History

Journal History

Friday, January 9, 2004 6:08 PM CST

Friends and Family,

Several folks have asked for the website to be open a couple of extra days so that they can copy the the entries. This we can do.

The site will officially close on February 7th...on Greg's five month anniversary.

Blessings

Tuesday, December 30, 2003 8:28 PM CST

Dear Family and Friends,

Here we are, some six months after Greg received his all-important call that organs were available. What an incredible journey for one and all. It seems unbelievable how the world as we know it has changed since that time.

And now, here it is six days after our first Christmas without Greg physically present in our lives. As difficult as it was to not have him tickling the old ivories while leading our family in song on Christmas Eve at our aunt and uncle's (a tradition he started on the evening of our sister Mary’s funeral that same day twenty years earlier) or up on the altar celebrating mass at St. Philip’s, there is no doubt in my mind that his spirit is but a mere whisper away for each and every one of us.

I’ve talked with many folks since Greg death and the consensus seems to be that the dance of healing is, again, a bit like this summer's eighty day experience. The old “one step forward…two steps back…cha~cha~cha.” For me, it is just that. At times I find myself laughing …thinking, “I can just hear Greg say this or that!” Then there are times, maybe later that same day, when I can’t seem to stop the steady stream of tears that flow freely down my cheeks. All part of the process, I know, and as a dear friend so gently reminds me at times…it has only been three and a half months. Time…all we need is time.

Speaking of time, now seems as good as any to say once and for all how enormously grateful we are for your love and support these past weeks and months. As I’ve said more than once to friends, we Tolaas’ may have experienced a great deal of loss in our lives, but in the next breath, God has truly blessed us with the gift of amazing people in our corner…all of you included.

It is at this time that I will also tell you that with the close of 2003 will also come the close of Greg’s CaringBridge website (January 8th actually). It has been an incredible ride…starting with Greg’s first entry on June 26th, 2002. The experience has also been a wonderful gift of giving and receiving…for one and all. So, as each of us continues to move forward in this healing process, know that we will always remember your caring and your kindness. God's blessings...

Peace and all good things,

Beth Tolaas…along with Maureen Tolaas, Tim and Laura Tolaas,
Judy Meerkins, Dale Korogi, Jim Smith, and Jan Kormann

Tuesday, December 30, 2003 8:23 PM CST

Dear Family and Friends,

Here we are, some six months after Greg received his all-important call that organs were available. What an incredible journey for one and all. It seems unbelievable how the world as we know it has changed since that time.

And now, here it is six days after our first Christmas without Greg physically present in our lives. As difficult as it was to not have him tickling the old ivories while leading our family in song on Christmas Eve at our aunt and uncle's (a tradition he started on the evening of our sister Mary’s funeral that same day twenty years earlier) or up on the altar celebrating mass at St. Philip’s, there is no doubt in my mind that his spirit is but a mere whisper away for each and every one of us.

I’ve talked with many folks since Greg death and the consensus seems to be that the dance of healing is, again, a bit like this summer's eighty day experience. The old “one step forward…two steps back…cha~cha~cha.” For me, it is just that. At times I find myself laughing …thinking, “I can just hear Greg say this or that!” Then there are times, maybe later that same day, when I can’t seem to stop the steady stream of tears that flow freely down my cheeks. All part of the process, I know, and as a dear friend so gently reminds me at times…it has only been three and a half months. Time…all we need is time.

Speaking of time, now seems as good as any to say once and for all how enormously grateful we are for your love and support these past weeks and months. As I’ve said more than once to friends, we Tolaas’ may have experienced a great deal of loss in our lives, but in the next breath, God has truly blessed us with the gift of amazing people in our corner…all of you included.

It is at this time that I will also tell you that with the close of 2003 will also come the close of Greg’s CaringBridge website (January 8th actually). It has been an incredible ride…starting with Greg’s first entry on June 26th, 2002. The experience has also been a wonderful gift of giving and receiving…for one and all. So, as each of us continues to move forward in this healing process, know that we will always remember your caring and your kindness. God's blessings...

Peace and all good things,

Beth Tolaas…along with Maureen Tolaas, Tim and Laura Tolaas, Judy Meerkins, Dale Korogi, Jim Smith, and Jan Kormann

Thursday, November 13, 2003 11:32 AM CST

Greg,

In the rising of the sun and in its going down,
we remember you.
When we are weary and in need of strength,
we remember you.
When we are lost and sick of heart,
we remember you.
In the blowing of the wind and in the chill of winter,
we remember you.
In the blueness of the sky and in the warmth of summer,
we remember you.
In the rustling of leaves and in the beauty of autumn,
we remember you.
In the beginning of the year and when the year ends,
we remember you.
So long as we live, Greg too shall live.
For Greg is a part of us,
as we remember him.

Thank you for sharing, Sr. Patricia Guthrie.

Thursday, November 6, 2003 9:27 AM CST

Dear Family and Friends,

I have just returned from an impromptu trip to Ireland…a gift (to myself) of time away and moments to remember. It was my third trip to the Isle of Green, my first two having been with Greg as my travel companion. As I trekked through the countryside I was aware of how many things have changed over the years…from the size of new homes to the incredible growth of new building overall. It was a different place, but beautiful and magical just the same.

It was a reminder to me that although the world as we know it seems forever changed without the physical presence of Greg, given time to truly heal, we will come to understand that the beauty and magic of his spirit will remain forever in our hearts.

In my last entry I mentioned the possibility of the web site closing sometime in the near future. Many have written and/or verbally expressed their desire for it to remain open and we as a family would like to honor that request for the time being. For those that have continued to add entries to the guest book…and those that wish to still do so in the future…we welcome your words of love and encouragement. We folks, however, will gracefully bow out of adding any new entries to the journal at this time. Do look for new changes in the photos on occasion.

As a family, we would love to take the opportunity one last time to thank you for your amazing love, devotion, and prayers for both Greg and the rest of our gang during these past days, weeks, months, and years. Your commitment to lifting our family of siblings and caregivers alike up in prayer has helped us walk this most challenging of paths. Also, a heartfelt thanks you to all who so generously made donations in Greg’s memory. You are truly incredible people and we are blessed.

I will leave you with the following words by Mother Teresa sung at a Solemn Vespers service I attended last evening. They struck me as words that Greg believed in as well.

The fruit of silence is prayer.
The fruit of prayer is faith.
The fruit of faith is love.
The fruit of love is service.
The fruit of service is peace.

Blessings to all,

Beth, Tim, Laura, and Maureen Tolaas

Saturday, October 18, 2003 10:52 PM CDT

Dear Friends and Family,

To be totally truthful I am not sure how much longer this sight will remain open. On behalf of my family, though, I would like to thank all of you for your loving words of support over these past days, weeks, and months...pre-surgery and post. Greg's site has been such a gift in this whole experience and we can't help but encourage you to make a donation to Caringbridge, if your heart feels so inclined. The “how to” information can be found on this main page…down below the journal entry.

Before we do wrap things up sometime soon here, I wanted to share a quote that appeared on a card our family received after Greg’s death. It reminded me so much of Greg, and actually his donor as well, from what we know of her. As you continue to lift up our family in prayer, and for that we are forever grateful, we ask that you remember Greg’s donor family as well. What a gift they shared with all of us, and for that we are forever thankful.

Now for the quote. It goes as follows:

The Impact of One Life

When a stone is
dropped into a lake
it quickly disappears from sight.

But its impact leaves behind
a series of ripples that broaden
and reach across the water.

In the same way, the impact of
one life lived for Christ
will leave behind an influence
for good that will reach
the lives of many others.

~ Roy Lessin

…an impact indeed!

One last reminder to local folks. A Blood and Bone Marrow Drive is being held Monday, October 27th, from 2:00-7:00 p.m. at St. Philip's in thanksgiving for the many units of plasma Greg received over his eighty day stay. For those of you interested in donating, it is necessary for you to call Lea Schuett, the parish nurse, in advance to register. She can be reached at St. Bridget's...612-529-7779.

Continued blessings on one and all…

Beth Tolaas

PS...Look for new photos soon.

Tuesday, October 7, 2003 5:44 PM CDT

Friends and Family,

Unbelievable! One month ago today Greg passed away. Today was very reminiscent of that amazing, but difficult day. I drove out to the cemetery this morning and sat quietly on the hillside, absorbing the past thirty days and the eighty before. I was reminded of the pure sunshine that shone the morning of September 7th and here I was, a mere thirty days later…still feeling sad. Still feeling confused. Still feeling angry at times. But mostly feeling, deep down in my heart, a peace that Greg continues to be bathed in love, both by those of us here and in Heaven, and resting in God's company, along with Mom, Dad, Mary, and Patti Jo. I am also doing my best to draw comfort from the fact that they, together, are watching closely over each and everyone of us.

So, today I try to focus once more on the beauty of the brightly shining sun warming my skin, the touch of the cool, gentle breeze blowing softly against my cheek, and a sense, deep down in my heart, that although I cannot see Greg with my eyes, I know he walks beside me daily and will forever rest in my heart.

Many have written, called, or asked me in person how our brother Tim's CF clinic appointment went last week. It was an emotional day for Tim and Laura...the first time back at the University since Greg's death, the first time seeing some of Greg's same doctors since the funeral, and then, just the anxiety of having tests run that in the previous months had shown a decline in numbers. Well, I am happy to say, after getting past the first steps into the hospital the initial hellos from the staff, Tim went on to take the necessary tests and they showed a slight, but significant increase and all were pleased. Tim and Laura have both worked diligently to make this happen, but they also know that the positive results were due in some part to the huge number of prayers by you folks as well...and we thank you, the entire Tolaas family. Keep 'em coming.

A final note in today’s entry, I mentioned last week a Blood and Bone Marrow Drive being held Monday, October 27th, from 2:00-7:00 p.m. at St. Philip's in thanksgiving for the many units of plasma Greg received over his eighty day stay. For you local folks interested, it is my understanding there will be a sign up at the St. Philip's Ministry Fair after the 10:00 a.m. mass this weekend or people may call Lea Schuett, the parish nurse, who can be reached at St. Bridget's...612-529-7779.

Again, the Tolaas Family and the caregiver friends thank you for your continued love, support, and prayers. Know that our gratitude is immeasurable. Blessings to one and all.

Beth Tolaas

Tuesday, October 7, 2003 5:02 PM CDT

Friends and Family,

Unbelievable! One month ago today Greg passed away. Today was very reminiscent of that amazing, but difficult day. I drove out to the cemetery this morning and sat quietly on the hillside, absorbing the past thirty days and the eighty before. I was reminded of the pure sunshine that shone the morning of September 7th. And here I was, a mere thirty days later. Still feeling sad. Still feeling confused. Still feeling angry at times. But mostly feeling, deep down in my heart, a peace that Greg continues to be bathed in love, both by those of us here and in Heaven, and resting in God's company, along with the Mom, Dad, Mary, and Patti Jo. I am also doing my best to draw comfort from the fact that they, together, are watching closely over each and everyone of us.

So, today I try to focus once more on the beauty of the brightly shining sun warming my skin, the touch of the gentle breeze blowing softly against my cheek, and a sense, deep down in my heart, that although I cannot see Greg with my eyes, I know he walks beside me daily and will forever rest in my heart.

Many have written, called, or asked me in person how our brother Tim's CF clinic appointment went last week. It was an emotional day for Tim and Laura...the first time back at the University since Greg's death, the first time seeing some of Greg's same doctors since the funeral, and then, just the anxiety of having tests run that in the previous months had shown a decline in numbers. Well, I am happy to say, after getting past the first steps into the hospital the initial hellos from the staff, Tim went on to take the necessary tests and they showed a slight, but significant increase and all were pleased. Tim and Laura have both worked diligently to make this happen, but they also know that the positive results were due in some part to the huge number of prayers by you folks as well...and we thank you, the entire Tolaas family. Keep 'em coming.

A final note in today’s entry, I mentioned last week a Blood and Bone Marrow Drive being held Monday, October 27th, from 2:00-7:00 p.m. at St. Philip's in thanksgiving for the many units of plasma Greg received over his eighty day stay. For you local folks interested, it is my understanding there will be a sign up at the St. Philip's Ministry Fair after the 10:00 a.m. mass this weekend or people may call Lea Schuett, the parish nurse, who can be reached at St. Bridget's...612-529-7779.

Again, the Tolaas Family and the caregiver friends thank you for your continued love, support, and prayers. Know that our gratitude is immeasurable. Blessings to one and all.

Beth Tolaas

Tuesday, October 7, 2003 4:04 PM CDT

Friends and Family,

Unbelievable! One month ago today Greg passed away. Today was very reminiscent of that amazing, but difficult day. I drove out to the cemetery this morning and sat quietly on the hillside, absorbing the past thirty days and the eighty before. I was reminded of the pure sunshine that shone the morning of September 7th. And here I was, a mere thirty days later. Still feeling sad. Still feeling confused. Still feeling angry at times. But mostly feeling, deep down in my heart, a peace that Greg continues to be bathed in love, both by those of us here and in Heaven, and resting in God's company, along with the Mom, Dad, Mary, and Patti Jo. I am also doing my best to draw comfort from the fact that they, together, are watching closely over each and everyone of us.

So, today I try to focus once more on the beauty of the brightly shining sun warming my skin, the touch of the gentle breeze blowing softly against my cheek, and a sense, deep down in my heart, that although I cannot see Greg with my eyes, I know he walks beside me daily and will forever rest in my heart.

Many have written, called, or asked me in person how our brother Tim's CF clinic appointment went last week. It was an emotional day for Tim and Laura...the first time back at the University since Greg's death, the first time seeing some of Greg's same doctors since the funeral, and then, just the anxiety of having tests run that in the previous months had shown a decline in numbers. Well, I am happy to say, after getting past the first steps into the hospital the initial hellos from the staff, Tim went on to take the necessary tests and they showed a slight, but significant increase and all were pleased. Tim and Laura have both worked diligently to make this happen, but they also know that the positive results were due in some part to the huge number of prayers by you folks as well...and we thank you, the entire Tolaas family. Keep 'em coming.

A final note in today’s entry, I mentioned last week a Blood and Bone Marrow Drive being held Monday, October 27th at St. Philip's in thanksgiving for the many units of plasma Greg received over his eighty day stay. For you local folks interested, it is my understanding there will be a sign up at the St. Philip's Ministry Fair after the 10:00 a.m. mass this weekend or people may call Lea Schuett, the parish nurse, who can be reached at St. Bridget's...612-529-7779.

Again, the Tolaas Family and the caregiver friends thank you for your continued love, support, and prayers. Know that our gratitude is immeasurable. Blessings to one and all.

Beth Tolaas

Monday, September 29, 2003 7:09 PM CDT

Hello Friends,

I have missed sharing with you, yet it has been a gift to have the time to just absorb your caring and supportive words, both new and old. As a family, we are incredibly thankful for your continued prayers as well. The healing continues to keep moving forward; however, the pace is slow. There’s a big part of me that feels like that’s okay though…like I’m being given this gift of time to truly absorb the loss of Greg and all that that means. There are moments when it feels like the experience of it is so huge and complex that it would be wrong to rush the healing process for fear I would miss a lesson to be learned along the path.

There are times when I truly feel like Greg is walking through it all right with me…and then there are times when the reality of his being gone hits me so hard I feel breathless and scared. It is during times like the latter that I try to focus on all that we as individuals…and collectively…have learned from Greg. I try to trust that, given the fact that he was such an incredible force to behold here on earth as he helped each of us grow, it can only be unimaginable what he will be able to do from Heaven to guide us on the right path…and I breathe easier.

Much mention has been given to writing a book about Greg to document in some way the incredible impact he had on those around him. While we as a family would not argue the fact that his world and his work was so much larger than that of our Tolaas Clan and our life together, it also feels very necessary that we take this immediate time to grieve the loss of our brother and friend. We also know that if and when any book or product is produced that has anything to do with Greg, it would be our desire to be the driving force behind it. All that having been said, we graciously thank you for all your thoughts, ideas, and suggestions and encourage you to continue to share them if the spirit moves you. The project idea is an appealing one but, given the level of energy we have right now and the current tasks at hand that must be dealt with at this time, it seems necessary to temporarily table the ideas…for the time being at least.

I do have some breaking news for all of you local folks. The Church of St. Philip’s will be sponsoring a Blood and Bone Marrow Drive on Monday, October 27, 2003, from 2:00 p.m.-7:00 p.m. I believe you will need to call in advance to sign up to be a donor, but as of noon today some of those details were still being ironed out. Look for final information to appear in the next week sometime. I just wanted you to be able to at least mark your calendars with the date. What an amazing opportunity to give back the gift of life that Greg received so generously over and over and over during his hospital stay. I look forward to seeing many of you there.

I, like so often in the past, have rambled on and on and can almost hear Greg whisper in my ear, “Wrap it up Beth”, so that I will do. Thank you again for your continued love, support, and prayers …today and in the days, weeks, and months past. Again…what a gift.

Blessings,

Beth Tolaas

Sunday, September 21, 2003 0:31 AM CDT

Dear Family and Friends,

Just a quick note to thank you for continuing to share your memories and stories about Greg. It has been an emotionally charged couple of weeks that, to be perfectly honest, have more than anything zapped me of my energy. We have spent the week since Greg’s three day long “Festival of Life” celebration opening hundreds of cards…with hundreds more still to do, connecting with family and friends, sorting through some of Greg’s things, saying goodbye to our sister Maureen who returned to Colorado, and just trying to do day to day stuff.

A friend recently asked me how I am doing and I said, “Honestly, I sometimes feel like I am on the Scrambler ride at the fair and every time the seat I’m in takes a turn, I'm hit with a new or different emotion.” I know that things will settle. I know that some things will return to the way they were. I also know that the world as we know it will never be the same without Greg. It is forever different and that is as it should be. But one of the lessons I’ve learned in the past is that different can be good…and that with time and healing, it can once more be an amazing world.

Again, I thank you, on behalf of our family and caregiver friends, for your continued support and prayers as we learn to live our lives in this new and different world. A dear friend of Greg’s wrote in a card to me this week…“Remember, those we love don’t go away; they walk beside us every day.” A great reminder indeed.

Please continue to share. I believe we all have so much more to learn from Greg just by the telling of things he has taught each of us simply in our day-to-day contact with him. Carry on…

Blessings,

Beth Tolaas

Sunday, September 14, 2003 10:30 AM CDT

Dear Family and Friends,

It has been an amazing several days. Full of tears. Tears of joy and tears of sadness. We look back over the past three days and know in our hearts that each celebration was truly what Greg would have wanted. In some ways, it felt almost orchestrated by him. Now, would that be a surprise to any or many?

As a family we would like to take the time to thank the dozens of you who had a hand in helping pull all the plans together. It just could NOT have happened without each and everyone of you and your loving energy. We thank you from the bottom of our hearts.

Many have asked if Greg's web page will be open for awhile. The answer is yes. It has been so incredible to hear the stories many of you have shared about Greg. Stories of how you came to know him. Stories of how he touched your lives. Stories of what he meant to you. These stories are amazing and have been an beautiful source for healing for many. It is the sharing that will help keep his spirit alive in all of us. He was so much bigger than the priest, brother, and friend we knew individually. So yes, the page will be open and yes, we ask that you continue to share your Greg with us...one and all.

Lots have asked for the addresses for the memorials Greg had personally chosen...Cystic Fibrosis Foundation and the Church of St. Philip/Patchwork Quilt Programs. You will find them written below. A friend was kind enough to include them in his entry a day or two ago as well. The only difference is we ask that if you make a donation to the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation, you dedicate it to the Minnesota Chapter so that our team of doctors and patients here at the University of Minnesota benefit from it directly. Thank you so much for your generosity.

Take care for now...

Beth Tolaas, Maureen Tolaas, and Tim and Laura Tolaas

Cystic Fibrosis Foundation
1611 West Cty. Road B, Ste. 221
St. Paul, MN 55113

Church of St. Philip
Patchwork Quilt Programs
2507 Bryant Avenue North
Minneapolis, MN 55411

Wednesday, September 10, 2003 10:46 PM CDT

Funeral Arrangements for Our Beloved Fr. Greg:

Thursday, September 11
Visitation ~ 2:00p.m. - 8:00p.m.
Church of St. Philip
2507 Bryant Avenue North, Minneapolis

Interstate 94 West to Broadway-Washington Exit
North to 26th Avenue North
West to Bryant Avenue North

Friday, September 12
Mass of Christian Burial ~ 10:00a.m.
Basilica of St. Mary, Minneapolis
88 North 17th Street
Visitation ~ 9:00a.m. - 10:00a.m.

Open Parking on 17th Street
West School Parking Lot
North School Parking Lot Behind the Basilica
West Side of 16th Street is Reserved for Handicapped Parking
MCTC Lot Fee is $3.00
Parking Under the Freeway is Available but Limited

Saturday, September 13
Interment ~ Noon
Hawkins Cemetery, Hammond WI

In lieu of flowers, memorials are preferred to the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation or the Church of St. Philip Patchwork Quilt Programs.

Wednesday, September 10, 2003 4:58 PM CDT

Tuesday, September 9, 2003 0:34 AM CDT

Hello Friends,

What an emotional ride the last couple of days has been...not only for the group of Greg's caregivers, family and friends combined, but also for the hundreds of you who are missing Greg right along with us.

