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Friday, December 28, 2007 11:08 PM CST

Hello Friends...

I just wanted to check in quickly to let you know that we had a VERY NICE CHRISTmas! YES, we miss Brent... but GOD has been SO GOOD to carry us through each day. I know that our LORD has used each of you in a mighty way as you've prayed for us and encouraged us along the way. I sometimes feel guilty for not checking in with you more often... you've been so good about checking in on us. I think I was dreading all of those holiday "firsts" so much that I'd kind of put myself in some sort of shell or something. We're down to less than a week and we'll have the last of those behind us. As I'm sure most of you know Brent's REAL (HEAVENLY) birthday was January 1, 2007. Since HEAVEN doesn't "know" time as we know it I kind of doubt that there's any recognition of these dates. Nonetheless, I'm sure we'll remember them for the rest of our lives. HOPEFULLY one day we will be at a place that we can actually celebrate Brent's homecoming. I KNOW that we would here... how much MORE should we now that's he's found EVERYTHING we've all longed for? We absolutely LONG for the family reunion that will NEVER end! AMEN????

Now, as for the little ones... Zach will have the blood and liver panel done next week. We're OBVIOUSLY praying for "NORMAL" lab results! NOTHING high or out of the way. I also asked that they do the urine testing again on both boys. (It's HMA and VMA) I'd probably ask that they both be scanned but Link won't let me. (Those "scans" increase your risks of developing cancer themselves) I suppose it's good to have at least ONE levelheaded person in the home??? HA!! Seriously though... we're ONLY doing blood and urine tests... nothing more. I'll go ahead and share what I've found on cancer.gov



Tests that examine many different body tissues and fluids are used to detect (find) and diagnose neuroblastoma.

The following tests and procedures may be used:

Physical exam and history: An exam of the body to check general signs of health, including checking for signs of disease, such as lumps or anything else that seems unusual. A history of the patient’s health habits and past illnesses and treatments will also be taken.

Twenty-four-hour urine test: A test in which urine is collected for 24 hours to measure the amounts of certain substances. An unusual (higher or lower than normal) amount of a substance can be a sign of disease in the organ or tissue that makes it. A higher than normal amount of the substances homovanillic acid (HMA) and vanillyl mandelic acid (VMA) may be a sign of neuroblastoma.

Blood chemistry studies: A procedure in which a blood sample is checked to measure the amounts of certain substances released into the blood by organs and tissues in the body. An unusual (higher or lower than normal) amount of a substance can be a sign of disease in the organ or tissue that makes it. A higher than normal amount of the hormones dopamine and norepinephrine may be a sign of neuroblastoma.

Cytogenetic analysis: A test in which cells in a sample of blood or bone marrow are viewed under a microscope to look for certain changes in the chromosomes.

Bone marrow aspiration and biopsy: The removal of a small piece of bone, bone marrow, and blood by inserting a needle into the hipbone or breastbone. A pathologist views both the bone and the bone marrow samples under a microscope to look for signs of cancer.

Biopsy: The removal of cells or tissues so they can be viewed under a microscope by a pathologist to check for signs of cancer.

X-ray: An x-ray is a type of energy beam that can go through the body and onto film, making a picture of areas inside the body.

CT scan (CAT scan): A procedure that makes a series of detailed pictures of areas inside the body, taken from different angles. The pictures are made by a computer linked to an x-ray machine. A dye may be injected into a vein or swallowed to help the organs or tissues show up more clearly. This procedure is also called computed tomography, computerized tomography, or computerized axial tomography.

Neurological exam: A series of questions and tests to check the brain, spinal cord, and nerve function. The exam checks a person’s mental status, coordination, and ability to walk normally, and how well the muscles, senses, and reflexes work. This may also be called a neuro exam or a neurologic exam.

Ultrasound exam: A procedure in which high-energy sound waves (ultrasound) are bounced off internal tissues or organs and make echoes. The echoes form a picture of body tissues called a sonogram.

Immunohistochemistry study: A procedure in which dyes or enzymes are added to a blood or bone marrow sample to test for certain antigens (proteins that stimulate the body's immune response).



I guess while we're being "educated" I'll go ahead and share the symptoms....


Possible signs of neuroblastoma include bone pain and a lump in the abdomen, neck, or chest.

The most common symptoms of neuroblastoma are caused by the tumor pressing on nearby tissues as it grows or by cancer spreading to the bone. These and other symptoms may be caused by neuroblastoma. Other conditions may cause the same symptoms. A doctor should be consulted if any of the following problems occur:

Lump in the abdomen, neck, or chest.
Bulging eyes.
Dark circles around the eyes ("black eyes").
Bone pain.
Swollen stomach and trouble breathing in infants.
Painless, bluish lumps under the skin in infants.
Weakness or paralysis (loss of ability to move a body part).


Less common signs of neuroblastoma include the following:

Fever.
Shortness of breath.
Feeling tired.
Easy bruising or bleeding.
Petechiae (flat, pinpoint spots under the skin caused by bleeding).
High blood pressure.
Severe watery diarrhea.
Jerky muscle movements.
Uncontrolled eye movement.
Swelling of the legs, ankles, feet, or scrotum


I also wanted to thank everyone that's left the kind messages in the guestbook and who've emailed me assuring me that I'm NOT crazy for asking for all of these tests. (LOL) I DO wonder sometimes if I'm walking a fine line... HA!! Seriously, you can't know how much your kind words mean. =-)

Okay... I'm going to sign off for now. I hope to do a more personal update soon. I've been trying so hard to keep myself busy (as not to THINK too much) that I've not really allowed myself much time to "play" online. I DO hope to update more frequently as we get through January. THANKS AGAIN for hanging with us!!!!

We love you,
Tonya

PS... for those of you who call or text me... I've lost my phone AGAIN! (TECHNICALLY, GABE lost it the last time... HEHEHEHE) O;-) If I've not found it by Monday, I guess I'll get a replacement. I would LOVE for those of you who've "swapped" phone numbers with me to resend them? I'll have NO WAY of finding some of you if you don't. (A good time for you to go into hiding eh??) HA!!

Friday, December 21, 2007 1:17 AM CST

HaPpY BiRtHdAy, GaBe!!! We LOVE YOU!!!!!!

Happy Birthday, Virginia... we love you too!!

(Gabe was born on his Aunt Ginia's birthday.. how COOL is that??) =-)


Hello Friends...

I've been meaning to update before now but honestly there's been so much going on that I've just not been able to. Last week Zach & Gabe BOTH tested POSITIVE for STREP! (YIKES!) Being the TREMENDOUSLY OVERPROTECTIVE mother that I am I asked that they do a blood panel that would show the boys LDH since we WERE already there. O:-) We have an AMAZING pediatrician (Dr. Ski) and of course they agreed! SOOOOOO... they called just a few days ago to tell us that Zach's LDH was "slightly elevated" and they want me to bring him back in about two weeks from now to repeat it. They're also planning to do a liver panel. (A "normal" LDH would be between 100-250....... Zach's was something like 379) Now you KNOW that we've done our share of panicking but we've put it in GOD'S hands. HOPEFULLY this has something to do with the strep. (Yes, we've done the "google" thing and are PRAYING that it's ANYTHING other than something bad) For those of you who don't remember... the "LDH" is one of the "tumor markers" that we WATCHED for over 2 years with Brent. Needless to say our FIRST response to the phone call was NOT good.

Last night Zach started complaining again about his throat hurting. I took him back to the doctor for a repeat on the strep test and PRAISE GOD it was NEGATIVE! NOW they're saying that his throat is sore from cold/sinus/gunk! I figured since I was there today I'd ask Dr. Ski if they'd do another test on the boys to rule out neuroblastoma. (Okay... HUMOR ME... the boys will PROBABLY be required by their psycho mama to do these random tests till they're like NINETY! HEHE) Again, Dr. Ski consented so the plan NOW is to do BOTH tests the first week of January.

NOW.. if you're up on your dates you know that we lost Brent the first week of January. It was January 2 to be exact! I'm sure we'll be "all over the place" that week.... so PLEASE remember us in your prayers!

On a happier note... Our sweet little Gabe turns 7 TODAY! (I'm up all hours of the night with him now because he's saying he doesn't feel good. UGH!! I DO hope it's nothing.. he wanted to have his cousin here for a sleep over. It's so hard to believe our baby is getting so big (and old!). He wasn't even 4 when Brent first got sick.... our poor babies... they've had to do so much "growing up" in such a short time. They miss their big brother like CRAZY! (We ALL do!!!)

I guess I'll try to wrap this up and see if I can get him to go to sleep. I'll end by asking you to remember the boys in prayer (ESPECIALLY Zach since we've already had one set of "iffy" numbers). Please pray for GOD'S JOY to abound during the holidays... these are MAJOR "firsts" without our precious Brent. Finally, I'm sure you've already heard by now... but the Beamons are facing the EXACT same road in their lives right now as we faced last year. They were told sweet little Maddie has only a couple of weeks to live. We remember all too well how heart wrenching this is... all of the emotions... EVERYTHING. We pray GOD'S PEACE, LOVE, MERCY & JOY to ABOUND in their lives as well.

THANK YOU ALL so much for checking in on us!
WE LOVE YOU!!!!
Tonya

Tuesday, December 11, 2007 7:01 PM CST

Hello Friends...

I'm sorry for being so long in updating... I've really been in a "slump" lately. It's so hard to face the holidays without Brent. EVERYTHING we've done this year was "a first" done without him. It doesn't help any KNOWING that this time last year we had just accepted that an earthly healing just wasn't GOD'S will. We didn't give up - knowing that GOD could ALWAYS step in and work a miracle, we'd just accepted that UNLESS HE did something really quick we were facing our last Christmas EVER with Brent. (I say "ever" because I don't think we'll "do" holidays in HEAVEN as there will be no time as we know it) Anyway... I've been doing EVERYTHING POSSIBLE to keep my mind busy. Sometimes I wonder if I'll drive myself mad by purposefully not allowing any time to rest. GOD has been our STRENGTH and I KNOW HE WILL continue to be. Oh, don't let me worry you... I'm sleeping... just staying busy when awake.

As for Link... well, I think he's in the same place I am. I can't and won't speak for him... he's more private and not so willing to put his feelings out there. Honestly, we've not talked a lot about how we're feeling. I know that as for myself I try to protect them. It seems that when I have a meltdown... everyone else does too. For that reason I try to hold it in for as long as possible and when I can't hold it in any longer I pour my heart out to GOD. I KNOW that some would argue that it's not healthy but it's how I'm dealing with it and it's the best way I know HOW. I'm just SO THANKFUL for our faith and the PROMISES of GOD. How anyone can deal with the loss of a child without JESUS is BEYOND me. I honestly CANNOT imagine it!

Oh... I'm sure that someone out there is thinking that the boys NEED to see us grieve and learn for themselves how to deal with it. I can ASSURE you that there are PLENTY of times that emotions CANNOT be held in and the little ones are right there offering their hugs and kisses. They miss their big brother terribly but understand that he's in a better place and that we'll see him again (HOPEFULLY SOON - PRAYING for JESUS' return! AMEN??) I would LOVE for them to see death as it is... the beginning of LIFE! The world will tell us that it's OVER.. as though we will NEVER see our loved one again. PRAISE GOD that just ISN'T SO! Because of what JESUS did on the cross we KNOW that eternity is REAL and that we WILL be together again FOREVER! I LOVE this passage that our friend Susan shared when we lost Brent.




