Journal History

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Thursday, May 6, 2010 9:42 PM CDT

Hi Everyone, last week was the 6th anniversary of our precious Hannah going to Heaven. We miss her very very much. We spent the day with our family watching our treasured videos of Hannah interacting with the family. She truly was amazing, she was full of joy and laughter and was she beyond her years in age! We are so thankful that we were blessed to have her with us for 8 1/2 years. Those truly were the best years of our lives. Her story is still on lifegem.com and she still touches lives through her incredible faith and her love for the Lord. We long to see her again and we are so thankful that God gives us hope in His son Jesus Christ. Through Him, we will see her again and she is safe in His arms. She is better than she ever was here on earth and she is living more now than she ever did before! I planned on writing last week but we had a litter of puppies born and have been more busy than usual! Oh, Hannah would have loved these puppies! She loved animals of all kinds and was always out for the underdog! She would be turning 15 in September. Man, is that hard to imagine! Abby is turning 12 and is 5'3" tall and so beautiful. I'm sure Hannah would be too. Abby is so talented and such a good friend to her friends!! It's a blessing to watch her interact with them. She is still in dance classes 3 days a week a total of 6 to 8 hours each week and she travels to churches and church camps and performs with her group. It is really wonderful to see her serve the Lord through her dance! She also is in several plays this year and plays piano! Needless to say she is a very bus girl!
I hope and pray that all of you are well and giving God the glory for what He has done in your life! God bless you and thanks for your prayers, Jerry, Susi, Abby and Hannah in Heaven

Sunday, December 27, 2009 5:06 PM CST

Hello again, It's hard to believe and sad to say that we have now gone through 6 Christmas' with little Hannah in Heaven. We do miss her so much! Abby is so big now and such a huge help working late nights at the candy store with us. Hanna loved to help us at the candy store too. We are absolutely positive that Hannah is so good and happy and wonderful in Heaven, yet the separation is tough on all of us. Of course it's even tougher during the holidays. All we can say is thank God for our wonderful hope of Heaven! How amazing i is for us to imagine the day when we see our Savior face to face and get to meet Hannah again and see with our own eyes that it's true, Jesus has been all He said and has done all He said he'd do for her! Wow, it's just so awesome to think about! Thank you for those of you who read about her life and also for those of you who remind us of funny things she said or did. We sure do appreciate those jewels!We are all so exhausted from the long hours making candy canes and ribbon candy but God is faithful and we are resting now!!! I promise to write again soon but we have to go to our other family gathering for Christmas now!! Sorry, I didn't know it was so late, God bless you and remember, Seek what is eternal, and love those you are blessed to share this life with! Susi, Jerry, Abby and Hannah in Heaven

Friday, August 28, 2009 1:38 PM CDT

Here we are still living our daily lives and seeking to please the Lord in what we do and say. Hannah would be turning 14 years old next week. Wow! When we meet girls her age, we can't help but wonder how tall she would be and how grown up she would look! As far as her personality, well she was already so so so many years advanced that it's hard to imagine how she would be now. She really was amazing and a huge blessing! I know that she is hanging out with her friends that went to Heaven. If I think about them by name, I'd think of Kim, Rachel,Ashley, Aleese,Nathan, Haydee, Hannah V., Karyna, Rylie, Barbara, Jacob, Ryan, and Chloe. Just to think of the way she was when she was with all of them here on Earth makes me blessed to know she has them in Heaven! She was the center of attention much of the time (in a good way) and when she wasn't with her friends, she liked to make things for them and talked very fondly of them. Always thrilled to find out that they too loved Jesus!! She was a beautiful person inside and out that's for sure! On Hannah's birthday this year, we look forward to watching our cherished videos and reminiscing with loved ones. It's hard to believe it's been nearly 5 1/2 years. God is faithful, He truly has sustained us and helped us know she is safe with Him and one day we will be reunited never to be separated again!
Abby is 11 years old now and 5 ft tall! she is very funny and very charismatic! she still loves dance and is amazing in her recitals! she has a great smile and loves the Lord. we are proud of her! She is a big help at the candy store working late nights with us and keeping a good attitude with her school work and chores. We still have puppies several times a year and that is hard work but extremely rewarding! We love those darling little babies!!
I hope all of you are staying close to the Lord through life's ups and downs!! God bless you, from Hannah's family, Jerry, Susi, and Abby

Monday, September 8, 2008 4:27 PM CDT

Well, Today little Hannah would be 13 years old!! This is such a difficult day for all of us just wondering how big she would be and the ways she would have changed. It's a day where we realize just how much life isn't fair. It has been a day filled with tears as we watch the videos we took of her and simply miss her amazing laughter in our home and her irreplaceable joy. She truly was one of a kind.
We feel especially bad for Abby because this wasn't our plan. We planned to have Abby and her big sister together their whole lives to share all the memories with each other and help each other through good and bad. Instead, Abby is kind of forced into being an only child. Much different from an only child who has never had the chance to be anything but an only child. Abby knew the fun and trials of having a big sister and then suddenly, she is left without a sibling.
Our God is faithful though, only He could help us survive for almost four and a half years without Hannah in our midst and still have a peace and a joy that passes understanding. We have seen His grace and mercy in our daily comings and goings. And we know without a shadow of a doubt that Hannah is happy, well and whole in the presence of the Lord. We know that fair isn't a promise in this life but His love and help is and we do see His love and help through the scriptures and the friends and family that still share God's love with us and remember to pray for our family and even share stories they remember about our amazing little Hannah. We also feel especially grateful that we were given Hannah for eight and a half years. She battled leukemia for nearly five years we realize that children are a gift from God and are essentially on loan from Him. She grew and changed so much in those five years and blessed us more than words can express! We realize that many people whose children get cancer, don't get five years and we pray for their loss.
We are still looking forward to the day when we are reunited with Hannah in Heaven and get to see Jesus face to face. We had a plan to meet at the Tree of Life and we know it's beauty is indescribable. The Bible says that it is split with the river of life running through the middle of it and on it's leaves are twelve kinds of fruit. All this is proceeding from the throne of God and the Lamb. Amazing!! No wonder why Hannah smiled so big as she said "I'm In, I'm in"! What an awsome sight to behold!!!
We pray that your family is growing closer to the Lord through the things life throws your way. Remember,it's a choice we make and God will honor all that He says in the Bible.Choose to serve Him with all that is within you, He is worthy to be praised. God bless you, Susi, Jerry, Abby and Hannah in Heaven:)

Thursday, May 22, 2008 12:36 AM CDT

Hi everyone, We had our Team "Hannah's Heroes" for the Relay for Life walk on Saturday. It was a very very hot day but a neat day also. Many of our friends came and walked and hung out at our designated area for the day. It was sweet to see so many faces that cared so deeply for our little Hannah and our family.
We set up a kids corner and believe me we had many of the kids that were there hanging out at our area most of the day. It was cute!! We had a face painting booth and a make a book mark booth and Jerry even set up a shave ice machine and made hula kulas for everyone that wanted one. Those "on site" fund raisers made a little over $100 and We enjoyed providing that for everyone!
We aren't sure of our team total yet but we think we brought in over $2000.00 for the American Cancer Society.
The luminaria service was really neat. They sold paper sacks that we got to right on in memory of Hannah and many others and also in honor of a loved one as well, they lit them up after dark and lined the entire track with them so as we walked, we could read each and every one. They were very touching. The amazing thing is that they glowed all night long!! We only slept for about 2 1/2 hours that night and were very tired the next day. It was definately worth it thought and we'd like to participate again next year Lord willing. We sure missed Hannah though, She would have so enjoyed all of the people gathered together and just enjoying each others company for a good cause.

I'm sure that Heaven is even better though!! We are looking for the day when we are all reunited in Heaven and seeing our beautiful little girl once again, She was an amazing person and is a beautiful diamond!!! Thanks again, Susi , Jerry, Abby and Hannah in Heaven

Friday, May 9, 2008 2:20 PM CDT

Hi everyone, I wanted to say thank you for the messages of encouragement that you all left in the guestbook! We had a good day remembering Hannah through all of the video footage we have of her. She was amazing and we were so blessed to have her for eight and a half years! Of course , we would always choose in our wills to have her for many many more but God had other plans and we accept that because He knows best and has promised that His plans for us are good and perfect to give us a future and a hope! We certainly have that hope and are so thankful that we will see her again when we get to Heaven!! And by the way, we did go to church on the morning of Hannah's 4th anniversary of her triumphant entry into Heaven!! (I say taht because the smile she had as she reached over my shoulder and said "I'm in, I'm in!! was bigger and brighter than we'd ever seen before and Hannah was an incredibly "smiley" little girl and full of joy and laughter but nothing compared to seeing our Lord come to that hospital room and take her soul and her wonderful spirit into Heaven to live forever more without pain and suffering! The five of us that were in that room with Hannah in the end feel incredibly honored to have been there and we do share a special bond and are all eagerly waiting to meet her at the tree of life when God calls us home.
I wanted to invite all who might be interested or available to come and walk with us or donate money to help the American Cancer Society fight for a cure and raise awareness about the many different kinds of cancer that radically change lives forever when they strike someone you know. We are excited to be walking in loving memory of Amazing Hannah Rowley as "Hannah's Heroes" in the May 17th Relay For Life at Chaffy High School in Ontario, California. The walk is from 9 am Sat to 9 am sunday, this symbolizes the fact that cancer never sleeps and we would love to have some walkers or donaters. To qualify to walk, you must raise or donate at least $25 and we will be blessed to share this wonderful opportunity with those who come!! The best way for us to get you the link you need to be able to donate is for you to email us at painthorsegirls@earthlink.net and we can forward you the link to the web site to "Hannah's Heroes" Relay For Life Ontario, Ca Please let us know if you plan on walking!!!
Thanks so much for the love you share for our family and we are forever grateful!! Love, Susi, Jerry, Abby and Hannah in Heaven

Thursday, April 3, 2008 10:01 PM CDT

Hi everyone, It's been three months since I updated. Don't think that because I don't update , that we don't check Hannah's site. We check it daily and always check the guestbook. Lately we have been disappointed because the guestbook keeps getting signed by people who don't know they are signing for Hannah or our family. I contacted caringbridge but haven't heard back from them about this situation.
Anyway, We are in the count down to the very day four years ago, that the Lord called Hannah home. We all have heavy hearts but just keep going.April 27th lands on a Sunday this year. It should have been a Saturday but because of Feb 29th, it will be a Sunday. I'm not sure how to deal with that? Do we go to church and then come home and watch our Hannah videos? Can we muster up the strength to do that? Or do we just get up stay in our comfy jammies and start watching her videos? Once we start watching them, we won't stop all day. We are so blessed by her voice and her presense on the screen, man we wish we would have kept the video camera going much much more! I well up with tears just thinking about watching those precious treasures! She was so amazing and so beyond her years in knowledge and whitt! What a huge loss our family has experienced. Don't be confused with lost, Hannah definately isn't lost! We know where she is and who she's with! That fact gives us hope and really a reason to keep living and making a difference in this world. Through Hannah choosing to be a "diamond" and lifegem for wanting the world to know about Hannah and her amazing story, she truly is still touching lives all over the world! That is another reason that we know that we are very blessed. People aren't forgetting about Hannah. In fact so many people are still just finding out about lifegem and then they see Hannah's darling little face. Usually they read her story and end up here on Hannah's web site. It blesses us so much when they take the time to share their feelings or condolances with us in the guestbook! (Another blessing!)God is so Good!
Abby is growing like a weed! She is close to 4'10" and a very pretty young lady. Almost 10 years old already! So many things she does, we wish Hannah could see and we know that she would be so proud! She dances 3 nights a week now and recently performed at a school and then a few days later performed on Easter at church!! Her school is tough this year and I'm learning alot in 4th grade as her teacher!! Over all it's good! She still takes piano and will be having a recital soon.. She is so busy that she only gets to ride her pony one to two days a week at the very most. We've been doing reports and projects and keeping very busy!! She will go back to the eye doctor on the 14th to see if she can finally stop patching completely! She is patching for three hours a day and after patching for 11 months 8 hours a day, three's not too bad! She is really ready to stop though. One of Abby's reports was about a fictional story that she had to pick from a list. She chose the one about a girl lost in the forest. Anyway, she wrote an amazing story and the little girl was 8 years old and was named Hannah. The teacher ( we do a co-op on Thurs, not me) asked Abby if she could read her story to the class because it was her favorite! (she doesn't know us and at that time didn't know Hannah's story) The next story she chose on her own and it was about Hannah and her birthday party! Then the teacher covered poems and she wrote a wonderful "Inspirational Poem" called "When We Were Young" It had to be placed in the poem book with a photo that inspired the poem the photo is of the girls (Hannah and Abby) with bows in their hair and bare feet and dresses sitting on a big rock giggling .It says: When we were young we liked bare feet we thought the dirt between our toes was really neat.
We liked to hug, giggle, and laugh and pose for a photogragh. We liked jewelry,bows, and dressed and by the end of the day, we made lots of messes. My sister fought the good fight, finished the race, and recieved her crowns, I will follow the Lord and remain faithful, and see her again because He is risen!
It is so wonderful how much Abby still loves her sister and longs to see her again.
If any of our friends or family want to come over and watch Hannah videos with us on the 27th, we would be glad to share her with you. She truly was amazing and I'm sure she's more amazing now in her glorified body! We sure wonder what she looks like! I bet she is so shiny and sparkly!!! God bless you and thanks for caring, Susi, Jerry, Abby , and Hannah in Heaven

Saturday, January 5, 2008 7:46 PM CST

Hi everyone, it's been months since I have written. After I wrote the last time , I ended up back in the hospital due to complications from my surgery. I finally began feeling better and the "Candy Store craze" hit. For those of you that have known us for a while, you know what that means. It means long, long hours at the shop with very little down time, really, very little time for anything but candy. Dipping chocolates by day and making candy canes by night. Every night for over two months. But God is faithful and good. WE survived another year.
We have been very busy too, with all of Abby's activities. She is still in dance a couple of nights a week and had recitals in Dec. and she was in three plays as well. She finally has been patching less. The doctor finally sucommed to the reality that her eyes are not improving anymore from the patching. She got a stronger perscription and is seeing better.
We sure miss Hannah. It was 4 years ago yesterday that Hannah relapsed for the last time. We had such a nice Christmas at home and she seemed fine then just a few days later she was so sick. It's just not fair. Life isn't fair. But in this life we really aren't promised fairness but God does promise us life eternal with Him. Hannah has that now. It's amazing to think that she is with God for the rest of eternity. We are all home sick to get there with her. No more pain ,no more sickness, no more tears, no more lonliness, no more unfairness. Don't you want to be there too? We can't help but wonder how big she'd be now how much she'd have changed. We sure miss her joy and her laughter. She was so so so amazing!! I'm sure she's even more amazing in Heaven. She was truly one of a kind. I really miss her involvement with me and the horses. She was my mini me. She was such a great rider and she was extremely knowledgable about, just about everything! I see why God wanted her home with Him. We just miss her. We live with joy in our hearts though. Joy because we have such a good God to give us the wonderful hope of Heaven and the confidence that we too will go there. ( because we have accepted Jesus and we live for Him everyday) Well, thanks for listening to me. I'll write much sooner, God bless you and your family, thanks for signing the guestbook, it helps us remember little details that we might forget,we never want to forget, Susi, Jerry, Abby and Hannah in Heaven

Tuesday, August 28, 2007 4:57 PM CDT

Hi everyone!
I'm finally feeling good enough to write! I'll tell you the whole ordeal of what took place with regards to my surgery but first I'd love to share with you our family vacation!
We took off on a rode trip on Saturday morning July 28th. With all the animals and packing we got off about an hour late. We weren't on the rode 3 minutes when we discovered that Abby was hungry. We stopped at the local Farmer Boys drive thru and waited in that line for 45 minutes!!! We finally got on the freeway headed toward Los Vegas everything was going as planned other than we were a couple of hours later than we had hoped. About two hours on the freeway there was a fatality ahead and the entire freeway was shut down. By now it's over 100 digrees and we just had to sit there on the totally packed freeway. We moved 2 miles in 2 hours. It was so hot and exhausting!! I needed to use the ladies room so we stopped at the first palce after the long traffic jam and Abby spilled her drink all over a man! Thank God he was nice and accepted our apology! We all felt like we should have just stayed home!!!! Thank God we kept going because the rest of our trip was so wonderful. We met up with our friends and they took us to a buffet and to see the lights of Vegas and the dancing waters. By the time we got to their house it was after 10:30 pm. The next morning we went to another buffet and met up with our nephew and his family at their home. They have two daughters and Abby just loved visiting them. We stayed about 3 hours. Finally we headed off for the Hoover Dam tour. That was very interesting and we picked up a few souviners and drove towards Flagstaff,AZ. We had a hotel room waiting for us and we showered and got some rest. The next morning we headed for the Grand Canyon! Wow, we were all amazed at the beauty and how huge it was. We headed for the souvineer shop!! Abby began collecting magnets from everywhere we'd been and I found a book all about the deaths in the Grand Canyon! When we were looking over the edge, we didn't know that people had actually lost their lives at the Grand Canyon. We even went past some guard rails and hiked down a bit and grandma stayed up at the top a took photos of us. It was so great!! We left the canyon and traveled through the Painted Desert. It was so beautiful. There were so many Indian reservations and alot of plains. Finally we made it to Four Corners. We stopped and took our photos on the four corners monument (where Utah,New Mexicao,Colorado,and Arizona all meet) Then we headed into Colorado and saw a different view. It began to get so green and beautiful. We finally made it to our destination at about 8 pm on Monday. Pagosa Springs, Co. It was our friends time share that they so graciously gave us. It was on a lake and a golf course. We loved it! While in Pagosa Springs, we hiked and hung out in the hot springs and went to the county fair,went river rafting, and went to Durango to take the historic train ride from Durango to Silverton! It was wonderful. We even got to go to a bull riding competition. There were many times, in fact the whole time we missed Hannah so much. This was the first family vacation we've taken with her in Heaven. She was so adventurous. She would have had a blast! And she brightened every room she ever walked into. Without the wonderful hope we have in the Lord, we wouldn't be able to continue our lives with joy. God gives us a joy that is literally from above and He gets us through everyday.
We got home late on Sunday night and I had to get labs for my surgery on Mon morning. then I had a pre op on thurs and the surgery on Friday.What a busy week after being on vacation for 9 days!! The surgery went as planned at first however in recovery, my blood pressure began dropping and they gave me a bolice of fluid and that didn't help and they gave me more fluids and Albuterol and I was getting worse not better. A resident was making the calls at this point and he never called the head doctor. He didn't trust the lab results which said that my hemaglobin had dropped over 3 points down to 6.1 and ordered more labs. By the time the head doctor came back,4 1/2 hours later I needed 4 units of blood and was rushed in for a second surgery to stop an internal hemorage!!! I had been hemoraging for 4 1/2 hours internally!! Poor Jerry and my mom. They were waiting and the nurses wouldn't let them see me because I was so unstable. The doctor said that the second surgery would only take about 20 to 30 mintues and it took two hours! Jerry was sure that I had died. Poor man! I was jsut praying and figured if the Lord wanted me home then that was certainly ok with me! I woke up though so I guess the Lord still wants me here. I ended up staying in the hospital for 5 days instead of 3 and have had some fevers and a terribly stiff neck with headaches and was even hospitalized for 15 hours about 12 days post surgery because of acute pain in my side that they were conserned could be a blood clot or a partially collapsed lung. I checked out fine thank God!! I go see the doctor tomorrow and I hope to be released to drive. I'm finally feeling better. Abby has been great through all of this. She is very helpful and caring. My mom and Jerry have been a huge help as well.Several friends have brought dinner. Thank God for friends and family.This has taken alot out of me but I'll get stronger!
God bless you and thanks for your continued prayers, Susi, Jerry, Abby and Hannah in Heaven

Thursday, July 26, 2007 8:46 PM CDT

Hi everyone, I'm sorry it's been so long since I updated.
Abby had a disappointing visit at the eye doctor a few weeks ago. The improvement she had the last time was gone and her vision actually decreased some. She said that as soon as she looked at the chart she knew because she couldn't see the chart near as well as last time. The doctor said that this would be the last 10 week slot of time and what ever the results that is probably what she will have to be satisfied with because she is already 9 years old and then we would begin a very slow process of weaning her off the patch.
We are leaving for our road trip to Colorado on Sat. morning. We will be heading for Henderson first to see our nephew and his family and their almost one year old new baby. Then we will see the Grand Canyon and the grand canyon caverns and the four corners and by Sunday night(if all goes as planned) we'll be at our condo in Pagosa Springs. We plan to take the historic train ride and go river rafting and experience the natural hot springs that made Pagosa Springs famous. Today we began packing and Abby packed a little stuffed balerina bear that has a photo of Hannah in the clear pocket on it's tummy. She was very somber and held it close to her heart before packing it. It's sad to take a vacation without Hannah. God is faithful though and we look forward to seeing her in Heaven.
We will be home Sunday night and I have to be in LA for pre-op labs on Monday morning. then again to see the doctor on Thurs and my surgery is on Friday Aug. 10th. I'll be in the hospital for three days at Cedar Sinai. We appriciate your prayers. My friend Suzanne took two of my horses to her house and my other friend Denise took the pony. Thankfully we only have two horses at home for my mom and Jerry to take care of. (I can't do any lifting for 8 weeks)
Children's hospital has a quarterly magazine that is featuring Abby in the fall. They interviewed us and took pictures of Abby with her patch on. It was pretty neat! The last time we went to the hospital for Abby's eye, we visited with Stacy(Hannah's teacher at the hospital) and got to see quite a few nurses that helped take care of Hannah. It was really neat to see them. We do miss them, they were such a huge part of our lives for so long. They loved Hannah too. (I think everybody who ever met her loved her)
We are finished with Abby's school and she is having a pretty fun summer. lot's of friends and pools and sun!She went to two different Vacation Bible Schools and loved them both!
I'll try to write again soon. I won't be able to do my normal daily activities so I plan on letting you all know how the surgery went and how our vacation went too! Thanks again for your prayers, God bless you, Susi, Jerry, Abby and Hannah in Heaven

Tuesday, May 22, 2007 9:00 PM CDT

Hi everyone
I can't believe that it's been so long since I wrote! We always stay busy around here. Thank God!
Abby did great at her piano recital. She also performed with about 35 other children in her choir. They put on a play called "HOLY MOSES". It was wonderful!Tomorrow she has another play for her drama class and in a couple of weeks she will have her dance recital! She is enjoying all of it!
I'm going to have surgery the first week in August and I really like the doctor so hopefully everything will go smoothly!
All is well at the candy store so far. Easter was good and people were happy to get there fudge eggs! We still don't know who is buying the building and if we will be able to stay or be forced to move, the good thing is , God knows and He will help us with the right choices. We appriciate your prayers.
I took Amy to radiation today. She is in very bad pain and has very bad mouth sores. Please pray for her and her family.She has one more week of radiation and one more round of chemo. Thanks.
The animals are all good. Probably too many of them but they're happy!
Abby is still patching her eye for 8 hours a day but our last visit at children's hospital went very well. Her vision is getting better. She was beaming, they were so proud of her and she was proud of herself! She should be!!
Felishia and I went to Alese Coco's funeral a couple of weeks ago. She was a teenage friend of Hannah's and had an amazing love for people and for the Lord. She is now with her Lord and all of her friends in Heaven! Wow, when you think about it, it's incredible!!
The Japaneze TV sent the story they did about Hannah to us in the mail. It is very odd to see acters and actresses portraying us. The whole thing is in Japaneze so there are only a hand full of words we understand. Mainly HANNAH!!! I'm sure it touched people, I'm amazed at how she continues to touch lives! Yesterday I was interviewed over the phone with a very nice journalist in London. She will be writing a story about Hannah and her choice to be a diamond. She was very touched be Hannah and how amazing she was at such a young age! We were so blessed to have her! We miss her terribly!
We endoured another passing of the day Hannah went to Heaven. April 27. It was a tough day. We watched all the home movies of her and our family and the TV coverage tapes as well. It was so wonderful to hear her voice and see her amazing smile and attitude. We just hadn't had enough of her so the next morning we got up and watched more home videos of her. Poor Abby said " Mommy, I wish we still had her!" All I could say is "I know and we'll be together again in Heaven" And we hugged.
God bless you all and thanks for remembering our family and especially for remembering Hannah. She was a great person. Her love for God was awesome! We should all be like her!! Love, Susi, Jerry, Abby and Hannah in Heaven

Friday, April 6, 2007 0:45 AM CDT

Hi everyone, I wanted to give you all the latest on our gang around here,
Abby is doing fine. She is still home schooling and currently in choir,drama,piano and dance outside or home. She likes them all.She will be doing a piano recital soon and a play for both choir and drama and a dance recital with routines in both tap and jazz! She is also squezzing in riding her horse a few days a week! Believe it or not, she is still lonely though. After having a sister for her whole life then suddenly having her go to Heaven, It's tough, much tougher than being an only child from the start. We would appriciate your prayers for Abby and our family concerning this, for God's guidence and comfort. Thanks!
Our puppies are all in their new homes but one beautiful boy. That was fun but a lot of work! We also were blessed to be able to purchase a new boy ( he is the puppies dad and he is so beautiful!!) Abby loves him and has been running him in the agility classes a couple of days a week, she definately has the "agility bug". She would love to go every night!
Amy had surgery and it has been a very tough road. The cancer was even worse then they thought and they removed more of her tongue than they planned and also had to remove her main artery and many lymphnodes. She was in the hospital for nearly a month and is now getting chemo and radiation( I think 40 doses of radiation)Please pray for her. She needs God in this time, so do the people around her. I can't imagine going through something like this without a personal relationship with the loving God who made her. Thank you so much.
The candy store did great for Valentines day and now we face Easter!! God is good, things are running smoothly so far. Also, the building we are in at the candy store is in escrow so pray that God's will be done and that Jerry leans on Him during this nerve racking time of getting a new owner that could decide to double or triple our rent. Thank you once again!
I am going to have surgery soon so please pray for the right doctor and the right choices I need to make, that I would have a peace about how extensive the surgery will be and also a speedy recovery, thanks so much.
Many of you might have noticed that when you read the guestbook, that there was wierd writings in it, I contacted caringbridge and they renmoved the spam and helped Hannah's guestbook be back to just caring people that want to give our family words of encouragement. It made me cry when I saw they fixed it and that I can read it once again without wondering who these people are writing about and what it all meant. What a relief!
God bless you all and thanks for your notes. God loves you very much, think about it, He gave His son for you and me so we could live forever in Heaven with Him. Looking forward to the day when we are all reunited ! What an amazing promise, what a hope what a great God, Love, Susi, Jerry, Abby, and Hannah in Heaven:)

Saturday, February 3, 2007 0:04 AM CST

Hi everyone, I can't believe it has been so long since I wrote, sorry.
We survived the candy store christmas craze and just made it through another Christmas with Hannah in Heaven. We do miss her very much, more than words can say. We are so thankful that we have the hope of Heaven and that we will all be together again in God's time.
Abby had two plays and a dance recital in the last couple of months and she did great! She is also still taking piano lessons a doing very well. I love to listen to her play!
We are getting all geared up for Valentine's Day at the candy store these days. It's busy but we are so thankful that God continues to bless the store and provide for us through it!
We had a litter of puppies a couple of days ago. They are so cute!
We have a friend that works at the candy store during holidays and actually since Christmas has been working Fridays. Her name is Amy and she just turned 22 yrs old and is married with a little baby that will be 2 in March. Anyway, they have been doing some tests on her recently and have diagnosed her with a cancer in her tongue and in her lymphnode. She is having surgery to cut out half her tongue on Feb 8th. The surgery will take about 10 hrs and she will be in the hospital about 2 weeks. We are all so sad for her. Please pray for her and her family. Thanks so much, we know that there is power in prayer.
Thanks again for your notes in the guestbook and for your prayers. We are so thankful to have had such an amazing daughter, we do miss her but like I said, we know where she is and that we will see her again. We will never forget the night Jesus came to recieve her into Heaven. When she smiled the biggest smile ever and said I'm in I'm in and reached her arms out to him. No one can ever convince me that there is no God!We all feel so privilaged to have been there for that sacred moment. It makes us very homesick for Heaven!
God bless you and thanks again for you prayers, Love, Susi, Jerry, Abby and Hannah in Heaven

Monday, November 20, 2006 0:23 AM CST

Hi everyone, The candy store is in full "craze"! Abby and I are working at the store every evening. We are making candy canes for people to watch. Abby really enjoys the childen and all the excitement. Hannah loved the candy store as well and was also very helpful. I wish we had both of the girls there with us. That would be so wonderful, when Hannah helped out at the store, Abby was too little to help and now they could totally be side by side making candy canes. I know that Hannah has it so much better now in Heaven than anything this world has to offer but it's still tough. I wonder how tall she'd be now and I'm sure she'd be so beautiful.We've had some emotional nights at the candy store with all the people wondering where Hannah is or which of the helpers at the store are our children and one little girl saw the picture we have hanging of Hannah right by the huge candy cane on the wall and asked if it was a picture of me when I was a little girl and I said it was my daughter and she shouted out with a smile "she looks just like you!" I immediately welled up with tears and had to really fight to hold my emotions together and keep working!
Abby had the eye exam to tell us if the patching was helping and amazingly, it is!!! So far her vision improved by three lines and the doctor was totally amazed! She said that all books and findings would say that she is too old to even attempt to patch that it is too late to get results! I give God the praise for the improvement! Unfortunately, she is going to have to continue patching 6 hours a day for approx. 20 more weeks. From there she might be lowered to less hours but it sounds like she will be patching for several years but hopefully only a few hours a day after a year or so. It stinks but thankfully it is helping! I asked the doctor what she would have done if we saw no improvement and she said she would have had her patch for 20 more weeks anyway! That would have been so much worse to see no improvement and still have to patch! At least Abby was blessed with good news!while we were at the hospital, we got to visit some of the nurses and they were so glad to see us. A few of them had actually seen the NBC news story and others wrote down the web site and were going to check it out. We also spent some time with Stacy, Hannah's hospital teacher. It was nice as always. We even saw Hannah's doctor. He asked about our goat by name! And expressed his sorrow and said how bad they felt for the many many children that are lost due to leukemia. It was nice of him.May God touch all the families that have been touched by cancer and give them grace to get throught the holidays and to grow closer to him through the situation they are in.
Today we made a big change, we moved Hannah's big bed into Abby's room. She has been sleeping in Hannah's room and has wanted the bed in her room. It was sure bitter sweet. We've decided to keep many of the things in Hannah's room the same but turn it into a craft and beading room. Hannah loved doing crafts and loved beading. I think she'd approve.
Here we are facing the holidays with Hannah in Heaven again. It's still hard and not getting easier. I think we are glad for that because we don't want to forget the blessings we had. She was such a huge part of our lives and really she still is. Every time I go out to the barn I think of her and her wonderful love for horses and how she would care for the dogs. She would be so excited that we are doing agility with the dogs. She used to train our dogs to jump the jumps and go through the tunnel. Abby really is interested in showing the dogs too. This weekend, Abby was able to show our friends dog and had a blast! She is our little "dog lovin' girl".
Abby has a choir/play on December 9th at 1:00 pm at Calvary Chapel Ontario. She is excited about it. She also has a dance recital on December 16th at 7:00 pm and she will be doing jazz and tap!! She is very excited about her dance and is keeping the routine a secret until the performance! It's held and the Cross Point Church on the corner of Edison and Euclid. You are welcome to go to both if you want to and live close enough! She is still doing piano and she is really getting good!
Well, I better go for now and thanks so much for your prayers and notes to us. We are grateful for the continued love and support, may the Lord bless you and your family this special time of year, Love Susi, Jerry, Abby and Hannah in Heaven

Thursday, October 19, 2006 4:12 PM CDT

Hi everyone, I wanted to leave a quick note to you. Thhings have been a bit crazy lately and I'm sorry that I haven't written.
Abby has been patching 6 hours a day for the past 9 weeks and we go back on Tues to see if there is any improvement. She has been such a trooper to patch again after all the past patching she did and to have to do it again because of a terrible mistake! we are very proud of her.
My mom had surgery over three weeks ago and things went well with the surgery and the next day I brought her home and she just seemed to get worse over the next few days so finally I took her back to the hospital and they admitted her and took all food and drinks away from her and finally had to do another emergency surgery and she stayed in the hospital for another week. Needless to say it's been a tough few weeks. Thank God, she is feeling much better. It was pretty tough seeing her be so ill and not being able to help her. She of course wasn't afraid to die though. She figured if the Lord chose to take her home to Heaven, she would wait for us at the Tree Of Life with Hannah!
Speaking of Hannah, I miss her so much. We all do. She was so amazing and such a joy. Abby asked me today if I thought that Hannah was actually an angel sent here by God to share Christ with others. She said she thinks she was because she touched so many people. And helped them know Jesus. I told her that I don't think that she was actually an angel but she was very special. I can't wait to go and see her again. Abby said when we get to Heaven that we'd find out if she was an angel. (I thought that was sweet.)
Abby,my Mom and I am off to our last horse show of the season. We are heading out in a little while today and we'll be back on Sunday night. We are excited but sad to leave daddy behind and sad that we aren't able to share these times with Hannah. She loved rode trips and horse shows!
Speaking of Jerry, please remember him and the candy store in your prayers. Once again we are quickly heading to the toughest time of the year with the candy store. He is under an incredible amout of stress and long long hours.
I'll try to update much sooner next time. God bless you and your families, Susi, Jerry, Abby, Grandma, and Hannah in Heaven

