You see, three years ago, the day after Memorial Day goes down as one of the most difficult days I have ever experienced. Memorial Day 2002 went as most, spent with family, grilling out and laying around the pool. Yet, this particular weekend three years ago there seemed to be a sense of dread and fear everyone was scared to talk about but you could almost feel. Floyd’s birthday is on May 28th so we always have made it a habit of celebrating his special day on Memorial Day. He tried to smile, even as Ashley threw her celebratory pie in his face, but you could see the sorrow deep in his eyes. He knew that the next morning the precious little girl we both love so much would have to endure what no child, or no one for that matter should ever have to experience, was only hours away. It was the day that Ashley was to have her first chemo treatment. The memory of that day is still so vivid. I remember Ashley being admitted into the hospital and settling into a room on the 2nd floor of St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital. Our room was on the side of the floor known as “the solid tumor” side. It all seemed so surreal. What were we doing in this hospital with all of these sick children? Why was this hospital so full? How could Ashley look so well but be so sick according to the doctors? I watched anxiously as the nurses drew labs and checked armbands and placed the heavy gloves on their hands. They then took the towel off of the tray that contained two bags of what appeared to be clear liquids and a syringe filled with some strange liquid. They hooked the bags to the monitors next to her bed and then connected them to the new line that she had just had surgically placed a week before. The lines ran from her port through her chest. My heart sank at that moment. This was all real…she really had cancer and now the fight was on. I remember holding her hand during the each transfusion, which seemed to never end. I remember thinking “this is poison and they are pumping this into my little girl.” Why else did the bags have “do not touch…must wear gloves at all times” written all over them? If the nurses couldn’t even touch the outside of the bag what was the stuff like inside the bag??? This was my first experience with anyone having chemotherapy. How I wish I hadn’t experienced this through the need of my little girl. I also remember asking a thousand questions only to be given yet another copy of the “chemotherapy agent drug cards which listed Ashley’s chemos and the short term and long term effects. How I remember wishing I hadn’t asked. Too much too deal with at that time. I can still see Ashley hanging on to the side of the bed throwing up what seemed to be the lining of her stomach and feeling so helpless and so very sad…a deep sadness and a strong desire to just take her and run far away. That was the first of what would be a year of this same routine. It never got easier. We did learn what helped with the nausea and we geared ourselves up for every treatment telling ourselves that this was a means for her cure and we truly had no choice. Yet, it still broke my heart. I still cry when I hear of someone who has cancer and has to go through this horrible ordeal. Yet, in the darkness of the night as I would bury my head in my pillow laying on that hospital cot, I would cry out to the one who knew the pain I was feeling and the one who held Ashley’s destiny in His Hands. I can remember praying this one prayer over every single chemo:
Luke 10:19 “Behold, I give unto you power to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all power of the enemy; and nothing shall by any means hurt you.”
This verse reminded me that God was bigger than the diagnosis that we had been handed and he could take care of the effects of the treatment. I knew we had no choice but I was so fearful not only of not beating this cancer but what the chemo would do to Ashley’s body. Treading on serpents…serpents being an object of poison…and Ashley not being hurt. Okay, I know some of you reading this think that I am really out there with my interpretation of the Bible and taking is so literally. Hey, that is what we are supposed to do. The word truly becomes life to those who believe. We had to make a choice as to what we allow to filter into our minds each and everyday. We could either choose life or allow this to destroy not only Ashley, but also each of us who love her so. The opening verse on her web page is what this walk is all about…. our faith. It isn’t faith that says “as long as she is okay, we will trust Him, it is faith that says…we believe that His word is true and powerful and we will trust Him no matter what the day brings.
I share all of this not to bring pity or sadness to anyone but as a testimony of God’s divine grace and mercy in our lives. Grace that is so evident as we look over our shoulder and mercy that we see today being manifested through Ashley’s continued health. You see, so many of the side effects that were listed on that “chemo fact card” never occurred. Yes, she experienced profound sickness from the chemo but only for a week or so after treatment and then it subsided. Yes, her beautiful long hair fell out in clumps but she was beautiful with her perfectly shaped bald head and she now has a head of hair that it thicker and more beautiful than before. The many things that we worried so much about…hearing loss, heart problems, kidney problems, the list goes on….that can result from her particular chemos, WE HAVEN’T EXPERIENCED ANY OF THEM!!!! So, see we have so much to be so thankful for.
When I shared in last update that I had so much I wanted to share besides “clear scans” these are the things that were so embedded on my heart. We are so focused on the “BIG PICTURE” we sometimes lose sight of the many victories that have been won along the way. Yes, there is nothing we desire more than to hear “clear scans” but I never want to lose sight of the other prayers that are being answered on a day-to-day basis.
After coming home from the hospital from Ashley’s last set of scans, I recalled laying on that couch that made out into a bed and hearing the beeps of the monitors as the chemo dripped through Ashley’s body. I remember the prayers that were prayed and the thousands of tears that soaked my pillow each night as I begged God to protect my daughter from even the deadly poison that was being infused into her blood stream. Praying that the chemo would do only what was intended; kill the cancer cells, and nothing more. I remember the countless prayers and then it was like God just gently reminded me that He heard each and everyone and that the clear scans and the good reports from each test (hearing, ekg’s, echos, kidney test, etc.) where confirmation that not one prayer or one tear was ever in vain. He had already paid the price for Ashley’s healing.
I share all of this because it has been heavy on my heart. I didn’t want to post just “clear scans” but I wanted to post “miracle in the making” because that is how we truly feel each day we beat this enemy and we see Ashley living free of cancer and all side effects. If it weren’t for the scar running down her left leg and the skin graft or the limp in her walk, you would never know that she had cancer. I often pray for God to heal her leg, take away the limp and restore her walk and giver her back complete function of her left foot. I have prayed for the scar to mysteriously disappear knowing that she wishes she didn’t have to always be reminded of this season in her life. However, I am learning that the scar and the limp are there for a higher purpose; a physical reminder that even in the darkest days, God is there. A reminder of what He has protected her from and healed of her of. So, today as I reflect back to the Memorial Day weekend of 2002, I feel so blessed….so undeserving but so thankful for what God has done in and through Ashley’s battle with cancer.
I can never put into words how thankful I am for those of you who have stuck with us through out those early days and who continue to check in on us. As the top of the web page states, this battle is never really over. We still need your prayers as we continue to have scans now every 4 months. This will continue until the five-year mark in 2008 (hey, who’s counting though…smile). Yet, when we look at all the testimonies over our shoulder, how can we not be excited about what each day brings. Tomorrow is just another opportunity for God to show up once again and do what even the doctors cannot do. What a Mighty God we serve. May I never forget this day and what it truly represents for our family, not the start of chemo but of a miracle.
With Much Love,
Donna
P.s. I cannot update without sharing a special, special prayer need for our dear St. Jude buddy, Emma Grace. She is still fighting so hard and she needs to be covered in prayer, moment by moment during this difficult time. I know God’s hand is upon this family and that He is bigger than this battle. Please pray continually for this precious child and her parents, Barney and Trish. If you would, please leave them a note of encouragement on her website. I cannot tell you how much it means to even get just a “hello” listed on the guest pages. It just tells you that there is someone out there who cares and is praying for you. Sign Ashley’s too if you don’t mind. It continues to bring her so much joy. Again, pray for our friend….God is able!
www.caringbridge.org/ar/emmagrace
Also, please continue to pray for Stanton’s family, mom Tina and dad Jeff and brother Hayden. Even though Stanton has his heavenly body and has won his reward, his family misses him so much. If you would, please drop them a note of encouragement also. What a wonderful testimony of God’s keeping grace to be found on this site as well as Emma Grace’s site. You will be the one blessed.
www.caringbridge.org/la/stanton
Thanks for opening your hearts up to all of our St. Jude friends. They truly are like family to us. Again, love and hugs and thanks to all of you for just being our friends.
Friday, May 6, 2005 7:41 AM CDT HELLO EVERYONE:
Okay, I am so sorry for the delay in updating to let everyone know of the outcome of our test this week. We had all of Ashley's scans and doctor's appointments on Tuesday and Wednesday and then we were in Nashville yesterday and did not get home until late. So with the apology aside...
ALL IS WELL!!!!! CLEAR SCANS AND EXCELLENT REPORTS ALL THE WAY AROUND.....PRAISE GOD WE ARE NOW OFFICIALLY AT THE TWO YEAR MARK AND CANCER FREE!!!!! CAN I GET AN AMEN OUT THERE!!!!
Okay, there is so much more that I would like to share regarding this very important milestone, more to come on another update real soon, however duty calls. I have signed up for field day at the school today and need to run out the door. I just didn't want to keep any of my web friends in suspense anymore. So, once again thank you so much for your many many prayers and for your countinued friendship and concern.
Isn't God good!!!! I will close with a scripture that comes to mind and with a very thankful heart for the goodness of the Lord!!!
"But I have trusted in Thy lovingkindness; My heart shall rejoice in Thy salvation. I will sing to the Lord, because He has dealt bountifully with me."
We are all so blessed!
Donna
Monday, April 25, 2005 6:58 PM CDT Hello everyone,
This is Ashley. Sorry I have not updated in a while. Many things have happened this month.A few weeks ago a girl I knew from St.Jude,Ali, passed away. It was hard because I have had a lot of buddies from St.Jude pass away and I don't understand it all. To me it seems unfair that I am healthy and whole while others have passed away. When ever I am upset my mom reasures me by telling me that God has something special for my life.
Even though there has been bad there also has been good. When I went to the drama competition our group placed and we are going to nationals in Denver!!!!! I also made Briarcrest's Cheer SQUAD!!!!!! YAYYYYYYY!!! I am so excited. I was also in a parade this past weekend. It was the parade to open LIberty Land. I got to cut the ribbon at the ceremony because I was Honorary Miss Youth Personality last year. I have to give the credit to Mrs.Melinda, my dear friend. Mrs. Melinda has been so nice to me. She has given me opportunities to do things that I never thought I would do. THANK YOU MRS.MELINDA!!!!!!! One thing God has showed me through this is that even though I am not able to do some of the things I used to do, he has replaced those things with new and better things. God has been soooo good to me.
I want to say a special thanks to my brother for always being there for me and always being my cheerleader. He always tells me things I think are impossible are possibe.( If you have a chance you should read his entry in my guestbook, it is very sweet)I love my brother very much.
Please keep me in your prayers because I go for my two year scans next Tuesday and Wednesday. Also keep my precious Emma Grace in your prayers.
I hope everyone'e week is going well!
Love,
Ashley
p.s. Emma Grace's website is www.caringbridge.org/ar/emmagrace
p.s. Special thanks to Lauren Lowery, aka. pageant girl, for being so very kind to me and for encouraging me to be all that I can be. You and Mrs. Melinda are the best!!!!
Friday, April 8, 2005 7:16 AM CDT Hello Everyone,
This is Ashley. I just want to say good morning. This is an exciting day for me, because IT IS MY TWO YEAR ANNIVERSARY FROM MY LAST CHEMO. It is a wonderful feeling to know that I am TWO YEARS OUT. Please keep your prayers coming for my upcoming scans the first week of May.
This is going to be a fun day. I am getting ready to go to Nashville with my youth group at church for our state drama competition. We have such a good time.
Well, I gotta go. I hope you all have a good day!!!!
Ashley
P.s. Keep Emma Grace in your prayers (see our last few updates)
HAPPY BIRTHDAY...MR. RONNIE.
Saturday, April 2, 2005 7:56 PM CST SPECIAL UPDATE MONDAY, APRIL 4TH
URGENT PRAYERS ARE NEEDED FOR EMMA GRACE, A SPECIAL ST. JUDE BUDDY. SHE IS STILL IN ICU (see orignial update below)AND HAD A VERY DIFFICULT NIGHT. She is a very sick little girl right now and we need to pray for wisdom for the doctors, rest for her parents and for God's healing hand to touch her body. PLEASE LOG ON TO HER WEBSITE FOR MORE DETAILS. BOTTOM LINE: SHE AND HER FAMILY NEED TO BE COVERED IN PRAYER.
www.caringbridge.org/ar/emmagrace
Dear Friends,
Well, I finally decided to sit down and post an update. As Trish (St. Jude, Emma Grace’s mom) would say, grab a cup of coffee and sit a spell. I am making up for lost time here. Ashley gave me a break and shared her heart over the last few entries. I don’t really know why I haven’t been able to update for a while other than the last couple of months have been tough. Life seems to throw curve balls once in a while that take your breath away. When Stanton, our little 4-year-old St. Jude buddy earned his angel wings in February, this whole cancer thing felt so real. Don’t get me wrong; I haven’t been in denial over the past three years regarding all of the possibilities that come with a diagnosis of cancer. I have lived many of them, either through Ashley or through other friends fighting this battle. We never lived at the Ronald McDonald House or the Target House, the homes away from home for the majority of the St. Jude families. Therefore, we only got to know the families that we saw on a regular basis at the hospital, most of who shared the same clinic as us, the infamous D-clinic, or solid tumor clinic. Stanton was one of the regulars there. We fell in love with him instantly. I can still see him riding his tricycle through the hall. We all know that there are no guarantees in life, but sometimes the reality hits harder than others. Stanton was so full of life and was a joy to be around. He and Emma Grace, our other St. Jude buddy, who has also stolen our heart, could entertain an entire hospital, much less Ashley or myself when we needed a hug or a smile. When God chose to take him home it was so hard for all of us who had the privilege to share just a little in his journey. I still hate cancer. I hate what it has robbed so many precious families of…more time with those they love.
Okay, you are probably wondering where all this is coming from. I know that I am usually more upbeat than this and this isn’t my typical entry. I still know that I am blessed beyond measure and I thank God everyday, all day, for what He has and continues to do in our lives and for His healing hand upon Ashley. Yet, I just ache inside for the moms and dads, brothers and sisters that have lost precious family members in the dawn of life (as Danny Thomas would say). I can’t even begin to imagine what these families go through just to make it through each day. Please pray for Tina, Jeff and Hayden as they start a new chapter in their life with Stanton now in Heaven. I know that Stanton has earned his reward for his brave fight and He is perfectly healed, but he has a mom and dad and a brother that miss him more that any of us could ever imagine. Their Website address is:
www.caringbridge.org/la/stantonhaynes
Soon after Stanton died, another friend of the family, a 49-year-old man in our Sunday School class died unexpectedly of a heart attack. John Turner was a quiet type with a huge heart. He left behind an 18 year old daughter and a 14-year-old son. The reality that each day is truly a gift sunk in deep once again. Our hearts go out to his children left behind to wait for their eternal reunion. They know they will see their daddy again, but how it must hurt to realize that life has forever changed for them here on this earth.
I know that our hope and our future is only in Christ. Today is a gift. What are we going to do with every opportunity given? To live out each moment in a way that would please our Heavenly Father is a choice. When I think of Stanton and John, I think of two lives that significantly impacted our family in two totally different ways. Yet, both for the Glory of God. That is our highest calling.
We also have a special prayer need for Emma Grace that we want to share. She is currently in ICU, with pneumonia in her left lung. Her blood pressure has also been a concern over the last couple of days. This precious child has had one obstacle after another and needs our prayers. She was just declared “cancer free” (CAN WE GET A HALLELUIA OUT THERE!!!!) just last week and now this! Enough is enough…we need to bombard Heaven for this child. Please check in on her and sign her guest book if you would. You will never know how much good it does to get words of encouragement passed on through these guest books. Her Website is:
www.caringbridge.org/ar/emmagrace
Also, keep our friend Phillip Winchester in your prayers. He is a husband, daddy and friend. He is in remission from leukemia and is awaiting additional test results and a possible bone marrow transplant. Phillip and Melinda are dear to our heart and we want them to feel surrounded by prayer. We know it makes a difference. Melinda is one of my rocks that I depend on and she is always rooting Ashley on. Melinda is a testimony of God's grace in the midst of many battles and now she is fighting yet another one with her husband's diagnosis. Help us pray for this family too. You can leave them a note on Phillip's website at:
www.caringbridge.org/tn/phillipwinchester
These are just a few of so many families who really need our prayers. I wish I could list every single need, but God knows!!!
Ashley is doing wonderfully. Life moves on past cancer. I couldn’t begin to imagine that three years ago when she was diagnosed. Life stopped…it seemed that the world was moving around me and I was frozen. I can look back over my shoulder though and see how God orchestrated our lives throughout this journey and He is still carrying us. My walk will never be my own again. I choose to let Him lead. You know though, just as I said in the beginning of this journal entry, I do hate cancer. There are still struggles that have to be dealt with due to Ashley’s treatment. She is so strong, a rock. Her faith and her fortitude are incredible. Yet she is only human. She is still a thirteen-year-old little girl. Today, I was reminded of that. I picked her up today from drama practice at church and could tell something was bothering her. I asked her what was wrong and the tears just began to flow. She was questioning why God didn’t heal her leg supernaturally? Why did she have to have a metal rod in her leg? Why couldn’t she do back handsprings anymore? Why couldn’t she bend her leg and sit Indian style anymore? Why does she walk with a limp? Why is she different? These simple questions and many more flowed the entire ride home. She said, “I know God healed me of cancer, but he can touch my leg too.” I didn’t have the answers. I wanted so badly to tell her that she could do all of those things again someday, but I know better than to promise her anything that I can’t control. The other part of me wanted to give her a lecture on just how blessed she truly is and for her to get over her pity party. Yet, that would be hypocritical. I too have had my own pity parties over this whole ordeal. Finally, I decided to do what our Heavenly Father would do, just allow her to cry and ask why and love her unconditionally. I still get lumps in my throat when I think of what she has been through and what she has overcome. I just never want to take a day with her or with anyone I love for granted. I know Ashley was just having an off day and she is certainly entitled. It just took me by surprise. It reminded me that we all have hurts inside that sometimes aren’t expressed. I pray that I am more aware of those hurting around me.
After our little meltdown (yes, I cried just along with her then began lecturing both of us on how we need to count our blessings…smile) we decided to go and visit a friend in the hospital. Our friend was just getting out in the hall for a walk, a very slow and painful process right now since she just had surgery Tuesday. When she saw Ashley get off the elevator, she smiled and took her hand and asked if she could lean upon her to help her walk. I didn’t think much of it, just that I thought it was sweet to watch them walk in the hall hand in hand. Ashley chatted about how she remembered how difficult it was for her to walk even a foot after her surgery (may we never forget our testimonies). After a short visit, we headed back home. Ashley told me “that she needed that visit. That she knew that God was with her. As she walked hand in hand with our friend she had been reminded of what He had brought her through and she felt okay once again.” Sometimes God speaks to us when we least expect it, in the quietness of our own heart. I know that it was God at work, seeing the tears that had flowed over the course of the past few hours and the past couple of months as we struggle to understand life here on earth. I know Ashley’s tears weren’t just about summersaults, and other physical limitations, but about losing her St. Jude buddy Stanton, seeing someone else bury their daddy, worrying about Emma Grace and other difficult situations that she has been exposed to. Yet at the end of the day, She is smiling again and has once again placed her worries back into the hands of her Heavenly Father.
“I cry aloud to the Lord; I lift up my voice to the Lord for mercy. I pour out my complaint before Him; before Him I tell my trouble. When my spirit grows faint within me, it is you who know my way. In the path where I walk…..”
Psalms 142: 1-3
We love you and appreciate those of you who still so faithfully check in on us. As you can tell from my update, this battle just doesn’t end once the treatment stops. We need your prayers for Ashley and especially for all of her precious friends on this journey and for those who have finished their race.
Just know, we cherish each of you. Cherish each day and those you love.
Donna
P.s. If you don’t mind, please leave Ashley a note on her guest book, even if you just sign your name. She loves to hear from you and I think it would encourage her so much. Thanks!!!
Also, our next set of scans will be the first week of May. We will try to post a journal entry before then, but if you would…keep us in your prayers, specifically for that week.
PERSONAL NOTE TO MADISON: HALLELUIAH CLEAR SCANS!!!! We are so happy and excited that you are doing so well. Check out Madison's site at:
www.caringbridge.org/va/madison
Monday, March 14, 2005 12:33 AM CST Hello everyone,
How are you? I am doing great. I am on spring break. I am relaxing. Smile. I just wanted to drop a note to tell you whats on my mind. Life has been hectic lately. After a death in a friend's family, I realized how much I take my family for granted. I have realized that you never know when someone you care about won't be around anymore. So I just want to tell everyone that I care about you. I also want to tell: Mom, Dad, Mammie, Pawpaw, Ron Dog, Tyler. Addison, Cindy, Patrick and everyone else that I love you.
Have a wonderful day,
Ashley
Friday, February 18, 2005 8:43 PM CST Hello everyone,
How are you? This is Ashley. I thought I would update. I have not updated in a long time. The past few days have been tough. It is sometimes hard for me to understand why bad things happen. I really sometimes don’t understand why God wanted my cousin Patterson, my St. Jude buddy ,Stanton,and all the other St. Jude friends I had to come be with Him, but when I get sad my mom always tells me that there is a purpose for everything bad that happens and God is going to use the bad for good. It still breaks my heart to know that they are gone, but I know that I will see them all again in heaven. I just have to trust God and know that he is in control. It would be great if you could keep Patterson, Stanton, and all my other friend's parents in your prayers.
Whenever you are sad and are having hard times remember my favorite verse: Jerimiah 29:11,"For I know the plans that I have for you declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope."
Please keep all my other St.Jude buddies in your prayers.
Remember God has a plan,
Ashley
Friday, February 4, 2005 6:52 PM CST UPDATE SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 13TH 6:15 AM
It is with so much sadness that I have to share that Stanton gained his angel's wings a little past two this morning. He is finally healed and in the presence of our Heavenly Father...Wow. No more cancer, no more chemo, no more hospital stays....the list goes on. Perfectly healed. Our prayers were answered, even though not as we wanted here on earth. Stanton's not complaining...just reunited with all of his other St. Jude buddies who have gone before him. Okay, this is all I can share right now. I am reassured that Stanton is just fine and has been rewarded for his brave fight but my heart is just breaking for Tina and Jeff. I am totally at a loss as to what to say. Please pray for comfort. Even as Christians, this has to be the most difficult thing to ever expeirence. They need our prayers. Please lift them up today and especially in the days ahead. I feel like I am rambling this morning. My heart is so heavy for this family. I will update again soon when I can share my heart more openly and more clearly. Right now, please pray for this dear family.
love,
Donna
SPECIAL PRAYER NEEDS FOR SPECIAL FRIENDS:
Where do I start. Tonight’s entry is short and straight forward. It is probably one of the most difficult I have ever typed. Many of you who have kept up with this site know, I have had many difficult entries when I just didn’t understand things that were happening all around us. This entry is about our precious little friend Stanton. He is our little St. Jude friend who has been fighting a cancer called neuroblastoma for over two years now. Long story short, after fighting and fighting and fighting ….the doctors have basically told his parents that it is now time to just try and keep him happy and comfortable. Stanton had a CT scan and bone marrow biopsy done yesterday. The report that his parents were given was one that any parent who has ever walked through the doors of St. Jude prays they will never hear. His body is full of neuroblastoma cells, the same cells they have been fighting over two years. They could not find one clear cell in his marrow. Stanton’s family was so hoping and praying, as we all were, that they could get his marrow clear enough to proceed with a transplant. We have all been praying that Stanton would be able to get to this phase of his treatment. The CT scan showed cancerous spots now on his liver. This eliminates the option of transplant. I don’t know quite what else to say. This family needs a miracle. They need our prayers for healing, peace, wisdom and rest. This is too heavy a load for them (or anyone) to bear alone. Please pray….please lift them up. Stanton belongs to all of the families at St. Jude. He is one of ours. We love him and want him to beat this horrific disease. I can only imagine…what would I be asking for right now if this were me….Prayers for a miracle.
I also need you to continue to pray for little Ben, another St. Jude warrior who is struggling to hang on even as I type this entry. Oh, how my heart breaks for this family. What can I offer them or Stanton’s mom and dad. Prayer…it is all I have, but more than enough.
If you do not mind, please sign their guest books.. Friends and strangers alike are needed to lift these families up right now. Would you please take a minute to be an encourager to them, just as you continue to be to our family.
Stanton: www.caringbridge.org/la/stanton
Ben: www.bens-story.com
Do not forget our precious Emma Grace who has been in the hospital now for almost a month. She has had good reports but she they are now having some problems regulating her blood pressure. This is a result from one of the meds she is required to take right now. It seems they fight one battle and have to gear up for another one. Please pray for her and her parents, Barney and Trish. They are carrying their own heavy load and need our prayers too.
Emma Grace: www.caringbridge.org/ar/emmagrace
I don’t have anything else to say. I am truly at a loss for words. My heart is so heavy for these families and for all the families fighting this battle day to day. May we all remember that God is our true source of Hope, today and forever.
I Believe in Miracles,
Donna
Wednesday, January 26, 2005 8:38 PM CST LET THE HALLELUIAH’S ROLL…..ANOTHER 3 MONTH SCAN BEHIND US AND ALL CLEAR!!!
I didn’t want to wait at all to share the news. We are just so thankful. That is the best way to sum up how we are feeling right not, just so very thankful. I absolutely hate going for these scans. I wish I could get used to them, considering we have had so many, several during treatment, every two months the first year out of therapy, and now every three months, but they just don’t seem to get any easier. Today was tough for me because for the first time EVER they would only allow one person to go back in with Ashley during her chest x-ray. THIS IS THE BIGGIE for us because they watch the lungs very carefully. It is usually the first place that Ashley’s particular type of cancer will spread to. I always feel like a weight is lifted once this one particular scan is complete and Floyd gives me the “everything appears fine” smile. Since Floyd is more familiar with x-rays than me (and can subtly (yeah) read them from behind the x-ray tech) I thought he should be the one to go in with her. Where did that leave me? I was in the hall, pacing up and down and really getting nervous. I finally did a quick loop around the hospital and found a small private bathroom and just got on my knees and asked God to calm my fears and just lay his hand over Ashley’s chest one more time. I am sure God was thinking “Now just how many times are you going to ask me to take care of this situation? I already worked out every detail right from the beginning!” Smile. That “quick, but earnest bathroom prayer” was just one of thousands of prayers that have been prayed over Ashley. Why does it so amaze me though when they are answered??? Again, I am just so thankful.
So, Ashley’s chest x-ray was clear and other scans were all positive as well. Her orthopedic surgeons, oncologist and physical therapist all gave her the thumbs up with their evaluations. In addition to all of these appointments, two bone density scans were done today to check the problem that was addressed during our last check up. Ashley’s doctor told us that he wasn’t overly concerned about her bone loss (he didn’t actually call it “bone loss” but a mineralization around the bone) and that it was very common to see this in any patient who has had one of her particular chemotherapy treatments. He didn’t feel like it was necessary for us to do anything at this point, just run a few additional scans/test at future check ups to keep everything monitored so that we can be proactive if the need arises. Again, He said with everything else, CLEAR SCANS, take the news and run!!! NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT!!! So until her next check up in April, we will just coast. No, not really…I’ll keep the prayers flowing…smile.
Ashley is still on the chart with regards to weight and height and developing normally for a girl her age…..PRAISE GOD….again another answer to prayer. This is always a concern with chemotherapy, but she is not exhibiting any problems from the chemo. Praise God!!! A PERFECTLY NORMAL TEENAGE GIRL…IF THERE IS SUCH A THING…SMILE. Update here: In case you missed the last journal entry, Ashley is officially a teenager now. She turned 13 last week. That is a another journal entry in itself…smile.
Okay, I guess you got the picture now….ALL IS WELL.
Even though we are thrilled with the outcome of our checkup, I must share another reason why these positive reports can never be taken lightly or for granted. I was privileged to spend just a minute with Stanton’s mom and dad and see precious little Stanton. He desperately needs our prayers. I asked Tina if there was anything we could get them while we were there, and she jokingly said “white blood cells”. This precious little fighter has been without white blood cells for several days and he has been running fever. The white blood cells are what fight off infection and the lack of white cells can delay treatment. His little immune system is totally wiped out right now. They have been back in the hospital for over a week and they need our prayers. I know that Stanton is scheduled for another important test this week, so please pray for his little body to produce these much needed white blood cells and even more so for a favorable report on his scan. You can check in on them at: www.caringbridge.org/la/stanton
I was also able to peep in on our little princess friend, Emma Grace. She is on the Bone Marrow Transplant Floor of the hospital and also has been in the hospital over a week fighting off GVHD (graft versus host disease). This is out of my sphere of medical knowledge since a transplant was not part of Ashley’s protocol, but if you go to Emma Grace’s site, mom Trish will give you a better understanding. Bottom line: PRAY FOR THIS BEAUTIFUL AND PRECIOUS CHILD. Emma Grace’s site is www.caringbridge.org/ar/emmagrace
Also, please keep little Ben Bowen, another St. Jude warrior in your prayers. It appears that he is losing his battle. That is so hard to even type, much less imagine. Our families have never met, yet that really doesn’t matter. There is such a unique bond between the St. Jude families, it is difficult to explain. When one is hurting, we all hurt. When one celebrates, we all celebrate. We all have the same questions. Why does any child have to go through this? Why does any family have to experience this? What can we do when the doctor’s have said there is nothing left to do? PRAY…. PLEASE PRAY.
As excited (relieved…) as we were about Ashley’s good report, the first thing she asked about when we got home, was Ben. I told Ashley that things didn’t look good, not knowing what else to say. She turned and went into the bathroom and I could hear her sobbing through the door. All she could ask was “why have the doctor’s given up on him?” I tried to explain that St. Jude was not giving up on Ben, just releasing him to Jesus. It is all in His hands. So, please pray for Ben and his families and all of our little St. Jude Buddies. I am so aware that today’s report is not because of anything we have done or even deserved, but because of the grace of God. Ultimately, it is all in His hands.
Donna
Wednesday, January 19, 2005 8:01 AM CST HAPPY 13TH BIRTHDAY TO OUR PRECIOUS ASHLEY!!!!
"WE WILL SING FOR JOY OVER YOUR VICTORY, AND IN THE NAME OF OUR GOD WE WILL SET UP OUR BANNERS. MAY THE LORD FULFILL ALL YOUR PETITIONS."
Today, is an answer to many petitions. Thank you Heavenly Father for this birthday.
I had to start the day off with a bang. This is truly a day that we will celebrate. Matter of fact, every day is a day to celebrate. Yet, this is a milestone birthday for Ashley in many ways, number 13 and cancer free. Turning 13 is a big deal for any preteen, but when you consider what the preteen years held for Ashley...this is a huge birthday!
Ashley has always loved a fancy table and fresh flowers even as a very young child. She is our little Martha Stewart (without the problems) in the making. So this morning she woke up to a beautiful table and her own vase of beautiful flowers and her favorite breakfast. We also know that she loves homemade birthday signs everywhere, so I set the alarm early to post these at every turn. Yet I think what pleased her most was seeing her ride for school (Floyd's truck) decorated with birthday messages. You know Floyd LOVES his little girl when he allows me to shoe polish his window of his truck with birthday messages. Okay, now that I have explained to the neighbors what I was doing in my pajamas outside at 6:30 in the morning, standing on a chair working on Floyd's truck. I wasn't washing it...smile. I wouldn't trade anything in the world for the smile I saw starring back at me through that truck backing out of the drive way. In a moment's glance, I knew just how precious today really is. Thank you Lord, for today.
Well, the festivities will not end yet. I promised to deliver her favorite lunch and cupcakes at school today. We will try to squeeze in a special dinner before church. She will celebrate with her friends on Friday night. It always seems to turn into Birthday Week, but again, everyday is a day to celebrate.
Words do not come easy to tell you how thankful I am for this birthday, for everyday that I have with my children. I just keep seeing that beautiful smile looking back at me as they pulled out of the drive this morning and I just can't help but smile myself.
I remember celebrating her birthday in the hospital a couple of days before she turned 11. We were so scared of this journey and just so overwhelmed with everything going on at that time. Ashley wasn't feeling well but decided to get out of her pajamas and get dressed up before the nurses brought in a special cake that they had ordered. They wanted to celebrate her special day before she was discharged from her hospital stay that week. I remember how she tried to smile but felt so horrible and how she just wanted to be at home. Those memories help me to stay focused on the blessings all around me. So when I saw her bounce out of bed this morning, smelling her flowers and smiling from ear to ear....there is no doubt, this is a Happy Day. One that I am so thankful for.
Hug your kids today and celebrate them at every chance. We are all so blessed.
Love to All,
Donna
p.s. Keep us in your prayers as we go next Wed (Jan 26) for her next checkup. However, I don't want to get ahead of today....I just want to be thankful for the day I have now.
Remember our special St.Jude family in your prayers:
Ben Bowen www.bens-story.com
Emma Grace www.caringbridge.org/ar/emmagrace
Stanton www.caringbridge.org/la/stanton
Tuesday, January 4, 2005 10:56 AM CST Sunday, January 16th
URGENT PRAYER NEEDS: Please pray for a little boy named Ben Bowen who desperately needs our prayers. I can only say that this is an urgent need. Please sign on to Ben's website and let his parents know that you are praying and leave a message of encouragement if God leads you to. Prayer is the only answer this family has at this very moment. I promise that if you sign on to this site, you will be forever changed and see how God works through those who truly trust Him. The site is www.bens-story.com
Life is so fragile and this family needs an army of believers to surround them. Please Pray...
Also, Stanton is back in the hospital due to fever and Emma Grace was admitted yesterday also. Please keep these children close in prayer. See their websites listed below.
SPECIAL UPDATE, FRIDAY JAN. 7, 2005:
I had requested prayer for our little St. Jude buddy, Stanton as he was having scans this week. I am saddened to report that his scans came back showing his marrow full of cancerous cells. He is embarking on a new round of high dose chemo in an effort to cure this horrible disease. This family urgently needs your prayer. They have been fighting this battle for over two years now and words cannot describe how difficult this news must have been. THEY NEED YOUR PRAYERS...BELIEVE WITH US THAT GOD IS ABLE!!!
www.caringbridge.org/la/stanton
HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL OF YOU!!!
To our dearest friends, those of you who have shared our deepest pain and incredible joy over the last few years, today we just want to wish you and your families God’s richest blessings. There is nothing in comparison to knowing that you are truly blessed. These blessings are not measured in materialism, position in life, or anything that we can attain within our own power. These are the blessings that are found in knowing that when the winds blow and the sea is troubled that someone is walking towards you, holding your hand and not allowing you to drown in what seems to be an impossible situation. We have had a glimpse of what Peter must have felt and experienced in that wonderful story in the Bible. When Ashley was diagnosed with cancer we felt like we had been tossed out of our comfortable boat and into a dangerous sea, with waves crashing all around us. Yet, in the midst of the storm we felt the winds become calm. Quietly, gently, day-by-day, God was walking us across the depths of what we now consider “Our walk of Faith.” The one thing that this journey has allowed us to see so clearly is that God is in control no matter how bleak or how desperate a situation seems. If not but for the grace of God, where would any of us be?
A day doesn’t go by that I don’t pray over every cell in Ashley’s body, that cancer will never have a place to rest there ever again. I constantly remind myself of the scripture “BY HIS STRIPES YE ARE HEALED”. I also pray over her brother Tyler and realize that his health is a gift, nothing to be taken for granted. I will forever be thankful just for life itself even if everything else is stripped away.
You see the last two years have taught us so much, stop fretting over the things that truly don’t matter. Let the laundry go an extra day and watch a movie with your kids. Step over your husband’s dirty socks in the floor and be thankful He is still around to leave socks in the floor (I haven’t mastered this one yet….smile). I read something the other day that said “What are you doing while life is passing you by”? In the past I was probably scrubbing the house, organizing a drawer, fussing about something that I would forget about in a day or two. Well, cancer has a way of changing your priorities or what you think is a priority. Not to say that any of the above things are not good and necessary, but they just shouldn’t be at the top of our to do list. Take the time to love your family; your friends and most importantly make God the center of your life and home. There is no greater blessing to be found in life than in these relationships. If I seem to be “preaching” forgive me, for these are my resolutions for the New Year. We each have to discover what is really important. I feel like I learned this lesson the hard way. Not that I didn’t always love my family with my whole heart but I put way too much emphasis on a clean house and a put together life than I should have. Who knows what tomorrow will bring? I want to be able to look back on all of my yesterdays and just smile. That is why I am sitting here with my pajamas still on, no makeup and hair in a ponytail writing this update AT 10:30 in the morning. Floyd, you always told me to just relax more often, you got what you asked for...smile. I used to get up before 5:00 am just to shower and dress so I could get to everything on my to do list. I see things so much differently now. No, I will not allow my house to become a complete mess or let myself go completely (smile) but the house or unimportant things will never control me again. There is too much life to be living, kids to hug and be SO THANKFUL FOR, a husband who truly is my best friend, a God who has guided me through green pastures and deep storms in my life. I guess I am coming across a little heavy today (and lengthy) but I hope that someone will see themselves today in something I wrote and will truly “GET IT” …what is really important to you???
Well, I don’t know why I shared everything I did, I guess God is just working on me in these areas. I can see a pile of laundry sitting in the floor but I also see a picture of Ashley sitting across the desk from me. It was taken two years ago and she looks so frail. Her leg is in this huge black brace and her face is pale and she is bald. The picture was taken in the midst of her chemo treatments. She is surrounded by friends. It is a constant reminder of “priorities” and how God continues to carry us through every storm in life, no matter how high the waves seem to come crashing in. I am so thankful for His love and mercy and for each of you. Thank you for taking time to read this site and for the words of encouragement. We still need you; we need your continued prayers and your strength. Ashley goes back for her checkup on Jan. 26th. Please lift Ashley up (and mom and dad too) for nothing but good reports. We BELIEVE all will be well.
LOVE AND HUGS AND A VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR,
Donna
Special note to Ashley: My dearest sweetheart, Your Christmas Eve update touched my heart. “YOU GET IT”. I am so proud of you. You have taught me what “faith” is all about. I love you.
Please continue to pray for our St. Jude Family. Here are just a few with their websites listed if case you want to check in on them and leave them a note. An encouraging word is like healing for the soul. Please take time if God leads you to pray for them and to sign their guest book. Sign ours if you don’t mind too, Ashley still checks it almost every night. THANK YOU!!!
Emma Grace Hampton www.caringbridge.org/ar/emmagrace
Stanton Haynes www.caringbridge.org/la/stanton
Both are having scans this week….pray…pray…pray
Madison Adams www.caringbridge.org/va/madison
Note to my other St. Jude moms: if you would like me to list your website, please sign on and let me know. I didn't want to overstep boundaries and give out sites without permission. We are still praying for you!!!!
Phillip Winchester www.caringbridge.org/tn/phillipwinchester
p.s. Phillip (an adult in remission from leukemia) goes to St. Louis on Jan 10th for important testing and consultation. Please pray.
Oh by the way, new photos finally added...smile.
Friday, December 24, 2004 2:35 PM CST Merry Christmas
Hello everyone,
This is Ashley. First of all I want to wish everyone a Merry Christmas. Sorry I have not written since Thanksgiving. I have been very busy, with Christmas parties and Christmas traditions.
Christmas is my very favorite time of the year. Sometimes it is hard to remember the true meaning of Christmas, Jesus Christ. I never want to forget that on Christmas day Jesus Christ came to earth as a baby boy to save us from our sins. Matthew 1:18-25 helps me remember the true meaning of Christmas. During all the busyness of the Christmas holiday try to remember the true meaning of Christmas.
Please keep me and all my St.Jude buddies in your prayers. I go back for my next check up January 26th.
Remember God loved you enough to send His Son so give him a little time this season.
Merry Christmas,
Ashley Garrett
Wednesday, November 24, 2004 10:21 AM CST Hi Everyone,
This is Ashley. I just wanted to say Hi and HAPPY THANKSGIVING. I hope everyone is doing well. I am doing great! Thanks everyone for all your prayers. Everyone has treated me so well, I just wanted to say thanks. I thought it would be fun to tell everyone what I am thankful for.
I am thankful for:
I AM ALIVE AND WELL!!!!
my family
my friends
good health
a shelter
food to eat
clothes
God
your prayers
your kindness
St. Jude Children's Hospital
Make A Wish
My nurses
Dr, Tori - the best physical therapist in the world
Dr.Galindo, the best doctor in the world
I could go on and on but I decided to spare you the long journal entry,because I am not my mom....SMILE.
Please keep my family, all my St.Jude friends, and me in your prayers.
I want to say a special thanks to:
Daddy, Mommy, Tyler, Buddy (my dog),Mammy, Pawpaw, Aunt Cindy, Uncle Patrick, Addison (my sweet cousin), Uncle Ronnie( or as Tyler and I call him, Ron Dog), Kathy, Ronnie, Nannie, Papu, Uncle Ricky, Aunt Brook, Blake, Maddison, Reygan, Eli, and Sloan. All these people are my family. I am also thankful for Mrs. Marilyn, Mr. Jimmy and Mrs. Melinda my very special friends and for each of you for always being there for me.
HAPPY THANKSGIVING!
Love,
Ashley
Friday, October 22, 2004 11:02 AM CDT Hello everyone:
This will be one of the quickest journals in record history, but I didn't want to wait any longer to share our good news:
Ashley's scans were once again...clear...clear....clear!!!
PRAISE GOD, ANOTHER TESTIMONY!!! Okay, as I mention each time we get this report, We are SO THANKFUL!!! It is not that we expect bad news, we stand in faith that she is HEALED, yet you learn never to take this report for granted! This was Ashley's 1 year and six month check-up (we have to have scans every three months).
Again, God has placed His shield of protection over our little girl.
Guys, I am sorry that I waited until now to update. I was so thankful for the report but everytime I walk into that hospital I am reminded of how serious a cancer diagnosis really is. My heart just breaks for all of these precious children, young and old fighting this battle. I am so moved with emotion everytime I look into their eyes. They are so brave and their parents are dealing with so many decisions and emotions that I really can't even begin to describe on this website. So, even though we got the news that we so wanted to hear, my heart is still so heavy. I have such special friends fighting this fight on a daily basis. Their lives have been totally uprooted and their sense of "normalcy" forever altered. So, I found it so hard to even come home and just share our good news. Instead, I just felt an awesome sense of responsibility to pray harder than I ever have, for Ashley and for all of these kids and their families. I am probably not making much sense, but God understands my heart better than anyone. So, once again...Thank you Lord for being a refuge of safety for our family and for giving your angels charge over our family (ref. Psalms 91). We are so blessed. Guys, each day you wake up and are able to just hold your family in your arms...you are SO VERY BLESSED!!! Alright, I am getting very emotional and my promise for this to be just a quick update has been broken. Sorry, I am just overwhelmed with so many emotions. I am so very thankful, but at the same time so very broken in spirit for those who have not had the good reports. May God lay it upon all of our hearts to intercede for these precious children. I don't have the answers for any of these parents, not even for myself as to why we have to walk this path, but I don't need them either. God's ways are perfect and His plan is far greater than my human heart could ever imagine. I CHOOSE to rest in that.
So, today, thank you for checking in on us and for your many prayers. Please don't stop praying for my little Ashley or any of her precious friends. Everyday they need to be covered in a blanket of prayers. I do have one special request for Ashley. There was a concern with her labs regarding trace amounts of blood, protein and sugar in her urine (sorry to be using potty language, but for you St. Jude moms, this is mild..uh?). Ashley's oncologist is out of the country so we had to meet with another oncologist that we don't know very well. She explained that this was nothing "serious" at this point and that it may be related to a side effect of one of the chemos that Ashley had to take. She said that the labs would lead them to do a "bone scan" next checkup in January to check her "bone density". The chemo mentioned, they have learned sometimes (and I stress sometimes) causes bone loss and could put a patient at a higher risk of fracture or osteporosis (sp?) at an earlier age. Again, we really will not know more until our next check up. Okay, this is such a small matter compared to ALL THAT ASHLEY HAS OVERCOME BY GOD'S GRACE, that I almost feel silly sharing this with you. Yet, as a mother, every little detail concerns me. Floyd is taking the proactive approach and calling her oncologist next week when He gets in the country and asking Him for His take on the labs. If he is concerned, we are going to request that they not wait until January. Let's get the test going now. The doctor did tell us that years of research have proven that this is a common problem later in life for many cancer patients and that supplements may be all that we would need to do to counter effect this problem. Again, it is just a wait and see IF this needs to be addressed. MY PRAYER; is still found in Luke 10:19
"Behold, I give unto you power to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy; and NOTHING SHALL BY ANY MEANS HURT YOU".
This is the prayer that we prayed over each and every chemo treatment. That nothing would hurt Ashley, that the chemo would do only what it was designed to do. I am still standing on that verse. I realize that this is just a minor, minor issue but after going through what we have with Ashley, I don't want to spend a day mulling over the what if's. If I am concerned about the smallest details, how much more is our Heavenly Father who made every bone and cell in her body? Enough said, God will take care of this too. I have prayed about this and will sit back and let God be God!!! My testimonies are my delight, and boy do we have So many wonderful testimonies where time and time again God intervened in our lives.
"Thy testimonies are wonderful; therefore doth my soul keep them. The entrance of thy words giveth light; it giveth understanding unto the simple."
Psalms 119:129-130
So, you see every single detail, no matter how big or how small...God is in control.
Again, I feel guilty sharing my "little concerns" when so many are carrying loads that are so much more difficult. All, I can do is ask you to join us and pray for the following families. You can check out their websites and PLEASE LEAVE NOTES FOR THEM IF GOD LEADS YOU TO. I cannot stress how much your words of encouragement mean to us. We so appreciate every single guestbook note. They just remind us how God has placed an army around us. Please pray for each of these families as they continue to make difficult decisions regarding various treatments. You will be the one blessed by reading these websites. I love these families dearly:
Emma Grace Hampton: www.caringbridge.org/ar/emmagrace
Stanton Haynes: www.caringbridge.org/la/stanton
Phillip Winchester: www.caringbridge.org/tn/phillipwinchester
Thanks again for your love and especially your continued prayers. God is good!!!!
Donna
Wednesday, September 29, 2004 4:38 PM CDT SPECIAL UPDATE, THURSDAY, SEPT. 30, 2004 6:45 PM
Dear Friends,
I just got off the phone with my dear prayer warrior, fellow St. Jude mom, Trish. Her daughter Emma Grace who I refer to often on this website has been battling Neuroblastoma. Emma Grace has gone through extensive treatment fighting this cancer. Her most recent scans as of two weeks ago showed that her marrow was clear and there was no growth activity. My heart is heavy to report that today Trish learned that there is growth activity in her lower extremeties and this will change the next course of what was to be a precautionary treatment. It looks like Emma Grace, who just a week ago turned four, will have to undergo yet another bone marrow transplant. They are still trying to put together a game plan for treatment. This was not the news that any of us who love and pray for this family wanted to hear. Yet, our faith stands firm. Trish and Barney, Emma Grace's parents are dear Christians and committed this child to the Lord from the very beginning. We are not going to allow Satan to defeat this family and I am asking you from the depths of my heart to begin diligently praying for this family. Pray as if you were in the midst of a battle, because this family truly feels like they are fighting not only a physical battle but an emotional and spiritual battle. My prayer is first for healing for beautiful Emma Grace. Secondly, for peace of mind and a continued awareness of how powerful our Lord truly is. He closed the mouths of the Lions, don't you know He can touch every cell in these children's bodies? Pray also for direction for the doctors. They need wisdom and we want God's fingerprints all over the treatment plan. He is in control. Trish and Barney will be the first to tell you this. I know that sometimes we just need someone to come along beside us and pray us through to we see the victory. Trish and Barney are not lacking faith or wavering, yet they are weary and this is such a hard journey. Trish is here in Memphis, away from her home and family and they never complain. Yet, how hard this journey really is for them. Prayer is our best gift. Please help me pray, I love this family so much.
While you are praying for Emma Grace, continue to pray for her best buddy in the world, Stanton Haynes. Stanton is three and he is fighting the same cancer that Emma Grace has. God has linked these families hearts and they are such a light at this hospital and an inspiration to us all. Yet, they need our continued prayers. Please remember both of these kids in your prayers. My children (and Floyd and I) have such a burden for these two precious St. Jude buddies and we pray every single day for them. Please join us. There is such power in agreement. You can leave both of these families a word of encouragement on their websites. You will be the one blessed by reading these sites. Both of these mothers share their faith in such powerful ways. Tina & Jeff, we are standing in the gap for you guys as well. We love you dearly!!!
Emma Grace's website:
www.caringbridge.org/ar/emmagrace
Stanton's website:
www.caringbridge.org/la/stanton
Hello everyone:
FIRST: HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY PRECIOUS TYLER!!!! It is number 11! I can’t believe that my little or not so little boy is growing up so fast. How proud I am. Yesterday report cards came home and as proud as I was of the good grades (way to go T-bone) the comments on the back written by the teacher made me an extremely proud and thankful mom. Mrs. Helms (his teacher) wrote: “Tyler is such a faith filled prayer warrior. He truly has a burden for others.” WOW!!!! Floyd and I try to figure this parenting thing out on a day-to-day basis and boy do we fail often, but when I read this note it made it ALL worthwhile. I am sure that our family’s journey with cancer has played it’s own part in shaping these wonderful qualities in Tyler, but I am so aware that Tyler could have been “mad at God” and not learned the hard life lessons that He has been faced with unfortunately at such a tender age. So, thank you Lord for this wonderful child and for the BLESSING of yet another birthday. Tyler, you are loved by your family “around the world and back again, over the mountain, across the sea…(he’ll understand…smile). Every day should be a celebration!!!!