Revelation 7:16-17 (New American Standard Bible)

16"They will hunger no longer, nor thirst anymore; nor will the sun beat down on them, nor any heat; 17for the Lamb in the center of the throne will be their shepherd, and will guide them to springs of the water of life; and God will wipe every tear from their eyes."


This is one of those beautiful promises concerning those who put their trust in JESUS. As much as we miss Brent, it's wonderful to know that he's not hungry or tired, he's not uncomfortable or hurting, and JESUS IS his "water of life." PRAISE GOD that HE will (or has) wipe(d) away every tear from our precious little man's eyes. As selfish as I am in wishing he were still here with us... I'd NEVER ask him to come back into this pain filled world. He's got the PRIZE! We've just got to wait until our GRANDEST "family reunion" EVER!

I guess you can see that I'm a bit "moody" tonight. I always hate updating with a heavy heart because I hate to think of bringing you down. However, this is part of our journey and we REALLY NEED your prayers right now. You've always been the most amazing source of love and support for us and we appreciate you more than we could ever say. THANKS SO MUCH for being there!

Until next time....

Love,
Tonya




Three Temptations
12/11/2007

Now when the tempter came to Him, he said, "If You are the Son of God, command that these stones become bread."
MATTHEW 4:3


"Jesus was tempted in every way that we are, yet He never sinned (Heb. 4:15). Jesus began His public ministry with His baptism. As John the Baptist raised Him from the water, Jesus heard His Father's affirmation, ""Well done!"" Immediately afterward, Jesus spent forty days fasting in the wilderness. There, Satan met Him and presented three temptations.

First, Satan enticed Jesus to use His divine power to transform stones into bread. It seemed like a logical thing to do. Jesus was hungry, but He had a much greater need to follow His Father's leading. The Father had led Him to fast; Satan sought to persuade Him to eat.

Next, Satan tried to convince Jesus to use Satan's means to accomplish the Father's ends. ""If You are the Son of God, throw Yourself down"" (Matt. 4:6). Jesus understood that this would be presumption, not faith. It would be attempting God's work in the world's way. The world looks for spectacular displays; God uses a holy life.

The final temptation Satan proposed for Jesus to achieve God's will was by worshiping Satan (Matt. 4:8-9). In return, Satan offered to give Him all the kingdoms of the world. By compromising, Jesus could gain a powerful ally, and achieve His mission without suffering the cross. Jesus knew that only God was to be worshiped and to do this would not bring instant success, as Satan promised, but devastating failure.

As you seek to follow God, temptations will inevitably come. Sometimes they will come to you immediately after a spiritual victory. Jesus relied on God's Word to see Him through the temptations that could have destroyed Him and thwarted God's plan. He has modeled the way for you to meet every temptation."





You can learn more about Dr. Blackaby, his writings, and his ministry at www.blackaby.org, or write:

Blackaby Ministries International
P.O. Box 16338
Atlanta, GA 30321

Wednesday, November 28, 2007 8:33 AM CST

Hello Friends!

I've been meaning to check in and do an update but for one reason, then the next it hasn't happened. I'm going to try to come back in the next day or two to do the "real" update.. but for now I wanted to share a neat way to raise money for your favorite organization without leaving the comfort of your home (or office). I may have told you already... I'm crazy and can't remember! At any rate.. it's a GREAT thing and worth telling again! It's called "igive." It's very simple really, all you do is click on this lovely little graphic and register!

Sunday, November 18, 2007 6:48 PM CST

Hello Friends!

I thought I'd start out with a slide show from this past week along with a little explanation behind the pics, then move on to the next fundraiser that I wanted to share with you.

First, I'll fill you in on the "road trip" that we took with Link. We went up as far as Kingdom City, Missouri then back down through Springfield, MO. We drove RIGHT PAST Branson, Mo but never stopped. Since we didn't do much sightseeing I won't have too much to share but I did get some neat shots as we traveled back and forth. You can't imagine the whining I did when I realized we were traveling RIGHT PAST our online friend (and Prayer Warrior) Susan Foster! I knew I didn't have her phone number with me and since we'd only be there a night there was just no way to find her. Link & I decided that I could post on Brent's site the same day and HOPE that she'd see it, but the hotel we stayed in had no internet. Wait, let me correct that... They DID say that they had "high speed" but it was so slow that my computer wouldn't make the connection. Then I had the bright idea of hooking the phone line to the computer, but again... NOTHING! (I'm using FREE AOL so since I wasn't a paying customer I couldn't use them for my connection) I suppose if I'd been "on my game" I might have realized that Kerry could've done the update for me requesting a call from Susan. However, I was so bummed about not having internet that it never crossed my mind. (See, I've told you guys that I'm REALLY dingy... I'm NOT pulling your leg... just ask anyone who REALLY knows me! HA!!!)

Back to the pictures... I took most of them as we were driving by. You will see that for some reasons I was really captivated by road signs. I think my family was actually HAPPY when I was taking pictures because at least for that amount of time I wasn't talking. HEHEHEHE!!

Now, the other pictures (the one starting with the big pile of leaves) were made at my sister's house today. I'm not going to give away what was happening, but it was A HOOT! I wish there was a way to put those in HIGH SPEED so it'd be as if you were watching in person. Either way, you'll get a big kick out of it. This is PURE, REDNECK FUN!! (If you'll notice there's a little piece of tissue in that big pile of leaves. Looks like evidence that someone had rolled their yard... but I won't comment on that)

SO.............. here's the slide.....

Now, about the next fundraising efforts to BLAST Neuroblastoma from the face of the earth.... Well, I'll just share the "flier" it speaks for itself.

Click cookie image above to order!!

The Band of Parents

(www.bandofparents.org), a non-profit foundation formed by parents of children suffering from a deadly
childhood cancer called Neuroblastoma, invites you to be a part of our holiday fundraiser and to give new hope to children fighting cancer.

This holiday, give freshly-baked cookies made using recipes from the recently published cookbook, Cookies, by acclaimed cookbook author Sally Sampson.

Our delicious handmade cookies will not only make the perfect holiday gift but nearly 100f the proceeds will directly support children’s cancer research at Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer. You will feel good knowing your generous gift was lovingly baked by hand using all natural ingredients, while your purchase helps to provide hope for children battling cancer. Cookies will be baked, packed with care, and promptly shipped to your entire gift list. A card explaining the significance of your generous gift will also be included.

Please share this unique opportunity to give with your friends, co-workers, and family. A gift that tastes as good as it feels to give…



Place Order: November 16th – December 15th

Go To: www.cookiesforkidscancer.org

Cookies: Citrus Shortbread • Chocolate Chip Oatmeal • Snickerdoodle

Cost: $30/dozen* (plus shipping charges)
*A portion of your purchase may be tax deductible. Please consult your tax advisor.

Give all the kids fighting Neuroblastoma today, and those who will be so unfairly chosen to fight tomorrow, the hope all children deserve.

What would you do if you were told your child had a cancer
for which there was no known cure?

Most parents cannot imagine such unspeakable despair. But we have heard those words, and are trying desperately to save our children. We want a cure for every child who is battling Neuroblastoma, a lethal childhood cancer of the sympathetic nervous system that affects approximately 650 children in the U.S. every year. Only about 30f those diagnosed survive it.



HIGH RISK TREATMENT

As of 2007, our children's only chance of survival is to undergo one of the most intense cancer treatments. The standard treatment for Neuroblastoma offers no guarantees and virtually all children who do survive have significant side effects, including sterility, heart problems, learning defects, hearing loss, and the high risk of secondary cancers caused by the treatment itself. Most children will undergo numerous rounds of high dose chemotherapy, complicated surgeries, intense radiation therapy, endless x-rays, and scans that expose them to levels known to be dangerous. Children will also be subjected to numerous drugs and medicines often not developed or even proven safe for children. The treatments are torture for children to undergo and emotionally devastating for parents to watch. Kids lose their hair and pink cheeks, become vulnerable to serious infections and viruses when chemotherapy destroys their immunity, and cry in pain during countless invasive procedures. And it is unbearable to know that 70f these children will still die in their anguished parents' arms, their bodies overcome by a ruthless killer and their eyes full of fear and confusion, not understanding why their loving parents and committed doctors could not make them better.



REALITY

Why is there no effective treatment for advanced Neuroblastoma? The answer is simple and devastating: There is not enough money for research. Yet, consider this: Since the 1950's the rate of kids surviving leukemia shot from 10o 80Similarly, the survival rates for other types of cancers like, Breast Cancer for example, have also improved significantly thanks to extensive research that uncovered innovative and less invasive treatment options. Children diagnosed with cancer are faced with a reprehensible lack of funding from the government—and a shameful lack of interest from the pharmaceutical giants, because orphan diseases like Neuroblastoma promise little or no profit. Unfortunately no profit leaves pharmaceutical companies with little to no incentive to develop treatments. Children diagnosed with Neuroblastoma deserve better odds of survival on par with most other cancers.



Cancer kills more children per year than cystic fibrosis, muscular dystrophy, asthma and AIDS combined. But pediatric cancers collectively receive less than 3f the National Cancer Institutes $4.7 billion dollar annual budget. For every dollar spent on a patient with breast cancer, less than 30 cents is spent on a child with cancer. Aren't children our most precious resource? How can you put a price on a child's life?



BOUND BY HOPE

The institution is working on several pioneering treatments including a humanized version of the 3F8 antibody, used exclusively at MSKCC. The mouse-based 3F8 antibody attaches to Neuroblastoma cells and kills them. The antibody, developed by MSKCC's Dr. Cheung, also trains a child's immune system to attack and kill Neuroblastoma. Since first used in 1987, 3F8 treatment has greatly improved survival without lasting side effects. The mouse-based antibody’s primary drawback is that it can be rejected by the child’s own immune system (HAMA). It is believed a humanized version would alleviate this issue and make it more effective for a greater number of patients. The cost to develop this treatment is estimated to be just $2 – 3 million, a small sum by today’s standards.



HOW YOU CAN HELP


Lack of money bars the way, and time is running out for many of these kids. Today hope lies with private institutions, generous donors, and dedicated researchers, who have made it their mission to discover safer, more effective treatments and a cure.

We as the parents of children diagnosed with this relentless cancer are reaching out in hopes that you will help. Won’t you please support the research so urgently needed to give all the kids fighting Neuroblastoma today, and those who will be so unfairly chosen to fight tomorrow, the hope all children deserve?




Alrighty, My Friends... I've kept you long enough. Thanks SO MUCH for stopping by to check on us - more than anything, we THANK YOU for your PRAYERS!!

Love,
Tonya (Link, Zach & Gabe)






Thursday, November 15, 2007 10:02 PM CST

Hello Friends!

I'm checking in to tell you a little about an organization that we're really trying to get behind and help raise much needed money and awareness! It's called "Lunch for Life." You probably guessed it... it's a group that's raising money for Neuroblastoma research. One of the doctors that this group helps fund is actually one that works with St. Jude. Okay, don't take that as "the gospel" because I confuse easily and make LOTS of mistakes. (Daily, hourly, even from minute to minute... HEHEHE!)