We find ourselves drawn repeatedly to the Website to read the truly lovely guest book entries that many have so generously shared. Your love, support, and prayers continue to carry us through and we thank you.

Today has been a day of planning as we prepare to gather together, one and all, to celebrate Greg and his amazing life. The following is a rough outline for the funeral arrangements. Look for the official announcements in the Minneapolis Star/Tribune and the St. Paul Pioneer Press.

~ Beth Tolaas

Thursday: September 11
Visitation ~ 2:00 p.m. - 8:00 p.m.
Church of St. Philip,
2507 Bryant Ave. N., Minneapolis

Friday: September 12
Mass of Christian Burial ~ 10:00 a.m.
Basilica of St. Mary, Minneapolis
(Visitation one hour prior to mass at the Basilica)

Saturday: September13
Interment ~ Noon
Hawkins Cemetery, Hammond, WI
All are welcome!
(Look for directions later in the week)

Tuesday, September 9, 2003 0:04 AM CDT

Hello Friends,

What an emotional ride the last couple of days has been...not only for the group of Greg's caregivers, family and friends combined, but also for the hundreds of you who are missing Greg right along with us.

We find ourselves drawn repeatedly to the Website to read the truly lovely guest book entries that many have so generously shared. Your love, support, and prayers continue to carry us through and we thank you.

Today has been a day of planning as we prepare to gather together, one and all, to celebrate Greg and his amazing life. The following is a rough outline for the funeral arrangements. Look for the official announcements in the Minneapolis Star/Tribune and the St. Paul Pioneer Press.

Thursday: September 11
Visitation ~ 2:00 p.m. - 8:00 p.m.
Church of St. Philip,
2507 Bryant Ave. N., Minneapolis

Friday: September 12
Mass of Christian Burial ~ 10:00 a.m.
Basilica of St. Mary, Minneapolis
(Visitation one hour prior to mass at the Basilica)

Saturday: September13
Interment ~ Noon
Hawkins Cemetery, Hammond, WI
All are welcome!
(Look for directions later in the week)

Tuesday, September 9, 2003 0:04 AM CDT

Hello Friends,

What an emotional ride the last couple of days has been...not only for the group of Greg's caregivers, family and friends combined, but also for the hundreds of you who are missing Greg right along with us.

We find ourselves drawn repeatedly to the Website to read the truly lovely guest book entries that many have so generously shared. Your love, support, and prayers continue to carry us through and we thank you.

Today has been a day of planning as we prepare to gather together, one and all, to celebrate Greg and his amazing life. The following is a rough outline for the funeral arrangements. Look for the official announcements in the Minneapolis Star/Tribune and the St. Paul Pioneer Press.

Thursday: September 11
Visitation ~ 2:00 p.m. - 8:00 p.m.
Church of St. Philip,
2507 Bryant Ave. N., Minneapolis

Friday: September 12
Mass of Christian Burial ~ 10:00 a.m.
Basilica of St. Mary, Minneapolis
(Visitation one hour prior to mass at the Basilica)

Saturday: September13
Interment ~ Noon
Hawkins Cemetery, Hammond, WI
All are welcome!
(Look for directions later in the week)

Sunday, September 7, 2003 7:34 PM CDT

Friends,

The most challenging entry of all today. Our brother Greg has died at approximately 2:00 p.m. this afternoon, after an incredibly valiant effort. It has been an emotional couple of days…but a time of great reflection as well.

The word “miracle” has come up repeatedly in past entries, both guest book and journal. It’s safe to say that the majority of us defined this term, as it relates to Greg, as the “wonder” of his healing. Over the last two days the definition changed greatly for the group of us gathered at the hospital…and yet we celebrate just the same.

Today we celebrate the miracle of Greg’s love…love that he poured out so generously on to everyone he knew…young and old and all ages in between.

Today we celebrate the miracle of Greg’s courage…courage to challenge himself, as well as others, to live life to the fullest. He was a do-er of God’s work and expected no less from those around him.

Today we celebrate the miracle of Greg’s compassion…compassion for the loveable, but even more so, the unlovable. He also had a huge heart and commitment to be an advocate for the underdog. This came across so clearly in the energy he put into reaching out daily to the folks in his St. Philip’s/North Minneapolis neighborhood.

Today we celebrate the miracle of Greg’s life. He lived life in such a way that, even with the most challenging of health concerns in the last couple of years especially, he made each and every moment count. Greg wasted no time in wondering “what if...” or “just maybe...” He did his best to live a life full of vim and vigor and with few, if any, regrets.

Greg, we are proud to call you family. We are proud to call you friend. We are proud to call you pastor. Most of all, we are proud to have experienced the miracle of knowing you and all that you have stood for. Know that it has been a gift to be a part of your life, to learn from you, to laugh with you, and watch you love life so fully that you cannot help but be an inspiration to us all.

Today, tomorrow, and always, we celebrate the miracle of you, Gregory Robert Tolaas.

Always peace,

Maureen Tolaas, Tim Tolaas, Laura Tolaas, Beth Tolaas, Dale Korogi,
Judy Meerkins, Jim Smith, Jan Kormann, and Jack and Jeanne Larson

* Information concerning Greg’s funeral arrangements will appear on the Website in the next day or two.

Friday, September 5, 2003 5:41 PM CDT

Happy Friday Friends. It is such a gorgeous day out; it feels like it would be a shame to be anything less than happy.

At the hospital, again, there is little change. Greg continues to rest as the machines work for him. It is our fervent prayer that while he appears to be in slumber, the toxic meds he must take for the infections and virus are frantically busy doing their thing.

Today the infectious disease docs did decide to put Greg on the new anti-viral med to fight the adno-virus (a type of cold virus) that has settled in his intestines. Again, there are awful side affects, including another heavy hit to the already struggling kidney. But it’s been determined that it would be worth the risk. The renal docs are quick to point out that although the kidney is straining to work…no pun intended…it might just be going into relaxation mode again. Ahh, the life of Greg’s kidney...sleep when it wants and work when it wants.

Greg remains on the vent with additional oxygen assisting his breathing. A couple of days ago they were concerned about trying to keep his saturation levels in a healthy range and that was with the oxygen pumping in at 100%. Today Greg is only getting 60% oxygen and he is maintaining 97% SAT levels. They will possibly look at weaning him off the oxygen all together over the next number of days and then, depending on how he tolerates that, weaning him off the vent altogether. We’ve been down the weaning road before though and know that it is a bumpy one at best…and not always a short one. There’s a suggestion for specific prayer…a short and smooth trek to unassisted breathing for Greg.

It’s funny…not ha~ha funny…but funny just the same, how we all turn to each other at the smallest tid-bit of seemingly positive news from the nurses or docs and with a look of hesitancy say in a quiet voice… “That sounded good. Don’t you think? It did. Didn’t it” All to say, even though we are still fully aware of Greg’s “critical” status and how, often these days, it feels like we’re sitting on the fence with him doing our best to keep our balance, we continue to believe in our hearts that HOPE is never more than a breath away.

I find myself surrounded at home by many reminders to remain confident in Greg’s recovery. One is the porcelain ornament that hangs near my computer that reads "Dwell in possibility." Another is a quote I found on a card a couple of weeks ago that goes something like "Patience. Never give up. This may be your moment for a miracle."

What a moment it will be friends. What a moment it will be…

Peace, prayers, and hope,

Beth Tolaas

QUICK REMINDER: For all interested...St. Philip’s will begin a Novena for Greg’s improved health this Saturday at 4:30 mass.

Thursday, September 4, 2003 2:20 PM CDT

Dear Friends,

Let's start by thanking the MANY of you that have written in with such beautiful words of comfort and support...especially these past three most difficult days. It is such an amazing and healing gift to read your entries and it truly gives us promise and hope during these challenging times.

Not much to add today. Greg's body continues to rest and, God willing, renew itself as the vent and dialysis machines do the work his body cannot at this time.

His heart rate, blood pressure, temp, and saturation levels (with the help of oxygen of course) remain within a normal range and for that we are grateful.

The doctors are very clear, however, that this remains a critical time and that their biggest concerns right now are fighting the viruses and infections in his abdomen and blood. The infectious disease folks are due to come by at some point today to talk about the intestinal virus that showed up positive yesterday.

Along with this most recent development comes the necessary "gowning up" that needs to happen when we are in Greg's room...gloves, gown, and a mask. The upside to the mask, if you will, is that when you get weepy, it catches the tears and we don't go through so many tissues. Always trying to find the silver lining.

We continue to be so very grateful for your love, prayers, and positive attitude friends. Today I find myself praying to Greg's donor...asking him/her to help in anyway that they possibly can. We also pray in thanksgiving for the miraculous gift that their family has given Greg.

It all comes back to miracles. Today feels like a great day to have a few more happen.

Blessings to all,

Beth Tolaas

Wednesday, September 3, 2003 12:29 AM CDT

Today, friends, is the feast day of St. Gregory the Great. Seems appropriate that we would turn to him, as well as God, when asking for help for Greg. Do your thing guys!

Greg remained stable throughout the night and that is positive. They were even able to drop his oxygen from 100% to 70% and have him still maintain the SAT levels he needs.

With the vent doing the breathing for him and some of the meds keeping him totally knocked out, he appears to be very rested and that feels good.

The doctors talked to us last night about needing time. Time to locate the source of the yeast infection in his blood if they can. Time for the powerful meds to work. Time for the anti-rejection meds they started last night to kick in. Time without further complications.

Greg is still in critical condition. The vent is breathing for him. The dialysis machine is doing the work of the kidney for him. He is still in need of HUGE prayer. Please spread the word.

We, along with Greg, are tired, confused, and a bit scared. But we are also hopeful that miracles can and do happen, and, truly we can't think of anyone more deserving of one than Greg.

Last Saturday Greg took the time to have chats with many of the caregivers and one of the things he said is that he feels SO tired. He also talked about how the only thing he felt stronger than the exhaustion was his complete gratitude for all that his family and friends have done thus far. That includes all of you folks too. Thank you, on Greg's behalf, for the prayers of yesterdays, today, and tomorrows. The power of it is earthshaking. It continues to give Greg...and all of us...comfort and strength.

God bless,

Beth Tolaas

Tuesday, September 2, 2003 10:46 AM CDT

THIS IS A REQUEST FOR IMMEDIATE AND FEROCIOUS PRAYERS

As mentioned on Sunday Greg is back in ICU. He has an infection in his blood which is being attacked with very powerful drugs. He needs help breathing so was put back on the respirator this morning. He will also have a kidney biopsy sometime today. Greg has particpated in all of these decisions.
Early on Greg's doctors told us and have repeated many times since then that there would be a rollercoaster like expereince with him. He has been through many ups and downs already and this is a very significant one.

So we plead for your intense and immediate prayer for Greg and for his medical team.
If there is a significant change during the day we will report it here.
jan kormann

Tuesday, September 2, 2003 10:46 AM CDT

Monday, September 1, 2003 4:49 PM CDT

Greg has had a most challenging day. The doctors have identified a new infection and have started him on the appropriate meds. He continues to fight with amazing courage... an inspiration to us all. Now is the time to pour on the prayers, friends... even more than before. Blessings.
Beth Tolaas

Sunday, August 31, 2003 3:33 PM CDT

travel on labor weekend is a bit of a tradition.
greg traveled today a short distance. he is back in icu because of a number of changes which can benefit from the higher level of care available there. he will have a bronch today as well as nuclear medicine using a dye to try and track down some of the gi problems.

of course greg is disappointed about this move. in many ways it seems a set back. but, he will get even more attentive care and we are praying this will be a short stay for him. we are holding an attitude which claims this move as a benefit for greg and our experience is that the staff in icu are great people who were so very good to greg last time around. hopefully very soon he'll return to the staff who have tended to him for the most recent weeks with new strength for recovery.

so...what to pray for? i don't know. i just hear myself saying a thousand times a day "PLEASE GOD!"
and as to how to pray...st. philip will begin a novena on next saturday. the last time we did this the new organs arrived in a day or two after the end of the pryaers. cindy boggs has constructed a beautiful novena. we may try to load the prayers onto the st. philip web site and will keep you posted about how to access the novena.

do please pray and keep a confident heart
jan kormann

Saturday, August 30, 2003 9:32 PM CDT

150,000+ hits on the web site
if each of those hits has resulted in only 10 prayers (and we know most of them indicate hundreds of prayers)....well you do the math.
and still we need to pray more. tonight an effort was made to relocate a pic line into a vein in greg's neck. the effort was unsuccessful and greg had a good bit of discomfort in the process. but he is so brave and so cooperative and he wants so much to do anything it takes to try and get well.
gut stuff continues
bi-path is helping lung inflation
wound healing moves forward
if he can tolerate all of this surely we can continue to pray optimistically.
the u campus was alive with activity today as students moved into dorms and headed off to a football game. a new season for them....a new season, please god, for this determined servant!
jlbk

Friday, August 29, 2003 6:42 PM CDT

Friends ~ Friday ~ the beginning of a holiday weekend ~ and today’s pace has slowed somewhat for Greg.

His day started early with a visit to the OR to repair a warped vocal cord. He came back from recovery about 10:30 a.m. and has slept on and off since. The resting is good.

Greg tried to sleep with the bi-pap machine on last night, but it was too uncomfortable to keep on for long. With his being so wiped out today and snoozin’, there has been little opportunity to attempt any more tries.

It did feel good to hear the surgeon give a positive report yesterday concerning Greg’s leg wounds and his chest wound. It gives hope to the healing process.

He was scheduled for a bone marrow biopsy sometime today to rule out one of the several possibilities as to why his white blood cell count was down these past several days. They have had him on a med that, after a few days, should help increase the count. Today it went from 1.7 to 2.2 (4+ being optimal) so the biopsy was cancelled.

Greg’s oxygen level was also quite low this morning so it was determined that he would go in for a bronchoscopy at some point during the day. By this afternoon the levels had come back up into a more normal range so this procedure was also tabled.

The Endocrinologist came by around 3:30 p.m. and said earlier tests this week show Greg’s thyroid is acting a bit “hyper” so she is putting her head together with the primary and pulmonary team to see how best to treat it without disrupting any of the other meds. Not sure what’s causing the change at this time.

Greg continued to nap on and off this afternoon, but still had a temp…like last night…of 101.3. The repeated prayer requests for healing on ALL fronts is still out there for you friends. There is such a comfort in knowing that the truth is, we really don’t even need to ask…you folks are already out there getting the job done. Amen to that.

A very dear friend gave me a tiny book full of quotes this week. The following one seemed to just jump out at me…

Optimism…be strong, go with your heart, and believe in miracles because anything…anything can happen. (~Marlo Javidando)

We remain optimistic…

Blessings,

Beth Tolaas

Thursday, August 28, 2003 6:17 PM CDT

how’s THIS for a word of the day?
SENSATIONAL!
That is what Dr. Payne said when he saw Greg’s leg wounds as they were being dressed today. Such an upper! The leg wounds are healing, the groin wound is looking good and the chest wound is also doing quite well. there were no signs of infection in the wounds and the plastic surgeon, Dr. Landis, seemed pleased by what he saw. And once again we are reminded of the fantastic capacity of the body to undergo trauma and then begin to heal. Praise God for the immensity of this facet of creation.
Today Greg began using a machine called a Bi-Pap (sp?)which helps to keep his lungs inflated. He wears a mask, is attached to the machine for an hour and then off for two hours. thus far he has found this helpful.

We head into the Labor holiday weekend (and yes I know it is about labor unions but the concept works). Labor. Such an enormous amount of labor Greg has done for the last 69 days. What astonishing labor has been put out by doctors, nurses, social workers, chaplains and therapists by the dozens. Such emotional labor his family has done supporting their brother through this. And our labor as friends....we labor at the prayer of petition, thanksgiving, praise, frustration, and on and on. A labor of love.
Have a wonderful holiday weekend.

Please remember to pray for the donor family who face this ending of the summer without their loved one. How could we ever express our gratitude to them.....perhaps this too only with prayer.

jan kormann

Wednesday, August 27, 2003 9:42 PM CDT

Friends...

Today's message is short and sweet. Not much change. A handful of doctors and other health care professionals who are active participants in Greg's care had the opportunity to gather this afternoon with the family to do an overview of Greg's case.

Concerns still include gut issues (identifying the source), nutritional issues (getting GRT the necessary nutrition to give him fighting energy), and infected blood issues (finding the right antibiotic to eliminate infections). To quote a friend, "Yes, Greg has issues, issues, issues."

The upside is the doctors, although concerned, are working hard at finding solutions to Greg's most current glitches.

One important solution we all can play a part in...pray, pray, pray.

Blessings to all...

Beth Tolaas

Tuesday, August 26, 2003 6:39 PM CDT

physical weakness continues to be greg's nemesis. again today a very low white blood count has been a set back. some of his meds are being changed including a shift to a different high powered antibiotic to try and deal with a couple of stubborn infections. also his 02 saturation level was low today so, for now, he is back on oxygen.

there was the usual parade of medical staff including routine visits from pt,ot and rt. we have several times here mentioned the various wonderful doctors on his team. the nurses who have cared for him are an amazing assortment of smart, thoughtful, witty, attentive, accomadating, respectful people! many kudos to them!

the wire in greg's pic line was replaced because there is at least the possibility that this was an infection site.
tomorrow another ct scan this one of the lungs and also a confab of many of his doctors.

these are very hard days for greg. the strength he had accumulated over a couple of weeks of regular progress has been worn away, the intestinal battle wages on, infections are mysterious, breathing is hard and the months and days get longer. we are his line of strength now. he is ever grateful for your prayers and support as are all involved in this journey.

jan kormann

Monday, August 25, 2003 5:59 PM CDT

Monday ~ Monday…

Came in this morning to find Greg gone and no sign of sister, Maureen, either. Apparently they were off to x-ray. Located them both just as Greg was heading in for his photo shoot. Unfortunately during today’s session the photographer was insisting he stand for the pictures and when two of the four shots didn’t turn out, Greg had to hoist himself up and out of the chair once more. All to say, he was exhausted when he got back to the room and chilled to the bone…so much so that his shoulders were actually shivering. A quick sugar check found him running low so the nurse quickly gave him a glucose boost and we got him tucked back in bed.

His pulmonary doctor and transplant coordinator came in a short time later and said that the ultrasounds, x-rays, and CT’s from late last week looked wonderfully “unremarkable” and we were glad. The potassium has climbed two points the last three days and that is a bit confusing. Can’t be the food. Greg hasn’t eaten any since Friday p.m. He is totally relying on TPN (nutritional supplement) and lipids right now for nourishment in order to give his gut a rest. The only other change in numbers was a slight increase in the white blood cell count and that was good. Greg was getting incredibly close to needing to go on isolation status if they got much lower.

The doctors still aren’t certain what is causing the infection in his blood. He will probably have his pic-line (central line) rewired tomorrow so they can culture the tip of the existing line and see if that is the source of the problem.

Greg did sneak in both a one-hour nap and a half hour jaunt outside today so that was good. He continues to have numerous bumps in the road which exhaust him greatly, but given a decent nights sleep and a bit of encouraging news here and there and the man is determined to give it his all.

Greg’s prayer requests remain the same these past few days. He asks for healing to his abdominal area and cleansing of any and all infections in his body, especially those that might compromise his new organs in any way. This we can do! This we can do!

Peace and hope to all,

Beth Tolaas

Sunday, August 24, 2003 7:41 PM CDT

we haven't updated daily in the last few days because some days there isn't much change. we'll not necessarily make the every other day a common practice but please don't fret if you don't see a change of a given day. if we need to report something significant for good or ill we will surely get on this site and other venues very quickly.
someone asked several days ago for the mailing address for st. philip. it is 2507 bryant avenue north, minneapolis, mn 55411 and that is a good place to send cards or other greetings for greg.
there was discouraging news today of a very low white count and a fever. changes in antibiotics have been made. cultures are being grown to learn just what the infection(s) is/are in his body. the very bright minds of the various docs and nurses and therapists have surely been challenged in this process.
on saturday kelley paid her second visit to the hospital and this time she seemed more at ease. it was so good to see kelley snuggled on greg's bed with greg scratching her. the staff was great about working around her and welcoming her to greg's room.
maureen arrived in town on saturday night so the tolaas siblings are all in one metropolitan area for a few days....a blessing for them.
greg asks for particular prayers for his strength these days. the physical toll of all of these complications is apparent. he does his determined best with pt,ot and rt and hopes to get round the corner soon to some measure of physical strength.
thanks to each one of you for your constancy in prayer.
jan kormann

Friday, August 22, 2003 7:42 PM CDT

Hello friends. It’s Friday, the end of another week for most ~ and a long one at that.

First of all, Greg was delighted to hear from so many folks the last two days. A simple sentence or three brought a beautiful grin to his face. Some have been silent too long. It was a wonderful reminder...besides the flip-flip-flip of numbers on the bottom of his home page...as to how many friends, and in some cases concerned strangers, are out their praying up a storm.

