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Tuesday, September 11, 2007 11:00 PM

Unable to Say Goodbye


They have gone away; they were not driven away. They resigned their spirits, they died at the commandment of the Lord. They would have willingly stayed; but they gladly went. They have gone away; but they have gone home; their bodies to their long, but not last, home in the dust; their spirits to a better home in their Father’s house above…The Lord will bring their spirits with Him when He comes from heaven the second time, for the complete salvation of His chosen, and their bodies will come forth out of their graves to meet them, incorruptible, immortal, powerful, glorious, and all death-divided Christians shall meet to part no more. ~

John Brown, Discourses and Sayings of our Lord reprinted in From Grief to Glory.


Dear Carter,

It is September 11, 2007. Tomorrow it will be three years since we held you in our arms. It is the eve of your heavenly journey home. I’m not sure if you know how much we miss you since there is no pain in heaven (I, for one, am really looking forward to that part). I hope you don’t know, for our pain is unbearable.

I have decided it is time to close “Carter’s Corner.” It was a very difficult decision to make, but God let me know it was time. Do you remember when we first started this webpage? Mrs. Sydney set it up for us, knowing it would be a great way for us to communicate to our friends and family about your battle against cancer. Can you believe how it grew from there? Over 800,000 people have come to your site. The maps we have in the basement where we put pushpins in the states and countries where people were praying for you are still there. I think we had a pin in every state except Montana!

I don’t think we will ever know how many lives you have touched. The people that have come here over the past three years have become like family to us. They have provided love, joy, laughter, and comfort during the most horrific time of our lives. We are so thankful for them...

You would be amazed at the Carter Samuel Martin Experimental Therapy Research Fund that was established in your memory. It continues to grow by the day! Dr. Katzenstein is using all of the money that has been raised to find a cure for cancer...he is working very hard on clinical trials so that other children that relapse may have a better chance of survival, maybe even be cured! That was your dream, and we will continue to fight for that as long as we are here on earth.

It is unbelievable to think of the impact your life made (and is still making) at Providence. This year will be the Fourth Annual Carter Martin Classic. Over the past three years it has raised over $200,000!!! This year’s goal is set even higher. The Classic will even have its own website, www.cartemartinclassic.org so that people can donate on-line (and be able to keep up with the many happenings of the Carter Samuel Martin Experimental Therapy Research Fund). The website is still under construction, but will definitely be up and running in a couple of days.

Daddy, Candler, and I packed up your room in May. I think you had about 700 stuffed animals! Although it was very difficult for us, we felt it was the right time. Candler decided to move into your room. We knew you would think that was cool that your big brother wanted your room. The walls are still red (of course it was NEVER Georgia Bulldog red).

Speaking of Candler, he is almost 13 years old now. That means you would almost be 11. He talks about you everyday, and always wants me to tell him stories about when you were both little. We always talk about the time you spilled Nestle Quik powder all over your entire body, and all we could see were the whites of your eyes. As we were laughing hysterically at you, you screamed out, “It’s NOT funny” as you did on many occasions when the joke was on you. We also talk about the time at SanDestin when you fell face first into the soft, white sand (you were covered in suntan lotion and probably a little sweat at the time) and came up looking like a ghost! It didn’t bother you one bit that you had sand in your eyes, nose, ears, and mouth. You went about your business playing ball or whatever it was ya’ll were doing on the beach at the time (always playing to win, of course). That was just you...tougher than nails, thank goodness.

Candler misses you very much. I think he is just starting to understand the depth of his loss. You would be very proud of him. After everything he has been through, he is growing up into a very fine young man. He is very independent, responsible, respectful, and hard working. He loves music, his friends, and is still not too grown up to give mom a kiss goodnight. He isn’t the snuggler that you were, (you know he never was) but we do love hanging out together and I’ll take that! It is hard for him in the afternoons when he doesn’t have any activities (right now he is running Cross Country but has a broken foot), because that is when he feels the most alone and misses you the most. He often will sit in ‘headquarters’ in the basement and do whatever it is ya’ll did together down there...cards, mighty beans, Pokemon. I think he goes there to be alone with his thoughts of you.

Daddy is working harder than ever. You would be so proud of him also. He is still driving ‘your’ Georgia Tech truck around...I’m not sure if he will ever be able to part with it! He aches to have you with him at Georgia Tech games (can you believe they beat Notre Dame?). Candler and I still cheer for Georgia Tech with him, but it makes daddy really, really sad to not have his biggest Yellow Jacket with him. Hunting and fishing, camping, and having ‘daddy days’ without you just isn’t the same for him or for Candler. There is always a part of them missing with you not there, but they have an incredible bond together.

As for your mom, her heart continues to break a little more every day. I long to hold you, to feel the softness of your cheeks against mine, to watch you run with two legs faster than lightening up and down the soccer field smiling in the sunshine, feeling no pain... ‘longing’ doesn’t even begin to cover it. It makes me sad that I will never see you grow up...I will always have the wonder of what should have been, although God never had a ‘should have been’ plan for you.

The other day your friend, Drew, said to his mom, “Do you think life is really death, and death really life...and we just think life is life?” Sounds just like a Drew question, doesn’t it? I think I have to agree with him. We won’t experience real life that you have now until we get to heaven. This ‘life’ down here that is so full of pain and suffering cannot begin to touch the eternal life we will have in heaven. Your daddy and I have been witness to that already when we watched you take your final breath here on earth. Your pain had been unimaginable for 2 weeks....barely controllable with medication...we watched the cancer leave your body when the gigantic smile came across your face and you stepped into the arms of Jesus. No more pain, no more suffering, no more cancer.

So, my sweet baby, we will see you in the light when Daddy, Candler, and I come to meet you in our eternal home. Until then...

I love you to heaven and back and there’s nothing higher than heaven.
Mom

Friday, July 27, 2007 1:06 PM CDT

I can't believe I have gone 6 months without an entry on Carter's site. I also can't believe (but am very thankful for) the many, many people who still come here to check up on us.

I wish I could say that within the 6 months that have passed, "time flies when you're havin' fun" but I am guessing you must already realize this is not the case. I will call the past 6 months simply "living life as we now know it." It isn't better, it isn't healed, it doesn't hurt any less.

Every aspect of our lives reminds us of Carter. We talk about him daily, expanding upon the 'what ifs and should have beens' that we know will never happen. His fingerprints are all over us, in everything we do.

We packed up his room in May. Scott and I had decided it was time (me more than Scott) based upon a conversation that Candler had with us. Candler's understanding was that Carter's room was to 'never be touched.' He expressed these emotions in a way that Scott and I didn't think was healthy for him or for us. Afterall, every time we walk up the front stairs of our home it is Carter's room that stares us all right in the face. We knew it was time for a change. I didn't think that time would ever come for me.......

We told Candler about our plans to pack Carter's room, and his first words were, "Can I move in there?" Of course it was the perfect idea. We couldn't imagine anything we would rather do with Carter's room. So, very quickly, before any minds were changed, we made the move. The biggest challenge was packing up all of Carter's stuffed animals (about 300 or more). Scott, Candler, and I did that together.....laughing and crying through every moment and memory that we eventually stuffed in a bag, but will forever hold deep within our hearts. It also verified for me that Candler hasn't forgotten.....he was young when all of this started, but he remembers everything.

Yes, it was difficult. Although I had help from time to time, I was the one to do most of the packing. I think it has taken more of a toll on me than I first realized. In a way, I have buried him all over again. This time his earthly possessions. Yes, we will have certain things of his that will always remain out in our home, but his 'space' is now gone.....again.

As I write these words I wonder how many of you out there think I am crazy or have lost my mind.....probably some of you do. And that's okay. I will continue to write from my heart as I have always done here. Which, by the way, probably will not be for too much longer. My plans are to have a final entry by September 12, the three year mark of Carter's death. I feel like my time is done here, afterall, what else is there to say? You all have been and will continue to be family to us. You have seen us through this journey, even if through cyberspace.

Our plan is to have an alternative website to keep everyone updated with the Carter Samuel Martin Experimental Therapy Research Fund's activities and progress. Speaking of Carter's fund, there have been 2 golf tournaments this year, raising a total of over $70,000! The fall tournament is coming up (sponsored by the Atlanta Commercial Board of Realtors) and then the Carter Martin Classic at Providence Christian Academy is already scheduled for December 7.

Part of me cannot imagine leaving this site, afterall, it has been the place that I have poured my heart out to complete strangers (some of you!), but my heart (and head) is telling me that it is time. This has been a geat source of comfort to all of us! I almost dread writing that final journey entry because then the guestbook entries will eventually stop! I love to come here and read your words of love, concern, and encouragement for our family.

So, I will sign off for now.......thank you for your prayers. We still, and always will, need them. Although Carter's journey on earth has ended with the glorious gift of heaven as his reward, our journey here on earth continues to be without him. However unbearable that is for me to even write, I know that one day we will be reunited in glory and we will continue our journey together forever.

Love,
Leigh Ann

Thursday, January 25, 2007 6:04 PM CST

We are thrilled (and humbled) to tell you the final total for the 3rd Annual Carter Martin Classic was $122,700.00. ‘Amazing’ and ‘thankful’ are the only words that come to mind.

This money will provide much needed research to help make one little boy’s dream become a reality. Someone asked me the other day if raising this much money gives me any ‘peace’. The answer is, without a doubt, no. It brings me happiness and gives me hope for other children, but not peace. Of course I have peace knowing that Carter is with his Heavenly Father, but I have realized that here on earth there will never be any answers as to why...never any real peace. That is only going to be ours when we are reunited with Carter in heaven one day.

Unfortunately, cancer has stolen another sweet baby from her mommy’s and daddy’s arms here on earth. Precious Catie Wilkins joined Carter in heaven last Friday after a long and courageous battle. It sickens me to know that research and medicine were too late to save her and countless other’s lives. It, plainly and simply, just isn’t fair. I have to remind myself that there are no answers here...none.

So it is with this heavy heart tonight that I thank you for your support and ask you to continue it. As I have said before, be so very thankful for your children’s health. It is the only thing in life that REALLY matters. TIME is so very precious. One day it’s yours and the next day you are fearful of losing it.

Love,
Leigh Ann

Sunday, December 10, 2006 4:15pm

Pictures from the CMC in photo album.


I apologize for not updating the site yesterday about the Carter Martin Classic. We spent the day recuperating from the BIG NIGHT!

I am astounded to tell you that the amount raised (this was as of half time of the boy’s varsity game) was over $103,000.00! And, with what I have heard over the last 24 hours it appears that the number will go even higher. Can you believe it? We are still trying to wrap our minds around it!

The night was fabulous for us. Sharing our excitement with so many of you made it even more special. We could never tell you what it means to us know how each of you has remembered Carter by being present at the CMC (even those who were there only in spirit!) and for being so generous with donations to his fund. I believe in our lifetime a cure WILL be found, and YOU will have been a part of making a dream of Carter’s come true.

There are so many people to thank that I am afraid if I tried I would leave someone out. I will say thank you to Craig Carter and the CMC steering committee. The success of Friday night is because of YOU!! Also, to Tom and Chris Glavine, your faithful support used to amaze us...now that we know you and know your hearts, amazement turns into understanding. You are incredible people and we are so honored to call you friends.

Stay tuned for further updates...I will pass them along as I get them!

Thank you ALL from the bottom of our hearts.

We love you,
Scott, Leigh Ann and Candler

Monday, November 27, 2006 10:00pm

Yikes! I can’t take credit for the poem! I copied it off of a card that a friend sent to me last week in honor of Carter’s birthday. I really appreciate all of the confidence that you all have in me, but a poet I am not!

I hope that everyone had a relaxing and blessed Thanksgiving and that you stopped to thank God for the true blessings in your lives. Although one of our biggest blessings is no longer here with us, we do know the many others He has given us.

The Carter Martin Classic is off to an unbelievable start! The event will be held on Friday, December 8, with games starting at 4:00pm. The program will begin at 7:00pm. The steering committee has been working so hard (along with countless others) to make this year’s event even better. Our friend, and fellow childhood cancer “crusader”, Tom Glavine will be making an appearance at the Classic this year, signing autographs from 4:30-6:30pm. We are so grateful to him and his family for so graciously giving of themselves during the off-season. Tommy and Chris you are heroes in our eyes!

As the Christmas “rush” is upon us, I hope you will find yourself stopping (like I did yesterday) to realize that it’s not about jamming an impossible party schedule on your calendar or racing around the mall to find the perfect outfit for all of those parties or the perfect gift for someone (that you have no idea if they’ll like anyway). It’s about baking cookies with your kids and getting sprinkles all over the floor, riding the Pink Pig (as is our family tradition), decorating the tree, and reading the Christmas story...simply being together, under one roof, basking in the warmth of a fire while drinking hot chocolate...these, by far, are my fondest family memories of Christmases past. For us, knowing that Carter is in heaven where he is a part of the biggest birthday party imaginable is our hope for the future...for eternity.

We are so blessed to have all of you by our side...still.

Love,
Leigh Ann

Monday, November 20, 2006 10:16pm

Happy Birthday my sweet baby.


A Special Birthday

Please, God,
Let them remember that
Today is a special day.
Make them understand that
The memories don't go away.
Bless them with ears to hear and hearts that care.
Enable them to listen
While I share.
Shelter them that they may never know my pain.
Help them to help me know
That my child's life
Was not in vain.
Help them to remember, Lord,
That I wish
My child was here
So we could still celebrate.
To understand that I still
Feel the nearness of my child
To see beyond my smile and
The words,
"I'm okay."
Please God, just let one
Remember today
Is a special birthday.



Thank you to so many of you who remembered.

Love,
Leigh Ann

Monday, October 9, 2006

As you can see, all of the links for the CARTER MARTIN CLASSIC are here!

The deadline for sponsorship and t-shirt orders is November 7. The Providence 6th grade Advanced Art students are designing the t-shirt that will be revealed on the Monday prior to the CMC.

Today was the first of many "Carter Days" at school. The students could pay 50 cents and wear a hat (backwards) to school today in honor of Carter. There are many fun ways for the children to be involved. They are all being encouraged to raise money themselves with various jobs around the house or community "mission" projects. With their creative minds and their sweet hearts, it will be exciting to see what they will do!

The CMC at Providence is so near and dear to our hearts. ALL of the various events that raise money for the Carter Samuel Martin Experimental Therapy Research Fund have touched us so deeply, but this one hits HOME. This is the one in which WE can pour our hearts and souls into....

It is our way of continuing Carter's legacy. It's all we have left to do....to make his vision a reality:

"find a cure for cancer so other kids won't have to suffer."

Love,
Leigh Ann

Wednesday, August 23, 2006 10:30 PM

New photos...

Thank you all so much for the encouraging words in the guest book and e-mails, asking me to continue writing on Carter’s website. It is still a comfort to know that people come here to check on us...or just to see Carter’s precious smile.

We were sad to see the summer come to a close. I have always been one of those moms to dread school starting back. I love the time at home, no alarm clocks, no routines, vacations...my list could go on. We did have a wonderful summer! Candler’s time at Camp Ridgecrest was a blast for him and his Providence buddies. I think they will grow closer each year and form an unbreakable bond of friendship. He was glad to see his mom and dad at the end of the two weeks, thank goodness!

Upon Candler’s return from camp, I did the laundry (I didn’t have to throw away underwear and socks this year) and reloaded the car to head for the beach for three weeks. We shared some of the time there with friends, which was great for Candler. We also had some time with just the three of us, our little family together. Candler busily read his required books for school, Scott played golf with a colleague and worked-out like a mad-man, and I relaxed…plain and simple...total relaxation (I did manage to fit in a few bike rides and some outlet shopping, but mostly I just relaxed) Nothing to do, nowhere to go, no house to clean up...blah, blah, blah. Lucky me, right? Not quite. I have come to realize that in my case, relaxation is sometimes not the greatest of luxuries. With too much time on my hands my mind wandered greatly, with deep thoughts of Carter and the “whys” of it all, which just created a down right ache in my heart, mind, and soul for my little boy who I long to hold again in my arms.

Candler spent his last week before school started with his face in a book or typing book reports at the computer. He is excited about 6th grade (he started last Tuesday) and being with his friends. It seems as if he has grown up overnight. When I look back at pictures of him with Carter during Carter’s last days, Candler looks like such a little boy….he was, actually, since he was only 9. It reminds me of how long ago it was that he lost his little brother...a lifetime to him. Please continue to pray for Candler. Since the start of school he has been in a wave of grief. This one seems to be the worst yet.

I am looking forward to the upcoming “Quiet Heroes” Luncheon, hosted by Chris Glavine, benefiting CURE Childhood Cancer and CureSearch which will be held in a couple of weeks. The countless hours that the volunteers have put in amazes me! The sponsors are incredible…the whole event is going to be so very special. I’m not sure what the researchers did for funding before Tom and Chris Glavine jumped on board the childhood cancer wagon. The contributions (from their heart) they have provided are so appreciated.

Also, we had our first Carter Martin Classic meeting on Monday night (the game isn’t until December 8!) and it was very exciting to see the energy that is being put forth so early. There will be lots to do for that...gives me something to look forward to, also.

I hope that all of you have had an excellent start to the school year.

We love you all,
Leigh Ann

Tuesday, July 4, 2006 11:00pm

New pictures in the photo album.

We got Candler safely tucked away at Camp Ridgecrest on Sunday, and Scott and I have to figure out what to do without him for two weeks!! We have fun things planned with friends and family, but nothing takes the place of Candler’s contagious smile and his unique sense of humor that always keeps us going.

We have had lots going on since my last post...I am guessing you’re not surprised since that was 2 ½ months ago.

At the beginning of May there was a golf tournament benefiting Carter’s fund held by Malone Construction Company at Capital City Club here in Atlanta. Our good friend, James Buck, who works with Malone, wanted to do something special in Carter’s honor. The people at Malone completely supported James’ efforts and “Drive for the Dream” was born. At last count, the event raised over $31,000!!! Scott and his dad, along with my dad, played in the tournament. It was so special for my family to be here. The folks at Malone are already looking to next year. We were amazed with the tremendous success for this first annual tournament. Our thanks to everyone at Malone!

Candler got out of school at the end of May and he and Scott left town with our friends Monte, Sean, and Nolan Wilson to go to the Indy 500. What a wonderful way to start the summer...they had a blast together! As with every other father/son trip that has been taken, Scott had to endure it without Carter.

In June, the 5th annual (2nd annual where donations have been designated for Carter’s Fund) Hotlanta Charity Classic took place. Mike Schilling, Tom Olson, and Patrick McKeen started this tournament 5 years ago for the benefit of the AFLAC Cancer Center. Tom used to work at Hines with Scott and followed Carter’s story. This year’s event raised $40,000!! The AMAZING part of the event was that Scott made a HOLE-IN-ONE on the second day of the tournament! We were all so proud of him...and I must say it was hard for him to come back down to earth. Our hearts are so full with love and appreciation for ALL of those involved with the tournament. Thank you for honoring Carter, and us, with another special day.

Last week was Junior Camp at Camp Sunshine. It was an extremely difficult week for us, knowing how much Carter loved camp. As I have said in my journaling before, there is just something magical about that place. It will be in our hearts forever. We are attending monthly group meetings at the Camp Sunshine house with our other bereaved friends and their children. There are far too many of us traveling this road together.

I have been struggling lately to find a purpose in my writing here. As we quickly approach the two year mark of Carter’s death, I sometimes think that it’s time for me to quit writing and close down this website. The other part of my brain chimes in, ”you can’t quit...it’s for Carter...it keeps his memory alive...new people come here daily, and it continues to raise awareness for childhood cancer.” After pondering that thought, I decided that’s not really the reason that I continue to write. I write hoping that I will reach people to remind them that every day is a gift from God, and that health is the only thing that is really important. I guess that’s why my entries are so “real” (as I have been told). I want you all to know the “realness” of what has happened to us, and how it could happen to you in the blink of an eye. The stories and thoughts that I continue to post here are from my heart and soul...I just can’t journal about how life is moving along and we’re moving with it (of course we ARE) but our lives are stalled in the moment of losing our precious Carter. I can’t see that ever changing.

In my realness of life I try to face each day with a smile. Sometimes it is indeed a real smile, but sometimes it is painted on to hide the pain and anguish in my heart. I smile because I cherish my role as wife, mother, daughter, sister, and friend. But when my house gets quiet...Candler’s away, Scott’s at work, my friends aren’t calling...when I am alone, I get to be the “nobody” that is so real, so deep inside of me. That is when the real “realness” sets in and I am alone with my thoughts...or no thoughts at all...just me by myself. I am only the mother who has lost her child.

Love,
Leigh Ann

Tuesday, April 25, 2006 8:00PM CDT

It is a beautiful spring evening....we’ve just come from dinner where we sat outside to eat, Candler is out in the front yard playing ball with Lucky and Comet, there is "summer" fever in the air as school is out in only a few weeks....people anticipating vacations and summer camps, days at the lake or swimming pool, sleeping late in the mornings and being lazy....

Oh, how I wish that was all that consumed my mind.

But it’s not, and never will be that simple ever again.

We had "Remember the Sunshine" on Sunday at Camp Twin Lakes. Every year in the spring they have a service for the families to come to camp, share time together, meet new people (unfortunately), and remember our children....together. Each child’s name is read (this time, the reading was done by Dawn Carver, RN at Egleston....she was one of Carter’s FAVORITE nurses). That made it extra special for us. Dawn and I reflected back to the time when Carter was in the hospital for the very last time in August of 2004. Hospice had come to meet with us and get us prepared for what was going to happen at home....we told Carter that the chemo was not working anymore....his trusting eyes looking up into ours he said, "does that mean I am going to die?" We told him that was in the Lord’s hands, but that he was very, very sick. He knew from a previous conversation about another child he knew that died whose "chemo stopped working" exactly what that meant. Dawn was his nurse during that last hospital stay. When it was time for us to go, Dawn wheeled Carter out to the car with us, and then he hugged her goodbye. Then he said, "see you next time." We all knew there would not be a next time. I can still hear the tone in his voice as he spoke to her, never thinking once that he wouldn’t see her again. I often wonder if Carter trusted God THAT much! For him to think he would come back to the hospital after the conversation we had just had with him was amazing. Yes, he was only 7 years old....but you all know Carter.

After Dawn and I cried a little more on Sunday after telling that story, I thought about a quote that I had written in my journal when I was a senior in college at the University of Georgia. It says, "LOOK BACK AND REMEMBER, LOOK FORWARD AND TRUST." My high school/college sweetheart and I had just broken up after being together for 5 years, and of course I thought my life was completely over. I read that quote over and over and over again for months following the break-up, trying to make it real for me and to make myself BELIEVE that I had to look back and remember the times I had with him with a smile, and look forward to what else/other person God had planned for me. Naturally, that plan was Scott, and I thank Him for that daily.

I am trying desperately to apply this quote to my life today....look back and remember all the wonderful times with Carter and not dwell on the pain and suffering he endured during his very short life....and to look forward and trust God with His promise of eternal life. It's His personal guarantee that I will be with Carter again.

I think that day in August when we left the hospital for the last time Carter was thinking of the quote as well...."I remember what mom and dad just told me, but I think I’ll look forward to God and trust Him instead." Carter received His promise.

We are anxiously awaiting the day when we will receive ours.

Love,
Leigh Ann

Thursday, March 9, 2006 11:42 AM CST

I know it has been a long time since I have updated. Sorry to those of you who still come here daily to check on us. I certainly haven’t given you much to check on, have I?

I have started several journal entries and ended up deleting them. I think, “Who in the world would want to read that? It’s so down and depressing...I’ll wait another day and see if the words come out any better.” Guess what? They don’t. I think I’ll be in a more “upbeat” mood and tell people that we’re surviving...we’re adjusting...we’re still living...but then you must already know that. What other choice do we have?

We are going on with life, getting “used to” Carter not being here. That’s really what it’s all about: getting used to life here on earth without him. And, yes, there is life here...it’s just not a very enjoyable and happy one like it used to be. There is a cloud hanging over everything we do. There’s a hole in our hearts...there’s “one who is always missing.”

We are approaching the 18-month mark of Carter’s death. It is as fresh and real today as it was on September 12, 2004, but I sometimes have to stop and remind myself that all of this IS real. At times I feel like Carter’s entire time here with us was a dream.....that probably sounds crazy to those of you who have never lost a child, and I don’t know quite how to explain it. I have to stop myself sometimes and remember his voice, his smile, his touch...the things he liked and disliked...the way he breathed when he was sleeping in my arms.

So, we carry on...not happy about it, but we have to. We are going on with daily tasks, jobs, commitments, time with friends and family, and raising Candler into the incredible young man he is becoming...but always, ALWAYS remembering what was supposed to have been our fairy tale life.....healthy children and our family together. Truly that is all that matters. ALL else pales in comparison.

I have posted new pictures. They are of Carter’s gravesite where the memorials have finally been installed. All is finished now. We’ve completed our last task here on earth for our little boy.

Love,
Leigh Ann

Wednesday, March 8, 2006 11:00pm

Monday, January 30, 2006, 10:51am

YIKES!!! I have just been informed that I wrote the wrong date for the radio show. IT IS TODAY!!! MONDAY, JANUARY 30 at 1:00pm. Sorry for the confusion!!!!
_______________________________________
Sunday, January 29, 2006

Just wanted to let you all know that Scott and I will be on a radio show tomorrow (Monday, Jan. 3O) from 1:00pm until 2:00pm to talk about Carter. The show is with Dr. Phil Adler on Radio Sandy Springs. Unless you live in Sandy Springs (or very close by) you will not be able to pick up the station …..but you can listen live on their website www.radiosandysprings.com

Dr. Adler has entitled the show “A Legacy of Love. A Young Boy’s Fight for his Life Against Bone Cancer.”

We are a bit nervous, but are so thankful for yet another avenue to “get the word out” about childhood cancer.

Love,
Leigh Ann

Thursday, January 12, 2006 9:00pm

No, I have not abandoned this site!! It only seems that way since I have not written in so, so long, and left a blank “entry” up for a week. I would’ve done this sooner, but Candler and I battled a stomach virus at the beginning of this week (really sick). So far Scott has escaped it, but this morning we discovered that Comet did not. My stomach had not recovered enough to clean up after a dog, so now Scott has had to do that, too, after taking care of me and Candler for two days. Oh well, minor details.

We have had a very busy holiday season, as that seemed to be the only way to get through it. Christmas isn’t necessarily harder than any other day, but I must admit I am glad December has come and gone. I am trying to look at January as a new beginning (as I used to do)...a time for starting over, new goals and such. It is still harder than I can believe sometimes that Carter is truly gone from our earth and our arms, but he never leaves our hearts or our minds for a second. I have been told by those who are walking this road ahead of me that there will be a time in the future when I will wake up in the morning and Carter will not be the first thing I think of. Seems impossible, really, that it could ever happen. He is the last thing I think of before falling asleep and the first thing I think of when I get up. Right now, I can’t imagine it ever being any different. I will admit, I don’t want to imagine it.

We went on a ski trip in December with our good friends the Wilson’s and the McGuire’s (we missed you Mann’s!) to Big Sky, Montana. It was a fabulous trip, and great to be away right before Christmas. I think will do it every year! New traditions are the hardest, but we have to do it for Candler’s sake, and our own. Anyway, the time away with our friends was therapy for our souls. Candler had never skied before, but took a few lessons and was on his way. I grew up skiing, but hadn’t done it in 12 years (Scott, too). It was amazing how it came right back to us after so long. The Montana scenery was breathtaking, but the temperatures were very, very cold (one night is got down to 20 below!). Candler came home with a bad case of bronchitis that took him two weeks to get over. We’ve had enough sickness for one month...it makes me so thankful that we were NEVER sick during Carter’s illness.

The New Year came and went fairly quietly for us. Candler is settling back down into his school routine. Things are going along very smoothly with him, and we are starting to see out little boy grow up. He turned 11 while we were in Montana (Scott turned 40 by the way), and is definitely changing and maturing (I though we’d never get here). He has wonderful friends with amazing families. We are so blessed to have Candler. He is the light and joy of our lives.

Last but not least the Carter Martin Classic update that I promised!! This year’s event was bigger and better than last year’s (we’ll say that every year!), and did raise more money. $48,000.00!!! We were thrilled with the turnout, and the ideas that people continue to turn up in order to raise money. This year they had some prizes to give away...$5.00 bought a ticket and a chance to win. I have to share this story...my sweet friend, Chris Glavine, sent me a baseball signed by Tom to donate as a prize.

Candler was so excited about the ball (he got to take the it into school and give it to the CMC chairperson)...that made him “really cool” among his friends for the day. He had also decided it would be pretty neat to have it. I reminded him that he already had a ball signed by Mr. Glavine...along with a hat, a shirt, etc...He said, “yeah mom, but these are priceless!”

Well, we had some other really great stuff for the give-away’s also...Candler decided he wanted to try for the David Greene and David Pollack autographed UGA jersey. He took $100.00 of his OWN money and bought twenty tickets. The lady who was in charge (a good friend's mother) asked Candler to draw the winning name out of the basket for Tom’s ball...Candler drew his own name! He told the girl that he already had a Tom Glavine ball and he would like for someone else to have it, so he put his name back in the basket. (proud mom moment or what?) When they called the winning name for the UGA jersey, Candler didn’t win...he was disappointed. A few minutes later the lady that won the jersey came up and gave it to Candler because she had heard he wanted it. I told her the story about him giving up the ball, etc...amazing how God works!

Thanks for continuing to check our website. Your messages still mean the world to us. We check the guest book daily, and just to know that you’re remembering us, and our sweet Carter, helps us get through each day.

Love,
Leigh Ann

P.S. I have put a link below to an article about the Carter Martin Classic. Also, there are finally new pictures in the photo album.

Friday, January 6, 2006 7:19 PM CST

Wednesday, December 14, 2005 11:00 PM

For those of you patiently waiting, the total for the Carter Martin Classic was......$48,000.00!!!!!!!!!!! We are thrilled beyond words. The night was beautiful, and so honoring to Carter. I will write more in detail about it later....promise!

Love,
Leigh Ann

Thursday, December 8, 2005 7:00pm

The excitement is building as we await the Second Annual Carter Martin Classic at Providence tomorrow night. We are so blessed for Providence to continue honoring Carter's life and his one wish...."a cure for cancer so no other kid will have to suffer."

Several local news agencies are covering the event. If I can get my "helper" (you know who you are...P.H.) to post the articles from the newspapers on the website you'll get to see them, too.

We can't wait to report the total amount of money that is raised for the Carter Samuel Martin Experimental Therapy Research Fund. Everything, and I do mean everything, down to the ice... has been donated, with all proceeds going directly to the fund. Providence makes nothing. The fight for children's lives is the only beneficiary.

If you're out and about tomorrow stop by and have lunch at the Lilburn or Snellville (Scenic Highway) Chick-Fil-A between 11-1, as 10 percent of lunch sales go to the Classic. A BIG thank you to Bob Garrett and Tommy Balsamides for this generous offer.

It warms our hearts and souls to see such giving from people...family, friends, and strangers digging deep into their pockets for children's lives. It was too late for Carter, but it WILL save someone else.

Love,
Leigh Ann

Sunday, November 20, 2005 9:40pm

9 years ago tonight I was in labor, anxiously awaiting the birth of our second son, Carter Samuel Martin. Carter finally arrived at 10:16pm (all 9 pounds 7 ounces of him!) Our precious gift from God brought us more love and joy in his seven years here on earth than we would've ever imagined possible.

Happy Birthday, sweet baby. We miss you so, so much.

Sunday, November 6, 2005 8:30pm

Carter has another friend in heaven with him....

IN LOVING HONOR AND MEMORY OF OUR FRIEND VICTORIA NEWSOME. (ga/victorianewsome)

No more cancer sweet, beautiful girl...may your soul soar with the angels!

Wednesday, October 19, 2005 3:30pm

We are so proud to announce the upcoming Second Annual Carter Martin Classic at Providence Christian Academy!! “The Classic” as we are now calling it, will be held on December 9, 2005, in the Providence gymnasium. The program will begin at 7:00pm, with games being held at 4:00, 5:30, 7:00 and 8:00. Last year’s event was so successful (over $45,000.00 raised for The Carter Samuel Martin Experimental Therapy Research Fund!) and we are working hard to make this year’s Classic even more beneficial.

For those of you who have asked and those of you who may be interested, there are many ways to support the 2005 Classic. Do you know anyone who owns a business who would purchase a sponsorship for the program? Last year there were individuals who took out personal space in the program for “sponsorships.” Do you know anyone who owns a restaurant or bakery who would be willing to donate food to be sold during the games? There will also be t-shirt sales and t-shirt sponsorships like there were last year. Providence is putting their heart and soul into this, again, and we couldn’t be more grateful for their efforts in honoring Carter’s legacy, not only at Providence, but in the community as well. We are honored to be a part of it, and would love for you to join us, in any capacity. The deadline for sponsorships is November 4. (See links above for forms; t-shirt order forms available on the Providence website).

Like last year, area schools will be supporting the cause as well. We continue to be humbled by the generosity of people’s hearts and their determination in wanting to be a partner with Providence in funding research for childhood cancer.

I wanted to include the letter from Denise Fortune, Elementary Principal at Providence, that she wrote introducing the Classic to potential sponsors:


Dear Friends,

It has been over a year now since Providence second grader Carter Samuel Martin went to be with Jesus after a long and courageous battle with Ewing’s Sarcoma.

Many things have changed since that day on September 12, 2004. Children have grown taller, seniors have graduated, kindergarteners have started the great journey called school, ball games have been played, friendships have been made, and time has marched on. Some things have not changed. Chapel still rings with the voices of students praising God, the hallways and lunchroom are noisy, spelling still “counts”, and we still miss Carter.

The passing of time has not dampened our desire, commitment or enthusiasm to continue to raise money to fight childhood cancer, especially Ewing’s Sarcoma. Time has not changed the fact that children still have cancer, that a cure has not been found, and that the research must continue.

It is now time to mark your calendar for the Second Annual Carter Martin Classic Basketball Game to be played on December 9, 2005 at Providence Christian Academy.

To honor Carter’s life, this annual event is designed so that all proceeds from the gate, concessions, sponsorships, and more will go directly to the AFLAC Cancer Center and be deposited in The Carter Samuel Martin Experimental Therapy Research Fund for Childhood Cancer. Last year’s Classic raised over $45,000. It is important that we continue to join together to raise the funding necessary to continue the much needed research. With your help, we look to well exceed the amount of money raised last year!

Please carefully read the enclosed information and help us by attending the game, making a donation, advertising in the program or becoming a T-shirt sponsor. Providence Christian Academy will not benefit in any way from “The Classic”. All monies will go towards making Carter’s dream of “a cure for cancer so other kids won’t have to suffer” come true. This is a night to continue the fight, for all of the children. I hope to see you there.


Sincerely,


Denise Fortune
Elementary Principal



From her letter you can see that Carter is still in the hearts of all those at Providence. How honoring to him, and to us, to know that his memory lives on in such a meaningful and important way.

We would love for you to help in any way you can...and we would love to see you at “The Classic” on December 9!!

Love,
Leigh Ann

P.S. I have already acquired my first sponsorship....from Candler. He said he wanted to use the money from his magazine sales award and write a note to his brother in the program. His heart is so full of love....I continue to learn from HIM everyday.

Tuesday, October 4, 2005 12:15 pm

On Saturday, September 10, I attended the "Quiet Heroes" Luncheon, a very special event hosted by Chris Glavine and coordinated by Kristin Connor and her colleagues at CureSearch. The luncheon was organized to honor moms of kids with cancer and to raise much needed funds for pediatric cancer research. It was a very emotional event for us, yet at the same time uplifting, too. Chris, Kristin, Jill Becker (local TV news anchor) and Liz Scott (Mom of Alex, of Alex’s Lemonade stand) brought us to tears with their stories. Will Hennessy’s mom, Jane, put the remarks from Jill Becker and Chris Glavine on her website last week. I copied them over to ours for you to read:

Jill Becker's remarks to introduce Chris:

"When you first meet Chris Glavine, you are quickly swept up by her embracing smile and her witty sense of humor. She’s a fun lady with a lot of personality...the kind of person you’d like be sitting next to on an airplane ride or standing next to in a long checkout line.

And if you’re lucky enough to have spent time with Chris, you have come to know the woman behind that embracing smile ~ a woman with a kind spirit and deep faith. And if you’re lucky enough to call Chris a friend, you know the depths of her warmth and compassion. If you have ever been greeted by her famous "Hello, my friend!" you find yourself instantly smiling because...well...you know she means it.

It wouldn’t be a stretch to compare Chris Glavine to a momma grizzly bear. She is hugely devoted to and so very proud of her family. She is fiercely protective of her four children, Jonathon, Amber, Mason, and Peyton. These maternal instincts may well be what initially drew Chris to support the mission of CureSearch. After witnessing first-hand the trials and tribulations that a family faces when a child is diagnosed with cancer, she and her husband, Tom, were determined to become part of the solution. They have actively lent a hand in raising awareness of the need to support research into cures for childhood cancer and have supported the work of CureSearch with passion and devotion.

Today’s luncheon was Chris’s idea. She wanted to honor the quiet heroes in this battle – you, the mothers –whose love and tireless dedication guide your families through an unimaginable journey...

Please welcome, Chris Glavine"

Chris’ remarks:

"Welcome everyone. I’d like to start by saying a very heartfelt thank you to everyone who has worked so hard to make this such a wonderful and successful event. I’d like to recognize the committee - Kristin who has been at the helm from day one, planning our very intimate gathering (originally planned for 125 people,) our 2 very special guest speakers Linda and Liz, the sponsors and everyone who has made such generous charitable contributions.

There is not doubt I have been extremely blessed with many things in my life, public speaking skills would not be one of them. Tommy and I have had other charitable functions but I rarely have to do the talking, just a lot of head nodding. Today, I’m forced to go it alone. For a day I have been so looking forward to, this is the part I could have done without. There is almost nothing I wouldn’t do for this cause. Just ask my husband, I’ve all but rented him out, understand, I’m not opposed to doing that for the right price, all interested parties should see me after the presentations. (Lots of laughs here) That being said, I am extremely excited to be here and have written down some thoughts to share with you.

My husband has done some pretty spectacular things during his 18 years as a baseball player. Those accomplishments have given him a voice. While I know he is proud of those accomplishments, we pride ourselves on the things we have been able to do for people off the field as a result of this voice. I say "we" knowing I have never thrown a baseball in a major league baseball game but have absolutely no problem riding his coat tails for this cause. Childhood cancer has touched our hearts in a special way and we will remain committed long after he can no longer throw his change up the way only he can.

People are always interested in the reasons we became involved with childhood cancer and CureSearch. Close friends of ours were faced with the reality of their 5 year old being diagnosed with Ewing's Sarcoma. I’m sure you’ve read of Will Hennessy’s battle, it was what initially pulled us into the world of childhood cancer. Some serious head scratching went on when the diagnosis came, this just couldn’t be, his life was in jeopardy at the young age of 5?? But it was. We had a desperate need to help, and we did what we could but it still didn’t seem like it was enough. The Hennessys fought to get Will better for just under a year. Will has been cancer-free for almost 2 years now but they will be looking over their shoulders for the rest of their lives.

Our relationship with the Hennessy’s brought to our attention the sobering number of children that are diagnosed with cancer each year, 12,000. Along with that came the bigger picture that not enough was being done to save our children from this disease. Will’s situation was not as isolated as we and probably many other people could have ever imagined.

Through our association with the Hennessy’s we have also had the pleasure of getting to know another family who was faced with the same fight but unfortunately did not win. The Martins, like so many of you here today, created a website that included daily journal entries that detailed Carter’s diagnosis, prognosis, surgeries, treatments, etc. No matter how many days went by, it seemed like it had been forever since The Martins’ last entry. We just waited and waited for that next entry that said a miracle had happened, but that journal entry never came for this special little boy, who was the inspiration for this event. In our trophy case sits this autographed baseball (Chris pulled out the signed baseball to show the audience), not signed by the likes of Babe Ruth but sent to Tommy as a get well wish after his car accident last year, signed by both Will and Carter.

While I cannot tell you first hand what it is like to be the parent of a child with cancer, I can tell you, that you will never witness a more emotionally draining, gut wrenching situation. 2000 sets of parents will have to endure that same pain this year, which is why I’d like to invite you to join me in honoring our quiet heroes today.

While we would all like to see the federal funding dramatically increased, I feel encouraged that smaller scaled efforts like our gathering here today will go a long way towards raising money for research which will allow us as these green bracelets say to "reach the day" when childhood cancer has a 100 percent survival rate.

Thank you for being here today."

___________________________________________________________

From what I have been told, the event raised $100,000.00 for CureSearch. We are looking forward to next year’s luncheon already!

I FINALLY had the pleasure of meeting Chris Glavine. I feel like I have known her forever, but at long last I got to hug her and tell her thank you in person. Our hearts had been joined for quite some time, but now, having met her, I feel as if our souls are. She and her family are incredible and we honor HER as OUR hero.

I feel so blessed to be updating this site with GOOD news for a change. There has been an enormous amount of money raised for CureSearch, and a huge amount for Carter’s Fund also. AND, The 2nd Annual Carter Martin Classic at Providence is scheduled for December 9. We are excited to begin working on that again. Last year’s event raised over $45,000.00, all of it going directly to experimental therapy research. I will have information posted here as soon as it is available for t-shirts, t-shirt sponsors, and program sponsors.

Thank you for continuing to check in on us. We are hanging on, day by day.

Love,
Leigh Ann

Thursday, September 22, 2005 11:00am

This past Friday and Saturday the 4th annual “Hotlanta Charity Classic” was held by three very special men...Tom Olson, Mike Schilling, and Patrick McKeen. They have graciously hosted this event for the past 3 years for the benefit of the AFLAC Cancer Center at Children’s Healthcare of Atlanta. This year they decided to have the tournament in honor of Carter, (they know Scott through business) with all proceeds benefiting The Carter Samuel Martin Experimental Therapy Research Fund.

Scott, Jon, Uncle Michael, and “Uncle” Matt played in the tournament , along with 80, or so, others. Candler, Merrilee, and I went out to the clubhouse on Saturday for the awards ceremony and check presentation. We were all completely blown away when we were presented a check for $24,500.00!! THAT will add a significant amount to the cause of experimental therapy...it sickens us to think that children are losing their battles from Ewing’s (and all other cancers) due to lack of funding. Hopefully we are on the road to making a difference.

So, to the organizers, sponsors, players, and especially Tom, Mike, and Patrick, we say thank you from the bottom of our hearts. Your dedication to the cause of childhood cancer, and to Carter’s memory, has touched our hearts.

Love,
Leigh Ann

P.S. There are some new pictures in the photo album from the event.

P.S.S. Next time, my tribute to Chris Glavine and the “Quiet Heroes” luncheon from September 10.

Monday, September 12, 2005 5:15pm

365 days...1 year...yet, in our hearts it has been a lifetime since Carter left our arms.

I remember begging him to let go...I told him that it was okay go and meet Jesus. A few days prior September 12, 2004, when Carter could still communicate, he told us he didn’t want to die. A moment later he said, “But I can’t live here anymore.”

He told Scott several days before that that he wasn’t afraid to die. “I don’t want to, but if I do, I know I’m going to a glorious place.” In our hearts we know he is in that glorious place today, but it doesn’t make life here any more bearable. It is, however, the only reason we are able to survive...knowing that we will be reunited with him, one day, and we will be together forever.

Today our hearts ache. They ached yesterday, and they will ache again tomorrow. They will ache forever here on earth. There is a hole that will never be filled. The void is with us in everything we do.

We miss him...his touch, his laughter, his stubbornness, his smile, his strength, his determination, his zest for life, his love for us, his love for his friends, his faith, his wonder, his sweet face and soft kisses, his affection, his voice...we miss him telling us “I love you to heaven and back, and there’s nothing higher than heaven.”

During Carter’s relapse, I thanked God daily for “one more day” with our son. Today I pray that we are one day closer to Jesus’ return for us all, where we will be reunited with our loved ones for all of eternity.

Love,
Leigh Ann

Thursday, August 25, 2005 5:00pm

One year ago today we took Carter to the hospital, hoping another round of chemo could start early. Instead we heard our precious Dr. Katzenstein tell us, “There’s nothing else that can be done.” He told us Carter had about a week to live.

I can hear those words as clearly as I hear the rain falling down outside right now.

My mind knows that it was a year ago, but my heart feels like it was yesterday. I doubt it will ever feel any different.

Someone said to me today, “Time heals, right?” There isn’t anything further from the truth. Time heals nothing, it only allows one to learn to live and cope with the pain and loss.

This is the first of many upcoming dates that we dread having to face.

Thank you for continuing to check on us. I can imagine how painful it is for all of you to come here and read about how difficult, sad, hard, and emotional our lives are. I decided a long time ago that I was going to write the truth on the site and not “sugar coat it” so that people would think we were alright. Well, we AREN’T alright, and THAT’S the truth.

I have an excerpt from a book that a friend of mine sent me that I’d like to share with you. The book is called “Contagious Christianity” by Bill Hybels.

“Another powerful magnet that draws people to God is an authentic emotional life. Tragically, many Christians have gotten confused about how to express their feelings. Some well-meaning but misguided pastors and leaders have taught that dedicated Christians should never get angry, and that expressing sadness or hurt of grief are signs of low faith or shallow character. Untold numbers of believers have tried to smile and say, ‘Praise God’ in the midst of any and all circumstances, thinking this is an indicator of spiritual maturity.
But in their valiant attempts, two negative consequences have emerged. The first is what I call ‘emotional vertigo.’ That’s when a person outlaws certain feelings for so long that he eventually enters a state of total emotional confusion. In fact, he loses the ability to experience feelings altogether. He doesn’t recognize them when they try to break through, or know how to express them to somebody else.
You see, in his desperate attempt to ‘Christianize’ his feelings, he’s manipulated them for so long that he’s left in a helpless state of emotional apathy and disorientation. It takes a lot of work—and, often, some Christian counseling—to get out of that condition.
The second consequence is that seekers are quickly repelled by emotional inauthenticity. They see red flags all over the place when, for example, a young couple delivers a stillborn baby and then responds to the heart-rending disappointment with dry eyes and a nonstop string of clichéd phrases like, ‘Thank God anyway.’
Seekers just shake their heads and think, ‘You know, there really should be some serious grieving going on here. Something is dreadfully wrong. Call me a pagan, but losses like this one ought to be mourned, regardless of your religion.’
Contrast this to the example of Jesus. Remember what He did when His friend Lazarus died? He wept, right out in public. He just broke down and cried openly. And I’m sure that His emotional genuineness further endeared seekers to Him.
Recently I heard a father describe the night he learned that his eighteen-year-old son had been killed in a car accident. As this dedicated Christian recounted the awful story to me, his eyes filled with tears. For a moment he stopped. Finally he said, ‘You know, I still feel a hole in my heart almost every hour of every day.’
When he finished the story, I felt spiritually drawn to him. And I was attracted to the God who gave him the power to be so vulnerable and real. I thought, this is a liberated man, someone in touch with who he is and with what’s going on inside of himself.
Do you know what seekers need to see in you more than dry eyes and pasted-on smiles? They need to see you grapple with fear and sadness and anger and jealousy and loss. They need to hear you talk openly about it. They need to watch you work out your faith without discounting the everyday emotional realities of your life.
So don’t hide the struggle that’s going on inside you. Don’t try to sanitize it or Christianize it, because your feelings are important. God built them into you. In fact, He has those feelings, too! And if you’ll address them in a healthy and open fashion, your emotional authenticity will point those around you to the God at work within you.”





Love,
Leigh Ann

Sunday, August 7, 2005 7:00pm

We have just returned from 3 weeks at the beach.....

It’s amazing what the sound of the ocean can do to a person. My mind feels more relaxed and a bit clearer, but my heart and soul are heavier. I think along with the clarity came the reality of what is facing us in the month to follow.

We are running a marathon where there is no finish line.

One again we covet your prayers for our family.

Love,
Leigh Ann

Saturday, July 16, 2005 7:21 PM CDT

THE PICTURES ARE UP NOW!!

We have Candler back safe and sound! I have put some new pictures of the closing ceremonies yesterday in the photo album. Candler had a wonderful time at camp...but was very happy to see his mom and dad. He has a pretty nasty case of bronchitis, but our pediatrician put him on some antibiotics last night. He has been coughing his head off...hopefully he will be on the mend soon. I just cannot remember the last time Candler has been sick. I guess being in close contact with 8 cabin mates (and a hundred or so other boys) for 14 days, they were sure to pass some germs around.....he was not the only one to get sick.

Candler brought home an ample supply of dirt from the North Carolina mountains. Most of it was either ground into the clothes that made it back, or on him! He was filthy! After watching the DVD of the events of the two weeks that Ridgecrest sent home with us, there’s no mystery as to why. They were *boys* in every stretch of the imagination. They played in the mud (it rained every day but one), and they played on a slip and slide coated with oatmeal! Not to mention the camp outs, bug hunting, swimming in the lake...when we opened his trunk last night, it smelled of *fun* but mostly it just plain STUNK. The few socks (9 to be exact...none of them matched or were white anymore) and underwear that came back went straight into the trash can.

All in all Candler had a wonderful time. He grew in his independence, and he grew his relationships with his friends that were with him, but most importantly he grew in his spirituality. He told us last night that he learned “a lot about God...way more than I already knew.”

We are so glad to have him back. Even though he is a bit under the weather, having his voice and his laughter back inside the walls of our home is a blessing indeed.

So, once again I am thankful for noise, for a messy house, and for laundry...even if it is coated in red clay and oatmeal.

Love,
Leigh Ann

P.S. Carter would've loved every minute of it.

Monday, July 11, 2005 2:30pm

We finally got a letter from Candler on Thursday of last week. It was VERY short (3 sentences) but at least it was something. He said he is having a wonderful time...we already knew that, as we have checked the camp website daily for updates and photos of him. There are several pictures of Candler doing various activities, all with a great big smile on his face! I have put some of them in the photo album. We miss him like crazy and are looking forward to picking him up on Friday.

It will be 10 months tomorrow since Carter left this earth. How can it possibly be that long, when it only still seems like yesterday to us? Time is going on, of course, but mostly I feel like I am walking to the beat of a different drum. My life is now divided into before and after. The grief and pain is still as fresh as it was last month and the month before that. I still can't wrap my simple human mind around all that has happened to us, and especially all that happened to Carter. The nightmare, however, is real, and it's not getting any better.

People (friends and even some professionals) have told me "grief is a process that you just have to get through." That, to me, suggests that one is striving to "get to the other side of it." For me, that's not a realistic, tangible goal. I am, and forever will be "one who has lost a child".....it defines me now. There is no getting through it....I just have to learn to live again with the pain...and without Carter.

Thank you all for the kind, caring words that you leave in our guestbook. The notes still give us the encouragement and support that we need....you have no idea how much.

Love,
Leigh Ann

Monday, July 4, 2005 10:45am

We returned yesterday afternoon from taking Candler to camp. Scott and I are at a loss as what to do. I can remember a time where I would've done anything for two weeks without children...not any more. The house is way too quiet, and it hasn't even been 24 hours yet.

I realized last night that in 8 years, when Candler goes to college, this is what it will feel like. Scott and I will only be 48 then.....way too young to have an empty nest.

So, enjoy your noise...your laundry...your messy house...In the blink of an eye it can be gone, and you'd do anything to get it back.

Love,
Leigh Ann

P.S. I've added some pictures of Candler and his friends yesterday at drop-off...

Wednesday, June 29, 2005 1:00pm

We are asking for prayers today for our friend, Joe Grimaldi. Joe is a fifteen year old boy who we got to know while at Egleston. He has relapsed inside of 2 years....it's Ewing's. His mother, Andy, has set up a website for him. Caring bridge has changed some things over the past month. Go to www.caringbridge.org, visit page, then josephgrimaldi. Please add this sweet family to your prayer list. I know the terror they are feeling.

Candler and I returned from Washington, DC on Sunday night. We went for a long weekend to surprise Candler's cousin, Luke, for his 9th birthday. We had a wonderful time together...I actually got some rest and the boys had a great time together.

Before we left on Thursday we went to Piedmont Hospital to meet Candler's newest cousin, Caroline Margaret, born to Amy and Michael (Scott's sister) Wednesday at around 3:30am. Caroline is the first granddaughter in the Martin family!! Can you say "spoiled"?? Candler bought her her very first purse at the hospital gift shop when we visited.

Our happiness quickly turned to worry. We got a call on Friday while in DC that Caroline had had a seizure and was in NICU. It scared us beyond imagination. To make a long story short, Caroline finally got to come home last night. Please keep her in your prayers.

Candler is leaving for camp on Sunday for two weeks....please keep Scott and me in your prayers, too, as it will be very hard to be without our sunshine boy for that long. Pray for Candler's safety (as well as friends Connor, David, and Jonathon who are going with him).

I guess what I'm saying is this week we REALLY covet your prayers for SO many difficult things happening in our lives....as if there wasn't enough already.

Love,
Leigh Ann

Tuesday, June 21, 2005 10:45pm

I am so thankful to those of you who continue to come here....whether it is to check up on us, listen to the music, or stare at the sweet picture of Carter.....I had someone tell me that they come here daily just to remind themselves that this is all real.

I am in a struggle again finding words to write here.

It’s junior’s week at Camp Sunshine so my heart is especially heavy. I think about Carter’s friends there, especially Will, without him...I asked Will to throw a rock in the lake for Carter this week. How unfair it is for these precious, young children to have deal with such things.

I got a call today from a counselor of Carter’s last year who is at camp this week...she let me know that Carter was on everyone’s heart at the remembrance service today.

We had another Camp Sunshine friend finish his battle last week and is now safe in the arms of Jesus. Cameron and Carter are running together, each with both of their legs, through the streets of gold.

Thank you again for checking on us...the phone calls and e-mails are so thoughtful. Please just forgive me for not responding back. I wish I had more to offer each of you, but right now this journal is all I am capable of. Having said that, I’ll try to update it a bit more regularly.

Love,
Leigh Ann

Monday, May 30, 2005 10:45pm

I have had so many inquiries as to why I haven't updated the site.....thanks to those of you who continue to check on us.

In a word, May stinks.

It is filled with more of those dreaded anniversary dates...one being the tumor that grew while Carter had been on new chemo...the time we were told, “He won’t survive now.” I remember that conversation with Dr. Katzenstein vividly. Somehow, I still thought he would beat it. In looking back, I think I just refused to believe he wouldn’t.

May, 2004 we took our trips to New York City and to Marineland to swim with dolphins...Carter and Scott went on a father son camping trip...we prepared for Camp Sunshine in June...I had what would be my last Mother’s day with my youngest son...Carter finally was able to participate in Field Day at Providence (the happiest day of his life) where he and Peyton won the water balloon toss...he had his last spend the night party with all of his best friends...and oh yeah, radiation, shots, hospital stays, blood, platelets, pain, physical therapy, fevers, nausea and vomiting, and of course chemo, chemo, chemo...not to mention the fact that he asked us if he was going to die.

May, 2005 obviously has brought many sad moments for us, but we've tried so desperately to stay “up” for Candler's sake. There have been so many special events that have taken place over the past few weeks at school....Providence dedicated the yearbook to Carter. Griffin Adkins (Peyton's brother) spoke on behalf of the yearbook staff about Carter at a special ceremony on May 8. It was a perfect tribute...especially since it came from Griffin. All four boys (Peyton, Grant, Drew, and Steven) were all a part of the ceremony, as they were asked to come on stage with Scott, Candler and myself to accept the first yearbook, that was engraved “In Memory of Carter Martin.”

There was also Awards Day this past week. We are so proud of Candler for his “Honor Roll” Award, and most importantly his “David” Award for his spirit of courage. Candler also had the honor of unveiling the framed plaque of the yearbook dedication pages about Carter that will be displayed in the Elementary Media Center. Candler stood very proud. Scott and I could barely stand at all, and forced ourselves to choke back tears as we looked over at the second grade class...where we still long to see our son sitting with his classmates. The class presented us with a very special gift...one that will forever remind us that Carter is, and always will be a part of the class of 2015.

This school year coming to a close is extremely difficult...it still feels like it was yesterday that Carter walked into Mrs. Evans’ classroom with a pain medicine pump on his shoulder and a smile on his face... with his goal of earning “perfect attendance” for his second grade year at Providence.

Our pain is still so new and so fresh, and is growing deeper each day. Please continue to pray for us as we struggle along.

Love,
Leigh Ann

P.S. New photos....

Monday, May 9, 2005 10:15pm

It is with great sadness, yet with such peace in my heart, that I tell you about the death of one of my greatest mentors, Jeanine Allen. Jeanine won her battle against cancer on Saturday, May 7. She was 46 years old. She leaves behind a wonderful husband and two adoring daughters. She fought long and valiantly, but she fights no more.

I will miss her dearly. We had a bond that I cannot describe. The only thing I can tell you is it was created by God...for HIS purpose. I met Jeanine shortly after Carter had been diagnosed. She had been fighting for years. She expressed to me her hope in being able to see her girls graduate from Providence.

I was a wreck. She was a rock. She remained a rock for me throughout Carter’s battle...emotionally and prayerfully. I will never forget as long as I live something that she said to me when I first met her...”Leigh Ann, if my having cancer has brought one more person to the Lord, then it will have all been worth it.” She MEANT it.

A couple of weeks ago someone told me that a decision had been made that Jeanine would have no more chemo. She was in the hospital at this time. I wanted to see her...everything in me wanted to go to the hospital and see her. But, I remembered what our last few weeks were like with Carter. I didn’t want to share our family time together. So, out of respect for her family, I decided not to go. Besides, she now knows my heart.

She knows all I wanted to do was give her a gentle hug and whisper in her ear, “When you get there, hug him tight for me. Hold his hand and let him know that his mommy loves him, and longs for the day when we can be together again.”

I know Carter was there to greet Jeanine on Saturday morning when she entered the Kingdom of Heaven. They too, had a bond. He has heard her prayers for me for the past 8 months. I believe that she truly loved him...and me, too. I have a certain peace about me now just knowing that she is there with him. What an incredible, Godly mother to be there beside him.

I was there, in sprirt only, at her services today. I am so weak...I wish I could have just one ounce of her strength and faith.

Sweet Jeanine...I will miss you, my friend.

Love,
Leigh Ann

Thursday, May 5, 2005 10:15pm

Today has been a day where I have thought a thousand times, “I can’t believe I have to live the rest of my life like this.” I have to live through not only this Mother’s Day, but the rest of my Mother’s Days. Forever. It is an unimaginable task that I can’t seem to wrap my mind around. It’s been almost eight months and I still can’t imagine it.

The school year is about over. It seems like only yesterday, but yet a lifetime ago, that I was bringing Candler and Carter for the first day open house at Providence...and I had begged all of you to pray that Carter would be well enough to attend the first day of school so that he could wear his new shoes. He wore those prized shoes on the first day and for nine days after that. That’s all. Those shoes now sit on the floor of his closet with barely a scratch on them.

I miss him so much I feel that my head and heart will burst.