I threw in that "disclaimer" because I don't want to fib to anyone. However, Link and I BOTH recognized one of the names from their site as one that we've heard about from St. Jude. Do you remember when they'd check Brent's bone marrow in search of tumor cells? Well, they'd send the samples to a doctor in California. I can offer my opinion as to why, or even try to tell you what they told us. At any rate, there are LOTS of people out there working HARD to END this horrible disease and for obvious reasons we're OUT TO GET Neuroblastoma! Yes, we were and forever will be THANKFUL for all that St. Jude did but people from EVERYWHERE support them. I'm talking about money going DIRECTLY TO Neuroblastoma research, not divided between all the others. YES, every single one of the others deserve research... but those didn't cripple and take the life of my son.

I said all of that to say that I want to share a letter that I send out to many of my friends. I didn't send it to everyone because I don't want to put people "on the spot" or make them feel obligated to support something just because we are. If I post it here and you are led to help out, then GREAT! If not, well, there's absolutely NO pressure. I'm really excited because... well, you can read the letter!



https://lunchforlife.org/cookbook_secure.aspx

Hello Everyone!

I wanted to take a minute of your time to tell you about a really neat cookbook that will be out in December. I received an email from this organization about a month or so ago stating that they wanted all "Lunch for Life" families to contribute their favorite recipe along with a picture of their child. I quickly sent in one of my favorite pictures of Brent. As for the recipe, well, I KNEW IMMEDIATELY that I HAD to share the one for Brent's FAVORITE - Sweet Potato Bread! ALL PROFITS will go to Neuroblastoma research. We've been a part of this non-profit group for over a year now. It is made up of many other families just like ours. Some are still fighting for their children... others have already gone on to Heaven. After all that our sweet Brent went through, we are COMPLETELY PASSIONATE about helping fund research to FIGHT this relentless disease. (Don't get me started on the lack of money that our government will spend on research for childhood cancer or that people HAPPILY send MILLIONS out of our country to fight AIDS - NEVER MIND that CANCER is the #1 killer of children) Let me share some FACTS:

Childhood cancer is the leading cause of death by disease in the US and it kills more children per year than cystic fibrosis, muscular dystrophy, asthma and AIDS combined. There are 15 children diagnosed with cancer for every one child diagnosed with pediatric AIDS. Yet, the U.S. invests approximately $595,000 for research per victim of pediatric AIDS and only $20,000 for each victim of childhood cancer.



Back to the cookbook....
The TOTAL cost is 23.90 (that's with tax and shipping already figured in) And remember, unless something has changed there will be a VERY HANDSOME little man featured somewhere in that book who would've been TICKLED BEYOND WORDS to have his face in print! (You know how much he LOVED being "famous")



Take care...
We love you,
Tonya

PS... Please feel free to "copy and paste" this letter and send it to everyone that you think might be interested in joining the fight. Another quick fact on Neuroblastoma taken from the Lunch for Life site:

Neuroblastoma is the most common cancer found in infants and the most common extra-cranial solid tumor found in children. There is very little known about why neuroblastoma occurs, or about what factors increase the risk for occurrence. There is no known cure.
Every 16 hours a child with neuroblastoma dies.




Okay, so that was the letter. Again, I don't mean to put a "guilt trip" on anyone... I just thought that the cookbook would be a really neat way to help raise money and would also serve as a keepsake/reminder of our sweet Brent. You can click on the cookbook below or the one above the update. They will both take you to the site.

I'll try to check in again in the next day or two. I have another charity that's fighting Neuroblastoma that we're working with. They're doing a really neat cookie sale to raise money. The proceeds will go to Memorial Sloan Kettering in New York. From what I hear, they've got an antibody that MIGHT help as many as HALF of the children that chemo is no longer helping. It's really sad that the cure might just boil down to MONEY. UGH!! You can visit them at bandofparents.org


Until next time....
Love,
Tonya

Tuesday, November 13, 2007 6:42 AM CST

Hello Friends....

This will be another short update but I wanted to share the cards that our sweet boys made for me. Yesterday was my birthday - I turned 29 - AGAIN! (Ha!!!!) Seriously, I'm 34 now. I updated late last night on my blog so if you've been there you'll have heard part of this already. You see, the boys made it as special as possible. I was so blessed when they each brought me their homemade birthday cards yesterday morning. (They stayed up after I went to bed the night before and made them so it would be a surprise) It was a nice birthday... but it was another "first" without Brent. (Everything is) I also couldn't help but remember that this was the day that we went "in patient" with Brent and never came out again. UGH... We MISS HIM SO MUCH!!!

Okay... In keeping this short, and in effort to avoid a meltdown this morning I'm going to sign off leaving you with copies of my birthday cards.


This is the outside of the one that Zach made me..... It says, "To Mom: From: Zach"



The inside reads.... "I love you and Jesus loves you"



The outside of Gabe's.......



The inside of Gabe's (not as much effort, but still special)




Thanks SO MUCH for checking in on us and for the birthday wishes! You guys are the best!

We love you!!!
Tonya

Thursday, November 8, 2007 3:49 PM CST

Steadfast in Your Resolve
11/8/2007

"Now it came to pass, when the time had come for Him to be received up,
that He steadfastly set His face to go to Jerusalem."
LUKE 9:51


"It is easy to become distracted in the Christian life! The moment you understand what God wants you to do, it will seem as though everyone around you requires your time and attention! When the time came for Jesus to go to the cross, He ""set His face"" toward Jerusalem, so that nothing would prevent Him from accomplishing His Father's will. So obvious was His resolve to go to Jerusalem that the Samaritans, who hated the Jews, rejected Him because they recognized that He was a Jew traveling through their village to the hated city of Jerusalem.

Jesus determined not to digress from His mission, but He took time to minister to many people along His way. He sent out seventy disciples into the surrounding towns (Luke 10:1). He healed lepers (Luke 17:11-19). He cured a man of dropsy (Luke 14:1-4). He brought salvation to the home of Zaccheus (Luke 19:1-10). He continued to teach His disciples (Luke 15:1-32). Jesus did not refuse to minister to others as He went to Calvary, but ultimately He refused to be deterred from His Father's will.

If you know what God wants you to do, set your sights resolutely toward that goal with full determination to accomplish it (Prov. 4:25). Your resolve to go where God is leading ought to be evident to those around you. Beware of becoming so sidetracked by the opportunities around you that you lose sight of God's ultimate goal for you. Do not succumb to the temptation to delay your obedience or to discard it altogether. Once you have received a clear assignment from God, your response should be unwavering obedience."






You can learn more about Dr. Blackaby, his writings, and his ministry at www.blackaby.org, or write:

Blackaby Ministries International
P.O. Box 16338
Atlanta, GA 30321





Hello Friends,

I thought I'd do something different and START with the devotion instead of ending with it. I don't get too caught up with "devotions" because I've learned that GOD'S WORD (alone) can speak in TREMENDOUS ways to my heart when I read it. Sometimes devotions are EXACTLY what I need, and others... well, sometimes I just may not agree with what's being taught. I thought this devotion was great because it encourages us to "keep on keeping on" when we KNOW what GOD'S will is for our lives. Sometimes HIS will is hard. It's NOT always "an easy word." However, GOD'S WILL IS ALWAYS BEST! We've had some people to tell us that it's NOT GOD'S will for this or that... well, all I can say is that we BELIEVE GOD'S WORD, WE STOOD ON GOD'S WORD, and Brent spent his last days "CLAIMING HIS HEALING." He DID GET his healing, but it was NOT in the way we had prayed for. I'm not sure if I shared with you about my Ephesians 3:20 passage. That was our LIFE VERSE! (HE is ABLE to DO IMMEASURABLY MORE than ALL we can ASK OR IMAGINE) Is that verse true?? ABSOLUTELY! I became almost sarcastic when I'd hear someone use this verse after Brent got his Heavenly healing. After all, we LITERALLY BREATHED this passage! Then, at the "Deeper Still" conference in Nashville, TN, GOD showed me a new truth about that passage. HE DID give Brent a HEALING that was IMMEASURABLY MORE than ALL we asked for imagined. Were we happy about it?? Well, yes and no. Yes, because we watched him suffer and were ready for him to be HEALED, no matter what that meant. Yes, because we watched as GOD prepared his heart to go HOME. YES, because we KNOW that Brent is in a place that is SO MUCH BETTER than anything we can even imagine here. YES, because we KNOW that we WILL see him again! Obviously we were NOT happy that we lost our precious boy. We will wake up every day and know that he is gone. We will know that until we see him again in Heaven we won't get anymore of his hugs, kisses, or sweet smiles. We won't get to hear him say that he loves us. I won't get to hear him call my name from across the room. As much as all of this hurts, we REJOICE in knowing that he is with his LORD - that he was READY TO GO HOME, and that if given the opportunity he would NEVER COME BACK. We can say with PEACE as King David that though we cannot bring him back... we WILL go to him!

2 Samuel 12:22-23
22He said, "While the child was still alive, I fasted and wept; for I said, 'Who knows, the LORD may be gracious to me, that the child may live.' 23"But now he has died; why should I fast? Can I bring him back again? I will go to him, but he will not return to me."



Oh, how my HEART REJOICES that we have JESUS! We don't have to worry about whether or not we will see him again. What a PRECIOUS PROMISE we have from our LORD....



2 Corinthians 5:5-8 (New American Standard Bible)

5Now He who prepared us for this very purpose is God, Who gave to us the Spirit as a pledge. 6Therefore, being always of good courage, and knowing that while we are at home in the body we are absent from the Lord-- 7for we walk by faith, not by sight-- 8we are of good courage, I say, and prefer rather to be absent from the body and to be at home with the Lord.



It is my prayer that each of you have also trusted JESUS as YOUR LORD & SAVIOR! I've heard people give all sorts of excuses but what it boils down to is that without HIM we are LOST. Without HIM we have no PEACE THAT PASSES UNDERSTANDING. Without HIM we have NO HOPE of any "tomorrows" EVER again. I LOVE my LORD because of WHO HE IS, but also for what HE has done. I can HONESTLY say that we COULD NOT make it through one single moment of this without HIM. HE RESTORES our JOY! HE IS OUR HOPE! Okay.. I go on for HOURS "singing HIS praises!"

On another note... GOD has blessed me with a new friend. Her name is Daphne and she has been such a blessing. She's taken on my sister Kerry and me and has started teaching us to sew. Now, if you REALLY KNOW how DINGY we are you realize what she has taken on. (HA!!!!!!!!) I'm going to try to snap some pictures during our next lesson. We're making baby blankets. (Can't wait to show you the pics of those!) This lady has patience of... WELL, I can't think of anything to compare it to... HA!!! Let's just say she's got her hands FULL!



Thank you SO MUCH for checking in on us! We love and appreciate you more than you will ever know. Have a BLESSED weekend!

Love,
Tonya

Wednesday, November 7, 2007 9:07 AM CST

I have a PRAISE update! Aunt Bibby & Uncle Jason (Link's sister Elizabeth and her hubby) got the WONDERFUL news that they have been APPROVED to go into adoption! Now, we just wait on GOD to send the baby/babies that HE already has in mind for them. Please join us in praying that this will go quickly and they will soon have their new bundle of joy! (Of course we want GOD'S will.. but if it IS HIS will... we want that baby NOW! This comes from a very anxious auntie! HEHEHE...)