"He will rejoice over you with singing"...Tyler that is for you (Zephaniah 3:17)
Sorry for the delay in updating but we have been moving at such a fast pace I just haven’t taken the time to sit down and update. First and foremost, Ashley did have her lengthening on Monday at St. Jude and everything went perfect. PRAISE GOD!!!! I marvel at just how good God has been to our family. We got to the hospital at noon and were told at registration (the check-in desk) that the nurse wanted us to come straight to the clinic. When we got to the clinic she told us that they needed to speed up all of our procedures (x-rays, the actual lengthening, etc) because the surgeon had to be somewhere else later in the day. Hey, this was a praise report in itself getting rushed through procedures…(smile fellow St. Jude moms). Well, that is when Ashley’s meltdown started. The nurse told her there was no time for her to put on Ashley’s favorite numbing cream before the IV stick. Ashley doesn’t seem to care if they cut her leg open or do whatever they want, once she is asleep, but you better not stick her with even a pin needle before she has her arm numbed. Okay, deep breaths for mom and Ashley. Floyd is over in the corner dancing and singing trying to get Ashley’s mind off the inevitable needle stick. I am just thinking, “Why is my 12 year old crying like this and even more so, why is my 44 year old husband acting like he is”. It is pretty funny now, but at the moment when all this commotion was going on I wasn’t in the mood for all the sillyness. My “tough love” kicked in and I just told the nurse to stick her and get it over with. It took just a second and Ashley was back to her old self, smiling and talking up a storm and acting like the last 5 minutes of major meltdown never occurred. Tina and Trish, my fellow St. Jude moms always joke about the alter egos of their little Stanton and Emma Grace, well Ashley joined their group Monday. Guys if you know Stanton and Emma Grace, they just don't come any more precious than these children. So, Tina and Trish, don't worry about Stanley and Eli Mae (their names for their children's alter egos) Ashley is 12 (not 3 or 4 like Stanton and Emma Grace) and meltdowns should be allowed with all the things these kids endure. I think we as parents have our right to an occasional meltdown. I do try to have mine in private if at all possible. Smile. Ashley has a pair of pajamas that have “drama queen” written all over them and that probably best described the mood for the moment. Okay, I just wanted you all to know that we do have a wonderful but typical preteen in the family. Ashley truly is a beautiful, courageous, compliant (most of the time) daughter, but everyone has their days. I am sure that it was far more than just the needle stick. I was nervous about the lengthening and it wasn't even my leg. I can only imagine that it was probably weighing heavy on her mind, even though she didn't seem to scared. Oh well, next time we will put the numbing cream on before we reach the hospital...just in case. Lesson learned..smile.
Okay, I know this is not my typical update, but I had to paint the picture before we went in for the actual procedure. After the needle stick, everything else was a breeze!!!! They took us back to the X-Ray department and took the x-rays of Ashley’s leg. They then took us to the procedure room where they administered the anesthesia. After signing the consent forms, that included the possibility of the prosthesis breaking during the lengthening and/or loss of function, I was asking for some anesthesia myself, smile. I have signed enough forms to know that you have to cover every conceivable possibility, however, remotely possible, but it still bothers me greatly to think any of these things could really happen. Hey, who would have ever believed that my little girl would be one of the six in every million children to be diagnosed with bone cancer? So, nothing is ever taken for granted…you see. Okay, then Ashley is put to sleep and we kiss her sweet (and quiet…smile) face and are told to wait outside the room (hospital rules). The nurse mentions that we may want to wait way down the hall explaining that even though she is asleep (twilight type anesthesia) most kids will scream and yell during the procedure. Oh great, nothing like reassurance that all will be well. She then tells me not to worry though because the anesthesia that Ashley is under will not allow her to remember anything once she wakes up. So, as much as I hated to walk down the hall, I knew I had to. If I had of heard her screaming in pain it would have broken my heart and I would have probably been tempted to rush the door and run away with her. So I found a distant (but not too distant) place down the hall to lean and Floyd began his notorious pacing of the hall. We never heard her scream and within 10 minutes they opened the door and told us that she was being taken to recovery and everything went without a hitch. AGAIN, PRAISE GOD!!!! We were told that she told them to “stop it” but hey, mom didn’t hear it so it couldn’t have been too bad…Ashley does have a good set of lungs on her…smile. We were in recovery about 30 minutes and after a quick meeting with her physical therapist, we were on our way home.
The actual procedure is a little complicated for me to explain (that is Floyd’s department) but basically (again this is a rough, rough layman’s explanation) they slip a metal ring around Ashley’s leg placing it specifically where they have marked her leg with a magic marker, noting where the expandable coils are located on her prosthesis, near her knee. They then turn this machine on that is hooked to the metal ring and it heats the metal ring up and the heat from the ring causes the coils in her prosthesis to release and then the actual springs release causing the prosthesis to expand. I was told that it gets really hot; enough that the doctor holding it has to take off his wedding ring or it could possibly melt (okay, this is why I couldn’t be in the room and why she needed to be asleep uh?). They know how many seconds it takes to lengthen a centimeter and when they have the correct measurement, they turn the machine off. Ashley was exactly one centimeter longer on her right leg (due to normal growth, halleluiah for that!) than in the left leg. So they wanted to expand her left leg exactly one centimeter. Remember, the entire left tibia (lower bone under knee) was taken out due to the tumor so there is no way both of her legs will be the same length without this expansion until she reaches full adult height. The surgeon told us that they “hoped” to be able to lengthen her the entire one centimeter on Monday but that sometimes it requires several appointments due to scar tissue. Well, wouldn’t you know that God took care of this little detail (knowing Ashley wasn’t up to another needle stick anytime soon) and they did not have any trouble getting her to one centimeter. Yippee Yahoo!!!! God is so good!!!!!
I hope that I haven’t bored you all with the little details, but I just think it is so incredible how they can go in and lengthen my little girl’s leg without cutting her open!!! We are so blessed. Just a few years ago, this wasn’t an option. They would have had to take her back into surgery, open her leg up again, add pieces to the prosthesis and then we would be back in physical therapy and have down time for recovery. The other temporary option (and surgery would still be necessary) would be to add heel inserts to try and make her somewhat even. This wouldn’t be pleasant for Ashley, being the “shoe queen” that she is…smile. As it is, we will have this done every time she grows ½ to 1 centimeter, hopefully not again for several months. So, we are just so very thankful for this procedure and for the way that God just orchestrated every single detail. Ashley did so well and has only had one pain pill each day since the procedure. She went to school on Tuesday with one crutch and told me later that she didn’t use it most of the day. She is bouncing around here like “no big deal”!!!! Again, thank you Lord for carrying us through the big & little ordeals we face.
Okay, enough about that. I have to tell you that Ashley had the most incredible weekend leading up to this lengthening. Our dear friend, Melinda Winchester, who has endless energy and is the queen of volunteer work, invited Ashley out to the Miss Youth Personality Contest at the fair grounds on Sunday. This pageant is open to girls 13-17 years of age and is one of the highlights of the fair. Well, Ashley is only 12 so she doesn’t qualify to compete but knowing what a little “princess” Ashley is, Melinda thought that Ashley would enjoy seeing what goes on behind the scenes and attending the pageant. Well, let me tell you, Melinda made this a day that Ashley will never forget. You see, Melinda is a former “Miss Youth Personality Winner” herself and has been involved in many pageants and is a true beauty queen herself (inside and out)!!! Melinda introduced Ashley to all of the girls, and the judges and she got to see firsthand what the process is all about. We then were escorted over to the Fine Arts Building with the 2003 winner on back of a golf cart. Ashley got as big of a kick out of this as anything. All of the people waving and the attention that the former queen was getting as she waved to the crowd, Ashley was just beaming being a part of all this. Well, we settled in to our seats behind the judges with Ashley thinking she was just there to observe. Well, halfway during the pageant the MC, Mr. Ron Childers from Channel 5 mentioned that he had a special guest that he wanted to introduce. He then proceeded to tell of a special scholarship that was being given to the winner in memory of Melinda’s mother who lost her own battle with cancer several years ago. He talked about how Melinda’s mother loved the kids at St. Jude and how she felt like if they could face and battle a cancer diagnosis, then she had to have faith and fight her own battle with a courageous spirit. Well, I never had the privilege of meeting Melinda’s mom, but I know what kind of woman that Melinda is and I can honestly say that her mother must have passed these qualities along to her daughter. I am sure that she was a beautiful, caring woman who battled her illness with such grace. Okay, I am choking back the tears at this point. I know how deeply Melinda loved her mother and what fond memories she has of her. Then, to be giving such an incredible gift in her memory…oh it touched my heart so. The fact that Melinda’s husband is currently in remission from Leukemia and faces an upcoming bone marrow transplant made this gift of a scholarship in Melinda’s mothers honor such a wonderful and at the same time heart wrenching gift. Cancer has a funny way of bringing out the most beautiful gifts of spirit and heart in the midst of being so painful. As Ashley was holding Melinda’s hand (I am sure so ever tightly) Ron Childers told Ashley that knowing Melinda’s mother’s love for the kids at St. Jude and for this pageant that it was only fitting that they crown an “Honorary Miss Youth Personality” and they placed this beautiful crown on my little Ashley. Well they then allowed Ashley to share why St. Jude was such a special place in her heart and she was allowed to take her own little “walk down the runway” waving to the crowd. She was beaming. I cannot tell you how much this meant to me, seeing that beautiful smile and knowing in my heart what a true miracle this moment really was. Ashley was so…surprised. You see it wasn’t about Ashley wearing an honorary crown, but about the love that surrounded this event, the memories of Melinda’s mother that were obviously in that room, and the realization that life itself is so precious. I am sure that Melinda’s mother was gazing down from Heaven, proudly smiling watching her daughter touch the heart of my little girl and me. So, Melinda if you happen to read this, thank you from the bottom of my heart for giving so much of yourself to so many and for sharing a part of your own mother’s legacy with all of us. Also, I want to thank all of the pageant girls, especially Lauren Lowery, for making Ashley feel so very beautiful and like one of the girls.
Well, I could write so….much more. So much has been going on and we have been so blessed to be living such a full “normal as it gets” life. I will give you all a break and cut this off since I have been so lengthy. I want to thank those of you who care so much to leave us notes on the guest book. Even though we don’t update that much anymore (no news is good news), Ashley still loves to check her guest book on a regular basis. Thank you for always cheering us on and praying continuously for our little princess (short scene getting needle stick Monday, excluded..smile). We will go back to the hospital next Wednesday for a physical therapy check and then we are not scheduled back until Oct. 20 for another round of scans…yuck…I don’t even want to begin thinking about that yet. I will just continue to pray, day by day for God to keep His Mighty Hands on my little girl. He is in control and for that I am so thankful.
Well, love to all. I will update again sometime in October. Take care and just know how we cherish each of you and your prayers.
Donna
Monday, August 23, 2004 12:25 AM CDT
NEWS UPDATE WEDNESDAY 25, 2004
IN THE FOLLOWING ENTRY I HAVE REQUESTED PRAYER FOR MARILYN AARON AND THE UPCOMING SURGERY TO REMOVE HER KIDNEY DUE TO WHAT APPEARED TO BE CANCER. PRAISE GOD, MARILYN JUST GOT A CALL FROM HER DOCTOR AND AFTER HAVING ANOTHER MRI, SHE HAS BEEN TOLD THAT IT IS NOT CANCER BUT A BENIGN CYST AND THAT SHE WILL NOT HAVE TO HAVE SURGERY AFTER ALL!!!! PRAISE GOD. WHAT A MIGHTY GOD, A JUST IN TIME GOD!!!! THANK YOU FOR YOUR PRAYERS FOR THIS FAMILY. ONCE AGAIN GOD HAS HEARD OUR CRIES AND ANSWERED OUR PRAYERS.
Hello everyone:
Well, I know it has been quite awhile since I updated but things have been in high gear with school starting back. The good news is that there is “no news”, just living life as a normal household, okay somewhat normal. What a real blessing that is. Unless your home life has ever been disrupted by illness or tragedy, you may not truly be able to appreciate how wonderful it feels just to be able to pack your kids lunch box or kiss your husband off to work. How great it feels!!!!
We kicked off the end of summer by traveling to Austin, Tx for the “National Fine Arts Competition”. Ashley is involved in the drama group at our church and after winning honors at the district level they were invited to compete at the national level. This was such an incredible honor to just be able to compete at this level. Well, I have to brag and tell you that Ashley’s group placed in the top three in the nation!!!! This is huge, considering that there were more than 250 drama groups competing. Wow!!! Now tell me that God is not restoring gifts and abilities in my little girl. Okay, I know that she was just a part of this highly gifted team, but hey, every member played a significant part. I am just so thankful that she is using her talents and her interest to glorify God!!! It isn’t about the winning really, but about the desire in her heart to do something that will bring Him praise and at the same time let the devil know that even though she can’t do the things she could before (gymnastics, sports, etc), she will do what she can with excellence. So Praise God for this wonderful opportunity. The whole family took the week off to attend these competitions. I have to tell you that it was so incredible. There were thousands of teenagers there and they were performing in every fine art classification that you could imagine and it was all about ministry. Everything was centered around that. Now we need to hear more about this in the news don’t we? As I watched our group perform all I could do was keep thanking God for this opportunity. I feel that way everyday. In the simple things that so many take for granted, I see such a miracle. I cried so hard for so long about all of the limitations that were going to be placed on Ashley physically due to the prosthesis in her leg. I still have my days that tears come easy when I see her struggling to keep up with others or feel like she is being left out a little because of her limitations. Yet, as I watched this group perform and I saw the joy on her face, it made me stop and realize that God hasn’t put limitations on her, man has. That doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t follow the advice of her surgeons. We must be responsible and do what we’ve been instructed to do and not to do. However, we need to trust that God has set her apart to do His work and we must trust that His path is so much better than one that we could have chosen. I just was so proud watching her and so very thankful that she was just able to be a part of this exciting event.
You know sometimes it really is hard to watch other kids just doing normal everyday stuff. I battle with so many emotions even just watching Ashley at cheerleading practice. I know that I should just be thankful that she is alive and quit struggling over the “if only this had not have happened” feelings that come my way so often. Yet as I guess any other parent would feel, you just want so much for your kids and it breaks my heart to know that she just isn’t going to be able to walk just like she did before surgery or be able to do everything that other kids can do. That is unless God one day completely and miracleously touches that leg and I know He can. Yet if she never walks or plays like before surgery, I need to be at peace with that too, knowing that God is in control, not me. Okay, this is my “real feelings” on the table. I hope you understand. I AM SO VERY THANKFUL FOR LIFE ITSELF. Please don’t misunderstand me. I think so much of this battle is a mental battle, even more than a physical battle. While watching cheer practice last week I saw all these little girls climbing on each others shoulders and practicing their stunts and there was my little Ashley just sitting on the ground watching. She knows that she can’t do these things it would be too risky with her prosthesis. Then they took off for their run around the field, again something she can no longer physically do because of the surgery. She couldn’t run if she wanted to, only skip. So there she took off, lagging far behind, not running but skipping. I felt my heart melting right there at that moment. The coach stopped her and told her not to worry about the running drills and told her to sit down. I was so scared that she would start crying just out of embarrassment of not being able to do these things, but no, she just sat there and smiled at everyone and encouraged them to do their best. What a trooper. So, I am still learning just to talk to God about these frustrations and pray that he will continue to guard Ashley’s heart and mind and give her joy every time she finds herself unable to do something that she used to be able to do or would like to do and can’t. I am also praying that God would give me a real peace in this area also and that he will help me to guide her when these emotions do flare up. I feel really guilty sharing this, because I am so fully aware that there are so many other kids that would trade places with us in a minute and that Ashley’s limitations are so very minor compared to so many others. So forgive me for that. I am just sharing my heart. I guess if nothing else, God is teaching us to have so much more compassion for others who struggle with any type of disability. It is true; unless you walk in these shoes you can’t imagine what hurts lie behind the smiles on so many. So may God teach us to love and to serve others regardless of what appears to be a physical limitation. Often it is those who have some type of disability that are so much stronger in spirit than those of us who have never had to trust God just to make it another day. I know Ashley has taught me many lessons about trusting God’s heart and His plan. What a blessing just to see another day with Ashley living life to the fullest.
Okay, that was pretty deep up? Sorry, just a heart felt conversation with myself. Smile. Well, back to our busy schedule. This past Friday, Ashley and I were asked to attend “Wright Medicals” National Sales Meeting at the Peabody Hotel. Wright Medical is the manufacturer of the prosthesis in Ashley’s leg. They wanted to bring a “patient perspective” to the meeting and our little girl was chosen by her surgeon to discuss her feelings about the prosthesis. In preparation for this meeting they sent a video company out to our home to interview each of us and to shoot Ashley doing so everyday things that she enjoyed. They shot videos of her playing basketball, riding her scooter and swimming. They put all of this footage together and made a video for the sales meeting. Well, I have to tell you Ashley touched their hearts with “her story”. When asked in the video what you would tell others facing similar circumstances, she said in her grown up 12 year old voice “just push through and know that God is going to take care of you.” Then when they asked Tyler how he got through those difficult days when Ashley seemed to be “living” at the hospital, he said (in his little high/low pre adolescent voice) “I would get so lonely, missing my sister and when I would get scared I would just pray. That is what got me through until now when she is back home with me.” Okay, this tugged at the deepest part of my heart. I thought okay, Lord “they understand, it is all about trusting you!!!! Now, please help their mommy to do that with the same amount of faith.” My children humble me with their powerful and pure faith.
You see, the salesmen where at the meeting to learn about new products and how to boost their sales, but they came away from their meeting with a different take on how their jobs affect families like ours. I promise you that they all left and went home and hugged their children. I learned a lot at this meeting myself. You all know that Ashley was the 25th child in the nation to have this new prosthesis placed. What I learned was that before Wright Medical took on the manufacturing process here in Arlington, Tn was that this prosthesis were made in a man’s garage over in England and sent via Fed-X. This was being done just several years ago. Isn’t that amazing. I have to tell you that I took a big sigh of relief just to know that the prosthesis that is in Ashley’s leg was made in an actual plant and not a garage. Smile. I also learned that there are only three pediatric oncology orthopedic surgeons in the state of Tennessee (and only 150 in the nation) and that two of them are here in Memphis and Ashley had both of them involved in her surgery. Wow, is that not God in the details!!!! As I listened to her surgeon discuss Ashley’s case and provide slides of the procedure (during which both of us kept our eyes closed, smile) I realized that we were so blessed to have this surgeon and a hospital like St. Jude who provides the most current technology available. It was discussed that the majority of orthopedic surgeons who came across a case like Ashley would opt for amputation rather than attempting this difficult surgery. When I learned this, all I could do was breathe over and over “thank you Lord, for placing us right in the palm of your hand and giving us this doctor and that Ashley has her leg today.”
So, this may contradict what I said earlier about being “frustrated with her limitations”, but you see God used Friday’s meeting to reassure me that he hasn’t allowed harm to come to my little girl, but he has guided each and every part of this journey. God will give us a wake up call when we need it the most just to let us know that He never leaves us or forsakes us.
Psalms 81:6,7
“I lifted the burden from your shoulder and took the heavy basket from your hands. When you were in trouble, I rescued you, and from the thunderclouds, I answered your prayers.”
He has certainly lifted burdens and carried us through many storms. How thankful I am for His unfailing love.
Wright Medical is such a wonderful company and we are so fortunate to have them right here in Arlington. Again, God in the details as far as I am concerned. They made Friday such a special day. Ashley was asked to be an "honorary duck master" and was able to ride down with the ducks and help them make their entrance to the fountain in the hotel lobby. It was such a neat experience for her. The company then suprised us with an invitation to come back Saturday to spend the night at the Peabody. Ashley was so excited. We decided to add to this special treat and make it a grand day for the kids. We spent the afternoon playing games at Jillians and then had dinner at Texas de Brazil (I had to walk an extra two miles this morning because of this one resturant...go try it if you love meat!!!). We then went to the Peabody so Ashley could have their double chocolate cake and then went on a carriage ride. As if we hadn't had enough to eat, we then went for icecream at Maggie Moos. After that, I had to sit down so off to to the Peabody Lobby. There was a band playing at a wedding reception upstairs and Tyler just danced the night away right in the lobby. He didn't care that he hadn't been invited to the reception, he had his own party right there all by himself. It was a wonderful day and another special memory to look back on one day. The only problem is that Ashley is now insistent that she wants to be married and have her reception at the Peabody. Floyd better get a 2nd job for the next 20 years...smile. Life is so short, we all need to just learn to dance in the lobby even if it isn't our party right?
Well, there is so much more I would love to share. I have took too much of your time now. I promise to try and update again real soon. I would like to ask you to pray though for two special friends this upcoming week. Marilyn Aaron is a dear and special friend that God in his divine hand placed in my life over 20 years ago. Her husband, Jimmy, hired me when I was straight out of high school to work as his secretary at Fred’s Inc. He allowed me to structure my schedule so I could go to college and just took me under his wing and mentored me throughout my career at Fred’s Inc. I love this family dearly, like my own. Marilyn has been diagnosed with kidney cancer and will be having surgery to remove one of her kidneys on the 30th. Marilyn faithfully prayed (and continues to do so) for our family and spoiled us rotten throughout Ashley’s treatment. I could go to the mailbox and at least weekly find a card from the Aaron’s encouraging and lifting us up. I don’t know how we would have functioned without the support of Marilyn and Jimmy and all of you during those difficult days. Now, Marilyn is in need or our prayers and our support. I promise you if you could meet this family, you would love them too. When Marilyn called to tell us I tried to find the words to comfort her, but guess what, she was too busy encouraging me, asking about us. What a friend and a blessing she is. So, please pray for this family and for a successful surgery and speedy recovery. If you know Marilyn, nothing is going to keep her down, believe me. Pray for peace for their four children. They are all grown, but they love their mother and they need our prayers too. Pray for Jimmy too. He has one of the biggest hearts and I know that he feels helpless in this situation. Pray that God would just be very close to this entire family in the weeks to come.
Lastly, please remember my friend Melinda Winchester. She is having surgery today to have her gall bladder removed. I often mention Phillip Winchester, Melinda’s husband on this website. Phillip is in remission from leukemia and awaiting a bone marrow transplant. Well, as if this family hasn’t had enough to deal with now she is having surgery and will have some downtime due to recovery. There are some other things that the surgeons will be reviewing with regards to her liver, so please pray for positive reports and for a healthy and speedy recovery for Melina and that the surgery will go well. Melinda is also one of those strong rocks that have been such an inspiration to me. Melinda is my age and has gone through more difficulties and tragedies than anyone I have ever known and always keeps a smile on her face and dishes out encouragement by the boat load. She has a special place in our hearts and we love her dearly also. So, this week please remember Melinda and Marilyn and their families in your prayer time. God is bigger than any thing we could possibly face and we are just going to bombard heaven for these families and for their specific needs of healing and grace.
Also, please say a special prayer for Cindy and Patrick (my sister and brother-in-law) this week. Aug. 25th marks the one year anniversary of Patterson's entry to Heaven. We know that He is so much better off in Heaven and we celebrate God's grace over the past year. However, this day still will be a reminder of what we had to release and in our human hearts we still ache and wish it could have been different. So please pray for supernatural strength and just joy for Cindy and Patrick as this day slips by. Remember that we each go from strength to strength if we allow God to carry us.
Thank you so much for letting me just pour my heart out. Prayer warriors, thank you for lifting my friends up before the Father. What an awesome revelation it is in knowing that our prayers make a difference. Thank you for continuing to pray for Ashley and for her continued good health and for all of our little St. Jude buddies. I will post again soon and try not to be so lengthy next time…hopefully…smile.
Love & hugs,
Donna
p.s. They have moved the date for lengthening Ashley’s left leg to Sept. 27th. I will make sure I update before then. Keep praying…wouldn’t it be marvelous for her to go in and both legs already be the same length. I really do believe in miracles….call me crazy, I don’t care…when I look at Ashley, I see a miracle in progress everyday.
Please sign the guestbook if you don't mind. Ashley loves to see who is checking in on her. Thanks so much!!!
Thursday, July 22, 2004 10:37 AM CDT Hello everyone:
I awoke this morning with such a mighty revelation of how good and how powerful our Lord is. Yes, Ashley’s scans were once again…clear…clear…clear!!!!! Even though this was just one of many checkups that we have had with good results, you never ever take a good report for granted. As we stopped to bow our heads one last time in the parking lot of St. Jude before walking into the hospital yesterday, we thanked God for going before us and asked him to just help us to remember the testimony that He has already given us.
“Thy testimonies also are my delight; they are my counselors.”
Psalms 119:24
I really felt a supernatural peace going into these scans yesterday. Yet, there is always the fear of Ashley’s cancer returning. I told a friend in an email that I honestly know that Ashley has been totally healed of cancer, but the Devil is at war with my emotions. I cannot walk into that hospital without being so reminded that life itself is out of our control. It breaks my heart that anyone has to face such a terrifying diagnosis. The reality of what we are dealing with hits me like a rock every time I look into these precious kids faces and the tired eyes of their parents. The pain is so real but just as real is the joy of the Lord. So today, I am just so very thankful for God grace and mercy in our lives. In spite of my fear, God honored our prayers once again.
“Thank you Lord for taking us one more step in this journey, for placing a shield around our little girl.”
Okay, tears still fall easily. My heart is just so full. We are so blessed but we still ache for so many who are fighting this fight. Please remember in your prayers the following children. These are just a couple of kids that we have met in our journey who need our prayers. Please if you can, leave them a note of encouragement on their guest book. I have often asked you to do this, but you just can’t imagine how it lifts your spirits to see people, even strangers signing the guest book, just realizing that someone took the time to check in on you.
“Anxiety in the heart of man weighs it down, but a good word makes it glad.” Proverbs 12:25
We have been so blessed by your entries in Ashley’s guest book. I wish I could tell you how many times when we would feel discouraged, we signed on to the website only to be lifted by the words someone left in a simple note. I know these families need to be lifted up. When your child is fighting for their life, you need to feel others surrounding you in prayer and in encouragement. Thank you for doing this for us over the past two years and for all the prayers and kind words left on this site. I keep asking the Lord when He wants me to quit journaling on this site, but I just don’t have a release yet. Again, I think this website is for me, a means of therapy and God knows I still need therapy…smile.
Please pray for these special St. Jude friends:
Emma Grace ….www.caring bridge.org/ar/emmagrace - Emma Grace is headed to Philly this morning for her next phase of treatment. Please pray diligently for this to be successful and for God’s hand over this family.
Stanton… www.caringbridge.org/la/stanton - Stanton is another precious child that has relapsed and needs our prayers as he just started a new protocol and new chemo.
Madison… www.caringbridge.org/va/madison Madison is a new friend who has Leukemia and is close to finishing up her protocol. She is waiting for a few more tests and hopefully headed home soon. Pray for good results.
Also, please pray for a little 10-year-old boy named Joshua. He also has osteosarcoma (Ashley’s cancer) and was diagnosed in the middle of our treatment. He was only six months out of treatment and has had a reoccurrence in his arm. He just had surgery on his arm and is having to undergo another series of chemo treatment. Please pray that God will heal this child and that He will finally be free of this devastating disease.
Please pray for Chasity and Travis (parents of Zoie). Their little Zoie lost her fight with cancer just a couple of weeks ago. We know she is in the arms of Jesus and for that we celebrate. Yet, these parents have an empty heart and need our prayers. We must pray God’s hand over their minds and spirit. Please pray for them. Zoie's website is www.caringbridge/la/zoie
I also need to mention Phillip Winchester (an adult and family friend) who will be going to St. Louis soon for a bone marrow transplant. Please pray for God’s timing and hand in this upcoming treatment. You can check out Phillips web page at www.caringbridge.org/tn/phillipwinchester
Remember Sam Davis, another family friend who is fighting liver cancer.
God know each of these needs and I know that He is mighty to save. Please help us pray for these families. We never know what battles they face day to day just to get through the day. They need us to pray.
“For He will deliver the needy when he cries for help, the afflicted also, and him who has no helper” Psalms 72:12
Please understand that even though Ashley is doing well there is still a battle going on. I can't stop praying, I can't sit back and see so many families hurting and not pray. St. Jude Hospital is a gift from God. There is no doubt about it. The nurses and doctors are the finest in the world. Yet, God controls our destiny. How I never want to forget that. Prayer makes a difference. If you read back on many of my journal entries you will see time and time again how God intervened. Again "His testimonies are my delight". Every day is a gift regardless of our circumstances. Each of these families will tell you this. So please pray diligently for them. I refuse to let a day go by without covering Ashley and these families in prayer. Where would we be without God hearing our prayers...
"They cried out to the Lord in their trouble; He saved them out of their distresses. He brought them out of the darkness and the shadow of death."
Psalms 107:13-14
Okay, I know that I have been lengthy. I meant to mention that Ashley did not have her leg lengthened yesterday. She is approximately 1cm longer on her right leg (due to normal growth….praise God for this…the chemo has not stunted her growth apparently….another testimony) so they need to lengthen her left leg (expand the prosthesis). This has been scheduled for September 20. I will update before then. This will the first time for this procedure for Ashley, but Hey God already has this covered too!!!! I am praying that He will just lengthen this leg while she sleeps. I believe in miracles….as I told a friend…I tuck one in every night!
Love and many thanks for faithful prayers and faithful friends,
Donna
Thursday, June 24, 2004 12:08 AM CDT Hello everyone,
This is Ashley. Sorry I have not updated in a long time. I have been very busy. I just got back from vacation in Destin. I had a really good vacation. My mom's whole family went with us. That was really fun. I spent the whole week in the pool or laying out. I even got to ride a wave runner with my dad. Everytime he decided to stop the wave runner, I started screaming and telling him to go. Even though I was afraid of sharks, I still got in the ocean. It was a great vacation.
I just wanted to let everyone know that my next scans are coming up on Wednesday, July 21st. I am very nervous because they told me they may have to lengthen my left leg. I would very appreciate it if you would keep me in your prayers. Would you please keep all of my St. Jude friends in your prayers also.
Thank you for signing my guestbook. I will try to get some new pictures from vacation on the website real soon.
Love ya,
Ashley
Monday, May 17, 2004 5:07 PM CDT Hello Everyone:
Well, it has almost been a month since I last updated so I thought I would take a few minutes and share a few thoughts. The house is quiet as Ashley is at a friend's house and Floyd and Tyler went to play golf. I started to sit down this morning and write a quick update, but the date on my devotional grabbed my attention. You see May 17th, two years ago our lives turned upside down and inside out. This was the day that we walked into St. Jude hospital for the very first time. Had I known what we were going to face and how difficult the journey was to be, I don't think I would have made it. Somehow in retrospect, I can't believe that our lives have changed so much in just two years. So this morning, after realizing that it was two years to date that we started this journey, I had some major talking to God to do. First, I climbed into my favorite chair and reflected on what the past two years represented and the memories came flooding in like a mighty river. I must have cried a bucket of tears, just as I did this same day two years ago. However, this time it was for joy and thankfulness for what God has done in our lives. It seems like yesterday that we were walking around St. Jude carrying the notorious blue notebook that all new cancer familes are given and the big yellow Childhood Cancer book. I remember thinking "what am I doing with this stuff" it all seemed so surreal. I remember seeing Floyd almost on his knees, propped up against the wall with his face in his hands and tears rolling down his cheek, outside the exam room, he too asking what are we doing here? I don't share these things to stir up emotion, just to help us all realize how faithful God has been. You see, had the hurt and the pain not been so real, I may have never truly understood the scripture "when you are weak, I am strong." I remember sitting in this same chair day after day, just staring into space and questioning what part of our lives made sense anymore. I can still see Floyd sitting there in the dark in the early hours of the night with His Bible in his lap and tears on his face, pleading with God to take care of His family and especially his precious little girl. Okay, I am crying all over again. Bear with me. I really do these updates more for me, than for anyone else. This is and has been theraputic for me. I share many things on this site that I could never share one on one because it is too painful. However, PRAISE GOD there are other reasons I cry today as I recall the last two years. God has been so faithful. I have always had a head knowledge of his faithfulness, but now I truly have a heart knowledge. I know that he carried us many days, because in our own flesh we couldn't have survived. The pain, the fear, the hurt is too hard. I truly beleive fighting cancer is just as hard emotionally as it is physically, especially when it is a child and you as a parent feel responsible for their well being. You know that you have to be strong for their sakes, but often it is the other way around. The hardest thing I have ever done is pray "God, your will be done, what do YOU want for Ashley" of course I would always add "please let it be for her to live and tell of your glory." So today, I know He has honored my prayer. I cannot count how many times she has told me "my life is in his hands, I trust Him." To be completely honest, I still have difficult days, when I crawl back in that chair and beg God to continue to protect her from cancer and anything else that would threaten her life. I feel guilty sharing this. I have several friends who are still fighting this battle on an everyday basis, praying for remission and here we have had good reports. For those of you, especially Trish and Tina, know that my heart is heavy and I pray daily for your precious kids. I am believing with all my heart and soul that God is an on-time God and that He is going to do the miracleous in Stanton's and Emma Grace's little bodies. My heart struggles with the questions of why any child has to fight this battle and I pray for them and others daily and feverently.
I didn't mean to be heavy today. The emotional roller coaster started Saturday for me. You see, Ashley was honored with this wonderful award at our church called "The Miriam Award". Miriam, if you remember was Moses sister in the Bible. This award is only given to two or three people nationally every year. This award was given to her for "her display of outstanding courage and spiritual and physical fortitude in times of crisis" (I'm reading right off the plaque, smile). This was a very high honor for Ashley. I know that I am bragging, but you will have to forgive me. I witnessed her relentless faith and I still see on a day to day basis the struggles that she faces as a result of her battle. Her body has changed, the scars, the limp, the physical limitations however mild, but now different than before cancer, but her spirit has soared. When I listen to her pray and hear her cry out for the needs of other kids fighting this battle, I don't hear a 12 year old girl. I hear a mighty woman of God. So, we were so blessed by our church and our denomination to see our little girl be honored in such a manner.
Okay, back to the roller coaster of emotions. Our pastor had called and in preparation for Ashley receiving this award, he asked if I would pull together some pictures of Ashley during the past two years. I decided to start at the beginning of her journey at St. Jude and I pulled out some old disk of pictures that I haven't looked at for sometime now. When I began reviewing the pictures, I was awe struck of how sick Ashley looked and with grim reminders of what we were doing each of those days came flooding back. It seems funny but when we were actually going through the process of chemo and surgery, she looked so good to me. I didn't see the ashen color of her face or the paleness of her lips or her sunken eyes. It must have been the grace of God that allowed me to see her as healthy and normal. Yet when I look back now, it scares me to think of how sick she really was. Again, God carried us right through those times and places in those pictures.
Well, I said all of the above to say this. When we are walking in the midst of our battles, God protects us. We may not understand it all and probably it is best that we don't. What is faith when we have all the details? A song comes to mind that was sent to me on a tape by a complete stranger in the mail, almost two years ago. One of the verses states "If I would have had my way, I would have waded through the waters when He wanted me to walk upon the sea". Wow, there is so much truth to that verse. What a "Mighty God". I am so full today in my spirit because I see His mighty hand everytime I look into Ashley's beautiful blue eyes. I see strength in the depths of Tyler's soul. He just loved her so unconditionally and just always believed that God was on our side. I see His handiwork, His glory in these children.
Well, I have just poured out more of my soul than I ever intended. I could share so much more, so many testimonies and answered prayers, always right-on-time answers to prayers. I just want to give praise and glory to our Heavenly Father today. Thanking Him for the last two years and for His sheltering wings all around our family. Please know from the depths of my heart, that I love you and know that everything I have shared, I have shared not in a boastful way but with a tender and broken heart for all of us who face this battle day by day. I pray that for years to come, May 17th will not be a day of sadness but one that we had victory over. God is not finished yet with Ashley....as her favorite bible verse says:
"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for calamity, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11
With a heart full of thanksgiving and gratitude for all that God has done and for the most wonderful support system I could have ever asked for. I love you all!!!
Donna
Thursday, April 22, 2004 9:01 AM CDT Hello everyone:
The year mark since end of treatment has finally come and we are celebrating with CLEAR SCANS....CLEAR SCANS....CLEAR SCANS. These are the among the most cherished words we could ever hear!!!!! Ashley had her one year checkup Tuesday and Wednesday and EVERY TEST, EVERY SCAN CAME BACK WITH A POSITIVE REPORT. There are no words to adequately describe how thankful and blessed we feel. Even though Ashley has had scans every other month for the past year and each time we had favorable results, we still walk into that hospital with the realization that with one scan our life could be turned upside down again. It is the reality of cancer and you learn to take absolutely nothing for granted. So this week our hearts have once again been lightened and we are overflowing with thankfulness for what God has done in Ashley's body and in our spirits. One thing I am truly thankful for is the peace that we felt in that hospital Tuesday and Wednesday. We pray everyday, "God go before us, we can't take a step without you." and we could feel his presence. I am not saying that I wasn't anxious or even fearful, I was. Yet, I truly felt that God had heard our cries and that regardless, He was with us. I happened to look back at my journal entry exactly one year ago today, when Ashley was in the hospital for fever as a result of her last chemo. She was receiving blood and platelet transfusions and just tierd in body. The verse that I shared was Psalms 143:8
"Let me hear Thy lovingkindness in the morning; For I trust in Thee; Teach me the way in which I should walk; For to Thee I lift up my soul."
God truly has allowed us to see His lovingkindness and has taught us and continues to teach us how to walk...trusting Him for each and everyday, for each and every twist and turn that our life takes. As I think about where God has brought us from and how he has ordered every footstep, how I could not praise Him or trust Him for today?
As I rode home Tuesday afternoon I kept saying over and over "Mighty God, you are such a Mighty God!" Ashley got tickled with me, but hey that is okay. I just couldn't get it out of my spirit how awesome God really is. I am fully aware that our battles are His and He is bigger than anything we face in life, A Mighty God!!!!
As thankful as we are for the good news we received this week we are also fully aware that Ashley is not the only reason we are patients at St. Jude. We have others there that have become family to us that we are fighting this battle with on a daily basis. No we are not going through the treatments any longer, but we are fighting a battle for others in prayer. Please pray for little Emma Grace. This week she has had sneak peaks and her mom and dad, Trish and Barney are still awaiting reports. They have had some favorable reports in regards to this new protocol and Emma Grace's response to it, but are still awaiting more news. I have promised this family to diligently pray for them and for God's divine healing for Emma Grace. I am believing with all my heart that God is going to miracleously touch this child. He is doing it, as her dad said "In His time, In His way!" I need you to pray for this family, they need you to pray. No one can carry this burden alone. It is too hard, so please lift them up and ask God for not only healing but strength and grace for each day. He knows what we each need, even before we ask (Matthew 6:8) again, He is a Mighty God!!!
Also, please pray for a little boy named Stanton from Louisiana. He was also in treatment with Ashley and He has just relapsed. His parents and Stanton need God's touch and help as they fight this battle once again. Please pray. If you could only meet these families and see these precious children, your heart would cry out for God's touch upon their lives. Both of these families love the Lord and are just trusting God to take care of their little angels. Each day, trusting God, that is what we are all to do yet, we all need each other to pray for grace to do that at times. So, please pray for Emma Grace and Stanton and all the precious kids at St. Jude.
I have one last prayer request, it is for Sam Davis a friend of our family. Sam is a neighbor to my parents and has a wife and two grown and married daughters. Sam just recently learned that he has liver cancer and it is unoperable. However, I know the great physician!!!! We love this family dearly and we are asking that you remember Him when you pray. Overnight, His life has been altered by a diagnosis of cancer. I am so tierd of hearing about cancer and I just want to believe that God will reach down and do the unexpected and the unbelievable in lives all around me. He is able!!!!
Thank you for your wonderful love and caring prayers on our behalf and for those of my friends. We are an army....fighting the good fight!!! I love you and appreciate you all more than words could ever express. Most of all....I am so thankful for "My Mighty God"!!!
love & hugs,
Donna
P.S. Ashley will now go to scans every three months (opposed to every other month we had for the last twelve months. Okay, I know it is just one less month in between, but praise God even for an extra month!!!!
I will share more later...Ashley has been a very busy little girl!!!! I will also try to get some new pictures on soon. Have a great day!!!!
Please leave a note for Ashely on her guestbook if you don't mind. These notes always make her day brighter. If you want you can check on Emma Grace and Stanton and leave them notes of encouragement also at:
www.caringbridge.org/ar/emmagrace
www.caringbridge.org/la/stanton
THANKS EVERYONE!!!!!!
Thursday, March 25, 2004 5:28 PM CST Hello everyone,
Well it has been several weeks since I last updated, so I thought I would let everyone know what we have been up to. Floyd is working hard and taking good care of all of us, Ashley is doing fine, staying busy with school and church. Tyler has started spring baseball practices so our schedule is picking up a bit. I am excited about his upcoming season. He is quite the athlete and always entertaining to watch. Smile. It seems like only yesterday that I was sitting at his ballgames with sunglasses on so no one would see the tears and the swollen eyes after just learning that Ashley had cancer. That was two years ago (from diagnosis) and sometimes it feels like time has stood still. I forced myself to be at every game if at all possible just to prove to the kids and to myself that “cancer” would not destroy our family or keep us from enjoying life. It seems so surreal at times when I think of what the past two years represent. Yet, how thankful I am for the lessons that Ashley’s illness has taught us. Just looking forward to watching Tyler play on a kid’s baseball team….to be able to play….to have such spirit and enthusiasm about life in general is such a testimony of God's grace. I am also so thankful that Ashley will be with me at these games and she will be her brother’s biggest cheerleader. Last year she tried to go to as many as possible. She was getting close to finishing chemo at this time and when her immune system was strong enough she and I would go to the ballpark. I remember though how people would stare. She was bald and walked with a pretty significant limp. I know that they were just curious, but I know that it must have been so difficult for her to endure…the stares, the questions. Yet, what I remember most is her enduring smile and strength of soul. She just didn’t let it get to her. I really admire that about her. She knows who she is in Christ. How thankful I am for His light that continues to shine in her.
You are probably wondering why I feel the need to compare today with what we were experiencing a year ago, or two years back at this same time. It is hard to explain but it feels like life took such a different turn for us when Ashley was diagnosed and I cannot help but gauge time and events by what we were doing by this time frame. That is not to say that the memories and the good times we had prior to cancer touching our lives are not cherished, it just sometimes feels like our lives started all over from scratch when Ashley got sick. Okay, I am not making much sense. I know that our St. Jude buddies would certainly understand. I guess I feel like we have a totally different outlook on life now and in some crazy way, a new lease on life. The things that mattered before, are not quite so important. Never again will we go through a day and not realize that it truly was a gift from God. What I am most thankful for is the very simple things in life, not the house or the cars or the material things (I am thankful for those things but my happiness is not based upon material goods) but for the sounds of my children laughing, being able to wake up in my own bed and not in a hospital room, the kids being able to go to school and so many other “normal everyday things”. God has placed such a blessing over us, I am so aware of how much He loves us. What more could I need?
Okay, I know that I am rambling. I am having a hard time with this update. You see I just got off the phone with a special friend, a mom that was divinely placed into my life while at St. Jude. We share this common bond, a fight against cancer for our daughters. Her name is Trish and her little girl is Emma Grace. Emma Grace is three years old and she can steal your heart with her beautiful blue eyes and grand personality. Trish and Barney (mom and dad) have just learned that Emma Grace’s cancer has returned. She had just finished treatment last July. Now, they will be starting a entirely new protocol to try and combat this second bout with cancer. I feel numb right now as I type this. When Trish called and broke the news, I wanted so desperately to say the right thing and to offer hope. Yet, I feel like I failed miserably. All I know is that God is able. Trish and Barney are strong faith filled believers and as Trish said it so powerfully on the phone “God didn’t bring us this far to leave us now”. Wow, that is truth and that is His promise. When it comes right down to it, what are we to do? Trust in His grace and the power of the cross. So, please pray for this precious family and especially for little Emma Grace. She has already endured in her short life more pain and sickness than most. It breaks my heart to know that she is going to have to endure more. That is why it is so urgent to pray. God is able to heal this child and His ways are always perfect. Emma Graces’ dad said that her healing would be in God’s way and in God’s timing. Now that is faith at work.
I told Ashley about Emma Grace and the doctor’s report because we have been diligently praying for her this past week. Ashley looked at me and said the exact same thing that Trish said just minutes earlier…”God didn’t bring her this far to turn his back on her now”…she added remember Jeremiah 29:11..God has a plan for her life”. You could have knocked me over with a feather. I was worried about her reaction (fear of her own cancer returning) and instead she was the one encouraging and uplifting me. The faith of a child, once again so clearly demonstrated. So please, pray for this family and for God to surround Emma Grace with mercy and grace. Emma Grace is not only part of our St. Jude Family she is part of God’s family and we have the awesome responsibility to pray and to care for her.
“But he lifted the needy out of their affliction and increased their families like flocks” Psalms 107:41
Well, I will close with this. Ashley will be having her 1 year checkup on April 19th and 20th so if I don’t get a chance to update before then, please remember to pray for good results. As a parent you can’t help but worry. Yet, as Trish and Barney reminded me today...God is in control. Pray for peace and for His presence to go before us.
“The Lord is my light and my salvation- whom should I fear?”
Psalms 27:1
Know that we love you and cherish your friendship.
Donna
p.s. Please if you don’t mind, take a moment and sign Ashley’s guest page. She loves to see new entries and gets so excited to see that someone has signed in.
Also, you can check in on Emma Grace and leave her family a note of encouragement at www.caringbridge.org/ar/emmagrace
Also, I received an email today from a friend and prayer partner, Melinda Winchester who has asked us to pray for her father in law who is having some serious problems with his heart and is in the hospital. Please pray for this dear family also. Melinda's husband is in remission from Leukemia and we continue to ask for prayers on his behalf also. This family has been though so many trials in just a short period of time yet they continue to stay strong in their faith. Melinda has been a Godsend for me and for Ashley. Please join with us in praying for this dear family and especially for Phillips Dad. May God bless you for caring for others.
Wednesday, February 11, 2004 3:34 PM CST Hello Everyone,
Well, since Ashley beat me to the punch on the last update, I thought that I would take a few moments to tell you all what has been going on around the Garrett Household. First and Foremost a praise report....Ashley had her 10 month check up yesterday and all scans were 'CLEAR' , PRAISE GOD.....CLEAR SCANS AND A GOOD REPORT!!!!
It feels like everytime we turn around we are having x-rays and scans and it seems like you just get home and breathe a great big sigh of relief and it is time for another checkup. She has undergone these checkups every other month since end of treatment (last April) and will be having her 1-year (from end of treatment) check sometime this April. Ashley's doctor told us when he looked at his schedule for yesterday, he had to ask why Ashley was coming in. It seems like the checkups are so very frequent. He even said it was hard to believe that it has almost been a year now since she finished treatment (chemo). God has carried us through each and every scan thus far and we believe that we will continue to get "all is well" reports each and everytime. Okay, I did panic a little prior to her checkup. I got myself so worked up and worried that I had everybody in the house upset prior to Tuesday. Of course, I didn't let anyone know that the check-up was my concern (not wanting to frighten Ashley) and just blamed my crankiness on mood swings. It is true that stress causes you to act differently than you normally would. I had to do some major apologizing for my attitude. Floyd smiled and just said "I knew you were worried and I understood what was going on with you". Oh well, we all have our days, I just need to learn to "breathe and relax" as Tyler likes to tell Ashley when she is upset. I had talked (way too much) about all of the "what if's" to Floyd that he finally told me he didn't want to think of the "what if's" and has chosen to be thankful and believe only in God's divine healing over Ashley. Wow, words of faith from someone who loves her just as much as I do. I know that most females (at least my friends) like to really talk things out and most men process things differently and that is what makes us all so unique. So, next time I have one of my "spill every thought in my head days", I'll call one of you females. Smile. All teasing aside, I am so fortunate to have such a caring spouse who just lets me blow steam and totally ignores my rolling emotions.
Ashley did give me a little something to worry about prior to her check up Tuesday. Sunday afternoon at drama practice at church, she fell, barefooted. Ashley still has to wear a small brace inside of her left shoe due to the lack of strength in her ankle and arch. She was practicing a skit and someone fell and then she fell and someone landed on top of her left leg (the one with the prosthesis). She didn't tell me until I got to church Sunday night. She complained that it was really hurting but she assured me that she was okay. She went to school the next day, limping just a little but still okay. When she got home however, she could barely put weight on her leg. Of course, I have an internal panic attack (cool and calm on the outside but scared on the inside) thinking she may have damaged her prosthesis. Then I got to comparing both ankles and the one on the left looked a lot puffier and swollen than the right. I am just mashing away, feeling for lumps (once you've had a tumor come up from no where you take every bit of swollen tissue very seriously). By the time Floyd came home, her ankle was good and puffy. Of course He explained it was now puffier because I had been mashing on it all afternoon....smile. We put her to bed with her foot elevated and I waited anxiously until our timely, prescheduled appointment on Tuesday for x-rays. Floyd, the forever optimist, ate His dinner and just relaxed. Why should we both worry, that is my department. Smile. It turns out that she did just sprain her ankle and it is nothing more serious than that. Her physical therapist told her to just go easy on it for the next few days and she will be fine. I asked if we should put her back on crutches and her therapist looked at me like I was crazy. I had momentarily forgotten how long it took us to get her off of crutches to begin with. She is right, we don't need to take two steps backwards, we are moving forward and moving forward is exactly what Ashley is doing. She went to school today, feeling fine and with most of the swelling gone. Praise God for even the simple things He takes care of that we concern ourselves with. As a dear friend and former nurse of Ashley's at St. Jude told me this past week in an email..."Let Go and Let God"!!!! Wow what a challenge but it truly is the way we should live each day.