Monday, September 4, 2006 5:56 PM CDT

Hi everyone, Hannah's life and life story has still been getting plenty of attention these days. We were contacted by KVCR "Evening Addition" PBS station to come to our home and do a story about Hannah and her decision to be made into a diamond. They spent a couple of hours at our house and interviewed Jerry, Abby and myself. The TV show aired on Friday night at 7:30. It was very nice. They did a great job and let the viewers get a glimpse of Hannah and her joy of life and love of the Lord. I hope we get a clean copy of it to share it with our family and friends.
We also got a phone call from a Japanese TV station out of San Francisco that had seen the NBC story on Hannah and the Lifegem and they want to come all the way out to our home and do a story and they are very interested in live footage of Hannah. The other day my friend called, you might remember her from all the days we were in the hospital she is "Chloe's mom(little Chloe went home to be with the Lord almost 7 years ago)anyway, she had a spanish speaking TV show on and saw a teaser of our lifegem diamonds and we were able to find the station and watch the entire NBC story on Hannah and the Lifegem dubbed in Spanish. We are so amazed and how touched people are when they see Hannah and here her voice. Of course, when we think of how touched people were when Hannah was here with us, we really shouldn't be surprized she really was such an amazing beautiful person. One of a kind, God truly had a purpose for her that was so much bigger than we could have imagined. He still continues to use her life story to touch lives all around the world. I'm reminded of the day one week before Hannah went to be with the Lord when I told her that people all over the world were closer to God because of her because they were praying for her which ultimately caused them to reach out to God and realize that He is there for them and that He loves them. Hannah replied " I'll live a life of sickness if it brings people to the Lord" That's how much she wanted people to know Christ and to realize the love He has for them. The Lord had a different plan though she truly did deserve Heaven and all it's Glory. We sure miss her and are ready to meet her at the tree of life whenever the Lord chooses to take us!! We were talking the other day about this whole media coverage and the events that had to take place for this to happen. First and foremost, we would have never made Hannah into a diamond if she hadn't specifically asked me. We always spoke of Forest Lawn and the place where her friends that went to be with the Lord were and where the deer and bunnies ate all the flowers which many of you know we ended up placing Hannah's remains there as well as making our diamonds.Anyway,Hannah's choices literally changed our decisions and made all of this media coverage happen.The other thing that had to happen is that the nice man at Lifegem "Rusty" thought of Hannah and her story when NBC asked him if they could interview a family. He is very touched by Hannah and is so amazed at her strength and her faith because he was always afraid to die as a child and she was ready for whatever God had planned for her including death. It amazes us that God really isn't through with Hannah and her story still touches lives across the world.
I also wanted to share with you that we had the eye exam for Abby with CHLA and due to the lady putting the lenses in backwards, Abby is now patching her left eye 6 long hours a day. Please pray for her, she is very upset(with good reason) to have to patch again and this time the doctor is grasping at straws and hoping that this gets some of the vision back that was lost from this negligance.
We also have a litter of Aussie puppies and have been doing agility every Friday night with the dogs. We have a blast and get good exercise! It's been so hot that we haven't been riding as much as normal but the horses are all still fine. Hannah's horse "Dude" is happy and healthy but I'm sure he misses his "treat girl"
Hannah would be turning 11 years old in 4 more days. We wish we could see her today. How tall she would be, how beautiful she would be, It hurts so bad to think of all we are missing out on, we feel so bad for Abby not having her big sister to be with.Pray for us this week,PLEASE! Thanks so much
God bless you and when you think about Hannah,think about the love that Christ has for you. Hannah would love that! Susi, Jerry, Abby and Hannah in Heaven

Monday, July 24, 2006 3:39 PM CDT

Hi everyone, I know that many of you watched the story that Channel 4 news did on Hannah and the lifegem we had made. For those of you that weren't able to see it, we thought we would share some of what's been happening since it aired. First let me say that it was such a beautiful tribute to Hannah and really gave an accurate picture of Hannah and almost made you feel like you knew her even if you didn't (that's what a few of our friends have said) She was such an amazing little girl and they really did an amazing job with photos as well as live video footage of Hannah that showed her strength and charm and love for the Lord. We were so blessed that her story could go out across the world and that the Lord still is using this amazing little girl to bring glory to Him and His kingdom. We are still so honored to know that the Lord gave her to us and trusted her into our care. Man we miss her. As of this morning, I have recieved emails that are forwarded from Poland, China, Japan, and Singapore that all say that they were very touched by little Hannah and the idea of making a person into a diamond. The story also aired today in nine different cities across the United States. We have also been contacted by USA Weekend Magazine and did an interview over the phone. Rusty at Lifegem has also been contacted by a couple of National TV shows that are very interested in running the story. It really is amazing that so many people are still being touched by her amazing life. We miss her so much it's really so sad that we don't have her here with us but we remind ourselves that she entered into Heaven and has recieved the prize for running her race on earth with unwavering faith and the joy that God had given her. Man we miss her!! Because of her wonderful personality, she was so great to have with us. She wrote such amazing songs and said such amazing things and she had such a strong walk with God. It's so hard to have her separated from us, we are looking forward to the day we are joined together in Heaven.
I'm going to add a couple of new links to the bottom of this page. One is the NBC 4 news story on line where you can actually watch the entire story on line and the other is a christian memorial page that was made in Hannah's honor. The one for the Christian memorial is taken from the lifegem web site and I will be adding more in the future.You can go to www.christianmemorials.com and scroll down to a small photo of Hannah to see her tribute.
We also wanted to give you an update on Abby's eye situation. We got her glasses fixed so that they are correct and fitting properly. Her vision is still very poor in her right eye and we will be getting a follow-up as well as a second opinion at CHLA asap. She likes her new glasses and is wearing them constantly. Please continue to pray for her, other that that,she is happy and having a good summer. We went to the zoo and legoland this week and a friends birhtday party. She is staying busy that's for sure!
God bless you and I hope you get to watch the news story on line and that it blesses you as much as it does us. Thanks again for your prayers, we are eternally grateful, Susi, Jerry, Abby and Hannah in Heaven

Wednesday, July 12, 2006 6:19 PM CDT

Hi everyone, Well, we are back from our 16 day long trip to Texas to visit my dad and take part in the American Paint Horse World Show. We had fun but are all very tired and glad to be home.
We wanted to let you all know that the Channel 4 news team called us and said that the story on the Lifegem and Hannah will be airing July 13th during the 11:00 PM news. They said that it turned out very nice and were all very touched by Hannah's story. we pray that God would use this to touch lives all over the country. It will be airing all over so let your friends know.We gave the producer a copy of the dvd of Hannah's Celebration of Life service and she graciously took it and said she could use another dose of Hannah! I think a dose of Hannah will do us all some good!
We had a pretty upsetting thing happen to Abby recently. The day before we left on our trip to Texas, Abby's glasses frame broke so we took her to the eye glass place and picked out new frames and the lady put her lenses into the new frames. Many of you know that Abby has been through so much because of her weak eye and had to wear a patch for a year just to get to the point of having her weak eye pretty good with her glasses on. Anyway, within a couple of days, Abby's eye was turning in and by about the 11th day, she was complaining that she couldn't see out of the weak eye. She was crying and sobbing and worried that she was going blind. I took her to her eye doctor and they soon discovered that the lady had put the left lense in the right side and the right lense in the left side. Her lenses are bifocal and that really did a number on her vision and now her vision is so bad that the doctor couldn't even do an accurate eye exam because her brain is very jumbled. He is hoping that with time in the proper glasses, that her vision will return to what it was before. We are all pretty upset. We aren't sure what to say to the glasses place. The doctor said that this is very negligent and just unbelievable that she would be so careless. Please pray for Abby to feel better and for us to say thr right things to those involved. thanks so much.
We hope that all is well with you and your loved ones. God bless you and thanks for letting us know the ways Hannah's life has touched yours. Bye for know, Susi, Jerry, Abby and Hannah in Heaven

Tuesday, June 6, 2006 0:45 AM CDT

Hi everyone, Thanks so much for the notes of encouragement and prayers in the passed months. We have been keeping busy with Abby's school and dance and piano and the horses. This week is going to be very busy as well. We have Abby's practice for graduation and a big homeschool party on Thursday and Abby's graduation from second grade and our home school promotion night on Friday June 9th and her dance recital on Saturday June 10th and Her 8 year old birthday party on Monday June 12th! She wants to have a picture of Hannah on her cake. Pretty sweet little girl! Today she threw herself onto the couch and said she'd died and gone to Heaven. Me, trying to keep things bright asked her how it was, she quickly replied " It's great!" She also recently told me that if she dies, that she wanted me to make her into a diamond like Hannah. Again, I replied in manner that will keep things happy and not to sad for Abby so I said " OK but most likely you won't die in my lifetime and if I happen to die would she make me a diamond too? She said she would and that was that. Speaking of Hannah's Lifegem diamond, I got a very nice email from "Rusty" (the man who shipped out Hannah's diamond overnight so they could be at the one year celebration last year). He wanted us to know that Hannah's tribute on the Lifegem web site was on the front cover with the announcement of the new celebrity diamond. They can now make diamonds from the DNA of a person and this means that you can use a lock of hair and actually have one made in your lifetime instead of only being able to use the remains of a person! Anyway, when Rusty sent the email to us, there had been 1,746 hits on the tribrute to Hannah. Since her tribute is on the front page, there have been 4,150 people that have read her story. I'm glad that she is still touching lives. In fact a few days after I got the email, Rusty called us and asked if he could give NBC news our number because they were interested in doing a story on someone who had actually made a lifegem and he said that of all the wonderful stories of the families that have made a lifegem diamond from the one they loved, Hannah's had touched him the most and that she made him want to be a better person. He even wrote a very sweet poem about her and sent it to us. We hope that we can meet him someday. I got a call the next day from NBC news and they interviewed me over the phone and she is supposed to get back with me soon. Hannah was so amazing! We are so blessed to have had her and are sure looking forward to seeing her again in Heaven.
Abby, my mom and I went on a rode trip to a horse show in Las Vegas in May and are going to a the World horse show in Texas at the end of June. We will be gone for over two weeks and Jerry will fly in to visit us for a few days over the 4th of July holiday. We are busy getting ready for the trip. I know without a doubt that Hannah would have loved going to these shows. She wanted to show at the World show and one time got to ride a world champion show horse and told all of us on the ground to move over that a world champion was coming through! Hannah had such an amazing amount of focus and drive when she exercised her horse. She never acted like a little girl when she rode. She worked for perfection and gave it her all. Seeing children her age ride these days amazes us at the difference between Hannah's maturity and theirs. God did grow her up fast...
God bless all of you and enjoy your children and give them lots of hugs and praise and remember to thank God every day for those precious little gifts! Love, Susi, Jerry, Abby and Hannah in Heaven

Friday, April 7, 2006 10:03 PM CDT

Hi everyone, Things are busy as always with the candy store and all of our animals!
Abby is doing great. She did an excellent job on her piano recital! We were so proud of her! She is now practicing for the dance recital coming up in June. She is also very serious about getting into acting! She wants to be on tv or movies and we are looking into the ins and outs of that since we know nothing about the industry!
It's hard to believe that this is the final days of Hannah's life here on earth two years ago. We miss her so much and it all seems wrong. Wrong to be separated. We are very eager for the Lord's return! We can't help but feel cheated at times but I know that God wanted to give Hannah the rewards she so deserved and to free her from the body that simply wouldn't completely get well. She is perfect now and finally "well"
We covet your prayers during these days and ask that you would also remember the needs we have at the candy store as well. Times are tough, but we are continuing to walk our lives as upright as we can and striving to bring God glory in all we do like Hannah did. She was truly amazing! Thanks also for writing in the guestbook, we really miss all of the different people writing to us. We check the guestbook everyday but don't update too often because there just isn't that much to say. Life goes on. God bless you, Susi, Jerry , Abby and Hannah in Heaven

Thursday, March 9, 2006 11:29 PM CST

Hi everyone, I've been thinking about doing an update for a couple of weeks now and just haven't taken the time. We made it through the "Valentine's Day" rush at the candy store and have enjoyed a couple of weeks with Jerry home more. He is now putting in long hours to get ready for the "Easter" rush.
We had the baby goats and that was filled with alot more than just the joy and fun that we were hoping for, the first mama "kidded" and all seemed well but by the next morning when the other mama was going into labor,the trials began. Buttercup (the goat that we saved a couple of years ago,you might remember that saga from the passed updates) anyway, Buttercup was having difficulty after she gave birth to the first little baby so we had a goat vet come out and sadly he pulled two more babies from her that had died. He then treated her with medicine and I had him look at the other mama because her udder looked very hard and the babies never seemed satisfied. He informed me that she looked as if she had come down with an incurable virus that criples them with severe pain in the joints. He was in a hurry so we made arrangements to check her again in a couple of days and run some tests. Meanwhile, I had to begin bottle feeding her babies because she didn't have much milk.Before the vet came back out, the mama got so ill that I had to take her to my horse vet and have her put down.So in a 4 day period, we gained three babies and lost two babies and the mama.It was a tough time but nothing compares to the tragity of watching your daughter die. We know she went to Heaven, but the harsh reality of loosing the physical little person that we love so dearly is huge. Beyond words almost. The Bible says that death is our enemy and it came from the fall of man and God's desire is for us to live forever and not face death. It is somehow against our nature to die, that's why I think Hannah fought so hard for every breath at the end. I know that she doesn't remember the pain or the suffering and I am so thankful for that but we wil never forget it. She was truly an amazing little girl, God was so good to let us be her family and share in her life and see the way she glorified God in all she did. Heaven sure is sweeter with her in it!
Abby is good. She has her first piano recital in 8 days!She is a little fashion queen these days. What a change! She still talks about Hannah alot and writes I love Hannah on everything. It's sweet. She is starting to out grow Hannah's clothes and it is so sad. Abby has always loved wearing her things and it brings up nice memories when she wears them, she said that she would try not to grow any more. She is also practicing for her first dance recital. It will be in June, this one she'll be ready for!She is really good at school and still enjoys being homeschooled.
The 2 year anniversary of Hannah's birthday into Heaven is fast approaching. The horse club that Hannah was in had a plaque made to place at the Mulberry tree that Hannah loved so much and we would like to have a small service if the Lord wills. Most of the "horsey"people didn't even find out about Hannah until after the celebration of her life was over so it would be nice if they could come and remember her. We sure miss her and can't wait till we are reunited. It is truly amazing if you think about the glory that she is in now and that she is absolutely perfect!
Anyway, God bless you and your families. Thanks again for your prayers and kind words, love, Susi, Jerry, Abby and Hannah in Heaven

Sunday, January 29, 2006 9:20 PM CST

Hi everyone, I'm sorry that it's been so long since I've updated. Going back to Christmas, we all survived. The candy store kept us extremely busy. We had Abby with us everyday the last couple of weeks. She was so good and so helpful! The last day that she stayed with friends for around 14 or more hours was so hard on both her and I that the next morning I was out in the barn and she woke up and came out to find me. We both ran to each other and cried and hugged. I felt like I had lost both my girls. There was such a huge hole in my heart. Thankfully, Abby wanted to be with us as much as we wanted her with us. We all feel like Christmas will be very difficult until we are all reunited in Heaven,we made the best of it and we are glad for the Lord's grace in our lives!
We had new puppies a few days after Christmas and they have been wonderful (a lot of work but fun!)
Abby's grandpa Dick went home to be with the Lord on December 30th. He lived almost 99 years and he got to join Hannah and I'm sure many others that have gone before him. We all miss him and were proud to have him as part of our family,we will miss him!
Our baby goats are due to kid anyday. We really enjoyed our last little baby goat but this time we are going to have several!! Keep us in your prayers!!
My mom moved back in with us and has been more than busy around here! Since she has been home, I have been sick twice and she has taken over alot of "chores" around here! thankfully, I'm better, but I do know that I need to find homes for some of the horses and goats and of course the puppies!
Now we are faced with Valentines Day at the Candy store. Jerry has been putting in long hours again and I really need to be there again,prayerfully this week I'll be able to help.
Abby was having vision issues and we went to a new eye doctor and now she is wearing progressive lenses. They really help and her piano practice is easier with the new lenses. She is doing very well on school and enjoying "Friday school".
Thanks for your prayers we all need more of the Lord in our lives! Without Him, we would be nothing and have no hope . I think if our family didn't have the wonderful hope of Heaven and the truths of the Bible, we would be so so sad and depressed. I just had a flash of Hannah singing on of the songs she wrote. It is called "where do I go? To You. She wrote "when I'm lost and I can't find my way home, where do I go? To You. To You. She sure did have it figured out didn't she?! God bless you and keep you, Susi, Jerry, Abby and Hannah in Heaven

Saturday, November 26, 2005 0:51 AM CST

Hi everyone, we have had computer problems for a couple of weeks plus the rush has begun at the candy store so things are extremely hectic these days.
Jerry is working about 18 hours a day and I'm home schooling Abby, exercising a few horses and going to the candy store every afternoon and staying there until somewhere between 10PM and midnight. Mondays and Tuesdays Abby has been there with us and with friends Wed and Thurs and Fridays at home with Grandma. So far,she is doing great. We have her helping make candy canes with us and she has been a big help and a lot fun.
Abby is in a jazz dance class and is going to have a performace on Dec.16. She is excited even though she is quite a beginner at dance still!!!! She is also learning to play the piano. Her teacher says she's very gifted, this shouldn't surprise me because her dad and her sister are very gifted as well!
Abby has been very diligent with her schooling and I'm continually amazed with her willingness to get started every morning and finish with a good attitude. She is getting all of her spelling tests correct and doing very well in basically every subject.
It's funny, when we had Hannah with us, Abby was always a little mess and didn't care too much about her apearance. These days she spends so much time getting ready for her day to begin. She tries on multiple outfits and brushes her hair and asks my opinion. Alot like Hannah did. I know Hannah would be amazed at the transformation in Abby. It's cute.
We survived the days prior to Thanksgiving and Thanksgiving day. I suffered some pretty bad days of extreme sadness to the point of feeling kind of sick but I try to remember the joy that Hannah is surrounded by now and the hope that I have in Christ. I hope that Heaven is in our near future. God has given us so many promises of the blessing we have to come as Christians. It's amazing to think about. I know that God will continue to give strength to our family for the holidays. It's so hard to face each holiday with such a huge whole in our lives. It's awsome that she is in Heaven glorified with Jesus but it just isn't right for us left behind. I remind myself that it's because God created us eternal and we weren't designed to experience death and seperation from those we love. This all came through sin and the fall of Adam. I am living by the scripture Philipians 1:21 "to live is Christ and to die is gain" I live for Christ and try to honor Him in all I do but I know that Heaven is going to be so much better than anything this world has to offer.
I'm hoping to go visit the children at Hillview acres soon with Abby. We want to bring the children candy canes and just give them love and friendship.
Our friend Marina who is the Mommy of the other little "Hannah" that went to Heaven 1 year ago,just had a baby boy, as you can imagine, she is very nervous about him getting sick. She needs prayer for little "Eli" and the family. God knows what they need and this little baby has brought a joy to the family that is a blessing.
Abby was thrown off of "Hannah's horse (Little Dude) and landed on her head. Thanksfully she had her helmet on but we still took her to ergent care and they actually said they saw something a little abnormal in her brain and want us to follow up with her Doctor for a CT scan. Now I get to pray and hope that she is fine until we get those results! She has also been having severe heel pain and we found out that her growth plates are inflamed from the activity and growth spurt she is in. I've put her on some nutritional supps and she's already feeling much better. They say that the problem goes away when the growth plates close.
We were blessed to make Christmas gift shoe boxes for children all around the world that don't have anything. Abby took such care picking out gifts and carfully organizing the items in each box. She also said that for a family vacation she didn't want to go some place fancy but instead she wanted to go to help people and children in a poverty stricken area where our boxes got sent. Wasn't that sweet?! She even told her grandma that we were going there!
We are going to be having plenty of babies around here in the following months ahead. We might be having puppies born on Christmas, we will be having "kids"(baby goats) in February and we have a baby horse due in April. Abby is very excited about the new additions, I'm excited but a bit overwhelmed.
We apriciate your prayers during this tough time of the year. Thanks for writing in the guestbook. It's nice to hear from you. We miss you and we really miss Hannah. She had to go I know but I wish we could all be together again and I know we will in God's time. I also read in Psalms that the Lord knows all of my tears and he collects them in a bottle and writes them down in His books.That's nice of Him. He is a good and just God, there is just a lot of sin and pain in this world.I can't remember if I told you that I found another song that Hannah wrote(I think I did but since then I've been playing it on the guitar and it is ministering to me) The title is "The Wait is Killing Me" It's about how much she wanted to be with Jesus in Heaven and how good He is. She was truly amazing.God bless you all and thanks again for your love and prayers. Susi, Jerry, Abby and Hannah in Heaven

Sunday, October 9, 2005 2:44 PM CDT

Hi everybody, Things are getting busy for us at the candy store as well as Abby's school. I am home schooling Abby another year by God's grace. We are also doing "Friday" school again which is our "co-op" so the children can enjoy classroom settings and play time with their friends. It's a blessing and Hannah always loved "Friday school".
We were blessed to go to the annual fund raiser dinner for "Hillview acres" (a home in Chino that cares for children that have ben abused and neglected) We want to go and visit these children and bring them candy and play the guitar and just give them some love and attention that they didn't get from their families. The organization is so wonderful and they rehabilitate so many lives that would have been waisted. It truly is incredible.
Abby had her eye appt back at CHLA and we visited some of the nurses and doctors that cared for Hannah. It is always bitter sweet. We shared so much time with all of those people and we loved them , yet to be there reminds us of the pain that Hannah went through and the fun times we shared there. We were in and out of there for almost 5 years. Sometimes I wish we were back so we could still have Hannah with us but the fact is that Hannah is sooooo much better now and nothing we did could make her well. God took her home to Heaven to be made perfect and whole. We are so proud of her. What a great life she lived for the glory of God. No wonder He wanted her in Heaven with Him. I was reading in my Bible recently a passage that says"the righteous perishes and no man takes it to heart, merciful people are taken away while no one conciders that the righteous is taken away from evil. He shall enter into peace." It was no surprise to God that Hannah died. He knew that she had finished the work she ran the race with honor and she was ready for her reward! Her crowns. Wow, I can't wait to see her in Glory with Jesus. She loved to worship Him she was so sick in the hospital and she couldn't even speak yet she mouthed the words to praise songs and her best friend played her guitar. It was so incredible I actually ran the video camera for about 45 minutes while she worshipped Christ in her time of inconcievable pain. She passed her test with flying colors.
Abby and I went to Washington to visit grandpa and grandma for 5 days. It was nice but we both missed home and it was very sad to not have Hannah with us. She went once a few years ago we all went and she loved picking fresh berries and hiking in the forest. This time I got to ride the horses in the forest and she would have loved that!!!
I added the life gem web site to the links on the bottom of this page so you can share that with others.
God bless all of you and enjoy your children today give them a big hug, give them the love that God has so freely given us.
Thanks for writing in the guestbook. It's a blessing to see that the life that Hannah lived is still making an impact on others. We love you, Susi, Jerry, Abby and Hannah in Heaven

Thursday, September 8, 2005 1:13 AM CDT

Hi everyone, Well today is Hannah's 10th birthday. The day ten years ago that God shared her with us and let us be her parents. I am fighting back tears just trying to write. It's so blurry I can barely see the screan.
I am truly happy for Hannah and so wish to be at the feet of Jesus with her but we all feel so cheated here on earth. In our earthly minds, she should be here with us celebrating her 10th birthday. I think she has a new birthday in Heaven. The day she entered into Heaven. but maybe today is special in Heaven too? What am I saying, everyday is special in Heaven!
We decided to watch Hannah's video and then we are heading to Sea World. We want to do something that Hannah would like and try to be joyful and thankful for the wonderful time we got to have her with us.
Bed time is always tough but last night was especially tough when Abby said " I miss Hannah" And then she shared with me that the new little children next door who came over for the first time wanted to see pictures of Hannah and they said she was very pretty and they were taken back at all of the pictures of Hannah and Abby together.
I could say a million things about the amazing person that Hannah was when she was here with us, you all know that! I wanted to share with all of you the Life Gem web site. The nice people at Life Gem called us and asked us if we would do a tribute of Hannah on the web site and it is now up and is very nice. The web site is www.lifegem.com and once you are on the site you'll see at the top the word tributes. Click on tributes and scroll down. You'll see the alphabet, click on R for Rowley and scroll down and you'll see Hannah's name. It is five pages long and there are five pictures. It would be a blessing for you all to read it on her birthday. She truly was amazing, to love God with all her heart even in sickness and we are very proud of her and the beautiful person that she was. I know she recieved many crowns for the life she lived. We love all of you and thank you for your prayers.
Oh, I just recieved an e-mail from "Linda" who writes in the guestbook and the MRI showed growth on the tumor again and she is probably going to have to do chemo or more radiation. Please pray for her and her family she has two teenagers and her husband. pray for wisdom for her and the doctors and for God to be glorified in this situation. Thanks so much, God bless you and thanks for signing the guestbook. Susi, Jerry, Abby and Hannah in Heaven

Saturday, July 30, 2005 6:10 PM CDT

Hi everyone, I hope you are all having a nice summer and enjoying your children. Things are plenty busy around here with all of our animals. I think that's a good thing though.
It's been a while since I updated. Somethimes I feel like there isn't much to say or maybe you don't want to know about the everyday happenings of our "lives with Hannah in Heaven".
Thanks for the letters you wrote to us in the guestbook. We are given joy, laughter and of course tears when we read them.
We celebrated our 20 year anniversary on June 22nd and went to Lake Arrowhead for a couple of days. It was nice but all that we do seems to carry a little sadness because of the great loss we feel. We continually try to hold on to the hope of Heaven and the comfort of knowing that we will see Hannah again.At a nice shop in Arrowhead, we found a beautiful figurine of a young adult girl with amazing wings cradling the muzzle of a horse. It brought me to tears and Jerry ended up buying it for me. It's very lovely.
We went to Raging waters with two families and had a fun day. The kids lasted all day and weren't ready to go when it closed!
Last week Abby had a huge explosion of emotions and said some things that make me wonder if we should get her into counceling. She said that she feels like Hannah got first place and that she gets second place and she will never be as good as Hannah. She has been very good all week and I told her that Hannah got her rewards in Heaven and that she is all we have and that we love her and there is no compitition between them. I asked her if she didn't want to talk about Hannah anymore and she quickly replied that she still wants to talk about Hannah. Then a few days later she was going to bed and looked up at the pictures of Hannah that are in her room and she said "I know that we have alot of pictures of Hannah, but it's just not the same, it's not enough I want to hug her. Of course, I hugged her and cried and agreed with her.
This life is full of things that we knoe aren't fair and this is a huge unfairness in the eyes of a lonely, now only sister. It's different then being an only child because Abby knew the joy of having a sister and misses that time they shared.Please keep praying for Abby.
Thanks for checking in on us and most of all for your prayers. God bless you, Susi, Jerry, Abby and Hannah in Heaven

Saturday, June 18, 2005 2:40 PM CDT

Hi everyone, we have had a busy month. We had Abby's home school graduation ceremony and Felishia's graduation ceremony and Abby's birthday and Abby's eye appt at Children's Hospital and made three trips to Disney Land because our passes were going to expire and much more.
I guess I'll start with Abby's graduation. The first thing Abby said to me was " Mom, are they going to show a video of Hannah?" I had to tell her no and she made a sweet little sad expression. She also made a funny remark when I told her that she was graduating into second grade. She said " but I can't read!!!" (that isn't exactly a true statement, she is a beginner reader and I told her that she just needed to continue her reading this summer so she'll be better for next year.
Felishia's graduation was very nice also. She played her guitar and sang one of her songs. They showed a picture slide show of the graduating class and we were a little caught off guard when two of the photos Felishia chose were of Felishia with Hannah and Rachel. It was very sweet and brought tears to our eyes.
Abby had a nice small birthday party with around 10 children. They bounced and had a silly water balloon toss, had a pinata and rode the horses.
Our hospital visit was pleasent. We ran into one of Hannah's favorite nurses. He was very kind and happy to see us. I shared with him that the night before I had a dream that I was returning to the hospital and didn't see Hannah but all the faces I saw were very sad and discouraged. It made me wake up with a heavy heart.
We had a nice time hanging out with Stacy (Hannah's teacher that we have kind of adopted into our family)
She gave Abby way too much for her birthday!!!!
We discovered a fun place at Downtown Disney called Libby Lu's. Abby got a make-over on our first of the three Disney Land trips and loved it! For $20 they did her hair in the up-do of her choice, did her nails, and did her make-up. The next time we went to Disney Land, Abby wanted to go there again and I said that we couldn't go there every time and she got out Hannah's little fancy box with money in it and said to me" You said that Hannah would LOVE this place so could we take some of her money, PLEASE?" How could I say no to that!!!! So she went again and found out that instead of the back pack they gave with the make-over she could get Mommy done. Guess who wore fake long hair all day at Disney Land? Both of us!! When we got home, Jerry laughed so hard and couldn't believe that I wore that hair all day! Our third trip was with Abby's best friend Brittney(Felishia's sister. Oh, for those of you who don't know Felishia, she is Hannah's guitar buddy and was in the room right next to me when Hannah went to Heaven and said those amazing words "I'm In". As you can imagine, she is very special to us) Anyway, Abby wanted Brittney to get the Libby Lu experience. They both loved it.Brittney is so close to Abby that they have a sibling relationship. The other day Abby made a list. It read, I love Mom. I love Dad. I love Hannah. I love Brittney. I love Felishia. I love Kristina. I love Jo. I love Bob. I love Ashley. Then she read it to me. I think she really does see their family as our family. It's amazing.
I had a dream last night that woke me up sobbing. At some point before we met back up with Hannah, the doctors had said she was going to die. Instead of staying with her and caring for her like we did, in my dream,we left her for a long time. By the time we finally visited her she had hair just passed her shoulders andwas about 5 or 6 years old. She was just a joy and so talkative ( which was Hannah!) The doctor came in and told us she only had a very short time to live and there would be signs if we stayed in the hospital with her and most likely no signs if we took her home. I just woke up sobbing and I've cried off and on all day. Dreams are wierd.
We went to Uncle barry's and Felishia's church last Sunday because the pastor is studying the book of Revelation and is towards the end where it focus' on Heaven and we thought we could use an encouraging message about Heaven. To our suprize, pastor Jack told serveral stories of children as they were ready to go to Heaven. He told Hannah's story and he had never met us and didn't know we were there. It was amazing. Another story he shared just happened around last Easter. A little girl woke up from a dream and told her Mom that in her dream Jesus came and got her in a helicopter and took her to Disney Land. Her Mom had no idea that just three days later she had a rare reaction to a shot the doctor gave her and was air lifted to Loma Linda Hospital in a helicopter. She went to Heaven that day. I guess Heaven must be a little like Disney Land without the lines! Another child loved bells and wondered if there were bells in Heaven and his Mom told him that she didn't know if there were bells in Heaven and just before he died, He said "yes, Mommy there are bells in Heaven, I can hear them!" The last story he shared was an older boy 13 years old and the doctors told his dad that the cancer was going to take his life and that he needed to have a talk with the boy to prepare him for the fact that he would be passing soon. The dad got himself all prepared and when he entered the room, his son told him instead of the dad having to tel the son. He said "Dad, I'm going to go to Heaven soon and I want to say thank you for sharing Heaven with me and the love that Jesus has for me. My whole life you have read the Bible to me and told me how much God loves me and because of you, I'm ready to go to Heaven" Then Pastor Jack reminded all of us how truely important it is to "give our children the truthes of the Bible and the incredible love of God and the free gift He gave when He sent Jesus to die for our sins so that we could go to Heaven. It was really neat and after the service, I introduced myself to Pastor Jack as "Hannah's Mom" He was blessed to meet me and wanted more details of Hannah's last precious time here with us before she went to recieve her rewards for the amazing life she aced here on Earth. WOW. God is good even though we miss her and are so looking forword to the day when we are all reunited.
My Aunt (she is very kind and loving and has Alzimer's) said to me the other day, "I hope you get everything you want in life" I responded " I know I will when I get to Heaven!" As Christians, that is what we are promised. An Eternity with God and no matter what this life throws our way, in the end that is all that really matters.
I added new photos so take a look! We love you and are thankful when you write. We sure miss all of the little notes. When we used to read them,two things happen, first if it is someone we know, we get a quick picture of them in our head and second we get to be reminded of the gift Hannah was to us all and how she touched and still touches lives. God bless you and thanks for the little notes. Susi, Jerry, Abby and Hannah in Heaven

Tuesday, May 10, 2005 5:34 PM CDT

Hi everyone, We want to thank all of the friends and family that came to the cemetery on April 23rd to remember Hannah and celebrate her "birthday" into Heaven. It was a beautiful day and the fellowship with those who love Hannah was a blessing. For those of you who couldn't be there, we shared some music and Uncle Barry shared what God had placed on his heart in the Bible ( Psalms 23) Then we all wrote on white balloons that had a photo of Hannah on them and a scripture and we all set the balloons free. It was beautiful. When we left the cemetery, our friend Jacob and Jounie's cafe in Upland had the whole resturant ready for us and had plenty of food for everyone. It was really very nice.
Another neat thing that happened at the cemetery is that we were able to show everyone the beautiful "Hannah Diamonds". They arrived on GFriday afternoon just in time for the gathering on Saturday! ( for those of you who don't know, Hannah asked me to have her remains made into a diamond and we did that in honor of her. www.lifegem.com)
Abby and I have been going in horse shows again and having fun. We do miss Hannah and wish we could all three be showing our horses. Then I remind myself and Abby that Hannah is where we all want to be and where someday we will be also. It is so much better in Heaven than anything we have on this earth. We actually went to a horse show on Mother's Day and on a quick trail ride before we gathered with family for dinner. It was a nice day.I hope all of you had good days and that you enjoy the gift of motherhood because you can't get the days back that have passed so just try to make each day a blessing to you families and love your kids!
God bless all of you and thanks again for your prayers. Susi, Jerry, Abby and Hannah in Heaven

Thursday, April 14, 2005 10:52 PM CDT

Well, many of you know that it has ben nearly one year since the Lord took Hannah to Heaven. We miss her so much but continue to live our lives with the wonderful hope of Heaven. We are faced with the reality that nobody knows when God will call them home and that everyone will die someday so we seek the Lord for our comfort and strength and eagerly await the day that we will be reunited with Hannah.
On April 23rd, we are gathering at Forest lawn Cemetery at 2:00 PM. We want to remember Hannah on this day. It is special for two reasons. First because it is the actual day that Hannah was able to come home from the hospital to share my birthday and many of you remember (especially those of you who dropped everything that evening and met us at our home with love and a banner) that Hannah was still in an incredible amount of pain and it was harder to go home than to just stay at the hospital. Hannah was very very strong willed and we know she made that trip home that lasted only 20 hours just for us.The poodles were so happy to lay with her all night long and she was happy to have them near her. Her strength in sickness was so inspiring and her love of Christ even in the darkest times was incredible.The most important reason that we want to remember Hannah on Saturday is because we like to think of the day she went to Heaven as her new "birthday" into Heaven. The day she met Jesus face to face,which she longed to do and the day she recieved her many crowns and rewards which I know He longed to give her.We can only imagine"and Hannah got to eperience! It's truly amazing to think about the wonderful reception she much have recieved.
We want to thank you for the love you so freely gave to Hannah and to our family we are truly blessed to have people in our lives that care so deeply and we will always be honored and humbled at the same time to be called Hannah's parents.
We hope you can make it to the cemetery to remember Hannah God bless you and thanks again, Susi, Jerry, Abby and Hannah in Heaven