Thanks SO MUCH FOR YOUR PRAYERS!!

Tonya



AAAWWWWWW, MAN! After I openly admit to being impatient, I go and read today's devotion. HA!! Too funny! (It's about waiting on GOD'S timing) I LOVE it when GOD shows me I'm wrong in humorous ways. Nothing funny about the devotion, just that I'm amused how quickly he "popped my hand."




Tempted by Shortcuts
11/7/2007

Then Abishai said to David, "God has delivered your enemy into your hand this day. Now therefore, please, let me strike him at once with the spear, right to the earth;and I will not have to strike him a second time!"
1 SAMUEL 26:8


"You will sometimes be tempted to take shortcuts to your destinations in life. David faced this temptation numerous times before he finally assumed the throne. Samuel, God's prophet, had anointed David and prophesied that he would be the next king of Israel (I Sam. 16:12-13). Yet, while David waited on God's timing, he watched in frustration as a crazed King Saul brought the kingdom into jeopardy. Saul pursued David to murder him, forcing David to flee for his life.

Then an incredible opportunity presented itself to David. David found Saul in a vulnerable position, sleeping with his army. Abishai, one of David's warriors, offered to kill Saul. It seemed to make perfect sense. Saul had tried to kill David on numerous occasions. God had said He intended for David to be the king. By taking matters into his own hands, David could bring an end to his exile and assume the throne as God's anointed servant. Yet he refused to compromise his integrity in order to become king, even though he wanted the position and it was rightfully his. Accomplishing God's will in any manner other than the way God prescribed was unthinkable.

At times you may face similar temptations. Well-meaning friends advise you to hasten God's will for you rather than waiting upon Him. You may be sorely tempted to take control of your situation, assuming the end will justify the means. These are the times when you must trust God's perfect timing. God may plan for you to attain a certain position or take a new direction, but the timing may not be right. Watch over your heart. Don't allow others to persuade you to compromise your integrity as you follow God's will."






You can learn more about Dr. Blackaby, his writings, and his ministry at www.blackaby.org, or write:

Blackaby Ministries International
P.O. Box 16338
Atlanta, GA 30321









Monday, Nov 5, 2007 7:12 PM CST


Psalm 90:14
14 Satisfy us each morning with your unfailing love,
so we may sing for joy to the end of our lives.


Hello Friends...

Does this verse not remind you a beautiful brown-eyed, little man? There is no way that anyone could ever be HAPPY about losing a child, but we SURE ARE BLESSED with the way his days ended. Singing for joy to the end of his life. (Psalm 90:17) I knew when I read this that I just had to share it with you! The rest of this passage ends like this....


Psalm 90:15-17
15 Give us gladness in proportion to our former misery!
Replace the evil years with good.
16 Let us, your servants, see you work again;
let our children see your glory.
17 And may the Lord our God show us HIS approval
and make our efforts successful.
Yes, make our efforts successful!


I've thought about several things that I'd like to share with you, but there's something that I posted on my blog last night that I think is much more interesting. (Something that a friend shared with us) For those of you who've visited me there and have already read the illustration of the corn kernel I apologize for the repeat. For everyone else... I know it'll bless you! It sure changed the way that I thought of death. (At least made me think of it in a more positive light) Okay... here goes............



1 Corinthians 15:35-43

The Resurrection Body

35 But someone may ask, “How will the dead be raised? What kind of bodies will they have?” 36 What a foolish question! When you put a seed into the ground, it doesn’t grow into a plant unless it dies first. 37 And what you put in the ground is not the plant that will grow, but only a bare seed of wheat or whatever you are planting. 38 Then God gives it the new body he wants it to have. A different plant grows from each kind of seed. 39 Similarly there are different kinds of flesh—one kind for humans, another for animals, another for birds, and another for fish.
40 There are also bodies in the heavens and bodies on the earth. The glory of the heavenly bodies is different from the glory of the earthly bodies. 41 The sun has one kind of glory, while the moon and stars each have another kind. And even the stars differ from each other in their glory.

42 It is the same way with the resurrection of the dead. Our earthly bodies are planted in the ground when we die, but they will be raised to live forever. 43 Our bodies are buried in brokenness, but they will be raised in glory. They are buried in weakness, but they will be raised in strength.



A friend of ours recently made the most beautiful illustration of death during our group Bible study last week. He's a crop consultant and has much experience with planting "seeds" and the "fruit" they produce.

He shared the passage above (that death brings LIFE) and he told some facts of the corn seed. See, When you plant a kernel of corn it dies. HOWEVER, in it's death a TREMENDOUS CHANGE HAPPENS! (WHEW.. NOW THIS gets me EXCITED!) The tiny little kernel of corn blooms into a stalk. From that ONE stalk you get 1 to 3 ears of corn. From those ears of corn you get 500-1,500 kernels. When using this illustration to make the comparison between our earthly bodies and our heavenly bodies, the difference between the two is TREMENDOUS! (And nothing we can imagine here even comes close to how GRAND & GLORIOUS it is in HEAVEN)

Our bodies are born into a sin stained world. They are only given to serve as "tents." We can STILL look forward to receiving our glorified bodies! Brent's weary, broken, and weak body will be raised in GLORY AND IN STRENGTH! Until then, we can rest in the promise that Brent IS IN THE PRESENCE of the LORD!


2 Corinthians 5:1-8

Assurance of the Resurrection

1 For we know that if our earthly house, this tent, is destroyed, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens. 2 For in this we groan, earnestly desiring to be clothed with our habitation which is from heaven, 3 if indeed, having been clothed, we shall not be found naked. 4 For we who are in this tent groan, being burdened, not because we want to be unclothed, but further clothed, that mortality may be swallowed up by life. 5 Now He who has prepared us for this very thing is God, who also has given us the Spirit as a guarantee.
6 So we are always confident, knowing that while we are at home in the body we are absent from the Lord. 7 For we walk by faith, not by sight. 8 We are confident, yes, well pleased rather to be absent from the body and to be present with the Lord.

We PRAISE GOD for HIS SON JESUS Who lived a sinless life so that HE could pay for ours. We PRAISE HIM that HE'S a RISEN SAVIOR - EVER LIVING to intercede for our sins! Because of CHRIST we're assured in the HOPE that we will be in Heaven with our LORD and with our loved ones who've gone on before us.

I guess it's easy to see why I was so blessed when our friend shared the parallel of the kernel of corn and the NEW LIFE it has once it dies! Our sweet Brent is experiencing JOY unimaginable. As much as we miss him, how can we not be happy for him? How can anyone EVER have peace in joyful times, much less in those of sorrow if they don't have CHRIST?




Well, my Friends, I guess I'm going to wrap it up. Thanks SO MUCH for visiting with us and for your prayers.


We love you,
Tonya





Wisdom Justified
11/5/2007

But wisdom is justified by all her children.
LUKE 7:35


"The world is full of ""experts."" There are people everywhere who want to convince you of the wisdom of their opinion. Yet God says that it is not the one who declares his viewpoint the most loudly or vociferously who is the wisest, but the one who is vindicated over time.

Wisdom is not proven by argument or debate. Wisdom is proven over time. Some people adamantly proclaim that their opinion is best. Regardless of how convincingly these people defend their viewpoint, time is the best judge of their wisdom. The result of a practice proves its validity, not how loudly it is promoted.

When you seek to obey what God has told you, you will sometimes meet resistance and criticism from others who disagree with the wisdom of your actions. Your immediate response may be the urge to vindicate yourself. However, if you wait patiently, time will reveal the wisdom of your actions far better than you could through argument.

Through the ages, the wisdom found in God's Word has been tested and proven true. It is critical that you measure everything you hear against the Scriptures. Trends in psychology and philosophy come and go, but God's Word is timeless. Whenever you share an opinion in counseling someone else, make sure that it comes from the Scripture and not merely from your best thinking. As long as you base your life choices on the Word of God, time will be your defender and will validate the wisdom of your choices. If, over time, you clearly see you are wrong, ask God's forgiveness and seek a fresh word from God through the Scripture. Then obey that word and watch to see God confirm His wisdom in your life."






You can learn more about Dr. Blackaby, his writings, and his ministry at www.blackaby.org, or write:

Blackaby Ministries International
P.O. Box 16338
Atlanta, GA 30321

Friday, November, 2 2007 10:14 AM CDT

Morning Friends!

I wanted to check in quickly to share an email that I've received SEVERAL times now and has REALLY disturbed me! After looking into it for myself and finding that many Christian groups are also concerned, I wanted to share what's started all the buzz and encourage you to join with us in taking a stand AGAINST this movie.


I'll share part of an email that I got from onemillionmoms.com



"The Golden Compass is a film from New Line Cinema based on the first book of a series, His Dark Materials, written by English atheist Philip Pullman. It is set to release December 7 in theaters nationwide. From watching the trailer, it's easy to see that the film has a C. S. Lewis/Narnia feel to it, but don't be deceived.

Pullman's book trilogy is the story of "a battle against the church and a fight to overthrow God," BBC News reported. The Guardian, a British newspaper, goes even further to describe the books as "metaphysical fantasies encompassing parallel worlds, the death of God and the fall of man ...."

"I don't know whether there's a God or not. Nobody does, no matter what they say," Pullman said in an interview posted on his website.

"One of the [book] series' main themes -- the rejection of organized religion and in particular the abuse of power within the Catholic Church -- is to be watered down," according to the Telegraph, a newspaper in the U.K. "But when the film is released in December the Magisterium will be shown as a critique of all dogmatic organizations, thereby avoiding a religious backlash."

Therefore, without yet seeing the film, OneMillionMoms.com and OneMillionDads.com is alerting Christians to the potential dangers of The Golden Compass. Because of Pullman's clearly articulated anti-Christian motives, we are warning all movie-goers to avoid the film."


Another article I found was taken straight from Wikipedia I'd also like to share a portion of it with you. You can click on the link to read more about it.




[edit] Controversies
Several key themes of the novels, the rejection of organized religion and the abuse of power in a fictionalized Catholic Church, are to be diluted in the adaptation. Director Weitz said "in the books the Magisterium is a version of the Catholic Church gone wildly astray from its roots" but that the organization portrayed in his film would not directly match that of Pullman's books. In an attempt to avoid a religious backlash, the Magisterium will instead be a critique of all dogmatic organizations.[30] Weitz said that New Line Cinema had feared the story's anti-religious themes would make the film financially unviable in the US, and so religion and God will not be referenced directly. Attempting to reassure fans of the novels, Weitz said that religion would instead appear in euphemistic terms, yet the decision has been attacked by some fans,[31] anti-censorship groups, and the National Secular Society (of which Pullman is an honorary associate), which said " they are taking the heart out of it, losing the point of it, castrating it",[32] "this is part of a long-term problem over freedom of speech." The changes from the novel have been present since Tom Stoppard's rejected version of the script,[23] and Pullman himself believes the film will be "faithful."[30]

As part of a two-month protest campaign, the Catholic League has called for a boycott of the film. They believe that while the religious elements of the film will be "watered down" from the source novels, it will still encourage children to read the series, which League president William A. Donohue says "denigrates Christianity" and promotes "atheism for kids",[4][33] citing author Pullman as saying that he is "trying to undermine the basis of Christian belief."[34] It is the League's hope that "the film [will fail] to meet box office expectations and that [Pullman's] books attract few buyers."[35]

Director Weitz says that he believes His Dark Materials is "not an atheistic work, but a highly spiritual and reverent piece of writing",[31] and Nicole Kidman, a Catholic, has defended her decision to star in the film, saying that "the Catholic Church is part of my essence. I wouldn't be able to do this film if I thought it were at all anti-Catholic".[24]

Some commentators have indicated they believe both sides' criticism will prove ultimately "impotent" and that the negative publicity will prove a boon for the film's box office,[36][37] while other evangelical groups, such as The Christian Film and Television Commission, are adopting a "wait-and-see" approach to the film before deciding upon any action



I know that some people will be defensive and argue that it's "okay" to watch this movie. Some will say about the books... "Well, if it encourages them to read..... " HHEEELLLOOOOOO... What does GOD'S WORD tell us about such things??