We have had an awesome 2004 thus far. We were invited this past Saturday to speak at a fundraiser for St. Jude supported by "The Memphis Futurity Club & Classic". This is a national group of men and women who compete in "Cutting Horse" competitions. Okay, I am not a natural "cowgirl" but I did fall in love with this group of people. They were so sweet and kind and so generous to the hospital. They had a dinner and then allowed Ashley and I to share our testimony. They then proceeded with an auction where they raised over 65,000 for St. Jude. Wow, we were so touched by their generousity. They had this little "Build A Bear - Horse" that they auctioned off for Ashely. It was probably worth $25.00 or so but it was auctioned for $40,000. I couldn't believe it. Tears flowed as I watched complete strangers give to "our hospital". My prayer is that one day there will be a cure for every child that walks through the doors of St. Jude and that "survival rates" will not even have to be a topic of conversation. Each dollar gets us one step closer. Many told Ashley after her talk, that she had touched their hearts....what they didn't know is how much they had touched ours. You see, it isn't just about Ashley, we have a huge family of children with cancer that we pray for, rejoice with and grieve with. How thankful we are for the opportunity to share our story of hope and the desperate need for all of our extended St. Jude family.
Tuesday, after leaving the hospital with our wonderful checkup we were able to swing by the showplace arena for the presentation of the check for St. Jude. What a way to celebrate our special day. Because of this generous club, many more will one day celebrate too!!!!!!
Well, I didn't mean to be so lengthy. I just wanted to touch base with everyone and let you know that all is going well. God has been so good to us. I know that St. Jude Hospital has been a blessing from above, but most importantly, I know that God is the source of every breath that we breathe. Ashley reminds me this every night as she says her bedtime prayers she often says....."God, thank you for every breath that you gave today". What grips my heart is that she is so aware that He is responsible for every breath and for every season of our life. To be thankful for just being alive, what I am trying to learn from this. Lessons that only the faith of a child can teach.
We love you all and appreciate your continued prayers and just your constant friendship. If you have a moment, please sign Ashley's guestbook. She still checks it everyday and it means so much when someone leaves her a note. Take care until we chat again.
love & hugs,
Donna
Hello everyone,
This is Ashley!!! My life has been busy! I gave 12 speeches Thursday afternoon at St.Jude. I was giving speeches to Radio people. It was a part of Country Cares!
At the end of my speeches my mom was crying. I had to keep her together. I had so much fun!!! St. Jude has been so good to me but I know that God is the reason I am doing so well.
I am getting so excited. My 12th birthday is coming up Monday. My mom and I are going to have a spa day. I will be getting my first hair cut since my hair has grown back. We are also getting a manicure and a pedicure.
School is going really good. My grades are really good. It has been a real adjustment because of all the homework but I'm just excited to be back at school. My friends have been so sweet. They take turns carrying my back pack since it is hard for me to carry it because it is soooo heavy!!!!!
Life has been good. I had my port taken out!!!!
That was so great. Well I just wanted to say thank you so much for leaving me messages. It means so much to me!! Talk to you soon!!!
Love,
Ashley Garrett
Hello everyone,
This is Ashley!!! My life has been busy! I gave 12 speeches Thursday afternoon at St.Jude. I was giving speeches to Radio people. It was a part of Country Cares!
At the end of my speeches my mom was crying. I had to keep her together. I had so much fun!!! St. Jude has been so good to me but I know that God is the reason I am doing so well.
I am getting so excited. My 12th birthday is coming up Monday. My mom and I are going to have a spa day. I will be getting my first hair cut since my hair has grown back. We are also getting a manicure and a pedicure.
School is going really good. My grades are really good. It has been a real adjustment because of all the homework but I'm just excited to be back at school. My friends have been so sweet. They take turns carrying my back pack since it is hard for me to carry it because it is soooo heavy!!!!!
Life has been good. I had my port taken out!!!!
That was so great. Well I just wanted to say thank you so much for leaving me messages. It means so much to me!! Talk to you soon!!!
Love,
Ashley Garrett
Sunday, December 28, 2003 4:26 PM CST Hello everyone:
A belated Merry Christmas to all!!!!! I hope that each of you had a wonderful Christmas and that the joy that comes from the reason we celebrate, the birth of our Lord and saviour is very real to you throughout the new year.
Christmas was so special at our home and the time that we had with our family. Ashley and Tyler still get so excited about Christmas and all the festivites that surround the holidays. Ashley in her own words told us the best gift she ever received was having clear scans. I had to fight back the tears because it was so true, yet something a child should not even be concerned with. How grateful I am for her thankful heart and her tender spirit. She and Tyler both know that Jesus is the reason we celebrate Christmas and Ashley's renewed health.
Christmas with our family was so special yet we felt the emptiness of not having Patterson with us. Cindy gave each of us a beautiful tiny silver box with the year engraved and precious pictures of Patterson inside. The tears flowed easily as we each opened this precious gift. Cindy told us she didn't want to sadden each of us but just to give us something to remember Patterson by. How could we ever forget this precious life and the lessons he taught us in such a short time. Lessons that life is so fragile and so very dear. Patterson celebrated his first Christmas in the arms of Jesus. I know God is holding us in his arms as we miss those who have gone on before us. I don't know where our family would be without God's loving hand over us, comforting and guiding us this past year. Patterson was a special gift, loaned for only a short time from heaven above. How thankful we are for this gift.
Speaking of gifts and on a much lighter note: Floyd is so convinced that Ashley will be able to do all that she ever dreamed of doing and more, that he bought her a motorized scooter for Christmas and to keep peace in the family, he bought Tyler a 4-wheeler. You have to know that I fought him tooth and nail on these purchases. After spending a year and half in rehab with Ashley (and still on-going), the very thought of a crash on either one of these vehicles scares me to death. The kids are thrilled with their Christmas surprise and are enjoying their new "toys". Ashley seems to be a clone of my personality. She refuses to make a "turn" on her scooter for the fear of it falling over on her (females do have a safety mechanisim built right into their brains, I am sure of that, smile) so she just rides the scooter up and down in a straight line and waits for her dad to come and help her make her turns. Tyler on the other hand is already talking about making "sweet air" as he tries to find whatever small hill or raised area to jump. Can you understand my nervousness? Floyd grew up on 3-wheelers and horses and the sort so he truly doesn't understand my concerns. I am trying not to be so over protective of my kids and a little more trusting of their father's judgement, but boy it isn't easy. Smile. I guess I will just pray that much harder in 2004. Smile.
Well tomorrow is another special day that we celebrate as a family. Ashley will be having surgery to remove her port-a-cath (this is the central line that was placed inside her chest when she had her biopsy that all of her chemo treatments and blood work has been administered through). The "port" is a constant reminder to Ashley of all of the poisionous chemo and needle sticks that she went through during treatment. The doctors had told us that after she had two or three clear scans that they would consider removing it if we wanted. Again, our prayer is that Ashley is healed and will never need a port-a-cath again. Althought this is a routine surgery to some, it is a step of faith for us. Pray that as she undergoes this surgery, especially the anesthesia, that all will go smoothly and as planned. This will be Ashley's fourth surgery since this journey with cancer began and this is the one that we have looked forward to. Floyd keeps calling it our "victory surgery". Pray God's continued hand of healing and health upon our precious little girl.
I will update again real soon. I have so much to share, so many blessings, such wonderful friends like each of you who constantly check in on us. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all of your love and prayers. I will update again in the next day or so and let you know how the surgery went and maybe then I can share more of my heart with you all.
"As for me, I would seek God, and I would place my cause before God; who does great and usnsearchable things, wonders without number. He gives rain on the earth, and sends water on the fields so that he sets on high those who are lowly and those who mourn are lifted to safety."
Job 5:8,9
love and hugs,
Donna
Wednesday, December 17, 2003 9:20 PM CST Hello Everyone:
Great news once again.....Ashley's scans were clear and her lab work looked great. How very thankful we are to share this wonderful news with each of you. This is the greatest gift that we could have received right here at Christmas (or anytime for that matter). God is so good and we feel so blessed. Thank you so much for your continued prayers. I know that is the power of prayer that has made the difference in our lives. The word tells us to come boldly into the throne of grace in our times of need. How thankful I am for His grace.
"Let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and may find grace to help in time of need." Hebrews 5:16
God's Mercy and grace, there is no other way to explain how well Ashley is doing. Each time we leave the hospital after having these checkups, I am more and more aware of His grace in our lives. I can't imagine taking another step in this journey without His grace. How blessed we are.
I have so much to share with each of you but I am going to make this a record short update. I haven't slept well for the past few nights, leading up to the scans and I am exhausted. I just couldn't go to bed without letting you know that we got the positive reports we had all hoped and believed for. Thanks again for your friendship and for your concern. I will try and update again real soon. Now that Ashley's 8 month scans are behind us, I can now focus on my Christmas shopping. I have a busy next few days trying to get ready for the holidays. I will update real soon and share more then. Have a great evening and know that we love and cherish each of you.
love to all,
Donna
Monday, December 8, 2003 6:10 PM CST Hello Everyone:
Okay, I am so sorry for the delay in updating the website. Ashley has been feeling great and has kept us on on the move. These past few months have been so wonderful as we have caught up on so many things that we missed or were unable to participate in last year due to Ashley's illness. Ashley has been quite the celebrity lately. She had the wonderful opportunity to give a short interview with FM100 to help raise money for the "Make-A-Wish-Foundation" just a couple of weeks ago. A HUNDRED THANK YOU'S TO ALL THAT SUPPORT THIS WONDERFUL ORGANIZATION!!!! If you could only meet the special children (Ashley included) that this organization has touched on some of the darkest days a child can imagine. It was such a blessing to be able to share our thanks and our story with those that have supported this organization and with the wonderful volunteers who work so hard for this foundation.
Last week our Pastor invited our family to share our testimony on channel 40 (an affliate station of Trinity Broadcast Network). Pastor McCarty and his wife, Darlene hosted the show and gave us an opportunity to tell of God's goodness and grace in our walk with cancer. Due to time constraints we were just able to skim the surface of what God has done in our lives and especially in Ashley's. The most important comment of the entire evening was before we went on air, when in a back room our Pastor stated "It is not about us tonight, it is about those watching who have no hope and need God to intervene in their circumstances." How very true that is. Our prayer is that someone watching that show was touched, not by our words, but by the presence of the Lord that was very real in that studio. We left the taping feeling so blessed and so aware of how good God has been to us.
Ashley is doing wonderfully. She and Tyler are so excited about Christmas. It feels SO good to be home this holiday and not spending it at the hospital as we did last year. We have so much to celebrate this season. Last Christmas seems like a blur. We went through the motions, but we were in the middle of chemo treatments, blood transfusions and back to back hospital stays and visits. We refuse to get caught up in the stress of the season, because compared to last year, this holiday season is going to be a true joy for us. Christmas and each day has taken on such a new meaning. So...we are going to slow down and savor this season and our many blessings....especially you, our special friends.
We do ask that you remember us in prayer next week on Tuesday and Wednesday (Dec. 16th and 17th). Ashley will be having her 8 month checkup. It seems like we just did this yesterday, but oh well, we understand the importance of these test. She will be having chest x-rays, leg x-rays and blood work along with the regular set of appointments that come along with a post treatment check. Once again, we are just standing firm in our faith that all we be well. However, prayers of peace always are appreciated (and needed). I specifically requested that we do this checkup prior to Christmas so that we could really enjoy the holiday and not have this on the back of our minds. Okay, faith - fear, it is a daily battle when you are walking this journey. Pray that my level of faith always supercedes any fear that tries to creep in. I know that God is doing a mighty work in Ashley's life and that He is using this journey as a stepping stone. Yet, that doesn't mean that it is an easy road. How thankful we are to know that your prayers will go before us next week. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts. All we truly want for Christmas is a good report and a healthy little girl. You all understand I know.
This leads me to ask a huge favor to any of you out there who are blood doners. A neighbor and dear friend called me tonight to ask for help in finding anyone that might be willing to donate blood for a 17 year old girl named Mandy Lynn Walker. Mandy is in ICU at Lebohner and is fighting a severe viral infection. Lifeblood is very low on blood right now and Mandy desperately needs blood. This is an urgent request. Anyone who doesn't mind donating blood can go to any Life Blood Center and ask that your donation is marked for "Mandy Lynn Walker". We personally do not know Mandy, but that doesn't matter. This is someone's child who desperately needs our help. Again, anyone can give regardless of blood type due to Mandy having 0-Positive blood which is a universal match. I too vividly remember Ashley having multiple transfusions that were needed, but I can't imagine worrying if the blood was going to be available. So, if you can help Mandy, I know that her family and friends would greatly appreciate it. Also, please lift this young lady up in your prayers. God hears us when we pray.
Well, I need to run. I just wanted to give you a quick update and to ask for help for Mandy. Please know that we love all of you and pray God's blessing upon this Holiday Season for you and your's.
Donna
"The Lord is my portion, says my soul. Therefore I HAVE HOPE IN HIM. The Lord is good to those who wait for Him."
Lamentations 3:24,25
Thursday, October 30, 2003 7:41 PM CST Hello, Hello!!!!!
GREAT NEWS.....ASHLEY'S SCANS WERE ONCE AGAIN CLEAR AND ALL REPORTS WERE POSITIVE!!!!!! GOD IS SO GOOD!!!!!!!!!
I wanted to share our wonderful news with all of you. I cannot put into words how thankful that we are for this wonderful checkup. We try so hard to not be anxious, but it is so very difficult watching your child go through this testing. We are still just walking around with smiles on our faces. It isn't that we thought we would receive bad news, but I will always remember the shock of finding out that she had cancer to begin with. She seemed so perfectly healthy and with one conversation, our world turned upside down. Yet, how wonderful it is to see God's faithfulness and to know that He carries us through each and every situation we face. My heart is so full of thanksgiving and awe at His goodness to us. I just had to write this quick update and thank you for your coveted prayers once again.
The next checkup has already been scheduled for December 16th and 17th. I am going to try and not get ahead of today and the exhiliration that we feel. A Day at a time....one step at a time...this is so important in all of life's hardships.
"Rejoice in hope, preservere in tribulation, Devote yourself to prayer". Romans 12:12
God gives new mercy each day. Looking over my shoulder, I know that to be true.
"For I satisfy the weary ones and refresh every one who languishes. At this I awoke and looked and my sleep was pleasant to me." Jeremiah 31:25,26
This Sunday is also a very special day for our family. Our denomination has a program for young girls called "Missionettes". This program is similar to girl scouts except that it is Biblically based. Ashley has been a part of this program since she was three years old. She has now completed years of intense Bible study and lesson plans and a host of other necessary requirements that entitles her to the wonderful achievement of being crowned an "Honor Star". This has been no easy task. She has worked for years to accomplish this goal and especially over the past few months to catch up from the year she missed while sick. The "crowning" will take place this Sunday for her and two other precious girls during our church service. She is so excited and she cannot wait for this day. We went to Nashville just a couple of weekends ago for her to be crowned in the state ceremony. I will post pictures next week on the website of our little princess. I will try my best just to keep my composure during this little ceremony. I know that God laid the foundation for Ashley to walk through her illness by hiding His word in her heart, even through this Missionette program. It is truly amazing to me when I look at how God directed Her steps even from a very early age and the depth of faith that she has in her Heavenly father. I am learning life lessons from my little girl.
Well, I need to run. Ashley is actually cooking dinner tonight. She has kicked me out of the kitchen and I have been told that I am just to relax and enjoy today. I could get used to this, real quick. Smile.
Again, thank you for your prayers and your friendship. Have a great weekend.
Donna
P.S. I am having difficulty again with the pictures downloading. I will have new pics up as soon as I hear back from the website provider. Sorry.
Monday, October 27, 2003 8:52 AM CST Sorry, this did not download properly last night. Here is yesterday's update. Thanks again for checking in on us!!!!
Sunday, October 26th
Hello everyone:
Well I am trying to be true to my word and sending you an update on Ashley and all that she has been up to for the past couple of months. She is doing wonderfully and seems to be getting stronger every day. She is keeping a tight and hectic schedule with being in school all day, physical therapy appointments at St. Jude (now down to twice a week, Praise God!!!!!) cheerleading practice twice a week and games on Saturday. Throw church services in there three times a week and 2-3 hours of homework each night and there isn’t anytime left. I am not complaining at all though. I couldn’t be happier that she is well enough to do all of the above and a day doesn’t go by that I don’t realize how blessed we are. I so remember last year the many hospital stays and daily doctor appointments and times when her immune system was so weak or she was to sick to be around others. We told Ashley that we would make up for lost time and we are certainly keeping our word. Truthfully, God is the one restoring her life ten-fold. We just got back a few weeks ago from a trip to Six Flags and it did my heart so much good just watching Ashley gleam with excitement as she rode every roller coaster in the park. We take the simple things for granted so often. Those of you who know me well, know that I get motion sickness very easily so I am strictly at these types of parks for the cotton candy and for the enjoyment of my family. I had a lot of time to move from bench to bench and reflect on how really good life is right now. The scripture comes to mind…
.
“This is the day that the Lord has made, let us be glad and rejoice in it.”
Psalms 118:24
This verse applies to each and every day of our life, not just the happy days but those that are heavy to bear. I am trying to learn to just trust, simply trust Him everyday. Yet, I will say watching Ashley take each day and live it to the fullest touches my heart. How thankful we are for these good and wonderful days. They would appear mundane to most, but we only have to reflect back to earlier this year and we realize that we are so blessed and God has been so good to us.
This Tuesday and Wednesday, Ashley will undergo her six-month post treatment evaluations. This is when they do bone scans, x-rays, blood test and other checks to make sure that her cancer is still in remission. Please, please pray for positive reports. I stand upon my earlier journals in stating that we believe she is healed and that God has her in the palm of His hands. Yet, as a parent, I cannot tell you the anxiety that you feel as the test day approaches. I know that it is the enemy coming in to shred any form of faith that we have. I recognize that and it makes me angry. Again, “This day, today, is the day that the Lord has made, I will be glad and rejoice in it.” I have had to ask the Lord for the peace that only I can find in Him. Floyd taught in Sunday School this morning that God ordained each and every day of our life. I know that is true, so He is already aware of the events of this upcoming week and I know that He is faithful and He will be there with us and Ashley. Thank you for your continued prayers and your words of encouragement. They are truly prayers of life for us.
Well, I know this is a record short update (I have so much more to share and will do so later) but I need to get ready for church. Ashley is already there, practicing for the “Praise Team” that she is on, another one of her many activities that I failed to mention. When she sings, she truly has something to give “Praise” for, as we all do. I know she touches the heart of God as she stands up and sings and gives Him glory for all that He has done in her life. She truly is a living testimony of God’s grace and goodness.
Thanks for your prayers this week and for your friendship. We love you all.
Donna
p.s. I have downloaded new photos. Sorry for the delay.
Thursday, October 2, 2003 7:42 PM CDT Well hello everyone:
I guess you all thought that I finally ran out of things to share with no updates for over a month now. The truth of the matter is that every time that I have sat down to write an update, I just stare at the computer and begin to cry. I can’t explain the tears only to say that they are part of the healing that is taking place for me in the loss of my precious nephew. I believe with all my heart that he is in Heaven and his little heart is beating and working perfectly and that God’s plan for his time on this earth will gradually be revealed to us left behind. I watch in amazement and with pride in how my sister and her husband are dealing with this heartache. Yes, they miss Patterson terribly and they wish things had turned out differently, but they know that God is still on the throne and that His ways are perfect. What a testimony of divine grace. Cindy told me one night several weeks ago that her arms physically ached, desiring to hold little Patterson one more time. She only held him a few times in the short time he was with us due to his constant critical state. Yet, she knows that He is in the arms of our Heavenly Father. We too are in His sheltering arms, walking day by day trusting that He makes no mistakes. At the funeral, the minister spoke of God’s grace being a “living and daily” grace. I have played his words over and over in my mind as I have struggled with the “whys” and the heartache we feel. I have asked the hard questions, “God, why did you not give us a miracle here on earth? God why did you allow him to live for almost three months only to take him home? “I don’t have the answers but I do know that God is all knowing and all powerful and that he ordained each and every day of Patterson’s life. His plan is always for our good, no matter how painful it may seem at times. I feel like this past year and a half has been so hard at times, yet had we not have walked through the valley we may not have appreciated the mountain tops so much. We are blessed. In all circumstances and even when life seems upside down, there are blessings beyond measure if we just look beyond our hurts.
One day I was visiting the cemetery and a young mother who lost her baby boy just three days after Patterson died was sitting next to her child’s grave. I walked up and didn’t intend to stay, not wanting to intrude upon her privacy. Yet, I just felt like I should say something to this precious young mother who obviously was very distraught, and understandably so. Her son has been laid to rest right next to Patterson and I knelt down on the grass and just asked if she wanted someone to talk to. We had a tearful but sweet conversation, our hearts linked by a common bond. I was able to share my faith and the belief that God did smile upon these two little lives and that He had a plan for us left behind. Their lives were not in vain. I felt such a burden for this young mom and as I got up to leave I hugged her and I wished that I could have taken away her pain, just as I wish I could ease Cindy and Patrick’s heartache. Yet, I also saw a glimpse of the “why” this all has happened. God knew that we couldn’t truly touch others, unless we felt some of their pain. I know with our experience with Ashley and her having had cancer, it has made us so much more compassionate towards those facing such heart wrenching circumstances. It has caused us to be more tender with each other and with even strangers. You never know what someone is dealing with behind the smile on their face. As I walked back to my car, noticing all of the grave markers and the lives lost at such tender ages, I prayed that God would allow us to turn this heartache into grace so that we can help others. Sometimes I have felt like no one truly understands the fear and the hurt of having a child with cancer but then I walk the halls of St. Jude and I quickly realize that I am not alone. As I walked through “baby land” at the cemetery, I realized that there are so many who have lost loved ones and that others have hurt just like we hurt. However, I have “living grace” just like the minister spoke of at Patterson’s service. That grace is sufficient and it helps us to trust when life doesn’t make sense.
Oh, I didn’t mean to ramble or share all of this. I have just poured out my heart and soul. I have told you all many times on this web page that this is my therapy. I have many times sat down and written every thought in my head only to push the delete button, not feeling like I should or could tell everyone how I was feeling at the time. Tonight, I feel okay about it. I hope that someone reading this site may find some source of comfort for whatever you are facing. I do know that it is okay to cry and okay to be real with others. While talking to the young mother at the cemetery, I realized that all people really need is someone to care and to share their sorrows and their joys with. She touched my heart. She didn’t care that we were strangers, nor did I. We both just needed each other. I am so thankful for that fate meeting and I hope that it will not be our last. I am also so thankful for each of you and for the prayers and outpouring of support and love that our entire family has received during Patterson’s illness and death. We have felt your prayers and your love. We are blessed to have such wonderful friends and prayer partners.
Since I have been so lengthy and before I decide to “hit the delete” button, smile, I will update on Ashley and her progress specifically within the next week or so (I promise). I will say that she is doing wonderfully and continues to be a shining light in spite of everything. She truly amazes me with her child like faith. She told me the other night, “Mom, I know that Patterson’s heart was all messed up but when he died he took pieces of his mom and dad’s, grandma and papa’s and our heart and because of that he now has a “whole and new heart”. What a beautiful way to look at things. That is what living grace is all about.
Love,
Donna
“For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels or principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height or depth, neither any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
Romans 8:38
Monday, August 25, 2003 7:59 PM CDT PATTERSON CHRISTOPHER TOY
JUNE 5,2003 – AUGUST 25, 2003
Today is a day of great sadness yet full of mercy and grace as sweet little Patterson slipped forever into the loving arms of our Heavenly Father. Never could life hurt so much as it does at this moment, yet never could God’s grace be more sufficient. We don’t understand why God chose to take him from those who here on earth who loved him so but we do know that God loved him even more. So today we cry tears of sorrow but of thankfulness for hearts that have forever been changed because of one special little child. Patterson taught us so much in his short little life. The battle is not ours, but God’s. Today we lay down our heaviness and pick up His promises for comfort and joy and for faith that our prayers did not go unanswered. Instead, God heard each and every one and in his merciful way spared Patterson of a life we may never had been able to comprehend in our finite way of thinking. Cindy and Patrick gave Him to the Lord twice; on June the 5th when he graced us with his beautiful and courageous spirit and today as they released Him back to their Heavenly Father. Patterson was so loved by his entire family and He took pieces of our hearts with him to Heaven. Yet, we all knew that He was God’s to begin with. We wish we could have held on tighter. God knows that we didn’t want to see him go. Patterson received his healing in a moment’s time as He crossed from this earth into a Glorious Heaven. We will see Him again one day. Until then, He will forever be in our Hearts.
Jesus said “suffer not the little children and forbid them not to come to me for of such is the kingdom of Heaven”. Matthew 19:14
Patterson Christopher Toy a gift from above forever to be cherished now in the presence of our loving Lord.
Thank you so much for your prayers on Patterson’s behalf and for Cindy and Patrick. Please continue to pray God’s comfort and grace over them. They are fully leaning on the Lord and though their hearts are broken they know that God is still on the throne. Please pray for God’s peace and presence to be very real as we face the days ahead.
Love and many thanks for your faithful prayers,
Donna
Services for Patterson will be held on Wednesday at Memphis Funeral Home on Poplar. Visitation begins at 11:00 am and the service will begin at 12:00 noon. Burial will be at Memorial Park following the service.
Thursday, August 21, 2003 10:09 AM CDT Hello everyone:
The big news for the week…..ASHLEY'S SCANS WERE CLEAR AND HER LAB WORK WAS PERFECT!!!!! PRAISE GOD….HE IS SO GOOD AND SO FAITHFUL!!!! We are so very thankful for this great report and especially for your prayers. I know that we are to walk in faith and to trust God each and every day for Ashley’s healing, yet when you have been told that this cancer can reoccur and that frequent scans will be a part of her life, especially for the next five years, to hear “all is clear” is such a gift. I woke up Tuesday (the day of Ashley’s scans and x-rays) and just cried out to the Lord. I told him that this wasn’t how an eleven year old girl should be spending her day. I so wanted to be full of faith but truthfully, I was so scared. I prayed God just go before us and give us the peace that only you can give. I continue to pray this same prayer everyday. I see God’s faithfulness time and time again. When I think of where we were at this same time last year, I see how God has carried us. Once again I see His tender mercies and His grace. So thank you so much for your prayers this past Tuesday and for your continued prayers.
The Bible tells us not to be anxious for our life that we are more valuable than the sparrows and that he knows what we have need of before we even ask (Luke chapter 12). When Ashley was lying on the x-ray table I was fighting to keep from crying. Floyd just kept reassuring me that everything would be fine. I wish I had Floyd's calmness under pressure. I know that he was anxious also, yet he refused to give in to fear. I just wanted to pick her up and run away. I had to remind myself that God is in control. The scripture that God laid on my heart this morning is…
“I will bless the Lord at ALL TIMES; His praise shall CONTINUALLY be in my mouth.” Psalms 34:1.
I am learning that this is a key to living a happy life. It isn’t about what is comfortable for us; it is about allowing God to really be in control all of the time and then trusting and having faith that he works ALL things for our good. I am preaching to myself today, not anyone else. I know that I need to learn to let go of worry and fear and just let Him be God. I have heard so many times that you can’t speak fear and speak faith at the same time. How true that is. I know God is trying to build faith in our hearts with each answer to prayer. One thing I do know that faith is a walk, not just a thing you pick up here and there. Sometimes the journey is harder than other times, but God always makes a road, even in the wilderness.
"He saved them for the sake of His name, that He might make His power known. Thus He rebuked the Red Sea and it dried up; and He led them through the deeps, as through the wilderness."
Psalms 106:9
There have been times that I felt like we were walking through the red sea and the waves could come crashing down at any moment. Yet, as I look back, I see His faithfulness and how He is ordering our steps. God is so good!!!
Tomorrow night we will be participating in “Relay for Life, Jr.” Ashley is the spoke child for Collierville and she is so excited. Her school, Central Day School, will be having a team that will walk in the relay to raise money for the American Cancer Society. Until our family was directly impacted by cancer, I never realized the importance of such events. How thankful we are for the support and sacrifices so many make to help those impacted by cancer and to help fund research to find cures for cancer. I know last year we participated in this event with Ashley wearing a mask (to keep her from catching an air-borne infection) and pushing her in a wheelchair. How far she has come. I know that I will have a hard time holding back the tears as she leads her team this year. Once again, God is so good and He has been so faithful to us!!!! This is such a special event for us. These children are learning at an early age that they can make a difference in their world. It touches your heart.
Well, little Patterson was transferred back to Germantown Methodist from LeBonheur and continues to fight for his little life. He is still on the ventilator but we continue to hope and pray each day that he will soon be able to breathe on his own and his little body will be healed. Please continue to pray that his little heart will be healed and right now especially for his little kidneys. He is very swollen and retaining more fluid that the doctors would like. Last week he had to be revived twice and there was some concern about possible brain damage. PRAISE GOD, a test done yesterday proved that there was NO DAMAGE!!!!! We are so thankful and are learning to dwell on the positive and give thanks for every victory. He is now been fed through a tube and is tolerating his feedings well. Again, God is answering our prayers. We are still believing for a total miracle for Patterson. God knows what we have need of and there is no doubt that he is sustaining his life for a greater purpose. So thank you for your prayers and please continue to pray for total healing and for rest for Cindy and Patrick. It is such a heavy burden for them to shoulder. They know they are not alone.
Well, I I just wanted to share our good reports and let you know what was going on with Patterson. Thanks again for your prayers and your friendship. We are so blessed to have such caring friends!!!
love to all,
Donna
p.s. I have added a picture to the photo page from Tuesday. Don't worry about Floyd in the leopard x-ray gown. He looks awful confident of his masculinity. ...smile
Thursday, August 14, 2003 12:15 AM CDT Hello everyone:
What a week thus far of many emotions and events. This has been one of the happiest weeks of our lives and yet one of the most difficult. Ashley was able to go back to her school this Monday as a full-time student. Most kids wouldn’t be so excited, but after being home-schooled last year and many days too sick to even have school, it is a true blessing to be back at school. Monday morning before school, I listened as Ashley sincerely prayed and thanked God for allowing her to return to school. I know that it is only by the mercy and grace of God that she is able to return to school. I remember this day, just a year ago when I had to walk Tyler alone to his classroom. How my heart broke that Ashley wasn’t with us, instead she was fighting cancer and preparing for surgery. What a tremendous testimony as we look back and see how God has spared her from so much and now is restoring her life ten-fold. Ashley had to have been the most excited student at the school Monday and for that I am so very thankful. Tyler is also glad to have his sister back. He is her official back-pack carrier as the stairs were an unexpected problem for Ashley. She has made such tremendous progress in physical therapy, yet every once in awhile we realize that we need to work on something else. Ashley was told that she could use the elevator but in her true trooper spirit, she wants to walk the stairs like everyone else. However, having to hold on to the railing and carry a backpack proved to be a little too much. Oh well, she will master this task too. I am certain of it. What a long way we have already come. Sometimes we take for granted the little things in life, the ability to just carry a backpack or to go to school. How cancer has taught us to just be thankful for today and to never ever take even the little things for granted. If there is any gift in cancer, it is the recognition that life truly is full of many blessings. So today we are thankful that Ashley and Tyler are back in school, healthy and well.
Ashley is still having to go to physical therapy three days a week and in addition to this she is involved in the cheerleading association here in Collierville. Again, she is determined that her limitations are not going to stop her from doing those things she loves (except when I insist that she stay off the pyramids, sorry there are limits). I continue to be amazed at her can-do attititude. She takes the verse in Phillipians seriously that says:
“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Phillipians 4:13
Ashley’s schedule is packed full and her energy is still not quite up to speed but she has such a determined spirit. I am trying very hard to find balance in our return to a “normal” life outside of treatment.
Ashley is scheduled to be on channel 5 this Sunday at 4:30pm for a very brief (2 minutes or less) interview for St. Jude. If you happen to catch it you can share in knowing that your prayers are truly the reason she is able to represent this wonderful hospital. Also, I am not sure if Floyd or I will be on with her, but remember the camera always puts on 10-20 pounds. Smile!!!! This interview is in correlation with the St. Jude Dream Home Give-A-Way in Southaven this Sunday. We are again so thankful for this wonderful hospital and we are always humbled when ask to speak on the hospital’s behalf. Pray that Ashley will not get nervous (she is more accustomed to live audiences and this will be new for her).
Well Tyler is adjusting to the new school year. I think the challenge will be finding a balance between Ashley’s enthusiasm and Tyler’s countdown to school is out for football practice. Smile. It is so hard to believe that he is already in 4th grade (Ashley is now in 6th). My baby is growing up. He ducked behind the classroom door when I tried to kiss him goodbye. Oh well, life if full of changes. I got the biggest hug and kiss in the world when he knew no one was looking. Ashley doesn’t seem to care, she just hugs me tight and goes on her way. Yet, she and I have kind of been glued at the hip for the past year. It seems so strange to be home without Ashley after the past year. However, I am so thankful that she is able to be back at school and that our family is together everyday. What a blessing!!!!!
I mentioned at first that this has been a very difficult week also. Amid the joy of Ashley return to school we have also shed many tears for Patterson. He is still hanging on but it has been a difficult week. I keep describing this situation as a roller coaster ride, but there are no adequate words to really describe what it has been like. On my last update I requested prayer for his kidneys specifically. Well Praise God his little kidneys are functioning normal now and that has not been a concern for the past several days. However it seems that even though his condition has not worsened, neither is he improving as the doctor’s had hoped for. Monday his vent tube accidentally came out and within moments they were administering CPR and trying to sustain his life. This was a very scary and defining moment for the doctors. It seems that even with the surgery he is still not able to breathe on his own yet. He is still on the ventilator and still requiring all type of medications to keep his tiny body functioning correctly. They are still trying to determine if there are other issues that are keeping him from improving. Cindy and Patrick had so hoped that he would have been able to leave the ICU by now and return to Germantown Methodist in stable condition by now. The hours are dragging by with not much change. Everyone is trying to be hopeful but things are still very critical.. Please pray for God to just show himself mightily in this situation. We have prayed so hard and it seems our prayers sound so repetitive. Yet, God hears each and everyone and his timing and his will is always perfect. We need a miracle for Patterson. With all of the setbacks that he has experienced in his short 10 weeks, God has been faithful to continue to cradle him in his arms. Last night Cindy was able to hold him for just a short time and she told me her arm went to sleep and she was fighting to stay awake but just didn’t want to let him go. The hardest part is letting go and just letting God take care of the whole situation. We know that his ways are so much higher but we struggle to understand the “whys” of our circumstances. I’ve been there with Ashley and now with her precious little cousin, Patterson. Yet, we have a choice, we can either bury our head in our tears or pray and trust that God is in control. I daily choose to trust that he is fulfilling His plan for Patterson and for Cindy and Patrick. So, please continue to pray. We don’t know what the days ahead will bring, but we do know that God has already gone before us.
I know that I have been so…..lengthy. Sorry, it just sorta spills out sometimes. I would also like you to remember us next Tuesday as Ashely will be having a full day of scans and x-rays and labwork for her 4-month post treatment checkup. I can’t help but dread this day. I know that I am to totally trust in the Lord everyday, but I didn’t say it was always easy. Please pray for peace and especially for clear scans and good reports. We rest assured that God’s grace is ours if we just call upon Him in our times of need.
In closing, I want to share something that I am claiming as a sign from Heaven that God knows me by name and knows exactly where I am in thought and in emotion. When I walked into Ashley’s school room on Tuesday evening for a meeting with her teacher I glanced at the bulletin board. There was a sign that read “Don’t worry about tomorrow. God is aready there”. I had to fight back tears. Ashley bought me a bumper sticker in our church bookstore the very first weekend after being told she had cancer that has the exact statement on it. I taped it to my bathroom mirror and it has remained there ever since. It is a constant reminder of God’s power and of Ashley’s faith. I shared this with the teacher and she told me that this is the first year that she has ever placed that on her board. I know that it was just God confirming in my heart that He truly has everything under control in each of our lives. Again, we find so many blessings even in the little things, a simple poster on a bulletin board to some, but a mighty confirmation of God’s love to me.
“I love Thee, O Lord my strength. The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, my God my rock, in whom I take refuge; my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. I call upon the Lord who is worthy to be praised, and I am saved from my enemies.”
Psalms 18:1-3
Love,
Donna
p.s. I have posted some new pictures, even one of Patterson. Again, thank you so much for your prayers. I love you all!!!!
Saturday, August 9, 2003 10:12 PM CDT Hello everyone:
Well the last few days have been very difficult for our family but once again we see God's faithfulness at work on our behalf. Patterson (my little nephew) had his first surgery on Thursday beginning at 12:00 am. For those of you who did not read my quick update last Thursday, we weren't quite sure until that morning that the surgery would take place. Our family lined the hall and anxiously watched as he was wheeled into surgery. It seemed all to familiar. I fought back the tears as I looked into my sister's fearful face. It is so difficult to know that your child's life and well being is totally out of your hands. It must be especially difficult for Patrick who is a physician himself and all to well knows the realities of what Patterson is facing. Yet what a comfort it is to know that our children are in God's hands.
The surgery was suppose to only take a couple of hours so we were becoming very concerned and anxious when more than a few hours passed. Finally the lead surgeon came out and told us that they had placed the shunt in Patterson's chest and that the other surgeons were closing him up. The surgery at this point had seemed to gone okay yet with a few disturbing surprises. We were told that Patterson's little heart is not only missing a ventricle but it is on the right side of his body, not the left which is normal. We also learned that his heart is twisted and therefore his case is much more difficult than originally known. In answering our questions, the doctor told us that he had seen many of the defects that Patterson has but never all in the same child. His comment was "Patterson is a very unique individual and this is a very serious case." There was such a somber mood as he left the waiting room. We didn't know whether to rejoice or cry trying to make sense of all that was said.
We continued to wait for Patterson to be brought back to the ICU unit. After more than an hour and no word from surgery we once again became a little ansy. At that time the phone rang in the room and we were told that they had already closed up Patterson's chest when his blood pressure began to fall rapidly and his EKG became very disturbing. It was very critical at this point and they had opened him back up to try and determine and correct the problem. They felt that his chest tube was pressing against an artery leading to the drop in pressure and the stress on the heart. Needless to say we were all very scared and each in our own way began to pray. I headed straight to the bathroom shut the door and got on my knees. I didn't care where I was or who heard me as long as God heard my cries. I have learned over the past year that when a crisis hits (or anytime for that matter) it really doesn't matter if your altar is a public bathroom floor or in a chapel, all that matters is that you touch the heart of God.
After another few hours the doctor finally came out and told us that Patterson was back in the ICU unit and that things would be touch and go over the next 3-4 days as he was very critical. He had survived the surgery (or should I say surgeries) yet his little body had been traumatized. Due to the problems that he expierenced right after the inital closure, he is on medication to keep his blood pressure from falling as well as other medications to try and eliminate the excess fluid that his body is retaining. His kidneys are not functioning as well as the doctors had hoped and with the excess fluid this is a serious issue. Please pray for this need specifically. We just returned from the hospital tonight and his kidneys were performing somewhat better (after more medication adjustments) yet they are still not at the level that is necessary to be considered stable. Also please pray that his little body will stay infection free as his white counts were elevated today (we are praying that it is just post surgery and not related to an infection) and that his organs begin to function normally. He is still considered to be in very critical condition. We were told that we must take it moment by moment, hour by hour. He is still on the ventilator and will continue to be so until he becomes stable. I cannot even remember all the things that we need to pray for. There is a whole list of needs. I am just going to ask you to pray God's total healing for Patterson. It is so crucial at this point and time. God already knows each and every need that He has and that is all that matters. Our job is just to ask Him in faith for total healing and to thank him even for what we do not even see at this point. As I shared with an old friend in an email earlier today, we are to stand in the gap, holding Patterson and Cindy and Patrick in prayer. What if we were one prayer short of our miracle?
"The feverent prayer of a righteous man availath much."
James 5:16
I wish I could share so much more. I came home from the hospital last night with such a heaviness in my heart for Cindy and Patrick and precious Patterson. It is such a heavy load for them to bear. As I wrapped my arms around Cindy last night and said a goodbye I begged God to keep Patterson safe in his arms until I saw him again. Tonight as I left the floor of the ICU, I whispered the same prayer. What a precious little life that we have just fallen head over hills in love with.
We really need your urgent prayers for Patterson. Again, just pray for every organ to function normally and that there will not be anymore complications and that he will become stable very soon. WE ARE EXPECTING OUR MIRACLE! Feverently praying God's touch on his little heart and body.
I must run. The weariness of the past few days is catching up and I need to turn in. Thank you from our entire family for your many prayers and support. God bless and keep you all. I will update as soon as time allows and event change.
love,
Donna
"Hear my cry, O God; Give heed to my prayer. From the end of the earth I call to Thee when my heart is faint. Lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For thou hast been a refuge for me, a tower of strength against the enemy. Let me dwell in Thy tent forever. Let me take refuge in the shelter of Thy wings."
Psalm 61:2-4
Thursday, August 7, 2003 8:49 AM CDT Hello everyone:
This is a quick yet urgent prayer need regarding Patterson, my little nephew. There is a good possibility that he will be having his first surgery this morning. I am preparing to leave for the hospital as I write this update. I didn't want to leave without requesting urgent prayer on his behalf. This has all happened so quickly and we are still not 100% sure that the surgery will take place. I am sorry that I have waited so long to send this message but this week has been like a roller coaster ride waiting to see if indeed Patterson will have this surgery today. Earlier this week he was scheduled for surgery today yet the past two days his labs have not been favorable for surgery. However, the cardioligist and cardiovascular surgeons made the decision to transport him from Germantown Methodist to Lebohner and prepare for surgery anyway. They are making the final decision as I type this update. Please urgently pray for wisdom and for peace for our entire family. If indeed Patterson has his surgery today they will be opening his little chest and placing a shunt into his heart. With his labs showing a risk of infection in his body that has totally baffled the doctors, it is a very scary to see him go into surgery. However, after nine weeks on the respirator and fighting a series of infections the doctors feel that it may be in his best interest to go ahead and place this shunt. Please pray for God's hands to guide the surgeons and for a successful surgery. Pray also that Patterson's body will accept this shunt and that there will not be any complications. I all to well remember the day that Ashley went into surgery. There are not adequate words to express the fear and the heartache of seeing your child wheeled into an operating room not knowing the outcome. However, we know that God is the great physician and Patterson belongs to him. We have to trust that he is ordering Patterson's path.
Well, I must run and get to the hospital. Please pass this along to anyone that you know who will stand in prayer with us. God is so good!!!! How could we ever face anything like this without his precious Holy Spirit who comforts us.
Love and many thanks for prayers for peace and total healing for precious Patterson.
"You who fear the Lord, praise HIm; All you descendants fo Jacob, glorify Him and stand in awe of Him, all you descendants of Israel. For He has not despised nor abhorred the affliction of the afflicted; neither has He hidden His face from him; but when he cried to Him for help, He Heard."
Psalms 22:23,24
Donna
Sunday, July 27, 2003 3:10 PM CDT REVISED UPDATE REGARDING MY NEPHEW PATTERSON:
First, I know that each of you check this website to see how Ashley is doing and for that we are so grateful. She continues to do wonderfully. However, I hope no one minds that I would like to also use this site to keep everyone posted on my little nephew, Patterson who was born seven weeks ago at 30 weeks gestation. Patterson is missing a ventricle in his heart and has been on a respirator for many weeks now. Since many of you who check this website are family friends, I am sure that you also want to know what is going on with my sister Cindy and her family. I will continue to update on Ashley as events warrant, yet right now Cindy and Patrick and especially little Patterson urgently need our prayers. So with that all said, here is the latest update.
Patterson's surgery once again has had to be postponed due to an infection in his trachea and he now has inflammation in his lungs which could possibly be pneumonia. He was scheduled (for the second time) to go into surgery tomorrow morning. However surgery is not even an option until his body is clear of all infections. He cannot be weaned off the respirator until after surgery, and each day that he is on the respirator brings increased concern of other problems. In the natural it seems like he is fighting impossible odds and the doctors have even told them Cindy and Patrick that IF he were to survive that he most likely will have a host of medical problems. Yet, God doesn't make mistakes and I know that He has a purpose and a plan for each of us, including precious Patterson. Please urgently pray for God's healing touch upon Patterson. One doctor told Cindy this morning that Patterson was ultimately in God's hand as they just have to take his care one day at a time and even hour by hour. However, we know that Patterson has been in God's hands from the very beginning. We would really appreciate your prayers as each day his little life hangs in the balance.
Our prayer for Patterson is that "He will live and not die and proclaim the works of the Lord". Psalms 118:17.
I woke up at 3:00 am last night with Patterson on my mind and this verse running through my head. I know that we are praying for God's will in His life. Yet, until the Lord heals Him or takes Him home to Heaven, we will continue to pray for our miracle knowing that God is able to do even those things that the doctors tell us are impossible. Isn't that what our faith is all about? We don't stop believing for the impossible. Only God knows the steps before us.
Please continue to pray for Patterson and for peace for Cindy and Patrick. I know that they need the peace of God that surpasses ALL understanding to guide them through these difficult hours. They have more information than they can possibly handle right now and even the doctors are confounded about what to do next. Pray for God's wisdom for the many doctors that are involved in Patterson's care and for wisdom for Cindy and Patrick. Yet, the Bible tells us that it is better to take refuge in God than to put our trust in man (Psalms 118:8).
Thank you for allowing me to share our prayer needs for Patterson on Ashley's page. We are so blessed to have so many prayer warriors going before the throne on our behalf. May God bless each of you!!!!!!
love,
Donna
P.S. Continue to pray for Zoie at St. Jude. Her situation has not changed and she is still on the ventilator. The doctors have told her parents that it will be days before they can give them any true prognosis. This is a very hard place for a parent to be in. Please pray for this family.
Wednesday, July 23, 2003 3:00 PM CDT Hello everyone:
Okay, I am so sorry for taking so long to update. The days just seem to slip by so quickly. Please forgive me but we have just been so....busy. Remember, in our case, no news is Great news!!!!!
We arrived home last week from our trip and I have to tell you that we had a wonderful time!!!! The Disney Cruise was absolutely wonderful. The adventure started at the Memphis Airport where we were greeted by Mike King from the Make-A-Wish foundation and "Mr. Pete" with Northwest Airlines who made the start of our trip a day we will never forget. We were escorted to the plane where Ashley and Tyler were able to meet the pilots and checkout the cockpit. They then bumped us up to first-class and we started our wonderful trip. Mr. Pete works for Northwest but he also volunteers a lot of time at St. Jude and The Ronald McDonald House. Ashley and I had actually met Mr. Pete during the holidays when Ashley and I were visting the Ronald McDonald House and He was playing "Santa". It was so wonderful to have him as our personal escort to the aircraft. A huge thank you also to Mike King for taking time out of his weekend to see us off and for the wonderful work that he and so many other volunteers do for the Make A Wish Foundation.
We boarded the Disney Wonder on Sunday afternoon and sailed off to Nassau, Bahamas. We docked at Nassau and had a wonderful day on the island. It truly was paradise. I sat and watched in amazement and with a heart full of thankfulness as Ashley rode a jet ski and bounced across the beautiful ocean water. I couldn't help but recall at this time last year she was a very sick little girl. How good God has been to us. We docked the second day on the Disney private island "Castaway Key". I could have spent my entire vacation on this beautiful piece of Heaven on Earth. This island is truly God's handiwork in the most beautiful form. The kids spent the day snorkeling, riding water trikes and just laying in hammocks under a gorgeous blue ski. Tyler actually talked me into riding a banana boat. He had to have an adult ride along with him and Floyd encouraged me to go ahead and enjoy this ride without him. I now know why. This rubber boat which seats approx. ten people is pulled behind a jet boat at what I would estimate 100 mph. The water was spraying so fast that I couldn't even open my eyes. They told us to hang on for dear life (and I did) and that if we were to fall off just be patient they'd be back around to get us soon. They also told us if we were to lean out there would be a good chance we would fall. Tyler decided that the ride would be even more exciting if he were to bounce up and down and lean as far over as possible so that maybe someone would actually be lucky enough to fall off. Smile. So to paint an accurate picture of this event, I am hanging on for dear life with on hand on the handle of the boat and one on Tyler's life jacket in front of me with my eyes completely closed. He was screaming with glee and I was screaming for anyone who could stop this crazy thing. I have tried many water sports but have never in my life been on anything so wild. I couldn't see to walk back to the beach due to all of the salt water in my eyes and Tyler the whole time was begging me to ride this thing one more time. Oh well we survived and NOW it seems funny.
The third day was a day at sea and we just had a wonderful relaxing day on the ship. Ashley really enjoyed the dinners each night. She loves dressing up and enjoys wonderful food. I would get so tickeled at her eating her appetizer, entree and dessert and just acting like a little princess. She truly is a princess. Tyler would just assume to have a slice of pizza and be on his way but not Ashley. The fancier the table and the meal the more she enjoyed it. After dinner, Ashley wanted to do karoke. This cracked us up because we have never done karoke. Every night they would have family karoke and Ashley would beg us to sing with her. Being the true star, she left us behind and took the mike herself. Again, I thought I would burst inside just watching her having so much fun. I just kept thinking that this is the most wonderful gift in the world, not just the trip, but seeing Ashley feeling great and acting like a normal little eleven year old.
The fourth day we were up and off the ship by 9:00 in the morning. This concluded our Make A Wish trip and we cannot say thank you enough to this wonderful organization for truly giving us such a special gift. It was so wonderful to just get away from the routine of the hospital and cares of a household and spend this time enjoying each other. This was such a special time for Ashley and Tyler and we are so grateful for those who so graciously made it possible. Thanks from the bottom of our hearts.
Floyd and I wanted to do something special ourselves for Ashley and Tyler and decided to extend the trip so the kids could go to Universal Studios. We didn't tell the kids until we got to the Hard Rock Hotel in Orlando and then told them that the trip wasn't over yet. They were so excited. We spent the next five days at Universal and at the hotel just having a grand time. After the horrible summer we had last year, Floyd and I made a vow to make this a summer to remember. The memories from this vacation will truly be special ones. We have taken a lot of vacations over the years, yet this one had such a special significance to us as we celebrated Ashley's remission and good health.