Thursday, March 31, 2005 7:51 PM CST

Hi everyone, Things have been pretty busy for us lately. We just finished the Easter rush at the candy store and we are thankful to be able to be home again.(the long hours at the store are tough!)
Alot has happened since I updated a month ago. I got a huge shiner three weeks ago tomorrow. That had me in different doctors offices and ERs for a day. I'm sure most of you can figure out how it happened. HORSE related injury! Maybe I'll post a photo sometime! It was scarey and painful but I'm doing much better, thanks for the prayers!
We had a beautiful baby goat born and he is such a little lap goat! He loves all of us and Abby is thrilled with him. She named him "Sponge Bob" (poor thing)
Last night I finally had my first dream of Hannah were she was happy and amazing!In the other dreams I have had, she is suffering and in pain and I wake up crying and ill feeling. Today I woke up crying but it was because in my dream I kept kissing her soft little cheek and she was just a little chatter box with all of her very advanced terminology. She always used very advanced words and people of all ages would comment and she would say to me sometimes " what Mom, am I not supposed to know that word just because I'm only 7 ot 8 years old!"(depending on the age at the time.) Anyway it was nice to have a dream were I could hold her again. We all miss her terribly. Thank so much for your continued support through prayer.
Many of you see the guestbook signing of our friend Linda and her faithfullnes to give us encouraging scriptures, well I would like to ask you all to pray for Linda. She has a brain tumar and years ago went through chemo and surgery and now is having many seisures and massive headaches. She is so sweet and has two teenagers and a husband who struggle with fears of loosing their mom. Pray for the whole family to have the peace of God through these tough times. Thanks so much.
We all still battle the aches of loosing such a wonderful little girl but we are so thankful to have the hope of Heaven and the joy of our salvation. We try to stay focused on God and the fact that He gave Hannah her reward by taking her to Heaven and removed her from the pain and evil in this world.
We love you and appriciate your love and notes! Susi, Jerry , Abby and Hannah in Heaven

Saturday, February 26, 2005 10:31 PM CST

Hi everyone, It's been 10 months tonight since the Lord took Hannah to Heaven. I've been really missing her joy and laughter these days. Jerry, Abby and I have all been getting angry over little things these days. We were wondering if this is something that is due to our greiving process? It's not that we are angry at God, just easily angered. Anyway, we are all fine and are talking out our feelings and continually giving them to the Lord in prayer.
I finally went to a doctor that can help me and I couldn't be happier about that!!! It's been months of seeing different doctors and them just running labs and other tests and no help. This week I met Doctor Shah in Diamond Bar. He is and MD but specializes in hormone imbalances and treats with natural medicines. The thyroid is a hormone producing gland and he put me on a natural thyroid med and I already feel a little better! He said in a month I'll feel sooo much better and this will even help the pain in my arms! He also did other hormone labs on me and I was very low in progestrone. I'm excited to start taking a natural progestrone and see what happens!It's supposed to make you less moody and just feel happier and sleep sound. My friend already takes it and says it's great.
Today I ran into two ladies that knew Hannah and didn't know she was in Heaven. It was difficult seeing them in shock and so sad. They both knew Hannah because of the horses and loved seeing the joy and strength she had in that "setting". She was "sick" and yet she never let her illness slow her down. It was usually me being worried about her getting sick from the germs she was exposed to.
She was very much like me and just loved to ride talk about an instant mood lifter!
I actually got to get "poked" by one of Hannah's favorite nurses at our local hospital last week. Her name is Barbara and she's in the lab at San Antonio Hospital. She already knew that Hannah is in Heaven and there was a nice,talkative older man and his wife there to get labs and the man asked me if I had had the "pleasure"of getting "poked" by Barbara. I said no but my little daughter had and I knew she was excellent! He went back just then to get his labs and I began talking with his wife. I told her about Hannah and how much she loved Barbara. Just then the man came back and Barbara was with him (it was my turn) anyway, the man said "so you have a little daughter that is sick?" I said "not any more"(with tears welling upin my eyes) and Barbara grabbed me and hugged me as she said " Hannah is in Heaven now and she's all better. Then she said that I was the best mom she had ever seen and she's seen alot. She said I took such amazing care of Hannah and she really knew what she was talking about because she was in 8 foster homes in 5 years and she loves seeing the love a mom has for her daughter. It was nice to remember a few of the things she reminded me of as far as the kind of attitude I had toward Hannah during difficult times like getting "poked".
I know I say this alot but it is so surreal. That this amazing, beautiful person was once hear to hold and enjoy and now she is with Him in a place more amazing than words can even describe. We are truly happy for her and so incredibly proud of her for the life she lived and the attitude she had. She was so much fun. ( I can't even see the screen through my tears right now. And I'm sure you can sense that I could go on and on about the amazing person that Hannah Rowley was but I won't. I am home alone with Abby and I need to get back to her. Jerry has been working long hours at the candy store getting ready for Easter. Pray for him, he has thousands of fudge eggs to make!
God bless all of you and really try to enjoy the gifts God has given you and stay close to Him. If you don't know Jesus personally then if you want to have that personal, daily relationship it's very simple, just ask Him to forgive you and accept the free gift that He gave when He died on the cross for the payment of our sins. He will meet you right where you are and your life will be forever changed. God bless you all. Susi, Jerry, Abby and Hannah in Heaven

Tuesday, February 1, 2005 1:40 AM CST

Hi Everyone, It's been almost a month since we updated. Many of you know that we've been visiting our dear friend Rachel alot and she was given her amazing crowns in Heaven yesterday just one day before her 17th birthday. She was ready to meet Jesus for quite some time but only God can make those decisions. It's in His hands. He holds our lives in His hands. I'm sure that Rachel was soooo happy when she got to meet her savior and worship Him in all His glory! I know Hannah was welcoming Rachel and probably showing her all around! Rachel always said that she wished she had more time to spend with Hannah and now she and Hannah will spend eternity together where there is no darkness and no need for the sun or the moon because the Bible says that Jesus is the light of Heaven!Wow! How amazing!
I sure do miss Hannah though. It's just so sad not to have her here to share our lives with. She was such a gift and so amazing. We all miss her terribly. It's been 9 months already since she went to Heaven.
Abby had a wonderful dream of Hannah last week. She woke up in tears and kept telling me how beautiful she was and how blue her eyes were and how they hugged and most of all how real her dream was! I was so happy for her and she said that God would give me a good dream if I kept praying and asking God everyday for a long time then He would give me an amazing dream too!
I've still been going to different doctors because I have an autoimmune disease. My white cells are on full attack mode against my thyroid. Still no good answers about getting my body to work better but I get the results of my MRI soon and then see a couple more doctors and have another ultrasound and more labs. Maybe then I'll get some answers!!! I also have been having tendonitis in both elbows. It all started from the horse crushing my arm in October and now the other arm is flared up and the doctor says I really need to stop cleaning stalls and over working my arms. Easy for him to say!! Although Jerry and my Mom have been helping out. My Mom is so nice! She is coming from Fullerton and cleaning for me. Trust me, it's no easy job and she is 30 years older than me!! Say a prayer for her she really is wonderful.My friend Jo is riding my horse because he is so strong that it hurts my arms when I ride him.Today we cruised around the park and I rode. It was nice, I really do miss it. The goat is giving us a gallon of fresh milk a day if you know of any little baby animals that need some let me know.
Thanks again for your prayers and support. We are truly grateful and feel blessed to have friends and family that are so willing to let us talk about Hannah and or laugh and or cry and simply let our feelings out. All we have are memories and they are very precious to us. Remembering Hannah doesn't hurt nearly as much as the thought of forgetting her! God bless you and keep looking to the Lord in good and bad times, He promises He'll be with you and give you rest for your soul.
Love, Susi, Jerry, Abby and Hannah in Heaven!

Tuesday, February 1, 2005 1:40 AM CST

Hi Everyone, It's been almost a month since we updated. Many of you know that we've been visiting our dear friend Rachel alot and she was given her amazing crowns in Heaven yesterday just one day before her 17th birthday. She was ready to meet Jesus for quite some time but only God can make those decisions. It's in His hands. He holds our lives in His hands. I'm sure that Rachel was soooo happy when she got to meet her savior and worship Him in all His glory! I know Hannah was welcoming Rachel and probably showing her all around! Rachel always said that she wished she had more time to spend with Hannah and now she and Hannah will spend eternity together where there is no darkness and no need for the sun or the moon because the Bible says that Jesus is the light of Heaven!Wow! How amazing!
I sure do miss Hannah though. It's just so sad not to have her here to share our lives with. She was such a gift and so amazing. We all miss her terribly. It's been 9 months already since she went to Heaven.
Abby had a wonderful dream of Hannah last week. She woke up in tears and kept telling me how beautiful she was and how blue her eyes were and how they hugged and most of all how real her dream was! I was so happy for her and she said that God would give me a good dream if I kept praying and asking God everyday for a long time then He would give me an amazing dream too!
I've still been going to different doctors because I have an autoimmune disease. My white cells are on full attack mode against my thyroid. Still no good answers about getting my body to work better but I get the results of my MRI soon and then see a couple more doctors and have another ultrasound and more labs. Maybe then I'll get some answers!!! I also have been having tendonitis in both elbows. It all started from the horse crushing my arm in October and now the other arm is flared up and the doctor says I really need to stop cleaning stalls and over working my arms. Easy for him to say!! Although Jerry and my Mom have been helping out. My Mom is so nice! She is coming from Fullerton and cleaning for me. Trust me, it's no easy job and she is 30 years older than me!! Say a prayer for her she really is wonderful.My friend Jo is riding my horse because he is so strong that it hurts my arms when I ride him.Today we cruised around the park and I rode. It was nice, I really do miss it. The goat is giving us a gallon of fresh milk a day if you know of any little baby animals that need some let me know.
Thanks again for your prayers and support. We are truly grateful and feel blessed to have friends and family that are so willing to let us talk about Hannah and or laugh and or cry and simply let our feelings out. All we have are memories and they are very precious to us. Remembering Hannah doesn't hurt nearly as much as the thought of forgetting her! God bless you and keep looking to the Lord in good and bad times, He promises He'll be with you and give you rest for your soul.
Love, Susi, Jerry, Abby and Hannah in Heaven!

Tuesday, January 4, 2005 8:43 PM CST

HI everyone, Today it has been one year since Hannah's final relapse. She had such a wonderful christmas with us and spending those amazing nights at the candy store. We let her help make the canes and pick strawberries and she brought her beads and beaded in the back in between candy cane batches. She ended up sick and feverish one night and I remember wondering if it was because we did too much, more than her body could handle. We'll never know that but she sure was happy to be with us. She was always the kind of kid that loved home and loved her family. She also loved her friends and wanted them to visit her at her house. She missed us terribly when we worked so many hours at the candy store the month of December. I'm so glad that we let her come with us last year. We didn't know what was ahead for our amazing little girl.We will always cherish those memories.
Christmas was difficult but God's grace carried us. Really when I think about Christmas for Hannah, I'm in amazment at the thought of Hannah praising Jesus for coming to save the world. We do that on Christmas here on earth but what an honor to be in His presence on such a special day!
We visited Rachel after Christmas. I know many of you check her site but she is a trooper and has remained home until yesterday when they admitted her for better pain control. She was blessed to stay home for over two months!( still laying flat, and unable to sit up because of the severe deteriation of her spine and the muscle loss around her spine. Leukemia is a very nasty wicked disease. These children are so wonderful and seem to appriciate the littlest things. Please keep Rach and her family in your prayers.
I will be having another scan on my Thyroid next week. Hopefully we will know the best course of action to take. Both Abby and I got sick. First Abby, then me, then Abby and now me again. It's no fun! I seem to be getting the upper hand on this cold and hope to visit Rachel soon.
Last night our area was hit by a huge lightning and hale storm. It was the biggest we've seen in the 12 plus years that we've lived here. Abby was so excited. She was throwing hale balls and saying "I've benn praying for this because she wants snow to fall here and it never does. It was cute.
I guess that there is one more animal in Heaven today because our goat "Buttercup" delivered a still born baby a few days ago. Hannah used to always say that it was her animals that would die (not Abby's) It was her horse, her fish, her frog, her dog and since she went to Heaven, her crab and now this darling little tiny goat. It was a girl and all of us who knew Hannah, know how much she loved all animals and how much she wanted her goat to have a baby. We were sad about the baby but all got a little laugh at the thought of Hannah's collection in Heaven! Oh, one of our little chickens didn't servive on our property either!
It is still so hard to believe that Hannah is really gone from this earth. We are so thankful that we were blessed to have her and for the amazing person she was. That is why we miss her so deeply.
Oh, Hannah's teacher at the hospital came and stayed at our house and worked 15 hour days at the candy store the week before christmas! It was fun. The only complaint was for poor Abby. She didn't get her "fill" of Stacy. Thanks Stacy, for all your help!
Some of our other friends came and helped out at the candy store without being on the clock. Some took candy and some just gave of there time and effort just because ! What amazing friends we have!! God bless you all!!!
I'm still playing the guitar and loving it. The boy,Steven who was giving me lessons left for the US Marine Corp on Monday for boot camp. He's a good kid and a great guitar teacher. Please pray for his safety and that he grows more dependant on the Lord in the tough months ahead.
Thanks so much for the unwavering prayers that you have continued to give to God on our behalf. We are always blessed when we run into friends and they tell us with all sincerity that they all still pray faithfully for our family!
Some of you women have been having dreams that I have concieved a child or that I had a baby. It's kind of funny actually. I think the count these days is six different women! I have no plans of having another baby. We'll see what God has planned!
God bless you and may you grow deeper in your faith this new year. Seek Him and you will find Him. Read your bible and pray and be amazed by the goodness of God and how He indead does still speak to us through His word.
Thanks for reading and praying and writing us notes. we miss you and are blessed to here from you when you get the chance. Susi, Jerry Abby and Hannah in Heaven

Thursday, December 16, 2004 3:56 PM CST

Hi everyone,
We are very busy at the candy store and Abby has been spending plenty of time with friends and family. She is missing her daddy and mommy so last night she spent at the candy store with us. She just a little too young to stay everyday with us because she has no will power and wants candy the entire time she is there. (those of you who have been around me at the candy store might get an idea as to where she picked up that lack of will power!)
We bought a tree on Sunday. I know it sounds wierd but we didn't take Abby. It turned out to be from God because Jerry and I did so much crying and talking that I think it would have been really hard on Abby to see us so upset. Hannah enjoyed the holidays so much and she was such a joy to spend time with that we are all feeling a huge loss and very cheated. We know with out doubt that Hannah is so alive and well and happy but we miss her so much and it's just not right. I read in a book called the glory of Heaven that God didn't design us to go through seperation of loved ones. His perfect will at creation was for us to live forever,we are eternal. But through sin came death and sickness and we are now left with the trials of life that bring saddness. Thankfully He didn't just say "Oh well" and leave us in this myer. He sent His son to die and rise again so that we can go to Heaven when we die. We truly are eternal and this short life on earth is only temporary. The Bible says it's a vapor. Here today and gone tomorrow. We saw Hannah see Him and say "I'm in" and reach for His hand with her hand. She trusted Jesus with her life on earth and knew that He would be with her all the way. I read in her journal today and it reminded me of her wonderful faith and love for Jesus. He was ready for her to come to Him and recieve her rewards! That is truly amazing!
Please keep praying for us and all of the sick children and families that have experienced great loss this year. God is faithful and He promisses to see us through this life until we pass from what we know on earth to the glorious unknown that "we can only imagine". Hannah is experiencing that glory now and I'm so proud of her for her courage and faith on earth in sickness. I only hope to be so honoring to God in my life.
I'm not sure how many of you know, but Hannah's remains are now at Forest Lawn in West Covina and her grave marker is in. we plan to go on Sunday (with Abby) and put up a little tree that we bought. Please pray for us that day. I know it will be tough.
I also heard that there are rumors of a diamond and what we are doing with Hannah's remains.
Hannah found out about a procedure where a person can be made into a diamond after they die by getting the carbon, which is naturally found in the body,then putting it under the same pressure that diamonds need to develope. She knew about it for about six months but never said anything about wanting to be a diamond until about 5 days before she died. She would matter-of-factly say "Mom, I still think that the Lord is going to heal me but if her chooses to take me, don't sell my horse, don't sell my first guitar and I want to be a diamond for you." What an amazing wonderful person she was. Just think, she's even more amazing now! Anyway, after she died, (months later) we finally did what she wanted and Hannah's "life gem" is being made. It takes a long time but I already have a beautiful butterfly pendent to place it in when we get it back. ( we are also having one made for Daddy and Abby) If any of you want to see them or find out more check out lifegem.com
God bless you and Thanks for checking on our family and remembering one of the most special people the earth has ever been blessed with!
Love Jerry, Susi Abby, & Hannah in Heaven

Thursday, December 2, 2004 0:07 AM CST

Hello everyone, It's been a while since I updated but over the past few weeks I would read the journal and really not have any more to say.
Thanksgiving was tough but we are still here.We survived and are thankful for that! The days prior to Thanksgiving were almost worse than the actual day because we had such worries about how to manage that day. We all talked about Hannah alot and got our feelings out in the open which I think made our day better.
The morning of Thanksgiving I still had plenty of chores to do and I'm usually out in the barn alone which is a good time to think and pray and cry. I did plenty of that! It has been a nice tradition for me for many years to go on a nice horse back ride on Thanksgiving morning. Abby and I did just that. I rode Little Dude (Hannah's horse) and Abby rode her pony. We really enjoyed ourselves. When we got back home, I gave Hannah's horse a bath and gave him a hair cut and made him look beautiful. That made me feel better because Hannah always liked it when Little Dude was pampered! After our ride we went to Grandma Rosie and Grandpa Dick's house and Uncle Barry prayed basically giving thanks for the fact that this earth is not our ultimate home. The Bible says that He is preparing a place for us, that where He is we may be also. I've known this for over 20 years and have always been so grateful for Heaven and the fact that the grave is not the end of us. As you can imagine, I'm even much more thankful for His mercy and grace to give us Heaven and all it's wonders to hope for.
I also went through another time of shock and overwhelming saddness again. It lasted about a week and I am so thankful when it ends. That is just no state to exist in. Hannah used to tell me that she wouldn't want me to cry all the time because if she died, she wouldn't be dead but alive in Heaven with Jesus and that was nothing to be sad about. Although she knew the loss was great for the mom's out there that had lost children to cancer and had them written on the very top of her prayer list.
Abby has been such a blessing! She has also had some times of great saddness but we do try to focus on the fact that Hannah is in no more pain and she is soooo happy with Jesus. The night before Thanksgiving was a very tough night for Abby. She said she can't understand why God keeps taking all of Hannah's friends to Heaven but doesn't take her! I told her he has great things for her here and without even a hesitation she replied " he was supposed to have great things for me and Hannah!" Tonight she told me that she always prayed that Hannah would get all of her dreams come true and that she dreamed of Heaven and she hoped that her praying that didn't make me sad. I got a little teary and she said she knew it would make me sad. I asked her why she prayed that and she said because she loved Hannah and she wanted Hannah to get whatever she wanted and then she said " and she did, Mom" and then we hugged.
The candy store is getting crazy. Jerry is already working until 3 or 4 am every day and leaving the house between 8 and 9 every morning. I'm working most nights. either I dip chocolates or I make cany canes with the whole gang. It's fun.
Thanks for praying for our family and checking the web site. God bless you and please spend time with those who are special this holiday season and really count your blessings big or small and thank God for them! God bless You, Susi, Jerry, Abby and Hannah in Heaven

Monday, November 8, 2004 5:39 PM CST

Hi everyone, Just thought I'd do a little update. We've all been missing Hannah terribly these days. By "all" I mean us, extended family and close friends as well. The holidays are approching so fast and overwhelm us to think of going through a time of such celebration with Hannah in Heaven and not here with us. I will trust that God will give us the strength and courage to "celebrate" because I know that is what He wants us to do fotr little Abby's sake if nothing else. I think back to Abby's birthday and we still had a party for her even though Hannah had died just weeks before. Holloween was OK. Abby changed close once so she was a diva and then a cheer leader. I was a 50's girl. (thanks Lisa for the outfit!)
More news at the farm: we are now the proud owners of two little hens!! They use to belong to Rachel's brother and they live in the city and needed a home where they could get out of the coop. They give us an egg each a day. Abby loves checking for eggs! (Hannah always wanted chickens and loved to hunt for eggs at our friends house the one time she had a little adventure there. The puppies all went to their new homes and everyone loves them. The girl we kept is darling. Her name is Jenna. Abby named her after Balto's girlfriend!If your kids haven't seen that old Disney movie, It's worth tracking down. Based on a true story of a heroic dog.
The candy store is getting very busy and I will be working evenings to help make candy canes and dip chocolates. Last year Hannah had so much fun helping make candy canes and just hanging out with us there. We will really miss her joyful and playful spirit. She always amazed us at her strong spirit and her memory. She loved telling jokes and prided herself at really "nailing the punch line" Amazing for such a little girl to have so much whitt!
But that was Hannah totally amazing. Sure am looking forward to the day we are reunited in Heaven. I'm sure she's even more amazing now!
God bless you and please write in the guestbook if you have a chance. We like to here from you and it makes us happy to have a memory of Hannah written because we have such inward fears of forgetting those little details. Those details are all we'll have this side of Heaven so we cling to them. Thanks again.
Ps. please continue to lift Rachel to the Lord in prayer. She has been home for over a week and her mom s just too busy to update her site. We have been visiting regularly and they say we a such a blessing and a testimony of what God can do in the midst of trial and pain. We just want to bless Rach! She still can't get up because of the back pain but is just happy to be home.
Trisha still needs direction and a peace in deciding what course of action is best. Please keep her in your prayers as well.
I could write so many more childrens names down and the needs it's sickening. Thanks for remembering that so many children are suffering all around and if we can help through prayer or donating blood or giving gifts that we are all helping more that we will ever really know. God bless you. Love Susi, Jerry Abby and Hannah in Heaven

Wednesday, October 27, 2004 0:53 AM CDT

Hi everyone, Things have been pretty busy around here with the puppies and the rain. Having lots of animals mixed with lots of rain makes for a lot of work!!! We're doing fine though, by God's grace.
I've been having pain in my thyroid for quite some time and finally had it looked at. This led to an ultrasound and some other tests. I don't have results yet but I'm not too concerned I figure that this doesn't compare to what our precious Hannah went through and she did it while loving God and all of us. What an example she was, truly a hero . We sure do miss her.It has been 6 months today since our beautiful little girl with a heart of gold left this earth and joined Jesus and his host of angels. I do feel so blessed that God chose us to be her parents and that He loaned her to us for as long as He did. She was so sick and I think she could have gone on sick for many more years but I kind of think that God did Hannah a favor by taking her to Heaven.After all she endured, she did deserve Heaven. I am looking forward to the day that I am able to see her again. Me and Abby always pray that He takes good care of her until we get there.

Please pray for the many many sick children at hospitals all around. Like Jerry said, They haven't done anything to bring on this cancer like some adults who delibratly partake in things that they know cause cancer. These children are so sweet and undeserving of the card they have been delt. I pray that the mercy of God floods there hearts and they have peace.
God bless you and thanks for the notes. Susi, Jerry, Abby and Hannah in Heaven

Thursday, October 14, 2004 1:06 AM CDT

Hi everyone, I added some new photos yesterday. What a blessing that Hannah was to all of our lives! We miss her laughter and her joy. We miss her strong will and whitt. I think I could go on and on about the things we miss but I'm sure you get the point.
I ended up in the ER instead of the leukemia walk because I got injured at about 5:00 PM by one of the horses. By the grace of God, my arm isn't broken just badly bruised.
The other horse show was quite a day. It was in Palm Desert and the weather was very cold and windy! Thunder was a good boy and it was a nice day even though it was so windy.
We need to find a good home for one puppy. All of the pups are so cute and so sweet. We are enjoying them very much!!
Trish is doing pretty good with anti-nausia meds and enjoying beading! We went to LA today and picked up a wider selection of beads for her. It was fun. After, we went and visited Rachel. She is still having pain and they seem to be continually uping the amount of Morphine. She was so sweet and darling today. Just to see her interact with friends and family is so neat. Her spirits are good even in this not good situation! That is what God does in the lives of those who place their hope in Him!!
We are amazed at the strength that God gives us to live a blessed life even without Hannah's presence here. We live in the wonderful Hope of Heaven. Trusting the word of God , that Hannah is so Happy and great now. If I slow down and ponder the fact that Hannah is truly with God in Heaven, I am in awe and amazment. I accepted the Lord 23 years ago and I've been excited about Heaven since that day. She is already in her glorified body and gets to worship Him with all of her heart. (she loved to worship Him!!)
Abby and I had a conversation along that note yesterday and she said that I didn't have much longer till I would be in Heaven and she had a long time still and I said that only God knows how long we have that it was His choice whether we live long or short lives. She said she hoped she died young and I said that I hope I died young too but that we just have to trust in God and He'll take us when He's ready. Abby quickly replied " you can't die young Mom, You're already old!" Of course that brought a smile to my face and I gave her a big hug and told her how thankful I was for her!
Today while we were driving she talked about the fact that Hannah said "I love you Abby" before she died. She is so glad for that!! Hannah truly gave Abby a gift for life when she said those three words. I am so incredibly proud of her!! She also said that she wanted to be just like Hannah and wished she would have told her that before she died. What a sweety!!
Thanks again for your prayers and notes. We love reading them. God bless you, Susi, Jerry, Abby and Hannah in Heaven
October15th,04 My friend called today and her little daughter, also named Hannah is in ICU. She had a transplant 5 years ago and is dealing with some severe lung damage from the harsh treatment she recieved. Her levels are all out of balance and we want to ask you to pray for her. She is 7 years old and will have to stay in ICU alone for two reasons. First because they don't allow parents to stay there with their children and second because Hannah's mom has another daughter that is home and she is also newly pregnant and is feeling pretty sick. Please keep Hannah and her family in your prayers. This little Hannah has already told her parents that she knows she will see our Hannah before the rest of her family. God bless her!! Thanks so much. Susi

Friday, October 8, 2004 10:08 PM CDT

Hi everyone, I've wanted to update the site for about a week now but have been very busy taking care of the puppies we've been blessed with!
I'm milking the goat three times a day and giving the milk to the puppies. The last milking has been between midnight and 1 am.
We have also been visiting rachel in the hospital. She is so sweet and faithful to the Lord through all of her pain. I'm so proud of her and I'm sure she is going to be greatly rewarded when the Lord takes her home.
Felishia and I went to trisha's house and brought her beads! She loves beading and her mom said she is keeping very busy beading!! If any of you have extra beads that you would like to share just email us and we'll make a way to get them to her! This week they placed a line in her chest and began some harder chemo. The doctors are consulting with well known docs all over to try and figure out the best plan of action for her. Please keep the family in prayer.
I had a horse show with my horse last weekend and have another this weekend. It is fun but different things might spark a memory (usually a person or persons that used to know Hannah and enjoy watching her committment to her horse and her strong will to ride her best at all times!!) anyway, I seem to break down and cry for a bit and then keep on going. Words really can't describe how much we miss her but we are sure we'll see her again and are looking forward to that day. In fact many of you know this already from talking on the phone to me. We had a bad flat tire last week when I was supposed to go to the hospital for a taped interview to ask people to donate funds so the playroom could be open more if not 24 hours a day!We never made it to the interview and spent several hours dealing with our car. In the midst of all of this Abby says to me that she has a plan that will get us all to Heaven. She would run out in front of the cars and go straight to Heaven! She quickly added that she wanted me to follow but to make sure I called Daddy and Grandma so they could do the same!!! We all told her that that wasn't God's plan and that when we are to go to Heaven, He will take us that we can't choose our time to go. etc etc etc!!!! She does miss her sister and knows that Hannah is happy and well in Heaven so we just need to go!! She's been doing good this week and isn't making any new plans to get herself into Heaven before His time. Thanks for praying for her.
Sometimes I look at the puppies and wonder which one or ones would Hannah love the most. She always had a heart for the "under dog". She would love the little boy that looks just like his mama simply because her looks like his mama besides the fact that he's so sweet!! She would love the fact that the girl we chose to keep has a blue eye. She always liked horses that had blue eyes!! The truth is that she would love them all! We are so happy that the new homes are kind of seeking us out and word of mouth has found homes for all but one big boy!!I'm sure we'll find him a good home too! Abby is happy that two of the boys are going to a family together and they'll live their whole lives with each other!!
We are walking in Hannah's honor for the Leukemia Light the Night walk at Pharroh's lost Kingdom in redlands on Sunday night. I know it will be very hard because we always walked with hannah and she got to carry a white balloon for being a servivor that had a light in it. It was special and fun. I'll miss her terribly.
We went to a fund raiser this week also that was to benefit Hillview Acres children's home in Chino. What a neat place. Once the children get there they never have find a new place to stay. Tese kids have been so scard. The key note speaker was Antwoin Fisher who was badly abused by his family as well as his foster family and had the will to over come and succeed in life. God bless him! We plan to actually visit the home and minister tio the kids with the guitar and just making friends.
Thanks for checking in on us and thanks for your prayers. God is faithful. Love Susi, Jerry, Abby and Hannah in Heaven

Monday, September 20, 2004 0:39 AM CDT

Hi everyone, Finally I'm taking the time to share an update. Kim's family did very well on her birthday and we did very well on Hannah's birthday. I am sure that there were many of you remembering our families in prayer. I could "feel"the prayer support. Thanks.Our day started with me reading my Bible and the book I had just begun reading three days earlier called the Purpose Driven Life. Hannah's birthday was on day 4. As I turned the page, the title was "Made to Last Forever". As I read the chapter, it was all about how we are eternal and made for eternity. At the end of the chapter,it said that our last day on earth or the end of our life is really our BIRTHDAY into Heaven. I was so thankful for that "nugget" that God gave me to hold onto all day. It really made our day a day of hope. We watched videos of Hannah all day with friends and family that came and went. We had friends bring lunch from Marie Calenders. Thanks Karen, Jessie and Timmy but mostly thank you sooooo much for the beautiful picture of Hannah that you gave me. At this time I really didn't know or think about the fact that there are other pictures that I am not aware of. That picture is so lovely! I truly do charish it! Later that night Jo, Felisha, Ashley, Bob and Brittney came over with dinner and a birthday cake. It was very nice of them. The little girls still wanted to put candles on the cake and sing Happy Birthday to Hannah. ( that was tough!)
It really blessed us and made us laugh at the stories some of you shared with us about your memories of Hannah.Thank you so much. Our fear as her close family is that we won't remember enough. She was so incredibly special. One of our friends was watching a video of Hannah and he never got to meet her. He was amazed at her whitt and maturity. Her laughter and her joy while she was in the hospital just one week after her leukemia had come back. What a blessing she was.
We sure miss her and feel sad that she isn't with us. But we are carrying on and trying to live life pleasing to the Lord and eagerly awaiting the day we will be reunited with Hannah and other loved ones.
It's funny because at times Abby will say the funniest things, like "maybe today we'll all die"!!!!! ( of course she says this with a smile. I tell her we will keep close to Jesus our whole lives and when He's ready for us we'll get to go to Heaven too and yes maybe that it will be today.)
We had puppies 3 days after Hannah's birthday. They are so neat and Abby loves them. I know Hannah would be so proud of her dog having these puppies and knowing how to take perfect care of them!
Some of you might have seen the guestbook entries about us sharing the ponies. We had a homeschool picnic and the park had a horse arena so we gave plenty of rides. I'm thinking about 40? We are always blessed to share!!!
I do love to play the guitar, Hannah did inspire so many of us. In fact my guitar time is late at night and is usually the reason I don't get as many updates in as I'd like. When I play my guitar and sing worship songs to the Lord, I'm spiritally and emotionally put in a good place. It kind of brings my heart to the throne of God and I know that is where Hannah is.
Rachel has been in the hospital for almost a week with uncontrolled pain and break-through fevers. Her health is getting worse. Please pray for the strength and grace to get through the long hard days ahead. We know and her family knows that God is more than able to heal her. We ask the Lord for a miracle on Rachel's behalf. We actually visited Rachel at the Hospital twice this week. It is always nice to see all of them and the nurses were glad to see us as well as several other families we know. I have to say that being in the room while they were trying to get meds down Rachel made me glad that Hannah no longer has to take all that yucky stuff!! It is no fun when you are so sick to be made to take so many different things.
Trisha is still home and doing well but they got the results from Mayo clinic and it is a very agressive ALL leukemia. Trisha was upset because the doctors aren't sure what the best treatment is for her. Please pray for guidence for her family as well as the doctors. Also for God's peace to flood the whole family. Thanks.
We are so blessed by you. Thanks for the notes and cards. God bless you today and into eternity!!!Susi, Jerry, Abby and Hannah in Heaven

Friday, September 3, 2004 4:23 PM CDT

Hi everyone, It's only been a few days since I updated but I wanted to ask for prayer support for our family and also Kim's family.(many of you might remember that Kim went to Heaven on November 10,2003 and her birthday is Monday Sept.6th. Hannah's birthday is Wed. Sept 8th.) Both of our families are experiencing many "firsts" and this is a big one. I've had plenty of suggestions on how and what we should do that day but I can't imagine what we should do or how we'll get by. We need the grace of God.
I think we might drive to Kim's house on Monday. I think I'd like to stay home on Hannah's birthday and watch videos of her. Remembering the joy she was to our family and the blessing we were given to have had her with us for 8 1/2 years. Maybe we can have a few of our close friends and family with us ? If you read this and know of a neat thing to do that day, please sign the guest book. Also if you have a special memory of Hannah, it would be nice to read and remember through the guestbook entries.
Abby got dressed up like a balerina princess with her friend Brittney and watched the Barbie nut cracker movie Hannah and Abby used to do the same thing and Abby likes to show Brittney how Hannah used to show her how to be a balerina and a princess. It was sweet listening to their conversation.They also talked about dressing up for Halloween and Abby told Brittney that she could use the pink pumkin to hold her candy because she would like to use Hannah's purple pumkin. She wants to wear something of Hannah's everyday. It's very sweet. Thanks again for praying for Rachael and Trisha. They are both out of the hospital and doing ok the neat thing is how much they love the Lord and are a true testimony for Him in the trials this life brings!! I'm so proud of them and I'm sure that the Lord is too!!!
God bless you and thanks again for your prayers. we are forever grateful! Susi, Jerry, Abby and Hannah in Heaven