I have had a hard time lately with the acceptance of all he went through. Looking back I’m not sure how we managed to stay sane with the intensity of all the emotional pain and physical pain he endured. Most of all I cannot fathom how Carter never, ever complained. He had strength and the will to live...in the way in which he always had...I’m certain that’s how he got through it with such bravery. He was never going to let cancer get the best of what he had left.

I know my thoughts are not together tonight and I am rambling, but my heart and soul are undone...

Here's another article from a newsletter that I get...



A Grieving Father Looks At Mother's Day

On Sunday, May 13, 2001, religious and secular institutions across our western hemisphere will celebrate Mother's Day. Corporate America will eagerly open it’s arms, that is it’s doors, to embrace Mom with sales. Florists will be working over time to insure that floral bouquets arrive on time. Restaurants will be offering special Mother's Day meals so families can honor mom by eating out. In synagogues, temples, and places of worship, mothers will be honored in a variety of ways. There will be silent, invisible mothers on that day. They will go unrecognized for the most part. They will be generally unnoticed. They will even be ignored. They are the grieving mothers.

For them, the day is not a celebration, but endurance. Mother's Day changes completely for them after the death of a child. The pain is a pain only another grieving mother can relate too. All of the imagery that is conjured up doesn't necessarily help either. The pages of the hymnbook flutter with the images of a mother and her children. Read the titles of the songs as you flip the pages: "My Mother's Old Bible Is True," "Will The Circle Be Unbroken?," " Mother's Prayers Have Followed Me," and, "Are All The Children In?" Religious guidebooks and holy texts are filled with thousands of references and pictures of mothers nurturing their children.

This motherly lode is central to all the religions of the world. The implied message is that a mother's love for her children is a bond quite unlike any other. So the death of a child, to them, must feel quite unlike any other loss. These wonderful words and images which are meant to comfort, end up tormenting them.

I write this column as a grieving father. I share my insights from my personal experiences and my readings on child-loss. But a lot of my education has come from the truest source off all, my forever best friend, Debby. She has taught me that a mother's pain is so inexplicable, except to other grieving mothers, because when their child dies, a unique bond is broken. I cannot understand this bond, because like all Dads I am an outside observer so many times in the birthing process. But I do know that this bond exists. My many hours of watching The Discovery Channel and Animal Planet with my son, Carl, taught me one lesson, nature's lesson. Never mess with mothers. There's a reason why mother bears have notorious reputations. They fiercely protect their young.

There is a deep, mysterious, and unique relationship that a mother has with her child. Pregnancy is the start of a bond, which men cannot fully understand. The intricacies of feeding, nurturing…... It just boggles my mind that my wife did all those jobs 24 hours a day, and still worked a regular job too. Fathers are sort of detached observers in the birth process. Mothers are participants in the clearest meaning of the word. Their bodies work all day and night. They feel the movements of the new life within them and endure the hardships and sicknesses. Go through intense ups and downs. Live with the sheer terror of the unknown. Mix all these ingredients together and the result becomes a spiritual umbilical cord of great durability between a mother and the new life within her.

Nothing can sever that cord. It survives all the troubles and turmoil in life that children can bring. Nothing can break through that cord. Nothing, that is, except a child's untimely death. Now, I am trying to understand all of this in my finite, male mind, and frankly, I can't. I can't begin to understand a mother's keen sense of suffering when a child dies. I am left only to my inadequate imagination of her emptiness within. I caught glimpses of this suffering watching Debby sob and repeatedly cry out, "I can't protect him anymore! I can't comfort him anymore. I can't treat his hurts anymore!"

Truly, a big part of a mother dies when her, child dies. I share these thoughts with grieving family members and friends so there can be some sort of understanding. Mother's Day will never be the same. If it is a first time after the passing of young one, anxiety and grief will be severe, frequent, and intense. Expect those feelings.

Remember that the best gift to give to a grieving mother can't be bought. It is priceless. It can't be wrapped. It is too immense. That gift is you. Now, I close with something for all you precious, compassionate mothers. Please be good to yourselves, you have surely earned it.

-Aaron Pueschel

~reprinted from TCF Mercer Chapter Newsletter



Thanks for listening.

Be thankul...so thankful...for your Mother's Day.

Love,
Leigh Ann

Monday, April 25, 2005 11:20pm

As I sit at the computer night after night, I think, “this will be the day that I update...I mean give that REALLY long, pour out my heart, detailed update” that I know so many of you are waiting on. I wish I could journal like I used to, but I feel like there’s just not much to say. Carter’s battle is finished. It’s ours that has just begun. And believe me, we get slapped in the face with reminders of it daily. I struggle with finding a balance of telling you the truth about our lives without making you so depressed that you never come back to this site again. Yes, it’s THAT bad.

I sat and talked to a friend on Saturday afternoon. This is a relatively new friend that has traveled a very similar path that we are now on.....except she has had to go through it twice. Actually she still walks the path with me. You never really get off the path. The minute she saw me she asked where my “Carter button” was. For those of you who don’t know, or haven’t noticed, I have worn a picture button of Carter (the one on the top of this page) since November. I made the button at Camp Sunshine’s “Remember the Sunshine” weekend. I’ve worn it every day since. I wear it over my heart...it just makes me feel a little bit closer to him.

I quickly showed my friend that I was wearing the button, indeed, but it was covered up by the jacket I was wearing (winter returned to Georgia for the weekend.) It was so comforting to have someone NOTICE that the button was missing! She reminded me that the button was my outward symbol to others that I am in mourning! I hadn’t thought of it that way. I shared with her that I do feel like people think that I am doing ok...”I saw her at the grocery store...that must mean that she’s better.” My friend reaffirmed that my button is my way of saying “I’m not ok, even when it appears that I am.” I go through the motions of life, daily, with thoughts of “getting through the day” only. It is the only way I find that I can survive. I watch others frantically going through their lives and I want to stop them and say, “Don’t you know what happened to me? How can you continue on with such unimportant things when something so life-shattering has happened to me? Don’t you see? Don’t you get it? What an uncaring, selfish world we live in!”

I used to live in that world, and I can say without a doubt, that I’d go back to it in a second.


My sweet Candler cried, sobbed actually, on the way home from school one day last week. He has two precious friends at school who told him that they would “give up everything they had...even their houses, if you could have Carter back.” I told him what special friends he had and how lucky he was to have them...after a few minutes he was in tears in the backseat. He misses Carter so much. In the back of my mind I try to imagine Candler talking to his little brother....

”Carter I really, really miss you. Our family just isn’t the same anymore without you here. I know heaven has got to be great, but we liked it when you were here better (WITHOUT cancer). It is really hard in the afternoons when school is out...that’s when I miss you a lot. The weather is getting warm again and that means we would be outside playing in our fort, climbing in our favorite tree, riding bikes, or our favorite thing: hunting for bugs. I know Comet and Lucky miss you, too. Right after you died, Comet cried a lot and he would walk around the house like he was looking for you. You always had a special way of petting him that he loved! Mom and Dad cry a lot, but I know it is because they miss you. They love me more than anything and I know they are worried about me not having a brother here on earth anymore. I hope my friends know how much I need them. When mom asks me to set the table at night I only take out three forks instead of four. Every time mom reaches into the pantry for the napkins she always gets four. She says it’s just a reminder that you’re here with us. You would’ve been really proud of me on Saturday...my baseball team won! I got a hit, stole second and third base, and even got to play catcher. I wish you could’ve been there to watch me. You were such a great baseball player (and soccer player). You used to teach me a lot! Do you remember scoring eight goals in that last soccer game that you played? That was right before we found out you had cancer. I am ready for school to be out for summer. We have lots of things planned, but nothing will be the same without you. I am going to be on swim team at the pool this year! When it is time for Camp Sunshine, I think we will be really sad because we know how much you loved going last summer. I wish you were here to go again. We are always finding little things all over the house that belong to you. Mom puts everything in a special place. We haven’t messed up anything in your room, but I have looked at your Pokemon cards once or twice. I told mom that I know you would want me to take care of them. I got to play with Joseph today. He’s really getting big (so is Aunt Amy’s tummy because she is going to have another baby in July!). I know Joseph was really young when you died, but I will always make sure he remembers his cousin Carter. When we point to your picture he says, “Carter.” Luke and Benjamin are coming to Atlanta tomorrow and I’m sure we will have some light saber duels. You were always the fastest one when we played together. The new Star Wars comes out on May 19. But I guess you've already gotten to see it! Hey, guess what! Gran and Granddaddy finally got a boat so we can go fishing and crabbing this summer in Savannah. We used to have so much fun hunting for fiddler crabs down there. I almost forgot to tell you that Nannie and Granddaddy had to put Furman to sleep. Do you remember his front paw that was hurt? Turns out it was cancer. Man, I hate cancer. I didn’t even know dogs could get cancer. I told mom that if I ever won the lottery that I would give almost all of it…actually ALL of it.....to your fund to find a cure for cancer. One day, Carter, I promise I am going to help wipe it off the face of the earth. I told mom the other day that I wish it had been me that died instead of you. She told me that was not a good thing to say, and that you would not have wanted that. I told her that I would pray instead for Jesus to come back soon so that we could all be together. I really hope that happens soon. I love you, brother!!”


Thanks for checking in on us. As you can tell, our hearts break a little more each day in Carter’s absence.............


Love,
Leigh Ann

P.S. New "old" pictures are in the photo album.

Monday, April 18, 2005 10:33 PM

From my Compassionate Friends newsletter.....every word of it is true.

What is Normal Now?

I was jokingly asked recently what normal meant by a friend and I thought about it and jotted these things down. It is amazing what can become "normal" to us. I'm sure you could all change the names and a few circumstances and your normal is very close to mine.

Normal for me is trying to decide what to take to the cemetery for Christmas, birthday, Valentine's day, and Easter.

Normal is discussing with a friend in the Netherlands how different funeral customs are there than here. Discussing how much both our sons loved trains and how the train sets now collect dust.

Normal is sitting at the computer crying, sharing how you feel with chat buddies who have also lost a child.

Normal is feeling like you know how to act and are more comfortable with a funeral than a wedding or a birthday party. Yet, feeling a stab of pain in your heart when you smell the flowers, see that casket, and all the crying people.

Normal is feeling like you can't sit another minute without getting up and screaming cause you just don't like to sit through church anymore. And yet feeling like you have more faith and belief in God than you ever have had before.

Normal is going to bed feeling like your kids who are alive got cheated out of happy cheerful parents and instead they are stuck with sober, cautious people.

Normal is having tears waiting behind every smile when you realize someone important is missing from all the important events in your families' life.

Normal is not sleeping very well because a thousand what if's and why didn't I's go through your head constantly.

Normal is having the TV on the minute I walk into the house to have noise because the silence is deafening.

Normal is staring at every blonde little boy who looks about Kindergarten age. And then thinking of the age Isaiah would be now and not being able to imagine it. Then wondering why it is even important to imagine it because it will never happen.

Normal is every happy event in my life always being backed up with sadness lurking close behind because of the hole in my heart.

Normal is seeing Ian in his long black coat and hat at the cemetery visiting his brother’s grave and thinking, how could this be normal? He shouldn't have to be going through this.

Normal is seeing other kids that are Ian and Isaac's age teasing and playing with their brothers and sisters that are Isaiah's age and feeling so envious of them.

Normal is seeing Isaiah's classmates from church and Sunday school and wondering why he can't be with them. Why him?

Normal is playing my flute for a performance and feeling really great about doing well, followed by an immediate down after thinking how Isaiah would have said, "That was beautiful Momma (whether it really was or not).

Normal is telling the story of Isaiah's death as if it were an everyday common place activity and then gasping in horror at how awful it sounds. And yet realizing it has become part of our normal.

Normal is each year coming up with the difficult task of how to honor your child's memory and their birthday and survive those days. And trying to find the balloon or flag that fits the occasion. Happy Birthday? Not really.

Normal is my heart warming and yet sinking at the sight of a penguin. Thinking how Isaiah would love it, but how he is not here to enjoy it.

Normal is getting up early to exercise (when I really hate exercise) because I know my mental health depends on it.

Normal is disliking jokes about death, funerals. Bodies being referred to as cadavers when you know they were once someone's loved one.

Normal is being impatient with everything but someone stricken with grief over the loss of their child.

Normal is feeling a common bond with friends in England, Australia, Netherlands, Canada, and all over the USA, but yet never having met any of them face to face.

Normal is a new friendship with another grieving mother and meeting for coffee and talking and crying together over our children and our new lives. And worrying together over our living children.

Normal is not being able to rest until you get the phone call that your 15 year old with a school permit has arrived at school just fine. And having the courage to let your 17 year old not call after driving to school because he is insulted that you need to check on him.

Normal is being too tired to care if you paid the bills, cleaned house or did laundry or if there is any food in the house.

Normal is wondering this time whether you are going to say you have 2 or 3 children because you will never see this person again and it is not worth explaining that one of them is in heaven. And yet when you say only 2 to avoid that problem you feel horrible as if you have betrayed that child.

Normal is feeling terrible hurt when you see your child's power point presentation at parent/teacher's conference and that child has listed only one brother. Then you realize the way the information is set up there really is no logical place to list the brother who has died and went to heaven. And how awkward that must of been for him to think about the problem.

Normal is avoiding McDonald's and Burger King playgrounds because of small happy children that break your heart when you see them.

And last of all normal is hiding all the things that have become normal for you to feel, so that everyone around you will think that you are "normal".

~shared by Vicki Windham, North Platte NE Chapter

Monday, April 11, 2005 10:30pm

How can it be possible that tomorrow, Carter will have been dead 7 months? My heart is in such a state of aching for him that I have to check sometimes to make sure I am still breathing.

We returned from a week at Sandestin on Sunday (Candler's spring break). We had not been to the beach for 2 1/2 years. I have blinked and time has passed by. Our time together this week was so special and yet so difficult. We have taken the boys to Sandestin since they were born...Scott's family has a place there. Reminders everywhere...our favorite stops along the way, the boys fighting in the back seat, battles over sunscreen, boogie boards, gummy worms from The Candymaker, bike riding, running down the hall to see who would be the first one to the condo, stitches at the local hospital, playing on the beach until the sun went down.....reminders of a time when we took life for granted and thought that as long as we were alive nothing would or could ever hurt our children. A time when life was pure bliss and we didn't even know it.

Love,
Leigh Ann

P.S. I have posted some new pictures of our week.....

Sunday, March 20, 2005 9:00pm

THROUGH DEATH-----MARKED FOR LIFE
---Alice J. Wisler

After my four year old died, I was certain my family would never be the same again. It is true and has been proven over and over that we will no longer be the typical family living at the end of the cul-de-sac. We may look the same (only because I have not been daring enough to don all black as our Victorian ancestors) but our hearts have been mangled and our future dimmed. Through death we have been marked---for life.
In the course of any given week I can clearly note how the changes have come and stayed with us. Events that seemed insignificant when Daniel was alive now hold powerful and emotional memories. Seeing the boxes of Cocoa Puffs on the grocery store shelf, hearing the lyrics to Toy Story's theme song 'You've Got A Friend In Me' and driving past the local McDonalds bring jolts of pain to my broken heart.

People may feel uncomfortable as they see my eyes well up with tears during these times of remembering some of the favorite things a lively little boy with an infectious grin enjoyed so much. The neighbors may be bothered by my woeful cries as I stand on my deck and stare into the night sky, wondering where Heaven lies and what my child is doing.

Yes, we have changed. I, as the mother, can no longer promise (as I used to) that nothing bad will ever happen to any of us. Nor can we believe that if you pray hard enough and just hold onto faith your fervent prayers will be answered as you desire. For now, in our grief, all we can see is a little boy with cancer who died one cold winter night though surrounded by the prayers of church leaders and believers.

At first when Daniel left us, I seldom went to the cemetery but now we often take a picnic and venture to the grassy lawn beside his marker. We named the cemetery Daniel's Place and the kids and I leave messages for my husband to meet us there after work. We eat, decorate Daniel's grave and the older two run and do cartwheels. The baby picks at blades of grass.

Now, whenever my two year old passes a cemetery with flowers on the markers he says, "I wanna go playground and play."

No, we are not the same. How many two year olds say they want to watch their deceased brother? I am not sure if Benjamin understands exactly who Daniel is but he loves to tell me, "I wanna watch Daniel," and I know this means to pop a video of his older brother into the VCR. Benjamin sits in his highchair, his pudgy face round with a big smile.

How many seven year olds write on their list to Santa that this Christmas, they want things to remind them of their brother who died? How many of them have to tell you that the line "if you wish hard enough it will come true" is not a true statement, and they have proof it is not?

Our innocence has been lost and we will never be able to have that sunshine existence that many like to hold onto (I know I sure did). But I like to believe that in spite of our devastation due to Daniel's death and our yearnings to have him here as a part of our family again, we have, though broken, grown to be strong people of character. More than ever before we are able to mourn woefully with those who are in despair and pain. We are able to comfort with truths like "I don't understand" instead of "Well, it will get better."

I know I have been to the bank of life where death meets and begged death to take me, too, for I knew there was no way I could live without my son. I have since learned that living and thriving on this difficult earth takes much more than just being happy. I have extended my view to see that I am not the only one who suffers or feels life is unfair. I'm sure both my neighbor who has a mentally handicapped child and my friend whose husband suddenly left her and their children feel life is no bowl of fresh peaches.

Through Daniel's death I have learned life is really short, and so I argue less with my husband and children and when I do lose my temper, I am much quicker to apologize. I eat more ice-cream and not just the generic brand for I think after all I've been through, I am worthy of Haagen-Dazs. (This is quite an achievement coming from one of the world's most thrifty people.) I want to send more cards to friends, just because.... I want to spend less time working on trying to get grouchy people to like me and instead focus on those who appreciate my love.

And now at family get-togethers, I hug everyone tighter when I tell them good-bye, not just my 86 year old grandmother. For in this extended family we have, over the years, seen death take three children and therefore know that death cares not about one's age. Anyone could die before I see them again.

Sometimes I get so excited when I let myself think what I would do if Daniel were to come back to live with us. I think for the first day I would want to spend it in intervals of hugging him and making pancakes with lots of maple syrup for him to eat. But whether I like it or not, and as marked and wounded as I am, life still calls me to live.

So I don't want to just be the "lady whose child died." I want to be the lady who gained wisdom, enlarged her heart, supplied the box of 'Puffs' to those with teary eyes and daily seeks to love like the Bible passage of I Corinthians 13. And when seen talking to the starry night sky, I want others to hear not just the anguished yearnings over a precious four-year-old son, but the great revelations that have been received-- knowledge of how to really be alive, teachings of life that can only be discovered from the death of a part of us--the death of a child.

~reprinted from TCF Atlanta Jan/Feb 2002 Newsletter

Sunday, March 20, 2005 8:00pm

Thursday, March 17, 2005 9:00pm

I had lunch today with my friend and TeamCarter member, Montie Stone. She told me that they raised $1,800 at their yard sale on Saturday! That’s a lot of stuff! All of it will go to Carter’s fund. Thanks to everyone who participated...especially those women who are a part of TeamCarter. I know that the cold and rainy weather here in Atlanta isn’t helping your training for the marathon. Hopefully spring is just around the corner.

The thoughts of spring bring a mix of emotions. Another season over...and another one beginning. Without Carter. I can hardly think about the upcoming baseball season and how much he would’ve enjoyed playing again. When I look back at videos of him playing ball last spring, I am completely filled with pride and awe as I watch how he overcame such obstacles and physical limitations to continue doing things that HE wanted to do. Such a simple wish, really...but a tremendous goal for a determined little boy.

We have been busy, as that seems to be the only thing that eases the pain. Time by myself at home used to be something that I craved. Now I am always eager to have something to do that is away from the memories that seem to overwhelm me when I am at home alone. Sometimes I want to just curl up on the sofa with Carter’s favorite blanket and stuffed animal and watch home videos of us together as a family. Those blissful days seem like so very long ago. Actually, they were.

This past Saturday was six months ago to be exact...seems like it has been six years. We were out of town in Washington, DC for the ACC basketball tournament on that Saturday (Scott’s sister, Wendy, and her family live there...that’s the main reason we were there.) It felt very strange being away from home on that day. All I wanted to do was think of Carter and be near him. It is always strange when we leave town...it is as if we are leaving him behind.

Carter would’ve been proud of his Yellow Jackets that Saturday, as they pulled an upset over UNC (sorry Jack Mann) and made it to the final game of the tournament on Sunday. We did many other exciting things in Washington (see pictures in photo album), but with each fun thing we did, the gaping hole ever present with me and Scott was overwhelming.

Candler is realizing on a daily basis how much he misses his brother. He is so lonely. Of course he has friends, but they aren’t here everyday after school or here all weekend. He longs for Scott to get home in the evenings, as he has always a fun game prepared for them to play. Candler and I enjoy our time together in the afternoons, but I am not a good substitute for a real playmate.

I think in that same way Scott and I are realizing how much we miss Carter. We miss the day-to-day stuff...the chaos of running a household with two boys and all of their activities. We yearn for our family to be complete again, however, we know that yearning will not come to fruition this side of heaven.

The days, weeks, months, and now, half-years that pass are getting harder. As usual we covet your prayers.

Love,
Leigh Ann

Tuesday, March 8, 2005 10:00pm

There is a crying
that happens at night
that does not come
while the light is with us.
There are things that cannot
be evaded
once the sun goes down.
Small nocturnal creatures
with sharp white teeth
silently gnaw at the edges of
belly and heart
when the darkness descends
and the void inside
grows larger.

It can split you open.

And the bone
in the centre of your chest
aches
like the cracked wishing bone
from the turkey breast.

And if we are strong enough
to be weak enough
we are given a wound
that never heals.
It is the gift
that keeps the heart open.


~Oriah Mountain Dreamer c 1995

Sunday, March 6, 2005 10:00pm

My heart aches to hold him. I would do anything to have one more moment with him in my arms.

Thursday, March 3, 2005 4:30pm

Our sweet friend, Kelli Murphy, wrote this tribute to Carter on her Caringbridge site. She met Carter while at Camp Sunshine summer camp. She is the girlfriend of the "famous" Zach, Carter's counselor from camp that he absolutely fell in love with. This is very special to us!! Thanks, Kelli.

You can visit Kelli's site at www.caringbridge.org/ga/kelli. She is a cancer survivor and had an incredible journey. She is now using her gifts and talents in many different ways to help families of children with cancer.

_______________________________________
Sunday, January 30, 2005 4:19 PM EST
Well..it seems as the ice has melted away, so has the sickness that infected me this weekend. I don't know what it is about this weather, but it has done a number on my sinuses! Since I am feeling better, I wanted to write a more positive journal update. When I thought about what to write about today, there was only one topic that seemed perfect. Today, I am going to try to put into words the impact one small 7 year old boy had on my life in the short time that I knew him. Oh, I feel the happy/sad tears coming now!

I first met Carter Martin the day he arrived at Camp Sunshine this past June. My boyfriend, (although he wasn't my boyfriend at the time) Zach had told me that one of the boys in his cabin at a prosthetic leg and had to wear a helmet to protect his head. I remember thinking to myself, "My God, what had this child been through?". I didn't get the answer to that question until after camp. Meanwhile, since Carter was the only one of Zach's kids that had a helmet, I was able to spot him as he arrived at Camp. He looked so shy, but incredibly adorable. I saw him get introduced to Zach and his counselors. Then I was busy with my own girls. I didn't really see Carter much, but I do remember just about every moment. For meals, my cabin's table was right next to Zach's cabin's table. Needless to say, I was familiar with all of Zach's boys, and he knew all of mine. There was a connection between myself and Zach, and Zach's boys were the first to discover this. I remember a crooked grin and a face full of freckles looking at me, and then looking at Zach. Next I heard the phrase, "There's Zach's giiiiirrrrllllfriend!". It was so funny and cute. The other boys caught on, and Zach and I never heard the end of it! I like to think that Carter was the first to discover the connection between me and Zach..like he knew that we would end up boyfriend and girlfriend.
My next encounter with Carter was at Carnival night. At the carnival, all the CIT's have to take a turn inside the dunking booth. Well, it was my turn, and who was first in line to dunk me..Carter. Carter threw that ball and hit the target on the first try! He then proceeded to stand in line and dunk me 2 more times! Despite being cold and wet, I couldn't help but laugh and smile at this incredible little boy. Carter continued to dunk several more CIT's, and at one point, everyone in line chanted "CARTER...CARTER...CARTER!". I'll never forget the smile that was on his face..
The next time I saw Carter was at boating. This kid had something against me..I was sure of it! Let me explain..my girls had chosen to go to boating, and so had Zach's boys. His boys were already in a boat, and were formulating a plan. My girls and I got into our boat. Within seconds, I heard the boys yell, "Get the girls!". Grrreeaaaat. The boys went on to splash the heck out of us. Carter then would take his "splasher" thingy and dump water down Zach's shirt. I guess that was Carter's way of showing affection! I went away from boating thinking that Carter was one fiesty kid.
The rest of the week, I would see Carter here and there. Everytime I saw him in the pool, he was always climbing all over Zach. That kid was the strongest one in that pool. He was so full of life...spunky..and that mischievious smile of his! I ended up getting sick (stomach virus) and I had to be sent home...
When Zach left Camp, he called me to tell me some bad news. He told me that one of his boys was not doing as well as he once thought. I asked him who, and he told me that it was Carter. WHAT?? I didn't believe him. How could this larger than life kid be in bad shape? Zach then told me about Carter's website, and I went to it as soon as I could. There I learned that Carter was more exceptional than I had ever imagined. It was by reading his site, so eloquently written by his mother Leigh Ann, that the reality of childhood cancer finally HIT me. I cried.

For the next few weeks, I read Carter's site to find out how he was doing. There were moments of hope, but ultimately, things were not looking so great. In the meantime, Zach had been emailing Carter. He and Leigh Ann had scheduled a time to meet up for lunch. Zach and I decided to get Carter a present. I knew he loved Georgia Tech, so we headed to the mall to find the perfect gift. We found this great sign that said "Yellow Jacket Parking Only". We figured he could put it on his door at home. We arrived at the mall, and Carter seemed excited to see Zach. I had never met Leigh Ann, and truly was a treat. Leigh Ann was so warm and honest. I liked her instantly, and admired her courage. Carter was obviously less fiesty during this visit, as Leigh Ann explained that Carter was on morphine for pain. Leigh Ann and I talked about lots of things, and then the subject of babysitting came up. I told her that I would love to babysit Carter anytime she and Scott wanted a break. A few weeks later, Zach and I arrived at the Martin's beautiful home, and spent the evening hanging out with Carter and his awesome big brother Candler.

A few months later, Carter went home to heaven. I was heartbroken. I cried most of the evening for the loss of this beautiful child. I cried for his family, who I respected so deeply. I cried because it was so unfair. My tears of sadness turned to tears of anger. Hot, angry tears fell down my cheeks. I had been angry once at cancer, but it was for my own selfish reasons. This time, I was angry at cancer for messing with a child. How could it have come to this? Why are children being taken away..and why are they suffering?

Truth be told, I hardly knew the kid. Why was he so special to me? Carter lit a fire inside of me. It was not until I met Carter and his family, that I truly wanted to fight back. Carter showed me true determination. I became determined to focus on the war being waged. Cancer has messed with the wrong kids. Seeing how others have been moved to fight, I am certain we will win. Carter, and all of the other lost children will not have died in vain. Carter inspired me to become an advocate for children in this fight with cancer. I will do whatever I can with whatever resources I have.

Please don't think that all of these other cancer kids are not as special to me. I have fallen in love with every child I have read about. I respect every family that I have read about. I respect those young adults I have met as well. All of you inspire me. Carter is the first kid that touched me. He will always be the first. There are no words to describe this exceptional child. He was just Carter. God, and his family! The Martin and Herrin family are truly amazing. I was fortunate enough to meet many of Carter's family members at his Celebration of Life service. What a special family. They welcomed Zach and I with such kindness and warmth. Carter was so blessed to have such an amazing family. Thank you to all of Carter's relatives for being so supportive of me and Zach. My love goes out to each of you!

I know my words come no where close to doing Carter justice. Also, I can't accurately describe to depth of his impact on my life. These words are just the tip of the ice berg. I just wish I was gifted enough to give the full scope of what I feel. Maybe, someday, the words will come to me. Until then, this tribute will have to do. I hope it was positive, and not a negative journal update.

I LOVE YA KID...THANKS FOR ENTERING MY LIFE..I AM FOREVER GRATEFUL!

Please visit Carter's website (link above) to read more about him from his mother's prospective. She is an amazing mother, and her words will touch you. Please continue to pray for the cure.

Prayers for all of my caringbridge friends..

Love to all,
~Kelli :-)

_______________________________________
I love to hear others talk about Carter and the impact that his life had on them. The number of lives he touched will never be known this side of heaven. I cannot wait until the day that is revealed to me!

Also, I am a bit tardy in sending this out, but a group of girls who diligently prayed for Carter during his battle have formed a group, appropriately named "TeamCarter," who are participating in the Country Music Marathon at the end of April.

TeamCarter is made up of 18 women, brought together for the sole purpose of raising funds and awareness in Carter's name. These women support Carter's fund through prayer, fund raising and a whole lot of sweat!

Along with asking for individual sponsors, they are having a yard sale at one of the team member's homes on March 12th. The sale will run from 8 am to 4 pm and will include merchandise from a minimum of 18 families (we are each asking friends, family and neighbors for additional items to sell). The proceeds will go directly into Carter's fund. Anyone interested in donating tax deductible items can contact Denise Varnadoe at varnadoe@mindspring.com or 404-982-0274. Her address is 2475 Pangborn Circle, Decatur 30033. She has set aside a drop-off date for items on March 7th from 7pm until 9pm. People can contact her for directions or alternative ways to support the sale.

Below is the letter that my freind, Montie Stone (who really put the whole thing together), sent out to all of her friends, family, and neighbors. Again, the way Carter touched lives is remarkable.

Go, TeamCarter, GO!!
_______________________________________
Dear Friends,

We all know and love a child. What many of us haven’t experienced is what it is like to have a child with cancer. Childhood cancer is, at best, a distant fear for most of us. A couple of years ago, that fear was brought very close to home. Carter Martin, a playmate of my son Lane, was diagnosed with Ewing’s sarcoma, a type of bone cancer. During the Christmas season of 2003, Carter appeared to be in remission. The entire community was ecstatic! This joy was short lived and the cancer soon came back with a vengeance.

On September 12, 2004, Carter lost his battle and we all grieved with the Martins. Lane attended the funeral with me to say goodbye to his brave friend. Lane reached out to console Carter’s older brother, Candler, and expressed how sorry he was that Carter died. Candler, with a quizzical look on his face, answered simply “Sorry? We are happy – Carter is in heaven now.” What a tribute to the faith that the Martins live every day! I know his mother, but can’t know her pain. I have watched her hold onto her faith and weather the storm with grace and a tireless, mother’s love.

I have prayed for Carter, along with people all over the country. I now want to use my prayerful energy to help others like Carter. I was at a loss considering what to do - until I realized that I couldn’t just sit here. I am walking, along with 10 or more members of TeamCarter, in the Country Music Marathon on April 30th to raise funds to benefit children with cancer at AFLAC Cancer Center. “TeamCarter” was organized, with blessings from the Martins, knowing that it is something we can do in memory of Carter.

I am asking you to sponsor me for whatever amount you are comfortable giving. I will not be using any funds contributed to assist in my marathon expenses. I am willing to train and walk the miles, but I need your support to win the real race – finding cures for cancer. There is now a fund established in Carter’s name and your donation will be given directly in his memory. Your generous contribution is 100ax deductible. Thank you for your support.

Sincerely,
Montie Stone
_______________________________________

I find website after website of newly diagnosed children, and way too many who have already lost their battle. It makes me so proud to know that people ALL around me are continuing to raise awareness and funds to aid in this childhood cancer epidemic. It's all Carter wanted...."for no one else to go through what I did...."

Love,
Leigh Ann

If you want to sponsor "TeamCarter" you can send your donation directly to:
Children's Helathcare of Atlanta
Carter Samuel Martin Experimental Therapy Research Fund
1687 Tullie Circle
Atlanta, GA 30329

Monday, February 28, 2005 10:45pm

I must say I am more than happy to close the door on February. It has been a difficult month...the month of love for most...our month of memories, and most of them are not pleasant. Day after gut wrenching day we go forward without Carter...memories and the recollection of anniversary dates are all that go through our minds, but we somehow continue to pave this new road in our lives. I continue to reach out for the detours as the path ahead is rocky and scary, and one that I still do not want to accept that I have to travel. Reaching for these detours is a “survival” instinct. People say to us, “I just don’t know how you’re doing it.” My response to them (most of the time, internally) is “you show me another alternative and I will gladly take it.” That’s just it with death, there is no other option. You survive because you have to, not necessarily because you want to all of the time. You live in a fog of denial for the sake of survival. I don’t care what anyone says...professionals, grief experts, and the like...there is no way to fully face “head on” the death of your child. Our simple human brains physically can’t do it. Of course I know the reality of Carter's death, however, it’s not something that I will ever “get over” but something I will slowly learn, somehow, to accept and live with, simply because I have no other choice. The natural order of things has been disrupted.

Having people around me that love and support me no matter what is an important part of being able to journey down the road without having a nervous breakdown. My friends who have chosen to stay in this valley with me and walk beside me during the lowest and worst time of my life are critical to my survival...sometimes I can’t believe you have chosen to stay, given the fact of how difficult I am to be around at times...but, you just keep coming back, ready and willing to be there to listen, to cry with me, to jerk me up when I have fallen too low, and to just be the friend that you have always been in the past. Our friendships are deeper, more meaningful. I am so blessed to have each of you in my life.

For now, that is all. I will update again in a couple of days.

Love,
Leigh Ann

Tuesday, February 22, 2005 10:00pm

Tears on the outside

fall to ground and are slowly

swept away.

Tears on the inside

fall on the soul,

and stay and stay and stay.

~Author Unknown

Thursday, February 17, 2005 8:30am

Grief, as I am discovering, comes in waves. One moment I feel as if I'm going to make it, and the next moment it overwhelms me and I feel as if I won't.

The waves of grief are crashing into my soul with a force so strong it is hard to stand up against them. To say we are all knocked down right now would be an understatement.

Just pray for us....that's all we need.

Thursday, February 10, 2005 9:30pm

Take my Son

A wealthy man and his son loved to collect rare works of art. They had everything in their collection, from Picasso to Raphael. They would often sit together and admire the great works of art.

When the Vietnam conflict broke out, the son went to war. He was very courageous and died in battle while rescuing another soldier. The father was notified and grieved deeply for his only son.

About a month later, just before Christmas, there was a knock at the door. A young man stood at the door with a large package in his hands. He said, "Sir, you don't know me, but I am the soldier for whom your son gave his life. He saved many lives that day, and he was carrying me to safety when a bullet struck him in the heart and he died instantly. He often talked about you, and your love for art." The young man held out this package. "I know this isn't much. I'm not really a great artist, but I think your son would have wanted you to have this."

The father opened the package. It was a portrait of his son, painted by the young man. He stared in awe at the way the soldier had captured the personality of his son in the painting. The father was so drawn to the eyes that his own eyes welled up with tears. He thanked the young man and offered to pay him for the picture. "Oh, no sir, I could never repay what your son did for me. It's a gift."

The father hung the portrait over his mantle. Every time visitors came to his home he took them to see the portrait of his son before he showed them any of the other great works he had collected.

The man died a few months later. There was to be a great auction of his paintings. Many influential people gathered, excited over seeing the great paintings and having an opportunity to purchase one for their collection.

On the platform sat the painting of the son. The auctioneer pounded his gavel. "We will start the bidding with this picture of the son. Who will bid for this picture?"

There was silence.

Then a voice in the back of the room shouted, "We want to see the famous paintings. Skip this one."

But the auctioneer persisted. "Will somebody bid for this painting? Who will start the bidding? $100, $200?"

Another voice angrily said, "We didn't come to see this painting. We came to see the Van Goghs, the Rembrandts. Get on with the real bids!"

But still the auctioneer continued. "The son! The son! Who'll take the son?"

Finally, a voice came from the very back of the room. It was the longtime gardener of the man and his son. "I'll give $10 for the painting." Being a poor man, it was all he could afford.

"We have $10, who will bid $20?"

"Give it to him for $10. Let's see the masters."

"$10 is the bid, won't someone bid $20?"

The crowd was becoming angry. They didn't want the picture of the son. They wanted the more worthy investments for their collections.

The auctioneer pounded the gavel. "Going once, twice, SOLD for $10.!"

A man sitting on the second row shouted, "Now let's get on with the collection!"

The auctioneer laid down his gavel. "I'm sorry, the auction is over."

"What about the paintings?"

"I am sorry. When I was called to conduct this auction, I was told of a secret stipulation in the will. I was not allowed to reveal that stipulation until this time. Only the painting of the son would be auctioned. Whoever bought that painting would inherit the entire estate, including the paintings.

"The man who took the son gets everything!"

God gave His son 2,000 years ago to die on the cross. Much like the auctioneer, His message today is: "The son, the son, who'll take the son?"

Because, you see, whoever takes the Son gets everything.

Tuesday, February 8, 2005 10:00pm

In memory of our friend, and fellow Ewing's sarcoma warrior, Stephanie Phillips.

Stephanie was a Ewing's veteran who waged quite a battle against this monster for 6 long years. She was finally freed of it this morning. I can imagine Carter greeting her the way she always greeted him.....with a caring smile, a laugh, and a word of encouragement.

www.caringbridge.org/ga/stephaniephillips

Sunday, February 6, 2005 10:00pm

One year ago today, I was sitting by Carter's side waiting for his bone scan to finish (Carter had a CT scan prior to the bone scan). The phone rang, the nurse answered, and then came to tell me they were ready for us in MRI. "Wait a minute," I thought..."we're not scheduled for an MRI today!"

And then it hit me. The CT scan had already revealed what I knew in my heart to be true. Not a second later Scott and Dr. Katzenstein appeared at the door.

"We have a problem," Dr. Katzenstein said.

I'll never forget the look on Dr. Katzenstein's face or his words that day. I can only hope that he has forgotten the things I said back to him. This sweet man, who had come to love my child, had to tell me that the cancer was back.

Relapse. Tumor in his head and cells in the bone marrow. Ewing's wasn't through with our sweet baby yet.

Our grief had only just begun.

Friday, February 4, 2005 10:15am

I am happy to report that Candler's eyes are just fine. A few muscle strengthening exercises (helpful, but not necessary) and he should stop "noticing" double vision. Stress on the human body is an evil thing. Especially when you watch it happen to a child who has been through as much as Candler has.

I will post more later....just wanted to give everyone a quick report.

Love,
Leigh Ann

Sunday, January 30, 2005 3:00pm

We have been “iced-in” for the weekend...all of you snow people laugh at how we react to major weather events (we do too, actually!) It’s just a real good excuse to stay home, sleep late, and be lazy. Unfortunately it also gives one much time to think. Yesterday I realized how the busyness of a “normal” day helps the hours go by until Candler gets home from school in the afternoons.

I am sure everyone wonders what I do all day to keep busy...normal errands occupy a lot of my time. I have started becoming WAY more conscious of what I am feeding us. I have made major changes to our diet, which means going to two different places to shop. I’ve switched to organic meats and dairy products due to the antibiotics and growth hormones that are put into the animals. I’ve also cut out a SIGNIFICANT amount of sugar. The change in Candler has been amazing. He, naturally, will eat candy and junk when given the opportunity, but for the most part doesn’t even ask for it at home any more. It is amazing the amount of trans fats, sugar, and preservatives that are in food. Read labels...you’ll be surprised to find the amount of junk that is in there.

I am spending a lot more time trying to take care of me than I have in the past two years. Boy does the evidence show that I have neglected my own needs. But, as mothers, isn’t that what we all do? However, mine is to the extreme. I look in the mirror and can’t believe I will be 40 years old in 7 short months...the face staring back at me is way older looking (at least 10 years) than that...wrinkles deeply carved into my skin...gray hair showing up by the dozens now. Guess I’ll have to START coloring it now (HA!)

The one thing I have started doing, finally, is exercising again. Before Carter’s diagnosis, I loved to run. Soon after we learned he had cancer I went on Paxil (anti-anxiety drug) and gained 30 pounds over the next 20 months. I had stopped running also...who had the time or desire? I am now starting to enjoy the “high” from running again, and have also joined Weight Watchers to help with my weight gain. So far I’ve lost 8 pounds. I’ve got a long way to go, but I’ve got to do it. Extra weight makes me miserable...as if I need any help with that. Mentally, I need the challenge. I guess it’s all a start to something that will hopefully become a habit once again for me.

I want to thank you all for the encouraging notes in the guestbook, urging me to continue writing. I guess subconsciously I needed the confirmation that people still want to hear about us. I will continue to honor Carter’s memory through this site...allowing more and more people to know him and his story. Just this week I “met” a Christian mother from Canada who was sent a link to our site. She e-mailed me, so touched by Mitch Carmody’s article, and told me about her son who died in May, 2004. After reading about her son, and her reading about Carter, we both know that our meeting was sent from God above that the two of us should “know” each other. There was an instant bond...I feel as if I’ve known her my whole life! Confirmation that Carter’s website WILL go on.

We have had such a hard week of bad news in keeping up with our friends who are still fighting the fight...relapses, setbacks, unscheduled scans, and ones who will be completing their journeys soon. My heart breaks for all of them, and there is nothing that I can do or say that will make it any better. We can continue to raise awareness, buy green wristbands...write an encouraging note on a website, but we are ALL helpless against this monster that is stealing children from their earthly families until a cure is found.

But until then, life goes on for the rest of the world who, for the most part, is clueless about childhood cancer. “That doesn’t happen to people like me!” and they turn their heads. Just exactly like I used to do. Then it happened to me, and my head will be forever turned towards it. I want so badly to “re-engage” in the fight. My time will come, I know it. I’m just not sure right now when, where or how. I will fight so that Carter’s life will have made a difference for someone else who is faced with staring down Ewing’s sarcoma.

Please continue to buy the bracelets. Share them with everyone that you know!

Love,
Leigh Ann

P.S. Candler has his eye exam on Thursday. Please pray for a quick and easy cure for his double vision.

Monday, January 17, 2005 12:00

Exactly two years ago today, at twelve o'clock noon, our lives were changed forever. The scars that we have accumulated over this period of time are deep and permanent.

I am finding it more and more difficult to write on this site. One part of me wants to continue, as each new person that finds Carter’s site becomes aware of the desperate need for funding to cure childhood cancer. Also, they get to see and “meet” my precious son, read his story, and perhaps, learn to love their own children more affectionately, and to let the small, trivial things of life go by the wayside. The other part of me says, “What is there to write?” I could write of my struggles, the unrelenting pain and sadness, and of the constant reminders of Carter that make daily living a challenge.

I know that many of you come here hoping to see that we are “better” and that our lives have taken shape into some new type of normalcy. If you are hoping for that, don’t hold your breath! The other day a friend said to me, “don’t you think that ONE day you’ll be better and things will seem right again?” I asked her if one of her children died would she ever feel right again? Naturally she said no. I told her that I am no different. Yes, there will one day be a “normal” that we live in again, simply due to the passage of time without Carter being here with us. But there will ALWAYS be a hole in my heart, there will ALWAYS be an empty chair at the dinner table, and there will ALWAYS be someone missing from family movie night. There will be a feeling of incompleteness for the rest of my life. I’ve talked to those who have walked this path ahead of me, and “right” just doesn’t happen again!!

My friend, Mitch Carmody, wrote the article below. It will give you a small glimpse into the world in which we now live together...the world of bereaved parents.


Triggers That Call Their Name


On the day my son died Dec.1st 1987, something shifted in my soul, something deep inside my being got rewired. As a newly bereaved parent you anticipate that the affects and symptoms of shock will eventually wear off as reality arm wrestles for control of our conscious thought. Shock eventually turns to a functioning numbness and we struggle to survive each day knowing that our child is dead, and that this is for real. The first year anniversary date looms in the future like threatening clouds in the distance. It seems every thought is imbued with thoughts of our child. How will I ever I survive this?

More anniversary dates, holidays, birthdays, special days will come and pass, each with their sting of pain. As we move through the years, our directed conscious thought eventually does seem to return to a somewhat functional level and for all intents and purposes it appears we have healed and moved on (He is doing so much better; I am so glad he is moving on with his life; I don't know how he does it). Fortunate people that have never lost a child, have no idea of the turbidity of emotions that lay roiling beneath the surface of our everyday persona that we wear. The emotions are always there and can be activated by our own directed thought or by unconscious reaction of stimuli that I call 'sense triggers'. Every one of our 6 senses can trigger thoughts of our child.

Since the day my son Kelly died I have felt a mili-second off with the rest of the world. I feel at a subconscious level in my interaction with the world, like I am continually watching a movie with dubbed in dialogue, my mind often wandering to thoughts of my son. It has been 17 years and I am feeling joy again in my life but my thoughts always stray to Kelly. This is not directed thought nor is it subconscious thought either, his name, his image, our journey, and the pain of his loss all flashes by in a mili-second of time through my conscious thought… even as I write these words.

To others we may appear normal and even be engaged in intent conversation, driving, walking, at work, at play, in line at the movies. We carry on our normal routine day as best we can the rest of our lives. We do our jobs and pay the bills. But underneath that 'normal routine' persona there are still receptors for hundreds of triggers that bombard our psyche forever more; a part of the nature of our new universe. Unnoticeable to most, people have no idea how often our thoughts stray to our child. It's a wonder we have short term memory loss and depend on Post-it notes to survive. Right beneath the surface of our external expression we have thoughts of our child hundreds of times a day. From the moment we wake up there will be triggers that bring to mind our children.

I have not kept my son's name hidden away like some dark secret, nor have I built a shrine in his memory. I always keep him by my side. Even though we are in two different spheres of existence we still experience a common journey together. I strive to keep Kelly in my conscious thought by the way I live my life. That is by choice.

I also feel it is important to recognize how often we do think of our child without conscious directed thought. I feel all of our 6 senses have been reprogrammed and sensitized to recognize anything of our child's life and death. Immediately our thought synapses start firing thoughts of our child into our active consciousness. In the early years of our grief journey these "triggers" are hair triggers and they can initiate tears, anger and even gut wrenching agony in seconds. The first few years are raw survival and everything is a trigger.

What are these triggers?
Almost everything in life.

" The sense of touch: Touching the silky hem of a baby blanket, the rough leather feel of hunting boots, Terri cloth jammies, the slimy skin of a frog, the warm forehead of a sick child, the cold wind of winter storm, the hard feel of vinyl on a tightly clenched steering wheel, the scalding burn of cocoa too hot, and endless more can evoke their name.

" The sense of smell: The smell of a child coming it out of the cold, the smell of hard work emitted off an old denim jacket, the scent of hairspray , strong perfume or baby powder in the air, their favorite meal cooking from someone else's stove, the smell of a fresh cut Christmas tree, bananas, chocolate, bubblegum, car grease, burning popcorn, burning leaves, drifting sulphur from fireworks, fresh caught fish, fragrant flowers, zillions of olfactory triggers that can evoke our child's name.

" The sense of sight: The sight of any child or person their age or that resembles them at anytime in their life, or even how they might appear if they would have aged. The sight of a hospital, driving by a cemetery, sighting a hearse, a funeral procession, a flower spray, a sunset, a sunrise, a road side marker, a billboard, a red Volkswagen, a Harley, or a school bus. Television shows, movies, a lunch box on the counter, a puppy, a tabby cat, a turkey, a penny on the sidewalk, again countless triggers launched when our eyes are open.

" The sense of hearing: Hearing a siren, a telephone ring late at night, a baby's cry, brakes screeching, the ding-ding of heart monitor, the overhead announcement of a Code Blue. Pomp and Circumstance played in June, the Pacheobel Canon in D, Amazing grace, My Country Tis of Thee. "Good night sweetie", "I love you pumpkin", "get home early"," is dinner ready?", "where are my shoes"? Hearing terms such cancer, malignant, SIDS, SADS, AIDS, tumor, aneurism, blood work, test results, MRI, CT scan, Spinal tap, prednisone, police report, overdose, suicide, and murder. Hearing "there's been a bad accident", "good evening it's the 6 o'clock news, Christmas carols at the mall, or someone whistling down the hall. Every word, every sound you hear can be a trigger.

" The sense of taste: A Dairy Queen blizzard, the taste of tears, warm Kool-Aid, soggy cheerios, the taste of fear, hamburgers, lasagna, grilled cheese sandwiches dipped in tomato soup, Spaghettios, movie theater popcorn, Chicken Mcnuggets, or cherry Jell-O. Every taste a potential to trigger a memory of your child.

" The 6th sense or psychic sense: You may have vivid dreams of your child, you hear your child, you smell your child, you feel your child, and you can even taste their tears. Call it a dream, a vision, a hallucination, a visitation, a psychic connection, a messenger, connecting experience, ADC, or an Angel hug. For you they are a valid experience. When you hear your porch chimes and feel the breeze caress your warm face on an unusually calm and hot summer day, or hear on the radio Neil Diamond singing Turn on your Heartlight, our soul hears their name. When your see the dragonfly land on your shoulder, the butterfly on your hand, or smell her perfume in the car, or his cologne on the breeze, our soul hears their name. We feel and experience a brief moment of our child. And we relish the visit and thank God for the gift.

We shall all experience the triggers of the 5 senses unless physical limitations prevent us from doing, and our child will always be in our thoughts without our real control. Not everyone will have a profound experience of the sixth sense but it is rather unusual if you do not. Sometime the signs are just not recognized, trivialized, hidden or ignored. But our children do reach out to us. They reach out to us not out of fear or loneliness, but out of compassion for our aching heart, they feel its anguish, they taste our tears and hear our screams, and they comfort us when we need it the most.

We have we been taught by our society to be afraid of ghosts and to be frightened of things we cannot explain. Society has mystified and carnivalized experiences of the supernatural into a Hollywood experience to entertain and frighten little children. The reality of a true experience of the supernatural is scoffed at, yet every major religion of the world is based on experiences of the supernatural.

A connection to our loved one who has died is real, how it happens, as varied as we are. Seemingly real manifestations of our child can be discernable to one or all of our senses courtesy of our 6th sense and our profound love. Our senses have been heightened to an increased level of awareness to the presence of our beloved child around us. Thoughts of our child who has died will bombard our brain 24/7 for the rest of our lives. Is that really a bad thing?

As you move through the years in your bereavement process you find out there is no pat answers in processing grief, especially in child loss. The journey is as individual as we are and, you do not get over it, you learn to live with it. I accept that, as well as accepting every trigger no matter how painful, that keeps me closer to my son. We cannot run from our thoughts so we learn to live with them, even encourage them, and that's fine with me. I will just buy lots of Post-it notes and the world will just have to get used to me being just a mili-second off…

Love and light
Mitch Carmody 12-12-04
Heartlightstudio@aol.com




Kelly has been gone for 17 years....

This past Wednesday we hit the 4 month mark.

Love,
Leigh Ann

Wednesday, January 5, 2005 9:15pm

I hope that all of you are having a Happy New Year. Our 2005 rolled in very uneventfully...unlike our 2004. New Year’s Eve of 2004 is when Carter spiked the fever that would eventually lead to the relapse diagnosis in February.

We have so many upcoming anniversary dates that have left permanent scars on our hearts...January 17 will be TWO years since the original diagnosis. Then we have various dates scattered throughout the next few months that will be a reminder of the struggles Carter faced. When you have as much happen to you as Carter did, there could literally be day after day after day that have some sort of memory attached to it.

Candler started back to school this week. The holidays were a mixture of happy and sad for him. His misses Carter so much. Everything reminds him of his brother. He struggles daily to deal with grief...grief that he doesn’t even have a true grasp around. I oftentimes try to imagine what his thoughts are...I know that my own are so jumbled that I fear his may be ten fold. It will take years for him to truly understand the magnitude of his loss. I think the same will apply for Scott and me.

We are trying to stay busy, as that is the only thing that seems to provide any relief from the pain. 2005 looks like brick wall instead of a new year. That’s how I feel today...check back tomorrow as my thoughts may completely change by then. That’s one of the things about grief, however; what you think one day can completely change by the next.

Candler has an appointment in a few weeks with another eye dr. The neuro doc said he has “convergence insufficiency.” It has probably been going on for years…he has just learned how to compensate for it. We will learn a lot more about that in February. Thank you for all of the inquiries about his condition.

Thank you for your continued support and prayers, and for your patience. We are trying to fit into the world again...and it’s not an easy task. We have good days and bad days, but the good days don’t make the bad ones hurt any less.

Love,
Leigh Ann

I would like to ask you to pray specifically for all of Carter's (and Candler's) friends. Some of them are having an extremely difficult time with acceptance. They are each struggling in their own way, but the reality is they miss their friend terribly. I think adults sometimes have the misconception that children just "handle" grief and don't give enough credit for their real feelings of grief and loss.

Friday, December 17, 2004 10:30pm

Wow...it has been 2 weeks since I updated. I wish I could say time flies when you’re having fun. Time is merely standing still, however as I look at my calendar I stare in amazement at the reality that Carter has been gone for 3 months.

There has certainly been some fun mixed in our lives over the last 14 days, but all roads lead back to the same thing...our lives are forever changed and we must continue along in our daily struggle and to somehow figure out a way to live in this world without Carter in it. It’s a daunting task. One that I don’t want to do.

When I last updated, it was the morning after the First Annual Carter Martin Classic at Providence. We were told yesterday that the final amount raised was $45,500.00!! Today at Providence, Kelly Hartman told me that she had received yet another donation! The night was spectacular, filled with excitement, great emotion, love, and hope...love for the little boy that Carter was, and hope for a future where boys like Carter will only have to worry about broken arms, scraped knees, and girls cooties...and not CANCER.

It was quite a site to see the PCA gymnasium in a sea of red...everyone in their “Carter Martin Classic” t-shirts, of course! The second grade led everyone in the pledges, and 4th grader Nate Kindig (brother of Carter’s friend Drew, and friend of Candler’s) sang the most beautiful rendition of the Star Spangled Banner. The pre-game program started with boy’s basketball coach Dan Knudsen bringing attention to a banner hanging over the Providence student section that had been unveiled at the pep rally earlier that day...the Providence student section is now called “The Sixth Man-Carter’s Crazies.” Oh my, how special and proud Carter is of that!! Just to think that any of those basketball players even knew his name would’ve been a dream come true.

Coach Knudsen then called Candler out to the court for a special presentation. The crowd gave him a standing ovation. My eyes were dry until then...to see the love pouring out of people for my Candler, my son, who has endured more mental pain and suffering than any 9 (soon to be 10) year old should have to...my emotions then took over, as I watched him walk with pride out onto the court to accept a special basketball commemorating the first Carter Martin Classic. I know his thoughts were on his brother, as I have never seen him so quiet, so still, so in awe of what was being done for him. For those of you who know Candler you know he is never at a loss for words...if he had been asked to speak, nothing would’ve come out.

We had so many family members and friends outside of Providence that came to the game to support us. It was touching to look around and see people from all areas of our life represented there. I was so proud to show off our Providence “home” to them. So many of them said to me, “Now I see why you love this place so much.” Thank you again to our Providence family...without you, this incredible night would not have happened.

We then left for Disney World that Saturday morning with all of Scott’s family for a week long trip. During the holidays we usually go on a trip with the Martins...(we didn’t do it last year because of chemo). This year seemed like the right time to re-start our tradition...for Candler’s sake. He has not been very receptive to changes in traditions (Halloween, Thanksgiving). I thought maybe changing things a little may help...he did NOT agree.

So, off we went caravanning to Orlando with Jon and Merrilee, Wendy, Jay, Luke and Benjamin, and Amy, Michael, and Joseph. Candler was thrilled to get to be with his cousins for 7 days! Scott and I were excited for him about the trip, but knew that we would have some very tough moments facing us as we remembered Carter’s favorite things scattered around all of the theme parks...plus we wanted to make a return visit to Give Kids the World, where we stayed in Orlando in March 2003, for Carter’s wish trip to Disney.

We stayed at The Wilderness Lodge (our first time there). Decked out in typical Disney fashion, the hotel was a warm, inviting “cabin” decorated for Christmas. The parks were equally as festive. There were no lines and the temperature was between 75-85 degrees everyday. The perfect vacation...except Carter wasn’t there with us. We rode all of his favorite rides, and went to all of his favorite shows. Scott and I secretly shed many tears behind our sunglasses...at every turn there was a memory...a vision...a 'what if'...we missed him so much. Candler would stop from time to time, grab my hand, and say, “Mom, I miss Carter right now and I wish he was here with us.” Me, too.

On Wednesday we drove to Give Kids the World. It was extremely difficult even driving through the front gate of the Village. You just have to know the place to appreciate its meaning to us...it is magical beyond words. Our trip there in 2003 was right before we were facing Carter’s leg amputation...what we thought at the time would be the most difficult event ever in our lives.

We found Carter’s star he decorated for the ceiling of the castle (thanks to Wendy’s and Jon’s diligence), we visited the ice cream shop (where Carter and Candler ate ice cream for breakfast)...Scott had a banana split in Carter’s honor this time, as they had done this so many times together during our stay, we played in the arcade, visited the gingerbread house, and I visited the chapel like I had done before...this time with such different prayers.

Luke and Benjamin had a great time, and they couldn’t believe that everything was free...Carter would’ve loved showing them around. Candler did a great job letting them in on “what a great lizard catching place” this is.

Before we knew it our week and Disney had come to an end...We came home on Friday, our thoughts full of new memories, and our hearts still being tugged on by the old ones. It was a wonderful week...we just missed Carter every second of it.

We also had something huge hanging over our heads the entire time we were gone...this is a story you won’t believe...one that had mine and Scott’s stomach in knots the entire week, as if we didn’t have enough emotionally to deal with already.

Over Thanksgiving, Scott and I noticed Candler squinting his left eye repeatedly. When we asked him why he was doing it, he said, “so I don’t see two of everything.” Okay...great, Candler needs glasses. He told us that it had been going on for a really long time, “maybe like a year,” he said. I made an appointment with a very reputable eye doctor on Thursday, one day before the Carter Martin Classic...two days before we left for Disney.

At the beginning of the appointment the “pre-testing” revealed that Candler’s vision was 20/20. The technician did confirm that he was seeing double. The whole time I am thinking...glasses...we can deal with that. I told her everything that had gone on in our lives over the past two years, and the major loss Candler had suffered. Stress maybe?

After the doctor examined Candler she told me that he had 20/20 vision and that he did not need glasses. Her next words were ones I had already played out in my head...”we may need to do a CT scan.” My mind went immediately over the edge thinking I had another child with cancer.

The doctor assured me that she saw nothing suspicious that would lead her to believe anything was wrong (heard that before), and she was not an 'alarmist', but that double vision was not something to take lightly. There could be several reasons for double vision, one of which is pressure from “something” in the head. She commented that I was far more educated (medically) than most people who come in there, and that she knew what I was thinking. She never disagreed with me. She said she wanted to see him again in two weeks...yeah, right. I know what cancer can do in 2 weeks.