Now it is back to the real world and life is back to normal. We are still in physical therapy three days a week and school is approaching quickly. Ashley is so excited about returning to school this fall. We even had to go and get her school supplies this week because she just couldn't wait. Everything is labeled and sitting ready, especially Ashley. Tyler is trying to squeeze every bit of daylight and summer out of each day. I will have to coax him a little bit to get him excited about school. Smile. Isn't it wonderful how God makes each of us so different and unique. He is having the most wonderful time just chasing fire flys at night and jumping curbs on his skateboard. I just want to make it to the start of school with no injuries. Smile.
Well now please allow me to update you all on my sweet little nephew, Patterson. He is now six weeks old and still in ICU at Methodist Germantown. Unfortunately He is still on the ventilator as we await the first of three necessary surgeries. Due to the possiblity of infection, his initial surgery had to be postponed. He is now scheduled for the first surgery this coming Monday, July 28. However, after just talking with my sister a few minutes ago this surgery too may have to be postponed due to a possible infection. They are running test this week to see if he is indeed fighting an infection and whether or not surgery can go on. We should know something by Friday. Please urgently pray for Patterson. We are still praying God's will over Him. We don't understand why God hasn't supernaturally healed Him or even why He hasn't been able to survive off the vent but we know God is in control no matter what things seem like all around us. In the Bible it teaches us that we are to keep our face towards the Lord. This past year as we have walked through the most difficult year of our lives; as Christians we have tried to keep our face towards the Lord. We are keenly aware that we shouldn't look to the left or to the right but keep our hearts and minds steadfast towards Him. He has all the answers for whatever we face. If we were to look to the left or to the right it is so easy to become discouraged by the situations we are faced with. Yet as we would look to our Heavenly Father we can find peace in the middle of what seems like impossible situations. This is our prayer for Cindy and Patrick now. That God would reveal his power and his grace to them in this difficult hour and that they will continue to keep their face towards Him. I know that as a family we have faithfully prayed God's will over this child and for six weeks He has so wonderously spared this child's life. Please continue to pray God's will for Patterson and for His timing for surgery and for His hand to contine to rest upon this beautiful baby. We don't understand why God has chosen us to walk this path but we do know that He is a Faithful God no matter what we see when we do look around us. His word tell us that as we seek after Him that He will be found.
"Therefore came I forth to meet thee, diligently to seek thy face and I have found thee."
In addition to praying for Patterson, I would also like to ask you to pray for a little girl named Zoie. Zoie is three years old and a patient at St. Jude. Zoie had to undergo a stem cell transplant on June 18th and is not recovering as well as expected. Zoie is a neuroblastoma patient with a stage four diagnosis. She is now in ICU on a ventilator and urgently needs our prayers. She had fluid build up in her lungs and now her liver is not functioning. She desperately needs our prayers as the doctors are now trying expeiremental drugs to combat the liver failure. Please pray. I do not know this child personally but this request was passed on to me from another St. Jude mom (Trish, Emma Grace's mom - keep praying for Emma Grace too!!!) who has stood hand in hand with me as a prayer partner through out this last year. Isn't God so wonderful to put those in our path that can understand what we are going through? We are so thankful for the wonderful doctors and the treatment at St. Jude. Yet, God has authority over life and death and He is the Great Physician. No matter what the doctor's tell us, we must keep our face before the Lord. So please, pray for this precious child and for her family. She is from Lafayette, La and away from home. Please lift her up as your own family, the body of Christ.
Well, I need to sign off. I just wanted to update you and let you know what we have been up to. Thank you for allowing me to share my joys and my sorrows at such length. Your prayers are the most precious gift that you could ever give us and I know that is the reason we were even able to have this vacation this year with our healthy little Ashley. Thank you from the bottom of our heart. Also, to those of you who are still leaving us guestbook notes, THANK YOU!!!! Ashley still loves to go in and see who is signing in. You are such encouragers!!!!!!If you would like to send Zoie and her family a message, her website is: www.caringbridge.org/la/zoie
"Heaviness in the heart of man maketh it stoop; but a good word maketh it glad."
Proverbs 12:25
God bless all. I will update as soon as I know more about Patterson's surgery and when I have an update on Zoie.
love to all,
Donna
p.s. I was finally successful in loading new pictures. I will try to change them often now that I have finally learned how. Smile.
Tuesday, July 1, 2003 12:37 AM CDT Hello everyone:
Well once again I am so sorry for the delay in updating. First let me share our wonderful news with those of you who may not have heard by now. Ashley's 2-month post treatment checkup went perfect!!!! HER SCANS WERE CLEAR AND HER LAB WORK IS PERFECTLY NORMAL!!!!!! PRAISE GOD FOR THIS!!!! We are so thankful for this good report. We left the hospital fully aware that things could have been different. We will never take one day of good health for granted ever again!!!!! God heard our cries and once again He has answered our hearts petition for cancer free scans. Praise God!!!!!! Floyd and I were able to go back into the x-ray room with Ashley as she was having her chest x-ray. I couldn't even look at the monitor as the x-rays were placed into the machine. I kept my eyes fixed upon Floyd's face as he watched the images appear. When I saw a smile come across his face, I knew all was well with her chest scans. How thankful we are!!!! Even though Ashley will be having these scans every other month for some time, you just learn to be thankful for each day and each good report!!!! I know God will continue to keep His hands upon her. We honestly believe that "By His stripes, she is Healed!"
Isaiah 53:5 "But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; The chastisement for our peace was upon Him, and by His stripes we are healed."
Wow, not only do we find our Healing in our precious Heavenly Father but our peace!!!!! Where would we be without the Lord?
This past week has been such a wonderful week for Ashley and our entire family. Ashley, Tyler and I (Floyd was working so we could go play - smile) went to the FedX/St. Jude Golf Tournament last week and had a great time. I know so many go to this tournament to watch these terrific golfers, but if they only knew the difference that this tournament makes in the lives of so many children they would never look at it the same way again. I have to take this opportunity to thank all of the wonderful volunteers and those who did purchase tickets to the tournament for making a difference in the life of my child and in all of the precious children at St. Jude. As a mother who has had a child with cancer, I cannot find the words to tell you how much this tournament and all of the fundraisers for St. Jude has meant to me and so many others. You never expect to find yourself on the receiving end of a research hospital and when you do, the research and treatment means everything to you. So, from the bottom of my heart, thank you to all of you who participated either by volunteering or by going to the tournament. I know I speak for all of the families at the hospital who so desperately want to see a cure for cancer for every child (or adult) touched by this horrible disease.
Saturday was the highlight of our week though. As many of you know, months ago we were told that Ashley would be contacted by the "Make a Wish Foundation" and she would be able to "make a wish". When we were first told about this I almost passed out. Not because I was excited, but because I thought that wishes were only granted to those who were terminally ill. Seeing the panic in my face I was quickly told that wishes are granted to any child who faces a life threatening illness by the "Make A Wish Foundation". I want to explain this because so many who have heard about Ashley getting her wish also have expressed concern regarding her prognosis. So, with that said, Saturday was the big kick off day when she was told that her wish will be granted. Armstrong Relocation Services is the company who helped sponser Ashley's wish. I cannot even begin to tell you what a blessing this company has been to our family. One of Floyd's patients who is a Armstrong employee, heard of Ashley's illness and unknown to us, went back to her company and told them about Ashley. The ball then just began rolling and we soon found out that they wanted to be a part of Ashley's wish. We heard that they had cake walks, bake sales and numerous other fund raisers - all for Ashley's benefit. We are so appreciative of their sacrifice just to grant Ashley her special wish. Even though Ashley qualifies for a wish under the medical guidelines, we are humbled by the generousity of so many who truly want to just be a part of seeing her wish come true. Floyd expressed that we would take care of whatever she wanted , but they truly wanted to give our entire family a gift by granting Ashley's wish. Once again we find ourselves without a way to adequately say thank you.
The fun all began on Saturday. At 1:00 last Saturday, many from Armstrong Relocation Services, Make-A-Wish volunteers and several of Ashley's friends burst into our house, completely surprising Ashley, screaming "Has anyone seen Nemo?" Thus, the theme for the day. The Make A Wish coordinators (Mike King and Kim Terrill) planned a surprise visit to Ashley and a extensive scavenger hunt for the day to "find Nemo". At each stop, Ashley was given a gift basket full of wonderful gifts and a clue to get her to the next stop. Our family along with four of her little friends went from stop to stop (along with a caravan of Make A Wish volunteers and Armstrong employees) and watched as Ashley received these wonderful gifts and her next clue. The first stop was Tan-lines in Collierville where she received a beautiful basket full of things related to her wish. The next stop was "Need to Bead" in Germantown where she and her friends made their own necklaces and bracelets. The next stop was "Davis Kidd Bookstore" where she received her next gift basket and clue". We then headed downtown to the Peabody where we enjoyed a carriage ride through the downtown area. The final destination was at Autozone Park where she was a special guest of Armstrong and The Redbirds. When we walked into the park there were more than 100 employees and their families who gathered to watch Ashley as she was told that her wish for a Disney Cruise had been granted. We then were treated to a special dinner with all of the employees and Ashely was whisked away. We were reunited with her to find out that she had been practicing with the Red Hot Cheerleaders. Then a few moments later we were taken to the field where Ashley was told that she would be throwing the first ball of the game. It was so exciting, especially when Ashley told Tyler he could walk out there with her. What a wonderful day it was. During the seventh inning, Ashley was able to do a routine with the Red Hots and she thought that was the grandest thing she had ever done! I have really just highlighted the day for you, but as you can tell it was a very special day for all! I cannot say thank you enough to Mike King and Kim Terrill with the Make A Wish Foundation for everything that they have done for Ashley to bring such joy to a little girl. She honestly felt like Cinderella on Saturday. She even told me "This day could have been my wish it has been so special and I am still getting a wish too?" Mike and Kim have the biggest hearts of anyone I have ever met. Mike, a special thank you for the piggy back rides through Auto Zone park for Ashley, Floyd's back needed a rest. Smile. Thank you so much also to the wonderful employees of Armstrong Relocation Services for reaching out to a complete stranger and allowing her to dream big and then seeing that her dream comes true. May God richly bless all that you put your hand to as you so graciously bless others. I heard Saturday that this company is well on the way of granting another child's wish. How wonderful it is to see such goodness and kindness in this company and in the many wonderful volunteers for Make A Wish. Thanks so much!!!!!! Our entire family will be leaving for this cruise very soon. Ashley is so excited, it is all she talks about. As a family we cannot wait just to get away and have some much needed time to regroup from the events of the last year and just enjoy each other.
With everything so wonderful going on for Ashley it is still very bittersweet for us. As much as Ashley is looking forward to this cruise, I am having a hard time leaving Cindy and Patrick and little Patterson to go and enjoy myself. They keep telling us please go, do it for Ashley, she needs this trip, yet as a big sister and concerned aunt, I just don't know how I am going to leave even for a few days. I just keep praying that God will keep His hand on little Patterson and protect Him, not only while we are gone but each and every day. We are so thankful that Ashley is doing so well and enjoying herself so much but our hearts are heavy for little Patterson and Cindy and Patrick. Our little nephew Patterson is still very very sick. He is still in the neo-natal ICU at Methodist Germantown. As mentioned in my last update, Patterson had to be placed back on the ventilator. Sunday night he developed an infection and now his tiny little body is fighting this hurdle. There are so many physical needs that we have regarding Patterson. We really need a miracle. He desperately needs to have surgery but without the weight gain and now with infection in his body it cannot even be considered. Please continue to pray for healing for this beautiful gift of life. It is such a struggle between life and death on a daily basis. We have seen God's sustaining hand upon His little body for the last three and half weeks. Please continue to pray God's will for Patterson and for His peace for our entire family. Cindy and Patrick are handling this with such grace as they have placed Patterson in God's loving care, fully aware that only He can touch this little baby. We are standing by faith that God has a perfect plan for Patterson's life. Everyday and sometimes every hour brings new reports. It feels like a roller coaster of emotions. Please pray for Patterson and Cindy and Patrick when God brings them to your thoughts. I know God will hear our cries for help and His word tells us that He has already gone before us even when things look dark. Thank God for His lovingkindness and for each of you.
The chapter in the Bible that we have learned to cling to and I have drawn attention to many times on this website is Psalms 91. It has been our source of hope and encouragement. Just this morning Ashley had the Bible out reading this chapter to me after I got off the phone with Cindy knowing that I was so worried about Patterson. I am so thankful she has learned that the word of God can sustain us through every circumstance.
"He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High SHALL abide under the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, "HE IS MY REFUGE AND MY FORTRESS; MY GOD, IN HIM WILL I TRUST." Surely He shall deliver you from the snare of the flowler and from the perilous pestilence. He shall cover you with His feathers and under His wings you shall take refuge; His truth shall be your shield and buckler. You shall not be afraid of the terror by night...for HE SHALL GIVE HIS ANGELS CHARGE OVER YOU TO KEEP YOU IN ALL YOUR WAYS...Because he has set his love upon Me, therefore I will deliver him; I will set him on high, because he has known My name. He shall call upon Me and I will answer Him;
I WILL BE WITH HIM IN TROUBLE; I WILL DELIVER HIM AND HONOR HIM."
Psalms 91:1-15
In His Love,
Donna
Friday, June 20, 2003 1:10 PM CDT Hello everyone:
Well I am sorry that I haven't updated sooner but we have been on the go. First things first, A HUGE PRAISE REPORT CONCERNING MY NEPHEW, PATTERSON... HE IS OFF THE VENTILATOR (since Monday morning). PRAISE GOD... THIS IS A TRUE MIRACLE!!!!! I can only tell you that this is a true answer to prayer. When Patterson was born two weeks ago... (yes, he is still fighting after two weeks ago when things looked so grim and dark) they did not give us much hope of him ever coming off the respirator and breathing on his own. God is molding those little lungs and there is no doubt that his hand has touched this precious life. We still need your prayers however. The doctors are still very concerned about his heart and ability to survive. They are now discussing two to three surgeries on his heart. There are no time tables set right now as they are just carefully monitoring his little lungs and we are continuing to pray that God will keep his little heart functioning until the surgeries can be performed. Our prayer is that He is healed supernaturally, just as we believe his lungs are being healed moment by moment. The first week after Patterson was born was so full of emotion and even fear. We found ourselves praying for God's perfect will for Patterson, confident that His will is always best. That is the hardest prayer that I have ever prayed. With each visit in the ICU and each passing day Patterson would take a little more of our heart away. I would look at him and ask God "How could a child so beautiful and so precious, have so much wrong inside of his little body". I begged God to give us the grace and peace that only He can give to help us face whatever the future holds for Patterson and for our family. He is a rewarder of those who seek Him. His peace has once again flooded our hearts and minds as we have sought His will for Patterson. The first week, it seemed the harder we prayed the more difficult each day was for Patterson. Then the scripture "The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much" (James 5:16) kept coming into my spirt and it brought such peace. I am so thankful that as we continued to pray that God heard our cries and we began to see His hand at work on Patterson's behalf. Patterson is still in a very critical state. Please pray for several test that will be ran next week as well as for his little heart to continue to work. Again, we have seen God do only what He can do, beyond the scope of medicine, so why can't we believe Him for complete and total healing of Patterson's heart. Luke 18:27 tells us "The things impossible with men are POSSIBLE WITH GOD". Wow, we are claiming that verse for precious little Patterson. Continue also to pray for Patrick and Cindy (Patterson's parents). Patrick started his residency at Campbell's Clinic this week and Cindy is trying to go back and forth to the hospital every opportunity while also caring for little Addison (their sweet little 19 month old). It is an extremely stressful time in their lives as they struggle to maintain some sense or normalcy for Addison and go back and forth to the hospital. They need rest physically, emotionally and mentally. Pray for continued peace and wisdom and especially God's continued hand of protection over Patterson.
Well this week has also been very difficult for Floyd and me. Ashley went to camp outside of Nashville for the entire week. We are missing her so much!!!!!! This is the first time that she and I have been separated since her diagnosis except for a couple of times when she spent the night away with family or friends (only a few miles away). I haven't even heard from her! We took her to Camp Horizion, a camp that is sponsered by the American Cancer Society and host St. Jude and Vanderbilt patients. We only agreed to allow her to attend after learning that doctors and nurses and child life specialist from St. Jude and Vanderbilt would be the counselors. Everything that is done at the camp is geared towards children who are in the treatment phase of cancer or who have had treatment within a five year period. Four of her "St. Jude Buddies" who are all her age were also attending so it made us feel a little more at ease about sending her. She has attended church camps before (with me as the counselor) but this is the first time without mom. Oh well, it is good for us both or at least that is what Floyd keeps telling me. We miss her so much. She will be coming home tomorrow and I can't wait to have her little arms wrapped around me again. She did write us a letter the first night and told me that her cabin had been deemed "the chics with attitude". I hope that was a good thing. Smile. She had me pack her five cans of silly string (I knew better than to ask why?) and I am sure that she and her little friends (all of who are just adorable) are giving the counselors a time of their lives. Oh well after the year she has had, I cannot tell you how much it means for her just to be physically able to attend camp. What a awesome God we serve!!! Again, God's answer to many prayers.
This has been an exciting week for Tyler also. He has been attending golf camp. This is not an overnight camp, (thank goodness - I can't handle both of my babies gone at the same time right now) and he has enjoyed every minute of it. I can tell that Tyler has watched quite a bit of golf on tv with his dad because he truly looks like a professional warming up regardless of where the ball lands. Smile. The one thing Tyler did learn this week is that you don't have to have "real money" at the snack bar. I had given him lunch money but he said he didn't need it. He said "it was the coolest thing, all you have to do is sign this little form and they give you free food. I can't wait to see what Floyd's bill is when it comes next month. I think Tyler tried everything on the menu. Smile. Floyd has decided that golf will now be our family game. I think Ashleys absence has gotten the best of him. He actually went and bought ME an entire set of golf clubs and everything I need to get started. He then called to sign me up for lessons. I asked him if he wasn't going about this all wrong. Shouldn't I take lessons first with borrowed clubs and make sure I could at least hit the ball. Oh well, I am glad he has that much confidence in me. So watch out for those of you who may be on the courses anytime soon. Smile. He also bought Ashley a golf bag. He said she was getting clubs when she returned home. I am not quite sure if this will be a pleasant surprise or not. She hinted that "flowers" are always a nice surprise for her. Oh well, at least it is something we can do as a family. Watch out for little Tyler though, he has a mean swing!!!!
This next week Ashley will be having her two month checkup. This will consist of lab work and a chest x-ray. They are only doing a chest x-ray this time because typically if the cancer were to return (AND ALL JOIN THEIR FAITH WITH US THAT SHE WAS COMPLETELY HEALED OF CANCER MONTHS AGO) it most likely would return in the lungs. Please cover us in prayer for good reports. We are keeping our faith in our Heavenly Father that He has already gone before us and prepared a special plan for Ashley's life. I hate the thought of going for this checkup. You can't help but get a little nervous. Yet, I have seen God's mighty hand over Her this past year and in just the past two weeks I have seen God's mercies over little Patterson. I choose to trust Him!!!! However, we know that our prayers combined are powerful and that God sees our hearts desires. So please join with us and pray for us next Tuesday as we go in for our first real checkup, post treatment.
Well, I need to run. I have several things that must be done before Ashley gets home tomorrow and we resume our normal pattern of trips back and forth to St. Jude. Thank you for your continued support and love and mostly your prayers for our entire family. We love you!!!!
"But for me, I would seek God and I would place my cause before God; who does great and unsearchable things, wonders without number." Job 5:8,9
love & hugs,
Donna
NEW UPDATE - SATURDAY, JUNE 21 - 11:38am
Patterson had an extremely rough night and took a turn for the worse. They had to place him back on the ventilator. We urgently need your prayers as the future is so uncertain. Pray specifically for wisdom for all doctors involved in his care and for guidance for Patrick and Cindy. We are still claiming Patterson's healing - specifically his heart and lungs to work and function normally. Please pray with us. Regardless of the reports, God is still in control!!!!!
Saturday, June 7, 2003 12:35 AM CDT Dear Friends:
I am writing today with a very heavy heart and I wanted to take the time to ask for each of you to lift our family in prayer. Ashley is doing wonderfully. However, I now have a new little nephew, Patterson Christopher Toy, that was born Thursday night at 30 weeks gestation. We once again need a miracle. Patterson weighing 3lbs. 5 oz, 15" long is a beautiful gift of life. However, his little lungs were not developed and he is missing one of his heart ventricles. The doctors have told Cindy and Patrick (my sister and brother-in-law) that his chances of survival are not very good at all. They have not given us any hope. A heart transplant would be necessary for survival and Patterson's little lungs are too underdeveloped to undergo this surgery. He is on a respirator because he is not strong enough to breathe on his own. However, the doctors do not want to keep him on the respirator for an extended period. They are cautiously trying to wean him off a little at a time to see if he can breathe at all on his own. They do not believe that he will be able to survive a surgery if even possible, at this very tender age. Again, the prognosis is not good and most simply put we need a miracle. They are still running other test to see if there is any other damage to other parts of his body. I know what the doctors have said, but I do know that God is the great Physician and it is in His hands that we commit Patterson's precious life. We are praying God's will be done. We don't understand why our family has had to endure such pain but we know that God is soverign and that no matter what the outcome, He is in control. Our deepest hearts prayer is that Patterson's lungs and heart are touched miracleously by our Heavenly Father.
The word tells us that God confounds the wise and that "our faith should not rest on the wisdom of men, but on the POWER OF GOD" (I Corinthians 2:5).
The bible also tells us that the word of the cross is to those who are perishing foolishness, but to us who are saved it is the Power of God (I Corinthians 1:18).
So right now we either believe that God is ALL POWERFUL or we allow our selves to fall in to a pit and accept the bad report. Trust me, we understand the seriousness of the situation and we are truly devastated with this report. However, we have learned as a family that we have to cling to the Lord in All situations and that there is nothing more powerful than prayer. Our hearts cry is that Patterson is given a new heart and a new set of lungs with one touch from our Heavenly Father. Yet, most importantly we seek His will for this precious lttle baby. We know that His plan for this child is for His good and we ask God to give only the peace that He can give in allowing us to seek His will for Patterson's life.
So today, we are asking you to pray for divine intervention and a miracle, wisdom for the doctors and peace for our family, especially for Cindy and Patrick. Cindy and Patrick are holding on to every ounce of faith and hope that they can find and they can not do this in the natural, but need God's grace and our constant prayers. The word tell us that:
"Where two or more agree on earth about anything that they may ask, it shall be done for them by My Father who is in heaven. For where two or three have gathered together in My name, there I am in their midst." (Matthew 18:19,20).
It is in His name that we ask for help and mercy in this time of need.
I also need you to pray for the family of Brendle Overly, our little friend from St. Jude that I have mentioned in several updates. She went home to be with the Lord right after writing my last update. I haven't told Ashley yet. I can't seem to find the words. How do you explain that God chose to take Brendle home when she had cancer too? I have decided not to tell her for the time being. I don't want to take any more innocence away from her. She has had to deal with far too much for a child of her age. She has wonderful memories of her time with Brendle as an inpatient and I don't want to trade those for the heartache she would feel if she knew. I hope I am making the right decision. I don't understand why God would take a child home, but I still trust Him. I can't even imagine the pain and the sorrow that this family is feeling but I know God cares. Please pray for peace for this precious family and for God's love to be shown all around them. As our family faces life and death so closely right now with Patterson, I somewhat understand how difficult it must be to hear the doctor's say it is out of our hands. When I heard of Brendle's passing I went into such a state of despair. It wasn't because I didn't believe that God wasn't in control, I just didn't understand why he would take her away from a mother and dad that loved her so. I have seen more children taken to heaven in the past year than in my entire forty years on this earth. It breaks your heart into pieces to know that so many families are carrying the grief of losing a child. I then started worrying about Ashley all over again. When you get into this pit, all you can do is ask God to give you His peace and pray for understanding, even though His ways are so much higher than our minds can conceive. So, please pray for the Overly's and for our little nephew, Patterson. We need to know that we have touched the heart of God.
In closing, Ashley once again has been the one touching our hearts and building our faith. Yesterday, I cried and cried, and prayed and prayed until my eyes were swollen and my head ached everytime I moved. Ashley got right in my face and said "Are you choosing faith or fear?" I was struggling right in the middle to be quite honest. I know God prepared us as a family for what we face now with Patterson by what we have endured with Ashley. He has taught us to lean on Him with all of our heart and soul. He is using her now to touch our hearts and the heart of Her Heavenly Father.
Thanks so much for your prayers once again on our families behalf. I will try to update when time allows and when I can share a new report. Please hold us close in your prayers, we need a miracle!!! This is God's child and we know that we are to entrust Him to a faithful and loving God. Pray for us please to be able to do that with open hands and hearts.
Our promise for Patterson:
"For thou didst form my inward parts; Thou didst weave me in my mothers womb. I will give thanks to Thee, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are Thy works, And my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from Thee, When I was made in secret, and skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth. Thine eyes have seen my unformed substance; and in Thy book they were all written, the days that were ordained for me, when as yet there was not one of them. How precious are Thy thoughts to me, O God! How vast is the sum of them! If I should count them, they would outnumber the sand. When I awake, I am still with thee." Psalms 139:13-18
love,
Donna
Saturday, May 24, 2003 7:29 PM CDT Hello everyone:
I just wanted to give everyone a quick update on the outcome of Ashley's surgery. Everything went wonderful!!!! The surgeon was able to close the wound and reconstruct Ashley's incision WITHOUT A SKIN GRAPH!!!!! Praise God, another wonderful testimony of how God cares about every detail of our lives. The surgery took about an hour and a half and after an hour or so in recovery Ashley was admitted to the hospital. She was in quite a bit more pain than expected as the incision went a little more deeper in order to close the wound without a skin graph. Ashley began to run a high temp Monday night and once again prayer covered her hospital room. It is amazing that the last three times Ashley was in the hospital she was placed in the very same room. I hope that whatever patient is placed in this room in the future can feel the prayers that were prayed in this room because it became our private sanctuary. Thankfully, Ashley's fever was not of any significant concern to the surgeon who said that although it wasn't a normal side effect of this surgery, it was most likely the culprit. Ashley was discharged Tuesday evening with antibiotics and lots of pain meds. However, she has been managing well and each day feels much better. It will most likely take three weeks before she will have the outside stitches removed (another round of anesthesia) and be allowed to finally take a real bath and even swim after almost ten months...yeah!!!!!! When Ashley saw her "new scar" Wednesday during her first bandage change, she said "This is the most beautiful scar I have ever seen" she then gave the surgeon and the surgical nurse a huge hug and a heartfelt thank you. I am so proud of the way she continues to see the good in every situation. So once again, thank you so much for your prayers on Ashley's behalf and specifically for praying that they would be able to close this wound without a skin graph which would require additional healing time and a great deal more pain. God is so good!!!!!
Ashley will have to be at the hospital every other day for bandage changes until the stitches are removed. She has a small break from physical therapy as she is not allowed to put any weight on this leg for a short time. She is back on crutches just for a week or so. Friday the wound was bleeding slightly and she was told to stay off of her feet and keep her legs up until Tuesday to ward off any possible infection or swelling. Please pray that this incision will heal quickly and properly. We don't want to have to return down this same path again. I am convinced that prayer makes the difference in every situation we face!!!!
Ashley was able to attend the last day awards ceremony at her school on Thursday (thanks to a piggy back ride from Mom - Pray for my back, smile). What a special time it was for both of us. I cried during the fifth grade presentations as they awarded Ashley with "The Encourager Award" as well as "The Most Prayed for Student In 5A" and the "The Most Missed Day Award" on a more humorous note. Her wonderful teacher told us that Ashely had been prayed for a minimum of three times during each and every school day by her classmates. This touched my heart so. No wonder Ashley has had divine intervention in her life over the past year. I am convinced that children's prayers touch the heart of God in a powerful way. How thankful I am for this school and the way that these children have rallied around Ashley covering her with love and prayer. How very special her teacher, Mrs. Fish is to take the time each day to teach the children that prayer is the most important thing we can learn to do at an early age. So, to all of our Central Day School Family, thank you for ministering to our family and especially for making Ashley feel so special and so loved. I cried as I recalled that at this very same awards day last year, Ashley was newly diagnosed with cancer, wearing her new leg brace, and we felt like we had just been handed the worst news of our life with an unknown path before us. As I thought back, all I could think of was how blessed we were to be able to be there and how God had carried us through each and every day. We indeed realize just how faithful God has been to us. What an awesome God we serve!!!!!
Tyler received the "Most Enthusiastic Award" and "The Best Athelete Award" for his class. This did not catch us by surprise at all. He is definitely a "little Floyd" (smile). Ashley and I laughed as we watched him take bows from the stage grinning from ear to ear. He has been our best medicine over this journey as he has kept us smiling when things seem a little too overwhelming. I am so proud of my little Tyler. What joy he brings to my heart!!!!
Well, I need to run. I just wanted to give you a quick update. I will update when anything changes. Until then, God bless each of you!!!! We are the most blessed people to have such wonderful friends!!!!
"Every good thing bestowed and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shifting shadow." James 1:17
love,
Donna
p.s. My sister is still in the hospital awaiting the birth of her child. Praise God she has made it to 28 weeks. Please continue to pray that she will be able to carry this pregnancy until week 34 (the point where the doctor's want to deliver the baby). Again, we see God's mighty hand at work in our lives!!!!
Our little St. Jude friend, Emma Grace was finally discharged from the hospital after several weeks as inpatient. She is doing wonderfully!!! Pray as the doctors will be deciding whether or not to do radiation and for God's continued hand on her life.
Also, please urgently pray for the little girl I mentioned in my last update, Brendle. She and her family desperately need our prayers. We are believing for a miracle for this precious family. Please pray with us for all of our little St. Jude buddies.
Sunday, May 18, 2003 5:26 PM CDT Hello everyone:
Well I know that it has been several weeks since I last updated the journal and I am very sorry for the delay. Life seems to keep throwing curve balls our way and things have been a little crazy for our entire family. My baby sister, Cindy, is expecting her second child in August. Two weeks ago, the same week we received Ashley's clear scans, Cindy was admitted to Methodist Germantown. Her water broke at 25 weeks. We were told that she could have the baby within hours. Knowing the power of prayer, we began to pray for Cindy and her husband Patrick and this unborn child. Thankfully today Cindy is still carrying this child in her womb. Each day that goes by without delivering is a blessing as the baby has a chance to develp further. Please lift my sister up in prayer and that when God allows this child to be born that this baby will be perfectly whole and that there will not be any complications. We know that God formed this baby in Cindy's womb and that He is watching over His creation. What a mighty God we serve who so diligently watches over His little ones!!!!!
Well, Ashley is now doing wonderfully. We have been a little concerned over the past few weeks because her counts finally recovered from chemo only to unexpectely drop again. She had been around someone who had a slight cold and we believe that her immune system was so weak that it was unable to fight off these germs and caused her to spiral back down. One of the doctors in the medicine room at St. Jude told us that if her counts didn't recover in the next few weeks then we may be looking at some bone marrow testing. Well, that was enough to scare me out of my wits. We said, enough is enough and prayed that this wouldn't be necessary and that it was indeed the cold that forced her counts down. Praise God, her counts are now recovering and it seems that the cold was the culprit of her declining counts. Her counts are rising slowly but steadily. I am so thankful for God's continued hand. I see His faithfulness day after day.
Ashley is now scheduled to go back in for surgery in the morning. We have to get up before dawn in order to drop off Tyler at a friend's house and get Ashley to the hospital. They told us that the surgery itself would only take up to an hour depending upon whether or not they have to do a skin graph or not. The surgeon told us that they would not know until they got into surgery if this would be necessary or not. Please pray with us that it won't be. Ashley really has been praying that she won't have anymore additional scars and this has been heavy on her heart. Whatever comes, at least we know that it was covered in prayer and that God knows our hearts desires. Please pray that there will be no complications from surgery and that God would move the surgeons hands and use them as His instruments. This surgery is to close the incision and wound that resulted from the first surgery. Pray that this will be her last surgery for many, many years (if ever again, God willing). A dear sweet friend and mighty prayer partner from church told me this morning that I was to go in to the hospital tomorrow and each day not only as a mother but as a minister of God's hope, that this was His calling for me at this season in our lives. I believe this with all of my heart. I have thought about her statement all day and I am asking God to allow us to share His love and His joy tomorrow. Please pray specifically for us to be used for His Glory. Yes, this is about Ashley but it is so much more. There are so many hurting families who do not know or even understand the love of Jesus. God knows exactly why He chose this journey for us, to strengthen our faith and to learn to live totally dependent upon Him and to share that with others. The pain of all of this cannot be in vain. So tomorrow, we would really appreciate your calling our name out before the Lord and lifting Ashley up and asking for blessing and favor during her surgery and pray that we will be His ministers sharing His love and His joy. We were told that if her pain was tolerable that we may be able to go home tomorrow night but that most likely she would need to be admitted. This should be a short hospital stay and for that we are very grateful.
I tried to sit down last night and update the journal. However, all I could do was sit and cry. The words were so heavy on my heart but I couldn't find the means to express myself. You see, it was one year ago yesterday that Ashley was diagnosed with cancer. The memory of that day played over and over in my mind. I was so overwhelmed with sadness and thanksgiving at the same time. That might not make sense but there are so many emotions when we look back over the past year. At times the fear was paralyzing yet at other times God's nearness was so real that it is unexplainable. In the quiet moments, God's peace would surround us invading our hearts with Hope and the promise of His word that He is always with us. There have been thoughts that I have never shared because I couldn't even allow my mind to go there, but God would always send an encouraging word through a guestbook entry, a neighbor at the door, a card in the mail or even a short phone call that would let me know that He sees every thought and has watched every tear only to catch it in the palm of His hands. There have been other times that I have been so overwhelmed with joy and couldn't wait to sit down and share our praise reports with each of you. All I know is that when there doesn't seem to be a way, God is our way. Psalms 23 has become so real to us this past year for God has allowed us to to rest in green pastures and He has led us beside quiet waters. He has walked with us through the valley of the shadow of death and has comforted us. I know that this is a short paraphrase of that scripture but it is so powerful. When we look back we can see divine intervention in our circumstances. Had I known what the year would bring last May, I would have told you that we couldn't handle it. Yet, day by day, God met us where our deepest needs were and strengthened us sometimes moment by moment and hour by hour. God doesn't allow us to see our future because we need to learn to trust Him for the moment. What a precious gift faith is and how I yearn for my faith to grow deeper and deeper each day. How we desire to walk each day in faith, totally dependent upon Him. This past year has caused us to do that, because there was nothing else that could give us the peace that we needed to face each day and now to continue to face the future. What grace God has poured over us during this past year. How can anyone not look at Ashley and not see His mercy? So, today, one year later, please allow us to say thank you from the bottom of our hearts and the depths of our soul for your love and prayers. We don't know what tomorrow holds, but we know that we have a God who cares and holds us very tightly and that He has placed angels here on earth in the form of family, doctors, nurses, staff at St. Jude, close friends, fellow church members, neighbors, patients and even multitudes of strangers who have been our armour bearers. Thank you for praying life and health over Ashley. We may never know what we were spared from because of your prayers. I know that God's plan for Her life will be fulfilled because of the prayers of each of you. Thank you again from the bottom of our hearts!!!!!
May God richly bless each of you. I will update again soon and let you know how the surgery went and anything else that comes our way. We walk by faith that Ashley is healed and all is well.
Isaiah 49:16
"Behold, I have inscribe you on the palms of My hands; Your walls are continually before Me."
Isaiah 63:9
In all their affliction He was afflicted and the angel of His presence saved them; In His love and in His mercy He redeemed them; and He lifted them and carried them all the days of old."
love to all,
Donna
Special prayer need:
Ashley has a little friend at St. Jude named Brendle that desperately needs our prayers. This precious child has been inpatient with Ashley many times and we have had the priviledege of getting to know this special little girl. This family needs a miracle. Please pray for God's healing mercies for this child and for wisdom for the doctors as they try and combat this child's cancer. Please pray specifically for the family also. They are at a crossroads in their daughter's treatment and need the grace of God.
Continue to pray for Emma Grace who is another one of our special St. Jude friends. This is one of the many families that God has placed in our lives to walk hand in hand with claiming God's promises for our children. Check out her website at
caringbridge.org/ar/emmagrace
Thank you for praying for these children and all of the children and families at St. Jude. Prayer is powerful when two or more agree.
Thursday, May 1, 2003 9:32 AM CDT Hello everyone:
This is the best update that I
could possible share with each of you, ASHLEY'S SCANS AND TEST WERE PERFECTLY CLEAR!!!!! There is no sign of any remaining cancer cells and all of her other test came back perfectly normal. This includes the testing to see if there was any damage to her heart, kidney's or hearing due to chemotherapy (all of which can be affected). EVERYTHING WAS PERFECTLY NORMAL!!!!!! PRAISE GOD!!!!!!
Luke 10:19
"Behold I have given you authority to tread upon serpents and scorpions, and over al the power of the enemy and NOTHING SHALL INJURE YOU."
A friend shared this verse with me last May when I was first told of all of the side effects that chemo could cause, especially to the heart, kidneys and lungs. We have prayed this verse over Ashley many times. The word of the Lord is powerful. These reports are a living testimony to that!!!
It has been an exhausting week both physically, mentally and emotionally. The hours waiting for results seemed like days. Even the nurse practioner told Floyd Tuesday that she almost had to bop him for coming back to the clinic every five minutes to see if the results were in. Oh well, even laid back Floyd, get's a little antsy where His precious little princess is concerned. Ashley had multiple x-rays, full body scans, CT-scans, ekgs, echo test, kidney test and audiology test as well as several blood test and EACH AND EVERY TEST CAME BACK WITH BEAUTIFUL RESULTS!!!!! Again, PRAISE GOD!!!!! I cannot express how remarkable this is. It is truly the hand of God upon her life!!!!! I know that these results are because of the prayers of the believers who have stood hand in hand with us believeing for God's healing upon her. I know that the doctors and the scientist are also responsible, but I honestly believe that they are God's instrument in this process. It was because of the grace and mercy of the Lord that we received these good reports.
The game plan right now is to continue physical therapy for an undetermined amount of time (several months at the least) and continue with blood work for several more weeks. Ashley's bone marrow is having a difficult time recovering from all of this chemo. She has had to have a blood transfusion and two platelet transfusions within the past few days. Please pray that her levels will return to normal very soon. It will take up to six months for her body to fully rid itself of the chemo. We have also been told to still be very cautious with her around anyone who has been ill as her body still is at risk for infection, especially with the wound on her incision. Pray for the surgeons who will be meeting next week to discuss how to treat and close this wound. We really want God's guidance and His timing. My prayer continues to be that this wound will heal on its own and that the scarring (which is Ashley's biggest concern) will be minimal or none. Hey, I believe ALL things are possible with God!!!!
Ashley is now considered to be "in remission". I hate this term. It almost suggest that the cancer is lurking around and is expected to rear back up. I want to hear the words "cured". We were told that we must remain guarded until at least the five year mark (of remaining cancer free) and at that time the term "cured" is used. We have been told that the first two years are critical that she remains in remission. Most patients who remain cancer free the first two years have a good chance of remaining in remission to the five year mark, the "golden mark". Oh well, sometimes too much information is just that, "too much". I know that we have to stay guarded, but more importantly we have to engage our faith and just trust God to take care of each day and also to continue to claim Ashely's healing!!!! Tomorrow will bring new mercies, I am sure of that!!!! God is so faithful!!!
Everyone, keeps asking "Aren't you so relieved that the treatments are over with?" The answer is absolutely, yet to be completely open with you it is also a little scary. Ashley has been under the umbrella of chemotherapy for almost a year now and there is a strange comfort level in knowing that if anything microscopically was growing in her body that the chemo was zapping that. Now, to be off of therapy brings a little more anxiety than expected. I was told that this is a common fear that every parent that has faced cancer feels. Please pray that I will have peace when ever the "what if's" come creeping into my mind. I really do believe that this is where my faith has to be knocked into gear and that I have to take capitive every thought that goes against the will of God. Yet, that is difficult when you see lives hanging in the balance because of cancer in the halls of St. Jude. I have had the wonderful priviledge of gaining a "new St. Jude family" and have rejoiced and grieved with many families within the past year. You cannot come away from this expeirence without being totally changed. I have such a profound sense of how precious life really is. So, please, pray for continued peace and don't stop praying for Ashley. I believe we will get to that five year mark and we will hear the doctor's tell us what we know now, that she is healed!!!!!
Okay, the game plan right now is to continue with blood test for several more weeks and physical therapy indefinetly. Most likely for at least several more months on a routine basis. Please pray that her walking will continue to improve and for her to gain full movement of her left foot. This too is a miracle in itself. Her foot is moving more and more each day. Again, we were told eight months ago that she may or may not gain this movement back that we would just have to wait and see. Well, she can wiggle her toes and is beginning to flex her foot just a tiny bit. God is just waking those nerves up a little at a time, small reminders each day of His faithfulness!!!!! Hopefully, by the end of next week we will know more about her upcoming surgery and will have had the opportunity to talk with her primary oncologist (who has been out of the country this week) and see if there is anything else to learn. We have been told that Ashley will have x-rays of her chest and the primary tumor site every two months for the first year. There will be other test ran as well at these checkups. Our first scheduled checkup to make sure that she is still in remission will be on Tuesday, June 24. Please circle that day on your calendar and cover us in prayer. Other parents have told us that it is always difficult to walk back in for checkups, that your mind always goes to the first day you walked in the hospital. Pray the Peace of God over us, just as we have felt the entire journey thus far. Each passing year the checkups get a little more space out, the first year every two months, the second year every three months, etc. up until the five year mark and then it is just once a year. Oh well, let's just take today and be grateful for the good news and pray God's continued hand over Ashley. A day at a time!!!!!
Well, I have been rather lengthy and I am sorry. I have so much to share. I will continue to update as new information is given and as we progress. I just want each of you to know that your prayers have touched the heart of our Father. God has so spared Ashley from so many possibilites during the last eleven months. She truly is a living miracle. Thank you so much for holing us tightly in your prayers. We love you and thank God for each and everyone of you!!!!
I'll update again, soon. I have so much to share but I really wanted to focus this update on the status of her reports and outline the next few months.
Exekiel 37:14
"And shall my put my spirit in you, and ye shall live, and I shall place you in your own land; THEN SHALL YE KNOW THAT I THE LORD HAVE SPOKEN IT, AND PERFORMED IT, SAITH THE LORD."
love and hugs to all of you,
Donna
p.s. As I mentioned in the update we have been so priviledged to gain a new wonderful St. Jude Family. I would like to ask you to pray for all of the precious children at the hospital. One special little girl named Emma Grace who is two years old has tugged at our heartstrings (as they all do). Please check out her website at
caringbridge.org/ar/emmagrace
Please lift this child and her mother and father, Trish and Barney, up in prayer. We know that God has a special plan for each of these children. Thank you for building up the body of Christ!!!
Monday, April 28, 2003 9:44 PM CDT Howdy Folks,
This is Ashley. I got out of the hospital late Wednesday night. I am in the middle of my scans right now. They poked all over me, they scanned me and looked inside of me with their fancy machines and flat wore me out today. There going to do the same thing tomorrow. Please pray that we get wonderful terrific news tomorrow afternoon. I may be little, but my God sure is BIG!!!!! Dad, Mom, Tyler and I are trusting God that everything will be great. Mommy is fixing to turn out the lights so I better scadattle. I have a very early morning!! Please pray for me tomorrow!!!
Ahley Garrett
P.S. - For I know the plans that I have for you declares the Lord. Plans for welfare and not for calamity. Plans to give you a future and a hope!!!! Jeremiah 29:11
Tuesday, April 22, 2003 9:48 AM CDT Hello everyone:
I am going to try and give this update in record time. Unfortunately, Ashley is now back in the hospital due to fever. We truly thought that when we left two weeks ago after finishing her final round of chemo that it would be our last stay (except for surgery). Well, one of these days we will truly learn to take things one day at a time. We went in yesterday for physical therapy and labs and I just happened to mention that Ashley felt warm to me. Sure enough, when her temp was taken, she was running a slight fever. Knowing the normal drill of being admitted with fever, I questioned the surgery nurse as to whether or not it would really be necessary since Ashley was finished with chemo and each time she is admitted her cultures have always come back negative. This seems to be her body's typical response to the after effects of chemo. The nurse told me that she has seen way too many patients run a fever and then within hours be put on a respirator if they become septic (blood poisioned) and that we shouldn't even consider not going in. Well, that was all I needed to hear. I was ready to roll Ashley upstairs and start the anitbiotics myself. Sometimes, the bottom line is all we need to hear. So, we will stay as long as the doctor's think it is necessary. Ashley's counts have been down over a week and they just started to climb yesterday to 240. Remember 500 is the mark we need to for her body to be able to fight infection. So, until her counts recover and she can remain fever free for at least 24 hours we are hospital bound. Last night her fever shot up to almost 103 (one of the highest she has had) but they are not sure if it is was infection related or a reaction to the blood transfusion that she had at 3:00 am. Yesterday, was a tough day for Ashley. She was disappointed about being admitted and also had to have a platelet transfusion and two blood transfusions along with three anit-biotics going into the middle of the night. So, today all I want her to do is to sleep and hopefully chase off any fever. Please pray that her cultures will all come back negative and that her temp will regulate below the fever mark.
I will update again very soon. I am actually home packing a quick suitcase and throwing on a load of laundry so at least Tyler will have clean uniforms this week for school. Floyd fortunately had today off so he is with Ashley right now. I have learned that even housework and the chore of laundry is a blessed event when time allows. So, if anyone stops by on us later in the week when we get home, enter at your own risk. Smile!!!!
I also want to ask each of you to pray specifically for Ashley's upcoming final scans. They have been scheduled for next Monday and Tuesday. These are the scans that will determine whether or not Ashley is "in remission" with no cancer cells left in her body. We are believing that she is healed and that we will only get confirmation that all is well. Please pray with us. These test are critical in planning our next steps of her treatment and follow up. We are so appreciative of your prayers.
Well, I need to run back to the hospital. I will update as soon as something changes. Love and hugs to all!
"Cause me to hear Your lovingkindness in the morning, For in You do I trust; Cause me to know the way in which I should walk, For I lift up my soul to You."
Psalms 143:8
Donna
Tuesday, April 8, 2003 12:08 AM CDT HELLO, HELLO, HELLO:
Well the day has finally arrived!!!!! Ashley was admitted yesterday for her final course of chemo and at 5:00 tonight she will have her last dose!!!!! Looking back over the past ten months, it felt like this day would never come. I cannot put into words the emotions that we are feeling. Right now, I don't think that it has truly hit us that this portion of her protocol is really coming to a close. We had no idea what "cancer patients" really went through to beat their life threatening illnesses. My heart breaks when ever I see a new patient come into the hospital or when I hear that someone has been diagnosed with cancer. There are no words to describe how "cancer" truly changes your life and the lives of those around you. However, it is also impossible for me to communicate just how faithful our Lord has been to us. Today is a day of celebration not only because this part of Ashley's treatment is coming to a close but because we see how God has so carried us through out the past year. He has truly ordered our footsteps and placed a hedge of protection around us. I am just in awe of his mercy and grace!
Ashley is asleep right now (loaded with anti-nausea drugs) and hopefully will wake up in time for her last dose around 5:00 tonight. Her nurses and doctors and many other staff members will join us as this last chemo is started to help us celebrate. We will be having a "No Mo (not misspelled, that is what it is called here) Chemo Party". This is something the wonderful staff does for each patient when they finish their final chemo treatment. We hope to have our own big bash of some sorts to celebrate with each of you in the near future once evaluations are done and Ashley has recovered from her upcoming surgery. We haven't planned quite that far out yet. One thing this whole ordeal has taught us is to learn to be real flexible and just take things a day at a time. We will let you all know when the big celebration will be. You will all be invited! Ashley was so excited thinking about her last chemo today and this little party with all of the staff that she couldn't get to sleep last night. It is so good to see her so excited and rightly so!!!!! After the chemo is completed we most likely will be able to be discharged and go home as a family. leaving this horrible chemo portion behind. We still will be coming back and forth for awhile for evaluations, labs and physical therapy but at least the dreaded chemotherapy will be over. This particular chemo does make Ashley feel bad but thankfully, it is not as hard on her as the others. Since it is only a two-day chemo, it doesn't seem to make her quite as sick as normal. Yet, please pray that she will recover quickly and that we will soon be able to have our post chemo scans and evaluations. I am nervously awaiting the scans, but I don't want to take away from the excitement of the day by dwelling on the what if's. God has told each of us to take our lives a day at a time and that is exactly what I intend to do.
Ashley will be back again tomorrow for a doctor and surgeon visit and physical therapy. I am not sure exactly when her post scans will be but I know that it will be soon. When Ashley's count's drop and then recover, she will be going back in for another surgery to close her incision that we have been doing daily dressing changes on. Hopefully, that will be our last in-patient hospital stay. It will feel so strange being at home for good, strange but wonderful!!!! I will update you on all of this as I get more details.
I really just wanted to let you all know that the big day we have been waiting for has arrived and to ask you to continue to pray for us and for the upcoming weeks. I cannot tell you how thankful we are for your support and mostly for your prayers. God has heard each one and has daily shown Himself faithful to us!!!! Thank you for being a part of His miracle for Ashley.
Psalms 22:5
"To Thee they cried out, and were delivered; In Thee they trusted and were not disappointed."
What a mighty God we serve!!!!!!
love, prayers and shouts of Hallelujah!!!!!