Tuesday, August 31, 2004 2:31 AM CDT

hi everyone, we hope all of you are having a good summer and growing in your faith and love for the Lord. We are trusting Him for our comfort and peace because He truly is all that we have. ' We have been busy with all the animals. Here is a current list: 5 horses, 3 goats, 4 cats 4 dogs (puppies on the way)1 crab and 2 fish. Jerry thinks we're crazy but we like it and they do keep us busy and make us feel good!
I forgot to mention that we bought a new used car and Abby couldn't be more thrilled with her little "slug Bug"!! she tells her friends that it's her car.
We decided to continue home schooling her. She really wants to be home with me and the handfull of times I"ve been in our house alone, have been very tough. She is a willing little student and we get to spend so much more time together and ride the horses together etc. I've actually been schooling since we came home from the hospital so she's used to the routine.
Our teenage friend, Trisha did end up having leukemia after being in remission 10 1/2 years. Actually it is a different kind of leukemia than before. Please pray for her and her family. For now she is being treated for standard risk ALL until they get the results back from the mayo clinic.
Thanks for checking on our other friend, Rachael, She spent a few days in the hospital and is home on antibiotics now.
The day we spoke with Jon Coursen, He reminded us that according to the bible, Hannah is and will continue to recieve rewards for the continued impact that her life and her faith during tough times is having on others.That made me happy. She endured so much and she deserves so much. I know God loves her more than we can imagine and He's taking excellent care of her. I really wish we could experience what she's experiencing. She has what we all desire deep inside.She gets to be with Jesus and the angels forever!
Thanks so much for the love you have for our family. God bless you and thanks again for praying. Susi, Jerry, Abby and Hannah in Heaven

Tuesday, August 31, 2004 2:31 AM CDT

hi everyone, we hope all of you are having a good summer and growing in your faith and love for the Lord. We are trusting Him for our comfort and peace because He truly is all that we have. ' We have been busy with all the animals. Here is a current list: % horses, 3 goats, 4 cats 4 dogs (puppies on the way)1 crab and 2 fish. Jerry thinks we're crazy but we like it and they do keep us busy and make us feel good!
I forgot to mention that we bought a new used car and Abby couldn't be more thrilled with her little "slug Bug"!! she tells her friends that it's her car.
We decided to continue home schooling her. She really wants to be home with me and the handfull of times I"ve been in our house alone, have been very tough. She is a willing little student and we get to spend so much more time together and ride the horses together etc. I've actually been schooling since we came home from the hospital so she's used to the routine.
Our teenage friend, Trisha did end up having leukemia after being in remission 10 1/2 years. Actually it is a different kind of leukemia than before. Please pray for her and her family. For now she is being treated for standard risk ALL until they get the results back from the mayo clinic.
Thanks for checking on our other friend, Rachael, She spent a few days in the hospital and is home on antibiotics now.
The day we spoke with Jon Coursen, He reminded us that according to the bible, Hannah is and will continue to recieve rewards for the continued impact that her life and her faith during tough times is having on others.That made me happy. She endured so much and she deserves so much. I know God loves her more than we can imagine and He's taking excellent care of her. I really wish we could experience what she's experiencing. She has what we all desire deep inside.She gets to be with Jesus and the angels forever!
Thanks so much for the love you have for our family. God bless you and thanks again for praying. Susi, Jerry, Abby and Hannah in Heaven

Monday, August 16, 2004 10:51 PM CDT

Hi everyone, we want to thank all of you for the love you have continued to show our family. We went through another devastating low last week. It was pretty bad. These waves of sadness seem to come on fast and strong and without any notice. We were blessed to meet and pray with Jon Courson during that sad time last week. Jon is a pastor and has written some books. One really ministered to us back when Hannah was first diagnosed. It reminded us that God does indeed have a plan for our lives and that He uses these tests in our lives to give us a testimony. Hannah sure had a testimony. She loved God in all of her circumstances. He was faithful to her till that moment He met her in the hospital and ushered her into Heaven. the other book that we read of Jon Courson's is about Heaven. He has a special interest in Heaven like we do. He has a wife and daughter that are in Heaven. He can relate to our pain and had alot to say to us that night. It was a blessing.
We all miss Hannah terribly but are trying to stay possitive. We know that our lives are a flash compared to eternity and it really won't be long for any of us. Abby wants to know why God took Hannah and not our whole family. Today she talked about the fact that Hannah has so many friends in Heaven with her. She also said that she wanted to be there too. I told her that God probably didn't want her to go because then I wouldn't have any children on earth with me!!I also told her that God has a plan for all of us and we have to stay close to Him everyday and He will see us through and give us His strength. The Bible says that we aren't to grieve like those without hope. With God we have the wonderful hope of Heaven. One day we will be reunited with Hannah and all of our loved ones that loved Him as well. We definately still grieve but we have a hope and a peace that only comes from knowing Christ.
Please pray for our friend Rachael. She is getting worse. her pain is increasing and she is weekening. We love her so much and hate to see her in pain. She loves the Lord and is looking forward to meeting Him face to face. Of course only when God calls her home (as Hannah would say)We also have another friend that had a transplant 10 years ago and is now 15 i/2 years old. She got sick and her white count is next to nothing so tomorrow they are going to do a bone marrrow aspirate to see if they can find the reason for her counts to go so low. Her name is Trisha. Please remember her and her family in your prayers.
Thanks for the notes to our family. We do miss the letters so if you get a chance, sign the guestbook. Thanks so much for your prayers. Susi, Jerry, Abby and Hannah in Heaven

Sunday, August 1, 2004 11:14 PM CDT

Hi everyone, Sorry it's been a while since we updated. We check the site daily but it's been so late at night when I've been on it that I feel too exhausted to write.
We have been busy hanging out with several friends and family that have pools. Abby has been a "little fish". I told her she was like a mermaid and she quickly replied " Not a mermaid, a sea turtle!" She continues to make us laugh!!! Abby has that olive skin so she is so brown and we've been using sunscrean daily!! Unfortunately, she got swimmers ear on Monday night and hasn't been swimming this week. When she told me her ear hurt, she said thast it had been hurting for a few days but she didn't want to tell me because she didn't want to have surgery!! She must have a lot going through her little head!! We went back to Children's Hospital on Tuesday July27th. Jerry took the day off and went with us. We had to have another eye exam for Abby. Unfortunately there was no change or improvement in her eye sight this time but the doctor said not to be discouraged that they see this happen and then it begins to improve again. During Abby's visit, Stacy, Hannah's hosptial teacher visited us as well as Marina and Yana (friends that we met way back in 1999) It was nice to see them. We also dropped off a couple of blankets to a little boy named Max that has cancer and is being treated for relapse. His sister is better now but has had a bone marrow transplant for leukemia. There are 4 siblings altogether. This relapse is very bad and Max is very upset to be stuck in the hospital again so if you think about it, Pray for the whole family. And if any of you are still donating blood or platelets, it would be great if you put them in Max Buelow's name.
After we left the hosptial, we went to the store in LA where we bought Abby's glasses because they got broke the day before. We ended up getting them fixed and getting Abby a new pair as well. (new glasses are always fun!!)
Finally we were on our way to visit our other friend, Tammy and her children, that we met in 1999 when Hannah was first diagnosed with leukemia. We visited with them for a couple of hours. She made us smoothies and cookies!! The kids played and made plenty of noise! When we met Tammy, she had a very sick little girl and many of you will remember her as I say she is "Chloe's Mom". Chloe went to Heaven in December 1999 just after her 2nd birthday. Hannah always loved Chloe and always wanted to make crafts to make her laugh and smile.
After we left Tammy's house, we went to our other friends house and had dinner!! We were blessed to visit Rachael and her family. We have a link to get on her web site from this site. She is 16 years old and was a good friend of Hannah's. She isn't in remission but God is giving her the grace to stay here for His glory. We all live so far away and have busy lives, we were so glad that we made a day of our trip out to the hospital. We didn't get home until midnight!!
Today we actually showed in our first pleasure horse show this year. It was a show that Hannah showed at last year. We saw a quite a few people that we hadn't seen since Hannah died and we were thankful of the nice things they said to us and all of the hugs!! I found Hannah's little leather glove when I was looking for mine and it was shaped like her hand and half curved because she wore them so much. It was sad. She was so special.
We now have supplies for the " Hannah blessing bracelets" once again!!!! I know that people have been wanting them and we would like to give you Pat's email address to place orders dpleon@aol.com (Thanks so much Pat for all of your help!!)
The horse club planted a whole row of trees and are having a plaque made in honor of Hannah. We will be having a ceremony soon. Possibly on August 29th. I'll let you know.
The horses are all good and we have aquired a few more animals lately!!! We got another milk goat, a stray kitten and a baby kitten. Abby named her "Jenna" . I found a lizzard that isn't even 2 inches lond and it's living with the crab. (Hannah's crab died last week)
Thanks for checking the site and if you get the chance to write us we really like the nice notes you give us. They really are little gifts to our hearts and minds. Many times I get a smile on my face just seeing the name of who is writing the note. I guess it brings back memories. Oh, if you have a special memory, we'd love for you to share it. Thanks so much, God bless you. Susi, Jerry , Abby and Hannah in Heaven

Friday, July 16, 2004 10:29 AM CDT

HI everyone, We weren't able to get on line for over one week! Finally last night the system cooperated. We are thankful to be able to give an update and update photos. We have been keeping very busy but have had an unimaginable sadness. We met with the man that did the video of Hannah for her celebration of life service. He is able to do a wonderful dvd case with both the 8 minute video and the whole service. We chose the cover photos front and back. It is very nice. The cost is $12.00 if any of you or people you know that loved Hannah and dedicated so much in prayer and emotion to our family. I guess you can let us know and we can get them ordered.
We also purchased a plot at the Forest Lawn for Hannah's remains. It was very sad and emotionally draining. It's just not right driving around with a stranger to pick the spot our little 8 year old daughter will be put in the ground.
I had a really nice talk and cry with a good friend that has continued to keep an excellent perspective on Hannah and the significance of her life and really all of our lives here on earth. It's really all about how we handle the pressures that come our way. Do we let God use us and grow into a more godly person that is being prepared for our home in Heaven. Hannah did just that! Every time things got harder, Hannah grew into a closer relationship with Jesus. She had a short life but so incredibly meaningful. She was a blessing and an inspiration to all who knew her and to those who didn't. I'm so proud of her and I'm so so so sad that she's gone and still have troubles processing that. It's so huge. I know that the Bible is true and we will be together again and I will stay close to Jesus and allow God to mold me until the day when I get to go meet Him face to face.
Abby has been learning to swim and busy playing but still sad for the loss of Hannah.
Today, I feel a renewed hope that even though it might be a long time, I can wait. God will be my strenght. Lat week and most of this week was a very different person. I felt a black cloud over our heads. No hope. I was taking some medicine that really messed with my head. The good news is that even though I felt so alianated from God, I know that our faith doesn't rely on feelings. Feelings always come and go so I will keep pressing toward the mark and in the end I will recieve my reward just like Hannah.
Jerry has been very loving and feels just as bad as Abby and I. We all wish we could just bring her back and she could tell us what she is experiencing. We know that Hannah would not want to be back here. She made it to the glory that all of us desire deep within. God has put that desire in us and it can only be fulfilled through a relationship with Jesus.
We added new photos and we will try to update soon. God bless you and thanks for your continued prayers. WE NEED IT!! Love Susi, Jerry, Abby and Hannah in Heaven ( I'm sure she would want me to say all that I said about God and Heaven with the eternal perspective she now has!!)

Saturday, June 26, 2004 3:31 PM CDT

HI everyone, I've wanted to update for a week or so but just couldn't bring myself to. These last couple of weeks have been pretty hard. Two days before the tree planting ceremony, we had photos develped and many of them were from the last day of Hannah's life here on earth. She had so much pain and thefaces of all who were there really showed how sad that day was. ALl of us wanted to take her pain away but could do so little. She never complained and told me it was ok several times during that day. Still, it's just not right to see your sweet little daughter in that pain and not be able to fix it. I know that God fixed her pain by taking her to Heaven and for that I'm thankful.
After shedding many tears and simply feeling unbelievably sad, we had the tree planting ceremony. It was beautiful but also very sad and seemed to be hard like another funeral. The next day was Father's Day and Jerry was sad but ok but I think I was more of a mess emotionally. I still functioned but felt like I was caring a huge load of sadness. The next day was our 19ty anniversary. Along with that being a very special day, 3 years ago on that day, Hannah got diagnosed with leukemia in her eye. I couldn't help but think of anniversaries past that were so nice and happy. I remember our 10th anniversary I was pregnant with Hannah and our 11th we had a beautiful brilliant little girl. She was amazing long before she got leukemia and we fully know that she was a gift from God and she was only on loan from God. We just miss her terribly.
We've been reading a couple of books written about Heaven I think it is bitter sweet for us to read them because we want to learn more about the wonderful place she is but look forward to the day when we'll see her again.
Abby's pony has been so wonderful and we're sure that Hannah would be so proud of Abby!!
Oh I forgot to let you know that the Daily Bulletin covered the tree planting and a photo on the front page if you want to see it you can go to www.dailybulletin.com
Jerry, and I took Abby to Disneyland on Wed and had a nice day together. Check out the photos I'm going to try to change them and hope it works!!
Please keep praying for us. We are very thankful for the prayers of God's people. He is our only hope and we will seek Him daily knowing He has a plan for us and we will allow Him to use us in all of lifes trials. We're sorry that so many of you have to feel this pain as well but keep your hearts close to Jesus and read His word and in a flash we'll all be together again.
We love you, Susi, Jerry, Abby and Hannah in Heaven

Monday, June 14, 2004 0:31 AM CDT

HI everyone, We have had a very busy week. I took Abby back to Disneyland on Tuesday. We met her little cousin and her Aunt. It was a nice day.
Wed we drove all the way to Poway and bought a new pony for Abby's 6th birthday!!!!!!! She was a gift from the Lord and Abby is very happy that we found her. She is gentle and very sweet. Thursday morning we had graduation practice and did house work and of course rode the horses! Friday we had graduation and the video tribute to Hannah. It was very nice but brought many tears. She was so amazing, I still can't believe that she is really gone. Those photos are so upclose and she seems like I could just give her a hug and a kiss. I'm thankful that she is with our Lord and she is perfect in every way. We just miss her so much and can't wait until we are reunited with her!
Back to our busy week, finally it was Saturday, Abby's big day!!! The party didn't start until 3:oo pm and we decorated all morning. Everyone seemed to have alot of fun. We had a bounce house and we rode three ponies (our two and Jo's) as well as Hannah's horse Little Dude. We got plenty of laughs over the Daddy's and men at the party riding Little Dude.
We want to let everyone know that the City of Ontario and the Warren Family are planting a tree in rememberence of Hannah on Saturday June 19th at 10:00 AM. We will be having some music and a ceremony. It is on the Euclid median at the "B" street intersection. (for those of you who don't know, our candy store is on "B" street one block west of Euclid) We would like to invite you to join the ceremony if you would like to. God bless you.
"and the angel showed me a pure river with the water of life, clear as crystal,flowing from the throne of God and the lamb, coursing down the center of the main street. On each side of the river grew a tree of life, bearing twelve kinds of fruit" Revelation 22:1 and 2. Hannah loved trees and she loved fruit!! Most of you know that we told her that we would all meet again at the tree of life!!!
We hope you can visit us on Saturday morning, thanks for the many prayers and support. We are forever grateful. Susi, Jerry, Abby and Hannah in Heaven

Monday, June 7, 2004 0:43 AM CDT

HI everyone, things are busy these days, We thought you might like an update. Abby has been doing better. She is such a blessing. We've been doing her school every morning and she has been a willing little student! She is wearing her patch 6 to 8 hours everyday and has been very good about it. We took Abby to Disneyland thanks to a very nice person that sent us money and specifically said for us to enjoy a day at Disneyland with Abby. We went with her little cousin, her aunt and uncle Barry. We had a nice day but it was so sad not to have Hannah with us and she was never far from out thoughts. We also took a long drive with our friend to look at a pony for them and the area was so beautiful that it was a difficult day. I shed alot of tears over the fact that Hannah would have loved the "road trip" with friends and she would have loved the pony and she would have loved the country and the streams and the trees! I always try to remember that the sights Hannah sees now in the presense of God are even more wonderful than anything we can see or experience on earth. We look at the photos and still can't believe that this amazing little person is gone. She was so so special and so beautiful. We really are so thankful that we had her even if it was only for 8 years.
Our home school group (Chino Valley Christian Academy) is having their graduation on this Friday nightand they are going to do a tribute to Hannah. I thought that was very kind. I'm sure it will be really special.
I've taken Abby swimming twice this week and she wants to go everyday! She can't swim yet but she is trying and enjoying herself. I keep telling her that this is her year to learn to swim! She gets happy when I say that! I had to order birthday plates this week for Abby and I broke down on the phone because the lady asked if Abby had any siblings. After I got off the phone, Abby hugged me and said " it's ok Mommy, Hannah is as close as your heart and only as far away as a prayer" (I told you she was a sweety!)

Thanks so much for all of the wonderful scriptures and notes in the guestbook. We love you and thanks so much for your prayers. Susi, Jerry, Abby and Hannah in Heaven

Monday, June 7, 2004 0:43 AM CDT

HI everyone, things are busy these days, We thought you might like an update. Abby has been doing better. She is such a blessing. We've been doing her school every morning and she has been a willing little student! She is wearing her patch 6 to 8 hours everyday and has been very good about it. We took Abby to Disneyland thanks to a very nice person that sent us money and specifically said for us to enjoy a day at Disneyland with Abby. We went with her little cousin, her aunt and uncle Barry. We had a nice day but it was so sad not to have Hannah with us and she was never far from out thoughts. We also took a long drive with our friend to look at a pony for them and the area was so beautiful that it was a difficult day. I shed alot of tears over the fact that Hannah would have loved the "road trip" with friends and she would have loved the pony and she would have loved the country and the streams and the trees! I always try to remember that the sights Hannah sees now in the presense of God are even more wonderful than anything we can see or experience on earth. We look at the photos and still can't believe that this amazing little person is gone. She was so so special and so beautiful. We really are so thankful that we had her even if it was only for 8 years.
Our home school group (Chino Valley Christian Academy) is having their graduation on this Friday nightand they are going to do a tribute to Hannah. I thought that was very kind. I'm sure it will be really special.
I've taken Abby swimming twice this week and she wants to go everyday! She can't swim yet but she is trying and enjoying herself. I keep telling her that this is her year to learn to swim! She gets happy when I say that! I had to order birthday plates this week for Abby and I broke down on the phone because the lady asked if Abby had any siblings. After I got off the phone, Abby hugged me and said " it's ok Mommy, Hannah is as close as your heart and only as far away as a prayer" (I told you she was a sweety!)

Thanks so much for all of the wonderful scriptures and notes in the guestbook. We love you and thanks so much for your prayers. Susi, Jerry, Abby and Hannah in Heaven

Monday, June 7, 2004 0:43 AM CDT

HI everyone, things are busy these days, We thought you might like an update. Abby has been doing better. She is such a blessing. We've been doing her school every morning and she has been a willing little student! She is wearing her patch 6 to 8 hours everyday and has been very good about it. We took Abby to Disneyland thanks to a very nice person that sent us money and specifically said for us to enjoy a day at Disneyland with Abby. We went with her little cousin, her aunt and uncle Barry. We had a nice day but it was so sad not to have Hannah with us and she was never far from out thoughts. We also took a long drive with our friend to look at a pony for them and the area was so beautiful that it was a difficult day. I shed alot of tears over the fact that Hannah would have loved the "road trip" with friends and she would have loved the pony and she would have loved the country and the streams and the trees! I always try to remember that the sights Hannah sees now in the presense of God are even more wonderful than anything we can see or experience on earth. We look at the photos and still can't believe that this amazing little person is gone. She was so so special and so beautiful. We really are so thankful that we had her even if it was only for 8 years.
Our home school group (Chino Valley Christian Academy) is having their graduation on this Friday nightand they are going to do a tribute to Hannah. I thought that was very kind. I'm sure it will be really special.
I've taken Abby swimming twice this week and she wants to go everyday! She can't swim yet but she is trying and enjoying herself. I keep telling her that this is her year to learn to swim! She gets happy when I say that! I had to order birthday plates this week for Abby and I broke down on the phone because the lady asked if Abby had any siblings. After I got off the phone, Abby hugged me and said " it's ok Mommy, Hannah is as close as your heart and only as far away as a prayer" (I told you she was a sweety!)

Thanks so much for all of the wonderful scriptures and notes in the guestbook. We love you and thanks so much for your prayers. Susi, Jerry, Abby and Hannah in Heaven

Monday, May 31, 2004 7:14 PM CDT

HI everyone, We want to let you all know of our lives these days. Abby is much better about playing alone and not afraid any more. We are so thankful for all of the prayers you are sending up our way. Abby is so sad that Hannah is not with us but she keeps writing in her journal things like "I'm so glad that you are in heaven with Jesus but sad that you aren't with us". also "you are where there is no darkness because Jesus is the light of heaven!" It is so sweet and precious. Her relationship with God is definately more real than ever before, and for this we are happy. We all miss Hannah so much but continue to accept that where she is, is where we long to be. Someday we will join her if we stay close to Jesus our whole lives! Every night when it's bed time, Abby has me play my guitar and wants the song "I can only imagine" sung to her and she also has us read her some books about someone who has gone to heaven. The other night she came over and whispered into my ear. " I knkow you are sad and Dad is sad but I'm sadder and nobody knows how sad I am". Of course it broke my heart and we cried and prayed. I'm so thankful that she is talking about how she feels and not forgetting about Hannah. We went to Petsmart this week and that was difficult because it was one of Hannah's favorite places to go and get treats for the dogs. Many of you might have gone to the web site of our new friend, Debbie ( www.golden-babies.com). We shared with her Hannah's story and how much she enjoyed the therapy dogs at the hospital. She was so happy to meet us and we know that God had us cross paths because the beautiful golden she had with her had just passed a test to be a therapy dog. We also took Abby to a play this week. It was a play that Hannah wanted to go see so we thought it would be nice to go in honor of Hannah. We went with Nathan's sister and mom. It was special because both girls feel so connected because they both have someone they love in heaven. They did alot of hugging and held each other tight through the whole play.

Abby's birthday is on the June 12th and we've been making a list. At the top of the list she wrote Hannah's name and said she wanted more than anyone for Hannah to be there. She is having a butterfly theme in honor of her sister!We're so proud of her!

I would like to leave you today with a song we sang at church last week. It touched our hearts and it is how we feel.
" Every blessing you pour out I'll turn back to praise, when the darkness closes in still I will say blessed be the name of the Lord blessed be your glorious name" " you give and take away you give and take away MY HEART WILL CHOOSE TO SAY LORD BLESSED BE YOUR NAME"
We love you and thanks so much for your support! Susi, Jerry Abby and Hannah in heaven

Saturday, May 22, 2004 1:16 AM CDT

Hi everyone, we want to say thanks you for continueing to support our family through prayer. We feel comforted knowing that so many people are seeking God through Hannah's life and our lives.
Even though we know that Hannah is in heaven, we are still battling with grief and sadness, It is so surreal that she was such a big part of our lives for 8 years and now she is no longer with us.She was always such a joy to be around and her knowledge was amazing. She knew so much about all different things that we find ourselves asking a question about something and none of us know the answer and we all know that Hannah would know it.Here's a little example, we were by a large fish tank and Abby wanted to know what kind of fish swam by and we weren't sure but Hannah would have definately known!!!
Bed time with Abby is bitter sweet. She misses her sister so much and is always very deep when we pray and read before bed. We usually do extra hugging, crying and telling each other how special they are and how much we love each other.
We began a memory book made by Abby last week and have had good times of sharing stories and memories that Abby has that we might not have even known. One of the most touching things Abby wrote on one page is, Since I was born, Hannah and me always had fun. I miss her when she died and I wish I would have spent more time with her because I love her. I'm glad she said " I love you , Abby" when she died. Thanks for trying to stay with us Hannah. I love you and I miss you. Love Abby At night when she prays she always thanks God for letting us have Hannah for a little while. Isn't she sweet?!
We would like to say thanks so much for all of the flowers and cards and gifts that have come to our home and the candy store. we so enjoy reading what you have to say to us and the incouraging scriptures you've sent.
Jerry and I were privilaged to go to a couple retreat at the beach with Harvest christian Fellowship last weekend. It was hard to leave Abby but we felt like it would be good for our marriage and it was. We love each other more than ever and feel very connected to each other. I'm very thankful because I know that this type of tragety can tear a marriage apart. We also know that nothing can tear our marriage apart if we keep seeking God and His will for our lives.
We visited the hospital on Tuesday. We brought fresh dipped chocolate covered strawberries to all of the different areas that helped Hannah so much. everyone was so happy to see us and said that they had missed us and missed Hannah's bright smile. Wow, I just got a thought, If Hannah's smile was as amazing as it was on earth, How glorious and beautiful it must be in heaven with her glorified body.
I've been riding the horses, including Hannah's horse. Abby was sad the first time we rode. She said, I feel sad to ride without Hannah mommy" I told her I did too but Hannah wants us to keep the horses in shape. The horse club is going to plant a tree at the arena and wants to place a marble plaqueby the tree in memory of Hannah. We all loved to see her out there riding her horse because she had such an inner drive to do her best and make her horse do his best that she inspired all the people who knew the meds she was taking and the trials she faced yet she loved to spend time riding and improving her equitation. She wanted to do it all. She really did try to live life to it's fullest!
I've been doing school with Abby every mornig and she is doing well. She is such a good girl and boy are we ever thankful to have her!!! She won't go anywhere in the house alone these days. She won't go to the restroom or her room. we pray about her fear and I'm sure it will pass but if you think about it, you can lift this up to the Lord. Thanks, we will write again, I just wanted to give people plenty of time to see the other entry about the last words Hannah said as she went to be with jesus, I'm in, I'm in!!! God bless you all and thanks again, love, Susi, Jerry, Abby and Hannah in heaven

Thursday, May 6, 2004 11:08 PM CDT

Hi everyone, It's been almost 4 days since we gathered together for Hannah's celebration of life services. We were so blessed to share with all of you a small glimpse into the heart of Hannah. The newspaper said there was over 1,300 people at her service. So many people have said that her service was the most amazing they have ever seen. Just like our friend said " Hannah was amazing".
The nice man who made the video of both still photos and live videos of Hannah, has made available copies for $5.00 each (in a small round cover) or $10.00 in a standard dvd case cover with photo. We also have had many inquiries about getting a video of the intire service. We will be able to get them, we aren't sure of the price as of yet. We let you know when we find out.
Many of you have been so emotionally involved in Hannah's journey and we are so thankful for your dedication and continued prayers for the life we now face with Hannah in heaven. We are still in shock but we know that the Lord will comfort the broken hearted. He will be with us because He has promised this in the Bible.
We wanted to share with you some of the things that led up to the Lord calling Hannah home on April 27th at 1:50 AM. After we went to the ER on Saturday night, Hannah's pain began getting worse. It seemed to be increasing by leaps and bounds. shortly after we got into a room, Hannah had several seizures. We aren't sure if they were brought on by pain or the antibiotics or leukemia. The doctors were continually increasing her pain medication. It didn't seem to be helping and Hannah would ask for more and ask if they could give her medicine that would "knock her out" ( her way of saying she wanted to sleep through the pain) none of the meds made her sleep or took away her pain. I would tell her that I was so sorry and that we were trying to get the right doses to get the pain under control and she would very softly say "it's ok, Mom" Her pain was in her tummy and she would continually change positions to try to get some relief. Her doctors and nurses were amazed by the strength she had to lift herself and the inner strength she had to be so patient and kind to all those around her in the horrific pain she had to bear. Pastor Bob or Felishia played the guitar and we all surrounded Hannah with worship songs. Hannah loved worship. She had a huge appriciation for great worship songs. When she was in my womb, she would leap for joy anytime there was worship being played.Around 11:30PM Hannah's body began changing. We didn't know what was happening and Hannah was very afraid. At the same time, Hannah had temporarily run out of pain medicine. She went from 115 mg per hour to none for a 15 minute period of time. We were trying desperatly to get more pain meds for her and then she began feeling like she was going to choke on phlegm. I began suctioning her and trying to reasure her but she remained very afraid. Finally, I began praying out loud for the spirit of fear to be bound and for God to give Hannah his peace. Hannah then calmed down and said "I love you, Abby" We told her that God was going to take her to heaven and we would meet her under the tree of life. Then Hannah saw something in the spirit realm that we wish we could have seen. Whether it was Jesus and all the angels or Hannah's guardian angel or the heavens opening when God called her home, Hannah's look was one of extreme excitement unlike any look we've ever seen Hannah express. She reached up her hand literally as far as she could and said " I'm in, I'm in" !!!
A friend said today that if the pain medicines would have worked and Hannah would have been "knocked out" then we might not have seen that glimpse of the glory that was revealed to Hannah and that we will have that gift from God to hold onto. In times of doubt, we can always remember the excitement on Hannah's face as she met the God she loved so much. For this we are thankful.
Many of you who have visited Hannah, might remember that Hannah had a few little blankies that were made out of bathing suit material that her grandma made her. On Sunday night, Hannah kept gazing up at the ceiling and we asked her what she was looking at and at first she couldn't say and then after looking a few more seconds, she said that there were "blankies" all over floating around!! I gained comfort in that because those blankies brought Hannah so much comfort during all of the pokes and procedures.
Let's all try not to be too sad because Hannah left me specific instructions not to cry all the time and I even found a prayer that she wrote to God to help Mom not to spend the rest of her days crying. We all miss her so much and feel so honored to be hand picked by God to have such an amazing child. We really feel so blessed. Thanks for your prayers and for all the support, God bless you and your family. Jerry, Susi, Abby and Hannah in Heaven

Thursday, April 29, 2004 2:44 AM CDT

As many of you have already heard, little Hannah went to be with Jesus at 1:50AM on April 27th.Words can't express the love we have for Hannah. As many of you know, Hannah was more than my daughter, she was my best friend, my horse riding pal, my shopping partner,my beading bud and so much more. She tought me something about life everyday.
She had so much pain and was so kind and undemanding and still very willing to have dozens of friends and family around her in these long hard days of suffering. She still wanted people to pray for her and never doubted God. She truly loved Him with all her heart. We are all so blessed to have her in our lives. We feel so honored to have been hand chozen by God to be her parents.
Her eyes truly did sparkle so brightly in every picture that a friend told me today that it was because she was such a special messenger for God. She truly did cause us all to be closer to Him.
We would like to share with you two scriptures that Hannah kept under her pillow and read every night since her relapse in August 2003. Jesus said, " I am the resurrection and the life; he that believes in me, though he were dead, yet he shall live" John 11:25 and Exodus 33:14 "My presence shall go with you, and I will give you rest" We hope and pray they touch your heart as much as they touch ours.

We will write more soon, we have so much more to say and share about the last days of Hannah's life on this earth.
We hope you can join us in the celebration of Hannah's life. Friday evening April 30th from 5 PM to 9 PM there will be a viewing at the Cucamonga Mortuary Upland chapel.525 west 18th street, Upland California. call for directions (909) 466-7712 Hannah's celebration of life service will be on Monday May 3rd at 11:00 AM at Calvary Chapel Chino Valley 12205 North Pipline Ave. Chino, California 91710 on the corner of Pipeline and Philadelphia. Reception imediately following the service.
Thank you again for your continued prayers and support. GO give your kids a hug for us and let them know how truly loved they are! LOve, Jerry, Susi, Abby and Hannah in Heaven

Sunday, April 25, 2004 3:41 PM CDT

Look at pass journal entries to see Saturday's entry.

Today is Sunday, April 25, 2004
Yesterday Hannah was beginning to have some pain in her stomach. In the area where she had the colon infection. By 3:00 p.m., Susi called me to tell me that they were on their way to the ER, Hannah was in extreme pain.
About 8:00 p.m. or so, Jerry called me to tell me that they were going to be admitted into the hospital.
At 10:00 p.m. Jerry called me to tell me that Hannah has been seisuring for the past half hour, so I told him we were on our way. I picked up Thelda and we got to the hospital about 11:15 p.m. Hannah was resting, but she was given IV anti-seisure medication, a medication to bring her blood pressure down, it was extremly high, and she was on more pain medication. Hannah seemed very restless through the night, mostly sleeping, but she moaned through out the night. Her little belly has become distended as before, with the colon infection.
I just spoke to Susi at the hospital, and Hannah has a gram positive blood stream infection, the colon infection seems to be back also. Her mouth is cut up due to the seisures, and her tongue is swollen. She still has no white count. Hannah received I believe one dose of an antibiotic, and Jerry and Susi are debating if they should continue with any antibiotics. Please pray for direction from the Lord, and strength for all the family. Pray that the Lord would have His will with this amazing little girl. We all love her and the family, and pray that God will be with them through this very tough time.