After I called Scott, we agreed that I would come home and immediately call Dr. Katzenstein. He knew I was not waiting two weeks, and I know he agreed with me...he said an MRI would be better than a CT scan. He agreed to set it up for the Monday we returned from Disney...”try to relax and have a good time, and call me when you get back on Friday,” ..........sure, okay. He talked with the brain tumor doctor, Dr. Janss, and had an appointment set up with her, too for Monday. This was happening way too fast. I had other things to think about...our special night at Providence honoring Carter. Were we headed down another nightmare path? Once you’ve been there your mind just automatically takes you right back. It's pre-programmed.

It is all we could think about all week at Disney...that and the fact that Carter wasn’t with us. Were we doing the right thing, were we overreacting, could we even imagine ourselves walking into that hospital again?...I could hardly imagine turning off Clifton Road into the parking garage. Candler would have to have an IV for contrast...it would be in the MRI department where we know everyone...the Cancer Center people knew about it...I struggled all week with why God had allowed this to happen...again. My head was filled with absolute terror.

Have fun at Disney....................

We returned on Friday, had several plans for the weekend...decorate the house for Christmas! Get out all the boxes and boxes of family memories and decorate the Christmas tree...shop for and wrap presents for your child...attend Christmas parties (we actually skipped them) and small talk with people that you hardly know and don't have a clue what you're going through! Oh boy!

On Saturday, Candler was the ball boy for the Georgia basketball team for the Peach Bowl Classic. Of all things, we saw Dr. Katzenstein and his family at the game. We confirmed the MRI for 3:00pm on Monday. Candler would see Dr. Janss first, but she would come to the MRI department to examine him instead of on the third floor at the Cancer Center. Can you imagine me telling Candler that we were going to the third floor for HIM? It was hard enough just telling him that he was going to have an MRI. The first thing he said was, “you mean like Carter had?” Yes, Candler, like Carter had. “Am I going to have to have a needle like Carter had? Yes, Candler, like Carter had, but in your arm and not through a port like he had. “I’m scared, mom. Carter was never scared. I’m not as brave as him.” Sure you are Candler, Carter learned to be brave from you.

I picked him up early from school on Monday and told him we were headed to Egleston for his MRI...he burst into tears and cried hysterically almost all the way to the hospital. So did I. My heart was breaking for the fear in him...the fear that he has been exposed to since he has learned about cancer and death.

Praise God that within minutes of her examination, Dr. Janss had our worst fears put to rest...she said he definitely had double vision/focusing problems that could’ve been going on for quite some time. She wanted to go forth with the MRI just to be sure, but she said she felt confident that Candler did not have a brain tumor. She said he needed to see a neurological ophthalmologist, and that she would be in touch with one at Emory that she knew.

The worst part of the MRI for Candler was the IV...I don’t blame him. The worst part for us, other than having to watch Candler get the IV, was to sit in the room with that MRI machine and listen to the same noises, sit in the same rocking chair, stare at the same ceiling tile with orange and yellow fish painted on it...Carter had been there countless times. And more times than not, it brought more bad news...more hills to climb, more pain for our baby. I can’t explain to you what it felt like to be in there with Candler.

Candler's MRI was clean.

The long and short of it is this...as an object moves closer to Candler’s eyes he had trouble remaining focused on it. He doesn’t have the capability of “crossing” his eyes to stay focused. He will more than likely go into some sort of eye therapy and glasses for reading. Poor thing...he has suffered from this and is still doing remarkable work in school. I’m expecting even greater things once he can see correctly!

Time flies when you're havin' fun.

As we left Egleston that day, the sweet lady who is the cashier at the parking deck said she missed seeing Carter's sweet face. With tears in her eyes she said, "I know your baby died on a Sunday. I wasn't working that day, but I heard about it the very next day."

Candler goes Monday for his first eye appointment.

Merry Christmas from the emotionally wrecked Martin house.

Love,
Leigh Ann

Happy 10th Birthday to Candler on Sunday....Happy 39th Birthday to Scott on Monday.

Saturday, December 4, 2004 8:15am

Our heartfelt gratitiude to everyone who came out to support the First Annual Carter Martin Classic at Providence last night! It was a wonderful event for our family and friends...and what a tribute to our sweet Carter! I am overwhelmed to tell you that (so far... they're still counting) $39,000 has been raised in his honor to fight childhood cancer!

I felt Carter's presence there....he was beaming with pride! I know he was thinking, "All this? Because of me?"

Thank you for being a part of Carter's dream that "no kid will ever have to go through what I went through."

We're on our way, sweetheart!

Love,
Leigh Ann

To our Providence family...there are no words to say how much we love you.

Tuesday, November 30, 2004 10:30pm

I copied this from The Compassionate Friends (a parents bereavement group) newsletter.....I can only hope that I can, someday, get to where this hurting mom is.....


"I can shed tears that Jason is gone, or I can smile that he has lived. I can close my eyes and pray he'll come back, or I can open my eyes and see all that he has left. My heart can be empty because I can't see him, or I can be full of the love we shared. I can turn my back on tomorrow and live yesterday or I can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday. I can remember Jason and only that he's gone, or I can cherish his memory and let it live on. I can cry and close my mind, be empty and turn my back, or I can do what Jason would want...........Smile, Open my Eyes, Love and Go on! Thank you Jason for chosing me to be your mom! I love you with all my soul.......and will see you again. HAPPY BIRTHDAY JASON! You are Forever Loved, Your mom Joy."


I guess it takes time to get there....

We are hanging on, sometimes by a thread, to the life that we have been dealt. There are no words for the pain, emptiness, heartache, and utter despair that we all feel. I oftentimes think, "I'm 39 years old and I have to spend the rest of my life like this?...without Carter?" How can I possibly do it?

There is a feeling deep inside of me that tells me my life and what is left of it will never feel whole again. There will never again be a feeling of contentment...I cannot imagine ever finding a sense of inner peace...because a piece of me will always be missing. He's gone....for the rest of my days on this earth...Carter is gone. I yearn for heaven more deeply than I ever have.



Friday night is the Carter Martin Classic at Providence...I can't wait to update you on the success of the night! In advance I want to thank...and they won't be happy that I'm doing this...the staff and administration at Providence: Denise Fortune, Dan Knudsen, Dan Davis, Kelly Hartman, Connie Anderson, Jim Vaught, Priss Dewitt, Kathy Mullery...and all of the parent volunteers who have made this event come together ( forgive me if I've left anyone out!)...and ALL of the many sponsors!! You have all made this so special for our family. We know the night will be a very emotional one, but it's a night we are looking forward to with much anticipation. We love you all!

Love,
Leigh Ann

Monday, November 22, 2004 9:00pm

As I read all of the entries in the guest book from Saturday (Carter's birthday), I found this poem that Joyce (from Albany, New York) had written......we don't know Joyce...never met her...never talked to her on the phone...we only know her through her entries in our guestbook.

As I read the poem, I kept thinking "which member of my family or close friend wrote this?" (I did not scroll down and look at the author first.) I was amazed to get to the end and find that it was a person I didn't know, who had obviously been reading my updates daily for 20 months.

I also learned, today, after I wrote her back, that Joyce is only 16 years old. What an amazing young woman she is...


I witnessed your love all around me
I witnessed you mastering ABCs
I witnessed your spirit never breaking
I witnessed your determination never shaking

I witnessed seven years of birthdays
I witnessed you unceasingly praying
I witnessed your giggles when you could wear two shoes
I witnessed your will when you got the news

I witnessed your tears when you got a boo-boo
I witnessed your joy when you saw “Lion King 2”
I witnessed your nervousness to go to school
I witnessed Providence immediately adjusting to you

I witnessed your love of playing bingo
I witnessed markers on your little fingers
I witnessed your picture in the AFLAC calendar
I witnessed your little voice so strong and sure

I witnessed your excitement for sports of all kinds
I witnessed your tough face through those hard times
I witnessed you screaming at the Georgia Tech games
I witnessed you cheering for the Atlanta Braves

I witnessed you and Candler learning Karate
I witnessed you explaining your love for me
I witnessed the fire burning in your eyes
I witnessed you telling me it would be alright

I witnessed you profess your faith to the church
I witnessed your love for all creatures on the earth
I witnessed you dressing up as a football player for Halloween
I witnessed you riding a motorcycle up and down the street

I witnessed you when you thought I wasn’t looking
I witnessed the first time you tried cooking
I witnessed a miracle on earth
I witnessed you laughing during a time when joy dearth

I witnessed your breathing as you slept
I witnessed you comforting me as I wept
I witnessed your fondness for shopping
I witnessed your love for Candler never stopping
I witnessed your faith never wavering
I witnessed, through your journey other peoples faith strengthening
I witnessed you ride the carousel at Give Kids the World
I witnessed your wish to go to Disneyworld

I witnessed your love for camp sunshine
I witnessed your pain and wished it was mine
I witnessed you playing with Grant, Steven, Peyton and Drew
I witnessed you putting on your “first day of school shoes”

I witnessed your smile light up a room
I witnessed you as your personality bloomed
I witnessed you as you made your first Lego ship
I witnessed the way your mouth changed shape as “I love you” came from your lips

I witnessed
Your tears
Your smile
Your love
Your laughter
Your peace
Your faith
Your joy
Your pain
Your perseverance
Your courage

Your life

I witnessed, as an eye witness
A miracle for seven years, nine months and 23 days
And because of that miracle we are forever changed.
Rest assured my dear little boy that we will meet again
And Mommy, Daddy and Candler will wait patiently until then.

_______________________________________

Joyce said she wrote this thinking it was how Scott and I must be feeling.....we are so touched that she followed Carter's story so closely and loved him from afar.

Joyce, we are so grateful for this gift you have given to us!

Love,
Leigh Ann

Saturday, November 20, 2004 9:00am

8 short years ago today, God gave us one of the best gifts of our lives...Carter Samuel Martin.

He was born at 10:16pm, weighed a whopping 9 pounds 8 ounces and was 21" long. Our hearts were so full of joy and love....

Happy Birthday, sweet baby.....




There are new pictures in the photo album of the tree planting yesterday by Carter's 2nd grade class in honor of his birthday. They planted it on the playground right in the spot where they used to play their "running game." It was quite emotional, but so very sweet.

Friday, November 19, 2004 10:15am

New pictures, November 19, 2004


Candler had what he calls "the best day of his life" yesterday in Athens, meeting the Georgia players and Coach Mark Richt.

It was a magical moment for him....and he SO deserved it. I was so thrilled that our good friend, Mike Rickman (he'll get mad that I gave him credit) set it up for us. Mike is involved with FCA...Mark Richt's brother-in-law is the team chaplain and with FCA in Athens...

It was a fantastic day for all of us...although he probably would never admit it, I think Scott had a great time, too. The timing could not have been better for a small amount of happiness for all of us, especially Candler, as we head into the next week and beyond.

Carter's "would be" 8th birthday is tomorrow, and then we head right into Thanksgiving, the Carter Martin Classic, our Disney trip where we will visit "Give Kids the World", the anniversary of our "off chemo" celebration party from last year, Candler's birthday, Scott's birthday, Christmas, the 2003 New Year's Eve fever that would eventually lead to the relapse (Feb. 04), and then the original diagnosis date of January 17, 2003. It will be a struggle, to say the least, to get through the next 2 months and still be functioning.

We covet your prayers as we, somehow, begin this journey into such a special time of year...where we have mounds of family memories of all 4 of us together. It will never again be the same without Carter.

Above all else this year, please just be thankful for your family.

Love,
Leigh Ann

Monday, November 15, 2004 8:30pm

To explain this place in words is a task that is on the verge of impossible...

Camp Sunshine. It is the place where Carter felt normal. It is the place he adored. It is the place where HE was adored. Here, he was a sick kid among nothing but sick kids.

We spent several weekends at family camp over Carter’s 20 month illness. The anticipation of upcoming Camp Sunshine events was crucial to our family. We met lifelong friends here and made memories for a lifetime. Thanks goodness we did, being that our lifetime was cut short.

This weekend was “Remember the Sunshine.” In past years this has been a day of remembrance on Sunday afternoon for the families to come to camp and enjoy spending the day at the place their children loved so very much...this year it was an entire weekend. When the invitation came in the mail, Carter had been gone for only a couple of weeks. Not once did we consider NOT coming. It was Carter’s favorite place. Even though we knew how painful it would be, how could we NOT go? I kept telling myself that “Candler needed it” when the truth was, I needed it more.

The pain was there, indeed. As we arrived on Friday evening, it was all I could do to get out of the car. Last time we were there we were picking Carter up from summer camp...the week he that he referred to as “the best time of my life.” Even if I had known then that I only had 3 more months with him, I would’ve still let him go...some of you may find that strange. You just don’t know this place........

As I walked to our cabin, my mind was flooded with memories of Carter. I could feel him there with us. His little feet had walked all over the place, and I found myself retracing footsteps to and from his favorite things at camp. I went to cabin #21 where he stayed this summer for camp. I walked through the gym where he played basketball. I did archery, arts and crafts, and drank hot chocolate when it was freezing cold. I pictured all the boys from his cabin playing and having fun together from sun up to sun down...forming a bond that not many others would ever understand. I could see Carter and Zach hugging goodbye in the gym on the day we picked him up. I could see him crying almost all the way home because he didn’t want to leave...mostly those tears were from shear exhaustion and pain, but many of them were from complete and utter sadness that the week was coming to an end. He would’ve stayed there forever. That was about the time the chemo stopped working...June...I wonder now, if somehow he knew it when the pain returned too early between cycles. He was so smart...it would’ve been something that he could figure out, but would never have let us know.

That would be Carter’s last time at Camp Sunshine...thank God he got to come to summer camp one time. Carter is the only one from his cabin who is now in heaven. As these other boys (Will Hennessy is one of them) grow up together at camp, God willing, I pray they will remember the summer of 2004 when they formed that bond of being first time campers together, and I hope they remember Carter as their friend that dunked all the counselors in the dunk tank with his incredible arm...the friend that loved archery, fishing, kayaking, and swimming...the friend who smiled through the pain and never complained because he didn't want to go home...the friend that had to have 3 BIG shots when he was exposed to chicken pox by another camper...the friend that counselor Tony had to pull in the wagon by the 4th day because he had trouble keeping up...

Camp Sunshine...the place where Carter felt normal. This weekend, we were hoping for that same feeling. We got it. We have made new Camp Sunshine friends now...ones that have “crossed to the other side” with us. God help all of us as we carry on without our children.

To the counselors and staff, you ARE Camp Sunshine! Thank you for your time, your devotion to this place...for your unconditional love for our children, and for us. Although our children are no longer here to enjoy camp, thank you for allowing us the opportunity to enjoy it in their memory.

Love,
Leigh Ann

The song playing is the Camp Sunshine theme song written by Jon Allmett. Hit your “refresh” button and listen to the words again...Jon captured it all so well.


Georgia Gold

Oh Sunshine makes me happy.
There ain’t no place quite like you
All the picture perfect mornings
Covered in dew
I’m a fiend for your affections
You’re a country coated smile
With your doors wide open
I’m happy to stay awhile
But before I move on
Give me one more moment
Give me just one more day
There is no place else on earth
I feel this way
It covers the grey
You’re an endless sunrise
and you just won’t let go
You’re a piece of heaven
wrapped up in Georgia Gold
I’ve seen Rio Dejanero
And the southern coasts of Spain
But they could never hold a candle
To your flame
So even when those buses
Round that corner
Coming for to carry us back home
I keep you deep inside my heart
so I never feel alone
But before I am gone
Give me one more moment
Give me just one more day
There is no place else on earth
I feel this way
It covers the grey
You’re an endless sunrise and you
Just Won’t let go
You’re a piece of heaven wrapped up in Georgia Gold
Give me that Sunday afternoon
I’m gonna stay all year
Give me that fishing rod and reel
Don’t let the sunshine disappear
Forever let the sun shine on
Forever let the sun shine on...

Thursday, November 11, 2004 9:30am

There are grumblings from the masses saying that since I haven’t updated this site lately, “many people are starting to worry about me and wonder how I’m doing.” Everyone that I see asks me how I’m doing. My simple response to most, in casual conversation, is that “I’m okay”...”I’m surviving”...or “I’m doing the best I can.” Read on if you want the truth of how I’m really doing. My thoughts below are raw…I have an open, gaping wound that will never heal.

It is cold and rainy here in Atlanta today...I keep hoping the sun will come out, as the dreariness of the day does nothing to help my somber mood. I can remember that I used to love days like this. I would wish that I could stay home all day, lay on the sofa with a good book, and snuggle under a warm blanket. The joys of my yesterdays are so different now. My todays and tomorrows don’t have my son in them and so now they are almost unbearable. Everyday is a cold, wet, dreary day inside of me...and the worst part is that all of these days take place without Carter. Yet each day still passes as if nothing has happened and with no regard for my loss.

It seems impossible that it will be two months tomorrow since Carter died, yet it seems as if it was 2 years ago that I kissed and held him and told him everything was going to be okay...when I told him he was going to heaven to be with Jesus. As I looked back at a journal entry from early September, I wrote that “I beg for him to let go.” It is unimaginable that I could have possibly had those emotions and feelings. Of course I didn’t want him here and suffering in pain, but my struggle now is WHY did he have to suffer at all? Now I just beg God to let me have him back...healthy.

Carter’s 8th birthday is in 9 days...

Everything is moving way too fast but it’s all in slow motion, yet time is standing still. It seems that I don’t have the ability to move forward, nor do I have the desire to do so. The pain in my heart and the physical and mental fatigue is weighing heavy on me. There is a constant lump in my throat and I fight to hold back tears at every turn. The constant reminders of Carter are everywhere...because he loved so many things, had so many friends, and touched so many people.

Candler is broken, yet he doesn’t even know the depth of his brokenness yet. Halloween was excruciatingly painful for him because Carter wasn’t here. It may sound crazy, but I think Halloween night was the first time Candler REALLY felt a void from Carter not being there. Candler is struggling with school, his behavior, and having to watch his parents have breakdowns on a daily basis. How much more could he possibly handle?

I wrote in my journal the other day that I hope I will take the lessons I’ve learned from my son and apply them to my own life during this dark, desperate time...I often think “how would Carter handle this?” I want to be strong like he was, but right now I just don’t have it.

Thanksgiving is coming way too fast. Christmas is too painful to even consider.

I want the days back when I used to close these journal entries with “keep praying for Carter’s miracle” and “thank you God, for another day.”

Now, I just want him back.

Love,
Leigh Ann

The Carter Samuel Martin Experimental Therapy Research Fund

Carter’s Story

You could say that Carter Martin seized the day. He faced cancer with determination and a smile---not once did he ever complain. Carter loved God, Georgia Tech, Providence Christian Academy, his dog Comet, and his family & friends tremendously. He was loved by all who knew him, and even those who didn’t. He galvanized his little friends, and adults were drawn to his spirit.

Carter excelled in art, sports and especially academics. His intelligence was equaled by his enthusiasm for life. He thrived on competition, and won (almost) every fight. When this young warrior met his match in cancer, he even indulged his competitor with the coins from his own piggy bank -- he told his mom to "give them to the AFLAC Cancer Center to help find a cure."

During his 20-month battle with Ewing’s Sarcoma bone cancer, Carter Martin excelled in life. He loved life. He was SEVEN and "got" everything about it. The cancer left him with one leg and literally a hole in his head -- but it did not take away the fight in his eyes. Despite 14 cycles of protocol chemotherapy, Carter relapsed. He then began treatment with a more experimental form of therapy, hoping that a new combination of chemotherapy and radiation would rid his body of this intruder. There were no guarantees, only hope that the experimental form of drugs would lead to a cure. In the end, Carter’s battle with cancer was lost, but as he would tell you....cancer can't take away love.

Carter had the desire, and found a way to succeed in all things. There was one thing that held him back -- a disease called cancer that has plagued children for as long as we know. Carter envisioned a cure. He wasn't able to make it happen personally, but with the support of the Carter Samuel Martin Experimental Therapy Research Fund, physicians of the AFLAC Cancer Center are committed to finding a cure for future children with cancer. You can help make Carter’s vision a reality....

The Carter Samuel Martin Experimental Therapy Research Fund

The explosion of scientific discovery and advances in treatment has brought dramatic improvements in the cure rates of many childhood cancers during the last thirty years - from a 20 percent chance of survival before the 1960s to more than 75 percent chance today. According to Dr. William G. Woods, the Chief Medical Officer of the AFLAC Cancer Center, "there was no home run or single new drug which led to this good news. Rather, it occurred in painstaking and deliberate steps taken by those determined to limit cancer's reach."

This remarkable progress is the result of hundreds of experimental therapies, better known as clinical trials, in the AFLAC Cancer Center and other childhood cancer centers worldwide. A clinical trial is a chance to test the current, most promising treatments for cancer. Doctors can see if a new drug, treatment or test is helpful in treating children with cancer. The goal of clinical trials is to identify treatments that will provide the highest success rates or the best chance of cure with the least amount of side effects. The study of experimental therapy in children does not mean using untried medicines. Rather, it means using well-known, proven cancer-fighting agents and giving them in new ways or in new combinations in the hopes that the new way will lead to even better outcomes.

The AFLAC Cancer Center integrates clinical trials with medical care to bring advanced treatments from the laboratory to the bedside and is home to some of the top minds in childhood cancer treatment. While our doctors, nurses and medical team provide exceptional treatment and tender care, dedicated researchers work passionately to find a cure. Your support of the Carter Samuel Martin Experimental Therapy Research Fund will help ensure we find a cure for all children with cancer.

Thursday, October 28, 2004 4:00pm

Re-engaging at Providence has been one of the most difficult aspects of “adjusting to life without Carter.”

Throughout Carter’s long, grueling battle with cancer and being in and out of the hospital, Carter’s one and only desire was to someway, somehow go to school. He adored Providence...every little thing about it. His friends, his teachers, p.e. (he always participated), music, ESPECIALLY art, lunch, recess, and yes, even the schoolwork. As a matter of fact, he couldn’t wait to have homework!

Providence was a HUGE part of Carter. He couldn’t wait to be old enough to go to school there like big brother Candler. When he finally entered Kindergarten in the Fall of 2002, he enjoyed 6 weeks of “normalcy.” He was sooooo happy! I’ll never forget picking him in carpool in the afternoons. “Everything was GREAT, mom!” He would come home, do his “homework,” and have his bookbag packed and ready for the next day. Such simple things.......things that, at the time, I severely took for granted.

Then Carter’s normalcy changed....but Providence didn’t. Providence adjusted to Carter’s “normal.” Since that time the school has been beside us every step of the way...to the tops of mountain peaks and to the depths of dark valleys that sometimes I thought we’d never get out of. Providence was always there to help us pick up the pieces of this journey, learn from the disappointments and challenges, and help us to find inner strength and courage to move forward.

Having said all that, I spent some time at Providence yesterday morning. It wasn’t the first time I had been there since Carter died. I went to his classroom several weeks ago, and it was so much harder than I had envisioned. But yesterday was different. Although difficult, it felt good to be there and be part of all the activity going on. My mother-in-law and I were there painting props for Candler’s upcoming play. When I walked down the halls I was greeted by just about everyone. It was a good feeling, but the entire time I had this aching in me for Carter to be there. And then I ran into Carter’s class coming out of music...Grant, Drew, Peyton, and Steven all came up to hug me and it was all I could do not to break down. I feel like those boys are partly mine because they hold a little piece of Carter so close to their hearts. They miss him, and each in their own way are grieving for the loss of their friend.

I did not mean for this to be so long or so emotional, but that’s just the way it is when I start talking about Providence...it is part of us, and we are a part of it. It’s home.

We have got a really exciting event coming up that I wanted to share with you. We are so excited to have this to look forward to...Providence Christian Academy will be hosting the “FIRST ANNUAL CARTER MARTIN CLASSIC” on December 3. This will kick-off PCA’s basketball season…but, oh boy, is this gonna be way more than just a night of hoops! Every penny from the night will be donated to The Carter Samuel Martin Experimental Therapy Research Fund. The food and drinks have all been donated...program printing, donated...t-shirt printing, donated...you get the idea. Ticket sales for the evening will also go to the fund...other schools in our region have donated a portion of their ticket sales for the evening...it is going to be so amazing watching this all unfold, and in such a small amount of time. God’s fingerprints are all over it!!

There will also be a scheduled program for the event...there will be special guests, the second grade class will sing the Star Spangled Banner and lead the pledges, sooooo many fun and wonderful things will happen. I wish you all could be here for it!! Maybe some of you can be!

You can help...there are many, many things going on right now in regards to people raising monies for Carter’s fund, but this one is near and dear to our hearts. It will (and already has) brought tremendous honor to us, and HUGE recognition to Carter’s fund...which will also raise awareness for childhood cancer. Candler is so excited, too. It has become his passion to raise money for Carter’s fund.

Go to Providence's website and click on Carter Martin Classic to see how you might participate. There are some pretty tight deadlines quickly approaching!

Help us to fulfill Carter’s hope that “no other kid will have to go through what I did.” It will be a night filled with great emotion for us, and right now, I’m not quite sure how I’ll get through it.....but I WILL. For Carter!

Love,
Leigh Ann

Below is the information about Carter's fund...there will be "official" flyer very soon.....

The Carter Samuel Martin Experimental Therapy Research Fund

Carter’s Story

You could say that Carter Martin seized the day. He faced cancer with determination and a smile---not once did he ever complain. Carter loved God, Georgia Tech, Providence Christian Academy, his dog Comet, and his family & friends tremendously. He was loved by all who knew him, and even those who didn’t. He galvanized his little friends, and adults were drawn to his spirit.

Carter excelled in art, sports and especially academics. His intelligence was equaled by his enthusiasm for life. He thrived on competition, and won (almost) every fight. When this young warrior met his match in cancer, he even indulged his competitor with the coins from his own piggy bank -- he told his mom to "give them to the AFLAC Cancer Center to help find a cure."

During his 20-month battle with Ewing’s Sarcoma bone cancer, Carter Martin excelled in life. He loved life. He was SEVEN and "got" everything about it. The cancer left him with one leg and literally a hole in his head -- but it did not take away the fight in his eyes. Despite 14 cycles of protocol chemotherapy, Carter relapsed. He then began treatment with a more experimental form of therapy, hoping that a new combination of chemotherapy and radiation would rid his body of this intruder. There were no guarantees, only hope that the experimental form of drugs would lead to a cure. In the end, Carter’s battle with cancer was lost, but as he would tell you....cancer can't take away love.

Carter had the desire, and found a way to succeed in all things. There was one thing that held him back -- a disease called cancer that has plagued children for as long as we know. Carter envisioned a cure. He wasn't able to make it happen personally, but with the support of the Carter Samuel Martin Experimental Therapy Research Fund, physicians of the AFLAC Cancer Center are committed to finding a cure for future children with cancer. You can help make Carter’s vision a reality....

The Carter Samuel Martin Experimental Therapy Research Fund

The explosion of scientific discovery and advances in treatment has brought dramatic improvements in the cure rates of many childhood cancers during the last thirty years - from a 20 percent chance of survival before the 1960s to more than 75 percent chance today. According to Dr. William G. Woods, the Chief Medical Officer of the AFLAC Cancer Center, "there was no home run or single new drug which led to this good news. Rather, it occurred in painstaking and deliberate steps taken by those determined to limit cancer's reach."

This remarkable progress is the result of hundreds of experimental therapies, better known as clinical trials, in the AFLAC Cancer Center and other childhood cancer centers worldwide. A clinical trial is a chance to test the current, most promising treatments for cancer. Doctors can see if a new drug, treatment or test is helpful in treating children with cancer. The goal of clinical trials is to identify treatments that will provide the highest success rates or the best chance of cure with the least amount of side effects. The study of experimental therapy in children does not mean using untried medicines. Rather, it means using well-known, proven cancer-fighting agents and giving them in new ways or in new combinations in the hopes that the new way will lead to even better outcomes.

The AFLAC Cancer Center integrates clinical trials with medical care to bring advanced treatments from the laboratory to the bedside and is home to some of the top minds in childhood cancer treatment. While our doctors, nurses and medical team provide exceptional treatment and tender care, dedicated researchers work passionately to find a cure. Your support of the Carter Samuel Martin Experimental Therapy Research Fund will help ensure we find a cure for all children with cancer.

Sunday, October 24, 2004 9:20pm

We are home safe and sound from a trip to Iowa over the weekend...yes, I said Iowa! Scott's cousin, Lisa, got married on Saturday so all of the Martin family flew out for the celebration. It was wonderful to spend time with aunts, uncles, and cousins that we don't get to see very often.

Of course, the one thing missing was Carter. It screamed at me at every turn. Lisa had red roses in the church in memory of her and her husband's grandparents, and also a pink rose to honor Carter's memory. Scott and I had the honor of reading scripture during the ceremony. I was worried that I would not make it through without crying....but I did fine. Then Lisa had selected "How Great Thou Art" for all to sing...all did sing except for me. I don't know if I'll ever be able to sing that song again without falling apart.

Upon our return home we were elated to see the article in the AJC about Carter. Didn't Lynn Anderson do a fantastic job? Our hope is, that while telling Carter's sweet story, the awareness for childhood cancer research will skyrocket. We so desperately need it, as the world lost yet another precious child to this wicked disease on Friday evening...5 year old Shelby Prescott, age 5, won her 3 year battle against neuroblastoma and entered heaven's gates.

Friday night when I checked my e-mail from Ames, Iowa, and learned of Shelby's victory the tears started to fall....I know that Carter was one of the first in line to greet and welcome her into heaven. Although he has only been there a few weeks longer than her, I know he is well equipped to make her feel loved and at home. Although Carter and Shelby didn't know each other, they have a bond. I know that they will have a lot to talk about, and having HAD cancer will no longer be their common link. Their link now is eternal life.....

Isn't it so comforting to know we have that assurance with Jesus Christ? I know it in my heart, but it doesn't make this earthly journey any easier to shoulder. My soul aches for my child...I yearn for his touch...oh, the lengths I would go to for just one more day with Carter.

Love,
Leigh Ann

P.S. Through reading our other friend's websites I have learned that there is a CRITICAL need for platelets. Please, please, please donate in Carter's memory if you are able. Contact your local Red Cross for more information.

It's heartbreaking enough for these children to die from cancer, but what if they die from bleeding to death because there were no platelets for them?

Monday, October 18, 2004 2:00pm

Our daily lives are a struggle beyond what I could have ever imagined. Life here on earth without Carter has BARELY even begun to be a reality.

There is so much going on around us that is worthy of being noted on this website...things are happening so fast! We have established the Carter Samuel Martin Experimental Therapy Research Fund.....I will have a flyer posted here soon to fully explain it. It is going to be (and already is!) very big!

Candler is, as you would imagine, having a very difficult time. His best friend is gone. His time has been pretty filled lately, as he got a part in the school play...he is so very excited, and has, more than once, proclaimed how proud his brother is of him. Once this play is over (performance is Nov. 5), afternoons which are now filled with rehearsals will be filled with time spent missing his brother in the afternoons. Reality is coming...I feel it knocking at the door daily, coming to visit and stay with us.

Please pray for us...and for our many, many relapsed friends...and ones that have begun their final journey home.

Love,
Leigh Ann

Tuesday, October 12, 2004, 8:30am

Thursday, Oct. 14
I didn't think our hearts could break anymore....but they have. Our good friend, and fellow Ewing's sarcoma buddy, Tyler Copley, had a biopsy on Friday and it has tested positive for Ewing's. He's been clean for almost 2 years. Please keep this precious family in your prayers as they have some difficult decisions to make.


Please check out the link below for a tribute page for Carter set up by his cousin, THE cousin as far as Carter was concerned, Sarah McDonald.

Harry Norman’s Perimeter Office's yard sale has been rescheduled for this weekend...Oct. 16. It will be for the benefit of The AFLAC Cancer Center in Carter’s honor (Carter Samuel Martin Experimental Therapy Research Fund). The address for the sale (and to drop off items) is 4848 Ashford Dunwoody Road. You may request pick-up for large items by calling the Harry Norman Perimeter Office at 770-394-2131. Clean out your basements for Carter!!!!

I've had several requests for the name of the song that played prior to "Blessed be the Name" (which is currently playing)...it is "Ready to Fly" by the Christian Group "FFH."

I am happy to share the message below that was delivered by Carter's principal, Denise Fortune, at Carter's Celebration of Life....



Denise's Message:
When Leigh Ann asked me to attempt to tell you how Carter had impacted our school, I knew instantly that the impact of not only Carter, but of this entire Martin family, of Scott and Leigh Ann, of loving grandparents, and of my very special friend Candler, was so far-reaching and so strong that words could not adequately convey to you what we have experienced. Because you see, this family didn’t just open up their circumstances to us. Scott, Leigh Ann, Candler, and Carter opened their lives, their hearts, and their souls. They allowed us at Providence to be family - to walk along side them in this journey. We have learned a lot of life lessons.

One of the life lessons we learned includes the incredible need for dollars earmarked for children’s’ cancer. Providence has joined the fight with the Martin family.

Only because of dear, sweet Carter could an old “dawg” fan like myself wear Buzz on her lapel and do it joyfully this morning.

Boys and girls, Mr. and Mrs. Martin gave me permission to direct most of my comments to you, and in turn for the adults here to share with us what we have experienced at our school.

We have had an opportunity to experience the living Word of God in Scott and Leigh Ann. It has been as though God lifted the words of Scripture from the page, and we have seen it lived out in your family and in the lives of other children.

Boys and girls, some of the lessons that we learned from Carter are some of the things that you knew already because you know God’s Word is true. These are things that your parents and your wonderful teachers have told you. We learned from Carter that we can trust God because God is good. Not only in the easy times is God good, but also God is good when things are hard.

We are to keep praying and believing. I watched you do that, and I watched your parents.

Carter taught us to fight hard. We saw those verses that are in my talk today, boys and girls, and in the back of this program, we saw what those words mean: to be strong and courageous, and not to be afraid or terrified because the Lord is with you. We watched that strength and courage in the life of our friend Carter.

We learned to love life and to look at the everyday things. We learned that spelling tests are good… and rainy days… and field trips… and field day. And that it was really cool for a bunch of boys with Carter to sit and share their lunch - after they had chewed it and showed to one another.

You saw firsthand that God’s Word is true. As your moms and dads read Carter’s website, they gained strength from God’s Word because His Word was strengthing Mr. and Mrs. Martin, Carter, and Candler.

We all saw the beauty of love within a family; especially Candler - the amazing love between you and Carter. You showed us God’s perfect picture of how brothers are to love each other, and treat one another, and appreciate one another, and support one another.

As a school, we experienced the friendship of children to children, dads to Scott, moms to Leigh Ann, and teacher to teacher. We saw four young men and Carter form a bond of friendship only explained through the power of the Holy Spirit, because boys and girls, sometimes grown-up adult men don’t have that kind of friendship. So we know that this special relationship was one of God’s miracles that we got to see.

We saw the Bible as it tells us to love one another unselfishly, caring about others first.

Our prayer life at Providence, even though that’s always been the focus of everything we do, has changed. It’s better. We pray more often. We pray with more intensity, expecting God to hear our prayers. And we pray in unison, together asking for the same things.

Scott and Leigh Ann, as the parents on our campus have watched you parent your two wonderful sons they, too, have learned many lessons. Someday I hope I have the opportunity to share with you the individual times parents came through my office to express to me how watching you has helped them gain perspective on the challenges they are facing with their children. It is safe for me to tell you, that all of us with children, whether they are kindergarteners or adult children, that because of you and in watching your life - how you have allowed Christ to reign freely in your lives - we love our children more. We now know what’s important, and we cherish the days.

Because we have known Carter, our hallways, our soccer fields, the playground, the Commons, the lunchroom, the media center, for all of us who call Providence home, school will never be the same. It was always a good place. Now, it is better.

Carter will always be a shining star. He epitomizes our very school verse. Most of all he taught us to embrace life and look at it through the eyes of God. He taught us how to live and how to love and how to fight fiercely, even when it’s hard. His courage will stay with us forever and be imprinted in our hearts. And that little grin will be forever in our mind’s heart and eyes. Above all, his love for Jesus and the example he set will change children’s lives forever. They will never forget.

Last night, in my office after everyone had left campus, a dear friend reminded me that when we think of the impact Carter has had on our school, we can see how it is directly related to the Fruits of the Spirit that we are learning in chapel. In Carter, Candler, Scott and Leigh Ann, in these sweet loving grandparents, aunts and uncles, we have seen lifted from the pages of God’s Word: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. And we have seen boys and girls and their moms and dads in return; give back those Fruit of the Spirit to the Martin family.

Scott, Leigh Ann and Candler, I want you to know, because we have known and loved Carter, because you allowed us to be a part of your family, that each of us, from the very youngest kindergartener to the teachers, to parents, to grandparents, to administrators; we have a new benchmark of faith that we will take with us always. When times are hard, and when times are good, and when it’s time to rejoice, we now have a benchmark that will remind us that God is faithful.

Because of our sweet Carter – and because of you, our lives will never be the same.

Monday, October 4, 2004 10:11 PM

We returned yesterday from our annual trip to Highlands, North Carolina with our “Lakeside Group.” All of Scott’s best friends from high school, along with their wives and children joined us for our annual weekend at The Old Creek Lodge....it’s a perfect setting for our families to gather. Individual cabins open onto a common courtyard with a playground for the children. There is a large covered deck area with a fire place and grill, and huge rocking chairs. The weather has that fall chill in the air. We cook dinner each night, enjoy football games on Saturday afternoons, the guys get to play golf (sometimes), and the girls always go out for a day of lunch and shopping. The best thing about it is that we all just hang out, relax, and enjoy being together. We’ve been doing this for 6 years. We were not able to be there last year due to Carter’s chemo schedule, so the last time Carter was there was in 2002. We went to Highlands that year the weekend before he had the soccer injury. All Carter has is happy memories of being there with his friends and without knowing that he had cancer.

This place has come to mean a lot to all of us. We look forward to it every year. It isn’t often that you have five best friends from high school that you still keep up with....and this group does more than just “keep up” with each other. They are people who are a part of our lives. Even more uncommon is that all of the wives are actually good friends, too! The guys realize what a bonus this is for them.

We’ve watched our children grow up together here at The Old Creek Lodge....through the years we’ve welcomed new additions to each family....our little group just keeps on growing and growing.

Friday evening after everyone had arrived our friends had planned something very special for our family....they (the kids, too) planted a tree in the courtyard right by the playground in Carter’s honor. It was very emotional, but a very fitting tribute to him in a place that we all love so much. The engraved stone marker in front of the October Glory reads: “In Celebration of the Life of Carter S. Martin.” We can’t wait to watch it grow. The children will never forget it, and it will remind the ones that are so young just how special Carter was to our group.

Our group will continue to grow, but for now we are 26 people strong....12 adults and 14 children....only one of them isn’t here for the annual “kid picture” but he’s looking down from heaven and smiling, so thankful that his family has such wonderful friends who care about them so much....and so thankful that he is remembered with such love.

To Randy & Ellie (Will, Matthew, & Trey), Bob & Susie (Taylor, Thomas, Katie, Ellie, & Emily), Matt & Kimberly (Gillian & Jack), Steve & Angela (Michael & Ryan), and Mike & Carrie (should we count Bogey?) we love you more than you could ever know, and thank God that we can call you our friends.

Love,
Leigh Ann

Be sure to check out the pics in the photo album......


P.S. A dear friend of ours, Charlotte Johnson, is a realtor with Harry Norman’s Perimeter Office…..I am pleased to tell you that the company’s fall community service project will be for the benefit of The AFLAC Cancer Center in Carter’s honor. The official fund is entitled "The Carter Samuel Martin Experimental Therapy Research Fund"...there will be LOTS more on that later. On Saturday, October 9, 2004, Harry Norman will have a yard sale at their office at 4848 Ashford Dunwoody Road . Useable household items and/or clothing can be dropped off at this location on October 6, 7, and 8. You may request pick-up for large items by calling the Harry Norman Perimeter Office at 770-394-2131. Clean out your basements for Carter!!!!

Thursday, September 30, 2004 11:30pm

I’ve stared at this blank screen day after day...night after night...time after time...thinking the words would just come to me, as they usually do. But, I’ve decided that for right now the words are really simple.......

Carter has been gone for 18 days.

It hurts so much that I cannot breathe.

Days are difficult. Nights are worse.

Time is standing still, yet it is flying by all around us.

We are trying to fit back into a world with which we have not much in common.

We miss the people in our “other world” that we lived with for 20 months.

Our hearts are aching. It is a pain that is simply unimaginable. Even for us.

We haven’t even begun to reach the depths of our sorrow and grief.




Right now, this is how the Martin family is doing. We need prayers...many, many prayers.

Love,
Leigh Ann

Tuesday, September 28, 2004 10:15pm

Two years ago today, we would begin a journey that, at the time, we really didn’t know we were beginning. It started like any other ordinary day at the Martin house...it was fall soccer season and this particular Saturday morning Candler and Carter, as well as Scott and myself, were getting ready for another long Saturday at the Henderson soccer fields, home to TYSA (Tucker Youth Soccer Association), for the boys’ games. I don’t remember anything else about that morning that was significant. We took a picture in the front yard of the boys all dressed up in their uniforms with Gran and Granddaddy, who were visiting from Savannah for the weekend. That picture is now permanently etched in my heart forever. It is a picture of innocence, in my mind...almost a protection from what would eventually be discovered as a result of Carter’s soccer injury that day.

How unbelievable it would have been for us to know then that he had less than two years to live.

Friday, September 24, 2004 11:00pm

This is Diane Vaughan's message from Carter's celebration...I hope that those of you who were not able to be there are starting to get an idea of what it was like to be inside of Briarlake Baptist Church on September 15...
___________________________________________________________
GOOD MORNING. MY NAME IS DIANE VAUGHAN AND IT IS MY PROFOUND PRIVILEGE TO STAND BEFORE YOU TODAY TO SHARE WITH YOU FOR A SHORT FEW MINUTES SOME FAVORITE STORIES OF MY BUDDY, CARTER MARTIN. MY PROFESSIONAL CALLING AND PERSONAL PASSION IN LIFE IS TO WORK FOR THE AFLAC CANCER CENTER.

I CHERISH MY JOB FOR MANY REASONS. NOT THE LEAST OF WHICH IS THE OPPORTUNITY TO COME TO KNOW AND LOVE PRECIOUS CHILDREN AND THEIR EXTRAORDINARY FAMILIES. CHILDREN LIKE CARTER MARTIN AND FAMILIES LIKE HIS—SCOTT, LEIGH ANN, CANDLER, CARTER’S LOVING GRANDPARENTS, JON AND MERRILEE, BERT AND MARY, AND ALL THE RELATIVES AND FRIENDS GATHERED HERE TODAY.

A POEM HANGS ON MY OFFICE WALL THAT I WOULD LIKE TO SHARE WITH YOU…I READ IT EVERY DAY BECAUSE THE MESSAGE INSPIRES ME AS I GO ABOUT MY WORK. IT IS CALLED “CANCER IS SO LIMITED.”

CANCER IS SO LIMITED
IT CANNOT CRIPPLE LOVE
IT CANNOT SHATTER HOPE
IT CANNOT QUENCH THE SPIRIT
IT CANNOT SILENCE COURAGE
IT CANNOT INVADE THE SOUL
IT CANNOT LESSEN THE POWER OF THE RESURRECTION
IT CANNOT KILL FRIENDSHIP
IT CANNOT DESTROY CONFIDENCE
IT CANNOT CORRODE FAITH
IT CANNOT SHUT OUT MEMORIES
IT CANNOT REDUCE ETERNAL LIFE

I DO NOT KNOW THE POET’S NAME. BUT I DO KNOW THIS. CANCER IS SO LIMITED IT CANNOT BEGIN TO DIMINISH THE LIGHT, POWER AND SPIRIT OF CARTER MARTIN. FOR THESE THINGS ARE UNLIMITED. CANCER CAN OVERTAKE A SEVEN-YEAR-OLD’S BODY, BUT NEVER WILL IT WEAKEN CARTER’S IMPACT ON THE CHILDREN, FAMILIES AND STAFF OF THE AFLAC CANCER CENTER.

I FIRST CAME UNDER CARTER’S SPELL IN 2003, WHEN WE WERE PUTTING TOGETHER THE “MY SOMEDAY” CALENDAR FOR THE AFLAC CANCER CENTER. I MET CARTER IN THE HOSPITAL PLAYROOM AND ASKED HIM IF HE WOULD LIKE TO DRAW A PICTURE FOR THE CALENDAR.

HE SEEMED AGREEABLE TO THAT, SO I ASKED HIM WHAT HE WANTED TO BE SOMEDAY. HE THOUGHT ABOUT IT, AND FINALLY DECIDED ON A FIREMAN. I BROUGHT CARTER’S ARTWORK TO SHARE WITH YOU ALL IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN IT ALREADY.

CARTER HAD BEEN TO A FRIEND’S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A FIRE STATION AND WAS MUCH TAKEN BY THE FIREFIGHTERS. THE BEST PART ABOUT BEING A FIREMAN, HE SAID IN HIS TYPICALLY COMPASSIONATE STYLE, WAS SAVING PEOPLE’S LIVES.

BUT THE HARDEST PART ABOUT DRAWING THE PICTURE WAS THE FIRE TRUCK! IN FACT, HE SAID HE NEEDED TO SEE A FIRE TRUCK BEFORE HE COULD DRAW ONE, AND SO SARA ALDERFER, THE CHILD LIFE SPECIALIST, FOUND A TOY FIRE TRUCK IN HER MAGIC CLOSET AND PLACED IT ON THE TABLE, LENGTHWISE, IN FRONT OF HIM.

I KNOW FROM MY VERY FIRST ENCOUNTER WITH CARTER THAT HE WOULD HAVE BEEN ONE “HECK OF A” GA TECH ENGINEER. HE EXAMINED THAT FIRE TRUCK FROM EVERY ANGLE AND FINALLY SETTLED ON A HEAD-ON PERSPECTIVE. “THAT IS THE WAY A FIRE ENGINE SHOULD LOOK,” HE TOLD ME MOST DEFINITIVELY. SPOKEN LIKE A TRUE GA TECH MAN!

CARTER WON MY HEART THAT DAY, AND FROM THEN ON, EVERY TIME I SAW HIM I TEASED THAT I WAS GOING TO KISS HIM. ENJOYING MY LITTLE GAME, HE WOULD RUN AND HIDE FROM ME. ONE AFTERNOON IT WAS TIME FOR CARTER’S VISIT AND DR. KATZENSTEIN COULDN’T FIND HIM. CARTER WAS UNDER THE TABLE IN THE FAMILY ROOM AND SAID, ‘I CAN’T COME OUT – SHE’S GOING TO KISS ME!” CARTER WAS A LITTLE BOY BATTLING A BIG DISEASE. BUT CANCER IS SO LIMITED. AND IN THE LOVE AND DEVOTION OF THE MARTIN FAMILY, CANCER MET ITS MATCH.

IT’S DEFINITELY NO SECRET THAT CARTER AND HIS DAD ARE BIG GEORGIA TECH FANS, WHILE LEIGH ANN AND CANDLER--LIKE ME--ARE FROM THE UGA CAMP. IN FACT, I AM NOT SURE WHO WAS MORE THRILLED—ME OR CANDLER—WHEN MY COLLEAGUE SHELTON STEVENS ARRANGED FOR CANDLER TO RECEIVE THE UGA GAME BALL AFTER GEORGIA’S LABOR DAY WEEKEND OPENER. CANDLER HAS HAD TO ENDURE A GREAT DEAL OF GT FANFARE DURING CARTER’S ILLNESS SO IT WAS ONLY FITTING THAT A GEORGIA GAME BALL GO TO CANDLER. AFTER CANDLER RECEIVED IT, CARTER SAID, “CANDLER, YOU’RE LUCKY TO HAVE A BROTHER LIKE ME.” YES, CARTER, CANDLER IS LUCKY TO HAVE A BROTHER LIKE YOU, AND CARTER IS LUCKY TO HAVE A BROTHER LIKE YOU, CANDLER.

AT THE AFLAC CANCER CENTER, WE COME TO KNOW FAMILIES AT THE MOST DIFFICULT AND CHALLENGING TIME OF THEIR LIVES. THE MARTINS HAVE BEEN AN INSPIRATION TO US ALL…

A MOTHER AND FATHER, LEIGH ANN AND SCOTT, WITH THE COURAGE TO SEND THEIR SON TO CAMP SUNSHINE SO THAT CARTER COULD EXPERIENCE AN UNFORGETTABLE WEEK OF FUN THIS PAST SUMMER, WHEN ALL THE MARTINS REALLY WANTED TO DO WAS HOLD THEIR SON CLOSE AND NEVER LET HIM GO…

AN OLDER BROTHER, CANDLER, WITH THE LOVING STRENGTH TO STAND BEFORE A ROOMFUL OF GROWN-UPS AT THE AFLAC CIRCLE OF CARE RECEPTION AND SHARE HIS FEELINGS ABOUT CARTER’S ILLNESS WITH A PASSION AND SINCERITY THAT BROUGHT EVERY ADULT IN THAT ROOM TO THEIR KNEES.

AN EXTENDED FAMILY AND CIRCLE OF FRIENDS WITH THE FORTITUDE TO BE PRESENT FOR SCOTT AND LEIGH ANN, AS THEY WAITED IN THE FAMILY WAITING ROOM TOGETHER DURING CARTER’S SURGERY THIS PAST WINTER. THEY WERE MORE THAN 60-PEOPLE STRONG THAT DAY…

CANCER IS SO LIMITED. IT PALES IN COMPARISON TO A LITTLE BOY WHOSE QUIET CHARISMA HAS MOVED PEOPLE TO DO GREAT THINGS FOR THE CHILDREN AND FAMILIES OF THE AFLAC CANCER CENTER.

FOR EXAMPLE, FINANCIAL GIFTS FROM FAMILY AND FRIENDS OF THE MARTINS HAVE ENABLED US TO ACCOMPLISH GOALS THAT WERE VERY IMPORTANT TO CARTER. CARTER HAD SOME VERY DEFINITE, VERY SELFLESS IDEAS ABOUT HOW TO HELP OTHER CANCER PATIENTS AND THEIR FAMILIES.

WE WERE ABLE TO PURCHASE THIS TEACHING DOLL TO EXPLAIN TO OTHER CHILDREN UNDERGOING ROTATIONPLASTY JUST HOW IT WORKS. WE, OF COURSE, NAMED OUR DOLL, CARTER.

THE AFLAC CANCER CENTER WAS NOT VERY “HIP” SINCE WE DIDN’T HAVE DVD PLAYERS. YOU, AND CARTER, SAW TO IT THAT A DVD/VCR PLAYER WAS PLACED IN EVERY ROOM BOTH INPATIENT AND OUTPATIENT. WHILE RECEIVING CHEMO CARTER LOVED TO WATCH DVDS.

WHEN CARTER WASN’T WATCHING MOVIES HE COULD OFTEN BE FOUND PLAYING UNO WITH DR. CHU – IT WAS THE GAME THAT WOULD NEVER END. FOR YOU SEE, MAKE NO MISTAKE ABOUT IT, CARTER LIKED TO WIN, AND WITH THESE NEW UNO GAMES YOU CAN MAKE UP YOUR OWN RULES. IT WASN’T UNUSUAL FOR CARTER TO MAKE DR. CHU PICK UP 10 OR 20 CARDS – AND DR. CHU, IN RETURN, WOULD DO THE SAME TO CARTER.

WE REMEMBER WHEN CARTER BROUGHT “COMET” HIS DOG TO THE AFLAC CANCER CENTER. WELL, LIKE EVERY HOSPITAL WE HAVE A NO PETS POLICY. IT WAS FUNNY TO SEE HOW CARTER’S CHARISMA MADE EVERY DOCTOR AND NURSE TURN A BLIND EYE TO CARTER’S FURRY COMPANION.

CANCER IS SO LIMITED. IT HAS NO HOLD OVER OUR MEMORIES OF CARTER AND SCOTT ON THE AFLAC ALL-AMERICAN TRIP WITH KELLY, WILL AND OTHER FRIENDS, OR THE ENTIRE MARTIN FAMILY AT AFLAC NIGHT WITH THE BRAVES. OR, WHEN CARTER CREATED QUITE A MEMORY AND QUITE A STIR DURING ONE CLINIC VISIT. WHEN DR. KATZENSTEIN ASKED CARTER TO STAND ON THE TABLE SO HE COULD BE EXAMINED FROM THE REAR, CARTER DECIDED TO SHAKE HIS BOOTY. ON CARTER’S NEXT VISIT HE PRESENTED DR. KATZENSTEIN WITH HIS OWN CD OF, YOU GUESSED IT, “SHAKE YOUR BOOTY.” ONLY CARTER COULD HAVE THE ENTIRE CLINIC DANCING AND SHAKING THEIR BOOTIES.

CARTER ALWAYS HAD A BALL IN HIS HAND. WE REMEMBER WHEN GRANDPA JON HELD A BASKETBALL SHOOT-OUT IN CARTER’S ROOM. CANDLER AND CARTER WERE COMPETING TO SEE HOW MANY NEW RECRUITS THEY COULD GET TO MAKE A BASKET. I DON’T REMEMBER WHO WON THE CONTEST, BUT JON, WE KNOW YOU WERE OUT A LOT OF CASH.

CARTER AND THE MARTIN FAMILY HAVE TAUGHT US INVALUABLE LESSONS IN LIVING AND LOVING. A LOVE SO STRONG THAT EVEN AS RECENTLY AS LABOR DAY WEEKEND, CANDLER HELD A CANDY SALE IN HIS DRIVEWAY TO RAISE MONEY FOR THE AFLAC CANCER CENTER. HE RAISED FORTY-ONE DOLLARS AND THIRTY-SEVEN CENTS ($41.37) AND TOLD ME, “THIS MONEY IS FOR A CURE.”

CANDLER, I PROMISE YOU THAT EVERY PENNY WILL GO DIRECTLY TO THE RESEARCH FUND AT THE AFLAC CANCER CENTER. OUR PHYSICIANS AND SCIENTISTS WORK HARD EVERY DAY TO FIND A CURE. WE WERE NOT IN TIME FOR CARTER, BUT ONE DAY WE WILL BE THERE FOR OTHER CHILDREN. WE WILL NOT LET YOU DOWN, CANDLER. I PROMISE.

AS CARTER NEARED THE END OF HIS BRIEF AND BEAUTIFUL LIFE, IT BECAME NECESSARY TO GIVE UP ON THE MEDICINE, BUT IMPOSSIBLE TO GIVE UP ON THE HOPE OF A MIRACLE. I AM HERE TO TELL YOU ABOUT THE MIRACLE…THE MIRACLE OF A LITTLE BOY WHO JUST WANTED TO BE A LITTLE BOY. ONE WHO CONTINUES TO EMBRACE US, INSPIRE US AND MOVE US TOWARD GREATER GOALS.

CANCER IS SO LIMITED…IT STANDS NO CHANCE AGAINST THE UNLIMITED POWER OF A BELOVED SEVEN-YEAR-OLD BOY NAMED CARTER MARTIN.

CARTER, ONLY YOU COULD TURN THIS UGA GIRL INTO A TECH FAN, AND I PROMISE TO ROOT FOR TECH FOR THE REST OF MY DAYS…EXCEPT, OF COURSE, WHEN TECH IS PLAYING GEORGIA.

SO, CARTER…THIS ONE’S FOR YOU… GO JACKETS!
___________________________________________________________

I promise to write a few of my own words very soon....

Love,
Leigh Ann

Thanks for continuing to check in on us. I have no plans to stop writing on this site. There is, and will be, so much to tell....

Tuesday, September 21, 2004 8:50pm

Below I am adding the message the was delivered by Rev. Russell Garner of Briarlake Baptist Church, who is another dear friend of our family. What an honor it was for us to have him speak at Carter's celebration!

CARTER SAMUEL MARTIN’S MEMORIAL SERVICE
Briarlake Baptist Church
September 15, 2004


On behalf of the Martin family welcome to you – friends and family who have come today to show your love for their extraordinary child Carter Samuel Martin. Thank you for your support and love that you have shown in countless ways for these many months. Your presence here today is your greatest tribute to Carter and to this family you love so much.
In days and moments like these we all struggle with the truth that mere words fail us. They fail us because they are so inadequate to express what we feel in our hearts.
Our words fail because they cannot sum up the pain, and difficulty that come with indescribable loss. And all of it is mixed up with the joy of knowing that Carter is free from pain.
While our words and thoughts may fail us what does not fail us in these times is God’s touch of comfort on our hearts through the promises of His Word. Listen to God’s Word from The Message–
“All praise to the God and Father of our Master, Jesus the Messiah! Father of all mercy! …He comes alongside us when we go through hard times, and before you know it, he brings us alongside someone else who is going through hard times so that we can be there for that person just as God was there for us.” The Message (2 Cor. 1:3)
Wonderful words that remind us that this is what the body of Christ does in moments like these.
Along with His perfect Word, God has also given to us the Holy Spirit who comforts us even now and who spoke in and through Carter in countless ways during his life. You will hear about some of those ways as friends come to share today.
Would you join me as we pause now to go to our Lord in prayer:

Heavenly Father,
We call on you now in this time of need to ask for your presence among us. For Leigh Ann, Scott, Candler, The entire Herrin and Martin families, God we ask for peace that only you offer. God, we ask for strength for the day that only you can provide.
In these moments may your Spirit speak to our hearts with the assurance that Carter is at peace in Glory. I pray this prayer in Jesus’ Holy Name, Amen.

Message:
(To the family): We have watched this beautiful family that sits here in the front in these days of indescribable difficulty and have been amazed by your strength and faith. Scott, Leigh Ann, I cannot begin to understand how difficult this is - few here can. But I can tell you that anyone in this Church today would hope to do half as well as you have. You have been a model of strength and courage. We love you and praise God for the way you have relied on Him throughout this. I know you feel inadequate and unworthy, but the truth is you are special people and I know that is why God entrusted Carter to you for these 7 years.