Donna
Tuesday, April 1, 2003 12:52 AM CST Hello Everyone:
Okay, once again I know that I have taken too long to update. Sorry but life just moves so fast when we are able to be home. Ashley was discharged from the hospital last Thursday after her stay due to fever. Fortunately, her cultures were negative and her fever was most likely due to her low counts. I am always amazed and thankful how her immune system can be totally intolerant of ANY germs or infection when she has zero counts and she has yet to even catch a cold!!!! THAT IS A GOD THING!!!!!! When a persons ANC (fancy word for a calculation that determines whether your body can fight off infection on it's own) is below 500 there isn't any possible way for the body to fight off infection or germs that would not be a problem at all for someone not receiving chemotherapy. However, each time Ashley's ANC has dropped she has remained well!!!! What is even more amazing is that God has protected our entire family. We all bypassed the flu and cold season with flying colors. That is God's grace and a blessing in itself.
Ashley's counts went to 900 last Thursday and we were discharged and she immediately started planning her agenda for the weekend. We have been on the run. I cannot express how much just the simple things mean to us right now. Last night Floyd grilled out and while we were eating dinner together as a family in our own home, I couldn't help but reflect on how precious the simple pleasures in life are to us now. This past ten months have been so full of hospital stays and multiple trips back and forth each week to St. Jude when we are outpatient that life has seemed so chaotic for us. Last night seemed special just because we were in our home, Ashley felt great and for a short time we weren't living in the world of cancer. I pray that each day we see God's treasures, if it's just a simple family meal or if it is another good report. God designed each day to be full of His joy and love.
We go back tomorrow for labs, physical therapy and appointments with her primary oncologist and with her surgeons. Ashley will be having her FINAL CHEMO as soon as her platelets reach 100,000. Her platelet count was a little over 40,000 on Monday so our best guess is that it will be early next week before her counts are high enough for chemo. We are anxiously awaiting this final chemo. If you are in the downtown area you will probably hear us shout for joy when the final drop goes through that IV. I have hated watching chemo being pumped into her little body since the very first treatment last May and the relief that this portion of her protocol will soon be over is beyond words. When the nurses bring the chemo into the room there is a huge label stamped on the outside "Chemotherapy - Do not touch - Handle with Gloves". This has always disturbed me. No one is too touch the bag itself without gloves on but yet they are infusing this inside of my little girl. I decided at the very beginning that chemo would not go into her body unless it was covered in prayer. I used to just pray while it was infusing but more recently, I have began laying my hands on the bag itself and prayed that the chemo not only would be an instrument of healing (medicine is God's gift) but that it would only do what it was intended and nothing else. You might think I am crazy for doing that, but I believe in the power of prayer and it helps me to rest knowing that I have prayed over that bag before it is pumped into Ashley's body. You see we have been told that chemotherapy drugs are highly toxic and there are concerns and problems that can develop with their use. So when I pray, I always pray that they only kill cancer cells and that Ashley is protected from any harm that could be caused by the use of these drugs. So, when I lay my hands upon these last bags of chemo, not only will I pray God's protection over Ashley once again but I will thank Him for carefully watching over her and for these medicines that are destroying every cancerous cell seen or unseen in so many precious lives.
Well, I didn't mean to go into all of the above. This web page is really a means for me to just unload my heart at times. Thank you so much for just being here for us. I will update as soon as we get the okay for our chemo admission. Once her chemo is completed we will then be asking each of you to join us in prayer for her post treatment evaluations. Thank you so much for your wonderful support and for your notes on the guestbook. We appreciate it so much when you sign in. Your kind words have carried us through many stressful and difficult days. Please know how thankful we are for your prayers. There is no way this side of Heaven for you to know how much they have meant to us. Thanks and Hugs to all of you!!!!!!
Psalms 84:5-7
"Happy are those who are strong in the Lord who want above all else to follow your steps. When they walk through the valley of weeping it will become a place of springs where pools of blessing and refreshing collect after rains. They will grow constantly in strength and each of them is invited to meet with the Lord in Zion."
Where would we be without the Lord? This journey has taught us that even when our hearts are breaking He is picking up the pieces and covering us with His blessings! How thankful I am for His goodness!
love,
Donna
Sunday, March 23, 2003 5:11 PM CST Hello everyone:
Well it is Sunday afternoon and unfortunatley, I am writing this update from St. Jude. Ashley had to come in yesterday to have her labs checked and to our surprise she started running a fever. Since her counts are at zero and then registering a fever we were not allowed to return home and were admitted. Ashley's platelets had also dropped to 14,000 (normal range is over 100,000)so she had to have a platelet transfusion also. I was told this morning that her hemoglobin has dropped since yesterday and most likely she will have to have a blood transfusion tomorrow. Please continue to pray that her counts will recover quickly and that the fever will subside and the transfusion will not be necessary. We know that we have to be fever free for 48 hours and her counts have to reach 500 before we can be discharged. Hopefully, this will be a short stay since we had only been home a week from our last inpatient stay. I am not complaining though. It is truly in Ashley's best interest that she be on IV antibiotics and in the hospital until her counts rise with all the sickness that is going around right now. We are hoping and praying that her cultures will come back negative and that this is just part of her body's reaction to her last chemo. Other than the fever, Ashley feels great! One of the nurses asked her the other day "Are you sure you have cancer? You look too good!" Ashley will tell you she doesn't have cancer anymore that it was gone the day they took the tumor out and that she is healed! Her faith can move mountains and it has!!!!! We just have to wait for each check-up and let the scans speak for themselves and give all the Glory to God. I wouldn't trade anything for the supernatural peace that only God can give.
Ashley's attitude about being in the hospital has been great. She cannot leave her hospital room to play with other patients in the common areas until she is fever free. So she is just making the best of her little world in her hospital room. She is getting bored already, but still trying to stay upbeat. I think so much of fighting this battle is mental and she sure does seem to have that part whipped. She has allowed her faith to stand strong each and every day and for that I am so thankful!!!!
I know that I just updated on Friday but I wanted to ask you all to pray for quick recovery so we can have some time at home before her next and final chemo round. Pray specifically for her lab levels, negative cultures and no fever. God once again has us in the palm of His hands and I know that He is just protecting her in His way. All we have to do is Trust Him!!!
Psalms 41:3
"The Lord will sustain him upon his sickbed. In his illness, thou dost restore him to health."
He is sustaining us and restoring Ashley a day at a time.
Love to all,
Donna
Friday, March 21, 2003 6:52 PM CST Hello Everyone:
I just want to drop everyone a quick note and let you know that Ashley's X-Rays were beautiful!!!! The knot that came up on her leg last week was indeed fluid just as the doctors expected. Praise God for this confirmation that all is well!!!!! I keep walking around just telling the Lord over and over, thank you, thank you, thank you for your keeping hand over our little girl!!!! That may seem silly to some, but I never want to take His blessings for granted! God is so good and He has been so faithful to us!!!
Ashley's counts went from a little over 2,000 on Monday to zero on Wednesday. She remains at zero today. I have never seen her drop so drastically so quick. Her doctor told me that this is just the cumulative effect of her chemo treatments. She has absolutely no energy right now and has been dragging all day long. She had a physical therapy appointment and labs this morning and it wore her out. She has laid around all day and is now sound asleep. I am praying that God will touch her body in her sleep and she will wake up tomorrow with renewed strength. Her platelets are close to transfusion level so it is necessary for us to go back to St. Jude tomorrow. This isn't how Ashley wants to spend her normal day off from St. Jude but she understands that it is necessary to get her labs checked. Please pray that her platelets will rise and a transfusion will not be necessary this weekend. I have lost count of the number of transfusions that Ashley has had to have but I still get a little nervous with them. Pray for a rise in platelets and that she will stay fever free while her body has absolutely no ability to fight off infection or germs. When told Wednesday that her counts were zero she just smiled and said "well there is no way to go but up now". What a trooper!!!!
Well, I am going to set a record time and sign off now. I just wanted to let you know that we are homebound and ask you to pray for quick lab recovery and no fever or transfusions. I appreciate each of you so very much and I hope you all have a wonderful weekend!!!!
Psalms 36:5-9
"Thy mercy, O Lord is in the heavens; and thy faithfulness reacheth unto the clouds. Thy righteousness is like the great mountains; thy judgements are a great deep; O Lord thou preservest man and beast. How excellent is thy lovingkindness, O God! Therefore the children of men put their trust under the shadow of thy wings. They shall be abundantly satisfied with the fatness of thy house; and thou shall make them drink of the river of thy pleasures. For with thee is the fountain of life; in THY light shall we see light.
We are so thankful to be under the shadow of His wings!!! Also, please pray for our troops and their families. May God hold each of them in His hands and May God's wisdom and guidance be upon our leaders. We are a blessed nation and what a priviledge and responsibility we have to pray for those who are fighting for us and our children. May God truly bless America!
love,
Donna
Sunday, March 16, 2003 7:14 PM CST Hello everyone:
Well we were finally admitted for chemo number eleven last Wednesday and we came home from the hospital yesterday. We are so.... glad to have another chemo behind us and we can now start the count down to the final treatment!!!! Ashely is having a difficult time keeping anything on her stomach so please pray that she will feel better soon. I am making macaroni and cheese right now in hopes that it may help. We just keep trying to find something that will agree with her. She keeps asking for cheese dip but hopefully I have convinced her that we should wait a day or so before we start the Mexican Foods since soup isn't even agreeing with her yet. It is really amazing how chemo causes her to crave spicy foods. Everytime we come home from the hospital she ask for Mexican or Chinese. Oh well, look out Taco Bell we will be driving through soon! We are so glad to have this particular chemo treatment over with. One of the drugs that she received always causes her to get so sick. This time as soon as the nurse walked into the room with the IV bag of chemo, Ashley started getting sick. I told her to just relax that maybe it wouldn't be so bad this time. It is sad that just the thought of the chemo can make her sick. The nurse told me that this wasn't uncommon with many of the patients. That tells you how tough this is for these kids. It breaks your heart. They are so smart and they know before the meds start that it is going to be tough but they are some of the happiest and sweetest kids I have ever been around. It was a tough few days but hopefully she will feel better real soon. She felt okay once she got home from the hospital and even went and spent some time with some close family friends but by evening she was starting to feel bad again and it went downhill from there. Her stomach finally settled down around 11:30 pm last night and she slept until almost 11:00 this morning. She was so tierd from her hospital stay. These treatments just take such a toll on her. She was able to go outside for a short while today and visit with some neighborhood friends. It was such a beautiful day and it always feels good to be home even when just away for a short time.
We will be going back and forth this week to St. Jude for labs and appointments. Ashley will be having another X-Ray on her leg this week. Another knot has appeared on her knee (same leg as the original tumor). The doctors have told me not to worry that it appears to just be fluid build up due to the way she is walking right now. This knot was first noticed last Wednesday while she was in clinic before being admitted. I could feel my heart hit the floor when it was discovered. After going through all that we have since last May, any type of bump or knot scares me so much. I couldn't even speak and Ashley just began to cry. The nurse and doctor assured me that it felt like fluid and that it wasn't anything serious. The X-Rays had already been requested prior to seeing this bump. I am so thankful that we will have this X-Ray to give me assurance that all is okay. You can't tell a mother not to worry (and all moms agree!). Okay, I know that I need to get my faith in gear and quit worrying but it is so.... hard when it comes to anything unfamiliar. I guess that is why "faith" is required. Smile. I told the Lord that "I really have all I can handle right now so please let this be fluid. Please don't stretch me anymore right now." He probably is thinking "Then why don't you just learn to trust me?" Smile. We have so much to be thankful for. The Lord has been so faithful over and over again!!!! I am confident that he will continue to protect and cover our Ashley with His infinite mercy and grace.
I am trying to get Joshua 1:9 stamped on my heart and my mind....
"Have I not commanded thee? Be strong and of good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed; for the Lord Thy God is with thee withersoever thou goest.
Pray that I get this into my spirit and keep it there!!!!
Well, Ashley's counts will start the downward spiral soon and we will once again be homebound. Please continue to pray for a quick recovery so that we can stay on schedule for HER LAST CHEMO....PRAISE THE LORD!!!! We still need your prayers as we approach this date and more importantly the evaluations that will follow and determine our future steps. Thanks to those of you who are still leaving us notes on the website. Ashley loves to read these, especially when she is feeling so "yicky". We cherish your words of encouragement and faith. A very special thank you goes out to the wonderful nurses on 2-South. Thanks for taking such wonderful care of Ashley and mom. You are each angels on earth, I am convinced of that!
Well, I will close this lengthy message. Sorry. I just wanted to let everyone know what was going on and what to pray with us about. I will update again soon when something changes. Have a wonderful week. We love you all!!!
Donna
Tuesday, March 11, 2003 8:11 AM CST Hello Everyone:
Well I know that it has been a couple of weeks since I last updated but nothing much has really changed. I don't want to be repetitive with each update but I did want to let you all know that we are doing fine. Ashley still hasn't had the chemo treatment that we were waiting on two weeks ago. Her platelets are having a hard time recovering and her protocol is very specific regarding her treatment. Ashley's platelets are at 75,000 and they must be at 100,000 for chemo. We will continue to have labs done every other day until she reaches the 100,000 level and then she will be admitted for chemo number eleven. Most likely we will be inpatient within the next few days. We are so anxious to get this one behind us so that we can begin the countdown to our final treatment. PRAISE THE LORD!!!!! I am so overwhelmed with God's faithfulness and how he has sheltered us in His wings over the past ten months while we have been at St. Jude. If you were to ever walk the halls of this hospital and see the children you would realize how much we have to be thankful for. Even with all of the difficulty that Ashley has had and all of the concern that we bear, God has truly blessed her and has truly protected her from so much!!!!! I am constantly reminded of that when I talk and share with other families. Our problems really melt away when you start to compare. So, again, we choose a heart of thankfulness in ALL things!!!!!!
The other night I had one of my gully washer tear times. I don't even remember what brought this on (most likely nothing at all) but boy did I cry my heart out. Unfortunately, Ashley witnessed this melt down. She came and wrapped those little arms around me and said "Mother, it is okay, we are just having a little bump in the road. I can't wait to see what plan God has for me!" I cried even harder. It is so much more than just a little bump in the road to me. Yet, if my little eleven year old who has had her entire leg ripped open and reworked and has suffered with the horrible sickness and side effects that chemo causes can look at this as "just a little bump in the road", I can ask God to pull me out of my pit and move on! If Ashley can recogonize in her uncluttered heart and mind that God has a plan for her life and this is just part of something better to come, why can't we just rest in that? There is no doubt that God has not ordered our footsteps. We just see His grace and love in such a powerful way, more than ever before. That doesn't mean that we don't hurt or don't even ask Him to take us out of this. I beg Him to take this away and for Ashley to never have to deal with this ever again. Yet, we are learning to depend wholly upon Him for today and for all of our tomorrows.
Sunday night at church after service I was sitting on the back pew with Ashley waiting on Floyd to finish socializing (smile, for all of you who know Him well) and a dear church member came up to me and told me that I had been heavy on her heart for several weeks. She then asked me if anything was bothering me specifically that she could pray with me about. Once again, I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes and I just said, nothing specifically, just everything (does that make sense?). Ashley spoke up and said just pray for my chemo this week. She gently took our hands and began praying over us. How thankful I am for that sweet and sincere prayer and for all of the prayers that each of you pray on our behalf. I have thought about this dear lady this week and I have asked the Lord to help me to be more obedient to His leading. Sometimes, it is so important for me to just stop buzzing around, doing everything under the sun and just pray for others or just take time to allow the Lord to speak to my heart. I know that this friend didn't even know how much I just needed to know that God had laid us on her heart. I had been walking around with a heavy heart and just needed to be reminded that God has appointed Christian warriors to continue to lift us up. So thank you to each of you who known and unknown to us, pray for Ashley's healing and our peace of mind. We are so indebted to you. What a difference you are making in Ashley's life and in ours.
Well, I just wanted to write a quick entry and let you know that we are still waiting to be admitted. Please pray this week for Ashley's chemo treatment. One of the drugs she will be receiving always makes her so sick, so please pray that the nausea will be minimal and that she will recover quickly so we can get down to our final chemo soon. We love each of you and pray that this is a good week for you. Thanks for sticking with us on this journey, we are so blessed to not be walking this alone!!!!!
Psalms 32:7-8 (The Living Bible)
"You are my hiding place from every storm of life; you even keep me from getting into trouble! You surround me with songs of victory. I will instruct you (says the Lord) and guide you along the best pathway for your life; I will advise you and watch your progress."
This verse tells us that he will guide us along the best pathway for our lives, not that there won't be "bumps in the road". I am so thankful that Ashley has His word in her heart!!! She will be just fine.
God Bless,
Donna
p.s. - Update on Chase, the little boy who had open heart surgery a couple of weeks ago: The surgery went wonderful and after three months in the hospital "HE IS HOME AND DOING FINE!!!!! ANOTHER ONE OF GOD'S ANSWER TO OUR PRAYERS!!!!! Thanks for praying for this precious family. God is good!!!!
Wednesday, February 26, 2003 2:47 PM CST Hello everyone:
Well, once again forgive me. I know that it has been a couple of weeks since I updated. In this instance, "No news is good news". We have been doing fine. Ashley is getting close to being admitted for chemo number eleven (after which we will only have one more) and she is doing great!
Ashley and her dad are at St. Jude right now for a physical therapy appointment and a visit with her surgeons. Floyd decided to close his office today due to the predicted icy conditions (and concern for his staff and patients safety) and therefore was able to make the trip to St. Jude and give me a day at home. I honestly think that he doesn't trust me driving on the ice (rightly so) and certainly not with his precious little princess Ashley. Smile. Ashely was so excited that her daddy was going to be the one taking her to St. Jude today. In her own words "we have been having a little too much mother/daughter time lately. I have to smile at her ever increasing sense of independence and be thankful that she enjoys her alone time with her dad too! Ashley is truly a "daddy's girl, but that is okay, my little Tyler loves His Mother and he is home from school keeping things lively as usual. It is never boring when Tyler is home. I think it is amazing how God gives each of us our very own special personality and Tyler with his happy little personality keeps things light for me. He always knows how to bring a smile or melt my heart. What joy our children bring to our home.
My day started off with a surprise breakfast in bed, compliments of Ashley and Tyler, They fixed me four (yes, four) pieces of toast and three mandarin oranges. This is my typical morning fare but not quite the quantity in case you are wondering. I was so impressed (other than with the amount they thought I'd eat) with their thoughtfulness. We shared my breakfast and lots of hugs before my feet even hit the floor. What a way to start off the day. It is days like this that make every care float away. Children are such a blessing!!!!
Ashley was scheduled to go in for chemo on Monday but due to a low platelet count (27,000) it has been postponed. She did have to have a blood transfusion instead. Her hemoglobin was at a extremely low level of 6.2 (they normally transfuse below 7.0 - 8.0). She has had labs drawn several times over the past week and weekend so they decided to wait until this Friday to check her labs again. Once her platelets hit 100,000 she will be admitted for chemo. Hopefully it will be either Friday or early next week. Pray for God's timing, it is always best!!!!!
I have a tremendous praise report that I want to share. Ashley had to have an EKG and Echo test last week. We have been told that the chemotherapy drugs can do damage to the heart so they are diligent in checking for any irregularities. Ashley's EKG and Echo test came back perfectly normal with NO abnormal readings!!!! Also, Ashley had to have a chest scan and a CT Scan to check for any possible cancer cells in the chest area and these test came back perfectly clear!!!! These were standard test due at this time in her protocol, yet we are no less thankful for the reassurance that ALL IS WELL!!!!! I will tell you that I couldn't sleep leading up to these scans and I would wake up often and just begin to pray for God's continued covering over our little girl. I know that He heard my cries!!! What a faithful God we serve!!!!
Next praise report: Ashley was told on Friday that she doesn't have to wear her long black brace on her leg anymore. Yeah!!!!! This brace went from her ankle up to well over her knee. She has been wearing this brace since she was diagnosed at the end of last May so she is thrilled to be without this "accessory". She still has to wear the plastic brace that is molded around her bottom leg and fits into her shoe until she regains movement of her left foot. Please pray with us regarding this. We have been told that "if" she regains movement it usually takes between 6-12 months after surgery for the nerves to heal and for the foot to be able to flex up and down but that there are no guarantees that she will regain this movement. However, I refuse to accept the "if's" and believe with all my heart that it is not a matter of "if" but when she regains movement. She WILL be able to get rid of this brace too! God never does things half-way!!!! Ashley and I refer to her being able to get rid of this brace as "A God Thing" because this is something that man cannot control and it truly is in God's hand and in His timing. So we pray daily and anxiously await and anticipate the physical confirmation (her foot moving/flexing) of her healing. What a testimony this will be!!! What a testimony Ashley already has become!!!! God is so good and so faithful!!!
Acts 2:28 (from the Living Bible)
"You will give me back my life, and give me wonderful joy in your presence."
God has truly given us wonderful joy in His presence, taking us day by day and granting us new blessings and mercies each day. We are so thankful for his leading and for friends such as each of you who have stuck with us through out this whole ordeal. We truly appreciate each of your prayers that have brought forth Ashley's continued strength and healing. Continue to pray with us for another smooth round of chemo (this is a tough one coming up) and for restoration of her foot and continued improvement with her walking. We see God's blessing in each answered prayer and with the friendships that he has granted us. Thanks for checking in on us and I will update again very soon.
Love to all,
Donna
Additional prayer request:
Please continue to pray for Chase Whitehurst. This is our pastor's little grandson who was born prematurely in late December. He will be having open heart surgery tomorrow morning and we want to stand in agreement with this family for a smooth surgery, no complications and a complete healing and recovery. We understand all to well what it feels like to send your child into surgery, not really knowing the outcome so please pray for peace for this family and for God's hand on the surgeons.
Also, please continue to pray for Phillip and Melinda Winchester and his complete healing of cancer. Phillip has a web page at caringbridge.org/tn/phillipwinchester
if you would like to visit his site and encourage this family.
I am so grateful God gave us friends to help shoulder our burdens and I know these families would appreciate your prayers. Thanks so very much!!!!!
Thursday, February 6, 2003 4:51 PM CST
Thursday, February 6, 2003 4:51 PM CST Hello everyone:
Well we are home and actually enjoying the cold winter rain. It doesn't matter what is going on outside with regards to the weather, we are just glad to be home!!!!
Ashley's platelets finally climbed high enough for chemo on Monday and she was admitted into the hospital and we have now completed round number 10. We are so grateful to have only two more chemo's left. Praise the Lord!!!!! This particular chemo was not as difficult for Ashley and therefore she hasn't been as sick as she usually gets. She felt pretty bad yesterday, but she is getting better each day. She is expierencing some delayed nausea (common with this particular doseage) but overall she has done very well. She had today off from St. Jude and she has been able to nap off and on and play inside with some of her neighborhood friends. What a treat for her! Tyler also had the day off from school due to the snow and it has been wonderful just being home with my kids. After going through all we have in the past year, the wet boots and snow all over the floor doesn't bother me a bit. This is a total transformation for me (those of you who know me well will testify to that) but I truly am thankful for the little feet that make all of these messes. Smile. This entire ordeal has taught me invaluable lessons as to what is really important in life.
We will go back tomorrow to start the lab work all over again to watch for her counts to begin dropping and to have physical therapy. I want to thank each of you for your prayers regarding Ashley's walking. She is making improvement and we are anxiously awaiting the day she will be able to get rid of her brace and walk with ease. Please continue to pray for total restoration!!!! The wound on Ashley's leg is getting better each day. This has been such a slow process, including daily dressing changes, yet we are so very thankful that this wound has remained "infection free"!!!! This is one of those "miracles" I spoke of in my last update. With all of the chemo treatments and corresponding weeks of a weakened immune system, it truly is amazing that her wound is healing!!!! This is nothing less than an answer to prayer. We have been told that when Ashley finishes her chemo therapy treatments (most likely sometime in late March, unless delayed again due to platelets) the surgeons will take her back in to reconstruct this incision. So the prayer is that we remain infection free until this time. Please continue to pray for this need also.
Well, we will just be back and forth for the next couple of weeks for therapy and labs and hopefully will stay fever and infection free. Ashley's counts should drop within the next few days and we will once again be homebound. That is okay with us. We have learned to just bunker down and make the most of our quiet time together. Yet before that happens, Ashley still has an agenda to keep. She has been asked to be an "honorary coach" at the Ladies Memphis Tiger Game tomorrow night and Tyler is going to be a ball boy. They are both so.... excited about this as well as their dad, being the Tiger fan that he is!!!! Pray that they win or at least for good sportsmanship from the Garrett's, SMILE!!! Then on Saturday she and Tyler both have birthday parties for friends to attend. Hopefully her counts will hold out so she can enjoy these activities. I always tell her not to get her hopes up because we can never really predict when her counts will drop but that is so difficult for one as socially active as Ashley. She loves having a calendar full of things to do. "A day at a time, a step at a time and praying ALL the time" that should be our new mantra.
Well, I just wanted to give everyone a quick update and let you know once again that we really appreciate your notes on the web site and for the many many prayers. I hope everyone enjoys the wintery weather and especially that everyone stays well!!!! I will update again when we have more news. Thanks again for checking on us!!!!
Psalms 121:1-8
I lift up my eyes to the hills - where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord the maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip - he who watches over you will not slumber; indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The Lord watches over you - the Lord is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night. The Lord will keep you from all harm - he will watch over your life; the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.
That is our heart's prayer for Ashley and for each of you.
love,
Donna
Tuesday, January 28, 2003 at 10:34 AM (CST) Hello everyone:
Well I am writing this update from the comfort of home. Ashley has been delayed almost a week now for chemo due to a low platelet count. We will go back for lab work every other day to check to see if her platelets are high enough for chemo treatment number nine. Hopefully we will be admitted before the end of the week. We are actually anxious to get this round over with. Each time we are delayed, it pushes the end of treatment back and we are so ready to resume a normal life and schedule again. Please pray that her platelets will rise quickly and we can move one step closer to completing this part of her protocol.
Ashely's is making progress in physical therapy also. She continues to work diligently on her walking. Right now she is taking small steps on her own, but tires very quickly. Please continue to pray with us regarding this. I have to tell you that it is so very difficult to see her struggling to walk. It breaks your heart. Yet, often when I get discouraged, I will see a child at St. Jude who has no mobility whatsoever and I have to stop and kick myself for being so discouraged. One thing this entire expeirence has taught me is to realize that we are so blessed, regardless of how bad things seem at times. Our situation is not unique to so many and certainly not to our Heavenly Father, who is always guiding Ashley's footsteps. So, I try to keep my emotions and my concerns in check and just be thankful for each step, no matter how slowly it comes. I still believe with all my heart that Ashley will not only walk, but run and jump and leap with joy and give all the glory and praise to our Heavenly Father. So, thank you for your continued prayers regarding Ashley's therapy.
I have often mentioned that God always seems to place a believer in my path at just the right time to build my faith and to encourage me to always trust in what I know in my heart to be true. Yesterday was one of those days. While sitting in the clinic waiting area a wonderful Christian lady came and found me. She told me about a little 8 year old girl who has been a patient at St. Jude since she was three years old. This little girl had come back for a regular checkup and shockingly they discovered another tumor. The doctors told the family that they had to operate within the next few days. The family was devasted as you can imagine. They came expecting to get another "clear" check up and within moments their world once again came crashing down. They prepared the little girl for surgery, but then the miracleous happened. When they went into surgery, the tumor was gone. PRAISE GOD!!!!!
There was no logical explanation for this, yet we who are believers know that God stepped in and healed this child. As soon as I heard this story, I asked this lady to please introduce me to this mother. I met with her and we talked and hugged and agreed that God is always working on our behalf. We rejoiced over the faithfulness of God. She asked about our situation and I told her that I knew that God was doing the miracleous in Ashley's body also. We may have had to go through surgery, but I know that his work in her life is not finished. She will testify of his goodness and grace.
I just kept thanking the Lord for allowing me the priviledge of hearing this family's good news. You so often hear the sad stories and you can't look to the right or the left when you are at the hospital without realizing the devastion that cancer can bring to a child and their families. Yet, when I heard this news, I just wanted to run up and down the halls shouting about the goodness and mercy of our Lord. This story brought to mind the verse in Jeremiah that says:
"Behold, I am the Lord, the God of ALL flesh; is ANYTHING too difficult for me?" (Jeremiah 32:27)
This testimony was like confirmation to my heart that God always has the final say in the outcome of every one of life's situations and difficulties. What was so neat about hearing this story yesterday is that this is the one area that I have been stuggling with lately. I have been so consumed about Ashley's upcoming scans after her final chemo is over and already worrying about future checkups that I haven't been focusing on how well she is doing right now. It is so easy to let your peace and joy dwindle away when you don't cast down every thought that goes against the word of God. That is why it is so important for me to stay in the Word and to daily surrender my life to the Lord. How very thankful I am that He is in control and he is working all things for Ashley's good!
After hearing this story and talking to the mother, Ashley and I left the hospital for the day. On the ride home Ashley was very quiet. I asked her if something was troubling her. Almost in tears, she told me that she too wanted to be a miracle child. I thought that I was going to lose it. It broke my heart. I didn't realize that she was struggling with the question of "why God didn't take her tumor out supernaturally?" I told her that she WAS a miracle child and how God was touching her body and spirit on a daily basis. I tried to explain that God doesn't always work the way that we might want Him too, but He ALWAYS is working on our behalf and that His way is so much better for us and that is why we call our trust "Faith". I know that God will reward Ashley's faith. She truly has such a heart for the Lord. Ashley truly is a miracle child, too! A day doesn't go by that I don't thank Him for his keeping grace over our precious little girl. Our conversation gripped my heart because I realized that too often I am so focused on the future, Ashley's walking, the hospital stays and other issues that I wasn't focusing on the many blessings, regardless how big or small, that are daily miracles. Praise God that Ashley's cancer was found before it had spread to other parts of her body! What a miracle in itself!!!! There are so many other numerous blessings and answers to prayer, that we have to be thankful for. So yes, Ashley is a miracle child!
Thank you for letting me pour out my heart to each of you on a regular basis. Sometimes I sit down and write and I don't even know how to communicate all that is on my heart and mind. Thank you for continually checking in on the site and for encouraging us. We feel your prayers and they keep us moving forward each day. May God bless each of you!!!! I will update when something changes. Until then, just know that we cherish each of you!!!
love to all,
Donna
Sunday, January 19, 2003 at 07:33 PM (CST) Hello everyone:
Well, today has been a very special day. Today is Ashley's 11th birthday!!!! We have actually been celebrating all weekend! What a special birthday this has been. We were able to leave the hospital on Friday afternoon. Ashley had not ran a fever since Wednesday and her counts appear to be on the rise. Her counts were only at 200 on Friday yet they allowed us to go home anyway with the agreement that we administer an antibiotic from home. Yesterday she had to go back for more lab work and her counts had risen to 400. We are still not allowed to be around crowds until we have her labs checked in the morning. Her next chemo (and another hospital stay) is scheduled for this Wednesday. Due to her low counts and platelets, this will most likely be postponed several days. We just pray for God's perfect timing for all of her treatments and believe that God is in control of each day. I will update the journal when we go back in so you can pray for Ashley during treatment. Please continue to pray for physical therapy. Ashley is still having some difficulty learning to walk, but we know that this too will come. It is one step at a time and one day at a time. God is aware of this need too and we fully believe that she will soon be in perfect health and her walking fully restored! Share this prayer with us please.
We were given a green light to allow her to have a birthday party as long as we limited the guest and were very careful that no one sick attend. She had 12 of her closest friends over to tye dye tee shirts and make their own pizzas and just enjoy each other. This was a very special treat for Ashley just being with her girlfriends. Not only did we have the party at home yesterday, but before we were discharged from the hospital on Friday, the nurses threw her their own birthday party complete with a cake and lots of hugs and well wishes. St. Jude is such an amazing place and the nurses and doctors there are real life angels. Her special guest this weekend was her primary Doctor from St. Jude who made a very special surprise visit to our home to wish her a Happy Birthday. She is still talking about how much that visit meant to her. She knows that she has the best of the best caring for her and she is so lucky to have the care team that she has. We are so fortunate to have such wonderful people caring and sharing in our special day. My father and mother came by today with several boxes full of cards, gifts and balloons from his co-workers at ABF that wanted to make today a special day for Ashley. Well, they succeeded!!!! What a wonderful surprise. We don't even know these people but they just blessed us so with their cards and well wishes. That is not all that has touched our hearts. We want to thank Miss Saunder's and MS. HugHey's third grade class at SBEC for the wonderful handmade cards and the gift that they sent. We have never met these teachers or these student's but they touched our hearts. A huge thank you to Central Day School 5th graders who also sent cards to Ashley to wish her a Happy Birthday. God is using children to minister love, it is so amazing. Thank you so very much for your love and kindness towards Ashley (and us too)! We have had so many who have dropped by, sent emails and cards to make this a special day for Ashley, we could never say thank you enough. You have touched our hearts and made this a birthday that Ashley will never forget. The list of thank you's goes on and on, so please know that we appreciate each of you who have so thoughtfully sent well wishes and Happy Birthday's our way. Most importantly, your gift of prayers, the most precious gift, we are forever grateful! She definetly has felt your love and each of you have made this a very special day. Thank you again and again!!!!!!
It seems so unbelievable that Ashley is now 11 years old. This morning I woke before Ashley and I just sat and thought about the last eleven years and primarily the last year. I was on the edge of tears reflecting on this past year when suddenly I remembered how Floyd and I would pray for our Ashley and Tyler before they were even born. I then remembered praying the entire time that I was pregnant that God would order Ashley's footsteps and that she would bring Glory and honor to Him. He carried her even in my womb. I look back now and see His hand over her precious life. Time and time again he has protected her and blessed her. She in turn has brought so much joy into our lives and along with her brother, has been the most precious gift that God, outside of our Saviour Jesus Christ, could have ever bestowed upon us. What a blessing our children are.
So today, we celebrate God's faithfulness and the perfect love that He grants us. When I feel like things are all wrong and this diagnosis is consuming me, I read in Psalms that Ashley is God's perfect creation and she was made according to His plan from the very beginning. I am then comforted and assured that He sees what I cannot and Ashley belongs to him and He is a loving father. How can I not trust Him to take care of our precious little girl.
Psalms: 139:13-18
"For Thou didst form my inward parts; Thou didst weave me in my mother's womb. I will give thanks to Thee for I am fearully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Thy works and my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from Thee when I was made in secret and skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth. Thine eyes have seen my unformed substance and in thy book they were all written, the days that were ordained for me when as yet there was not one of them. How precious also are Thy thoughts toward me, O God! How vast is the sum of them, they would outnumber the sand. When I awake, I am still with Thee.
I am so thankful that God is always with us and for this very special gift of life, our little Ashley. Thank you for making today a special day and for the prayers that go before us as we look to the next year. We celebrate life today and the wonderful friends and prayer partners that God has blessed us with!!!
Love to all,
Donna
p.s. I finally figured out how to change the pictures on the website so I will try to change the photos more often. Thanks for checking in on us!!!!
Thursday, January 16, 2003 at 04:22 PM (CST) Hello Everybody,
This is Ashley. My counts went up to 200 today. We are praying that I will get to go home tomorrow. The doctor said it is a possibilty. This week I have had to get both platlets and blood. I am getting so excited about my birthday. I am turning 11 years old. My physical therapy is going very good. I am relying on God's help to walk. The bible tells me to "Trust in the Lord and lean not on your own understanding" and that's what I am trying to do.
Guess what I got to see some snow flakes from my hospital room today. I hope you have a good weekend.
Ashley Garrett
P.S.-Thank you to all my nurses who put up with me this week!!!!
Sunday, January 12, 2003 at 11:24 AM (CST) Hello everyone:
Well New Year greetings from the Garrett family. I am sorry that I haven't updated since New Years Eve, but we have had a busy schedule as usual. Hopefully, this new year will bring more time at home and more contact with our friends. We are now back in the hospital for fever. We came in for what we thought would be just a few hours of appointments on Friday and before we knew it they were writing admission papers. So we have spent the past couple of days just catching up on our sleep in the quiet of our hospital room. They ran blood cultures and immediately put Ashley on antibiotics as a precaution. Her counts dropped to zero last Wednesday and as of this morning she is still at zero. Due to her inability to fight off any infection at all on her own and the fever a hospital stay is our only option. So far the cultures haven't grown anything to worry about, so for that we are very thankful. They told us this morning to be prepared to stay until her counts rise and she stays fever free for 48 hours. Ashley's birthday (the big number 11) is next Sunday and of course she has an entire weekend planned out. We are really praying that we will only have to stay a few more days so that the birthday celebrations can begin. We had only been home for six days from our last hospital stay, so we are anxious to be home.
Other than being cooped up in the hospital room, Ashley is doing fine. Her spirits are good (and therefore, mine are too)! I am encouraged that the end of protocol will be here this Spring. We have three more chemos to go and if all goes as scheduled, we will finish chemo sometime in March and final evaluations in early April. Please pray that the next few months will bring about the desired results and that everyone will see God's mighty hand in all of this. I am so deeply humbled as to how God has graciously and wonderously shown his favor towards us. With each passing day, I realize more and more that God truly loves us and does work all things for His good!
We have so very much to be thankful for!!!
Psalms 109:30
"With my mouth I will give thanks abundantely to the Lord; and in the midst of many I will Praise Him.
I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday. Ours was truly special this year. Things took on such a new light for us. The realization that life and family is so very precious made our Christmas that much more special. We always have felt blessed to have our family, but this year, we truly have learned to cherish one another.
During the holidays we were able to get out of Memphis for a few days and go to Nashville. This may not seem like a big deal, but we haven't been able to travel at all since May, due to Ashley's treatments and counts. So when we found out that her chemo was going to be delayed, and her counts were good we took a whirlwind trip to Nashville to see the Rocketts. Ashley decided that she may want to be a Rockett one day, so pray that we get a jump start in physical therapy. Smile. I told her that I truly didn't think that was the profession that God had in mind for her, but hey if it gets her excited about working her leg, great!!! I still believe that God has big plans for her life!!!!
Well, I need to close so that I can tend to Ashley. I just want you all to know that you are loved and appreciated so very much. Thank you so much for your continued notes on the guestbook, especially when we are in the hospital and feel so isolated from everyone. You keep us going with your words of encouragement and your prayers. Have a great week and I will update as soon as something changes.
love,
Donna
Tuesday, December 31, 2002 at 09:11 PM (CST) Hello everyone:
Well 2002 will soon come to a close and I wanted to take a moment to wish each of you a very Happy and Blessed New Year. When I reflect on this past year and specifically the past seven months, I have to tell you that I have many mixed emotions. This has definetly been the most difficult year of our lives yet in many ways we are so much richer because of what we have expeirenced. When Ashley was first diagnosed in May, we felt like our world had come crashing in on us. Yet, as the days unfolded we began to see God's faithfulness moment by moment and day by day. The depth of love from friends, neighbors and family and even strangers continues to amaze us. We will be forever grateful for the way that each of you have held us up in prayer, moving us forward day by day. Thank you so much! I don't know where we would be today without your support and without the knowledge that our Heavenly Father is holding us in His hands.
I am writing this update from St. Jude. Ashley is about to receive her next round of chemo around 10:00 pm. This isn't exactly the way we wanted to bring in the New Year but we know that it is necessary. Her platelets were not high enough to receive this treatment until today. She was already delayed so it was necessary for her to be admitted today. I woke up this morning in tears. I so desperately want all of this to be over with. She knows the effect that chemo has on her body and she too now cries when it is time to come in to be admitted. I was so worried how she would react to having to spend New Years Eve and the next few days in the hospital, but once again she was the one encouraging me. She has truly made the best of a necessary situation. Floyd brought her in at 8:45 this morning and I came up a little later in the day. I went by a party store and gathered a few things to decorate her room for New Years. I bought her some silly string and she has had a ball spraying her nurses and anyone else who ventures into the room. I am truly amazed at how she can laugh and smile in the midst of all she is dealing with. What an example for me to follow. I have had to walk out of the room several times just to cry. I don't know why I am having such a tough time today. She is doing remarkably well, yet today all I can think about is how difficult this past year has been and I am just feeling a little overwhelmed. So you see, I have my days in the pits too! I am always so embarrased when people brag on how well we seem to be holding ourselves together, because you don't see us when we cry the river of tears. I know better than allowing myself to get so discouraged, because I know that God has never moved one step away from us. Sometimes, the tears just seem to help me unload my fears and open my heart a little more. So, please if you see me cry, just know that it isn't that I don't trust the Lord in all of this, it is just a mother holding her child close in her thoughts.
Ashley will receive chemo treatments for the next three nights and if everything goes well we should be discharged on Friday. This particular treatment is her hardest one physically. One of the drugs makes her really sick so please pray that she will ease through this treatment. We dread this one before we even begin because of the nausea and sickness that it usually brings. Please pray for Ashley over the next few days. Also pray that I will get my emotions in check. When she gets so sick, it just breaks my heart. You feel so helpless. I know that this is necessary, but it is still so very hard to watch her receive the chemo and then to be so sick. So pray for her please.
Well, the nurse just walked in and told us that there is some confusion with her chemo dosage and it looks like we will have to wait until in the morning to begin chemo. I need to go so we can discuss this in more detail. I am sorry to cut this so short, I really have so many things I would love to share. Please know that we love you all and appreciate your prayers so very much!
"Give them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they may be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that He May Be Glorified."
Isaiah 61:3
May God Bless and Keep you all in 2003. Happy New Year!!!
Donna
Sunday, December 22, 2002 at 02:31 PM (CST) Hello Everyone,
Okay, I know that I have waited way too long to update the page. I am so sorry but I have truly been so..... busy trying to get everything done for the holidays in between Ashley's appointments at the hospital. I actually just started my Christmas shopping two weeks ago and I am still not finished. So please forgive me!!!
Ashley's counts have been down for the last week and they just came back up this past Friday. We were so excited!!! This means that we will be able to celebrate Christmas with both of our families. Ashley and I were able to go to church this morning also and it felt so good to be in God's house with our wonderful church family. We are so very thankful for His wonderful blessings upon our family.
Last week we went to Ashley and Tyler's school for their Christmas musical. Ashley was unable to attend due to her low counts. I will tell you that it was so difficult for me when her class came out on stage and began to sing. It saddened my heart so much to not see her standing there with her friends and classmates. Yet, I had to stop and just thank the Lord that she was at home and doing well. It is always a matter of perspective. We know that God's grace is upon our lives and for that we are so very thankful. She also missed her class Christmas party but once again her little friends and caring teacher touched our hearts. They gave me a box full of gifts to take home to Ashley. We were so touched by their kindness. Yet what gripped my heart even more was how so many of these little ten year olds came up to me and hugged me and told me that they prayed for us everynight and not a day goes by in school that Ashley's name is not called out before the Lord. These are our armour bearers. No wonder she is doing so well!!!! Also, the third, fourth and fifth graders at her school all donated calling cards to St. Jude in Ashley's honor for the patients who are from out of town. I am just amazed at how God is working through the lives of so many to bless us and other families in the same situation.
Another little 10 year old girl from our church named Katie whose dad was also diagnosed with cancer this year asked everyone to give her money for her birthday. Instead of keeping the money for herself, she sent Ashley the $46 she received and told her to buy something for herself. We were so touched by this little friend's giving heart. Ashley and I agreed that she shouldn't keep the money and when the mother refused to take it back (she knows that God always pours back blessing upon blessing when you give to others) we decided to in turn bless someone else with this money. We are going to a little Mother Daughter party tomorrow and each family is bringing items for the Ronald McDonald House (we have done this for several years now with these same friends never ever realizing that we would one day have a common bond with these families). Ashley wants to take this $46 and buy things for this cause. I know that God will bless Katie and Ashley abundantely for their sensitive heart towards others. These are just a few examples of the love and care that has been poured over our family in just the past week. I could go on and on. Christmas this year is so much sweeter to us than ever before because we have expeirenced such love through His people. We also know that if there were not one gift under the tree or whether we celebrate from home or the hospital, He is the reason we celebrate. Jesus is truly the greatest gift of them all!!!!
Well this next week will be a busy one for us. Ashley will have physical therapy and labs on Monday. She will have to go to St. Jude on Christmas Eve for another set of labs. Pray all will be okay so that it will be a short day and that she will not have to have any transfusions and she can come back home to enjoy Christmas. We are now scheduled to go back in for our 9th round of chemo the day after Christmas if her platelets are high enough and will be in the hospital through at least next Sunday. We are just so thankful that another chemo session will soon be behind us and after this one we will only have three more left. Praise the Lord for this!!!!!
Continue to pray with us regarding the wound site and for total healing of this area. It continues to improve daily but we still need your prayers. Also, contine to pray for physical therapy. Ashley is still having difficulty learning to walk without crutches and she is getting really frustrated with herself. This is truly so much harder than we ever expected. She has a wonderful physical therapist and we know that it is just a matter of time and she will be able to walk again. Yet, we know that prayer makes all the difference in the world. So please lift this need up before the Lord also. We are still praying about the nerves in her foot also. She still can't move her foot up and down, but once again God know this too! Nothing catches Him by surprise and we know that He is going to completely restore her foot, her leg and every cell in her body. We know that He is in control and no matter what the circumstances look like, we are going to wait expectantly for what He is going to do in Ashley's body and in her life. What a wonderful plan He has for Her!!!!
I have one other prayer need that I would ask each of you (our wonderful prayer warriors) to pray diligently and urgently about. Our pastor's daughter (who is also a pastor's wife herself) has just today delivered her son prematurely weighing only two pounds and his lungs have not fully developed. This family needs a miracle! We know that our God is a miracle working God! The child's name is Chase. Our hearts are so heavy for this wonderful family. Our pastor has held our hands and hearts many times over the years that we have known him and prayed for many situations that we needed God to intervene in. Floyd and I prayed and wept over this need this morning and I know that this family needs the body of Christ to lift them up during this difficult time. I can only imagine the fear and despair of the mother's heart. I wanted to ask "Why, Lord, why this family? but I know that God is soverign and it is not my place to question but to trust and to pray as if this were my child. God instructs us to help share in the joy and in the sufferings of others. Please help us lift this entire family up before the Lord. God tells us to come into agreement. I believe that as Christians, we have the awesome responsibility and priviledge of carrying each other's needs before the Lord.
Matthew 18:19,20
"Again, I say to you, that if two of you agree on earth about anything that they may ask, it shall be done for them by My Father who is in heaven. For where two or three have gathered together in My name, there I am in their midst."
Even though we don't have the answers to life's twist and turns, God is faithful and he directs us to share His love. The gift of prayer and words of faith is like a healing balm to those whose hearts are weary. Thank you so much to all of you for shouldering our needs and praying for us faithfully. We love each of you so very much and wish all of you a very Merry Christmas!!!!
love,
Donna
QUICK UPDATE 12/27/02: Ashley's platelets are still not high enough for chemo. It looks like it will be the first of next week before we are in for chemo. Pray that she will be able to start Monday so that her chemo will not be delayed too much. Thanks again for your prayers!!!!
Donna
Sunday, December 08, 2002 at 09:49 PM (CST) Hello everyone:
Well I know that I haven't updated the website since Thanksgiving. I hope each of you had a wonderful holiday. We sure did! I am truly sorry for taking so long but the days have been moving swiftly by. Ashley was scheduled to go in for chemo the Monday after Thanksgiving but her labs weren't high enough so we had to have her blood levels checked daily last week until her platelets rose to an acceptable level. So we just rode around with luggage in our car all last week until Thursday when we got the green light for chemo. We have truly learned to be really flexible with our schedules. I wish I had learned to go with the flow alot sooner in life. We have been in the hospital since Thursday and just got home this afternoon. Ashley finished round eight of her chemo schedule. Everytime we leave the hospital we breathe a heavenly thank you that one more chemo treatment is down. We now have four more rounds to go. Our next one will be right after Christmas if Ashley's body recovers from this one in time. Pray that her counts will drop and rise quickly so that she can enjoy Christmas. You can never predict how her body will respond to each chemo session. Each time it seems to take her body a little more time to recover. We have been told that the effects of chemo are cumlative and that it is definetly harder for the body to bounce back after multiple treatments. Pray for strength and quick recovery.
We got home from the hospital around 1:30 today and Ashley told me that she wanted to go to church tonight and sing in the children's Christmas musical that was scheduled. I kept asking her was she sure that this was a good idea (ye of little faith, uh?). She told me that she really didn't feel up to it but she wanted to at least try. You have to understand that for the past three days she hasn't been able to keep anything down and she has been laying in a hospital bed just praying that she would feel ok again. However, when she got in her position in the musical and the songs began she just lit up and sang her heart out. I know that it was God's supernatural grace upon her little body. She couldn't have done what she did tonight without it. Afterwards, she wanted to go out for a bite to eat with our family members who came to see the musical. She tried so hard to smile and be friendly, yet the events of the day seemed to be a little too much. We had to bring her home and she is now in bed trying to get settled down a bit. Pray that her nausea will cease soon and she will feel like herself again. This is the hardest part, watching her struggling to do all she wants but not really physically feeling up to doing much of anything. Yet, she just keeps on trying. What a wonderful spirit of determination. She is such a trooper!
Well, I just wanted to quickly update you and let you know that we are doing okay. God always meets us where we are. Over the past few days there have been hours that I have cried and prayed over Ashley and this whole situation just once again asking God to help me trust Him completely. When it all seems like its too much to bear, God's peace comes in and my faith is stretched. I know that he sees our heavy hearts and He is just waiting to rescue us from our every fear and hurt. So tonight, we are so thankful to be home from the hospital and to have one more treatment behind us. We see God's faithfulness each day. Thank you for your prayers and for your continued messages of encouragement on the guestbook. We love and cherish each of you.