1 Thessalonians 5:22 (New International Version)
22Avoid every kind of evil.

Besides... what's wrong with then reading Christian Literature??? Okay.. I'll get off my soapbox. I just get SO IRRITATED with people who are just "bent" on bringing down Christianity. You know.. that in itself should be enough to PROVE that everything we believe about JESUS REALLY HAPPENED. I mean, this has been the MOST persecuted religion since... well, since the beginning! People don't seem to be as offended with other beliefs. I don't get it.. I really don't. Christianity is about LOVE. It's about FORGIVENESS. It's about HOPE. It's a LOVE STORY that NEVER, EVER ENDS! Oh, I'm supposed to be getting OFF that box now wasn't I?

Alrighty, My Friends, I guess I'm going to sign off for a bit. Oh, I'm sure you noticed that I did finally add the slide show? I took the boys outside a week or so ago and snapped some pictures. (I've been wanting some updated ones... their looks change so quickly) As you can see I have to make about 100 silly ones to get 10 good ones. We were pleased with the end results.


Have a BLESSED WEEKEND!
Love,
Tonya




Have You Done What You Know to Do?
11/1/2007

"Therefore, to him who knows to do good
and does not do it, to him it is sin."
JAMES 4:17

"It is never a minor thing to know God's will and not do it. God calls this sin. We can make excuses for our lack of obedience: ""I'm just not ready yet"" or ""I'll do it later!"" or ""I don't think it will make a difference"" or ""I can't afford to!"" We rationalize, we procrastinate; yet, in God's eyes, rationalization and procrastination are nothing more than disobedience. At times we deceive ourselves into thinking that good intentions equal obedient actions. They do not. A good intention without corresponding activity is disobedience. When we encounter God and He gives us a direction, it is not enough to write down the date in our spiritual journal, or even to tell our friends and church of our ""decision."" God's call is not to ""make a decision"" but to obey! Deciding to obey is not equal to obeying! (Matt. 21:28-31). Loudly affirming the necessity of obedience is not the same as obeying (Luke 6:46). Making commitments, even publicly, is not the same as obeying our Lord. Substituting our own good works is not the same as obeying.

God told King Saul to wait until the prophet Samuel arrived. Instead of waiting, Saul took matters into his own hands and offered a sacrifice. Saul discovered, to his deep dismay, that other acts of supposed piety do not take the place of obeying a clear command from God (1 Sam. 15:22). As with Saul, God expects you to obey everything exactly as He tells you. Only obedience satisfies God's desire for obedience!"






You can learn more about Dr. Blackaby, his writings, and his ministry at www.blackaby.org, or write:

Blackaby Ministries International
P.O. Box 16338
Atlanta, GA 30321





Wednesday, October 31, 2007 10:57 AM CDT


Hello Friends...

I'm still trying to get in the routine of updating more often. There is so much I want to share and am planning on coming back soon and doing lots of rambling. I also still have more pictures to share. For now, there's something really exciting I wanted to share as a prayer request but first I need to answer some questions. I noticed that a few of you asked what "pond seining" is. I apologize for not having explained that. Sometimes I assume that just because I speak fluent REDneck everyone else does! (HAAHAHA! Just kidding) So.. let me try to explain... First, I'll share what I found in the dictionary..... then I'll tell you how WE did it.

Main Entry: 2seine
Function: verb
Inflected Form(s): seined ; sein·ing
intransitive senses
: to fish with or catch fish with a seine
transitive senses : to fish for or in with a seine


Okay.. so my sister's husband's parents have a REALLY LARGE POND behind their home. They were told that for proper balance, you should "sein" the pond every few years. What you do is drain a lot of the water, then you WALK this really large net from one side of the pond to the other. It takes SEVERAL MEN to do this. It was a VERY COOL morning and the water was COLD! Yet, our men-folk and children went right in! We've got so many FUNNY pictures and I just can't wait to share them! (The ladies of the group pretty much watched and rooted them on from a distance - HA!! How's THAT for standing by your man???)
I will try to get those pictures from my sister and post them soon. She's given me TWO CD's and I've not been able to use either. Keep checking back... I PROMISE, if nothing else you'll get a good chuckle out of them!

Now, as for the good news.. I'd have told you sooner but I didn't have permission to share and didn't want to ask for it. It seems that most everyone around her knows now anyway, so I asked and permission was granted! I'm sure you've heard of us talk about "Aunt Bibby?" She's Link's younger sister. Her "real name" is Elizabeth. I think the girls started calling her Aunt Bibby a long time ago and it stuck. ANYWAY.... she and her husband Jason are adopting a baby! They are in the final stages of approval (or whatever the proper terminology is). We are TERRIBLY EXCITED for them and I'd like to ask you to pray that this final stretch of the process will go by VERY QUICKLY and that GOD will send them their baby (or babies - should it be twins). Yes, I'm JUMPING FOR JOY over the idea of having a NEW BABY in the family! (I keep saying, "babies" because I told Elizabeth if she got twins that I'd swap with her every other night... kinda, "One for YOU, one for ME" thing.) I would just LOVE to have/or adopt another baby but as I told you before Link's not so much sold on the idea. Oh well.. GOD'S WILL and HIS timing.. RIGHT??? As for the new baby/babies... we CANNOT WAIT to get them here! Believe me, you will be among the FIRST to know when we get the good news!

There is always so much more to share but I'm really pressed for time today. We've got to finish up school and then there's our Bible study tonight. Oh.... I did want to tell you that I've finally made the "leap" and started a blog. I do feel that I have more freedom to talk about pretty much ANYTHING on a different site. Brent thought so much of this one, and of those of you who were always out there encouraging us. I really want to keep this one about him and our family. So.. if you're bored out of your mind (he he) and want to visit me there you can find me at nason5.blogspot.com. The name of the blog is "Safe In His Arms." I've posted about 4 times... just playing around until I felt a little more "comfortable" there. As always... it's my heart's desire to bring HONOR AND GLORY to our LORD & SAVIOR, JESUS CHRIST.

You may also visit one of my best friends, Susan on hers. As you probably already know... Susan is Jordan's mom. Her blog address is susan2956.blogspot.com. The name of her blog is "Forever His." This lady will challenge you in your walk for SURE!

One other friend that is blogging (a lady who also lost her son to cancer) is the Amazing Jacob's mom Heather. You can find her at faithfulfroggers.blogspot.com Heather's blog name is the same as the site address. "Faithful Froggers"

Thanks SO MUCH for visiting with us and for sharing your time! I hope to be back in just a bit to post pictures of the boys that I made the other day. Have a BLESSED Wednesday! (And every other day)


We love you,
Tonya - for Link, Zach & Gabe - always LOVING, MISSING AND REMEMBERING BRENT!





Wednesday, October 31, 2007
A Defeated Enemy
Having disarmed principalities and powers, He made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them in it. (Colossians 2:15)
Christians are not called to defeat Satan. God has already done that in Christ! Nor is it our mandate to “bind” Satan. Jesus has already set limits on the extent and duration of Satan’s freedom. Satan, “our ancient foe,” was decisively and completely defeated by Christ’s sacrifice on the cross and in His resurrection. With regard to Satan, our assignment is to trust in the victory that Christ already achieved and daily resist him with the truth of his defeat, as Jesus did.

Satan is the father of lies and a master deceiver_(John 8:44). If he can convince you that God has not defeated him, then you will not experience Jesus’ victory. You will find yourself fighting battles that Christ has already won! You will fear Satan though he has already been utterly and humiliatingly defeated. Your responsibility is to resist Satan, and he will flee from you (James 4:7). When you resist him, you are acknowledging that Jesus_has defeated him and given you victory over his influence. God has provided you with spiritual armor that is_more than sufficient to withstand any assault by Satan (Eph. 6:10–20).

Christians can become preoccupied with battling Satan. This deceives them to invest their time and energy attempting to do something that Christ has already done for them. If Satan can divert you to wage a warfare that has already ended in surrender, he will have eliminated your effectiveness where God wants you. Fearing Satan is fearing a prisoner of war. You have no need or calling to defeat Satan, you need only to apply Christ’s victory in every area of your life and to live the victorious Christian life. As you go about sharing the gospel message with others, Satan and his forces face the reality of their defeat in each life that is claimed by the kingdom of God (Luke 10:17–20).

Sunday, October 21, 2007 3:38 PM CT

Hello Friends...

I thought I'd check in quickly to tell you about the new "slide." I know that I said I'd have pictures up from the pond seining but the CD that I got from sister wouldn't work so I still don't have the pictures. I thought I'd go ahead and share a few pictures from the past week. The first on the slide are from the scrimmage between two of our flag football teams. One of course is Zach's team. (The red team) These were made the day/night that we took four of his buddies out for pizza and had a sleep over. The next pictures are of a little "hideout" that the boys made on our front porch. Finally, the last on the slide are from last night. If you read the last update you probably noticed that I purposefully avoided saying that we'd been rolling yards. Let me ASSURE you all that we NEVER, EVER roll anyone's yard that would be mad about it. As I've said before, we're "hillbillies" and have all sorts of weird ways to "show love" to each other. It's just good CLEAN redneck FUN! As you can see... we started the fun this year and payback was DUE! HA!!!

Alrighty... I'll share more later and hope to have the next round of pictures up soon. Thanks SO MUCH for checking in!


We love you,
Tonya




Bringing People to Jesus
10/21/2007

He first found his own brother Simon, and said to him, "We have found the Messiah" (which is translated, the Christ).
JOHN 1:41

"People become known for many things. Noah is known as a righteous man in an evil age. David is known as the man after God's own heart. Peter is known as the outspoken disciple. John is known as the disciple whom Jesus loved. Judas is known as the betrayer. Paul is known as a fearless proclaimer of the gospel. Andrew is known for bringing others to Jesus.

The first person Andrew brought to Jesus was his brother Peter. As soon as Peter joined the disciples, he became the spokesperson for the Twelve, while Andrew remained in the background. It was Peter, not Andrew, who rose to prominence as one of Jesus' inner circle of three. We do not read of Andrew resenting Peter; it seems he was satisfied to bring others to Jesus and leave the results to Him.

It is not surprising that Andrew found the boy with the loaves and fishes and brought him to Jesus (John 6:8-9). Andrew brought Greeks to Jesus, even though they were despised by pious Jews (John 12:20-22). There is no record of Andrew ever preaching a sermon, performing a miracle, or writing a book of Scripture. He is remembered for those whom he brought to Jesus.