Not a lot of change from Wednesday so Jan decided to leave Greg's message on a day longer. Didn't mean to alarm anyone. It now can be viewed under the "previous journal entries" section for those who didn't get a chance to read it. Yesterday was mostly a day of tests, a colonoscopy and an endoscopy. The doctor who administered the colonoscopy did say Greg is a truly humorous man. I hated to think of all the things he might have said during this particular test under the influence of "drugs"...so I just chuckled nervously and said, "Yep, quite a guy!" The initial results showed little abnormality, which is very good. The thing, however, that hung heavy in Greg's mind, especially since he still has little or no relief in the gut area, was the question of "What could it be then?"

Today, as I was leaving the hospital, there was some word about a possible infection of some sort in Greg’s intestines that is sometimes associated with a cold. It’s our understanding this bug can land anywhere in the body. BIG side affect of it...diarrhea. I am not sure what the final results of the other multitude of biopsies were, but infection or not, it was a comfort to Greg to have some sort of reason for his present condition. Hopefully more info to come tomorrow.

Greg also went down yesterday afternoon and had his mid-line IV that they put in on Saturday converted to a pic-line, which is actually a central line. He can now get TPN through it...which is, in simple terms, a liquid nutritional substance that will allow him to have caloric intake all day long. The dietary people can alter the recipe to pump it full of the much-needed protein that Greg must get as well. Not fully understanding what the cause of Greg's abdominal issues are, the doctors are in agreement that Greg should limit all oral intake to water and pills for the next several days and let the TPN substance take over nutritionally (along with extra lipids he's receiving intravenously) and ultimately, give his stomach a . One of the reasons for this dietary change is…what with the constant loss of solid food (north and south if you get my drift)… it seems his abdominal organs may be asleep from all the anesthesia, and that letting them relax may just wake them up. Greg is willing to try most anything...as are we.

So, between the biopsy results and the new dietary approach, let's keep those fingers crossed, hands clasped, and prayers sent heaven's way. Greg has also asked for specific prayers for the feeling of aloneness he finds himself experiencing on this journey at times. The aloneness that comes from too many days in the hospital, too many bumps in the road, too many rides to recovery, and too many fears to be fought...fights that on some levels, we know, only he can understand. Know, too, that he does draw huge comfort...as does the family of caregivers...from all your messages and prayers and the knowledge that you continue on with them daily ~like his own personal army.

Continue on indeed and blessings to each and every one of you. Until tomorrow...

Beth Tolaas

Wednesday, August 20, 2003 2:10 PM CDT

Dear Friends and Parishioners and Dear Family,

Today completes two months in the hospital ~ a lengthy stay I, of course, never imagined! At moments I celebrate my new lungs and my new kidney ~ and thank God for the surgeons who pulled me through a very tough three days of surgery, jaded by complications multiple. At other moments I have slipped into “What in God’s name did I do?” The challenge of my left leg threw me into shock. I nearly lost the leg (long story) and was only beginning to do the physical therapy ~ graduating to the use of a walker, when it came to our attention that my lung scar was not healing. Infection inside. They cut the scar, which remains open under a vacuum pac seal similar to the seal around my leg.

My recent issues, however, are my gut. Distended by gas and diarrhea have made nourishment an issue of no small magnitude. No nourishment equals little healing of wounds. So pray we can solve the GI problems and Father may fatten and heal.

I do not really know where this journey goes. Sometimes I have such hope. Sometimes hope WANES. But with God’s grace I plan to be victorious!

Thank you for your faithful love. Thank you for your prayers. This is not only my sojourn. We are in this together. I send you my love and gratitude and more gratitude.
It is my great hope to return to St. Philip. Pray me home!

Love, love, love,

Greg

PS. If I had an ounce of more energy, I would welcome more visitors. Thanks for your understanding.

Wednesday, August 20, 2003 1:49 PM CDT

Dear Friends and Parishioners and Dear Family,

Today completes two months in the hospital ~ a lengthy stay I, of course, never imagined! At moments I celebrate my new lungs and my new kidney ~ and thank God for the surgeons who pulled me through a very tough three days of surgery, jaded by complications multiple. At other moments I have slipped into “What in God’s name did I do?” The challenge of my left leg threw me into shock. I nearly lost the leg (long story) and was only beginning to do the physical therapy ~ graduating to the use of a walker, when it came to our attention that my lung scar was not healing. Infection inside. They cut the scar, which remains open under a vacuum pac seal similar to the seal around my leg.

My recent issues, however, are my gut. Distended by gas and diarrhea have made nourishment an issue of no small magnitude. No nourishment equals little healing of wounds. So pray we can solve the GI problems and Father may fatten and heal.

I do not really know where this journey goes. Sometimes I have such hope. Sometimes hope WANES. But with God’s grace I plan to be victorious!

Thank you for your faithful love. Thank you for your prayers. This is not only my sojourn. We are in this together. I send you my love and gratitude and more gratitude.

It is my great hope to return to St. Philip. Pray me home!

Love, love, love,

Greg

Wednesday, August 20, 2003 12:07 AM CDT

it's a good day in greg-land.
a good night sleep resulting in better energy today and leading toward a colonoscopy tomorrow to get more information about the digestion issues. (how many of us can empathize with him about "g-lightly" one of the most foolishly named substances on the earth!)

two months ago at this moment we were all waiting for updates from the operating room. two months later we still wait for updates. can you even iimagine the hours of prayer which have gone on in the interim?!
thanks again for your faithfulness
jan

Tuesday, August 19, 2003 6:21 PM CDT

the day after surgery usually means very low energy, changed reading on various body measures, groggieness and trouble eating and low spirits. so why should today have been different than any of the other 13 post surgery days! it really wasn't!
continued digestive struggles and resulting discomfort are still very trying for greg!
but here is an interesting thing. a person from respiratory therapy came in this afternoon to work with greg using a device called the acapella. this is an implement which helps greg expel gunk from his lungs, keep the air and gas passageways in his new lungs working enthusiastically and it replaces bronchial drainage treatments which he has experienced multiple times each day nearly all of his life! they wheeled the percussor out of the room and the r.t. said it is often very hard for persons with c.f. to let go of that machine and all that it has meant in their lives.
so...a bit of newness for greg to change the irritating sameness of recent days.
tomorrow is the two month anniversary of this saga. if you are beginning to fade in your enthusiasm for the website or the csp phone line....please don't! today i found myself in enormously grateful prayer for each one of you. YOU are the core of strength greg needs these days! thanks to each of you
jlbk

Monday, August 18, 2003 5:56 PM CDT

Hello Friends. Can I just say…what’s with this heat? Makes staying in an air conditioned hospital a good chunk of the day not only doable, but down right appealing.

Now on to Greg…or Lazarus as a dear friend from Ireland calls him. The doctors conferred on Saturday and decided to stop the tube feeding for a few days to see if Greg would get any abdominal relief. Sunday morning he woke up with the “same old same old” gut stuff, but throughout the day the intensity of discomfort seemed a wee bit less. He forced himself to eat three meals throughout the day…or close to three…knowing that right now it is his only source of nutrition and we‘ve all learned…good nutrition leads to better healing. Greg still seemed a little emotionally stunned by this gut thing and spent much of the day looking quite contemplative.

He said he slept “so so” last night. Said the night nurse was a float and the guy seemed a bit distracted. Not a great thing when Greg’s case is so complex. Anyway, when I got there in the a.m. today…even with the lack of shut eye…Greg appeared to me to be a bit more energized and ready to tackle another day. I think part of it may have been the return from vacation of some of the doctors and other health professionals that we consider “key” players when it comes to his case and care.

One of the folks that came back today was the plastic surgeon. He stopped by mid morning and gave Greg the game plan for today’s debridement. He told us that he was going to try and do the surgery with regular sedation meds and local anesthesia…not General Anesthesia. Part of the reason for this was to give the liver that went loopy earlier last week a break. Another reason was in hopes that it would have less negative impact on the digestive system. The surgeon said if the pain was too great they could and would just go ahead and administer the GA.

At 3:00 p.m. the surgeon came out and told me that it went well and that things looked pretty good. He said there would definitely be a need for more debridement surgeries, but probably not for a week or two. The surgeon mentioned that with Greg being where he’s at in the process, it is better not to rush. He said something like, “Slow and steady wins the race.” Sounds like a good plan to us. Gives Greg a chance to recover some and, with his doctors, to tackle the current abdominal issues.

When I left Greg was snoozing and waiting patiently for the Pediatrics GI doctor to stop by. She has much experience dealing with CF systems and for that reason alone it will be comforting to have her on board.

That’s about it for now. In a nut shell, Greg seemed a little more energized and, even pumped up with pain meds later in the day, he was handing tidbits of humor our way. He may feel down some days folks, but he is in no way out. Part of that reason is due to the abundance of prayers sent heaven bound by you. What a huge comfort in itself. Thank you. Thank you.

All for now…

Beth Tolaas

Sunday, August 17, 2003 7:41 PM CDT

this sunday in the life of greg tolaas:
medics in the morning reporting on some cultures, good reports on lung function et. al;
up in the chair four or five times determined to build up a bit of strength;
fighting the battles of diarrhrea and nutrition;
climbing the tricky emotional slope;
checking up on who was in church today;
sleeping a nap with easy breathing;
wondering "what have i done?"
asking for a time of quiet prayer.

it has been too hot and greg has been too weak to take advantavge of getting outside but hopefully that will again soon be possible. he did have a bit of a ride around the hospital last night with uncle jack and aunt jean...that's what serves as an outing for now.

"what have i done?" he asked.
he has done the brave thing.
he has done the risky thing.
he has done the thing which requires ultimate faith every hour of every day and night.
he has done the thing that holds promise for all of us who pray and hope and plan to have him in our lives for many years to come.
he has done the thing for which we all need to say "thnaks greg!"
jan kormann

Saturday, August 16, 2003 11:27 AM CDT

greg is fighting a bit of a fever today as well as an upset stomach and abiding gastro-intestinal discomfort. a long time respiratory therapist told him and beth that the intestinal stuff is not uncommon in c.f. people recovering from transplant so hopefully some wisdom will soon come forward about fixing that problem.

greg is more and more weak each day and that's very frustrating for him. his transfers are harder work than they were a couple of weeks ago, his energy level really low and his ability to eat compromised.

sometime next week there will be a care-conference with all of his medical caregivers represented. we can hope that all of those determined, smart and committed people can come to good answers that can change the course of his recovery.

i really want to invite those of you on this website who live in the metro area to come and worship with us at st. philip. we are facing the absence of greg with our faith strong, our determination firm and our prayer energetic and welcoming.(by the way tomorrow at 10:00 don samuels, minneapolis city councilman, will preach). we would love the chance to pray with you too...believe me you can feel greg's spirit in the building.

jan kormann

Friday, August 15, 2003 6:46 PM CDT

Another quote from Greg…“Is it Friday already?” Where does the time go?

Greg was up in the chair today when I arrived…followed a short time later by a trip to the bathroom and so went the day. Still a painful build up of gas in the abdominal region that medical staff have yet to find a solution for…not for lack of trying though. There have been some mix-ups on meds again…or lack of them…when it comes to getting Greg his enzymes that help him digest his tube feedings. But after meeting with a couple of the doctors later today, it is our hope that the necessary folks are clear on his needs as a person living with CF. A reminder…even though his lungs and kidney are no longer organs with Cystic Fibrosis (different DNA), the remainder of his system continues to be affected by the disease.

Greg asks for prayers for solutions to his digestive problems, as well as prayers for renewal of physical strength. His length of stay at the hospital is still unknown; however, it appears that it will be for some time…weeks at least. I am so proud of Greg and his attempt to let go of approximate time frames he is given for different things…instead doing his best to live in the moment. He remains an inspiration!

Today I brought in the last ten pages of journal entries and spent some time this afternoon reading them to Greg as he rested his eyes for a bit. Each message was followed by an “Ahhh!” or “Wow, how nice!” or “Hmmm, neat!” or simply a soft smile. Keep the prayers and messages coming. All make a difference…to Greg, the family, and special caregiver friends. The Tolaas' are excited to welcome back our oldest sister, Maureen, for a week long visit the last part of August. She was a huge help those first two weeks and I know both she and Greg will enjoy spending time together.

All for now friends. Hope everyone is surviving the drought and heat plaguing us right now. Nice excuse to take it easy and move a bit slower.

Peace and hope to all.

Beth Tolaas

Thursday, August 14, 2003 6:23 PM CDT

the routine of the day included attention to greg's dressings, the addition of a vac tube to his ekmo wound, balancing acts with his blood sugars, continuing effort to deal with his gut issues and....glory be...a nap or two. dale korogi learned today that the average night of sleep for a hospitalized person is 1 hour and 51 minutes! yikes! can you even imagine 55 days/nights of that!
dale also made this plain stated request for prayers at morning mass at st. philip today...pray for greg's gut! i don't know if gut is a medical term but it certainly is one we all understand. we all know the sharp pain of a gut full of gas....greg has been tolerating that for days on end (no that is NOT intended as a pun!) but we all hope that changes in meds and feeding regime will soon bring relief.
fo all your comments of support thanks
for all your prayers thanks
for just taking time to check in here thanks
know that you each are appreciated
jan

Wednesday, August 13, 2003 3:12 PM CDT

Hi friends. Just a quick update today. I always say that and then ramble on and on...and here I go again.

Got to the hospital to find Greg still feeling pretty listless and sad. The thought is the weak feelings have more to do with mal-nutrition issues. Some of the reason for this is Greg continues to experience a great deal of intestinal problems due to the combination of meds as well as his tube feedings. Today, with Greg's voice being whisper soft, I found myself pumping up the volume when it came to talking with some of the docs and the nutritionist. Changes will be made today to alter some of the meds in hopes that Greg will have a lot less discomfort and feel a little more like eating regular food. He is SO trying though, even in the midst of feeling like...to quote him...it's truly difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

There is a light though, and it is our hope that it will shine brightly soon and that Greg's spiritual, emotional, and physical energy will be too strong to even attempt to harness. Yesterday we asked one of his doctors if he could write an order in the big book that it was necessary for Greg to get outside for at least a half hour a day, and he thought that was a great idea.

Greg had a liver ultrasound yesterday and the results came back showing a sludge like substance settling in the duct. It's thought that this might be the reason for the upswing of Greg's liver numbers the last couple of days. The "lemonade" if you will, is that they are correcting themselves on their own and today the numbers look close, if not actually in normal range. The abdominal x-ray from Tuesday showed no intestinal blockage so that, too, is another blessing.

Greg talked about the myriad of little things that seem to be wearing him down. Today we pray for those small problems to have speedy and simple solutions. We also pray for the light and spirit to guide Greg through this long and challenging tunnel.

He is so blessed, as are the caregivers, to have each and everyone of you standing along this marathon route, cheering Greg on to victory. I find myself imagining him running, with his arms held high, crossing over the finish line with the crowds of supporters going crazy with joy. This WILL happen. I look forward to seeing you all there!

Blessings.

Beth Tolaas

Tuesday, August 12, 2003 1:32 PM CDT

today there were more tests for greg. this time an ultra sound of his liver and an abdominal x-ray. no results yet. these tests are occasioned by his persistent diahrrhea and resulting poor nutrional standing and by some jaundice.
pain meds have also been reduced by half. hopefully this will help him be even more alert but if the pain increases in intensity of course there will be provision to manage that.

beth tells that sadness has been visiting greg today. it is 53 days since june 20. most of the rest of us have been coming and going in our lives, having a treat when we want, going outside as we wish, welcoming friends who want to visit, paying attention to the sitations in the world and living ordinary lives. it is sad for us that greg can't join in that...imagine how sad it is for him. his caregivers today will try to get him outside for a bit... he loves fresh air. here's hoping this can happen because it will lighten his spirit a bit.

thanks for your visit to the web today. greg counts on you knowing what is going on with him and on your prayers. THAT lightens his spirit!
jan kormann

Monday, August 11, 2003 2:23 PM CDT

It’s Monday and kind of a regular “day after surgery” day. We only say that because after twelve surgeries, there does seem to be a bit of a pattern forming…some pain, some anesthesia side affects, and just plain feeling tired.

Greg is experiencing a little discomfort today but it seems to be more from a night of sleeping for longer stretches, consequently, being awake fewer times to push the “magic medicine” button. He has asked the docs if he can have an additional bump in the a.m. to make up for less coverage during the night and then let the pump take over for the remainder of the day. Seems like a plan. The only side affect of the pain med is the grogginess…although Greg says mentally he feels quite alert. He sure is quite coherent when the docs come in and he voices questions and concerns. On occasion he may need a prompt to remember…but me, I need a list.

The surgical nurse and doc are busy with him right now taking the dressing off the chest wound where they did some of yesterday’s debridement and replacing it with a vac pac just like the one they put on his leg wound after last Thursday’s surgery. This covering will allow debridement to happen 24/7 and will also encourage the reproduction of cells that will encourage healing. Yesterday’s surgeon said there will probably be another 2-5 procedures after Sunday’s and that he was encouraged about how good the cut on the outer leg looked. Again…tiny steps forward…but forward indeed.

So overall, the day seems pretty low key, but still very filled. Hoping Greg will get a nap in after the vac gets hooked up. Sleep is good…day or night.

Earlier in the day a chaplain friend of Greg’s came in and prayed with us. She asked Greg what he would like to focus his prayer on today and he said, “ Continual renewal of emotional, spiritual, and physical energy AND for prayers for the caregivers (doctors and nurses) to really ‘hear’ concerns and feelings and for them to be able to find solutions to the problems at hand.” These prayer requests we ask of you, family and friends, and on behalf of Greg and the entire Tolaas Clan…Maureen, Tim, Laura, and myself…we thank you with full hearts.

Beth Tolaas

Sunday, August 10, 2003 5:20 PM CDT

greg's surgery went well this morning. the surgeon was pleased with the progress in his leg and he re-packed the chest wound. within the next days a vac unit like the one on his leg will be installed in his chest to speed the healing and help with the debreeding. this afternoon greg is having a lot of pain which is being managed with additional meds.
the readings of the day this sunday were much about food. hearth cake for elijah and eucharistic images for the followers of jesus. i couldn't help but think about greg's challenges around improving his nutrition, needing units of blood for body food and relying on prayers from all of us for his spiritual feeding. please keep all of those prayers flowing his way and know that he daily mentions his gratitude for your kindness.
peace and all good things.
jan kormann

Saturday, August 9, 2003 8:37 PM CDT

low hemoglobin visited greg again today so he hadn't much energy. two units of blood are being administered tonight to get him up to a level that will make it possible for him to have his 12th or 13th (but who's counting) surgery tomorrow.

the plastic surgeon will attend to his chest in hopes of introducing a new process for speeding the healing of that wound. he'll also have anotehr look at greg's leg and the wound from the ekmo machine. this plastic surgeon is very skilled at wound care so all are hopeful that he'll be able to help the process along.
don't know yet what time the surgery will be tomorrrow but...as they say....stay tuned.

jlbk

Friday, August 8, 2003 11:05 PM CDT

Greetings.

Slow day at the shop today. Not much happening and it kinda feels good.

Greg has had a pretty darn good day actually. Can we just say a big AMEN for the meds. He is finally able to stay ahead of the hurting rather than chasing it. Greg loves to push the "magic button", as I call it, that colors his world happy…and as you all know, when Greg is happy, WE are happy.

Don’t let me lead you to believe that it was a lazy day for Greg. There is little that slows him down when motivated. He is wanting to get out of bed and into the chair. He is wanting to tackle traveling to the bathroom via the wheelchair. He is wanting to work out long and hard with PT and, although OT still is struggling at times to show when scheduled, he is raring to go when they do get there. This, all the day after surgery. An amazing man.

The next surgery looks like possibly Sunday. Here's to a somewhat quiet, nourished filled, and restful weekend.

All for today.

Beth Tolaas

Friday, August 8, 2003 5:53 PM CDT

Greetings.

Slow day at the shop today. Not much happening and it kinda feels good.

Greg has had a pretty darn good day actually. Can we just say a big AMEN for the meds. He is finally able to stay ahead of the hurting rather than chasing it. Greg loves to push the "magic button", as I call it, that colors his world happy…and as you all know, when Greg is happy, WE are happy.

Don’t let me lead you to believe that it was a lazy day for Greg. There is little that slows him down when motivated. He is wanting to get out of bed and into the chair. He is wanting to tackle traveling to the bathroom via the wheelchair. He is wanting to work out long and hard with PT and, although OT still is struggling at times to show when scheduled, he is raring to go when they do get there. This, all the day after surgery. An amazing man.

The next surgery looks like possibly Monday. Here's to a somewhat quiet, nourished filled, and restful weekend.

All for today.

