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Sarah Marie Pochy 
September 20, 1997 - February 21, 2005
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Welcome to Sarah’s web page. Sarah had a left frontal craniotomy for debulking (1/3 removed) of a large brain tumor on February 9, 2004. The tumor was an Anaplastic Astrocytoma WHO Grade III (malignant). She received 6 weeks of conformal radiation with the drug Temodar (pill form of chemo). She completed nine cycles of Temodar. In December 2004, she had an internal shunt placed for hydrocephalus. A MRI done in January 2005 showed significant tumor progression since October 2004. In February 2005, we decided to stop treatments and work with hospice for a peaceful passing.
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A butterfly lights beside us
Like a sunbeam,
And for a brief moment,
It’s glory and beauty
Belong to our world.
But then it flies on again.
And although we wish
It could have stayed,
We feel blessed
to have seen it.
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Journal
Thursday, February 21, 2008 9:15 AM CST Today it has been three years without Sarah. I know I said I wasn't going to update anymore, but I changed my mind. This anniversary has been hard for me, more so than last year. It seems to have been triggered by my birthday at the end of January. It wasn't a good day and it had nothing to do with it being my birthday, but if anyone deserves an OK day, you would think they could at least get it on their birthday. My birthday is sort of the marker for when Sarah's health started deteriorating and its around the time we decided to stop treatment. I really don't expect it to be a day of celebrating ever again, but I also don't think I deserved such a bad day.
This year the anniversary of her surgery was tough for me. I think I have been either in a fog or working so hard to deal with her being dead, that I haven't really given everything she went through a lot of thought until this year. Those are not good memories and its painful to think of everything she went through and still she died. This grief thing is always changing and continues to surprise me. Just when you think you have it under control a new, bigger wave hits you. Somedays I just ride it out but other days it hits me so hard I go under a little. One of the most painful parts of all this is knowing this grief is forever. I will always have to live without Sarah and since I'm not very old, it will probably be for a very long time. I really can't help but wishing I was older, how odd is that?
Anyway, not to doom and gloom you too much. I'll tell you a little of what has been going on. Keith and Jenna are in 9th and 7th grade. They are growing up whether I like it or not, which I don't. Keith is over 6 foot and very manly looking. Jenna isn't very tall but definitely not the little girl she was. I still make them go to school. Keith is still in boyscouts and moving along with his badges and rank. Jenna still reads all the time. They seem very mature to me compared to other kids their age. Sometimes thinking about how they have changed because of Sarah's death makes me very sad because they aren't the goofy kids they probably would have been.
I got a job. That is almost funny to type. I have to do something besides roam around the house. My heart was not into going back to school so a job seemed like the only option. It was really hard to go back into the world. I could go on forever about that but I won't. I'm a school bus driver. How crazy is that!! I really like driving that big bus and sometimes I like the kids too. I drive all ages and they all have pros and cons, no favorites. The best part of my job is that I'm on the same schedule as Keith and Jenna and I have summer off!! Marco may not agree that its a good thing but its not his job, so his opinion doesn't matter a whole lot. Marco still is working and doing all his Dad/Husband duties. He is very busy doing something.
The other big news is that we got a dog. How crazy is that!! She is so cute! I can go on forever about how cute she is but I won't. Her name is Gigi. She is a poodle mix and a rescue dog. She had her litter of puppies taken from her before they were weaned and was depressed. She really fits in with us because we know what each other is going through. I really got her to cheer the kids up, but she has been good for me and Marco too. I didn't know I could use a dog. She makes us laugh, she is so funny sometimes. The best part is that she is a very easy dog and smart. Of course, our dog is smart.
We have gone on some nice vacations since Sarah died. Yellowstone the first year. Then the next we went to Oregon/Washington area to Mt. St. Helens. We went on a rafting trip and got dumped going over a waterfall. It was scary and exhilarating. We all managed to get the rope thrown to us and get pulled to shore without injuries. I helped saved Keith and Jenna that day. It boosted my mom confidence. This last summer we went to Mt. Lassen and climbed it and Cinder Cone. Jenna made it all the way to the top too! That was exciting and it was a great hike. Jenna doesn't really like all the outdoor stuff but she is a real trooper and usually makes the best of it.
So you see, we are still alive and still living life. Keith is close to driving so that could change. I'm kidding. He will be a wonderful driver like his mother. However, he doesn't seem very interested in it so Jenna may be driving before him. She will be a wonderful driver too like her mother.
It was good to update. I'm feeling a little better when I think back on life since Sarah died and I know I'll get through today and there will be some good times again. I've decided that March to August is my good time of the year and Sarah's birthday to February is the bad time. I'm ready for March 1st because its been a long sad spell. I missed her a lot through the holidays too and it was a tough time. Just when it seems like I've processed through everything, something else creeps up. Its something I'm trying to accept because I'm really getting sick of all this grief work, especially this month.
Before I go back for my afternoon bus shift, I'm going to go through Sarah's stuff. I get the urge from time to time. I guess its a validation of her life and its all I have left of her to physically touch. I miss her so much and I can't even put it into words how painful it is, to not have her here with us. I think she would be proud of us for how far we have come and how hard we have worked to move forward to find joy in our lives. Life will always change, but I hope it waits until I'm ready before another big change happens, if I'll ever be ready.
With love,
Jennifer
Dear Sarah,
I love you all the way to Pluto and back. I still think of you everyday and wish you were here with us. Your favorite song makes me cry but I still want to hear it because I can picture you in the back of the van singing it. I miss you tons, Sarah-girl.
Love, Mom
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