Andrew is a good role model for us. Our job is not to transform people into Christians nor to convict them of their sin. It is not our responsibility to make people do what they ought to do. Our task is to bring them to Jesus, and He will perform His divine work in their lives."



You can learn more about Dr. Blackaby, his writings, and his ministry at www.blackaby.org, or write:

Blackaby Ministries International
P.O. Box 16338
Atlanta, GA 30321















Thursday, Oct 18, 2007 3:42 PM CT

Hello Friends!

Believe it or not I actually typed another LONG update earlier this week. (Monday, I think) Just as I was about to press the "update" button I got the nasty, dreaded message. For my fellow AOL family you may be familiar with this terrible little pop up... it said, "We're sorry, AOL has encountered a problem and needs to close." NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Oh YES! I LOST EVERYTHING! I know that some of you have suggested that I use one of those "word" programs to type the updates.. well, I'm using Brent's laptop nowadays and it doesn't have it. SOOO I run the risk of losing everything each time I update by email. I think I've learned a lesson though. I'm going to start emailing the update to myself as I go so that if there is a problem I WON'T lose everything! Yes, I know... emailing myself sounds a little silly, but it may help me retain what little sanity I have left! HA!!!!!!!

Now, to fill you in on our weekend. Oh, before I forget I wanted to thank each of you who wished Zach a "happy birthday" on his big day. (Thanks for signing the guestbook, the ecards, cards, and packages too) You guys were so sweet to think of him... THANK YOU!

Okay... so in the last update (the one I lost) I was telling you about our weekend. It was VERY BUSY but also a lot of fun. Zach had a scrimmage game on Friday with his team and so did a few of his friends. We decided to take 4 of them out for pizza then brought them home with us for a sleep over. I would tell you what we did later that night but I might incriminate myself so I won't. (Hehehe) Don't worry... it wasn't anything illegal. (We're rednecks ya know... it's October... you can probably figure it out)

So... early Saturday morning we met up at my Sister's with our friends from church (our little "home church") and had ourselves a good ole fashioned pond seining. We have some really funny pictures from the day but I'll have to wait to get them from my sister. HOPEFULLY I'll have them up in a day or two. One of the pictures was made just after Zach DOVE IN after a HUGE CATFISH... it was A 10 POUNDER!!! It was a HOOT! All of the kids had the best time. They were COVERED with MUD within MINUTES of arriving! Yes, these little people of ours are a MESS! (No pun intended... hehe)

At the end of the day most everyone from our group went to see Casting Crowns in Tupelo. Now, as most of you know this was Brent's FAVORITE GROUP of ALL TIME! We were just NOT ready to listen to their music yet. Needless to say we crashed here at home and "sat out" for that one. I doubt Zach & Gabe could've actually stayed AWAKE anyway. (Gabe had slept over with my cousin's little boy so he was WIPED OUT TOO)

Of course, Sunday was Zach's actual birthday so after church we had all of our immediate family over for a birthday party. I didn't get any pictures from it because all of the little people were running all over the place. Needless to say, Zach had a GREAT birthday! It really worked out well for him because we ended up "partying" all weekend.

As I've mentioned in the past couple of updates Brent's birthday has been quickly approaching. I suggested in the update below that anyone who wanted could make donations to Vermont Children's Hospital in Memory of Brent. I forgot that when I was working on the "link" to their site that the first page wouldn't work so I ended up having to go through another. If you click on the link you'll first be taken to the site that tells a little about Penelope & Sam and how the fund started. Then somewhere towards the bottom of that page you'll see the "Penelope & Sam Fund" link that will take you to the page that will THEN take you where donations can be made. It sounds a lot more complicated than it really is. If anyone would like to make a donation and would prefer to send it the old fashioned way (US mail) you can mail it to....

Vermont Children's Hospital -FAHC
Giselle Sholler, MD
Smith 559
111 Colchester Ave
Burlington VT 05401

Again, ANY donations made to this account will go to Neuroblastoma research. As much as we LOVE St. Jude... our heart is with finding a CURE for this TERRIBLE disease! Yes, St. Jude is also looking for a cure... but they LITERALLY have people from AROUND THE WORLD supporting them. The WONDERFUL folks from Vermont gladly took us in when everyone else was ready to give up. (Again, I'm NOT knocking St. Jude.. just saying that we felt as though they gave Brent another chance at LIFE!) I honestly can't say enough good about this hospital. As I mentioned below... you can join us in celebrating Brent's life just by showing GOD'S LOVE to those around you. Our PRECIOUS little man LOVED to BLESS others! If you've got the time look back through our "journal history" and see if there are any pictures from Brent's "Make-A-Wish" shopping trip. He bought THREE of almost EVERYTHING so that his brother's would have the same toys! He couldn't go to town without wanting to buy something for someone. I can't even count the times that he wanted to make cookies or bread or some sort of treat to take to his doctors and nurses. Yes, our Sweet Brent was FILLED with LOVE for PEOPLE and he LOVED to make them HAPPY! Kindness is FREE! That's something we can do daily - even if it's just a smile as you pass someone who's not looking so happy! (Yeah, some people will look at you like you're crazy.. but I've learned that smiles really ARE contagious!)

HHHMMMMM... I know there was probably so much more that I wanted to share but was lost in the other update. Lucky for YOU I don't remember. HA!!!

I did want to leave you today with prayer requests for two very special little ladies. Both are newborns and have been in a LITERAL BATTLE for their LIVES! The first is Hutton Johnson. I'm sure you remember our friends Jill & Cooper? They flew down to join us last year for "Brent Nason Day" here in Mathiston. Well, David & Jill have been told from the beginning that Hutton wouldn't make it. GOD has CONTINOUSLY shown HIMSELF through this little gal! You will fall in love with this family IMMEDIATELY! If you've got a moment drop in and leave them a kind word... you could never know unless you've "been there" how much those words can mean!

The second little princess is Emmy Hollowell She's a cousin to our beloved Nurse Joni. I don't know this family personally but if you've been with us any length of time you KNOW how CRAZY Brent was about Joni! Little Emmy was born somewhere around 2 months EARLY! She's ADORABLE too! Again, if you've got a minute drop in and leave them an encouraging word.

Finally, and on a different note... Susan Amato, one of my VERY BESTEST friends (that's my BEST first grade lingo) has started blogging! (Susan is Jordan's Mom) I can't tell you how much I've gleaned from this lady. She's been a spiritual GIANT to me as well as a GREAT source of COMFORT during the past two years. You too will be blessed beyond words by getting to know her. You can find her by going to susan2956.blogspot.com You WILL BE BLESSED!

I want to end today by sharing something that an online friend shared in the guestbook. Her name is also Susan and I hope she doesn't mind my sharing this with you. See, Susan and her son drove down from MO just days before Brent passed away. I had forgotten most of what was said for obvious reasons... but as soon as I read this it all started to come back to me. During Brent's last days here on earth he had MANY talks with his LORD. He just couldn't help but to PRAISE GOD with almost every breath. (You KNOW I've just GOT to share a scripture here with you don't you?)


Luke 19:40 NIV
"I tell you," HE replied, "if they keep quiet, the stones will cry out."



Yes, I think if Brent HAD kept quiet the walls around him would've SCREAMED of GOD'S glory! I'll move on to what Susan shared in just a minute... I just can't get past this without telling you that many times Brent would say, "LORD, Your Word doesn't even TELL how BEAUTIFUL YOU ARE!" It STILL brings chills all over me to think of him actually IN CONVERSATION with the LORD and hearing him say that!

Now, I want to copy and paste here what our friend Susan said about Brent and how he changed her life!

"Brent has been on my mind so much lately. I only met him once right after Christmas but he made such an impact on me and my son. The presence in the room was so strong! He taught me to be thankful for what the Lord has given me and whenever problems start to make me feel like whining I remember what he said while we were there, "I wanna thank You Lord for everything you have given me." Those were the most powerful words I have ever heard given his condition at the time. If he could be thankful for what he was given in that condition then I have no reason to ever belly ache over silly stuff in my life. Thanks again for allowing me to meet him and for sharing his story with all of us out here. I hope others who come here have been just as amazed by your beautiful sweet boy as we were."


Susan Foster met Brent only once... yet hearing Brent PRAISE GOD for all HE'D given him - even when he was so weak he couldn't raise his own arms off the bed... well, that kind of stuff is just LIFE CHANGING! Thank You SO MUCH, Susan, for sharing this precious moment with us!! I do hope that you didn't mind my sharing your story. I thought this was an AWESOME way to celebrate Brent and the MANY ways God used him to bless us!


Okay friends... I've kept you long enough. Thank you SOOO MUCH for your friendship, your words of encouragement, your love and your PRAYERS! You will NEVER KNOW how GOD has used YOU to bless us!


We love you,
Tonya - for Link, Zach & Gabe


Oh MY! I've JUST read the devotion that I was about to share with you. Guys, I'm SOBBING! If you've got an extra minute to stay PLEASE read this!






Seeing with Your Eyes
10/18/2007

"I have heard of You by the hearing of the ear,
But now my eye sees You."
JOB 42:5

"In his time, Job was the most righteous person on earth. He was so godly that the Lord took pleasure in pointing him out to Satan (job 1:8). Yet, despite his love for God and his diligent obedience to His commands, even Job had not fully come to know God. The blessings God had given to Job had not revealed everything about God's character. There were characteristics that Job would come to realize only through adversity. So the Lord allowed Satan to test Job through suffering.

Although Job lost everything he had, even his seven children, Job discovered that God was still with him. Though he faced the most difficult and bewildering tribulations imaginable, Job came to understand that God was infinitely wiser than he (job 42:1-4). As Job endured the insensitivity of his friends, he learned that God is the only One who is absolutely trustworthy. Job learned much about God through his anguish. Finally, he confessed that at first he had only heard about God, but now, through his suffering, he had come to see God (job 42:5).

When you are in the midst of your trials, your Lord will reveal His character to you in ways you never knew. You will experience His strong and comforting presence. Like Job, you will learn that your Lord will remain, even when everyone else abandons you. You will see God more clearly as He takes you through the dark times. Then you will experience God in ways you had previously only heard about from others."



You can learn more about Dr. Blackaby, his writings, and his ministry at www.blackaby.org, or write:

Blackaby Ministries International
P.O. Box 16338
Atlanta, GA 30321
















Friday, October 12 - 5:46 AM


I'm back with the code... For those of you who missed the new update it's just below. In the update I suggested something we could do together to "celebrate" Brent's birthday. It's explained in detail below. If you'd like to make a donation to Vermont Children's Hospital, for Neuroblastoma Research you can click on "The Penelope & Sam Fund" graphic above. On the site you will see (in small print) that there's a place to email a lady if you're doing the donation "in memory of." So, if anyone does want to donate - don't forget to follow those directions. Oh, the site also has a place to fill out WHERE the money is specified to go. It MUST go to the "Penelope & Sam" fund in order to help Neuroblastoma research! As most of you know, Vermont was our last hope of an "earthly healing" for Brent. (Outside of GOD working a miracle of course!) They gladly accepted us and were some of the MOST AMAZING people to work with!