Beth Tolaas

Thursday, August 7, 2003 10:18 PM CDT

thank you so much for your prayers today. this was a good one. positive reports from the doctors after the surgery, good results with managing greg's sugars, pain control medications doing their job, all leading to a hearty spirit in greg.
another surgery will happen on the weekend or monday to debreed three wounds (adding now the one from where the ekmo machine was placed in his groin). there is a vac unit attached now to the leg wound and it is doing the "out with the bad" job of getting his leg more healthy and allows for not having to change dressings.
greg's abiding request is that we pray for him to have a heart for the work that is still ahead. he was feeling much more energized for that this evening and we can certainly continue to supply the grace energy for all he has yet to do.
we talked tonight about what an amazing prayer community this web site is! cyber prayer...such a concept. do remembr to pray for all those others who have sites on caringbridge and for the generous suppliers of this service.
we can also hope and pray that greg has another peaceful night of sleep....that might be a record...two nights in a row!
jan kormann

Thursday, August 7, 2003 10:38 AM CDT

thank you God. greg had a very good night sleep last night and a number of medical management issues are being addressed in ways that are very helpful to him and which simplify his life a bit. such a mood elevator. we genuinely thank god for this blessing and you for your prayers.
there is an entire community praying for greg who may not be represented on this site. a special update phone line at st. philip's gets dozens of calls every day. last night i cleared off 87 messages and this morning 54 more. many of the callers are older people who do not have access to the web but who have great access to god. so, if you know folks who want to use that form of communication they could call 612.588.8599. (that is not a location at which one can leave messages.)
sometime today another surgery will hapen to have a new look at his leg and further inspection of his chest wound. i am praying in gratitude for the mountainous skill of surgeons. the ones greg has had are an amazing group of women and men.
thanks again for prayer and love and concern and affection and attention. you are the ones greg, the family and friends count on for support and energy.
jan kormann

Wednesday, August 6, 2003 5:12 PM CDT

Hello Friends. Another eventful day. What can I say…truly never boring here at the hospital.

I will begin with an update on yesterday’s surgery. The day started with a call from Greg at 6:00 a.m. saying the start time was changed from 8:45 a.m. to 7:00 a.m. Let’s just say a quick Amen for the absence of police crossing my path as I sped to the hospital. Now there’s a first! Anyway, I cruised into his room at 6:57 a.m. only to have Greg say, “Cutting it a little close, aren’t you?”…to which I may have gestured or something. Then began the game of “Hurry Up and Wait!” We’ve all been there. Truthfully, Greg’s hemoglobin was very low again so they needed to give him two units of blood. They decided to do that down in OR so he could go into surgery as soon as he was done. Once we got down there, I bet they went back and forth six times, trying to decide whether or not Greg should stay in OR or go back to the room to get his blood. The OR holding tank, as I call it, won out. Greg and I just started laughing at some point, thinking how comedic the entire process had been thus far. It was either laugh or lose it. At around 10:00 a.m. they sent us out of Greg’s cell, if you will, saying surgery would happen soon. Two hours later, when the OR monitor in the waiting room still said “pre-op”, we went back to check on Greg, only to find out his pic-line had clogged and they needed to start a new IV for the blood, which only delayed surgery longer still. In the end, they finally rolled Greg into the operating room at 1:15 p.m. and we met him back in his room after recovery at around 4:45 p.m.

Long day? Yes. Positive results? The doctor was pleased. He said there were no surprises and that they were able to go in and clean up the chest site as needed. They are still not sure why the incision did not heal properly. There seems to be a myriad of possibilities. The important thing being now…to debride it and get it to heal.

Today Greg called again at 6:00 a.m. Did I mention that I’m usually not a morning person? He asked a couple of us to come down early because he was in such pain, and had been during the latter half of the night. He just needed someone to be there. Three of us joined him a.s.a.p. and tried our best to support him however we could. Some of it was just strategizing ways to simplify his responsibilities as far as his daily routine goes so he can concentrate solely on nutrition and getting the rest he needs to mend. All players (doctors/nurses) were willing to help out however they could.

Around mid-day Greg had his dressings changed on the chest and leg wounds. To say it was painful would just be putting it too mildly. To say the medical staff did all they could to make Greg comfortable during the process would be more than true. To say Greg was amazing and a real trooper…let’s just say, he remains one of my biggest heroes, as does our brother Tim. He came down to spend time with Greg today in the midst of tackling his own CF demons, having just had a pic-line put in himself last Friday for at-home IV’s as he works at staying a step or several ahead of this ugly disease. I thank God once more that we are a family of fighters.

I will wrap this rather lengthy…I apologize…update up by saying Greg will be going into surgery (late morning/early afternoon) again tomorrow. Today’s prayer request…just keep doing what you’re doing and spread the word. Prayer is a powerful thing! Thank you!

Beth Tolaas

Tuesday, August 5, 2003 9:00 AM CDT

just to keep things interesting in case they were not already enough so:
greg's surgery which was scheduled to have begun an hour ago has now been delayed until later in the morning because his hemoglobin is very low and he needs to receive a couple of units of blood before the surgery.
surgery is to debried the chest wound again and to check on the infection which is present.
prayers would be in order for his getting strength from the fresh blood and, abidingly, for his pspirit.
more later

Monday, August 4, 2003 11:59 AM CDT

Tough weekend. Tough Monday. Greg was to have had the second debridement on his chest this morning, the first having been Saturday last. His lung surgeon came in early on and said he was called in to do a lung transplant so Greg’s surgery will be delayed until tomorrow morning.

I am going to be frank here. Greg has asked to have folks “step up the prayer please”. He was given the news that the debridement and repair to the chest wound is more extensive than he originally understood it to be and that it will keep Greg in the hospital for anywhere from two to four more weeks…then on to rehab. This depresses Greg!

He is feeling overwhelmed trying to deal with all the different doctors and nurses as they change rotations from week to week, trying to stay clear on procedures and new problems that seem to arise daily, trying to manage the open leg and chest wounds and up-coming surgeries, trying to get a handle on nutrition to gain the much needed weight necessary to help the healing process, trying to get control of his diabetes/blood sugars that are affected by his diet/meds and are also directly affecting the healing, and so on.

From the outside we encourage Greg to just look at today and not project days and weeks down the road. I also know, as we watch him live “IT” 24/7, it is not an easy task to keep it so simple. Greg’s a big picture guy, and he sees more clearly than anyone how these pieces all need to come together to complete this challenging puzzle.

As for prayer, I am not sure what to ask for specifically…maybe just that Greg be able to focus on one day at a time, that he begin to feel an inner peace that all WILL pull together and that in the end, it will be successful. Different than he had imagined…but successful all the same.

Thank you for your commitment to loving and supporting Greg and our family through your continued prayers and kind words.

Beth Tolaas

Sunday, August 3, 2003 5:21 PM CDT

greg is trying to have a day of rest but that is always a challenge in the hospital. his chest was repacked today,an exercise with strong enough pain that it got through the morphine! tomorrow back to surgery so the doctor can do some more debrieding of the incision.
this morning at st. philip fr. dale korogi suggested we pray mightily for the infection to go whereever infections go. maybe "infection hell"?
and,...in the midst of this and a siege of very persistent and irritating itching, greg none-the-less wants to do some of the strengthening exercises the pt's and ot's have given him and has said he is really working at having a peaceful attitude about having to stay in the hospital another week or two before the rehab center.
thank you for your continuing prayers.
jan kormann

Saturday, August 2, 2003 4:43 PM CDT

Can this week be done?!

Simple message today. The debridement of Greg's leg went well. More surgeries to follow in the weeks ahead. This procedure CAN take place at the rehab center so it will not keep Greg from moving on.

The chest wound will however, at least temoporarily. The surgeons moved on to the debridement of this cut after working on the leg. It showed signs of infection and cultures were taken to determine what type. It will be several days before the results of the labs will be known. More debridement of Greg's chest wound will happen as soon as Monday. The wound will remained open and packed between surgeries, much like with the leg cuts.

Given Greg's condition, it will mean a longer hospital stay and altering physical and occupational therapy...two things that will greatly frustrate him. Please continue rocking the heavens with prayer for Greg. Pray for understanding, for peace of mind, and for healing. Thank you!

Beth Tolaas

Friday, August 1, 2003 3:43 PM CDT

One step forward. Two steps back. Cha cha cha. Just one of those days. Actually, it started out pretty normal. Later in the week equals lighter traffic. I brought Greg some special treats from Wuollet's (sp?) Bakery to celebrate six weeks here, as well as six years at St. Philip's. Okay, so we weren't really celebrating his being here at the hospital as much as we were looking forward to the possible break to Rehab on Monday.

Shortly after noon his lung surgeon came by to do his daily check on Greg…to see how he’s doing. Greg told him he had just noticed a weird sound on his right side by the chest wound. The doctor looked and, low and behold, the wound had separated and was now showing signs of infection. Not a good thing for anybody, but, for Greg especially right now.

So here's the plan. Greg is scheduled for leg surgery early on in the day tomorrow. It’s still going to happen, but the lung surgeon will also go in at the same time and clean up the chest wound. Together, he and the plastic surgeon will figure out what the best plan of action is for Greg's chest, given what they find once they get in there. The long and short of it...no move on Monday or probably for a week to ten days. They will want to wait until the chest is sufficiently showing signs of healing and then he will make the move to his new location.

Does Greg feel totally discouraged? No. Is he frustrated with yet another bump in the road? Most definitely. The reality is though, they did warn Greg…and all of us, about the possibility of many glitches along the way. As one doctor put it today..."Yes, you have had many problems since surgery 42 days ago, but the upside is we have had solutions for each one of them."

Here is to prayers for cleansing and healing and more steps forward. Cha cha cha.

Beth Tolaas

Thursday, July 31, 2003 10:38 PM CDT

READ THE PREVIOUS ENTRY FROM TODAY AND THEN READ THIS ONE:
this is the image of greg walking:
dale is there walking the pole with greg's meds et. al
the p.t. is on greg's right reminding him of tricks of getting the "bad" leg to move along
judy is there as chief encourager
i'm immediately behind greg with the wheelchair so he can sit as necessary
and greg walks out of his room 28' feet
then he sits and rests just a bit
and then he turns around and walks back to his room.
what a grand accomplishment this is!

Thursday, July 31, 2003 4:11 PM CDT

I JUST SAW THE MOST WONDERFUL SIGHT!
Greg walked 56 feet! That's a magnificent accomplishment for him and the portent of good things to come. Thank you God! And thank you Greg for your heroic efforts!

Another full and rich day. Doctors (including the beloved Dr. Warwick), therapists, nurses they all come each with their own gifts.
The bronc yesterday went well and the doctor was happy with what she saw.
Diabetes management is still a bit of a trick but Greg is tweaking his cares in that regard.
Greg's had a device in his chest since he began dialysis which was removed today...one more sign of promise.

Tomorrow is the sixth anniversay of Greg starting work at St. Philip. Six years of growth and delight and challenge and success and disappointment and joy and intensity. Six years when the parish has grown under his leadership to be a community of great faith and true gospel work. We long for the day he will return to lead the flock. in the meantime we rejoice in every new step along the way.
jan kormann

Wednesday, July 30, 2003 5:34 PM CDT

Greetings friends. Here is to a somewhat calmer day filled with sunshine and a simple breeze. Greg awoke this morning, after a pretty good nights sleep (Amen!) feeling lighter in spirit and a bit more grounded in his commitment to giving it his all on this journey. There has never been a doubt, in his mind and/or any of ours, that he will not do what it takes to get the job done here. It’s just that some days…spiritually, emotionally, physically…it feels like more challenging than others.

Greg pulled a group of us together last night and shared exactly what Day 39 had been like for him. He talked about knowing that this experience can not be viewed as a “sprint”, but more as a “marathon”, and that this day, in particular, Greg felt like he hit the wall. He shared that although it seems to many that the hard part is behind him, the thought of more leg surgeries, unknown outcomes, learning to walk again, painful healing…collectively, all make him feel like the hard has yet to happen. Greg admits that he is a “doer” and likes to have things happen “now”. He also knows that he needs to pray heartily for patience to “pace” himself in the days, weeks and months ahead.

We know the good and bad days will happen in waves and Greg thanks you, as do the rest of us, for your commitment to love and support him through your kind words and prayers. I will take it a step further and ask once again, to continue on with more of the same, and together we will ride the waves with Greg until he finds smoother water.

A small wave for your form
A small wave for your voice
A small wave for your speech
A small wave for your means
A small wave for your generosity
A small wave for your appetite
A small wave for your wealth
A small wave for your life
A small wave for your health.
Nine waves of grace upon you
Waves of the Giver of Health.
-Mhairi nic Neill

Beth Tolaas

Tuesday, July 29, 2003 1:42 PM CDT

oh my the roller coaster that greg is on!

it is another day when new information about the disability of his leg, an again increased potassium level, the expectation of more leg surgery and another bronchscopy this week, the challenges which arise when different medical personnel have different treatment opinions. all this a more leads him to feeling very overwhelmed, sad, angry, frustrated.

some may be concerned about our frequent request for prayers about greg's emotional well-being. there is the old saw about "offer it up" and there are the travails of the world at large which are huge...but...this is gigantic for him. he truly expected that by now he would be up and about on two good legs working the new lungs up to their capacity and delighting in the new kidney. but instead he is learning to transfer, experiencing additional surgeries, facing an uncertain future about ambulation, acknowledging very obvious scaring on so many parts of his body, bearing very much physical pain, unable, because of exhaustion and constant activity, to welcome friends who long to visit . that he needs emotional prayer support is our opportunity to minister to greg now. we thank you for offering him that presence and that piece of your heart.
jan kormann

Monday, July 28, 2003 4:53 PM CDT

Another CRAZY Monday!

Although, for some reason, it seemed a bit more manageable today. It started out with finding Greg up and at ‘em in a chair eating breakfast. No sooner was he done than the visits began…the lung surgeon, the kidney docs, the diabetes docs, the kidney surgeon, the pain doctors, the physical therapist, the leg surgeon the hospital social worker, and the transplant docs…all before noon. This sprinkled with visits from his nurse to administer meds, replenish IV bags, and change dressings.

The first visitor was the lung surgeon who came in and asked Greg how things were going and then patiently listened as Greg filled him in on the weekend. Physically, Greg said the lungs were working, the kidney was working, and the leg hurt like holy h-ll! Emotionally it was a roller coaster ride with more time, it seemed, in the valleys than up on the peaks. Afterwards the doctor sympathized with all Greg shared and then sat and talked through some things with him, easing his mind. Not what you’d expect from a busy doctor/surgeon.

Greg often says that initially he was somewhat afraid of what would happen after surgery. Would he be able to really communicate with the surgeons and other doctors? Would the nurses be competent and caring? The honest answer to both concerns would be that for the most part he/we have been thrilled and incredibly thankful for the care Greg has received during the past near forty days.

The doctors talk. Greg listens. Greg asks questions. The doctors listen and do their best to answer. Greg asks the nurse(s) questions. They respond. If they aren’t sure of something, most do their best to find an answer promptly. We think of all the things that have pulled together to make this experience happen…from the availability of the donor/organs, the surgical teams, the ECMO machine, the post surgical teams, the caregivers, all the way to Greg’s move to rehab at some point in the near future. You kind of have to ask yourself…“Is there even a wonder that this entire process has been orchestrated by God?” I think not.

As one of Greg’s doctors put it yesterday… “Yours is a miracle of miracles Greg!” Today we give thanks for the gift of donors, the gift of medical workers, and most definitely the gift of Greg and his unending motivation…even in the midst of most trying times. There is indeed much to be grateful for at this point! Today we continue to pray for Greg and his fighting spirit as he awaits another bronchoscopy (possibly Wednesday or Thursday) , another leg debridement (again, possibly Wednesday or Thursday), and maybe the biggest challenge of the week, another possible move…this time to rehab.

Another CRAZY week!

Beth Tolaas

Sunday, July 27, 2003 2:52 PM CDT

a couple of points and then words from greg. please keep praying hard for greg's spirit. today has included much time of feeling overwhelmed. one of the docs pointed out pretty dramatically how close to death he was during those first days and even used the miracle word. but it is the very miracle of surviving the complexities which extends the healing, recovery, strengthening time. laura and i did exercises with him today and the 6 minutes of arm stuff gave the two of us twinges....the grand news....at the end of the 2 minute exercise sections greg's 02 saturation levels were 98, then 100 and finally 97! (and laura and i had tired arms!)

and....from greg... a note included in the csp bulletin today and written on thursday last.
"To my dear community of love and faith,
It would be near-to-impossible for me to capture or convey the experience that has shaped my transplants and ongoing recovery. It has been beyond huge, beyond exhausting, at some level amazingly incredulous....like being written into a miracle.
My body has been through a war, but I think the outcome is going to be victory. Wires, scars, incisions, IV's, endless doctor visitaitons, new breath , new shades of balck and blue, a kidney that knows how to pee (!!!) and the onslaught of gratitude one minute and discouragment the next. To tell you the truth, it has been much more demanding and overwhellming than I ever expected.
One true challenge I face is that a significant damage took place to my left leg during one of the surgeries. I am unable to walk at this time, but will soon graduate to a rehab hosptial to try to restore my once able gate.
Days and nights I pray a lot. I truly thank God for each and every person who has faithfully kept me in heart. There have been moments when I have thought I cannot complete this sojourn, but then hope revists me. Today (Thursday) I am truly encouraged.
I do not know exactly when I will leave Fairview Hospitals. And I do not know how long I will be doing rehab to restore the leg. I do know I miss you and I want to return home as soon as I can. Breathing more easily is its own miracle. Filling the urinal is its own miracle. And learning to walk again will be the third. Thank you for your love. I love you and miss you, and praise God for the communion we share.
GRT"

Saturday, July 26, 2003 6:53 PM CDT

saturday means blessed slowing of traffic in and out of greg's room. and, in large part, because of increased pain meds greg has had deep and long sleep today and also a good rest last night. it is a truly lovely sight to see him sleep and watch his chest move up and down slowly, with little effort and without the accustomed ratteling sounds! (another reason for immeasurable gratitude to the donor and to all organ donors. (oh my gosh i heard today of a tongue transplant!!!! the first ever!!! some place in britain.)

there is still leakeage from one of the chest wounds but those are healing and his leg looks much better than it did. he said yesterday he'd not likely appear shirtless or in shorts again on a beach but hey...who knows. his determination and spirit are helping him conquer so very much. p.t. and o.t. continue to be welcome tasks in his day and though he is very weak he is making apparent progress.

some have asked if c.f. will attack the new lungs and kidney. my undersatning is that, since those organs have different d.n.a. than his birth body, this will not happen. c.f. will still be part of his life with several necesary regimes to manage it but healthy lungs and one functioning kidney will carry him along so very well.

oh yes....the special visitor was indeed kelley. she was a bit befuddled by all the machines, by the aromas and activity and maybe by greg's temporarily changed voice but greg was so very glad to see her. maybe again soon kelley will make the trip.

tomorrow....words from himself!

did you pray for him in the last hour????

jan kormann

Friday, July 25, 2003 2:28 PM CDT

Happy Friday to all. Exhausting end to an exhausting week. If they are nothing else here at the hospital, they are consistent.

Greg called me early this morning to ask me when I would be coming in for the day. He was having a tough morning. Greg has had trouble getting much REM sleep since...actually since coming here...but more so since he has been on an diuretic which has him going to the bathroom every 20-30 minutes. They are using this med to try and lower his potassium, which has spiked a bit again today.

Another reason for interrupted sleep was the CT scan they scheduled for midnight last night. Crazy scheduling. The scan showed a small amount of air around both lungs. One of his doctors scheduled him for a bronchoscopy to take a look around and see that all is well from the inside of the new lungs. That is where Greg is right now.

He still has no word on when he will go to rehab or where he will go. The consensus is he will need to be quite independent in caring for himself and medically, very stable. Greg remains focused on these goals throughout his day(s).

He continues to feel very overwhelmed much of the time, as well as very tired...one impacting the other. Feels like that is the specific prayer request today...for sleep, spirit, and strength. Looks like a huge prayer day. I'll let you get to it.

Have a wonderful weekend and continue on with the messages. We are reading them to him daily and the words in themselves are incredibly healing.

Peace,

Beth Tolaas

Thursday, July 24, 2003 10:56 AM CDT

a bit of a different tack for the update today:
yesterday we surpassed the 100,000 "hits" mark. can you even imagine! what an amazing gift this website is for greg and us. and here is an equally amazing fact. this service is provided without a penny of cost to us or the hundreds of other families who benefit from, are encouraged by, are uplifted through, are delighted with its role in the lives of our loved ones.
without a cost to US. not without cost to the caringbridge organization. if each "hit" on the web site were valued at just 10 cents we would have contributed more than $10,000.00 to this operation.
so...if you have a spare dollar, if you make a big winning at the casino, if you don't know what to do with the dimes in your jar on the dresser, if you want to send greg flowers (which he can't have in his room), how about using those funds as small kindnesses to caringbridge. they are a bootstrap organization with (i'm pretty sure)only one staff person and a volunteer board. there is a button on the site you can hit for more informaiton about how to contribute.
there...enuf preachment for the day
greg is having another very full day which, with a bit of luck, will include a visit from a VERY special friend. if that comes off we'll tell you about it tomorrow.
PRAY! please!
jan kormann

Wednesday, July 23, 2003 5:27 PM CDT

...and pause. Greg was busy, busy, busy today. Some of it same old / same old. I walked in to find him sitting in the chair, finishing breakfast. I don’t know that his appetite has improved because the food has suddenly gotten any better. It probably has more to do with Greg’s knowing that good nutrition plays a big part in the healing process.