Sunday, April 25, 2004 3:26 PM CDT

This message is dated Saturday April 24, 2004

Hi everyone, by the grace of GOD we are home!!!! We almost had to rent a U-haul!!!! We had both cars fully loaded. Hannah did great on the hour and a half ride home and we were greeted by friends and had a little welcome home party. My birthday is today, what a GREAT birthday to have Hannah home and feeling better. Last week when she felt so much pain and couldn't even get a hug, I couldn't imagine even celebrating this day. God is so good!!!
Two days ago, one of our friends at the hospital passed away. We were talking about him and his family and Hannah had some wonderful and profound things to say that once again gives all of us some insight into her Faith and love for God. I was wondering what exactly took his life and Hannah said without a doubt, nothing took his life, God called him home!! (everyday she teaches me something!!)
Then we started talking about his transplant and the anger he felt because of the pain he had and how he had anger toward his mom, and Hannah said that this was another reason she didn't want a transplant. She would never want to be angry at me because she knew this wasn't my fault!! I quickly told her that I was sorry even though it wasn't my fault but I was amazed how God is using her life and this circumstance we are in to bring many people closer to Him and to strengthen everyones prayer life. She raised her eyebrows and shook her head "yes" then she said, "I don't mind, if it gives God glory!!" What a blessing she is!!!!!
I'm across the street because our computer is really messed up and won't let us on the web site. I might have to have friends do updates until we get the opportunity to get a new one.
Thanks for your faithfulness on Hannah's behalf. She is still on several IV meds that we have to give her but she isn't on any IV antibiotics!! (how many of you remember the update where the doctor told me that she would never be off IV antibiotics again?) We truly have seen many miracles!! It all started with what "Uncle Barry" calles "miracle Monday" The day the doctors said she had hours to live!! That was five weeks ago tomorrow!!
We pray for healing and strength for Hannah and God's glory for whatever he has in store for her amazing life!!
Oh, Hannah is on half dose of steroids and her spirits are better, she is getting puffy and has swelling in her left ankle. She is very glad to be home, we all are. We are so blessed that we went home WITH Hannah, wow, I'm in awe of GOD'S grace!!! God bless you, keep up the prayers!!!! Susi, Jerry, Hannah, and Abby

Wednesday, April 21, 2004 3:04 AM CDT

Hi everyone, Things are moving toward going home!!!!!!!!!!! We are slowly tapering Hannah down on the pain meds and we changed the dose of steroids today. It's funny, only half the dose made such a difference in her personality. She made some necklaces today and she even played her guitar!! It was very exhausting on her arms and legs to play because she has so little strength left but she played one song and practiced a few chords and said that maybe she'd stick to beading until she gets stronger!!
Please pray for God's will and nothing to get in the way for us to go home on Friday. We truly do want to do what is best for Hannah and if she continues to improve, then we will go home. This will be with several IV meds and such but we are willing and able to give her what she needs.
She slept quite a bit today but she is currently on so many different meds that are all given around the clock. Most of them are to cover up the side effects of the pain med. (3 different nausia meds and an anti itch med) all of which make her very tired. We are looking forward to not needing so many of those others. She said today that it was so hard to see straight and focus on the beads and I assured her it was from the meds and as they get pealed off, she will get back to normal.

We send our love to all of you and thanks so much for your kindness and the notes in the guestbook. They give us comfort and many smiles!!! God bless you, Susi, Jerry , Hannah and Abby

Sunday, April 18, 2004 11:00 PM CDT

HI everyone, Hannah had a pretty good day today but had quite a scare last night at about 11 pm. She had a overwhelming sense of nausia and dizziness. It really frightened her and she thought she was going to die. That was the most afraid we've ever seen her and we all felt helpless. We comforted her and reminded her that Jesus promises to be with her and that He was with her right then. She responded by saying " you're right, Mom. The feeling lasted until about 12:30Am. When she woke up, she felt the same dizzy feeling and she told me that she thought she might need blood! We had the doctors check and she didn't need blood. We also asked them to check her ears to see if they could be causing the dizziness. ( funny how we have to think of things to look for in Hannah!!!!!!!!!! and who is getting the big bucks?)
We decided that the meds that Hannah are taking act much like a truth serum!!! Everyone who visits beware!!! She is so funny because it is so out of character for her to respond so seriously to her friends and family even if they try to make a joke!!! You gatta love her though!!!!!
Oh, we added a few new photos!! thanks Mike, I did this from the hospital!!!
God bless you and thanks again for your prayers, Susi, Jerry, Hannah and Abby

Saturday, April 17, 2004 6:56 PM CDT

Hi everyone,Hannah had another really good day yesterday! She took another trip to the gift shop, she stayed about an hour and bought a few more gifts. It was so wonderful to see her feeling no pain and able to move her arms.
She is taking steroids to take the swelling out of her joints and they look and feel much better. The down side, as many of you know, is she is quite different to live with! She is no longer her kind, sweet, loving little self. She is quick to yell at her sister and really any of the rest of us, then when we remind her to be nice and speak kind words she says she's sorry. She still can be nice if things are happening exactly the way she thinks they should. She is very open about things and people that annoy her! I'm glad that I'm on her good side these days!!!We tell her that old saying " Hannah, we can't live with you and we can't live with out you" of course we're just joking and she knows it!! Her personality is so completly opposite of how she normally is that it is hard for all of us not to laugh at her short snappy answers to everything!!!
Last night we made a comment that Hannah always notices details and I said that I used to notice details but as I'm getting older, I don't seem to as much and her grandma, my mom, said that she must be rubbing off on me because she doesn't notice anything anymore. Just then she bent over and kissed Hannah's little foot and Hannah quickly pulled her foot away and said " don't rub off on me!!!!!!!!!!!!" Of course all of us in the room laughed!!
I think seeing her in this mental state simply shows that we all have a sin nature (the bible tells us so) with the steroids, we see attitude that we don't know Hannah even is capable of having!! It's cute though!!we figure " you gatta laugh!!"
She has had alot of visitors and she really does enjoy company. Last night, one of her good teenage friends came by and brought two girls that are title holders in pagents. She was happy to meet them but I'm sure they would tell you that they were truly the ones that were blessed to have met Hannah. They left so amazed by her after I showed them videos of Hannah playing her guitar and laughing! Hannah always has a heart full of laughter!
This morning, bright and early, Jo and Felishia came all the way to the hospital to have a nail painting party. The plan was originally to paint nails last night but they ran out of time. When they called to tell us, Hannah broke out in tears ( another side affect of the steroids) Jo and Felishia were so upset that Hannah was upset that they drove all the way out here so Hannah could choose just the right polish for the prom that Felishia is going to this evening!! Thanks for your love girls!!
Once again, we aren't sure of the future but we know who holds the future and we are trusting in Him!!!
We have spoken to Hannah about the possibility of God taking her and she always says the same thing. She wants to keep fighting with whatever is available until He does take her and "don't sell my horse". I said that I love her horse and I wouldn't sell him and she said while half asleep, "no you don't, you said he has a short neck and a short back" I told her that we all have flaws and I'll take good care of him!!! She remembers everything!!! It always boggles our minds at the intellegence she has and we've always known that she has so many gifts from God, she is a one of a kind!!! We are enjoying every moment God is sharing her with us!! Please pray for His will and for a complete healing and that the enemy would not be able to touch her mind body or spirit!!! Thanks so much!
Thanks also for the amazing support of all of our friends and so many people that haven't had the chance to meet us.We truly are blessed! Susi, Jerry, Hannah and Abby

Thursday, April 15, 2004 11:05 PM CDT

Hi everyone, I'm sure many of you have heard that Hannah has taken a turn for the worse. It all started late Sunday night when her wrists and fingers began to ache. Through the night and for the next three days she had uncontrolled pain. The doctors were working very hard to try and get it back under control and by the grace of God, on Wednesday evening , Hannah started being able to move her joints once again. She has swelling and red hot spots on her ancles, her knees, her hands, wrists,and elbows. She also has swellong all over her head. Her face has had so much swelling that her eyes could only open half way and the back of her head has alot of pain with swelling.
The good news is that today the swelling has come down in her face and she is able to move all of her joints once again!! They are still red and inflamed but we are thrilled to see her able to move. She has been in such pain that she couldn't even lift her arms. I'm sure you can understand that this has been so so hard for all of us to see and we all feel so helpless. She couldn't even be touched or hugged because her pain was too great. She has been so strong it is truly amazing. She doesn't cry or moan.
To get control of Hannah's pain the doctors increased Hannah's pain meds 1000 times greater than three days ago. Today Hannah sat up and ate a little and kept saying she wanted to go to the gift shop and we all tried to offer ways to see what the gift shop had to offer without Hannah actually going ,like taking a video camera and then showing her but she said "no" she wanted to go. You had to see it to believe it. Hannah got in the wheelchair and went to the gift shop and spent 2 hours there!!!!!!!!!! She carefully examined each and every item and contemplated whether this or that would go best in a particular room in our house and mentioned that the gideon men could get some paint and paint HER bathroom a color to match!!!We were all so amazed by her strong will because you half to understand that she is on such high doses of pain medicine that she can hardly keep her eyes open and her words are slurred a little yet she had the ability to stay wide awake and spend over $200 shopping. She was happy and saw some doctors and friends from the hospital as well as the five of us that were blessed to see Hannah in action!!!

As it stands, The doctors are saying that they want to keep Hannah comfortable until the end and we are very glad that she had aday of relief. As you all know, Hannah is in God's hands and until He wants her home with him, she isn't going anywhere!!
We did have a good talk about her situation and her pain and I know she agrees with me that God won't let her stay in this condition. He will either take her home (where she will be healed) or He will heal her here on earth especially if He truly loves her more than we love her right!!! It is horrible to see such a wonderful extraordinary person suffer. yet we read in the bible in the book of Romans that we will suffer as Christ suffered here on earth but we will recieve our reward in heaven. I'm sure you will agree that Hannah will get many rewards for what she has endured.
Thanks so much for praying and we are trusting God for His will and begging for His mercy. God bless you, each day we see His miracle in Hannah. Please keep praying!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Jerry, Susi, Hannah & Abby

Sunday, April 11, 2004 2:46 AM CDT

Hi everyone, well the girls and Jerry are finally fast asleep and I snuck away to give a quick update.
On the 9th the doctors removed one of Hannah's antibiotics so she could go home on fewer meds and yesterday morning Hannah began a day of fevers. The last one she had was at 4:00 AM and they started her back on the antibiotic again. She had a pretty good day today other than being very nautious. We think that it is from the change from one pain med to another. Hopefully her body will adjust soon. She ate more for dinner than she has since she got the infection!! I was so excited that I got out the video camera!! She just rolled her eyes and then smiled for the camera!!
The plan for Easter day is basically to go with the flow. If Hannah feels up to it then the doctors will give us a day pass but if she isn't then we'll stay and honestly, we are fine with either. We're just glad to be together!
I know that many of you read in the paper how Hannah doesn't want me to know the pain she is in at times. Well I wanted to share a little of Hannah's character with you all. The other day, before the chemo took away the terrible leg pain, I was ready to pick Hannah up to put her back in bed and I told Hannah that I was going to get her in bed so she wouldn't be in so much pain and she quickly replied " I'm not in pain Mom, I just prefer to lay down!!" ( you have to realize that at that moment, Hannah's pain was so great that it hurt me to see her, her face and body all screemed in pain!!) The next day I was sharing the incedent with my friend Irma who calls and prays with me every day, and I told her that Hannah could be honest with me because I could handle it and Hannah heard the conversation and quickly replied " no you can't handle it Mom!" She just doesn't want me to feel bad or cry. God truly is her strength and that is an answer to prayer.
The nurse told me today that Hannah has recovered from the infection so quickly compared to other children that she has seen and that it is totally a miracle that she survived that Monday three weeks ago!! She said when a nurse is unable to get a blood pressure, it is just a matter of time until that person dies and they were unable to get a blood pressure on Hannah all day on Monday. It wasn't until Tuesday that they got her blood pressure again!! It's true GOD ISN"T DONE WITH HER YET!!!
We are so thankful for the outpouring of love and support by everyone. We are truly humbled. God bless all of you and we pray that as the bible says that you will all get back ten fold of what you have given ( if not here on earth definately in heaven!!!)
Our love and prayers go out to all of you, Susi, Jerry, Hannah and Abby

Friday, April 9, 2004 1:13 AM CDT

HI everyone, it's been 18 days since Hannah came in to the hospital with a severe colon infection. She has been improving a little every day and is allowed to eat more foods but is very cautious about what she puts in her body! She doesn't want anything to irritate her stomache. Today was by far her best day. She made a craft and went to the easter party and went to the gift shop. She stayed awake for about 6 hours straight! She even asked for her beads so she could make some more bracelets!
Unfortunately, Hannah's leukemia has gotten much worse over the past week or so.With the leukemic cells comes horrible bone pain. I don't think between the infection and the leukemia that I've ever seen Hannah in such pain. It has really been tough, but she is staying strong and still willing to fight! She is truly amazing!! Because the cells have gotten so high, we decided to give Hannah a chemo to knock to bad cells down. There would normally be several choices but because of the infection our choices were narrowed. We started the chemo three days ago and she feels so much better!!!! She can walk again and use her arms! Before her legs hurt so bad and her left arm hurt and her jaw was swollen and very sore as well!!! Basically, we are still asking God for a miracle and we believe He can cure her Leukemia. We know what He does will be for His glory!!!!
We might be home for Easter!! The doctors are really working hard to get different meds ready and IV meds to our home. please pray that everything goes well for us to be home on Easter, either on a day pass or home to stay!!
Hannah isn't on oxygen any more and seems to be breathing fine but she is still on alot of pain meds and a couple of different IVs.
Until two days ago, Hannah had very high fevers off and an all day long. They added a different antifungal because I felt it would help, the doctor said today that either I was right or it was a coincidence!!! What do you think?!!!
One thing that is bothering Hannah is that she is sweating unbelievable amounts. This can be a good thing to get toxins out of the body but it means we wake up twice in the middle of the night and at least twice in the day to change her clothes and her pillow case and sheets!!
The guestbook entries were copied and given to us yesterday and what a blessing they are!!! Hannah and I have been reading them and it really is amazing how many people are closer to the Lord through this time in Hannah's life.

Hannah still assures me that she WILL walk out of this hospital and she will ride her horse again!!! I say to her that she is so strong and good for her!!!
Hopefully, after reading this update, you all have more specifics to pray for on Hannah's behalf!! She is thankful for all of the prayers and the caring people in our lives and wishes she could have gone to the fundraisers to get in on the excitement! maybe we'll have a big party when she gets better, we all know that Hannah loves parties!!!
God bless you and your families!!! Susi and the whole family!!

Wednesday, March 31, 2004 0:50 AM CST

Hi everyone, well here we are 9 days after Hannah was in such bad shape!! They said she only had hours to live on Monday when her body was so septic. Hannah is feeling much better but is still having alot of abdominal pain from the infection as well as the gas that is from the toxins trapped in body. Hannah made another trip to the gift shop today. She got a lovely perfume bottle that you put the kind of perfume you prefer in. She also got another pair of earrings and some stickers. The best thing she has been buying is beautiful candles that look like real lamps!! They need to order more because she has bought one all three days that she made the outing to the gift shop! We all know that she has excellent taste and it sure isn't the norm for an 8 year old!!!!!!!!!!! But when has Hannah ever been normal?!
Hannah's is improving each day and says that she feels much better. She is able to have clear liquids and has enjoyed homemade broth the last couple of days! Thanks John and Linda!
She says that when she gets better that she can't wait to go eat at Vince's spagetti house!!
One of our nurses came in today after having a few days off and said " Hannah's a miracle" She said she was so sad to leave and so blessed that Hannah is getting better!
The doctors are still very doom and gloom. They said that she will have to be on IV antibiotics for the rest of her life. That it is really a matter of quality of life and when we are ready we can simply stop the antibiotics and let the infection take over once again!! They really know how to rob a persons joy!!!! We know that God is doing a work in Hannah and when He is ready for her then she will go but the doctors aren't God and they thought she would have died almost a week and a half ago!!!
Doctor Tishler is the only one who is nice and positive. He says that if anybody can be successful at fighting this , it's Hannah!!! He also said that he believes that all of the worship music and loving friends and family are very good for Hannah.
Hannah's white count is recovering and her blasts have come up as well. please pray that the Lord gives her the good cells to get well. she really does want to get better. We'll deal with the leukemia after she recovers from this infection. Or maybe God will just heal her of everything!!!!!!!!!!!!! He can do it and He is getting the glory for what He has done so far and in the future!!!
Thanks so much for all of the thousands of prayers,keep it up!! We'll update again soon, Susi

Sunday, March 28, 2004 11:48 PM CST

Hi everyone, Hannah is in good hands with her two friends playing worship songs with her while I'm breaking away for a quick update. It's been a long difficult week for Hannah but God is truly awsome because the doctors thought she would take her last breath on earth on Monday and here we are a week later and she is improving every day! She actually did a little more shopping today and after a long sleep, took a bath and we painted her nails. She is so tough that it amazes all of us to see the strength that God is giving her. The strength He gives is truly on a need to have basis. She has it now because she needs it! Please continue to pray for healing because Hannah has made it clear that she refuses to let this infection kill her and that she wants to get well! The doctors have explained to us that they have never had a child recover from this type of infection without a white count of their own to fight with. She says she doesn't feel God calling her home and is frankly a little offended when people talk in those terms. Today, her "blast" count was only 59% so we are hoping that there are some good cells making their way to the infected areas. Hannah's pain is very difficult for us to stand by and watch. we feel so helpless, in all this pain, Hannah still has a heart to worship the Lord. Last night we were playing the guitar and singing some of her favorite songs and she was in a twilight sleep yet she mouthed the words to all the songs. Lets pray that God grants Hannah the desires of her heart!! Hannah is getting very hungry and has only had ice chips and water for the whole week. The doctor finally said she could have broth and last night I gave her 3 ounces od chicken broth and it seeemed to be ok with her body. Tomorrow is the Vinces Spagetti fund raiser it's open for lunch and dinner, call the candy store for flyer and info. (909)984-5410
Also the fundraiser at Castle park in coming up April 2nd. get info from Jo at 909-377-7090
Thanks so much and read the guestbook for more updates from friens and family. God bless all of you, Susi

Tuesday, March 23, 2004 12:21 AM CST

I want to write more but just lost an entire entry. I need to get back to Hannah. She is in critical condition with a bowel infection, her kidneys aren't functioning to well. Please pray and I'll try to write soon. we are in room 403 at CHLA. Check the guestbook notes for friends and family to update from there. Thanks, Susi

Friday, March 19, 2004 2:05 AM CST

Hi everyone, Thanks so much for all of the notes of encouragment. WE feel like we witnessed a miracle in the turn-around that Hannah had this week! We've been so blessed and actually haven't cried a tear in 3 days!!! She is so good that who has time to worry about the future and how long we will be the same family that we are now!! Hannah woke up this morning before 7:00 AM and was very talkative and simply wonderful and she made a cute comment. She said" everyone in the house has already slept 7 hours, I can't believe they are still sleeping!"She was correct in saying we had 7 hours because our goat is very very ill and the girls didn't go to bed until midnight!! We did some rather heroic measures and said some prayers and the goat seems to be much better!! ( the vet told us that she would die and we could try some different things to help her feel better and by the grace of God, she is so much stronger today andhas been nibbling on hay and even got up on her own once!
Hannah and Abby's grandma from Washington came to visit for a few days and the girls are so excited!~ They made Easter cards with stickers and stamps and special paper and they really loved it!( we called my parents in Washington to notify them of Hannah's dyer condition and she rushed down here and what a pleasant surprise for us all! Hannah is truly amazing!!
Some of her teenage friends visited today and they sang and played guitar and just hung out! It's amazing how well she relates to her teenage friends and how mature Hannah has become from all that God has brought her through so far!
A few days ago, when Hannah was extremely exhausted and things seemed hopeless(at least for life on this earth, because we have a wonderful hope of heaven) anyway, I ran across a note Hannah wrote to God. It said " Lord please help me to get better so I can stay here with my family if it is your will!!!!" And the back said "please help my mom to stop crying, I don't want her to spend the rest of her days crying" ( talk about cry!!!! when I found the note I lost it because as open as we have always been, Hannah had been much more reluctant to talk about things concerning death and she was so low that it seemed like she really might be near the last days. It was terrible. I feel like God truly is honoring your sacrifices on Hannah's behalf and we aren't sure how much time He is going to share her with us but we are so happy that things have been so great these last few days!
We were supposed to go to the clinic to get labs, blood and platelets but we actually cancelled because her grandma is only here thru Saturday morning and Hannah said that she feels great and that she didn't need to go in for anything!!! I can't wait to see what the lab work shows next week!!
God bless you and thanks again!!

OH, the two fund raisers are coming up soon!! VInce's spegetti is giving 10% to thise who eat lunch or dinner there on Monday March 29th, you need a flyer to get the offer. I think the candy store will have some flyers. 909-984-5410. the other is a night of entertainment at Castle Park in Riverside on April 2nd from 6:30 to 9:00 PM , you can call Jo to get more info 909-377-7090

Wednesday, March 17, 2004 1:09 AM CST

Hi everyone, We had a long day at the hospital yesterday but my mon came along to help since Hannah has been so week and tired. We had to wait for a room for quite a while and she just slept in my lap. After we got moved to a room, she slept some more! She was so completly exhausted that we just couldn't look at her without crying. She had no opinions and didn't really want to eat much (maybe 10 bites in a whole day)
We found out that her labs are lower. Her blast count is down to 45% and her over all white count is about 800. She will be going back on Thursday for platelets and blood.
We didn't get home until 7:oopm and finally decided to give Hannah an IV bag with the vitamins. I was a little worried to give them to her because she seemed so week and I wasn't sure she could truly matabolize all of the fluid and vitamins. We did give them to her and boy were we all very glad we did! I woke up to a phone call from my dad and I was tearing up and Hannah was so perky and kept asking about grandpa and his new puppies and what was wrong etc. It was a miracle! Hannah has been her normal amazing energetic self all day!!!!! After about the first hour in the morning, Hannah finally said to me and my mom, " would you guys stop stareing at me !" What a day of happiness we had. I only shed a handful of tears instead of buckets!
Of course we don't know how long this will last but we are so blessed and grateful for every day she feels so good! As lethargic as she had been, we were wondering if she's ever feel good again!! It semed that while she slept she was going to slip into a coma or pass away.
The case manager called today to ask if hospice could come out and meet our family and I told them no. Hannah was doing better and I'd let them know.
Abby did get her glasses and isn't too thrilled with them but we had them adjusted and she seemed better tonight.
One of the home school mom's came over today and helped clean my house and her son washed my car and her little girls hung out with Hannah. It was so nice and we all had a nice day we even went out to dinner with some other friends and Hannah was just fine all day!!!!!!!
I've decided that this is a huge emotional roller coaster we are on. But we are so thankful and enjoyed our sweet little Hannah thet comes up with jokes and makes us laugh with her extremely quick whit!
Thanks so much for your letters, I've been having difficulty taking calls these days. I've been beside Hannah and that's exactly where she wanted me and it's just so hard to say over and over again that she was bad these last few days. In all this time, Hannah has never looked or seemed so ill as she had the last few days. It was so sad.
Thanks again for your prayers and fasting!! God be glorified in good and bad times!!!!!!
Love, Susi, Jerry, Hannah and Abby

Monday, March 15, 2004 0:57 AM CST

Hi everyone, we made it home yesterday evening after a pretty intense bout with pain and fevers. Hannah is very tired and not able to do much these days but doesn't have too much pain and isn't taking pain killers. In the hospital she was on heavy narcotics for her pain which upset her stomach so much that it was very difficult to eat at all. She is very thin.
Please pray for strength for these long tough days we are facing. One doctor who came on the day before we went home took me aside and said that she didn't have many more days left and wanted me to sign a DNR. What really bothered me is that Jerry wasn't even there and he hadn't even examined Hannah. He just took it upon himself to bring doom and gloom just by her labs. After many many tears, our other doctor came and was much more gracious and said for me not to quit but get busy with my alternative "stuff"! as well as different chemos that are mild but will help Hannah maintain for an unnown amount of time. The first doctor was so bold as to actually say that we might want to stop all transfusions!! The other doctor said we should keep her transfused at a higher number (in other words not let her get so low) because he thinks the ozone therapy I'm giving Hannah will be better with more blood to carry the oxygen! He suggested steroids for a few days to see if that would help her pain and amazingly it did. After one dose Hannah woke up pain free and fever free! It also lowered the blast count to 67 and it had been 89.
The doctors think that the pain is from the leukemia in her joints and after the one dose and the blasts came down she hasn't had any pain at all in her shoulders! We are very thankful for good doctors that care about Hannah as an individual and not another case of leukemia.
Abby has been wearing the patch for four or five days now and isn't happy about it one bit!! We are very proud of her for keeping it on. Lets pray it works and she is able to see the fruits of her hard work!
I'm taking Hannah in for labs tomorrow and a quick visit with her doctor and then we get to go get Abby's new glasses. She is already saying that she doesn't want the patch only her glasses!
God bless you all and please continue to pray for strength for Hannah and our family. Pray that we feel His comfort and presence. Hannah is in no way giving up and gets very offended when people act like she's on her death bed! She wants me to do all of the alternative stuff so we will do it and pray that God uses it to make her life better . Dr Tishler put it best. Trough tears I told him that I knew that God has our days numbered and that I can't add any days to her life. he said " you are just making sure she gets every day that is due!" He said that if Hannah wants me to continue then that's what we should do.
May God be glorified in all that we do and say.God bless you and your families! Susi, Jerry ,Hannah and Abby

Thursday, March 11, 2004 0:21 AM CST

Hi everyone, we ended up back in the hospital. Hannah, Abby and I came on Monday for blood and platelets and Hannah ended up having a reaction to the blood she recieved. She got ahigh fever and chilled for over one hour. As a result, she is so body sore. She is most sore around her shoulders and has had difficulty moving most of the day.We have been working very hard with IVs from the alternative doctor that I give three times a day as well as the ozone therapy we are giving her inbetween! I have been very tired becauseI get up twice in the middle of the night. The good thing is that something we are doing is helping. This is what Hannah's doctor has told us because her white count should be sky rocketing with the bad cells. It is very high but the curve is staying about the same. It's very difficult on me but the things I'm giving hannah don't make her feel bad like chemo and we are very thankful for this. The bad part is that while we are in the hospital, I can't give her all of the therapies. In fact, her white count jumped up almost 6,000 in one day because we missed our therapies !( the 6,000 are all bad cells not good ones. It sure seems weird to have a 13,667 white count and have no immunities! We need to be very careful with germs right now for Hannah's safety. Hannah also ended up in the ER on Sat eve and we didn't get home until 6:30 AM on Sunday.It turns out that the goat had a false pregnancy and will not be having any babies. Hannah , Abby and I rode one day last week. We enjoyed the time out of the house and the horses were great. We are planning to go home tomorrow night as long as she doesn't get any more fevers. She is getting blood in about one hour because the partial transfusion she got didn't give her much of a bump. Thanks again for your prayers and we give God all praise and glory for Hannah's life. Oh, our friend Jo is having a benefit concert at Castle Park in Riverside on April 2nd. There will be several bands and a magician.As far as I know, it is a $5.00 donation at the door and part of all food purchased during those hours goes to help our family out. If you want more info, you can call her at (909) 360-5351. She is also going to have a garage sale soon after the concert. Tis alternative therapy we are doing is about $1000.00 a week and there are a few other things our docter has to offer. all of which are from out of the country and very costly. we know that GOD will provide and has always provided so far. It is a blessing to see how faithful he is. Lets all continue to pray and give HIm the glory for Hannah's life. Love and Thanks, Susi, Jerry and Hannah and Abby
Oh, I forgot to ask for a special prayer for little Abby, we had a eye appt and the doctor has ordered an eye patch 4 ours a day for the next month and a half!! She shed many tear and was very angry yesterday but did a little better today. Thanks for your faithfullness.

Thursday, March 4, 2004 1:56 AM CST

Hi everyone, We had a good day at the hospital. Hannah ended up not needing blood. We were all happily surprized that her marrow made blood! We shared with the doctor all that we are doing as far as the alternative treatments and he was EXTREMELY nice and helpful. I feel so good now that he is aware. He even ordered a book for me that I feel would really help in our quest for help in other countries. Hannah still feels great and her blast count was up from Monday but only 15 points and the dr wasn't too worried about getting a chemo on board just yet. This way we can give her body the chance with the extra help I'm giving her at home. I'm getting up and giving her a treatment twice inthe middle of the night so I ask that you would pray for me to have the strength to keep up this tough schedual. The alternative dr wants Hannah to get IV vitamins once a day and work up to twice a day as well as another IV every day. Hannah has been very concerned with what she should take to help her get well. She said she never wanted one chemo again and then when the numbers were so high she said so quick to the doctor get me vincristine!!( the drug she said she didn't want just minutes before!!)She even said she'd take the same chemo that made her so sick for 6 weeks in the hospital!! We aren't doing any chemo as of yet. We want to give this stuff a chance!! Thanks for your prayers and notes in the guestbook! Susi, Jerry, Hannah and Abby

Tuesday, March 2, 2004 1:06 AM CST

Well, today was the day to get the bone marrow aspirate and spinal tap. Unfortunately, the labs had so much leukemic cell activity that the doctor said we didn't need to put her through the procedure to simply find out a number or a percentage. Also, he said that if we wanted to try something like a phase 1 study, she couldn't have any chemo on board. (the spinal tap would have been with chemo) The blast count was at 41% which means her bone marrow would have been very full. Probably in the 90% range. She still feels good, until tonight that is but she was very tired and hopefully she'll feel good again tomorrow. We will be going back to the hospital on Wed for blood and possibly platelets. She still has pain in her leg and the dr said she could get a couple doses of radiation to the affected area and her pain would go away ( radiation is a very effective killer of leukemic cells) We talked to the dr about helping us with supplies if we just do alternative and he said he would! We called the alternative dr and got some more advice. So far nobody knows if it will help but it certainly won't hurt her and she does feel better with it. The dr is also making calls to 4 other doctors and our doctors at the hospital are looking for options that might be the most helpful for Hannah. One of our favorite doctors told me that there is vertually zero%of getting Hannah better now and we don't have much time. She is so amazing! I wish all of you knew her like others do. She has been extrodinary since she was born. She's so beyond her years it's unbelievable unless you are fortunate enough to experience her and know her first hand. She says we should stay possitive and not get upset, that we'll find something to kill the leukemia!! we don't know what to say. We don't know what the next few days or weeks will bring but please continue to pray for us and also our families and all of Hannah's little friends. Susi, Jerry, Hannah and Abby

Sunday, February 29, 2004 10:01 PM CST

Hi everyone, we had a busy weekend. Hannah had a sleepover with a couple of her teenage girl friends and they played their guitars and danced and sang and tried to watch a movie but crashed half way through the movie at 2:00am. Hannah actually began to get a fever on Thursday night just before her friends got to the house and we made a deal. If the fever returned after the tylenol wore off, I would take her to the hospital. Her fever never returned. The next morning the girls keraokied, finished the movie, played the guitar and just hung out! thanks Felicia! Unfortunately,Hannah got another fever on Friday night. At 10:30PM, Hannah and I headed off for Childrens hospital Los Angeles. Hannah slept like a rock while we were there because she was so tired from her late night with her friends. We waited until about 1:30AM before we got results of the labs they took. The cancerous cells are back and already at 25%(they were 2% just 4 days earlier)all of her other numbers were still good so they didn't admit us. I drove home at 4:30AM and got to the house at about 5:45AM. The next morning, Hannah felt better!! We hung out and went on a horse back ride around the neighberhood and we even went to see our friend act in a play at lifehouse theater in Redlands! Today, Hannah felt so good that we went to church and to the resturaunt were grandma waited on us!!! We are so thankful that she feels so good! She finally asked me about the lab results at about 6:45AM on Sat. morning and when I told her the numbers, she quickly replied "WHATEVER". It made me smile at such a sad moment! She is so great!We are began trying an alternative threapy at home on Sat. at noon. We are hitting pretty agressively and figure we can see what the labs do on Monday. She said she's sure it's helping her to feel so good and wants to continue. Please pray (I know that you have been!)Pray for wisdom for us and that nothing is kept from us that will be able to help Hannah. She is such a joy. God bless you and i'll update soon. Susi,Jerry,Hannah,Abigail :)

Tuesday, February 24, 2004 9:31 PM CST

Hi everyone, We did go to the hospital yesterday but they weren't expecting Hannah's counts to be back up yet so the spinal tap is planned for this Monday. We also found out that Hannah was going to have to go back to the hospital on Thursday but out of the kindness of his heart, Dr Tishler squeezed Hannah in and saw her instead of her regular dr. We have the rest of the week off! The labs we got yesterday looked good but there were 2lasts in her blood. This is either one of two things, it's because her bone marrow was so suppressed and in a huge "recovery" mode or it could be leukemia. Basically, time will tell. The normal blast and the cancerous blast look the same. The doctor said that we have her in the books for a spinal tap and "possible" bone marrow aspirate for Monday. We are all praying and asking you to continue to pray that her marrow is simply spitting out immature cells in a normal recovery mode. (there were several different immature cells in the blood as well that are in no way cancerous and the doctor said they do see this at times of bone marrow recovery) Since Hannah's counts are up, we went shopping, saw the dentist and are heading for the movies tonight! I'll update soon, God bless you and thanks for your support. Susi, Jerry, Hannah and Abby

Sunday, February 22, 2004 2:10 AM CST

Hi everyone, We are thrilled to say that we are HOME! We arrived at our back door at about 5:30pm on Friday and it was wonderful! My mom and Jerry wanted to run out and feed the horses and goat for me, I quickly said "no, I'll do it" We both enjoyed visiting the goat and looking at her belly to see how much she has changed and if she looked ready to kid.She is still waiting and we hope we get to watch the miracle of birth in the next few days. As you know, it has been raining so Hannah hasn't been out side too much. She did come out again this morning and feed goodies to the animals and noticed hundreds of blooms on our nectarine tree! She was so excited! Abby wanted to watch a movie with me today and at first she didn't even want Hannah to watch it with us and then I whispered that we should let Hannah be a part of our movie and she quickly said that Mommy could be in the middle. I was proud of her to be willing to share me after I've been gone for 6 out of the last 7 weeks! Hannah really enjoyed a long shower today with her port unaccessed. The first real drenching she's had in a month! She is feeling pretty good and her spirits are great. She is so sweet and she smiles and giggles when ever she's telling a story etc. She really does light up a room with her presence. What can I say, all of us who really know her agree that she is so amazing and special. We are truly blessed to have her. Thank God she feels so good. We have to go back to the hospital on Monday and get started on the new regiment. It will be fairly easy and all out patient! I felt like I needed away from the hospital so bad on Friday that I cried many times over really not so serious things like her meds not being ready for 2 plus hours and facing friday night traffic in the rain and the heartless doctor that broke Hannah's heart on Thursday when he walked in the room and said that we would not go home until he could see that Hannah was "compliant" and willing to take oral potassium. The nice resident and I spoke and we tried to get everything situated to be out of the hospital and get labs and potassium out patient and he just walked in and said "NO". By the grace of God, he left on Thursday and a wonderful doctor came on call for the week. She was so great and Hannah loves her, she let us go home, we feel that if the other doctor was still on call, we would still be there( although I told the nurses and resident that I was taking her on Friday like it or not!)Hannah had felt wonderful for far too many days to be wasteing her time in the hospital! We are set tomorrow to go see a play at the Light house theater in Redlands, The girls are so happy and so is grandma! Our friend, works there and got us tickets! Thanks Victor!!! Also, someone from our church had a yard sale for us and we are so blessed. Our friends are still making blessing bracelets and have orders to fill all the time. I'll try to get a photo on the web site soon (maybe tonight?)Hannah and I slept so well in our own beds that we were both amazed when we woke up!!!! We felt like we didn't move for 7 hours straight!! God bless you and we covet your prayers. God is the ultimate healer. OH Hannah really enjoyed all of the visits from friends of all ages while we were at the hospital! She also was very thankful for the blood and platelet donations. She laughed when she got Todd's platelets! ( Todd is her bible study teacher at church) we have a standing joke that Todd has too many koodies for us because she always gets a fever when he visits( he happens to visit when she probably needs a boost in her spirit to help her make it over the next hump! God knows what her needs are even more that I do. Please continue to pray for guidence for our family in these decisions we are making. Thanks so much, Jerry, Susi, Hannah and Abby