Okay, I'll sign off now... I hope you all have an awesome weekend!

Love,
Tonya





Thursday, October 11, 2007 9:29 PM CDT

Happy Belated Birthday to Addison!! She turned 12 on - October 4


HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO.....

Jordan Amato - he turns 22 on October 12

Our sweet Zach turns 10 on - October 14

Alexis Hebb (will be 16) and Michael Hebb (will be 11) they are also on - October 14 (They are daughter and son of our online friend/sister Kate Hebb)

Dana Huffman & Meredith Woodard - October 14 (You've heard me speak of these gals FOREVER!) They are just precious to our family! As you may already know, they are twins!

Of course our sweet Brent's birthday will be October 28 - he would've been 12 years old

Hello Friends!

LOOOONNNNGGGGG time no talk, eh? Perhaps I should start saying that I'll "see you next month" instead of telling you how I'd like to update more often. Maybe THEN I'd actually get it accomplished? Hehe... I do apologize for the LONG time in-between updates. I've missed "talking" to you and have thought of YOU (my internet family) many times every day. I've just not sat still long enough to update. Oh well, maybe ONE day I'll do better!

Now, to fill you in on what we've been doing. The boys are still playing flag football with our home-school league. They've had the best time! I keep intending to carry my camera over and get some pics of all those little guys but I keep forgetting. I think sometimes my brain is actually SHRINKING! I can't seem to remember anything!

I would like to wish a few people a "Happy Birthday" before I ramble too much. I'll start with Addison. She turned 12 on October 4. (Yes, this is a belated wish) Addison is Link's sister, Virginia's daughter. Addison has ALWAYS looked like Brent's twin! It'll be bittersweet watching her grow and celebrate each new year. Addison and Brent were only 24 days apart. I do hate that I've missed wishing her a happy birthday from here... this has just been a really hard month for me.

Next, of course will be Zach's birthday. He will be 10 on the 14th. It's been so hard trying to even think about these birthdays when I'm so painfully aware that Brent's is coming up. We've celebrated Brent's and Zach's birthday TOGETHER since the very beginning. I never could stand to give one child a gift and not the other so Brent was the only child who ever got to have his OWN party... and that was ONLY until Zach turned ONE! From then on they were TOGETHER!! This will be the first birthday party I've ever planned for Zach without also planning for Brent. UUGGGHHH! It really stinks! I'm praying so hard for the grace to get through this month, and the next, and the next, and the NEXT! I'm thinking if I can keep my sanity till the middle of January things will FINALLY start to smooth out. It's so hard to believe that it's almost been a year now. It was 9 months on the 2nd of this month. I don't know how I managed to figure this out... but I just realized a few minutes ago that Brent was conceived in January 95, born in October 95, then was born into Heaven in January 07. I thought that was pretty neat - but it made me cry a little. I'm SO PROUD of the boy that Brent was! I can only imagine the "little man" that he is now!

I've been racking my brain trying to think of some POSITIVE way to celebrate Brent's birthday. After considering all the AMAZING people who've blessed us, and trying to think the way that Brent would've, I think we finally have a plan. As you all know... St. Jude was Brent's FAVORITE place on earth! However, the support for St. Jude is OVERWHELMING! There is ALWAYS someone (some retailer or group of individuals) handing out toys or blankets or something to the children there. With that said, we're asking for anyone who would like to, to send a gift to Vermont Children's Hospital. We know that smaller hospitals don't have the support of those known world wide and we can't think of one we'd rather honor on Brent's birthday. I know that Gabe made MANY trips down to the "gift closet" while we were there. Yes, the WHOLE MEDICAL TEAM in Vermont was AMAZING!!

Now, please don't think I'm asking you to do something you don't want to do. If you're not interested in sending a gift or making a monetary donation you can still join us in CELEBRATING Brent's life! Brent was ALL ABOUT doing things to make people happy!!! That's something we can do for FREE and it's something we should do at least once EVERY day! You know, it doesn't take much to be a blessing to someone. We can hold the door open for the next person as we're entering or leaving a building. We might go and visit someone who's lonely or shut in. ANYTHING that you know that would bless someone! Now, we're doing this in celebrating Brent... but let's do it in the MIGHTY NAME OF JESUS because if it weren't for HIS LOVE - we'd not know how to love at all.

For those of you who might like to support Vermont Children's Hospital now or in the future you can find them online by clicking a link that I hope to have posted soon. Whatever you decide to do (if you do anything) please remember to hold your loved ones a little tighter.. kiss and hug your babies A LOT more often.. slow down and REALLY LISTEN to the endless chatter of your children. TELL THEM YOU LOVE THEM OFTEN!! I pray that you NEVER, EVER have to walk in our shoes.. but if you do.. those are the things you'll miss MOST!

There is SO MUCH MORE I want to share with you. Unfortunately I've used SO MUCH of your time already. I will update ASAP with the link to Vermont Children's Cancer Center. It's under the Penelope & Sam Fund for Neuroblastoma Research, (Yes, I REALLY do plan to update QUICKLY with this info) Now, if you're up for sending a gift you can mail it to....

Vermont Children's Hospital -FAHC
Giselle Sholler, MD
Smith 559
111 Colchester Ave
Burlington VT 05401

Thank You SOOO MUCH for your time, prayers and support!! You will never know how much you mean to us!

We love you,
Tonya - for Link, Zach & Gabe





Spiritual Preparation
10/11/2007

And while they went to buy, the bridegroom came, and those who were ready went in with him to the wedding; and the door was shut.
MATTHEW 25:10


"There is no substitute for spiritual preparation. Spiritual preparation equips you for unforeseen crises or opportunities. However, if you are unprepared you will be vulnerable in life's unexpected events.

Jesus told a parable that teaches this truth. Ten virgins were awaiting the arrival of the bridegroom so that they could celebrate with him and his bride. Five of them prepared in advance and brought an adequate supply of oil for their lamps. The other five were not prepared, so they rushed out to buy additional lamp oil. While they were gone, the bridegroom arrived. The five who had planned ahead entered into the house with him, but the door was closed against the five who were not ready, and they missed the celebration.

If you are spiritually prepared when a crisis comes, you will not have to try to develop instantly the quality of relationship with Christ that can sustain you. If you suddenly have an opportunity to share your faith with an unbeliever, you will be equipped to do so. If you enter a time of worship spiritually prepared, you will not miss an encounter with God. If you are spiritually filled when you meet a person in sorrow, you will have much to offer. If you have established safeguards in your life in advance, you will not give in to temptation.

Christians lose many opportunities to experience God's activity because they have not devoted enough time to their relationship with God. If you have not yet developed the habit of daily prayer and Bible study, why not begin now, so that you will be equipped for whatever life brings?"




You can learn more about Dr. Blackaby, his writings, and his ministry at www.blackaby.org, or write:

Blackaby Ministries International
P.O. Box 16338
Atlanta, GA 30321

Thursday, October 11, 2007 8:07 PM CDT

Okay... I'm working on an update and was trying to see if a code that I'm trying to make was going work and now I can't get it off! UGH!! If you're seeing the code just ignore it.. hopefully I'll have the new update up soon. Maybe, just maybe the code I'm working on will work too! HA!!!



Monday, September 24, 2007 12:23 AM CDT
Hello Friends!

I know that I say it weekly, but it's so hard to believe that a week has passed between each of these updates. Time is FLYING like CRAZY these days! Yes, that's a very VERY GOOD THING! (I just made a typo and typed "GOD thing" kinda appropriate don't ya think?) I suppose part of the update would be to tell you what's keeping us so busy???

Okay.. so the boys are BOTH playing flag football with our home-school group. I had NO IDEA there were so many families choosing to educate their children this way in our area. I'm going to take some pictures soon of one of their practices and share them with you. It's AWESOME! They practice on Monday and Thursday in Starkville. (That's about a 30 min drive from home) Then of course we're meeting with friends for "church" on Wednesday nights. Basically, we're RUNNING about HALF of the week. (I know... Who isn't, RIGHT?)

That leads to another thing I've been wanting to "fess up" about. I felt led to start an online Bible study that lasted through all of about 11 chapters in the book of John. I want to apologize for the inconsistency. I had the BEST intentions but honestly, I bit off more than I could chew. We usually start each morning with prayer and Bible study, then it's on to school, stopping for lunch, school again then we're off to clean the house and tend to other chores. We have just a LITTLE free time then we're doing ball stuff two nights out of the week, so we have to get dressed and leave to do that. It seems like it's ALWAYS SOMETHING. I don't mean to complain because I'm VERY THANKFUL that we've got so much to keep us busy. It SURE does help with the grieving. That's NOT to say that we miss Brent any less... OF COURSE WE DON'T!!! It just seems that on those days that we have little to do - we have A LOT more time to THINK! Missing Brent is natural - but thinking too much can open doors that lead to regret and bashing ourselves for things we could've/should've/might've/WOULD'VE done differently. Okay... I'm sure you get my point. I guess I shared all of that to explain and to again apologize for leaving those of you who were doing this study with me... "hanging." I felt honored that GOD allowed those who sought HIM to do so though me. I felt as though I failed HIM AND YOU! With that said, I'm seeking HIS will in how and what HE'D have me do about it. We're doing TWO different studies with our small group. I've debated on sharing one or both of those with you instead of trying to add the book of John to the ones I'm already doing in my own quiet time.


I've also been reading a book that a friend of mine gave me. It was so funny... she said, "I'm NOT trying to tell you anything by giving you this book... it's just a really good book!" Oh how I WISH I could share it with ALL of my "Sisters" EVERYWHERE! It's one of those that's a little "painful" to read (because it's so convicting) but it's COMPLETELY BASED on THE WORD! It's called "Created To Be His Help Meet" by Debi Pearl. You can order it online (from their site) nogreaterjoy.org They also have books on child rearing and other books on marriage. Oh.. I forgot to tell you that didn't I? The book I'm all excited about is one on GOD'S way to a "glorious" marriage. It's only $12! They also have one called "To Train UP A Child." Again, EVERYTHING I've read so far has been ONE HUNDRED PERCENT based on SCRIPTURE! I'll share a portion of what I've read in the next update... the one from today is going to be lengthy enough without anything "extra." SERIOUSLY, if you're a reader and you're seeking GOD'S WILL for you in your marriage (even if it's a bad marriage) you will LOVE this book! Just remember to pray and have an open mind/heart when you read it. It may be a little painful (my toes are still hurting - from being "stepped on") but it's GREAT to have someone help direct you in God's will. There's a passage from the Bible that's VERY FITTING here....


Titus 2:3-5 (New Living Translation)

3 Similarly, teach the older women to live in a way that honors God. They must not slander others or be heavy drinkers.[a] Instead, they should teach others what is good. 4 These older women must train the younger women to love their husbands and their children, 5 to live wisely and be pure, to work in their homes,[b] to do good, and to be submissive to their husbands. Then they will not bring shame on the word of God.

Did you see that?? We might be bringing SHAME on the WORD of GOD by how we live as Christian women!! Now, THAT'S SCARY!!!!!!!

Anyway... This whole book is about "older woman" teaching the younger how GOD expects us to conduct ourselves and how we should tend to our home. Okay... I'll get off my soapbox... I tend to ramble when I get excited about something!