Greg spent a big part of his day in the chair today, both stationary and wheelchair. He is learning how to pivot (on his good foot) and park...working at trying to transfer from the bed to the chair and back with the help of one person. He also wheeled himself from one hallway to another this afternoon, trying to build upper body strength. At one point today, a guy came in to talk to Greg about his leg and you could just tell he was a body builder. Greg, of course, looked at him and said, “We must work out at the same gym!” The humor surfaces again.

The doctors continue to stop by on and off throughout the day...and overall, they seem pleased with Greg’s progress. He met with the pain doctors a couple of days ago and with the help of their suggestions, Greg seems to be staying ahead of the pain, rather than chasing it. There is still much to be done on and with the leg, but some of that can be accomplished after Greg’s move to rehab. He is working on getting physically stronger through eating and exercising, both of which exhaust his energy supply still.

Today we went to a class to learn what will need to happen once Greg leaves the hospital. However, there is still no word on when that will transpire and he is reminded by many to be patient and to just focus on getting stronger for now. His rehab doctor came in yesterday and somewhere in the conversation she said something like “The healing will only happen as fast as it happens Greg. There is no way to rush it.” A good reminder to us all as we continue to pray for patience!

Beth Tolaas

Tuesday, July 22, 2003 8:30 PM CDT

i'm back! beth and i are going to share the updating of the web page for now...each of us loves doing it and finds it nearly therapeutic.

i was genuinely privileged tonight to help change the dressings on greg's leg wounds. dramatic! even he says the wounds gross him out. but they are another demonstration of the holy complexity of the body and its durability against huge medical insult. beth has been a faithful servant doing this procedure any number of times. (by the way: any one of us should be so gifted as to have a sister like her!)

today in greg's life was like many in the recent past in that there were endless medical procedures, numerous conversations with medical personnel, lots of learning about new meds, new procedures, new lungs, new kidney, newly damaged leg, new life.

what also is like other days is greg's need for constant prayer. he asks us to remind you that this struggle is a long way from being over and the future is very complicated and sometimes frightening. today i read to him a sermon given by a presbyterian pastor in st paul...she is a very wise and gifted woman whose impression after just one meeting with greg was clearly intuitive. his gratitude for that sort of rememberance is extended because yet another group of people are invited into regular and intense prayer for him. that is what we all can do. pray fervently, persistently, urgently.

Monday, July 21, 2003 6:30 PM CDT

Hello, hello. Well, it was a busy weekend, and as always...more of the same on Monday. But Greg is handling it with new gusto today.

I came in to find him finishing a good size breakfast and then, transferring back into bed. It has been so amazing to watch Greg make so much progress. His upper body is getting stronger bit by bit. He is now able to push up off the bed or chair with the assistance of a single person and he's working hard at building up strength in both legs with the help of his physical therapist.

I laughed when his nurse walked in this morning and Greg said, "Okay breakfast is done. I'm back in bed. I’ve shaved and washed up. What's next on the schedule?" She replied, "First of all you need the dressing on your leg changed, followed by a work out with PT. When your done there, you'll be off to a meds class at 11:00 a.m. We'll call RT now and see if we can squeeze them in before class. If not they we'll get them to come right before lunch. After lunch, you'll have OT and your second session with PT. Somewhere in there we need to squeeze in running you down for a chest x-ray." Greg said, "Bring it on."

He tackled all of the above, plus a number of conversations with the doctors...his lung surgeon, his kidney docs, the speech person, the pain management team, a dietician...and that was all before 3:00 p.m. Not sure who stopped by to talk and listen to him breathe after I left.

Greg's energy level continues to be somewhat low, but his determination today was off the charts. I think it's probably one of the first days he has indeed felt like he's making progress...all be it slow. Greg is responding to direction with humor and hard work. Once more, not a surprise! The prayers...they are a workin'! Amen.

Beth Tolaas

Sunday, July 20, 2003 1:47 PM CDT

Sunday afternoon.

Greg just finished sitting in the chair and having lunch. He ate pretty much everything...and with a tray full of hospital food (Blah!) that's saying a lot.

They continue to work and bumping his potassium down and pumping his red blood cells up. The latter will help with his energy level a bit. He did get a couple of hours of dialysis last evening. Enough to bring the potassium down some, but not so much that the kidney would think that it's time to nap again.

I asked Greg if he had any prayer requests and he stated simply that although it is an enormous gift to have the lungs and the kidney cooperating (Amen!), he is still in need of heavy duty prayer when it comes to the challenges of dealing with the emotional and spiritual side of this experience. It's huge. HUGE! So, in short he/we ask you to pray for physical healing. Pray for spiritual healing. Pray for emotional healing. Pray, pray, pray.

Greg, again, sends his eternal gratitude (his exact words) for the unending love, prayers, and support you have sent his way. His heart is full.

Beth Tolaas

Saturday, July 19, 2003 11:57 AM CDT

Hello folks. Another busy morning at the hospital, especially for a Saturday. But first of all...Greg sends a huge hello to all of you. We've been reading entries from his guestbook during down times when he's not sleeping. Greg is most appreciative of the kind words and continued love, support, and prayers.

On to his health. The biggest concern at this point is a spike in Greg's potassium levels. His heart rate, blood pressure, and his oxygen level look good...all indicators that his body is tollerating the higer potassium level. But still, they want to see it come down into normal range...sooner better than later. One of the other issues Greg has had since surgery is bowel obstructions...on and off...due to inactivity, meds, anesthesia, etc. The doctors think this might be the reason for his most recent potassium issue. They are doing a number of things...thank God for their knowledge...to right the situation and it is our hope that things will be back on track soon.

He did not get to sleep until 4:30 a.m. this morning so his energy level is quite low. He has had breakfast, been down for a chest x-ray and an intestinal x-ray, worked out with PT and is now working with OT. I fear RT is waiting outside the door. I just want to see him be able to sleep a bit and hopefully that will happen after lunch.

His nurse today is wonderful and very on top of things. Hopefully she will have him for the next two days. His lung surgeon said consistency in nursing staff will be key to cutting down on miscommunication or the need for Greg to explain himself over and over. Simple solutions.

I'll sign off for now and wish you all a wonderful day filled with deep breaths and even deeper prayer.

Beth Tolaas

Friday, July 18, 2003 1:49 PM CDT

Greeting and Happy Friday.

Not a lot to share today. The leg surgeon was in and Greg had no news in that department. Greg continues to work hard with PT and OT. The kidney doctors came by and said his creatinine levels were down to 1.3 and things looked good. The lungs appear to be doing their thing...still adjusting to their new home.

Greg was suppose to attend a meds class today, but between the transporter person taking us to the wrong location and the oxygen tank never being turned on properly...let's just say it was a short class. We'll try again on Monday.

The traffic is indeed a bit slower today which has provided Greg with time for an occassional cat nap. There's always some new information being given him or questions being asked and the feeling of being overwhelmed remains. We keep saying, "We'd be worried if you weren't feeling that way!" Continued prayers for patience and the ability for Greg to see how far he has come on this most challenging journey.

As always, thank you to all of the folks that have helped in getting Greg to this point, whether it be with prayer, caregiving, or medical expertise. All are gifts.

Enjoy the rest of your day.

Beth Tolaas

Thursday, July 17, 2003 3:28 PM CDT

Hello Friends. Is it Thursday already? It is Thursday...isn't it? It must be. The lineup of doctors and health care workers has lessened considerably since the early part of the week. Leaves a little time for some shut eye for Greg.

Let's start today's news out with an update on Greg's leg surgery last night. For the most part, it went really well. The doctors came out and said something like "It looked good. It went well. Still NO infection! It's hopeful." In short, the surgeon is cleaning out the damaged muscle and tissue in Greg's left calf. We were happy to hear the positive news. Then again...it could have been the wine we snuck into the waiting room buoying our spirits. Oh well.

Greg seems to be tollerating the surgeries fine. He didn't get back to his room and asleep in bed until 3:00 a.m. Then, by 9:45 this morning he had already eaten a big breakfast, gone over his mile long list of new meds, and sat up in the chair for an hour and fifteen minutes. The problem came when the leg pain started kicking in and he was too exhausted to get back into bed without a great deal of help. Once he did get settled, in walks the physical therapist and starts getting the chair ready to transfer Greg into it. His eyes grew big as saucers and he looked up at her and said in a kind but firm voice, "Uh, I don't THINK so!" He won.

His kidney docs came in shortly thereafter and, again, grinning ear to ear, told him his creatinine levels dropped to 1.4, well within normal range, and things still looked great. YEA!

The lungs, also, seem to be doing their thing nicely. After yesterday's bronchoscopy, Greg's breathing continues to be less labored, although he does get easily winded doing the simplest of tasks. To be expected.

I spent a good chunk of the morning, after Greg returned to his bed, watching him rest. I don't know if it was the Native American flute music I put on or the morphine, but he was out like a light. After sitting there watching his chest rise and fall rhythmically with the music, I reached for a book on healing prayer I had with me. I decided to open it to the entry for June 20th...transplant day...and found the following Pawnee prayer..."Earth, ourselves, breathe and awaken, leaves are stirring, all things moving, new day coming, life renewing." How absolutely fitting!

Beth Tolaas

PS. Check out new pics on the album page...more to come.

Wednesday, July 16, 2003 3:01 PM CDT

Hello...where did the morning go? Let me tell you. It started out busy for Greg...no surprise. He was visited early on by the kidney doctors who shared with him that his creatinine level was 1.5. Now well within normal range for somebody sporting one kidney. Wonderful news!

Greg’s lung surgeon stopped by to see him, but ended up just catching a glimpse of Greg as they were just in the process of getting him ready to go down for his bronchoscopy. The bronch, itself, went well. They were able to go in and vacuum out a bunch of the crud that had gathered in the lower lungs...stuff that's been difficult for Greg to get out with such little energy. Already his breathing seems to be a bit less labored. They also checked the suture sites and said he's holding his air just fine. No patch work necessary. Again, wonderful news! The entire process was being viewed by the doctors on a screen that Greg could see as well. As you can imagine, he loved that and was thrilled to be able to see his new lungs doing their thing.

Even with all the positive strides being made, big and small, Greg asks for continued prayers for more patience as each day presents itself with new challenges. It is indeed an overwhelming experience for him.

Greg will go into surgery late this afternoon to continue the process of cleaning up the damage to his leg. Look for an update on that tomorrow. I was able to help the nurse change the dressing on his leg today and she joked that I should start getting paid for my work. I laughed and said it was my pleasure to help out in simple gratitude for all that the staff...from support to surgeons...have done for Greg.

That brings to mind another quote I came across in my reading..."A grateful thought toward heaven is of itself a prayer." The things we are thankful for in this transplant experience alone are too numerous to name. But, if I were to start my list for today, my heart and mind would go straight to Greg's donor, his/her incredible family, and the huge part they have played in giving Greg this new gift of life. I think I speak for all when I say...we are indeed grateful.

Beth Tolaas

Tuesday, July 15, 2003 10:14 AM CDT

Good morning friends. The sun is shining. The sky is blue. The flowers are blooming. And according to Greg...he's feeling "pretty okay today". Said his room was like a sauna all last night, but right now he is comfortable. Life is good.

The morning has been busy with his daily chest x-ray, Respitory Therapy, meds being given, blood being drawn, Physical Therapy waiting at the door, and of course, the daily parade of doctors coming by to check on his progress.

The kidney doctors continue to wear grand smiles and be extremely pleased with his kidney function. Dr. Payne reminds us that there are no guarantees still and that we need to be ready to just go with the flow (excuse the pun) day by day. But then he grins and says, "It's doing it's thing now!" We'll take the mini miracles and give thanks.

Greg seems a little less breathy today. Some of that will go away over the next couple of weeks as his chest tube holes heal closed. He is experiencing some discomfort in his abdominal area around the sight of his stomach tube and that seems to hinder him at times from coughing. Gotta cough. He also told the doctors he is still struggling to hear 100% and so they will check into that in the next couple of days.

His calendar for the week is filling up. Possible surgery on his leg again tomorrow to continue cleaning it out and repairing damage. Also a possible bronchoscopy on his lungs to check stitching. Don't want any leaks!

That's about it for today. Greg's spirits remain pretty good overall. I think, as he sees himself making progress, his sense of feeling overwhelmed will lessen as well. Many mini miracles happening. Prayer. It's an amazing thing. Keep rockin' the heavens.

Beth Tolaas

Monday, July 14, 2003 3:28 PM CDT

I had hoped to have news to you earlier, but the thunder and lightening zapped my first attempt this morning...so here we go again.

Let's start out with the big news of the day. Greg has moved out of ICU. YEA! A gentle but firm reminder please from both Greg and the family...still NO visitors. The doctors remind us on a regular basis that he is still not out of the woods and that, although the move is a positive one, the work is just beginning. He will need to preserve any and all strength/energy at this time for his recovery. In short...still no visitors! Cards are good! Prayers are great!

The lungs are improving little by little with each passing day. Greg continues to be mildly short of breath, especially when it becomes necessary to talk a lot. His voice, although scratchy at times, IS getting stronger.

His kindeys are really crankin' and Amen to that. The creatin (s?) levels continue to move closer to the normal range and Greg is now on day five without dialysis. The doctors are so pleased with his progress in this area that they have given the okay to start a new anti-rejection drug that they've held off giving until the kidney function was much improved.

Now for the leg. PT and OT each visit Greg daily for a work out. He asked the docs if it would be possible for PT to come twice a day to work so as to speed up the recovery process. Does Greg's determination surprise any of you? We're trusting that the staff will tell Greg when enough is enough should he try and push too hard.

Special request by Greg for his "Little Old Ladies" at St. Philip's. He asks that you hit heavy on the leg prayers. He figures your 2 for 2 with the lung and kidney prayers. I say, "You go girls!" There is a posibility of more leg surgery later in the week. We'll keep you posted. Greg's leg surgeon visited St. Philip's Sunday past. Know that Greg continues to have an impact...even from a hospital bed.

I wanted to end by sharing a quote I came across this past week in my reading. "Prayer is exhaling the spirit of man (woman) and inhaling the spirit of God." Seemed a fitting form of prayer for Greg and all alike. On that note...breathe deeply friends.

Beth Tolaas

Sunday, July 13, 2003 12:59 AM CDT

First of all, Jan, we hope you have an amazing getaway with your family...a well deserved break. We'll chat later about the build-up you gave "yours truly". Not pressure enough that I'm attempting to fill your shoes on-line for the next week?

On to Greg. He continues to work hard at taking nourishment and exercising daily with OT and PT folks to strengthen his body and speed up his recovery. Asked a doc this a.m., "Given best case scenario...when do you see me getting out of here (hospital)?" The doctor chuckled and said, "Right now, we're just looking to get you to a new floor." Patience...we pray for patience.

Today's lung x-ray is looking much better with the new meds Greg's on. Yesterday afternoon he had his fourth and final chest tube pulled. SIGH. Says he still sounds and feels a bit like a leaky tire as the holes from all four tubes continue to try and heal shut. Greg's still experiencing a slight shortness of breath, but that didn't stop him from wanting to share and process the memories of the past twenty-two days as he ate supper last night.

The kidney is doing much better and Greg is thrilled to say he is on day four without dialysis. He also was able to have his catheter pulled this morning so he is even more pleased.

The big news of the day yesterday came shortly before the evening shift change. This incredible nurse came in and said she had 15 minutes before she needed to start work and did he want to go for a ride outside. As you can imagine, there was a collective gasp in the room, followed by Greg giving a simple, "Why sure." You should have seen him...decked out in his hospital gown with a sheet casually draped over his lap sitting in his moldable chair. He looked as regal as a king...occasionally seeing a hospital worker on the walk and giving a royal wave. Greg just kept smiling ear to ear, breathing in the fresh air and saying in his soft voice, "This is just wonderful! It's amazing!" No one could have said it better. It was a gift to experience and to witness.

I would like to end today by sending a heartfelt thank you to all of you, for your commitment to supporting Greg, our family, and friends, with your unending prayers and positive entries. It carries us through and through. Again, thank you.

Beth Tolaas

Saturday, July 12, 2003 8:09 AM CDT

ok...i know i said i would go away for a week
but....
greg has a particular prayer request this morning. he is feeling scared and discouraged about the long road ahead. the work to be done would overwhelm the very best among us. the months of recuperation, the upcoming days of abiding pain, struggle to regain strength, procedure after procedure, the lack of mobility....the list goes on and on.
so please pray for greg's spirit. i assured him that thousands of us are believing, on his behalf, that he can do this!
a new med should help relieve some of his anxiety. the kidney is puting out nice volumes of urine and, even though some of its other functions aren't in line yet, the doc who was in this morning seemed very encouraged and encouraging. he is expereincing a lot of shortness of breath. he pretty much believed he would be all done with that challenge but some issues with the lungs are causing this. greg got a big load of steroids last night and will get more for the next couple of days so these should help address the breathing issue.
pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray!
greg is very grateful for all of your prayers and surely they can help buoy his psirit.
ok...now i really am gone!
jan kormann

Friday, July 11, 2003 3:14 PM CDT

last night greg had some surgery on his leg with good results reported by the plastic surgeon and the ever-faithful dr. bill payne.
today he has eaten a bit and, according to beth the quote of the day is "this milk is so delicious". it is a very long time since he has had cows milk!
today the kidney is doing a bit of its own work so dialysis was delayed. keep up those prayers because they are having an effect.
in anticipation of the time greg will move off of icu a request from the family: the visiting needs to be held to what is now. greg will decide when he is ready for more company. try to imagine the hoards of medical personnel who must see him and consider the energy that requires from him in his exhausted and weakened state. a very important reality is that he will be immuno suppressed for a long time and must not be exposed to even the most mild virus or infection. thanks for your patience with this necessary restriction.
after this entry beth will be the web-queen for the next week as i head off on vacation. she is witty, smart, devoted to greg and probably a better speller than i am so you can count on good stuff from her.
thanks for the kind words which have been directed to me. this is such a privilege to do and i am grateful for your acknowledgements.
peace and all good things.
jan kormann

Thursday, July 10, 2003 10:15 AM CDT

lassitude...that's a grand word of which dan kelley reminded me yesterday...and it's descriptive of greg's day. pretty low key, very tired, a little short of breath and not much into visiting. but looking good, having a bit more kidney function, and results in other cleansing bodily functions! he even had his first meal tray!
gerg had a good night of sleep, experienced another afib this morning and otherwise is pretty much status quo.

today a bit of wisdom from our friend steve koller:
"be anything except afraid!" be prayerful, be grateful, be optimistic, be confident...be anything except afraid! we must trust that all will be well and can't let fear undermine that trust.

very exciting news from st. philip! THE call came at 5:30 this morning for the leblanc family! michelle and dominic leave tomorrow to travel to korea to pick up their new son and brother michael philip! this is a truly remarkable family much loved by all of us here and we pray them safe journey and joyous coming together next friday when michael comes home to minnesota. beth reports that greg had a BIG grin when told this morning of the happy news. (the leblancs also have a caring bridge website the address of which is www.caringbridge.org/mn/leblanc)
jan kormann

Wednesday, July 9, 2003 11:29 AM CDT

a low key day for greg. he continues to be very tired. (can you even imagine the kind of exhaustion which follows the last 20 days of his life?!)
various therapists are doing their work on his body. he had a popsicle! that means, i think, that his swallowing is getting stronger. one of the remaining chest tubes has been clamped off and it appears that all is moving in the right direction. those prayers for the kidney? they seem to be working. a test yesterday indicated some flow through the organ. keep it up and don't forget his leg. please pray that no infections roost there.

i can't remember if i've mentioned this before...if so...sorry. greg is a painter. we have reproduced 3 of his paintings on greeting cards. these are being sold and the profits from them go to support the patchwork quilt programs. pq is a set of outreach efforts from st. philip with the hawthorne neighborhood. need greeting cards? planning ahead for thank you cards? want unusual holiday cards? want to support the pq? give a call to john leblanc at 612-529-3125 and we'll send out as many boxes as you can use. they are $10.00 per box plus a shipping and handling fee unless you can pick them up or we can readily deliver them.
jan kormann

Tuesday, July 8, 2003 3:57 PM CDT

no particularly exciting news today...whis IS the good news.
greg is so tired these days and still he patiently deals with multitudes of docs and caregivers and therapists of various stripes. among the things we learn in this process: he will be seen by a speech pathologist to assist with swallowing and strengthening his voice in the aftermath of the respirator.
two chest tubes were removed today. the fewer encumbrances the better. his kidney output is somewhat better today than yesterday so we can pray that this is a trend. keep up those particular prayers. a suggestion on the guestbook that st. benedict is the one to pester about this seems a good idea.
doctors are saying very hopeful things about his progress and all are grateful for those words.

he has asked several people to review the calendar of events since 6/20 and is locking in more information each time.
the fun news for the waiting room crowd is that we finally get more than one channel on the tv....simple pleasures!

thank you god for a relatively ordinary day.

to each of you who care about greg...believe that he is abidingly grateful for your prayers, good thoughts and kindnesses.
jan kormann

Monday, July 7, 2003 10:52 AM CDT

beth is doing the morning shift with greg these days so here is information via her report just now.