Candler, my friend, you have been the best big brother that a little brother could hope for. Carter loved you and he looked up to you. You shared everything with him. But the most important thing you shared was the love of Jesus Christ. Candler, we are proud of you. Thanks for being who you are.
To Bert and Mary Herrin and Jon and Merilee Martin – great grand parents, aunts, uncles, cousins and your families – you are amazing. GOD BLESS YOU for your unwavering and tireless support! I believe you have modeled what Christ desires the family to be.
To these special guys sitting down front as honorary pall bearers – Carter loved you and you loved him.
True friendship is rare and special and you have experienced that. Thanks for being so encouraging and for loving your friend Carter always.
As I have reflected on celebrating Carter’s life so much came to mind. But as I talked with people who knew and loved him the word that came to my mind time and again was legacy. When I say the word legacy to you, you might think in terms of someone who has lived much past 7 years. In fact, the dictionary describes legacy as an inheritance. It is a rare thing for a child to leave an inheritance. But what you and I know is that Carter Martin has left a legacy at 7 years old that any of us would hope to leave in a life lived 10 times as long.
A legacy that is more far reaching than anyone in this room can ever know. I know that this legacy is a gift from God because Carter knew God through the love of His Son Jesus Christ.
Carter accepted Christ some time back and recently came forward to make it public. Scott and Leigh Ann told him he did not have to go before the Church or be baptized in his weakened condition. But he still wanted to do it. And he did. He walked this very aisle to tell his church family he had given his life to Christ. Although he could not make it to the baptistery in the Church, he was baptized in what was, to be sure, an incredible ceremony in his home.
Friends – including Carter’s best friends gathered with family as their friend Rev. Scott Kindig baptized Carter. Praise be to God.
Listen to these words from Scripture:
Mark 10:13-16
People were bringing little children to Jesus to have him touch them, but the disciples rebuked them. [14] When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. [15] I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it." [16] And he took the children in his arms, put his hands on them and blessed them.
Carter made public just a few weeks ago a decision that God had put on his heart some time. The decision was to ask Jesus Christ to be Lord of His Life. His decision was not a response to the seriousness of his illness. It was a beautiful act of faith embracing the love of Christ. While I was talking with the family Sunday night I heard one of Carter’s grandparents put it so well, “God gave Carter a real understanding of what he was up against and his faith response was a genuine experience. Not because a friend did it but because he loves Jesus.”
Carter’s incredible legacy of love is rooted in the child like faith we read about in verses 14 and 15
"Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. [15] I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.”
Carter told his parents on several occasions, “I am not afraid to die. I don’t want to, but if I do I know that I am going to a glorious place.” He was modeling for all of us the kind of faith Jesus talks about in these verses. Be careful to never dismiss children’s faith for often they understand all they need to know for salvation – God loves us.
Carter’s faith steeled in him God given strength of character that was evident from very early on in his life.
Scott and Leigh Ann knew a long time ago that he was something special. I want to share with you just a few of the many things that make up Carter’s legacy and made him so special:

1) Carter was selfless and humble.
This is a particularly Biblical virtue that does not come naturally for 7 year olds. Leigh Ann and Scott recently showed me a prayer box shaped like a cross that Carter made at Church and had meticulously decorated. The purpose of the box was to write prayer requests on slips of paper and insert them so that they could be pulled out daily to pray for. You are not going to be surprised to hear that the box is full of requests for others.
Prayer requests for teachers, friends, and even the doctors that treated him. The only request that Carter put for himself was found on a little slip of paper that read simply “Me.”
Even in recent days when he was very sick he told his mom and dad, “Give all my money to the AFLAC Cancer Center.”
How amazing that this little boy whose body was being constantly ravaged by this evil cancer was concerned about everyone else first.
Philip. 2:3-4
“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.
[4] Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.”
That is Godly love. It is how Carter loved and it part of his legacy to you and me.

2)
One of the other things I want to share with you about Carter Martin is that he was inspiring in the way he looked at life AND death. That is something that you already know because you are here today. You undoubtedly were inspired by him. Scott and Leigh Ann were profoundly inspired by him as they loved him for 7 years and held him so close these last 18 months. The legacy they have from Carter’s life is incredible and has changed them forever. Scott recalls Carter in recent days waking up in the mornings in pain and under the influence of drugs 10x stronger than morphine to say, “Good Morning.” Scott would tell Carter that he was his hero and Carter in his classic humility he would respond, “yeah, right.” The truth is that Carter is Scott and Leigh Ann’s hero because of the courageous and inspirational way he lived and died.
I don’t have to tell you how uncommon it is for a 7 year old boy to teach his mom and dad and everyone touched by him deep spiritual life lessons. Carter did just that.
He never complained. You and I will complain about anything and everything.
Carter reminded us in thousand ways that we don’t have anything to complain about.
Leigh Ann shared with me that Carter’s inspiration reminded her of the importance of prioritizing life. Looking at Carter’s life and death remind us of the things that really matter. Moms and Dads here today: remember that juice spilled on the carpet is not a big deal. Shoes tracked through the mud puddle will wash off. These things and others like them are not things to waste a moment of concern on. They are not big deals. Carter faced something that WAS a big deal. And he faced it with grace and courage - All part of his incredible legacy.

Carter touched his family’s life and all of our lives because of this truth: his inspirational courage reflected a belief that his future is secure in Christ Jesus. As a 7 year old he could not have articulated this, but he did not have to – he lived it out every day!
When we think about Carter’s life and death it reminds us that every person here today is on a journey. It’s a journey filled with ups and downs, twists and turns, joys and sorrows, surprises. We can ask the questions but we can’t answer them all.
We don’t know all we want to know. But we do know that our wonderful Lord walks with us every step of the way. Boys and girls that are here today who are Carter’s friends, listen to me carefully. Sometimes adults cannot answer all of your questions. Especially the question – why? But what I can promise you is this: Carter loved God and God loved Carter more than anything. And God loves you that much too. That we can be sure of.
And there is another thing that we can be sure of. It hurts to be without someone you love so dearly – a son, a brother, a friend.
But we also can know this - while this dear family and you their friends experience pain from being separated from this incredible child, you can offer PRAISE TO GOD that Carter Samuel Martin will experience no more pain. For he is with God. Let us find the greatest peace and rest in knowing this.

The Martin family’s ministry through the Caring Bridge website is another amazing story from these past 18 months. You all know so well how it touched scores of people during times of ups and downs. People literally all over the world were touched by Carter’s incredible courage and by the faith that is this family’s anchor. Leigh Ann wrote beautifully from her heart and gave us all the opportunity to pray and pray specifically.

Thank you for sharing with us and allowing us the privilege to hope and pray with you.
When you went to check the website for updates you always read these words, “Pray for Carter’s miracle.”
Some people here today might feel like the miracle never came. Leigh Ann and Scott have a different take. As Leigh Ann reflected Monday on that phrase from the website she said these amazing words, “I realized that the miracle we prayed for WAS Carter. To have had him for 7 years.” Amen



Graveside:
Just a few moments ago we gathered at Briarlake to celebrate Carter’s life. We listened to wonderful friends remind us of why he was so special. We celebrated his faith in Christ Jesus. We listened to songs of our faith beautifully sung. And we expressed love to Scott, Leigh Ann, Candler and their family.
We have done all that we can do and so we come here to the final resting place of the body. It is returned to the earth from whence it came.


Hear these words from the 23rd Psalm:

The LORD is Carter’s shepherd, he shall not be in want.
[2] He made him lie down in green pastures,
he led him beside quiet waters,
[3] he restored his soul.
He guided him in paths of righteousness
for his name's sake.
[4] Even though Carter walked
through the valley of the shadow of death,
he feared no evil,
for You were with him;
your rod and your staff,
they comforted him.

[5]
You anointed his head with oil;
his cup overflowed.
[6] Surely goodness and love have follow Carter
all the days of his life,
and he will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever.
Join me in prayer:
Oh God, we give you the praise, honor and glory knowing that Carter is in your midst. Forever free from pain or worry. I pray that we who feel the sting of his loss will find solace in knowing that he is at peace. May your grace and peace be on this family now and forever more.
It is in the powerful name of Jesus Christ we pray, Amen.

_______________________________________

The following is Carter's eulogy that was delivered magnificently by our dear friend, Monte Wilson....

IN HONOR OF CARTER SAMUEL MARTIN
A STUDENT…A TEACHER AND THE FINEST OF YOUNG MEN…

First of all...let me say that standing here today is an honor that I’m not sure I really deserve. It is an honor to know this family (and I mean the entire family; Bert, Mary and Laura, Jon & Merrilee, Wendy & Jay, Amy & Michael) – what a group of great people…of true prayer warriors….of brothers and sisters in Christ. Leigh Ann & Scott, it is an honor for Jill & I to count you as our dear friends…and it is truly an honor to have known Carter Samuel Martin…and to have a chance to pay tribute to the life of this remarkable little boy.

When I was first asked to say something today….to say something about Carter, I thought I should talk about all of the things that were important to him…those things that we could most easily remember...The things that he loved

As all of you know, this would be a pretty easy list to create….

• His buddies from school (Grant, Steven & Drew & Peyton)
• legos
• Soccer ball (or any other sporting equipment)
• Snipe hunting bag (we went camping on the Chattahoochie w/ the boys and while the older two were just a bit scared Carter was busy convincing us all that he had not one, but two snipes in his bag…)
• nerf hoop or a pool cue
• Ga Tech
• Fishing (we had an opportunity to go out on lake Oconee a few weeks ago and in the middle of the hot July afternoon we stopped and let everyone jump in. Carter felt like staying on board, so he and I grabbed a pole & threw out a line that already had a lure on it. On the second cast he reeled in a nice size fish….a catfish. Any of fishermen in the audience will certainly know that it’s uncommon to catch anything in the middle of a hot day…and certainly uncommon to catch a catfish on a lure. I think the good Lord wanted Carter to catch a fish that day…to make him feel a little better about not being able to jump and swim with the other boys.
• Comet

This list could go on…

But you know, as I really thought about this opportunity and like all of you, struggled to find some meaning in this awful war that the Martin’s have been waging for these some 20 months…I realized that the real thing to focus on is not what Carter liked….but instead, to talk about how he has impacted countless lives…to talk about what he taught us. And my friends…whether we realize it or not, we now have a master’s degree in the lessons of love and life…

In two short years this young boy illustrated and personified the character traits we’ve learned about in this book…the traits that our Lord would be proud of. He taught us so much about how we should live…and I mean LIVE as an action verb…

Carter taught us Courage…in his ability to stare pain and even death right in the face and say “bring it on – I’m ready”….or in his readiness to face the difficulties of surgery and then again and again on trip after trip to Egleston for treatment. I remember one day in the hospital during the first of the radiation treatments…Sarah (the dear child life specialist @ Egleston) was there to explain how the radiation mask worked…he wasn’t afraid…he was ready & willing to do what was necessary in this fight…like every good soldier. We even played catch w/a tennis ball in the hall on the way to treatment.

Carter taught us Faith…in his constant belief that God was there with him and would deliver him from this evil. How amazing was it for those who were in this very room on the 15th of August to witness this little boy walking down the aisle to tell the world that Christ was his lord and savior. Faith in action...

Carter taught us Peace…in knowing that he was not afraid to die and that he, in his own words….”was going to a glorious place”. We are somehow supposed to be at peace with our circumstances. Carter knew this, even when the stakes were so high.
Completenesss…Wholeness…Fulfillment

Carter taught us Perseverance in his ability to fight through pain… to lead as normal a life as possible…to go to school…to go bowling w/ his family…to play T-ball & to play w/ his friends.
To continue steadfastly…especially in the face of discouragement

Carter taught us Encouragement…how many times did Leigh Ann share w/ us stories of things Carter had said to ease her mind…to simplify an upcoming difficult decision or just to make her smile. The times he told Scott what a great dad he was and how much he loved him…boy do we all need to do more of that…to encourage someone who needs it even if we’re not having our best day.

Carter taught us to laugh in the face of the unknown and even in the face of pain that for you or I would be unbearable…some of the most special memories for me were at the hospital playing nerf hoop…Carter would get $1 a bucket and on one day alone I think he made about $30 against the Wilsons)

“Bring it on – I’m ready”

Carter taught us how to love…& I’m convinced this is what kept him fighting as he did for these last two weeks…boy did he love his family. Whether it was telling Jon & Merrilee that he “Extremely Loved” them in his last days – words I know you two will never forget…or telling Leigh Ann that he would definitely kiss her on the “kiss cam” if they were @ a ball game together. And then there is the “little brother hall of fame”…where Carter is certainly a charter member. You see Carter had a chance to get the game ball from the Georgia – Ga Southern game. But as the announcer let everyone who was listening to the ballgame that day know…Carter wanted his big brother to have it – because Candler was the UGA fan….and of course because Carter loved him with all his heart. He loved his family dearly and he new when and how to show it.

Look what he taught Leigh Ann….who as any caring mother would do….went to just about the ends of the earth for her little boy….in fighting this fight, in caring for her baby, she became a minister and a witness to us and the countless others she touched through CaringBridge.org-CarterMartin. Through her journal entries, Leigh Ann let us inside her mind, her heart and her soul…she inspired and challenged us….and taught us how to be a faithful servant. – Thank you Leigh Ann. One of her entries (the one entered at the end of one of those terribly dark days.. the one that challenged us all to know God and to trust him, was used as a sermon in a local church…she was witnessing right there…through her pain and through her tears. HOW GOD WAS AT WORK THROUGH ALL OF THIS!

My friend Scott…while I know you are experiencing an ache most of us will never understand…you have continued to be a pillar of faith and of strength. During this unwanted journey you have been an inspiration to me and to many others who have wondered how we would handle such extreme adversity. We can only hope we would possess a fraction of the grace under pressure you have shown. While you already miss him terribly, you know that Carter is out of pain and he is in that “glorious place” where you will see him again and hold his hand again and walk with him again…I’m sure you’ve already talked w/ him about it!

And then there’s Candler…could there have been a better big brother for Carter. Candler, we are so proud of you…of the loving brother, companion, playmate, and champion you’ve been for Carter. He loved you very much and he was proud to call you his brother. You’re parents love you very much too and are they proud of the fine young Christian boy you’ve become. I know you are going to miss Carter…and I know there will be days when you are going to be sad…hopefully during those times Candler, you can think about the fact that he’s no longer in pain….and that he’s running again…scoring goals and telling jokes. Isn’t it great to know that he and Jesus are probably sitting down right now putting together the coolest set of legos ever invented while they look in on us today.

This journey has been hard to describe…hard to understand and certainly hard to believe. At nearly every threshold we’ve crossed together during this fight…I remember thinking – no…can’t be. Not possible. This is someone we know. It can’t happen. But it did. And the path grew more difficult, the light seemed to flicker, things certainly got scarier and we weren’t quite sure what to do. Even as I stand here today, it just doesn’t seem possible. Yet it is. And while we may have crossed our fingers when we prayed for “his will to be done,” this has been God’s Will. And now we are to go-forward knowing that his will has been done…knowing we have to share the story of this remarkable little boy…that we have learned a life full of lessons from one of his angels on Earth. He told us in Phillipians that “we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us”…boy do we need that strength right now!

In Romans 8:38 Paul told us that “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

You know I think this amazing seven-year old boy knew that. Carter Samuel Martin knew that this ugly disease could not separate him from his Lord. He knew he would be waiting for him in heaven and that he would see us all again – this time in a better place. Perhaps this was his greatest lesson of all.

So Carter…while today is a sad day…a day of tears, it is not a day of “good byes” or “so long”…but instead, it’s a day of “catch you later” and “See you Soon”. Thanks for all you taught us and meant to us while you were here. We will cherish those lessons and memories always…at least until we’re making new ones together again in heaven.



More to follow....

We love you all,
Leigh Ann

Thursday, September 16, 2004 10:25pm

There is SO much to tell about Carter's Celebration, but my heart and mind cannot sort through it well enough for it to make any sense on paper. Words fail me now, but after I pull myself back together I will tell you the story of one of the most beautiful days of my life.

The three of us are home alone now, and the silence is nearly deafening....

We love you all,
Leigh Ann

Thursday, September 16, 2004 12:58 AM CDT

Monday, September 13, 2004 2:15pm

Arrangements are as follows:

Visitation
Tuesday, September 14, 2004
4:00pm-8:00pm
A.S. Turner & Sons
2773 North Decatur Road
Decatur, GA 30033

Celebration of Carter's Life
Wednesday, September 15, 2004
11:00am
Briarlake Baptist Church
3715 LaVista Road
Decatur, GA 30033
(404)325-4214

Contributions can be made to two of Carter's favorite places:

Camp Sunshine
1850 Clairmont Road
Decatur, GA 30033
or
The AFLAC Cancer Center at Children's Healthcare of Atlanta
1687 Tullie Circle
Atlanta, GA 30329


_______________________________________
We had him for 7 years, 9 months, and 23 days...

God now has him forever.

Carter died this afternoon at 5:33pm. He fought hard until the very end.

He is now, and will forever be, cancer free.

We will update with the arrangements as soon as they are made.

Love,
Leigh Ann

Saturday, September 4, 2004 4:45pm

Carter is still courageously fighting...

In my heart I beg for him to let go.

Wednesday, September 1, 2004 1:00am

Carter was baptized yesterday here at home by Drew's father, Scott Kindig. It was a beautiful ceremony with family and Carter's four best friends....we could not have asked for anything more precious.

We are living day to day...some days are harder than others, but none of them are easy.

Our hearts are bleeding....

Love,
Leigh Ann

Monday, August 30, 2004 2:00pm

Saturday brought more smiles to Carter's face than I'd seen in a few days...

Grant, Drew, Steven, and Peyton came over to see Carter. They played pool (yes! Carter played pool!), the boys (not Carter) ate pizza and cake, and the moms laughed and cried together.

Carter gave each of them a friendship bracelet (see photo album) that they are all wearing on their right hands. These 5 boys have shared more laughter, love, and memories than most friends do in a lifetime...and they've done it unconditionally. These four precious boys are adults living in little kid's bodies. They are each filled with the Holy Spirit, who is giving them guidance through a situation that they all very much comprehend.

Carter's pain level is still very high, at times. We do seem to have it a bit more under control. He is able to sit up in bed some and is very much his fiesty self. For this we are grateful. We are having some wonderful family time together.

Thanks to all of you who are doing so much for us...food, errrands, gifts, cards, and entries in this guestbook. It is very comforting to know that Carter has touched so many lives.

Love,
Leigh Ann

Saturday, August 28, 2004 8:30pm

As many of you have said in the guest book, "there are no words"....I don't have any either.

Our hearts are breaking as we watch our precious, innocent son endure more suffering than I ever thought humanly possible.

Please pray for comfort and peace for his little tired body.

Love,
Leigh Ann

Thursday, August 26, 2004 2:04 PM CDT

To our dear family and friends,

Carter's pain has continued to steadily increase over the past 2 days. We came into the clinic yesterday morning because the morphine pump at home was just not able to get his pain under control. Areas that we have had radiated in the past are beginning to cause problems again. Since his white count has not recovered, combined with the fact that we know the chemo is just not doing what we need it to do, we have come to some very painful and heartbreaking decisions....ones that no parent should ever have to make.

Carter will not be having any more chemo...there will be no more radiation, no more scans, no more hospital stays....and most importantly, he will soon be pain free.

We will be going home tonight under the care of hospice.

We are not giving up on the hope of a miracle. We are just giving up our reliance on medicine.

We are still giving God plenty of room to provide a miracle for Carter. We know He is able, and our faith still remains strong that He will. I am reminded of what my friend, and fellow cancer mom, Lisa Hanger told me: miracles take place when there is no other hope....

We are so thankful for each one of you. Although we would love to talk to and see each one of you, it just is not possible right now. Please understand when I say that we don't need visitors right now, just prayers. Our family having uninterrupted time together is the only thing of importance to us at this time.

Thank you for continuing to pray for us, and especially for Carter.

Thank you, God, for another day.

Love,
Leigh Ann

Tuesday, August 24, 2004 10:45pm

I know you all have been waiting for an update tonight...it has been a very long day.

There isn't much to tell at this point. The CT scan that was done today of his right side did not show any new tumor activity. However, Carter is in a tremendous amount of pain which tells us there is something going on...just too early to tell. He may have an MRI later this week to investigate the area further. The pain in his right temple has gone away, but there is new pain in his right knee.

It has been an emotionally draining day for us. I sit and think about the unfairness of all this and it is just too much for my brain to absorb. I cannot imagine what must run through Carter's mind when he has days like this. It is difficult to watch his suffering when we can do nothing except push the little button on the morphine pump to ease his pain.

His counts are still extremely low. Without a white count he cannot have chemo. Pray hard.

Love,
Leigh Ann

Monday, August 23, 2004 10:00pm

We have once again been hit with the cold, hard hand of reality.....Carter's cancer isn't gone, it's growing.

The tumor at his right temple is causing problems again, and there is a new area of concern on his right side near his lower rib cage. He is back on the morphine pump now with a very low dose being infused each hour. He is sleeping comfortably.

Tomorrow we go for CT scan, chest x-ray, and ultrasound to find out exactly what we are dealing with this time. Radiation is very probable tomorrow as well. He will also have a blood transfusion. He had platelets today at the clinic because they were less than 10...Friday they were 31. His white count has also dropped since Friday, which isn't what we had been hoping and praying for. We need his counts to come back strongly in the other direction. Please pray that this will happen!

We are walking a tight rope right now....

Carter, of course, is being the champ that he always is. I can always count on him to pull US through.

Carter needs his miracle.....

Thank you, God, for another day.

Love,
Leigh Ann

Saturday, August 21, 2004 1:00pm

I just realized that I have not updated this site!!! Always remember that no news is good news!

I hope that gives everyone a good indication of how things have been around here....it's been absolutely great!!

We have chalked Carter's sickness up to just a regular ol' stomach bug. (Other kids at Providence have come down with it, too). Sounds good, doesn't it? It also sounds kinda crazy to be happy about a stomach bug, but for people like us, regular sicknesses are a blessing.

Carter attended school for the remainder of the week. He was tired at the end of the day yesterday, and got a great night's sleep last night.

Candler is off at Camp Sunshine sibling camp for the weekend. Carter is really excited about having mom and dad all to himself, but was a bit jealous that Candler got to go to camp and he didn't. He was quick to remind Candler that he only got to stay for the weekend whereas he got an entire week. Brothers.....I love that everyday, run-of-the-mill arguing. It is a good sign when Carter is up to the challenge of arguing with Candler! We'll take every minute of it.

Carter is feeling great, so that means we are, too. I told a friend yesterday that I feel like someone has stolen my "other life"...the one where Carter's pain dominates all aspects of our life...mentally, physically, and mostly, emotionally. God has SO taken it off of our shoulders over the past two weeks.

We will return to the clinic on Monday for counts. They are SLOWLY beginning to rebound. Our prayer for the week would be for his counts to comeback in a mighty way, so that he will be able to have his next round of chemo on schedule (Monday, Aug. 30).

Carter's baptism will take place on Sunday, Aug. 29 at Briarlake Baptist Church!! We are thrilled beyond words for the decision Carter made to spend eternity in heaven with his savior!

Please continue to pray for Carter's miracle.

Thank you, God, for another day.

Love,
Leigh Ann

Tuesday, August 17, 2004 10:00PM

We got home from the hospital today around 3:00pm....

Carter is fine, just tired.

That's all the energy I have for tonight....

Thank you, God, for another day.

Love,
LA

Monday, August 16, 2004 9:00pm

For those of you who have not already heard, Carter is in the hospital.....a far cry from the joy of yesterday, but we're okay. To be in the hospital and it NOT be for pain, is quite wonderful.

He vomited at school today (I was already on the way to pick him up to go to the hospital for counts when they called me.) He threw up in the car on the way, and when we got to the clinic he began throwing up blood. I must say it totally freaked me out! That is one thing that we have not had happen yet, and when I saw it, it scared me really, really, bad. None of the nurses seemed too alarmed, however, when I came screaming out into the hallway in front of the nurses' station! That did make me feel better that no one came running in with machines, medicines, or doctors in tow.

They decided to keep him overnight for observation (Carter and I were both happy about that). He actually threw up blood only twice, and has not thrown up at all since around 5:00 this afternoon. Right now he is sleeping like a baby.

The blood could be from several different sources...the most likely one is that this is simply a "normal kid's" stomach virus that made him throw up violently, and the blood could be coming from irritation to the esophagus (where there could be mouth sores that could be bleeding from his extremely low platelet count). It could also be that there was some blood in his stomach from those same esophagus sores that he could have swallowed, and his body was trying to rid itself of that blood. If it continues they will have to investigate further. I don't think it's anything though.....only a bug. I told Carter today that he is more likely to be the first one to pick up such illnesses in his classroom, and that if it really is a bug, then others will start coming down with it, too. So, first grade parents, be on the lookout!!

I expect us to be outta here by tomorrow!

Please pray for his speedy recovery!!

Love,
Leigh Ann

Saturday, August 14, 2004 3:00pm

SUNDAY, August 15, 2004 10:00pm

Things just couldn't get any BETTER around here...we have more good news to share!! In church this morning, Carter made his profession of faith before the entire congregation!! With his mom, dad and brother right along side of him, Carter declared his love for Jesus, and his desire for eternal life, this morning at Briarlake Baptist Church! I don't think there was a dry eye in the house!

We know that Carter had accepted Jesus as his Lord and Savior many months ago while praying with Candler, but he was very nervous, however, about standing up in front of "everyone" at church and making it public. Today was different. He felt good. He felt confident...he knew today was THE day. It was a moment that will remain etched in our hearts forever.

This afternoon after lunch, Carter asked if we could go climb Stone Mountain. Of course we said yes!! It has been quite some time since we have seen his energy and enthusiasm levels this high. This child is floating right now, appreciating every moment of "feel good" time that he has been given. We'll take every minute of health that He gives us and run with it!

It was a perfect ending to our perfect weekend! God has so richly blessed us.

Thank you, God, for the gift of eternal life....so that we will never have to be forever separated from the ones we love that also love You.

Thank you, God, for this most glorious day.

Love,
Leigh Ann

P.S. The new school shoes are out and ready for tomorrow....

_______________________________________
Saturday, August 14
Well, Friday the 13th certainly was a great ending to the perfect week for us!! Hope you were as lucky!!

Carter completed his first week with flying colors towards that Perfect Attendance award!! Aside from having chemo Monday through Thursday afternoons, it was a very normal week. We are so thankful to God for answered prayers!! The week has been pain free, as well. Thursday after chemo we put the morphine pump away and he hasn't needed it since....he is still wearing the fentanyl patch for pain, although I don't think he's having any at all. Maybe this is the start of God's miracle of healing for our Carter!

He felt so well that he spent the night out with Grant Brondyke last night (one of his best buddies from school)! I sent oral morphine just in case, but he didn't need it. Scott and I went out with our friends Monte and Jill Wilson since Candler was invited to spend the night out, too, with his friend Nick Hooper. Luckily the Brondykes and Hoopers live in the same neighborhood....and the Wilson's already had a babysitter for their boys when I called to tell them we were childless for the night and asked could they join us for dinner! The whole night was orchestrated by God, as He knew Scott and I needed some special time. We had our "anniversary celebration" dinner one week late with two of our very best friends.

It was a perfect night, a perfect week....

Please make sure to read in today's AJC the article on the front page of the Living Section about Tommy Glavine's role in helping our kids...he is an incredible man with such a giving heart. His wife, Chris, is equally as loving. The awareness (and dollars) they are bringing to help in finding a cure for cancer is quite remarkable. We continue to pray for Tommy's speedy recovery from the taxi accident earlier this week in New York! To Tommy and Chris...we are eternally grateful for what you have done. It is our sincere hope that through your generosity and determination that other little 7 year old kids like Carter and Will don't ever have to hear the words Ewing's Sarcoma...or any other form of childhood cancer.

Thank you, God, for another day, and for the Glavines. I know they will be richly blessed for their compassionate hearts.

Love,
Leigh Ann

Tuesday, August 10, 2004 8:40pm

I think you will be able to tell from the new photos posted in the album that Carter (and Candler) had a great first day of school!! Everything went perfect and Carter was so very happy. We could not have asked for anything better than for him to spend the day with his friends doing something "normal."

After school we rushed over to the hospital for chemo, raced home, ate dinner, and hurried off to bed just in time to get up and do it all over again tomorrow. He is pretty tired, but is sleeping soundly now. We are prayerful for another good night's sleep for him.

Thank you all for your prayers that helped get us to this all important day. As I have said before, every time we get a taste of normal it leaves us wanting more....now we are praying for pain-free school days for the rest of the week!

On the way home from the hospital tonight Carter was continuing to chat about his wonderful day at school and told me that this year he was trying for a "Perfect Attendance" award.....aim high, sweet boy, aim high!

Thank you, God, for this glorious day filled with normalcy.

Love,
Leigh Ann

Monday, August 9, 2004 10:15pm

Carter looked so handsome in his shoes today....

Once again, proof that nothing is too small (or too big) for HIM!

Thank you, God, for THIS day.

Love,
Leigh Ann

Sunday, August 8, 2004 12:10pm

SUNDAY 9:50pm

We are home from the hospital, yet with everything we had to bring here with us our house looks like the hospital....

Carter is feeling better. We have just put him in our bed, oxygen and morphine going strong....we are prayerful for a great night's sleep for him, as he has not slept soundly in 2 nights. We even had to wake him before we left the hospital..he had fallen asleep watching a movie with me and Candler while a unit of blood was finishing up.

I just came from putting some things away in Carter's room, and noticed his Nike shoe box sitting there on the floor by his chest of drawers. We bought new school shoes a couple of weeks ago. Carter had placed the box of "the coolest shoes ever" there himself, waiting patiently for the first day of school to wear them. As I took the shoes out of the box to look at them, I was reminded of how carefully these shoes were selected (we had to go to 3 stores)....and I proceeded to fall apart.

I could definitely take a lesson or two from Carter in the area of patience. I want God's miracle for Carter and I want it NOW!
_______________________________________



Sunday 12:10pm
We had to bring Carter to the hospital for admission last night because of uncontrollable pain and low-grade fever.

Friday we had begun to wean him from the pump, but that afternoon the pain started again. This time in the center of his back...right where we know the tumors are. Up until now they have not given us any problems. We went from weaning back to his original dose, 2.5 mg per hour with a break through pain bolus of 2.0mg every six minutes. The only problem was that by Saturday afternoon, the pain was so intense that he reached his 4-hour lockout dose of 40mg...a lot of morphine.

The pain intensified into Saturday afternoon, so homehealth came (our sweet nurse, Deborah) to turn the pump up even more....still it did not keep him comfortable. By this time we were at 3.5mg per hour with a bolus of 2.5mg. Once we got to that level, Dr. Katzenstein was not comfortable (nor was I) increasing the dose without him being monitored. It can lower his blood pressure, oxygen in his blood, etc. That, combined with the fever brought us in last night.

Carter is receiving his chemo right now, one day early, in hopes of bringing some pain control. He is on a small amount of oxygen also, since his morphine dose is so high. His oxygen saturation levels always drop when he has a lot of morphine. He is still on the fentanyl patches, too.

Candler and I have just gotten back from the hospital this morning (or afternoon, whatever it is) and the pain is spreading. The primary pain on Friday was his lower spine, middle of his back, sternum, and under his right shoulder blade. Now the pain seems to be spreading to his legs, left shoulder blade...let's just face it....it's everywhere and there doesn't seem to be anything we can do to stop it.

We are hopeful and prayerful that he can leave the hospital today after chemo. The Cytoxan can have some pretty immediate effects (or it used to)....you never know what will happen going back to a drug that cancer has seen before. If his pain is manageable and we can get him off of the oxygen then we will go home. If not, hopefully in the morning in time to go to the drop-in day at school. He will be crushed if he doesn't get to go. He has missed so much...I know that drop-in day isn't a big deal to most, but it is when you've missed on out as much as he has.

He just wants to be a little boy. God, please give him this one small wish.

Please pray for Carter's miracle.

Thank you, God, for another day.

Love,
Leigh Ann

P.S. To Jill, Claire, and Sydney...thanks for the surprise on Friday night. The smiles, laughter, and tears were ALL needed. You are the definition of true friends.

Happy Anniversary to my wonderful husband...12 years ago today we said, "I do." Although we never thought our child having cancer would be a part of the "for better or worse" vows that we took....without those vows there never would've been a Carter or Candler and that's something I can't imagine our lives without. I do love you....it's been a hard road, but I'm reminded of what Carter said...."cancer can't touch love."

Thursday, August 5, 2004 11:15pm

Carter has not had any additional pain since early Wednesday morning. He had radiation, as scheduled, on Wednesday. Since the pain stopped the radiation oncologists did not feel any more radiation would be necessary at this time. We pray that he will remain pain free. We are now in the process of weaning him off of the morphine pump. Hopefully, if all goes well he will be off on Saturday. Then I can de-access his port and he can go swimming on Saturday. His old prosthetic has been "refurbished" to serve as a swimming leg...Carter isn't fond of the stares he gets from people when at the pool (not that we've been more than 2 or 3 times this whole summer). Don't people teach their kids anymore that it's not polite to stare? We (he) would much rather someone come and ask him about his leg than to have blank stares from kids (and lots of adults).

On a happier note, Carter has been officially released from his cardiologist as of today! Dr. Dooley said he had the heart of any other normal kid! Wow...cross one dr. appointment off the calendar! Dr. Dooley has been wonderful and we will miss seeing his smiling face.

We don't have much planned for the weekend. Carter and Candler, along with Scott, and Granddaddy Martin are playing in the father-son golf tournament at the Atlanta Athletic Club tomorrow afternoon. They are all really excited about it. Candler played several years ago with Scott, but Carter has never gotten to do it before...he's quite a good little golfer (Candler, too!)! After the cookout tomorrow night, we are off into "isolation" for the weekend! We are looking forward to just being together and staying HOME before our big week begins next week. Carter's chemo will run Monday thru Friday...only 5 days!

Carter is very excited about school starting next week (Candler is not...except for the social part). They both have wonderful teachers...Carter has the same teacher for 2nd grade as Candler did (Mrs. Evans). Mrs. Evans had Candler when this whole thing started with Carter 2 years ago. She became like a part of our family, and was a big part of Candler's transition into "the world in which we now live." I can't believe Candler will be in 4th grade...we are looking forward to a great year with his new teacher, Mrs. Miller.

I ask that you continue to pray for Carter's miracle, but there are so many more. I ask for special prayers tonight for our friend, Victoria, who is in the hospital now and is really sick. The names and needs are endless. Thank God tonight that you have healthy children. Don't let one single day go by that you take it for granted.

Also please pray for Scott and me...we are both having difficulty sleeping at night, which makes for a really difficult tomorrow.

Thank you, God, for another day.

Love,
Leigh Ann

Tuesday, August 3, 2004 10:30am

Carter began radiation again yesterday. It will continue today and tomorrow. We are hoping to alleviate his pain, as he is still on a significant amount of morphine.

Next week we will go back to the chemo he had prior to Irinotecan (Topotecan/Cytoxan). These drugs will make his counts bottom out again, which means more hospital visits, more hospital stays, and more transfusions. The Irinotecan simply didn't get the job done. We had some pretty good results from the Topo/Cy for a while (until the neck tumor grew through it). Hopefully it will make a more dramatic impact this time. His chemo will start every day after school next week. I told the nurses yesterday that he was NOT missing his first week of school.

We certainly don't want Carter to have hospital stays, but we don't have much of a choice. There aren't any other drugs that are as mild as Irinotecan on the bone marrow. He will lose the little bit of hair that had started to grow back....he will be sad when he loses it again.

His courage and strength continue to amaze us. In the midst of such pain, yesterday in the car on the way home from Candler's karate lesson (Carter didn't want to miss Candler's first class as a new green belt) Carter asked me if I was all right. He began to tell me he was worried about me and he wanted to make sure that I was ok....he had noticed that Mommy's eyes had been red and swollen for most of the day.

Yesterday was quite the emotional day for me. At every turn, my tears began to flow...for the sadness, as well as the happiness of our situation; for what we've lost and what we've gained. I know that must sound crazy to some of you, but we are now a family who loves each other deeper, we have more fun together, and we appreciate with all of our hearts the time we have with each other. In Carter's words, "Cancer is evil, and there's no way cancer could touch love." He is so wise beyond his years.

We are guarding our time together...please know that all of you who have called, we do get the messages but just can't get back to you. We thank you for ALL that you are doing. I'm not sure where we'd be right now without you.

God, we really need Carter's miracle. It's becoming a cry of desperation.

Thank you, God for another day to hear my son say, "Mom, I love you to heaven and back and there's nothing higher than heaven."

Love,
Leigh Ann

Friday, July 30, 2004 5:00PM

SUNDAY UPDATE......
CHECK OUT THE NEW PICS IN THE PHOTO ALBUM!

Last night the boys had an incredible experience! They got to meet Tom Glavine at the Braves/Mets game! Candler said, "You mean I'm gonna get to meet one of the greatest pitchers of all time?" Carter's response, like everything else, was "cool."

We were guests of the Glavines...our friends the Hennessy's know Tommy and Chris Glavine, and arranged for all of this to happen. We were joined by the Vassils...friens of the Hennessy's who also have a son who is battling cancer. We were so happy to have finally met them. Please keep their son, Andrew, in your prayers.

Tommy and Chris are avid supporters for helping raise awareness (and funds) for finding a cure for childhood cancer. They have been wonderful...there are many more things to come from them in the near future. We are so thankful to the Glavines for putting their name behind such a worthy cause.

When we met Tommy last night, he said to Carter was, "Hey buddy..I want you to know that we pray for you every night." In the few minutes we talked to him you could tell right away what a "normal" person he is. I know we get caught up in the hype of superstar athletes and such, but Tom Glavine is not only a superstar. He is a dad who realizes how fortunate he is to have healthy children. He and Chris are wonderful people. We are so fortunate to have met them. I thank God for everything they are continuing to do.

As for Carter, the pain has started again in his head. Home health came out at 1:00am this morning to dial his pump up again. I do believe he will be getting more cranial radiation tomorrow.

I will update tomorrow with any additional news.

Love,
Leigh Ann


FRIDAY UPDATE
Shout with JOY to the Lord all the earth! Our Heavenly Father has delivered yet another miracle!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THERE ARE NO NEW TUMORS ON CARTER'S SPINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The tumors that were there before are still there, but there is no new growth, no new soft tissue masses, and his nerves are clean! The existing tumors, at this time, do not require any radiation!! Today Carter has not had ANY numbness in his arm or legs. The doctors will continue to watch that very closely.

For now we will take our good news and cherish it for the weekend. Monday will bring new decisions as to the next step of treatment. We still have a long way to go. Carter will have his last dose of cranial radiation tomorrow morning.

We are standing in awe of His greatness and thank Him for revealing Himself today in a mighty way.

Thank you for your prayers.
Thank you for believing.
Thank you for being with us every step of the way.

Thank you, God, for Your miracle today....

Love,
Leigh Ann

Wednesday, July 28, 2004 10:15pm

It seems that at every turn there is more bad news...more cancer...more tears...more disbelief that this is actually happening. But with every hit, we find more love, more faith, and more reliance on God to perform His miracle.

Carter had an emergency MRI yesterday afternoon. At 3:30am Tuesday morning he woke up with severe head pain (on his right side just above the temple). We gave him morphine and he fell back asleep immediately. We called Dr. Katzenstein at 9:30 (after another dose of morphine) and he arranged for the MRI. Home health came out to administer chemo, and also brought the portable PCA pump for his morphine. This seemed to help some, but he was in a lot of pain yesterday.

Carter has also been experiencing, for a week now, numbness and tingling in his left arm, the roof of his mouth, and his right sinus area just below his eye. The dr’s. were well aware of this, but had no medical explanation at the time. Now we know. More cancer...as if there was ever a doubt in my mind all along that that’s what it was.

There is a covering between the skull and the brain (I don’t know how to spell what it’s called)…..there is disease in Carter’s on the inside of this covering. They do not know if it is growing towards the brain yet. There is also a tumor in the bone between his nose and eye on the right side. This is why he has been having numbness. It all makes sense, but still it makes no sense at all.

How frightening it must be for him to feel trapped in a body that is not functioning as God intended. He must wonder what is happening to him, or does he? He doesn’t know or remember any other way. He cannot possibly remember what it feels like to REALLY feel GOOD. His body is tired, but his spirit isn’t.

Carter knows about the new areas of cancer. He knows that he may die. He told me today that he still wants to keep fighting. We have to somehow pick ourselves up and gear up again for the battle against this enemy that refuses to recede and give us ANY sort of break.

Cranial radiation begins tomorrow. A 2-hour MRI of his spine will take place on Friday. Yes, there are tumors there, too, we just don’t know where or how many yet. As of a few hours ago he is also having numbness in his right leg, and his left arm is almost useless to him. This is a result of tumors in the spine pressing on nerves (cancer mom’s experienced, educated guess...sorry to say that I am usually right). Hopefully there will not be too much disease progression for radiation of the spinal area. We could be told that it’s just too far along for it to be of any help. God, please don’t let this be the case.

Right now, Carter is as angelic as ever. My mother-in-law said tonight that “angels are around him, holding him up.” They are around all of us, as we could not be shouldering this unbearable situation alone. I can’t imagine anything in life that could be worse right now than not knowing the Lord. I pray that those of you who are reading this and do not know Him will hand over your life to Him. He is the only Way. Our paths are lighted by His amazing grace, and His abounding love...even in the midst of this horrific nightmare. I know He is there, even in times like this when Satan lets the doubt creep into my mind.

Jeanine Allen is a dear friend of our family who is battling cancer from head to toe. She has taken me in, so to speak, and I will never forget something she said to me at our very first meeting. She said, “Leigh Ann, if having cancer has brought one more person to the Lord then it will have all been worth it.” What a woman of incredible faith and love. Thank you, Jeanine, for being such a wonderful role model and mentor to me. I hope one day that I have 1/10 of the strength that you do.

Even when circumstances do not seem so, He is, and already has performed so many miracles for Carter. In February when we were told that Carter had relapsed, never in my dreams would I have thought that we would still have him today. Never did we think he would have made it to Camp Sunshine in June. We have been given the most precious of all gifts...time. Please don’t ever take it for granted. It’s here today, and the next thing you know tomorrow you’re in danger of losing it.

For now this is all we know. One day at a time, sometimes one hour at a time...we’re still here, Carter’s still here, and we’re fighting.

Please continue to pray for Carter’s miracle.

Thank you, God, for another day, another smile, another hug and kiss, another “I love you, Mom.” For now, that’s all I need...just one more day.

Love,
Leigh Ann

Monday, July 26, 2004 10:45pm

I've just finished checking on "all my kids" for the evening, and I am really in a I HATE CANCER mood. It's so easy to cry why you read all of their stories...many of them I don't know personally, but I feel that they are a part of my life. It's a lot easier to get mad. I get so angry on behalf of all of these children...mine included....who have just gotten accustomed to "this is life." Most of them don't remember their lives before cancer....(I hardly remember my own life before Carter was diagnosed.) These children have to be accepting of their situations...what is their other choice? I get on this computer night after night and read story after story of parents who have lost their children to cancer, or they are about to lose them and they know it.....it's just not fair, it's just not right.

We tried to enjoy our weekend...there were many activities, many fun things we enjoyed with friends and family, but no matter what you do, no matter where you are, it's always there in the back of your mind, ripping into your heart, tearing deep into your soul. You can't enjoy ANYTHING to it's fullest. It's oftentimes like I am going through motions that my body is pushing me to do, but my mind is clueless as to why.

I want to scream and make it all go away, but it's useless. Right now we just pray that we will enjoy life to it's fullest for Carter, and for the rest of our family. We pray, and we pray, and we pray......we pray that Carter (and all of the others) will be healed of this awful disease. Soooooo many are in need of God's miracles. Please join us in going before the Lord for them all. They are so loved, just like our Carter is loved by so many.

We are having chemo for the remainder of the week. Next week will be an off week and will be a HUGE week for Carter....did the radiation work?

Please continue to pray for Carter's miracle.

Thank you, God, for another day.

Love,
Leigh Ann

Wednesday, July 21, 2004 1:25pm

We came home from the hospital last night...thank goodness.

Yesterday at noon we went over to Emory for radiation. Our radiation oncologist had been in discussions with Dr. Katzenstein that morning, and together they decided to radiate the entire pelvic area (the tumor was also in the right pelvis, as well) and the right proximal femur. The area is very large.

Of course there are side effects. The radiation will include his intestines, so severe diarrhea could be a problem. We are already dealing with that side effect from the Irinotecan. Other future side effects can include new malignant tumors (of a different type), growth retardation, and sterility. We hope that we will have to worry about such problems....

Today at radiation the dr. told us that they have decided to only do two doses right now. After yesterday's dose, Carter's pain was much better...however, it is difficult to tell what is making him feel better...the morphine? the chemo? chemo and radiation together? They decided to begin weaning him off of the morphine today to find out. (He is ready to begin weaning since his pain is better). They had originally thought 10 days of radiation since the area was so massive, but changed their minds given his immediate response. She said they can go back immediately and begin radiation again if his pain returns. She said they did not want to "burn any bridges." Ewing's does have a very good response (death) to radiation....they want to "save" as much as they can and keep using it in other areas if needed.

The home health nurse is here right now administering chemo and she will reduce the PCA morphine before she leaves. Chemo will continue for the rest of this week and next. Carter will go to the clinic on Friday for blood counts. This much radiation will be very toxic on his bone marrow. We will also meet with Dr. Katzenstein to decide "what happens next" if the radiation doesn't have any lasting effects.

Everything new that happens sheds a little more light on the reality of what we are facing with Carter. I think that for so long now I have stayed in a state of denial since Carter has done so well....also, to deal with the things we have been told seem too unreal to possibly let them enter your mind. I am in no way giving up hope that God will heal Carter, but we are human beings with feelings...feelings that are difficult to ignore. And, as difficult as it may be, we have to prepare ourselves mentally for the road ahead...whatever it may be.

God, he needs Your miracle now.

Love,
Leigh Ann

Monday, July 19, 2004 8:05PM

We have discovered that the pain Carter is having is due to new tumor growth in his left pelvis, lower spine, and right leg. We knew this in our hearts to be true, but our worst fears were confirmed today with a bone scan.

We will spend tonight in the hospital and tomorrow radiation will begin again. Pain control is the issue at hand tonight...comfort for him is our only concern at this point. He has already had his chemo for today...hopefully that will help.

I am back off to the hospital now. Please pray for strength for our family, and for Carter to keep fighting the fight.

Remember to pray for Carter's miracle.

Thank you, God, for another day.

Love,
Leigh Ann

P.S. We are in no condition for visitors right now...please just keep us in your prayers.

Saturday, July 17, 2004 1:12AM

Carter's pain is back, and is intense this time. He also is running a fever. We took him in to the clinic today to make sure he was not neutropenic (he wasn't). We are waiting until Monday to start chemo. We have a pain management plan already in place for the weekend should the oral morphine not be effective.

This evening was, by far, one of the worst ones we've had. At bedtime Carter said that his back was beginning to hurt. Before I could get downstairs to get the medicine, he was screaming in pain. When I got back up to him, Scott and Candler were in our bed with him, Candler trying desperately to console his little brother while under his breath questioning, "why does all of this have to happen to Carter?"

This disease is pure evil....I have watched it in the last 24 hours wreck havoc on my sweet baby's chemo-deprived body...waiting only to be kept at bay again when the chemo begins on Monday. Carter has gone from happy and "stable" to pitiful in a moment's time. The only choice this cancer gives me is to sit back and watch. As for Carter...I can hold him, kiss him, hug him, and love him with all that I am....I just can't make it all go away. How I wish God would do that for me..for us..for Carter..for the whole world to see.

Please pray that we will get better results from the chemo than "just keeping it at bay."
Please pray that a new drug becomes available for Carter (we know of a study that he may be eligible for very soon).
Please continue to pray for Carter's miracle.
Please pray for all of the other miracles that are needed by other children and their families...there are WAY too many.

Thank you, God, for another day.

Love,
Leigh Ann

Wednesday, July 14, 2004 11:20am

I neglected to mention in previous updates that Carter has been taken off of all heart medication. We saw his cardiologist the week after Camp Sunshine and his heart no longer requires digoxin to make it function properly! Praise God, another answered prayer. Carter is thrilled to be down to only 2 medications...his daily synthroid for his hypothyroidism and Bactrim 3 days a week to help prevent pneumonia in immumo-suppressed children.

Carter's pain has started again....same spot in his back (lower left side) with some additional pain on the lower right side this time. Scott just brought him home from the clinic...his counts are good. There is some talk that we will begin chemo earlier than Monday since his counts have rebounded. There is also some talk about doing radiation to this area that seems to just "keep coming back."

I have to say the pain has not been as bad as before....thank goodness. There is also a chance that the GCSF shots he is on are causing some of the bone pain. The GCSF boosts his white count. We give it post-chemo until his counts come back up. With the Irinotecan his counts don't get as low as with previous drugs, so the GCSF may be causing some of the problems. They told us to stop the GCSF as of yesterday. We'll see if there's any effect. I don't think that's the reason, however. I am used to the symptoms that he has with pain...it's been the same way all along. Last time the pain went away immediately after chemo began...that can only mean one thing.

His spirits are high these days, as he has had some visits from his best friends...Will, Grant, and Drew. These boys are gifts from God and they have such a way of bringing him up when he is down. Even through the pain last evening he wanted to be up playing pool...kinda strange, huh? I know God is working on him....helping the pain to stay under control this time, and working ever so hard on the miracle for His precious Carter. I know it's His timing, but I sure do wish He'd hurry up.

A friend reminded me the other day that God performs miracles when all other hope is lost...we are very close to putting it all on HIM!

Please continue to pray for Carter's miracle.

Thank you, God, for another day.

Love,
Leigh Ann

Friday, July 9, 2004 12:50pm

I have had several requests for a picture of Carter pre-diagnosis...this one was taken approximately 4 months before January 17, 2003.

This round of chemo is finally over. We get a week and a day off until the next one. Home health worked out really well for us...hopefully the trend can continue into the next round. Carter's side effects from the chemo have not been as bad this time with the Irinotecan as they were last time. He just gets tired SO easily and likes to sleep a lot.

We are watching the summer days fly by ever so quickly, and we're trying to squeeze in a little fun when we can.

Hope you all are enjoying your time together, too.

Please continue to pray for Carter's miracle.

Thank you, God for another day.

Love,
Leigh Ann

Monday, July 5, 2004 11:10pm

We decided to run the Irinotecan over 10 days instead of 5 this time...hopefully we will see some better results for pain control. Thankfully, home healthcare is coming to our house every day this week to administer the drugs instead of us going into the clinic daily. I know this will work out better for all of us. Especially Carter...the endless trips to the hospital make him so tired.

Carter did have some fun this weekend and seemed to be a bit more "cheerful." Will Hennessy came over Saturday morning...we went to the movies, bowling, and Will spent the night. It was great for the boys to be together. I know they have missed being together after spending an entire week at Camp Sunshine with each other.

It is starting to be a bit harder for me to be "cheerful" after each setback that hits us. Carter is taking longer to bounce back, and so am I. My nerves and emotions are shot. I try to remain strong and positive for Carter's sake and save my breakdowns for when I am alone. That's getting harder. Not that I ever thought this was going to get any easier. I just look at him sometimes and wonder how this could possibly be happening to my baby...and why? I wonder what he would've been like if all this hadn't happened...what would he look like and how much would he have grown? I wake up in the middle of the night sometimes and for a minute I think everything's ok. Then I remember that everything isn't.

We need strength in the Martin house. Please pray for all of us.

Please continue to pray for Carter's miracle.

Thank you, God, for another day.

Love,
Leigh Ann

Tuesday, June 29, 2004 9:00pm

Thank God for chemotherapy....it seems to be the only thing that is able to take away Carter's pain.

We went into the clinic yesterday to begin this next round. Carter had an extrememly rough time most of the day. He battled fevers on and off through the weekend...Monday am it reached 103.1. All day at the clinic he was given morphine for the horrific pain he was in. We even debated spending the night at the hospital last night but Carter decided he wanted to come home. Evidently the chemo went to work right away because he has not had any pain since he finished at 4:00pm yesterday afternoon. Thank God for chemotherapy.

There is some debate as to how this round of chemo will continue. Instead of infusing it over 5 days, there is some talk about doing it over 10. We would take a break over the weekend and then begin again on Monday. The hope is to buy some more "pain free" time between rounds. It would mean more daily trips to the clinic, but we can handle that if Carter can enjoy some more time off of morphine and fentanyl patches. It is scary to watch what those drugs do to his body. How crazy does that sound? The chemo is pure poison...how much more scary could that be?

The past few days have been very difficult both emotionally and physically for us. Carter, however, continues to bounce back and amaze us all. He does have a little excitement in his life though....one of his counselors from Camp Sunshine, Zach, who is actually a counselor in training, has become quite the buddy to Carter. Carter asked if they could be "e-mail buddies"...sweet Zach naturally said yes. I cannot express the excitement that Carter has in communicating back and forth with him. Did I mention also that Zach is a survivor? What an inspiration he has been for Carter. Zach, you are one great young man!

Please continue to pray for Carter's miracle.

Thank you, God, for another day.

Love,
Leigh Ann

Sunday, June 27, 2004 2:00am

I’ve never experienced a higher “high” or lower “low” than I did today.

Carter’s time at Camp Sunshine was, in his own words, “the best time of my life.” To his counselors Scott, Tony, and Zach: I could never express my gratitude to you for you giving your time, ALL of your energy, and most importantly your unconditional love to Carter. The three of you made a clear and definite impression on him in only six short days. Lord willing, he will be a counselor at Camp Sunshine one day, and will make a difference in the lives of young boys like you have made in his. He will never forget you and his first summer at Camp Sunshine.

Upon arriving at camp this morning to pick him up, the dr. told us that Carter has been on pain medication for 24 hours. The pain was controllable and Carter did not ask for us, so they did not call us to come get him. I think that by this time Carter had made up his mind that he was not going to leave camp and miss the last night of fun with his friends and counselors. As usual he put on his game face and toughed it out, knowing we would be there the following morning.

After we left camp (he did not want to leave Zach) he fell asleep on the way home from pure exhaustion. He went back to bed at 11:00am and we both woke up at 3:30pm. The pain, combined with fever, started again so we went to the hospital ER late this afternoon. They checked his counts and gave him morphine through his port and sent us home. Carter had already decided he was not staying. Thank goodness Dr. Chu agreed. We are anxious for Monday to come so that chemo can begin. That seems to be the best pain control of all.

Camp Sunshine was the best medicine of all. I think he actually forgot he had cancer for a day or two. At camp he could be himself…fake leg and all. He was just one of the boys… hanging out with other kids like himself who are just happy to be there and away from the hospital and dr’s., while having “the best time of their lives.”

Carter told me there were lots of other kids with “new” legs. “Almost everyone has one,” he said. I think that was one of the best parts for him…no one took special notice of his. That’s what Camp Sunshine is all about. It’s about fake legs, bald heads and wheelchairs. It’s about laughter and tears. It’s about cancer survivors and remembering those who didn’t survive. It’s about people with giant hearts who give…and give…and give… It’s about kids with cancer…”new” legs are no big deal.

Please pray that his pain will stop and that we will not have to go to the hospital until Monday. Chemo will be Mon-Fri. Carter sees his caridologist on Thursday, and also will be getting his "new" leg. This will be his third appointment for this new leg...there is so much involved in having it made. It would be so much easier if we could go to the store and buy one that was just his size!

Love,
Leigh Ann

Wednesday, June 23, 2004 10:00am

We got "the call" last night from Camp Sunshine!! Carter is doing great and having a wonderful time. Monday night he impressed everyone with his throwing arm by dunking people in the dunk tank, and Tuesday he was playing water volleyball in the pool....sounds like all is super!!

Super except for one thing....they had to send a child home yesterday in Carter's age group with a suspected case of chicken pox. Chicken pox and immuno-compromised children do not go together. Carter will have a shot today to aid in him not contracting the virus (please pray that he doesn't...we do not need that setback). Yes, he had the CP vaccine when he was younger, but that does not do him any good given his situtaion. Next week at the clinic (and for several more weeks) he will be in isolation. This simply means that when we go for outpatient chemo we will not have to sit in the infusion room and listen to 12 tv's at the same time, all on different channels!!

I am a little disappointed that he will have a shot (although shots don't phase him at all anymore)....I was so hoping for a shot free, hassle free week for him. I know it is by God's infinte grace that he is there this week, but once you have a taste of "normal life" again, it leaves you hungry for more.

I will update again after we bring him home on Saturday.

Love,
LA

Monday, June 21, 2004 2:00pm

Yesterday we went with the Hennessy's to take Carter and Will to Camp Sunshine!!! It is answered prayer that Carter is there...thank you for always remembering to pray for him.

He was very excited (but a little quiet) when we left him. The week that is awaiting him will be full of new adventures and new friends. He will regain some of the independence that was so abundant in him before this all started. I think I am most happy (for him) about that.

I feel as if part of "me" is missing today, as it has been quite some time since he has been away from me.

I will update when we hear from his counselor...(just to let us know how he is doing.)

Love,
Leigh Ann

Saturday, June 12, 2004 1:20pm

6:45pm
I copied this from another Caringbridge website...these are words to live by:

Just for this morning, I am
going to step over the laundry,
and pick you up and take you to the park to
play.

Just for this morning, I will
leave the dishes in the sink,
and let you teach me how to put that puzzle
of yours together.

Just for this afternoon, I will
unplug the telephone and
keep the computer off, and sit with you in the
backyard and blow bubbles.

Just for this afternoon, I will
not yell once, not even a
tiny grumble when
you scream and whine for the ice
cream truck, and I will buy you one if
he comes by.

Just for this afternoon, I won't
worry about what you are
going to be when you grow up, or second guess
every decision I have made
where you are concerned.

Just for this afternoon, I will let
you help me bake cookies, and I won't
stand over you trying to fix them.
Just for this afternoon, I will take
us to McDonald's and buy us both a
Happy Meal so you can have both toys.

Just for this evening, I will hold
you in my arms and tell you a story
about how you were born and how
much I love you.

Just for this evening, I will let
you splash in the tub and
not get angry.

Just for this evening, I will let
you stay up late while we sit on the
porch and count all the stars.

Just for this evening, I will
snuggle beside you for hours,
and miss my favorite TV shows.
Just for this evening when I run
my finger through your hair
as you pray, I will simply be grateful that God
has given me the greatest gift ever
given.

I will think about the mothers
And fathers who are searching
for their missing children,
the mothers and fathers who are
visiting their children's graves
instead of their bedrooms, and mothers and
fathers who are in hospital rooms watching
their children suffer senselessly, and screaming inside that they can't
handle it anymore.

And when I kiss you good night I
will hold you a little tighter, a
little longer. It is then, that I will
thank God for you, and ask
him for nothing, except one more day.............
Author Unknown

_______________________________________
We are going home today, finally. Carter's 5th dose of chemo is running as we speak...Scott already has the car loaded (it still amazes me how much we accumulate while we are here) and the discharge papers are in the works.

Carter had a very rought night last night, as the side effects of the chemo are starting to break through (severe stomach cramps)....hopefully the medication will aid in preventing it from getting as bad after today's chemo.

Thanks for checking in on us. Carter is so excited about going home. So am I.

Please continue to pray for Carter's miracle.

Love,
Leigh Ann

Thursday, June 10, 2004 2:45pmPM CDT

New pictures from our trip to Savannah last weekend...Wes, you finally made the website!!
_______________________________________
Sorry I missed updating yesterday...

Carter is doing much better. The pain is finally under control after 2 rounds of chemo. They are beginning to taper off the fentenyl in hopes of getting us out of the hospital on Saturday.

We are doing ok...just extremely tired.

Thank you for checking in on us.

Please continue to pray for Carter's miracle.

Love,
LA

Tuesday, June 8, 2004 5:40PM

The new chemo has started....

Hopefully after a couple of doses the pain will stop.