Tuesday, February 17, 2004 2:18 AM CST

I everyone, we had a really good day over all. Hannah was an add on for her procedure today and they called us first thing this morning. this is a good thing because she can get it over with and be free to eat and drink. The procedure went just fine and the nurse was able to change Hannah's port and dressing while she was asleep under general anethstisia. We found out early in the morning that Hannah's counts had come up by 300 in 2 days and they were finally able to do a diff which shows the different kinds of white cells. The results were good. NO BLASTS in the blood, next was waiting for the results of the bone marrow test. The doctor came in in the early afternoon and said that there was only 7% blasts in the marrow. 5% is considered remission but they know for a fact that Hannah's marrow is in a recovery mode and that many of the blasts are simply normal cells that are going to mature into good working cells. The doctor said that he thinks that she is most likely in remission again!!!! The plan from here is still in the making but we are going to try to be out patient as much as possible. He was definately speaking like Hannah's condition, if it is remission, is temporary. That she will relapse again but nobody knows when. We are all going to continue to pray for God's touch and healing in Hannah and simply take any and all days we are given as a huge blessing. She was so happy to know how low the blasts are. She asked immediatly what the doctor was going to do to get her in remission all the way for sure! Hannah is unfortunatly still having fevers and we won't be able to go home until they resolve. She did come up possitive for a bacteria that can cause fevers and has begun a med to treat it. We have our goat due to kid at the end of this week and we really want to be there for the birth! We also miss our animals and friends( not sure which we miss more!) so let's all pray that we get to go home this week. Since January 4th, we've only been home one week. We are tryinbg to make the most of our time here as always. Also, thanks for the blood and platelets, Hannah has needed so much these last few weeks and we're hoping she won't need so much after next week. I'll let you know if the need continues. Thanks. I understand that some nice ladies came and cleaned our house and the dogs are getting groomed, thanks so much for all the help. God bless you, Susi, Jerry , Hannah and Abby

Monday, February 16, 2004 2:05 AM CST

Well, it's been 6 days and things have been pretty rough for Hannah she spent the last 3 days on very strong pain killers for a severe headache. It was over the right eyebrow and it was stabbing pains. The meds they gave her made her so sick to her stomach that she couldn't eat or she threw up. Of course they gave her zofran for the nausia and by the third day they had they timing and dose figured out so it seemed to actually work! She decided that maybe she shouldn't fight to try to stay awake but let the sleepiness caused by the meds get the best of her. Today, I'm happy to say she woke up with NO headache! She made her bed, got dressed and played her guitar. Did I forget to say EAT! She was she was so gratefull to feel good and no headache! (so was I!) Anyway, late this afternoon, Hannah began getting a fever. It's been a long time since she had any fevers and we are very sad because the doctors were talking like we might get to go home on Tuesday or Wednesday. She is getting the bone marrow and spinal tap tomorrow. She is very worried but seems to only be worrying about her portacath getting accessed, not the results of the bone marrow and spinal tap. The last few days she has been so afraid and worried about what the doctors might find but I read to her from the bible what Jesus said about worrying andI told her she needs to pray when she feels so upset. She quickly said that she did pray. I said that she should pray again because even though we sometimes give our troubles and worries to God, sometimes when we are done praying, we simply grab them back again and continue to worry!She smiled and agreed even in her pain! Please pray for us all to have strength for the procedure as well as the results! we are hoping she can still get the procedure with this fever. Also pray for her to be well with no more fevers, she is so homesick I can't even tell you. She looks at the photos and at times weeps. We had a great Valentines day supprise late last night Daddy and Abby brought us our little poodle!! It was so wonderful and healing for both of us she was such a good girl and we almost couldn't let her go!! Thanks so much for your prayers and support. God bless you, Susi, Jerry, Hannah, Abigail

Tuesday, February 10, 2004 3:23 AM CST

Hi everyone, We are still in the hospital and seem to be playing the "waiting game". Hannah still has no white count and as soon as her bone marrow is beginning to work, the doctor says we can go home. He thinks it might take another week to week and a half. Hannah is really getting home sick for her sister and the animals, however, she is enjoying visitors and the playroom has her "planning" the Valentine's Day party! Abby is still "stuffy" but back to her normal energetic self! I haven't been able to use the computer much so we might have to try and get another lap top, plus Hannah really misses going on line. We have been trying to cherish the days here together. She is so amazing. She truly is a gift from God. to bed!! Hannah has quite a few headaches these days and her lip is still a mess and she and I seem to be the only ones who care! I guess they just don't know what to do about her lip so she has had so much tylenol lately ( she doesn't like taking tylenol because it is hard on the liver) She is on so many meds that we wonder if that can make her get headaches? They had to begin IV potassium today. She had to be hooked up to monitors for 4 hours today while she got the infusions. The first infusion didn't raise her levels high enough so they gave her another.She has been playing her guitar and is anxcious for another lesson. She wrote another song and is actually busy "cording" it. She likes Dr Phil and said she'd like to be on Dr phil but what would she have to talk about?! Can you imagine such an amazing little girl thinking she wouldn't have something to talk about that is "worthy" of TV? I told her that it would be great to be on there just "modeling" a great attitude while under not so great circumstances! She quickly replied "TRUE" I need to get back to her and get back to sleep. Thanks so much for your prayers, we miss you, jerry, Susi, Hannah and Abby

Friday, February 6, 2004 1:28 AM CST

Hi everyone, Thanks for you prayers. Hannah has had some ups and downs, but has had some visitors and enjoyed new faces. She felt pretty tired and just kind of yucky yesterday and we found out that her hemaglobin had dropped and she felt so much better after getting blood. She also had to get platelets today and that made her feel better emotionally. She was so afraid of bleeding that she was worrying herself sick! Sometimes we say that she is her own worst enemy, she gets so worried!!!! Typical girl, I guess it comes naturally!! Abby is still sick but feeling better today, Thank God!!! The candy store is going to be crazy for the next week, so if you think about it, pray for Jerry and the staff!Also, Hannah began having fevers again! They started about 24 hours ago. She's had three so far but when the fever is gone, she has had a very productive day. She worked on crafts all day!! Thanks again for your prayers, God bless you, Susi, Jerry, Hannah and Abby

Tuesday, February 3, 2004 2:08 AM CST

Hi everyone, I wanted to ask you all to pray for Abby and my mom. Abby is at our house with a low grade fever. She is very congested and is sneazing like crazy(5 to 10 times in a row). As you can imagine, I feel terrible to be her mom and be away from her. My mom said she is very sick and not crying for me that she's being a little angel. I know that even if I went home to care for her that I could'nt come back and be with Hannah and risk getting her sick with no white count. My mom has been giving Abby all of our products from the health food store to boost her immune system and help her to recover quickly. As well as my mom caring for Abby, she has her sister with her that has severe memory problems and needs total care and she has the horses, dogs, and goat to feed and clean up after. She really is a hero in our lives and I ask you all to pray that God truly blesses her and gives her strength. Hannah has had another good day but is having a couple of times each day when she gets a severe headache and simply put " feels yucky" I'm trying to figure out if it coinsides with a particular medicine. I'm going to really try and pin point the cause. She had another tonight for the last couple of hours before bed. The doctor said today that he won't let us go home until she begins getting a white count back. I figure that with Abby this sick, I couldn't have Hannah there now anyway. Thanks again for your prayers. God bless you and we miss all of our friends and family. Susi, Jerry, Hannah and Abby

Monday, February 2, 2004 0:51 AM CST

Hi everyone, today is the third day with no fevers!!!! Hannah has been feeling great other than a few times here and there when she has had a headache and not felt quite right. Tonight Hannah had a PARTY!!! She invited the nurses, doctors, and her friends that are in the hospital!! We all had a great time! Hannah made air popped popcorn, put out chocolates from the candy store, had instant coffee available and ice water! When a visitor would enter the room she would dish them up a cup of popcorn and invite them to dance or have a seat! It truly was a joy to watch her having so much fun! ( for years Hannah has "planned parties" but never actually has one and tonight was the night ! She made up a couple of games and set up a place to color and picked out a couple of movies that her"guests" might enjoy! We had a dance contest and she danced the night away. (of course we were cautioning her to not over do it, but theres no stopping her when she's feeling good!) We were remembering that just a couple of days ago she was hobbling around on one leg and a tippy toe! The whole time we watched her dance we were saying she is way too "well" to be in the hospital! Speaking of going home, the doctor said I was rushing things. If she is still fever free on Monday or Tuesday they will start dropping some of her medications one at a time. He won't even say an approximate day that we will go home. A very exciting thing he did say is that her body has responded so well to these oral chemo treatments that he is hopeful that these treatments just might put her back in remission!!!!!!!! That was the most possitive news we've heard in a long time. We truly give the glory to God and fell that He is indeed hearing the thousands of prayers that are going up on her behalf and giving us the grace to carry on!! Hannah had a guitar lesson today and did very well and she also played a song for her friends at the party!!
I am very sorry that I gave the wrong phone number for Tamerisa and organizing blood donations!! The number is (909) 681-4047. Hannah's labs showed a significant drop in both her blood and platelets so she will probably need a transfusion sometime this week. Thanks again for donating and thanks for praying!!!!!!!!!!!! God bless you, Susi, Jerry, Hannah and Abigail

Friday, January 30, 2004 11:39 PM CST

Hi everyone, I'm happy to announce that Hannah hasn't had a fever today!!! She is feeling a little better and hasn't had any more bleeding issues in two days! Actually when I finished the last update, I walked in the room to find Hannah with a tissue held to her nose! She had just started having another nose bleed. I think it was around 11 PM we continued to try and get it stopped for about an hour when all of a sudden, her nose began gushing again!! Poor baby was so frightened. The resident came in and helpedhold her nose and the ice pack for almost 45 minutes until the platelets were ready to give her! She was so nice!!They made Hannah go to sleep with a huge clot in her nose so that the one nostril only had a small opening for air to get in.That night she felt a little dizzy and the next morning she was very tired so they gave her blood!! She had a fever and slept a while and felt better when she woke up. She had a few visitors and even played her guitar and painted her nails with her friend!Finally last night she got another 104 fever and the doctors started her on Ambazone( a very strong anti-fungal,added another antibiotic and stopped another . Well today she hasn't had a fever so we figure something is working. (we also know that God is hearing our prayers!) The most exciting news today was that the scans that Hannah had today came back totally clean!!!!!!! The doctor that came in and told us the news said that they had 5 kids get the same scans today for the same reasons as Hannah and that Hannah was the only one that had clean results!! All of the others had a fungus in one place or another. we are so glad to know that she doesn't have aspergillus in a mass somewhere in her body because with her white count so increadibly low, this could be very very bad and mean a month or more in the hospital if she even ever could come out again!!! All I can say is Praise God!!! If she stays fever free, she might get to go home as soon as Monday (this is just what I know not what a doctor has said, they aren't even speaking about letting us go home)At 2AM Hannah said " I'm so gald they started me on ambazone, I was really getting worried about these fevers!" Today teh doctor thought she was the only kid her knew of that liked this drug because it's so strong that she has to be hooked up to monitors and have vital signs taken every 15 minutes, etc. I told him she doesn't like the drug she just wants to get better. I also wanted to give you the name and number of our friend that is coordinating blood and platelet donations for Hannah. Her name is Tamerisa and her number is (909)685-4047. In these 5 days we've been in the hospital, Hannah has had 3 platelet transfusions and 2 blood transfusion!!It truly gives us peace of mind to know that she has both blood and platelets waiting for her!! Thanks so much!! Please pray for Hannah to be healed. According to the doctors, ther is no way to cure Hannah. They say that the leukemia will win. I know that God's will is what will be done and I pray that He is glorified through this beautiful little gift we have in Hannah. She is so special. We've known that since she was a tiny baby and she has always trusted in God and had a love for people and animals. I am terribly grieved to think of our lives any way but having her with us. Pray for strength! Thanks so much. Love always, Susi, Jerry, Hannah, and abby

Wednesday, January 28, 2004 11:52 PM CST

HI everyone, We are still in the hospital and we have no idea when we'll be coming home. The good news is that Hannah is her old sweet self again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We are so blessed by her sweet spirit and endless giggling. Words can't describe her amazing personality. She is still having fevers that range from 101 to 105 all day everyday. We aren't sure what the source of the fevers is so I think tomorrow the doctors will begin looking for fungus by doing ct scans of different places in her body. She still has pain in her leg and has troubles walking to the bathroom. She assured me that it wasn't leukemia in her leg because leukemia is in the joints and this pain is in the muscle!The nurse was telling me that when she asked her about the pain Hannah said" It's not too bad when I'm sitting still but it is substantially worse when I bare weight on it" Of course the nurse said to me " how amazing Hannah is to know such words at 8 years old and to understand what they mean!" Hannah did grow a positive culture in her blood the first night but has never grown any more and they have been taking cultures every morning. They are giving her many different antibiotics and she keeps having these fevers.She also was having some pretty bad bleeding problems and had the scariest thing ever in all of these 4 1/2 years happen on Monday morning. She was still bleeding from the nose and had a mouth full of blood blisters but the doctor wanted to hold off on the platelets because on paper Hannah's platlet caount was low but not extreme. The doctor had been telling us that we would just watch her and keep alittle pressure on Hannah's nose when all of a sudden the tissue that Hannah was holding was completly filled with blood and when she took it away from her nose, blood came flooding down her face. She was so scared that she told me to get the nurse and she kept saying" help, help, somebody help"It took 20 minutes of holding very firmly on the bridge of her nose and icing between her eyes and starting the platelets before things began to settle down. Poor baby! She hated the site of blood and after everything was back to normal, she kept saying " I actually thought I was going to bleed to death!" Well, last night she had another nose bleed and it took only about 5 minutes to get it to stop but her reaction was heartrenching! She was crying and begging for more platelets and so utterly afraid. All this because she didn't get platelets before that tramatizing ordeal!She felt so much better today that she made some bracelets and bookmarks and necklaces and played her guitar!!! She's still eating alot even though she's off the steroids but she explained to me that it's because her stomache is stretched out and used to eating so much but soon it will shrink back down and she won't feel so hungry! Oh, she is also having blood in every stool she has had since she got to the hospital. We aren't sure if it is from all of the nose bleeds and from swallowing it or if she has irritation inside the lining. She has no more pain in her stomache and no pain when she goes to the bathroom so I think it's from the huge amount of blood during the nose bleeds. ( she's not going to be too thrilled to know I'm writing this!!!) Thanks for all of your prayers and support!! God bless you,also thanks so much for the blood and platelets that are being given! Hannah only has a white count of 120 and her marrow is so suppressed that her body isn't making any cells these days. The doctors are all a bit surprised that her marrow is so low from these oral chemos.Thanks so much for praying for God to grant Hannah perfect health. He is truly all we have and as Hannah says "He's never let us down so far!!" Susi, Jerry, Hannah and Abby

Sunday, January 25, 2004 11:11 PM CST

Hi everyone, I am writing from the hospital. Hannah has been getting more and more tired and having increased pain in her legs. Her lips have been sore and bruised but late last night her lower lip began swelling and this morning it was huge and very painful. She missed two doses of the steroids and got a fever. I remembered that the steroids can actually mask fevers so I called and the doctor directly admitted us. We got her lab work back and she needs blood and platelets. They also began two IV antibiotics and gave her a pain killer. She's sleeping most of the time but her heart rate is in the 180's at times. They said it will go down after she gets blood. She's hoping that she will feel better from the blood she'll be getting soon. I couldn't get on line all day yesterday again or I would have let you know sooner that she has gotten worse. The doctor said she has a bowel obstruction and thinks that is why she has such pain in her stomach. Yesterday she had a stomach ache most of the day and her belly is very big. The doctor said that was to be expected from the steroids so we've been concerned but just monitoring her.Please pray that she feels the Lord's presense and His comfort during this terrible time. We don't want her to feel abandoned by Him. She is so miserable, lets hope that all of these medications help her to feel better. Thanks so much for all of the notes, we really enjoy reading them and are incouraged to know so many people from around the nation are praying for Hannah and our family. God bless you, Susi, Jerry, Hannah and Abby

Friday, January 23, 2004 2:48 AM CST

Hi everyone, I wasn't able to get on line all day yesterday. Hannah had a pretty good day yesterday. She is doing a paint by number picture and reading and simple things to keep her busy as well as organizing drawers and table tops and counters! She has cleaned our kitchen counter tops everyday and mopped the kitchen floor and swiffered the whole house! Are you tired yet? We are so amazed at her energy level and when I offer to do the "job" for her she says no thanks she has a NEED to clean! These steroids do have a good side!After all the cleaning jobs are done she rests quietly for a while.(usually laying down) Her nights are long and unrestful. The steroids make her have nightmares and she tosses and turns and said she feels like she is talking in her sleep. We only have three more days and then she gets a break! Today we had to leave her home with grandma because we went to little Rylie's funeral. It was a very tough day. She wanted to go with us but I didn't think it was a good idea with her counts so low and with our situation. We have been to 7 funerals of children that we had the privilage of knowing and also 6 other precious children that we were unable to attend. These are families that we made friends with and loved those little lives. Today was the first time that we attended a service knowing that our child is not in remission any more and that the doctors say they have no answers to cure our own daughter. I can't describe how that felt. It seemed I was almost grieving for her at the same time grieving for the loss of Rylie. Even though we know the Rylie is with Jesus and free of this terrible disease, it's hard for her family to be seperated from that little person that they poured so much time into at the hospital. Such a huge void, please pray for them.Hannah also had nose bleeds off and on for the day and she took a 2 or 3 hour nap. Tonight when her nose was bleeding, the blood on the tissue was soooo watery looking so I think we should go to the hospital in the morning and see if she needs blood or platelets. She has many bruises and her mouth is full of blood blisters. On a much brighter note, Our friends came over yesterday and hung Hannah's new wallpaper border! The room is so cute and best of all, she LOVES it!!Thanks sooooo much to every person that helped finish her room. Also I didn't get to tell you that two weeks ago while we were in the hospital, our friend's horse was getting ready to foal and we asked the doctors if Hannah could have a pass out to see the birth ( she was so upset that she was going to miss the birth because since she was born, she has seen at least one or more foals born each year) The doctors said yes that we had to be back at the hospital by 2 AM and that's what we did! we left the hospital at 8 PM and came home for about 30 minutes and we got the call that she was beginning to have the baby. we stayed there for a while until midnight. (during this time Hannah also got to practice singing and guitar with her teenage friends and she had such a nice time away that she said " I think the Lord knew that I needed to get out of the hospital for a little break!"Anyway, after we left their house, we went to Denny's and ate dinner!!! It sure felt wierd to have our young children out at such an odd hour! We were so happy though!! It was a blessing and a great memory!Thanks again for your prayers, we still are praying for a miracle and we know you all are too. It comforts us. Thanks, Susi, Jerry, Hannah and Abigail

Wednesday, January 21, 2004 1:27 AM CST

HI everyone, We had a pretty good day at the hospital yesterday. Hannah's white count was very low, so low infact , that they couldn't do a diff to see the level of each kind of white cell that actually makes up the total white count. This didn't make Hannah too happy. She wanted to check out the "blast" level. The good news is that she left the hospital on Friday with 12 platetes and yesterday she had 65!!!!!! The doctor was surprised and said that was a good sign. Hannah and I went to the cafeteria and enjoyed a big salad together and even had time to make a few bracelets. She was so cute because after she found out that her body was making some good cells, she said " I think part of why I felt so bad was that I just knew I needed blood. Maybe now I'll feel better because I know my body is working!!" She is truly amazing! Of course she also said,that we need to hurry home so she could ride!! (I was thinking that she can't ride with 65 platelets when a normal platelet count is between 150 and 450, she's crazy!!!)I didn't have to tell her NO thankfully because we got home after dark and today was too gloomy and cold. She stayed in the house right where she belongs for now!! She is certainly feeling better! She is so different on steroids that today I asked her "who are you and what have you done with my daughter?) she simply smiled and kept cleaning the kitchen counter top!! When we were praying last night, I asked her if she is praying for God to heal her? (I always pray for His healing while we pray together but I don't hear her pray for a healing on her behalf.)anyway, her reply was a head shake (no) she hasn't been asking Him herself for a healing . So I asked her if she was afraid and she said no. I asked her if she wanted God to heal her and she said yes. So I explained to her that it's ok to ask God and that He likes us to say everything that's on our mind happy or sad, and that God is in control and he loves us very much and He might say yes to us and He might say No but He will ultimately heal her either here or in Heaven!! ( I just don't want her to be afraid to ask God ,and think He is letting her down if He doesn't answer in the way we want.We also had some sad news at the hospital yesterday. Our little friend and roomate ,Rylie, passed away on Sat. Hannah was very sad and said that she felt like that was also part of why she felt so crummy that day. Also our other friend , Rachel, who will be 16 this month, has been going through heavy chemo and they checked her marrow yesterday and found that the leukemia is still in her marrow. She is so sweet and nice to Hannah it's just terrible to see this disease robbing children of so much! I know that God is helping them but it's so hard to watch them suffer. One of my close friends who lost her child recently said to me tonight, that even though we go through so much with our kids with cancer, we grow so close with them because we spend so much time together that those times will always be cherished! May the Lord be with all of you who have lost a loved one and are hurting. Let Him be your peace and comfort. God bless you, Thanks, Susi, Jerry ,Hannah and Abigail

Saturday, January 17, 2004 9:16 PM CST

Well, we made it home!! I wish I could say that we are having great fun and Hannah felt great! The truth is that Hannah is feeling crummy. She can't explain how she feels other than just not good and very tired. We are going back to clinic on Monday and she will get blood and platelets. We are soooo thankful that God provided donors for Hannah! She does think that she'll feel better when she gets blood. We were all happy to see each other when we came home! It had been 4 days since I saw Abby and she kissed me 50 times! Those of you who are around Abby these days know that she loves to give kisses!( of course, she doesn't kiss Hannah because of germs and Hannah is very hesitant to give or get kisses!She is just so aware of her situation it's crazy!) My friend said today that Hannah just fools us all into thinking she's a little girl but when she opens her mouth and speaks we see that she is much much older! She does know her body so well and I think that can be a good thing. She has been able to keep the oral medications down today and yesterday, I think because she knows that we are in serious need for these oral chemos to be in her body so we can hopefully continue to see the "blast" cells go down. Being back on steroids has made life interesting! She is very hungry for salty meats (normally she hates meat) Today I was teasing her and said that the one thing she truly loves in life is hotdogs, she quickly replied, "not true Mom, there's always bacon, sausage and anything with salt!" then we both laughed!! Along with being hungry, Hannah is very neat. She wants to get rid of clutter. (normally she wants to save things and is very sentimental)She is also bossy and quick to get angry, so I tell Abby to stay clear of her sister if she gets upset!! She was so happy that her room got painted while we were in the hospital! She can't wait to get her room finished. I think if she felt better she would have been busy putting it back together today. Thanks so much for all your prayers and it truly overwhelms us to see how many people care about Hannah and send us notes of incouagement and info on anything that might be a missing link to her being well again. I'll continue to update her condition. thanks,Susi, Jerry, Hannah , and Abby

Thursday, January 15, 2004 3:08 PM CST

Hi everyone, Many of you know that we were going home on last Monday Jan. 12th after Hannah got the spinal tap with chemo. We were all packed and actually in the hall when I noticed Hannah was chilling. I took her tep and ended up not going home. Hannah was begging me not to tell the doctors that she had a fever but in hind sight, we are very glad we stayed! She ended up with fevers of 105 for about five hours on Monday night as well as EXTREME pain. I couldn't have managed her at home. She also has very very bad nausia. The fevers seem to have gone and they are hoping we can go home on Friday. I still am concerned about the nausia. We are happy to say that with the low dose chemo that they have given Hannah, her "blast" cell count has lowered conciderably. It was at 74n her blood and after two days, it's down to 34we don't have todays results back. I spoke with one of the doctors and she said that it is a good sign that she may in fact do very well on oral chemo for a while. I need to get back to Hannah, she's alone and not feeling well, I'm thankfull for your prayers. Hannah is also going to need blood and platelets once again.If anybody wants to donate, they need to come to this hospital.Thanks again, I'll write soon. God bless you . Susi, Jerry Hannah and Abby

Saturday, January 10, 2004 7:04 PM CST

As many of you know,Hannah is in a very bad circumstance. Her leukemia is back and the doctors don't have any hope for a cure or even another long remission. They have given us a few options, none of which seem even worth trying. All of them are phase one study drugs and the few children that have tried them have not had any results. We were looking into the one we thought seemed most promising. We would have to go to Minnisota for treatment. After speeking to the Doctor in charge there, we decided that it wouldn't be the best thing for Hannah. I do think that in 15 or 20 years it will be a helpful therapy, but for now, to Hannah, going there would mean extra pokes, extra bone marrow aspirates,etc. and no hope for a cure.I think for now, we are going to go with an out paitient plan. This will hopefully control the leukemia and enable her to enjoy life without too much time in the hospital. We might be coming home on Monday. I know alot of time has passed since the last update. This is a quick over view of the last week. After Dec. 31st Hannah's cold completely cleared up. Praise God, she was finally well. If you remember, Her blast cells were at 6% (cancer cells) on the following Saturday night, we went to a local ER for both the girls. Hannah had jaw pain and swelling and a high fever. The local ER didn't show any blast cells however, the next night which was Sunday I took Hannah to the ER at CHLA because she had another high fever. The lab work showed 17% blast cells. The doctors said I could take her home and be back early Monday morning for a bone marrow test and to see the doctor. The test revieled 90% of Hannah's bone marrow was filled with leukemic cells(blasts) they admitted us into the hospital and on Thursday they did labs and it showed 29% blasts. Today they did labs and it showed 72% blasts. ( The 90% number is what is actually in the bone marrow and the other numbers I wrote are the numbers that are in the periphial blood) Amazingly, Hannah is feeling so good other than her labs she seems totally fine! We give God the glory for that!!! I have to say that our only hope is in Christ. We are asking all of you to pray for a miracle. We send our love to our friends, family and prayer worriors. Thanks so much. We are still looking for anything that would help our beautiful daughter live. If any of you find anything, let us know. Please pray that Hannah doesn't suffer she is so special. I don't know what else to say,Susi, Jerry, Hannah ans Abby

Wednesday, December 31, 2003 10:21 PM CST

Hi everyone,It's been a long week. Hannah still has a pretty bad cold and on Sunday night at 11:00 PM she got a fever. We packed to go to the ER and figured with the low white count that she had on the Monday before that we would be admitted into the hospital.Hannah and I left for the hospital at 11:50 PM and Abby and Jerry stayed home. The night was very long, the nurse came in with lab results at around 4:30 AM. Hannah counts had done a "left switch" ( they went from 600 the Monday before to 10,000)which meant that we would not be admitted! However, we were already schedualed to see the doctor at 10:00 AM so the very nice ER nurse said that we could just stay in the room we were in and sleep!!! What a blessing! We slept for a couple of hours and went to the cafeteria and then went to our appt. (you might remember that Hannah was supposed to go for a spinal tap on this day but on Sunday night before she got a fever, we called a cancelled because she was just to sick to be put under. OK, back to our doctor appt., The doctor was nice and didn't say much. I then asked for a copy of Hannah's lab work and he then said that there were some "blast" cells in her blood. (This is NOT good, these are the cells that have turned cancerous in Hannah) however, Hannah's body has made such a huge amount of cells in such a short time that it is possible and likely that those cells are there only because her marrow is over working and not relapsing. On this upcoming Monday, we will chack her blood counts and if it looks questionable then we will do a bone marrow asperate to see what is happening in the bone marrow. The reason that the doctor wasn't too concered with the blood counts is because she had many many good cells and good platelets and typically if the leukemia was back, all of the good cells would decline. As you can imagine, this hasn't stopped us from stressing. I finally cried about it today and feel less depressed. Hannah is upset and just wants to ge better. She has had this cold for almost two weeks now and was in dispare last night saying that nothing was working, that she new she'd never get better. I told her we all feel like that at times. Thank God, Hannah is feeling much better today. She's still congested and coughing but not as bad. I will let you know as soon as we know something. Please pray. Oh, I put NEW PHOTOS ENJOY!!!!

Wednesday, December 24, 2003 9:57 PM CST

Hi everyone,I know that many of you have been waiting for an update on Hannah. Things have been so crazy because of the candy store. Jerry was over run with candy cane orders and wasn't able to keep up with the chocolate dipped items so I started working there in the afternoons through early mornings. He has been working 20 hours a day for the whole month of December. These are some of the reasons that I haven't been able to update. Plenty has happened though! Hannah was able to go the mideivel Times again on an afternoon show with our History group. We all had a lot of fun. The next day I took Hannah with me to work at the candy store. We got there at 2:30 PM and she helped price items and helped make candy canes and was such fun to have with me! She also made 8 bookmarks and a few bracelets! We didn't leave for home until 2:15 AM and she stayed awake the whole time! She came back to the candy store the next day and seemed to have a tickle in her throat. She was also very tired so I ave her a blanket and pillow on a cot and she slept for nearly 2 hours. by the evening, she could tell that she was getting sick. She then began worrying because she knew that with her compromised immune system, if this was the flu she could be in big trouble! I assured her that she'd be ok and that it wasn't for her to worry that was for the mom!! She woke up with a 102.6 fever and a very congested cough. We rushed in and the nurse called the main floor to let them know we needed a bed for Hannah. (this didn't make Hannah happy! she didn't want to be there for Christmas!) after 1 dose of antibiotic IV and still no beds available, they got the results of her labs back. Her counts were marginal. He said that she could go home with another antibiotic that would last for 24 hours. This was on Friday. They said, if the fever came back after noon on Sat. that we would have to go to the ER and then get admitted to the hosptial. We were so happy not to be admitted because we have some good things at home to help her get well and that's exactly what we did!the next morning, she felt much better and the fevers were gone ( although she continued to spike allnightWe had to go back to the hospital for a spinal tap on Monday. Her counts were too low for the procedure and she was thrilled!! We went home and got a Christmas tree!Hannah still has a cold but is feeling fine and very happy for Christmas to come!! The plan is for us to go back on Monday and then be admitted for chemo the following Monday. For now, the bone marrow donor has been put on hold. Hannah is so against the bone marrow transplant that we asked them to help us get in touch with people that were her age when they got transplants and maybe we could speak to them. God bless you , I'm sorry for any type errors, I'm very exhausted. I stayed at the candy store until 4:00 this morning and in the last three days I've only had a total of 10 or 11 hours of sleep. that's alot compared to Jerry. He has had 8 or 9 hours combined for the last three days! Thanks for your prayers and I'll update photos real soon!! maybe tomorrow! God bless, Susi, Jerry , Hannah and Abigail

Sunday, December 7, 2003 9:10 PM CST

Hi everyone, We are home!!! Thanks for your prayers!! Hannah did fabulous!We arrived at the hospital at 5:00 PM because the whole day they didn't have any beds available. After getting in and settled down, the doctors decided that they didn't want to start the chemo until the next morning because she had that wierd reaction. We were disapointed to know that this meant that we wouldn't be able to come home until Saturday. She got her typical fever and I was able to convince the doctors to hold off on any antibiotics because she always gets this fever and it's not an infection but a reaction from the chemo!! She still did well that day and we made bracelets and book marks and did some school. She felt pretty good the next day and had fun selling her " stuff". We ended up going home on Friday!! The day we were originally supposed to go home. They came to me in a bit of shock and said that Hannah had cleared the methotrexate earlier than planned!! What a blessing.Poor Abby had to stay homewith grandma because she was exposed to the flu on Monday and we couldn't take her. She got a fever on Wed. morning and we were waiting for the flu but it never came. She just had a fever for a few days. Pray that our family doesn't catch whatever she had. We aren't sure what the plan is from here. I'll call the hospital and speak with her doctor on Wed. He's out of town until Tues. Some nice people from our church came over and put our lights up and did some "handy man" work on Sat. that was a blessing.The news paper took a photo of the blessing bracelets and I guess there have been quite a few orders. All wanting to be done by Christmas, pray that the people that are making them are blessed for all the time they are giving for Hannah during this busy season. God bless you and thanks again for your prayers. All are welcome for prayer meeting for Hannah on Monday nights at 7:00 PM at uncle Barry and Aunt Yvonne's house in Montclair. (909)983-6163 Gotta go, were going to watch a Christmas movie with the girls!! Hug your kids! Love, Susi, Jerry ,Hannah And Abigail

Tuesday, December 2, 2003 2:00 AM CST

Hi everyone, We had our Dr. visit today and everything went fine. We are going to be admitted for 4 days tomorrow. It's so hard to go back after having a great week home ( the week before that doesn't count because we went back and forth from home to the hospital so much we really never felt like we had a break. This week was so nice. Hannah got to ride a little and make her braclets and have friends over and of course school! Basically, a pretty "normal" day to day life. How often we don't realize what a blessing a "normal" life is!!!!!!!
Thanks so much for your prayers for Hannah, I can tell you this, even though she is still dealing with anger issues, her relationship with Christ is growing and becoming deeper! Tonight before bed she had a worship CD on with headphones and I was cleaning up the kitchen. I could hear her singing in such a sincere voice. It blessed me so much. When I went in her room, she asked me to listen to a few songs and she explained to me how she thought this group was so great because even their second CD is just as dedicated to Christ as the first! Then she talked about the goodness of God and how wonderful heaven is going to be! The nice thing for me is that her conversation wasn't so much about dying to get to heaven but the rapture of the church! She wanted to make sure that she would be taken, not left behind!Then we prayed and she took a piece of paper out of her little wooden box that has the name Jesus on it. The paper had 15 names on it. This is her prayer list! She said that the prayer team " Father's touch" had mentioned having a prayer list and she has continued to add to it and pray over it daily. ( I found it amazing that her name wasn't on it, that it was the names of only two types of people, those who have lost a child due to cancer and those who haven't yet accepted Jesus as their Lord and Savior. I was so inspired! What a cutie!!I'm sure that all of the prayers are working!!! By the way, people are still meeting on Monday nights at Barry and Yvonne's house to pray from 7:00 to 8:00 (909) 983-6163 also even if you can't make it to the house,we ask that you would still join in and pray where you are for Hannah as well as direction and peace in all of the decisions we are making. Thanks again! God bless you and HUG YOUR KIDS! Jerry, Susi, Hannah and Abigail