the plastic surgeon was in this morning giving greg information about the damage to his leg. there is definitely dead muscle in his calf. perhaps this week a surgery will be done to ascertain the extent of that damage and to develop some treatment plans. this will likely be the first of several surgeries relating to his leg. as you can imagine this is startling information for greg. he thought he had considered the many consequences of transplant surgery but this was not among the ones which could have been anticipated. (his friends at los campeones will maybe get a chance to develop a new strength building regime for him down the road.) for now the p.t. and o.t. staff at the hospital are doing some strengthening work with him and he welcomes that.
there is a bit more kidney output today. still not at the level that the docs would hope but hey....the output today might be evidence that the universal prayer for that thing is kicking in so please keep it up. (is there some tribal or wiccan or ??? deity of kidney's?)

and he breathes...on his own and quietly. he is so grateful for the new lungs and magnificently determined to do the necessary coughing and suctioning.

thanks for all your care and concern. even though he is off the respirator greg remains in icu and can't have visitors or take phone calls. do understand though how deeply appreciative he is of your faithfulness about checking in here and about your prayer for him and his family.

jan kormann

Sunday, July 6, 2003 12:45 AM CDT

HHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYY!!!
GREG IS OFF THE VENT!
the vent was removed just before 11:00 this morning and greg is breathing on his own. among his first verbal expressions....his gratitude for new lungs and for the donor. among the first responses of several of us...tears of joy.
it is amazingly wonderful to see him without the head gear, minus the tube in his mouth, clean shaven and speaking ever so softly! this is a grand day! prayers of thanksgiving have been pouring out of us all.
he's brushed his teeth, is lifting his head strongly, he smiled! and we are all feeling so optimistic with this new development.

now...for a specific prayer request directly from greg which was sent to some of his favorite congregation members (the little old ladies) but important and urgent for all of us. let's concentrate our prayers on that stubborn kidney. i have no idea what a kidney prayer is but i've no doubt that our seven contintents prodding god about one little organ can make a difference...if nothing else maybe god will just get tired of us all pleading and jump start that organ.
if you want some genuine inspiraton go to the st. philip website (there is a link below) and listend to dale korogi's homilies of the last two weeks....the one from today will take a few days to load but both are spectacular. as i mentioned in the csp bulletin today i am just astounded at the generoisty of god that our church community will be served by this wonderful priest for the next couple of months.

celebrate today with greg
delight in brushing your teeth.
feel ice chips in your mouth.
suck on a popsicle.
cough.
rejoice.

jan kormann

Saturday, July 5, 2003 1:13 PM CDT

if days in icu can be quiet that is the case today. greg is very quiet today and seems a bit solemn.
kidney biopsy has been delayed until monday so as to be read by pathologist on that day. dialysis running today for about 4 hours and the technicians and nurse are happy that his blood pressure looks good during the run. the respirator is still at work. no leg news today.

it's oddly "unbusy" at the hospital. the ramp is not crowded, there are few people in the hallways. none-the-less the staff on icu go constantly about their demanding jobs and bells and whistles are constantly making sounds.

bishop pates came by to see greg and ...how typical is this of greg...the first thing he asked the bishop was "how is joncas". there is a generosity of care and spirit about this man which is so genuine that it rises immediately to the top even through foggy thinking.

wherever you are today please take a good deep breath for greg, enjoy ordinary bodily functions like peeing and think a first level thought of care for someone. we will honor him in doing those things. and, of course, pray...maybe particulary today for his spirit.
jan kormann

Friday, July 4, 2003 1:46 PM CDT

independence day for greg means freedom to communicate more clearly, ask for information, make sly jokes and unleash his hands! those are great steps forward even if he is still tethered to the respirator. he is more tolerant of that now and that alone gives the rest of us patience in the wait.
atrial fib again today. treated with medication and according to one of the docs this occurs in up to 30% of lung transplants so it isn't a cause for particular anxiety.

maureen returns to colorado tomorrow. we will miss her. no doubt it will be a struggle for her to be far away and so we ask particular prayers for her.

we told him today that all 7 continents are now covered in terms of people praying for him! astonishing!

it's a holiday for most of us and the first holiday for the family of the donor without their loved one. hold them in prayer please.

jan kormann

Thursday, July 3, 2003 3:17 PM CDT

a good day!
that should be enough to bring a smile but some details will illuminate.
greg was very alert today.
he wrote several messages including some quips and puns not the least of which was letting bill p. know that he was experiencing a bit of "payne".
he was very frustrated at the ignorace of some of his friends when it comes to interpreting or understanding sign language.
and he was his typical self in asking about others: uncle vince's funeral, the status of the leblanc wait for their new child and other things.
for the first time he understood that he had been in surgery three different times.
and he was downright funny too!
such a delight to see this coming forward from him.
it was a busy procedure day. insertion of the feeding tube in his belly, dialysis (the kidney was working a bit more today), bronchoscopy, b.d., and who knows what else.
independence from the respirator hasn't yet been accomplished but hopefully that will occur very soon.
if you want a particular focus for your prayer please pray about his left leg. as i've said before i'll not try to explain the complication there save saying that many prayers are needed for recovery because, at least for now, the leg is very compromised
have a safe and relaxing holiday weekend...will update a time or two over the next days.
jan kormann

Thursday, July 3, 2003 8:14 AM CDT

imagine how much greg would love being at the family cabin this weekend! the time WILL come when he can get up and down that hill again.
we are hopeful that today will be as calm as yesterday with equally good progress. all the medical staff are pleased with how his lungs are working. he was only minimally supported on the respirator for more than two hours yesterday and that is a good step toward extubation. (how's that for a fancy medical word!) one of his docs said yesterday that removing the respirator would be a real celebration of independence day.
kidney did a bit more work yesterday, a pic line was inserted in his arm and his spirits seemed quite good.

should you come to mass at csp this weekend pick up one of the magnets which serve as yet another reminder to pray for greg.

peace and all good things
jan kormann

Wednesday, July 2, 2003 11:04 AM CDT

can you imagine being awakened at 1:00 a.m. for an x-ray? that's life in the icu!
today greg will have his n/g tube replaced again and a pic line inserted in his arm. the latter will replace a chest catheter which has been being used as a transport for a varietiy of meds. etc. (and, just to be clear...it was NOT the respirator greg pulled out, it was the naso-gastric tube which serves as his feeding source.) greg is accustsomed to a pic line having had one for the several months he was on home ivs.
more weaning from the respirator is going on today and we are so hopeful that he'll be relieved of that assist fairly soon.

get this...six of the seven continents are represented among our prayer supporters! anybody got a friend in antarctica?

mass at st philip's this weekend is at 4:30 on saturday and 10:00 on sunday. fr. dale korogi, greg's very dear friend, will be our regular presider for the next couple of months. he is a grand preacher and an excellent presider so feel free to join us in prayer and for hospitality after sunday mass. also, this evening from 5:00 until 7;00, st. philip is open for quiet prayer with exposition of the blessed sacrament.

will you also please pray for greg's extended family as they mourn the death of greg's uncle vince hawkins.

a couple of disclaimers: spelling errors, medical misstatements etc. can all be laid at my feet!

unless there is some significant change i might not update the web site again today.
jan kormann

Tuesday, July 1, 2003 9:15 PM CDT

one more reminder up front to PLEASE not call the hospital. we have a new appreciation of the demands on the staff there and we can only plead with you to not distract them from their essential tasks.
the special phone number at st. philip is 612.588.8599. that line is availalbe 24/7.

it was another adventurous day.
dialysis for 4 hours to remove excess fluid. the kidney must simply be lazy because it is still at rest.
another n.g. tube removed by those quick warm hands:( . greg has always been wonderfully compliant with his medical regime but in his somewhat befuddled state now he really is tired of those tubes coming out of his nose and mouth!

the good news of the day is that the cardio docs say he looks good. a pulmonologist says his lungs look good. the vent has been turned down a bit and he is breathing more breaths on his own...this is a step toward weaning him off the vent entirely.
and he, who so regularly notices people's dress and baubles, complimented beth and judy on their jewelry. ( i know that i have more appreciation than ever for those lovely, expressive eyes.)

when i was a kid we had this big teeter-totter. a person would sit on each end and ride or push up and down. but sometimes an agile person would stand midway on the board and try to balance the opposing ends and keep each person resting off the ground. that is sort of what the medical staff is doing now. finding the balance and keeping greg from being too far down, too far up or alone on the teeter-totter. god bless their every effort.

if you haven't prayed in the last 5 minutes do it now!
jlbk

Tuesday, July 1, 2003 10:01 AM CDT

for those who have inquired, the address at st. philip is:
2507 bryant avenue north, minneapolis, mn 55411.
if you want to send cards for greg we will carry them to him when he's up to enjoying them.

the balancing act continues today.
lungs need dryness, kidneys need moisture.
tubes in your body are helpful. tubes in your body are irritating.
being with people is comforting. being with people and not being able to communicate readily is frustrating.
being greg is amazing and being greg is hard!

today will include re-insertion of a nasal/gastric tube, chair time and dialysis.

if you need prayer inpiration today think about the grieving family of the donor. we can all aspire to their level of generoisity.

more later in the day.
peace and all good things
jan kormann

Monday, June 30, 2003 8:51 PM CDT

"don't ride the roller coaster with him". that was good advice from one of greg's surgeons but easier said than practiced.
after a night with a couple of episodes with very rapid heart beat greg had a pretty quiet day. medication and line changes, x-rays and moves to the chair. those things are both helpful and exhaustng for him. he watched tv a bit in the chair today....such an evolved man...cnn and "the view"!
it was wonderful to hold his hand which yesterday had been very cold and feel its warmth and notice the lack of blueness under his nails.
the thing i most want to say to greg these days is THANK YOU! thanks for doing the work of survival. thanks for allowing us to be with him. thanks for being a man of unquenchable faith. thanks for being greg!
jan kormann

Monday, June 30, 2003 10:05 AM CDT

mid morning monday finds greg resting after a night disrupted by a couple of incidents of rapid heart beat. medications are being administered to help regulate his heart.
his own frustration level at still being on the vent is very high and all are encouraging him to be as patient as possible with the processes which are going on.

someone asked if what is going on with greg is "typical". that's a word rarely applied to greg and the same is true in this sitaution. i'm not sure there even is a typical lungs/kidney transplant expreince. what is surely atypical is greg's determination and his capacity for surmounting obstacles. if anyone can do this he can but only with the love and care of each of you and with the spiritual support of your prayers.

will update this evening if there is more news.

jan kormann

Sunday, June 29, 2003 6:02 PM CDT

sunday is supposed to be a day off isn't it? but not for the people who are taking care of and being present to greg. thank god for their faithfulness.

another incident today of an irregular heart beat. some tests tomorrow to learn more about the lungs and kidney.

as you who know him can well imagine greg is getting mighty impatient with this whole saga. can we pray an increase of the virtue of patience for him and us? let's give it a try anyway.

many have asked how the group close at hand (let's just call them the allies) is taking care of themselves .
prayer
laughter
food and more food
gettng to actually see greg
quiet time
cross-word puzzles
books
coffee
kniting
walks
bicycling
fermented or aged beverages
relying on one another
story telling
reading your messages
prayer
prayer
prayer
thanks for your care and concern for us.
and please continue to pray diligently for ginny kelley.
more sometime tomorrow
jan kormann

Sunday, June 29, 2003 8:59 AM CDT

greg didn't sleep very well last night...only 3 or 4 hours.
today he will get up in the chair three times. he responded with an enthusiastic yes when the nurse told him that this would be part of his day.
it seems as though his anxiety level increases a bit as the day wears on. we are keeping our visits very, very short but assuring him of our presence in the building. it is hard to be patient with the tiny steps forward greg is making and yet we rejoice in each one of those.
much gratitude to the incredible number of you who are checking in at this website....intercontinental, multi-denominational, deeply emotional prayer...how can we go wrong with that going on 24 hours a day.
jan koramnn

Saturday, June 28, 2003 7:37 PM CDT

greg has been up in the chair a couple of times today. and the chair is quite a device! it starts out looking like a gurney next to his bed. greg is moved on a transfer board to that surface and then it is adjusted to get him to a sitting position. he has requested being put in the chair demonstrating his dertermination to get his body working again.
some of his bodily functions are frustrating him and the staff is doing all they can to keep his pain under control and give him relief.
maureen has decided to stay one more week and we are all glad to have her good spirit among us for another several days.
beth was able to visit greg today. a time for which she was very grateful.
tim and laura had good time with greg today. tim, of course, has particular understanding of what all of this is like for greg.
as we enter the second week of greg's life as a transplabnt recipient we hope and pray for every tiny step forward. greg is very determined, we are all very supportive and god is everywhere in these days.
a prayer suggested by a colleague "lean on ggod greg, lean on god."
more tomorrow
jan kormann

Saturday, June 28, 2003 7:42 AM CDT

if any of us thought, as we prepared for these days, that we had some minor notion of the complexities of puting three new organs in greg's body we have been disabused of that idea! it must now be dozens of doctors who have attended to him and more icu staff than we can count. what seems like a river of fluids have been in and out of his body. machines have maintained life and even marking pens have outlined some changes on his body.
complexity will accompany him and us for lots of days ahead. yesterday he was much more calm than on thursday. he was given some more assist from the vent to ease the work of his own breathing. numbers of tests and measurements were taken. as dr. bill payne said...greg will come off the respirator only when HE (grt) is ready. in the meanwhile he continues to sign some of his wants and his marvelously expressive eyes help us know how he is doing.
thre will be another update some time later today
jan kormann

Friday, June 27, 2003 9:55 AM CDT

just got an update from maureen (whose presence has been so wonderfully optimistic and upbeat! we will miss her when she goes back to colorado ealy next week.)

greg is resting very peacefully today and this is just what he needs to help his healing processes. the vent will not be removed today. the surgeon indicates that what he most needs is this time of rest and that leaving the vent on a bit longer is not a problem.

the tubes going in and out of his body for various essential fluids have been changed and refreshed.

one week ago today at this moment the word was just getting out that greg had started the transplant segment of his journey. for every second of these last days greg has been held in prayer by those who know and love him, by some who have never met him, by people on multiple continents and of a grand assortment of beliefs.
it is in the prayer that strength comes to him.
it is in the prayer that the family and friends feel buoyed.
it is in the prayer that healing will happen.
it is in the prayer that we all rely.

thanks to the extraordinary number of you who continue to vist the web site (nearly 10k hits since friday last!).
unless there is some change we'll not update this page until tomorrow.
peace and all good things
jan kormann

Thursday, June 26, 2003 6:37 PM CDT

evening of a day which has been layered with anxiety for greg. it's not unusual that people on the vent get pretty scared and anxious and greg is very much experiencing that.

pray that the vent can be removed asap and pray that the bacteria which are in his blood stream can be thoroughly and quickly controlled.

a doc said this evening that greg didn't make progress forward today but neither did he go backwards! no small accomplishment that!

some of the "convesations" with greg today will be the stuff of laughter down the line!

here is an absolute truth (if there is such a thing!):
greg tolaas is a fighter possesed of unflagging spirit who even in this situation was indicateing to tim last night that he was praying....if he can pray how much more can we!

jan kormann

Thursday, June 26, 2003 11:02 AM CDT

the doctors have decided not to remove greg from the vent today. another day with its assistance seems the best call. his lungs are doing more and more of their own work so he will likely be ready tomorrow.
greg has been experiencing a great deal of anxiety and is being comforted by those who are able to be with him, hold his hand, chat with him, encourage him, pray with him. we are told by many expreinced sources that coming off the vent is a very frightening time for many people.

we are asking for particular prayers for greg's friend ginnie kelley. her cancer has spread, she is in the hospital and there are some critical decisions to be made about her care. dan and lil have been amazingly present to greg these last days. they are truly fabulous people! please add ginnie to those prayers you are saying for greg.

we will update the website tonight if anything changes. otehrwise look for an update tomorrow mid-morning.
jan kormann

Wednesday, June 25, 2003 6:34 PM CDT

A PARTICULAR NEED FOR PRAYER:
tomorrow morning the medics are hoping to remove greg from the respirator. greg indicated this evening that he is scared and some of us observed what we thought to be some significant anxiety on his part.
so....as you pray tonight and tomorrow perhaps you could ask for calmness of spirit for greg, for abiding skill of the docs and other care-givers and that he will, indeed, be freed from the respirator.
or just pray....that will do nicely :)
and for those of you who know maureen....ask her what relation she is to greg :)
jan k

Wednesday, June 25, 2003 8:51 AM CDT

early this morning greg was alert and making efforts at communication. we were able to figure out that he was experiencing some pain in a couple of areas of his body and that he is VERY ready to be free of the respirator.
the night nurse indicated that he had a good night. she also said that today there will be efforts to wean him from some more of the support he's on. an encouraging visual is that there are many fewer bags of fluids hanging from many fewer poles at his bedside.
i'm looking at a photo of him with a wry look on his face and am being very grateful for his expresive eyes. those eyes are a prime piece of his communication these days and they seen to get more clear each day.
we all reassure him that EVERYONE is praying for him so don't be dropping out of that prayer line!
jan kormann

Tuesday, June 24, 2003 9:08 PM CDT

tonight's report will surprise none who knows greg....he is trying to talk! with the respirator in and many drugs the best he does is roll his eyes, nod yes, bob his head back and forth for no and i swear he is smiling sometimes when various of us tease him! miracles folks!!!
i think we are seeing miracles! that he is at all present and responsive sure feels like that to me.
we are reminded that he fades in and out in a matter of seconds and that he likely will remembr none of his encuonters with us but he is in there with that amazing spirit and astonishing brain! several of us have felt genuine joy at our encounters with him today.
some have asked for a more detailed explanation of the challenge with his leg. i'm not about to attempt that save to say this dilemma is related to all of the others, its level of severity won't be known for some time and that he still has the all important pulse in his foot.
thank you for your praeyrs...i think we have dwellers of at least four continents on prayer duty.
thanks for your support and care for teh staff at st. philip...believe me they are an extraordinary band!
jan kormann

Tuesday, June 24, 2003 10:24 AM CDT

"an uneventful night" were good words to hear from the nurse this early morning.
greg slept well thanks to the marvels of medications.
for a few hours during the night he was off the dialysis machine.
his lungs continue to make progress and, of course, he is still on the respirator.
his foot/leg were colorful today but the nurse said there was still a good pulse in his foot.
when i talked to him about how well kelley was being loved by the csp staff and how she was snuggled up with max he definitely smiled!
greg's room is host to a startling assortment of poles holding bags of vital meds and nutrients. how can one express enough admiration for the health care people who manage all this complexity?! there is always someone in the room tending to him and the staff is patient, informative and encouraging to greg and his family.
this journey will go on for weeks to come. please don't run out of patience in prayer.
today i would ask your particular prayers for beth, tim and laura and maureen.
jan kormann

Monday, June 23, 2003 4:22 PM CDT

it's a quiet day for greg and very happily so. his lungs are doing more of their own work, the kidney is still having a rest but dr. payne is not overly concerned. the leg issues continue and the opitimistic piece there is the presence of a pulse in his foot.
greg is able to acknowledge the presence of caregivers and immediate family by squeezing a hand or nodding his head a bit.
we are all thankful for this day of respit from surgery. hopefully it will be a while before he visits that room again.
it remains true that there is an alcan highway of road ahead hopefully made more smooth by your prayers and good wishes.
we understand the frustration there is for those of you who love greg not to visit but are very, very grateful to you for respecting that necessity.
likely no more updates today.
jan kormann

Monday, June 23, 2003 9:07 AM CDT

Thank God! Greg had a peaceful night. Dialysis is running to do some of the work of a resting kidney. A pulse is still palpable in his foot. His eyes are open and he is responsive to requests that he squeeze the hand of medical personnel. All of those are very good signs.
Please don't let up on the prayer...this will be a very, very long road.
The hospital staff are fabulous. They are patient with questions, very kind to family and amazingly smart!
Thanks to all for your care and concern.
jan kormann

Sunday, June 22, 2003 1:17 PM CDT

another surgery for greg this morning.

he has been removed from the ekmo machine. the good news is that his new lungs are beginning to work more strongly. he remains on the respirator. the ekmo machine brought considerable benefit but also some complications and so it is a step forward that he is not reliant on it now.

the new kidney is not working as well as it did yesterday. he had some hours of dialysis early this day and will likely have more.

while his chest was open to remove the cannulas of the ekmo some blood clots were removed. these form in part because of the hard work done removing his old lungs.

there continues to be a pulse in his foot and the condition of his leg will take some time to know.

while it isn't a real medical term greg's condition has been described as "dicey".

mass at st. philip this morning was spirit filled-actually spirit over-flowing. dale korogi was an inspiring preacher and all were diligently at prayer. the reality is that pryaer is what all of us can do now...fervent, emotional, trusting prayer.

many thanks for your prayers and for respecting the need for no visitors or phone calls.
jlbk
you can find the special phone number for updates in a previous journal entry.