Carter is better today than he was yesterday, but the pain is still there.

I am home this afternoon and evening (for now) so that Carter, Candler, and Scott can have a boys night together. I am looking forward to a full night's sleep; however, it is painful for me to be away from my baby.

Pray that his tired, little body will handle the chemo with minimal side effects.

Please continue to pray for Carter's miracle.

Love,
LA

Monday, June 7, 2004 1:45pm

7:15pm
There is a thickening (tumor) around Carter's spine, in between the lungs and the spine. A new and different chemo will begin in the morning. The CT scan shows nothing on spot on his back that has been causing him the most pain throughout the day. This doesn't mean it is not a tumor as well, but at this time it is not visible. It could be bone marrow pain.

Carter is on oxygen right now as his level has dropped...I suspect it is due to the excruciating pain he had endured throughout most of the day.

We are exhausted. Especially little Carter. He still is as angelic as ever....looking up at me through the pain to remind me how much he loves me. I tell him that I love him more, but he always beats me to the "infinity" part.

Love,
LA


1:45pm
I am writing from the third floor of Egleston, again, where we are waiting to be called down for scans. Carter has been experiencing back pain as of Sunday morning, and last night as we were driving back from Savannah the pain was no longer bearable.

This morning Carter has been in severe pain...probably the worst I have ever seen. He is on pain control now, and the dr's are adjusting the dosage to bring him a steady flow of medicine without keeping him knocked out all the time.

I fear the news today will not be good.

Flood heaven right now with prayers for Carter's miracle.

Love,
LA

Wednesday, June 2, 2004 9:45pm

Carter finished "strong" the last week of school. No fevers, no pain, no hospital....he was able to participate in all of the end-of-the-year activities. To say that he was thrilled would be an understatement. In the photo section there is a picture of he and his friend, Peyton. The smile that is on his face is one that we have not seen for quite some time....it did not leave him the entire day.

The Red Team at Providence finally won Field Day this year! Candler and Carter are on the Red Team, and have never won a Field Day since Candler started there in Kindergarten 4 years ago. Carter and Peyton also won the water balloon toss in their group...oh the joy of little things! I wouldn't trade a million dollars for the happiness that the day brought to my boys, especially Carter. He has had to sit back and watch so many fun things pass him by....this was a day for him to laugh and smile, and to remember what it is like to just be a little boy. The events of the day left him soaked to the skin....perfect for a hot Spring day.

The end of the week brought Awards Day. Both of the boys have done so very well in school this year. Carter received a Bible Award (all A's in Bible for the year) and a Perfect Spelling Award (100's on all spelling tests for the year). He kept up with every missed test in all subjects and every missed Bible verse. And it wasn't me doing the "pushing" to keep him caught up....he wanted to do it himself. Mrs. Underwood and his classmates also gave him a very special award....a plaque which read... "Presented to Carter Martin by his First Grade class for his example to us this year of courage and bravery. We love you. 'Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.' Joshua 1:9" It was a very emotional time for us (and for everyone else who was there, I think). The entire time that Mrs. Underwood was reading the verse on the plaque Carter just grinned. Being up in front of everyone with all attention placed on him is SO NOT him!

I have to tell you that sweet Candler also got a Bible Award for all A's in Bible. If Providence gave awards to 3rd grade for Honor Roll, Candler would've gotten an award for all A's in all subjects, all year long. We are so proud of him for maintaining his high grades despite all of the emotional stress and pressure that he was under.

We have had a great start to our summer vacation. Our week has been a lazy one. The boys have played golf, gone fishing, and had a karate lesson. Tomorrow we have a cardiology appointment and Friday counts will be checked to confirm that chemo can begin on Monday.

Carter's baseball banquet was last night. Coach Keith awarded Carter "Best Offensive Player" and he got a monster size trophy!! He was so excited and has already started talking about next season.

That's all for now....

Keep praying for Carter's miracle.

Thank you God, for another day.

Love,
Leigh Ann

Tuesday, May 25, 2004 9:30pm

I always regret it when I go so long between updates....
Thanks for continuing to check in on us.

A GIANT thank you to those who donated blood at Providence last Friday...the count I got was 65 units!! A special thank you to Anne Holtzclaw for tending to all the children while their parents gave blood (Anne gave too, by the way!)

Carter was just going in for chemo at my last update. He was experiencing arm and lower back pain. After the chemo ran on Monday and Tuesday the pain subsided, praise God! By Wednesday he did not need the Fentenyl patch (for pain). The remainder of the week was uneventful, medically that is.

On Friday we had the big presentation to AFLAC from Carter (courtesy of many of you reading this). If you recall, my friend, Jill Wilson, organized a fund raising event through this website to generate money that would be used to purchase several items needed for the 3rd floor at Egleston. You will be amazed when I tell you that enough funds were raised to purchase 47 combination VCR/DVD players for all inpatient and clinic/infusion rooms, a scanner and a printer for child life, and the ever-anticipated rotationplasty teaching puppet (appropriately named "Carter M.") Carter presented all of these gifts to Sara Alderfer, who is his Child Life Specialist and also his dear, sweet friend. The puppet is amazing, and will most certainly aid in helping future cancer patients who are struggling with coming to the uncertain terms of amputation. It was a special time that we shared with Sarah, Diane Vaughan (CHOA Foundation), Dr. Katzenstein, Dr. Chu, Nurse Nan, Nurse Practitioner Nancy, Robin Chapman, and Kristi Fuqua. Please check out the new pictures from this very special day.

Saturday morning brought Carter's last baseball game. He was so ready to play...thank goodness! We are never quite sure how "the day after" such a long week of chemo will affect him, but as usual, he was up and ready to go. Jane, Clare, and buddy Will Hennessy came to watch him play his last game of the season. Will always has a way of making Carter smile and laugh. I guess it's just the unspoken bond that the two of them share....they have been through a lot together. Maybe it's the bond that Scott and I share with Jane and Phil that I am really talking about, but the boys definitely know in their hearts that they are "in this together." We all are. The Hennessy's had a real scare last week...Will was complaining of head, back, and leg pain. He also had a fever, and that combination sent them to the hospital where MRI's and Bone Scans were done on Will. Praise God they got good reports. This beast will just not let any of us go.....it has a grip so tight that at times, it seems even difficult to simply breathe.

Saturday afternoon Scott and Carter left for a 2 night camping trip to the North Georgia mountains. Candler had his trip (private time with dad) a while back, and Carter had been waiting for his turn for quite some time. Thankfully he was up to going. Scott made such a BIG deal out of it (for both of them). I had to teach Scott how to give Carter his GCSF shots, which he has to have daily. I was very proud of him, as Carter said he did "a really good job." Candler and I spent our time together riding bikes, playing basketball, going out to special dinners, and just simply enjoying being together. It has been a long time since I have been able to do that with him. It was really hard for me to watch Carter driving away....it felt like a part of me was missing for the first few hours after he was gone. Knowing that he would be away from me for 2 days was a bit overwhelming. After all, it has been many, many months since I have spent that much time away from him. I then realized how long it had been since I had the opportunity to spend such good, quality time with Candler...I was so thankful for the time we had been given.

Our school year is coming to a close at the end of this week. It seems as if it went by in such a hurry this year. Having been so preoccupied with Carter's medical needs, the time has just slipped away without me realizing it. Sadly enough, Carter's first grade year is over. We entered this school year with so many hopes....chemo would be coming to an end in the middle of the school year, and then we would move back into "life as it was intended to be" for the Martins. The only thing that would be left for us to do was to continue Carter's physical therapy and to get him running again. Oh, how I wish that was the only thing we were facing now.....it has been painfully difficult over the last few days for me to deal with the ever-changing emotions that this roller coaster has brought into my life. I continue on, however, for my family's sake...I absolutely refuse to let this monster get the best of me.

To borrow the lyrics from Christian singer Steven Curtis Chapman..."God is God and I am not....I can only see a part of the picture He's painting...God is God and I am man...and I can never understand it all, for only God is God."

I don't understand it....I guess I need to stop trying to and just let God.

Please continue to pray for Carter's miracle.

Thank you, God, for another day, and another round of effective chemo.

Love,
Leigh Ann

P.S. Please add Mitchell Camp www.caringbridge.org/ga/mitchman back on your prayer list....this monster won't let go of his family either.

Monday, May 17, 2004 5:03 PM CDT

The following article appeared today (Monday) in the AJC in the Living Section:
___________________________________________________________
Kristin Connor got a get-out-of-hell-free pass, but she has chosen to linger at its doors.

She and her family believe they received a miracle in November, when a tumor on her toddler Brandon's spine disappeared on the eve of risky surgery.

For Connor and Brandon, it meant no more needles, no more surgery, no more hospitals.

But instead of walking away from the trauma of that life, Connor is running into it. She is working on a national campaign to raise millions to fund research for it, and she has met with executives of the American Cancer Society to share her vision. She also has enlisted the help of former Atlanta Braves pitcher Tom Glavine and his wife, Chris.

"You ask why couldn't I walk away? Because I can't," said Connor, 35, of Peachtree Corners. "I couldn't have. I couldn't leave that world knowing how many others are still there suffering."

Earlier this month, Connor, a lawyer with Arnall Golden Gregory, gathered six months of work and presented an argument to the headquarters of the cancer society that it needs to fund a separate division for research into childhood cancer.

The society isn't making any promises yet, but Jack Shipkoski, chief of its South Atlantic division, said the organization is seriously studying her proposals. She will meet with society officials again today.

"What we're going to do is come up with a plan of action," Shipkoski said. The group would set a fund-raising goal and timetable and raise the money from corporations and others.

"She's quite a lady," Shipkoski said. "A lot of times, people talk about things and don't act on them. She's talking it and doing it."

Shipkoski said he could see a national drive against childhood cancer happening. "We'd like to make sure we bring the right players to the plate," he said.

Connor has worked on that part, enlisting the help of Glavine, now with the New York Mets..

"There's a lot of suffering going on, and you just thank God your kids are healthy," Glavine said in a recent interview. "Right now we are just trying to raise people's awareness, because I don't think most people know there's not a specific branch dedicated to childhood cancer."

Connor also speaks at and walks in fund-raising events and plans to host a lemonade stand fund-raiser next month in conjunction with a Philadelphia girl with cancer.

Allocation of cancer research funds generally has been determined by numbers, but advocacy such as Connor's plays a role. Breast cancer advocates' success in lobbying Congress has yielded $1.66 billion since 1992 from the U.S. Army Medical Research and Materiel Command, which awards grants to universities, hospitals and other research agencies.

Childhood cancer receives no such grants. Overall funding for childhood cancer research this year is $29 million, according to the Children's Oncology Group.

Far fewer children have cancer than women have breast cancer. The COG estimates that 12,400 new cases of childhood cancer will occur this year, with 2,300 expected to die. More than 200,000 cases of breast cancer will be diagnosed; 40,000 will die.

But Connor and her supporters don't measure childhood cancer in numbers. They look at the pain and suffering in the children they love and in their families.

"The word 'cancer' and 'child' should not be in the same sentence," said Chris Glavine. "So yes, I'll be one of Kristin's little disciples, and Tommy will too."

The Glavines aren't sure what form their contributions will take. "You can give someone an autographed cap or shirt, and that might make them feel better, but when you think about all the money you can raise, money for a cure, that really could mean something," she said.

"It always catches me by surprise what name recognition will do," said Tom Glavine, a Cy Young Award winner. "But if we can use it for something good like this, then we'll do it."

Mike and Kristin Connor learned, while Kristin was pregnant with their second child, that the baby had a suspicious mass on his spine. Doctors thought that Brandon, born Sept. 13, 2001, had neuroblastoma, a rare and often deadly form of childhood cancer. Dozens of doctor visits, medical procedures and heartaches later, the Connors flew to San Francisco, where a neurosurgeon was to remove the tumor from Brandon's spine. His older brother, Ryan, stayed home with his grandparents.

The evening before the surgery, one final MRI (magnetic resonance imaging) test showed that the tumor had disappeared. The family rejoiced, and vowed that they would share their good fortune with others.

Kristin Connor's original vision was to raise awareness of and funds for neuroblastoma. In February, she expanded it to include all childhood cancers after learning that a son of close friends had relapsed with Ewing's sarcoma.

"It has been the most gut-wrenching experience of my life," Connor said of Carter Martin's battle with cancer.

Carter's parents, Scott and Leigh Ann, learned last week that the 7-year-old's cancer has spread yet again. Carter has had part of a leg amputated and has undergone brain surgery and several rounds of chemotherapy.

Leigh Ann Martin said her son's unfailing optimism gives her strength.

"I've learned so much from him throughout this ordeal," she said. "He's never complained. He never says 'Why me?' He looks like a human cutting board, and he just keeps smiling through."

Connor said she keeps thinking of Carter and his family.

"I just so painfully want all these families to have this kind of ending," she said. "When we got the news that Brandon's tumor had disappeared, when it came time to tell our friends, most of whom have children with cancer, I thought, 'How do I call them and tell them this happened unless I do something about it?' "
___________________________________________________________
We have been waiting for a couple of weeks for this article to run...thank you to Lynn Anderson, AJC journalist, for your kind and caring heart. Thank you to Tom and Chris Glavine for allowing your name to be associated with this campaign. And most of all thank you to Kristin Connor for NOT taking the "get-out-of-hell-free pass" and running. Thank you for staying down here 'in the trenches' with these children who are still suffering. I KNOW it will make a difference.

We are so thankful for the carefree (and pain-free) weekend that we spent at St. Augustine, Florida at Marineland. An absolutely incredible overnight stay was set up for us through our friends Bill and Sydney Floyd. Bill and Sydney know the owner of Marineland, Jim Jacoby. We were escorted to St. Augustine via the corporate plane on Saturday afternoon. We spent Sunday morning at Marineland where the boys (all 3 of them) got to get in the water with a dolphin (aka "Chubby") and have an encounter with him for 22 minutes!

Thanks to Bill and Sydney, Jim, Millard and Judy, Ken and Diane, John and Gail, Barry, Carl, Joy, Tarren, Kevin, all of the Marineland staff that we met, and of course Chubby, for making our adventure one that we will never, ever forget.

We arrived back in Atlanta last night and were greeted with a big dose of reality...at about 5:00am this morning Carter began having severe arm and lower back pain. We thought a trip to the ER was forthcoming, but the drugs I keep here at home seemed to take the edge off of the pain, and he fell back asleep at 6:30am and slept until 9:00am. We then took him to the clinic (we were expected for chemo today anyway), his counts were done, and chemo started this afternoon. Hopefully it will alleviate the pain, as surely this is another tumor(s) trying desperately to break through and grow through the chemotherapy, again. This beast wants so desperately to take over my child's body, but my child is still desperately fighting it. I pray that his fight will remain strong, and will grow even stronger so that hopefully he will be stronger than the disease.

The one thing we are certain of is that GOD IS stronger than this disease. Please, please Lord reveal your strength to those of us here on Earth who are faithfully praying for Carter's healing. We know it can come only from You.
___________________________________________________________
*Please don't forget to donate blood and platelets at your local Red Cross.

*Providence is having a Blood Drive on Friday in honor of Carter from 12-5...no appointment is required. Please come and donate if you can. Childcare will be available. Thanks Anne Holtzclaw!!

*Congratulations again to my family, the "Herrin Hounds" for being the top money raising team ($35,000) and Candler was the 3rd individual money raiser ($4,000) Way to go TEAM!!!
___________________________________________________________
Please continue to pray for Carter's miracle.

Thank you, God, for another day.

Love,
Leigh Ann

Saturday, May 15

The Herrin Hounds just completed the 10th annual Relay for Life in Savannah. This is Laura (Leigh Ann's sister) reporting the details of the events. First, check out some new pictures (pictures 1 and 3 are new).

With such generosity from many of you that are reading this, the Herrin Hounds raised over $35,000 for pediatric cancer. In our rookie year of this event, we were the top fundraising team out of the 80 or so teams that were entered. Many teams began planning for the event in January. Our endeavor did not begin until about 5 weeks ago (Easter weekend). Our Aunt Diane was the top individual fundraiser with over $10,000. Of course precious Candler raised over $4,300 in Carter's name.

Speaking for many of the Hounds, this was a very inspirational event. Watching the survivors take the first lap did not leave many dry eyes circling the track, while applauding this very courageous group of people. Having a chance to walk around, see other booths and meet other people was also a very special opportunity.

Thank you to everyone who donated to this very worthy cause. If you missed out this year, don't worry. We will be back next year.



Happy Anniversary to my Mom and Dad!!

First, I want to say a special thank you to all the members of the "Herrin Hounds" Relay for Life team...the walk is coming up this Friday and they have ALMOST reached their goal of $25,000.00!!! Isn't that unbelievable? Especially when the first goal they set was only $3,000.00. My sweet Candler has raised almost $4,000.00! Thanks to all of you for making him feel like such an important part of the team.

I come from a family of over-achievers and they have certainly proven themselves once again!! They have made such a statement by the amount of money they have raised. Hopefully others will stand up, take notice and start making a difference in funding cancer research...especially pediatrics. I am proud, thankful, amazed, overwhelmed, and most of all blessed to call these people family.

A special thank you (and I think the other team members will join me) to my sister, Laura Herrin. She has served as the team captain. I know Herrin Hounds will definitely be the team that has not only raised the most money, but is the most organized with team details. She includes me in the team e-mails....she has left nothing to chance.

I will be with you ALL in spirit....especially those of you walking during the middle of the night!!

*
We have had a couple of fairly "normal" days here....aside from the radiation treatments, which by the way are over tomorrow!! He has not had any sickness or sore throat as of yet. His counts will be checked tomorrow before radaition...pray for his platelets (did I mention there is a shortage?) to have rebounded so that chemo can begin as scheduled on Monday.

*
And, speaking of blood...the boys' school, Providence Christian Academy, is having a blood drive in Carter's honor next Friday, May 21, from 12:00pm until 5:00pm. You won't be able to donate platelets as that is a much longer process, but they need the blood just as much!! It will be held in the gym (right behind the school). There will be people there to watch your little ones while you give, give, give!! No appointment is necessary. Just show up between 12 and 5. Little ones (and their parents) thank you from the bottom of their hearts!!

*
I was talking to a friend in the hospital on Friday night (her daughter is 12 and has a brain tumor). The mother is a strong Christian and I have leaned on her so many times. We always have such different circumstances to compare since her child is so much older than Carter. Our discussion on Friday night was that of miracles and whether or not we have lost faith in believing that God is going to grant a miracle for each of our children. She said something that I cannot get out of my mind..."thinking that you're 'losing faith' about your miracle is God's way of preparing you for HIS plan... It's not about losing faith, it's HIM preparing you for what HE has in store."

Please continue to pray for Carter's miracle, and for all of our other friends who need one, too. There are soooooo many.

Love,
Leigh Ann

Sunday, May 9, 2004 5:45pm

Carter had to wait for FOUR hours last night for platelets because the Egleston blood bank did not have any...PLEASE donate if you are physically able.
_______________________________________

Carter was released from the hospital today around 2:00pm...much to my surprise! Last night at midnight our nurse, Elizabeth came in to check Carter's vital signs and dicovered a crackling in his lungs again.

To backtrack a bit, Carter saw his cardiologist on Thursday of last week. There was not much change from the past echo, but the dr. decided to take him off of Lasix and Aldactone (both help with fluid retention). When Carter was admitted into the hospital on Friday they began IV fluids immediately....by last night his heart had had enough, and the fluids began to back up. They started IV Lasix again last night and it started to work immediately. A chest x-ray was taken this morning at 11:30 just to be sure he did not have pneumonia....thankfully he did not.

Since his x-ray was clean and his counts had started to rebound, they decided to let him leave. Radiation will resume tomorrow and continue through Wednesday. Please pray that the nausea, vomitting, and throat pain do NOT resume.

I can't think of a better Mother's Day gift...our family together celebrating the greatest gift that God has ever given me...Motherhood. What an honor it is to hear my boys call me "Mom" and for them to tell me how much they love me. There are no sweeter words.

Keep praying for Carter's miracle.

Thank you, God, for a day that I can hear my boys call me "Mother."

Love,
Leigh Ann

Friday, May 7, 2004 5:20PM

Carter has been admitted into the hospital with a fever. He is feeling pretty lousy with nausea, vomitting, mouth sores, and fatigue.

He is on anti-biotics for the fever and Zofran for nausea. Hopefully he will begin to feel better over the weekend.

Happy Mother's Day to all of you mom's out there. Hug your little ones tightly and let them know how much you love them. Make memories with them EVERY DAY!!

And, thank God for every day that you have with them.

Love,
Leigh Ann

Monday, May 3, 2004 8:00pm

NYC Pics May 6

This afternoon we returned from a fun-filled family weekend in New York City!! Thursday evening Scott and I decided that if Carter felt up to it we would go somewhere for a long weekend...the boys have always wanted to go to New York!!

Carter was released from the hospital on Friday afternoon. He was still pain free!! We left for NYC at 8:30 Friday night.

My cousin, Brannen McDonald, was our "travel agent" and arranged the entire trip!! She lives in NY and prepared a fabulous agenda for us. Thanks, Brannen, we love you!! Thanks, Gram, for our wonderful, EXPENSIVE dinner on Sunday night. Also, thanks to Scott's Aunt Elinor for arranging our stay at The Plaza on Central Park!!

The boys loved seeing the city...Candler would fit in there, no problem. I'm not sure who had more fun, Candler hailing the taxi cabs or Brannen listening to him talk the cab drivers HEAD OFF every time we went anywhere. Carter went right to all of the Yankees sports stuff, naturally. He came home totally decked out in a Yankees jersey, hat, sweat bands, and socks...what a sight he was, and having the time of his life. One of the highlights of the trip for the boys was the Toys R Us store in Times Square....we rode a four story Ferris Wheel inside the store! There was lots to see and do (& purchase) there...it was a great time. We also saw Beauty and the Beast on Broadway, Blue Man Group, the Statue of Liberty, Empire State Building, Central Park, rode in a boat down the Hudson River, and toured Ground Zero...

We arrived back in Atlanta today (totally exhausted) at 1:00pm and headed straight to the hospital for radiation and blood counts. His counts have not hit bottom yet, but for now are doing remarkably well. We will have radiation every day this week and will go back to the clinic on Friday for counts again.

Carter is hoping he feels like going to school tomorrow. Tonight when I was putting him in bed, I discovered that he did not even realize he had missed an entire week of school. His pain was so intense, and he was on so much medication that he didn't even realize a week had gone by...my heart breaks for the little things that he is missing...kickball on the playground, art (which he adores), hot lunch, baseball practice, just to name a few....head vs. heart, the war continues.

As soon as I figure out my new digital camera I will have pics from our trip ASAP.

Candler wanted me to say a BIG thank you to all of the Providence students, staff, and parents for the support you gave him for the "Herrin Hounds" Relay for Life team that he is part of. He is so excited and proud to be doing SOMETHING to help his brother. Thank you for making him feel so important. The link to make donations is below...it's not too late!!

Please continue to pray for Carter's miracle.

Thank you, God, for a glorious weekend.

Love,
Leigh Ann

Wednesday, April 28, 2004 8:26pm

The power of prayer has once again sustained us!!

The unbelievable pain that Carter has had (worst being over the past 48 hours)...is now gone! That is all I asked of God last night..."please take my baby's pain away."

He vomitted all during the night, and was very restless and jumpy while he was sleeping. When he awakened this morning he was not any better. In fact, when I saw his nurse practitioner I told her that he was worse than yesterday and that he was just not himself. They changed him from morphine to phenergan (sp?) and then they took us over for his first radiation treatment. The story of that is too long and detailed for me to write...all I can tell you is when I picked him up off of the radiation table and put him back on the stretcher his head and neck TOTALLY relaxed. He had not been able to move his head AT ALL without it hurting. He fell back into a deep sleep and remained that way for most of the afternoon. He was completely out from the pain/sleepy medicine from radiation.

He woke up at 5:00pm and immediately sat up in the bed, ready for me to put a dvd in for us to watch...wow. Yesterday he could not even move.

Now he is out in the hall throwing the hover disc with his "Aunt" Jill...he has played basketball with his Uncle Michael...we have gone down to the gift shop for him to spend his basketball winnings...he is a different child.

He is a child of God. He is pain-free. Praise Him!!!!

Please keep praying. Pray for the radiation to have a dramatic impact. Pray for the decisions that Scott and I will be forced to make over the coming weeks will be the right and best ones for Carter. Now, more than ever, we need Godly wisdom.

Our miracle needs to happen...it HAS to happen. NOW. Please, God, hear our prayers.

Love,
Leigh Ann

Tuesday, April 27, 2004 11:25pm

Dr. Katzenstein took us to "the room" where we always have our seriously difficult discussions. There is always a box of Kleenex on the table...the clock is always making an obnoxious ticking noise on the wall...Scott sits on the sofa, I sit in the chair next to him, and Dr. Katzenstein sits across from us. It's always the same. Every time we're in there it's the same. Today there was no exception. The bad news room, again. I look out the window and see cars driving by. It's a beautiful day outside. Why isn't the world stopping? Doesn't it know what has just happened to me? I want to scream at everyone to STOP and pay attention. My child has cancer and it is trying to take his life.

There is another tumor...this time it's a soft tissue mass in his neck.

Emergency radiation begins tomorrow.

Our miracle, God, just became a desperate need.

Monday, April 26, 2004 5:00pm

Carter was admitted into the hospital this morning. His head pain continued into the weekend, with bouts of nausea and vomiting. By this morning his pain was intolerable, so we came straight to the clinic. The nurse accessed his port and the morphine drip began. He is on a pain control pump now...that way he can "hit the button" whenever he is in pain. The button has been hit many, many times throughout the day. My heart is in more pain than I ever thought imaginable. The only way to describe it is complete and utter helplessness. It is an awful place to be as a parent.

Carter's chemo will begin this evening as soon as he has been well hydrated. Hopefully it will alleviate his pain altogether, if only for the time being. It is our belief (and our dr's.) that this is more than likely a tumor in his bone. If the chemo works and the pain goes away, this more or less will prove it so. A bone scan and an MRI are scheduled for tomorrow.

They are calling this a "mixed response" to the chemo. While the topo/cy (chemo) is working on the bone marrow clean up and the soft tissue mass that was in his spine, it may not be having an effect on some resistant cells, therefore, causing tumors to crop up in different places...this one in his head. It could mean that there are others elsewhere, but we've got to take things one day at a time. There are other chemos that can be given, other Phase II trials, but we would be looking at traveling to others hospitals to get these drugs, as CHOA does not have them. They are experimental at this point.

Decisions, decisions....our heads are spinning right now. We just want his pain to be gone and that is our only focus for the evening. Please get down on your knees and pray with us for the drugs to work and work in a powerful way so that he is not suffering.

Also, please continue to pray for Carter's miracle.

Love,
Leigh Ann

Friday, April 23, 2004

New Photos, Friday, April 23

Before the news about our day spreads any further across the globe (it is wonderful to have so many prayer warriors out there spreading our need for immediate prayers), let me explain was has happened thus far...

We spent the day at the clinic with Carter. Last night, another severe headache woke him up at 9:30pm...this one was extremely painful (for both of us). It hurt so bad he was begging us to take him to the hospital. I was able to get a dose of Tylenol (with codeine) in him, and that helped to ease his pain. Soon after it took affect he was sleeping peacefully. Scott and I knew last night what today would mean for him...more tests, more pokes, more missing school, more time being a patient, and less time just being a kid.

This morning he woke up with 101 fever. I paged Dr. Katzenstein, knowing full well he would want to see Carter (we were going anyway). As usual, fever and a port do not go together. I knew the fever did not concern his port, but the headache and pain that he had been experiencing instead. When we got to the hospital his port was accessed immediately and morphine began dripping into his little veins. Thank God for that drug.

A CT of his head was ordered. It did not show anything abnormal. It could be a tumor that is not yet detectable, but maybe not. There is no way to know at this point. If the pain continues into the weekend, a bone scan will be done next week, along with chemo, and a visit with the radiation folks. Wow, what a week it has been, and next week does not appear to be shaping up to be a party either.

I just want him out of pain. How helpless Scott and I feel as parents to be able to do NOTHING except hold him, kiss him, and beg God to give us the pain instead. We now have morphine at home to give him should he need it. Thank God for that drug.

The boys had friends lined up to spend the night tonight...thank goodness those plans are still in tact. Candler and David are running around outside, energy abounding, and Carter and Drew are inside playing Game Cube, elated just to be together. Hopefully we will all get some much-needed rest this weekend to prepare ourselves for the coming week.

We covet your prayers for renewed strength for Scott and myself and for Carter's wonderful spirit to continue to carry him through.

Please, pray for Carter's miracle.

Thank you, God, for another day.

Love,
Leigh Ann

P.S. I am so proud to share with you the "Herrin Hounds...Sniffing out a Cure" Relay for Life team's website. I am so proud of all the time and effort that my family has put into this event. Pray that Carter will be able to walk the first lap with my Aunt Sue Herrin, cancer survivor, in May!! Candler has just "joined the team." Check out his page!! (There is a clickable link at the bottom of the page.)

http://www.acsevents.org/faf/search/searchTeamPart.asp?ievent=40633&lis=1&kntae40633=4639AADDD83A439682C6E0A32992B6A8&team=431308

P.S.S. Thank you to all who have donated blood and platelets...I get cards in the mail when you donate in honor of Carter. Please keep it up!!

Thursday, April 22, 2004 7:44 PM CDT

"Not any better, but not any worse..."

Carter will begin to see the cardiologist every 2 weeks now for them to keep a closer eye on his condition. To describe everything in detail would be impossible for me to do...I'm not sure I understand it all myself.

The main concept is that we have to get Carter off of the heart meds before the next phase of treatment will even be a consideration for him. The doctors will continue to compare some of the baseline echos with the current ones to determine if his heart can function at a strong enough capacity to begin taking him off of the meds.

It hasn't gotten any easier. Thank God Carter is a fighter.

Again, it has been another very stressful, draining day...I mean week. We have not gotten all of the answers we had hoped for (like "it's gone" and "his heart is back to normal"), but the answers we did get could've been much, much harder to take. We will absorb the info we have received and continue on with the plan...

Thanks for checking in on us.

Thank you, God, for your ability to perform miracles...we really, really need one.

Love,
Leigh Ann

Wednesday, April 21, 2004 5:46pm

"Dramatic improvement, but not perfect."

These were Dr. Katzenstein's words to us this afternoon when describing Carter's bone marrow test results. He was able to deliver those words to us in person, as we had to take Carter to the hospital with a severe headache, AGAIN. Everything is fine...he just simply had a headache.

These results are not all that we were hoping for, but improvement is improvement and we'll take it!

Nothing changes for now...chemo will begin next week as scheduled, hopefully.

Cardiologist tomorrow.

I am so emotionally drained that I can hardly see straight. It has been a very, very long 24 hours.

Thank you for your continued prayers. Tomorrow is a BIG day.

Keep praying for our miracle.

Thank you, God, for another day.

Love,
Leigh Ann

Tuesday, April 20, 2004 8:50PM

No news...we will update tomorrow as soon as we know something.

Monday, April 19, 2004 7:35PM CDT

To say that tomorrow (actually now today-Tuesday) is a big day for us would be an understatement...Carter will undergo a bi-lateral bone marrow aspiration at 11:30am. He will have a blood transfusion first, as his red count has dropped again. His platelets have rebounded a bit, but not enough for chemo to begin this week. I am glad for his little body to have a rest....I wish the cancer would take a rest, too.

Carter will also have an appointment with the cardiologist on Thursday morning of this week. We are prayerful that an echocardiogram and an EKG will reveal that Carter's heart is functioning at 100apacity and that the abnormalities were from stress (from the head surgery) and not from the Doxorubicin chemotherapy Carter received last year.

Pray, pray, pray.....we need clean bone marrow and a healthy heart to get us to the next phase of treatment.

Our weekend at Camp Sunshine was fantastic!! We saw many of our old friends, and met some new ones, too. We call it our "safe place" where go to feel "normal." I wish you all could see and get to know these children and their families. It brings a new meaning to the word determination. I marvel at their strength and draw upon it when I am feeling like I can't go through this anymore. The children have no choice but to "go through it" and what they go through physically is far more than I could ever go through mentally. That's when I realize I can make it....that I can do it....when I see their smiles, hear their laughter, and feel their love for all of those around them.

Tonight please remember all of these innocent children in your prayers.

Tomorrow we need one of those miracles that we've been praying for to come through for Carter!

Love,
Leigh Ann

Thursday, April 15, 2004 10:00pm

Update Friday, April 18

I just got this e-mail today...please, with all of my heart, I am begging you to give blood and platelets. Thank you to all of the people who told me they've already given!! Today, thankfully Carter's platelets were better...or the shortage could've affected US. We aren't sure if he will bounce back enough for chemo on Monday or not.
_______________________________________
Dear Families:

Several of our patients/friends have been delayed for receiving platelets because there is a shortage. Scottish Rite and Egleston ran out yesterday. PLEASE, PLEASE donate blood if you can. This is critical for the healing and continued care for many of the chemo patients.

Below is a list of metro Atlanta donor centers. Call 1-800-448-3543 or visit www.givelife.org to schedule an appointment to donate blood at any of these locations.

Alpharetta
3000 Old Alabama Road, Ste. 110, Alpharetta, GA 30022
(At Old Alabama & Haynes Bridge Roads)
Monday: Closed

Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday: 1pm - 8 pm

Friday, Saturday: 8am – 3pm

Sunday: Closed


Duluth
3090 Premiere Pkwy. Ste. 500, Duluth, GA 30097
(At Sugarloaf Pkwy. & Meadows Church Rd.)

Monday: Closed

Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday: 1pm – 8pm

Friday, Saturday: 8am – 3pm

Sunday: Closed


Marietta
2179 Roswell Road Marietta, GA 30062
(In East Lake Shopping Center)

Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday: 7am – 8pm

Wednesday: 10am – 4pm

Saturday: 8am – 3pm

Sunday: Closed


Midtown
1925 Monroe Dr. NE, Atlanta, GA 30324
(Near Ansley Mall)

Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday: 7am-8pm

Wednesday: 10am – 4pm

Saturday: 8am – 3pm

Sunday: Closed


Dunwoody/Sandy Springs
1155 Hammond Drive, Bldg. A, Atlanta, GA 30328
(At Peachtree-Dunwoody & Hammond Drive)

Monday: Closed

Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday: 1pm – 8pm

Friday, Saturday: 8am – 3pm

Sunday: Closed


South Metro
675 Southeast Parkway, Suite 120, Stockbridge, GA 30281
(I-75, exit 228)

Tuesday, Thursday: 1pm – 8pm

Saturday: 8am – 3pm

May 23 & 26, June 2, 9, 16, 23 & 27: 2pm – 7pm

Thank you,

CURE Childhood Cancer
1835 Savoy Drive
Suite 317
Atlanta, GA 30341-1000
770-986-0035
770-986-0038 (fax)
www.curechildhoodcancer.org
_______________________________________
April 15

Carter's counts will be checked again in the morning to see if his platelets are rebounding enough for chemo to begin on Monday. We are headed to Camp Sunshine tomorrow afternoon for the weekend for Spring Family Camp. Scott is going to bring Carter back to Atlanta Saturday morning for his baseball game, and then they will come back to Camp Sunshine for the remainder of the weekend. Carter absolutley did NOT want to miss his game. A bit much?...maybe, but who cares. It's what he wants to do.

It has been an emotionally difficult week for me. I have said many times before, the world of cancer brings constant fear...and constant emotion. There hasn't been one thing in particular that has happened, but I have been constantly reminded that The Martins live in a different world right now. One that oftentimes seems isolated from the rest of the planet....isolated from life's everyday simple problems.

I want my simple problems back. I BEG God to give them back to me.

And, I still beg Him for a miracle.

Thank you, God, for another day.

Love,
Leigh Ann

Thursday, April 8, 2004 8:17 PM CDT

Good Friday update...

Carter did need platelets this morning...THANKFULLY there were some to give him. The nurse told me that a platelet shortage has been "in and out" lately. Scary stuff. As if it's not bad enough that these children have cancer to deal with.

Please, please, please if you want to do something to help us, help others!!!! (and possibly Carter, as well)...BY DONATING PLATELETS & BLOOD!!

Call your local Red Cross and help to save the life of a child!! You may even be able to donate in Carter's honor (not sure about that).


Love,
Leigh Ann
_______________________________________

We are enjoying a wonderful spring break together, even if we aren't at the beach!! The boys have stayed very busy (as have their parents). Movies, bowling, karate, The Varsity, blood transfusions... Carter's red blood was low on Monday so we were at the clinic most of the day having a transfusion. We thought that his platelets would have been very low since we started chemo when they had not yet recovered, but as cancer goes, you just can't predict what will happen next. We go in the morning for counts, again. My prediction is a platelet transfusion this time.

I have never thought to say this before, but read it on another child's site...GIVE BLOOD, if you can, and platelets, too. Never did I realize how dependent the medical world is on a well stocked blood supply.

In the photo album you will see pictures of Candler and Carter's private karate lesson with Sensei Mike on Tuesday. A smile did not leave Carter's face the entire hour. Candler was so happy to be able to "show him the ropes."

Also in the pics is Comet, who as you can see, is as cute as ever. He definitely has found a spot in all of our hearts, especially Carter's. He thinks he rules the house!!

I hope all of you have a blessed Easter...Scott and I saw "The Passion" this week. Wow. What a gift we have been given.

Love,
Leigh Ann

Thursday, April 1, 2004 2:40 PM CST

I have been anxious all day to get to this computer to tell you all that God has answered one of our many prayers!!! The soft tissue mass on Carter's spine is gone!!! The bone itself does show disease and there is really no way for us to tell if it is dead or not, but since the mass is gone, it is a positive sign!!

We are praising God from the rooftops today as He is definitely showing HIS hand in Carter's healing.

We love you all for your continued prayers.

Keep praying for that miracle...we have several more to go.

Thank you, God, for another day...a glorious day!!!!

Love,
Leigh Ann

Wednesday, March 31, 2004 9:02 PM CST

I copied this from another child's website...



"The Strength of an Egg"

Parents of children with cancer are often referred to or viewed as having "strength like a rock". Albeit flattering it is not quite true. It is more like the strength of an egg. An egg you ask? Yes!
If you'll think about it, you'll see my point.

An egg has a polished, smooth outer appearance, with no cracks or weak spots visible. It seems almost inconceivable that the inside might not be
as smooth or solid.

Most children, at some point, are shown the famous egg trick. An egg set at just the right angle can withstand enormous amounts of pressure and cannot be cracked or broken. Yet the same egg, tapped gently at an even
slightly different angle, will break. The contents, once so neatly concealed, will come spilling out. The no-longer perfect shell will be crushed. It looks so fragile that it seems inconceivable that it ever held any strength.

A rock, on the other hand is solid all the way through. To break it is almost impossible. If you succeed, you will find that there is nothing inside but more rock. It takes a lot more than pure hardness to hold the "HAND OF HOPE".

Parents of children with cancer are not solid all the way through. We hurt, we fear, we cry, we hope. It takes a very careful balancing act to keep the shell from being shattered. "Balancing an egg" while running a household,
going for doctors' visits and hospital stays, keeping the family together, and holding on to the constantly unraveling ties of your sanity can be very tricky indeed!

Occasionally, the angle will be off and the shell will break, shattering hope and the neatly secured appearances of a truly fragile existence. Unlike Humpty Dumpty, though, parents of children with cancer will pick
themselves up and put themselves back together again.

___________________________________________________________
We "put ourselves back together again" after our scare from yesterday....

There isn't any news about the MRI yet. Tomorrow morning we will talk with the doctors. Carter sat completely still for the scans for 1 1/2 hours. It amazes me the strength that HE has.

Keep praying for that miracle.

Thank you, God, for another day.

Love,
Leigh Ann

Tuesday, March 30, 2004 6:38 PM CST

Wow, what a day. I think I aged another 10 years....I guess I'll just chalk it up to "living with the fear of cancer."

We went into the clinic today to have repeat blood counts, hoping to get a "day late start" on Carter's chemo. When his counts were checked yesterday, Dr. Katzenstein was hopeful that his numbers would be okay to start today.

Carter and I went in with nurse Melissa for his finger stick...all went fine, as usual. On the way out of the room, Carter said that his head was hurting (behind his left ear), and within a couple of minutes he was in severe pain. He was hurting so much that his tears finally started to flow...a lot. They took him immediately into an examination room to be seen by Dr. Brionnes (Dr. Katzenstein wasn't there at the moment, but they had paged him). After examining him, Dr. Brionnes ordered a CT scan to be done of his head, stat. I was a little surprised that he ordered it right away. It scared me even more but in the same breath I was elated. I thought I would be beating people up to get him into radiology right away. I think I can now safely say that in relapse NOTHING is taken too lightly.

Thank goodness Scott got to the hospital right before the scan was about to begin. We could hardly look at each other for fear of breaking down...naturally I already had. I can't describe the absolute terror that was plaguing my heart and soul. Fear that the cancer was growing inside my baby's head again, even after two rounds of toxic chemotherapy had been pumped into his veins. We knew that this was possible, but so soon?

Praise God, the answer to that question was NO....not today. Hopefully not ever.

The CT scan (he had to have two...one without contrast, the other with contrast) revealed that it was merely his "sinus vein," and NOT CANCER. We are to watch him closely over the next few days, and report any other headaches to the dr. If the headaches persist, we will do other tests to see what is going on...but Dr. Brionnes said, "today we ruled out the bad stuff." (big sigh...and smile)

In the meantime, chemo will proceed this week. Carter had his first dose today and will go to the clinic Wednesday through Friday (they are condensing 5 days into 4 this time). Thank goodness now he will not have chemo during spring break. Not that we were going anywhere...

Driving home this evening after chemo was finished, I realized that our lives will continue to be plagued with scary moments like today. Fear of every pain, every groan, every ouch...this is our life. This is "living with cancer."

Keep praying for that miracle.

Thank you, God, for another day...a day my son was healthy enough to have his chemo.

Love,
Leigh Ann

Tomorrow will be another big day...the MRI of his spine will take place after chemo in the afternoon.

Sunday, March 28, 2004 10:30pm

Wow, has it really been that long since I updated? You can generally take that as a "good thing" when I go days between updates. It usually means we have been doing normal life things....and we have!!

Thursday morning Scott took Carter in to the clinic for counts. We thought that this would be only a check to make sure he was up for chemo to begin on Monday. He ended up needing platelets, again, and his white blood count was still low. They kept us on GCSF shots through Saturday...Carter was thrilled about that. Tomorrow he will get checked again. We are fairly certain round #3 of chemo will NOT begin tomorrow. Not exactly what we wanted to hear from our dr. but we have to do what is best for Carter. In our minds, it gives the cancer some extra time off from chemo, and as we learned at the beginning of the year Ewing's does not need much time to regroup and start growing again. We will also learn tomorrow when the scans will take place.

Thursday after platelets Carter went to baseball practice!! I can't think of a time when I have seen him happier and "right at home." I know that this is where his heart has longed to be for 18 months now...ever since this whole ordeal started. He has missed playing sports so much, but I don't think he even realized it until he was back out there, just being one of the guys. The other kids on the team were great to him. At this age (K-1st) many of them don't even know what first base is, much less what a pinch-runner is!!

The big game came on Saturday morning at 9:00. One of Carter's best friends, Zach Beavers, had spent the night with us and went to the game...I think Carter was so proud to have him there (along with Katie Holtzclaw and Anne Marie Simoneaux). He had quite the cheering section (everyone in the stands!!) He got two BIG hits and a couple of RBI's!! He played shortstop and second base in the field, and did great!! He is able to get around quite well, and really pushes himself when it is something that he wants to be doing. He can't wait until next Saturday!!

The rest of our Saturday was quite busy. Our nephew, Joseph Garcia, turned a year old!! Amy and Michael had a party/cookout for lunch for his birthday. The boys loved helping Joseph open his presents and play in his birthday cake!!

Saturday night was our big Providence auction night at the school gymnasium. What a great night it was. I cannot put into words the fun, excitement, and emotion that the evening held for us. For those of you who were there with us, thank you for your incredible outpouring of love. Our hearts were touched deeply by our amazing Providence family. Having each of you by our side makes our journey a bit easier to bear. Last night through the smiles and laughter, and even through the tears, we walked away stronger because of you. The strength that we gain from you is a priceless treasure...we thank you from the depths of our souls.

Shawn and Anne...words are not adequate to even begin to convey our love for you, our dear friends.

Keep praying for that miracle.

Thank you, God, for another day.

Love,
Leigh Ann

Tuesday, March 23, 2004 11:15pm

We had a wonderful weekend after Carter got out of the hospital. We had dinner at Pat and Sydney McGuire's house with our friends Jack and Claire Mann (and all the kids!) on Saturday night...we missed you Monte, Jill, Sean, and Nolan!!

The McGuire boys (Peyton, 7 and John Patrick, 5) came back home with us late Saturday night to spend the night. All 4 boys were thrilled to say the least. Peyton was Carter's very first "best friend." We don't get to see them as much anymore since they have moved to Suwanee, but their friendship hasn't missed a beat!! Their bond is alive and well and I suspect that it will be for the rest of their lives.

Our Sunday was very quiet...the boys enjoyed the beautiful, warm sunshine and even got to play golf that afternoon with Daddy and Granddaddy. Carter has been so happy...just being a little boy playing with his friends, playing with his dog, playing at school, playing golf, playing in his tree house....get the idea? Simply playing. That's all it takes to make him happy (and me).

Carter had counts on Monday...they are slowly rising. We will go back to the clinic on Friday to check and see if they have rebounded enough to begin chemo, AGAIN, on Monday.

When I think about it being time again for chemo it makes me realize how quickly time is speeding by us. It seems as if we have a reasonable span of time between the rounds of chemo (2 weeks), but with clinic visits and hospital stays in between, it doesn't leave much time for anything else. I often wonder what we used to do B/C (before cancer) with all of the time we had "on our hands!!" I wish so much for that time to be back in our lives. It was a time where we did not have to think about what "the next day" would bring, we would just sorta "go with the flow"...we didn't have to think about IF we were going to plan a summer vacation or IF we would be going on a trip for spring break. Now we only can plan for the next day, sometimes only the next hour. Scott always reminds me that we can take trips and plan things "later." Head vs. heart, again...it gets me every time.

Keep praying for that miracle.

Thank you, God, for another day...another day that we can come "pounding on your door, again." Thanks, Lynne, for reminding me that it's okay to knock often and loudly!

Love,
Leigh Ann

P.S. Carter will not have scans on Thursday. He will have them done while at the hospital next week for chemo.

Saturday, March 20, 2004 12:47 AM CST

Carter is being released from the hospital today!!

He is feeling great and definitely READY to get out. It is an absolutely beautiful day here in Atlanta! Hopefully we will be able to get him out in the sunshine for a bit.

Carter will go back to the clinic on Tuesday to have his counts checked again, and then we have scans scheduled for Thursday. The scans will be done to check on the effect that the chemotherapy is having on the tumor in his spine.

Keep praying for that miracle.

Thank you, God, for another day.

Love,
Leigh Ann

P.S. Happy Birthday to our friends Pat McGuire, Beth Love, and Paul Murphy.

Wednesday, March 17, 2004 11:45pm

Thursday, March 18, 2004 10:30pm

Carter decided to get a fever early this morning...101.8 to be exact. That calls for an immediate trip to the hospital. Thankfully it was during normal clinic hours so that we did not have to be admitted through the emergency room. EVERY other time he has gotten a fever between treatments it has been in the middle of the night!

Carter is neutropenic, has a low red blood cell count, and his platelets were CRITICALLY low (less than 10). "Normal" kid's platelets are usually 175-375!! He was transfused this afternoon and is feeling a little better. He has a sinus infection that is probably causing the fever. They put him on IV antibiotics and also ordered a chest x-ray to make sure we were not dealing with any fluid in his lungs, or pneumonia...thankfully the x-rays were clean. We will remain in the hospital until his white count begins to rebound. Hopefully by Saturday or Sunday we will be released.

The worst part of today was that Carter had to miss his very first baseball practice. He was so disappointed when he realized it. He will probably miss his first game on Saturday as well. I think that seeing the disappointment in my son's eyes is one of the hardest things for me to "deal" with...to watch the things his heart desires most get "taken" from him when he SO does not deserve it. Another one of those head vs. heart things. All you moms out there who are scampering around to get your children picked up from school and then fly off to baseball or soccer practice, not to mention rushing home to get dinner ready, homework assignments completed, and putting everyone in bed for the night....you are so lucky!! Be thankful for those days that you feel like a taxi cab driver. I am so envious. Bet you never thought anyone would ever say THAT to you!

Thanks for keeping the pager beeping. Carter said today that it was "kinda like having my own cell phone."

Love,
Leigh Ann


Wednesday, March 17, 2004 11:45pm

Our weekend in Savannah was incredible! I am so very blessed to have such a wonderful family. We had a big family get together at my parents house on Sunday night...about 60 people!! Most of Candler and Carter's cousins were there. They all had a great time throwing the football in the yard, swinging in the hammock, and playing on the dock. It was so "normal" that I had to think really hard to remember that Carter has cancer. Isn't that the great thing about families?

The house that my parents live in now at Isle of Hope once belonged to my Grandmother and Granddaddy Herrin. My childhood memories are wrapped up there! My cousins and I were reliving so many stories...we were there with each other all the time! It just felt "right" for us all to be together in that house, joining together as we always have to help each other through difficult times. The last time I can remember us all being there together was when my grandfather passed away. My granddaddy's heart would've broken if he had had to live through seeing one of his children battle cancer. God always has such perfect timing.

More wonderful memories were made in that house this weekend..this time with all of our children laughing and playing together without a care in the world....just as childhood is supposed to be.

Keep praying for that miracle.

Thank you, God, for another day...another "normal" day.

Love,
Leigh Ann

P.S. To Lynne, Laura, Julie, and Kellie....I REALLY was Grandaddy's favorite!!

Saturday, March 13, 2004 11:45am

Greetings from Savannah!!!

We have snuck away for another family weekend. Before we get on with the fun, I wanted to let you know our astounding news from yesterday.

Carter's heart is improving!! In fact, it is the cardiologist's opinion that what we thought was heart damage from the chemotherapy might possibly have been stress on the heart from Carter's head surgery a month ago. He also said that taking medication for only two weeks would not cause such a reversal in the numbers that he saw on the echo-cardiogram. When he told us this, Scott and I were shocked but elated!! We are so thankful to God for this first miracle He has provided, and it IS from Him.

Carter will still take the prescribed medication for his heart for the next 6 weeks. We will then have a follow-up appointment. Our hope is to be able to take him off of all heart medication.

Isn't this great!! We are so excited to have some good news to hold on to.

We give Him all the glory!!

Keep praying for that OTHER miracle!!

Thank you, God, for THIS miracle, and for another day!!

Love,
Leigh Ann

Wednesday, March 10, 2004 11:30pm

Carter's outpatient chemo continues to go well this week. He has been at school for the past two days, and is just loving being with his friends. They all love having him back.

Today and tomorrow are half days at school for teacher conferences...show and tell will be tomorrow, so Comet will be making his first official visit to Providence. Carter cannot wait to show him off. Chemo will continue until Friday, and then we are going to take another family trip since the boys are out on Monday. We can't wait!

Things have been fairly uneventful around here this week, thank goodness, but that doesn't leave me much to write about...I think we can all live with that!

Carter's strength and determination continue to amaze us. Each day we are so thankful to look at his happy, smiling face and to see his continued zest for life...it is so comforting for Scott and me. If it weren't for his cute, little bald head (again) you would never know how sick he really is.

We all went to see Candler's karate class this afternoon after chemo. One of the first things Carter said was, "Mom, when can I start taking private karate lessons again?" He also decided he wants to continue on and play spring baseball at our church. He said, "As long as I can have a pinch runner."

He is definitely not letting this relapse set him back. Yes, he has had his bad days, and those bad days are not over...but as long as he continues to fight for the kind of life that he wants for himself, the bad days will be few and far between.

I know that God is looking down on him with a great, big smile.

I also know that HE is working on THAT miracle.

Thank you, God, for another day...a day that my son was healthy enough to have his chemo.

Love,
Leigh Ann

Monday, March 8, 2004 10:15pm

We had a terrific weekend together in the town of Dahlonega!! When we told Carter that we were going on a family trip together he said, "Is it Disney World?" We hated to disappoint him, but he thought going gold panning sounded pretty cool. To me and Scott, just getting away from Atlanta to be together sounded pretty cool, too.

Carter stayed home from school today because he was exhausted from our trip. I was also....we both slept until 10:00! My wonderful husband got up with Candler and drove carpool. Also, when we got home from Dahlonega on Sunday, my cousin, Wesley, his wife Kelli, and their daughter Alana stopped by for a visit. We played football and kickball on what was a beautiful day!! Wes is a big GT fan and had fun talking with Carter about his day with Reggie Ball. I think he was even a bit jealous! The boys adore Wesley. They talked about him all afternoon after he left to head back to Savannah.

Carter's first dose of chemotherapy began this afternoon. He will be outpatient (yeah!!!) for the next four days for his chemo. The doctors will be monitoring his heart closely since he will be given large amounts of fluid to flush the chemo through his body. The high volume of fluid could potentially affect his heart, causing us to be in-patient for chemo instead (so they could keep a better eye on him). Please pray that does not happen. I can't tell you how exciting it was to not pack a bag for an overnight stay at the hospital!!

Carter will be seeing his cardiologist on Friday morning, followed by the last dose of chemo. The boys have a holiday on Friday and on Monday...we may just be headed on another weekend away together!!

Carter has gotten so many cards made by children from schools all over Atlanta, and all over the state of Georgia!! The cards are so cute...especially the younger ones. I wanted to share a few quotes from them tonight....

"Carter, I hope you fill better."
"We hope you get beter and we hope the canser in your leg gos owy and dose not come back."
"Mirakles do happen."
"Every one in the holl shcool misses you."
"Gergo Tec Rools!!"
"Carter, you rock!"
"You are the toughest guy I know."
"We miss you. I was sitting in your desk on Wednesday."
"Me and my family pray for you everyday."
"Come back NOW."
"Carter, you are a star."

I always love to read what they write. The way these children have responded to Carter and his situation continues amaze me. Thank you, again, to all of the parents who continue to raise their children in such a Godly manner. You have made our journey so much easier.

Keep praying for that miracle.

Thank you, God, for another day.

Love,
Leigh Ann

****** **************This is Jill Wilson...a friend of The Martin Family. Many of you may have seen my message a few weeks ago (posted on "past journals") regarding how you can help give back to the people who have given so much to Carter and the entire Martin Family.

THANK YOU SO MUCH to those of you who have been so generous in donating toward the "teaching doll" and the special equipment for the 3rd Floor AFLAC Cancer Center in Carter's name. The equipment will include updated VCR/DVD TV combos, playstations and computers for the patient's room. After spending many days in a row in the hospital, this equipment can provide relief and distractions for the patients and families.

THE DEADLINE TO DONATE IS MARCH 15...THANK YOU IN ADVANCE FOR YOUR GENEROSITY!!!!!!!!!!! I know we can make a difference for Carter and many of his friends on the 3rd floor.

If you are interested in donating, please contact me at monteandjill@comcast.net and I will give you the details.

Wednesday, March 3, 2004 9:40pm

Friday, March 5, 2004 6:45 pm

This is Leigh Ann's sister providing a brief update. Carter's counts were great this afternoon. The Martin family is having a family weekend.


What a "day in the life" of a 7 year old boy (and a 9 year old boy, too!)

We spent the afternoon at the Georgia Tech campus as VIP's!! Coach Jay Shoop was our host for an incredible day at GT, where we met lots of great people and made lots of precious memories.

We started off in the GT Golf Department where Carter and Candler met Coach Bruce Heppler and Vicky, and got a special tour of the golf facilities...locker rooms, rec rooms, and also saw all of the trophies and memorabilia. The boys got GT golf balls and GT towels from Ms. Vicky!!

Our next stop was the Sports Medicine Department...we got to see several football players and other athletes in there who were in rehab, icing sore muscles, etc. Candler and Carter spent some extra time with GT football players Levon Thomas and Damarius Bilbo. They were great with the boys, and were just genuinely friendly, caring men who were so happy to bring big smiles to little faces.

Coach Shoop then presented Carter with a REAL GT football helmet that was worn by a player last year. He was thrilled, of course, and said he could not believe how heavy it was!!

Finally, we were escorted underneath the football stadium onto Grant Field where GT quarterback Reggie Ball was waiting to meet Carter and Candler...Reggie is Carter's favorite player. They played catch with the football "on the same field where Reggie plays!" (Carter's words). Reggie is such a great guy...he told Carter that "he had quite an arm!" That completely made his day. Coach Chan Gailey came down on the field to greet us all as well.

The boys then took off around the field in the Ramblin' Wreck. Thank you to Bob Hall for arranging that!! Bob and his wife Charlene go WAY back with my Mom and Dad. It was a special day for all of us that was filled with memories to last a lifetime.

The pictures will speak for themselves, as it is evident from the joy on all of our faces. Candler and I became Georgia Tech fans for the day!! Please notice in the pictures that I'm even wearing a Georgia Tech shirt. Can you believe that? (I'm ready for all the grief from my Georgia buddies!!)

Keep praying for that miracle.

Thank you, God, for another glorious day...this one was (per Carter) "the best I've ever had."

...it's one of the best I've ever had, too.

Love,
Leigh Ann


P.S. A special thank you to my cousin "in-law" Jimmy Stoever for getting this Georgia Tech thing started!!

****** **************This is Jill Wilson...a friend of The Martin Family. Many of you may have seen my message a few weeks ago (posted on "past journals") regarding how you can help give back to the people who have given so much to Carter and the entire Martin Family.

THANK YOU SO MUCH to those of you who have been so generous in donating toward the "teaching doll" and the special equipment for the 3rd Floor AFLAC Cancer Center in Carter's name. The equipment will include updated VCR/DVD TV combos, playstations and computers for the patient's room. After spending many days in a row in the hospital, this equipment can provide relief and distractions for the patients and families.

THE DEADLINE TO DONATE IS MARCH 15...THANK YOU IN ADVANCE FOR YOUR GENEROSITY!!!!!!!!!!! I know we can make a difference for Carter and many of his friends on the 3rd floor.

If you are interested in donating, please contact me at monteandjill@comcast.net and I will give you the details.

Tuesday, March 2, 2004 10:50pm

I am happy to report that Carter spent the entire day at school today!! I was a little nervous to have him away from me for that long...it has been since before the surgery that we have been apart for any length of time.

He did get his protective helmet yesterday. That eased my mind a bit. The next time you see him you will not even notice it, as it fits underneath his baseball hat.

I certainly had plenty to do at home while the boys were at school. My Mom is leaving tomorrow, so those of you who have offered to do my laundry, watch out, your days are numbered!!

Merrilee went on a school field trip today with Candler's class to Stone Mountain. They all had a great time. Candler thought it was really neat to have "Nannie" come along for a Providence function. Granddaddy (Jon) has been taking Candler back and forth to karate on Mondays and Wednesdays, which is a terrific help...I have missed getting to watch Candler while he does karate (so does Carter). He loves karate and his Sensei so much! His Sensei is such a wonderful, caring man, and such a positive influence and role model in his life.