Job 5: 8-11
"But as for me, I would seek God, and I would place my cause before God; who does great and unsearchable things, Wonders without number. He gives rain on the earth, and sends water on the fields so that He sets on high those who are lowly and those who mourn are lifted to safety."
love,
Donna
Thursday, November 28, 2002 at 10:52 AM (CST) HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO ALL!!!!!!
Today is a day that we reflect on God's goodness and mercy in each of our lives. I am so very thankful for the many wonderful blessings He has bestowed on us. First let me tell all of you that Ashley's chest scans came back perfectly clear yesterday and her ekg test were perfectly normal!!!!! PRAISE THE LORD FOR THIS!!! My heart is so full of thanksgiving for these results. These results make this day so much more meaningful to me. How often in the past have I taken our health and all of the other over-looked blessings for granted. Not this year!!! I am overwhelmed with how wonderful God has been to our family. Where would we be without Him?
We are waiting on the last dish to come out of the oven and we are heading down to Mississippi to spend the day with Floyd's family. This too is such a blessing. Ashley's counts went from 300 to 1800 overnight on Monday. Her counts had been down so long we were really unsure if we would be able to spend today with our family. This will truly be our best Thanksgiving ever!!!! Again, God's mercy is so great! Ashley already has an agenda planned for the entire weekend and she is so excited. She woke up this morning with a smile on her face and just thrilled to be getting out of the house. When she smiles all the worries and cares of the moment seem to melt away. She too has a heart of thanksgiving and she too knows that God is the source of each and everyone of our blessings.
So today I have so many reasons to offer up thanks to our Heavenly Father. Our family, our friends and the love that we have felt from each of you will never be taken for granted. I am also so very grateful for your prayers for Ashley and for the love that we have been shown over the past six months. The list would be way too long to try and list everything that I am thankful for. Yet today, I want you to know that we are thanking God for each of you and for the blessing that you have been to our family.
Psalms 92:1-4
"It is good to give thanks to the Lord, and to sing praises to Thy name, O Most High; to declare thy lovingkindness in the morning and Thy faithfulness by night, with the ten-stringed lute and with the harp; with the resounding music upon the lyre. For Thou O Lord hast made me glad by what Thou hast done. I will sing for joy at the works of Thy hands."
Love to all and a very Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!
Donna
Monday, November 25, 2002 at 02:13 PM (CST) Hello everyone,
Well we just walked in from St. Jude and disappointly have been told that Ashley's counts are still down and she is still homebound. She has been "grounded" per se for almost two weeks now. She is so.....ready to get out and spend some time with her friends. Target House (a home away from home for St. Jude patients who are here for long term treatment) is having a special dinner for all patients tonight and she really wanted to go and hang out with her St. Jude buddies. However, it is really in her best interest that we stay away from as many people as possible and stay home. I keep telling her that this too shall pass and before we know it this will all be behind us. She really is trying to be so understanding but it really does get tough being told so often that she can't go or do things that she would like. It is softly raining outside so personally I am thankful for a quiet night at home. Again, she's the one with all of the energy, smile!
This last week has been a very long week for us at St. Jude. We have spent so much of our time at the hospital on an outpatient basis. Ashley had to have two blood transfusions and three platelet transfusions within six days. A couple of days we were at the hospital from 9:00 am until almost 9:00 in the evening. She then has to turn around and be back in the mornings for physical therapy. With low blood levels and very little rest it is amazing that she is able to function at all. We all are ready for the Thanksgiving Holiday so hopefully we will get a little break from treatment. It will all depend on Ashley's counts and if they recover by Wednesday. Please pray that they will. She really wants to be able to spend Thanksgiving with her extended family and not at St. Jude.
Also, I have a special prayer request regarding this Wednesday's appointments. Ashley will be having several scans including chest scans and ekgs on Wednesday. Please pray that each and every scan and x-ray comes back completely clear. This will be our first chest scan since surgery and we are believing that there will be no trace of cancer cells in her body. This is just a precautionary battery of test that are scheduled as part of her protocol. Yet, anytime there is a scan it is always a little nerve racking for us as parents. We so desperately need the confirmation that all is well. So, please pray for us and specifically for clear scans. Also, pray that we will get the results back on Wednesday and not have to wait until over the Thanksgiving holidays. The waiting is so tough. I just cannot tell you how much it means to us to know that many of you will lift us up on Wednesday. Everytime Ashley lays on that table and they begin the x-rays my heart skips a beat. I know that we have covered her in prayer, but when you know others are praying that exact time, it really does make a difference. So, please remember us Wednesday in your prayers (or anytime God lays us on your heart).
Well, I need to run. It is almost time for me to go and pick up Tyler from school. I just wanted to let you know what was going on and what we needed you to pray with us about. Thank you so much for your wonderful support and love, but more than anything your prayers that usher in the peace of God. I am so thankful for the peace that can only come from our relationship with the Lord. We know that as we offer up our prayers he is listening to our every cry. I know he has a shield of protection around Ashley. Thank you for praying for her and for our family.
Psalms 55:18
He hath delivered my soul in peace from the battle that was against me: for there were many with me.
Psalms 55:22
Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and he shall sustain thee: he shall never suffer the righteous to be moved.
love to all,
Donna
Wednesday, November 20, 2002 at 09:34 AM (CST) Hello everyone:
Well once again I am sorry for the delay in updating the journal. It seems time just slips away so fast as we scurry back and forth from St. Jude each day. Ashley's counts dropped last week and we have been homebound since. We go back in just a little while today for numerous doctor's visits and physical therapy. They will check her labs again today and hopefully they will recover soon. She is anxious to get out and about being the "social queen" (a new nickname that has so rightly been placed upon her) that she is. I keep telling her not to make too many plans so that she is not disappointed if things don't work out. Yet that is so difficult for her. She always has something or somewhere she wants to be. I wish I had just a fraction of her energy right now. It is truly amazing that she has the energy that she has. We have been told that when counts drop that the energy level does also and she should just want to lay around and sleep. That is not the case with Ashley. I am so thankful that she feels so well even when the lab work suggest otherwise. That is God's blessing upon her, no doubt.
Ashley has been enjoying her own little time in the limelight at St. Jude lately. She has been asked several times over the past few weeks to pose for various photo shoots and to talk to several different groups about her illness. She loves playing the "model" and just shines for the camera. Her little talks to the various groups have reflected her strong character and faith in God and I have just sat back and been blown away at her ability to discuss the most difficult time in her life with such ease and grace. Trust me this is not always the case. There are many days that she doesn't even want anyone asking her how she is feeling. She so wants to be treated like a "normal child" (her words). I try to always reassure her that she is just as normal as every other child she knows and we strive daily to make her feel that way. So if you ever run in to us and she seems reluctant to talk about her ordeal please know that she is just trying to escape the label of being a cancer patient. However, when she is asked at St. Jude to talk to others and explain her diagnosis and her treatment she just explains everything with a smile and always tries to tell others how blessed we are to have St. Jude. Yet, what I see and hear is a little girl who has an amazing faith and attitude. I often tear up when I am asked to speak because there are no words to adequately express how you feel when your child is diagnosed with cancer and when they are going through treatment. Yet without willing souls to share the need for research and treatment the hospital could not fulfill it's mission. So we are grateful for the opportunity. Pray that when we do share our story that it will be seasoned with God's grace and love and the hope that we have in Him.
1 Peter 4:11
"Whoever speaks, let him speak, as it were, the utterances of God; whoever serves, let him do so as by the strength which God supplies; so that in ALL things God may be glorified through Jesus Christ, to whom belongs the glory and dominion forever and ever. Amen"
Not only do we have opportunities to share what a blessing St. Jude has been to our family but we can share our faith. Perhaps, that is why we are there in the first place. God's ways are so much higher that ours.
Well continue to pray for the movement to return in Ashley's foot. We daily are asking God to restore the nerves and for her to be able to move it on her own. I told her that a day will not go by that we will not lay our hands on her and pray for COMPLETE AND TOTAL RESTORATION of her entire body and that one day she will look down and that foot will be working perfectly normal again. I truly believe that with all my heart and soul. I know how big my God is, so why should I expect anything less?
Ashley's wound on her leg is continually getting better and better. I truly believe that this too will be complete and whole very soon. We are still doing the daily dressing changes so please continue to pray with us regarding this need. Thank you so much for your faithfulness in bringing this request before the Lord. We know that it is because of the prayer surrounding us that we have not had to go back to surgery thus far.
On a sad and final note, a friend of the family, Doyle Prewitt, went home to be with the Lord last week after a massive heart attack. This was totally unexpected and we are so grieved in our hearts for his family. I had worked with Doyle for twenty years and during my career at Fred's Inc. he was a special friend and mentor. I know that Doyle is home with the Lord and because of that I rejoice. His wife told me at the funeral home that Doyle had apparently been printing off each of Ashley's web pages and placing them in a box and also sharing them with some of my old co-workers. She also told me that they prayed for Ashley daily. I was overwhelmed and so touched by His caring heart. I know that He truly had a heart full of concern and love for His family and friends. I was so lucky to have known Him for so many years. I told Ashley she was the lucky one too, because I am sure Doyle is now one of her many angels! So please as you pray for us, please lift up prayers for this family and that God would sustain them. I know that God is so pleased when we carry each other's burdens. I am so thankful that each of you have carried ours with us. Thanks and love to all!
Donna
Saturday, November 09, 2002 at 02:06 PM (CST) Hello everyone:
We just walked in the door from the hospital and I wanted to quickly update the journal. Ashley's platelets did finally make it to the 100,000 mark (103,000 to be exact) on Thursday and she was cleared to start chemo. We came home from the hospital on Thurday afternoon and waited for a room to become available for us to check in and start her treatment. There wasn't a room available until late Thursday and we finally got the call around 7:00 pm that we could bring her on in. It breaks my heart that the hospital was so full that there weren't any beds available and children had to be placed on priority levels before they could be admitted. There are alot of hurting families in this hospital and God has so graciously allowed us to meet many of them who we have had the awesome priviledge of sharing the mercies of our Lord with. I keep telling Ashley that this is exactly why God has her (and us) at this hospital and that it is all a part of a PERFECT plan for her life. God has placed many special mothers into my path at just the right time to lift my spirits and to agree with me in prayer with whatever the day held. It is so wonderful to see that God knows exactly when I am hurting and discouraged and so many times he will send another believer into my path to bring hope and encouragement. I pray that we will be sensitive and allow the Lord to help us to minister the love of Jesus to others. Nothing we face ever surprises God. When we allow Him to, He just keeps ordering our footsteps and giving us peace with each step. The old hymn that goes "and He walks with me and He talks with me and He tells me I am His own" keeps playing over and over in my mind. How could we make it without Him?
Okay, I sound like I am preaching again uh? I am talking to myself, Trust Me! I am just so overwhelmed right now with how God truly carries us and very thankful for his guidance. Well, back to our chemo discussion. Ashley finished round seven of her chemo. This was only a two day dose so we were able to come home today. This was a record hospital stay for us. We have never been there for this short of a period once admitted. Thank the Lord for this. Ashley is feeling pretty "icky" as she calls it. She hasn't gotten sick but just feels horrible. She is on quite a bit of medication and we are seeing some mood swings that we have never seen quite before. We were assured that is only the medicine and once she is off it she will return to her normal sweet self. With all of the meds and chemo that she has had pumped into her body in the last 48 hours, I am surprised that she can smile at all. So pray for patience. We will make sure she gets an extra dose of tender loving care. I am thankful that the medicine controls her nausea and that she is doing as good as can be expected. She has a cheerleading game this afternoon around 4:30 and she tells us that she is going. I don't know how right now because she can barely lift her head. We will see. Yet, I love the fact that she has such a can-do attitude and a spirit of determination. That is truly a gift from God and will allow her to face any challenge that comes her way. I am so very proud of her! So just pray that she feels better quickly, emotionally and physically.
Well, I just wanted to let you know that we did finish chemo this week after a ten day delay and all is well. Now we only have five more rounds to go. God has been so faithful this far and we know that He will continue to carry us forward. Thanks again for checking in on us and for continually keeping us in your prayers. Please keep praying for Ashley's wound site and for the nerves and movement to return in her foot. I can't wait until the day comes and she can move that foot up and down. You will hear me screaming and shouting with joy. God has already ordained that day and it too will come. We love you all. I will talk to you all again sometime later next week unless something changes.
love,
Donna
p.s. Special thanks to nurses Stephanie, Samantha, Shannon and Kim for taking such wonderful care of us over the last two days. Also, thanks to Candice for cheering Ashley up this morning with the stories of your trip. You all are truly the best!!!!!
Wednesday, November 06, 2002 at 08:40 AM (CST) Hello everyone:
Well I know it has been a while since I updated the journal so I wanted to leave you all a quick note. Ashley is doing well. Her counts have been up for over a week now and we have been running non stop. It is such a joy to be able to get out and about. Ashley was able to go to two movies last week, spend a portion of Wednesday at school with her friends in chapel and in class and go trick or treating at St. Jude. We took Tyler with us on Halloween so he could meet with a social worker just so she could make sure he was handling all of this okay. She was so impressed with how caring and concerned he was regarding his sister. She assured us that He seemed to be doing just fine. Again, that is God's grace resting on all of us. Ashley and Tyler had a wonderful time on Halloween at St. Jude. The hospital gave each child a map of the hospital with trick or treat stops and off they went. They each had a bag of candy that weighed over 11 lbs. I haven't weighed since because I am sure that I am now carrying a good portion of that weight. Smile. Floyd dressed up as Sponge Bob (a currently famous cartoon character) for the occasion and I think he enjoyed the day just as much as the kids. It truly was a great day for everyone.
Ashley has finally given up her wheelchair and is now getting around quite well on two crutches. We are so proud of her. It hasn't slowed her down one bit. Saturday she went to her cheerleading game and was able to participate for the most part of it. I just sat in my lawn chair and smiled the whole game. It felt so good to see her smiling and yelling and doing something she loved. She was then able to go out for pizza with her squad and then she wanted to get a manicure before we went out to dinner that night. As you can see, God has truly given her a supernatural physical and emotional strength to be able to do so much.
We were scheduled to go in for round seven of chemo yesterday. However, Ashley's platelets haven't reached the level needed to be able to start chemo. Her platelets have to be at 100,000 before she can receive chemo. Right now they around 60,000. We are hoping that she will be able to start before the end of the week. She has already been delayed two weeks and they really don't want her to get too off schedule. We will repeat lab work tomorrow and hopefully we will get the green light to proceed with this treatment. Please pray that all of her levels will be where they need to be to get this round behind us. They are going to adjust her chemo amounts to keep her from dropping so drastically going forward. Please pray about this with us also. We know that the doctors at St. Jude are the very best and that they are going to do only what is in her best interest, but it is so scary when you think about cutting her chemo dose. They feel it is necessary to keep her from requiring as many transfusions and to help her body recover sooner to stay on schedule going forward. It just seems scary when you cut the dose to feel confident that the chemo is still as effective. They have assured us that this is very common this far into treatment. So pray for wisdom for the doctors and peace for us. Everyday we keep telling ourselves that we just have to rest in the knowledge that God is in Control and this whole situation is covered in prayer.
Ashley's was put to sleep on Monday and her stitches were removed. She is dealing with the scar quite well. Again, God has given her an incredible attitude with all of this. She still has bandages on the one area of tissue that has not healed yet. Continue to pray with us about this. It is looking a little better with each day and we are continuing to thank God for restoring this area of her leg and believing that she will not have to go back to surgery. You truly learn to be thankful for every blessing and every answered prayer!
Even with the days full of joy and activity there are moments (and sometimes hours) that I get really scared and fearful regarding Ashley's treatment and the future. Yet in a devotion book that I was reading this week God gave me a verse that I want to share that caused me to stop and take a deep breath and realize that he is ordering Ashley's footsteps and He has placed us on a sure foundation.
Isaiah 33:6
"He will be the sure foundation for your times, a rich store of salvation and wisdom and knowledge; the fear of the Lord is the key to this treasure.
Another version of the Bible (NASB) states this verse like this:
"He shall be the stability (strength) of your times".
Wow! I am so thankful that he has already taken care of our today and our tomorrows! I just need to learn to trust and walk in His promises. In this season of our lives with all of the changes small and great, God is our stability. I am so thankful for that truth!
Well, we need to get ready to go to St. Jude. We had a little extra time at home this morning so I wanted to let you know how things were going. We love each of you and we are so very thankful for you prayers and encouragement. Thanks so much for checking in on us!
Love to all,
Donna
Monday, October 28, 2002 at 05:43 PM (CST) Hello everyone:
Well once again I am sorry for the delay in updating. Ashley was finally discharged from the hospital on Saturday after a one week stay. Her counts were only at 400 (originally they told us she would have to be at 500 before discharge) yet they decided after being on antibiotics for a week and the fact that she felt so good, it was okay to discharge her. We (Ashley and I) had to go to my parents to spend Saturday night though until her counts came up to 500 due to Floyd and Tyler having a slight cough. We weren't going to take any chances of being readmitted. Grandma and Grandpa pampered both of us and we really enjoyed our night with them. Sunday after going back to St. Jude for labs, Ashley's counts were finally at the 500 mark and we were able to come home. I cannot tell you how glad we are to be at home. We went an entire week without really being able to spend anytime together and it was so difficult. Since Floyd had a sore throat last week He wasn't allowed to come to visit Ashley inside the hospital. Instead, He came outside of the hospital and stood on the lawn outside her 2nd floor room and jumped up and down and blew kisses to her several times last week. I know others must of thought he looked crazy, but those of you who know Floyd know that he really doesn't worry too much about what others think of him. What you see, is what you get. Smile. Tyler has his dad's lively personality too! I guess that is why I love both of them so very much! It certainly cheered Ashley up and He would do anything to put a smile on her face. I missed Tyler so much. It was so hard to be away from him for a whole week even though I knew his daddy was taking wonderful care of him. Every night we would say his bedtime prayers over the phone and talk each morning before school but it was still so hard to be away from him. He has been such a brave little soldier. He was so excited to have us home too. We have all been hugging each other all day. There truly is no place like home.
The incision on Ashley's surgery site is slowly healing on its own. So far, we have been able to avoid going back in for surgery. We know that this is because of your faithful prayers. Continue to pray for this need. We have been told that it will take several months of close attention to this wound before we can expect it to completely heal. We are praying diligently for this incision and for quick tissue growth and lack of scarring. God is truly taking care of our every concern.
We will be going back each day this week for appointments. Her physical therapy sessions have now resumed and are going well. The therapist has given Ashley a cutoff date of Friday to turn in her wheelchair. After that, she will be trying her best to get around on her crutches (except for long walking distances at the mall or sorts). Ashley negotiated the November 1st cutoff so she could have the wheelchair for Halloween. She wants to be able to cover alot of ground quickly. Smile. We still have quite a ways to go for her to be able to walk on her own unaided. Please pray that the nerves in her left foot will come back soon and that she will be able to bend her foot up and down. We have been told that this may never come back and if it does it is usually 6 months to a year. However, we are believing differently, that our God is able to do abundantely more that we can ask or even think. So pray this with us. This is a huge concern for Ashley. Without the proper movement of her foot, she will be confined to a molded plastic brace that fits on her calf and inside of her shoe. She desperately wants to get rid of this as soon as possible. When she was told that some children have to wear this the rest of their lives and we will have to just wait and see if she regains movement on her own, we both sat and cried. It seems we learn new things each and every day that causes us to take a deep breath and add something else to our prayer list. When someone asked me the other day what to pray for, I told them "COMPLETE AND TOTAL RESTORATION OF HER ENTIRE BODY, EVERY CELL, EVERY PART OF HER BEING INCLUDING THIS LEG AND FOOT, NOTHING LACKING IN PERFECT HEALTH". WE ARE EXPECTING AND ANTICIPATING OUR MIRACLE.
I Peter 2:24
"Who his own self bore our sins in his own body on the tree, that we, being dead to sins, should live unto righteousness: BY WHOSE STRIPES YE ARE HEALED".
James 1: 6-8
"But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed. For let not that man think that he shall receive any thing of the Lord. A double minded man is unstable in all his ways."
We are choosing to take God at His word and to ask in Faith that He heal our daughter. We take each day, step by step and pray for her complete and total healing. Thank you so much for sharing this prayer with us. We love and appreciate you all so much. God is so faithful to hear our prayers!
I will update again later in the week. I hope each of you have a great week and spread hugs with those you love too!!!
love,
Donna
Thursday, October 24, 2002 at 05:04 PM (CDT) Hello Everyone:
This is Ashley. I have been in the hospital since Saturday. My counts were zero for one whole week and they just went up to 200 today. Pray that they go up, up, up. I have had to have blood transfusions and platelet transfusions this week. Did you know that platelets are yellow? They look like chicken fat. They don't hurt though. I have been doing lots of crafts in the hospital and helping getting the hospital ready for Halloween. They are turning the solid tumor side of the inpatient wing into Wizard of Oz. The Leukemia side will be Candy Land. It is so exciting.
Some Rhodes College kids came up to the hospital last night and we made paper bag pumpkins and Halloween wreaths. It was so neat. That was so sweet of them. I get tired of being in the room so it was fun to have them here.
Well I need to go. Thanks for praying for me. God has helped me get through this past week.
Love,
Ashley
Mom's update:
I just wanted to add to Ashley's message that we are doing fine. Yes, we are still in the hospital but if everything goes as we hope, we may get to go home tomorrow afternoon. It will all depend on Ashley's labs in the morning. They are waiting to see if Ashley's counts will recover first. She finally went to 200 but they really want her at 500 before releasing her. The cultures that they took (due to fever) all came back negative. Praise the Lord for this!!!!! Her incision site is still holding its own also. With her counts at zero and her platelets continually dropping this is absolutely nothing less than an answer to prayer. This was a huge concern. God has truly placed a hedge of protection around this site. Continue to pray for this incision, we still need for the tissue to continue to heal to keep us out of surgery. Each day it looks slightly better and we are continuing to claim God's healing over this incision.
Ashley has had to have three platelet transfusions and two blood transfusions within the past week. There is a good possibility that she will have to have another platelet transfusion in the morning. Chemo just really plays havic on a persons bone marrow. Pray that she won't have to have any additional transfusions and that her body will start producing enough platelets on its own. I am so ready to see her bounce back and be able to get out of here, even if it is only for a short time. She really needs a break from the hospital. It is absolutely amazing (amazing grace that is) that she is feeling as well as she does. Her little body is really fighting off the effects of this last chemo but she continues to shine in the midst of it all. I keep being amazed at her ability to rise above all of this. God's grace is so evident in this situation. His mercies are truly new every morning.
Well, I just wanted to give a very quick update. I will update further when we have a little more time. We are about to go on a little walk (required physical therapy). Every step she takes, she is taking on the wings of your prayers.
"From the end of the earth I call to Thee, when my heart is faint; Lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For thou hast been a refuge for me, a tower of strength against the enemy. Let me dwell in Thy tent forever; Let me take refuge in the shelter of Thy wings."
Psalms 61:1-4
Where would we be without God? I am so thankful that we serve a God who truly shelters us in His wings.
love to all,
Donna
Saturday, October 19, 2002 at 07:28 PM (CDT) Hello everyone:
Well it's Saturday night and we're watching the rain from our lovely view of our hospital room. Yeah, that's right we are back in the hospital due to fever. Ashley's counts have been at zero since Wednesday and we have been lucky enough to be home for a little over a week. In the middle of the night Ashley started running a low grade fever. Knowing the drill now, I got up around 3:00 am and went ahead and took my shower anticipating that we would need to come on in to the hospital. After showering and packing a suitcase I went back in to Ashley's room to check on her. She was laying in the darkness of her room softly singing "Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and lean not on your own understanding". A familiar Bible verse that she has learned as a song. Tears were running down her face as she paused and said I know we have to go uh? I told her not before we pray about this first. So we both held each other and prayed that the fever would come down and that God would place his hand of protection over her. I checked her temp again and indeed it had come down to the borderline fever mark. I told her to go back to sleep and I would wake her in an hour or so and check it again. She asked me to sing with her and slowly drifted back to sleep. As I lay there next to her watching the clock and ever so often feeling her brow I asked the Lord "Do You hear her sweet song and can't you see her incredible faith?" I know in my heart that He does. Sometimes it is so tough for me understand why we don't see the immediate answers to prayer or the answers that we want. I guess that why this is our "faith walk". A little later I took her temp again and called the hospital to hear only what we already knew "to bring her on in for admission". I woke Ashley up and we were on our way here when Ashley suddenly asked me "why didn't God keep me from running a fever"? I told her that I wish I had all of the answers. The only thing I know is that He is always with us regardless of whether we are at home or in a hospital room. He will never leave us or forsake us.
So please pray that they will find whatever is causing the fever and that our hospital visit will be shortlived. Specifically pray that this will not cause any complications or have anything to do with the tissue on the surgery site. We are still taking it day by day with that issue. The tissue has not rebuilt itself yet and surgery could still be a possibility. So far though, it is not breaking down any further and they are giving us more time to see if indeed it will heal on its own. The fever is a very big concern though. They will do cultures on the incision site tomorrow to see if the fever is do to an infection in this area. Please pray that this will not be the case and the fever is from something very minor. With counts (anc) at zero, Ashley's body cannot fight even a cold on her own so they do not take any chances with her. Within an hour of being admitted she was put on two IV antibiotics as a safety precaution. Pray that all of the cultures will come back negative or at least be something minor that they can treat easily.
Also as you pray, please pray for Floyd also. He is a little under the weather too! His throat is bothering him and he isn't feeling up to par. This makes it really tough because He is having to stay away from Ashley and everyone knows what a daddy girl she is. She cried when she realized that he couldn't come up to the hospital until He is feeling better. I think it is just as hard on Floyd too! Pray that Tyler won't catch anything either. We have to be diligent in keeping Ashley as healthy as possible and away from as many germs as possible.
Well, I just wanted to let you know what was going on with us and ask you to pray for us once again. We truly appreciate your notes on the guestbook. It blesses us so when we feel isolated to sit and read your notes. Thanks to all of you who pray daily for us. Everyday we are one day closer to winning this battle. I know that we all look back and see God's mighty hand and how he has carried Ashley through all of this.
Remember: Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In ALL your ways acknowledge HIM and HE WILL make your paths straight.
Proverbs 3:5&6
This verse tells me that I need not understand everything going on around us but that If I simply trust the Lord and acknowledge WHO He is, He will direct our steps. The chapter goes on to read:
"Do not be wise in your own eyes; Fear the Lord and turn away from evil. It will be healing to your body and refreshment to your bones".
Wow, now if a little ten year old girl dealing with all of this disruption in her life and body can sing in the middle of the night "Trust in the Lord with All your heart and lean not on your own understanding......" how can I doubt that He is not making our paths straight and healing Ashley's body?
love to all,
Donna
Monday, October 14, 2002 at 07:04 PM (CDT) Hello Everyone:
This is the quickest update that I have ever written. GREAT NEWS......The surgeon who looked at Ashley's leg today decided not to take her to surgery just yet. They are going to take it one day at a time (the theme story of our life right now) and see if the tissue will heal on its own. The key right now is still prayer. It is so important that Ashley doesn't get an infection in this area or run a fever for any reason. Surgery is still a possibility but they are giving us more time to see if the wound will heal on its own. If you missed yesterday's update, it will explain all of this in detail.
Ashley's counts dropped drastically overnight and she is now at 200. So we are now homebound other than our daily trips back to St. Jude. That is okay, we spend so much of our day at St. Jude it doesn't really feel like we are isolated too much.
Well I just wanted to share our praise report. God is so very good. I cannot tell you the relief that we felt when they told us that we would not have to go to surgery today. Pray that each day this area will get better and that God will totally restore the tissue. We are still not out of the woods and we desperately need your prayers regarding this incision area. Surgery is still very much a possibility. Each day we need to see improvement to keep us out of surgery. Please pray for this need specifically and for Ashley to remain fever/infection free until this area is completely healed and her counts rise again.
Thanks so much for caring about even the smallest details of Ashley's treatment. We love each of you.
Psalms 41:1-3
Blessed is he who has regard for the weak; the Lord delivers him in times of trouble. The Lord will protect him and preserve his life; he will bless him in the land and not surrender him to the desire of his foes. The Lord will sustain him on his sickbed and restore him from his bed of illness.
All Glory and Praise goes to our Heavenly Father who daily bears our burdens.
Donna
Sunday, October 13, 2002 at 06:01 PM (CDT) Hello Everyone:
Okay, first forgive me for taking so long to update the web page. I have received many personal emails asking for an update and I so appreciate everyone's concern. I have hesitated many times over the past week regarding updating because so often I feel like I am so repetitive concerning what we are dealing with in regards to Ashley's treatment. Yet, I do want each of you to know what is going on and what to pray for specifically.
First, Ashley was in the hospital last week (Monday through Thursday) completing round six of her chemo. This was the half way mark for her chemo treatments. We now have six left. I know we should be jumping up and down that we are half way through but it seems like the end will never come. I remind my children often that patience is a virtue yet lately I am finding it difficult emotionally to be patient. It seems with each passing day that Ashley gets a little more weary about being "in treatment" and she seems to cry a little more often. When she gets down, it really is tough for me to keep myself together. Several times this week she and I have just held each other and cried. Okay, now hopefully you will understand why I haven't updated. I don't want to sit down and write gloom and despair. I want to tell each of you that I truly believe that God is right smack dab in the middle of this situation and that He has us planted exactly where he wants us. Yet, that doesn't mean that I have to like it right? Smile. I do have to pull myself up out of the pit and say "Thank you Lord for this day and for this time in our life because I know that it is an opportunity for you to work in us and through us". We are just expeirencing some growing pains in all of this. As I was reading the other day in my quiet time I came across a statement that has made a major impression on my heart. The statement was "anything significant that happens in your life will be a result of God's activity in your life. He is infinitely more interested in our life than you or I could possibly be." After thinking about this statement I realize that God does have our family and Ashley exactly where He wants us at this time in our lives; fully trusting in Him. Our hope, our peace, our joy all lie within Him. I would love to think that we have always been so dependent upon Him, but truthfully this situation has caused us to really examine our hearts and our walk with the Lord. Our intimacy with the Lord has grown as a result of this situation as well as our faith in Him. We have felt despair only to feel His love and peace wrapped around us. Many times this past week I sat down to update the web and couldn't find any words to share. I feel so often like a broken record. Yet, tonight I felt compelled to share with you a praise report and a prayer need.
Our praise is that Ashley did extremely well (better than ever) with the chemo treatment that she had this past week. This particular dosage of chemo is the one that usually makes her very sick and it normally takes about four to five days after the treatment to even be able to eat. However, she came home a day early and ready to eat. This is truly amazing!!!!! She had to stay on her nausea medication but she never got really sick this time. We are so thankful. This is a God thing!!!!! We know this is a direct answer to prayer!!!!!
The prayer need is for a healing of Ashley's surgery site. Part of the incision still is not healing correctly. There is about an inch of her incision where the tissue is not rebuilding itself. Due to this problem, Ashley has been having to have her surgery dressing changed on a daily basis (Sat. & Sun. included). This will most likely go on for months. Today we were told that the surgeons want to look at her first thing in the morning and there is a possiblity that they make take her back into surgery tomorrow if they do not like what they see. We were told not to let her eat or drink after midnight just in case they felt like surgery was needed. We are praying that God will supernaturally close this wound without surgery. Our concern with surgery is that with Ashley having chemo last week her counts are now dropping and if she were to get an infection from the surgery or not heal properly this could cause further problems, many that are serious. However, if the wound is not closing it could put her into even more danger by not going into surgery. As you can see, we need a miracle. With her counts now dropping and this problem with her tissue we are really concerned. The best way to describe this problem on her incision is to say that it looks like someone took a spoon and just dug out flesh and there is this hole about a half inch long in her leg. Please pray that the tissue will form and that she will not get a fever or an infection in the mean time. If she were to run a fever or get an infection they will automatically do the surgery. We are truly praying that she will not need the surgery. This would cause another scar and the healing process would have to start all over. We were told that physical therapy will have to be suspended until this tissue grows also. So we are concerned about losing ground with her therapy also. We are going to St. Jude tomorrow not really knowing what will happen. We just want God's hand and direction over this entire situation. Today as I have prayed about this I recalled the day that we dedicated Ashley to the Lord and I once again told the Lord "she is yours, she always has been so please take care of her". I day doesn't go by that I don't pray that prayer. I know God hears my prayers and He has already gone before us taking care of our tomorrows. For that, I am so thankful.
I have many other things I would like to share but I think I will wait until a later update. I feel like I get on this computer and just spill my heart. I never want to impose upon you by taking too much time with lengthy messages. Please know that we covet your prayers and once again are asking that you call Ashley's name out to the Lord. Please pray for tomorrow (Monday) and for peace in whatever situation that we find ourselves in.
"And we know that God causes ALL THINGS to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose."
Romans 8:28
We are resting on this verse and placing our need with our Heavenly Father. Thank you again for praying this with us. You are loved!!!
Donna
Thursday, October 03, 2002 at 08:29 AM (CDT) Hello everyone:
Sorry for the delay in updating but life has been moving swiftly in the Garrett household. Ashley's counts finally rose above 500 on Monday and she was told that she was free to get out and about so we have been on the run ever since. After being homebound (other than St. Jude appointments) for almost a month now, you can imagine that this is a HUGE deal for all of us. Monday after she got the great news, she and her dad went shopping at Target for a Halloween costume. I know it seems a little early but she has learned that you have to seize the moment while it is here. We all could learn from that lesson. Smile. She got to ride in the motorized wheelchair (legally) that Target provides and she thought that was the greatest thing. I told her not to get use to such a treat because God is going to make those little legs of hers work perfectly normal again (with the help of her wonderful physical therapist, her own determination and her mom's gentle but firm pushing).
After the Target trip we met family members for dinner out. This was a real treat for me. I love to cook but after a month of eating in, I was ready to get out too!!!
I am learning that you should never take even the smallest blessings for granted. We all have such an abundance of things to be thankful for. On Tuesday evening Ashley was able to go to her first cheerleading game. Okay, I know it was a football game but hey the cheerleaders count too!!!
I will tell you that this was bittersweet for us. As I drove around the parking lot looking for a parking space we saw several teams of cheerleaders jumping around and practicing their flips. Ashley leaned up from the backseat and said "Mommy maybe this wasn't such a good idea for me to come tonight. I could do all of these things that these girls are out there doing just a few months ago. Watching these cheerleaders is making me sad. Should we go home?" Choking back the tears I told her that not only were we not going home but she was going to go out on that field and hold her head high and cheer with all she had. I also told her that she too would be able to do those same things again. We decided right then that we are going to make the best out of each and every circumstance. The easy thing would have been for her to go home and for me too. I really had to keep myself in check watching all of the little girls playing and running around. Sometimes I just don't understand why my little girl is going through this. I keep reminding myself that the word is true and that God is working out a perfect plan for Ashley's life and this is only a season in her life. What we have to learn to do is to sit back and patiently wait and that the Lord is doing a work in her life (and ours).
Exodus 14:14
"The Lord will fight for you while you keep silent."
I have written in my Bible that keeping silent means to hold your peace. That is exactly what we are doing in the midst of this situation. We are trying to grasp on to the peace that we have in the Lord. We know that His way and His timing in perfect. Things will never move as quickly as we want them to yet in the waiting we learn to trust.
Ashley rolled out to the field in her wheelchair with the help of her fellow cheerleaders and she gave it all she had. I was so awed at her sense of courage as she sat in her wheelchair lined up perfectly and shouted and laughed and did all of her little arm motions. Now that is the realization of who we are in Christ. I know at first it must have been really intimidating for her to go out on that field in her wheelchair and her little hat but she did it and boy she had the time of her life!!!
Isaiah 61:7
Instead of your shame you will have a double portion, and instead of humiliation they will shout for joy over their portion. Therefore they will possess a double portion in their land. Everlasting joy will be theirs.
Wow, God hasn't taken anything away from Ashley that he will not give her back in double portion. I am claiming that for our entire family but especially for Ashley.
So we are learning that even when are hearts are sad and our concerns are many that we walk in what we know regardless of what we feel. His word is true and God is faithful!!! I told Ashley that it is perfectly okay to feel sad about her situation. I still cry every night after she falls asleep about this whole ordeal. Yet, I know that God sees our hurts and our fears and He is in control.
We will continue to make the most of each day this week. Ashley has every minute of the next few days planned out (this also includes appointments at St. Jude of course and school work) while her counts are good. She will have to go back in the hospital next Monday for round six of chemo. Pray that she will enjoy each and every minute before we start the whole routine of being hospital/homebound again. Also, continue to pray for her strength and endurance in physical therapy. She still has a long way to go before she will be able to really walk on her own too legs without aid. This can be really discouraging for all of us. I try to watch her in Physical Therapy and cheer her own but sometimes it is so difficult to watch her agonizing over each step. So pray for this need specifically.
Well I need to run. I just wanted to let you know what was going on. Just honk if you see us on the run. We will sleep next week. Smile. Thanks again for your love and concern. Your prayers have made such a difference and we ask that you keep lifting us up. We love all of you dearly!!
Donna
p.s. For those of you who have requested, I will have new pictures on the photo page as soon as I figure out how to download them. It may have to wait until Floyd gets home. Smile.
Saturday, September 28, 2002 at 04:59 PM (CDT) Hello everyone,
Well I promise this will be one of the quickest updates you'll ever receive from me because nothing has really changed in the last few days. Ashley's counts are still below 500 and therefore we are still homebound until we go back and get them checked again on Monday. However, they did go up to 200. We were just excited to see them moving upwards no matter how slowly. It looks like we will be celebrating Tyler's birthday from home, but hey that is better than celebrating it from the hospital!!! It's all in the way you look at things sometimes. God is good!!!!
The great news and of course what I consider to be a praise report is that so far we have not had to have a transfusion of any type from this past chemo course. That is a answered prayer!!!!! Not only do her blood levels look great, her platelets have been almost doubling every couple of days. This is enough to cause Floyd and me to get excited. If you have been keeping up with all of the stories concerning the West Nile virus and the link to some of the transfusions, you would be excited also. Transfusions carry so many other risk also, we are just excited that she didn't have to have any this round. I know that this was a prayer that was answered. Thank you for praying specifically for this concern. Also, we are still fever free. This is such a big thing to us. Typically about a week after a chemo treatment, Ashley will run fever and we have to go back into the hospital. Therefore, we have spent quite a bit of time as an inpatient since this has all started. So far, no fever this round and we are so extremely excited and so very thankful for this blessing. Once again, God is so faithful!!!!
Ashley is home resting other than when I have to play drill sargent and make her do her ankle stretches and make her get up and walk (just about 100 ft. at a time) three times a day. This might not seem like much, but trust me, our neighbors can probably hear her screams of agony each time we set out to do these exercises. This is so much tougher than I had thought it would be. So please continue to pray for her physical therapy and that this pain will ease and she will regain her movement and strength soon. She is still limited because of the blisters that I mentioned, but even with the limitations, it is still tough for her. I will tell you that her daddy has such a soft spot when it comes to her and he feels so sorry for her when I push her so hard. He just melts when she starts with the tears. I find this so funny because he is also Tyler's football coach and believe me, they play some rough ball and the rougher, the more his dad loves it and Tyler too. I guess it is a good thing that I have had to stay at home with Ashley because I would probably be out there on the field with Tyler the first time he was knocked down. That wouldn't make for a good coaches wife or any wife I guess? Floyd came home from Tyler's game today and said "Boy you should have seen your son hit today. He is so tough, you would have been proud!" I just smiled and thought please let this sport pass quickly. It is all I can do to get Ashley through her physical therapy, I sure do not want to see Tyler get hurt. So, I am the bad guy when it comes to physical therapy and that is okay. All little girls should think of their dads as there knight in shining armour. I know Ashley thinks her dad hung the moon and mommy is just tough as nails. Oh well, she will thank me later I am sure or I'll pay for this in my old age when she is helping me walk. Smile.
As mentioned earlier, Tyler's birthday is tomorrow. He will be nine years old. I cannot believe that time has flown so swiftly. Since we are homebound, I promised him that I would cook him his favorite lunch. Guess what he asked for: Chicken Pasta, deviled eggs and carrots and ranch dressing. Doesn't that sound lovely? Not exactly what I would have put together, but hey it is His day and that is what I will be serving! Smile. He has been such a sweetheart about not being able to have a party with his friends this weekend because of Ashley's counts. Ashley has sent her dad out to get streamers, balloons and a cake and she wants to decorate the house tomorrow to try and make it up to Tyler. I am so thankful for such great kids. The last few months have been tough on them both, especially for Ashley, but they just keep living life to the fullest. I am so proud of them.
Well, I know that this was a little different update. I don't always want to lay a heavy heart on you all. God has blessed us so and we do have our good days too! I thought I would just share a little about what was going on with us this weekend. Thanks again for all of your prayers and love.
"THIS IS THE DAY THAT THE LORD HAS MADE; LET US REJOICE AND BE GLAD IN IT."
PSALMS 118:24
I will update next week. Love to all,
Donna
p.s. okay, it is impossible for me to do a quick update. sorry. smile....
Wednesday, September 25, 2002 at 05:27 PM (CDT) Hello everyone:
I am so glad to be able to sit down for a moment and send an update to let you know that all is well in the Garrett household. We just got in from a busy day at St. Jude and I wanted to take a few minutes to let you know what is going on with our little angel(s).
Ashley's counts or her ANC as it is referred to at St. Jude started dropping last Friday. Once they reach 500 or less she is homebound. Unfortunately we went from 288 on Friday to zero today. Other than missing the priviledge of being able to get out of the house (other than to St. Jude) we are doing great. Hopefully her counts will rebound sometime this weekend or early next week and she will be able to do something fun. Tyler is keeping his fingers crossed that her counts will be up by Sunday because it is his ninth birthday. I have promised both of them a really special day once her counts come up. That is one of the tough realities of chemotherapy is that you can't really plan anything because Ashley's ability to be around other people all depends on her ANC. So we take it one day at a time and just try to enjoy each day. We will never again take for granted just the priviledge of eating out in a restaurant or being able to go to church. That has been one of the most difficult parts, I miss being able to attend church so much. The everyday priviledges that we often took for granted before are so much sweeter to us now.
Ashley's physical therapy continues to go well except that she is not able to practice her walking as much as we all would like due to the formation of some blisters on her heel. We are not really sure what is causing the blisters but because she is in a special foot and leg brace, we are having to limit her pysical therapy until the blisters clear. With her counts down, we cannot risk these blisters getting infected. So please pray that these will clear soon so we can proceed with our therapy. Also, there is a blister on her leg right on top of the surgery incision that I would like for you to pray with us about. She had several of these blisters and we were told that if they do not clear up on there own, that they would have to go in and do a day surgery and smooth them out and redo her incision. Of course this would cause Ashley to have to go through more of a healing process on her surgery site and we are praying that this will not be necessary. So far all of the blisters have cleared except for one. Please pray with us that this will go away on its own also and that we will continue to stay infection free. God is so aware of even the "little" things that we concern ourselves with. I am learning that I just have to trust Him with this entire process and when I give it over to Him I can rest in the assurance that He has knowledge of what we need even before we ask.
In the last journal entry I wrote about the difficulty that Ashley was having with all that she is facing. I have to tell you that I feel like a sweet wind of the Holy Spirit has swept through our home and that God is truly sheltering us in His wings. Ashley has been telling me all week that she knows God is taking care of her and that everything is going to be okay. She told her doctor today that she was just going to make the best of being a patient at St. Jude. I know she has bounced right back because of the prayers that went up on her behalf after I shared the last journal entry. I am telling you that we can literally feel the prayers that go before us and surround us. Thank you so much for your faithfulness in praying for our family and for Ashley's complete healing (body and spirit). I can't really explain it but I know that it is the peace that can only come from our Heavenly Father. Sometimes when I don't know exactly how to pray anymore or I feel like I am repeating the same request over and over, I just stop and begin thanking the Lord for all he has done. I find such a freedom from worry when I start counting all of our blessings. When we do this, we can truly see how God's hand has guided us and it caused our faith to rise.
Isaiah 40:29
"I will go before you and will level the mountains; I will break down gates of bronze and cut through bars of iron".
God is truly going before us and though we feel like we are climbing a steep mountain and we keep losing our footing, He faithfully lifts us up. I don't know exactly what the interpretation of this scripture is, but to me right now, the gates of bronze and the bars of iron represent my fear of the future and the burden that we carry. I know with all my heart that God is able to break down the gates of fear that can easily imprison us if we allow Him to. I am so thankful for His grace and His peace. I am asking the Lord to help see His face and to just rest in the knowledge of who He is. I wish I could tell you that I always feel so strong. Today my faith is soaring and I know it is because I have spent time in the word and in prayer and because so many of you are lifting us up to the Lord. It often seems like my emotions are on a roller coaster ride and I just want to level out. So pray that when the days of discouragement come I will recogonize that perhaps I haven't spent time in the word as I should or maybe instead of sitting around wringing my hands I will instead fall on my knees. God will meet me there. However I must learn to do what Isaiah 61:3 tells us and that is:
"Put on a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair".
I have been taught that you cannot speak doubt and fear and praise at the same time. The two just do not mix. So even if I have to look a little deeper today, I will find many things to offer up praise for. We all have so much to be thankful for. Each time I look in my children's faces I see one of my greatest blessings. Each of you are also a special gift to our family. I know that I have told you all before how much you mean to us, but I really cannot tell you how very much we covet the friendships and the support that we have. I feel like God has placed us in the middle of a huge army of believers that are surrounding us with prayer and protecting us. That is so awesome. Thank you so much.
In closing, I would like to ask you each to pray that Ashley's counts will recover soon and that she will stay fever free(and therefore home in her own bed at night) and that she will not need any transfusions from her levels dropping. She has had to have her levels checked every other day because she has been very close to needing a platelet transfusion, but each day she has been able to go home with out one. Pray that it will not be necessary. As she has told me, "Mom, I have the blood of the Lamb covering me". Wow, isn't that an awesome truth that even a ten year old child can know and receive. What else could be more important in our lives.
Thanks again and much love to all of you. I will update when something changes. Have a great week.
Jeremiah 331:25,26
"For I satisfy the weary ones and refresh every one who languishes." At this I awoke and looked, and my sleep was pleasant to me.
love,
Donna
Thursday, September 19, 2002 at 09:09 AM (CDT) Hello everyone,
I wanted to check in with everyone and let you know that we are doing okay. Ashley was discharged on Monday evening after having chemo treatments all weekend. We are so glad to be home and she is feeling better each day that passes. This was a tough weekend for her. On top of having the chemo treatments that bring so much nausea and sickness to her body, she had a tough time with pain in her leg. The combination of the nausea and the pain made it pretty rough for her. Yet thankfully she is doing much better now with both.
Sunday was especially difficult for Ashley. I have shared so many times that she has been incredible through this entire ordeal, keeping her spirits high and shedding very few tears. She has such a keen awareness that God is holding her in the palm of his hands. However, as we each have our breaking points, Ashley had all she could handle pysically and emotionally on Sunday. She woke me up at 4:30 am sobbing in her hospital bed asking me to just hold her. With tears streaming down her face she told me that she didn't want to have cancer anymore and that she just wanted to live a normal life again. I could feel her hurt and her pain. It was all that I could do to choke back the tears and to tell her that no matter how bad things seem there is always a rainbow on the other side. I think I was trying to convince myself at the same time. I told her that it was perfectly normal to feel the way she did and that her tears were important to God and that he already knew what she was feeling and that he would send his angels to help her feel better. This went on for several hours and I knew that she desperately needed rest. I called my mother (thank God for my wonderful parents) and asked her to come and try to cheer Ashley up. She came and it did make a difference. She knows she has a wonderful extended family that cares so deeply for her. Yet, even grandma wasn't enough to lighten her load, she wanted her "daddy". I knew He was in church but I knew that she really needed Him at that moment. I paged him and of course, just as I expected, He came immediately to the hospital. Our Heavenly Father does the same thing when we call to Him. If our earthly father cares so much for us, How much more does our Heavenly Father desire to be there for us when we call? What is truly amazing, is that as soon as her daddy walked through the door her tears stopped and a beautiful smile came across her face. What a sweet expression of the trust and love she has for her father. How I long for that same trust in my Heavenly Father who I do love so very much.
It is during these moments that you feel so very helpless. I know how desperate I was Sunday to find just the right words to heal Ashley's broken spirit. How much more does our Heavenly Father desire to comfort us in times such as these. His word tell us in
Psalms 12:5
"Because of the devastation of the afflicted, because of the groaning of the needy, Now I will arise," says the Lord; "I will set him in the safety for which he longs."
I struggle at times with just the right words to share with Ashley when she gets discouraged. So often she is the one encouraging me. The hardest part is that there is no easy answers for what she is going through. I just keep reminding her and myself that nothing can happen to us that first doesn't pass through God's hands and that He will carry us through this and His ways are perfect. That is sometimes tough for us to fully understand. He has truly "carried" us the past two weeks. I wish I could tell you that the burden has totally lifted, but it hasn't. Yet, there are blessings in every difficulty. God took our burdens on the cross. I am just trying to lay them there.
Ashley's spirit is much better today. She has shed a few more tears than normal this week. Her doctor told me that chemo on top of recovering from surgery would be tough for anyone. So let her tears flow. I often find healing in crying. The tears are a release of all that we carry and sometimes we can find a refreshing in knowing that God puts every tear in a bottle (Psalms 56:8). He is aware of all that we feel and He is faithful to daily bear our burden. It is a daily process of giving our entire life over to Him. It is a choice.
Psalms 68:19
Blessed be the Lord, who daily bears our burden...