Saturday, June 21, 2003 10:33 PM CDT

there is good news:
this evening around 8:00, the people caring for greg found a pulse in his foot and, a bit later, an even stronger one! this is a good omen for circulation to the leg and foot.
an x-ray of the lungs this evening was clear, the kidney is doing well and a nurse described his condition as stable.
prayers are working. please keep them coming and coming becasue greg is a long way from being out of the woods.
it will hearten you to know that we toasted greg tonight with christian brothers brandy manhattans, raucous laughter and great love!
pray pray pray pray pray!
tomorrow...mass at st. philip is at 10:00; join us if you can.
jlbk
ANOTHER REMINDER: PLEASE DO NOT CALL OR VISIT THE HOSPITAL. RATHER, CHECK THIS WEBSITE AND THE ST. PHILIP'S PHONE LINE FOR UPDATES, AND PLEASE PRAY, PRAY, PRAY. THANK YOU.

Saturday, June 21, 2003 6:48 PM CDT

Greetings,
There will be no more health updates on this website or the health update line at 612-588-8599 until tomorrow. If something critical surfaces during the interim, you will be alerted. Please, please continue praying. Sustain those worldwide prayer links. Our God indeed reigns! AMEN.

Saturday, June 21, 2003 4:59 PM CDT

greg is just leaving the o.r. after 6 hours of surgery necessitated by complications from the machine controlling his blood circulation. it was necessary to reposition the 2 cannulas from his groin to his heart. an orthopedic team, a cardio-vascular team and our great god-send dr. bill payne performed the necessary procedures.
the good news is that the new lungs and kidney are doing better.
today's complication will result in a wide range of possible impacts to greg's left leg function. this complication was said by one of the doctors to be very unusual.
this is a very critical time.
prayer is more urgently needed than ever!
we here are storming the heavens and relying on others to do the same.
AND TO MAKE CLEAR: THIS WEBSITE AND THE PHONE LINE AT ST. PHILIP ARE THE ONLY SOURCES OF INFORMATION ABOUT GREG'S PROGRESS; PLEASE DO NOT CALL OR COME TO THE HOSPITAL.
thank you so much for your understanding and your continued support.
jlbk

Saturday, June 21, 2003 1:32 PM CDT

please see previous journal entry about greg's return to surgery
there is a prayer sevice at transfiguration in oakdale tonight after the 5:00 mass
all are very welcome to join our transfiguration friends at prayer
no news yet from the o.r.
jlbk

Saturday, June 21, 2003 11:37 AM CDT

11:30 saturday
there has been a complication and greg is back in surgery.
please ramp up the prayers
will post more as we know
AND
THERE HAVE BEEN NUMEROUS PHONE CALLS TO THE HOSPITAL
THE STAFF IN ICU CANNOT HANDLE THESE CALLS AND HAVE NOW STOPPED TAKING THEM
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE EVERYONE RESPECT THE NEED TO DISCONTINUE CALLS AND RELY ON THIS WEBSITE AND TEH CSP PHONE LINE FOR UPDATES.
THIS IS ALSO TRUE ABOUT ANYONE VISITING THE HOSPITAL.
jan kormann

Saturday, June 21, 2003 6:56 AM CDT

saurday morning...6:45
his nurse reports that greg had a pretty good night.
he is quiet, his blood pressure is good and his saturation levels are good
there is some urine output from the new kidney and not a lot of bleeding.
his breathing is still assisted by the machine.
he continues to be very heavily sedated and will be so for several more days.
if you are able please pray morning prayer with us at st. philip at 8:00. mass at st philip is at 4:30 tonight.
prayers of gratitude to the medical staff and to all who are holding greg in their hearts.
and the constant reminder about no calls or visitors to the hospital please.

Saturday, June 21, 2003 0:24 AM CDT

Good News! Father Greg has been moved to ICU. The kidney transplant went easily (good connections) according to the surgeon. There are indications that the kidney is trying to work. Updates will be issued as soon as received. Please no phone calls to the hospital or visitors at the hospital. This website as well as the special telephone message number (612-588-8599) are your sources for current information. Remember, the church is open for prayer throughout the night up until 4:30 Mass. If you cannot sleep tonight stop in and pray. Morning Prayer will be said at 8a.m. followed by the Rosary at 9a.m.. God is good, soooo... good. The family extends their appreciation for your overwhelming support and constant loving prayers. Praise the name of Jesus! HE is our Rock and our Salvation.

Friday, June 20, 2003 10:54 PM CDT

The new kidney is in! The surgery took only three hours. It may be a short time or a few days before it is functioning on its own. The kidney surgery went quite well. Father Greg is expected to move to ICU soon. Praise the Lord. Keep the prayers flowing.... flowing like a river....

Friday, June 20, 2003 9:06 PM CDT

They have decided to move forward with the kidney transplant. Please do not go to the hospital. Please continue to visit this site or call 612-588-8599 for the most recent updates. Of course, the next 24-72 hours are extremely critical though not unusual for this type of surgery.

For a comprehensive view of today's events, please see previous journal entries. Once again, the church is open for prayer until Mass Saturday. So do stop in if you can.

Pray! Pray! Pray!

Friday, June 20, 2003 7:12 PM CDT

It is 7:15 pm. The mass has just ended.
There is news.
Fr. Greg's new lungs are in.
However, they are not functioning the way the doctors would like them to.
So, for now he will be on the heart-lung bypass machine for a few days.

His chest will remain partially open during this time.
The kidney transplant is on hold until the lungs are more stable.

Dr. Warren Warwick and his wife Henrietta were here for the special mass. Dr. Warwick says he is in good hands and urged us all to continue to pray. He has been Fr. Greg's CF doctor since his infancy.

Dr. Bill Payne is standing by to do the kidney transplant. He is a member of our parish community; a dear friend of Fr.Greg's. He said Greg has some big fish to fry.
In the mean time our dear Gregory is on a ventilator. St.Philip, Pray for us.

Our Lady of Czestochowa, Pray for us.
Please pray especially for Greg's sisters Beth and Maureen and his brother Tim and his wife Laura.

Friday, June 20, 2003 5:26 PM CDT

It is now 5:30 on T day
both lungs are in.
There is a need to stop some bleeding and stabilize blood pressure and then Dr.Payne, Greg's friend and CSP parishioner will do the kidney surgery.
The day has been long but filled with confidence and joy.
Mass at CSP at 5:45
church open all night...please come and pray or pray mightily wherever you are
know that Greg's family is enormously grateful for all of your support and love.

Jan Kormann - CSP Administrator

Friday, June 20, 2003 1:26 PM CDT

It is 1:30pm. We just received a call from the hospital. One lung is in! That is great news. They are having much difficulty getting the other lung out. More prayers are needed. The transplant coordinator says that there will be many more hours of surgery ahead.

Make sure you are checking previous journal entries to get a comprehensive view of the day.

Friday, June 20, 2003 11:23 AM CDT

It is 11:30 a.m. on June 20. Father Greg has been in surgery since approximately 8:30 this morning. Surgeons are working at rermoving his lungs. The new lungs and kidney are ready to be transplanted and those organs are, in the words of the transplant coordinator, "pristine. Praise God!
The church of St. Philip will be open for 24 hours. MASS WILL BE CELEBRATED AT 5:45 TONIGHT AND THE CHURCH WILL REMAIN OPEN FOR PRAYER AFTER THAT. Please come and join us in prayer for successful surgery.
Father Greg went into suregery feeling very calm and serene. His family and some friends were able to pray with him and love him on his way.
Please pray for the most generous family of the donor. The heart of this person is being transplanted even as we write this.

Friday, June 20, 2003 10:00 AM CDT

Today is Friday, June 20, Fr. Greg received a call this morning at approximately 2:30am notifying him to come in to be prepped for transplant.
At this point, Fr. Greg and family are asking for prayers for Fr. Greg, for family and for the various medical teams, as well as prayers for the donor and family.

We ask a couple of things. Please do not call or go to the hospital for updates or for any other reason. To get updated information, please continue to come to this website OR call the Transplant information line at 612-588-8599. As soon as we get updates, we will post them.

The Church of St. Philip will be open for at least the next 24 hours for prayer and we invite you to come and pray with us.

If you know other friends of Fr. Greg, please call them and tell them of this long-awaited news.

Friday, June 6, 2003 1:01 PM CDT

Fr. Greg asked me to update you all on the latest information. First of all, he thanks everyone for all support he received over the last couple of weeks around his 20th Anniversary to the Priesthood. Secondly, he continues to be thankful for everyone's continued prayers and support during this long wait.

Last evening, Fr. Greg spoke with his doctor only to learn that he is now Number 1 on the list. The doctor let him know that he is "up to bat and should be ready to go at any time." This could mean today, in the next week or as we all have learned in the next 3 months.

Fr. Greg asks for more and more prayers. This time is critical.

We will continue to keep you up to date on the latest information.

John LeBlanc

Friday, May 23, 2003 2:28 PM CDT

i am quite certain that this has been the loveliest spring in many years. a couple nice months of the unfolding of new life and greenery. i love the soft fresh greens of the early leaves....and then the richness that follows. it has been a good thing to note and be grateful for each gift of God, spring being one of the richest.

no new movement, sorry to say.
i am checking out the possiblity of doing another kind of dialysis, which would not involve me going in every other day for 5 hours. the PD dialysis is a home dialysis, which i would love to try. waiting to see what all my doctors concur would be best. I, of course will add my 2 cents...

all things happen in good time.
i am trying to embrace acceptance and patience.
not easy some days.

peace,
grt

Wednesday, May 14, 2003 3:02 PM CDT

A COUPLE OF NEW PHOTOS ON THE PHOTO PAGE.

hello friends....and friends of friends,
thank you for your continued support and prayer.
i have no news of changes, sorry to say

i am heartened by the notes from people who rise up out of my past and am reminded of childhood days or teen age years, etc.
your love is a very support agent in carrying me through these days.
thanks, again
g

Thursday, May 8, 2003 9:06 AM CDT

NEWS AND AN INVITATAION FROM THE COMMUNITY AT ST. PHILIP TO CARINGBRIDGE VISITORS
On June 1 we will commemorate the 20th anniversary of Fr. Greg’s ordination to priesthood. Twenty years, more than a quarter of which has been spent serving the community of St. Philip. Twenty years of honoring his call, of meeting the challenges of ministry and health, of preaching and living the Gospel, of astounding us and others with his resilience. Twenty years of not asking anyone to be any more engaged or committed or brave or faithful than he is. We are enormously blessed to have Fr. Greg as our pastor. At 10:00 Mass on June 1 Archbishop Flynn will honor Greg by presiding. After Mass there will be a simple reception and an opportunity to congratulate our pastor. (Unless of course he is recovering from the long awaited transplants! What a grand anniversary gift THAT would be!) Please join us for this celebration and invite F.O.G. (Friends of Greg) to do the same. If you can’t be with us remember always to pray in gratitude for Greg’s presence with us and for his continuing courage in the face of the ever so long wait for new organs.

www.churchofstphilip.org

Sunday, April 13, 2003 9:56 PM CDT

dear friends,
truth be told i can hardly imagine people are bothing to much check this thing these days. the initial steam of "greg and his transplants" has given way to wait, wait, wait, wait, and more wait. believe me, i am conscious of the wait part, yet give myself to hope nonetheless.

i continue to be tickled by voices from this or that avenue of my past....and some of you go way back to one of my histories. your bothering to offer a prayer and even more so to accompany your prayer with a kind message has been very sustaining. i hope i will have the joy of giving some new and different news soon.....

in the midst of days when i feel either overwhelmed or underwhelmed, it is helpful to gain perspective by reflecting on the sufferings of people in many places, whose suffering so out-measures our own. as we enter into Holy Week i invite you to give yourself to the journey of love that marks us and reminds us we are loved and saved. Christ was so stubborn in loving us (and all) despite our wars and whatever is unloving in the world. join me this week and join all Christians who pray that we might glean a great and grateful redemption. we pray especially for peace in iraq and all torn places.

wishing you again a blessed easter and offer again my thanks for your faithful friendship and love.
pax,
greg

Wednesday, March 26, 2003 2:19 PM CST

greetings on a glorious day in minnesota!

tomorrow is my birthday......#47....which is damn close to 50....which is shocking to me!

it has, once again, been such a pleasure to read the messges from people....some of you who have been sort of not in my life for a very long time. it is a dear experience to think back to high school...or st. paul seminary....or...or...or to recall the memories of people dear to me then...and then to feel a renewed endearment when i see your message and your name. thank you!

i would certainly have put money down on having a transplant by now. but today is today. i am to live it with as much acceptance and gratitude as I can. i must mention that i am grateful that i had a very quick day surgery last week. they took out the breast tissue from the left chest/breast...and called me today to say the biopsy was boring and that the tissue was not malignant...or even very interesting. i am still a little sore, but the narcotics always ease the pain (yummy...)

so now the right side of my chest has tubes coming out and the left side of my chest is tender for a week more. and i confess i am grumbling a bit that my head is full of snot and i am sporting yet another cold from some donor. would that organs came to us as easily as the common cold. i would have had about 8 lungs this winter!

as i celebrate another year of life lived, i am grateful to you...each and all...for your kindness and love to me. i am not a very lucky guy...but i am blessed beyond measure, and you are part of the blessings that shape me and fill me.

god be praised!
g

Wednesday, March 12, 2003 11:04 AM CST

friends,
we are still waiting
i rather chuckle that this was set up for my surgery and the days following the surgery, as a conduit of information. now all we need it the surgery! your patience accompanies my own, i assure you.

i am marching along decently these days. the bigest gift is a level of serenity instead of having tantrums over the wait. it has been 37 months on the list. i really thought it would have happened by now, but will trust that the dividends will be worth the wait (please, God!)

thank you for continued prayer and support.
your contacts have been gratifying at the very least and amazingly encouraging for sure.

i am off to the doc this afternoon.
checking out all parts......

i continue to pray for peaceful resolutions to global problems. if we actually do image God, we will find new ways to achieve new ends. keep hope!

love to you
g

Wednesday, February 26, 2003 2:51 PM CST

hello friends,
today is bright, lovely, like springtime, while jerusalem is well under snow! el nino is throwing us surprises!

i am sure you reflect with me on the young girl from mexico, who died after 2 transplants! what a tragic story in many ways...
before i go into TP, i am going to have an "O" written on my forehead, and triple check the blood type. what a horrid mistake...and costly! and many of us who wait felt a strange feeling that these 2 sets were given in vain. i pray that this young girl is enjoying heaven after the hell she endured waiting and having unsuccessful efforts.

as for me, i have had two weeks of heavy and nasty lung challenges. when one thing gives me a break, another kicks in. the lungs were quiet and not too bad for a good two months. i was amazed. then, only one day after seeing my pulmonologist i began to get sick. and this time, the congestion has been almost unmovable...literally. things are breaking up now and i am having success with the treatments. i sometimes wonder if i shall ever be "simply well" someday. one fights cynicism. perhaps it is the ongoing gift of faith, substantiated by the amazing prayers of many who refill my emptiness....that makes all the difference. i have been given a gift of resiliance, that so far, does not let me down. when i feel overwhelmed or simply tired of all the complexities, the next day i am given a rush of gratitude or something that gives me a grateful perspective. and life goes on.....

sorry am i that i have no other news for you. this is the joy of waiting! i understand if you become tired of hearing that nothing has changed. trust me, i tire of that news too (smile).

enjoy your day. try to be grateful, even for the smallest of things.

continue to pray for peace.
i know it seems inevitable that war will take place, because so many troops are there, etc..... but i would rather see every one of them come home without fighting than imagine the hell that will transpire if war takes place.
the love of god and the love of human beings (which comes from god) is our answer. it saddens me that two thousand years after jesus taught us so much, we seem time and again to settle for the answer in killing each other, and in this war, killing so many innocent. it truly troubles me.
let us pray for our president and all world leaders to be filled with wisdom.....god's wisdom.

later--
love, g

Friday, February 7, 2003 5:56 PM CST

friends
it is friday evening, freezing....finally a true minnesota february evening.
were i not on dialysis, i would indeed head south, but am staying put for now. believe it or not (and i would not be surprised if you do not...) i might get beeped!
no news on the beeper end. i remain number two. i would imagine absolutely no one will be left checking in by the time this surgery actually happens. even the strong of faith might wobble waiting for this one! but happen it will...!

i am maintaining with grace. God is present and good.
some days i am patient; others i am not.
no other big new on the health front.
hang in with me.
things shall happen!
be blessed this week.
g

Wednesday, January 22, 2003 at 01:06 PM (CST)

friends
hearing from voices and names in my past is an amazing experience these days. so many contacts from so many chapters of my past. consider me grateful.

it is mid january and i am still number two on the list. i would never have imagined that the list would be "so stuck" as has been the case. it makes the actuality of a surgery seem unreal. it becomes hard to believe in this thing will ever come to pass. meanwhile, i am grateful that my lungs have been decent. no major problems and (thank god) i have been quite free of any big winter infections.

strangely, yesterday at dialysis my blood pressure got very low and we couldn't get it to much come up. all evening i felt rather faint and maintained a very low number. i was glad to get off to bed, partly so i wouldn't stumble and fall with a blackout. by middle of the night i was up to 85 over 55. today i feel much better. no blackout feeling at all.

the winter weather here today is very chilly. it was minus 5 in the a.m. beyond that, it is not much of a winter at all here. ashamed to call myself a minnesotan!

must close. thank you for your faithfulness as we wait.
you have my affection and gratitude.
love,
g

Friday, January 10, 2003 at 12:00 PM (CST)

i cannot tell you how touching it is to hear from former teachers, relatives from far away, old friends, etc.

it is a very strange thing to have so many renewed connections in my life. this web thing has some amazing dividends! i continue to think of the fact that all of us in the world are connected. beneathe our varied DNA and all that makes us unique, is the Love/God that binds us together and calls us only to love.

the magnitude of the kindness i am receiving bouys me up greatly. it reminds me that i am loved, reminds me to press on, and reminds me to be grateful, no matter what ufolds. what if each person could feel such love and such support? How different the world would be.

for my part, whatever sufferings i have are grist for my prayer for peace in the world. i pray for bush, sadam, bin laden,....for every person in leadership or power, that they may not abuse or destruct anyone anymore. peace is the only answer.

thanks for being in touch. today i am having some energy. it feels like a good day. finally cold here in MN. sunny with fresh tiny blanket of snow. my lungs are so, so, but ok. my kidney levels are managing ok. my doc told me yesterday that most people on dialysis lose 10% of their body weight every six months. i am holding steady, so am grateful for that.

will let you all go
hope TP comes soon!
love to you,
greg

Wednesday, January 01, 2003 at 03:34 PM (CST)

ok....all year long i thought my TPs would come in 2002. as of today, i confess that i was wrong. must be in the '03 plan. consider me ready to roll!

christmas was blessed. in the liturgies i was reminded of our tremendous potential to realize the kingdom of God, if and when we are willing to surrender. the spirit of Herod was a sad thing (pride, insecurity, envy, power). He couldn't imagine a king who was Poverty's Child....nor could he imagine being replaced. One thing these past months have taught me is that we are ALL very replacable. the moment we die, Mother Earth doesn't even skip a beat. If only Herod had known that Jesus did not come to replace him, but to fulfill him. Perhaps the story would read differently......

More convinced to I become by the day that PEACE is the fruit of our lives when we allow LOVE to shape our choices. i have been reflecting on the question of why people around the globe have issues with us.... or, as some say, why they hate us. it has dawned on me of late that we have so so so so much in the US. We are, most of us, the children of opportunity, the children of options, the children who have many toys.... the children of wealth. we are used to it. it is simply what we know and enjoy. perhaps this year invites us to make different choices; to simplify, to share radically, to be thoughtfully grateful.... to be less self-absorbed, less self-important, less self-ish.

for 2003, while i would enjoy a successful TP, i hope that my passion will be to activate my own life such as to be an agent of change for the good of others. I want to be passionate about something outside myself. I think God wants the same for me.... and maybe for you. At least consider the thought.....

as for my health? the shingle pain is still my visitor. not horrid, but a bit irritating. have had lots of gut obstruction, but things are getting better in that dept.
i am vowing to walk each day, because i have been very remiss about that. so many other pieces of "should do" that i leave the walk for tomorrow....all the time. got to change that.

i thank you again for your kindness in the Christmas season. the one thing i find overwhelming about this web...and emails...and cards....is that i am much move cared for than most people. thank you for being in touch with me, and i don't discourage it. but i might ask each of us to find some good soul who may be aged, lonely, getting no cards, web messages or emails. surprise them with a commitment of love.

the feast of Epiphany comes very soon! What will you see (from God) when it is revealed? be watching...

g

Friday, December 20, 2002 at 02:22 PM (CST)

Christmas 2002

My dear Parishioners & Friends,

I am not sure how to begin this Christmas wish to you. I sort of feel like the boy who cried wolf! "Transplants soon....transplants soon....transplants soon." All this waiting for a couple transplants was not what I imagined at this time last year. I rather imagined that I would be the amazing and very active guy who "gets the call" to come in for his transplant in the midst of a very busy work day, or while driving to the gym. Instead, April crashed my kidneys and the rest has been history.