Jon took Candler this past Friday night and Saturday to Callaway Gardens for a special trip...just the two of them. Candler has really needed some extra special attention, as this has been extremely difficult time for him. The world that he lives in has been disrupted just like Carter's has...on a different level, of course, but nonetheless different than what he is accustomed to.

My Mom and Dad have been helping at home so much. Mom (laundry, errands, laundry, taking care of Comet, and then more laundry.) Comet has become quite attached to her (and the other way around!) My Dad has been helping drive carpool, and has been Mr. Fix-It for many unfinished projects around our house.

As you can see, we are very well taken care of. This journal tonight is dedicated to our parents. We would have been helpless these last few weeks without you. You have provided for us physically, mentally, and spiritually. Scott and I are the people we are today because of you. When you were raising the two of us, one in Savannah and one in Atlanta, little did you know what you were preparing us for. You were preparing us for each other and for the battle that was ahead of us. The way in which we both were raised led us to each other. We are both fighters, and we thank you for teaching us about strength and about faith.

I thank God everyday that Scott and I found each other. He is the only man I could ever have by my side. Professionals have told us that cancer will either tear your family apart or bring it closer together.

We choose together....all 4 of us.

Keep praying for that miracle.

Thank you, God, for another simple, uneventful day.

Love,
Leigh Ann
_______________________________________
THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR YOUR GENEROUS SUPPORT! WE HAVE DECIDED THAT MARCH 15 WILL BE THE LAST DAY FOR DONATIONS. WE CAN'T WAIT TO GIVE YOU A REPORT ON ALL THE ITEMS THAT WE PURCHASE FOR THE AFLAC CANCER CENTER. THE MARTINS ARE SO THANKFUL!

JILL WILSON
monteandjill@comcast.net

This is Jill Wilson, Friend of The Martin's...so many of you have asked what can you do for The Martin's or to help. First, as we have all mentioned..PRAY, PRAY, PRAY. Beyond that, we can all help the hospital that has been so incredibily supportive and good to our DEAR FRIENDS. Leigh Ann has told me countless times how wonderful all of the staff and support at Egleston Hospital have been for them. She has told me how important the "learning tools" have been for Carter, the art supplies and the many movies they have checked out of the movie library.

"Sweet Sara" is Carter's Child Life Specialist and told me about a few things this special 3rd floor can use. She used a "Teaching Doll" with Carter that had an amputated leg, BUT she did not have the funds ($850) for a "Teaching Doll WITH Rotationplasty" (Carter's procedure)to use with him. If Carter will allow, they can officially name the doll "Carter". She also mentioned the 3rd floor needs new TV/VCR/DVD combo's and new release movies.

If you are interested in donating money toward these items, please contact me at monteandjill@comcast.net. I will collect the money and coordinate the purchase of those items. I plan to include everyone's name on the card to The Martin's and allow Carter to personally give these gifts back to the hospital and for future cancer patients that need all the love and support he has received. Thank you for your support!!!

Jill Wilson
monteandjill@comcast.net

Monday, March 1, 2004 8:45pm

Last night Carter reminded me how very important it is to listen...not only with my ears, but also with my heart.

I was the lucky one who got to crawl into bed with him at 12:45am (he had woken up with a stomachache). As his medicine started to work, I held him close and he drifted off to sleep once again. I was wide awake by this point so I laid there and just listened to him breathe. Such a simple thing, I thought, but something I had never appreciated so much before the past few weeks. To watch the rise and fall of his chest as he took in breath after breath was beautiful. It was then that I realized what a blessing from God that listening truly is...

I certainly have done a lot of talking during my 38 years here on earth. Now, He has told me that it is time for me to listen.

I listened to children and adults at Providence say, "Yeah, it's Carter!!" when they saw us coming down the hall at school this morning.

I listened to Candler announce to everyone in his class how much he loved his brother.

I listened to the bustling of boys pulling their chairs over to Carter's desk so that they could sit with him at lunch.

I listened to the laughter of little first grade friends who were finally back together again after a long separation.

I listened at the end of the day when Carter said, "Mom, I had a great day, but I'm really tired."

I listened tonight when Candler said, "I want to tell you about the scary dream I had last night."

I listened when both of my precious boys said, "I love you, too."

Keep on praying for that miracle.

Thank you, God, for another day...a day in which I can hear You whisper in my ear.

Love,
Leigh Ann

Right this minute I'm listening to my sick husband ask me to bring him some chicken noodle soup upstairs...I guess I need to listen to him, too!

****** **************This is Jill Wilson...a friend of The Martin Family. Many of you may have seen my message a few weeks ago (posted on "past journals") regarding how you can help give back to the people who have given so much to Carter and the entire Martin Family.

THANK YOU SO MUCH to those of you who have been so generous in donating toward the "teaching doll" and the special equipment for the 3rd Floor AFLAC Cancer Center in Carter's name. The equipment will include updated VCR/DVD TV combos, playstations and computers for the patient's room. After spending many days in a row in the hospital, this equipment can provide relief and distractions for the patients and families.

THE DEADLINE TO DONATE IS MARCH 15...THANK YOU IN ADVANCE FOR YOUR GENEROSITY!!!!!!!!!!! I know we can make a difference for Carter and many of his friends on the 3rd floor.

If you are interested in donating, please contact me at monteandjill@comcast.net and I will give you the details.

Sunday, February 29, 2004 10:35 pm

Praise God, we are home!!

Carter is doing great, and was so happy to get out of the hospital today. It feels so right when we are all together under one roof.

We will take each day at a time this week with school, etc. He can't wait to see his friends at Providence. We will start out very slowly, with maybe a few hours per day. One of our sweet nurses told me today, "Let him live his life." That advice has been taken to heart. He can and will do all that he is physically able.

Carter will return to the clinic on Friday to check on his counts before chemo begins again on Monday.

Here we go again....

Keep praying for that miracle.

Thank you, God, for another sunny, beautiful day.

Love,
Leigh Ann

Saturday, February 28, 2004 1:00pm

Happy sunny Saturday to everyone! We are finally seeing some sunshine after several days of rain, overcast skies, and even some snow. We will hope for the sun to shine brightly today inside room 373 at Egleston. Yesterday was not such a great day.

Carter awakened yesterday morning with severe leg pain, this time in his left leg. The nurses came in immediately with morphine to relax him and make him comfortable. After two doses, it finally worked. We made the decision to again use a pain control machine to run a continuos drip, with a button for him to press if the pain got more intense. He pushed the button a few times that morning, but did not have to use it at all the rest of the day. They will begin to ween him off of it today. They did an x-ray of the leg, and it showed nothing. If the pain continues today, the most likely next step will be a CT scan to find out if it is the cancer growing there.

His heart difficulties are slowing improving. The Pulmonologist examined him and read all of the films. The problem is that the heart cannot fully expand the lungs, therefore, leaving fluid behind. He went through respiratory therapy three times yesterday...a resp. technologist came in and basically gave him a "lung massage." Carter did not mind it a bit. After each session, the fluid sounds in his lungs became better.

Then, my sweet husband and mother shoved me out of the door to go get medicine for myself...I started with some type of respiratory infection in the middle of the night on Thursday. I felt terrible (literally) and did not want to leave Carter, but I knew that if I did not take care of myself that I would become more and more useless to him. I got my meds, came home, and went straight to bed around 4:00pm.

When I got up at 7:00pm, I called Scott only to find out that Carter had been throwing up. At that time we didn't know if it was medicine overload on his stomach or a virus beginning. I felt horrible not being there...for Carter and for Scott. Scott does not handle things like that very well.

My Dad was on the way up to the hospital with Scott's clothes, etc. for the night, when Scott called again to say that he was not feeling well, and that several kids on the floor were sick as well. Long story short, Carter threw up a few more times and then was fine, and Scott never did get sick...he was just surrounded by people who were and that did him in. He's so tough!

Everyone is feeling better this morning. I had a great night's sleep, my medicine is working, and I'm ready to go see my baby. Not sure what the day holds for us. I want so badly to bring him home, and I know he is more than ready to be home.

Pray for Carter's strong will to give in a bit so that he will fully cooperate with the resp. therapist. She asks him to cough and he says, "But I don't need to." I'm sure most of you can imagine him saying that.

I will update again today IF there is any news.

Keep praying for that miracle.

Thank you, God, for another beautiful, sunny day.

Love,
Leigh Ann

_______________________________________
This is Jill Wilson, Friend of The Martin's...so many of you have asked what can you do for The Martin's or to help. First, as we have all mentioned..PRAY, PRAY, PRAY. Beyond that, we can all help the hospital that has been so incredibily supportive and good to our DEAR FRIENDS. Leigh Ann has told me countless times how wonderful all of the staff and support at Egleston Hospital have been for them. She has told me how important the "learning tools" have been for Carter, the art supplies and the many movies they have checked out of the movie library.

"Sweet Sara" is Carter's Child Life Specialist and told me about a few things this special 3rd floor can use. She used a "Teaching Doll" with Carter that had an amputated leg, BUT she did not have the funds ($850) for a "Teaching Doll WITH Rotationplasty" (Carter's procedure)to use with him. If Carter will allow, they can officially name the doll "Carter". She also mentioned the 3rd floor needs new TV/VCR/DVD combo's and new release movies.

If you are interested in donating money toward these items, please contact me at monteandjill@comcast.net. I will collect the money and coordinate the purchase of those items. I plan to include everyone's name on the card to The Martin's and allow Carter to personally give these gifts back to the hospital and for future cancer patients that need all the love and support he has received. Thank you for your support!!!

Jill Wilson
monteandjill@comcast.net

Thursday, February 26, 2004 10:15am

7:00PM UPDATE, FEBRUARY 26

Carter did not get to leave the hospital today...and probably won't tomorrow either. My guess is that we are there through the weekend.

The drs. are still not happy with the way his oxygen level is fluctuating up and down. Our next step is to consult with a pulmonologist. That will probably take place in the morning.

Carter's attitude is still good; however, after discovering that Bingo had been cancelled tonight due to the weather, his mood did change a bit. When I go back to the hospital later this evening, I am going to take a package that arrived in the mail today from the Georgia Tech Athletic Department. Maybe that will boost his spirits a bit.

Love,
LA


I am updating today from the school room at Egelston...yes we are still here. Everyone else has the day off today, but Carter wanted to come down and spend a little time at the hospital's school this morning! I am so glad he did.

I'm not sure what the day will bring us, but it is doubtful that we will be leaving. His oxygen level is still not stabilized, and they are still hearing a bit of crackling in his lungs.

He has definitely been in a good mood over the past couple of days. That makes us all happy, and also makes our hospital stay a bit more enjoyable! He is looking forward to playing Bingo tonight...he always comes away with the best prizes!!

They took the stitches out of his head yesterday afternoon. Thank goodness for medication that relaxes kids so they don't feel any pain...at first he was more scared than in real pain, but, as I told the resident neurosurgeon that removed the stitches, "he has been through enough," he agreed and then he waited for the medicine to take affect. Thank the Lord for pediatric doctors. The people here have a true God-given heart for children.

I met a new family last night. Their 13 year old son has just been diagnosed with T-cell lymphoma within the last week. The tumor engulfs his entire chest cavity and is growing around his heart. I met them in the family room last night while I was eating dinner (Scott was in the room with Carter). God spoke to me and told me to reach out to these parents. The very beginning of diagnosis/chemo is so difficult...the shock, terror, anger, helplessness, and fear that you feel is overwhelming. We talked for about an hour about our experience at AFLAC/CHOA, and about Carter's relapse. She said that her son's chemo treatment would last 2 years. His name is Derrick. Please add him to your prayer list.

Talking with the mother last night brought back a flood of memories. Memories that are both joyful and painful. As I was telling her about how this ordeal has made me who I am today, I thought to myself, "I'm happy with who I am today."

Cancer has done that to me. I have become a different person because of it, and I do not want to go back to who I was before. Of course I want to go back to the way THINGS were before, but not back to the person I was. I now have a stronger faith and a stronger walk with the Lord, I have a stronger marraige, and I have a stronger will to accomplish the things God has planned for me to do. I have gained a deeper appreciation for life itself and learned that every day is a gift.

Keep praying for that miracle.

Thank you, God, for Your gift of another day.

Love,
Leigh Ann

_______________________________________
This is Jill Wilson, Friend of The Martin's...so many of you have asked what can you do for The Martin's or to help. First, as we have all mentioned..PRAY, PRAY, PRAY. Beyond that, we can all help the hospital that has been so incredibily supportive and good to our DEAR FRIENDS. Leigh Ann has told me countless times how wonderful all of the staff and support at Egleston Hospital have been for them. She has told me how important the "learning tools" have been for Carter, the art supplies and the many movies they have checked out of the movie library.

"Sweet Sara" is Carter's Child Life Specialist and told me about a few things this special 3rd floor can use. She used a "Teaching Doll" with Carter that had an amputated leg, BUT she did not have the funds ($850) for a "Teaching Doll WITH Rotationplasty" (Carter's procedure)to use with him. If Carter will allow, they can officially name the doll "Carter". She also mentioned the 3rd floor needs new TV/VCR/DVD combo's and new release movies.

If you are interested in donating money toward these items, please contact me at monteandjill@comcast.net. I will collect the money and coordinate the purchase of those items. I plan to include everyone's name on the card to The Martin's and allow Carter to personally give these gifts back to the hospital and for future cancer patients that need all the love and support he has received. Thank you for your support!!!

Jill Wilson
monteandjill@comcast.net

Tuesday, February 24, 2004 11:45pm

Scott took over for me at the hospital this afternoon. I came home to wait for Candler to return from school, and to do a bit of picking-up at my house since my parents were on the way back to Atlanta tonight, thankfully!!

We thought for a moment today that we were going to be released from the hospital. One of the docs (not ours) said it was okay for us to leave, then Dr. Katzenstein came in and told us that going home on oxygen and a pulse/ox machine would be no picnic, but that he would let us if we wanted to. I could tell he really wanted us to stay for another night...what he says goes, and I am glad we trusted him again. Carter's oxygen level had to be increased this afternoon, and his heart rate was very unstable. Scott and I were both relieved that we had taken his advice.

Carter's spirits were definitely lifted today. He was completely different this morning!! I think he is feeling a little better, and does not seen to be losing his energy level at the end of the day.

My Dad and I went back up to the hospital this evening to take Scott his clothes, etc. Yes, Carter is letting Scott spend the night with him tonight (a sign of him feeling better). When we left to come back home, Carter was building model airplanes...still going strong at 10:00pm!! This has not been the case in quite some time. Usually at 7:00 he is ready for bed.

We are not sure what tomorrow will bring, but we are hopeful that they can begin weaning him from the oxygen and he can come home. He has an appointment to have the stitches removed from his head at 1:00pm (it's at Emory so they can just come over at do it in his room). Then at 3:00pm he is due for the fitting for his protective head covering at Scottish Rite. Don't know if that will make it into the plans or not. I am really ready to have his head protected. To say that I am a little nervous about him falling or being accidentally hit would be an understatement.

I have had some friends ask today about how we are taking this latest setback. I cannot say that I have totally absorbed the news of yesterday as of yet. We can deal with the long term effects of heart damage after we finish our fight with Ewing's Sarcoma. Cancer is our biggest enemy right now. Medication will help Carter's heart. We can only take one day at a time...no more.

Finally, tonight God is leading me to share with you the answer to a question that I know has been on your minds....the bone marrow test that was done on Carter the day the tumor was removed from his head was positive. Ewing's cells were found in Carter's bone marrow. That makes his fight all the more difficult. However, we are putting our faith in God and not in statistics.

Faith....I never realized just how deep it can go...or how deep you have to go inside yourself to find all that you need.

Keep praying for that miracle.

Thank you, God, for another day.

Love,
Leigh Ann



_______________________________________
This is Jill Wilson, Friend of The Martin's...so many of you have asked what can you do for The Martin's or to help. First, as we have all mentioned..PRAY, PRAY, PRAY. Beyond that, we can all help the hospital that has been so incredibily supportive and good to our DEAR FRIENDS. Leigh Ann has told me countless times how wonderful all of the staff and support at Egleston Hospital have been for them. She has told me how important the "learning tools" have been for Carter, the art supplies and the many movies they have checked out of the movie library.

"Sweet Sara" is Carter's Child Life Specialist and told me about a few things this special 3rd floor can use. She used a "Teaching Doll" with Carter that had an amputated leg, BUT she did not have the funds ($850) for a "Teaching Doll WITH Rotationplasty" (Carter's procedure)to use with him. If Carter will allow, they can officially name the doll "Carter". She also mentioned the 3rd floor needs new TV/VCR/DVD combo's and new release movies.

If you are interested in donating money toward these items, please contact me at monteandjill@comcast.net. I will collect the money and coordinate the purchase of those items. I plan to include everyone's name on the card to The Martin's and allow Carter to personally give these gifts back to the hospital and for future cancer patients that need all the love and support he has received. Thank you for your support!!!

Jill Wilson
monteandjill@comcast.net

Monday, February 23, 2004 8:00pm

Greetings from Egleston, again!!

Where do I begin.....

I know that many of you were worried when I did not update this site over the weekend. I simply did not have the time or the energy to write. The following will be a brief overview of the events that have happened since you last heard from me.

Friday afternoon we took Carter into the clinic for counts. His counts were zero, as expected. The concern was that Dr. Katzenstein and Dr. Chu heard some "crackling" in one of Carter's lungs. We went down to radiology for an x-ray. Dr. Katzenstein had prepared us for the fact that we could be facing another tumor. Thankfully, it was not. He was not quite sure what it was since Carter was not having any symptoms and the x-ray did not show anything definite. The oxygen in his blood was low, but not low enough to admit him. He sent us home with an antibiotic and scheduled another appointment for us on Monday.

The weekend was filled with birthday parties, spending time with friends, WATCHING A TREEHOUSE BEING BUILT IN OUR BACKYARD!, going to the movies, and taking the boys out for a "fancy" dinner last night at the Lobster Bar at Chops. We had a great time being together. The only downside to the weekend was Carter's level of energy. By the end of the day, it was near zero.

Today we came back to the clinic. Dr. Katzenstein heard the crackling in both lungs. He called for an immediate echocardiogram of Carter's heart, and then we went down for another x-ray. In the moments to follow, we learned that Carter now has heart damage most likely caused by the Doxorubicin chemo that he received last year. He has been given all of the Dox he can have, and it will not be a part of the new chemo. The Dox has caused his heart muscle to be weak, therefore it is having difficulty pumping at optimum efficiency. There is fluid (only droplets) in his lungs due to the heart not being able to pump all of the blood out with ease.

What does all of this mean? We are still processing all of the information we were given today. Right now it means that we have been admitted into the hospital for at least a few days. Carter is on oxygen, and will start heart medication tonight. The medications will help his heart pump stronger and more efficiently without as much difficulty. Hopefully this will remedy his lack of energy.

Is this damage permanent? Yes. As of now we don't know if it will get any worse...the cardiologist told us that it could.

His chemo now will only irritate the problem. When his red blood cell count is down, these symptoms will increase. Our road has not gotten any easier. Carter cannot stand the oxygen tubing up his nose. His spirits are down, as he is tired, and does not want to be in the hospital. I cannot imagine what must be going through his sweet little head. I can hardly think straight to sort out what is going through my own head.

Thank you for checking in. I promise not to go that long without an update again. Sorry that so many of you worried over the weekend.

Keep praying for that miracle.

Thank you, God, for another day.

Love,
Leigh Ann

Thursday, February 19, 2004 11:30PM

I know most of you have already been here tonight...I'm sorry this is so late.

Carter went to school today!! We arrived at 8:00 but he wasn't quite ready to go in. He told me that his stomach was hurting. I was not so convinced this time...he had been so excited talking with Katie in the car about coming back to school, and the minute we pull up to the front door he has a stomach ache. I finally got it out of him that he was nervous about going in. My Carter Martin has never been nervous about anything his entire life!! I almost broke down into tears, and then I got mad. Cancer has done many things to our family over the past 14 months, but I decided right then that I was not going to let it destroy my son's confidence in himself, nor his confidence in me. I want him to believe me when I tell him that "everything's gonna be alright."

After I finally got him out of the car, we went inside where all of the elementary was having a "Sunshine Math" party. No way was I getting him in there!! Fair enough. I sent someone in for two of his best buddies...Grant and Drew, and that was all it took. Those two boys gave up their party time to be with Carter. That's just the way it is at Providence...children who have Christ-like hearts who will do anything to "encourage one another and build each other up."

By the time we got down to their classroom, things were already back to normal. Carter just looked up at me and smiled as if to say, "mom, you were right, they do still love me."

From then on (I stayed for the day with him) when all the other boys (and some of the girls) could not get enough of him. They all wanted to sit by him during snack and at lunch, play with him at free time...they were practically sitting on top of him to see who could get the closest. He had a smile on his face the entire day!! So did I.

My son enjoying school with his friends. What a small, simple blessing...one that I have certainly taken for granted in the past.

By 1:45 he was wiped out...completely exhausted. We left school and headed for physical therapy. The orthotics folks (Caryn, for those of you who read her guest book entry that was a cute "inside joke" !!) is going to make Carter a protective helmet that will sit on his head and will be covered up with a baseball cap. His head needs protection where they removed the diseased skull bone...that is why I stayed with him at school, for my own peace of mind.

All in all it was a great day. I am being summoned to bed right now by an awfully handsome little boy...for those of you who know all of my boys, you are thinking, "Carter or Scott?"

It's Carter and he's wanting some mommy snuggling time. What a hard decision that is....

Keep praying for that miracle.

Thank you, God, for another day.

Love,
Leigh Ann

___________________________________________________________

This is Jill Wilson, Friend of The Martin's...so many of you have asked what can you do for The Martin's or to help. First, as we have all mentioned..PRAY, PRAY, PRAY. Beyond that, we can all help the hospital that has been so incredibily supportive and good to our DEAR FRIENDS. Leigh Ann has told me countless times how wonderful all of the staff and support at Egleston Hospital have been for them. She has told me how important the "learning tools" have been for Carter, the art supplies and the many movies they have checked out of the movie library.

"Sweet Sara" is Carter's Child Life Specialist and told me about a few things this special 3rd floor can use. She used a "Teaching Doll" with Carter that had an amputated leg, BUT she did not have the funds ($850) for a "Teaching Doll WITH Rotationplasty" (Carter's procedure)to use with him. If Carter will allow, they can officially name the doll "Carter". She also mentioned the 3rd floor needs new TV/VCR/DVD combo's and new release movies.

If you are interested in donating money toward these items, please contact me at monteandjill@comcast.net. I will collect the money and coordinate the purchase of those items. I plan to include everyone's name on the card to The Martin's and allow Carter to personally give these gifts back to the hospital and for future cancer patients that need all the love and support he has received. Thank you for your support!!!

Jill Wilson
monteandjill@comcast.net

Wednesday, February 18, 2004 10:30pm

I had good intentions of writing earlier this evening...sorry to keep you up so late looking for an update about Carter.

My day started out great!! By the time I woke up it was already lunchtime. Believe me, I could have gone back to sleep and probably slept a few more hours. There's something about hospital life that wears on your body. When we are released I feel as if I've been in another world in a time warp. It takes a while to get back to normal...whatever that is. I can only imagine how Carter feels. He was so happy to get back into his own bed (ours) last night. Right now, Scott and I are completely comfortable continuing to let him sleep with us. We want to be within arms reach if he needs us in the middle of the night.

We attempted to go to school today around 1:00. He was so excited to get dressed and put on his leather jacket (even though it was warm enough for him to go without it!) He looked so cute and so healthy...and had a big smile on his face. I had to remind myself that he has cancer. Well, we never made it into the school. By the time we got there, his stomach was hurting and he did not want to go in. So, instead we went to Chick-Fil-A and had lunch and then headed over to Scottish Rite for his Physical Therapy appointment. We were running a bit early so I was trying to think of something to do. I decided to take him in to Old Navy and let him pick out some new clothes (for those of you who don't know, Carter is a real clothes horse and very particular about what he wears...he is the girl I never had!). He was so excited when I told him what we were going to do. We went through the boys' area and he selected a few things for himself, and then asked if he could pick out some things for Candler. My heart melted, of course, and I told him that he could and how proud I was of him for thinking of his brother. After we checked out, I was carrying him to the car when he whispered in my ear, "thank you." It was a moment I will never forget. Doing things that he enjoys, like the simple task of shopping, brings joy to my heart.

Scott has finally purchased a toy for himself (the first one in almost 12 years of marriage!). You will have to check out the photo album to see a picture of the new truck. Scott and the boys can't wait to get out on some muddy roads in their new 4 x 4 truck. THAT will bring joy to Scott's heart.

I have gotten back into my routine as Leigh Ann Martin/aka mom, RN. Drugs, meds, and IV antibiotics around the clock. I had to make out a medicine chart so that I would not forget any of them. Carter had his first injection of GCSF today (boosts white cell reproduction)...man I thought I was done with having to give my son a shot everyday. He is so brave. It does not phase him, again. That's just not okay with me. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad he doesn't get upset about it...it's just that he shouldn't have to be enduring this. Oh, how Scott and I wish we could take his place.

My heart is at war with my head right now. I know in my head these are things that we have to do right now to help Carter. But my heart wants him to be a little boy playing baseball, riding his bike, or just a simple thing like going to school. My heart wants him to spend precious time with his friends, participating in class activities, going to birthday parties, etc. Scott always reminds me that "he will do all of those things later, Leigh Ann" but I want him to do them NOW. I guess that's the way Scott and I are helping each other get through this. He sees things in a way that I don't, and vice-versa. My heart wants Carter not to be self-conscious about people seeing his scar on his head...My heart wants it to not matter to him when people ask "why do you limp?" or "why don't you have any hair?" But the plain and simple truth is...he is 7 years old and it DOES matter. It matters to him, so therefore it matters more to me. My heart is winning the war right now and it is tearing me up inside.

Keep praying for that miracle.

Thank you, God, for another day.

Love,
Leigh Ann

Tuesday, February 17, 2004 8:45 PM CST

We are home.

I am so tired tonight that I just do not have the energy to write much more than that. I will update again tomorrow in more detail.

Keep praying for that miracle.

Thank you, God, for another day.

Love,
Leigh Ann

This is Jill Wilson, Friend of The Martin's...so many of you have asked what can you do for The Martin's or to help. First, as we have all mentioned..PRAY, PRAY, PRAY. Beyond that, we can all help the hospital that has been so incredibily supportive and good to our DEAR FRIENDS. Leigh Ann has told me countless times how wonderful all of the staff and support at Egleston Hospital have been for them. She has told me how important the "learning tools" have been for Carter, the art supplies and the many movies they have checked out of the movie library.

"Sweet Sara" is Carter's Child Life Specialist and told me about a few things this special 3rd floor can use. She used a "Teaching Doll" with Carter that had an amputated leg, BUT she did not have the funds ($850) for a "Teaching Doll WITH Rotationplasty" (Carter's procedure)to use with him. If Carter will allow, they can officially name the doll "Carter". She also mentioned the 3rd floor needs new TV/VCR/DVD combo's and new release movies.

If you are interested in donating money toward these items, please contact me at monteandjill@comcast.net. I will collect the money and coordinate the purchase of those items. I plan to include everyone's name on the card to The Martin's and allow Carter to personally give these gifts back to the hospital and for future cancer patients that need all the love and support he has received. Thank you for your support!!!

Jill Wilson
monteandjill@comcast.net

Monday, February 16, 2004 11:00pm

We will be awaiting the news in the morning that we can go home. Carter had another great day today, full of fun, smiles, and laughter.

Scott spent the better part of the day with him, along with my mom and dad. I sorta took the day off....I felt guilty at first, but Carter was fine with it. It is so good for him to depend on Scott. When I am around he only wants me. Scott said that sleeping with him Sunday evening was "the best night of his life." They played games, built legos, and snuggled close to watch movies. Ahhhhh...a perfect night, indeed.

I had a little snuggler of my own...Candler slept with me last night, and it was so wonderful to just be with him. Time has taken on a whole new meaning for us these days. Enjoying and living the moment...something I definitely needed to learn. Scott says that I can never just sit still, and that I always have to be up "doing something." I think that's why this dreaded disease makes me so angry. I am totally helpless, and that's not a situation that I am used to being in. I am the one that can fix things (or so I thought) and make them better.

"Time and how you choose to spend it"....I'm learning that time is the only thing that really matters. Being with the ones I hold most dear in my heart is what I choose to fill my time with. It is amazing the things that you can discover by taking time out to just look, feel, listen, or simply be. Time used to be my biggest enemy in this hectic, crazy world. Time is now my best friend.

Scott and I are both spending the night at the hospital tonight. I was headed for another night off, but that was not to be. Carter called me at home at 10:00 with a very shaky voice and said, "Mom, I want you here." That was all it took, and within minutes my Dad was driving me back to Egleston. Thanks, Daddy.

I will sleep in Carter's bed with him tonight while Scott sleeps on the fold out bed. I will still give Scott all the duties that make him feel important...like getting up every 1 1/2 hours for Carter's potty breaks (fluids are running in him constantly) and getting up in the morning to order breakfast while I get a little more beauty sleep...and believe me I need it. I looked at myself in the mirror this morning and thought, "Who is that person looking back at me?" Then I realized that it was still me...just me that looks a bit older, feels a lot more out of shape with each passing day, and of course is more tired physically and emotionally than I ever dreamed I'd be. I also realized that all those things are reversible (except maybe the older thing).

I know our God is working on a miracle for my baby.

Keep praying for that miracle.

Thank you, God, for another day.

Love,
Leigh Ann

This is Jill Wilson, Friend of The Martin's...so many of you have asked what can you do for The Martin's or to help. First, as we have all mentioned..PRAY, PRAY, PRAY. Beyond that, we can all help the hospital that has been so incredibily supportive and good to our DEAR FRIENDS. Leigh Ann has told me countless times how wonderful all of the staff and support at Egleston Hospital have been for them. She has told me how important the "learning tools" have been for Carter, the art supplies and the many movies they have checked out of the movie library.

"Sweet Sara" is Carter's Child Life Specialist and told me about a few things this special 3rd floor can use. She used a "Teaching Doll" with Carter that had an amputated leg, BUT she did not have the funds ($850) for a "Teaching Doll WITH Rotationplasty" (Carter's procedure)to use with him. If Carter will allow, they can officially name the doll "Carter". She also mentioned the 3rd floor needs new TV/VCR/DVD combo's and new release movies.

If you are interested in donating money toward these items, please contact me at monteandjill@comcast.net. I will collect the money and coordinate the purchase of those items. I plan to include everyone's name on the card to The Martin's and allow Carter to personally give these gifts back to the hospital and for future cancer patients that need all the love and support he has received. Thank you for your support!!!

Jill Wilson
monteandjill@comcast.net

Sunday, February 15, 2004 10:45pm

My mind is filled with happy memories of today. Our sweet, spirited Carter is "back."

The minute he woke up this morning (a bit too early for me) he wanted to get dressed. He called Scott and asked him to bring his jeans and his favorite GT t-shirt. (I knew where this was going all along....Carter has been the king of fashion since he was 3 years old.) He absolutely could not wait to put on his new leather jacket that his buddy, Grant, gave him yesterday. Now he and Grant have matching jackets...they call themselves "rock stars" all the time, so I guess it's only fitting for them to have jackets that match. Every time we left the room today he wore that jacket.

He also put on his leg for the first time in a long time today. It was painful for him to stand at first. Afterall, he has not walked in over a week...and in limited quantities over the past 6 weeks. Tomorrow I will bet he starts trying to walk. A fighting spirit...we are counting on that from Carter. He has always given us this type of determination in the past, and I can slowly see that strong will returning.

As far as medically speaking, today was a great day for Carter. The doctors think that Carter has/had a deep tissue skin infection in his knee/femur. It was severely swollen on Friday. Antibiotics started immediately and are working well. We are in high hopes that the chemo is also playing a role in Carter's newly developing "good mood." He has had no side effects from any of the drugs, and boy has he had a lot of them. Today I found myself staring at all of the various lines and tubes hanging from his port which were all connected to the machines and pumps attatched to his IV pole. I remember seeing kids like that when we were having our standard protocol treatment last year. Never did I dream that in 2004 we would be there, too.

We are not sure if we will be coming home tomorrow or not. I am guessing Tuesday. My sweet, loving husband sent me home for the night. I can't think of the last time I had a full night's rest. I can't wait to sleep in our bed, but nights are long when I am there alone. I have a deep longing for our family to be together...under one roof. We need to be together. I don't feel complete when we are apart.

I told my mom tonight that I feel overwhelmed by all of the people who are reaching out to us now. Things are happening so quickly as far as the gifts, food, gifts, cards, gifts, balloons, and more gifts that keep pouring into our hospital room and our home. Your sweet hearts are such a comfort to us during what is an almost unbearable time for our family.

We are so blessed to have each of you. God loves us so much.

Keep praying for that miracle.

Thank you, God, for another day.

Love,
Leigh Ann




This is Jill Wilson, Friend of The Martin's...so many of you have asked what can you do for The Martin's or to help. First, as we have all mentioned..PRAY, PRAY, PRAY. Beyond that, we can all help the hospital that has been so incredibily supportive and good to our DEAR FRIENDS. Leigh Ann has told me countless times how wonderful all of the staff and support at Egleston Hospital have been for them. She has told me how important the "learning tools" have been for Carter, the art supplies and the many movies they have checked out of the movie library.

"Sweet Sara" is Carter's Child Life Specialist and told me about a few things this special 3rd floor can use. She used a "Teaching Doll" with Carter that had an amputated leg, BUT she did not have the funds ($850) for a "Teaching Doll WITH Rotationplasty" (Carter's procedure)to use with him. If Carter will allow, they can officially name the doll "Carter". She also mentioned the 3rd floor needs new TV/VCR/DVD combo's and new release movies.

If you are interested in donating money toward these items, please contact me at monteandjill@comcast.net. I will collect the money and coordinate the purchase of those items. I plan to include everyone's name on the card to The Martin's and allow Carter to personally give these gifts back to the hospital and for future cancer patients that need all the love and support he has received. Thank you for your support!!!

Jill Wilson
monteandjill@comcast.net

Saturday, February 14, 2004 11:30am

9:30pm

Carter had quite a day!! His hospital room looks like a balloon and stuffed animal factory!! The stuffed animal collection has to be pushing 500 by now. They are all so special to him!! He remembers each and every animal and who gave it to him.

Carter's day has been mostly pain free. He has felt like doing more today than he has in a week. It was a joy for us to see him with some energy and spunk.

To our special friends that were at the hospital with us today...there are no words for your magnificent faith and love you have in and for our Lord. The events of the day will remain locked in our hearts for eternity. Thank you for your commitment!!

Special thanks to Steven and Emily...you are incredible young people who have touched the innermost portion of Carter's heart and soul. Your parents have to be so proud. I know God is.

A happy valentine's night to all of you. I am about to wake my sleeping valentine from his 2 hour nap and send him home for the evening.

Keep praying for that miracle.

Thank you, God, for another day.

Love,
Leigh Ann

Happy Valentine's Day!!

Late yesterday it was determined that Carter has an infection in his right leg. Yes, the Ewing's is still there too, just not in his bone. He is on antibiotics now, and will be for the next 10 days. The antibiotics need to work quickly before the chemo knocks his white count down to zero.

Unfortunately this means that we will not be going home tomorrow, and possibly not even on Monday. They really want to keep a close eye on him.

As for right now, Carter does seem to be in better spirits today. He woke up hungry and well rested. I think a large part is due to the pain control he had overnight.

Something else I want to mention....it has weighed heavy on my heart over the past few days. Carter's doctors....Dr. Katzenstein and Dr. Chu. Please add them to your prayers. I know they feel helpless at times like this, but especially with Carter. As I have said many times, they are family to us and I know they love Carter so, so much. The pain that they are dealing with, although different, is still difficult for them as human beings...not just as doctors.

I will update later on this evening.

Love,
Leigh Ann

____________________________________________________________

This is Jill Wilson...I had the opportunity to have a short visit with Carter and The Martin's last night. Carter seems to be doing well, but is really exhausted as you would expect. LA & Scott are also very tired. The entire Martin Family truly appreciates everyone's love and support during this time. At this point, they want you to continue to PRAY, PRAY and PRAY.

I know that so many of you are like us and want to be there at the hospital with them, however ,I think right now they need time to rest, heal and be together as a family. What Carter AND the Family need most is uninterrupted rest.

Please continue to keep them in your prayers...Miracles can happen.
________________________________________
This is Jill Wilson, Friend of The Martin's...so many of you have asked what can you do for The Martin's or to help. First, as we have all mentioned..PRAY, PRAY, PRAY. Beyond that, we can all help the hospital that has been so incredibily supportive and good to our DEAR FRIENDS. Leigh Ann has told me countless times how wonderful all of the staff and support at Egleston Hospital have been for them. She has told me how important the "learning tools" have been for Carter, the art supplies and the many movies they have checked out of the movie library.

"Sweet Sara" is Carter's Child Life Specialist and told me about a few things this special 3rd floor can use. She used a "Teaching Doll" with Carter that had an amputated leg, BUT she did not have the funds ($850) for a "Teaching Doll WITH Rotationplasty" (Carter's procedure)to use with him. If Carter will allow, they can officially name the doll "Carter". She also mentioned the 3rd floor needs new TV/VCR/DVD combo's and new release movies.

If you are interested in donating money toward these items, please contact me at monteandjill@comcast.net. I will collect the money and coordinate the purchase of those items. I plan to include everyone's name on the card to The Martin's and allow Carter to personally give these gifts back to the hospital and for future cancer patients that need all the love and support he has received. Thank you for your support!!!

Jill Wilson
monteandjill@comcast.net

Friday, February 13, 2004 11:30AM

11:15pm

Chemo has been given...with no side effects, thankfully. Please pray for the drugs to have a powerful and dramatic impact on the cancer cells growing in his body.

Carter's leg pain is subsiding since he got his pain control pump today. He simply pushes a button when he is in pain. Please pray for the drugs to have a powerful and dramatic impact on the pain he has been experiencing.

Thank you, God, for another day.

Love,
Leigh Ann
________________________________________

11:30am

Carter will begin chemotherapy this afternoon. We are in hopes that this will alleviate the pain in his right leg that has become more intense over the past few days. After an MRI late yesterday afternoon, it was determined that the cancer is in his leg (right above his knee) afterall.

We will remain in the hospital over the weekend. Hopefully we will be able to go home on Sunday afternoon. If so, we will return to the clinic on Monday and Tuesday mornings for outpatient chemo to complete the first 5 day cycle.

For now, keep praying for that miracle.

Love,
Leigh Ann
________________________________________
This is Jill Wilson...I had the opportunity to have a short visit with Carter and The Martin's last night. Carter seems to be doing well, but is really exhausted as you would expect. LA & Scott are also very tired. The entire Martin Family truly appreciates everyone's love and support during this time. At this point, they want you to continue to PRAY, PRAY and PRAY.

I know that so many of you are like us and want to be there at the hospital with them, however ,I think right now they need time to rest, heal and be together as a family. What Carter AND the Family need most is uninterrupted rest.

Please continue to keep them in your prayers...Miracles can happen.
________________________________________
This is Jill Wilson, Friend of The Martin's...so many of you have asked what can you do for The Martin's or to help. First, as we have all mentioned..PRAY, PRAY, PRAY. Beyond that, we can all help the hospital that has been so incredibily supportive and good to our DEAR FRIENDS. Leigh Ann has told me countless times how wonderful all of the staff and support at Egleston Hospital have been for them. She has told me how important the "learning tools" have been for Carter, the art supplies and the many movies they have checked out of the movie library.

"Sweet Sara" is Carter's Child Life Specialist and told me about a few things this special 3rd floor can use. She used a "Teaching Doll" with Carter that had an amputated leg, BUT she did not have the funds ($850) for a "Teaching Doll WITH Rotationplasty" (Carter's procedure)to use with him. If Carter will allow, they can officially name the doll "Carter". She also mentioned the 3rd floor needs new TV/VCR/DVD combo's and new release movies.

If you are interested in donating money toward these items, please contact me at monteandjill@comcast.net. I will collect the money and coordinate the purchase of those items. I plan to include everyone's name on the card to The Martin's and allow Carter to personally give these gifts back to the hospital and for future cancer patients that need all the love and support he has received. Thank you for your support!!!

Jill Wilson
monteandjill@comcast.net

Wednesday, February 11, 2004 5:45pm

Thursday, 9:00 a.m.
This Jill Wilson...I had the opportunity to have a short visit with Carter and The Martin's last night. Carter seems to be doing well, but is really exhausted as you would expect. LA & Scott are also very tired. The entire Martin Family truly appreciates everyone's love and support during this time. At this point, they want you to continue to PRAY, PRAY and PRAY.

I know that so many of you are like us and want to be there at the hospital with them, however ,I think right now they need time to rest, heal and be together as a family. What Carter AND the Family need most is uninterrupted rest.

Please continue to keep them in your prayers...Miracles can happen.


Wednesday, 11:45pm

We are closing out another day. Another day filled with hope and faith...

Tomorrow they will remove the additional IV lines from Carter's arms since he now has his port again. He is not looking forward to that.

Dr. Mapstone came by and told us that Carter was doing great, and that the bandages on his head would be removed tomorrow. He will have to wear some sort of helmet to protect his head when he is up moving around. In his little creative mind he is already "designing" the helmet. He wants it to be black with a GT on it and gold "fire" painted on the back. Maybe we'll all get one!

Until tomorrow....

Thank you, God, for another day.

Love,
Leigh Ann



Wednesday, 5:45pm

Carter has been back on the third floor since about 10:30am this morning. He is feeling pretty good and still looks so amazing to have been through all that he has in the last 24 hours.

I know you all are desperately seeking information. Right now, our greatest need from you is prayer.


Pray for Candler as we are apart from him.

Pray for healing from surgery so that the next course of treatment can begin.

Pray for Carter to be free from pain.

Pray for the cancer cells to weaken and slow down so that treatment can catch up.


Pray for a miracle.

Love,
Leigh Ann

This is Jill Wilson, Friend of The Martin's...so many of you have asked what can you do for The Martin's or to help. First, as we have all mentioned..PRAY, PRAY, PRAY. Beyond that, we can all help the hospital that has been so incredibily supportive and good to our DEAR FRIENDS. Leigh Ann has told me countless times how wonderful all of the staff and support at Egleston Hospital have been for them. She has told me how important the "learning tools" have been for Carter, the art supplies and the many movies they have checked out of the movie library.

"Sweet Sara" is Carter's Child Life Specialist and told me about a few things this special 3rd floor can use. She used a "Teaching Doll" with Carter that had an amputated leg, BUT she did not have the funds ($850) for a "Teaching Doll WITH Rotationplasty" (Carter's procedure)to use with him. If Carter will allow, they can officially name the doll "Carter". She also mentioned the 3rd floor needs new TV/VCR/DVD combo's and new release movies.

If you are interested in donating money toward these items, please contact me at monteandjill@comcast.net. I will collect the money and coordinate the purchase of those items. I plan to include everyone's name on the card to The Martin's and allow Carter to personally give these gifts back to the hospital and for future cancer patients that need all the love and support he has received. Thank you for your support!!!

Jill Wilson
monteandjill@comcast.net

_______________________________________

Wednesday, February 11, 2004 8am EST

Wednesday - 8am:

Carter opened his eyes around midnight last night. It was so good to see those baby blues. LA thinks it was because Carter heard her voice, I think it was because I told him GT had just whipped UNC. We talked a little about the surgery and told him what had happened, how long it took, how the tumor came out, etc. He instantly asked if they had taken the tumor in his back (spine) out. Amazing that he focused on that. We watched some animal planet and sports before I took off and left him and LA for the night. LA said he did well throughout the night, even got a little hungry, ate some cereal and drank some blue gatorade. His ICU nurse showed me his blood info and according to her, everything appears to be good or at least moving in the right direction. This is important, so that we can get him back up to the 3rd floor (AFLAC Cancer Center) and all his nurse buddies which make him smile. We pray for a quick recovery so that the doctors can move quickly into the next phase of chemotherapy. He says his only pain now is in his back (because they took marrow from his pelvic bone - not fun). We expect to see the results from the marrow test today. We pray it will be clean and free of cancer cells. I am sure LA will check in again later today after she gets up. Until then, we continue to humble ourselves in front of our Lord.


11:00pm
We are settling down for the night here at our home away from home. Carter is still very sleepy, but his condition is very stable. Scott is with him now as I update the site for the final time tonight.

The events of this day have been overwhelming. I reach deep for the strength to carry me into tomorrow... strength to sustain me through the coming days, as they will not get any easier.

Today was a victory, indeed, but Carter still has a big war left to fight.

Thank you, God, for another day.

Love,
Leigh Ann

3:30pm
Scott and I got to see Carter at 2:00...he looks fantastic!! He is still sleepy from the anesthesia, but responded to us when we kissed and loved on him.

I feel as if I can breathe again. We are now waiting on preliminary results from the bone marrow biopsy.

The tumor in his head came out very easily. The drs. said it was not "attatched" to anything, and that his brain was definitely ready to "get rid of it." I can tell just by looking at him that he feels relief already.

Pray for an uneventful night. He will remain in PICU overnight and into the day tomorrow.

Thank you to Steve and Johnna Platt for providing food, food, and more food for all of the friends and family that were here with us. It was a small army...and our prayer warrior, Lamar Lussi, was leading the battle. We love you beyond measure.

Updates will continue...Leigh Ann
______________________________________
This is Jill Wilson, Friend of The Martin's...so many of you have asked what can you do for The Martin's or to help. First, as we have all mentioned..PRAY, PRAY, PRAY. Beyond that, we can all help the hospital that has been so incredibily supportive and good to our DEAR FRIENDS. Leigh Ann has told me countless times how wonderful all of the staff and support at Egleston Hospital have been for them. She has told me how important the "learning tools" have been for Carter, the art supplies and the many movies they have checked out of the movie library.

"Sweet Sara" is Carter's Child Life Specialist and told me about a few things this special 3rd floor can use. She used a "Teaching Doll" with Carter that had an amputated leg, BUT she did not have the funds ($850) for a "Teaching Doll WITH Rotationplasty" (Carter's procedure)to use with him. If Carter will allow, they can officially name the doll "Carter". She also mentioned the 3rd floor needs new TV/VCR/DVD combo's and new release movies.

If you are interested in donating money toward these items, please contact me at monteandjill@comcast.net. I will collect the money and coordinate the purchase of those items. I plan to include everyone's name on the card to The Martin's and allow Carter to personally give these gifts back to the hospital and for future cancer patients that need all the love and support he has received. Thank you for your support!!!

Jill Wilson
monteandjill@comcast.net

_______________________________________

Great news! Carter's surgery went very well and he is now in the post-anesthesia recovery room. We should be able to see him in about an hour-hour and a half. He is sleeping comfortably. Be assured your prayers are being heard and felt by everyone!




We took Carter down for surgery this morning around 8:30am...a bit earlier than originally planned.

We got the news from Dr. Mapstone at 10:30am that the entire tumor had been removed both below and above the skull, and that Carter did great. They are not finished yet, as the port has to be placed and a bone marrow sample has to be taken.

Dr. Mapstone said that the tumor does indeed look cancerous, but the lab has not confirmed that yet. Only a matter of time before they do.

The skull bone was deteriorated at the tumor site as expected. That portion of bone has been removed. Nothing will be put back in its place at this time due to the increased risk of infection. That is something that Scott and I hope we will have to worry about at a later date.

The important thing right now is that God has gotten Carter through this phase of the surgery...PRAISE HIM!!!

We will update again when he is in recovery or if we get any more news.

Monday, February 9, 2004 10:00pm

Carter is sleeping comfortably tonight with his mom and dad right beside him. To tell you the level of anxiety and fear that we are experiencing would be impossible. We are not certain that we understand it ourselves.

At the same time, however, we have to also tell you about the inner peace that has taken a place in our souls and is resting quite comfortably there. God is near.

Today we had to make difficult decisions regarding Carter's treatment. At least surgery was an option. Others that have walked this path have not been so blessed. God is near.

We have a team of doctors who are experts in their respective fields. These doctors are also human...they are hurting for and with us. They are people we call friends. God is near.

Today we got to see our child laugh and smile with his friends and his puppy, Comet.....God is near.

Tonight we are covered in prayer from family, friends, and strangers...our brothers and sisters in Christ. God is near.

We have shed more tears over the past few days than we ever thought humanly possible. This evening our tears, for the moment, have dried up. God is near.

We realize that we have been given another day. God is near.

Our love,
Scott and Leigh Ann

Monday, February 9, 2004 1:20pm

Please join friends & family tonight at BRIARLAKE BAPTIST CHURCH 7 p.m.-9 p.m.in the Chapel to pray for Carter Martin,his family and the doctors. BRIARLAKE BAPTIST welcomes EVERYONE!

This is Anne and Lisa, updating for LA and Scott. They wanted us to let everyone know that the decision has been made to remove the tumor on Carter's skull at 10:00am on Tuesday morning. It has been determined that this is the best first step to alleviate his symptoms, including his pain. Carter is in good spirits and beating us all at PlayStation today. We covet your prayers for Dr. Mapstone, the neurosurgeon, as well as all other medical personel involved. Please pray for comfort and strength for Scott, Leigh Ann and their family as they go through this.

Sunday, February 8, 2004 7:00AM EST

Good Morning...Monday. This is Jill Wilson updating the website for LA and Scott. They are both at the hospital this morning and unable to update this website.
Last night, Carter was feeling pain in his mouth and at his doctor's request they took him to the emergency room. His doctor kept him there overnight and they started doing additional testing at 6:15a.m. Needless to say, Carter is exhausted and so is LA & Scott. Your prayers for LA & Scott are extremely important this morning and as they make their final decisions with his team of doctors. As you all know, LA & Scott are relying heavily on the power of prayer today and everyday.

So many of you ask "What can I do for them?"...can I bring them food, mow their grass, bring toys, etc. Well, today you really don't need to do any of those things, but simply PRAY. You have an opportunity to do that tonight at BRIARLAKE BAPTIST CHURCH 7 P.M. - 9 P.M. IN THE CHAPEL.

Briarlake Baptish Church welcomes ANYONE to participate regardless Church membership.

PLEASE READ THIS WEBSITE AGAIN LATER TODAY FOR MORE DETAILS.






Good Sunday Morning. Thank you God for this day.

Carter had an amazing day yesterday (Saturday). We started out with a few rounds of bingo at the hospital (Carter and Candler won big again). Then, Carter's biggest wish for the past several years was fulfilled - He got a PUPPY! And I don't mean just any puppy. This is a puppy that will stay 'puppy size'. Thanks to the Wilson and Holtzclaw families - words fall far short of expressing your symbol of love. Comet is now adjusting to life in the Martin house and I think he likes it. A most adorable 6 week old shih-tzu, Comet is the dog Carter has always wanted. Sits in his lap, soft, cuddly, full of love. Carter and Comet fell asleep together in our bed last night, what a sight, with Carter just staring into Comet's face until he passed out. True puppy love. The rest of the day included family fun and friends at the hospital, highlighted in the end by watching a Georgia Tech basketball victory with Dad. After the game, Leigh Ann and I had the talk with the boys, preparing Carter and Candler for this next phase, putting our game face on. It is on. It was an amazing time, LA and I will never forget - there were prayers and angels surrounding our family at this time. I never had a brother, but if I did, I would wish for Candler. In the heat of the battle, Candler knows where to go for help. Simply amazing to hear his expressions to God. What a wingman Carter has in his brother.

In the evening, LA and I had some quality time with our parents and some of our dearest friends.

No decisions have been made at this time in regards to the next step of treatment. We expect to have conversations with the doctors today and begin making plans for the upcoming week. When those plans are made, we will let everyone know so that specific prayers can be lifted up.

We look forward to a quiet family day today, just enjoying the presence of one another, and of course, Comet.

LA and I thank you for your continued prayers for our son, our family, and the doctors.



Friday, February 6th, 2004, 10:30pm

Most of you, our dear friends and family, and many we have never met, have grown accustomed to seeing my wife's wonderful messages on this web site, keeping everyone updated about the battle our son Carter is waging against cancer. Tonight, I break radio silence for the first time and give my precious wife a rest, as she is no doubt shouldering the more important task of holding and comforting a living angel throughout this night.

Today, Carter underwent a complete round of scans on his body to determine the source of the fevers and pain he has experienced over the past month. We now know. The scans show that the cancer has returned. Carter has a tumor in his head, and a second tumor in his spine.

Carter is resting comfortably at the hospital tonight, tired, and free of pain. LA and I had several meetings with doctors this afternoon and have many decisions to make over the next few days as we prepare for this new battle. We ask for prayers of strength for Carter along with his best brother Candler, and for clarity in decision making for LA and I. We ask for prayers to cover our doctors.

I will update again once we know more specific information about our path of treatment options. Until then, please remember Carter in your prayers.

Please also know that we have not yet spoken with Carter and Candler about the results of the tests. We will be doing this some time today, Saturday. Pray that our words will show the strength that comes only from our Lord, and that God is not leaving us during this time nor the days ahead, but drawing us nearer to his side.

Tuesday, February 3, 2004 8:27 PM CST

THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 5
Carter spent most of the day at school today!! His pains and fevers have been minimal. We are so grateful for your unceasing prayers!!

Carter will also have a CT scan tomorrow. The scan will be taken of his lungs, abdomen and pelvis. This scan is not something that has been added at the last minute...it has been scheduled all along, I just didn't realize that it was going to be tomorrow. We are glad that we will do both in one day. Once again, Carter had a CT scan in December...everything looked great.

Tomorrow cannot come soon enough for us. We are ready for answers and ready for whatever step God has planned for us next.

WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 4
Carter's head to toe bone scan is scheduled for Friday morning at 7:30am at Egleston. The scan itself does not begin right at 7:30...Carter will have to be injected with contrast, and will also have to drink contrast (he isn't too fond of that). We will then have to wait a couple of hours for the contrast to work and then the scan will take place. We will know the results before we leave the hospital on Friday afternoon. I promise to update the website as soon as possible.

Also, I forgot to let you know that on Monday, February 9, Carter will have another echocardiogram of his heart. He had one done in December that showed his heart was healthy and strong. They are checking again just to make sure that there is no infection going on.

Carter had a pretty good day today. He even went to school for a few hours!! His head seemed to be the only source of pain throughout the day. He had Motrin every 6 hours, and that did seem to help keep his fevers down a bit. His highest temp today was 100.2. He also had a very big adjustment to his prosthetic...his foot now sits perfectly straight!! I know that's probably hard for most of you to understand, but it is a good thing!! It makes him stand up much more straight and tall, and allows him more movement and flexibility with his walking. He is still working hard with his therapist, Miss Colleen, but this illness has definitely set him back a bit.

Thank you for all of your prayers. Carter's relief from pain today, even if slightly, was answered prayer. I know that he felt it, too.

I will end with a sweet story....when I went to school to pick Carter up today for his prosthetic appointment, his class was in the library. His precious friend, Drew Kindig, saw me first and said, "Aaaawwwwwhhh, are you coming to get Carter already?" I told him yes that Carter had an appointment. Drew responded, "but we just got him back!!"

Hopefully, Drew will get to see Carter again tomorrow.

Tuesday, February 3, 2004
I can always tell when people are coming here to this site hoping for an update...(around 200 hits since this time last night gives me a pretty good clue!)

We are continuing to watch Carter very closely, monitoring both fevers and pain. What we are noticing is that the fevers and pain tend to go hand in hand. What does this mean? We don't know yet.

Since I last updated, our goal has been to get in to see Dr. David Monson (orthopaedic oncologist at Emory who saw Carter prior to his rotationplasty). Dr. Katzenstein and Dr. Chu wanted Dr. Monson to see Carter before we go forward with any other tests. Thank goodness we were able to see Dr. Monson this afternoon. Unfortunately, we did not get any real answers, (not that we were expecting to solve everything in one afternoon). He does want to schedule Carter for another bone scan...sooner rather than later. That means this week. FYI, Carter had a bone scan back in December that came back clean.

Nothing that Dr. Monson said today was particularly "alarming" for Scott and me. Right now I think all the doctors are erring on the side of caution. Fine with me! We do have Dr. Scarborough "in the loop" with all of this, and his eyes will definitely be on Carter's scans.

In my heart, I just know this cannot be a Ewing's Sarcoma relapse....there...I said it. I know that you are all thinking it, just as we are. We are desperately trying not to let our minds wander down that road. Carter's doctors have reminded us about his cancer being localized, not being in his bone marrow, the 100 percent kill rate in the primary tumor that was removed, a successful surgery, and clean scans....that does make us feel better.

But, right now we need much more than just to "feel better." We need cold, hard facts that tell us that the cancer is definitely NOT back, and that we are simply dealing with a virus that refuses to let go since Carter's immune system is still trying to rebound from the chemo. We need answers. As I've said many times before, the only two things in which we have faith are God and Carter's doctors. I know that through this faith we will get the answers that we desperately need.

We have friends praying in groups tonight in a friend's home, and tomorrow morning at Providence for our son. We ask you, beg you even, please get down on your knees and pray for Carter. Pray for his pain to ease. Pray for his immune system to rebound and fight. Pray for answers.

Our love,
Scott, Leigh Ann, Candler, and Carter

P.S. I have always thought that this angel background was a bit too "baby" for Carter's website, but when I looked at it tonight I changed my mind. It is exactly how I feel right now....I need angels (you) holding my little lamb up before the Lord.

Saturday, January 31, 2004 10:31 PM CST

We had such a happy start to our week with Carter's port being removed, but now we again covet your prayers as Carter's fever and pain has returned.

At this point and time we are not sure if this is related to the fever and pain that plagued Carter for the first two and a half weeks of January. His doctors are right on top of it and are monitoring him very closely. Again, we are so blessed to have Dr. Katzenstein and Dr. Chu on Carter's side. They are diligently seeking a source for all of this turmoil that has continued to prevent us from feeling totally freed from the grasp of Ewing's Sarcoma.

Carter's little body is still in a recovery phase from the chemotherapy, and along with having had surgery five days ago, he has also had a sick brother in the house for the past 4 days. It definitely could be a second virus that has gotten him down again.

The best analogy for our emotions right now is to tell you that once again we feel like we are on a roller coaster ride that refuses to stop and let us get off. The hills have been very steep over the past year; however, the ones over the past month have been the scariest yet.

Please pray diligently for the doctors to find an answer, for Carter's pain to stop, and for a calming peace to come over Scott and me. Right now, the fear of the unknown is an extremely difficult place for us to be.

Our love,
Scott, Leigh Ann, Candler, and Carter

Monday, January 26, 2004 12:32 AM CST

JANUARY 27 UPDATE

We were released from the hospital at 2:00, and Carter is officially "port free"....I cannot describe the feeling of freedom that I feel for all of us!! He is resting very comfortably and in no pain whatsoever, so far.