Today is a new day. Once again, we choose to give Him Praise and Glory for all that He has done and will continue to do in our lives. Ashley is doing so much better emotionally and physically. Her appetite is back and she is continuing with her physical therapy. Her counts will begin to drop any day now so she will be homebound again very soon except for her doctor's visits and physical therapy appointments. Pray that she will continue to do well and that she will not run a fever with this chemo. As most of you know, Ashley's body tends to have difficulty when her counts drop and she usually develops a fever which requires yet another hospital stay. I refuse to believe that this is going to be a pattern for the rest of her chemos and I am praying that God will take care of this concern as well. Please pray this with us.
Once again, I just want to thank you all for your many prayers on our behalf. There have been so many days in the past few weeks that when I was struggling I found a word of encouragement on the guest entries or in the mail and it lifted my heart. Other times, I just felt God's peace calming my heart and I know that it was the prayer of someone calling our names before our Father at that very moment. Thank you seems so inadequate to describe how much your love and support means to us. Please do not worry about us, just pray as the Holy Spirit brings us to your thoughts. He is our source of everything we have need of! I am so thankful that we can call out to Him and He gives us our strength, especially the strength physically and emotionally for Ashley.
Psalms 138:3
On the day I called Thou didst answer me; Thou didst make me bold with strength in my soul.
love,
Donna
Saturday, September 14, 2002 at 10:26 AM (CDT) Hello everyone,
It is Saturday morning and I just wanted to send a quick update. For those of you who have been keeping up with the website you must know by now that it is almost impossible for me to write a quick note. I know the update that I left on Wednesday was rather lengthy and I am sorry for that, however, I really needed to pour out my heart. The update that I left on Wednesday was so difficult for me but I needed to release those emotions and fears so you would all know how to pray. All week long I have been standing and praying the word over all the concerns that I shared on Wednesday. God has promised us that this battle is not ours, but His.
2 Chron. 20: 15,17
"For the battle is not yours, but God's...You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the Lord will give you. Do not fear or be dismayed, tomorrow go out to face them for the Lord is with you."
This verse does not tell us that we will not have to battle things in life. However, it does tell us that WE do not have to fight the battle. HE will fight our battles for us. We just have to be willing to give it over to Him. That isn't so easy at times. We try to carry our own hurts and disappointments. Yet as we give our burdens over to Him, he does bring hope and peace to our hearts and mind. So we are going to take our position in Christ and stand firm on his word and anticipate our miracle. With each tomorrow, we will continue to trust in Him. He is so faithful and he knows what we have need of.
Ashley was admitted yesterday for chemo round #5. Again as I said in Wednesday's report they are not changing her scheduled chemos at this time. So pray diligently with us that this chemo is effective and that her body is completely rid of any cancer cell that may linger. Also pray that there will be no ill effects from this chemo. One of the concerns that we have is the possiblity of many complications or side effects (some temporary and some permanent) that can be caused by chemotherapy drugs. Pray that the chemo will do only what intended and she will be completely free of any problems with it's use. She is getting a dosage that she hasn't received before and with that we are always a little nervous. You can never fully anticipate how she will do when the medicines are changed. So pray that all will go well. She had her first dose yesterday afternoon and will receive another today and again Sunday afternoon. Hopefully we will be discharged from the hospital by Tuesday at the latest. Pray that she will handle the sickness that comes with these drugs and that she will ease through this weekend. After this week, she will have seven more chemo treatments left (a total of 12 - ending early Spring). We just really need your prayers as we continue these treatments. If you didn't read Wednesday's update, you can go back and read it and it will explain why.
I want to share about a gift that has touched my heart. Please know that all of your gifts, cards, meals and prayers (the most important gift you can give) have ministered to our family. I am only sharing about this specific one because I know that it was God speaking directly to me through this gift. A dear friend to our family and a former staff member from our church, Rev. Rex Williams came by our house the week after surgery to drop off a teddy bear for Ashley. This teddy bear is special because as Pastor Rex shared with us, he had all of the children that attends his church come forward in a service and hold this bear and pray over it. The prayer was that when Ashley receives her chemo treatments that the chemo will do only what it was designed to do and nothing more. Pastor Rex told Ashley that when she cuddles this bear that she will should be reminded of the prayers that were prayed over her and her healing. It represents the prayers and faith of so many on her behalf. We are now referring to this bear as her "prayer bear". This gift was so timely because it was given to us before we had any knowledge of the pathology reports. I wasn't even that concerned about the chemo treatments at that time as much as I was her recovery from surgery. Yet today I look back and I see that God was already putting in place a physical reminder of His love and grace for Ashley and for us. How very thankful I am for the way that God so wonderously reminds us that He is watching over us. A special thanks to this church congregation that we do not even know that cared enough to do this for our little Ashley. God's people once again lifted our hearts!!!
Physical therapy continues to go well and she is still progressing nicely. We did have a scare this week that now I can share as a praise report. The physical therapist and I were taking Ashley on a "walk" and we looked down and saw that her left foot had turned completely blue. We rushed her back to the clinic which in turn sent her right to x-ray. When I asked the surgery nurse what could cause this (other than circulation problems) she told me it could be related to the prosthesis. Of course, that scared me to death. However, when they looked at the x-ray (one of the surgeons who did Ashley's operation was right across the hall - God's angel at the moment) they told me that the prosthesis looked great and that it was probably nerve related and we didn't need to do anything but keep a watch on it. I am so thankful that this wasn't anything major. Pray that the nerves and circulation will be completely restored and that her leg and foot will work as it should with no problems. God knew that I was already at my emotional limit for the week so I know he put that surgeon there in that hall at that moment to give me reassurance that all was well. I know that assurance comes from above, but it sure is nice when God uses others to calm our concerns too!!!! Smile.
I just want you all to know how very much we covet your prayers and your entries of encouragement. We love you and thank you for holding our hands and many times our hearts in prayer.
I will update again, once we are home and have more to share.
My verse to share in closing....
Jeremiah 33:6
"Behold I will bring to it health and healing, and I will heal them and I will reveal to them an abundance of peace and truth."
Thank you for praying health, healing and peace.
Love,
Donna
Wednesday, September 11, 2002 at 07:02 PM (CDT) Hello everyone:
I am so sorry once again for taking so long to update. I can't believe it has already been a week since I last signed in to update the journal. This past week has flown by due to all of the appointments at St. Jude and caring for Ashley. I have just been so exhausted each night that I haven't taken the time to update. I will try harder to keep the updates a little more current.
She is still making remarkable progress. I know that I told you in the last update that it would take several months of intense physical therapy to get her up and moving but she has already astonished us at what she is capable of. Everyday she seems a little more stronger and more determined to walk again. It has truly been amazing watching her in physical therapy, doing everything ahead of schedule. I truly believe the only thing holding her back from walking on her own is the locked brace she has to wear and the fact that she has to keep her leg completely straight until we get the okay from the orthopedic surgeons to allow her to bend her knee. She loves going to physical therapy also. That is such a great thing because she will be spending plenty of time there before we are released from treatment. So far she has been able to put pressure on the surgery leg and walk a short distance with her crutches. This is so amazing!!!! She can lift her surgery leg (this is how I will refer to her left leg from which the tumor was removed) up and down on her own laying on her back. That might sound sorta simple, but if you could only see how difficult it was for her to even move this leg and how painful it was just two weeks ago, you would be jumping up and down with me. I know that this is all because of God's grace!!!! I cannot tell you how reassuring it is to sit and watch her gain her strength and her mobility. It truly is an answer to prayer. Her determination and enthusiasm keeps me going also. I look at her and I am sometimes ashamed at how I allow myself to be defeated at times. She has such tenacity and such a strong belief that she can do whatever she puts her mind to. This is God's mercy and help. In the book of Joshua chapter 1 verse 3 the Lord tells Joshua:
"Every place on which the sole of your foot treads, I have given it to you"
This could be spoken of Ashley now. I truly feel that each step she takes has been given to her from Heaven above. I am so thankful that he is our strength physically and emotionally.
Yesterday was a very difficult day for Floyd and me. I am embarrased to tell you that I tried several times to sit down and update the web page but couldn't find the words to share my heart because it was so heavy. Floyd had the day off so he took Ashley to St. Jude for her appointments. I stayed home so that I could take Tyler to school and pick him up. Floyd was told yesterday that the pathology report came back from the removed tumor and that the tumor was only 50% necrotic (or dead). This was not a favorable report. As I mentioned in my last update, we were hoping and truthfully expecting a 100% report. What this all means is difficult to communicate. There are alot of variables that determine treatment. The pathology report is one of those variables. Basically with a 50% necrotic report this tells the doctors that the chemo had not completely killed the cancer within the tumor. Had we received a 100% report we could have felt more comfortable in knowing that the chemo is doing exactly what they want (to completely rid her body of cancer cells). This does not mean that Ashley still has cancer cells in her body, it just means that IF she does, we can't be certain the chemo is working as effectively as they would like. The only way we will know if the chemo treatments and her protocol is effective is when we finish treatment next Spring and after a period of time the cancer doesn't return. There are a lot of different pieces in this puzzle and so far EVERYTHING has been in our favor. This is the only thing that has been a disappointment within her treatment. Bottomline is that we will just have to take it one day at a time and continue to pray God's complete healing over her body. At this time, there is no evidence of any remaining cancer in her body. Most importantly, the tumor is out of her body. We were told that there could be other cancer cells microscopically and that is why we continue with the chemo protocol we are on and we just pray that IF there is additional cancer cells that the remaining chemos will kill off these cells. The part we are struggling with is that with the tumor removed and now with this report, there is nothing to really gauge our progress except the additional scans that will be routinely done and the time period we will have to wait to see if indeed the cancer is gone. We were told that the first two years after the end of treatment would be the most important. If Ashley remains cancer free (nothing on the scans) for that length of time, then we can feel comfortable the chemotherapy worked. Now when I think of waiting for two years to see if what we are doing now is working, I cannot tell you the despair I feel. I do not have the grace for two years out. I only have the grace for today and that is okay. Last night, when I tried to sit down to update the webpage, I felt nothing but fear and despair. I knew that I had to regroup and spend sometime in the word and prayer. A dear friend told me, "Donna you are hanging on to a rope right now but you know you can't let go." She is so right. There are times you feel like you have the strength to tackle whatever comes your way and then there are times you just want to curl up into a ball and wail the day away. I know that is when you have to muster up all the faith you can find and remind yourself that God is still God and He is still in Control. I told my friend that I didn't even know what to pray last night, I was so deeply saddened by this report. She told me that I didn't have to, she was my armour bearer and she prayed over the phone for me. Thank God for those of you who are praying when we can't even find the words to utter. It is really tough for me to lay my weakness on the table for you, but I have to tell you this so you can pray for us. We know in our hearts that God is the healer and that He is made strong in our weakness. I kept asking the Lord last night, "why didn't you give us the 100% report so we could rest easier?" I still don't understand. Yet, maybe this will cause us to walk a little closer to Him and learn to trust him more. My dear, sweet, praying mother told me, "Donna, the miracle we will receive in the end will be that much sweeter". She is right, and I know that. So today, we are placing our fears and our disappointments in the hands of our Lord. Once again, we are going to give Him praise and glory for all that he has done in Ashley's body and all He will continue to do! After I wiped the last tear this morning, I realized that I need to thank him that the report was 50% necrotic and not 10%. Is our cup half empty or half full? I believe it is running over, full of mercy and grace.
My verse for today is found in Hebrews 10:23
"Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful.."
So even if we feel like we are HOLDING on to a rope, we do it without wavering with all the confidence that we can find in Him that is faithful. He is our very present help in the time of need. Psalms 73:26 tells us:
"My flesh and my heart (my emotions) may fail; but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."
With all this said, just pray for peace and pray for wisdom for the doctors that as they review all of Ashley's protocol that they will make the right decisions (God given wisdom) with regards to her chemo's and treatment. Please understand that this does not mean that the doctors have given us any less hope in treating Ashley's cancer. This was just one piece of the puzzle that helps monitor the treatment plan. EVERYTHING ELSE HAS BEEN SO POSITIVE!!! I don't want to paint a grim picture. We can't stop believing and trusting that God is guiding the doctors and giving them wisdom. Right now they do not plan on making any changes but they told us they would review all of her chemos to see if there is anything else they should do or change. Pray also that when I try to look down the road too far, I will see His footsteps behind me and I will not fear. Pray this for Floyd also. He is such a source of strength for me but I know he is scared too! This is a heavy burden at times. Thank you so much for carrying it with us. We love you all. I won't apologize for laying this heavy load on you tonight. We need your prayers and the gentle reminders that God gives us that He is always there upholding us with His word and spirit.
"He will not fear evil tidings; His heart is steadfast, trusting in the Lord. His heart is upheld, he will not fear..."
Psalms 112:7,8
Love,
Donna
Tuesday, September 03, 2002 at 09:06 PM (CDT) Hello everyone,
Well once again I am sorry for updating after so many days. We were discharged from the hospital earlier today and I have to tell you that we are so glad to be home. We actually got to leave a day earlier than expected since Ashley is doing so well. We know that she is being covered in prayer and that is why we are now home with NO COMPLICATIONS from surgery. I cannot tell you what a God thing that this is. We have been told numerous times that this is a very difficult and tedious surgery, yet Ashley's surgery last Monday and her recovery thus far has been picture perfect. We know that prayer covered the surgeons and Ashley. If you could only see how well she is doing there would be no denial that the Lord doesn't have his hand over her. Her strength is coming back daily and her pain tolerance seems to be increasing daily. The first day after surgery when she took a couple of steps with her crutches, I cried just as I did when she started walking for the first time nine years ago. Granted, she is not walking on both legs, only on the one that was not operated on, but this is still a very difficult task. Her left leg, the one the tumor was removed from, is wrapped in bandages from the ankle to the thigh and is in a brace that is locked to keep her leg completely straight. This is to help aid in the healing of her tendons and nerves. She is extremely sensitive to movement in this leg and it will take many months of intense physical therapy to gain movement. However, for the next six weeks her leg will be in this brace and we will be working on keeping her strength up in her right leg and upper body. She told me tonight that she will do everything sooner than anyone expects because God is going to give her the ability. Now is that taking God at His word or Not?
His word says in Psalms 18:36
"Thou dost enlarge my steps under me, and my feet have not slipped."
We are taking those words and literally praying them over Ashley's rehab. I know that there is power in prayer! Ashley is a testimony of that! I know that the surgeons are extremely skilled and we were so very fortunate to have them (that's God's blessing also) yet, I know that God was in that operating room also. Each day we are learning to fully put our hope and trust in the Lord. He is so faithful!
This past week has been a week of many highs and lows. I have to tell you that there was such a relief in knowing that the surgery was over and that all went well. We were in intensive care until late Friday, but only because there was a shortage of rooms downstairs. Ashley's progress each day has been remarkable. The third or fourth day Ashley was sitting in a recliner with a poster board at her side in the floor and she was painting by squirting paint out of syringes. It is the most beautiful masterpiece, not because of the painting but because of the amazing grace that the Lord showered us with by giving Ashley the ability and strength to be able to do this after a major surgery. This is just one of the many "little things" that has brought so much joy to a mother's heart this week. We see God's hand in the "big things" - the surgery, the movement of her toes, etc. but too often we don't recogonize his hands in the small details. He is just as concerned about the little issues as He is the major ones that we fret over. I am so thankful for that. It is often the "little things" that cause us to worry so much. Yet, God daily bears our burdens (Psalms 67:19). I have had to remind myself of this many times this past week also. I hate to admit it but sometimes I feel like I am on a seesaw with faith on one end and fear on the other.
As I said earlier, this was a up/down week emotionally for me. I was so elated and thankful for the successful surgery yet something happened this week that totally knocked me back down to my knees asking the Lord for peace and more faith. At midnight one night while Ashley was still in ICU I was walking down the hall back from taking a shower. In the late hour I could hear a wailing cry coming down the hall. It sounded like this cry was coming deep from the heart of someone. Disturbed but not wanting to be intrusive, I minded my own business and went into Ashley's room. In the darkness of the room I listened to this crying and wondered what was going on. A short time later a nurse came in and told me that a child had just passed away and the crying I heard was the mother. The nurse told me that the family did not speak English and that they were being taken care of. My heart crumbled into a million pieces. I so wanted to run and comfort the family but knew that this was a very private time for them and respected that. I sat in that room and looked at Ashley and could only imagine the pain and agony that that family must be feeling. I cried myself to sleep that night, praying that God would continue to keep his hand on Ashley and for that mother who had just lost someone that was a part of her. Ashley had slept through the whole ordeal and I am thankful for that. How can you explain to a child that not everyone survives cancer, how can you explain that to a mother? So, as you can imagine the devil would like to come in and take whatever hope and faith that I have built my life on and replace it with despair. A verse that I have had to hang on to is found in Psalms 94:19
"When my anxious thoughts multiply within me, Thy consolations delight my soul."
I am having to learn to hold every anxious thought captive and give it over to the Lord. In Psalms 31 the Word talks about God being our strength and how we can commit our hands into His spirit. Where would we be without Him?
So as you continue to pray for Ashley and her recovery from surgery, please pray for this family that lost their son. I don't even know his name due to privacy laws but I know that their heart must be broken. Pray that the God of peace will be their comfort.
We will receive the pathology report from the tumor removed from Ashley's leg within the next week or so. Please urgently pray that we get a great report. We are praying that the tumor will be 100% necrotic (completely dead). We have been told that anything in the 90%+ range is desireable. I am believing God for a 100% report. Again I am speaking the verse regarding "holding all anxious thoughts captive" into my spirit regarding this. We need you to lift this prayer up with us also.
I know I have been lengthy but I wanted to share so much. I want to thank all of you who came by and visited with us this past week. We had so many guest, it really did pass the time away and we were so blessed by your visits. For the many cards, gifts and phone calls; thank you so very much! I am still in awe of the love and support that has been showered upon us. The many strangers (not now) who stopped by because they heard of us from friends and just wanted to pray for us, blessed us so. Words are not adequate to express how much we appreciate all of you. We have felt so very cared for and we know your prayers are carrying Ashley and us. Thank you so much.
I will be updating soon. I am now going to sleep in peace, knowing that you are praying with us and for us. May God bless you all!!!!!!
love,
Donna
Thursday, August 29, 2002 at 05:03 PM (CDT) Hello everyone,
I just wanted to add a quick update while Ashley is sleeping. This has been a wonderful week. Ashley is still in ICU for the time being. I was told that we would not be going home until at least next Wednesday. So we will just bunker down and make the best out of our stay. Ashley continues to do well and as each day passes we are more aware of the goodness of our Lord. The first morning after surgery Ashley couldn't move her toes on her left leg and I was a little concerned. The doctors told us not to worry, that usually the feeling and movement will come back but it can take up to six months. I whispered a prayer and said okay Lord, I really need her to move those toes if only for me and guess what? Within a couple of hours she was wiggling her toes and hasn't had any difficulty in doing so since!!! God cares about every little detail of our lives. It was just the assurance I needed to know that the nerves were working in her new leg. A little later in the day Tuesday the physical therapist came in to help her move to a chair. I will tell you that I had no idea how difficult this task would be for her. It was an extremely slow and painful process for Ashley, but she did it!!!! We know the physical rehabilitation will be tough but God hasn't taken us this far to turn his back on us now!!!! The anticipation of what He is going to do next in her life is exciting. We know that he is going to take each step with her. These simple steps will bring so much joy to our lives. I am so thankful that she has a leg to take these steps with. We truly believe that God will be leading her steps and preparing a wonderful path for her life.
Ashley had her epidural taken out today and will continue to receive IV pain medication the duration of her stay. I will admit she has had quite a bit of pain but we knew that was to be expected. They have basically rebuilt her entire leg. It is such an amazing surgery. I will go into more detail in a future update when Floyd is here with me to help me correctly explain the procedure more accurately. I can tell you that this prosthesis is an absolute miracle in itself. I also believe that Ashley is my little miracle too. Her wonderful attitude, even in the midst of all the pain makes the cares of life seem so unimportant. I feel like we have a new lease on life, one that will not take a single moment or blessing for granted. I am learning this from my child, how I wish it could have been the other way around.
Well, I need to go and help care for Ashley. We will be in ICU until sometime tomorrow and will then be moved downstairs to a regular room. She had to have a skin graft also and that is causing her as much pain as the surgery and they want to allow this to heal better too before releasing her. So keep Ashley in your prayers and know that they are making a difference. God is such a good God and He is so faithful!!! Thanks for the outpouring of love and mostly for your prayers. We cherish each of you. We feel like you are our family and in closing let me share this verse:::
"He sets the needy securely on high away from affliction and makes His families like a flock. The upright see it and are glad; but all unrighteousness shuts its mouth. Who is wise? Let him give heed to these things; and consider the lovingkindnesses of the Lord."
Psalms 107:41-43
We see his lovingkindnesses each and every day in Ashley and in you, our friends and prayer partners.
Love,
Donna
Tuesday, August 27, 2002 at 10:39 AM (CDT) Hello everyone:
First let me proclaim that we serve a mighty and faithful God. He has heard each of our prayers and Ashley's surgery was a huge success. So far there have been NO complications and we are believing in prayer that there will not be any in the days ahead. The surgeons and nurses have told us that Ashley's surgery was one of the smoothest that they have ever done. Should we be surprised after all of the prayer that has covered her and her physicians? Floyd and I had such a peace the entire day. We were surrounded by our family and friends and most importantly your prayers. There were many who we had not met before that came by to tell us they were praying for us. We are still overwhelmed by the love of so many and how God just places so many in our path to encourage us. We know that we are not walking this journey alone. How grateful we are for each of you.
I am sitting here by Ashley's bedside in ICU and I keep thanking the Lord over and over for His protection and for guiding the surgeons hands yesterday. When I think of all that could have gone wrong and then when I replay the surgeon telling us that this was a perfect surgery, I can't help but feel an overwhelming sense of awe at the power of our Lord. We have been told that her surgeons are the best in the world in these type of surgeries and I know that we are in the most amazing hospital in the world for children with cancer. Yet, I also know that our Lord is the one who holds our destiny. Yesterday, we placed the surgery in His hands and today I am giving Him all of the Glory!!!
In Psalms 22:24
"For He has not despised not abhorred the affliction of the afflicted; Neither has He hidden His face from Him; But when he cried to Him for help, HE HEARD!"
Yes, He Heard our cries!!!!!
Ashley is heavily sedated right now and that is exactly how they want her. She will be in ICU approximately 4 days and then will move downstairs to a regular room for a couple more days unless something changes. They are trying to keep her comfortable and want her to rest as much as possible. In the quiet of the room I feel such an overwhelming presence of our Lord. We know that the Lord will continue to take care of our little girl. Please continue to pray for Ashley and that she will continue to recover without any post surgery complications.
I just wanted to quickly send an update and to thank everyone for the many many prayers and for all of the support. We cannot express our gratitude for all of your prayers, visits, gifts and cards. We feel so very fortunate to have such wonderful friends and family.
I have to run, the physical therapist are here and they are going to help Ashley try and sit up. I will update you again soon to let you know how things are going. Please keep praying for us. This surgery was a major milestone in her treatment yet we will continue to need your prayers as she recovers and begins to learn to walk again and continues chemo treatments. We have seen our prayers answered and we will continue to thank the Lord for each and every miracle along this path. We love you all!
Once again, I want to share "Ashley's promise verse":
"For I know the plans that I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare, and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart. Jeremiah 29:11-13
Thanks be unto God for His lovingkindness and to all of you for your steadfast love and prayers,
Donna & Floyd
Sunday, August 25, 2002 at 03:27 PM (CDT) Hello everyone,
Well we just got back from St. Jude and Ashley's counts are at 632 and her platelets are at 113,000 so she will have surgery tomorrow morning. They will begin at 8:30am and we've been told it will last until around 4:00 pm and then she will be in recovery. Please pray for us tomorrow. I have to tell you that tears are flowing even as I write this update because I am so scared. I know that God doesn't give us a spirit of fear, but of peace yet with all of the information that has been given to us regarding this surgery and the possible complications, my flesh is weak. I keep trying to quote scriptures of promise over and over in my mind and it seems like a battle between light and darkness. I know that the enemy would like to come in and take away all hope and all joy. Yet also I know that in our weakness Christ is made strong. It is strange how sometimes we feel so very confident and other times you feel like it is too much to handle. That is when we get on our knees and ask the Lord to stop the raging flood of emotions and give us the assurance that we can only find in Him. It is not that we don't trust Him, it's just that this is not the road we wanted to take. Yet, we will grow and we will learn to walker closer to Him because of this. Our faith has already been stretched so much farther than we ever expected. We will be all the better for these trials if we seek His face in them. So, if we come to your mind tomorrow, please whisper, no shout a prayer for us. Our prayer is for the Lord to guide the surgeons hands and for a successful surgery with NO complications. Pray that the Spirit of the Lord will be in that operating room as well as in the waiting room. I guess right now I am grieving the loss of Ashley's leg as it has been and this cancer seems so very real to me. I so want her to be healed and so desperately am scared of tomorrow, knowing her abilities will change. But, God knows my feelings and He will complete his work in all of our lives and He will bring peace. A verse that I am hanging on to and have read every day for several months but have not shared now seems so appropriate. It is found in Hebrews 12:12 & 13
"Therefore, strengthen the hands that are weak and the knees that are feeble, and make straight paths for your feet, so that the limb which is lame may not be put out of joint, but rather be healed."
I claim this verse for Ashley. Even after the surgery, this will be our prayer. I know I am crying out today but the word tells us to cry out to our Heavenly Father. In Romans 8:15 it tells us
"That we have not received a spirit of slavery leading to fear, but a spirit of adoption as sons by which we cry out, Abba Father! The Spirit Himself bears withness with our spirit that we are the children of God."
So, with all that said, we know where our hope lies and we will rest in that. We are leaving now for a special prayer meeting in the home of one of our neighbors. They called many together to pray for Ashley and for us. I cannot tell you what that means to us right now. We were told that in a church in Southaven this morning that the entire congregation held hands and prayed over our daughter today. We have also been told that members of another Sunday School class at another church will have people praying around the clock for our family tomorrow. This is the body of Christ. We are overwhelmed how God has used so many churches and people to share in our burden. It is not about denominational lines, it is about the power of God. Thank you to each and everyone of you who have held our hands up. Right now we need you once again. We pray that God will lay Ashley upon the hearts of many tomorrow and that He will receive Glory. May God bless each of you.
We will update as soon as we can after surgery. Thank you from the bottom of our soul for wrapping your prayers and love around us.
Love,
Donna
Friday, August 23, 2002 at 08:44 PM (CDT) Hello Everyone,
This is Ashley. Today my counts decided that they would start dropping again. They dropped down to 280. My platelets are rising. They are at 82,000. My body is crazy because it tosses and turns. My surgery is still on hold until they check my counts again on Sunday. My counts have to be at 500 and my platelets have to be at 100,000 for surgery on Monday. We won't find out if I can have surgery until late Sunday afternoon. We will update the web as soon as we find out. I guess God just wants me to learn how to be patient.
The doctor gave me special permission today,he told me I could go to Relay of Life Jr. this afternoon. My school walked in honor of me and prayed for me too. It was so much fun. That was so nice of them.
Thank you for your prayers and notes.
Ashley Garrett
Hi, This is mom now. Ashley wanted to update herself and let you know what is going on. Please continue to pray for Ashley's upcoming (whenever it does come) surgery. We are anxious to get it over with, yet we do not want the surgery until the time is exactly right. The waiting is the hardest part. We will update on Sunday afternoon as soon as we know something for sure. We are all doing fine and we know that it is because of all of the love and prayers that are being spoken over us.
I want to say a very special thank you to all of the Central Day School families that came out to Relay of Life Jr tonight and walked in Ashley's honor. When you made a circle around Ashley in her wheelchair and prayed over us it touched my heart so much. I know that you each individually pray for us, but to have all of you together praying in agreement with us, blessed us so. God must have looked down and smiled as he saw his and our children carrying our burden. You are so special to us!!!! Thank you so very much. Not only are you touching our lives but you are instilling in your own children the wonderful blessing that comes from sharing their faith. A very special thanks to Angie Amstutz for organizing the Central team on Ashley's behalf. You are such an angel and we are so blessed to call you our friend.
Well, I will keep things short tonight. We will simply wait and see about surgery. Thanks for praying with us. We will update you on Sunday. Please pray for God's timing for surgery. His timing is not always our's yet his time is perfect!
Love ya,
Donna
Wednesday, August 21, 2002 at 04:05 PM (CDT) Hello to our faithful friends,
Well this has been a very busy week (do I not start off each journal entry with this same statement?). We have been up very early each morning and at St. Jude each day. On Monday we had to be there for a 7:00 MRI and numerous other things and before we left Ashley had to have a blood transfusion and a platelet transfusion. It made for a very long day, yet everything turned out fine. Tuesday Ashley had school with her homebound teacher at 7:30 am (no rest for the weary) until 8:45. We had to be at St. Jude at 10:00 for additional test - chest scans and xrays all which are still clear of cancer. We continue to thank the Lord for this wonderful miracle. Today we had an appointment with an audiologist and her final bone scan prior to surgery. We met with the audiologist because Ashley has had some difficulty with a ringing sound in one of her ears since she began chemo. We were concerned because one of the chemo drugs that she is getting is in the same family as a drug that can cause hearing loss. We requested the appointment to make sure that everything was okay. Yesterday she met with an ENT Doctor and today the audiologist. Both checks came out perfect with no hearing loss and all looked well. Praise the Lord for this also. You really do begin to count each and every blessing, so many that we took for granted before this journey.
The final bone scan before surgery was also done today. Unfortunately, nothing has changed since the bone scans that were done a couple of weeks ago. We have really been praying for our miracle so now we just go by faith and take the next step which is surgery. Surgery has been scheduled for this Monday (August 26). However, Ashley's counts dropped this week and now are at 400. Her platelets also dropped and they are now at 40,000. The surgeons will not operate unless her counts are above 500 and her platelets are above 100,000. This is necessary because the platelets are what help the blood to clot and without the necessary number of platelets, you cannot control bleeding. So, as we are learning in this walk, we will have to wait and see what happens. They will recheck her labs on Friday and if her counts/platelets are okay surgery is on. If the numbers haven't risen they will reschedule her surgery for possibly next Thursday (August 29). At this point we have mentally prepared ourselves for the surgery so we are axious to get it over with. However, God is still in control and we are firm believers that things happen for a reason and we will simply wait until the time is right. You know today when I saw the bone scans come up and I saw that ugly cancerous tumor my heart did sink a little because we have earnestly prayed that she would not have to go to surgery. Yet, I know God's grace will cover us once again. I know Ashley belongs to God and that he has placed her in His shadow and she will be okay. One verse that I read today is in the amplified Bible that really sums it up:
Psalms 91:1
"He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall remain stable and fixed under the shadow of the Almighty (whose power no foe can withstand).
The part that speaks of "remaining stable and fixed" is where our promise lies. As scared as we are of the surgery and the possible complications, His peace is greater than our fear. Ashley and I both have worried not only about the surgery but the scar that will linger afterwards. This may seem ridiculous to some that we are worried about such really little things in the scale of things, but we are just being honest. We do know that we are doing what is necessary to save her leg and her life and that is most important. However, when I think of what they will actually be doing to her leg, it does bother me. We know that the scar is just a physical reminder of the surgery and that we need to focus on what it represents (the tumor being removed from her body) and for that we are so thankful. We have been told that the scar would be above her knee and go all the way to right above her ankle. They will also have to do a skin graph (to cover where they are moving muscles) on the front of her calf (which will not be pretty). I wasn't aware of the skin graph until last Wednesday and it truly has bothered me quite a bit. I couldn't get up the nerve to tell Ashley about this but knew she needed to be told. Today, she met with the surgeons and it was her turn to ask all the questions. We had already prepared her somewhat but didn't go into specifics. When the surgeons told her how long the scar would be and about the skin graph, she just looked at them and at me and said "okay". I sat in amazement. Later, I asked her if she wanted to see another patient's scar that had a similar operation in May and she said yes. He has also had the skin graph and it was the first time for either of us to see this. She looked at his leg and didn't shed one tear. As we left the hospital today she told me that she didn't want that scar but that she would be okay. Once again, I am so thankful that she has that kind of spirit that says, it's not about what I look like, it is what I am inside. What a wonderful testimony of the grace that God can impart even into a little child. This was more than just a little scar and she will carry it for a very long time, yet as Will's mom (the other patient) told us, it will be your battle scar and we are so lucky to be able to have this scar. She is so right. I truly believe that this scar will be a reminder to us of how God gave Ashley her testimony of His love and grace and she will be able to touch thousands because of what it represents. I have been fighting this surgery because I wanted Ashley to be supernaturally healed. But, our healing doesn't always come in the neat little package that we want. God is still at work making our path straight. I do not doubt for one minute that He isn't in charge of this entire situation. We have to make a choice each day, do we trust Him in everything or just the easy things and do we thank Him for every situation. We choose to trust him and to be thankful.
So, on Friday we go back for labs and they will make the final decision as to whether surgery will still go forward on Monday. I will update the web asap because I truly want her and her doctors covered in prayer. Pray also that her counts go back up because her school is walking in her honor in the Jr. Relay for Life that benefits the American Cancer Society this Friday afternoon. We were so humbled and so grateful when they told us that they would be doing this in Ashley's honor. I never truly gave that much thought to how important research and funding for these organizations was until cancer struck our home. Our family really wants to participate but it will be up to Ashley's labs as to whether or not she can attend. So pray her counts up please. I really think she will get a boost out of seeing just how many people are working to help find cures for those with cancer and how much people really care.
Thank you all for your continued prayers and support. Also, thank you for signing in on Ashley's guest book. When her counts are low and she can't be around others it really lifts her spirits to read your notes (and mine too). Thanks for everything. I will update on Friday.
Love,
Donna
P.S. Okay, who mowed our yard this week? I promise we are not waiting for someone to come and mow it. It seems like everytime we turn around it's already been mowed again. Our yard never looked better. Thanks so very much. We are so very grateful. Please don't worry about doing this for us. We know you are just trying to lighten the load, but it is too hot for you to be mowing your yard and ours, whichever neighbor is doing this while we are away???? Thanks so much though!!!!!!!
Friday, August 16, 2002 at 05:50 PM (CDT) Hello everyone,
I just wanted to update everyone on what is going on in the Garrett household. It has been a very busy week. Tyler started 3rd grade on Tuesday and Ashley met her homebound teacher on Wednesday. We are all off to a good start. I asked Tyler what he had learned in school this week and he told me all he could remember is what he had for lunch. So, please pray for divine intervention on Tyler's behalf this school year also. Smile. Actually, he told me every day that he thoroughly enjoyed school and he loves his teacher, Mrs. Groth. I love her too, Ashley had her last year and she is wonderful (all of the teachers at their school are terrific). I just hope Mrs. Groth enjoyed herself as much as Tyler did!!!! Ashley has a teacher that has been assigned to her through St. Jude that will come to our house twice a week for approximately 1-2 hours per visit. She will go over all of her assignments and answer any questions that she may have regarding her lessons. At first I was concerned that this wasn't enough time to adequately teach Ashley but the teacher assured me that working one on one that Ashley would be able to maintain her grades and stay up with her class at school. Ashley is a very self-motivated individual and she has always done well in school. I am so thankful for that. God already knew that her education would be taken care of and we are believing that Ashley will not miss a beat. I know that God is a God of details and that she will be able to keep up her grades and go foward next year with all of her friends. Pray that as I work with Ashley on her lessons that it all comes back to me also. I'm sure I will have a new appreciation for teachers when this is all over with.
Floyd and I met with the surgeons on Wednesday. I must admit that this was a difficult meeting and it was truly hard to take in all that was discussed. Thank you to all of you who prayed for us. I was able to calmly listen to the doctors and ask the hard but necessary questions without breaking down in tears. Unfortunately, as soon as we walked out of the hospital the tears came like a flood. I was already prepared for what they would tell us but it just didn't seem to make it easier. They told us that they would be taking out the bone where the tumor is located (it is inside the bone on her left lower leg) as well as the growth plate. They will be implanting a prosthesis that is a metal rod of sorts that has the capability of being stretched with her as she grows without multiple surgeries. She will have to have an additional surgery when she is older to put in a permanent prosthesis. The doctors told us that hopefully she would not have to have another surgery for at least another ten years or so. This particular prosthesis has only been placed in 25 children in the United States (14 of those surgeries have been done at St. Jude). Ashley will be #15 at St. Jude. The procedure is only a few years old in the United States although it has been used successfully in other parts of the World. The doctors have assured us that this is our best option and really the only option we have at this point. The only other alternative would be amputation and of course this would be used as a last resort. One if the concerns we have is due to the possible even though remote, complications that can occur. Complications can include infection, nerve damage that can cause difficulty or inability to move the foot after surgery, and the body's rejection to the implant as well as many others I have not listed. We have been told that there usually is sometype of complication and we need to be hopeful that it is something minor that can easily be taken care of. However, I know that Ashley is a child of the King and I am believing that if we do indeed have to go through with this surgery that she will not have ANY complications. Please pray this with us. I say "IF" we have to go through with this surgery, because I still believe that God can heal her completely. We are praying God's will over this entire situation. It is too big for us to carry alone. Yet nothing is too difficult for the Lord.
Jeremiah 32:27
"Behold, I am the Lord, the God of ALL flesh; is anything too difficult for Me?"
Unless, God intervenes, Ashley will have this surgery on August 26th. The surgery will begin at 8:30 AM and we are told it will last until 4:00 pm. I am asking each of you to please intercede on Ashley's behalf on this day and even leading up to the surgery. We both came home feeling so hurt and sad in our spirit that this was what was ahead of Ashley. I still cry every time I think of this upcoming surgery. I know that God in His mercy will give us grace for that day, yet I desperately want to see her spared of this surgery and of the scars and pain that will come with it. Please pray for Ashley and that God will supernaturally touch her spirit and her physical body. She is scared also even though she doesn't know (or want to know) all of the details. She just wants to get it over with and move on with her life. I know that this surgery is necessary to spare her life, but I know that our God is able to do abundantly above all that we can even imagine (Ephesians 3:20).
I hope each of you will understand that I don't want to come across as feeling hopeless or discouraged. I know whom I serve and I know that in Him we have everything we need and He is a good God. The word tells us that our faith should not rest on the wisdom of men, but on the power of God (1 Corintihians 2:5). We know that God can use the doctors and the surgery to heal Ashley or that he can supernaturally remove the tumor and restore the bone in her leg. His love remains the same. Please pray His will with us and in doing that, all else will be okay. There is such a peace in giving it ALL to Him.
I am sorry to lay such a heavy heart on you all. I just want you each to know how to pray. We will be going back next week for additional chest scans and another final bone scan on Wednesday, August 21st. I am asking God to give us our miracle, however he chooses. His word declares:
"And He Himself bore our sins in His body on the cross, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness; for by His wounds you were healed." 1 Peter 2:24
Thank you for your prayers for healing and peace. May God be glorified in all of our lives. We love you all!!
Donna
Monday, August 12, 2002 at 01:00 PM (CDT) Hello everyone,
The fourth round of chemo is now over and we are so thankful! Ashley is doing wonderful!!!! This chemo has not been difficult for her at all. Other than a little nausea and feeling a little tierd, she has done great. We started the chemo on Friday and when the first dose was finished, another osteo friend (someone who has the same type cancer at St. Jude) invited her to the "Target House"
for their back-to-school party. She said she felt up to it and off we went. They had both just finished their chemo together and they then played computer games and ate pizza. Yes, pizza after chemo, can you believe it? The Target House is a home for children with cancer and their parents that are going to be in long-term (6 months or more) treatment. Each family there has a small apartment and they are allowed to stay there at no-charge whatsoever to the family. It is truly an amazing place. I was overwhelmed with tears and joy when I saw all of these little children whose lives have been affected by a diagnosis of cancer laughing and playing together. They all look different from each other, all with different disabilities, yet they all hold a common bond. Yet, they all had smiles on their faces and no one was complaining about anything. Boy, there is a lesson to be learned in watching these kids. They truly were just enjoying life and each other. The weight of the world may have been on their families, but all I could feel was the love that was in that room. I am so glad we were able to expeirence that.
Saturday, she had her next dose (again, this was as an out-patient) and when she finished she said she wanted to go to the movies. Not only did she feel up to a movie, she ended up going to two movies back to back. Wow, I wish all of her chemo's were this easy. Yesterday was her last dose and after that was over she wanted to go shopping at Target.
We went to Target and then she wanted to go to church, so off we went. After church we went out with friends for a late snack. I'm still amazed at how well she has done with this chemo and how much she was able to do over the weekend. God's hand is surely upon her!!!
This morning we went to Orientation at school. I will have to admit that this was a little tougher for both of us than I expected. We want to keep things as "normal" for both of our children as possible and we thought the sooner she sees her school friends the better. It was also important for Tyler to feel that this was a special day for him too! She was so excited, yet as we got closer to the school she started to feel a little nervous about seeing everyone for the first time since her appearance has changed. I was also worried that it might be difficult for her to see everyone else buzzing around excited about school when she will have to be home schooled for the most part. Her school is in a new building this year (Central Day School) and everyone is so excited about being there! However, my fears were soon dismissed when many of her friends and teachers ran to embrace her and just tell her how glad they were to see her. You know one of the hardest things I struggle with is not being able to sometimes tell what is going on in her little mind. We are very open with each other and we talk about everything. Yet, I know she tends to keep things inside to keep us from worrying too much about her. I know it had to have been difficult for her to see everyone running about and realizing how much her life has changed over the past few months. I had a lump in my throat as I walked the hallway to her classroom. I had to tell myself, she will walk these halls like everyone else one day and she will bring Glory to our Heavenly Father. I am so very thankful for Central and for the wonderful staff and families. It is truly an amazing school. There is such a wonderful presence of God's love in that school. I have such a peace that Tyler is among those who will love him and pray for him each day, as well as for Ashley. A few of the teachers have told us that everyday when Ashley and Tyler would pass in the hallway in the past school years, that they would hug and kiss each other on the cheek. Tyler told me the other night that it was going to be so sad not to have Ashley at school with him everyday and that he was going to miss her so much. I told him that when he passes her class in the hall, that should be his reminder to whisper a prayer for his big sister. He assured me that he would. I am so thankful for Tyler's sensitive spirit. He is definetly all boy (rough, tough and extremely curious about everything and into everything) but he has another side that is so sweet and so caring. Many of our most precious blessings are within the words and actions of our children. How blessed we are!!!!
Well we go back tomorrow for a doctor's visit and lab check. Wednesday, Floyd and I meet with the surgeons. Please pray that this meeting will go well. I am so anxious about this meeting. They will be going over the specifics of the surgery and I know that some of it will not be easy to hear. I once again am asking the Lord to help me to see his hand over Ashley and to know in my heart that his hand is upon the doctors and her care. I have asked the Lord many times, give us wisdom and faith to know that He is preparing her path. Proverbs 5:21 tells us that:
"For the ways of a man are before the eyes of the Lord, And He watches ALL his paths."
Her path is ordered by the Lord and we must be in obedience to our Heavenly father to walk in that and to trust in that. Another verse that I want to share that we are clinging to right now is found in Proverbs 4:20-26. What is so wonderful, is that I remember Ashley and Tyler memorizing this verse last year at school and singing it from a song they learned in chapel. Wow, now God knew that it would need to be written upon their hearts and upon ours.
"My son, give attention to my words; Incline your ear to my sayings. Do not let them depart from your sight; Keep them in the midst of your heart. For they are life to those who find them, and HEALTH TO ALL THEIR WHOLE BODY. Watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flows the springs of life. Put away from you a deceitful mouth, and put devious lips far from you. Let your eyes look directly ahead, and let your gaze be fixed straight in front of you. Watch the path of your feet, and ALL your ways will be established."
We are looking straight ahead and asking the Lord to help us to keep our hearts and minds fixed on Him. Thank you all for your wonderful support and the many prayers that are prayed over Ashley and our family. A very special thank you to our "Central Day School" family for making today easy for us and for just loving and caring for us. You are each special gifts from above.
I will update a little later in the week. Thanks for checking in on us and for all of your prayers.
Love,
Donna
Wednesday, August 07, 2002 at 09:51 PM (CDT) Hello everyone,
Once again, I am sorry for the delay in updating. I have just been so very busy with Ashley's schedule and all the "normal task" that we must do to maintain a household that I didn't take the time to update yesterday. Ashley's counts are finally on the rise!!!!! Sunday her counts were at 440, Monday at 600, Tuesday at 637 and today a whopping 2500!!!!! You've all been praying and boy when God does something he all ways does it big!!! I was starting to get concerned as to why her counts weren't climbing faster, but today when we went in everyone of her levels looked great. She has not been able to start chemo though this week. It was delayed because of her low counts. Her counts must be over 1500 for two days and then she has to wait an additional 24 hours. It looks like we will be having chemo on Friday, Saturday and Sunday if her levels check out okay tomorrow. Pray that they will. We are anxious to start chemo (can you believe that?) because if it is delayed too much longer they will have to move her surgery date. She really wants to get that behind her. So tomorrow we are just back at St. Jude for labs and then hopefully in as an outpatient for the next three days for chemo.
Many of you have emailed and asked about the scans done on Monday. We still have not met with the doctors to actually review Monday's results. However, our physicians assistant who saw a short report of the scans told us that the lungs are clear and it did appear that the tumor is responding to the chemo. She could not give me definite measurements or real specifics but told me that everything looked favorable. Praise the Lord for this!!!! We will meet with the surgeons next Wednesday to discuss in detail Ashley's operation and most likely they will go over all of the scans with us at that time. Floyd and I were in the room with Ashley during each scan on Monday. I will tell you that when the bone scan of the tumor came up on the machine my heart sank. You can still see the tumor on the scan and I had to choke back the tears. I have so earnestly prayed that they would not even be able to find the tumor this time. I know I need to be thankful that the chemo is working and that the tumor appears to be smaller, but I so desperately want her to be completely healed and restored. I looked at Floyd and without words he could read my heart. He told me "We will get our miracle, It is in God's timing and however he chooses to give it to us." I know in my spirit that Floyd is right. Once again, I am learning to just "wait upon the Lord." His ways are perfect. Someone sent us a cassette tape that only has two songs on it and I have played it over and over and it has truly ministered to me. In one of the songs the words are "If I would have had my way, I would have waded through rivers when He wanted me to walk upon the sea." I have to stop and realize that even though I don't understand why the tumor is still there (no matter how small), God's plan is for our good and so much better for us that we cannot even grasp it at times. So tonight I am thanking Him for not answering the prayer exactly as I prayed it, but for helping me to realize that his timing is perfect and that he will help us to "walk upon the sea". Because if I had my way this trial would be over, but he has a plan for our family in this, especially for Ashley. So in the "waiting" we simply trust Him.
Tonight, I really don't want to ask you to pray for anything, just to give thanks to our Heavenly Father for his wonderful love and His amazing grace in each of our lives. Sometimes, it is so easy to just keeping "asking" that we forget to thank Him for all he has done and all he is going to do in our lives. One of the things I will daily thank our Heavenly Father for is the body of Christ, many of you I haven't met, that are holding us up in prayer. May God's grace and peace be yours.
Love to All,
Donna
Psalms 84:11 "For the Lord God is a sun and shield: the Lord gives grace and glory; No good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly."
Saturday, August 03, 2002 at 07:05 PM (CDT) Hello everyone,
This is my third attempt at updating the web page since late last night. I seem to be having server problems so I apologize for the delay.
Well we finally got to come home from the hospital last night around 7:00 pm. This was truly a blessing and a surprise considering the events of the day. When Ashley woke up her counts were still at 100. They have never stayed down this long and we were a bit discouraged to say the least. The doctor on duty for the floor had told us that Ashley would not be discharged until her counts rose to 500 and she had been fever free for at least 24 hours. We were beginning to feel like we were not going to get to come home anytime soon. Her counts have been at zero for over a week and had just rose to 100. She was also on an IV anitibiotic. She had been fever free for a few days though. Well when I told Ashley the news she was heart broken. She was really looking forward to spending some time with friends and being able to get out of the house even if it were only a trip to MCDonalds. This may seem sorta insignificant in the scheme of things, but she has been either in the hospital or homebound with no vistors for the past three weeks. This past week was to be her "UP"
week and she so looked forward to getting out some. After she cried some heart breaking tears (I cried with her, remember the deal) she asked if I would help her into the bathroom. This wasn't a small feat due to her being hooked up on IV's. I agreed and help manuever her and the IV pole into her restroom. She told me she needed a litte privacy and I obliged. After a few minutes I peeked in the room to check on her. She was all smiles. I was a little perplexed because she was really so upset only a few minutes before. She then proceeded to tell me "that she just needed a few minutes alone with God. She asked him to help her get better and to help her counts rise." She then told me that she was okay and let's just make the best of the day. I whispered a thank you to heaven and helped her back into bed. Isn't that how we should treat every disappointment; just pray over it and then release it to our Heavenly Father?
Well the blessing of the day was when the nurse came in and told us that during staff meeting the doctors discussed allowing Ashley to go home if we could administer the drugs intraveinously. After promising that I would follow instructions to the letter and was not concerned about being able to do so (I knew I would have Floyd home with me and he is great with that kinda of stuff) and agreed to get up at whatever time necessary to do so, they agreed to let us go home. We have to give her an antibiotic in her port (a line that has been inserted underneath the skin in her chest) through an IV every eight hours. I do however now have a better appreciation of hospitals and round the clock care. We have to give her benadryl an hour before the IV and then it takes approximately 45 minutes to infuse and then we have to flush her line. All of this entails waking up around 12:30 am and then again at 1:30 am and staying awake until about 2:30 am. I am not complaining because all I have to really do is wake Floyd up and he takes it from there. We will only have to do this for a few days and nights and I am very thankful for that. But at least we are at home. I can't help but think of those who must do these types of things for their loved ones on a daily basis due to other diseases, I can't imagine the physical drain that it must have on those families. This is such a small inconvience in the scale of things.