Tuesday, November 25, 2003 2:05 AM CST

Hi everyone, we've had some fun the last few days!! We took the horses out two days in a row and Hannah's comment to me was " Mom, isn't it great to be back out with the horses?!" We also took the girls to Midievil Times on Sunday night!!! They had never been and they loved it!! The very second the show was over, Hannah said "can we come again, Mom?" She also said, "Mom, since it's so expensive, maybe we could leave Dad and Abby at home next time!" By today she asked if we could go once a year or on her birthday, but that she knew that her friends parents would have to pay because we couldn't afford it!! Isn't she funny!? The manager gave Hannah a DVD and said we could come back in the day and watch the trainer work the horses!! She also had begun having issues with coming into the hospital just before Thanksgiving. She said" Mom, I'll get a fever and they'll keep me longer and even if I don't, I'll feel too sick to enjoy the feast on Thanksgiving" She told me to call the doctors and tell them she'd be in the day after Thanksgiving!!!! I called and they said the doctor wants to have another meeting with us!! I think he's a bit annoyed with our indecision!! The doctor still had us come in for a potassium check and for labs. Her potassium was still the same ( low but didn't require a transfusion) but her white count was nearly gone! We need to be very careful because she has no immune system right now!! Where did we go on Sunday night and with how many people?! Lets just pray for God's mercy on her that she won't catch anything for all of tha exposure!! She said " well at least we weren't near any body coughing!!" She's sooo smart!We also may have found a little white poodle to adopt, we are supposed to see her tomorrow! God bless all of you and thanks again for everything! I hope to get photos from our fun night up soon. Susi, Jerry, Hannah and Abby

Wednesday, November 19, 2003 2:13 AM CST

Hi everyone, As you know we got out one week ago but have been continueng to go back to the hospital every other day. Hannah's potassium has been dangerously low and they have been giving her IV potassium each day we've been there. However,every time we've gone back, her potassium was lower than before.( even though she's getting the IVs) We started her on a oral supplement today but she only got one dose in and threw up the second dose. She also got diarrhea with a tummy ache. No fever though but I'll check her throughout the night. We think that we will go ahead with the chemo on Monday. Which means we will be there through Thursday. The doctor really wants to try it again with pre-meds possibly including something to calm her down because her attitude might have something to do with her body's reaction. She got the same chemo in her spine on Monday and had no reaction which tells him that she's not reacting to the chemo, or she would have reacted to that as well.( we hope he's right!)Our homeschool group brought dinners all week and that was nice! Thanks! I will be taking Hannah back to the hospital again in the morning to check her levels and get a transfusion if neccessary. The transfusion is 2 hours long plus the time to get the levels and order it up etc. anyway it's about a 5 hour process, add a couple hours of traffic each way and you see how our day is eaten right up! Thanks again for your prayers! Hannah has really wanted to ride but the horses are a mess and very hyper. (basically in need of TLC ) but I'd really like to get her up on one before we go back in on Monday!I think it would do her spirit good! We've decided that there is definately not enough hours in a day! Jerry is at the candy store working those crazy long hours again! Pray for him too! God bless, Susi, Jerry, Hannah and Abby

Wednesday, November 12, 2003 1:54 AM CST

Hi everyone, after two more weeks in the hosptial, we finally came home yesterday. We were still driving home when we got a call that our sweet, precious friend, Kim passed away. We spent hours with her in the hospital. We prayed, cried, laughed and visited with her and her family over the 6 days they were there. I know God used us and yet He truly blessed us to be a part of Kim's last days. She was able to be baptized and to see her faith and her completely humble and thankful heart before the Lord was truly inspiring for us. I added two very special photos of us when we were roomates. Tonight, Hannah wrote Kim's mom a letter telling her how sad she was that Kim was gone, but not for Kim but for all of us who miss her. She reminded Shirley to try to think of Kim with Jesus and with a perfect body, no cancer or pain. When I shared with Hannah that Kim had gone home to be with Jesus, she said " I'm jealous! I want to meet Jesus" I told her someday she would and she said not when I'm old Mom, I'll give you two more years and that's all!
Alot happened while we were in the hospital but with Kim and all of her visitors I didn't do any updates. Sorry. They placed a portacath in her chest again and wanted to start another round of chemo. Hannah was too sick from the medicine and getting surgery to start chemo so we said no. The doctor wasn't too happy with our decision and after three days he convinced us to try this chemo again. Six hours after they started the chemo, Hannah began having difficulty breathing and a small labored cough. They ended up putting her on oxygen and removing the chemo!! The nurse made the comment that they never stop the chemo!! i feel that was an answer although they think we are crazy. Hannah is so sick of chemo and living in the hospital . We are going to the hospital on the 12th to "talk" we are hoping to get on a more livable schedual.
We also had an eye exam while we were there and he gave us a scare saying that we may need to remove her eye and gave me the names of the doctors that did the surgery etc. thankfully, it was a cateract it is however significant. they want to do surgery when Hannah has a functioning immune system. It's so late and I gatta go to sleep, Love and thanks, Susi jerry Hannah and Abby

Saturday, November 1, 2003 12:15 AM CST

Hi everyone, We're still here almost one week later. Hannah looks and feels good but has had a few fevers in the late nights. This morning the nurse came in and said that a bacteria grew in her pic line. It is a different bacteria than before. It is a gram possitive rod. All the doctors have agreed that we need to pull her line. This means that she will need an IV in her hand and also a new poke any time they need blood (at least once a day) She has been very upset. I know that she has been going through this for a long time but she still has a huge fear of "pokes" Please pray for her and the staff that they get a vein easy!In the midst of all of this, Hannah's blood counts have plummited down. She had such great numbers when we came in and now they are extremely low.This of course puts her at risk for infection. The doctors think that this bacteria is probably the cause for her counts dropping (suppression of the marrow). They started her on a very strong anti-fungal and have done multiple ct scans hunting for fungus. Thank God, the scans all look good. Hannah did spend Halloween in this place! We made the best of it though! She was a diva and Abby was a cheeta girl and I was a cowgirl with a stick horse! As the girls said yesterday, "we scored, big time!!"I'm hoping to get the dress-up photos on the web site. Because Hannah's counts are so low and they just figured out the culprit, we have no idea when we get to go home. Two of our good friends passed away on the 29th. It's been a pretty sad place. It's given me time to really think about what we are doing as far as treatments and the end they bring. ( knowing what the doctors have explained to us about Hannah's leukemia coming back eventually) Jerry and I haven't been able to talk because the candy store was busy for the Halloween rush. He was able to visit us last night. We were all happy to see him.My Mom has made three trips out here to bring us things we needed from home, God bless her! She's trying to keep my house running and driving back and forth for us!! Thanks to Jo for helping with the goat and horses as well!! God bless all the people that are taking time away from their busy scheduals to help out with ours!! We are in room 409B at Childrens Hospital LA. Thanks for your prayers. Susi, Hannah , Jerry and Abby

Tuesday, October 28, 2003 4:39 PM CST

Hi everyone, I'm writing this update from CHLA in the out patient tower. We had a very long day at the hospital yesterday and during the day Hannah remained very cold and kind of grumpy. She asked several times to check her for fever and finally at midnight, she spiked a fever. I had to go all the way back to the hospital. Jerry was at the candy store and I had the girls alone so our friend Jo came and stayed with Abby until Jerry could get home. We were in the ER from about 2:00 till 4:30 AM until they gave us a room. She slept quitly and peacefully until about 9:30 AM. When she woke up, she sat up and chearfully said " now this is what I call packing lite!" " can I call Dad and have him bring a few things?" Then she proceded to name quite a list of items from home that she wanted. I asked her how she felt and she said" great! I don't even feel like I ever had a fever!" She also informed me that she was not going to be here on holloween!( we'll have to wait and see) For now, we are waiting for the blood cultures to grow and hoping nothing does.Thanks to all of you that joined in prayer with Hannah's uncle and Aunt last night. What a blessing it is to know that God knows our hearts and He truly loves Hannah more than we do. Please continue to pray for her complete healing as well as God's will in treatments for her. We need His direction and assurance that the path we choose is the right one for Hannah.

The blessing bracelets that Nancy started with the help of Irene at the "Garden of Beaden" have been such a blessing. By the grace of God, some of the teenagers and mom's in our home school group and part of our church ( Calvary Chapel Chino Valley)have begun a huge effort to make many more bracelets. We have had many people wanting to buy them but not enough people to get them made. If anyone wants to place an order, you can call the candy store at 909-984-5410. I don't have the other numbers with me but I'm sure everyone at the store will be happy to take orders.

I need to get back to Hannah, she's drawing all alone in her room. ( she was happy when I left) Thanks again for your prayers, Love Susi, Hannah, Jerry and Abby

Monday, October 27, 2003 1:27 AM CST

Hi everyone, I planned to write an extensive update on our trip to City of Hope as well as all of the other things we've ben up to. I actually was about 2/3rds done with this update when I accidentally lost the entire thing!! Just when I was ready to rewrite it, Jerry came in and told me that one of our horses, Missy, was acting weird. She was very ill and ended up dying today. This horse was mine since I was 17 years old. She was also the most safe and predictable horse for the girls that I could have ever hoped or dreamed of. She also gave us, over the years, 14 beautiful babies. We are all sad but we'll be ok. God is good no matter what the circumstance. We are going to the hospital tomorrow to have a spinal tap and a talk with her doctor. After talking with the transplant doctor at City of Hope, we are pretty sure that we will not be doing a bone marrow transplant on Hannah. I'll update soon and give our reasons. (which I already did on the entry I lost!) Basically, with all we've seen over the past four years and almost four months, we just don't have a peace about it. Please pray for us with these decisions and direction for us to go with types of treatments and also for this time of loss in our home. Just last night we woke grandma up at 10:30 crying about our little Annie. Hannah found a few photos and they all had Annie in them. They were close up shots of her sweet eyes and just her cute little self. Thanks for your kindness, Love Susi, Jerry, Hannah and Abby

Wednesday, October 22, 2003 2:58 AM CDT

Hi everyone, we are home! Hannah is soooo happy to be home in her own bed and reading her books. She can't wait to go to Friday school and is starting the reading incentive all on her own!
They sent us home with quite a tough schedual of IV meds. I have to give her two antibiotics and flush the lines etc which takes about one and a half hours. The schedual is 7 AM 3 PM and 11 PM. This means that I'm doing just that for 4 and 1/2 hours a day. Then add in her oral meds and nutrition from the natural doctor (three times a day) then fresh foods and meals. Well, please pray for us because I don't think there is really that many hours in a day. (plus school work and she's already asking when she can ride her horse!!)
We have our appt with City of Hope on Thursday at 12Noon and we plan to bring her IV med with us! Please pray for wisdom for the doctors as well as for us in all of these tough decisions.
Today when Hannah was getting ready to go home, she was playing with her new make-up kit and said to me out of the blue and not overly concerned " Mom, this is wierd but when I close my left eye to put eye shadow on , everything is so blurry, but when I close my right eye, everything is perfectly clear." I imediately got on the phone with the eye doctor and remained on hold for a solid hour!! when they finally took my call, the first appt was NOV 25th. I'm going to call tomorrow and see if the doctor could call me. ( more to keep in prayer) They said that the radiation she recieved over two years ago would damage her eye and that she would need a lense replacement in childhood but as of June 11,03 she still had 20/20 vision and he was amazed and thrilled that it looked so great.
I really better go to bed the 7 AM infusion is going to come way to soon!! Thanks again for your prayers and God bless you, Susi, Jerry Hannah and Abby

Friday, October 17, 2003 0:39 AM CDT

H i everyone, We are VERY happy to say that Hannah is back on the 4th floor and responding beautifully to the antibiotics. She is now on two different IV antibiotics each givin 3 times daily. The doctors have all said that with an infection of this type and magnitude, any slight change in the circumstances that led us to the ER at 3:00am could have been fatal. Hannah's Doctor told us that Everything fell in Hannah's favor and that was amazing,he has plenty of stories that had very different endings!This is what happened. After the MRI on Friday, Hannah still felt kind of "yucky" from the effects of the chemo and all the effects still seemed to linger through the weekend. She had less jaw pain but still had mouth sores and bone pain. Then she got diahria on Sunday night but when I asked her at bed time how her poop was, she said fine and I said "it wasn't hard or runny was it?' She shrugged her shoulders and said"it was fine" (she now tells me that she thought it was nothing and didn't want to worry me)Anyway, on Monday morning I did all the chores outside and then we made a trip out to a big healthfood store. Normally I wouldn't even take her but I was hoping we could find more healthy snacks together that looked appealing to her. While we were there she had two episodes where she got week and needed me to hold her and had a stomach ache and ended up in the bathroom (this was the first I knew of the diahrea)She wasn't acting sick and had been on steriods and eating triple the food that was normal for her so I figured it had to do with that.Jerry decided to work late so at 11:00pm Abby asked if she could sleep with me and I said that was fine and we went into Hannah's room and prayed with her andtucked her into her own bed. About 3 minutes later Hannah came in to our room and asked if she could sleep with me too. I said sure , so she climbed in bed on Daddy's side. At 2:00AM Jerry came in and went to pick Hannah up to move her so he could get into bed and Hannah screamed out in pain. I reached for her forhead and said she has a fever, Jerry didn't think she felt too warm. I took her temp and called the hospital. While I was on the phone, I began packing a few clothes. Hannah had gone right back to sleep, so when I was completely ready, Jerry caried her to the car. He wanted to go but he needed sleep and I said I'd be fine. We made record time.After we were already in a room in the ER, I glanced at the clock and it had just been 1 hour since I left for the hospital!They drew labs and began antibiotics. Hannah stayed so strong and really seemed fine ( nothing out of the usual when she ends up with fever after chemo)The nurse began running more and more fluids because her blood pressure kept dropping. Nothing was working. They finally decided that they had to begin a drug to get her pressure up. They started out on low doses of dopamine and didn't get results until they were on maximum doses with high doses of fluids as well.I had never experienced a blood stream infection and didn't realize that these symtoms were a sign that she indeed had a bloodstream infection. ( they even suspected a gram negative rod, one of the worst kinds possible)Hannah had to go to PICU because her pressures were so unstable. In ICU they placed an artery line in her wrist (an extremely painful procedure) it took about 15 minutes and they even stitched it into place with no anestetic. They gave her a drug that knocked her out but she kept waking up in spite of the drug and screaming in pain.The line was in for one and a half days and was so painful, it was one of the worst things she's ever had. She is doing fantastic right now and feeling great. We know that God is truely watching over her.Also, when we were in the ER i remember praying to the Lord to wake up people all over to have them pray for Hannah. The next day I got a call from friends that lost their son to the same infection that Hannah has. They told me that they woke up in the middle of the night and couldn't stop thinking of Hannah and called first thing to check on her!!Also Jerry told me that Abby woke up and said to daddy that she wanted to pray for Hannah and Mommy. ( I found that so amazing because she didn't even know that we left or that Hannah was sick)Jerry said that she prayed then he prayed and they both fell fast asleep again!! What a blessing!!The treatment for the infection is 10 to 14 days of IV antibiotics but we might be able to do some at home. Until now I couldn't get on line from the lap top that's why I couldn't update but hopefully I'll be able to get on again and give more updates soon. Thanks for your prayers. God is good!!Love the Rowley family

Friday, October 10, 2003 9:17 PM CDT

Hi every one, We got out of the hospital yesterday at 1:00pm and had to be back for the MRI at 6:30AM! Hannah felt so bad last night that I almost took her to the ER at 10:00PM. She is having severe pain in her teeth and jaw. we arent sure if it is the steroids or the chemo but it seems to be a little better this evening. Her experience with MRI was a bit unusual, she was a "sponge" to the drug they used to put her under with. they had to keep giving it to her and she'd begin waking up etc. She always gets that drug and never has reacted that way before. We will hopefully find out the results on Monday but the radioligy dept. didn't call oncology so hopefully this is a good sign. We have an appt with City of Hope on Tues. at 10:am for another opinion. We have also been in contact with Duke Univercity in N. Carolina as well. We also want to here what UCLA has to say.The head Doctor at Duke said she wants to see the cord blood papers (Abby's) and compare them with Hannah's typing and that if it really is three of six that it indeed might work. The web site is making some changes tomorrow and will be down for a few hours.Hannah is tidying up the house right now and trying to keep busy. Today on the way home from the hospital, My mom told us that Annie, our poodle, was missing and when we got close to home, Hannah spotted her dead by the curb near our house. You can immagine what agony and tramma we all experienced and are still experiencing. Please pray for the girls they loved that silly poodle so much!I'm going to get on the photo update next and attempt to put some more currant photos on. Thanks for your prayers, we love you. Jerry, Sus, Hannah and Abby

Wednesday, October 8, 2003 3:00 AM CDT

Hi everyone, this is a historic moment, I'm emailing you from our room here at CHLA!!! Hannah is fast asleep and I'm relaxing on the computor! Anyway, Hannah will be finished with the iv chemo early in the morning and might not be able to come home until Friday. We came in on Monday morning and they royally messed up. Hannah couldn't eat because she was going to get a procedure. some one forgot to schedual her. finally,after 3:00 pm they told her to go ahead and eat, we couldn't get it until today. She couldn't eat today until 2:00pm when the spinal tap was done. Lastnight was very tough. Hannah felt a fever coming on and just felt bad. By 2:00 am she had a fever and they kept coming in and bothering her and she felt so bad . She is very mad about continueing with chemo and has told me that she feels that nobody is giving her a say so about wants. we worked on beads most of the day and have been enjoying our roomates. I'm hoping she gets the mri tomorrow but they have been having problems with schedualling so she might not get it until Friday. I'm literally falling asleep, so bye for now. Hannah says hi to all her friends!God bless you for your faithfullness.Susi, Jerry,Hannah an Abby

Tuesday, September 30, 2003 1:41 AM CDT

Hi everybody, we had a long but pleasant day at the hospital. We started the day by getting there 45 minutes late( a good thing because they weren't ready for Hannah until we got there anyway. Hannah went in for the bone marrow aspirate and spinal tap in record time. Our friend Nancy sent us to the hospital with 70 blessing bracelets to sell so when they took Hannah for the procedure, we went up to the 4th floor to deliver the bracelets! It was like Christmas, the nurses were so happy to get their bracelets. We also got to see some of our friends while we were there. It was a blessing . When Hannah woke up, we went to the cafeteria and ate,then we went back to the 4th floor and visited because our doctor appt wasn't for another 45 minutes.When we got to the out patient tower, the excitement began again. All of the nurses there got to get their bracelets. (also Hannah sold $65 of her bracelets while we were there as well!! She has been working so hard on her bracelets that she just told all of them $5.00 they were happy to get the bracelets and one really great PA even asked Hannah for her autograph!! How cute!! Finally at 4:30 pm we saw the doctor. The moment of truth. Was she in remission? What to do from here?!This is basically what he said, Hannah is back in remission!!!!!! This is very good however, it's not permanant. The leukemia will return. He wants her to do a treatment like this : starting today, chemotherapy added to her spinal fluid ( we weren't even aware that they gave her chemo in her spine)anyway, then she will get admitted for a 36 hour infusion of the same chemo (methotrexate) with minimal rescue,7 days add dexamethazone and vincristine then nothing the next week. totalling a three week cycle. He would repeat this for at least 1 year. He said this would simply prolong the inevitable. He also wants us to talk to the bone marrow transplant team. he said the odds are bad they have many deaths there and many POST transplant relapses. Also the eye cancer specialist looked in her eye while she was put under and didn't like what he saw. He wants an MRI done when we get admitted next week. He thinks that it could be leukemic cells in her eye or eyes. I'm not sure how many of you know that we met an alternative doctor and are giving Hannah many of his products. I'm hoping to talk to him and see what he thinks about this "plan of action" that the doctor has come up with. Please pray for us in making these decisions. Oh, Hannah and I are back in our house and Hannah's counts are coming up nicely, she's hoping to ride her horse tomorrow for the first time in 2 months! (she's very sore from the procedures today so I might just get him ridden and bathed for a fresh start on Wednesday.The bottom line is that she is in the Lord's hands and we just need direction from Him in the right path for her life. Thanks for your prayers. Susi, Jerry, Hannah and Abby

Thursday, September 18, 2003 2:02 AM CDT

Hi everyone, we got out on Tuesday afternoon!! 3 days shy of 6 weeks! wow, that was a very long hard stay. We are going back for labs and possibly a blood transfusion tomorrow morning.We are also going back on Monday morning for a bone marrow asp. and spinal tap with a doctor appt immidiatly following. It will be a very long day and after the results of the bone marrow exam, the doctors will then be able to discuss what they feel the best "plan of action" for Hannah will be.We're not sure if they will have enough results to talk to us that day or if they will have a meeting first or what but when we know, we'll let you all know. Hannah's blood counts are still VERY low but climbing each day. They let her leave the hospital with only a 200 anc. We are not officially home because our house is in NO condition for Hannah to be able to be here. We are removing all of the old carpet and putting in pergo type flooring.At first we we at our cousins house in Fullerton but I needed to do serious cleaning and give Hannah medicines several times a day. Thank God our neighbors, Justin, Wendee, and Stevee have bravely welcomed us into their home! THANKS. Some of the moms from our home school group as well as our neighbors have come and helped wash walls and dust everything and get it clean for Hannah. THANKS. Thanks for all of the bracelet orders. They have really kept Hannah and me busy during those long incredibly boring days in the hospital.I think she has made around $400.00 and still has orders to fill!She really enjoys being creative and making them for her friends and family.Hannah had her birthday in the hospital and we think we need a room addition just for her STUFF! It is so late and I have so much to do but I'll update in a day or so. I have soooo much more to say. Oh, there is a wonderful fund raiser that our friend Nancy started and several friends have joined together to make beautiful "blessing bracelets" they are so lovely and they have a card with them with Hannah's picture and a over view of her situation. they are selling for $20.00 each and we are taking orders and I think might need help putting them together as well. To contact Nancy for more info here is her email address imthmom3@aol.com. You can also call the candy store (909) 984- 5410 More info soon, Lord willing! God bless you all, Thanks again, Susi Jerry Hannah and Abby

Wednesday, September 3, 2003 3:58 PM CDT

Where to begin? Sorry it has taken so long for an update! Getting to a computer has been more difficult than we thought. We are hoping to purchase one soon.Now about Hannah, The chemo that she recieved was very very harsh but she is finally able to eat again and feeling much better. These days she is getting blood and platelets at least once sometimes twice a week. Thanks so much for all of you taking time to come and give her blood and platelets! Hannah has ZERO white count which means she has ZERO ability to fight infection of any kind. She has been continually on three antibiotics and and anti fungal since she came in almost one month ago.We went through about 5 days of fevers due to the harshness of the chemo and then she was pretty good for about a week and then she got about 5 more days of fevers with an unknown source, during this time they did CT scans and kept her NPO (no food) until 7:30PM two days in a row! They wonder why she has lost 5 pounds! Just when she can keep food down again they do that to her! In all God is truly sustaining both of us. Jerry and Abigail are visiting us in the evenings but for the most part, Abby hasn't been able to stay with us. Hannah has just been unable to be around all of her activity and noise. Now that Hannah is better, They put us in a tiny isolation room with no place for poor Abby. Please continue to pray for her she fels a bit left out. Something kind of exciting that came about a couple of weeks ago is Hannah's prayer braclets. Some nice people that come to the candy store brought her a very nice bead kit, they were so pretty that the nurses began buying them. We tell everyone who wears one to remember to pray for Hannah when they see it on their wrist. She is selling them for $3.00 each and so far has made almost $200.00 ! She is so excited and except when she was feverish, she has made braclets like crazy.Our friend, Jo, printed out a cute little paper that goes with each braclet that asks for prayer and gives a couple of scriptures. It's truly a blessing. Today is the blood drive and the news is there so look for something on 2 or 9. Now that I know the hours hopefully I can give updates much more often. She is alone in a completely different building so I better get back. Here are a few specific things you can pray for Protection from infection, her cold to get better, her counts to come back up (leukemia Free) direcion for us to go with hannah (bone marrow transplant, alternative etc) Oh we also got the wonderful digital camera and are having fun with it at the hospital and are looking forward to getting some photos on the site. Thanks for the gift!!Thanks so much, God bless you, Susi, Hannah, Jerry and Abigail (oh, thanks for the gifts to both girls and cards too!)

Thursday, August 7, 2003 9:02 PM CDT

I finally am able to get on Hannah's web page. Thanks to all of you for the little notes of encourgement. We will be leaving for the hospital at 9:00 am in a brand new Hummer thanks to the nice people at Mark Christopher in Ontario!!!!!!!! We also rode in our new friend, Deana's Hummer today. What a blessing it was to visit Daddy's candy store in Hannah's favorite vehicle! Hannah has a very long hard day tomorrow and will be unable to eat after 3:30AM. Please pray that God sustains her and gives her His peace.About 15 of us went to the movies and enjoyed the time together in a way, during the movie, pretending everything was fine. She was very tired and fell instantly to sleep on her 12 year old friend, Ashley's lap. How precious that was. She just came in the room and needs me so I'll write soon, Thanks again, The Rowley family

Sunday, July 20, 2003 10:19 PM CDT

Hi Everyone, It's been almost two weeks since Hannah had the port removed and her ears pierced. She has been doing great and has more hair coming in everyday! I told her that I had never seen her with so many eye brows! She said , "Mom, I have Joe Millioniare eyebrows!"She's really enjoying swimming and we've been to the beach and even played on the boogie board. I'm so happy for both the girls to be leading such "normal" lives. It's so nice to see a flat spot on her chest. (for two years, she's had a significant lump from the port and some of her little friends have made comments like " it looks like you have a extra boobie". Hannah is so good about things like that though, she just tells them what it is and doesn't hold it in. Thank God for her strong spirit. I have to keep reminding myself of that because she can be very stubborn, but I'm sure that's part of what helped her to servive all she's been through!God bless you and We hope you are all great! Jerry, Susi, Hannah and Abigail

Wednesday, July 9, 2003 1:58 AM CDT

Hi everyone! Hannah did great after the surgery but we have a few funny and uncharacteristic things to say about this little angel!! Hannah was very concerned about getting an IV. She didn't want one and the first doctor said that she wouldn't get one that they would use the port and then a mask to keep her asleep during the surgery. The next doctor came along and said that she would get an IV but they would put it in while she was asleep.She kept asking us if she was or wasn't going to get one. We would tell her that we weren't sure that they would do what they had to. They took her after making her wait all day long 8 hours in a cold boring room!When they took her, it was very wierd, the nurse came and said we have to go now or they're going to cancel her for today!!! So off she went, no questions asked. We had to leave for about a half hour so we went to get a bite(Hannah wasn't the only one hungary) anyway, I got to the recovery area first and Jerry and Abby came about 7 or 8 minutes after. She was still sleeping when I arrived but began to stir and soon wake up. Jerry said as he was coming around the corner he heard Hannah, yes, he heard her. Really everybody on the floor must have heard her. She discovered as she woke up that the doctors had put an IV in her hand. She was livid!! She was screeming and hitting and kicking. words like "I want my port back!!!" "you lied to me" "I'm going to pass out" This went on for about 10 minutes ( seemed like a half hour or more) we finally talked her into letting us get the IV out of her hand. she was still screeming and saying she'd pass out and she wanted her port back. I'd say I'm sorry honey and she'd look at me with a wicked and hatefull look like it was my fault!! Don't worry I didn't take it personally it made we have to turn my head and giggle. We finally got the IV out and I said , "it's out". Hannah rolled her head and fainted!!! We (including the nurse) thought she was faking it but she really did pass out!! Once the IV was out and Hannah had calmed down, she said "Mom, I popped and Abby" (meaning, she acted like her little sister!! who was uncharacteristically quiet and staring at Hannah with mouth wide open during this episode!!) Another strange thing about the how they rushed Hannah away is that Hannah woke up with a red spot on the bridge of her nose and when we got in the car I noticed that it was swollen as well. well it's beginning to bruise and tender. She wants me to call and complain and with her fear of needles she proclaimed that they could have accidentally poked her in the nose if they were in that big of a hurry!Hannah is very happy with the new earrings and doing great all day today. I've actually had to remind her to lay low today and not do too much. She wasn't too happy that I made her do her math today but she was a good girl about it and ocassionally she would say(jokingly) oh, my chest hurts, can I stop doing math? and we'd both giggle. God is good,we are so glad to be done and we just continue to lift her to Him in prayer and hope she stays well. We don't have to go back to the doctor for 2 whole months!! wow what freedom!! Thanks again for your prayers, we love you and appriciate the time you've spent before the Lord on our behalf!! May God truly bless you, Love, Susi, Jerry, Hannah and Abby

Saturday, June 14, 2003 1:28 AM CDT

Well, we had all of Hannah's schedualled doctor appointments on Wed June 11th. First she got labs and then it was off to the eye cancer doctor. They did a complete exam. We were all very blessed to hear him say she still is cancer free in her eyes and there is still NO cateract or damage from the radiation she received two years ago!!!!! God is good!!!!!! After we finished with the eye doctor, we went back to the oncologist for her check up. He said her labs were good and that she can come in two months for a check up and labs!!!!!!!However, Hannah still has a portacath that is sewn into her chest and it needs to be surgically removed. We set a date for surgery on July 7th. Hannah will need to be put under so while she is out we are going to have her ears pierced!! We are VERY BLESSED TO FINALLY SAY: HANNAH IS DONE WITH CHEMO AND IN REMISSION!!! God willing, we will not have to put any more chemo in this little child! We started Hannah on a new supplement that nourishes the body at the cellular level, we are also going to keep her on the supplements that help the body to fight cancer. Plus a whole lot of prayer and acknowlageing to God that she is His and we will love and trust him through good and bad times and do our best to care for Hannah and raise her to love him first always! We still plan to have a big party to celebrate this huge excitement. We'll let you know more when we get something decided. Thanks!! God bless you so much for all your prayers and love to our family, Jerry, Susi, Hannah and Abby

Thursday, June 5, 2003 5:33 PM CDT

Hi everybody, Hannah is getting better. She is still coughing and congested but is more active. I kept her from riding all last week until Sunday. She is on antibiotics. We go see the eye specialist and her oncologist on Wed. next week. Her last day to take the oral chemo is Monday June 16th. How excited we are. We keep praying that this will truly be the end. After 4 years, it's all Hannah knows.Thanks so much for all your prayers, God is faithful! He has helped us every step just like he promised he would. The eye doctor will tell us how her eye is looking, if there is any post radiation damage or cateracts etc. God has been looking out for Hannah so far and we pray that her eye is still great! We hope to get more photos soon. God bless you all, Susi Jerry Hannah and Abigail

Saturday, May 24, 2003 3:29 PM CDT

Things have been good for us the last couple of weeks. On Tuesday, Hannah got labs and everything still looks good. Unfortunatly, she came down with a nasty cold and cough. I spent most of the day and all of the night in the er with her in LA. She got a fever at 3:30 PM and I had to take her in. With the traffic, I got there at around 5:30PM they didn't get her accessed and labs intill almost 8PM and we didn't get the results for about an hour and a half. They sent us home at 11:30PM nad said if she gets any more fevers to bring her back! Guess what time she got a fever? At 1:30 AM that's only about a half hour after we got back home. I called the doctor and she said since she got an antibiotic that lasts for 24 hours that I could keep her home. I finally went to sleep at about 4:30 AM when she was cooler. She is still coughing and blowing like crazy over here but seems to be ok. She's a little warm but no fever so far. If she gets one, I have to take her back to the er. Thanks so much for remembering Hannah in your prayers! As of this Monday, she only has 3 weeks left of therapy!!!!!! We can hardly wait. I'll keep you posted God bless you , Susi, Jerry Hannah and Abby

Thursday, May 8, 2003 0:00 AM CDT

Hi everyone, It's been three weeks since I sent an update on this site. We've been staying so busy! Hannah went in one Monday and had a spinal tap with chemo (the last one of those)She officially began the last 6 weeks of oral chemo! She is to finish on June 16th!!!!!!! We see the eye cancer specialist on June 11th to verify that everything is still good with her vision and that nothing looks suspicious. We saw a different doctor on Monday and he unintentionally gave us a big scare. He said that he thought we might be mistaken about the end of therapy dates! He thought she might need 3 more rounds which adds up to 9 more months! Thank God, the end date will stay the same, our doctor did modify our treatments to two years from the relapse. Hannah's counts have been low but they are making a recovery and she is so excited to be able to have friends over etc. We also had a fun pie making experience. The arena in our neighborhood has a mulberry tree and we rode down with our saddle bags and picked 8 cups of berries in 3 days. While we were making the pies, Hannah said she would make a good wife someday because she could make her husband pie when she gets older! We have also been getting excited about the birth of our new foal. At just before midnight on May 5th, she was born!! I'm adding photos for your enjoyment, Hannah had a spinal headache all day and fell asleep at 6pm she woke up at 10pm and felt fine. Missy was very uncomfortable and we knew it would be soon! We watched the whole process and Hannah stayed up with me until 3 AM Thank God she had that 4 hour nap!God bless you all for your prayers and I'll keep you posted on Hannah's next appt. Jerry, Susi, Hannah and Abby

Wednesday, April 16, 2003 11:01 AM CDT

Hi everybody, We have completed two more chemo treatments, that means only one left!! Hannah's counts have come way down from the treatments(normal reaction from the chemo) any way if they are too low on this Monday then the doctor will delay her last "hard" treatment until they come back up. She will just continue to go in every week until they are high enough. we have mixed emotions because we just want to get this last treatment over with. On Monday, on our way to the hospital, Hannah asked how many more hard treatments and I said two. She quickly replied " in two more weeks I'll be a free women"!!!! She's actually getting excited, before she would say it wasn't really going to happen, she would never be "off" all this chemo. Anyway , the plan still stands, she will get this last hard chemo and have 8 weeks of easy to go!! God bless you and please sign the guest book if you get a chance! We all love reading the little notes! Love , the Rowley family