As usual Carter was a real trooper throughout the entire procedure. He was already awake as they were wheeling him out of the operating room! He spent about 20 minutes in recovery and then was brought back up to the 6th floor where we were anxiously waiting for him.

Today was such a happy, emotional time for us as we reflected back to where we were at this time last year....just having had the port "installed" and awaiting chemotherapy to begin. Today was so very different. In a way, it brought a certain feeling of closure to what will hopefully be the most difficult part of our long road. Thank you for sharing in our excitement on this very important day!!

Love,
Leigh Ann

Carter will have his port removed tomorrow!!

The surgery is scheduled for 12:30pm at Egleston. Please pray for Carter as "the anesthesia mask" is not one of his favorite things. Also pray for Dr. Ricketts' hands to be calm and steady, and to be directed by the Lord as he operates on our baby.

Many of you have asked, "Is this major surgery?" The answer is yes...anytime you are under anesthesia it is major surgery. And it is also major since it is happening to OUR child!! Also pray for mine and Scott's nerves to stay calm and relaxed. It is still a very emotional time for us.

Hopefully tomorrow will be "uneventful" and we can close the chapter on surgery.

Our love,
Scott, Leigh Ann, Candler, and Carter

Wednesday, January 21, 2004 8:55 PM CST

Carter returned to school yesterday after a long, very restful weekend. He was a bit apprehensive about going....after all, he had not been in school since December 19!! He was also a bit afraid that he would not feel well and that mom would not be there to "make it better."

Carter had gotten very used to being at home with me...a little too comfortable. I was so glad that he was finally able to return yesterday. He definitely needed a change of scenery, and to get back on a routine at school.

He was very happy to see his friends and his teacher, Mrs. Underwood. I called Mrs. Underwood to check on him, and she said the kids were so glad to have him back and that he had "transitioned" just fine back with his classmates. They are such a great group of children...I never thought it would be any different! It all stems from the level of comfort that they have with Mrs. Underwood and with each other. Thanks, Kay, for making everything so easy!!

Thank you for all of your prayers during this very stressful time. We are so glad it is behind us. We are hopeful (& prayerful) that Carter will remain well during this sick, winter season.

As for me, I am now busy with all of the "New Years" stuff I was supposed to be doing weeks ago. I think here in the Martin house we are going to have another countdown to midnight on January 31...we would like to start our New Year over on February 1st!!

Our love,
Scott, Leigh Ann, Candler, and Carter

P.S. I'll bet Dr's. Katzenstein and Chu have really missed me calling them every single day!!

Friday, January 16, 2004 11:20 PM CST

After a very long day at the hospital Carter is sleeping peacefully.

As you all have read here on this website time and time again, Carter's doctors mean the world to us. We value their friendship and, more importantly, their medical expertise beyond measure. I am resting comfortably in their knowledge this evening. Carter has had a virus for the past 2 1/2 weeks....nothing more. The virus will eventually finish its course.

Have I over-reacted? Maybe. Will I over-react again? Probably.....(just a little "heads up" warning for Dr. Katzenstein and Dr. Chu.) I think they have already anticipated that knowing me the way that they do!!

Everyone can take a deep breath...(myself included). In a few more days, Carter will be just fine!

Thank you for your continued prayers,
Leigh Ann

P.S. Can you believe a year has passed? One year ago tomorrow, January 17, 2003, Carter was diagnosed with Ewing's Sarcoma.

Sunday, January 11, 2004 10:12 PM CST

UPDATE JAN.15
Evidently this thing is not over yet.
Our roller coaster ride continues....Carter has still not returned to school due to low grade fevers and pain. He was fever-free for about 36 hours.
We will go to the clinic tomorrow and I will post any news that we receive.
He has really been "down" the last couple of days. Please continue to include us in your prayers.

UPDATE JAN. 13
Carter's fever broke again last night (this morning, rather) around 12:00am. He has been fever free since then!! Thank you for all of your prayers....not sure if this thing is really over yet, but he has been a different child this afternoon.

He wanted to put on his leg, get dressed, and even do some of his make-up school work today! When he put his leg on and got up to walk for the first time in a week, he came over to me and gave me a gigantic hug. I think he was relieved to finally feel at least a little bit normal.

I am really happy about how far he has come in only a matter of hours. What we need to be careful of now is not letting him do too much...he was exhausted at bedtime tonight from the little bit of walking that he did.

For now, we are grateful for this small step towards recovery!!

We will give the good news to Dr. Katzenstein in the morning. I think he will be a little relieved, too!

LA

UPDATE JAN. 12
Carter's fever broke last night around 12:30am!! When Scott checked on him he had broken out in a cold sweat....we had hoped it was his body's way of releasing this virus!

We went to the clinic as scheduled this morning...Carter's temp had remained steady through the night and morning at around 99.1. He really felt a lot better, too! Dr. Katzenstein said we were not going to do the echo of his heart to check on the port. I think we were both thinking that the end of this "virus" was within Carter's grasp....however, that was not meant to be. Starting early this afternoon his temp began to rise steadily, and as of bedtime at 8:30pm tonight, he was 101.4 again.

Dr. Katzenstein wanted me to call him tomorrow anyway...I will page him first thing in the morning to see what we do next.

Please continue to pray for Carter's complete healing and for his spirits to stay strong. Although he still never complains (except about the pain in his neck) I know that this is starting to wear on him emotionally. You all know he is such an active boy...he wants to be back to himself again. We want him back, too! We were just starting to enjoy our "off therapy" status.

I will update when there is any new information.

Our love,
Scott, Leigh Ann, Candler, and Carter

Hope this finds all of you well and enjoying the New Year!!

We started 2004 with a "bang" when we had to take Carter to the Emergency Room with a fever. Since he still has his port in we have to be cautious about bacterial infections.

Carter was spending the night with his friend, Grant, when all of this started. His temp. was 100.5 for three hours straight...that's our sign to call the oncologist! We headed straight to the ER. His port was accessed, blood was drawn for culture and counts, and he was given an antibiotic called rocephin (not sure if I spelled that right) as a precaution. Since his white count was not neutropenic, he was released that morning about 3:00am. Wow...what a long New Year's Eve (and New Year's Day!) The spend the night party was planned for another night, much to the boys' disappointment.

He continued to run a fever (mostly low grade) for the next few days. The cultures that were taken in the ER that night came back negative. We were relieved! He returned to school on Tuesday, but did not feel well when I picked him up. He said his leg was hurting and he was running a fever again. He was examined in the clinic the next morning by Dr. Katzenstein (he found nothing). He then sent us down for x-rays of his leg. We had visions of a fracture or a bone infection, but thank the Lord no evidence of that was found on the x-rays. Dr. Katzenstein said that it was most likely a virus that would run its course, and that it may take Carter longer to get over it since his bone marrow had been "beat up" over the last year.

The next day, after Carter's fever reached 102.8 the night before, he had a flu test done at the clinic....negative.

As of today Carter is still running fevers and they have gotten progressively higher. Over the latter part of the week and into the weekend, his temperature has been between 100-102.9...we spent yesterday in the ER having repeat blood cultures and to have the ER dr. look at him.
He has been complaining of leg pain for the duration of this illness (his right leg, which is NOT his rotated leg) and neck pain. They did rule out meningitis.

Tomorrow we go in for cultures again, as well as counts.
The plan, as of now, is to do an echocardiogram of his heart to take a look at his port "line" to see if there is a blood clot at the end of it. This could be causing a bacterial infection that is not showing up in his bloodstream (for all of you who are doctors and are reading this...I am explaining this the best way I know how!) If they do see a clot, they will surgically remove the port tomorrow. It is scheduled to come out on January 27th anyway.

As you might expect, Carter is really not feeling good at all. He doesn't even want to try to walk, for fear of his leg hurting. His neck is still very stiff, and he is very cautious when trying to move it as well. His spirits are okay...he just wants to be back at school with his friends.
He missed a classmate's birthday party on Friday, so that was tough for him. He has just had enough of all of this.

Please pray for the doctors to have wisdom tomorrow when assessing Carter's condition. If this is indeed a viral infection, please pray for it to leave his little body immediately. We are a bit uneasy about this whole episode, so please also pray for a calm to come over us, and to not let our minds "wander" (especially me) and for us to have strength to hold it together (again, especially me).

Remember I told all of you that we had a long road ahead of us? Please continue the wonderful prayer support that you have given us throughout this journey...we really need you now.

I will update tomorrow.

Our love,
Scott, Leigh Ann, Candler, and Carter

Saturday, January 3, 2004 2:12 PM CST

Yesterday we lost one of our dear friends...

Little 8 year old Tyson Johnson is now cancer free, and is running around for the first time in many, many months, playing on the biggest playground he could ever imagine.

Please pray for his family. Although they know he is in heaven, they miss his sweet, smiling face.

We will miss him, too.

Our love,
Scott, Leigh Ann, Candler, and Carter

P.S. We have decided not to tell Carter about Tyson. Since we are not regulars at the hospital anymore, we thought there was no real need for him to know.

Saturday, December 27, 2003 11:10 AM CST

And the good news continues....!!!!

Carter got an excellent report from Dr. Scarborough. He said Carter was healing "beyond expectations" and also that the MRI was clean!!! What a wonderful CHRISTmas gift we have been given.

We hope that you had a Merry Christmas and that the New Year will bring you every blessing.

Our love,
Scott, Leigh Ann, Candler, and Carter

Friday, December 19, 2003 9:54 PM CST

Today I feel as if the roller coaster ride has finally stopped and we can get off.

No blood or platelets transfusions were needed. His counts are headed back in the right direction. I gave him his final GCSF shot this evening.

At the clinic today Dr. Katzenstein gave us an early Christmas present when he said, "we'll check Carter again in three MONTHS." Since we have lived our lives in three WEEK increments for the past year, three MONTHS seems like three YEARS from now. I think we will adjust!

Carter will have his port taken out in January. Unless he has any fevers before then, we are done, for now, with the hospital.

Today was a very emotional day for me. I could never explain the bittersweet feeling I had when I stepped onto the third floor elevator to leave. I was reminded of the day when we first set foot onto the third floor, January 17, 2003. Our Child Life Specialist told me, amidst my tears, that it would be harder to leave the AFLAC Cancer Center than it would be to come into it. At the time I told her she was crazy, but today I realized how right she was. Thanks, Sara, for the warning.

We saw many of our friends today who are still fighting. It hurt me deep inside to think of where we are...elated, thankful, overjoyed, relieved, and content to be where we are for the moment...and to remember where they are... still struggling and diligently praying that their roller coaster ride will end soon, too. I will continue to think of and pray for them daily. I hope you will continue to do the same.

Please don't stop praying for Carter either. We are a LONG way (2 years) from moving into the "survivor" category. And even longer (5 years) until he is really "done." There will be many more scans, many more days wondering if the cancer is gone forever. But now, we will praise God for the blessings He has bestowed upon us thus far...I know He will continue to bless our family in ways we cannot yet imagine.

I will update again when we return from Carter's check up in Gainesville.

Our love,
Scott, Leigh Ann, Candler, and Carter

Monday, December 15, 2003 10:53 PM CST

Carter had his MRI this morning and did great!! We will know the results tomorrow. Tentatively, the scans "looked good."

The things that this child can tolerate amaze us. He had to lie perfectly still for the MRI (over 1 hour long) and he did it without sedation. He also asked for a "butterfly" needle for the contrast meds to be infused instead of through his port (his port would have been my choice). He has gotten so used to being "stuck" that it just does not phase him anymore!

His blood was also checked today...white cells and platelets are critically low, red blood was so-so...no transfusions today. Dr. Katzenstein told me he did not want him doing anything i.e. football, karate, wrestling. He wants Carter's counts to come back up on their own now since we don't have another chemo in 3 weeks!! He will be checked again on Friday to see how he is doing. HOPEFULLY I will only have to give him 3 more injections of GCSF (it boosts his white count)....forever!

The last day of school for Christmas break is Friday...Candler's 9th birthday by the way...we will leave on Monday (hopefully) for Gainesville, Florida for Carter's check-up with Dr. Scarborough. We return on Tuesday afternoon.

We will have Christmas Eve dinner on Wednesday at our house with Scott's family and some of our very good friends. I will miss my extended family dearly, this year especially. It has been so long since we have all been together. You all better get ready for a gigantic (and with us it always is!) get together at mom and dad's when we finally get to come down there.

I will update tomorrow as soon as we have the final word about the MRI.

Our love,
Scott, Leigh Ann, Candler, and Carter

Wednesday, December 10, 2003 10:35 PM CST

CHEMOTHERAPY IS OVER AND ALL SCANS, THUS FAR, ARE "CLEAN" !!!!!!! All we are waiting for is the MRI (scheduled for Monday).

I will post new pictures and detailed info soon!

Our love,
Scott, Leigh Ann, Candler, and Carter

Tuesday, December 2, 2003 1:15 PM CST

I am sorry it has been such a long time since I updated.....

We hope everyone had a wonderful, restful Thanksgiving. Candler and I spent the holidays being sick! I can't complain too much. After all, this is the first time I've been sick in a year! And the best part is that Carter did not get it.

Carter bounced back very quickly after his last round of chemo. No transfusions needed this time. We will go back into the hospital this Friday for 5 days for his LAST TREATMENT!! I can hardly believe that we are finally here. The year has gone by very quickly, but in some ways it has stood still.

We have been involved with Make-a-Wish this year...remember we went to Disney in the spring for Carter's wish? Make-a-Wish has just kicked off its annual "Stories of Light" campaign for the holiday season. Tune in tomorrow morning around 7:30am on "Cool 105.7" fm radio to hear Carter's "Story of Light." We were interviewed by "Randy & Spiff" several months ago. I can't wait to hear what I said!!

Physical therapy continues to go well. We go twice a week to see "Miss Colleen" at Scottish Rite. Carter is really progressing with his ability to walk with less of a limp. His prosthetic is really becoming a part of his body. He wants his leg on most all of the time. He spent the night with a few friends on Thanksgiving night and slept in his leg the whole night. (There was a child there that Carter did not know). Usually he does not mind taking it off around people he knows well. In a way I felt sad about it, thinking he is self-conscious, but I know that he is a confident child and will adjust with age and maturity to others "being aware" of his artificial leg.

Carter turned seven on November 20. We had a bowling party for him and his classmates...it was a blast! I've never seen a group of children who enjoy being around each other like this class does. They are such a sweet, caring group...I know it stems from their teacher, Mrs. Kay Underwood, who creates a warm, loving atmosphere for them in the classroom. Carter adores his teacher and his school!!

We are busy getting ready for Christmas with decorations and baking, and of course shopping. When I think back to Christmas 2002, I am flooded with memories of what our "perfect life" was like. We had 2 beautiful children, food on our table, and presents under our tree...and Carter didn't have cancer (or so we thought). Several years from now, when I look back and remember Christmas 2003, the memories will be far richer than any other.

I'm holding on tightly to the "perfect life" we have now. In a year's time I have learned that a "perfect life" does not exist, but having life itself is, indeed, a perfect work of God. You can't buy it in a store or order it on-line.

This year we are even more blessed. We have our 2 boys who will wake up Christmas morning and be elated with their gifts, but more importantly, they each know what the real celebration is all about.

May God bless each of you as we enter the season of Jesus' birth!

Our love,
Scott, Leigh Ann, Candler, and Carter

Monday, November 17, 2003 4:55 PM CST

13 down......ONE TO GO!!!!!!!

Carter's counts had rebounded enough over the weekend for him to have chemo today. We spent the day at the clinic for outpatient treatment for the LAST time!! His next round will be a 5-day inpatient stay.

Obviously this is music to our ears, but it already feels strange to think that we are so close to being "off treatment."

I saw a friend today at Egleston...her daughter has (had) lymphoma and finished treatment in April. It is so comforting for me to see these families that we have met and come to know over the past year. She says it is great being off treatment, but that every time her daughter coughs or has a stomachache she wonders, "Is it back?" She said they spend a lot of time at the pediatrician for different ailments that her daughter has....we both agreed that it will never really be over for us as parents. We will forever wonder if the cancer is growing inside of our children again. Faith...we will certainly need a lot of it. God has provided so much, that I know he will continue to lay upon my heart that faith and trust in Him alone will sustain us through all those times of "wondering."

The friend that I saw today had her other daughter with her this time at the hospital. This daughter will have surgery on Wednesday to remove an enlarged tonsil. Once removed, this precious little girl's tonsil will biopsied to see if it is cancerous....lymphoma, to be exact. The same exact way that her sister's lymphoma was discovered one year ago this week. I will be anxiously awaiting her call at the end of the week. Please pray for her mother...for her strength and her sanity. And please pray that this is NOT lymphoma.

Again, we are so excited about our good news! But there are so many who are still suffering...so many who have just been diagnosed and stand in the same place that we were on January 17. My heart aches for them. I can only hope that these families have the love, support, and prayers that our family continues to be showered with.

Our love,
Scott, Leigh Ann, Candler, and Carter

Saturday, November 15, 2003 9:53 AM CST

No chemo yesterday...his counts were too low, again. This is to be expected and very normal. We will try again on Monday. The boys have a fun filled weekend ahead...GT football and volleyball games today, and Thrashers tickets tomorrow. Scott and I have the entire day and night...the boys are spending the night with Nan and G'dad!

Gotta go!!!

Our love,
Scott, Leigh Ann, Candler, and Carter

Saturday, November 1, 2003 6:08 PM CST

12 down...2 to go!!

We are so thrilled to be nearing the end of Carter's chemotherapy. This hospital stay was a long 5-day stay, but there was lots of activity both in and out of room #368!!

As you can see by the pictures, "Mascot Mania" was a real it with Candler and Carter. Between Spike dancing on his head and Homer the Brave dancing with Granddaddy Herrin, we certainly had our laughs for the afternoon. Not to mention all the pretty girls (Falcons cheerleaders) that the boys got to have their picture made with.

We had lots of visitors...thanks to Irene and Anne Marie Simoneaux, The Holtzclaws, and Sherry and "Grandma Nell" for coming by to see us. Carter had a special treat on Saturday night as Granddaddy Martin got to spend the night in the hospital with Carter so that Scott and I could go to Sherry and Billy's wedding party. What a great night we had...it was so nice to get dressed up and go out!!

We came home on Tuesday evening, finally. I think these 5-day cycles are the hardest on all of us. I had to play nurse throughout the evening with fluids and meds, and then deaccess Carter's port Wednesday morning just in time for him to go to school. It continues to amaze me the strength that he has post chemo. He would not have missed school for the world!!

Carter is doing karate now with Candler. They have a private lesson on Saturdays for an hour. Hopefully soon Carter will join Candler's regular class during the week. It has been such a confidence builder for Carter, and it makes Candler so proud to be able to "show him the moves."

Scott and the boys had a great Halloween. Unfortunately I spent the entire day and night in bed with a nasty virus. Please pray for Carter (and the rest) to stay well. Carter was a Georgia Tech football player and Candler was Jango Fett from Star Wars. They had a great evening trick-or-treating with our neighbors and good friends, the Dunbars. Naturally, they came home overloaded with candy.

Carter will go in for blood counts on Monday afternoon...they gave him a unit of blood before we ever left the hospital, so maybe they won't have to give him any additional blood when we go in for counts.

Once again I cannot begin to tell you how thankful we are for chemo to be "almost complete." There are so many children who are suffering at Egleston right now, that I almost feel guilty to be so happy about our good fortune, thus far. I know that must sound really strange to some of you...but after you have seen the things that I have seen, you welcome chemotherapy and amputation to save your child's life. I wish I could say that for all the children who are suffering.

Please continue prayers for Will (for clean scans...he has just completed his final chemo!), Brandon (upcoming surgery), Mary Kaitlyn, Tyson, Bridget, Cameron, Anna, and for the families at Egleston (and all over the world) who have lost their children to cancer in the last 2 weeks.

Please remember to thank God for the health of your children. Also please pray for Carter to stay fever free, and for his counts to rebound quickly so that we can stay on schedule for #13, scheduled for November 14.

Our love,
Scott, Leigh Ann, Candler, and Carter

Monday, October 20, 2003 7:14 PM CDT

I am happy to report that Carter's counts have rebounded wonderfully this time!! Dr. Katzenstein has given us the go ahead to start chemo (#12) this Friday. This round will be 5 days.

This will put us back on schedule to finish treatment by mid-December. All Scott and I want for Christmas is for chemo to be completed and for clean scans to follow!

We have had a nice break from school for the last 4 days. Scott went away with friends for the weekend to play golf, and the boys and I put their rooms "back together" after the painters finished on Friday afternoon. Not very exciting for Fall Break, but I am beginning to appreciate more and more the "uneventful" days that God gives us.

I grow all the more amazed at Carter's strength on a daily basis. He has taught me more in the last year than most people will discover in a lifetime! When I look into his face...into his big blue eyes, I have to remind myself that he is still only 6 (almost 7) years old. He deals with life on such a higher level than even most adults do (including myself)...and the beauty of it is that he doesn't even realize it. He's not strong because he has to be...he's strong because that's just WHO HE IS. It is simply how God made him.

At the dinner table tonight we were talking about his cancer and I asked him if he knew the name of the cancer he has....he looked at me as if I had lost my mind and said, "Mom, it's Ewing's Sarcoma."

One year ago, I had never even heard of the words "Ewing's Sarcoma." Wow, what a difference a year makes. And what a difference it will make for the rest of our lives.

Although I can see a faint light at the end of the tunnel, our journey is far from over. In fact it is just beginning. After chemo #14 we start a new phase...the one I will call "reaching for remission."

Thank you for standing beside us and oftentimes holding us up so that we don't fall!!

Our love,
Scott, Leigh Ann, Candler, and Carter

P.S. Please continue to remember all of our friends who are fighting, too.....Will, Bridget, Mary Kaitlyn, Brandon, Mitchell, Tyson, Cameron, Joe, Tyler,...my list could go on and on. Please remember to thank God tonight for the health of your children, and please pray that these children regain theirs.

Wednesday, October 15, 2003 3:59 PM CDT

Wow! When I read my last update over again it made me realize why so many of you said that you were worried about me. I'm fine!! It's sometimes just the day-to-day stuff that leaves me a little emotional sometimes. Thank you for letting me vent a little!

Carter is doing well. His counts will be at "0" by the end of the weekend and hopefully on the rebound by the middle of next week. His spirits are good and his determination is stronger than ever. My best friend, Sherry, saw Carter this past Friday night (for the first time in about 4 weeks), and her response was this..."He looks sick, but he still has that fire in his eyes." After I thought about it for a while I realized she was right. We have seen such a gradual downward progression of his "looks" and others sometimes have not. All the other physical characteristics will come back...hair, weight gain, coloring...I'm so glad he won't have to try and regain his confidence and determination. Those things, praise God, have never left him.

Carter had a private Karate lesson with his brother on Saturday and loved it. He can't wait to go back. We have also been to therapy two times this week. He is gaining strength and muscle everyday. His Physical Therapist, Colleen, says he is light-years ahead of where he should be, given the fact that he is still weak from repeated chemo treatments and has only had his prosthetic for two months! Along with his determination comes his stubbornness, which can be a bear to deal with at times. I have to remind him that if he wants to be running by spring baseball he better work really hard.

The boys have Friday and Monday off...yeah! a long weekend will be so great. We have just had the boys' rooms painted and will have to put everything back together over the weekend. Scott is leaving for a weekend golf trip with some friends...which he really needs. The boys and I will be home enjoying a (hopefully) normal weekend.

Pray for "no fever" for Carter for the next week...that would land us in the hospital for a few days.

Thank you to everyone for food, friendship, and faithful prayers. You are our strength!

Our love,
Scott, Leigh Ann, Candler, and Carter

P.S. Thank you to all of our "chemo angels"....you are our angels here on earth.

Thursday, October 9, 2003 8:57 PM CDT

The pumpkins were at Carter's request!

Finally, #11 down....3 TO GO!!

Carter had his outpatient chemo today, thank goodness!! However, even though we are home it does not mean that this round is over. I have to give him a few rounds of Zofran (anti-nausea) and Mesna (protects the bladder from the toxic effects of chemo), and he has to remain on fluids for 24 hours post-chemo. Tomorrow at 12:00 noon we will be finished...Leigh Ann Martin, R.N.

Although he was able to have the chemo, his numbers were still down a bit from where he usually is at this point prior to beginning treatment. Dr. Katzenstein gave the go ahead, so it was fine with us. His words are like "law" to us...we trust him beyond measure.

We have had an eventful week. We were all geared up for Camp Sunshine last weekend when Candler came home from school with a fever on Thursday. He had strep throat for the first time in his life...great timing!! So, he and I stayed home for the weekend....and even found time to watch the Georgia/Alabama game together. Carter and Scott had a great time together and with the Hennessy's. That was a major disappointment for me not to be able to spend the weekend with Phil, Jane, Clare, and Will. We have become so close to them throughout this ordeal with our children...we feel like we have known them all of our lives! Hennessy's, we love you guys!!

This will be a short update tonight, as I am completely worn out mentally and physically. I will update again at the beginning of the week. The Caring Bridge website will be down over a period of time during the weekend, just so you know that nothing is wrong with your computer.

I feel like this update has just been a "slapping down of info" with no real emotions...I'm sorry if it has come across like that. I always try to tell you all about Carter, things going on, fun things he has gotten to do. I also try to tell you about life lessons we have learned during this battle over Carter's illness.

Truth is, tonight I'm frustrated that things like this happen to innocent children...I'm tired of hearing little children cry because they are sick and tired of getting poked with needles...I don't want to buy any more $5.00 passes for the parking deck...I don't want anymore cafeteria food... I'm ready to NOT notice if they have gotten new carpet in the hallways on the first floor or updated the gift shop window display at Egleston!!

Maybe you are getting to see another side of me that I normally try not to show. The side that is just a tired mommy that is not ashamed to tell you that I'm just OVER this whole thing and I want my little boy back to normal.

Those are my REAL emotions for the evening!!

3 more to go...I know I'll make it.

And for the record, I am not a mental case! Scott and the boys may say differently, but I know with God on my side I will not be defeated!!

Our love,
Scott, Leigh Ann, Candler, and Carter

Thursday, October 2, 2003 11:42 AM CDT

Carter was supposed to have his 11th round of chemo this morning...it was to be an outpatient treatment (gee, those two words sound funny together!).

However, his counts had not recovered enough for Dr. Katzenstein to give the "go ahead" today. He said that since Carter was doing well (and that the tumor was 100ead when they removed it) it was not worth it to undergo treatment when his counts were so borderline. He reminded me we only had 4 treatments left, and did not want to "push the envelope." So, we are delayed for a week. Pray that his counts come back up quickly!!

I was reminded today of how fortunate we are to have such caring and compassionate doctors and nurses on our team. They have made this experience so much more bearable. We think of them as our family. It will be such a bittersweet time when Carter's treatment is completed and we won't see them all on a regular basis.

Speaking of "treatment being complete"....I want to let you all know about something that I plan to do for Carter. I am beginning to turn my thoughts as to how I will capture all of these very significant and emotional events that have taken place in his life over the past year. For those of you who know me well, you know that means a scrapbook! Now that I am officially a Creative Memories Consultant I am anxious to begin this big project!

What I would like from you all (and your children!) is this: a note, poem, Bible verse, or anything else of your choosing to encourage or congratulate Carter on his strength and endurance for the battle he has fought thus far. Also I would like for you to write what this experience has meant for you and your family. How incredible it will be for Carter to read these notes throughout his lifetime, and to remember the impact that he has had on others...things that he will be able to share with his own children and grandchildren one day!! Hopefully these life lessons will be passed down for generations.

Also, I will be doing a book for Candler. The past year has been a difficult one for him as well. Please write a separate note to him for his scrapbook. He has been such an encouragement to his little brother.

Please send these to my attention at 2709 Northbrook Drive, Atlanta, GA 30340. I will keep you updated about it.

My dear friend, Kristi Fuqua and her friend, Kiersten Godleski will be running a marathon in Carter's honor on Sunday for Team Spirit to benefit Children's Healthcare of Atlanta. What an honor for Carter!! Kristi has raised over $10,000!! I hope she does not mind me telling you that...I just had to let everyone know what an effort she has made for this event. Thank you to those who donated money for Carter and others like him! I love you, Kristi!! Our prayers will be with you and Kiersten this weekend!

We leave for Camp Sunshine tomorrow. The boys are very excited since we will spend the weekend with our dear friends the Hennessy's. Our weather should be gorgeous!

My ankle is fine...so insignificant in the whole scheme of things!

Thank you to our Providence family for the continued love, prayers, and FOOD that keeps pouring into this house. Thank you, Anne, for coordinating all of this.

And thank you to ALL OF YOU!!

Our love,
Scott, Leigh Ann, Candler, and Carter

Friday, September 19, 2003 11:51 AM CDT

10 down.....4 to go!!

We had a very good hospital stay this time. Carter had lots of visitors....cousins Luke and Benjamin and Aunt Wendy were in town for a visit. The 4 boys had numerous football games in the hospital over the weekend. They always have such a great time when they are together!!

It has been a crazy week! Candler got sick and missed most of his school day on Monday. Carter got out of the hospital on Tuesday. Scott was in Miami, again, from Monday until Thursday.

The real fun began last night....! I spent 3 hours in the emergency room (with my dear friend, Jill Wilson) at Emory only to discover that I have a severely sprained ankle! I was changing a light bulb in our ceiling fan in the den and stepped off of the coffee table (how else was I going to reach it?). My ankle completely gave out and I heard a "cracking" noise. I fell to the floor in pain, called Scott, and immediately began icing it. After the swelling started and the pain got worse, I decided I needed to go to the ER. Scott was exhausted from his trip (and he is now sick, too) so I asked Jill if she would take me...of course she said yes. I got an air cast, a pair of crutches, and a prescription for NO weight bearing for 3 weeks! What a great time for me to be in the worst shape of my entire life.

I have been given a tiny glimpse (and I do mean a SPECK) into what Carter has been going through by having to function with only one leg. Now I know why he is SO strong...physically and mentally. WOW...the things he keeps teaching me...

All things considered, we are doing fine. I have a wonderful husband who is taking care of me. My parents will probably come back at the beginning of the week to help again (they just left on Wednesday). Mom, Dad...I know I am wearing you out!! Does that offer about you moving up here for a few weeks still stand?

Thanks to all of you for your love and support. Please add me to your prayers also. Pray that I don't break my other leg with these crutches!

Only 4 more chemo treatments to go for little Carter. Two of those will be only require 24 hours and the other two will be 5 dayers. We've almost made it!!

Can you believe that at the end of this month, Sept. 26 to be exact, it will be one year ago that all of this started?

A little soccer injury that has exploded into a lifetime of faith, hope, and love....and you know what the greatest of these is!!

Our love,
Scott, Leigh Ann, Candler, and Carter

Thursday, September 11, 2003 8:19 PM CDT

On the eve of Carter's admission for his 10th round of chemotherapy, my mind is filled with emotions about what this day in history means to our country...and how we "mark" dates in our memories of past events, whether happy or sad, that happen in our lives.

September 11....a day that none of us will ever forget. I was telling my dad yesterday that I remember calling him on the phone that day, from my living room, right before the second plane hit the World Trade Center. Will any of us forget where we were or what we were doing when we heard about it? I was driving down Briarcliff Road having just left the Post Office. I was inside SunTrust Bank when the plane hit the Pentagon. I felt a sense of loss that I had never felt before. I was scared, hurt, and very angry at what had happened to America.

September 11 changed our world...forever.

January 17...a day that our family will never forget. I will remember every last detail of that day for the rest of my life. I was wearing a gray t-shirt and denim overalls. A giant bunch of balloons came for Carter from two of his great aunts in Savannah. My dad was on the way out-of-town. Scott had gone to the office for a little while. I was packing our bags while I waited for Dr. Oswald to come by our hospital room. Dr. Oswald delivered the news. I called Scott. I called my mom. I called Scott's dad. I called Jill, Sherry, Joell, Anne. I was empty, numb, cold, breathless, and terrified.

January 17 changed the Martin's world...forever.

These two days were devastating to many different people. Although the journey that has resulted from these two days has been long, and oftentimes unbearable, we continue to march ahead. We have suffered greatly along the way. But we continue on our path that has been prepared for us with our heads held high...proud of our past accomplishments and greatly anticipating our future challenges.

Has this experience changed us? Certainly.

Has it changed us for the better? Definitely.

We are stronger, more courageous, and more determined than ever.

Will there be any more bumps in the road? Hope not.

Will we always live with a bit of uncertainty? YES.

But we will continue on, guided only by faith.

Although the journey is far from over, we are confident that we will be victorious. We have the support and prayers of many. What else could we need as a nation and as a family? If God is for us, what or who can be against us?

"Though an army besiege me, my heart will not fear; though war break out against me, even then I will be confident." Psalm 27:3

Our love,
Scott, Leigh Ann, Candler, and Carter

Saturday, September 6, 2003 9:16 PM CDT

As some of you know, Carter had a brief hospital stay this week. He spiked a fever of 101.3 on Wednesday . We stayed at Egleston for 2 nights and came home Friday afternoon. It was not a bacterial infection, as I had suspected, but rules are rules: a low blood count plus fever equals a 48 hour hospital stay!

Thanks to my mom and dad for coming to the rescue when Carter had to go into the hospital...of all times for Scott to be out-of-town on business!

I will update again soon...just wanted to let you all know that we were home.

Thank you for your continued prayers.

Our love,
Scott, Leigh Ann, Candler, and Carter

Thursday, August 28, 2003 7:59 PM CDT

9 down, 5 to go......

Is everyone as excited as I am about the beginning of college football again? Notice that I have put gold and black on the page this time in support of the Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets...after all, they are Carter's favorite team, and this is HIS website! Carter wanted to watch Tech's season opener tonight so badly..."too bad we don't have cable," I told him...(not to mention that it starts way past his bedtime!!)

We get pretty excited around here at the start of a new college football season (when Scott reads this he will laugh and think, "no, YOU get really excited, Leigh Ann")! I guess that is true, and when I began to think about what kind of season my Georgia Bulldogs will have this year, I could not help but reflect on the incredible season we had last year and how joyous I was about it all. Joyous....about football? Yep.

A few of my favorite victories early in the season were against Clemson, Alabama, and Tennessee. The Bulldog Nation was counting on a great season, and we were off to a great start! Then Carter's leg started to hurt.

My son had cancer and I didn't even know it...

October 21, 2002..."It's nothing, maybe just a fracture from that soccer accident. Let's take him to an orthopedic to get it checked out."..."Dr. Oswald wants to do a bone scan on Carter....now an MRI."

October 26, 2002...Georgia beats Kentucky, YES!....It's great to beat a team with over-inflated egos!!

My son had cancer and I didn't even know it...

October 28, 2002..."Now we need to do a needle guided CT scan to do a biopsy because we don't know what this thing is."

October 30, 2002..."Thank God it's not cancer! A little scare for all of us. We are so thankful! We will appreciate life more and not sweat the small stuff."

November 2, 2002...Yeah, right. In my book, small stuff does not include a loss to Florida!! For me, and several other Georgia faithful that loss ruined the whole season. Another defeat at the jaws of those Gators that we love to hate.

My son had cancer and I didn't even know it...

November 16, 2002...Life got better again, as the dawgs beat Ole Miss, setting up a showdown with Auburn for the SEC division championship. Then life got great!! David Greene to Michael Johnson in the end zone for a touchdown to beat Auburn and a trip to the SEC Championship game in December!!!! If you're a Georgia fan how could life get any better?

My son had cancer and I didn't even know it...

November 30, 2002...Life got even better!! An old fashioned whippin' of rival Georgia Tech at Sanford Stadium caps off a dream season. Perfect ending.

My son had cancer and I didn't even know it...

December 7, 2002...Still life got EVEN better!! Georgia stomps Arkansas for their first SEC Title in 20 years, and I was there!! A magical season...one that was very overdue for Georgia. I got to wear my championship shirts (everyday) for everyone to see how proud I was to be a Georgia fan. WE ARE SEC CHAMPS!!!

My son had cancer and I didn't even know it...

December 9, 2002..."Dr. Oswald wants to put a cast on Carter's leg because his pain is getting worse. He suspects Carter has a fracture that may have become infected."...."the follow-up MRI we have scheduled later this month will be a better indication of just exactly what is going on...a cast will keep Carter still so the leg can heal..."

December 23, 2002...."you need to take Carter to an orthpedic oncologist."

January 1,2003...Georgia plays Florida State in the Sugar Bowl on New Year's Day against Florida State and defeats them!! Our first ever "13 win" season.

There's no way that Carter can REALLY have a tumor growing in his leg.

Georgia finishes 3rd in the final polls!!

January 17, 2003....My son has cancer.




Will I be "joyous" if Georgia beats Clemson this weekend? You bet I will...but the true and real joy in my life is the very gift of life itself. And OH, how I have taken it for granted in days gone by! I don't anymore, and I hope you don't either.

All of the victories we have claimed for Carter, thus far, belong to JESUS! Scott and I know that HE is forming Carter into the champion that HE wants him to be.

Our love,
Scott, Leigh Ann, Candler, and Carter

Friday, August 22, 2003 8:14 AM CDT

How could I have ever doubted that God would bring us to this day? The journey that has gotten us here has been long and is far from over, but the tears of happiness that have streamed down my face this week are a sweet reminder that HIS faithfulness has brought our dream to its full fruition!!

Carter awaited Monday's arrival with much anticipation. He could not wait until 12:30pm (when I was to pick him up from school). He was all smiles when his classmates told him goodbye and that they couldn't wait to see him tomorrow. Talk about encouragement....!!

When we got to the prosthetic office, Mitchell Camp, along with his mother Robin, were waiting for us!! Mitchell is the little boy who had a rotationplasty also. Colleen, our physical therapist, had arranged for the Camps to be in the office at the same time (Mitchell is getting his second leg). Mitchell was a great support system for Carter (and Robin for me and Scott!) What a great time to share our exciting experience with our new friends.

As his new leg was attached, his sweet face was so confident and happy..."now I can walk, mama." His shoe was put on his new foot and then he stood up! Scott and I could barely contain our emotions. We were so thankful that our little boy could finally wear two shoes. What a blessing. What joy for Carter.

After a three hour appointment, Carter was welcomed home by both sets of grandparents (we surprised him about my parents coming up from Savannah) and his ever-so-proud brother, Candler. We had a pizza and ice cream party with family to celebrate the triumph of the day!!

The next day at school when we pulled up that morning for carpool, all of his classmates (from this year and last) came out of the classroom and onto the sidewalk to greet and welcome him back. They embraced him with the same love and support that they always have...they looked at him with amazement and with pride. After all, I think they know it was their heartfelt prayers that helped to get Carter through this! To see their sweet little faces filled with such joy made it evident that they were looking at him through the eyes of Jesus. What life forming lessons at such an early age. What a blessing.

The next thing that happened was like a scene from a movie. Mrs. Underwood asked Carter if he wanted to go down and see Mrs. Carter. Of course he grinned and said "yes." He headed for the hallway, classmates by his side, and started down towards Mrs. Carter's room. By this time, Mrs. Carter had heard all the commotion and came out into the hall. She put out her arms to Carter and he began walking slowly towards her (every adult in the hall was teary-eyed by this time!) Their arms finally met and she hugged and kissed him like never before. I did not hear what she whispered to him, but that's okay. Secrets are a must between two people that have a bond so strong.

Our week was a happy one, one that we will never forget. Next week we begin again as chemotherapy cycle #9 starts on Monday afternoon. Reality check! This is a two day cycle. Hopefully he will return to school on Wednesday.

Please pray over the next 10 days for his counts to rebound quickly and for infection to be kept from his body. You all are our strongest defense against this cancer and its side effects! Please continue to go to the Lord on behalf of Carter....for the cancer to be removed from his body FOREVER and for him to return to just being a little boy again.

Our love,
Scott, Leigh Ann, Candler, and Carter

Saturday, August 16, 2003 1:59 PM CDT

GOD IS SO GOOD!!!!

We have had a fantastic first week of school!! Carter was able to go every day...answered prayers!!! He adores his new teacher, Kay Underwood, and his classmates. Our year is off to a great start...someone pinch me, I'm starting to feel a little bit normal again.

Carter went to Egleston on Friday afternoon for counts. His white count had finally recovered so his GCSF shots can stop now. His other counts were on the way back up, as well. What a great report!!

Scott and I are actually having a date night tonight, as the boys will be off at the Braves games with Granddaddy Martin and another family friend, Mr. Candler Broom (Scott and Candler's namesake!) It should be a pretty eventful night, as some very special guests are lined up to meet with the boys. I will put new pictures on the website tomorrow if it all comes through as planned!! Be sure to look for the boys on tv tonight (they will be sitting on the front row on the Braves dugout side next to President Carter's seats!) Please pray for the boys to have extra special manners if President Carter is there tonight! A BIG thank you to Candler Broom for organizing and making this night possible for Candler and Carter!!

Carter and Scott are leaving to go on an AFLAC sponsored baseball trip to Florida on Thursday (for the weekend) with 8 other patients/parents. Phil and Will Hennessy are going also, so it will be a great time for the boys to just hang out and be together. Candler will be going to Camp Sunshine sibling camp for the weekend, so I will be all alone!! Do you think I'll be able to survive all by myself? I assure you I will be fine!!!

The most important event coming up will be on Monday...Carter is getting his prosthetic! He is literally "counting down the days" until Monday. He keeps a pen and paper on his bedside table to mark off each day as he gets out of bed in the morning. To share in his excitement emotionally overwhelms me.

To watch Carter's amazing strength (and I do mean muscles) and his determination is my greatest blessing. His never ending faith and courage that takes him through life day to day is unmatched (to me, of course!). He is SO beyond the stares from strangers...something I wish I could say about myself. He is confident of his abilities and confident about his future. He knows God has a purpose for what has happened to him, and he does not question it. What parent could want more from their child?

Over the past few days we have been blessed beyond measure. Thank you for lifting our names up before God this past week. He is listening....and I also think He is smiling to see all the glory that He has been given.

Our love,
Scott, Leigh Ann, Candler, and Carter

Tuesday, August 12, 2003 7:10 PM CDT

Thank you all so very much for your generous donations to the AFLAC/WSB Care-a-thon. With help from people like you, they were able to raise over $500,000!!!!

We had a great time meeting and visiting with Clark Howard. For those of you who were not able to hear the live broadcast, Carter did great!! He was enthusiastic about being there amongst all the excitement!!

A giant thank you to all of the Children's Healthcare of Atlanta Foundation folks who spent endless hours preparing for this big event. To know that they care this much about our children is the biggest gift of all. And to AFLAC...Mr. Amos and Ms. Spencer, thank you for your challenges that inspired listeners to give, give, and give some more!! You are such an inspiration to us and to our children, helping us to teach them about the values of mercy, compassion, and giving (with not only your checkbooks, but with all of your hearts.)

Carter spent today at SCHOOL!!! Thank you so much for your prayers....I do believe that is why he made it today. Yesterday, after the interview he had to get a platelet transfusion, but it did not stop him from going to school today. His counts are at rock bottom, so now the prayer is to keep him safe from infection...that is what can send him back into the hospital.

It is so important for us to stop and thank God for the little things. Like going to school. They are what seem to have the most significance for us. I have thought all day about the many, many children right here in Atlanta who did not get to go to their first day of school because of sickness...remember that getting up at 6:00am and taking your children to school, then soccer practice, and then coming home to do homework is a blessing to be thankful for (not to mention all of the things that YOU had to do while they were at school!). I am certainly thankful that we now have a routine back in our lives (until the next chemo, that is!).

All during this Care-a-thon, I listened to stories, some children which we knew personally, and some we did not. There was one girl that was being interviewed about her blood disorder (she has had it since birth.) She is now 14 years old. Every week she has to have blood transfusions. Every week for 14 YEARS!! Royal Marshall was interviewing her and asked, "Does it hurt when you have a transfusion?" Her reply was that she was "used to it now, and it really did not bother her." That hit me so hard! No child should be used to having shots and meds and blood...Carter does not flinch at the sight of a needle and it absolutely breaks my heart.

Hopefully with miracles and further research to find a cure, childhood cancer will be wiped from the face of the earth. Thanks to all of you who donated money "honoring the life of Carter Martin".... maybe one day very soon children like Carter will not have to suffer through shots, surgery, and chemotherapy. Through HIM all things are possible!!

Our love,
Scott, Leigh Ann, Candler, and Carter

Thursday, August 7, 2003 9:35 PM CDT

Wow! What an exciting day for Carter!!

Today was the unveiling of the 2004 AFLAC calendar in which Carter's artwork is featured for the month of September. He was in a terrific mood for the party and was chatting and playing around with all of our hospital family as well as the AFLAC executives who were on hand for the event. He definitely made it known that he was one of the "honored guests."

A special thank you to Kelly Hines of Children's Healthcare of Atlanta Foundation for coordinating the calendar and the party. Her dedication to the AFLAC Cancer Center, and to children who are under its watchful care, pours from her sweet heart. We are so fortunate to know her. Also, to Diane Vaughn, thank you for making Carter smile every time he sees you, and for making him feel so very important! And last, but certainly not least, to Mr. Dan Amos, AFLAC Chairman and CEO...thank you for knowing my son by name. What a privilege it is to be associated with you and the AFLAC family.

As I mentioned above, Monday begins the Care-A-Thon hosted by WSB radio. Scott Slade from WSB was at the party today, and told us that they can't wait to get started on Monday morning! I guess it's just something that you had to be there for...the room was filled with such excitement and anticipation for the upcoming event.

I did find out some additional information about the calendars (for those of you who have been asking about how to get one!) On Monday and Tuesday, during the Care-A-Thon, a pledge of $100 will earn you the coveted calendar!! Carter will even autograph it for you!!

I know $100 is a lot of money, but I cannot begin to say enough about what the AFLAC Cancer Center has done for our family. They have reached out to us, not only as a people "doing their jobs," but as friends. Whether Carter is in the playroom doing artwork with Jacob, or having a "what's-it-gonna-feel-like?" session with Sarah...or meeting and having his picture made with John Smoltz, it's the AFLAC Cancer Center that is behind it all.

Although this is not the path in life we would have chosen for our son, it is an experience Carter will never forget. He will look back upon this time with such fond memories...he will remember names, he will remember stories, and most of all he will remember that he was very special to a lot of people....Olivia, Dr. "Chewy," Nan, Peggy, Marcia, Mama Duck, Dr. "Howard," Dawn, Kerri.......the list could go on and on.

I only wish we could've known about this place sooner. Not as a patient, naturally, but as an outsider. I feel like we have gone through life with blinders on...knowing that "something like that" could never happen to "someone like me." Guess what?.....it can. And if it ever does, you would want Children's Healthcare of Atlanta and the AFLAC Cancer Center on your team...there beside you, holding your hand, carrying you through the rough times, as only a friend can do.

My child is still on treatment, and I can't wait to make a pledge in honor of my very young, very brave son, who has taught me more about courage and faith in these last 7 months than I could ever hope to learn in a lifetime.

Tune in on Monday and Tuesday to hear the stories of innocent children like Carter, Bridget, Mary Kaitlyn, Stephanie, Brian, Bria, Anna, Katie, and Lucas,... who are fighting for their lives against this dreaded thing called childhood cancer. Listen with all of your heart.

Our love,
Scott, Leigh Ann, Candler, and Carter

Tuesday, August 5, 2003 9:18 PM CDT

8 down, 6 to go!!!

Carter completed his 5-day, 8th treatment today. I was so excited to get back home. The long cycles really zap me of all of my energy! I am looking forward to a restful night's sleep in my own bed, and looking forward to sleeping late in the morning. My parents are in town and will get up with the boys up so that I can catch up on some much needed rest.

There are so many things on my mind as a write this update. I have so many things to tell you all about that are going on in our lives. As I look back and read my last journal entry I realize that am filled with new and different emotions now. Although I do still have very difficult days, God is hard at work, constantly reminding me of His goodness and His faithfulness. All I am required to do is stop for a moment, listen to Him, and watch the things He is putting before my eyes.

During this hospital visit I met several families who are struggling tremendously. Struggling with their children (or themselves) being depressed, financial hardships, family disagreements, travel distances to the hospital, unsuccessful surgeries, their children being in the hospital for months at a time...and the list goes on. It really put my heart back in the right place after I sat this week and talked, at length, with other mothers that are going through experiences that are unimaginable. And by this point, I thought I could imagine almost anything.

Although this journey for us has been extremely difficult, I have never felt that we have really "struggled." We have a child who has not complained about ANYTHING since day one (with the exception of being put under anesthesia), has a positive attitude, and an internal "drive" in him that is like no other. Yes, he has lost his leg. I am, in no way, trying to say that it has been easy for him. But it has not hindered him...not his attitude, not his confidence, not his ability to get from point A to point B...on his own. "I can do it myself" is Carter's motto. He continues to amaze us with his strong will.

We do have some great news!! Carter had a chest x-ray during this hospital stay, and it came back clean!! The cancer has not spread!! With Ewing's, one of the first places it can spread to is the lungs. Praise God that it has not had the ability, thus far, to do that in Carter!!

Friday, before we went into the hospital, Carter had his first prosthetic appointment. They felt Carter was far enough along to skip the first step of wrapping his leg in an ace bandage for a week to alleviate any residual swelling. They went ahead to the next step of making the mold of his leg. He will go on Friday for the first fitting. In about 1 1/2 weeks he will have his first official "bionic leg" (as he calls it) to try out!! Right now, he has a brace to wear for a few hours a day to help with stretching the tendons and muscles in his foot. We also have daily exercises to do.

We will have a very busy remainder of the week.

Thursday, 8/7: AFLAC 2004 calender "unveiling" party for the "artists" and their families. Carter's artwork will be in the calender. Please keep these in mind for any gifts you may need for the holidays!! We will definitely have an autographing session!!

Friday, 8/8: Carter has counts at 9:00 am. Please pray specifically for his platelets/blood to be okay. He then has a 3:30 appointment for his prosthetic fitting. YEAH!

Saturday, 8/9: Carter has been selected by the Make-a-Wish Foundation to be an "Ambassador of Light" for their annual fund raising campaign. Saturday is the interview party at Dave and Busters with radio station "Cool 105" (the old Fox 97). They will tape these interviews to be played at a later date closer to the holidays. The Make-a-Wish Foundation is the one that provided our fabulous trip to Disney/Sea World back in March. More details to follow!

Monday, 8/11: Our morning will be spent at Providence for a drop-in visit to the boys' classrooms to visit with teachers and classmates. That afternoon, our family, with Carter as the special guest, will be on the radio at 4:00pm LIVE with Clark Howard on 750 WSB!!! AFLAC and 750 WSB are partnering together to have a "Care-a-thon" Monday 8/11 and Tuesday 8/12 to raise money for the Cancer Center. WSB will be broadcasting LIVE from the AFLAC Cancer Center at Egleston. WSB's Sandra Parrish came to our house last week to do an interview for the Care-a-thon (what a blast that was!) and then we were notified that they wanted Carter to be on the show live!! Our taped interview will air during the 2 days (more than once). Unfortunately, I do not know the exact times. However, I encourage you to listen during the day to all of the stories...many of them will be about our friends.

Carter is very excited...now just pray that he will talk, talk, talk!!! So many of you have asked, "What can I do to help Carter?" Now here's your chance...please make a pledge in Carter's honor. I can't think of anything that would touch us more than to know you are enabling AFLAC to continue to do for other families the wonderful things they have done for us. These people are our family...and they treat Carter as if he was their only patient. What a comforting feeling for a parent to have when their child is battling cancer.

I know this entry is a bit lengthy. Thank you for taking the time to come here and to read all of my thoughts and emotions. Knowing that you care about our lives is what gets us through this. As I said, the constant reminders are staring me in the face this week...you all are definite reminders of how fortunate we are.

Please continue to let us know that you have been here. Also, please continue to pray for all of our "new friends" who are battling childhood cancer and all of the struggles that come with it...Will, Mitchell, Brandon, Jake, Ryder, Jimmy, April, Tyson, Anna, Bridget, Cameron, Mary Kaitlyn, and every other child in the world who is fighting with all they have to beat it.

Our love,
Scott, Leigh Ann, Candler, and Carter

P.S. For you out-of-towners, I will get the Care-a-thon phone number and post it on the website!!

P.S.S. Our big prayer is that Carter will be able to attend school on the first day, August 12. His counts will be bottomed out by then..usually that's when a fever strikes and he has to be in the hospital. Pray, pray, pray that this will be a cycle in which he recovers strongly and quickly. It's little things like this that mean so much to him (and, of course, to me).

P.S.S.S. Also, please pray for our boys' teachers. Carter's teacher is Mrs. Kay Underwood, and Candler's is Mrs. Kathy Kimsey. These two ladies were selected specifically by God to lead our children this year. Scott and I could not be any more pleased with His decisions!!

Friday, July 25, 2003 10:05 PM CDT

It's all sunshine and smiles for Carter these days!!

Thanks to the Beavers for such a fun day at their home on Wednesday! Carter swam like a little fish and was exhausted after all of the activity. He hadn't gotten that much exercise for three months!! He was not too tired, however, to have Zach come back home with us and spend the night. Just what buddies should be doing over the summer....

Carter is enjoying so many simple things since his cast was taken off...sitting up straight in the car and at the dinner table, taking a bath, enjoying more independence, and most importantly, getting to enjoy a few warm, summer days outside before school starts back on August 12.
Our trip to Florida, as I said in my last update, was a success. It was great to see Dr. Scarborough, as well as all of his staff...they are extended family to us. Dr. Scarborough was very pleased with the healing of Carter's bone. To hear his positive words was so encouraging and uplifting for us. Our hope hinges on good news!!

The first picture in the photo album is when Dr. Scarborough told Carter that his cast could come off. I don't know who smiled bigger, Candler or Carter!! Candler was such a great big brother, cheering Carter along.

Candler was very bold while visiting all the "Gators" at the hospital. He wore his red "Georgia" hat the entire time we were there. Candler especially had a great time cutting up with Gary (huge Gator fan), who removed Carter's cast. Gary sent Carter home with a UF hat with Ron Zook's signature on it. Candler's response: "pure poison."

We are now entering the prosthetic phase of our journey. Carter will go next Friday for his first appointment. He is very excited, but does not quite realize that he will not have his "new leg" when school starts. He can use his walker or crutches, whichever he feels comfortable with. He is glad to have a bit of freedom from the wheelchair.

I must admit that this new phase, to me, feels like we have jumped another major hurdle, and yet it feels as if we are starting all over again. It is hard to explain the range of emotions I have experienced this week. Sometimes I think I have used up all the emotion God has given me. Then, He quickly reminds me that He has given me plenty of additional tears to shed over this...and He also lets me know that it's okay. Oftentimes, when someone tells me they have read one of my updates and "can't believe how strong I am," I go back and reread the entry and think to myself, "I wrote that? That's not me, that's who I WANT to be. A strong, courageous woman who is staring my son's cancer and leg amputation in the face, and not the least bit shaken by it."

I was having a "shaky day" yesterday when my mother called me. I told her that the reality of Carter's amputation is becoming clearer every day. Thank goodness only to me, and not to him yet. My mother quickly reminded me: CARTER MAY NOT HAVE HIS LEG, BUT WE HAVE CARTER.

We also have his heart...we have his smile...we have his laughter...we have his life.

I'll take that.

Our love,
Scott, Leigh Ann, Candler, and Carter

Wednesday, July 23, 2003 11:00 AM CDT

Carter's cast is off!!!

I have never seen a child smile and giggle more!!

The CT scan showed excellent healing of his bone. Dr. Scarborough said, "It has healed beyond expectation."

Carter took a long bath with his brother around 11:30 last night, and went off to peaceful, sweet dreams.

He woke up this morning eager to go swimmimg...our good friends, the Beavers, have graciously accepted us inviting ourselves over to their home to play in their pool!! Carter will be so glad so see his buddy, Zach.

I will add pictures from our Florida trip this afternoon, hopefully.

Thank you for your prayers...they worked!! Please keep it up!

Our love,
Scott, Leigh Ann, Candler, and Carter

Monday, July 21, 2003 1:00 PM CDT

In about 30 minutes we will be on our way to Florida!!

Please pray for our safe travel and for the CT scan to show complete healing so Carter can get his cast off!!

I will update when we return tomorrow evening.

Our love,
Scott, Leigh Ann, Candler, and Carter

Saturday, July 19, 2003 9:48 PM CDT

We were celebrating a little too early....

Carter is back in the hospital this evening with a fever. Scott slept with him last night, and around 3:00am he started with a low grade fever. By 2:00 this afternoon it spiked to 101. That is a definite trip to the ER!!

He is resting comfortably tonight. He fell asleep at 6:00pm and has not woken up since. He was very lethargic before he fell asleep. I am hoping he gets a full night's rest. Scott is with him, and I am home with sweet, supportive big brother, Candler. He gets so worried when his brother has to stay in the hospital.

We are awaiting blood culture results...preliminaries could come tomorrow but we won't know definitely until Monday.

Pray that this is just a virus and nothing bacterial. Hopefully he will be released on Monday and we can still make our trip to Florida on Monday afternoon/evening.

Thank you for your continued love, support, and prayers.

If you are just tuning in, I updated this site yesterday as well. A bit of the history of how we got to this point is in that message!!

Our love,
Scott, Leigh Ann, Candler, and Carter

Friday, July 18, 2003 7:05 PM CDT

The one time that I try to predict that something is definitely going to happen, Carter proves me wrong!! We went in today for counts and all of his numbers were high enough for him not to have a blood or platelet transfusion...he was so happy. He said, "I'm doin" good, aren't I mom!" I thought to myself, "Sweetie, you have no idea."

I told Carter that this makes three treatment cycles in a row that he has not had to go back into the hospital for inpatient care. After cycles 2,3, and 4, I was beginning to wonder if we were setting a trend...thank goodness, for now, we are not.

On Monday the four of us are heading to Florida (we all wish it was to Sandestin). Hopefully, if all looks well on the CT scan, Carter will get his cast off!! Then we can start phase II of our plan...to get him up and walking!! He is more than ready to begin. He asked me if he could stay in the bathtub for three days after the cast comes off. Afterall, it has been 3 long months since the poor child has had a real bath!!

We have had a quiet week, mostly staying home. That is something that we never have enough time to do, usually. The boys did love having pajama days!! Mom adored them!

We went to the Braves game last night with my cousins from Savannah...Dru, Lynne, Grayson, and Zach Williams and Kenny, Lisa, Cory, and Morgan Wilson. The boys had a blast being together. We left during the 8th inning...right before the Braves won it in the 9th. We had already had our excitement for the evening just being out with family, feeling normal again (except for having to spend $9.00 for a hot dog and a coke X 4)!

Thank you again from the depths of our hearts for your prayers for our son. We see everyday the blessings that these prayers bring into our lives...like a hospital free week!!

Our love,
Scott, Leigh Ann, Candler, and Carter

P.S. Would you please pray especially for Brandon Connor this week? (www.caringbridge.org/ga/brandonconnor) They are going through some extremely stressful times right now. Many "unknowns"...and in the world of childhood cancer, that's a very scary place to be. Even a note of encouragement on the website to let them know you are praying for their very young son would be special.