Ashley's counts are still at 100. We go back to the hospital tomorrow to have them rechecked. Hopefully they will give us a green light for her to get out for a few hours tomorrow. It really is her last day to do a few things before the whole cycle starts again. This Monday she will be having a full day of bone scans and a chest x-ray. Please pray that each and everyone of these test comes back with positive results. The chest x-ray that was originally done was clear. This was a HUGE answer to prayer. This type of cancer typically will spread to the lungs first if not caught in time. We are believing that the tumor is still self contained in her leg (if not totally dissolved, YES we are praying for that) and that her chest scan will be fine. Please lift us up Monday. The test are the hardest part for us. I know prayer will make a difference in each and every outcome. I will update the web as soon as we get results. It will probably take a day or two. We are just trusting that God has already taken care of each and every scan and all will bring Glory to Him.
Tuesday we will start chemo all over again. This time around they are going to give it to her as an outpatient. We will have to go each day of the week to receive it but this particular dose isn't suppose to be as hard on her. Please pray that she will ease through it. It is a different chemo drug than she has previously had. Pray she will do fine with it and not suffer any complications or difficulty with it.
In closing I would like to share a verse that has been on my heart since leaving the journal entry that I did last Tuesday. As many of you know from reading that entry, I had a tough day on Monday. I was so concerned about our future and really grieving for the past. I have asked the Lord many times could he just take us back to a few months ago when our lives seemed so very perfect. This verse has made such an impression on my heart.
It is found in Isaiah 43:18,19,21
"Do not call to mind the former things, or ponder things of the past. Behold I will do something new. Now it will spring forth. Will you not be aware of it? I will even make a roadway in the wilderness, rivers in the desert. The people whom I formed for Myself, WILL declare my praise."
When I read this verse it made me so aware of who our God really is. We can't hold onto the past but we can believe that our tomorrow is going to be even better. He will not leave us or forsake us. Yet the part of the verse that really stood out to me was "Will you not be aware of it?"
Wow, I pray that we are always aware of His hand in our circumstances and that we truly trust him and thank Him in everything. I highlighted this verse in my Bible and in My heart. I will cling to it and I WILL give him the praise.
I need to close, I just want to once again ask you to pray for Monday's scans and for chemo next week and that Ashley's counts will recover tomorrow. Thank you for your faithfulness in praying with us. We love and appreciate each of you so much!!!
IN HIS LOVE,
Donna
P.S. Who ever mowed our lawn this week will you please step forward and let us know. We suspect it was one of our many wonderful neighbors (you've all been angels to us) who cut it again. We would like to thank you properly. We feel so loved and so blessed, thank you for taking such good care of us!!!! We know you must really care to do this in the Memphis Heat!!! It blessed us so!!!!
Thursday, August 01, 2002 at 10:24 AM (CDT) Hi to everyone,
This is Ashley. I am still at Saint Jude in the hospital. Guess what happened? Tuesday my counts were at 200 and then on Wednesday for some reason they dropped back to 0. The doctors told me not to worry. Today my counts are at 100. I have not had any fever for the last 24 hours because God has had his hand over me! Monday I had to have Platelets. Wednesday I had to have blood, and today I had to have Platelets. Since I can't have visitors my mom and I are keeping each other company. God has helped me not to have any reactions to my transfusions. We don't know when I am going to get to go home. Thank you for praying for me, I know your prayers help me to get better. Talk to you soon,
Ashley
P>S> My mom added a picture of me in Ms. Tiffany & Pastor Paul's wedding to the photo album.
Thursday, August 01, 2002 at 10:24 AM (CDT) Hi to everyone,
This is Ashley. I am still at Saint Jude in the hospital. Guess what happened? Tuesday my counts were at 200 and then on Wednesday for some reason they dropped back to 0. The doctors told me not to worry. Today my counts are at 100. I have not had any fever for the last 24 hours because God has had his hand over me! Monday I had to have Platelets. Wednesday I had to have blood, and today I had to have Platelets. Since I can't have visitors my mom and I are keeping each other company. God has helped me not to have any reactions to my transfusions. We don't know when I am going to get to go home. Thank you for praying for me, I know your prayers help me to get better. Talk to you soon,
Ashley
P>S> My mom added a picture of me in Ms. Tiffany & Pastor Paul's wedding to the photo album.
Tuesday, July 30, 2002 at 12:45 PM (CDT) Hello again,
Well we bring greetings from St. Jude Hospital again. Unfortunately, we are back in the hospital as of yesterday (Monday). We came in for a routine check and all of a sudden Ashley spiked a fever. So we got our ticket upstairs and it looks like we will be here at least 48 hours (the time it takes for the staff to review cultures) or possibly longer. This is just one of those wait and see situations. Other than the fever, Ashley feels pretty good. She is bored however and very anxious to get out of here asap. This is supposed to be the week her counts go back up and she is due for chemo starting next Tuesday so we will hit the floor running as soon as we get the green light. Right now her counts are at 200 so we have improved since yesterday when she was at zero (which she had been at since last Tuesday). It is always exciting to see her counts start climbing (500 is the magic mark for her to be around others and the necessary count for her to be released from the hospital). Ashley did have to have another platelet transfusion last night and it went fine. It looks like this may be a regular part of her treatment. She seems okay with all of these necessary procedures and we are thankful that she is handling this all so well. We are fixing to find a wheelchair and go and see what we can stir up to do in the In-Patient lobby. They have a juke box (I don't know any of the songs anymore, I am too old and not my taste, smile) and Ashley just likes to go out and sing along. I am just glad she is still "singing". She truly amazes me. She told me yesterday that I cannot cry about anything unless she cries first. I guess that's a fair deal?
Well the big news for the day is that the MRI did show that the tumor is responding to the treatment. PRAISE THE LORD FOR THIS!!!! Our doctor had to review the scans before we could be told for sure that everything was progressing as everyone had hoped. We are so thankful for this report. We are still believing for a complete healing and we desperately want everyone to pray with us. The doctors have told us that even though the MRI is helpful tool to use in reviewing our progress, the surgery will be the most significant event in evaluating the progress of the treatment. The surgery is tentatively scheduled for August 26. Please begin praying now that the tumor will be dissolved and that we will receive our miracle. Right now we are right on track and we will have many more scans between now and surgery. Pray that each and every one will show progress and that we will all see God's hand in each test.
I am sorry for not updating last night. I really had a tough day for some reason yesterday. I was so thankful for the MRI results yet my heart was still so heavy. I allowed myself to get ahead of the day at hand and started worrying about a month from now, a year from now and so on. I know better than that. God promises to give us grace for today and it is His desire that we live each day and not be anxious for anything (Luke 12). Floyd decided that it was best that I go home and pack a suitcase and get Tyler and just have some alone time. I cried all the way home from the hospital (a real good gully washer cry) and really just had a pity party. I begged the Lord to help Ashley to fully recover and to give her the ability to be able to do any and everything she has ever or will ever dream of doing. The same thing we all want for our children. I came home and the house was empty and I cried and asked the Lord just to send his peace. It wasn't a few moments later when my dear neighbor Pam knocked on my door. She came in and allowed me to share my heart and then prayed over me and our family. I am so thankful for her and for those of you who pray so often for us. Her short visit and sweet prayer literally picked me back up and made me realize how aware God is of our every cry. I needed a friend and I needed someone else to help me pray. Today I feel so much stronger and I know it is because of the prayers of others. Sometimes we don't even know how to pray anymore and God will remind me that he hears each and everyone and when I can't seem to pray, others are lifting us up. Thank you so much for that. I know my life is an open book right now, but I want you all to know not to look at us and how we respond, but do know that God is so much bigger than my emotions and my weakness. A verse that comes to mind is in Psalms 27:13,14
"I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; Be strong, and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the Lord.
We are praying scriptures over our family and especially over Ashley. When we all get discouraged his word is such a comfort. Thank you so much for checking this web page and for leaving us messages. We so often sit and cry and laugh as we read the notes and see all the wonderful families that are walking this journey with us. We love you and pray God's blessing over each of you.
I will update as soon as it looks like we are going home or if anything changes. Thanks so much for just letting me pour out my heart to all of you.
Donna
Pray specifically for chemo next week and all the scans leading up to surgery on the 26th of Aug. We know God is able to completely restore Ashley's health!!!!!
Friday, July 26, 2002 at 09:41 PM (CDT) Hello everyone,
Thanks for checking in on us. This has been one very long day. As many of you know, Ashley had her first MRI this morning since her original diagnosis. Unfortunately, we still do not have the results. Her doctor is out of the country until Monday and he must release the results. Now I have always told my children that "patience is a virtue" but this is a really tough one to wait out. I know God is teaching me something in this, especially in the "waiting".
I will tell you that I have a real peace inside that can only come from the Lord. I wanted so desperately to find out if the chemo is working and if the tumor has shrunk. Yet I really feel like this is just one of those times that I have to sit quietly and know that God has everything in Control and simply place my trust in Him. Hopefully we will be able to find out the results when we go in on Monday for another appointment. Keep praying that we will receive a good report and that God will receive all of the glory.
Today's trip turned into a very long and exhausting one. We had to be at St. Jude by 8:45 for Ashley's MRI. She then had to have some labs ran and as a result had to have a platelet transfusion and then a blood transfusion. Ashley's platelets were so low that they asked that we not even leave the hospital for lunch because she was at such a critical level that if we were to have an accident, bleeding would be a serious threat to her. I had to stop and just thank the Lord for the safety that he gave us to the hospital. That may seem silly to some, but I often see God's blessings in so many little things that never really seemed significant before. The transfusions went fine and we were able to leave the hospital around 8:00 pm. That is why I am updating so late. We just got home and we are pretty tierd. For the next few days, we will have to keep a close watch on Ashley. Her counts are still at zero (no infection fighting capability at all) and fever is still an automatic hospital stay. Please pray that she will not run a fever this time around. We are praying that she will be able to stay home and just make her routine appointments. She has not had more than two weeks at home (without a hospital stay) since her treatments started and she really wants to be at home as much as possible. Thank you for praying specifically for her temp to remain normal and that she will not catch any infection. I am guarding her like a Mother Hen and not allowing anyone around her right now in an effort to keep her home,infection free.
In closing I want to share that while Ashley was having her MRI I was able to sit in the back of the room and watch. It really stirred up some emotions and I was quickly reminded of the fear that I had the first week we were at St. Jude and she had an MRI that along with other test, confirmed her cancer. This morning however when fear started to creep in I felt an awesome since that God knew exactly where I was at, emotionally and spiritually and that he was there with me. Even when we don't understand what is going on around us, His peace is so very real. I am so thankful for His abiding love and peace which truly guards our hearts and minds (Philippians 4:7).
Thank you for your steadfast prayers and all of the love that is being poured out to our family. We appreciate each of you so much. Have a great weekend!!!!
love,
Donna
P.S. Would the "Kathy Lenc" who has the daughter "Lu" who just finished her treatment of "osteosarcoma" that signed our guestbook, please send me your email address. I would love to talk with you. Thanks.
Saturday, July 20, 2002 at 06:12 PM (CDT) Hello everyone:
Well we were discharged from the hospital this morning and now in the comfort of home. Ashley finished her third round of chemo this week and we are so thankful when each one is complete. She still has nine more chemo rounds to go, they will stretch out until the end of February. She is still feeling pretty "yicky" as she calls it. It typically takes Ashley 4-5 days after the last chemo to start feeling well. It is so tough to watch her lay in bed and feel so awful. All I can do is reassure her that there are better days coming. I know that is true because God's word tell us:
Psalms 41: 3
The Lord will sustain him upon his sickbed; In his illness, thou dost restore him to health.
Isaiah 41:10
'Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you. Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.'
Pray for Ashley, that she will hide God's word in her heart and in her mind. Today has been tough for her. She normally doesn't question why she is going through this, but today she seems to be struggling with "why me?" I told her that God really must have so much trust in her to allow her to go through this and that she is going to be able to declare his faithfulness to so... many. I honestly believe that, but that doesn't really console a ten year old little girl. In honesty, I try very hard not to ask "why?" also. I really want a heart of thanksgiving and a heart of faith. Someone told me when I get to Heaven I can ask God why my daughter? I really think that when I get to Heaven it really won't matter!!!! When life hits hard all the questions really don't need answered, all we need to know is that there is nothing too difficult for the Lord!(Jeremiah 32:27). Please do not think that I am above doubts and questions. I do struggle with my fears. I am really preaching to myself out loud and really asking the Lord to help me to simply trust that He will take care of each day, one day at a time.
This next week will be Ashley's down week when her counts will start to drop and she will have to stay away from everyone. We will be at St. Jude on Mon, Thurs and Friday for appointments. Pray for us specifically on Friday. Ashley will have her first MRI of the tumor since her original diagnosis. We are believing for a miracle. We are praying that they will be astonished at what they find and that the tumor will have dried up and that God will receive all of the Glory. Some of you may think that we are not being realistic in believing for this. But I do believe that our God is able!!!! Now, if this is not his plan at this time we will STILL trust that he has his hand on Ashley and we will keep praying for our miracle. This will be one of many scans and x-rays to come before her surgery, which has been tentatively scheduled for August 26. I will tell you that I am very anxious regarding Friday's MRI. We so desperately want a positive report. Please pray that I will just keep my face towards the Lord and not allow fear or doubt to rule my thoughts this week. It is so amazing how God takes the prayers of others and covers us with his goodness. We have felt this so often in the past two months. Thank you so much for your faithfulness in praying for us. There is no possible way to tell you how very much that means to us. Your prayers are truly prayers of life to us.
Also, I just want to say thanks for our many wonderful neighbors who showered us with "blessing baskets" when we came home from the hospital and for the two families who brought meals. I am so humbled and so grateful for the love of God's people who are blessing us so much when we are tierd physically and emotionally. These tangible blessings are revelations of the goodness of the Lord. Thanks to all of you for the many encouraging cards and visits and mostly prayers said in secret. God hears everyone and because of your prayers, Ashley will be lifted up. Please know how very much we appreciate all of you!
I will update the web if anything significantly changes. Please pray with us regarding Ashley's MRI on Friday. In closing, I want to share something that was in the basket I received today that caused my faith to soar...
Always remember,
when God made you He did so with a purpose and a plan. He saw all your days before you lived one of them and placed over you the covering of His protective love. He has allowed nothing to come into your life that has not first been screened through that love. His hand has remained upon you to this very day. He calls you by name. You are His beloved child...the apple of His eye...the delight of His heart. Today you are in the exact place He wants you to be, and tomorrow He will be with you as He has always been - in goodness, in kindness, in faithfulness.
(author: Roy Lessin)
Wow, how can we not put our hope in Christ?
love to all of you,
Donna
Tuesday, July 16, 2002 at 10:02 PM (CDT) Hello everyone:
Well we are now back in the hospital for another week of chemo. I can't complain though, we had such a wonderful time last week being at home (the few times we were actually there). We crammed as many activities as possible into last week since her counts were up and she was so full of energy. We saw a few movies, went shopping, went to a RedBirds Game, spent time with friends and just made the best of the time together. Ashley did get to be in the wedding that she was so......excited about. She looked so beautiful (if you will allow a mother to brag)! They decorated her wheelchair and her daddy pushed her down the aisle and sat her on the steps of the platform and I cried from the time the music started to the very end. I even cried myself to sleep that night. I was overwhelmed with emotions. I was so proud of her and at the same fear gripped my heart and I prayed that God would allow her to someday walk down that very aisle. I really had to get alone with God that night (as I do very often). You know that sometimes we have to quiet our own thoughts and surrender our every care over to the Lord. Saturday was one of those nights that I woke up in the middle of the night and got on my knees and asked the Lord to give me more faith and more peace. As always, He is so faithful to hear our prayers. I went back to sleep and woke up with peace and joy in my spirit. We then went to church and guess what the message was on, "Anchors in a Storm". We had a guest minister and he spoke on God's amazing preservation in the middle of our storms. I truly believe God ordained that message for me if no one else. How thankful I was to be in church. Ashley and I have really missed being able to go on a regular basis. It has always been such an important part of our lives and it's difficult to have to miss so much.
Well, the first dose of chemo was given this evening and Ashley is now asleep. She is on some pretty heavy anit-nausea medication and she is getting it on a regular basis so hopefully we will not have the same results as the last two chemo rounds. She did get pretty sick earlier but she then laid down and went to sleep. Pray that she will sleep as much as possible. She has to be awaken every couple of hours to empty the chemo from her bladder so this in addition to the nausea makes it tough for her to really get a good nights rest. Yet, pray that she will rest as much as possible and that her body will handle the effects of the chemo better. We know that this is just part of the process and we have no choice. But boy it sure is hard to feel so helpless and see her sick. Please pray. We know prayer makes a difference. She will be having chemo each night this week through Thursday. I don't know when she will be released until after chemo is finished. Hopefully we will be home late Friday or sometime Saturday. Pray her little body handles this all okay and we can get back home asap.
When Ashley and I left for the hospital this morning, Tyler ran out into the driveway into the street to stop us. I thought he was running to give my one more kiss by but he opened the back door and climbed in by Ashley. He then placed his little hand on Ashley's leg and prayed that "God, would bless his sister and help her to feel better and not to get sick in the hospital." I can't remember each word, but I do know that the correct words are not important, but the heart from which they come. I was so blessed by his sweet prayer and the sincerity of his heart. His prayer touched the heart of God too, I know that!! Our children really can teach us so much about just simply trusting the Lord in everything!
Tyler is having an exciting week. He is going to a Horse Camp out in Cordova and he is loving every minute of it. Yesterday was his first day and he thinks he is ready for the rodeo now. I have already told Floyd that he better not go and buy a horse while I am in the hospital (for those of you who know Floyd well and how he loves to surprise me, you will understand). Smile. This camp is such a blessing to our family. I was trying to figure out who we should ask to help with Tyler this week while I am in the hospital with Ashley and Floyd is working, and a friend from school called who is running this camp and asked us to allow Tyler to come to the camp and she is taking care of every detail. This has been such a tremendous blessing! I see God's hand in even the smallest details and how he is surrounding us with people such as Victoria (the friend who is running the camp) to meet every need we have. I am so thankful for His love and for each of you who have shown so much of Christ love toward us. Thanks is not enough!!!!!
Well, I need to close, my eyes are not focusing too well right now it has been a very long day. I am working on trying to update the photo album on the website to include some photos of the wedding Ashley was in but I am having difficulty. I will try again this week, so check it out later if you have time. Thanks again wer covet your prayers! We love you all!!!!!
My verse for today (and every day):
Be anxious for nothing, but in prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your request be made known to God and the peace of God which surpasses all comprehension, SHALL guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Phillippians 4:6,7
Have a wonderful week!
Donna
Thursday, July 04, 2002 at 04:30 PM (CDT) Hello everyone:
Great News!!!! We are at home finally!! Ashely was discharged a little before noon today and she is going to be able to celebrate the 4th of July with some of her friends. It was still hit or miss last night as to whether they would allow her to come home today, but God heard our prayers! He is so good!!! Ashley's counts rose to a little over 1,000 during the last 24 hours and the fever stayed down so she was able to come home. I cannot tell you how excited she was. She doesn't even have to wear a mask right now and she is so excited about a picnic we are going to this evening and the Collierville fireworks. We are so thankful for each blessing!!!!
We go back to St. Jude tomorrow at 9:00 am to have her checked once again and hopefully she will be home until the week of July 14th when we are back in the hospital for several days of chemo again. Her scheduled chemo was for next week but her wonderful doctor is postponing it so she can be in our children's ministers wedding. I cannot even begin to tell you how excited she is about that. So we are very very thankful that she will be able to do some things that are very important to her. God truly does hear the prayers of a child. She keeps telling me that "God is great and she knows he hears her prayers". So if all goes well, we will only be back at St. Jude for a few times next week for checkups between now and July 15.
We will update the web page if anything changes, but if you do not hear from us, know that we are at home and loving every minute of it. We are determined to make each minute count and just enjoy each other. Thanks to each of you for your prayers and for all of the support. God is doing something wonderful in all of this. We know that his hand is upon us and that he is taking care of our little angel.
Tyler is doing well also. He has made mountains of water balloons for tonights picnic and is so glad his sister his home. Thanks for the many of you who have sent him cards and gifts too! So many of you have really reached out to him and we cannot thank you enough. It really is hard for an eight year old to truly understand what is going on. We want to shelter him from as much of this as possible. It is an awful lot for a child to understand. Thank you for helping him to feel special too!
One of the Psalms that has become life to us is Psalms 103
Let me share a portion of it with you and I hope it brings as much hope and blessing to each of you as it has to our home:
Psalms 103" 1-5
Praise the Lord, O my soul: all my inmost being, praise his holy name. Praise the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits - who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagles.
Wow, His word is such a source of strength. Thanks again to each of you. Thank you for your prayers and thanks for rejoicing with us also! God deserves all of the praise!!!
Donna
Wednesday, July 03, 2002 at 11:59 AM (CDT) Hello everyone:
Well, we are still in the hospital but that's okay, Ashley is feeling well even though she still isn't able to go home quite yet. Her counts were at zero from last Friday until yesterday and they finally went to 300 this morning. She has had fever off and on since she arrived Saturday night. She has to be fever free for twenty-four hours and have a blood count of 500 before we can go home. She woke up fever free this morning and we are really praying that she still may be able to get out tomorrow. Pray no fever and counts of 500 in the morning. Smile. This morning I heard her whispering in the dark and I asked her what she was doing. She told me she was praying her counts had gone up and then asked me to go and find out. She didn't want to cry in front of the nurse if they hadn't. So when I found out they had gone to 300 (still not good enough but still an improvement) I was thrilled and so was she. Wow, the little things really mean so much now. She will have to have another platelet transfusion today however. So please once again pray that this goes well. I am getting a little more comfortable with the transfusions, I know they are for her good. Also, I know that God is working it all out for her good also. This is where faith comes in. I shared with someone in an email earlier today that if we understood why all of this is going on, we wouldn't need faith. So we just trust the Lord with every little step and thank Him in advance for the work he is doing in all of our lives, especially in Ashley's body. We truly have to live on what we know to be true and not by what we see.
II Corinthians 4:7
For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison while we look not at the things seen, but at the things not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things not seen are eternal.
Thanks to all of you for your prayers. Hopefully, we will be able to update you tomorrow from home. If not, Have a great 4th of July. You are appreciated and loved.
Donna
Wednesday, July 03, 2002 at 11:59 AM (CDT) Hello everyone:
Well, we are still in the hospital but that's okay, Ashley is feeling well even though she still isn't able to go home quite yet. Her counts were at zero from last Friday until yesterday and they finally went to 300 this morning. She has had fever off and on since she arrived Saturday night. She has to be fever free for twenty-four hours and have a blood count of 500 before we can go home. She woke up fever free this morning and we are really praying that she still may be able to get out tomorrow. Pray no fever and counts of 500 in the morning. Smile. This morning I heard her whispering in the dark and I asked her what she was doing. She told me she was praying her counts had gone up and then asked me to go and find out. She didn't want to cry in front of the nurse if they hadn't. So when I found out they had gone to 300 (still not good enough but still an improvement) I was thrilled and so was she. Wow, the little things really mean so much now. She will have to have another platelet transfusion today however. So please once again pray that this goes well. I am getting a little more comfortable with the transfusions, I know they are for her good. Also, I know that God is working it all out for her good also. This is where faith comes in. I shared with someone in an email earlier today that if we understood why all of this is going on, we wouldn't need faith. So we just trust the Lord with every little step and thank Him in advance for the work he is doing in all of our lives, especially in Ashley's body. We truly have to live on what we know to be true and not by what we see.
II Corinthians 4:7
For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison while we look not at the things seen, but at the things not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things not seen are eternal.
Thanks to all of you for your prayers. Hopefully, we will be able to update you tomorrow from home. If not, Have a great 4th of July. You are appreciated and loved.
Donna
Sunday, June 30, 2002 at 02:58 PM (CDT) Hello everyone:
Well here is another update. Boy can things change within just 24 hours. Ashley started running a fever at home last night about 10:30 pm and we had to rush her back to the hospital. As many of you know who had checked Saturday's entry, we were already scheduled for a blood transfusion and platelet transfusion for today anyway. However, when she runs a fever, it is an automatic hospital stay. So she got to the hospital around 11:00 pm last night and they began all of the blood test to try and see what is causing the fever. She is now on a round of IV antibiotics to try to knock out whatever is causing the problem. She had to have the platelet transfusion soon after arriving (her platelet count had dropped significantly since Friday) and they did the blood transfusion this morning. All went well, PRAISE THE LORD!!!! Her fever dropped and then came back up. Pray that her fever will return to normal very soon! Other than that, Ashley is doing really well. She is talking and laughing and napping. Her counts are still at zero (which means she is a high risk of catching any infection and is really tierd). We did have one highlight today. The actor "Dennis Quaid" made a surprise visit and she was one of the lucky ones who got to meet him and he spent about ten minutes talking to her and took pictures with her (she has proof, smile). He was really a very nice person and was so sweet to her. She saw him in the movie "Parent Trap" and so she thought it was kinda cool to meet him. The photographer for St. Jude was in the room and Ashley volunteered for any photo shoots she may need. Ashley gets her shyness from her daddy. Smile.
Well it looks like we will be here for at least a couple of days. Thats okay. We have to believe that if this chemo is making her cells go this crazy that it is also driving those cancer cells nuts too. Besides that, WE KNOW GOD IS IN OUR MIDST. His peace and love has been surrounding us. We feel your prayers and even in the disappointment of yet another hospital stay, We know he is with us. Specifically please pray that they will be able to treat whatever is causing the fever and that we will be able to go home asap. She really is looking forward to the Fourth of July and has made special plans. We cannot express enough how much we value each of you. Even though sometimes things do not work out as we hope, we have such peace that God is taking care of us.
Deuteronomy 7:9
Know therefore that the Lord your God, He is God, the faithful God, who keeps His covenant and His lovingkindness to a thousand generations with those who love Him and keep His commandments.
Thank you so much for your many prayers on our behalf. We look forward to giving you a good report soon.
In His Love,
Donna
P.S. If you missed yesterday's update, check out Ashley's new pictures by clicking on photo album. The top one and the family picture were taken right after her diagnosis in May and the one in the wagon was taken last week at St. Jude. For those who we have never met, now you know who you are praying for. Thanks so much!!!!
Saturday, June 29, 2002 at 07:47 AM (CDT) Hello everyone,
Well we have had a pretty quiet week. Ashley has been really tierd so we did not do too much "camp" stuff as we had originally planned but we did watch alot of movies and got plenty of needed rest. Tyler came home from camp on Wednesday and boy he hasn't stopped going since. We are so glad to have him back home. Well here is the update:
Ashley had her counts checked yesterday and she is now at "ZERO" which means she is at a very high risk of infection. Her cells have dropped so much that she is scheduled for a transfusion tomorrow morning. They will do this as an outpatient at St. Jude. If her platelets drop any more (and they expect them to) she will have to have a platelet transfusion also tomorrow. Please pray that this goes smoothly and without any complication. She had to have a platelet transfusion after her first chemo round and that went okay but she has never had a blood transfusion and it really does make me nervous. I know that their blood supply is screened really well, but it still bothers me that she has to have it. They told us that fever sometimes occurs with a transfusion and if she were to catch one that she will have to be admitted to the hospital. Pray that this doesn't happen. Her counts should start to climb next week and it is suppose to be the week that she can get out and enjoy herself. Floyd has taken his vacation week next week and we have so much planned to make it a fun week for the kids. Fever would change all of that and she really needs a week to get out of the house and play with her friends. Pray that all will go well and she will not have to spend anytime in the hospital before her next chemo round.
The nausea has now stopped and she is eating non-stop. I am so thankful for that. She actually had taco bell and she enjoyed it so much. Thank you for praying. She actually has gained her weight back after not eating for seven days. I know that God is watching over her!
Well she is sleeping peacefully and I am so thankful that she feels well (other than feeling really tierd) and she is still keeping that sweet spirit. God has been so good to us and He is so faithful! We can rest in his goodness and in His mercy. Please remember to pray for Ashley tomorrow morning. How can we be defeated when so many of you are praying for our family. Please know that we appreciate your prayers so very much!
Nahum 1:7 The Lord is good. A stronghold in the day of trouble, and he knows those who take refuge in Him.
We are taking our refuge in Him. He really is a stronghold for those who believe in Him. How thankful we are for his goodness! We are also so thankful for each of you. Please keep adding to her guestbook messages, she reads them everyday and they are truly a source of encouragement and fun for all of us. It is okay to leave as many notes as you want (for those of you who have asked). We cannot say thanks enough. May God bless each of you!
Donna
P.S. Check out the new photos Floyd has put in. The top one of Ashley and the family one was taken right after her diagnosis in May and the second one was at St. Jude last week. For those of you we have never met personally, now you know who you are praying for. Smile.
Sunday, June 23, 2002 at 03:57 PM (CDT) Hello everyone,
Well we finally made it home from the hospital. We were discharged yesterday and got home early afternoon. Ashley is still feeling a little nauseated from her chemo last week and is staying in bed trying to recover. We did get to come home without an IV of fluids and she is trying to eat and drink a little. Believe it or not she wanted Chinese Food when she got home from the hospital which was fine by me (no cooking involved). Smile. We only allowed her to have fried rice (nothing too spicy). She is still having a little trouble keeping her food down so she is really scared to eat. But she keeps trying. She asked me to pray with her this morning about feeling so awful. She said I know that God doesn't want me to feel this sick and she said the sweetest most simple prayer and I know God heard her. How thankful I am that she knows He is able to meet her every need and he cares about every detail of her life. That child-like faith is so amazing. I so desire to have that faith without question or doubt and I know that is how God wants us to live. I know she touched the heart of God. She touched mine.
Tyler just left for church camp and to be honest we hated to see him go. We know he will enjoy this week and he was so excited!
Yet after being away from him all last week while Ashley was in the hospital, we truly miss him. It's funny how quiet the house seems. Pray for a safe and wonderful trip for all who went. I know all mother's worry about their children but it was really difficult for me to see him leave this time. That's when we have to realize that he belongs to the Lord and he is in his hands, just like Ashley. She woke up so sad that she wasn't able to go to camp this year and we both cried a little and then we decided that we needed to plan our own little camp this week. We really try hard not to let our emotions show too much in front of her, but sometimes it breaks your heart that she is not able to do the things she would love to be doing. We just have to keep reminding ourselves that God has a purpose for her and a plan for her life and that he knows the desires of our heart. This is the week that she will be homebound and not allowed visitors so we are just going to get creative and play inside camp. She really is trying so hard to stay positive. I told her that maybe next year she would be able to go to camp and if so, she would be sharing her wonderful testimony and reaching kids for Christ. How I pray that for her!
Well, I just wanted to let everyone know what is going on. We go back on Tuesday for another doctor's visit. Since this is her homebound week I will only update the web page if something changes or unless God lays something on my heart to share. Thanks again for all of the love and support. May God bless each of you!
Donna
Friday, June 21, 2002 at 01:54 PM (CDT) Hello everyone,
Just a quick update. We are still in the hospital and unfortunately we will have to spend another night. Ashley is having alot of nausea and cannot keep anything down. We haven't even tried solid food or water yet. She is exhausted from the past few days of being sick. Well I know you have all prayed and we will just keep praying until we get our victory. God knows our hearts and we refuse to allow this difficulty to keep us from trusting him. Pray that she will feel better as the day goes on. At least we finished our second round of chemo. We have to take this a day at a time. Isn't that what God wants us to do anyway?
We really are missing Tyler (Ashley's little brother) right now. He has been with Floyd's brother and his wife this past week and in great hands. He has had so much fun with them and his little cousins. But boy do we miss him. He is leaving for church camp on Sunday for just three days, so it is really important to us that we get to go home tomorrow so we can spend some family time together. We hate being separated so much. Keep Tyler lifted up in your prayers. He is young and can't truly understand the upheaval in our schedules but he has been so wonderful and really tried to be extra sweet to his sister. He hugs on her and tells her how beautiful she is all of the time. What a blessing children are!
I would like to ask you all to remember to pray for Floyd also. I know it has been very difficult on him trying to focus on running his practice and thinking of Ashley here at the hospital and all of the other emotions that you feel. I want to thank his staff for the wonderful support that they have been through all of this. They take so much off of Floyd and they really have his and his patients best interest in mind. They are each such blessings to us. Also, I want to thank the many patients (most of whom I've never had the priviledge of meeting) that have showered us with encouragement and been so understanding through all of this. God really plants his people exactly where they are needed. I pray God will use our family to be a blessing as so many have been to us.
Just let me close with the scripture that came to mind this morning. I claim this for Ashley and Tyler and for each of your children. May God bless each of you and thank you for keeping up with us. You are so very much appreciated!
Jeremiah 1: 5-8, 12
"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you. I have appointed you a prophet to the nations." Then I said, "Alas God, behold I do not know how to speak because I am a youth." But the Lord said to me "Do not say that I am a youth, because everywhere I send you, you shall go, and all that I command you, you shall speak. Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you to deliver you." declares the Lord.
then the scripture goes on to say in verse 12
...."for I am watching over my word to perform it."
His word is true. How grateful we are to have his truth in our hearts!!!
Love,
Donna
Wednesday, June 19, 2002 at 10:33 AM (CDT) Hello everyone,
Well we are back in the hospital receiving our second course of chemo. Ashley had her first round last night. They were not able to start her chemo until 11:30 pm last night due to some fluid levels in her body but it turned out okay. She was so exhausted from being at the hospital since 9:00 that morning that she slept right through it. THIS IS TRULY GOD'S BLESSING!!!
She received two different chemo's, one that takes an hour and the second that only takes 15 minutes. Yet, the second one is the one that normally causes severe vomiting right away, but she slept right through it. PRAISE THE LORD!!!!!!!!!!
She woke up briefly this morning and felt very sick, but hasn't actually gotten sick yet. Please pray that she won't. They are really keeping her medicated with nausea and anti-vomitting medications trying to get it under control this round. One of the medications makes her really sleepy. Please keep praying this week. She will get another round of chemo tonight and then again tomorrow night. If everything goes as planned, we will be able to go home late Friday. Pray that it does!!!! During her first set of chemo a few weeks ago, it wasn't until the second day (which would be today) that she started getting sick. Please pray that this time it will be different. I know you are all praying and I know that the fervent prayer of a righteous man availath much (James 5:16).
Thank you for all of the prayers regarding Ashley losing her hair. It is all most all gone now and she is really handling it very well. I am telling you, she is such a inspiration! She actually ventured outside in our neighborhood with her friends and here at the hospital without her hat and it did not seem to phase her. I got so tickeled at her yesterday. When she looked in the mirror she said "oh no, I am starting to look like PaPa (my dad) and she just laughed. What confidence in who she is in Christ! Thank you, I know it is because of the prayers going before her.
I am watching her sleep and I am so overwhelmed with how much I love her and how very precious she is. What is more amazing to me is the fact that God loves her even more than I do! I know that he has her in the palm of his hand as well as each of us, regardless of whatever circumstance we find ourselves in. I just want to be found faithful in serving him! I know that is Ashley's desire too!
I will update you soon. Thanks for checking in with us. You are all so loved and appreciated!
Donna
Saturday, June 15, 2002 at 07:44 AM (CDT) Hello everyone,
Sorry for not updating yesterday, I was having difficulty getting on the site for some reason. We went to the hospital yesterday and Ashley's counts are great right now (over 2100). Because of that we tried to squeeze in as much as possible to make it a fun day for her. Dad and Tyler left yesterday to spend the night (with a group of men and boys from church) on the USS Battleship in Mobile. They will return this afternoon. Tyler really needed some one on one attention. We don't want him to feel left out in the middle of all this. I agreed to let Ashley have two of her friends spend the night and we had a girl's night out. We went out for pizza and a shopping spree at "Everything's a Dollar". I gave them each three dollar's and they went to town. She loves to go there. We then came back home and they played Ashley's praise and worship tapes and sang their little hearts out. It lifted mine. About midnight they all crashed. Thank goodness!!!!Smile!!!
The past two days have brought some tears though. Ashley's hair is starting to come out and this has been pretty tough for her (and for me also if I am truthful). We tried our best to prepare her knowing that it was inevitable, but it is still very hard for her. We are really praying that she will have the same confidence in herself that she has always had and that this transition will go with ease and she will lift her head high and feel that she is still very, very beautiful. We have always told her beauty comes from the inside but for a ten year old little girl, you still want to feel pretty on the outside. Pray that her self esteem will not suffer and that she will feel loved and accepted by all she comes into contact with, especially other children. Her little friends (Avery and Rebecca) were so sweet to her last night. They would take tape and help get loose hairs off of her shirt and just acted like it was no big deal! They blessed me so much!!! So pray for Ashley as it all comes out to just let Jesus shine that much more in her beautiful smile.
Right now we are home for a couple more days and will go back into the hospital on Tues. to start chemo. Start praying now that it will be better than the last round. Hopefully, she will handle it better this time. We are already praying for that. I will probably not update until then unless something changes so that we can just spend time with the kids. So thanks again to everyone for your support and mostly prayers.
In closing, I want to share something I read that Ashley had written in her devotional book. She wrote
"God's love is always with me. His love is always with me and in me. If I hang a banner that tells about God then someone who sees it could be saved."
How can we doubt that God will not receive Glory in all of this. We are so blessed!!!
P.S. Special thanks to all of my neighbors that I caught redhanded taking care of our lawn today. You have blessed us so much. I want you to know that God sees your servant heart and even though you have touched us so much, you have brought Glory to him. I Peter 4:10-11 "As each one has received a special gift, employ it in serving one another, as good stewards of the manifold grace of God. ......so that in all things God may be Glorified through Jesus Christ." You each are walking examples of Christ love. Thank you again and thanks to everyone. You are all so special and we truly appreciate your concern and prayers.
Donna
Wednesday, June 12, 2002 at 02:20 PM (CDT) Hello everyone,
Great news!!! We just came home from the hospital. Ashley's counts went from zero yesterday to a little over 600 today, a wonderful surprise to us all. Not only did we get to come home a few days earlier than expected but she can see her friends and doesn't have to wear her mask (she still cannot be around anyone sick, even a small cold). You can't believe how excited she is just to be able to play in her own room. We will go back on Friday to get her counts checked again and then we will be admitted back in the hospital next Tuesday for a few more days to start chemo again. However, we are just thankful for being home today. Pray the counts stay up and the fever doesn't return so we can enjoy the next few days as a family doing the normal stuff we so used to take for granted.
Thanks for checking on us. We know you've been praying!!!! We're so thankful for each and everyone of you!!!!
P.S. Special thanks to Carrie, Christy and Amy at St. Jude as well as all of the rest of the staff we have had this week at St. Jude. You are all angels!!!!!
God really does love us all so much and he really does care about every detail of our lives. I am so thankful for that! Have a great day.
Donna
Tuesday, June 11, 2002 at 09:49 AM (CDT) Good morning everyone,
First, let me thank everyone that has signed in and left us messages on the guest book. Ashley gets so excited and encouraged, as we all do, when she signs on and reads her messages. They truly lift our spirits and we know that we have an army of believers surrounding us in prayer and encouraging us in our faith.
Today's news:
We are still in the hospital and it looks like we'll be here another couple of days most likely. Ashley's counts have now dropped to zero. You know she has been praying that they would go up but when told the news she said "Look at the bright side mom, there is now only one way for them to go....up!" She is so positive even in the midst of all the medicine, IV's, etc, etc. I am so proud of her!!! She really is handling this better than we are.
We were told this morning that her platelet count has dropped to 11,000 and that means she will have to have a transfusion today. I have to admit I am a little nervous about this. They told us on the front end that this is not uncommon with cancer patients and that there is more risk involved with her not receiving the transfusion than it is with the transfusion itself. Yet, it still is scary when it is your child. Oh well, we will just pray this one through also. Floyd was really discouraged when I told him this morning about her counts and the needed transfusion. We were so hoping that she would be doing better and we could take her home today. So, pray for peace today. With every setback, God will move us two steps forward. I do believe that. He will receive Glory in all of this. We refuse to let anything steal our joy in the Lord.
Well I just wanted to update everyone and again thank you so much for your overwhelming love and support and mostly your prayers.
Donna
Monday, June 10, 2002 at 01:33 PM (CDT) Hello everyone, just a quick update:
Yesterday Ashley woke up with a temp of 100.3 A temp of 100.4 is considered fever and dangerous for cancer patients receiving chemo treatments, especially when their counts are low. We had been told that when her temp reaches 100.4 she is to be brought immediately to St. Jude. Within an hour we were at the 100.4 mark and on our way. They have admitted her to the hospital for a few days because they are trying to figure out what caused the fever and treating her with IV antibiotics to try and knock it out. When your counts are down (her's were at 100 yesterday, which without the cancer and chemo would normally be around 4,600) you are at an extremely high risk of infection. That is why she has been homebound without the priviledge of vistors. She is really being such a great sport about the hospital stay. Floyd spent the night with her at the hospital last night and she survived that so I guess she'll be okay, ha ha. He is such a great daddy! She feels good today and her counts rose to 200. Her fever started dropping late yesterday. We are so thankful! Everyday that she laughs and jokes around is like a dose of good medicine for mom and dad too. Thanks again for all the prayers. God's mercies are new everymorning.
P.S. Nurses Dori & Dawn on floor 2 at St. Jude, you are the greatest!!!!!
Donna
Saturday, June 08, 2002 at 07:57 PM (CDT)
Saturday, June 08, 2002 at 07:18 PM (CDT) Hi everyone,
My treatment is going to be long and hard but if we have faith we will get through it with God. I probably would not get through it alone. It gets scary when you hear the doctors tell you all these possibilities and use so many big words. But I know that if we have faith and we stand strong we will get through it. My mom always tells me when I get scared that God is bigger than cancer and that he will heal me. I want to thank everyone for the prayers! I know I will get better if we all pray!
Yours truly,
Ashley Garrett
Friday, June 07, 2002 at 03:02 PM (CDT) We just returned home from our appointment at St. Jude. Ashley's counts are still down so it looks like we are housebound for at least another couple of days. We have an appointment on Sunday to get her counts checked again. Hopefully we will be able to get out after that. We will have to wait and see.
Thanks to everyone who is checking the web page and signing in on the guestbook. It really lifts our spirits to read your messages. Since we cannot have vistors right now, it really is nice to be able to keep in touch through the web page. Have a great weekend and keep praying us through this. We feel your prayers and we appreciate each of you so much!!!! God is Good!!!!All the time!!!!
IF THIS IS YOUR FIRST TIME TO LOOK AT THE WEB PAGE, YOU CAN CLICK ON "LOOK AT PAST JOURNAL ENTRIES" FOR MORE INFO.
Friday, June 07, 2002 at 02:52 PM (CDT) We just returned home from our appointment at St. Jude. Ashley's counts are still down so it looks like she's housebound (with just her family) until at least Sunday. We have to go back on Sunday to get her counts checked again. Hopefully at that time she will be able to get out a little and maybe go to church on Sunday night. We just have to take it a day at a time and see. Boy, that is the hard part.
Thanks to everyone who has been checking the web page. It really lifts our spirits to read the guestbook. We will keep you posted. Have a great weekend. God is so faithful!!!!!!!
Wednesday, June 05, 2002 at 06:39 PM (CDT) First and foremost, thank you for checking in on Ashley. The past three weeks have been the most difficult weeks we have ever faced as a family. For those of you who do not know the sequence of events, they are as follows:
1. The week of May 12th we noticed a small bump on Ashley's left leg about an inch below the knee. Since she is so active in gymnastics and other activities we assumed the bump was just from a normal injury. However a few days later Floyd (Ashley's dad) noticed that there wasn't any brusing and that it wasn't any smaller and suggested that I may want to take her to her doctor and get it checked out. That was on Wed. May 15th. We went to church that night and two friends who are nurses looked at her leg and they also thought it should be checked. So the next morning we made an appointment with her pediatrician and within hours Ashley and I were at Baptist East having x-rays done. I have to honestly say that at this point I still did not know that it was serious. No one at the hospital told me anything. My pediatrician called me at the hospital and told me he wanted to send me to a orthopedic specialist right away. Ashley and I left the hospital still not knowing exactly what was wrong. We got the appointment for the next morning. In the meantime, Floyd went by the hospital and picked up the x-rays. With his pathology background in dental school, he was able to read the reports and knew that it was cancer. My sister's husband is a third year med student and actually worked the summer before and did research on this particular type of cancer (is that not a miracle in itself) and he also confirmed what my husband suspected. So that is how we found out. The next day we had our appointment with the orthopedic doctor (Dr. Mike Neel who we are so glad to have as our doctor, he is suppose to be one of the best) and within a hour or so we were at St. Jude. HER DIAGNOSIS IS OSTEOSARCOMA, A TYPE OF BONE CANCER. It felt so strange to be in that hospital and to be admitting your child as a patient. It just seemed like a bad dream. I have never been able to even watch the special fundraisers on tv without my heart breaking and all of a sudden you are being told that this will now be your home away from home. It still doesn't seem real. However, the staff and families there are so special. Her oncologist is Dr. Carlos Galindo and he has been wonderful with her and with us. We are so fortunate to have St. Jude treating Ashley. We would give everything we had for Ashley not to have to go through this, but we do know that God is faithful and he will walk the halls of St. Jude with us. We are asking him to show us what he wants us to do for others while we are there. So that is how we got to St Jude, now here is what we've been through in the past three weeks.
WEEK 1:
The first week was full of all kind of bone scans, MRI test, blood test etc.
OUR FIRST MIRACLE: THE CANCER IS NOT IN HER LUNGS (THIS IS USUALLY THE FIRST PLACE IT WILL SPREAD AND COMPLICATES TREATMENT) AND THEY DO NOT SEE IT IN ANY OTHER AREA OF HER BODY. PRAISE GOD FOR THIS!!!!!
WEEK 2:
This was our first week of chemo. Ashley was admitted as an inpatient for this. She had chemo on Tues, Wed and Thur. She did great on Tuesday but kind of went downhill from there. It took about four days after her last chemo to be able to hold anything down. Please pray that the next round will not be so hard for her. You feel so helpless when she is so sick and you can't do anything to help her. Prayer will be our answer all the way through this.
WEEK 3(current week):
We are now at home and this is the week that her counts (has to do with her blood cells and the effect of the chemo, I'm still learning) are dropping. We went in yesterday (Tues) and she is at 400 so she has been restricted to home and cannot have vistors or be exposed to any public places because she is at a higer risk of infection than someone without cancer. We go back to St. Jude on Friday to check her counts again. Hopefully, by the end of the week she will be able to get out a little.
What we have been told to expect:
* She will have chemo every third week for three days in a role.
*The week after chemo will be her "down" week and she will be homebound with no guest.
*The second week after chemo will be her "up" week and for the most part she will feel good and be able to do the things she wants (except for the things forbidden since she is in a leg brace and on crutches).
*The third week the chemo starts again and we go through the same pattern listed above.
We have been told that she will have chemo treatments until mid August and then if the chemo is working she will have surgery to take out the tumor and replace the bone that the tumor is on. THIS IS OUR URGENT PRAYER: THAT THE CHEMO WORKS AND SHRINKS THE TUMOR. We pray this everyday. PLEASE PRAY WITH US.
After surgery, she will still have chemo for another nine months. They want to make sure that they get every cancer cell out of her body (even though they cannot see them elsewhere, they said with this kind of cancer they have to be sure).
Ashley's spirit is good. She has been such an inspiration to us (it shouldn't be that way but she really has been encouraging us). She knows with all of her heart that we serve a big God who is touched with the feeling of our infirmities and she knows that she will be healed regardless if it is supernaturally by God healing her or through God using the doctor's hands and medicine. Please pray that her faith won't waiver. The next big hurdle for her will be losing her hair and we are trying to prepare her for that and ourselves. A friend cut it really short for her this past Sunday and she looks adorable. She will be adorable with or without hair because she is beautiful inside. So pray she feels this when her hair does fall out within the next few weeks.
I know I have covered a lot and I'm sure this is repetitive for many of you. I just wanted to feel those in who may not know the whole situation. From now on the journal entries will be shorter, so don't be scared to sign on. Smile.
Last but not least, We want to thank Wright Cox of Bank Tennessee for setting up this web page for us. We cannot say thanks enough. This will be a wonderful tool for us to use to let everyone know what is going on in our lives and will allow us to spend the time needed to care for her. Wright you are a God-send and we appreciate the time and effort you took in doing this for us so very much. Also, thank you to so many of you who have sent cards and gifts to Ashley (and Tyler too, the little brother in this who has been so terrific during this). We have been overwhelmed by your kindness. Thanks to my great neighbors who held a prayer meeting just for us. Wow, we were so touched and don't you know our heavenly Father was blessed. For our church family at Cathedral of Praise, especially Pastor Paul and Tiffany (our children's ministers) we are so appreciative of the way you are ministering to our little girl and our family. Last but not least, thanks to Karen Williams our liason from Central Day School for keeping our school friends up to date. We are so grateful. We can't begin to thank everyone the list would be so long. Please know that each of you have shown such a servant's heart and we truly feel your love and your prayers. They carry us every day. Please continue to pray. God has a special plan for Ashley and we know he will fulfill that. Jeremiah 29:11-13. We are standing on God's word, there is nothing else! May God bless you and keep each of you. Thank you so much and please pray each day that the chemo will work and that God will receive all the Glory. "gOD IS OUR REFUGE AND STRENGTH, A VERY PRESENT HELP IN TROUBLE" PSALMS 46:1
Floyd, Donna, Ashley and Tyler.
Friday, May 31, 2002 at 1:07PM(CDT) This page has been created to post information about Ashley. Please check back for future updates.
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