I suppose now would be a good time for me to wrap this up?? Oh, wait... In mentioning the Bible study above I forgot to mention something else that's been on my mind. My friend Susan (Jordan's Mom) is thinking about starting a blog. (Before I say anymore... Please remember Jordan as he has scans next month at St. Jude) Jacob Duckworth's mom also has one. I won't try to speak for Heather (Jacob's Mom) but I think we might be thinking along the same lines. I want to honor Brent by keeping up his site. At least for a while... but I sometimes feel limited by what I say here. I wonder if someone is being critical of what I say, or don't say. I know for the most part we've had the MOST AMAZING PRAYER WARRIORS EVER! However, I've had at least TWO VERY NEGATIVE, very HURTFUL responses in the past. Now, out of all the "hits" this site has received... I suppose that two bad eggs shouldn't knock me down. I just don't want anyone to EVER doubt that we're missing Brent like crazy, even when I don't say so. There is only so much I can come here and say without repeating myself over and over. That's why I've entertained the idea of also doing a separate blog for our family. I would NEVER, EVER, EVER purposefully dishonor my precious boy. I need you to understand that I'm different than some parents in the way I update since losing Brent. Many share memories and even pictures of their "heavenly healed" children. That's A WONDERFUL thing to do. However, It's VERY PAINFUL for me to look through old pictures and to relive some of those memories. Right now.. we're just focusing on the healing of our hearts. Yes, we talk about Brent amongst ourselves and we DO MISS HIM with ALL of our hearts. I guess I'm just asking you to pray that I can make the right decision. I feel like you guys are my family and I don't want to cut the ties with you. I suppose I'm wondering if I had something separate I wouldn't feel as guilty about sharing things God has shown me or anything else I choose to ramble about without taking away from Brent. Am I making any sense?

Well, if I don't end this update here this very well may be one the LONGEST updates in the history of "blogging." Thanks SO MUCH for caring... and ESPECIALLY for your prayers!

I'll share a quick prayer request with you on my way out.. Next month holds Brent's and Zach's birthday. We want Zach to feel extra special on his day (October 14) but the idea of the whole birthday thing kinda makes me... well, sick. I CANNOT imagine October 28 rolling around and not having our PRECIOUS Brent here to celebrate. I personally don't want to ignore his birthday, but I don't know how to handle it either. It's probably going to be a very hard day. Please pray for extra strength as we will attempt to face birthdays along with holidays without our little man.


We love you all so much....
Tonya

Friday, September 14, 2007 9:55 AM CDT

Hello Friends...

I apologize for not checking in yesterday, about the time we came in and unloaded Walmart stuff the heavy rain set in. For those of you who don't know... we live in the COUNTRY! HA!!! Seriously though... any heavy rain knocks out our satellite AND computers! Okay... since I'm "joking around" I'm sure you've guessed by now that our news yesterday was GREAT! Not only does my mom NOT have cancer, she doesn't need hip replacement either! for the show of HIS MIGHTY HAND! The doc told her that she has Transient Osteoporosis of the Hip! (Believe it or not.. this is GREAT NEWS! Then again... almost ANYTHING is great compared to cancer, RIGHT?) I'll copy and paste some info here so you'll know what it is.



Who's at risk?

Women in the late stages of pregnancy (after the sixth month)

Middle-aged men (between 40 and 70 years old)



Signs and symptoms

Sudden onset of pain, typically in the front of the thigh, the side of the hip, the buttocks or the groin.

No previous accident or injury to the joint that would trigger pain.

Limited motion; pain intensifies with turning movements.

Pain intensifies with weight bearing and may lessen with rest.

Pain gradually increases over a period of weeks or month and may be so intense that it is disabling.

A change in gait as the patient tries to protect the joint and ease the pain.



Diagnosis

A diagnosis of transient osteoporosis of the hip is usually made by eliminating other possible causes of hip pain, such as a muscle injury or stress fracture. Your doctor will ask you whether you can remember any injury to the joint. You may also be asked to do certain range-of-motion tests to replicate the pain. Because X-rays may not show bone loss until the condition is well-advanced, your physician may request an MRI (magnetic resonance image) or bone scan to confirm the diagnosis. If you are pregnant, your physician may elect to delay any imaging studies until the last stages of your pregnancy, or even until after the delivery.

As yet, there is no clear explanation for what causes this condition. Although it is most common in the hip joint, multiple joints may be affected.



Treatment

This condition generally resolves by itself over 6 to 12 months. Treatment focuses on preventing any damage while bones are weakened by osteoporosis. If you are pregnant, this condition increases your risk of a hip fracture.

Your physician may prescribe a mild pain reliever.

Using crutches, a cane, or other walking aids will help relieve the stress of weight bearing on the joint.

To help maintain strength and flexibility in the muscles, your physician may also recommend a series of flexibility and range-of-motion exercises that you can do as the pain subsides. Aquatic exercises may be helpful not only because they ease movement, but also because they relieve weight bearing.


Obviously, my mom doesn't fall under the "typical range" of people who are at risk. However, the MRI and her having ALL of the symptoms made the diagnosis QUICK AND EASY! I say that... the doctor she saw before told her she had SEVERE arthritis AND a bone spur. THIS doc (that she saw yesterday) said she has "mild" arthritis and almost laughed at the idea of a bone spur. It just goes to show that you KNOW something is wrong and you're not feeling so sure about the diagnosis you receive from your doctor... a SECOND opinion is ALWAYS BEST! I'm probably CRAZY to the point that I think EVERYONE should have an MRI if they're got consistent "unexplained" pain. REMEMBER, Brent's back pain could be EASILY explained away by roughhousing. PRAISE GOD for the "mother's intuition" that led me to press for the MRI that IMMEDIATELY revealed a tumor! I'm not saying that everyone should assume the worst, only advising to be cautions! Had we not been (again, ALL GLORY TO GOD) we might not have ever had the TWO years we were blessed to have with Brent!

Okay... I rambled enough in the last update so I won't keep you with this one. I'd like to leave you with the lyrics of a song that's ringing in my ear this morning... we sang at the "Deeper Still" conference in Nashville. It's AWSEOME!

Mighty to Save

Everyone needs compassion
A love that's never failing
Let mercy fall on me
Everyone needs forgiveness
A kindness of a Savior
The hope of nations

My Savior
He can move the mountains
My God is Mighty to save
He is Mighty to save
Forever
Author of salvation
He rose and conquered the grave
Jesus conquered the grave

So take me as You find me
All my fears and failures
Fill my life again
I give my life to follow
Everything i believe in
Now i surrender

Shine your light and let the whole world see
We're singing for the glory of the risen King...Jesus

Wednesday, September 12, 2007 10:47 PM CDT


Letting go.......

Hello my PRECIOUS FRIENDS! It's been way too long since I've checked in and I have SO MUCH to share! Before I start to explain why I chose to "title" this update I want to share a prayer request with you. My Mom has been having A LOT of trouble with her left hip. She had a bone scan which revealed a bone spur(?) After the pain continued to progress she agreed to an MRI. They called her Monday night to say the results were "abnormal." They went on to say that she may need surgery for hip replacement, or it might even be cancer. Please join us in prayer as we petition GOD once again for ANYTHING other than cancer! I'll be going with my Mom tomorrow to see the surgeon that they've scheduled her to see. I PROMISE to update as SOON as we know something. I'll thank you in advance for lifting Her and our family in prayer.

Now, to explain about "letting go." It may not come as a surprise to you when I say that I've struggled A LOT with God lately. It almost seems to have come in spurts. More so when the boys are having a hard time. I don't know if I'd even realized how much distance I'd allowed between GOD and myself. All of that began to change a week ago on Wednesday night.

We've been meeting with some friends for Bible study. We almost always worship outside. (You'll see WHY I'm telling you this in a moment) Okay... so last Wednesday night we'd been standing around talking. The children of course were horsing around, laughing and playing. As we settled into our seats they started the music. I can't remember what songs they were singing... I think one might have been "Our God is an Awesome God".... and/or others similar to it. I sat there struggling to sing praises - I felt like such a hypocrite. In my mind I started confessing how I felt and began to tell GOD that I NEEDED to SEE HIM!!!!!!!!!! I needed some sort of PROOF I suppose. What I was asking for was to witness a miracle. I NEEDED to see HIM in that way after we prayed for so long for Brent then lost him. (Of course this is while everyone else was singing) Well, the very next song they sang was "As the Deer." Okay... so you are NOT going to believe this............. There was a small commotion - SEVERAL people were pointing to the edge of the woods. There was a DEER standing there! WHOA!!! Talk about getting my miracle! And FAST!! For those of you who aren't deer hunters, or married to one, let me explain the nature of a deer. There pretty much has to be COMPLETE silence... no noise, no movement, NO SMELL! So logically there was NO REASON that deer would've EVER walked out SO CLOSE to us! She stood there through the ENTIRE SONG! AMAZING!!! I want to share the lyrics to this song with you.....

As The Deer

As the deer panteth for the water
So my soul longeth after Thee
You alone are my heart's desire
And I long to worship Thee

(Chorus)
You alone are my strength, my shield
To You alone may my spirit yield
You alone are my heart's desire
And I long to worship Thee

You're my friend and You are my brother
Even though You are a king
I love You more than any other
So much more than anything

Chorus

I want You more than gold or silver
Only You can satisfy
You alone are the real joy giver
And the apple of my eye

Well, that was just the beginning of the hole that would be knocked into my heart this week. GOD KNOCKED my socks off AGAIN over the weekend! I was blessed to attend the "Deeper Still" women's conference in Nashville, TN. Habitat for Hope organized this trip for several mom's who've lost children to cancer. It was WONDERFUL to see so many ladies that we came to love either through St. Jude, or Caringbridge. Some of the ladies we've known since the beginning of our journey others I met for the first time last weekend.

The trip was just AMAZING!!!!! We sat in our rooms on Friday night talking. Some of us shared how hard it was to begin worshiping GOD again after the loss of our children. (I can't say it was that way for everyone... but there were a few that did and I was among them) It wasn't that way at first... and I didn't mean for it to happen... but somehow, some way I started moving away from GOD.

When we got together on Saturday and went to the conference, Beth Moore spoke on letting go. I can't say that SHE named it that.... but it's what it meant to me! She told us that many ladies had shared via the Deeper Still Blog some of the many trials each had experienced. Would you believe that she told about a woman with 3 sons who'd lost one of them to cancer this year? She also spoke of a woman who'd lost her daughter to a brain tumor. She could've been speaking about any one of us! The bulk of what I carried away from that day was that even though it's COMPLETELY NORMAL AND HEALTHY to grieve... it's NOT EVER good to distance ourselves from GOD. She talked of how it's so hard to move forward when GOD does things that just doesn't make sense to us. How could it be that we've prayed and stood on HIS WORD and HE still chose not to heal our loved ones? She shared that some will carry the attitude of not feeling like they could trust GOD anymore. It's like we're letting the enemy win. Oh how I WISH I could remember word for word everything she said! God was ALL OVER IT!!!! (I might be able to remember more if I hadn't cried through the whole thing... hehe) Needless to say I surrendered my feelings to GOD and apologized to HIM for allowing the wall to come up and to stay around my heart. I felt like Saul (later known as Paul)... when the scales fell from his eyes.

I'm admitting my breakthrough to you because I want to be honest