Monday, July 14, 2003 11:45 AM CDT

7 down, 7 to go!!!

Just barely, however!! Carter's counts were low this time, but he was able to have chemo. He just made the cut off. His doctors said that this week could be particularly hard for him since he was so low to begin with, and then to have another treatment on top of it....Hopefully he will make it through without an inpatient hospital stay. We are counting on blood and platelets to be necessary this week.

We did have some very good news. Carter had an echo of his heart done on Thursday afternoon, and the chemo has not done any damage to it!! He had a baseline echo done before we started chemo back in January. The doctor said that his heart is still very, very strong. Praise GOD!!

Our hospital stay this time was very short. Two days go by very quickly, especially when you've got good friends to help pass the time. Sydney, Peyton, and John Patrick McGuire surprised us Thursday afternoon with a visit!! Peyton and Carter go "way back." They were each others first "best friend." Peyton had not seen Carter since his surgery. He and his brother were a bit curious about Carter's leg, and asked so many sweet, precious, from the heart questions. I only wish we, as adults, could have their innocence.

That was the day that we had the terrible storms, so the McGuires stayed for Bingo night at the hospital. Carter felt so proud "showing them the ropes" for selecting prizes. After the third round was over, (Carter was one of the last ones to win) he went up to the table to select his prize, and walked away with a new stainless steel toaster!!! Sydney and I laughed so hard...only Carter. My question was, "How did that toaster get mixed in with the kid prizes?" Simple mistake, probably. But a perfect treat for Carter (he loves to cook). He could not wait until morning to toast his own bagel. It now sits proudly on our kitchen counter at home, and looks much better than our old one!! The McGuires joined us for a pizza dinner afterwards. Perfect ending to a great day. Thanks, Syd, for being such a great friend.

Daddy got to spend the night at the hospital Thursday night, but Candler and I made it back Friday morning in time for the humane society puppies to visit. Carter was sure that I was going to let him bring one home...just what we need right now.

We were released from the hospital Friday afternoon. All of us were so very tired. Carter slept for over 13 hours Friday night. We are glad he did, because we had the CURE family picnic on Saturday!! What an absolutely fabulous day for cancer patients and their families. Talk about a kid's paradise! It was way more than I had expected. The kids had a ball doing arts and crafts, driving remote control boats in the lake, Frisbee catching dog shows, carnival games, magicians, clowns, rides, golf.... the list could go on and on! A big thank you to 'Folks restaurant for providing the delicious food, and to all the other sponsors.

The best part of the day was getting to visit with all of our friends there, and meeting some new people that are stricken with childhood cancer also. We got to talk and share with the Hennessys about Will's upcoming surgery on Wednesday of this week. Please keep this special family in your prayers as they travel to Houston today. I will share any news I get.

We also got to visit with our new friends the Connors. Brandon Connor (www.caringbridge.org/ga/brandonconnor)has neuroblastoma. His mother, Kristin, and Scott went to high school together. They are going through some incredibly difficult situations right now, so please remember them in your prayers, also.

And then finally, we met the Camps...Mitchell Camp, age
5 1/2, had rotationplasty in November (same dr. as Carter) and is already up and walking on his new prosthetic! What an inspiration for Carter to see that he, too, will up and moving around again. I would encourage you to go to Mitchell's website (see links below) and read his story through his parent's journaling. They have just recently established a caring bridge site, but prior e-mail journaling is included in the past update section on the site. Mitchell has had a very difficult time with chemotherapy. Robin, his mom, told us on Saturday that Mitchell had spent well over 100 days in the hospital since his surgery in November, 2002. They are down to their final treatment which is scheduled for next week. I pray that this last one will not make him sick.

We have had a very blessed weekend surrounded by people who are "like us." It is so comforting to be with a HUGE group and feel normal again. I know Carter could feel it, too. A funny story to close with...Jane Hennessy overheard Carter and Will talking at the picnic. Will said, "Carter, what happened to your leg?" Carter said, "Will, you KNOW I've got the same thing you do...Ewing's Sarcoma." Will said, "Oh yeah." Then they went about playing and sharing newly acquired Pokemon cards like any other normal 6 year old might be doing on a Saturday afternoon in the park.

Our love,
Scott, Leigh Ann, Candler, and Carter

P.S. A HUGE thank you to John Frazier...this generous, sweet friend has been cutting our grass and taking care of our lawn since Carter's diagnosis. We could not say enough about the gift of extra time that you have given to Scott. God Bless you!

P.S.S. Will's address in Houston:
Will Hennessy
MD Anderson
1515 Holcombe Blvd.
Houston, TX 77030
I know that the Hennessy's would (as would we) appreciate anyone sending a note or card of encouragement for Will while he is in the hospital. It was the highlight of Carter's day when he was in the hospital and the "mail lady" came around!! Thank you!!

P.S.S.S. I almost forgot! The first photo is Carter with one of his doctors, Dr. Roland Chu. Carter (and the rest of us) got to "dunk" him in the dunking booth at the CURE picnic. He is very special to our family. I can't tell you what a blessing it is to have a doctor who is also your friend.

Wednesday, July 9, 2003 9:37 PM CDT

Hope you all had a wonderful 4th of July celebrating with friends and family...I know we did!! I had a great time with my family. I really worked them hard around my house. So much has "fallen through the cracks" at home since all of this has happened with Carter. I gave my daddy a "honey do" list, because my "honey" has not been able to get around to doing everything! Thanks dad, mom, and Laura for all of the hours you put in to getting me "straight" again.

Scott, Candler, and Granddaddy Martin had a super time in Washington. Candler had a lot of fun watching fireworks Friday night, keeping score for the men during the golf tournament, and hunting for bugs and frogs in the woods. Three frogs came home with him on Sunday evening. "Look, Mom! I brought home a few new pets!" Scott finally talked him into letting the last one go this evening. Candler told me not to worry because frogs lay 16,000 eggs at a time, so he would be sure to catch another one soon. Thank goodness.

We had a very special person in our home today...Mr. Al Mead. Al is a para-olympic athlete and is an above knee amputee (since he was 9 years old.) We were able to meet him due to a mutual friend, Billy Hubbard, who went to high school with Scott.

Billy first told Al about Carter right before the surgery on April 30. Al called me on my cell phone in Gainesville, telling me that he wanted to meet Carter since he was an amputee also. What a blessing it was to meet him today...and absolutely made Carter's day. For those of you who know Carter personally, you know that he can be very shy when meeting new people. NOT TODAY!! He took right to Al, asking him questions, playing air hockey with him....just completely being himself. Carter now has aspirations to be a para-olympic athlete. Again, for those of you who know Carter, you know that there isn't anything that will stand in his way when he wants to do something! Thanks, Billy for bringing Al today...all the way from Fayetteville!! Please be sure to look at the photo album to see a picture of Carter and Al together.

Carter will go in tomorrow for his 7th round of chemo...halfway home!! It's a two-day this time, so we will only spend one night in the hospital. Pray his counts are up so that he can take treatment. We will then attend the CURE family picnic on Saturday. Carter can't wait to dunk Dr. Chu in the dunking booth!!

We do have several prayer requests...all friends that we have met through this journey into the world of childhood cancer...
Mary Kaitlyn Wheeler-osteosarcoma; pray for healing from her surgery and for guidance for the doctors.
Will Hennessy-Ewing's sarcoma; pray for the tumor in his fibula to shrink and for his parents' strength as decisions for Will's surgery are taking place.
Bridgette Koontz-Ewing's sarcoma; pray for miracles.
Brandon Connor-neuroblastoma; pray for knowledge for the doctors about this type of cancer and discernment for his parents as decisions are made ...Brandon is only 2 years old.
Brett Cochran-mitochondrial disorder (not cancer); pray for more miracles and for me to have the faith and stamina that his parents have.
And finally for a little 7 year old boy named Cameron who has just been diagnosed with osteosarcoma. He just had his first chemo treatment and has been very, very sick. Pray for the tumor in his femur not to interfere with the growth plate at his hip, strength for the mother and grandmother, and guidance for me, Scott, Candler and especially Carter to be a good source of wisdom, witness, and understanding for this family as Cameron may be a candidate for rotationplasty surgery like Carter's (with the same surgeon).

Isn't it amazing how God has already put this family into our lives? He has not wasted any time in letting us know the plans that He has for us. Even though they are not the plans we had in mind, we gain our strength from knowing that He has a "greater good" in store for Carter.

Often, as I turn my eyes to the Lord for strength (and most of the time they are eyes filled with tears), I am comforted by Jeremiah 29:11..."For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Hope and a future......We cling to His promise of hope for Carter's future. As far as we are concerned, his future has already begun.

Our love,
Scott, Leigh Ann, Candler, and Carter

Wednesday, July 2, 2003 12:21 AM CDT

We have had an eventful week....

Saturday evening we had dinner at the home of our friends, Curt and Lori Beavers, along with Craig and Eugenia Carter (Carter's kindergarten teacher) and their children. The children had so much fun playing together. Towards the end of the evening, the kids were all riding up and down the street on bikes, etc. I looked down to see Carter riding on Zach Beavers' battery operated motorcycle, absolutely having the time of his life!! Close by him was Zach's older brother, Trey, completely taking watch over his little brother's buddy. Carter was in heaven. When were getting in the car to leave, Zach told Carter he wanted him to take the motorcycle home so he could have something to ride on. Carter smiled from ear to ear-what a gift-what an incredible, selfless friend.

The motorcycle was such a hit, Carter wanted to go on a family bike ride on Sunday afternoon. First, my bike got slammed to the ground (breaking the gears) when Carter hit it by accident with his new wheels. I decided to ride Candler's bike since he was riding on his scooter. We were not 10 feet out of the driveway before Candler flipped off of the scooter, landed face down on the pavement, and began screaming "my hand!" This, of course, resulted in a trip to the Egleston ER since he could not move his hand or fingers....we were really scared.

As Candler and I were pulling out of the driveway for the ER, I looked up to see Carter waving goodbye to his brother. What a role reversal!! I think Carter was relieved to see someone else going to the hospital for a change!!

On the way, Candler asked if we could pray (I had already said many prayers by this time). I kept thinking, "surgery, pins, cast (2 casts), therapy (for 2 children), Lord please no." I do believe that on the way to the hospital we had "Divine Intervention" because Candler was completely fine-just a bad bruise. We said goodbye to our friends in the ER (all of who looked at me so funny when I walked in with a different child other than Carter) and came joyfully home.

All this time (3 hours) Carter was running a low grade temp. I just knew that I would be taking one child home and dropping him off, and taking the other one right back to the hospital. Again, "Divine Intervention" from the Lord, because Carter's temp never got above 99.6.

Monday morning while I was getting my hair cut, Nan and Granddaddy Martin took Candler and Carter to pick blackberries and blueberries. They were so proud showing me each and every one they picked that was "extra special." Carter was ready to make pies with the blueberries right away, but first we had to go to the hospital for our regularly scheduled appointment for counts. (I should've just gotten a bed for the night). His white blood count was .28, which is the lowest it has ever gotten, his red blood and platelet counts were low (transfusions needed for both). He has had blood transfusions several times with no reaction, but the one time he had platelets it made him very sick. Thank goodness they could give him drugs this time to prevent him from getting sick again. Much to Carter's delight, it worked.

We were at the clinic from 1:15 until 7:00pm. Thanks to Kristi and Joell for helping out with Candler so that he would not have to sit there the entire time. Carter was thrilled to sit there and watch cable TV for 5 hours straight.

We got home at 7:30 and our friends, the Scanlon's, stopped by to visit. Heidi Nichols Scanlon is one of my best friends from high school in Savannah. She and her family live in Washington, D.C. and were here for a family reunion. Although I was so tired, it was so great to sit with an old friend and just talk. She had not seen Carter since all of this happened. After they left, we all collapsed around 11:00 pm from a very busy few days.

We had a pajama day yesterday-great day for it with all of the rain. The boys built a fort around the TV and watched movies, played game cube, and traded Pokemon cards. It was a much needed day of rest for all of us.

Carter will go back to the clinic tomorrow (Thurs.) for counts, and hopefully they will be back to normal. He gets so tired of the nightly neupogen shots to boost his white count, and with his platelet counts so low, he bruises so easily. His little body looks like a pin cushion since he has been stuck so many times the last few days.

We are looking forward to a very quiet 4th of July. Scott, Candler, and Granddaddy Martin will be leaving on Friday to head to Washington, GA to play in an annual golf tournament that is named for Granddaddy Martin's father. Candler is looking forward to it with much anticipation. There will be fishing, swimming, and undivided attention given only to him for a few days. Candler has been so incredible throughout this-Carter could not ask for a better big brother. And we could not ask for a finer son.

My parents and sister will be coming to Atlanta tomorrow to spend the weekend with me and Carter. Carter has already said that he wants to have a lemonade stand with his Granddaddy Herrin. He also wanted to know if I would make some blueberry pies for him to sell also. So, if you get thirsty on Friday, come on over to Northbrook Drive!! I'm not promising the pies...

Happy 4th of July, and may God bless each of you and AMERICA!!

Love,
Scott, Leigh Ann, Candler, and Carter

P.S. Welcome to the world Samuel Alexander Holtzclaw!!! His family are our good friends, Shawn, Anne, Nathan, and Katie!!

Wednesday, June 25, 2003 9:17 PM CDT

We were able to start Carter's chemo as scheduled on Friday, June 20. Although I was not excited about going back to the hospital, it was good to get back into our "safety net" of chemotherapy. It is reassuring to us that while he is on chemo the cancer does not have a chance to regroup. Our child life specialist told us from the very beginning that it would be more scary to go off treatment than it would be to start....she's right! And we were only off an extra week.

I did want to clarify something before I go on....many of you have asked me, "if the tumor was 100 percent dead when it was removed, why is Carter still on chemo?" The reason is that there could be Ewing's Sarcoma cells "floating" in his body, waiting for a place to land. (Microscopic cells undetectable by scans)...When I put that "100 percent kill rate" update on this page I did not mean to say that everything was all clear and the fight was over. We are VERY CONFIDENT (as are his dr.'s) that he will beat this thing, but Ewing's is a nasty, sneaky cancer that we can never let up on. We still covet your prayers for our little boy.

Carter's hospital stay this time was very eventful...if he had needed to he would not have had time to get sick! Thank goodness he did not anyway!

Carter's buddy from school, Zach Beavers came to see him and brought him McDonald's (along with his sister, Hope, and mom, Lori). Also, the Kenworthy clan Will, Matthew, and Trey, with their mom Ellie came with Bruster's ice cream. Finally, Lee, Davis, and Joell Rickman came with a complete Varsity lunch one day. What a treat for him to have his friends visit (and to bring his favorite treats!) Carter barely knows what the hospital food tastes like! Thanks Nan and Uncle GP (he came from Iowa to see me!) for the peaches, blackberries, cheese, and chocolate milk (upon request). Chemo does strange things to this child's taste buds. Oh yeah! Aunt Amy's chocolate chip cookies (daddy got more of those than Carter did!)

He had a BIG surprise on Sunday morning...sweet, FAMOUS, cousin Sarah flew up to Atlanta for a four day visit with Carter. He was in heaven, as she spent every waking moment at the hospital with us, doing whatever Carter wanted her to do. She gave me some very much needed breaks during the day, as she entertained him endlessly.

We are so blessed to have Sarah be such a big part of his life. She has been a part of my life for 17 years, but in all that time I never knew her as I do now. She has such special gifts and talents-ones that God will bless her for eternally. Thank you, cousin, for bringing such joy to my son's face and heart.

I am committed to updating this page more frequently, but with shorter entries. Having said that, this one will end, so that I can get some much needed sleep.

All is well in the Martin house. Pray that it continues.

Our love,
Scott, Leigh Ann, Candler, and Carter

Friday, June 13, 2003 5:19 PM CDT

We were supposed to be in the hospital right now for the 6th round of chemo... this morning at the clinic, after Carter's initial blood sample was taken, the Dr.'s determined that his counts were not high enough to be given chemo at this time. To explain it all would be too complicated, but I can tell you this is fairly typical. His body is responding to the build-up of chemo that is in it. We will try again next Friday, June 20.

So, we have been given the gift of a free weekend! We will spend some much needed family time since the boys and I just returned from Savannah (my home). We had a great time at Gran and Granddaddy's house. The boys had a blast shrimping and crabbing, seeing all of their cousins (and great aunts and uncles), and going for an afternoon ride on uncle Mike's "really fast boat." The highlight was watching uncle Mike's friends clean the fish they had all caught that day out on his boat......a 50 pound yellow fin tuna and several mahi-mahi. Uncle Mike even gave us some to bring home. Thanks, Mike!!

Another MAJOR highlight of the week was Carter's visits with his cousin Sarah. I'm sure you all have read notes posted here from her. She always signs XOXOXO (actually, Carter started that with her). Talk about medicine for the soul---his eyes light up every time he sees her. Everything about her, both inside and out, is beautiful....and for those of you who know Carter, he always attracts the pretty girls. I think they are both taken with each other. By the way, Katie, not to worry-Sarah is 17!!

We traveled to Gainesville on Tuesday to have the cast changed. What a relief!! This one was starting to get a little "ripe." Dr. Scarborough was very pleased with the healing and the x-rays. He said, "everything is how it should be."

The boys will attend Bible School next week (Carter, too!)
Then on Friday we will hopefully be back in the hospital. I know that sounds really strange, but we are anxious to keep this rolling along and get it over with!

Lastly, on a very happy note....Carter entered an art contest at Children's Healthcare of Atlanta for their yearly calendar that will come out this Fall. His drawing was selected for the calendar!!! For those of you who don't know this about Carter, he is an art enthusiast!! All of the staff at Egleston tease him about his fingers always having marker on them...they say that's how they can tell it is really him. He is on cloud nine about it.

Also, we have some other things that are "in the works" right now that are going to be exciting for Carter (and the rest of us) this summer. I'll give details as soon as I have more information.

Love,
Scott, Leigh Ann, Candler, and Carter

Dad, Mom and Laura..thanks for taking care of us for a week, letting me sleep late, taking us to Gainesville, etc., etc. You are loved more than you could ever imagine.

Wednesday, May 28, 2003 3:37 PM CDT

Sorry I am so late with this update....we have started our lazy days of summer (and I do mean LAZY!!) There have been a couple of days that the boys and I have stayed in our pj's all day. I'm not even embarrassed to tell you that!!

Carter went into the hospital on Friday, May 23 for his 5th round of chemo. It was so great to see all of our "family" again. It had been a long time since we had been at Egleston. Everyone was so glad to see Carter--hugs, high fives, and even a few tears were given from everyone.

He went through the chemo just fine-no sickness at all. We were home on Saturday evening by 7:00pm. It was then we breathed a sigh of relief-school's out, this round of chemo over, holiday weekend ahead...life is so great!!

We had a very family oriented weekend-we stayed at home the entire time. Memorial Day we had a water gun fight (the super soaker kind). We put Carter inside a black plastic trash bag so his cast would not get wet and armed him with his soaker....I was his designated "pusher" in the wheelchair since one of the rules was we were not allowed to squirt Carter directly. Thinking I would not get wet (yeah, right), we went racing around in the driveway after Candler and Scott. Anyone passing by on the street must've thought we were crazy. We laughed harder together than we had in a month. It almost had a hint of normalcy to it, and it felt so good!!

The results are in from the pathologists who did all the testing on Carter's tumor....100% "KILL RATE"!!!!!!!!!!
This means they could not find one single living cancer cell in that bone, which makes his prognosis excellent!! Prayers have been answered, but let's keep trusting HIM to see us through to the end of this.

5th cycle down....9 to go. As my friend Jill Wilson reminded me-we're down to single digits!!

Our love and heartfelt gratitude for helping us get through this,
The Martins
Scott, Leigh Ann, Candler, and Carter

Tuesday, May 13, 2003 7:35 PM CDT

We have never been so glad to see Atlanta, Georgia in all of our lives!!! Two weeks away from home is definitely too long. (Although we were expecting to have to stay a bit longer..)

We had quite a welcome when we drove down Northbrook Drive. Our neighbors, and friends, the Jordans had decorated each and every mailbox on the street with balloons. The Jordans also had put new ferns on our front porch (I am certain they were tired of looking at the dead ones that were there before!)

Our yard, driveway, and front porch were covered with balloons, banners, and signs welcoming us home. Thank you to Jill Wilson, Maricel Cohen, Ann Hortman, Claire Mann, and everyone else who helped make our homecoming so bright and cheerful. Carter was grinning from ear to ear when we drove under the archway of balloons into the driveway!! We are still reading all of the names on HUGE Providence banner that was draped across our front porch. Thank you to our Providence family for all of your love, prayers, and support.

Carter returned to school on Monday and was so excited to see all of his friends. His friends were even more excited to see him!! They embraced him wholeheartedly. That morning he and I sat up at the front of the room and all of the children gathered around him so we could share our experiences from Florida with them. Within minutes Carter asked me if he could take off his cast and show everyone what his new leg looked like....talk about trust? He thinks of these children like brothers and sisters.

These children have a bond like no other. They are all so precious with their sweet prayers and genuine love for Carter. They are a reflection of the christian homes they are being raised in. They are also a reflection of their precious teacher, Eugenia Carter. She has taught these children way beyond reading and writing (she has done an outstanding job of that, too). God chose her so very carefully--He knew that she could handle this--He knew that He could trust her--He knew that she would bring children into a closer, more trusting relationship with HIM. He knew that Carter needed her. Thank you, Eugenia, from the depths of my heart for teaching, loving, and nurturing our son.

Carter will begin his 5th chemo cycle on May 23...the day school gets out. Hopefully we will not see the inside of a hospital before then.

Love,
Scott, Leigh Ann, Candler, and Carter

Monday, May 5, 2003 3:47 PM CDT

New news: Carter is out of the hospital. He is still in Gainesville and expects to leave for Atlanta sometime on Friday!!!!!


Carter had his spica cast put on today!! He went under general anesthesia due to all the shifting and moving the doctors would have to do to him in order to put it on.

During the procedure they removed the epidural and both of the drains that were in his leg. Dr. Scarborough said that everything looked very good and we might possibly be out of the hospital by Wednesday, but he wanted us to "hang around" in Gainesville at least through Friday.

The physical therapy people have already been in today and worked his leg up and down, along with stretching out his foot, heel, and toes. He did experience some pain, but all in all it went well. The front part of the cast comes off, enabling the therapy to begin right away.

We have had a family and friend filled week and weekend. Jon, Merrilee, and Candler went back to Atlanta on Sunday. Candler was so sweet and tender to his brother, and told him that his new leg was really "cool." Carter beamed from ear to ear-as if to say, "if my brother thinks it's cool, then it IS cool." Carter's vital signs seemed to improve on Thursday afternoon when Candler came through the door.

We are so thankful to Jon and Merrilee for taking care of Candler back in Atlanta. It is important to keep his life as normal as possible...but we know it was hard for them all to leave Carter. We love you Nan and Grandaddy!!

Sunday afternoon Carter had several guests...His great grandmother "Gram", and great aunts Sue Herrin and Jean deVegter came from Savannah to see him. Lots of "interesting" gifts were brought along....I only THOUGHT my aunt Sue had grown up!!

Carter also had two of his classmates, Grant Brondyke and Zach Beavers come down with their moms, Lisa and Lori, and also Carter's Kindergarten teacher, Eugenia Carter came from Atlanta to hug and kiss him, and to let him know how much his entire class misses him. Mrs. Carter even got to walk with Carter down to the operating room this morning!! Carter thought that was so special. The boys had such a great time playing together in Carter's room last night--They laughed together and played tricks on Mrs. Carter...it was the best medicine any doctor could have ordered for him. And the best part was that Grant and Zach hardly noticed that their friend was in a hospital bed with one half of his leg gone. Steven, Lisa, Curt, and Lori...thank you for being the kind of parents who are raising their children in homes with values such as mercy and compassion, with the center focus on the Lord. The boys' experience here will never be forgotten.

A few other thank yous....I'll NEVER be able to cover them all..
Lamar Lussi...you are an angel sent from heaven above (to Gainesville!!)
Sydney and John Patrick McGuire...Delta is ready when you are!! Thanks for being here, and for the red ribbon pins. Peyton will forever hold a special place in Carter's heart.
My mom, dad, and sister...for washing clothes (as usual), taking care of Candler in Atlanta, and for hunting lizards with Candler at the hotel.
Joell Rickman...for coming to Gainesville just to be with me. Our friendship goes beyond words. I can't imagine not having you in my life.
Jill and Monte Wilson...even though you went back to Atlanta on Thursday we still feel you here with us. We "Caught Him in the Act" when He brought the two of you into our lives.

And to Candler..we love and miss you very much. We can't wait to be all together as a family again.

Love,
Scott, Leigh Ann and Carter

We've DEFINITELY had enough orange and blue, so here is the color of Carter's new cast!! Georgia Tech gold!

Friday, May 2, 2003 2:38 PM CDT

GREETINGS FROM GATOR COUNRTY!!!!!!!!!

THANK YOU FOR YOUR PRAYERFUL HEARTS. WE ARE ETERNALLY BLESSED BY YOUR LOVE AND CONCERN FOR OUR FAMILY.

Carter is doing great!! They just took several of the IV lines out, so he is a bit more comfortable. Dr. Scarborough was in this morning and said Carter would be moved from ICU to the 4th floor tomorrow. Great news!!

We have heard some information is circulating around that needs a bit of clarification...at no time during or after Carter's surgery was he "touch and go." He did have a difficult night on Wednesday due to the epidural and the medication that was being administered through it. It lowered his blood pressure immensely and decreased the oxygen supply in his blood. He had to be given supplemental oxygen and the epidural meds had to be decreased. I will admit it was a scary night for us--he had just undergone MAJOR surgery and his vital signs were not stable. The doctors assured me that all of the "ups and downs" of the vital signs were completely normal.

Carter is resting comfortably and enjoying all of the Gator ballons, Gator stuffed animals, etc. that keep coming in...attention Yellow Jackets and Bulldogs: HELP!!!!
(God does have a sense of humor, indeed!)

Love,
Scott, Leigh Ann, Candler, and Carter

Friday, April 25, 2003 11:36 PM CDT

We got great news in Florida this week...Carter's tumor is shrinking!! He had an MRI and a CT Scan of his leg and you could actually see a "hole" down the center of the bone. The surgeon said, "This is where the tumor WAS!" We have been praising God all along the way for each "baby step" that we take. We are praising Him now for this giant step...

We will, however, be taking a lot more baby steps over the next several months as Carter will undergo surgery on Wed., April 30 at Shands Hospital. The surgery is in itself a miracle. It is called rotationplasty and it will be performed by Dr. Mark Scarborough and Dr. Parker Gibbs.

Carter's tumor starts in the growth plate of the proximal femur (at the hip socket) and continues down to approximately the middle of the femur. The diseased bone has to be removed. Although the bone is healing and the tumor is shrinking, it is far to risky to chance leaving the tumor in....some cells may survive the chemo. Then, Carter would relapse. If a relapse occurs, the prognosis drops significantly. In dealing with Ewing's Sarcoma you have to remove the primary tumor (luckily Carter's only one). This is Carter's best chance for beating this awful, dreaded disease that has invaded our lives.

Rotationplasty involves removing the tumor/bone and then reattatching the remainder of Carter's leg to his hip bone. The leg will be rotated 180 degrees, therefore enabling the knee joint to serve as a hip joint and the reversed foot/ankle to act as a knee joint. I know this is difficult to imagine, and it is a procedure that is not done very often, but it was our only real choice to get Carter "up and going" again without a lifetime of hospital visits and multiple, multiple surgeries. His age is against him as far as growth issues are concerned, but his age will also be his best friend as far as therapy, adjusting, and getting on with his life. We searched the globe over and over again, educating ourselves on what was the absolute best thing for our child. We have an inner peace with the decision that the Lord has guided us to make.

The surgery will last approximately 8 hours on Wed. Carter will then be in pediatric ICU for 2-3 days and then will finally moved to the pediatric floor for 3-4 additional days (we hope). We will remain in Florida for another week for check-ups.

We are so blessed to have family that will be with us in Florida, as well as so many dear friends that will come and go during the 2 weeks we will be away. Carter's classmates had a "surgery send-off" party for him yesterday-they made him a t-shirt with all of their handprints on it, and a gigantic card with handwritten prayers for Carter from each child. Eugenia Carter.....you are a God given blessing to us. God has used your gifts to their fullest.

Carter and Candler do know about the surgery now. Scott and I will always remember the precious words that they both said. It was a confirmation from God that we had made the right decision. He continues to lay upon our hearts that our children are a gift from Him, indeed!!

We feel like a piece of each of you will go with us to Florida...whether you are there in heart, mind, prayer, or spirit, we will feel your hands on us, lifting us up in prayer to reach whatever it is God has in store for us next.

Our love,
Scott, Leigh Ann, Candler, and Carter


We will be staying at the Residence Inn by Marriott,
4001 SW 13th Street, Gainesville, FL 32608. The hospital address is listed below.

Saturday, April 19, 2003 10:21 PM CDT

It seems as if I always start a new update when it is late at night....it is really the only time I have right now with the "clutter" in our lives.

As I reflect back on the day (3 long months ago) that we were told about Carter's diagnosis, I remember having this feeling of complete fear and utter terror of this thing called Ewing's Sarcoma. How could this be allowed to happen to children?....especially mine? Today, as I sit here writing, all of that fear has gone out the window. I think of this dreaded disease as merely "clutter" in our lives. I know that God is bigger than Carter's cancer. He has never been more evident in our lives.

Every which way we turn, we find ourselves "catching God in the act." Carter will beat this...God has too much planned for him here on Earth. This is just a stepping stone to make him bigger and stronger to work for the Kingdom of Heaven!

The Easter bunny has just finished filling Candler's and Carter's baskets for Easter morning. I can't wait to see the joy and elation that will be on their faces as they play with all of their goodies. More importantly, it will be the day to rejoice over our risen Savior. New birth...new beginnings.

There is a cute (and very true) story on the Hennessy's website (www.caringbridge.org/ga/will_hennessy)...Will's mom, Jane, stepped on a nail on Friday (Good Friday) and it went all the way through her shoe, up into her foot. Phil, Will's dad, had to use a hammer to get the nail out!! Will's sister, Clare, said, "Mom, now you know how Jesus felt when He was nailed to the cross today!" Phil said they did not know whether to laugh or cry. Our children can teach us so much....

The feelings you have as a parent of a child that is suffering come full circle when you hear a story like that. I wonder if God felt anger, worry, and anxiety when He had to watch His son get nailed to a cross? I think not....He is perfect. But that was His baby up there suffering in excruciating pain on the cross, dying a death that we could never imagine...He did feel the pain and suffering as Jesus did...and I believe He is suffering with Scott and me now with Carter's illness.

We will be having quite a different Easter Sunday than we typically do. Usually we are in Savannah with my family for Easter. Some of my fondest childhood memories are hunting eggs at my grandparent's house at Isle of Hope with my 9 cousins. We have carried on the tradition with the great grandchildren (12 of them) at my Aunt Jean and Uncle Mike's home. Unfortunately we won't be there tomorrow for that. Scott, Carter, and I will be heading to the Univ. of Florida again, this time for an MRI and CT scan of his leg. This will serve as a road map for Carter's surgery which will take place on April 30 (tentatively), at Shands Medical Center at the Univ. of Florida. More details will follow as soon as we know them!!

We got good news on Friday-Carter had a CT scan of his chest and the cancer had not spread!! His lungs were totally clear. Such an answered prayer. His white count is back up (we did have a brief hospital stay at the beginning of the week for fever). He had a temp. of 101.5 (respiratory virus) so we only had to stay in for 2 days. Thanks, mom and dad for coming up....and for everything you did while you were here (clothes washing, cooking, buying dog food-Lucky says thanks, grocery shopping...and especially letting me cry on your shoulders. You always "hold me up" during the rough times).

Since my last entry we have been to a "Camp Sunshine" family weekend. Camp Sunshine is a camp for children with cancer. I feel like I have been blessed beyond belief by getting to know so many wonderful people who do things out of the goodness of their heart for other people. BC (before cancer) I only thought I was a good deed person-boy have I been blind!!

God has opened up so many doors-I often wonder where He will place me after this "clutter" is gone from our precious little boy.

Our love,
Scott, Leigh Ann, Candler, and Carter

Saturday, April 5, 2003 9:23 PM CST

WOW!! What a busy few weeks for the Martins!!

After Carter's brief hospital stay this time, we prepared to leave for Carter's "Make-a-Wish" trip to Orlando for Disney and Sea World. Carter had told us that he wanted his wish trip to be Disney...he just had no idea that it would happen so quickly!! (neither did we, actually!)

During our last visit to the clinic for counts, Scott and I spoke with the social worker, Maura Savage, and the three of us decided that Carter's trip could happen before he had his surgery. Then we got Dr. Katzenstein's approval, so Maura went to work to make it all happen in a very short period of time. Thanks, Maura!! And a big thank you to Shavette Neal from the "Make-a Wish" Foundation...Shavette, you have a heart full of love and compassion.

We surprised the boys the morning of the trip (Fri. March 28.) That is one thing we have learned...we do not tell them anything until the day of the event. We were so thankful that his sickness was viral this time so that we could still go on our trip.

The Disney/Sea World parks were indeed "magical" for the boys as well as Scott and myself. We were treated like royalty wherever we went. It would take me all night to tell you all of the stories and events that happened.

Carter and Candler's Sea World experience (this was our first time there) was fantastic!! We had an up close and personal visit with 6 of the dolphins that live at Sea World!

All day Carter asked, "When are we going to feed the dolphins?" We had seen the dolphin tank when we entered the park but were hurrying to catch the "Shamu Show." Upon our return, the feeding times were over for the day. For those of you who know me well, you know that it didn't stop me from asking for schedules and rules to be broken for my "wish child." Within a few seconds, we had our own personnal trainer escorting us to meet the dolphins. We got to pet, feed and play with them for a while...the boys were elated. Carter said, "Now THIS was a good day!"

We had several meetings with Mickey and Minnie and ALL of their pals, we got to go to the front of every line in all of the parks, and we were all given special smiles and hugs by all of the "cast members" at Disney. They really go above and beyond to make the wish child (and family) feel extra special.

The really neat thing about it all is the place we stayed. It is called "Give Kids the World." It is a place that was built especially for children with life threatening illnesses where they can come with their families, cost free, to enjoy time away from doctors, hospitals, and their "sicknesses." And most importantly, a place to go to have their wish granted. It is a place filled with carousels, candy, trains, toys, and ice cream (around-the-clock ice cream!) And it is filled with the most wonderfully talented, thoughtful volunteers you would ever meet. They made our time there so happy and we will treasure the memories for the rest of our lives.

As we were at the Give Kids the World Village, we were surrounded by other families who are going through similar struggles that we are. As I looked around I felt so blessed...through all of this I have learned that there is always someone else who has so much more to deal with than we do. We are continually searching for God's blessing in all of this.

We came home on Wednesday exhausted but re-energized (if that makes any sense.) Our next event was a night out as a guest of the AFLAC Cancer Center for the Braves' game on Thursday night. The boys got bags filled with Braves stuff and the ever popular AFLAC talking duck stuffed animal. They also got baseballs for the Braves to sign!! Five of the players (including John Smoltz) came to be with the kids and sign autographs before the game. Carter was even chosen to be in a picture with John Smoltz and AFLAC President, Dan Amos. Mr. Amos is an amazing man with a true heart for children.

During the event TBS took lots of footage of the kids, and the next night they showed it on TV during the game. Of course we did not see it, but had several people call us to tell us that we were on! They said they saw Candler's red hair best of all!

Friday Carter went back into the hospital for his 4th round of chemo, and as of tonight everything is going well. No sickness!! He will be in for 5 days this cycle.

We have had a wonderful, whirlwind week together as a family. Our time spent together drew us closer to each other, and closer to those of you who are praying so diligently for healing for Carter's little body.

Our love,
Scott, Leigh Ann, Candler, and Carter

Tuesday, March 25, 2003 11:46 PM CST

We have returned today from the hospital...yes, I said the hospital!! Sunday evening Carter started with a fever that went up to 101. The dr. told us to get him to the hospital immediately, (thank you Elizabeth Jordan for racing over here to be with Candler). He was nearing his 10th day post-chemo, and was completely neutropenic and unable to fight an infection. The blood culture thus far is negative, indicating a viral infection rather than a bacterial one. Thank goodness!! His counts are on the way back up, so they let us leave this afternoon.

When we got home, our friends Richard and Ann Hortman brought over an absolutely delicious dinner (complete with Ann's famous chocolate cake that Scott requested) and are trying to settle back into our normal routine. We wonder if there will ever be "normalcy" again, but as our new hospital friend calls it, this is our "new normal."

I am also learning of the importance of being "ready at all times" for scheduled (and unscheduled events). To my good friends reading this I know you are laughing at that comment, as you all think I am so organized and together all of the time. Not true anymore!! I feel my organization level slipping away....Joell Rickman, I could provide stiff competition for one of your "messy closets"!!

This experience is teaching me a valuable lesson...little things like messy closets just do not matter anymore. However, quality time with my family does. When you go through something like this it makes you realize how much quality time you really desire with your family...when it gets taken from you, you want it even more.

We are scheduled for our next chemo on Friday, April 4 for a 5 day cycle (this is how we will spend our spring break this year!) We will attend an AFLAC Cancer Center sponsored Braves event the night before that, meeting Braves players, complete with autographs and pictures, at a cookout before the game. The people at AFLAC are absolutely amazing and we are truly grateful for their unbelievable support.

There are so many thank yous that my list could go on forever...Jill, thank you for a wonderful "girl's day out" on Sunday and the trip to Target for me. You are my sunshine!! Shawn and Anne, the night out at the Providence auction was a blast..laughing (and shopping)with friends is great therapy! To the staff at Egleston, you are our extended family. To George Bush (in case he's reading this) thank you for the letters of encouragement and signed pictures.

We have a few urgent prayer requests:
1. Scott's sister Amy Garcia and her husband, Michael are close to being parents!! Pray for Amy's comfort now (only 1 1/2 weeks from due date!), and a safe and healthy delivery for the new addition to the family.

2. Larry Blackwell and Russell Garner have been called up to active duty from the reserves. Larry is Scott's sister Wendy's father-in-law (Jay is Wendy's husband-also in the military, but safe in Washington, D.C.). Russell is a dear family friend (and Candler's buddy). Please pray for the wives of these two men (Jane and Helen) and their families.

3. Will Hennessy...for continued health and healing. He will be back for chemo at the same time as Carter.

4. A little girl named Bridgette.....she has Ewing's Sarcoma and is 3 years old. She has begun radiation, as her multiple tumors are not operable. I met her mother in the hospital last time-she had the most beautiful smile and the most wonderful spirit about her (both mother and daughter). They were a true inspiration to me.

5. Our President, his staff, and our troops overseas.

6. And finally for my husband, Scott. He has been a rock for our family. I know that his deep faith in the Lord is getting us through this. The pressures that are on him are enormous, but none are bigger than his God! Continue to pray for his strength. Scott,I love you so much, and I'm so proud to be your wife.

God is so good. How lucky we are that he has given us so many people to love and care about...and pray for without ceasing!!

My heartfelt love and gratitude,
Leigh Ann

Monday, March 17, 2003 5:14 PM CST

Hope you like our new look!!

Carter has successfully completed his third round of chemo....and with NO sickness at all!! That is definitely answered prayer!! We were in the hospital for only one night!

The hospital was "buzzing" with activity this time, as Carter's grandfather, Jon Martin, had the Georgia Tech Golf team sign a t-shirt for him...and Carter's good buddy, Grant Brondyke and his mom and dad (Lisa & Steven) raided the Georgia Tech bookstore and got the football, baseball, and basketball coaches to autograph everything!!

Since I'm the one writing this, equal time must be given to the university down the road in Athens. The boys received "autographed and paw printed" posters from UGA VI himself. He demanded that Carter "fight like a bulldawg." We are counting on him to do that to get through this! Many thanks to our long time Savannah friends, the Seiler's (especially Bess Seiler Thompson) for getting this done. Coach Mark Richt also autographed the boys' Georgia baseball hats for them...we are grateful to Anne Holtzclaw and Pam Scott for initiating this.

Our trip to Florida was extremely short and quite tiresome, but we obtained a lot of very useful information from two very good doctors. Scott's mother, Merrilee (Nannie) went with us on the trip-what a great help that was!! She kept Carter entertained while Scott and I talked to the doctors. We came back tired but very satisfied with the progress made. We still have a long way to go before we make a decision about the surgical procedure that will be done on Carter.

Scott and I are absolutely blown away at the number of people who have told us that Carter's illness (and this website) has opened up doors for them to share their faith with others. Please use that to your advantage!! God has wonderful ways of working through us for His greater good and His glory. Hopefully this website will reach out to many, many people who do not know the Lord.

Love, prayers, and a big hug from all of the Martins,
Scott, Leigh Ann, Candler, and Carter

Sunday, March 9, 2003 8:35 PM CST

Sorry for the delay with the updates. Of all the times for our computer to be on the blink.

Wow!!!! What a crazy week for the Martins. After we got home from the hosiptal following the second round of chemo (Feb 26), we had a wonderful 4 days together as a family. Carter even got to go to the circus with his class. All of his friends were so happy to see him.

Sunday night, as we were preparing for our trip to Boston, during dinner Carter said, "Mommy, my port is stinging." We called the hospital and they told us to bring him into the ER.

After doing blood work, they found out that his white blood count was at zero (which is typical after chemo). Therefore, he had nothing in his body to fight against infection. They accessed his port and drew blood to do a culture.

We spent the night at the hospital still hopeful of going to Boston. The doctors were quick to tell us Monday morning that Carter was going nowhere.

We decicded that Scott would continue to Boston as planned to meet with the doctors. The task of obtaining important information was still accomplished, but the fun family trip that we had planned will have to wait for another time.

Meanwhile, back at the hospital, Carter's blood count continued to drop. Therefore, on Tuesday, he had to have a blood transfusion. That may have been the scariest thing so far! Thank goodness, he had no reaction to the blood at all.

After that, he was like a completely different child. Prior to the transfusion he was very pale and lethargic. Afterwards he was back to his active, happy self. Tuesday afternoon, the blood culture came back positive indicating an infection in the porta-cath line. They switched the antibiotics and told us we would probably be going home in 48 hours.

Thursday morning they had us set up with Home Health Care for me to learn how to administer the antibiotics through his line for the next 6 days. I am truly becoming a nurse. (Carter even wanted me to give him his GCFF shots in the hospital instead of the nurse).

Our trip to Gainsville, Florida, is still on for Monday. From Gainsville we will go to Tampa to meet with Dr. George Letson, another orthopaedic oncologist/surgeon for another opinion.

Please keep us in your prayers as we have some very difficult decisions to make in a relatively short period of time.

We go back to the hospital for the 3rd round of chemo on Friday. The drugs that will be given this time are the ones that made him sick during his first treatment. This will be a 2 day cycle. Hopefully we will be home on Sunday.

I will update (from a brand new computer) when we get home.

Love,

Leigh Ann, Scott, Candler and Carter

Thursday, February 27, 2003 10:28 AM CST

New pictures as of March 1st


It is amazing the outpouring of love and prayers on this website from all over the globe. Carter loves to sit and listen to all of the entries from you all...he tells everyone "I have my own website and people are sending me notes from all over the world." How encouraging it is for him (and all of us) to have this link with the world through brotherly love in Christ. Scott said to me the other day that he felt like he was "walking on a cloud." I think he described it perfectly...the feeling of being carried by The Lord (and all of you through your prayers to Him) is one like we have ever experienced before...at least not at this level. Our faith continues to grow.
Our hospital stay this time could not have been any better!! Carter had NO reactions to the chemo!! He was in great spirits the entire stay. He went to school on Monday (at the hospital), visited "Happy Tails" on Tuesday (they bring dogs to the hospital with their owners for the children to pet and play with). They also had a Mardi Gras parade where the children decorated wagons, wheelchairs, etc., complete with crowns for kings and queens. They then paraded through the hospital throwing beads at all the hospital staff and guests that were in the hallways. Carter decided not to throw any of his beads away...he wanted to save them for his "best girl friend" Miss Katie Holtzclaw who is in Kindergarten with him at Providence. He also did many arts and crafts projects with Jacob (the resident "art expert" on staff at the Cancer Center). Clowns came to visit also....and the list goes on and on. He was a busy, happy little boy. The best part is they took his big green cast off!!! He is thrilled to be able to move his leg again. This morning when he was getting ready for school he laughed aloud when he got to put on 2 shoes (new shoes that we got a few weeks ago that he could not wait to sport around in-he had been wearing only one of them to school).
Monday we will fly to Boston (all 4 of us) for 3 days. Carter has an appointment with an orthopaedic oncologist /surgeon on Tuesday morning. We are in a "gathering of information phase" for the surgical procedure that will take place after the fourth chemo cycle. We will hopefully get in a few fun family activities during our stay in Boston. The following week we will travel to the University of Florida in Gainsville to meet with another surgeon for the same reasons. (I will be sure to wear my UGA SEC championship sweatshirt on the trip). At the end of that week it will be time for chemo again. It will really come around fast this time, but it will only be a 2 day cycle. We will be home for the weekend, hopefully.
The Lion King was great...the Circus is tomorrow. Have you ever known a busier 6 year old?
A few special thank yous this time...to our families: words are not enough to convey our heartfelt gratitude and love for all of you, to the Providence family..and I do mean FAMILY, to my dear friend Sherry Jenkins for your love and laughter over the past 20 years, Shawn and Anne Holtzclaw for your passionate prayers, and to Jill and Monte Wilson...we have had more life, love, and laughter with you in the past 4 years than most people have in a lifetime..you are family.
And to all of you we send our thankfulness and love,
Scott, Leigh Ann, Candler, and Carter

Sunday, February 23, 2003 6:43 PM CST

Hello All!

This is Laura (Leigh Ann's sister) writing to let you know that so far Carter has undergone 2 treatments and has had no negative side effects. He still has 3 treatments left during this hospital stay.

Your prayers and love are so appreciated.


PS. For those of you who have not checked out the photos in a while, there are a few new ones. The latest update was the 4 Martins!

Wednesday, February 19, 2003 7:16 PM CST

To everyone from Carter

Thank you for the cards. Thank you for praying for me. It makes me feel good. I am feeling better. Thank you for the nice presents. I can't wait to play Bingo in the hospital again. My hair is falling out but I've got lots of new baseball caps to wear. Buzz came to my school yesterday. He gave me a Buzz stuffed animal. The doctors are taking good care of me. I'm not even scared when I have to get a shot! My cousins are in town. They play Star Wars with me. We are going to The Lion King show in 2 more nights. My cousins are going to spend the night with me tomorrow night. I like the toy room in the hospital. I'm taking my new Game Boy Advance to the hospital with me so I can play Super Mario Brothers.
Love, Carter


Thanks to all of you for your continued love, support, encouragement, and most of all prayers. We will check into the hospital Friday evening (probably around 11:30 pm). The chemo will begin sometime on Saturday and will be given for 5 days. These are 2 different drugs than he received last time, so we do not know what his reaction will be. Due to this, we are asking that you call our room before coming by. As I am sure you know, we have to be very careful about sickness. We love to have visitors, but if Carter is sick during this treatment it will be best for him to have a limited amount of friends dropping by. So, by calling ahead first you may be able to see him at a time when he is feeling good.
As Carter told you his hair has fallen out. He was very self-conscious at first but he is adjusting to it. When it first started falling out, he thought it was really funny to help it come out (by pulling on it). He would then hand it to his different teachers-the art teacher at Providence was a lucky recipient. She told Mrs. Carter (Carter's teacher) that she was going to do an art project with the children using his hair and referencing the verse in the Bible "the hairs on your head are numbered."
Carter also got a phone call from the legendary Tom Lasorda the other day (arranged by his Granddaddy Martin). Carter has no idea of who he is right now, but he will some day!
Candler continues to astound and amaze as a prayer warrior for his brother. He prays his heart for his brother with so much love and tenderness it will make you cry.
As our hospital visit draws nearer, we are a bit nervous-a bit anxious about how this next round will go. But, knowing that we have so many of our brothers and sisters in Christ beside us--as well as Jesus himself right beside Carter, we know we will make it!! Jesus told us that it wouldn't always be easy, but He does promise that He will never leave us.
Our Love,
Scott, Leigh Ann, Candler, and Carter

P.S. We met the Hennessy's and they are wonderful people. Their family will be such a source of strength and support for us. Remember Will in your prayers, as he goes into the hosital on Friday also. Too bad he and Carter are not at the same hospital!

P.S.S. We are meeting with the orthopaedic oncologist in the morning to discuss the first surgery that will take place in late April (approx.) Pray for Dr. Monson's wisdom and for our understanding of that wisdom as he plots a course for this next step.

Monday, February 10, 2003 8:54 PM CST

Carter got a wonderful report today!! His white blood count is back up as well as his hemoglobin, so he did not need a transfusion. Today he was so happy while we were at the hospital. He wanted to go around and see all his nurse and doctor buddies to say hello. He also wanted to go to the playroom to see if he was missing out on any cool activities or art projects.
We do not have to go back to the hospital until next Friday, February 21! We will go to the clinic that morning to have all the necessary blood tests done to make sure he can have the next round of chemo. That evening we are going to "The Lion King" at the Civic Center with all of the Martin family. Candler's and Carter's cousins, Luke and Benjamin Blackwell, are coming in from Washington, D.C. so they are going to the show with us!! It should be a great "send-off" for Carter's next hospital visit, as we will check into Egleston that same evening after the show is over. This will give us a jump start on his fluid intake overnight so the chemo can start Saturday morning. We will be in the hospital 5-6 days this time. Hopefully we will leave the hospital in time for Carter to attend the circus with his kindergarten class on Feb. 28 (if he is feeling up to it).
Hopefully I will not have to update this again before we check in to the hospital on Feb. 21. If I do not, only assume that the Martins are healthy, happy, and very content to be at home for the next 11 days!

Love,
Scott, Leigh Ann, Candler, and Carter

Be on the lookout for a new (and slightly less hairy) Scott Martin!!

Please keep our new friends the Hennessy's in your prayers. Will, their son who has Ewing's Sarcoma also, is back in the hospital with an infection. We were supposed to get Carter and Will together this weekend to meet, but that will be put on hold.

Friday, February 7, 2003 3:23 PM CST

Dear friends all over the world!!

We are so excited to see where all the e-mails are coming from. Carter cannot believe he has people praying for him all the way across the ocean!! What proof to him that God's love has no boundaries.
We have just returned from the hospital cancer clinic where we had our first official check-up. Carter's white blood count was low (as expected). This only means that he is more prone to infection, so we have to be really careful. It also means the chemo is working! His hemoglobin count was also very low. If it continues to drop, he will need a blood transfusion. His blood will be checked again on Monday afternoon. This is a bit scary to us, considering all that is going on with the contaminated blood right now. He may be getting blood from his mom or dad!!
Carter has not had any side effects from the chemo this week. We are so thankful for each day that he has been able to attend school (every day this week!) His only complaint was when we had to pick him up early from school today to go to the clinic. "I am not ready to leave, daddy!" he said.
At the clinic today we were asked by a doctor (he is doing research on sarcomas) if we would let the tissue and bone samples that were taken from Carter be used for further research. Since this type of cancer is so rare they need all the sarcoma samples they can get. They are doing research for a "tumor vaccine" (much too complicated for me to explain). We said yes, of course. To think that Carter may have an impact on future children who get this disease is very gratifying to us. We have always believed that God would use this to HIS glory....maybe this is the first part of HIS plan.
Carter has amazed us with his strength, and Scott and I are amazed at the strength that continues to build within us and our family. Each day the fact that our son has cancer sinks in a little more and becomes more real. We find ourselves reflecting on the constant, unceasing prayers we are getting from you, and that is giving us the stamina to get up and face each day.

Our love,
Scott, Leigh Ann, Candler, and Carter

I will update again on Monday after we return from the clinic.

P.S. To my "prayer calendar" friends--you are a true gift from God to me. Love, LA

Monday, February 3, 2003 9:03 PM CST

How encouraging it is for us to see names on this website that we do not even know...thanks for giving us your connection with a particular friend or family member!!
At long last we have photographs of Carter posted here now!! (A big thank you to my sister, Laura Herrin--your diligent efforts have not gone unnoticed. I love you and appreciate you so very much, sis!) So, please take a second to look at our precious little boy-and for those of you who do not know him, now you have a face to go with the name you have been praying for.
Carter returned, very joyously I might add, to school this morning. He is in a wheelchair because his leg is in a cast to prevent a break, as the bone is very weak due to the biopsy. He will have to have the cast for approximately 3 weeks longer. The children in his class at Providence treated him completely normal. I think as parents that is our biggest fear-for him to be treated differently due to his illness. We are all the same people we were prior to January 17!! The only exception is that now we are people who look at the world a little differently than we used to. Take the time to hug your children a little longer and a little tighter. Take the time to be a little more patient with them. And most importantly, take the time to pray with them about others and their needs--it works!! The Martins are living proof.
Love, Scott, LA, Candler, and Carter

Saturday, February 1, 2003 8:13 PM CST

Dear friends and family,
We are home, finally!! It certainly is great to be here all together as a family. First I would like to say a special thank you to our parents and siblings for the constant help-taking care of Candler, washing clothes, answering the phone (the biggest job!), and making endless trips to and from the hospital during Carter's stay. We could not do it without you..we love you so very much!!
Carter's chemo began on Thursday evening, and it was a very rough night. It was so scary for Scott and me not knowing what to expect or what Carter's reaction would be to the medicine. I think I was almost as sick as he was!! Friday night he received another round of only one type of chemo, and he had no reaction at all!!
He had endless amounts of fun at the hospital--he won the grand prize at Bingo, met a buddy, Garrett, who is battling a tumor in his bladder, and he bonded with the Cancer Center's "entertainment man" Jacob. It was, all in all a very good stay for us, but are looking forward to sleeping in our own beds tonight!
Now mommy gets to play nurse, as we have to give Carter a shot everyday to boost his white blood count. We will return to the Cancer Clinic on Friday of next week for a blood count and general exam. If all continues well, he will get to go to school next week, at least for a few days.
I cannot remember if I have given you the names of the doctors--Dr. Howard Katzenstein, Dr. Roland Chu, Dr. David Monson, and of course Dr. Tim Oswald--the man we give credit (along with the Lord) for saving Carter from what could have been a situation far worse than where we are now. Please pray for these men as they care for Carter and advise us along this long journey.
A giant thank you to all of you who have sent cards and letters, packages, balloons and teddy bears, dinners, desserts, e-mails, and notes to this web page. We are eternally grateful for your friendship.
Unless Carter gets sick, his next scheduled treatment will be in 3 weeks, beginning on Feb. 22. It will last for 5-6 days. If he does get sick, we will be back in the hospital for antibiotics and around the clock monitoring. Until then the Martin household will try to return to normal, taking each day one at a time....
Love, Scott, LA, Candler, and Carter

Thursday, January 30, 2003 at 04:51 PM (CST)

We finally have results from the second biopsy and it confirms the diagnosis of Ewing's Sarcoma.

Chemotherapy will begin Thursday night (after Carter gets to go play bingo at the hospital) and we hope to come home either Friday night or Saturday.

The outpouring of support continues to amaze us. Everyone's strength and encouragement means more than you can ever realize. Prayers and positive suppport are needed and appreciated.

The website is such an encouragement to us...please keep the thoughts and prayers coming.

We love you all!

Scott, Leigh Ann, Candler and Carter

Tuesday, January 28, 2003 at 04:04 PM (CST)

Carter had his surgery today and things went well. He is resting pretty comfortably, already eating popsicles and checking out the menu to order food for the rest of the night! He is back in a cast...a very, very bright lime green one to protect him from any injury.

We hope to get results from the biopsy on Wednesday. After that, chemotherapy will begin rather quickly.

Through a friend of a friend of a friend, we have met another couple, Jane and Bill Hennessy, who live in East Cobb who has a 6 year old son that was diagnosed with Ewing Sarcoma within days of Carter's diagnosis. The little boy's name is Will and we are asking that you share some of your prayers and positive thoughts for this family as well. The family is currently in Houston being evaluated.

Thank you for all your notes in the guestbook, cards sent home and all the wonderful prayers and thoughts. We are very fortunate to have a wonderful support system in our lives.

The Martins

Friday, January 24, 2003 at 12:02 PM (CST)

Dear all,
We met with the doctors yesterday afternoon and it was their recommendation that Carter have another open biopsy to confirm the diagnosis. They are 99% sure that it is Ewing's Sarcoma.....The tissue/bone samples that they got from the first biopsy were very small. They want to get additional samples from different areas and do more testing on the samples. The biopsy will be on Tuesday at 12:00. Dr. Tim Oswald will be doing the surgery (he has been Carter's orthopaedic since day one). We talked to him yesterday and he told us that his family is praying for Carter. Please pray for him as he prepares to do this additional biopsy-for guidance & wisdom from the Holy Spirit.
Carter is at Providence today celebrating the 100th day of school!! He loves Providence so very much and looks so forward to seeing his teacher, Mrs. Carter, each and every day. His friends are reacting to him completely normal-thank God for Christian parents who are teaching their children mercy and compassion, but most of all love.
Candler is an angel here on earth without wings-his love for his brother is shining through very brightly. The days ahead will be extremely difficult for him, as he has such a tender heart.
Hopefully we will have a very quiet, restful weekend together as a family, as next week will bring a new set of challenges for us to face. Thank you being there with us. S, LA, C, & C
PLEASE keep the guestbook entries coming-what a comfort they are to us!

Thursday, January 23, 2003 at 09:50 PM (CST)

We met with the doctors today. Carter will NOT begin chemotherapy on Friday, January 24 as previously thought. More information will be forthcoming concerning the plans for treatment.

Once again, thank you for your continued prayers and support.

Leigh Ann, Scott, Candler and Carter Martin

Thursday, January 23, 2003 at 01:00 PM (CST)

To our dearest friends and family,
God is so good!! He has given us an incredibly special friend, Sydney McGuire, who organized this web page for all of us. There are no words worthy to communicate our love for the McGuire family.
God has also given us a precious Son--HIS OWN. The Lord has been right where we are now...hurting, aching for his own flesh and blood....and I do believe He is standing right beside us now as we go through this with our own son, Carter.
We are still in discussions with the Dr.'s as to what our plan of attack will be. We are meeting with them at 3:00pm today. Pray for that time to be a time of peace as we make some very difficult decisions. We will update this again this evening to share the news.
The endless prayers, phone calls, gifts, food, companionship, genuine friendship, and love for us and our family is something that has absolutely stunned us...you all have been placed so very carefully into our lives for this very moment-if we have known you for 30 years or 30 minutes--you are in our lives for a purpose, and we are feeling God's love as you embrace us. Much love, Scott, Leigh Ann, Candler, and Carter

Tuesday, January 21, 2003 at 08:40 PM (CST)

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