I have spent more time in a Lazy-Boy than I ever thought, not the least of which has been Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays for five-plus hours a shot! Lots of time to think, to pray, to read, to write, and nap. I have done precious little napping, but much of the rest. In the midst of my last eight months, I have heard both the voice of God and the voice of "the devil" speaking to my heart. One tells me that I have been "a load" on everybody, that I have accomplished very little this year, that friends are going away, that I should be afraid and be doubtful and have a VERY low self-esteem... The other voice has told me that I am loved, I am still a good person, I am lovable, I must seek to accept what has happened to me instead of be rageful about it, and that in the end, all shall be well. This voice (the voice of God) also tells me to trust, to keep praying, though I may have energy for not much else, and to allow my prayer to be an agent of communion with others.

God has also allowed so many of you to speak His/Her truth to me through your months of kindness and love. You have been faithful, attentive, and accepting. You have been utterly encouraging and patient. You continue to be the voice of God in my life in so many ways. The cards I have received this year have been unbelievable. Person by person, taking the time to sit and send me messages of "keeping on" and "you are loved" and "God is with you!" have been huge for me. Some days, when I have preferred to give up on all the crazy regime and the ill effects and the chronic-ness of it all, and being damned overwhelmed (!), your words have moved me forward and your hearts have truly carried me.

There are times when I look in the mirror and wonder where on earth that energetic fellow went, and if the "window of time" I am standing in is a dream (or a nightmare). The surrender has been rough, in part because of, I am sure, my pride. I loved being Mr. Energy and Father Go-Go-Go. I have had to reframe myself and my ministry and my sense of God. I know I am in the midst of learning some priceless lessons. Strange dividends, n'est pas?

More stubbornly than ever, one lesson I keep relearning is that God's love is the only answer. It is more precious than all the competition, all the ego(s), all the power battles, all the toys, all the acrimony and hatred, all the wars, the wins and losses, all the name calling, etc... It is about caring for one another (and I am talking throughout the earth) with a radical acceptance and ongoing forgiveness/reconciliation. It is about letting go of the hate that sometimes marks our past and destroys our present. It is about "just catching on" to love. God is love. God is not war, not ego, not abuse-of-power. Just love..... and a sheer joy (St. Thomas Aquinas mentions that).

This community, my friends, and my family give me genuine joy (perhaps "sheer" joy is reserved to and for God). I find God-like qualities in so, so many of you! I see you being transformed by love and empowered by it. Thank you for your witness to me and to the world. The miracle of Christmas was meant to pierce the every day, for all time. I thank you again for your love and goodness. I wish you a blessed Christmas! Be bold and tireless with love! Ahhhh, now that's power!

Be blessed,
Fr. Greg

Thursday, December 12, 2002 at 09:25 PM (CST)

dear friends,
have been razing through the messages again. it is a rare and amazing thing to enjoy such faith, support, kindness, attentiveness, etc.
please know, i am humbled and full of gratitude...
to cousins
brother priests
old friends
friends of friends...
past students
et. al

my heart feels big, even though things physicial rather suck. there shall be brighter days, one way or another!

we continue to pray for peace in the world.
pray that our leaders will find another way than war.
as former pres, jimmy carter said the other day when receiving his nobel prize....
"it is always a tragedy when war kills our children." God watch and bless the children this season, and teach us adults to be smarter and more creative.

Believe me, life is too precious!
later,
g

Monday, December 09, 2002 at 02:01 PM (CST)

faithful ones
hey! if you were lazy in prayer before, you can step it up a bit. i had the poor fortune of encountering Shingles (and i am not refering to a roof!). about a week ago, hot pain in my lower left back. then came the spots/red sores. then the real pain. now added itching.

i can honestly tell you that i was genuinely afraid when i got the diagnosis, given all i have heard and now read about this virus. i just didn't know if i could add the pain and discomfort to my already precarious life.

phosphorous levels in my blood are also very high (12). can cause big problems if we don't get it under control. in the short run, i experience red bloodshot eyes....and very itchy legs (boy, have i scratched at times!)

my cath in my chest (for dialysis) isn't well positioned, so my dialysis has been rather poor. dirty blood. causes lots of fatigue...they tell me...and i agree. trying a new kidney filter this week to see if we get better results.

was going out of my gord with pain, itching, etc. by last Sat. Called a doctor friend. Got a bit of narcotic. Ahhh, drugs! Taking the minimal dose, of course!

have slept poorly the last two nights, but in my quiet lying there, i have felt and known (richly and peacefully) the visitation of God instead of sheer frustration. Was able to be flooded with gratitude on Sat night around 4:27 a.m., which surprised me, because only hours before, i was in real pain and was bitchin' plenty. felt like i knew the warm and faithful presence of god in my bed (no, i hadn't peed!)... also had endless images of people who have been helpful, prayerful, present, gentle, empathic, faithful..... and thought,"who is better loved than I?" Thought of the hotdishes, the soups, the cookies, the treats... the runs to pick up my meds at the pharmacy, etc. ALL very appreciated.

the past eight months have been full of innumerable burdens (some light and some heavy) and innumerable blessings. YOU, good friends are among the blessings!

Still number two on the list. It has been the longest Advent of my life. Advent, while for many is just a busy crazy time of shopping, hassling, etc... has for me (these last eight months)been a time of true hunger, true longing, genuine encouragement and genuine discouragement, a waiting that presses, but gives patience, and a time where i have stubbornly decided (as i have done many times before)that god is near.

hope your advent is blessed. you are part of why mine is...

shop less...pray more...
listen more...say what matters (especially of love).

and if i may be political for a moment, do pray with me that this "we gotta go to war....!" thing will not come to pass. God is trying desperately to move all His/Her children to know there is a better way. Love, not war, is the answer. When, for the sake of peace, will we begin to believe that and WORK for it?

Pax,
Greg

Wednesday, December 04, 2002 at 10:41 AM (CST)

Greetings...

Fr. Greg asked to get in an update.....
As always, he is managing various healthy issues. Added on the list of many battles, the new bad news came yesterday as he found out he has a case of shingles. We have not seen him since he got home...he has been in the bathtub bathing in oatmeal, pear juice and any other home remedy you have to suggest.

With regards to kidneys and dialysis, unfortunately his current port is not working very well. His 15+ hours each week spent in dialysis is not cleaning his blood. The doctors and Fr. Greg are considering putting in a fistula, a port in his wrist. There are advantages and disadvantages to this method.

Fr. Greg thanks you for all the support and asks for continued prayers that this Christmas might "deliver the goods" with new lungs and kidney.

Thursday, November 07, 2002 at 06:22 PM (CST)

hi all
i am sorry that i have been more than remiss in adding a word or two in recent days. actually, i've been damn lazy.

thank you for your continued faithfulness and prayer, although there has been no action or change in the list. if you think you are losing steam over this, then you remain a bit clueless about the real nature of what the word "chronic" means. it goes on and on and on and......
years and decades and and and....

i continue to surrender to what needs surrender and try to kick and scream about what needs kickin.

had an MRI this morning on the kidneys. Docs are trying to assess why i have such high blood pressure, though the addition of the fourth med seems to keep things in the decent range these days. rumor that they may have to pull my kidneys out in a surgery before the transplants. ugh.
hope we can avoid that.

today's weather was intensely lovely for a November day. I chose to be grateful and glad for it.
was tempted to be crabby, but transcended it for once.
hope your days are blessed.
it continues to be very pleasing and gratifying to have your dear support.

IT WILL HAPPEN.

Fear is useless. What is needed is trust (Jesus)
pax
g

Thursday, October 17, 2002 at 10:05 AM (CDT)

friends,
i entered some comments the other day, but seems the found their way into cyber space instead of the web page intended. o well......

lungs are feeling decent, praise God!

challenge of recent is that i am very anemic. low red blood cell and not enough oxygen in the red blood cells.... on to eating more meat! (mmmm....not!)

much of life is just daily now, though the ongoing connection on the web has been a delight. have been hearing from many folks i hardly know or have never met. heard from my fifth grade teacher, whom i had not seen since 1967! daily surprises...

one simply thought for those of us who wait.... (and that is really all of us...)
as was told me by an elderly irish trappist monk, as he sat in his not very tidy black and white habit on a wooden bench (it was backless....he would take the luxury of the chair)
he had the thickest irish brogue...and offered me a "pius thought"
MUCH PRAYER, MUCH POWER
LITTLE PRAYER, LITTLE POWER
NO PRAYER, NO POWER

be powerful today,
love,
greg

Friday, October 04, 2002 at 03:13 PM (CDT)

friends,
to be honest, one thinks a lot about life and a lot about death during times that are especially congested with physical, emotional, and mental/spiritual challenges. i have thought plenty of both.... and realized that we define life in such funny ways. how many times have i been to europe? how much leisure do i have? how is my golf game? should i get highlights? who loves me? how can i lose weight? why is so and so fat? blah, blah.... and we focus pretty much all of our energy in the now....right on earth....as if all that matters is in the here and now....
all that matters is on the earth....

if we become more honest, we realize that we have the chance to identify the above as a lie. what really matters also is what is within. what really matters is the unconditionality of our love. what really matters is the communion we share with something much bigger than our monday, tuesday, wednesday accomplishments, toys, and preoccupations. we are not simply finite. we are not simply here and now. our life is not simply measured by the mearsurable: our money, the size of our house, the quality of our clothes... as a matter of fact, those things really hardly matter.
in truth, we are infinite. we are more than our finite looks, money, or accomplishments. we are so much more than the ways we compare ourselves to each other and measure each other in life. we are part of an eternal and infinite reality. we are eternally loved. we have an immense capacity to love. we have an eternal soul/essence. and each of us is simply floating somewhere between this finite world and the infinite world.
death is passage. it is not a slam into a wall. it is not the great cheater/stealer. for those who have bothered to love....and have lived not only in the finite, but in the infinite, death is the gentle passage into the complete....to the bigger picture...the full actualization...the no longer measured...the fulness of love, the grand YES.
there is so little to be afraid of when we have allowed love to be part of the equation on those mondays, tuesdays, wednesdays...

another thought: all this talk in the creed about the communion of saints. i doubt the early church fathers and mothers were thinking about the internet. but this experience of the web page has been very telling of the communion of care, compassion, connection we enjoy in the human and faith family. it challenges the aloneness of such an experience (at least for me) and makes me radically appreciate the many who share in a communion of love that reminds each of us that we are part of something much bigger than just ourselves. and that's a good thing.....

still congested
still waiting
still ready.....
peace,
g

Sunday, September 29, 2002 at 04:16 PM (CDT)

friends
it is sunday afternoon, rainy and chilly. i have so enjoyed reading the very loving comments you send. it is rather strange to recieve such kindness through this circumstance. would that all of us would have the chance to be so supported in the dailiness of life.

was in the kitchen this afternoon, watching the kids playing basketball outside my window. the hoops were a donation by some of our kind benefactors. these inner city kids do love their game.... enjoyed watching them run and run and jump and run and.... realized that i cannot run these days anymore. it is a strange thing to wonder when the actual debilitation took place. when did the lungs slip away, inch by inch? the kidneys, instead did a crash, which was more quick and traumatic. they took with them my energy. watching these kids play and breathe and laugh and jump, never realizing the miracle of their health, is curious to me. we are grateful and pay attention to the gifts of life too seldom.

my own update is uneventful. still number two (you think you're tired of hearing it...) i am ready to be number one. i am even more ready for the knife. to quote old george, let's roll!
had a med person come to talk to our parish staff and my family about the lung TP. Very interesting stuff. tomorrow, bill payne, surgeon/parishioner/friend will come to the same group to teach us about kidney TP. overall, the surgeries, piggybacked, will probably go about 12-13 hours total. when i listen to it all, i sometimes feel this odd feeling to say, "oh yes, I will be the one doing this thing..." i sometimes feel like it is some academic discussion outside of me. perhaps it won't be real until it is real (ouch!).

spiritually, i lean into God more and more. it is about all i can do. when the nights are long or the coughing is exhausting, or the frustrations of an orchestration of symptoms is making me nuts...and crabby...and resentful...and impatient...and wavering in hope.... i lean into god, with an awareness(if not the feeling) that god is radically present, felt or not. i also try to be both tenacious with the rigors of the regime and simultaneouly serene about the wait.
do i ever feel sorry for myself? yes! some days i think i am trapped in a plethora of bull---t and I can't get out of it. three faulty organs (major ones) can make for a pretty screwed up body. the balance is fragile and vigilance is a must. beyond that, i make this a day by day thing. otherwise, it is too easy to become overwhelmed and resentful. thankfully, humor has not escaped me.

i also consider it a good day when this or that symptom backs off and gives me a bit of a break. look for the lining,they say.

will close for now.
know that our prayers are mutual.
later,
g

Sunday, September 29, 2002 at 04:16 PM (CDT)

Wednesday, September 18, 2002 at 02:02 PM (CDT)

friends,
thanks for your patience with the address change in the page.

quick update. i have been nailed with mega-congestion, and endless coughing. lots of "productivity", but little energy to keep expelling the nastiness.

thank you for continued prayers and the grace it provides. one feels less alone in the experience.
i still pray. i still trust. i still complain on occasion and sometimes more often. i want to be assured that NO ONE will say "he never ever complained" at my funeral/

peace and good things,
greg

Wednesday, September 04, 2002 at 02:15 PM (CDT)

friends
firstly, i thank God for the tremendous beauty outside today. i plan to keep this short, so i may go out and enjoy. thank you for the ongoing encouragement from the many of you who write.....and pray. much appreciated. the network rather surprises me and certainly encourages me.

i have had four good days in a row! each day i feel well, i celebrate and am grateful. i have a nagging pinced nerve that has been with me for one year. wish we could rid me of that....don't need a pain in the neck at this time. indeed it rains....then it pours.

i aplogize that i do not have the energy i had historically to manage and enjoy time with many friends. my life has become increasingly small, it seems. lots of treatments and taking time to rest...and doing dialysis three days a week, etc. know that i miss seeing many of you.

if you are in town and wish to see me, i welcome you to the sunday mass at St. PHilip at 10:00. it is a delightful liturgy. we are at 26th and Bryant North.
I94 to the Broadway exit.
west on Brdwy about five blocks
Right on Bryant, giong north.
all are welcome!

amidst the BS that comes with a crashing body, praise is still in order......
peace and grace!
Greg

Wednesday, August 21, 2002 at 04:16 PM (CDT)

hi, friends,
i am not too quick to enter much, since this is really in place for the time of TP and the weeks following....but i do continue to do life while waiting.
i have decided that i am living in a funny sort of space, wherein i must be vigilant (constantly ready) and simultaneously patient. bottom line is that i am living this mystery a day at a time.
it has been very strange to lack the energy i always had. i continue to surrender to the naps and resting that is necessary. i try to accept the moments when i sit in a chair and have no energy to get up and cross the room for this or that, and have reneewed respect for people who live much of their life with such fatigue. I found myself saying recently, "oh how i miss the days of having just CF. Those were simmpler times..." The CF had never been a simple matter, but it was much easier before i lost my energy and appetite.
recent challenges have been nasty bowel obstruction issues (pain, nausea, throwing up, constipated, etc.)
also have itchy burning eyes, very sore feet, and very productive lung secretions. It gets a bit old, but i long for better days.
i struggle with intense discouragement at times, but know your prayer lifts me up and i keep pushing on.
do remember to be grateful to health, and the next time you see a quadraplegic person doing their life courageously, honor them in your heart. Not pity, but honor. Many people are managing more than you or i have ever had to manage. Gives us more reasons to be glad and grateful and less reasons to bitch about nothing.
peace for today.
later,
g

Wednesday, July 31, 2002 at 11:51 AM (CDT)

friends
no photos yet. i am having my hair colored before we take pictures. the gray has increased immensely of late and it terrifies us all!

no new news. welcome to the land of the waiting. i have been walking this one for 30 months, and must learn that waiting has its blessings.

thank you for your lovely and supportive messages. it certainly diminishes the aloneness of this experience. your empathy and prayer is a great gift.

if you are comfortable, please add your email to your message so i can return a message if the spirit moves me. thanks. if you are not comfortable, ca va bien.

a little quote
people with great minds talk about ideas.
people with ordinary minds talk about events.
people with small minds talk about people.
eleanor roosevelt
(that makes me nervous...)

have a blessed day. mutual prayer
Greg
PS: how am i feeling? loathe the humidity, as i have to chew it before i can breathe it.
energy rises and falls, but i am marching still...

Wednesday, July 24, 2002 at 04:45 PM (CDT)

friends
i thank you for your ongoing prayer.
no more movement yet, but this is kind of an advent time.
i carry a goodly bit of fatigue, but am well.
your support and comments to me are most kind. it is no small blessing to know this kind of love
blessings back to you
greg

Thursday, July 18, 2002 at 09:30 PM (CDT)

dear friends,
had i known i would receive so many beautiful messages and such expressed support, I would have wrecked my lungs and kidneys years ago! thank you for your care.

no new movement that I have heard of this week. we continue to pray, eh?

my week has been a very tiring one. It is so strange to lack the engergy i have had most of my life. even with cf, i was always the high energy guy. kidneys that work are a very wonderful and magical thing. and when they have given up, it is some rude awakening. the fatigue still surprises and dismays me. the great grace is that i think it shall end soon when the TP happens. I can only trust that all will go well. my psyche isn't quite able to manage thinking otherwise.

i will not harrass you often with writings until you hear more from John LeBlanc and/or Dale Korogi, who will let you know the blow by blow when it all comes to pass.

meanwhile, i go dutifully to dialysis and try to be grateful for the miracle that D is. without it, I and many would be quite dead. But I also think of it as my band aid. Join me in praying for the person who will be my donor. it is all rather mindboggling that one will die and one will live. I don't think i have ever had the luxury of taking life for granted. But may i now be more than ever grateful for the gift it is.

for those of you who have the gift of great health, get down on your knees (yes, i said knees) and thank God. It is an indescribable and unspeakably awesome gift.

peace and more peace,
greg

Tuesday, July 09, 2002 at 09:30 PM (CDT)

i just heard today that there is now one guy i front of me for the lung transplant. I am grateful for some movement and excited that the other guy may soon get his lungs, at which point i will be at the top of the list.

thanks for continued prayers and love
greg

Wednesday, June 26, 2002 at 04:08 PM (CDT)

Friends and Colleagues,

I am writing you as a group, though this news is old news to some and very new news to others. I shall try to be mercifully brief. And I aplogize that I have been remiss in contacting you sooner. Have had some stuff on my plate.......

As you know, I have dealt for a life time with cystic fibrosis and for about eight years with diabetes. Over the past ten years, I have also had a phantom phenomenon in my kidneys called secondary amyloidosis. It is a chronic inflamation that has been destroying the kidneys slowly.

In Mid April I went into the ER at U of MN hospitals. Couldn't breathe. They admitted me for eight days. Did a plethora of heart tests, because they saw an abnormal EKG.
Eventually they decided (after four major heart tests including another angeogram and an MRI) that the heart is still fine generally. I was nervous because a bad heart would mean I would be removed from the lung transplant list until the heart was repaired. I repeat: the heart is OK.

Unfortunately, my kidneys are NOT OK, which was evident by multiple scores in my lab tests and by the fact that I was fast putting on many pounds of fluid, adema, etc. which was a hazard to my entire body, especially my lungs. At one point I had gained 18 pounds of it...As a result, I was near suffocating with the fluid on deck in my pulmonary tissue.

The nephrologist decided it was time for dialysis. I actually told him I was not leaving the office until we decided to to dialysis NOW Waiting was over...

I began hemo-dialysis about 7 weeks ago.
I go into dialysis Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays, 4 hours each day. The procedure is not painful, but can be tiring. The reality of kidney loss is at times grave.
My body feels the fatigue constantly, as I am spilling much of my protein in my urine and the actual dialysis can leave the body feeling trumatized each time they take off 6-7 pounds of fluid. When the dialysis sucks so much fluid off the body so quickly, there are many other effects:
obstruction in the GI system, etc.

I am able to do much less than before. Many of you know me to be very high energy in the past. Things are much slower these days. That has been no small frustration and has demanded much prayer to reframe my own notion of self and preserve some self esteem. Believe me, it is easy to begin to hate one's life and even hate one's self when the body is doing sabbotage. I have had to pray hard for tenacity and for acceptance. What a funny combination...
I have been very grateful for the prayer and support of many of you. It has been a grace in the midst of what I find the most challenging time of my life, in terms of physical issues, and the emotional,spiritual, and mental burden which accompanies juggling three major organs that don't work.

I am near the top of the lung transplant list currently. There are two men in front of me who are "O" blood type and are my physical size. Lunt TP demands a physical match. These two men must be transplanted before I may be done. The plan is also to do kidney TP on me on the same day from the same donor. Gratefully I have had a score of LIVE donors also step forward for the
kidney. I am grateful to each of you, through we may need none of you.

It will be a challenging and huge day when those lungs and kidney arrive. They say the recovery will take a good bit of vinegar and some months of hard work.
Please God, that day will arrive soon and please God, I shall be up for the work of it.

As I mentioned, I am working much less than before, but trying to keep my oar in the water and do the weekend Masses. The faith community here is nothing but supportive.
St. Philip is still alive and kicking vibrantly, as the Spirit and the people are faithful.

You shall all be contacted the day of the surgery and your prayers shall be much needed and appreciated. Thanks for your patience in reading this. Thank you for your love and prayer!

Be blessed, each of you.
Greg

Wednesday, April 10, 2002 at 03:12 PM (CDT)

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