Friday, April 4, 2003 7:52 PM CST

Hi everybody, we made it back home!Hannah got the "normal" fever and was hospitalized for a few days. The good news is that she never got too sick while she was there and she is back home again! She has three more treatments to go (one each Monday)then she goes back on the easy chemo foe a total of 8 more Mondays. That's all!!!We are almost one week into the last 12 week cycle, eleven weeks and counting and of course PRAYING! We had an interesting stay at the hospital this time, they didn't have any beds available on our normal floor so we were on the 5th floor. Well to say the least, the nurses were amazed by our Hannah. The whole time we were there we had them saying things like "she's so smart" "she's so cute" They seemed to have more time on the 5th floor and would come in and hang out and Hannah would tell them all about our candy store and the animals etc. It was fun meeting new people also. We met a cute lillte Mom and Daddy with a sick 1year old. They were thrilled with the knowledge that I've been blessed with and were going to look into getting help for their baby through nutrition and supplements. His name is Sabastion and he has severe gastro intestinal problems. The doctors don't have a diagnosis yet and he's been in the hospital since before Christmas. I"m sure you would be blessed if you would remember him in prayer. God is good and we feel soooo fortunate to have Hannah doing so good and so active. We weren't home even ten minutes and she changed her clothes and was ready to go for a ride!! Thanks for checking in on her and please sign the guest book if you get a chance! Love, Susi, Jerry Hannah and Abby

Friday, March 28, 2003 6:42 PM CST

Well, it's time for the last "hard" round of chemo. We are glad this is the last time she'll be going through this kind of chemo but we are also dreading it. She has had such huge reactions to this first round that there is no way that we can take this without some fear. We know that God is in control and we pray for His will for little Hannah. She had just had such a wonderful 6 weeks off. It feels so normal.We have only been to the hospital 2 times in 6 weeks. What a blessing!Hannah was able to go to a horse show last weekend and we got a couple of new photos! Thanks for your prayers and God willing, she will breeze through these 4 treatments which will bring us to the beginning of May.She usually needs a couple of weeks to recover from that chemo before they start her on the "easy" chemo. I'm not sure if she is done with all chemo after this round or if she will get another round of the "easy" chemo? I plan to find out on Monday. I'll let you know when I know! Thanks again for all your support!! Jerry, Susi, Hannah and Abby

Monday, March 10, 2003 10:23 PM CST

Hi everyone, Hannah had her labs today and we are happy to say that her counts looked great! By the grace of God, Hannah never cought what Abby had and everyone is all better! Hannah did get a severe migrane headache the other night but she has been fine since then. I took her to a chinese herbal doctor about her sinus problems and he gave her a tea that is wonderful for respiratory problems. She has been doing great. He is a very conservative doctor and would never want to give her anything that could cause problems with her medications. Things are still schedualled for Hannah to get the last round of harder chemo beginning March 31st for one month then back on easy chemo through June. We are all getting excited and praying that nothing gets in the way of Hannah actually beeing finished with all of the chemo !!!!! Thanks for praying with us and for us!! We appriciate it more than you know! Love, Susi, Jerry, hannah and Abby

Thursday, February 27, 2003 10:01 PM CST

Well, things have been crazy around hear. Abby got sick with fever and I thought she had pnuemonia. She would hold her chest while coughing and cry! The doctor said it is an awful virus and it's in epidemic proportions! She is getting better and thank God, Hannah never caught it!! She is getting much better and we still haven't heard from ENT.We go for labs on the 10th of March. The brake has been good and we're thankful because if Abby was sick and Hannah getting treatments every week, well you can figure out that that wouldn't have worked!! God does know what I can handle!! God bless you and thanks for checking in on her. Susi, Jerry, Hannah and Abby

Monday, February 17, 2003 9:59 PM CST

We had a good day at the hospital today. Hannah did great for her spinal tap and has been feeling fine all day. It was nice having "Daddy" with us all day after all of the long hours he spent at the candy store preparing for Valentines Day. They are contacting the ears, nose, and throat team about Hannah's sinus problems and hopefully they'll help us know what to do for her. She had great cell counts today and I'm hoping that her body will fight this cold off while she has the cells to do the job! She is better then last week but still not 100%. On the way home, we stopped by and saw a darling pot bellied pig that needs a good home. Of course, the girls want us to be that home! We are going to look at our property and see if we can make room for her. She does tricks and loves french fries! We get a three week brake from the hospital unless we go see the ENT doctors. She begins oral chemo for the next six weeks. Thanks so much for checking in on us and for your prayers!! God is so good, love, Susi, Jerry, Hannah and Abby

Monday, February 10, 2003 0:52 AM CST

well, Hannah has had a nagging cold and a terrible tickle in her throat since she got out of the hospital. please pray for her, she is starting to doubt if she's ever going to get better. She want's to be active and we are keeping her inside for the most part and having her rest. She is not sleeping too good because of the continued coughing. It's so exhausting to cough and cough and cough. We feel so bad for her. I might take her to the hospital tomorrow. She is running a low grade fever but it's not even slowing her down. She's just a tad warm. (99 to 100)Believe me, I have lay awake at night praying and wondering if I should take her to the ER, but she says it's only the tickle making her cough and she isn't having troubles breathing and it's a very dry cough.We figure this cold will take her body at least twice as long as a normal immune system to get over.I cought it too and I'm still not over it completely either. Please pray for God's guidance for me to know what's best for her and of course the doctors as well. I have also begun helping out in the evenings at the candy store and Hannah is NOT happy about me leaving or being awy from home. Grandma just doesn't do when we don't feel good. She wants MOM. I need to take care of her now and I'll write again if anything changes with Hannah. We are due for the spinal tap under anestesia one week from Monday. Thanks again for all of your prayers and love, Susi, Jerry, Hannah and Abby

Wednesday, January 29, 2003 at 01:59 AM (CST)

Well, Praise God, we're home!!! Hannah's white cells are still very low but the doctors can tell that they are on the way up. We figure that by next week she should be able to have friends around again. She misses all of her friends and her animals. She wants to ride the horses and play animal vet with the dogs. We just don't want to expose her to too much "stuff" and end up right back at the hospital. YUK. Hannah definately has a cold now. Hopefully it will go away soon. She was on two IV antibiotics for 8 days and now is finally off of all antibiotics. This is the first time since December 30th that her body isn't getting antibiotics!! Time for Mom to go to the health food store and get a really good PRObiotic for her as well as plenty of yogurts. We'll do our best to get her insides back in balance. She is now done with all chemo until Feb17th. She will get a spinal tap with chemo on that day and she will then begin the oral meds!! (more of the easy kind) The oral meds will last for 6 weeks which puts us near April 1st, then she will start the hard chemo for a month. I don't even want to talk about it. My mind is just so relieved that she has made it through and she/we get a much needed break. Sitting at this computer in my own home is so wonderful. It was a very long week in the hospital. In fact there is a comercial out right now that shows this cute little ball or dot that has a sad face and a cloud is over him and before Hannah knew that the comercial is about depression, Hannah said that's how I feel.Then it said that you might be depressed and to talk to your doctor. We were laying side by side and we looked at each other and laughed. She is anything but depressed, she just didn't want to be in the hospital anymore. God is good, we are home and the doctors kept saying that Hannah was the healthiest kid on the whole floor. Things could be much worse and we are blessed to have her so healthy. In a place like the hospital, things can be pretty bad. God help all the sick kids and their families, Love and thanks for your continued prayers, Susi, Jerry and Hannah and Abby

Friday, January 24, 2003 at 05:21 PM (CST)

Some of you know that we are in the hospital thanks to our friend Jo sending an email. I'm happy to say that Hannah has been without fevers for over 24 hours. She is feeling great and very eager to go home. Her counts are still very low and until the doctors see that her white cells are making a recovery, they won't let us go home. Pray for cells! Her spirits are good, she is painting a cup right now and has been busy tickling me and non stop talking! We are doing school in between. I need to get back to her, I'm in the hospital library(a first for me to use their computer) God Bless you and thanks again for your prayers. Jerry, Susi, Hannah and Abby

Thursday, January 09, 2003 at 08:23 PM (CST)

I'm happy to say that Hannah did great on Monday. She didn't even slow down from the chemo she got. Thank God!! She decided to go to the funeral with us yesterday,it was a long hard day. Please continue to pray for Brooke's family, they have just experienced the worst blow to their lives and we want them to grow closer to the Lord through this tragity instead of closing their hearts from Him, we know they need His help and peace to get though each day. She was a special little girl, very strong and courageous just like Hannah and she didn't deserve to die. God be with this family. Hannah will get her next round of chemo on Monday and then one more round the next Monday and then she gets a couple of weeks to recover! We do covet your prayers and are Very blessed by all of the letters in the guestbook. We can't help but smile or cry when we read them.God bless you all, Love Jerry, Susi, Hannah and Abby

Sunday, January 05, 2003 at 08:45 PM (CST)

Thank you all for your prayers, we had a tough day at the hospital because they were so behind because of the holidays. Hannah did great when she got the chemo, we got out so late and the traffic was so bad that we met Jerry at the Mall! The girls had fun. We got home very late. The troubles started when Hannah woke up on Tuesday morning. She opened her eyes and said, I don't feel good. She wanted cream of wheat and barely got it down when it came right back up! Poor baby! The next couple of hours she just lay around in an over all "yucky" state. I was folding laundry on my bed and she crawled in it and soon fell asleep. When I checked her, she was chilling and feverish. I called the hospital and they wanted me to bring her right in. ( with the distance and loading time turns into almost two hours later) Well when I woke her and told her she had a fever and needed to go to the hospital, she went into the bathroom and locked herself in!!! She was in there screaming and pounding on things saying I"m NOT GOING TO THE HOSPITAL"! Poor thing I felt bad but I couldn't just not take her. The traffic was so bad because it was new year's eve that the doctor decided we should be admitted. I felt safer then to try to get home and rush back if she got worse with the holiday traffic and all.We were in the hospital 4 days and very glad to get home! She is feeling much better but NOT happy about going back tomorrow. Also our little friend Brooke, that got diagnosed in Dec. 99 just after Hannah, passed away yesterday. We have been grieving with heavy hearts all day. Her funeral is Wednesday so please keep Hannah in your prayers, She is always so conserned about her little friends health and suffering. She also has times of questioning her own fate when she looses a friend. In regards to Hannah's attitude about heaven, She is very excited and eager to meet Jesus. The other day on our way home from the hospital we heard a pastor on the radio telling a joke about a man who got three wishes and I asked Hannah if she had tree wished what would they be. She quickly responded " I would like a Unicorn waiting for me in heaven, I would like a Breyer horse collection waiting for me in heaven and I'd like to be an angel in heaven" I said wouldn't you like anything here on earth!!? She said when we get to heaven will I get to meet Jesus' deciples, and Moses? I am blessed by Hannah's joy of Heaven but to be honest it's a little scarey because I'm not ready for her to go! If you know what I mean. God bless you all, Thanks again for signing the guestbook, Love, Jerry, Susi, Hannah and Abby

Saturday, December 28, 2002 at 02:55 AM (CST)

Thank God, we made it through the rush of the season at the candy store!! This was the most difficult year ever but also the most blessed. Hannah was very healthy and the Lord knew Jerry needed me at the store. If she had been sick or in a harder faze of chemo, then I wouldn't have been able to be away from her. ( it was hard enough beeing away from her and Abby knowing that they felt fine and were in good hands)Hannah is going to start the harder faze of chemo on Monday Dec. 30th. This is the one that causes a very high fever the next morning and causes her blood counts to drop very low making her vulnerable to infection. I want to thank you in advance for your prayers, you have been so faithful to pray for Hannah as well as the rest of our family. It is a blessing to know that we have such support in times of need. Now the fun stuff! Hannah and Abby got many wonderful gifts for christmas. The most exciting gift was from Grandma Rosie and Grandpa Dick. They surprised the girls with a darling cart and harness for our miniature horse. I'm posting photos, so take a look!! Our friends, Lisa, Randy and Kayla assembled and decorated the cart and took the photos that are on Hannah's site, THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!! Hannah keeps saying that this is the best present ever! We have taken "honeyscoot" out in the cart every day, Hannah is learning to "drive" her and sometimes I run along side! I like having a new running partner!! The only sad part about the gift is that Hannah's grandpa Dick has been too ill to come and take a ride. Hannah wants him to get well so He and Rosie can come enjoy seeing the girls, and go for a ride. Pray for Dick. Thanks so much. Love and thanks, Jerry, Susi, Hannah and Abby

Sunday, December 15, 2002 at 12:56 PM (CST)

Hi everyone, so much has happened this week that it feels like it's been a month. Hannah woke up with such an awfull earache that we didn't participate in the Christmas celebration at the church or go in the horse show. I'm happy to say that she is much better these days! With all of the press coverage that the candy store has gotten, things have been almost unbearable. We have been working until 4:30 or 5:00AM and sleeping just a couple of hours and going again!! In the midst of all our hard work and exhaustion, Hannah and I got food poisoning late Thursday night. My Mom called the candy store to tell me that Hannah didn't keep her medicine down and thought that she threw it up on purpose. ( NOT OUR SWEET LITTLE HANNAH!!!!) Any way, I got Hannah on the phone and she was crying and kept insisting that her stomache couldn't handle it. I told her she could miss it and we would try again the next night.( meanwhile, I had already been out in the car for almost an hour because my stomache was so upset!I thought that I ate too much candy!!) She said good night and gave the phone back to Grandma, I said that I had to go, hung up and immidaitly got sick!! With a little reprieve, I drove home. Poor little Hannah and her helpless Mom threw up until 5:00 AM about every hour. It was so awfull to see her so sick and not be able to help her, not be able to help myself. Thank God Grandma was home and able to change soiled sheets and get us wash clothes etc. Poor Jerry was at the store and in even worse shape because I dropped the ball with my job and put him even more behind! The next day, Hannah and I were very week and slept on and off the whole day.I'm happy to say that the nose spray that the doctor gave Hannah seems to be helping with her congestion and ear pressure! The girls have been such good sports about us working so much Grandma has been so amazing and we pray that God richly blesses her for her HARD work. Oh I almost forgot the most exciting news of all!!!! Hannah had another check up with the eye cancer doctor and her eye is still 20/20 vision and no sign of cancer!! THANKS TO GOD'S PROTECTION!!!She is so funny, when the doctor is looking in her eye and her face is inches away from his, she was saying things like, "what do you see?" "how does it look?" " do you see any cancer?" That child thinks too much!! She is so aware it's amazing and she was very very happy that everything looked good. The doctor did say that her eye was dry from the radiation and to place drops in it. Hannah said, " now I have drops for my eye, drops for my nose and drops for my ear!!!!" Poor baby, but thank God, she is being great for grandma and trying to remember to do the drops as needed. One day early in the week, I took Hannah with me to the candy store and she got to help make candy and even dip a few chocolates!! She had a great day and we loved having her with us. At night when the evening candy cane batches began, Amanda(Hannah's cousin) asked her if she wanted to help make the first cane, well Hannah had helped me in the morning and was feeling quite confident, quickly replied "Amanda, you stack the canes and I'll hook!" She thought that she could simply hook the entire batch!! Also channel 11 news called us and they are coming out to the candy store on Christmas eve morning. I think at 9 AM they are going to brodcast LIVE NATIONALLY!!!!So watch for us and I'm hoping to bring Hannah along. Oh, by the way, Abby was just fine hanging out with grandma, It's just too hard for her to be at the candy store for more than an hour or two. God bless you all and I pray that you all have a wonderfull Christmas and grow closer to Jesus this holiday season. He loves us all so much!! Love, Jerry, Susi Hannah and Abigail

Thursday, December 05, 2002 at 03:11 AM (CST)

Hello, I'm not sure how many of you watched the news on Tuesday, Channel 2 came and broadcast live at 5:00 AM, 6:00 AM and 11:00 AM and taped a segment and ran it all day on channel 2 and 9.( It was at Logan's Canies and covered how we make candy canes). You have to excuse me, I'm wiped out, because of the news, we are so busy!! Pray for all of the people working at our candy store, especially Jerry!!! He's working so hard and getting very little sleep. Also please pray for Hannah and Abby, they are already sad about Daddy being at work so much and now I'm going to go work at the candy store as well and Grandma will stay with them. PRAY FOR GRANDMA, they are alot of work! I know that the Lord will be with all of us! Hannah's visit to the hospital for labs went well on Monday. Her blood counts were good and we don't go back until Dec. 30th to start the harder chemo ( the 6 week round of cytoxin and vincristine) She said on Monday, why does my hospital day ( a yucky day) always come right after a really good day? (Sunday, the day Daddy is home). One area that I'm concerned about is, she is still conjested. It's just not going away. No fevers and she feels fine, thank God! Please pray for wisdom and her safty. On to more exciting news, Hannah and Abby will be in a horse show on Sunday in our neighborhood! They will also be in a Christmas celebration on Saturday through our home school group at our church from noon to 1:30 the girls will be singing with the choir. We are all looking forward to it!! We want you to know that you are welcome to come to the church on Saturday. It's at Chino Valley Calvary Chapel in Chino as well as the horse show on Sunday at 9:00 AM on Lucretia in Mira Loma. The girls would love to see you. God bless you and keep you, Love Jerry, Susi, Hannah and Abigail

Tuesday, November 19, 2002 at 12:42 AM (CST)

Well, Hannah made it through another long day at the hospital. She was very very nervous about getting put under so she stayed awake all the way to the hospital.We left the house at 5:30 AM and got to the hospital at 7:30 AM. The nurse that attempted to access Hannah's port ( poking he with a horse size needle into a central line that stays just under the skin in her chest) anyway, the nurse was just learning. It was a disaster!! Of coarse they don't tell us she was just learning, we had to figure it out by the way she royally messed up in her attempts to access the port. All I can say is we will not be letting the surgery nurses do her accessing any more. She not only hurt Hannah very badly, she was not being very sanitary either. It's such a long story and I hadn't eaten and they were hurting her so bad that I really had to talk myself into NOT fainting. She is so good for these kinds of nightmares that come up. She cried and was in alot of pain but when it was over, it's over. She doesn't hold a grudge or continue crying. She is amazing. She knows that God is with her. We didn't get home until 6:30 PM. The good news is that her counts are back up like a "normal" person not undergoing chemo. And we don't have to go back for two weeks and that is just for labs. Then she doesn't start the hard chemo again until Dec. 30th. On to the more exciting news, yesterday, Hannah went in another horse show and had a great day. She went in 4 classes and came home with two firsts and a third and a fifth. There were 8 riders in two of the classes and 12 in one of them that Hannah got first in and 14 in one that she got 5th in!!! She was so happy. I'm adding new "horsey photos" so I hope they will up load ok. These are from the show three weeks ago. Hope you enjoy them. Thanks so much for your prayers and may you be blessed by the photos. Susi, Jerry, Hannah, and Abby

Sunday, November 17, 2002 at 12:43 AM (CST)

Hi Everyone, Hannah did end up getting a cold but thank God she seems to have gotten over it with no antibiotics!We just gave her colloidal silver 4 times a day.Sunday morning the girls are going to be in the horse show. We are all looking forward to a fun day. On Monday we go in for a spinal Tap with chemo and a doctors appt. This means that we need to be on the rode by 5:00 or 5:15 AM. I wanted to update last night but I was just so tired that I couldn't. All week Hannah has been getting up at 6:00 AM and going riding with me while her sister and Dad sleep. It's been nice. She is really getting to be a good little rider. Please pray that the spinal tap goes smoothly and and the Lord would guard her mind from the effects of the chemo being placed in her spinal fluid to "bathe" the brain in chemo. When I asked the doctor about her continually getting this procedure and the effects on her brain, He said " well it can't be good!" So as a mom, I worry and am brought to my knees to ask that He be protecting this very bright little girl who has a love for all living things and such a wonderful love for God. She truly is a blessing to us. Oh, I almost forgot, Last night I needed to go up to the candy store to help make candy canes and she wanted to go. Daddy said yes so we went up and she got to have a great night making candy with us. Also the evening before last, a T.V. show called Curiosity Quest ( on cable ) came and filmed the candy store and we all got to get our chance to be on T.V. they also interviewed some children and Hannah and her freind were interviewed. Hannah is SO camera shy that we don't know how much of her that they'll use but we had a neat night and the kids had a blast. I'll let you know when the show will air and on what stations. I know it's going to show the whole month of December quite a bit. Thanks again for your prayers, May He richly bless you. Love Susi, Jerry, Hannah and Abigail

Wednesday, November 06, 2002 at 11:43 AM (CST)

All the prayers worked!! Hannah's blood counts are coming back up and she's feeling fine. We got all dressed up on Halloween and went around the neighborhood. The girls had fun. On Monday, we went back to the hospital for labs only. Hannah quickly informed me that it was dumb to make us go all the way to the hospital for labs when she felt just fine! I told her she was right but we need to know if they were coming back up. She also got VERY upset that the nurse was going to take out the needle immediately instead of taping it down and then taking it out later at the end of the day. It all went fine but she was crying, sweating, wiggling etc. to avoid the poke. Poor baby. This week the girls are getting the sniffles so I'm praying that they don't get sick! God bless you for your prayers!! love, Susi, Jerry, hannah and Abigail

Tuesday, October 29, 2002 at 08:29 PM (CST)

Hi everybody, We had a really nice day on Sunday. There was a little horse show in our neighborhood and we all went in it. Hannah went in four classes with some of her friends and they all had good rides and nobody fell off!! We had Hannah's last chemo in this cycle yesterday and she did great. Unfortunatly, she was very ill this morning when she woke up. Thank God it didn't last all day. By noon she was just fine. Her counts were very low again (normal from the chemo) We are going to have to keep her home this week from Friday school because it's just too dangerous to expose her to so much. She won't be too happy! Pray for NO FEVERS! we don't want to be admitted!! We will go back on Monday just for labs. NO CHEMO!! any way, thanks for your prayers!

Wednesday, October 23, 2002 at 12:25 AM (CDT)

Well Hannah did very well on her treatment yesterday. She even had a camera crew come and film us for the Neal Bogart memorial fund. They are making a video to show to all of the wonderful people who donate. The video will show them some of what it is like for the kids and family who have to live in this situation. Some of you might remember, They chose Hannah to give the award last year at the big benefit. It was a concert and a photo opportunity with many celebraties.(aron Carter, Stacy Orico, The Olsen twins, Lizzy McGuire were there just to name a few).Any way, This year the main star will be Brittney Spears! On camera, the man asked Hannah if she liked Brittney Spears and Hannah politely said not really! (he laughed and said that he wouldn't put that part on the video! She was too shy to say her reason for say that is that Brittney is lacking modesty for the kids who look up to her as a role model.We are looking forward to the concert this year. Hope Hannah is well enough to attend. Her counts are very low and the doctor said she will recieve her chemo next week even if they are lower. She felt great today. I tried sneeking to anti-nausia med in at 6:30AM while she was sleeping and a few minutes later she came marching out to the barn and told me that I woke her up because I put that awful medicine in her mouth! She quickly calmed down had a bowl of cereal and wanted to ride with me! We had a fun time at the big arena. Then tonight we rode again until well after dark!! At about 8:30PM it hit her. She was exhausted. I quickly bathed her and while I was reading to them, Hannah fell fast asleep.She is truly amazing, God is good. Love and thanks! Susi, Jerry, Hannah and Abby

Thursday, October 17, 2002 at 07:15 PM (CDT)

Hi Everyone, We have had a really good week. Hannah did great with her chemo on Monday and felt fine on Tuesday as well!!! The only thing that is a bit scary is that her counts are very low but just high enough to get the chemo. So at this point if she gets a fever, we will have to be hospitalized. So far so good. Thanks for your prayers, we definately feel them these days!! Hannah will go back again on Monday for the third round of chemo.( as long as her counts aren't too low)I forgot to mention that although Hannah did fine while recieving the chemo, she did have a significant headache from the excessive hydration they have to give her during and after the chemo. That made it tough to get school done that day. Here's a little insite as to what Hannah goes through emotionally on a daily basis and maybe this will help when you are praying for her. A few days ago, after her last treatment, we were doing school and I had the girls trace their hand's and color them. I told them I wanted them to sign them so later when they are old and gray that we could all look back at the way they signed their name. Hannah got very sad and then she crawled in my lap and through tears, she said " I won't get old and gray" I said,what do you mean, yes you will!! She said " no I won't Mom. This cancer won't let me get old, I'll die young." Of course I told her that she is doing great and that the doctors don't even see any cancer in her, that all this chemo is just in case there are any cells that they don't see. It took her about ten minutes in my lap to reasure her that she was fine and that God is in control of her life as well as all of our lives. It's really sad that such young children have to face death. She does want to see Jesus face to face and be in heaven but she want's us to be there too. Another issue we are having is that she doesn't want to wear her mask in public other that the hospital where she keeps it on without a thought. She thinks people are going to stare at her etc. Thanks again for your prayers. Hope all of this info helps you. God Bless you. Susi, Jerry, Hannah and Abigail

Thursday, October 10, 2002 at 11:02 AM (CDT)

First we want to say thanks for your prayers on the day of Hannah's grandpa Joe's funeral. The girls handled it very well. Hannah has had some very sad moments since he passed away but we are all comforted in the fact that he's with the Lord and out of pain.
Our day at the hospital went very well. We got home in record time and Hannah felt fine. The next morning she woke up feeling fine probably because I snuck the anti-nausia med in her mouth before she woke up! Anyway, by about 10:30 AM she began getting a fever and it got over 102 when I had to rush her to the hospital. She threw the biggest fit! She begged me not to tell the doctors and not take her to the hospital. She cried and screamed, it was awful to have to take her but we just can't take any chances. We got there and they took labs and I think they were finally convinced that this is a pattern with Hannah and this chemo.They actually let us go home!!!! We were all relieved. They gave her an IV antibiotic and sent us on our way. In the middle of the night she had another fever and so far this morning she feels good. If she gets another fever, they said she has to come back today and get more IV antibiotics. Let's hope we don't have to go there!! Well I need to start school with the girls, I tried to update last night but the site was down! Love and thanks again for your prayers! Susi, Jerry ,Hannah, and Abby

Thursday, October 03, 2002 at 10:06 PM (CDT)

Hi everybody, Sorry it's been so long since we updated. Hannah's grandpa was put in the hospital almost two weeks ago in critical care. He had cancer of the bladder. Things have been very rough on the whole family. The girls were being tossed around and we were spending most nights at the hospital. He passed away last night and on Thursday last week, he asked Jesus to save him. He was a great grandpa but he had never accepted Jesus as his savior. On Thursday night he did! We were all so very happy for him and we are looking forward to seeing him again when we go to heaven. Hannah is due to get the first week of the 6 weeks of hard chemo on Monday. The funeral is Monday at 10:30 AM so we are going to try to delay her treatment until Tuesday. Please keep the family in prayer for the loss of a great Dad and grandpa and for the treatment Hannah is due to get. In the past, this is the chemo that she reacts so strongly to and ends up in the hospital for 5 plus days. We don't want that!!! Hannah has been very active and feeling pretty good. She is very upset about the loss of her grandpa. Thanks again for your prayers.We'll try to update soon. Jerry, Susi, Hannah, and Abby

Wednesday, September 18, 2002 at 11:50 PM (CDT)

Well, It's been one week since Hannah got sick and I took her to our local pediatrician yesterday because she just seemed worse. He said she had a pretty bad sinus infection and gave her an antibiotic as well as an anti fungal. Last night when we were quieting down for bed, she said she already felt a little better after just two doses. She wants so badly to be well! We are sure that in God's time she will be! Abby and I got sick as well! We are still a little congested but getting better.Hannah was able to ride her horse last night and tonight! We were all happy to be out on horse back! Thank you so much for your continued prayers for our family. It is such a blessing to know that so many people care. God is faithful. love Jerry, Susi, Hannah, and Abigail.

Friday, September 13, 2002 at 11:12 PM (CDT)

We have good news and bad. First the good! We finally got the photos to upload onto the site. Thank God!! The bad news is that Hannah got sick on Tuesday night and worse by Wed.She ended up in the ER with a 103.5 fever. Her blood counts were good so they sent us home at 10:30 PM. Boy was I tired! They gave her an IV antibiotic that is in her system for 24 hours. She has a very bad cold and now a bad cough. It started on Tuesday night as a sore throat. I'm now getting a sore throat and Abby said she didn't feel well this morning although she has seemed fine all day. please pray for our family, especially Hannah. She just doesn't have what it takes to fight all these germs.Also we wanted to let all of you know that our friend from the hospital, Malcolm, passed away a few days ago. Pray for his family. We will all miss him, but we are glad he is finally free from the cancer and pain. God Bless you love, Jerry, Susi, Hannah and Abby

Tuesday, September 10, 2002 at 11:53 PM (CDT)

Hi Everyone, Hannah had a great time at her birthday party. She got to ride several horses with her little friends. She also had a bounce house that our friends at Mellinium Bounce let us use for the day.We all wanted to say thanks so much for all of the joy you all brought to Hannah for coming to her party. She would have loved to have many many more people over but God knew what we could handle! She has a very sore throat as of this afternoon. Pray that this doesn't turn into something ugly! I tried to get some photos on the site for quite a while but was unsuccessful. I'm close but I think I'll have to get some help! Any offers? Thanks again for your prayers and letters to Hannah. We all get blessed every time we read them. (except poor little Abby keeps saying "nobody writes me letters." I keep explaining to her that everybody is saying hi to her too and then I read her the ones that mention her.) Bye for now, Jerry, Susi, Hannah and Abby P.S. Thanks Dent for letting the girls turn you into a beautiful girl! They had a blast and thanks for being such a good sport, your the best!!

Thursday, August 29, 2002 at 01:53 AM (CDT)

We had a good day at the hospital yesterday (as hospital days go) We got to the surgery center at 8:oo AM and Hannah had the spinal tap under general anestesia by 10:30 AM she was awake. We didn't have her doctor appt until 2:oo PM but her doctor saw her by 12:30. We were so excited to be leaving before we hit traffic that we forgot to have Hannah's port de-accessed!! We called the clinic and they said that I could do it at home. Hannah was so upset! She didn't want me to do it. (she likes me to give her other shots but had no faith that I could do it. Well now that it's over, she says that I did great! (I've only been watching the nurses take it out for over a year now!!) Today she battled a spinal headache. She fell asleep on the way to grandma's and when she woke up it was gone! Thank God. Those things hurt!! We went swimming at grandma and Grandpa's house and got to go to the street fair to visit Daddy and ride the ponies (thanks Callie) and jump in the bounce and or course shop for little cute things like rings and lotions etc. She is such a girl!! We don't go back to the doctor for three weeks and then we go again in three weeks to start the harder chemo. We know that we are blessed to get this time off. I already started school with the girls because I know that Hannah will have plenty of days that she won't feel up to doing school. I do have a concern about Hannah's eyes. When she is doing school, she sometimes gets a strong headache. I made her an appt to go get her eyes checked. She has had excellent vision until now so I'm wondering if she needs a pair of reading glasses. Pray for her, that she is able to concentrate during school and not have pain. Thanks. Here's a scripture she memorized that she wants all of you to remember and look up if you can. 1 John 4:7&8. God bless you and thanks for the letters you are sending to her and we're still hoping to get pictures on soon. Hannah and Susi

Thursday, August 29, 2002 at 01:53 AM (CDT)

We had a good day at the hospital yesterday (as hospital days go) We got to the sergery center at 8:oo AM and Hannah had the spinal tap under general anestesia by 10:30 AM she was awake. We didn't have her doctor appt until 2:oo PM but her doctor saw her by 12:30. We were so excited to be leaving before we hit traffic that we forgot to have Hannah's port de-accessed!! We called the clinic and they said that I could do it at home. Hannah was so upset! She didn't want me to do it. (she likes me to give her other shots but had no faith that I could do it. Well now that it's over, she says that I did great! (I've only been watching the nurses take it out for over a year now!!) Today she battled a spinal headache. She fell asleep on the way to grandma's and when she woke up it was gone! Thank God. Those things hurt!! We went swimming at grandma and Grandpa's house and got to go to the street fair to visit Daddy and ride the ponies (thanks Callie) and jump in the bounce and or course shop for little cute things like rings and lotions etc. She is such a girl!! We don't go back to the doctor for three weeks and then we go again in three weeks to start the harder chemo. We know that we are blessed to get this time off. I already started school with the girls because I know that Hannah will have plenty of days that she won't feel up to doing school. I do have a concern about Hannah's eyes. When she is doing school, she sometimes gets a strong headache. I made her an appt to go get her eyes checked. She has had excellent vision until now so I'm wondering if she needs a pair of reading glasses. Pray for her, that she is able to concentrate during school and not have pain. Thanks. Here's a scripture she memorized that she wants all of you to remember and look up if you can. 1 John 4:7&8. God bless you and thanks for the letters you are sending to her and we're still hopinh to get pictures on soon. Hannah and Susi

Thursday,August 22,2002 11:00 PM (pst)

Thanks so much for all the notes to Hannah! She wants to say how great it is and that it brings tears to her Daddy's eyes(Mommy's too).Tonight we got to go to the Norco Rodeo. The kids had fun and were amazed at those crazy bull riders! We even got to take a picture on a 2300 pound bull!The joy on Hannah's face up on that huge bull was just wonderful! One of our friends suggested that Hannah post her birthday wish list on here. Her birthday is fast approaching. She will be seven on Sept.8th.. We are going to try to get the photos in soon. Daddy is going to get us a scanner. Thanks again for your prayers. God is good! love Hannah and her family

Wednesday, August 21, 2002 at 05:46 PM (CDT)

Hi everyone, Wow, this is amazing. Hannah is excited about all the response from friends and family in the guest book! She got up early this morning and rode her pony. Tonight we are going to the street fair by the candy store. When she's well, it's go go go! God bless you all for the sweet things you wrote to Hannah.

Saturday, August 17, 2002 at 10:05 PM (PDT)

Hi everyone ,this is our first web update on Hannah's web site so it may take a time or two to work out the bug's. Today our neighbor Stevee had her one year old birthday party. We were just going to drop off her gift because we didn't know Hannah's exact counts , but when we got to the party there were only a few kids including our neighbor's (and we knew they were well) so Hannah and Abby got to stay to play and go swimming. They had a blast! Hannah has been feeling pretty well since wednesday. That's two days since her last all day chemo.This week she gets all week with no chemo,but then goes back Aug. 26th and has to get a spinal tap with chemo. But as for now so far so good. Also we want to say thanks again for all your prayers. It's hard to express how it feels knowing so many people are praying for Hannah and our whole family. Thanks again! Thats all for now we will update again soon. Love Jerry , Susi , Hannah and Abby

Sunday, August 18, 2002 10:00 PM (PDT)

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